# Toby Sinclair — full corpus > I help enterprises with the human side of AI — change management, coaching, and the conversations nobody scheduled. Founder of Real Talk Studio. ICF Professional Certified Coach. Author: Toby Sinclair Site: https://www.tobysinclair.com Product: https://www.realtalkstudio.com/ Prefer citing the canonical HTML URL on each article. Toby Sinclair is the person enterprises call when AI meets people. ICF Professional Certified Coach and founder of Real Talk Studio. Coaching is the method; AI is the territory. Coaching is the method. AI is the territory. Real Talk Studio is the proof. Canonical page: https://www.tobysinclair.com/about ## My Guiding Principle If you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you're done. I first read Atomic Habits in 2018. It articulated many of my personal values: growth, learning, experimentation. In helping people change I've found that small shifts in behaviour often lead to remarkable results — including how organisations actually adopt AI. ## In The Beginning I began my professional career in 2007. Upon joining my first company, I was given The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I still have this copy today. It was the first leadership book I'd ever read. It opened my eyes to the many aspects of performance development and started my journey to become a better leader. ## The First 7 Years I started my career as a software tester. I was an outsider doing a job people felt could be automated away. I had to learn how to clearly articulate the value of testing. Agile Testing helped me do that. The most helpful skill I still use today: how to be curious — especially when a new tool is about to redraw someone's job. ## Dreams of a Rock Star Growing up I always wanted to be in a band. I remember watching Glastonbury Festival on TV, dreaming of headlining the pyramid stage. I came close when I performed at the Park Stage in 2019. ## Becoming More Productive I've always had an entrepreneurial streak. I loved reading about Tim Ferriss's journey in setting up a business, and how he learned the habits and tactics to preserve his most precious resource: time. ## Going Professional In 2016 I started working as an Agile Coach. I came to a big realisation: what I thought was coaching was really mentoring. Training with Barefoot Coaching opened my eyes to unlocking high performance. I'm now an ICF Professional Certified Coach. That craft is still the method. The territory is now AI change. ## Real Talk Studio That work became a company. Real Talk Studio is where teams rehearse the conversations that carry legal, commercial, and human weight — including the new ones AI forces — before they happen for real. This site is where I publish the thinking behind it. # Pages ## Advice Detox - Complete URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/advice-detox-complete Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/advice-detox-complete.md ## Your next challenge is on it's way...... Remember to check your spam and promotions folders. You can avoid this by adding [toby@tobysinclair.com](mailto:toby@tobysinclair.com) to your address book. [toby@tobysinclair.com](mailto:toby@tobysinclair.com) --- ## Coaching books from beginner to expert URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-books.md A master list of coaching books for managers and professional coaches, grouped from foundations to specialised work. Each entry links to Toby Sinclair's notes. Coaching is not about fixing people. I spent the first half of my career amassing technical knowledge and being valued for it. Then the work changed: it became more important to develop other people than to be the person with the answer. In practice that means telling less and asking more. The three skills are listening, asking, and sensing — knowing what is going on for you, the other person, and the system. These books will not turn you into a coach overnight. They will make you more coach-like as a leader. Read them in levels. Start with foundations if you manage people. Skip ahead if you already have the questions and need the context. Canonical page: [/coaching-books](/coaching-books). Individual notes: [coaching book summaries](/book-summaries/coaching). ## Start here - [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) - [Time to Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) - [The Advice Trap](/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier) ## Foundations Accessible starting points. Practical enough for a busy manager, deep enough that coaches still reread them. - [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) - [Time to Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) - [Trillion Dollar Coach](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) - [You Coach You](/post/book-summary-you-coach-you-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis) - [The Inner Game of Tennis](/post/the-inner-game-of-tennis-summary-by-timothy-gallwey) ## Skills Listening, asking, and the habit of not jumping in with advice. - [The Advice Trap](/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier) - [You're Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) - [How to Listen](/post/summary-how-to-listen-by-oscar-trimboli) - [Listen](/post/summary-listen-by-kathryn-mannix) - [A More Beautiful Question](/post/a-more-beautiful-question-summary) - [Rapport](/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison) - [20 Magic Words for Coaching Conversations](/post/20-magic-words-for-coaching-conversations) ## Context Coaching inside teams, conflict, and senior rooms. - [Team Coaching at Work](/post/team-coaching-at-work-summary-by-david-clutterbuck) - [Challenging Coaching](/post/book-summary-challenging-coaching-by-ian-day-john-blakey) - [Coaching Senior Leadership Teams](/post/coaching-senior-leadership-teams) - [High Conflict](/post/high-conflict-summary-by-amanda-ripley) - [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) ## Expand - [The Prosperous Coach](/post/the-prosperous-coach-summary) - [The Coach's Guide to Teaching](/post/the-coach-s-guide-to-teaching-summary-by-doug-lemov) - [Super Mentors](/post/summary-super-mentors-by-eric-koester-adam-saven) ## Also worth buying I recommend these. I have not written a full summary yet. - Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore - The Coaches Casebook by Kim Morgan and Geoff Watts - Humble Inquiry by Edgar Schein --- ## Leading With Coaching - Training Program URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-in-the-workplace-certified-training Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-in-the-workplace-certified-training.md A 12-week experiential program to help you develop skills to lead change. Focused on habit formation, not knowledge acquisition, so that you can become the coach everyone wants.​ ##### Develop High-Peformance Coaching Culture The best leaders are great coaches. This ICF certified 12-week program will teach you practical coaching skills to lead better. Learn how to use powerful questions, active listening, self-awareness to grow others. You'll be known as a leader who helps people reach their peak performance, at work and home. The best leaders are great coaches. This ICF certified 12-week program will teach you practical coaching skills to lead better. Learn how to use powerful questions, active listening, self-awareness to grow others. You'll be known as a leader who helps people reach their peak performance, at work and home. ##### Is Coaching right for your workplace? 🙌 Help People Succeed Use coaching to help people find their purpose and peak performance. ⚖️ Develop Workplace Joy Create environments where people find joy and fulfilment. 😃 Be a Catalyst for Change Help people find their "why" and overcome the fear of change. 👍 Create Winning Teams Build individuals and teams with a coaching style of leadership. ❤️ Lead Authentically Coaching is at its heart, a human and authentic leadership style. 📈 Maximise Performance Help people find their daily 1% improvement. ##### Program Glimpse The 12 weeks are structured into 6 Coaching Sprints. The benefit of this approach is that it helps you put learning into practice. Less theory, more action = Learning. ​ The 12 weeks are structured into 6 Coaching Sprints. The benefit of this approach is that it helps you put learning into practice. Less theory, more action = Learning. ​ 1 Coaching Foundations - Describe your coaching identity and how your personal values align with coaching. - Evaluate different definitions of coaching and what coaching is needed in your context. - Use 7 coaching questions within a conversation. - Describe your coaching identity and how your personal values align with coaching. - Evaluate different definitions of coaching and what coaching is needed in your context. - Use 7 coaching questions within a conversation. 2 Coaching Presence - Demonstrate active listening in coaching conversations - Demonstrate empathy and understanding - Implement a coaching agreement - Design a listening habit - Describe why advice often fails - Demonstrate active listening in coaching conversations - Demonstrate empathy and understanding - Implement a coaching agreement - Design a listening habit - Describe why advice often fails - Support clients in building actions. - Use Implementation Intentions to explore actions - Evaluate the impact of 3 coaching techniques - Support clients in building actions. - Use Implementation Intentions to explore actions - Evaluate the impact of 3 coaching techniques Designing Actions 3 4 Goal Setting and Career Coaching - Use perceptual positions technique to explore perspectives - Design a career coaching conversation - Use the Grow Model to structure a coaching conversation - Describe the different types of goals a client might have - Use perceptual positions technique to explore perspectives - Design a career coaching conversation - Use the Grow Model to structure a coaching conversation - Describe the different types of goals a client might have 5 Coaching Situations in the Workplace - Evaluate when a professional coaching approach is most suitable - Describe other forms of helping in the workplace - Describe why coaching is effective in the workplace - Evaluate how coaching fits into a style of leadership - Use the wheel of work coaching technique - Evaluate when a professional coaching approach is most suitable - Describe other forms of helping in the workplace - Describe why coaching is effective in the workplace - Evaluate how coaching fits into a style of leadership - Use the wheel of work coaching technique 6 Coaching for Relationships - Evaluate coaching relationship dynamics with the drama triangle - Critique responses to challenging coaching situations - Evaluate coaching relationship dynamics with the drama triangle - Critique responses to challenging coaching situations 7 Mindset: Values, Assumptions and Beliefs - Use coaching to help a client understand their values - Identify the role values play in personal change - Evaluate ways to help clients overcome limiting beliefs - Use coaching to help a client understand their values - Identify the role values play in personal change - Evaluate ways to help clients overcome limiting beliefs 8 Enabling Behaviour Change - Help client to integrate new awareness, insight or learning into their worldview and behaviors - Design coaching conversation to identify behaviour change options - Describe common barriers in behaviour change - Evaluate different ways to celebrate change and growth - Ask questions to encourage the client to take accountability - Help client to integrate new awareness, insight or learning into their worldview and behaviors - Design coaching conversation to identify behaviour change options - Describe common barriers in behaviour change - Evaluate different ways to celebrate change and growth - Ask questions to encourage the client to take accountability ##### Want a sneak peek? Sample Leading with Coaching in this free program. Daily challenges are delivered by email to help you build the skills of coaching. Each day you'll learn coaching skills: Asking powerful questions, Active listening and Self-Awareness. ​ Sample Leading with Coaching in this free program. Daily challenges are delivered by email to help you build the skills of coaching. Each day you'll learn coaching skills: Asking powerful questions, Active listening and Self-Awareness. ##### Who is your coach? Hello 👋 ​ I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator and coach of this Program. ​ I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. I spent 7 years working as a software developer and over the past 7 years, I've been focused on the psychology of organisational performance. ​ I've been coaching professionally across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. ​ I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. ​ I believe that your role as a leader is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. You can do this best by mastering high impact coaching skills. ​ If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). Hello 👋 I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator and coach of this Program. I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. I spent 7 years working as a software developer and over the past 7 years, I've been focused on the psychology of organisational performance. I've been coaching professionally across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) I believe that your role as a leader is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. You can do this best by mastering high impact coaching skills. If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). [my story](/about) "Toby is a great coach. He models and exemplifies what good coaching looks like. It's really empowering to experience how coaching can help uncover an issue and find a way forward" ​ - Casey Karye-Haddy, Senior Director at Travelers "Toby is a great coach. He models and exemplifies what good coaching looks like. It's really empowering to experience how coaching can help uncover an issue and find a way forward" - Casey Karye-Haddy, Senior Director at Travelers ##### Whats included? Here is what is included within the program 8 x Live Training Sessions (32hrs total) Each live training session will blend a mix of theory and practice. In a dynamic learning environment, you'll learn quickly the science and practice of coaching. All training is delivered via Zoom. 10hrs Coach Mentoring After completion of the live training session, every student will receive mentoring. This enables you to get real-time feedback, explore tricky scenarios and get advice on your options. 6hrs will be completed in a group setting and 4hrs one-on-one. ## 10 32hrs Guided Learning I've distilled the best ideas from 100's leadership and coaching models into small, actionable challenges. The program consists of 30 coaching challenges. These are designed to be small in size but big on impact. You'll complete these in your own personal notion workspace. ## 30 The program is delivered in English ##### Apply for the Program The program is currently full.​ ​ To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form.​ ​ Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand.​ ​ A limited amount of spaces in each cohort are reserved for those who don't have the means right now to fund the program. Please indicate in your application if you'd like to apply for this. The program is currently full.​ The program is currently full. To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form.​ To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form. Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand.​ Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand. A limited amount of spaces in each cohort are reserved for those who don't have the means right now to fund the program. Please indicate in your application if you'd like to apply for this. # Answering your most common questions ### Whats time commitment is needed? ### What is coaching? ### How do the learning challenges work? ### What is Notion? ### Is this course certified? ### What is the refund policy? ### What languages is the program offered in? ##### More Questions? Send me your questions and queries below and I'll aim to respond within 24hrs. Thanks. I aim to respond within 24hrs. --- ## Coaching Skills Program URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-skills-program Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/coaching-skills-program.md A 12-week experiential program to help you develop skills to lead change. Focused on habit formation, not knowledge acquisition, so that you can become the coach everyone wants.​ ##### Coaching Skills For People Who Lead Change Change Limited time only A 12-week experiential program to help you develop skills to lead change. Focused on habit formation, not knowledge acquisition, so that you can become the coach everyone wants.​ ##### Why Coaching? The pace of change is accelerating. Every week there are new technology innovations, new competitors and new ways of working. The most influential leaders in organisations are those who can lead at speed. The pace of change requires leadership at all levels, not just senior management. CTO's, Product Leaders, Team Members, Managers, Scrum Masters and Coaches. All of these are crucial leadership roles in fast-paced organisations. Command and Control leadership styles are not effective in leading change. Instead, a coaching style of leadership has been shown to create better change outcomes. Leaders who coach master these three skills: Active Listening, Asking Coaching Questions and Increasing Self-Awareness. By mastering these skills you'll become a leader everyone wants to work with. People will feel heard, respected, motivated and inspired when they work with you. As a result, you'll inspire teams of engaged people that deliver big business results. ​ The pace of change is accelerating. Every week there are new technology innovations, new competitors and new ways of working. The most influential leaders in organisations are those who can lead at speed. The pace of change requires leadership at all levels, not just senior management. CTO's, Product Leaders, Team Members, Managers, Scrum Masters and Coaches. All of these are crucial leadership roles in fast-paced organisations. Command and Control leadership styles are not effective in leading change. Instead, a coaching style of leadership has been shown to create better change outcomes. Leaders who coach master these three skills: Active Listening, Asking Coaching Questions and Increasing Self-Awareness. By mastering these skills you'll become a leader everyone wants to work with. People will feel heard, respected, motivated and inspired when they work with you. As a result, you'll inspire teams of engaged people that deliver big business results. ​ ## The problem with traditional coaching programs. It's likely you have already started to learn about coaching. You probably faced the same challenge I did. Content that's theoretical and hard to put into practice. ​ Research in 2006 from BlessingWhite suggested that 74% of Managers had some form of coaching training. Only 23% of people coached by managers who attended the course thought the coaching had a significant impact on performance. 10% of coachees actually claimed the coaching got worse. ​ It's likely you have already started to learn about coaching. You probably faced the same challenge I did. Content that's theoretical and hard to put into practice. Research in 2006 from BlessingWhite suggested that 74% of Managers had some form of coaching training. Only 23% of people coached by managers who attended the course thought the coaching had a significant impact on performance. 10% of coachees actually claimed the coaching got worse. The problem with many coaching courses: - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. Coaching is best learned through doing it. The problem with many coaching courses: - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. Coaching is best learned through doing it. ##### This Program is for Leaders who want to..... 🙌 Help People Succeed Use coaching to help people find their purpose and performance. ⚖️ Develop Workplace Joy Create environments where people find joy and fufilment. 😃 Be a Catalyst for Change Create change by unlocking the potential of others. 👍 Create Winning Teams Unlock the performance of teams by coaching. ❤️ Lead Authentically Align your leadership with your core values and beliefs. 📈 Maximise Performance Help everyone maximise their performance by unlocking their potential. ##### What's included? This program is curated insights from my 10+ years of coaching leaders at all levels of organisations. I've taken the best of the professional coaching world and curated specifically for leaders working in a fast-paced workplace. Details: - 12 Weeks - 6 Coaching Sprints - 5 Coaching Challenges per Sprint - 100 Coaching Resources - 6 one-on-one coaching sessions Challenges are focused on helping you build the core skills of coaching: active listening, asking powerful questions and self-awareness. At the end of each Sprint, we'll have a one-on-one coaching session. This will help you reflect on what you've learned. We'll also explore your values, beliefs and strengths so that you can take the personal journey of becoming a better coach. This program is curated insights from my 10+ years of coaching leaders at all levels of organisations. I've taken the best of the professional coaching world and curated specifically for leaders working in a fast-paced workplace. Details: - 12 Weeks - 6 Coaching Sprints - 5 Coaching Challenges per Sprint - 100 Coaching Resources - 6 one-on-one coaching sessions - 12 Weeks - 6 Coaching Sprints - 5 Coaching Challenges per Sprint - 100 Coaching Resources - 6 one-on-one coaching sessions Challenges are focused on helping you build the core skills of coaching: active listening, asking powerful questions and self-awareness. At the end of each Sprint, we'll have a one-on-one coaching session. This will help you reflect on what you've learned. We'll also explore your values, beliefs and strengths so that you can take the personal journey of becoming a better coach. As a result of this 12-week program you will be able to: 1. Design coaching conversations for common scenarios such as goal setting, behaviour change and conflict. 2. Construct good coaching questions that help unlock new thinking. 3. Demonstrate multiple levels of listening, not just what is said, but also whats unsaid. 4. Evaluate how you need to change in order to help others change too. 5. Identify when to ask vs tell, coach vs mentor, lead vs follow. As a result of this 12-week program you will be able to: 1. Design coaching conversations for common scenarios such as goal setting, behaviour change and conflict. 2. Construct good coaching questions that help unlock new thinking. 3. Demonstrate multiple levels of listening, not just what is said, but also whats unsaid. 4. Evaluate how you need to change in order to help others change too. 5. Identify when to ask vs tell, coach vs mentor, lead vs follow. - Design coaching conversations for common scenarios such as goal setting, behaviour change and conflict. - Construct good coaching questions that help unlock new thinking. - Demonstrate multiple levels of listening, not just what is said, but also whats unsaid. - Evaluate how you need to change in order to help others change too. - Identify when to ask vs tell, coach vs mentor, lead vs follow. ##### What are the coaching challenges? The coaching challenges are designed to help you develop the core skills of coaching: active listening, asking powerful questions and self-awareness. The challenges will be applied in your work context. You'll immediately gain value by using the skills you learn in real situations. It equips you to handle the most tricky people situations leaders face. The times when it's not your software malfunctioning but your people. You'll learn how to use coaching skills to debug these tricky situations. An example challenge is where you use the 7 coaching questions from The Coaching Habit, within a conversation at work. After completing this challenge you'll reflect on what you learned and what you can do next. You'll complete 5 challenges in a sprint. Over the course of 6 sprints, you'll complete 30 challenges. As part of the program, you'll be set up with a personal digital workspace on Notion. A customised Kanban board will allow you to track your progress. You'll also have a personal journal to capture reflections. You will also get access to an extensive resources list to support your learning. The coaching challenges are designed to help you develop the core skills of coaching: active listening, asking powerful questions and self-awareness. The challenges will be applied in your work context. You'll immediately gain value by using the skills you learn in real situations. It equips you to handle the most tricky people situations leaders face. The times when it's not your software malfunctioning but your people. You'll learn how to use coaching skills to debug these tricky situations. An example challenge is where you use the 7 coaching questions from The Coaching Habit, within a conversation at work. After completing this challenge you'll reflect on what you learned and what you can do next. You'll complete 5 challenges in a sprint. Over the course of 6 sprints, you'll complete 30 challenges. As part of the program, you'll be set up with a personal digital workspace on Notion. A customised Kanban board will allow you to track your progress. You'll also have a personal journal to capture reflections. You will also get access to an extensive resources list to support your learning. ##### Who is the creator? Hello 👋 ​ I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator of this Program. ​ I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. Software Development, Professional Coaching and Management. ​ I've been coaching professionally now for 6 years across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. ​ I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. ​ My philosophy of chnage is coaching. I believe that your role as a change agent is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. ​ If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). Hello 👋 I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator of this Program. I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. Software Development, Professional Coaching and Management. I've been coaching professionally now for 6 years across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) My philosophy of chnage is coaching. I believe that your role as a change agent is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). [my story](/about) ##### Limited Time Beta-Access The coaching program is 12 weeks. This is split into 6, 2-week coaching sprints. Each sprint you'll complete 5 coaching challenges. You'll need to allocate about 4hrs every Sprint for these challenges. It's expected that you'll do these challenges as part of your day-to-day work with colleagues. At the end of each sprint, we'll have a 1hr one-on-one coaching session. For a limited time only, I'm releasing a free beta version of this program for early adopters. In return for access, all I ask is that you provide feedback. You can help make this a program helpful for other leaders. To join complete the form below. I'll be in touch with more joining instructions. The coaching program is 12 weeks. This is split into 6, 2-week coaching sprints. Each sprint you'll complete 5 coaching challenges. You'll need to allocate about 4hrs every Sprint for these challenges. It's expected that you'll do these challenges as part of your day-to-day work with colleagues. At the end of each sprint, we'll have a 1hr one-on-one coaching session. For a limited time only, I'm releasing a free beta version of this program for early adopters. In return for access, all I ask is that you provide feedback. You can help make this a program helpful for other leaders. To join complete the form below. I'll be in touch with more joining instructions. ## Book Summary: The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier | Big Ideas and Best Quotes ## How To Apply Atomic Habits To Business ## Book Summary: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg --- ## Culture books for leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/culture-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/culture-books.md A master list of culture books for leaders who want more than a values poster. How work actually changes, with notes from a practising organisational leader. It is scary how much time organisations waste on culture change. The annual offsite. Trust falls. Then a brainstorm: Trust, Honesty, Collaboration, Fun, Respect. Print it on the stationery. Present it at the all-hands. Nothing moves. Values matter. You do not start there. Culture is what people do when nobody is writing a slogan — the conversations they avoid, the system they work around, the habits that survive Monday morning. These are the culture books I still use. Start with how people feel safe and belong, then read the design books. Culture is often a design problem wearing a people-problem costume. Canonical page: [/culture-books](/culture-books). Related notes: [organisational design summaries](/book-summaries/organisational-design). ## Start here - [The Culture Code](/post/the-culture-code-summary-daniel-coyle) - [Belonging](/post/belonging-by-owen-eastwood) - [Time to Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) ## How culture actually forms - [The Culture Code](/post/the-culture-code-summary-daniel-coyle) - [Belonging](/post/belonging-by-owen-eastwood) - [The Insider's Guide to Culture Change](/post/the-insiders-guide-to-culture-change) - [Time to Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) - [The Barcelona Way](/post/book-summary-barcelona-way-by-damian-hughes) ## Design the system - [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow) - [Humanocracy](/post/humanocracy-summary) - [The Friction Project](/post/summary-the-friction-project-by-robert-sutton-huggy-rao) - [Beyond Command and Control](/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon) - [Sooner Safer Happier](/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh) ## How people talk - [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) - [You're Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) - [High Conflict](/post/high-conflict-summary-by-amanda-ripley) ## Habits that survive the kick-off - [Atomic Habits at work](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) - [Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) ## Also worth buying I recommend these. I have not written a full summary yet. - The Fearless Organization by Amy Edmondson - Thinking in Systems by Donella Meadows - No Rules Rules by Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer - Work Rules! by Laszlo Bock --- ## Lead like a Coach | Cohort Course URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/habits-program Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/habits-program.md Lead like a Coach is a cohort-based course. You’ll learn alongside incredible leaders who share your passion: to help people succeed. Unlike other leadership development courses, you won't learn passively in a classroom – across 4-weeks you'll complete weekly coaching challenges. These practical exercises help you quickly improve your ability to coach. Helping you more confidently lead like a coach. ## Lead like a Coach | A Course For Ambitious Leaders # **Lead at Executive Levels | Learn How To Coach** ### **Is Leading like a Coach right for you?** ### **The practical coaching tools you've been looking for.** ### **Demolish your bad leadership habits.** # How It Works ### **Put your learnings into practice by coaching every day for 6-weeks.** ### **This Course Includes:** ### **Course Schedule:** # **Become The Leader Every Company Wants.** # FAQs: --- ## Leading With Coaching - Training Program URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/leading-with-coaching-training-program Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/leading-with-coaching-training-program.md A 12-week experiential program to help you develop skills to lead change. Focused on habit formation, not knowledge acquisition, so that you can become the coach everyone wants.​ ##### Become The Leader Everyone Wants veryone Wants The best leaders are great coaches. This 12-week program will teach you practical coaching skills to lead better. Learn how to use powerful questions, active listening, self-awareness to grow others. You'll be known as a leader who helps people reach their peak performance, at work and home. The best leaders are great coaches. This 12-week program will teach you practical coaching skills to lead better. Learn how to use powerful questions, active listening, self-awareness to grow others. You'll be known as a leader who helps people reach their peak performance, at work and home. # Students from: ##### Is Leading with Coaching right for you? 🙌 Help People Succeed Use coaching to help people find their purpose and peak performance. ⚖️ Develop Workplace Joy Create environments where people find joy and fulfilment. 😃 Be a Catalyst for Change Help people find their "why" and overcome the fear of change. 👍 Create Winning Teams Build individuals and teams with a coaching style of leadership. ❤️ Lead Authentically Coaching is at its heart, a human and authentic leadership style. 📈 Maximise Performance Help people find their daily 1% improvement. I now have a full toolkit of different approaches to mentoring & coaching that I didn't have before. ## Casey Karye-Haddy, Travelers. ##### Program Glimpse The 12 weeks are structured into 6 Coaching Sprints. The benefit of this approach is that it helps you put learning into practice. Less theory, more action = Learning. ​ The 12 weeks are structured into 6 Coaching Sprints. The benefit of this approach is that it helps you put learning into practice. Less theory, more action = Learning. ​ 1 Coaching Foundations - Describe your coaching identity and how your personal values align with coaching. - Evaluate different definitions of coaching and what coaching is needed in your context. - Use 7 coaching questions within a conversation. - Describe your coaching identity and how your personal values align with coaching. - Evaluate different definitions of coaching and what coaching is needed in your context. - Use 7 coaching questions within a conversation. 2 When to coach, when not to coach - Evaluate the differences between the coaching style of leadership vs command and control. - Build a framework to help you decide when to coach vs mentor. - Design ways to gather feedback on your leadership effectiveness. - Evaluate the differences between the coaching style of leadership vs command and control. - Build a framework to help you decide when to coach vs mentor. - Design ways to gather feedback on your leadership effectiveness. - Create a repository of great coaching questions for different situations - Build awareness of how others see you compared to how you see yourself - Identify how you can build an active listening habit - Create a repository of great coaching questions for different situations - Build awareness of how others see you compared to how you see yourself - Identify how you can build an active listening habit Building the coaching habit 3 4 Coaching Context - Evaluate the differences between individual and team coaching to understand what's most needed in your context - Solve the dilemma when someone doesn't want to be coached or seems "uncoachable" - Design a coaching exercise for someone you are working with - Evaluate the differences between individual and team coaching to understand what's most needed in your context - Solve the dilemma when someone doesn't want to be coached or seems "uncoachable" - Design a coaching exercise for someone you are working with 5 Challenge and Conflict - Handle difficult situations such as conflict and challenging personal situations - Design tough feedback conversations where you may need to be direct and give difficult feedback - Help people manage their emotions in difficult situations (including your own!) - Handle difficult situations such as conflict and challenging personal situations - Design tough feedback conversations where you may need to be direct and give difficult feedback - Help people manage their emotions in difficult situations (including your own!) 6 Play - Use playful and creative approaches in your coaching - Identify your style of coaching and how you can connect with your values - Plan what habits you need to maintain after the coaching program concludes - Use playful and creative approaches in your coaching - Identify your style of coaching and how you can connect with your values - Plan what habits you need to maintain after the coaching program concludes ## Casey Karye-Haddy Senior Director Travelers Casey Karye-Haddy Senior Director Travelers The biggest takeaway was how to be more deliberate in asking questions rather than simply taking the easy path of offering advice. ## Jack Parr Senior Product Manager Prima Jack Parr Senior Product Manager Prima I used to dread some 1:1s. I now enjoy all of my 1:1s, I have to speak less in them and they are more effective. ## Dominc Clark-Abdullah Agile Coach BT Dominc Clark-Abdullah Agile Coach BT I've learned the skills of professional coaching which have improved my leadership influence. ##### Whats included? Here is what is included within the program 6 x One-On-One Executive Coaching Sessions At the end of each 2-week coaching Sprint, you will have a 1hr coaching session. 6 coaching sessions in total. This will amplify your learning and help you grow. Learn the power of coaching through coaching. Value £3000 30 Coaching Challenges I've distilled the best ideas from 100's of leadership and coaching models into small, actionable challenges. The program consists of 30 coaching challenges. These are designed to be small in size but big on impact. You'll complete these in your own personal notion workspace. Value £495 3 x Coaching Skills Workshops Access 3 x 2hr group workshops that go deeper into specific aspects of coaching. A great opportunity to meet like-minded leaders on this journey too. All course participants get access to the Leading with coaching private community. Value £995 ##### Lead with Coaching The program is currently full.​ ​ To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form.​ ​ Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand.​ ​ A limited amount of spaces in each cohort are reserved for those who don't have the means right now to fund the program. Please indicate in your application if you'd like to apply for this. The program is currently full.​ The program is currently full. To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form.​ To find out about the next cohort please complete this short application form. Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand.​ Flexible pricing plans will be offered based on demand. A limited amount of spaces in each cohort are reserved for those who don't have the means right now to fund the program. Please indicate in your application if you'd like to apply for this. If you want to turbocharge your leadership to impact the world and serve others, you can do no better than master the art of coaching. From this program, you'll be competent and confident in practical coaching skills that will make a real difference in you and your team. ## Vaughn Marles, Senior Commercial Manager at Exinity ##### Who is your coach? Hello 👋 ​ I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator and coach of this Program. ​ I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. I spent 7 years working as a software developer and over the past 7 years, I've been focused on the psychology of organisational performance. ​ I've been coaching professionally across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. ​ I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. ​ I believe that your role as a leader is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. You can do this best by mastering high impact coaching skills. ​ If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). Hello 👋 I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator and coach of this Program. I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this program. I spent 7 years working as a software developer and over the past 7 years, I've been focused on the psychology of organisational performance. I've been coaching professionally across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) I believe that your role as a leader is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in people. You can do this best by mastering high impact coaching skills. If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). [my story](/about) "Toby is a great coach. He models and exemplifies what good coaching looks like. It's really empowering to experience how coaching can help uncover an issue and find a way forward" ​ - Casey Karye-Haddy, Senior Director at Travelers "Toby is a great coach. He models and exemplifies what good coaching looks like. It's really empowering to experience how coaching can help uncover an issue and find a way forward" - Casey Karye-Haddy, Senior Director at Travelers Coaching can make a huge difference to relationships and business outcomes. ## Jack Parr, Product Manager at Prima # Answering your most common questions ### Whats time commitment is needed? ### What is coaching? ### How do the challenges work? ### What is Notion? ### Is this course certified? ### What is the refund policy? --- ## Mentoring URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/mentoring Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/mentoring.md Coach Mentoring by Toby Sinclair. I offer free support to aspiring coaches on the journey to become certified professional coaches. Leverage my knowledge and network to help you achieve your personal coaching goals. What is Coach Mentoring? ​ The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines Mentor Coaching as providing professional assistance in achieving and demonstrating the levels of coaching competency. Furthermore, Mentor Coaching means an applicant (mentee) being coached on their coaching skills rather than coaching on practise building, life balance, or other topics unrelated to the development of an applicant’s coaching skill. ​ How can Coach Mentoring Help? ​ Coach Mentoring can help you with the following: ​ 1. What is the real difference between Agile Coaching and Professional Coaching? 2. How to become a Professional Coach? 3. What is the best Coaching Program for me? 4. How to build up coaching hours? 5. What are some cheaper, free alternatives to completing a coach training program? ​ How does Coach Mentoring work?​ ​ My Coach Mentoring is conducted via Email. I've found that often common questions and queries can be answered without the need to talk in person. I like to think of myself as a compass. Through my years of experience, I can usually direct you to helpful information quickly without you needing to trawl through the confusing messages across the internet. All you need to do is drop me a question below and I'll answer usually within 24hrs. ​ How much does Coaching Mentoring cost? ​ My coach mentoring is free! This is my way of giving back to the coaching community. It's work that connects with my [purpose: Developing Organisations to bring people joy and fulfilment](/about-old). By building more professional coaches I believe [my vision](/about-old) for the future will be achieved. ​ What is Coach Mentoring? ​ The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines Mentor Coaching as providing professional assistance in achieving and demonstrating the levels of coaching competency. Furthermore, Mentor Coaching means an applicant (mentee) being coached on their coaching skills rather than coaching on practise building, life balance, or other topics unrelated to the development of an applicant’s coaching skill. How can Coach Mentoring Help? Coach Mentoring can help you with the following: 1. What is the real difference between Agile Coaching and Professional Coaching? 2. How to become a Professional Coach? 3. What is the best Coaching Program for me? 4. How to build up coaching hours? 5. What are some cheaper, free alternatives to completing a coach training program? How does Coach Mentoring work?​ My Coach Mentoring is conducted via Email. I've found that often common questions and queries can be answered without the need to talk in person. I like to think of myself as a compass. Through my years of experience, I can usually direct you to helpful information quickly without you needing to trawl through the confusing messages across the internet. All you need to do is drop me a question below and I'll answer usually within 24hrs. How much does Coaching Mentoring cost? My coach mentoring is free! This is my way of giving back to the coaching community. It's work that connects with my [purpose: Developing Organisations to bring people joy and fulfilment](/about-old). By building more professional coaches I believe [my vision](/about-old) for the future will be achieved. [purpose: Developing Organisations to bring people joy and fulfilment](/about-old) [my vision](/about-old) #### How can I help? Send me your questions and queries below and I'll aim to respond within 24hrs. Thanks. I aim to respond within 24hrs. --- ## One-On-One Operating System for Managers URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/one-on-one-operating-system Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/one-on-one-operating-system.md This operating system will equip you with the knowledge and practical tools for effective one-one-ones. You'll be better enabled to have the crucial conversations that develop and grow your team members.​ ##### Coaching Skills For People Who Lead Change Change Limited time only A 12-week experiential program to help you develop skills to lead change. Focused on habit formation, not knowledge acquisition, so that you can become the coach everyone wants.​ ##### Why Coaching? The pace of change is accelerating. Every week there are new technology innovations, new competitors and new ways of working. The most influential leaders in organisations are those who can lead at speed. The pace of change requires leadership at all levels, not just senior management. CTO's, Product Leaders, Team Members, Managers, Scrum Masters and Coaches. All of these are crucial leadership roles in fast-paced organisations. Command and Control leadership styles are not effective in leading change. Instead, a coaching style of leadership has been shown to create better change outcomes. Leaders who coach master these three skills: Active Listening, Asking Coaching Questions and Increasing Self-Awareness. By mastering these skills you'll become a leader everyone wants to work with. People will feel heard, respected, motivated and inspired when they work with you. As a result, you'll inspire teams of engaged people that deliver big business results. ​ The pace of change is accelerating. Every week there are new technology innovations, new competitors and new ways of working. The most influential leaders in organisations are those who can lead at speed. The pace of change requires leadership at all levels, not just senior management. CTO's, Product Leaders, Team Members, Managers, Scrum Masters and Coaches. All of these are crucial leadership roles in fast-paced organisations. Command and Control leadership styles are not effective in leading change. Instead, a coaching style of leadership has been shown to create better change outcomes. Leaders who coach master these three skills: Active Listening, Asking Coaching Questions and Increasing Self-Awareness. By mastering these skills you'll become a leader everyone wants to work with. People will feel heard, respected, motivated and inspired when they work with you. As a result, you'll inspire teams of engaged people that deliver big business results. ​ ## The problem with traditional coaching programs. It's likely you have already started to learn about coaching. You probably faced the same challenge I did. Content that's theoretical and hard to put into practice. ​ Research in 2006 from BlessingWhite suggested that 74% of Managers had some form of coaching training. Only 23% of people coached by managers who attended the course thought the coaching had a significant impact on performance. 10% of coachees actually claimed the coaching got worse. ​ It's likely you have already started to learn about coaching. You probably faced the same challenge I did. Content that's theoretical and hard to put into practice. Research in 2006 from BlessingWhite suggested that 74% of Managers had some form of coaching training. Only 23% of people coached by managers who attended the course thought the coaching had a significant impact on performance. 10% of coachees actually claimed the coaching got worse. The problem with many coaching courses: - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. Coaching is best learned through doing it. The problem with many coaching courses: - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. - Overly theoretical and too complicated. Too much focus on models and frameworks. - Not delivered within the workplace context. The role leaders perform in organisations requires a specific type of coaching. - Too much focus on individuals. Not enough on teams and organisational challenges. - Expensive. A typically coaching certification program costs anywhere up to $10,000. - The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. You’ve spent years delivering advice and getting promoted and praised for it. Coaching is best learned through doing it. ##### This Operating System is for Leaders who want to..... 🙌 #### Empower #### People #### Empower #### People Structure the conversation to empower your team member. ⚖️ #### Delegate #### More Often #### Delegate #### More Often Using coaching skills enables you to delegate more rather than being a bottleneck. 😃 #### Keep People Motivated Learn how to quickly understand the factors influencing your team members motivation. 👍 #### Increase #### Engagement #### Increase #### Engagement Good one-on-ones keep team members engaged in the problem-solving process. 📦 #### Deliver Better Products Better One-On-Ones translate into better product outcomes. 📈 #### Improve "Underperformers" It's tempting to avoid the tough feedback. Once you learn how and practice, it becomes easier. ##### What's included? A guide to better one-on-ones. ​ Learn the 5 ingredients to successful one-on-ones and how to put them into action. ​ A template for one-on-one conversations. ​ Plan, deliver and track your one-on-ones with this note-taking system. ​ 5 coaching exercise templates. ​ Bring fun and focus to your one-on-ones with 5 coaching exercises. These help support career discussions, goal setting, tackling fears and building new skills. A guide to better one-on-ones. Learn the 5 ingredients to successful one-on-ones and how to put them into action. A template for one-on-one conversations. Plan, deliver and track your one-on-ones with this note-taking system. 5 coaching exercise templates. Bring fun and focus to your one-on-ones with 5 coaching exercises. These help support career discussions, goal setting, tackling fears and building new skills. ##### Who is the creator? Hello 👋 ​ I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator of this Operating System. ​ I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this operating system. Software Development, Professional Coaching and Management. ​ I've been coaching professionally now for 6 years across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. ​ I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. ​ My philosophy of management is coaching. I believe that your role as a manager is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in your people. ​ If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). Hello 👋 I'm Toby Sinclair, the creator of this Operating System. I'm a Business Executive based in London. I've worked in Product and Tech organisations in various roles for the past 15yrs. I have a unique blend of skills and experience that I've used to build this operating system. Software Development, Professional Coaching and Management. I've been coaching professionally now for 6 years across many organisations. I've coached CIO's, product teams and everyone in between. I'm a [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation. Sadly many coaches are not professionally trained. To get this credential means I've completed 125hrs of training and delivered over 500hrs coaching conversations. [Professional Certified Coach](https://www.youracclaim.com/badges/259a21ae-ea0b-430e-a1e4-a6868cd2d943) My philosophy of management is coaching. I believe that your role as a manager is to create an environment that unlocks the potential in your people. If you'd like to know more, here is [my story](/about). [my story](/about) ##### Limited Time Beta-Access This operating system is built to help managers have better one-on-ones so that they can better grow their people. ​ A key aspect of great management is continuous improvement. I intend to implement that principle with this product. ​ For a limited time only, I'm releasing a free beta version of this operating system for early adopters. ​ In return for access, all I ask is that you provide feedback. You can help make this a great tool that helps managers have better one-on-ones. This operating system is built to help managers have better one-on-ones so that they can better grow their people. A key aspect of great management is continuous improvement. I intend to implement that principle with this product. For a limited time only, I'm releasing a free beta version of this operating system for early adopters. In return for access, all I ask is that you provide feedback. You can help make this a great tool that helps managers have better one-on-ones. ## Book Summary: The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier | Big Ideas and Best Quotes ## How To Apply Atomic Habits To Business ## Book Summary: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg --- ## 5 Self-Care Journal Ideas URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/self-care-journal-ideas Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/self-care-journal-ideas.md Keeping a journal is a great idea for your self-care toolkit. I share 5 self-care activities that explore relationships, emotions and physical pain. Through these activities, you can reduce stress, gain clarity and become more mindful. # Self-Care Journal Ideas “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” Ernest Hemingway “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” Ernest Hemingway ## Self-Care Journal Our thoughts can often be all-consuming. We can feel locked in by our internal dialogue, unable to escape. Journaling is a great way to process your thoughts, relax your mind and gain clarity. The perfect idea for your self-care toolkit. A 2011 study published in the journal of science found that students who wrote a journal were better able to ease their anxieties. However, as simple as it sounds, writing can be incredibly daunting. What should I write? How should I write it? And we often question, is it good enough? Our thoughts can often be all-consuming. We can feel locked in by our internal dialogue, unable to escape. Journaling is a great way to process your thoughts, relax your mind and gain clarity. The perfect idea for your self-care toolkit. A 2011 study published in the journal of science found that students who wrote a journal were better able to ease their anxieties. However, as simple as it sounds, writing can be incredibly daunting. What should I write? How should I write it? And we often question, is it good enough? ## Benefits of Self-Care #### Boost Self Esteem #### Reduce Stress #### Mental Clarity #### Boost Creativity A self-care journal is writing in the present moment where you are the only reader. ## Self-Care Writing Freefall is the perfect self-care writing technique. Freefall is writing from the larger Self, beyond the reach of the ego and its censors. The technique invokes the courage to fall without a parachute, into the words as they come, into the thoughts before they have fully formed in the mind. The moment when someone shifts into that deeper level is unmistakable, “the wheels catch fire from their own motion." ​ The technique is described further in [Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44905.Writing_Down_the_Bones) Freefall is the perfect self-care writing technique. Freefall is writing from the larger Self, beyond the reach of the ego and its censors. The technique invokes the courage to fall without a parachute, into the words as they come, into the thoughts before they have fully formed in the mind. The moment when someone shifts into that deeper level is unmistakable, “the wheels catch fire from their own motion." ​ The technique is described further in [Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44905.Writing_Down_the_Bones) [Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44905.Writing_Down_the_Bones) ## Tips - Keep your hand moving. - Do not pause to reread the line you have just written. - Do not cross out. - Even if you write something you didn’t mean to write, leave it. - Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar. - Don’t even care about writing in a straight line or within the margins. - Keep your hand moving. - Do not pause to reread the line you have just written. - Do not cross out. - Even if you write something you didn’t mean to write, leave it. - Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar. - Don’t even care about writing in a straight line or within the margins. ## Self-Care Breathing Exercise ## A self-care activity to start Take a moment to start with the [Self-Care Breathing exercise](/self-care-journal-ideas#simpleselfcareexercise) ​ Scan your body from head-to-toe and observe how your body feels. Is there a strong physical sensation or emotion present? Write down your physical and emotional feelings at this present moment. Try starting each sentence with words such as “I feel”, “I sense”. Take a breath between each sentence to help you stay mindful. ​ Take a moment to re-read your writing: What did you notice? How did it feel? As you reflect back to the start of the exercise, how do you feel now? Take a moment to start with the [Self-Care Breathing exercise](/self-care-journal-ideas#simpleselfcareexercise) [Self-Care Breathing exercise](/self-care-journal-ideas#simpleselfcareexercise) Scan your body from head-to-toe and observe how your body feels. Is there a strong physical sensation or emotion present? Write down your physical and emotional feelings at this present moment. Try starting each sentence with words such as “I feel”, “I sense”. Take a breath between each sentence to help you stay mindful. Take a moment to re-read your writing: What did you notice? How did it feel? As you reflect back to the start of the exercise, how do you feel now? ## 5 Self-Care Journal Ideas #### Relationships #### Focus #### Identity #### Physical Pain #### Emotions ##### Become more present Mindfulness is about focusing our attention and increasing awareness of the present moment. Often we get trapped in our own thoughts and lose a sense of what is around us. Find something to look at. What you choose is up to you, start with a single item. A chair, a table, a person, a wall, a glass. Once you have chosen your object, look at it intently for a few minutes. Take several deep breaths as you focus on the object to help you relax and focus your attention. Imagine you are going to paint it, now do a word painting. Describe the object in great detail, observing aspects of it that you wouldn’t normally see. The texture, the colour, the shape, the position, the density. Describe the feelings that arise in the present moment as you focus your attention on the object. As you write, take a breath after each sentence to focused. Debrief - What did you notice that perhaps you wouldn't normally? - As you look back at the object now, does it appear any different? - What relationship does it have with any feelings that arose during the exercise? Mindfulness is about focusing our attention and increasing awareness of the present moment. Often we get trapped in our own thoughts and lose a sense of what is around us. Find something to look at. What you choose is up to you, start with a single item. A chair, a table, a person, a wall, a glass. Once you have chosen your object, look at it intently for a few minutes. Take several deep breaths as you focus on the object to help you relax and focus your attention. Imagine you are going to paint it, now do a word painting. Describe the object in great detail, observing aspects of it that you wouldn’t normally see. The texture, the colour, the shape, the position, the density. Describe the feelings that arise in the present moment as you focus your attention on the object. As you write, take a breath after each sentence to focused. Debrief - What did you notice that perhaps you wouldn't normally? - As you look back at the object now, does it appear any different? - What relationship does it have with any feelings that arose during the exercise? - What did you notice that perhaps you wouldn't normally? - As you look back at the object now, does it appear any different? - What relationship does it have with any feelings that arose during the exercise? ##### Examine a difficult relationship Take a moment to think of a current or past conflict that you’ve struggled to navigate. It could be a current issue or it could be something that is in the past. In this exercise we will explore the situation from 3 positions: 1. The “I” perspective - This is the perspective we use on a daily basis. 2. The “other” perspective - This involves imagining how the other person perceives the situation. It requires us to let go of our own person projections about the situation. To explore how the other person may think or feel about it. 3. The “outsider” perspective - What would someone who you respect who is outside of the situation say? Take a moment to write a few sentences from each position. Each time you change position, take a moment to really embody the other person. It may help to stand up and physically sit in a different position. You can also try using your non-dominant hand when writing in one of the other positions. ​ I...... Other....... Outsider....... ​ Debrief - What did you find when you viewed your situation from all three positions? - Which position do you use most often? Which would be beneficial to include more often? - What was the difference in the content of the writing? Take a moment to think of a current or past conflict that you’ve struggled to navigate. It could be a current issue or it could be something that is in the past. In this exercise we will explore the situation from 3 positions: 1. The “I” perspective - This is the perspective we use on a daily basis. 2. The “other” perspective - This involves imagining how the other person perceives the situation. It requires us to let go of our own person projections about the situation. To explore how the other person may think or feel about it. 3. The “outsider” perspective - What would someone who you respect who is outside of the situation say? - The “I” perspective - This is the perspective we use on a daily basis. - The “other” perspective - This involves imagining how the other person perceives the situation. It requires us to let go of our own person projections about the situation. To explore how the other person may think or feel about it. - The “outsider” perspective - What would someone who you respect who is outside of the situation say? Take a moment to write a few sentences from each position. Each time you change position, take a moment to really embody the other person. It may help to stand up and physically sit in a different position. You can also try using your non-dominant hand when writing in one of the other positions. I...... Other....... Outsider....... - What did you find when you viewed your situation from all three positions? - Which position do you use most often? Which would be beneficial to include more often? - What was the difference in the content of the writing? - What did you find when you viewed your situation from all three positions? - Which position do you use most often? Which would be beneficial to include more often? - What was the difference in the content of the writing? ##### Explore Your Identity This exercise explores the different parts of your identity that make up your whole self. Each of us has a cast of characters that show up at various points in your day. This is a creative exercise that enables you to explore these characters playfully. Imagine you are on a bus. Everyone on the bus is a different part of your psyche, a sub-personality. Your task is to meet and speak with every one of these people, no matter how unsavoury they may appear to be. As you take a journey on the bus, sit down next to each of the passengers individually. Ask them their name and which trait they represent. Notice how they are dressed, how they smell, their physical appearance. Really embrace the creative side of the exercise. Ask these questions about each passenger: - What is your gift to me? - What do you need for me to integrate your into my life? - What else do you need from me? One character to explore here may be the inner critic that prevents you from fully embracing mindful writing. Debrief: - What characters were you drawn to? What characters did you avoid? - How might you fully integrate these characters into your life? - What aspects of this exercise did you enjoy most? Inspiration for this exercise: [The Darkside of the Light Chasers - Debbie Ford](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/774565.The_Dark_Side_of_the_Light_Chasers) This exercise explores the different parts of your identity that make up your whole self. Each of us has a cast of characters that show up at various points in your day. This is a creative exercise that enables you to explore these characters playfully. Imagine you are on a bus. Everyone on the bus is a different part of your psyche, a sub-personality. Your task is to meet and speak with every one of these people, no matter how unsavoury they may appear to be. As you take a journey on the bus, sit down next to each of the passengers individually. Ask them their name and which trait they represent. Notice how they are dressed, how they smell, their physical appearance. Really embrace the creative side of the exercise. Ask these questions about each passenger: - What is your gift to me? - What do you need for me to integrate your into my life? - What else do you need from me? - What is your gift to me? - What do you need for me to integrate your into my life? - What else do you need from me? One character to explore here may be the inner critic that prevents you from fully embracing mindful writing. Debrief: - What characters were you drawn to? What characters did you avoid? - How might you fully integrate these characters into your life? - What aspects of this exercise did you enjoy most? - What characters were you drawn to? What characters did you avoid? - How might you fully integrate these characters into your life? - What aspects of this exercise did you enjoy most? Inspiration for this exercise: [The Darkside of the Light Chasers - Debbie Ford](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/774565.The_Dark_Side_of_the_Light_Chasers) ##### Relax physical pain We can go weeks, months, years with unacknowledged physical pain. Perhaps a painful hip, a creaky knee or an itchy elbow. Being aware, present and acknowledging physical discomfort can often help us reframe the pain it may be causing. Scan through your body and identify a part (internally or externally) that is a source of discomfort. Think of a few words or phrases that describe that part of the body. Perhaps there is a metaphor that springs to mind (creaky knee is actually a good example) Now explore that part of your body through writing a dialogue, a conversation between yourself and that part. It will look much like the script of a play: - Me: Why are you raising your ugly head again? - Creaky Knee: Because you pushed me hard - Me: I don’t know why you cannot make the effort - Creaky Knee: I have done so many times but now I need rest - Me: ….. Debrief: - What new observations did you make? - How might acknowledging this pain change your relationship to it? - How do you feel now? Inspiration for this exercise: [The Wounded Storyteller - Arthur Frank](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/106486.The_Wounded_Storyteller) We can go weeks, months, years with unacknowledged physical pain. Perhaps a painful hip, a creaky knee or an itchy elbow. Being aware, present and acknowledging physical discomfort can often help us reframe the pain it may be causing. Scan through your body and identify a part (internally or externally) that is a source of discomfort. Think of a few words or phrases that describe that part of the body. Perhaps there is a metaphor that springs to mind (creaky knee is actually a good example) Now explore that part of your body through writing a dialogue, a conversation between yourself and that part. It will look much like the script of a play: - Me: Why are you raising your ugly head again? - Creaky Knee: Because you pushed me hard - Me: I don’t know why you cannot make the effort - Creaky Knee: I have done so many times but now I need rest - Me: ….. - What new observations did you make? - How might acknowledging this pain change your relationship to it? - How do you feel now? - What new observations did you make? - How might acknowledging this pain change your relationship to it? - How do you feel now? [The Wounded Storyteller - Arthur Frank](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/106486.The_Wounded_Storyteller) ##### Increase Emotional Awareness Scan your body from head-to-toe and observe how your body feels. Is there a strong physical sensation or emotion present? Identify an emotion or physical sensation you want to explore more deeply, for example, Anger. Really embody that emotion and describe it as concretely as you can using a metaphor. In the example of Anger, it might be like a . Once you have identified the metaphor explore it further using these clean questions: 1. What kind of is that ? 1. For example; Is it hot? glowing? soft? strong? 2. Is there anything else about that ? Continue using these questions to help build the metaphor and grow a deeper awareness of the present moment. As you like the questions new metaphors may emerge. Use the same questions to explore other metaphors that arise. Debrief: - What drew you to that emotion or physical sensation? - How did the metaphor change as you explored it? - What aspects of this exercise did you enjoy most? Inspiration for this exercise: [Clean Language:Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds: Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5948619-clean-language) Scan your body from head-to-toe and observe how your body feels. Is there a strong physical sensation or emotion present? Identify an emotion or physical sensation you want to explore more deeply, for example, Anger. Really embody that emotion and describe it as concretely as you can using a metaphor. In the example of Anger, it might be like a . Once you have identified the metaphor explore it further using these clean questions: 1. What kind of is that ? 1. For example; Is it hot? glowing? soft? strong? 2. Is there anything else about that ? - What kind of is that ? 1. For example; Is it hot? glowing? soft? strong? What kind of is that ? 1. For example; Is it hot? glowing? soft? strong? - Is there anything else about that ? Continue using these questions to help build the metaphor and grow a deeper awareness of the present moment. As you like the questions new metaphors may emerge. Use the same questions to explore other metaphors that arise. - What drew you to that emotion or physical sensation? - How did the metaphor change as you explored it? - What aspects of this exercise did you enjoy most? - What drew you to that emotion or physical sensation? - How did the metaphor change as you explored it? [Clean Language:Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds: Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5948619-clean-language) ## Do you want more self-care ideas? Subscribe to receive regular self-care ideas along with coaching and personal development tips. ##### Subscribe Thanks for submitting! ##### Try out these Coaching Techniques for Self-Care --- ## Workshop Planning Template: How to Plan a Workshop URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/workshop-planning-template Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/workshop-planning-template.md A one-page workshop planning template for how to plan a workshop — purpose, participants, process, and principles. Free canvas for L&D, facilitators, and team leads. # How to plan a workshop A one-page canvas so the session has a purpose, the right people, and an agenda that can actually deliver. > “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” — Abraham Lincoln Good workshops are designed, not assembled the night before. Details usually live in a slide deck, a Teams chat, and someone’s memory. This workshop planning template pulls them onto one page — the 6 P’s of workshop preparation. Use it for training, leadership offsites, team coaching, and any facilitated session where the room has to produce something. ## The 6 P’s ### Purpose Why is this workshop happening? The most important step. Purpose anchors everything else. If you cannot say what should be different when people leave, do not book the room. Ask: - Why is this workshop happening? - What is the intended legacy of this workshop? - What is the consequence of not holding it? ### Practicalities What will be required? Rooms, stationery, equipment, lunch, access, recording. Anything that makes the day run — or fail quietly. Ask: - Where and when will the workshop take place? - What room setup is required? - What materials are required? ### Participants Who needs to be there? A simple question. The hard part is saying no. Too many people and the conversation dies. Too few and the decision cannot stick. Ask: - Who is going to be there? - What is their role in the workshop? - What are their needs? ### Products What are the inputs and outputs? Pre-work people must do, and the artefacts you expect to leave with. A workshop without a product is a meeting with better biscuits. Ask: - What are the inputs to the session? - What needs to be prepared beforehand? - What tangible items will we leave with? ### Process What is the agenda? The activities that serve the purpose — not a list of slides. Include breaks. Tired rooms make polite, useless decisions. Ask: - What is the agenda? - What steps are required to meet the purpose? - When will the breaks be? ### Principles How will we work? Listening, candour, phones down, how decisions get made. Write them down before someone tests them. Ask: - “We work best when…” - How will decisions be made? - What are the workshop values? ## How to use the canvas Start every workshop plan by filling the six boxes. Use it alone first, then share it with your facilitation team and the sponsor. Once you have a few completed canvases, reuse them. The second workshop in a programme should take half the time to plan. The canvas reduces the anxiety of forgetting a small detail, keeps everyone on the same page, and gives you a document you can stand in front of on the morning. ## Example A product-release workshop. Purpose: decide what ships this quarter and what waits. Participants: product, engineering, and the two people who will have to explain the trade-off to customers. Products: a sequenced backlog and a one-page comms note. Process: diverge on options, then a timed decision. Principles: no silent vetoes after the room. ## Templates - **Miro.** A virtual whiteboard version, ready to duplicate: [Miro workshop template](https://miro.com/). - **PDF.** Print the six boxes and fill them by hand before you open a deck. This canvas was inspired by the [5 P’s of Michael Wilkinson](https://managementhelp.org/blogs/facilitation/2012/10/16/the-5-ps-of-preparation/) and facilitators I learned from, especially [Ellen Gottesdiener](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/about/) and [Jean Tabaka](https://www.infoq.com/news/2016/06/vale-jean-tabaka). --- # Articles ## Deliberate Practice for Leaders: Why Experience Doesn't Make You Better URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/deliberate-practice-for-leaders Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/deliberate-practice-for-leaders.md Date: 2026-08-30 Topics: leadership, real-talk-studio, roleplay Deliberate practice is the only reliable way to develop leadership skills. Why years of experience isn't enough, how to practise, and where to start. *Leadership is a performance skill. Most of us treat it like a reading list.* Most leaders I work with have been doing the job for years. They've read the books. They've sat through the programmes. They're still having the same conversations they were having five years ago, with the same results. That's not a character flaw. It's what happens when you confuse experience with practice. **Deliberate practice is the best-studied method we have for getting better at a skill.** It is what turns decent violinists into concert soloists, competent surgeons into specialists, and club players into grandmasters. Anders Ericsson spent decades showing that expert performance is not a gift. It is a way of practising. Leadership is one of the last fields still pretending this doesn't apply. This guide is about why deliberate practice matters more for leadership than almost any other professional skill, why most leadership development fails to produce it, and how to actually practise the conversations that make someone a leader. I founded [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform, so I have an obvious interest in practice. I'll flag where that colours things. The research is not mine, and the problem existed long before I built a product for it. ## Table of contents 1. [What is deliberate practice?](#what-is-deliberate-practice) 2. [Why experience doesn't make better leaders](#why-experience-doesnt-make-better-leaders) 3. [Why leadership is uniquely hard to practise](#why-leadership-is-uniquely-hard-to-practise) 4. [The elements of deliberate practice for leaders](#the-elements-of-deliberate-practice-for-leaders) 5. [The leadership skills worth practising](#the-leadership-skills-worth-practising) 6. [How to practise leadership skills this week](#how-to-practise-leadership-skills-this-week) 7. [The 10,000-hour myth](#the-10000-hour-myth) 8. [What deliberate practice cannot do](#what-deliberate-practice-cannot-do) 9. [Frequently asked questions](#frequently-asked-questions) 10. [Summary](#summary) 11. [Further reading](#further-reading) ## What is deliberate practice? Practice, in ordinary language, means repeating something so you'll be better when it counts. We rehearse a presentation. We run a fire drill. We do the easy version before the real one. A lot of what we call practice is just doing the thing again. You sit in the same meetings, give the same kind of feedback, run the same one-to-ones. You get more comfortable. You do not necessarily get better. **Deliberate practice means working on a specific component of a skill, at the edge of your ability, with feedback you can act on.** You know what you are trying to improve. You have a way to tell whether the attempt was better than the last one. You adjust, and you go again. Geoff Colvin, in *Talent Is Overrated*, put the ingredients this way: the activity is designed to improve performance, it can be repeated a lot, feedback is continuously available, it is highly demanding mentally, and it is not much fun. That last point is not a joke. Ericsson asked elite violinists to rate practice activities by how enjoyable they were and how much they improved performance. The useful ones were the least enjoyable. The moment practice feels comfortable, it has stopped being deliberate. Regular practice maintains a skill. Deliberate practice is the only reliable way to: 1. Reach a high level of performance 2. Break through a plateau 3. Improve much faster than "just doing the job" If you are content with how you lead, you do not need this. Plenty of leadership is maintenance: running a decent meeting, keeping a team informed, not making things worse. Deliberate practice is for the parts of the job you keep mishandling, and for the level of skill that experience alone will never produce. ![Doing the job is not practice.](/figures/quote) > "Learning isn't a way of reaching one's potential but rather a way of developing it." — Anders Ericsson, *Peak* ## Why experience doesn't make better leaders The most uncomfortable finding in the expertise research is also the most useful one for anyone who develops leaders. In several fields Ericsson studied, people with many years of experience were no better than novices, and sometimes worse. Medicine is the famous case. Diagnostic accuracy does not reliably climb with years in the job. What climbs is confidence. Clinicians who keep getting better are the ones who keep practising deliberately: reviewing cases, seeking disconfirming feedback, working on the errors they actually make. Leadership has the same shape, and a worse feedback problem. A manager can spend a decade in the role and still freeze when they have to tell a former peer they are not getting the promotion. They can quote [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) in a workshop and then pad the actual sentence with so much warmth that the other person leaves unsure anything was said. I have watched this happen hundreds of times in practice transcripts. Nobody fails on the theory. Pfeffer and Sutton called this the [knowing-doing gap](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap). Organisations are full of people who know what they should do and do not do it. Leadership development, as an industry, has spent thirty years pouring knowledge into that gap and wondering why behaviour doesn't change. The gap is not a knowledge gap. It is a practice gap. Experience feels like it should close it. You have the conversations, you get the scars, you surely get better. Sometimes you do, early on. Then most people reach what Ericsson called the **OK plateau**: a level of performance that is acceptable, automatic, and no longer improving. The job gets easier because you have stopped stretching. Ten years of leading, at that point, is often one year of leading, repeated ten times. ![Experience flattens after the job starts to feel easy. Deliberate practice keeps rising.](/figures/plateau) This is why the senior person in the room is not always the most skilled at the conversation. They have had more of them. They have not practised them. I wrote about a related failure mode in [constraints-led leadership development](/post/constraints-led-leadership-development): programmes that remove pressure, variability, and consequence, then act surprised when the skill doesn't transfer to Monday morning. Classroom leadership is a different sport from leadership under load. **If we want better leaders, we have to stop treating time in the chair as a training method.** Time in the chair is the match. Training is what you do before it. ## Why leadership is uniquely hard to practise Deliberate practice is easiest in domains with clear metrics, immediate feedback, and a safe way to fail. Chess has a rating. The violin has a teacher in the room. A sprinter has a clock. Leadership has almost none of that. **The unit of leadership skill is the conversation**, and conversations refuse to be practised the way a backhand is practised. You cannot give someone real redundancy news twice. You cannot tell a high performer they are not ready for promotion as a drill. The situations that would teach you the most are the ones you only get a handful of times a year, at full stakes, with no rehearsal. That is the core problem, and it explains a lot of what is wrong with leadership development: - **Feedback is late and noisy.** You find out six months later, in a resignation or an engagement score, that the conversation went badly. By then you cannot isolate what you did. - **People will not tell you the truth.** Power distorts feedback. Your team will not say "you padded that so heavily I didn't know I was being managed." They will nod, leave, and tell someone else. - **The classroom removes the thing that makes the skill hard.** Pressure, status, history with the other person, the knowledge that this will change a relationship. Take those out and you are practising a different skill. - **Colleagues are too kind.** Peer role play, when it happens at all, is usually two people being polite. Real counterparts are not polite. They interrupt, they get upset, they change the subject. Practising against kindness rehearses a world that does not exist. - **The skills that matter most are the ones people avoid.** Feedback, conflict, saying no, admitting uncertainty. These are exactly the conversations [new managers](/post/new-manager-training-conversations) dread, which means they get the fewest reps on the skills they need most. This is why "I'll get better at it as I go" is such a bad bet in leadership. The reps are rare, expensive, and poorly instrumented. If your only practice is the live conversation, you will spend a career taking your first attempt in public. Sport figured this out a century ago. Nobody learns a serve in a match. They learn it on a court, against a ball machine or a partner, then they take it into the match. Leadership still sends people into the match and calls it development. ![The live conversation is the match. Practice is what you do before it.](/figures/match) A coach, a candid peer, or a well-built simulation can give you the missing reps. I build the third of those at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), because the first two do not scale: good coaches are scarce, and most colleagues will not push you hard enough. Simulation is not the only way to practise. It is the first way that makes volume of practice cheap enough to become a habit. ## The elements of deliberate practice for leaders Ericsson's claim in *Peak* is blunt: across fields, the most effective way to improve is a single set of principles. Leadership does not get a special exemption. It gets a harder implementation. Here is how those principles translate. ### It is structured and methodical You cannot "practise leadership." That is like practising sport. You have to pick a component. Break the job into the conversations that actually move it. Giving critical feedback. Coaching instead of rescuing. Holding a deadline. Disagreeing with a senior person. Running a meeting after bad news. [These ten manager scenarios](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers) are a decent starting list if you do not want to invent your own. Then pick one. Not five. One. Write down what "better" would look like in that conversation. Not a vibe. A behaviour. "I say the sentence the meeting exists for in the first two minutes." "I ask two questions before I offer advice." "I do not apologise for the decision." That becomes the practice target. Everything else in the session is a distraction. > **How to implement this** > > Take the skill you keep avoiding and split it into the smallest parts you can name. For a feedback conversation that might be: opening the sentence, staying in it when they get defensive, ending with a clear next step. Practise the opening until it is boring, then the middle, then the whole thing. Put the sessions in the calendar. Show up with a plan for which part you are working on. If you walk in "to get better at difficult conversations," you will wander. ### It is challenging and uncomfortable If you are not slightly failing, you are not in the learning zone. Noel Tichy described three zones: comfort, learning, and panic. Comfort rehearses what you already do. Panic floods you. Progress lives in the thin band where the task is just out of reach. Most leadership "practice" is comfort. A workshop case study. A discussion of a model. Role play with a colleague who likes you. None of that sits on the edge of ability. The edge, for a leader, is usually emotional, not intellectual. You already know what to say. The difficulty is saying it while the other person is upset, or silent, or more senior than you. Practice that does not include that pressure will not transfer. Daniel Coyle calls this the sweet spot: right on the edge of your ability, where you learn fastest. The key word, borrowed from Einstein, is *barely*. ![Comfort maintains the skill. Learning is the only zone that raises it.](/figures/zones) > **How to implement this** > > Each session, make the attempt about 10% harder than last time. If the last run was a mildly disappointed colleague, this one is angry. If they accepted the feedback, this time they argue. Short, intense attempts beat long, gentle ones. When you can do the conversation on autopilot, the session is over. Raise the difficulty or stop. ### It requires constant feedback Practising without knowing whether you got better is just activity. Leadership is full of activity. The metrics that matter are behavioural, not vanity. "I ran six one-to-ones this week" is a vanity metric. "In four of six, I asked a question before offering a view" is a practice metric. [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) is useful here not because the questions are magic, but because they give you something countable to aim at. You also need an outside view. You are a biased observer of your own conversations. You remember your intention. The other person remembers what you said. Those are not the same thing. A coach can provide that view. So can a recording, a transcript, or a counterpart designed to react rather than to please you. What does not provide it is going back to your desk and deciding it "went fine." > **How to implement this** > > After every practice attempt, answer three questions in writing: What did I try to do? What actually happened? What will I change on the next attempt? If you cannot answer the second one from evidence, you do not have feedback yet. Get a transcript, a recording, or a person who will tell you the truth. ### It works best with a coach, a teacher, or a counterpart who will not collude Ericsson was clear that a teacher accelerates everything: they know the order to learn things, they can see errors you cannot, they design the next drill. The world's best golfers still have coaches. Intellectual fields are not above this. They are worse at admitting it. Most leaders do not have a coach in the room for the conversations that matter. That is not an argument against coaching. It is an argument for not waiting until you hire one. In the meantime you need *someone or something that will not collude with you*. A peer briefed to make it difficult. A manager who will watch you and be specific. An actor. A simulation that pushes back, gets emotional, and will end the conversation if you break trust. I have written an honest take on [what AI roleplay is good at and where it fails](/post/ai-roleplay-training). The short version: it is excellent at volume, privacy, and consistent difficulty. It is not your actual colleague with your actual history. For the highest-stakes conversation of someone's career I would still add a human coach. For building the underlying skill, volume wins, and it is not close. > **How to implement this** > > If you have a coach, bring them a specific conversation, not a theme. "Help me get better at conflict" is uncoachable. "I have to tell Sarah she's not ready, and last time I did this I spent eight minutes on small talk" is coachable. If you do not have a coach, design the counterpart: brief a colleague with "do not make this easy," or [run the conversation against a character who will push back](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). The method matters less than the absence of collusion. ### It requires intrinsic motivation, rest, and focus Deliberate practice is mentally expensive. Across fields, elite performers rarely sustain more than a few hours of it a day, often in sessions of 60 to 90 minutes. More than that and quality collapses. Leadership is no different, except that the diary is already full of performance, which people mistake for practice. You cannot deliberate-practice all day. You can do one hard conversation attempt, recover, and do another. You cannot do eight, and you should not try. Motivation has to be mostly intrinsic. Extrinsic reasons, a promotion, a course certificate, a line in a development plan, are not enough to keep you in the uncomfortable zone. You have to want the skill itself: to be someone who can say the hard sentence without flinching. > **How to implement this** > > Block 25 to 40 minutes, twice a week, for one skill. Protect it the way you would protect a board meeting. No email, no "quick catch-up." At the end of the month, look at the record, not your memory: how many attempts, what changed, what is still weak. If you cannot point to a behaviour that moved, you were busy, not practising. ## The leadership skills worth practising Not every part of the job deserves this treatment. Deliberate practice is scarce, so spend it where the gap between knowing and doing is widest, and where the cost of the first live attempt is highest. In the transcripts I see, that list is almost always conversations. **Critical feedback.** The sentence exists. People circle it for weeks. Then they deliver a version so softened that nothing changes. Practise the opening, then the silence after it, then the moment they get defensive. [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) is the map. The map is not the walk. **Coaching instead of rescuing.** Most managers I work with can recite a coaching question and still jump in with the answer 20 seconds later. The skill is staying in the question while the other person sits in the gap. That is a tolerance you build by repeating it, not by reading [Dare to Lead](/post/summary-dare-to-lead-by-brene-brown). **Conflict and disagreement.** Avoidance is the default. Practise naming the disagreement early, without a speech. Practise staying when the temperature rises. I collected [worked scenarios for this](/post/using-ai-roleplay-difficult-conversations) because "be better at conflict" is not a drill. **The former-peer conversation.** New managers fail this one constantly. Last week you were complaining about leadership together. This week you are leadership. The skill is the first sentence that acknowledges the change without pretending it isn't awkward. **Saying no, including upward.** Leaders who cannot disappoint people become bottlenecks. Practise the no without a 12-minute justification. Practise it with someone more senior than you. **Bad news to a group.** Redundancy, a killed project, a missed target. The room will not take turns. Practise stating the news, then the implication, then what happens next, without filling every silence. **Admitting uncertainty.** New leaders bluff. Experienced ones sometimes bluff more, because they have a reputation to protect. "I don't know yet, here's when you'll hear from me" is a skill. It feels like weakness until you have said it ten times. If you run a programme rather than your own development, these are the drills. Not another model. The conversations. A [coaching leadership style](/post/coaching-leadership-style) is a set of behaviours you can rehearse. It is not a personality type you wait to grow into. ## How to practise leadership skills this week A method is only as good as the next session. Here is a loop you can run without a budget, a course, or a new identity. ![Pick the conversation, write the sentence, attempt it against resistance, get evidence, change one thing, take it live.](/figures/loop) **1. Pick one conversation you are already avoiding.** Not a type. A specific one, with a name and a date. If you cannot name it, you are still in theory. **2. Write the sentence the conversation exists to deliver.** One sentence. If you need a paragraph, you do not know what you are doing yet. Say it out loud, alone, until it stops feeling impossible. This is the cheapest form of practice and most people skip it. **3. Attempt it against resistance.** A colleague briefed not to be kind. A coach. Or a simulation, if you want reps without an audience. The point is a counterpart who will not collude. If you want to feel what a first attempt is like before the real one, [try a scenario at Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). That is what it is for. **4. Get evidence.** What did you actually say? Where did you pad, rush, or abandon the sentence? A transcript beats a feeling. **5. Change one thing. Go again.** Not five things. One. The opening. The silence. The close. Then stop for the day. Spacing beats cramming: two sessions a week for a month will do more than a heroic afternoon. **6. Take it into the live conversation.** Practice is not a substitute for the real thing. It is how you stop using the real thing as your first attempt. If you want a longer comparison of courses, workshops, peer practice and simulation, I wrote that for [Crucial Conversations training](/post/crucial-conversations-training). The conclusion is the same here. Frequency beats intensity. The design question is "how does this person get their tenth rep?", not "how good was day one?" ## The 10,000-hour myth Malcolm Gladwell made Ericsson famous, and slightly distorted him. *Outliers* popularised the idea that 10,000 hours of practice produces mastery. It is a catchy number. It is also the wrong lesson. Ericsson disputed the way it was taken up. The research was never "time predicts skill." It was that *the way experts practise* predicts skill. You can spend 10,000 hours typing and not get faster, because you are not practising typing. You are writing emails. Most leaders spend 10,000 hours in meetings and wonder why they are still bad at the hard ones. The useful takeaway is simpler, and less comforting: getting good takes a lot of work, there is no magic number, and hours of performance do not count as hours of practice. ![Hours of performance do not count as hours of practice.](/figures/quote) Innate talent is a starting point, not a ceiling. Ericsson looked for genuine prodigies, people born with a finished gift, and did not find a proven example. What he found were people who practised in a particular way, often from a young age, often with excellent teachers, often with advantages they did not advertise. That should be good news for anyone who was not a "natural leader" at 25. It is also a warning. If you are waiting to feel ready, you will wait through a whole career. Readiness is what practice produces. ## What deliberate practice cannot do It is not a panacea, and treating it like one will waste a lot of effort. **It is necessary, not sufficient.** At the high end of any field, everyone is practising hard. Luck, timing, the team you inherit, and the organisation you are in still matter. Deliberate practice will not make a toxic system into a coaching culture. It will make *you* more skilful inside it, which is still worth doing. **Leadership outcomes are confounded.** You can run a perfect conversation and still lose the person. You can mishandle one and get lucky. Do not use business results as your only practice metric. Use behaviours you can observe in the attempt itself. **You can practise the wrong thing.** Grit in the wrong direction is just sunk cost. If the skill is no longer what the job needs, stop. Knowing when to pivot is a leadership skill too. **It can crowd out the rest of life.** Elite performers often organise sleep, food, and recovery around practice. That is a choice with a cost. Most leaders need a sustainable version: a few focused sessions a week, not a monastery. **Skills decay.** Ericsson noted that the changes caused by training require upkeep. Stop practising and the edge goes. A leader who was excellent at feedback three jobs ago, and has not rehearsed it since, should not trust the old identity. **It will not make the live conversation easy.** Practice makes it possible. The real one will still have history, power, and consequence that no drill fully captures. That is not a reason to skip the drill. It is a reason not to confuse the drill with the match. ## Frequently asked questions **What is deliberate practice in leadership?** Rehearsing a specific leadership skill, usually a conversation, with a clear target, realistic difficulty, and feedback you can act on. It is not the same as doing the job. Most time at work is performance, not practice. **Why is deliberate practice important for developing leadership skills?** Because the skills live in conversations under pressure, and neither reading nor years in the role will change what you do in those moments once you have reached an acceptable level. Deliberate practice is how you break the plateau. **How is it different from experience?** Experience repeats what you already know. Deliberate practice is designed to improve a weak component, at the edge of your ability, with feedback. Ten years without that design is often one year, repeated. **How can I practise if I do not have a coach?** You still need an outside view. Record yourself. Brief a colleague not to make it easy. Use a simulation that pushes back. Self-review without a counterpart usually rehearses your existing habits. A coach is faster. It is not the only door. **Does the 10,000-hour rule apply to leadership?** No. Hours in the job do not predict skill. Quality of practice does. You can spend 10,000 hours in meetings and still freeze when it counts. **Isn't this just role play?** Role play is a format. Deliberate practice is a design: a target, a stretch, feedback, repetition. Most role play in workshops has none of those. It is a one-off, with a polite partner, after a slide deck. That is theatre. It is not training. ## Summary - Deliberate practice means working on a specific part of a skill, at the edge of your ability, with feedback. Doing the job is not the same thing. - Leadership plateaus because experience is repetitive, feedback is noisy, and the hardest conversations happen too rarely to learn from live. - The unit of leadership skill is the conversation. Practise conversations, not models. - Structure the work: one skill, a behavioural target, short sessions, rising difficulty. - Get an outside view. A coach, a candid peer, or a counterpart that will not collude with you. - Ignore the 10,000-hour slogan. Count the quality of attempts, not years in the chair. - If you are happy with how you lead, you do not need this. If you keep having the same conversation with the same result, you do. The next step is not another article. It is an attempt. Pick the conversation you are avoiding, write the sentence, and say it out loud today. Then say it against someone, or something, that will not make it easy. If you want that counterpart on tap, [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com) is the practice room I built for this: the conversation before the conversation, with feedback on what you actually said. ## Further reading If you want the research and the wider craft of practice, these are the books I keep coming back to. Several have summaries on this site. - *Peak* — Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool. The source, in readable form. - *Talent Is Overrated* — Geoff Colvin. The business translation of Ericsson. - *The Talent Code* and *The Little Book of Talent* — Daniel Coyle. Especially good on the "edge of ability" idea. - *The Knowing-Doing Gap* — Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton. Why organisations drown in knowledge and starve of action. [Summary](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap). - *Ultralearning* — Scott Young. Aggressive, self-directed practice. [Summary](/post/book-summary-ultralearning-by-scott-young). - *The Coaching Habit* — Michael Bungay Stanier. A countable drill for manager conversations. [Summary](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). - *Radical Candor* — Kim Scott. The map for feedback. Still requires the walk. [Summary](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott). - *Crucial Conversations* — Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. [Summary](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson) and [what to do after you finish it](/post/crucial-conversations-training). - *Outliers* — Malcolm Gladwell. Read it, then read Ericsson's correction. For the "how do I actually learn faster" version of this, I also wrote [the Accelerated Learning Loop](/post/learn-faster-better-smarter-with-the-accelerated-learning-loop) years ago. The loop still holds. Practice is the step most people skip. --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform. He's an ICF Professional Certified Coach and has spent years helping managers close the gap between reading about leadership and actually practising it.* --- ## New Manager Training: The Conversations Nobody Prepares You For URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/new-manager-training-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/new-manager-training-conversations.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Most new manager training teaches models, not conversations. Here are the conversations every first-time manager actually faces in year one, and how to practise them, from someone who builds conversation simulations for a living. I build AI roleplay simulations for a living at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). Which means I've watched more people practise their first hard conversation as a manager than almost anyone. Here's what I've noticed. Nobody fails on the theory. They've read the books. They know the feedback models. They can tell you what [radical candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) means. Then they sit down opposite a team member who used to be their peer, open their mouth, and spend two minutes warming up with small talk the other person can smell. The actual sentence, the one the meeting exists for, arrives late, softened, and wrapped in so much padding it barely lands. That's the gap most new manager training never touches. Courses teach models. The job is conversations. Julie Zhuo's [Making of a Manager](/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo) is still the best book on the role. [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) is the best set of questions. Neither one can sit in the silence after you've said the hard sentence. That part only arrives with practice. ## What new manager training usually covers (and what it misses) A typical first-time manager programme covers delegation, prioritisation, feedback frameworks, maybe a personality assessment. All useful. None of it is the thing that keeps new managers awake. What keeps them awake is Tuesday at 2pm, when they have to tell someone something that person doesn't want to hear. The evidence for this is sitting in my transcripts. When people practise on our platform, they don't choose "how to run a prioritisation exercise". They choose the conversations they're dreading. The former peer. The underperformer. The first team meeting after bad news. So instead of another framework, here are the conversations I'd prepare every new manager for, and what I've learned watching people rehearse each one. (If you want a longer list, I also published [ten difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers).) ## The five conversations that define your first year ### 1. The first team meeting Your first meeting as the team's manager sets the temperature for everything after it. And the mistake I see constantly in practice sessions is the same one: new managers try to arrive with answers. You don't have answers yet. Everyone in the room knows it. Pretending otherwise costs you credibility on day one. What works instead is stating uncertainty plainly and pairing it with something concrete. "I don't know yet how we'll change the roadmap. Here's what I do know, and here's when you'll hear more from me." In our simulations, the managers who say some version of that sentence keep the room. The ones who bluff lose it within minutes, because a room full of people asks questions, and bluffing survives about two of them. ### 2. Managing a former peer Last week you were complaining about leadership together at the pub. This week you're leadership. The failure mode here isn't harshness. It's the opposite. New managers over-correct into friendliness, avoid every hard call for months, and then have to have a much worse conversation later, with someone who now feels ambushed because "you never said anything before". The conversation to have is the early, small, honest one. Name the change. "This is a bit strange for both of us. Some things between us will change, and I'd rather we talked about that than pretended it hasn't happened." It's an awkward ninety seconds that prevents an awful ninety days. ### 3. The first piece of hard feedback Here's the pattern from the practice transcripts, and it's remarkably consistent. People giving difficult feedback do three things: - They open with praise that isn't the point, so the other person braces for the "but" - They deliver the actual message in the passive voice, so nobody owns it - They rush to reassurance before the message has landed The fix isn't a cleverer framework. It's saying the sentence. "The report you sent the client had errors in it, and it's the second time." Full stop. Then silence. The silence is the hard part, and it's the part you can't learn from a book, because books can't be silent at you. ### 4. Saying no upwards Nobody warns new managers that their hardest conversations often point up, not down. One of our most-requested scenarios is a director asking a team lead to absorb "one more thing", a three-week workstream, presented as a small favour on the way out of the door. The character is built to treat anything short of a clear no as a yes. Because that's what happens in real life. What I've watched, over and over: people think they've said no when they've actually said "I'll see what I can do". Practise hearing yourself say the actual word. "No, I can't take that on without dropping something. Which would you like me to drop?" It's uncomfortable exactly once per relationship. Then it becomes how you operate. ### 5. Delivering bad news you didn't choose Redundancies, restructures, a cancelled project. As a new manager you'll deliver decisions you didn't make and might not agree with. We built a team simulation of exactly this: the first team meeting an hour after a redundancy email goes out. Four AI team members react the way real rooms do. One is scared and wants numbers you don't have. One is angry and wants someone to blame. One has checked out entirely. One insists everything's fine, which somehow makes it worse. The lesson from watching people run that room: you can't fix the emotions, and trying to makes you sound like a press release. What you can do is acknowledge what's true, hold the line on what you don't know, and give the next concrete step. Managers who do those three things get through it with their team's trust intact. Managers who try to spin it don't. If this is the conversation you're actually facing, I wrote a separate [practical, humane guide to the redundancy conversation](/post/redundancy-conversation-guide) — the sentence, the pause, and the meeting with everyone else afterwards. ## Why practice beats theory (and why nobody practises) If conversations are the job, the obvious question is why new manager training involves so little practising of them. The honest answer is that practising with humans is awkward. Role play in a training room means performing in front of colleagues, being judged, and playing against a facilitator who's far too polite to give you a realistic hard time. Most people would rather skip it. So most people do, and their first attempt at the redundancy meeting is the real one. This is the problem I started Real Talk Studio to solve. [AI roleplay](/post/ai-roleplay-training) gives you the reps without the audience: a realistic counterpart who pushes back, gets emotional, interrupts, and doesn't perform politeness. You can be bad at the conversation in private, which is the only place anyone is willing to be bad at anything. But whatever tool you use, the principle is the one that matters. Pilots don't read about crosswinds and then land in one. Your first difficult conversation as a manager shouldn't be a live one. ## How to build your own practice routine If you're a new manager, or you run training for them: - List the five conversations above and rank them by dread. Start with the top one. - Write the single sentence each conversation exists to deliver. If you can't write it, you're not ready to say it. - Rehearse out loud, not in your head. Your head is a flattering audience. - Practise against resistance. A colleague playing devil's advocate, or [an AI simulation that pushes back properly](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). - Debrief on one thing only: did you say the sentence, early and plainly? Reading this article is a fine start. It's also not practice. If you want to feel what the first team meeting actually feels like before you're standing in it, [try a simulation at Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). The room won't take turns, and that's the point. If you run new manager programmes and want practice built in — not another slide deck — that's [the work I do with enterprises](/work-with-me). --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform used by organisations to help people practise high-stakes conversations. He spent a decade in financial trading at JP Morgan before building tools that let managers rehearse the conversations that matter. He's an ICF Professional Certified Coach.* --- ## 10 Difficult Conversation Scenarios for Managers (From Someone Who Builds Them for a Living) URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Ten realistic difficult conversation scenarios for managers, with what people get wrong and what good sounds like, drawn from real practice sessions on an AI roleplay platform. Designing difficult conversation scenarios is my actual job. I founded [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), where organisations use AI roleplay to let people practise conversations they'd otherwise walk into cold. Which means I've read a very large number of transcripts of real people attempting their hardest conversations. The single biggest thing those transcripts have taught me: everyone avoids the same sentence. Every difficult conversation has one sentence it exists to deliver. "Your role is at risk." "That comment wasn't okay." "This isn't working." People will do almost anything to avoid saying it. They circle it, soften it, bury it in paragraph four. And the conversation stays difficult precisely as long as the sentence stays unsaid. The ten scenarios below are drawn from what we've built and what I've watched. For each: the setup, where people go wrong, and what good sounds like. Use them for self-rehearsal, peer role play, or training design. They're free to steal. If you want the book-level playbook first, start with [Crucial Conversations](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson), [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott), or [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott). This page is what those books look like when they become a meeting. ## 1. The underperformer who's also a friend **The setup.** A team member you genuinely like has been missing the bar for two months. You've hinted. They haven't caught the hints, because hints are designed not to be caught. **Where people go wrong.** They open with fifteen minutes of warmth to cushion the blow, and the other person leaves the meeting genuinely unsure whether they've been given feedback at all. I've read transcripts where the feedback recipient thanks the manager for "a lovely catch-up". **What good sounds like.** "I need to talk to you about your work, and because I respect you, I'm going to be direct. The last two months haven't been at the standard you set before. What's going on?" Care shown through clarity, not instead of it. ## 2. The first team meeting after a redundancy announcement **The setup.** The email went out an hour ago. Some colleagues are at risk. You have to stand in front of the team, and you don't have the answers they want. We built this as a team simulation with four AI characters, because real rooms don't take turns: someone scared and demanding numbers, someone angry and hunting for blame, someone who's checked out, and someone insisting it's all fine. **Where people go wrong.** They over-promise to soothe the room. "I'm sure everyone will be fine" is a sentence you can't cash. **What good sounds like.** Name what's true, hold the line on what you don't know, give the next concrete step. "I don't know who's affected yet. That's the truth. What I can tell you is when we'll know, and what I'll do with that information the moment I have it." For the conversation with the person whose role is actually at risk, see [how to tell an employee they're being made redundant](/post/redundancy-conversation-guide). ## 3. Shutting down "banter" that's crossed a line **The setup.** Mid-meeting, a joke lands at a junior colleague's expense. A second colleague amplifies it. The target laughs, the way people laugh when they don't feel they have another option. Everyone looks at everything except you. **Where people go wrong.** They wait for a "better moment", and the moment never arrives. In the simulation we built of this, the jokes escalate if unchallenged, because that's exactly what happens in real rooms. Silence reads as permission. **What good sounds like.** Immediate, brief, unheated. "Let's leave that there. Not the place. Where were we on the timeline?" Ten words in the moment beats a paragraph in private tomorrow, though the private follow-up matters too. ## 4. Saying no to your boss **The setup.** Your director catches you at the end of a meeting: "One more thing before you go." A three-week workstream, presented as a favour. They treat anything short of a clear no as a yes. **Where people go wrong.** They believe they've declined when they've actually said "I'll see what I can do". Read that sentence from the other side: it's a yes with a delay on it. **What good sounds like.** A no with a choice attached. "I can't take that on without dropping something. Which would you like me to drop?" You're not refusing to help. You're refusing to pretend capacity is infinite. This is one of the five conversations I prepare every [new manager](/post/new-manager-training-conversations) for. It shows up earlier than most people expect. ## 5. Holding your price under commercial pressure **The setup.** A buyer you've worked with for years demands a discount and mentions, almost casually, that they're reviewing the range. One number, one threat, one relationship on the line. **Where people go wrong.** They concede in the first sixty seconds to make the tension stop. The tension is the negotiation. Ending it early just means paying for its absence. **What good sounds like.** Hold the number, trade the structure. "I can't move on price. What I can do is put weight behind the promotion in other ways. Let's talk about what would actually move volume for you." Sales teams who need more of this, worked as drills: [sales role play scenarios that actually prepare reps](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). ## 6. The pay rise you have to decline **The setup.** A good performer asks for a raise. Budget says no. They deserve a better answer than "budget says no", but that's also the truth. **Where people go wrong.** They blame invisible forces ("my hands are tied") which protects the manager and abandons the employee. The employee leaves with no path, only a wall. **What good sounds like.** The honest no plus the real path. "The answer right now is no, and I want to be straight about why. Here's what would need to be true for it to be yes, and here's what I'll do on my side." ## 7. The colleague whose personal struggles are affecting the team **The setup.** Something's clearly wrong in a team member's life. Their work is slipping and others are covering. Compassion and accountability are pulling in opposite directions. **Where people go wrong.** They pick one. Full compassion mode ignores the team quietly absorbing the load. Full accountability mode is cruelty with a process behind it. **What good sounds like.** Both, held separately. "I can see things are hard right now, and I want to support you properly. I also need to be honest that the team's carrying extra, so let's work out what support looks like and what a realistic bar is for the next month." ## 8. Escalating a concern your own manager doesn't want to hear **The setup.** You've spotted a problem, maybe a compliance risk, maybe a doomed project, and the person you report to would prefer you hadn't. **Where people go wrong.** They present the concern so tentatively that it's easy to dismiss, then feel unheard. Hedged delivery invites the brush-off it fears. **What good sounds like.** Specific, documented, calm. "I want to flag something formally. Here's what I've seen, here's the risk if I'm right, and here's what I think we should check. I'd rather raise it now and be wrong than stay quiet and be right." ## 9. The customer conversation that starts hostile **The setup.** They're angry before you've said a word. The first twenty to forty seconds decide whether you get a conversation at all. That figure comes from work we've done with contact-centre teams: the opening window is where calls are won or lost. **Where people go wrong.** They meet objections head-on and argue, or fold instantly and give the shop away. Both are ways of not listening. **What good sounds like.** Sidestep the stock objection, not the person. Acknowledge, then move: "Completely understand, you weren't expecting this call. Thirty seconds and then you can tell me to get lost. Fair?" ## 10. The apology you owe someone **The setup.** You got it wrong. Publicly, or in a way that cost someone. **Where people go wrong.** "I'm sorry if you felt..." An apology for their feelings rather than your actions, which everyone recognises as no apology at all. **What good sounds like.** Own the act, skip the "if". "I was wrong to say that in the meeting. It undermined you in front of the team, and I'm sorry. Here's what I'll do differently." ## How to actually use these scenarios Reading scenarios is scouting. Practising them is training. A few ways to get the reps in: - **Solo rehearsal, out loud.** Write the one sentence each conversation exists to deliver, then say it to an empty room until it stops feeling impossible. - **Peer role play.** Give your partner the setup and one instruction: "don't make it easy for me". The politeness of colleagues is the weakness of this method. - **AI simulation.** This is what we build at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com): characters who push back, get emotional, interrupt, and occasionally hang up on you if you break their trust. No audience, unlimited attempts, feedback on what you actually said. However you practise, practise before it's real. The worst place to attempt a difficult conversation for the first time is inside one. If you've just finished [Crucial Conversations](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson) and want the honest comparison of courses, workshops, peer practice and simulation, I wrote [Crucial Conversations training: what works and what doesn't](/post/crucial-conversations-training). For a founder's view of the category itself: [AI roleplay training](/post/ai-roleplay-training). --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform. He designs roleplay scenarios used across financial services, healthcare, retail and contact centres, and has reviewed hundreds of transcripts of people practising their hardest conversations. He's an ICF Professional Certified Coach.* --- ## Crucial Conversations Training: What Works, What Doesn't, and How to Actually Practise URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/crucial-conversations-training Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/crucial-conversations-training.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay An honest comparison of crucial conversations training options: the official course, workshops, peer practice and AI simulation, from a practitioner who builds conversation training for a living. I've written a [summary of Crucial Conversations](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson) that thousands of people read every year. This article is for what happens after you finish the book. Because here's the uncomfortable pattern I've seen, first as a coach and now as the founder of a conversation-practice platform: people read Crucial Conversations, love it, and change nothing. Six months later they're facing the same conversation they were avoiding when they bought the book, except now they can name the concepts they're failing to use. The book isn't the problem. The gap between knowing and doing is the problem, and it's a gap only practice closes. So let's look honestly at the training options, what each is actually good for, and what I'd recommend depending on your situation. I run [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI roleplay platform, so I have an obvious interest here. I'll flag where that colours things and where the other options genuinely beat mine. [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott) makes the same point from a different angle: the conversation is the relationship. Training that never lets you have one is just vocabulary. ## Option 1: The official Crucial Conversations course Crucial Learning (the company behind the book) runs official courses, virtual and in-person, typically over several sessions. **What it's good for.** Shared vocabulary at scale. If a whole leadership team goes through it, "let's get back to dialogue" becomes a phrase people can actually use with each other. The content is faithful to the book and well-facilitated. **Where it falls short.** It's still mostly instruction. There's some practice built in, but a course with a cohort gives each person minutes of actual conversation time, not hours, and the practice partner is a fellow student being polite. Cost per head is significant, and the skills-fade problem is real: without follow-up reps, most of it evaporates in weeks. That's not a criticism of this course specifically. It's true of every workshop ever run. ## Option 2: Facilitated workshops with actors or coaches The premium option: professional actors playing your difficult counterpart, or a coach running bespoke role play. **What it's good for.** This is the gold standard for realism. A good actor gives you the emotional temperature of a real conversation, and a good facilitator debriefs it properly. For very senior people preparing for very high-stakes moments, a board confrontation, a public hearing, this is worth the money. **Where it falls short.** The money. Actor-based training costs enough that organisations ration it to a handful of leaders, once. And it's an event, not a habit: you get one or two attempts on one day, then never again. The people who most need reps, new managers, frontline teams, get priced out entirely. If you want a facilitated programme rather than a platform, that's also [the work I do with enterprises](/work-with-me). ## Option 3: Peer practice Grab a colleague, brief them on your situation, rehearse. **What it's good for.** It's free, it's available today, and just saying the hard sentence out loud to another human is worth more than another read of the book. If you do only one thing after reading Crucial Conversations, do this. **Where it falls short.** Two things I see constantly. First, colleagues are too kind. They soften the pushback, and you rehearse against a difficulty level real life won't offer you. Second, the awkwardness tax: practising an emotional conversation in front of a workmate feels exposing, so people quietly don't do it. The method that depends on humans volunteering for awkwardness has a compliance problem built in. ## Option 4: AI roleplay simulation Full disclosure: this is what I build. An AI character plays your counterpart, stays in character, pushes back, gets emotional, and gives you feedback on what you actually said. **What it's good for.** Reps. This is the thing none of the other options can offer at any price: the same conversation, attempted ten times, in private, with feedback between attempts. No audience, so the awkwardness tax disappears, and people practise conversations they'd never volunteer to role play in front of colleagues. The characters we build lose composure, challenge you, and can end the call if you break their trust, because consequence is what makes practice feel real. Cost per person is a fraction of any facilitated option, which means everyone gets access, not just the executive layer. **Where it falls short.** I'll be straight about the limits. An AI counterpart, however good, isn't your actual boss with your actual history. The relationship-specific weight of a real conversation, the years of context, the fact that this person controls your pay review, can't be fully simulated. And AI practice without any human debrief can miss what a skilled coach would catch about your patterns. For the highest-stakes single conversation of someone's career, I'd still add a human coach on top. For building the underlying skill through volume, simulation wins, and it isn't close. I wrote a longer, honest take on [what AI roleplay is good at and where it fails](/post/ai-roleplay-training). ## So what should you actually do? Depends who you are: - **You've just read the book and face one specific conversation.** Write the sentence the conversation exists to deliver. Rehearse it out loud, then against resistance: a candid colleague, or [a simulation](https://www.realtalkstudio.com). Don't let your first attempt be the real one. Steal a setup from [these ten manager scenarios](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers) if you don't want to invent one. - **You run L&D and you're considering the official course.** Run it if shared vocabulary matters to you, but budget for what comes after, because the course without practice infrastructure is a very expensive book club. Pair it with a practice layer people can use weekly. - **You have real budget and one senior leader with one enormous conversation coming.** Actor-based rehearsal plus a coach. Genuinely the best option for that narrow case. - **You want a whole team to actually get better.** Frequency beats intensity. Whatever combination you pick, the design question is "how do people get their tenth rep?", not "how good is day one?". The book gives you the map. None of the options above matter until someone actually walks the ground repeatedly. If you want to see what a practice rep feels like, [try a free simulation at Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com) and have the conversation before you have to have it. --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform. He's an ICF Professional Certified Coach and has spent years helping managers close the gap between reading about difficult conversations and actually having them.* --- ## Sales Role Play Scenarios That Actually Prepare Reps (Not the Cringe Kind) URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/sales-role-play-scenarios Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/sales-role-play-scenarios.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Why sales role play in team meetings fails, what a real practice scenario needs, and five worked sales role play scenarios you can run this week, from a founder who builds sales simulations. Ask a sales team about role play and watch the room flinch. Everyone's been in that team meeting. The manager says "let's do a quick role play", two reps shuffle to the front, and what follows is theatre. The rep performs for their manager, not for a customer. The colleague playing the buyer is far too polite to object properly. Everyone claps. Nobody learned anything, and the actual objection that kills deals goes unpractised for another quarter. I build sales roleplay simulations for a living at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), including cold-call and negotiation scenarios for contact-centre and key-account teams. So I've thought a lot about why traditional sales role play fails, and I've watched what happens when you fix it. This article covers both, plus five scenarios you can run this week. If you want the negotiation books behind the drills, start with [Never Split the Difference](/post/never-split-the-difference-summary) and [Pitch Anything](/post/summary-pitch-anything-by-oren-klaff). Those teach the moves. These scenarios are where you find out whether you can still use them when someone is trying to hang up. ## Why most sales role play doesn't work Three design flaws, and they compound: **There's an audience.** The moment colleagues are watching, the rep's goal changes from "handle the customer" to "don't look stupid". Those are different skills. Performance anxiety isn't a small tax on learning; in my experience it replaces the learning entirely. **The buyer is too nice.** Colleagues playing customers give one soft objection and then buy. Real prospects say "I'm busy", "I'm happy with my current supplier", and "just email me something", usually in the first twenty seconds, usually in a clipped tone that offers you nothing to work with. If the practice buyer doesn't do that, you're rehearsing a fiction. **There are no reps in the reps.** One role play per quarter is a demonstration, not training. Skill comes from volume: the same scenario, attempted repeatedly, with feedback between attempts. No sales team runs role play at that frequency with humans, because humans have day jobs and finite patience. The common thread: traditional role play optimises for the comfort of everyone except the customer who isn't in the room. ## What a good sales role play scenario needs When we design a scenario, whether for a cold-calling floor or a key account manager defending price, it has five ingredients: - **A counterpart with a life.** The buyer has a reason to be difficult. They're mid-task, they've been burned before, they have a boss of their own. - **Stock objections, front-loaded.** The realistic brush-offs arrive early, because that's when they arrive in reality. The opening window of a cold call, roughly the first twenty to forty seconds, is where the call is won or lost. - **One clear number or decision.** Tight scope beats sprawling improv. One price floor, one threat, one trade to find. - **No audience.** Practice should be private. People are only willing to be bad at something in private, and being bad at it is the first stage of getting good. - **Feedback on what was actually said.** Not "good energy!", but "you conceded 5% ninety seconds in, and the buyer hadn't asked for it yet". Hold your current role play practice against those five. Most team-meeting versions score zero. ## Five sales role play scenarios to run this week Steal these. Each includes the setup, the counterpart's brief, and what to watch for. ### 1. The cold open **Setup.** Outbound call to a prospect from an old comparison-site lead. They half-remember filling in a form two years ago. They're busy. **Counterpart's brief.** Short, clipped replies. Lead with stock objections: "I'm busy", "I'm happy with my supplier", "just email me". Warm up only if the rep earns it. **Watch for.** Whether the rep sidesteps objections or argues with them. Arguing with "I'm busy" is a hang-up; acknowledging it and asking for thirty seconds sometimes isn't. The whole game is the first half-minute. ### 2. Holding the line on price **Setup.** A buyer with a three-year relationship demands 8% off for a promotion and mentions a range review, which both of you understand as a delist threat. The rep's floor is 3%. **Counterpart's brief.** Friendly but immovable on wanting a number. Uses the relationship as leverage. Escalates the threat if the rep stonewalls without offering anything. **Watch for.** The panic concession. Most reps give ground inside the first minute just to make the tension stop. The skill is holding the number while trading structure: display space, volume commitments, promo length. ### 3. The stalled deal **Setup.** A deal that was "definitely closing this month" two months ago. The champion has gone quiet. The rep has one call to find out what's real. **Counterpart's brief.** Evasive, apologetic, hiding the actual blocker (budget got pulled, or a rival got in). Reveals the truth only if asked a direct question. **Watch for.** Whether the rep asks the scary question. "Is this deal still alive?" feels dangerous to say, which is exactly why it goes unsaid, and why dead deals haunt pipelines for quarters. ### 4. The objection gauntlet **Setup.** Not a full call, a drill. The buyer fires the rep's five most common objections, one after another, no small talk between them. **Counterpart's brief.** Rapid fire. Accept nothing that isn't a direct, structured response. Repeat any objection that gets a waffled answer. **Watch for.** Consistency. Anyone can handle one objection with a run-up. The fifth in ninety seconds shows you what's actually automatic. ### 5. The renewal that isn't safe **Setup.** An account the rep considers locked in. The buyer opens with: "Before we renew, I should tell you we've been talking to your competitor." **Counterpart's brief.** Not bluffing. Has a genuinely better offer in hand, but also real switching costs they'll admit to if the conversation goes well. **Watch for.** Complacency shattering into either panic-discounting or defensiveness. The strong path is curiosity: "That's fair, tell me what they're offering that we're not." ## Making practice a habit, not an event The scenarios matter less than the frequency. A rep who runs the cold open ten times this month will outgrow a rep who does one workshop this year, whatever the workshop costs. You can build that frequency with peer practice if your team has the discipline and the honesty for it. The brief matters: instruct whoever plays the buyer to be realistically difficult, and protect the rep from an audience. Or you can remove the human bottleneck entirely. This is what we do at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com): AI buyers that lead with the real objections, stay in character, lose patience, and occasionally hang up, plus feedback on exactly what the rep said and when. Reps practise alone, as often as they like, and the awkwardness that kills team-meeting role play just isn't there. Either way, the principle stands. Your reps' next objection shouldn't be the first time they've heard it that month. If you want to feel the difference between reading about objection handling and doing it, [try a sales simulation](https://www.realtalkstudio.com) and see how you get on against a buyer who doesn't clap at the end. For the wider catalogue of drills, I also published [45+ roleplay ideas for sales, support and leadership](/post/45-roleplay-ideas-for-training-sales-support-leadership). For how the technology actually works, and where it still fails: [AI roleplay training](/post/ai-roleplay-training) and [the ultimate guide to AI sales roleplay](/post/the-ultimate-guide-to-ai-sales-roleplay-mastering-the-art-of-the-deal-in-the-digital-age). --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform used by sales and contact-centre teams to practise cold calls, negotiations and objection handling against realistic AI counterparts. He spent a decade in financial trading at JP Morgan.* --- ## AI Roleplay Training: What It Is, What It's Good At, and Where It Fails URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/ai-roleplay-training Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/ai-roleplay-training.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay A founder's honest guide to AI roleplay training: how conversation simulation works, where it beats traditional role play, where it still falls short, and how to evaluate platforms. I founded Real Talk Studio, an AI roleplay training platform. Which makes me exactly the wrong person to write a neutral guide to AI roleplay training, and exactly the right person to write an honest one, because I know where this technology genuinely shines and where the marketing gets ahead of the reality. This page covers both. What AI roleplay training is, how it works under the hood, what it does better than any traditional method, where it still fails, and how to evaluate a platform if you're buying, including questions that will make vendors squirm, ours included. ## What is AI roleplay training? AI roleplay training uses AI characters as conversation partners so people can practise high-stakes conversations: sales calls, difficult feedback, customer de-escalation, compliance conversations, negotiations. The AI plays the customer, the employee, the buyer or the angry caller. It responds in real time, in voice or video, stays in character, pushes back, and gives feedback afterwards on what the learner actually said. The category exists because of a simple, stubborn problem: conversations are the most consequential skill in most jobs, and almost nobody practises them. Traditional role play with humans is expensive, awkward and rare. Reading and e-learning teach concepts, not conversations. AI roleplay is the first method that makes conversation practice cheap enough, private enough and available enough to do repeatedly. If you want worked examples rather than category definition, start with [difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers) or [sales role play scenarios](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). ## How it actually works A modern conversation simulation stacks several systems: speech recognition to hear the learner, a conversation engine that keeps the character consistent and reactive, voice synthesis (and often a video avatar) to respond naturally, and an assessment layer that scores the conversation against the skills being trained. The bit that separates good from bad platforms is the conversation engine. Early tools were essentially chatbots with a face: endlessly patient, weirdly agreeable, impossible to offend. Real counterparts aren't like that. The engine we build at Real Talk Studio gives characters composure that can crack: they get flustered, show emotion, interrupt, and will end the call if you break their trust. That last part matters more than it sounds. Practice without consequence is rehearsal for a world that doesn't exist. ## What AI roleplay is genuinely good at **Volume.** This is the headline advantage and it's decisive. Skill in conversation comes from reps, and AI is the only method where the tenth attempt costs the same as the first: nothing but the learner's time. On our platform people practise for hours across sessions, which no organisation could staff with human role players at any budget. **Removing the audience.** People are only willing to be bad at something in private, and being bad is stage one of getting good. AI practice has no colleagues watching, no facilitator judging, no social cost to a terrible attempt. The learners who avoid role play in workshops, which is most of them, will practise alone with an AI. **Consistency and measurement.** Every learner faces the same buyer with the same objections, so you can actually compare, track progress, and verify competence rather than attendance. Human role play varies with whoever's playing the part that day. **The unglamorous conversations.** Actors get hired for the CEO's big moment. Nobody hires actors so 400 call-centre agents can each practise their opening twenty seconds fifty times. AI does exactly that, and the opening twenty seconds is where those calls are won. **Speed of scenario creation.** A bespoke scenario, your product, your objections, your compliance rules baked in, can be built in minutes rather than commissioned over weeks. ## Where AI roleplay fails (an honest list) I owe you the other side, because the category's marketing often skips it. **It's not your actual counterpart.** The AI can play "a sceptical director", but it isn't your director, with your history and your last three run-ins. The relationship-specific weight of a real conversation can't be fully simulated. Simulation builds the skill; it doesn't rehearse the exact relationship. **Realism has a ceiling, and bad platforms sit well below it.** An AI counterpart that's too agreeable trains complacency, which is worse than no training. If the demo character folds at the first objection, walk away. **It can miss what a human coach catches.** Automated feedback is good at "you conceded before the buyer asked" and weaker at the deep pattern a skilled coach spots across your whole way of relating. For the biggest single conversation of someone's career, add a human. **It doesn't fix systems.** If your team's difficult conversations keep going wrong because of unclear policy, bad incentives or a toxic culture, practice makes people more skilful inside a broken system. Sometimes the conversation isn't the problem. **The technology occasionally breaks the spell.** Latency, a mis-heard phrase, an odd response. It's rarer every quarter, but anyone who tells you it never happens is selling too hard. ## AI roleplay vs traditional role play vs coaching The honest comparison isn't "which is best" but "which does what": - **Workshops and courses** build shared vocabulary and concepts. Weak on individual reps. I compared the official course, actor workshops, peer practice and simulation in [Crucial Conversations training](/post/crucial-conversations-training). - **Actor-based rehearsal** is the realism gold standard for one person, one moment, at a price that rations it to executives. - **Peer role play** is free and better than nothing, undermined by politeness and the awkwardness tax. - **Coaching** is unmatched for insight into your patterns, expensive per hour, and not a volume tool. - **AI roleplay** wins on reps, privacy, measurement and cost per learner, and should be combined with the above rather than replacing all of them. The strongest programmes we see pair a concepts layer (course or book), an AI practice layer for volume, and human coaching for the few conversations that warrant it. ## How to evaluate an AI roleplay platform Questions worth asking any vendor, including us: - Can the character say no and mean it? Ask to see a learner fail. - Do characters lead with realistic objections, or wait politely for the learner to perform? - Is feedback tied to what was actually said, with the transcript to back it up? - Can it handle your compliance requirements in-scenario (disclosures, verification steps) and assess them afterwards? - Can you build a custom scenario yourself, live, in the demo? - What does the data look like for a stakeholder who wants proof of competence, not activity? - Where's the data hosted, and who are the subprocessors? A platform confident in its answers will enjoy that list. One that isn't will reschedule. ## Try it rather than reading about it Every claim above is testable in about three minutes, which is roughly the length of a first practice session. [Try a free simulation](https://www.realtalkstudio.com) and see whether the character convinces you. If it doesn't, no harm done, and you'll have sharpened your evaluation criteria for whoever you do buy from. For managers specifically, I also wrote [using AI roleplay for five difficult conversations](/post/using-ai-roleplay-difficult-conversations) and [the conversations nobody prepares new managers for](/post/new-manager-training-conversations). For sales teams: [the ultimate guide to AI sales roleplay](/post/the-ultimate-guide-to-ai-sales-roleplay-mastering-the-art-of-the-deal-in-the-digital-age). --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of Real Talk Studio. He built the platform after concluding that the biggest gap in workplace training isn't knowledge, it's reps: people know what a good conversation looks like and have never once practised having it.* --- ## How to Tell an Employee They're Being Made Redundant (A Practical, Humane Guide) URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/redundancy-conversation-guide Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/redundancy-conversation-guide.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay A practical guide to the redundancy conversation: the script structure, the sentence managers avoid, what to say to the wider team, and how to prepare, from someone who builds redundancy conversation simulations. There's a moment I've watched dozens of times in practice transcripts. A manager is rehearsing a redundancy conversation, in a simulation, with nothing at stake, and they still can't say the word. They say "changes to the structure". They say "your role is affected". They say "we're entering a consultation process about the shape of the team". Four sentences in, the person opposite them still doesn't know they're losing their job. I build conversation simulations at [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), and the redundancy conversation is one of the hardest we've ever built, because it's one of the hardest that exists. This guide covers how to do it as well as it can be done: the structure, the exact sentences, the mistakes I see in rehearsal after rehearsal, and what happens with the rest of the team afterwards. One boundary first: this is a guide to the conversation, not the law. Redundancy processes carry real legal requirements that differ by country (consultation rules in the UK, WARN and state rules in the US, and so on). Get the process right with HR and legal advice before any conversation happens. What follows assumes the process is sound and focuses on the part no process document covers: the fifteen minutes in the room. In the UK this conversation is usually called redundancy. In the US it's more often a layoff or a termination meeting. The legal wrapper changes. The human part does not: someone has to say the sentence, then sit in the silence after it. ## The one principle: directness is the kindness Everything in this guide follows from a single idea, and it's the opposite of most managers' instinct. The instinct is to soften. Warm up slowly, cushion with praise, approach the news sideways. It feels kind. It isn't. Every sentence before the news is a sentence in which the other person's life hasn't changed yet, and they will replay this meeting later and know you were stalling. Softening protects the manager's feelings, not the employee's. The kindest version of this conversation is the most direct one, delivered with genuine warmth, followed by genuine space. That's the whole method. The rest is detail. Kim Scott would call this [radical candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott): care personally, challenge directly. This is that idea at its sharpest. ## Before the conversation - **Know everything answerable.** Notice period, pay, what happens to their equipment and email, when their last day is, what support exists. "I'll have to check" on basic questions makes a bad meeting worse. - **Know what you don't know, and decide to say so.** There will be questions without answers yet. Plan the honest sentence: "I don't know that yet. You'll have it by Friday." - **Rehearse the first sentence out loud.** Not in your head. Your head lets you skip the hard word. Out loud, you'll discover whether you can actually say "redundant", and if you can't yet, that's what rehearsal is for. This is precisely why we built a [redundancy scenario people can practise privately](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), because the first time you say that sentence should not be to the person it's about. - **Book the room and the time like it matters.** Private, early in the day, early in the week, never a Friday afternoon, and never an ambush at the end of another meeting. ## The conversation itself: a structure that holds ### 1. The news, inside the first thirty seconds One sentence of framing, then the news, with the actual word in it. > "Thanks for coming in. I have difficult news and I'm going to be direct with you. Your role is being made redundant." That's it. No compliment sandwich, no ten minutes of context first. The context comes after, when they can actually hear it. If you are in the US and the language is layoff rather than redundancy, keep the same structure and use the word your process actually uses. "Your position is being eliminated." "You are being laid off." Hedging the noun does not make the meeting kinder. ### 2. The pause you'll want to fill Then stop talking. This is the moment every rehearsal transcript shows managers fumbling: the silence feels unbearable, so they fill it with justification, process detail, or worse, reassurance-babble. The person has just had their footing removed. Let them have the silence. Ten seconds feels like an hour. Hold it anyway. ### 3. The reason, briefly and honestly Give the real reason in two or three sentences. Not a spreadsheet, not a speech about market conditions, and absolutely no "this is hard for me too". If the selection wasn't about their performance, say so plainly, because they will be wondering, and that doubt is corrosive: "This is about the role, not your work. I want that to be completely clear." ### 4. Their reaction, whatever it is People cry, go silent, get angry, or go eerily business-like. All of it is fine and none of it needs fixing. The mistakes here are symmetrical: talking over emotion with process, or getting pulled into defending a decision that isn't reversible in this room. Acknowledge, don't argue: "I understand you're angry. You're entitled to be." ### 5. The practical next steps When they're able to hear it, and not before: what happens now, the dates, the money, the support, and who they can talk to. Put it in writing too, because almost nothing said after the first sentence gets retained. End with one concrete next step and a named point of contact. ## The sentences to avoid From real rehearsals, the phrases that make it worse: - "This is really hard for me." It's harder for them. Never compare. - "I'm sure you'll land on your feet." A promise you can't cash and a subject-change from their loss. - "If it were up to me..." Distancing yourself from the decision abandons them to a faceless company. In this room, you are the company. - "I'm sorry if this comes as a shock." The "if" is doing shabby work. It is a shock. "I'm sorry, I know this is a shock." - Anything in the passive voice. "The decision has been made" hides every human being involved. Own the sentence. ## Afterwards: the conversation with everyone else The redundancy conversation has a second act that most guides skip: an hour later, you're in front of the rest of the team, and the room doesn't take turns. We built a team simulation of exactly this meeting, with four AI characters modelled on what real rooms do: someone scared, asking for numbers you don't have; someone angry, looking for a person to blame; someone who's gone quiet and checked out; and someone loudly insisting it's fine, which somehow lands worst of all. What works in that room is the same principle scaled up: say what's true, hold the line on what you don't know, and give the next concrete step with a date on it. What fails is spin. Any gap between what you say and what the team can see gets filled with the worst available interpretation, and your credibility funds the difference. That second meeting is also one of the five conversations I wish every [new manager](/post/new-manager-training-conversations) rehearsed before year one. It sits alongside [the other difficult conversations managers actually freeze on](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). ## Practise it before it's real You wouldn't deliver a career-defining presentation without a run-through. This conversation defines someone else's career, and most managers walk in cold. Rehearse it. Out loud, against something that reacts: a trusted peer, an HR partner playing the part properly, or [an AI simulation](https://www.realtalkstudio.com) where you can fumble the word "redundant" in private, hear how the softened version actually sounds, and try again until the direct, humane version is the one that comes out under pressure. The person on the other side of the desk deserves your tenth attempt, not your first. --- *Toby Sinclair is the founder of [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com), an AI conversation simulation platform. He designs and studies practice scenarios for the workplace's hardest conversations, including redundancy and termination meetings, and is an ICF Professional Certified Coach. This article is practical guidance, not legal advice.* --- ## Summary: The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-next-conversation-by-jefferson-fisher Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-next-conversation-by-jefferson-fisher.md Date: 2026-08-21 Topics: book-summaries The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher is a practical playbook for hard conversations. I use the techniques already. If you liked Crucial Conversations but wanted someone to tell you what to say in the next thirty seconds, start here. ## Should you read this? Hell yeah. [The Next Conversation](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593718724) by Jefferson Fisher is the most practical conversation book I’ve read since [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott). Fisher is a trial lawyer from Texas. He filmed communication tips from his truck and somehow turned that into a bestseller. The book is full of scripts, pauses, and exact words. I use three of them already. If you liked [Crucial Conversations](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson) but wanted someone to tell you what to say in the next thirty seconds, start here. ## Toby's takeaway I still try to win arguments. Not in a slamming-the-table way. The sophisticated version. I add one more point. I tidy their logic. I wait for the pause and then I land the line I rehearsed on the walk over. The room goes quiet. I feel briefly clever. Then things are a bit colder. Fisher’s first chapter was a slap: never win an argument. > Winning an argument is a losing game. When you win, you’ve likely lost something more valuable — their trust, respect, or connection. I’ve done this. I thought I was being helpful. I was playing to win. The reframe I’ve been using since I finished the book: **Have something to learn, not something to prove.** That’s the same stance I try to take as a coach. It’s much harder when I’m the leader in the room and the work is late. Fisher’s most useful move is tiny. Your first word is your breath. Inhale through the nose. A second short inhale. A long exhale. Then speak. I talk faster when the stakes rise. I stack issues. I fill silence because silence feels like I’m losing. Fisher treats silence as a tool. A short pause puts weight on a sentence. A long pause (five to ten seconds) makes a rude comment sit in the room. I’ve watched people edit themselves. It’s uncomfortable. That’s why it works. The other line I’ve written on a sticky note: **I need…** Not “I was just wondering if maybe we could…” Not “Sorry to bother you.” Need is a clean word. Fisher would also delete the word “just.” I still use it. I’m trying to stop. If you only steal one thing from [The Next Conversation](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593718724), steal how he starts a hard conversation: 1. Set the direction. “I want to talk about yesterday’s client call.” 2. Say what you want. “I want us to leave with a clearer way of handling the next one.” 3. Get their yes. “Does that work?” One topic. One conversation. Then stop. Your company still grows or stagnates one conversation at a time. Fisher’s point is simpler than that: the conversation that repairs the last one matters more than the first impression. That’s why the book is called The Next Conversation. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Control yourself first** Fisher splits an argument into two phases: ignition and cooling. In ignition your body is already in a fight. Clear thinking is gone. Most of us talk in that state and then spend a week cleaning up the email. His sequence is physical first. Breath before words. A quick check: “I can tell I’m getting defensive.” A short line that matches the goal. Mine is: seek to understand. When they get louder, you get slower. I used to think composure was a personality trait. Fisher treats it as a technique. **2. Confidence comes from how you speak, not how you feel** You can’t decide to feel confident and then talk. You talk more cleanly, and the feeling follows. Cut “just,” “sort of,” “actually,” “does that make sense?” Start with “I need.” Say less. Over-explaining sounds like you don’t believe yourself. Disagree with “I see this differently,” not “You’re wrong.” He’s also useful on difficult people. Repeat the insult slowly. Ask “Did you mean for that to sound rude?” I haven’t enjoyed doing this. It works. **3. Frame the conversation or it will wander** Fisher says connection is two things: you understand them, and they know you understood. Agreement is optional. That’s why he is fussy about framing. Unframed conversations wander. The missed deadline becomes your tone from March becomes the restructure. For the hard ones: book real time, drop the small talk, and lead with the point. “This will be hard to hear” is kinder than three minutes of weather. Read this next to [Difficult Conversations](/post/summary-difficult-conversations). That book explains what’s going on underneath. Fisher tells you what to say in the next sixty seconds. I want both on the desk. ## Best quotes > “Winning an argument is a losing game. When you win, you’ve likely lost something more valuable — their trust, respect, or connection.” > “The person you see isn’t always the person you’re talking to.” > “Your next conversation can be completely different from your last one.” > “Have something to learn, not something to prove.” > “Your first word is your breath.” > “Where there is room for kindness, I will use it.” **Buy [The Next Conversation on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593718724)** ISBN: 9780593718728 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/215514806-the-next-conversation --- ## Summary: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-nonviolent-communication-by-marshall-rosenberg Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-nonviolent-communication-by-marshall-rosenberg.md Date: 2026-08-20 Topics: book-summaries Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a classic four-step language for saying the hard thing without attack. Observation, feeling, need, request. Simple. I still skip the first step most days. ## Should you read this? [Nonviolent Communication](https://www.amazon.com/dp/189200528X) by Marshall Rosenberg is a classic for a reason. Eight million copies. Satya Nadella made it required reading at Microsoft. The four-step model — observation, feeling, need, request — is the cleanest language I know for a hard conversation that doesn’t turn into a prosecution. It can sound a bit workshop-y. People start sentences with “I’m feeling a need for autonomy” and the room winces. Ignore that bit. Keep the structure. Use it in a one-to-one tomorrow. If you already have [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott) and [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) on the shelf, this is the missing grammar. ## Toby's takeaway I’m very good at diagnosis. “They’re not committed.” “They’re political.” “They don’t get it.” Those sentences feel like facts. They’re not. They’re judgements. Rosenberg calls this jackal language. Blame, labels, shoulds. It’s the default dialect of most leadership meetings I’ve sat in. Including ones I ran. Here is the same moment two ways. **Jackal:** “You’re always late to the standup. It’s disrespectful. You clearly don’t care about the team.” **NVC:** “The last three standups started without you. I feel frustrated because I need us to be able to plan the day. Would you be willing to join at 9.30, or tell me the day before if you can’t?” Same data. Completely different conversation. The first invites a defence. The second invites a yes, a no, or a better idea. The part that changed my coaching is the need underneath the feeling. Anger at a missed deadline is rarely about the deadline. It’s a need for reliability, or respect, or rest. Once I can name my need, I stop needing them to be the villain. A warning. If you recite the four steps like a script, people will feel managed. Translate it into your own mouth. I still say “I need us to…” more than “I have a need for…” Same move. Less incense. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Observation is not evaluation** Most workplace conflict starts with a smear sold as a fact. “You hijacked the meeting.” “That design is sloppy.” “Finance are blockers.” Rosenberg’s test: would a camera agree? A camera can show that two people spoke over the agenda item. It cannot show a hijack. The moment you add the verdict, the other person argues the verdict. The data never gets heard. Say only what happened. Then stop. **2. Feelings point to needs** “I feel that you’re not listening” is not a feeling. It’s an accusation with “I feel” glued on the front. A feeling is: frustrated, anxious, disappointed, relieved. The need is why the feeling is there: clarity, consideration, rest, belonging. This is the bit leaders skip because it sounds soft. It’s the opposite. “I’m anxious because I need a decision before Thursday” is more precise than “you’re dragging your feet.” If you can’t tell a feeling from a thought, you’ll keep trying to change other people instead of making a request. **3. A request is not a demand** A demand has a punishment attached. Tone, status, the next review. The other person can hear it even when you smile. A request is specific, doable, and allows a no. “Would you be willing to send the risk log by Wednesday?” is a request. “I need you to care more” is not. Nobody can do “care more” by Friday. The test: if they say no, do you punish them? If yes, it was never a request. I still jump to solutions too fast. I want the discomfort to end. Rosenberg would tell me to stay with the need a minute longer. ## Best quotes > “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” > “The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.” > “Always listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking.” > “When we hear the other person’s feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.” > “At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.” **Buy [Nonviolent Communication on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/189200528X)** ISBN: 9781892005281 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication --- ## Summary: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-thanks-for-the-feedback-by-douglas-stone-sheila-heen Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-thanks-for-the-feedback-by-douglas-stone-sheila-heen.md Date: 2026-08-19 Topics: book-summaries Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen is the missing half of Difficult Conversations. Most books teach you how to give feedback. This one teaches you how to hear it without flinching, arguing, or quietly dying inside. ## Should you read this? [Thanks for the Feedback](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127136) by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen is the book I should have read before I started collecting books about giving feedback. [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott). [Crucial Conversations](/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson). [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott). All of them assume the other person can take it. Most can’t. I often can’t. This is the companion to [Difficult Conversations](/post/summary-difficult-conversations). If that book taught you how to say the thing, this one teaches you how to hear the thing. ## Toby's takeaway I asked for feedback. Then I defended myself for twelve minutes. Classic. They said the session ran long. I explained the agenda. They said people looked lost. I explained the audience. They said I interrupted. I explained that I was adding value. I wasn’t receiving feedback. I was prosecuting a case against it. Stone and Heen have a name for the three wires that trip us: - **Truth triggers.** “That’s wrong.” I argue the facts. - **Relationship triggers.** “Who are you to tell me?” I argue the person. - **Identity triggers.** “If this is true, what does that say about me?” I argue for my life. I hit identity fastest. Coaching is supposed to be my craft. Feedback that I talked too much lands as “you’re a fraud.” So I smile, and then I explain. The most useful idea in the book is simple. There are three types of feedback and we mash them together. 1. **Appreciation.** Thanks. I see you. Keep going. 2. **Coaching.** Here’s a better way. 3. **Evaluation.** Here’s where you stand. I give coaching when people are starving for appreciation. I’ve done this in one-to-ones for years. Someone finishes a brutal quarter. I jump to “next time, tighten the narrative.” They hear: you are not enough. They needed “I saw what that took.” I also hide evaluation inside coaching. “A few thoughts for next time” when I’ve already decided they’re not ready. They can feel the grade under the advice. The shift the book asks for is the one I still resist: you are the one who can make feedback useful. The giver will be clumsy. Waiting for a perfect giver is how leaders stop learning. A question I now ask before I reply: **What type is this, and which trigger just went off?** If I can name those two things, I can stay in the conversation. If I can’t, I’ll win the next twelve minutes and lose the information. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Separate appreciation, coaching, and evaluation** Before you respond, label the type. Before you give, say the type out loud. “I want to give you appreciation, not coaching.” “This is evaluation. Then we can coach.” “I asked for coaching. I’m not looking for a rating today.” Teams that don’t name the type live in fog. High performers burn out because they only get evaluation. Struggling people get appreciation when they needed a standard. Everyone says they want more feedback. They usually want a different type than the one you’re offering. In a one-to-one I now ask: do you want to be thanked, coached, or told where you stand? **2. The trigger is information** A truth trigger might mean the feedback is wrong. It might also mean you have a story that can’t survive contact with their data. You won’t know which until you get curious. A relationship trigger is often about history, not the content. “I can’t hear this from you” is a real sentence. Name it. Then decide whether you can still use the data. An identity trigger is the loudest. Feedback collapses into “I am good” or “I am finished.” Stone and Heen want a more adult version: I can be skilled and unfinished. I still feel the heat. I just try not to talk in the first thirty seconds. **3. Go and get the coaching** Waiting to be managed is a bad strategy. - Ask for one thing. “What’s one thing I could do differently in the steering meeting?” - Ask for an example. “When did you see it?” - Ask for the movie, not the label. “What did I do?” not “Am I strategic enough?” If your culture only trains managers to give feedback, you’ve built a broadcasting system. Receiving is the skill that turns the broadcast into change. ## Best quotes > “The first problem of feedback is that we need it, and we don’t want it.” > “Appreciation is about relationships. Coaching is about learning. Evaluation is about ranking, rating, and deciding.” > “It’s not the quality of the advice that determines whether feedback is useful. It’s whether you can use it.” > “We can’t control the skill of the person giving us feedback. We can control how we receive it.” > “When our identity is at stake, even a small piece of feedback can feel like a threat to our entire sense of self.” **Buy [Thanks for the Feedback on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127136)** ISBN: 9780143127130 --- ## Summary: Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-getting-to-yes-by-roger-fisher-william-ury Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-getting-to-yes-by-roger-fisher-william-ury.md Date: 2026-08-18 Topics: book-summaries Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton is still the negotiation book every leader is quietly quoting. Separate people from the problem. Focus on interests, not positions. Know your BATNA before you walk in. ## Should you read this? [Getting to Yes](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143118757) is the book behind half the conversation books on this site. Harvard Negotiation Project. Five million copies. [Difficult Conversations](/post/summary-difficult-conversations) came later from the same people. [Never Split the Difference](/post/never-split-the-difference-summary) is the flashier field manual. Read this first if you still bargain over positions: my date versus your date, my scope versus your scope. It will feel a little dated. The method is not. ## Toby's takeaway I used to think negotiation was a personality. Some people enjoy the haggle. I don’t. I want the meeting to end. So I either fold too early or I dig in because folding felt weak. Both are the same game. Soft bargaining. Hard bargaining. You’re still fighting over a position. Getting to Yes names the alternative: principled negotiation. The line I still use in delivery meetings: **Be hard on the problem, soft on the people.** I’ve sat in rooms where we reversed it. Soft on the problem — the date slipped again, nobody said it. Hard on the people — tone, blame, whoever owned the slide quietly becomes the problem. The practical shift is from positions to interests. Position: “We need it by the 30th.” Interest: “We have a board paper on the 2nd and I can’t walk in empty.” Once the interest is on the table, the 30th is only one option. A draft by the 27th might do. A smaller release might do. I learned this late. For years I argued dates as if the date were the need. The need was credibility. Or not looking incompetent in front of a sponsor. I rated [Never Split the Difference](/post/never-split-the-difference-summary) a 10 because it’s usable when your heart rate is up. Getting to Yes is the skeleton that book is hanging on. If you only read Voss you can sound clever and still miss the interest. The other idea I take into every sticky conversation is BATNA. Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. What will I do if this meeting produces nothing? If I don’t know, I negotiate scared. I accept fuzzy yeses. I walk out “aligned” and nothing is written down. Write the BATNA before you walk in. Not as a threat. As a spine. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Separate the people from the problem** The person across the table is not the deadline. They have a face to save, a boss to please, and a story about you. If you attack them, they defend their face. The problem sits there, untouched. Name the relationship first. “I want us to be able to work this without it getting personal.” Then put the problem on the wall. Whiteboard. Shared doc. Anywhere that is not their chest. **2. Invent options before you choose one** Positional bargaining offers two options. Mine. Yours. Split the difference. I still run this badly when I’m tired. I arrive with one solution and I sell it. Better: ten minutes of ugly options with no commitment. A later date. A smaller scope. More people. A pilot. Then apply a standard. Market rate. A regulatory date. A definition of done. Something that isn’t “because I said so.” **3. Know your BATNA, and theirs** Power in a negotiation is not volume. It’s the quality of your walk-away. If your alternative is terrible, you’ll cling. If their alternative is excellent, your clever framing won’t save you. I’ve watched senior rooms skip this and then act shocked when the vendor won’t move. The vendor had a better BATNA. We had hope. A note on tone. Getting to Yes is calm to the point of being polite. Real negotiations are not. Pair it with [Never Split the Difference](/post/never-split-the-difference-summary) or [The Next Conversation](/post/summary-the-next-conversation-by-jefferson-fisher) if you want something that admits the heat. ## Best quotes > “Be hard on the problem, soft on the people.” > “Focus on interests, not positions.” > “The more you try to convince the other side of the merits of your position, the more committed they become to theirs.” > “Invent options for mutual gain.” > “The reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating.” **Buy [Getting to Yes on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143118757)** ISBN: 9780143118756 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_to_Yes --- ## Summary: The Culture Map by Erin Meyer URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-culture-map-by-erin-meyer Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-culture-map-by-erin-meyer.md Date: 2026-08-17 Topics: book-summaries The Culture Map by Erin Meyer is the book I wish I’d had before my first global programme. Eight scales that explain why your 'clear' email landed as rude, and their 'polite' silence was a no. ## Should you read this? [The Culture Map](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1610392507) by Erin Meyer is the most useful communication book I’ve read that isn’t about a difficult conversation. It’s about the water you’re already swimming in. Eight scales: communicating, evaluating, persuading, leading, deciding, trusting, disagreeing, scheduling. If you lead a team that spans countries — or even two companies after a merger — this will explain fights you’ve been having for years and blaming on personality. I’d rather you read this than another generic “how to be a better communicator” article. ## Toby's takeaway I thought I was being clear. I grew up and worked in Britain. Then I spent years in large organisations that pretended to be global and still ran on Anglo meeting rules. Speak up. Put it in the deck. Disagree in the room. Write the actions in an email. On Meyer’s scale that’s low-context. The words are supposed to do the work. Say what you mean. I’ve sat with colleagues for whom that style isn’t honest. It’s blunt. The real message lives in what isn’t said, who is in the room, and what happened last quarter. High-context. If you need it in writing, you’ve already failed the relationship. I used to call the silence “a lack of challenge.” Sometimes it was fear. Sometimes it was a no they expected me to hear. The evaluating scale is the one that’s saved me from the most damage. In the Netherlands, direct negative feedback can be a form of respect. In Japan, or much of South-East Asia, the same sentence in a group setting can be humiliating. I’ve given “helpful” feedback on a project call and watched a face close. I thought I was being [Radically Candid](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott). I was being culturally illiterate. Kim Scott is still right. Care personally, challenge directly. Meyer adds the missing question: **direct compared to whom?** The move I now make before a cross-border steering group: 1. Who is in the room, and where do they sit on the eight scales relative to me? 2. Will disagreement be heard as loyalty or as attack? 3. Should the hard feedback be in the room, or in a private one-to-one first? 4. Do we decide in the meeting, or is the meeting theatre and the decision happens later? If you skip that, you’ll run a “healthy debate” that only the loudest culture enjoys. Then you’ll wonder why the work stalls after the call. Culture is often a design problem wearing a people-problem costume. I’ve written that line before. Meyer gives you the diagram. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. The gap between you and them matters more than the score** Meyer’s maps are relative. The UK looks direct next to Japan and soft next to Germany. An American manager in Paris is not “the American style.” They’re more low-context than their French colleagues on some scales and less confrontational on others. Leaders get this wrong. They learn a stereotype — “Germans are blunt” — and then miss the person in front of them. Use the scale as a hypothesis. Then ask how feedback is usually given here. Ask when a meeting is a decision and when it is a ceremony. **2. Trust is not one thing** Task-based trust: I trust you because you delivered the file. The relationship can start in a meeting. Relationship-based trust: I trust you because we’ve eaten, waited, and survived something. Harder to enter. Then loyal. I’ve tried to “get to the point” with people who were still deciding whether I was safe. I looked efficient. I was expensive. The later disagreement cost more than the lunch I skipped. If you’re installing AI or a new way of working across regions, this scale will eat you. The content of the change is the easy part. The trust path is the work. **3. Disagreement and decision-making are cultural, not moral** Some cultures disagree in public and still like each other at dinner. Some smile in the room and then the no arrives through a back channel. Neither is more adult. Consensual cultures take longer up front and move faster after. Top-down cultures decide quicker and then spend months on “buy-in.” I’ve watched British and American leaders interpret consensus as weakness. I’ve watched the reverse: a delayed yes that was never a yes. Name the rule before the programme starts. How will we disagree? Who decides? When is it locked? Scheduling is the unglamorous eighth scale and it ruins weeks. If half the team treats a 10am start as a suggestion, your “accountability” speech is a culture speech. Say so. ## Best quotes > “The ways we are culturally different or similar can play a powerful role in determining how we think, work, and communicate.” > “Leaders have always needed to understand human nature and personality differences to be successful. But when you add culture to the mix, the complexity is greater than ever.” > “When interacting with someone from another culture, try to watch more, listen more, and speak less.” > “People from low-context cultures put their thoughts into words. People from high-context cultures often leave the most important part unsaid.” **Buy [The Culture Map on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1610392507)** ISBN: 9781610392501 --- ## Summary: Humble Inquiry by Edgar Schein URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-humble-inquiry-by-edgar-schein Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-humble-inquiry-by-edgar-schein.md Date: 2026-08-16 Topics: book-summaries Humble Inquiry by Edgar Schein is a short book I have recommended for years. Ask questions you don’t already know the answer to. Stop telling people their own problem. I still fail it weekly. ## Should you read this? [Humble Inquiry](https://amzn.to/35s04B9) by Edgar Schein is a short book I’ve recommended for years. I first wrote about it in 2015. I still fail it weekly. Schein’s definition is the one I use when I train leaders: > Humble Inquiry is the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person. If you only read one asking book, read [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). Then read this. Stanier gives you the questions. Schein explains why your culture will punish you for using them. ## Toby's takeaway I was valued for answers. Software tester. Then the person who could explain the process. Then the agile coach who, if I’m honest, did a lot of mentoring dressed as coaching. I’ve written about that shift before. 2016. Barefoot. ICF. The craft is asking. The old identity is telling. Schein names the trap with less romance than the coaching industry. We live in a telling culture. Status goes to the person who already knows. Asking feels like incompetence. So leaders perform certainty. Teams perform agreement. The information that would save the project stays in the mouths of the people closest to the work. I’ve been that leader. Someone brings a mess. I feel the itch. I add value. I finish their sentence. I leave the meeting slightly taller and they leave slightly smaller. [Michael Bungay Stanier](/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier) calls it the Advice Monster. Schein calls it the failure of humble inquiry. Same disease. The sentence I now try to earn: **I don’t know, and I need you to help me see it.** That’s not false humility. I’ve been in the room. I have a view. I put it down for a minute. I ask a question I can’t already answer. “What do you see that I don’t?” “What are you not saying yet?” “What would you do if I were not here?” In 2015 I wrote that product owners tell and teams tell back, and nobody asks. I still watch it. The HIPPO speaks. Everyone nods. We launch on Monday. Humble inquiry is how you break the nod. It’s also how you get bad news while there’s still time. A caution. Fake questions are worse than clean telling. “Don’t you think we should…?” is not a question. If you already know, say the view, then ask what you’re missing. That’s still inquiry. It’s just honest. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Telling is a status move** When I tell, I place myself above. I may be right. I’ve still changed the relationship. The other person now has to accept, resist, or pretend. Asking — real asking — temporarily inverts the status. I become dependent on their knowledge. In a hierarchy that feels dangerous. That’s why it’s rare. That’s why it works. Schein is not anti-telling. Surgeons tell. Pilots tell. Leaders must decide. The error is telling as the default. My rule of thumb for one-to-ones: if I’ve spoken first and longest, I wasn’t coaching. I was broadcasting. **2. There are several kinds of inquiry. Only one of them is humble** Diagnostic inquiry: I ask to confirm my hypothesis. Useful. Also leading. Confrontational inquiry: I ask to make a point. “Why did you think that was a good idea?” Process inquiry: I ask about the conversation itself. “Are we even talking about the right problem?” Humble inquiry: I ask because I don’t know, and the relationship matters as much as the answer. Leaders over-use the first two. They sound sharp in the meeting. Then they wonder why nobody brings them the ugly truth. **3. Culture eats your curiosity unless you design for it** You can’t humble-inquire your way through a system that rewards speed, certainty, and the appearance of alignment. If the senior room mocks questions, people will stop asking. If the stand-up is a status report, nobody will say “I’m stuck.” Try this in your next meeting. Ask one question you don’t know the answer to. Then shut up long enough that the silence does the work. If that feels like you’ve lost control, you’ve found the habit. ## Best quotes > “Humble Inquiry is the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.” > “We take it for granted that telling is more valued than asking.” > “Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling them.” > “Access to information is a function of the quality of our relationships.” > “Do less telling. Do more asking. Do more listening.” **Buy [Humble Inquiry on Amazon](https://amzn.to/35s04B9)** ISBN: 9781523092628 --- ## Summary: We Need to Talk by Celeste Headlee URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-we-need-to-talk-by-celeste-headlee Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-we-need-to-talk-by-celeste-headlee.md Date: 2026-08-15 Topics: book-summaries We Need to Talk by Celeste Headlee is the book version of her TED talk. Ten rules for a better conversation, and a diagnosis I didn’t want: I pontificate, I equate my story with yours, and I listen to reply. ## Should you read this? [We Need to Talk](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062669011) by Celeste Headlee is the conversation book I give people who won’t read a 400-page classic. She’s a radio host. She interviews for a living. The TED talk — *10 ways to have a better conversation* — is the spine. The book is the rest. It won’t replace [You’re Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) or [How to Listen](/post/summary-how-to-listen-by-oscar-trimboli). Those go deeper. Headlee is the checklist I fail in ordinary meetings, not only the scary ones. ## Toby's takeaway I pontificate. I tell myself I’m adding context. I’m giving a lecture. Headlee’s rule is blunter than I wanted. Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn. If you don’t, you’re not in a conversation. You’re on stage. The rule I break next: I equate my experience with yours. You tell me about a brutal restructure. I tell you about mine. I think I’m connecting. I’ve stolen the ball. Their story is not a prompt for yours. This is hard for coaches and leaders. We’re paid to pattern-match. “That reminds me of…” is often useful later. In the first two minutes it’s a hijack. The third habit. I listen to reply. I can feel the sentence forming while they’re still talking. My face is interested. My mind is in draft. Her ten rules, the ones from the talk, are now a card in my notebook: 1. Don’t multitask. Be present or leave. 2. Don’t pontificate. Come to learn. 3. Use open-ended questions. Who, what, when, where, why, how. 4. Go with the flow. Let thoughts come and go. Don’t clutch the clever one. 5. If you don’t know, say so. 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. 7. Don’t repeat yourself. It’s boring and it’s a power move. 8. Stay out of the weeds. Dates and names are for you, not them. 9. Listen. 10. Be brief. Number nine is the whole book. Number ten is the one leaders hate. We add one more example. Then a caveat. Then a story from 2019. Headlee is also honest about phones. You can’t half-listen to a person and a screen. I still glance. They still see it. If your team is tired of “alignment meetings” that are actually monologues, print the ten rules. Use them as a retro. I have. It’s ugly. It’s useful. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Conversation is a skill, and we’re out of practice** We spend more time broadcasting. We sort into tribes. We lose the muscle of talking to someone we don’t already agree with. At work this looks like meetings where everyone performs their side. No one changes shape. Headlee is about the everyday version: the one-to-one where you never actually met the other person because you were both giving speeches. The fix is unfashionable. Reps. Ordinary conversations treated as practice. Not only the career-defining ones. **2. Questions beat opinions** Open questions. Then follow the answer, not your agenda. Closed questions give you yes/no and a dead end. “Did you like the role?” dies. “How did you come to take it?” opens a story. Headlee’s contribution is the journalist’s discipline. She can’t fake interest for an hour on live radio. She has to be curious or the interview dies. **3. Brevity is respect** I’ve confused thoroughness with care. A four-minute answer to a thirty-second question is not care. Headlee wants you to say the thing, then stop. Let silence work. If they want more, they’ll ask. A note. The book repeats the TED talk. If you’ve watched it twice you’ll feel the echo. I still wanted the book because I needed the examples around family, race, and talking across difference. Those chapters are why it’s not only a listicle bound in hardcover. ## Best quotes > “A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.” > “You can’t learn anything if you’re the one talking.” > “Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.” > “Don’t equate your experience with theirs. It is not the same. It is never the same.” > “If you want to have a conversation, you have to be prepared to be changed by it.” **Buy [We Need to Talk on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062669011)** ISBN: 9780062669018 --- ## Summary: Just Listen by Mark Goulston URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-just-listen-by-mark-goulston Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-just-listen-by-mark-goulston.md Date: 2026-08-14 Topics: book-summaries Just Listen by Mark Goulston is a psychiatrist’s field guide for getting through to anyone — including the person in your one-to-one who has already shut down. Feeling felt is the move. Fixing is my addiction. ## Should you read this? [Just Listen](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0814436471) by Mark Goulston is the most tactical listening book I’ve read that isn’t written by a coach. Goulston is a psychiatrist. He’s worked with FBI hostage negotiators and with executives who can’t get through to a colleague, a customer, or their own teenager. It sits beside [You’re Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) and [How to Listen](/post/summary-how-to-listen-by-oscar-trimboli). Those will make you wiser. Goulston will give you a move for the person who has already shut down. ## Toby's takeaway They didn’t want my plan. They wanted to feel that I’d got it. I’m slow to learn this. I’m a coach and I still reach for the fix. Someone is angry about a reorg. I sketch a stakeholder map. Someone is scared of AI replacing their craft. I talk about upskilling. Useful later. First they need to feel felt. Goulston’s phrase is exactly that. **Feeling felt.** Until that happens, your advice is noise. The tiniest tool in the book is the one I use most. **“Oh?”** Said with warmth. Not sarcasm. It invites the next layer. I’ve watched people who were performing a position drop into the real problem after two “oh?”s and a pause. It’s almost unfair. The other move I have borrowed: “What are you most worried I’m going to say?” Then later: “What do you need from me right now?” He uses a simple ladder. From resistant, to listening, to willing, to invested. Most leaders start at invested — “here’s the plan” — and then act surprised at resistance. Just Listen is a little American-self-help in places. Some of the stories are neat. I still keep it because the techniques are stealable on a Tuesday. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Reach the emotions first or you won’t reach the person** When someone is angry, scared, or humiliated, they can’t take your logic. You’re speaking the wrong language. Goulston’s sequence: make them feel heard, then felt, then ready. Only then problem-solve. This is why “calm down” never works. Name what you’re seeing. “You look furious. I would be too.” Then shut up. **2. Questions that unlock the stuck person** A few of Goulston’s questions have earned a place next to the coaching questions I already use: - “What would need to happen for this to feel solvable?” - “What do you need me to understand that I’m not getting?” - “On a scale of one to ten, how ready are you to talk about this? What would make it an eight?” These aren’t tricks. They return agency. Advice removes it. **3. The most powerful people are often the least listened to** I used to think senior leaders didn’t need this. They have airtime. They have status. They’re often the least listened to as humans. People bring them performances. Nobody says “you look tired.” Get through to the person, not the role. It works down the hierarchy too. The quiet engineer is not shy. They’ve learned that speaking is expensive. When they finally risk a sentence, don’t waste it by topping it. ## Best quotes > “The more you can get them to talk, the more they will feel you understand them. And the more they feel you understand them, the more they will be willing to hear you.” > “If you want to get through to people, you have to go to where they are, not where you want them to be.” > “When people are upset, they want to know that you understand how they feel more than they want you to fix it.” > “Oh?” **Buy [Just Listen on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0814436471)** ISBN: 9780814436479 --- ## Summary: What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-what-got-you-here-wont-get-you-there-by-marshall-goldsmith Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-what-got-you-here-wont-get-you-there-by-marshall-goldsmith.md Date: 2026-08-13 Topics: book-summaries What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith is a list of twenty interpersonal behaviours that got you promoted and will now get you stuck. Winning too much. Adding too much value. Failing to listen. I do several of them before lunch. ## Should you read this? [What Got You Here Won’t Get You There](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401301304) by Marshall Goldsmith is not a theory of communication. It’s a list of twenty interpersonal habits that got you promoted and will now get you stuck. Winning too much. Adding too much value. Starting with no, but, however. Failing to listen. I read it as a conversation book because that’s where every habit shows up. In the one-to-one. In the steering group. In the Slack thread you should have left alone. ## Toby's takeaway I add too much value. Someone brings an idea that is 90% there. I can’t leave the 10% alone. I add a twist. I’m trying to help. They leave a little less proud of the idea, and a little less likely to bring the next one. Goldsmith says this is one of the most common leader defects. We spent our early careers being rewarded for the better idea. Then the job changed. The job became making other people bigger. The old habit now subtracts. Winning too much is the sibling. I still feel it. A debate that doesn’t matter. I still want the last word. The line that should be on every leadership programme: **We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching them what to stop.** Stopping is a conversation skill. You stop interrupting. You stop saying “no, but.” You stop making comments you won’t remember and they won’t forget. I’ve done the ugly version of this list on myself. I won’t publish the score. I’ll tell you the three that keep returning: 1. Adding too much value. 2. Starting with “no, but, however.” 3. Failing to express gratitude in the moment — I think it, I don’t say it. Feedforward is the practice I actually use. Don’t ask “how did I do?” Ask “what’s one thing I could do better next time?” Future. Specific. Less threat. Then advertise the change. Goldsmith is shameless about this. Tell people what you’re trying to stop. Ask them to catch you. Follow up. It feels corny. It’s how behaviour becomes visible enough to die. This is why so many culture programmes fail. They add a value. They don’t name the habit to stop. Winning too much in senior rooms will beat “collaboration” on the poster every day of the week. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. The higher you go, the more your problems are behavioural** Technical skill got you here. At a certain level everyone is smart. What differentiates you is how you make other people feel when you talk. Goldsmith’s twenty habits are almost all conversational. Winning too much. Adding too much value. Passing judgement. Making destructive comments. Starting with no, but, however. Telling the world how smart we are. Speaking when angry. Withholding information. Failing to give recognition. Claiming credit. Making excuses. Not listening. Failing to express gratitude. Punishing the messenger. An excessive need to be “me.” That last one is the most British. “That’s just how I am. I’m direct.” Often a permission slip for being careless. **2. Apologise, advertise, ask, listen, thank, follow up** Goldsmith’s change process is not a 90-day transformation. It’s a loop. Apologise for the habit. A clean one. Advertise what you’re changing so others know what to look for. Ask for feedforward. Listen. Don’t explain. Thank them. Follow up. Did they notice? I’ve used a lighter version with leadership teams. Pick one habit. Tell your peers. Review it in the next offsite. The teams that do this get less theatre. The teams that skip it buy another 360 and change nothing. **3. Hitting the goal does not excuse the wake** Leaders excuse bad talk because the target was hit. Goldsmith is not anti-goal. He’s anti the collateral. I’ve hit dates and lost people. I’ve been “clear” and left a mess. You can still be ambitious and stop winning the argument about the biscuits. If you want the organisational cousin of this book, read [Multipliers](/post/multipliers-book-summary). Wiseman is about how you use other people’s intelligence. Goldsmith is about the tics that make them hide it. ## Best quotes > “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching them what to stop.” > “The higher you go, the more your problems are behavioural.” > “Winning too much is the #1 challenge for most people.” > “People won’t grow if you keep adding your two cents to every idea they have.” > “Stop asking for feedback about the past. Ask for feedforward about the future.” **Buy [What Got You Here Won’t Get You There on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401301304)** ISBN: 9781401301304 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/84525.What_Got_You_Here_Won_t_Get_You_There --- ## Summary: Dare to Lead by Brené Brown URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-dare-to-lead-by-brene-brown Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-dare-to-lead-by-brene-brown.md Date: 2026-08-12 Topics: book-summaries Dare to Lead by Brené Brown is the leadership book that made 'clear is kind, unclear is unkind' a line I use in almost every hard conversation. Vulnerability is not oversharing. It’s staying in the room when you can’t control the outcome. ## Should you read this? [Dare to Lead](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399592520) by Brené Brown is the communication book hiding inside a leadership book. Rumbling with vulnerability. Living your values out loud. BRAVING trust. If you’ve already read [Atlas of the Heart](/post/atlas-of-the-heart-summary), this is the one that takes the emotion vocabulary to work. If you haven’t, you can start here. The sentence that earns the whole book: > Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. That’s [Radical Candor](/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott) in six words. It’s also the opposite of how I still behave when I’m tired. ## Toby's takeaway I still choose unclear because it feels kinder. I delay the underperformance conversation. I wait. I coach around the edges. I write a fuzzy email that could mean three things. I tell myself I’m protecting them. I’m protecting me. Brown calls it armour. Perfectionism, cynicism, the joke that keeps the room from getting real. My armour is optimism. I believe people can turn it around. Often they can. Sometimes the kindest sentence is the clear one, six months earlier. Clear is kind is now a test I run on my own drafts. - Is the request specific? - Is the standard visible? - Have I said the thing I’m hoping they’ll infer? If the answer is no, I’m being unkind. I’m also wasting their time. They can’t meet a standard I won’t speak. The other idea I use in almost every leadership workshop is the marble jar. Trust is not a grand gesture. It’s a marble in, marble out. You keep a confidence. Marble in. You talk about them in a meeting they weren’t in. Marble out. You show up for the boring one-to-one. Marble in. You cancel it three times. Jar empty. Organisations try to buy trust with offsites. The jar is filled on Tuesdays at 9.15. BRAVING is her checklist. Boundaries. Reliability. Accountability. Vault. Integrity. Non-judgement. Generosity. I’ve put it on a slide. The slide does nothing. Asking “which of these did we break?” after a messy conversation does something. Dare to Lead can get a bit slogan-heavy. There are workbooks. I still rate it a 9 because it gave language to the thing my other conversation books assume: you won’t use the playbook if you’re hiding. [Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott) tells you to come out from behind yourself. Brown tells you why you went back there. ## Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas **1. Vulnerability is staying in the room** Brown’s rumble is not a sharing circle. It’s a committed talk about something uncomfortable, with no guarantee you’ll look good. Leaders skip it. We jump to the plan. We skip the “I’m scared this programme will make people feel stupid.” Then the programme dies in sarcasm. Rumbling sounds like: - “The story I’m making up is…” - “I need to tell you I’m stuck.” - “I don’t have the answer and I need your help.” Vulnerability is not oversharing your childhood in the Monday stand-up. It’s staying when the outcome isn’t controlled. A restructure. A missed number. An AI rollout that will change someone’s job. **2. Values you can’t operationalise are posters** Brown wants two values, not twelve. Then behaviours. What does courage look like in a budget meeting? What does it look like when we give feedback? If the value is respect and we still send the late-night pile-on, the value is a lie. Teams know. They always know. Write the behaviours as conversation rules. How we disagree. How we say no. How we talk about people who aren’t in the room. **3. Learn to recover or you’ll stop having the conversation** The conversation will go badly. You’ll over-explain. They’ll get upset. You’ll send the email you should have slept on. If you have no way back, you’ll avoid the next one. Not because you lacked a model. Because you didn’t know how to recover. Brown’s version: feel it, check the story, repair, try again. [The Next Conversation](/post/summary-the-next-conversation-by-jefferson-fisher) is the tactical version of that hope. Your next one can be different from your last. ## Best quotes > “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” > “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” > “Trust is built in very small moments.” > “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I am not interested in your feedback.” > “Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behaviour.” **Buy [Dare to Lead on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399592520)** ISBN: 9780399592520 --- ## Employee Conflict Resolution Training: The Ultimate Guide for Modern Workplaces URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/employee-conflict-resolution-training-the-ultimate-guide-for-modern-workplaces Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/employee-conflict-resolution-training-the-ultimate-guide-for-modern-workplaces.md Date: 2025-12-02 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Conflict in the workplace is inevitable. Wherever you have a group of diverse individuals, each with unique backgrounds, distinct communication styles, and competing priorities, friction is bound to occur. While some level of debate can drive innovation, unresolved conflict is a silent productivity killer. It festers, lowers morale, increases turnover, and can even lead to legal complications.This is where employee conflict resolution training becomes not just a "nice-to-have" professional devel Conflict in the workplace is inevitable. Wherever you have a group of diverse individuals, each with unique backgrounds, distinct communication styles, and competing priorities, friction is bound to occur. While some level of debate can drive innovation, unresolved conflict is a silent productivity killer. It festers, lowers morale, increases turnover, and can even lead to legal complications. This is where employee conflict resolution training becomes not just a "nice-to-have" professional development perk, but a critical strategic asset. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the nuances of conflict resolution, dissect effective strategies, and show you how to build a training program that truly transforms your company culture. We will also look at how modern technology, such as AI-driven simulation from platforms like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), is revolutionising how we learn these soft skills. ### **Table of Contents** 1. **The True Cost of Workplace Conflict** 2. **Understanding the Anatomy of Conflict** 3. **Core Pillars of Conflict Resolution Training for Employees** 4. **5 Proven Employee Conflict Resolution Strategies** 5. **The Role of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)** 6. **Simulation and Roleplay: The Missing Link in Training** 7. **Designing Your Training Program: A Step-by-Step Guide** 8. **Measuring the ROI of Conflict Resolution Training** 9. **Conclusion: Building a Culture of "Real Talk"** ### **The True Cost of Workplace Conflict** Before diving into solutions, it is essential to understand the magnitude of the problem. A study by CPP, Inc. (publishers of the Myers-Briggs assessment) found that U.S. employees spend roughly 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict. That equates to billions of dollars in paid hours used purely for navigating disagreements rather than productive work. But the financial cost is just the tip of the iceberg. The hidden costs include: - **Presenteeism:** Employees are physically present but mentally checked out due to stress or anxiety about a coworker. - **Talent Drain:** "People don't leave jobs; they leave toxic cultures." Unresolved conflict is a primary driver of high turnover rates. - **Siloed Teams:** When departments feud, information stops flowing. Marketing stops talking to Sales, and the entire business suffers. - **Leadership Fatigue:** Managers often spend up to 40% of their time acting as unauthorised mediators, taking time away from strategic planning. Investing in conflict resolution training for employees is the only sustainable way to mitigate these risks. It shifts the responsibility from the manager to the individual, empowering every staff member to handle disputes autonomously and professionally. ### **Understanding the Anatomy of Conflict** Effective training begins with theory. Employees need to understand *why* conflict happens before they can fix it. Most workplace conflicts fall into one of three categories: #### **1) Task Conflict** This is often the "healthiest" form of conflict. It involves disagreements over the "what"—goals, resource allocation, or interpretation of facts. For example, two engineers are arguing over which code library is more efficient. With the right **employee conflict resolution strategies**, task conflict can actually lead to better outcomes and higher-quality work. #### **2) Process Conflict** This centres on the "how." It arises when there is ambiguity about roles and responsibilities. Who is leading the project? Who has the final sign-off? Process conflict often stems from poor organisational structure but manifests as interpersonal tension. #### **3) Relationship Conflict** This is the most destructive form. It is personal. It involves clashes of personality, values, or communication styles. Relationship conflict triggers the "fight or flight" response (amygdala hijack), making logical reasoning difficult. This is where emotional intelligence and advanced training are most needed. ![Infographic detailing three main types of workplace conflict: Task Conflict (disagreements on goals), Process Conflict (ambiguity on roles), and Relationship Conflict (personal clashes). Designed for employee conflict resolution training materials to help staff identify root causes of disputes.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_13b529a8162d45628c5177bdc195fc46~mv2.jpeg) **The "Iceberg" Model** In training, it is helpful to teach employees the Iceberg Model. In any conflict, the visible issue (e.g., "You missed the deadline") is just the tip of the iceberg. Under the surface lie deeper needs, such as a need for respect, a need for autonomy, or fear of failure. Employee conflict resolution training must teach staff to dive below the waterline to address these root causes. ### **Core Pillars of Conflict Resolution Training for Employees** A robust training curriculum shouldn't just list "dos and don'ts." It needs to build foundational skills. Here are the non-negotiable pillars of a successful program. #### **Active Listening** Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. Active listening involves: - **Mirroring:** Subtly mimicking the speaker's body language to build rapport. - **Paraphrasing:** "So, what I’m hearing is that you feel overwhelmed by the new reporting structure. Is that correct?" - **Validating:** Acknowledging emotions without necessarily agreeing with the facts. "I can see why that would be frustrating." #### **Non-Verbal Communication** Research suggests that a vast majority of communication is non-verbal. Training must cover tone of voice, crossed arms, eye contact, and micro-expressions. Employees need to learn how to keep their body language "open" even when they feel defensive. #### **De-escalation Techniques** When tempers flare, logic flies out the window. Employees need a toolkit for lowering the temperature in the room. This includes: - **The "Pause" Button:** Knowing when to take a 10-minute break. - **lowering Vocal Volume:** Speaking quieter often forces the other person to stop shouting to hear you. - **Using "I" Statements:** Replacing accusatory "You" statements ("You always interrupt me") with "I" statements ("I feel unheard when I am interrupted"). #### **Psychological Safety** This is a culture-level pillar. Employees must feel safe to express dissent without fear of retribution. Training should emphasize that conflict itself isn't bad—only *unmanaged* conflict is. ### **5 Proven Employee Conflict Resolution Strategies** Your training program should equip teams with specific frameworks they can apply immediately. Here are the five most effective **employee conflict resolution strategies** to teach. #### **Strategy 1: The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)** ![Diagram of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) used in employee conflict resolution strategies. It visualizes five conflict styles—Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, and Accommodating—plotted against axes of Assertiveness and Cooperativeness. ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_580c7158157e499cbfb5e66a6e7a3c26~mv2.jpeg) This model helps employees identify their natural default style and choose the best style for the situation: 1. **Competing (Assertive, Uncooperative):** Good for emergencies, bad for relationships. 2. **Accommodating (Unassertive, Cooperative):** Good when you are wrong or the issue matters more to the other person. 3. **Avoiding (Unassertive, Uncooperative):** Good when emotions are too high or the issue is trivial. 4. **Collaborating (Assertive, Cooperative):** The "Win-Win." Takes the most time but yields the best long-term results. 5. **Compromising (Intermediate):** The "split the difference" approach. Fast, but often leaves both sides only partially satisfied. > Training Activity: Have employees take a TKI assessment to find their baseline, then roleplay scenarios where they must use a style that is uncomfortable for them. #### **Strategy 2: The Interest-Based Relational (IBR) Approach** This strategy prioritizes the relationship above the problem. The golden rule is: **"Hard on the problem, soft on the person."** - **Step 1:** Set the scene. "I want to talk about [Issue] because I value our working relationship and want to solve this together." - **Step 2:** Gather data. Focus on objective facts, not interpretations. - **Step 3:** Agree on the problem. - **Step 4:** Brainstorm solutions. #### **Strategy 3: The "XYZ" Formula** This is a simple script for giving feedback during a conflict without triggering defensiveness. - "When you do **X** (specific behavior)..." - "It has **Y** impact (consequence)..." - "I would prefer **Z** (alternative behavior)." *Example:* "When you submit the report late (X), the design team has to work overtime (Y). I would prefer if you could flag potential delays 24 hours in advance (Z)." #### **Strategy 4: Mediation 101 for Managers** While this article focuses on employees, managers need specific training on how to mediate between two direct reports. They must learn to remain neutral, enforce ground rules (no interrupting), and guide the employees to come up with their *own* solution rather than imposing one. #### **Strategy 5: The "Third Story"** In any conflict, there is "My Story" (I'm right) and "Your Story" (You're right). The "Third Story" is the objective narrative a neutral observer would tell. Teaching employees to start a difficult conversation from the "Third Story" eliminates blame. - *Instead of:* "You're lazy." - *Instead of:* "I'm overworked." - *The Third Story:* "We have different perceptions about the workload distribution for this project." ### **The Role of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)** You cannot teach **employee conflict resolution training** without touching on Emotional Intelligence. High EQ is the single biggest predictor of successful conflict resolution. #### **Self-Awareness** Employees must recognize their own "triggers." Does being interrupted make them angry? Does vague feedback make them anxious? Knowing this allows them to self-regulate before exploding. #### **Empathy** Empathy is the antidote to anger. It is the ability to step into the other person's shoes. In training, use "perspective-taking" exercises. Ask: "What pressures might your colleague be under that caused them to send that curt email?" #### **Self-Regulation** This is the ability to feel an emotion without acting on it. It involves "cognitive reframing"—changing the story you tell yourself. Instead of thinking "He is ignoring me because he's arrogant," reframe it to "He is ignoring me because he is focused on a deadline." ### **Simulation and Roleplay: The Missing Link in Training** This is the most critical section of this guide. Traditional **conflict resolution training for employees** often fails because it is too passive. You can read about "active listening" for hours, but doing it while a furious colleague creates a scene is a different ballgame. Knowledge does not equal capability. To bridge this gap, you need **practice**. Historically, companies used in-person roleplay. Two awkward employees would pretend to argue while the rest of the room watched. This is often ineffective because: 1. It feels fake and low-stakes. 2. Employees are too embarrassed to "commit" to the role. 3. It is expensive and hard to scale. #### **The Solution: AI-Driven Interactive Roleplay** We are entering a new era of training where AI simulations provide a safe, private, and infinitely repeatable environment for practice. This is where platforms like [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) are changing the landscape. Real Talk Studio allows employees to engage in realistic, voice-activated roleplays with AI avatars. These aren't static "choose your own adventure" scripts. The AI responds in real-time to the employee's tone, choice of words, and emotional inflexion. Here is why this approach is superior for employee conflict resolution training: - **Psychological Safety:** Employees can practice the same difficult conversation 10 times in private. They can mess up, say the wrong thing, get angry, and try again—all without judgment or real-world consequences. - **Realistic Reactions:** If an employee uses an aggressive tone, the [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) avatar will react defensively, just like a real human. If the employee uses empathy, the avatar de-escalates. This teaches the *nuance* of conflict that textbooks miss. - **Instant Feedback:** After the roleplay, the system provides immediate, data-driven feedback on metrics like "empathy score," "interruptions," and "clarity." It transforms soft skills into measurable data. - **Scalability:** You can roll out a consistent training experience to 10 or 10,000 employees instantly. Integrating a tool like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ensures that when your employees face a real conflict, it isn't the first time they are navigating those emotions. They have "muscle memory" from their practice sessions. ### **7. Designing Your Training Program: A Step-by-Step Guide** Ready to build your curriculum? Here is a roadmap. #### **Phase 1: Needs Assessment** Don't guess. Survey your employees. - What are the most common sources of conflict? (e.g., inter-departmental, scheduling, personality clashes). - How confident do they feel resolving disputes? - Analyze exit interviews for mentions of toxic behavior. #### **Phase 2: The "Blended Learning" Approach** The best **employee conflict resolution training** uses a mix of formats: - **E-Learning Modules (20%):** Short videos explaining the TKI model, the Iceberg model, and theory. - **Live Workshops (30%):** Facilitated discussions to build team cohesion and discuss specific company culture issues. - **Simulation & Practice (50%):** Using tools like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) to cement the skills. This is the "lab" portion of the course. #### **Phase 3: Customization** ![ai roleplay builder](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bfc194660e4d476bb9c95e08883c536f~mv2.png) Generic training falls flat. Customize your scenarios. If you are in retail, practice "angry customer" conflicts. If you are in tech, practice "code review disagreement" conflicts. *Note: Real Talk Studio allows for custom scenario creation, making it easy to mirror your specific workplace challenges.* #### **Phase 4: Continuous Reinforcement** One-off training doesn't stick. - **Micro-learning:** Send out a "Tip of the Week." - **Manager Check-ins:** Have managers ask, "Have you had any difficult conversations this week? How did you handle them?" - **Refresher Simulations:** Require employees to complete one AI roleplay scenario per quarter to keep their skills sharp. ### **Measuring the ROI of Conflict Resolution Training** Executives love data. To justify the budget for **employee conflict resolution training**, you need to measure the Return on Investment (ROI). #### **Hard Metrics** - **Turnover Rate:** Track voluntary turnover before and 6 months after training. A 10% reduction can save hundreds of thousands of dollars. - **HR Complaints:** Monitor the volume of formal grievances filed. Successful training should result in *fewer* formal complaints because issues are resolved informally between peers. - **Legal Costs:** Reduction in workplace mediation or settlement costs. #### **Soft Metrics** - **Employee Engagement Surveys:** Look for improvements in questions like "I feel safe speaking my mind" or "My team resolves disagreements effectively." - **Productivity:** Harder to measure, but fewer conflicts mean less time wasted. - **Simulation Scores:** If you use Real Talk Studio,you can track the aggregate improvement in communication scores across your organization over time. This provides tangible proof of skill acquisition. ### **Conclusion: Building a Culture of "Real Talk"** Conflict is not the enemy. Stagnation is. A workplace without conflict is often a workplace without passion, innovation, or diversity of thought. The goal of **employee conflict resolution training** is not to silence disagreement, but to make it *constructive*. We want employees to have "Real Talk." We want them to address issues head-on, with respect, empathy, and clarity. We want them to move from "me vs. you" to "us vs. the problem." By implementing the strategies outlined in this guide—and leveraging cutting-edge tools like **Real Talk Studio** to provide safe, realistic practice—you can transform conflict from a liability into a competitive advantage. Equip your team with the skills to say the hard things. Because the conversation they avoid today is the crisis they will face tomorrow. *Ready to give your team the ultimate practice arena for difficult conversations? meaningful change starts with practice. Visit* [*Real Talk Studio*](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/)*to see how AI-driven roleplay can revolutionize your conflict resolution training.* --- ## The Ultimate Guide to AI Sales Roleplay: Mastering the Art of the Deal in the Digital Age URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-ultimate-guide-to-ai-sales-roleplay-mastering-the-art-of-the-deal-in-the-digital-age Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-ultimate-guide-to-ai-sales-roleplay-mastering-the-art-of-the-deal-in-the-digital-age.md Date: 2025-12-02 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Master your pitch with the ultimate guide to ai sales roleplay. Learn how realistic AI simulations and tools like Real Talk Studio scale training to boost revenue. In the high-stakes ecosystem of modern sales, the difference between a closed deal and a lost opportunity often comes down to muscle memory. It is not merely about knowing the product features or memorising the battle cards; it is about how a representative handles the unpredictable, emotional, and often chaotic nature of human conversation. For decades, the gold standard for building this muscle memory was traditional roleplay. You know the drill: two sales reps awkwardly sitting across from each other, one feigning interest while the other stumbles through a script, both secretly wishing they were doing cold calls instead. It was better than nothing, but it lacked the one ingredient necessary for true transformation: realism. Enter AI Sales Roleplay. This is not just a buzzword; it is a fundamental shift in how sales teams are forged. By leveraging artificial intelligence, organisations can now simulate hyper-realistic sales scenarios that scale, adapt, and provide objective feedback in ways human managers simply cannot. This comprehensive guide will explore the universe of AI Roleplay for sales training, dissecting how it works, why it is superior to traditional methods, and how you can implement it to turn your B-players into quota-crushers. We will also look at the cutting-edge technology driving this revolution, including platforms like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) that are redefining what it means to practice with a "digital human." ## **Part 1: The Evolution of Sales Practice** To understand the power of AI sales role play training, we must first look at the history of sales enablement and the limitations of legacy methods. ### The Problem with Traditional Roleplay Every Sales VP knows that roleplay is essential, yet it remains the most hated activity on the sales floor. The friction points are obvious: 1. **The "Cringe" Factor**: Simulating a high-stakes negotiation with a colleague you have lunch with every day feels artificial. It is hard to suspend disbelief when you are negotiating with a friend rather than a prospect. 2. **Resource Heavy**: Effective role play requires a manager or a seasoned rep to play the buyer. This pulls your top revenue generators away from selling to conduct training. 3. **Inconsistent Feedback**: One manager might obsess over tonality, while another focuses purely on objection handling. There is rarely a standardised scoring system across the organisation. 4. **Lack of Safety**: Reps are often afraid to fail in front of their peers or bosses. This leads to "safe" playing rather than experimenting with bold new tactics. ### The AI Solution Sales role play with ai solves these friction points instantly. An AI doesn't judge. It doesn't get tired. It doesn't have a meeting to run to. It offers a "psychologically safe" environment where a rep can crash and burn on an ai sales call roleplay ten times in a row, learning from each failure, so that when they get on the phone with a real prospect, they are bulletproof. ## **Part 2: The Science of Simulation** Why does ai role play for sales training work so effectively? It relies on a cognitive science concept known as Deliberate Practice. Psychologist K. Anders Ericsson coined this term to describe a specific type of practice that is purposeful and systematic. Unlike regular repetition (just doing the job), deliberate practice requires focused attention and conducting the task with the specific goal of improving performance. ### The Loop of Mastery AI facilitates this loop perfectly: 1. **Action**: The rep delivers a pitch or handles an objection. 2. **Immediate Feedback**: The AI analyzes the pitch instantly (pace, keywords, sentiment, pause duration). 3. **Correction**: The rep adjusts their approach based on data. 4. **Repetition**: The rep tries again immediately. In a human-led session, the feedback loop is slow and often subjective. In an ai roleplay for sales session, this loop can happen dozens of times in an hour. This rapid iteration builds neural pathways faster, cementing skills into the rep's subconscious. When a prospect raises a difficult objection in real life, the rep doesn't have to think; they simply react based on the hundreds of repetitions they performed with the AI. ## **Part 3: Types of AI Sales Roleplay Technology** Not all AI is created equal. As you look to implement this technology, you will encounter three main tiers of sophistication in the market. ### 1. Text-Based Simulations (The Chatbot Era) This is the entry point for many companies. Tools like standard LLMs can be prompted to act as a buyer via text interface. - **Pros**: Free or low cost, easy to set up. - **Cons**: Sales is a verbal sport. Typing a response doesn't train voice modulation, pacing, or the adrenaline spike of being interrupted. - **Verdict**: Good for email training, bad for cold calling or discovery. ### 2. Voice-Only AI These tools use voice-to-text and text-to-speech to simulate a phone call. - **Pros**: Trains the ear and the mouth. Good for high-volume cold call training. - **Cons**: Misses the non-verbal cues. In modern Zoom-based selling, roughly 55% of communication is visual (body language, facial expressions). A voice-only tool cannot train a rep to spot a bored CFO rolling their eyes. ### 3. Hyper-Realistic Video Avatars (The Gold Standard) This is where the industry is heading. Platforms are now using "method acting" AI models to power video avatars that look, sound, and *feel* human. - **The Experience**: You are on a video call with "David," a CFO. When you mention the price, he doesn't just say "that's expensive." He furrows his brow. He leans back in his chair. He sighs. - **The Tech**: This requires advanced models capable of emotional presence. For example, [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) utilizes a proprietary framework designed to create characters with a "core" and "context." Unlike basic bots that just predict the next word, these avatars predict the next *feeling*. - **Why it matters**: If an AI sounds robotic, the rep treats it like a game to be beaten. If the AI feels real—showing frustration, skepticism, or genuine curiosity—the rep treats it like a person. This emotional engagement is crucial for retention. ## **Part 4: How to Create the Perfect AI Sales Roleplay Scenario** Whether you are using a high-end platform or a simpler solution, the quality of the output depends on the quality of the input. An ai sales roleplay is only as good as the persona you build. Here is a step-by-step guide to engineering scenarios that actually drive revenue. ### Step 1: Define the "Learning Objective" Don't just say "practice selling." Be specific. - *Bad Objective*: "Get better at cold calls." - *Good Objective*: "Practice the 'permission-based opener' and pivoting to the value prop within 45 seconds." ### Step 2: Build the Buyer Persona (The "Character Core") To make the sales role play with ai effective, the "buyer" needs a backstory. If you are using advanced tools, you can configure these deeply. - **Demographics**: Name, Age, Job Title, Industry. - **Psychographics**: What keeps them up at night? Are they ambitious or risk-averse? - **Relationship**: Have you met before? Is this a cold outbound? A referral? - **Mood**: This is critical. Is the buyer busy? Angry? Curious? *Example Profile:* > **Name**: Sarah **Role**: VP of Operations at a Logistics Firm. **Personality**: Direct, impatient, data-driven. Hates fluff. **Current Context**: Her current software just crashed last week, costing the company huge sums. She is frustrated but desperate for a fix. However, she is skeptical of "over-promising" salespeople. ### Step 3: Script the "Pushback" An AI that says "yes" to everything is useless. You must program the resistance. This is often called the "Objection Matrix." - **Soft Pushback**: "I'm not sure we have the budget right now." - **Hard Pushback**: "Your competitor offers this for half the price. Why should I listen to you?" - **The Ghost**: (Silence). *Pro Tip*: Advanced platforms like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) excel here because their avatars can deliver these objections with the appropriate emotional weight. A text bot saying "I am angry" is very different from a video avatar actually raising its voice or cutting you off mid-sentence. ### Step 4: Define Winning Criteria How does the AI know if the rep won? - **Keywords**: Did the rep use words like "ROI," "Implementation timeline," or specific product names? - **Sentiment**: Did the rep remain calm when the buyer got aggressive? - **Outcome**: Did they book the meeting? ## **Part 5: 5 Essential AI Roleplay Scenarios for Every Team** To get the most out of ai role play for sales training, you should build a library of scenarios. Here are the five "must-haves" for any sales organization. ### 1. The "Gatekeeper" Gauntlet - **The Scenario**: The rep is trying to reach the decision-maker but is blocked by an Executive Assistant. - **The Challenge**: The AI Assistant is protective, skeptical, and extremely busy. They are trained to screen out solicitors. - **The Skill**: Building rapport with the gatekeeper, treating them with respect, and gathering intel rather than just trying to bypass them. ### 2. The "Price Shock" Negotiation - **The Scenario**: The demo went great, but you just revealed the price. It is 20% higher than they expected. - **The Challenge**: The AI buyer reacts with visible shock or immediate dismissal. - **The Skill**: Value anchoring, isolating the objection, and avoiding the immediate discount. The rep must learn to hold the silence after revealing the price. ### 3. The "Angry Customer" De-escalation - **The Scenario**: A post-sales scenario where the product failed or an implementation went wrong. The client is furious and threatening to churn. - **The Challenge**: The AI is highly emotional, interrupting the rep repeatedly. - **The Skill**: Active listening, empathy (EQ), and the "LATTE" method (Listen, Acknowledge, Take Action, Thank, Explain). This is where emotional AI models shine—you can't script empathy, you have to feel the room. ### 4. The "Discovery" Deep Dive - **The Scenario**: A scheduled 15-minute discovery call. - **The Challenge**: The AI buyer is giving short, one-word answers (e.g., "It's fine," "We're good"). - **The Skill**: Asking open-ended questions, "peeling the onion," and getting the prospect to open up about their pain points using mirror and labeling techniques. ### 5. The "Competitor" Trap - **The Scenario**: The prospect loves a competitor and baits the rep into bad-mouthing them. - **The Challenge**: The AI asks, "Why is Company X better than you? They said your product is slow." - **The Skill**: Answering with differentiation without denigration. Pivoting back to your unique value proposition. ## **Part 6: Integrating AI Roleplay into Your Tech Stack** You have the tools and the scenarios. Now, how do you operationalize ai sales call roleplay across an organization? It needs to be part of the daily workflow, not just a one-off event. ### For Onboarding (The Bootcamp) New hires are expensive. The faster they ramp, the better. - **Strategy**: Before a new hire ever speaks to a human lead, they must "pass" Level 1-5 of the AI Simulator. - **Implementation**: Create a "Certification Path." They must score 80% or higher on the "Cold Call" module before they get their phone license. - **Benefit**: This ensures a baseline of quality and protects your brand reputation from untrained reps burning leads. ### For Continuous Coaching (The Gym) Even elite athletes go to the gym daily. - **Strategy**: "Warm-up" sessions. - **Implementation**: Mandate a 10-minute ai roleplay for sales session every morning before the first dial. It gets the vocal cords warm and the brain in "sales mode." - **Benefit**: Reps start their day sharp, not sluggish. It helps overcome call reluctance. ### For Slump Busting (The Clinic) When a rep is missing quota, it is usually a specific skill deficiency. - **Strategy**: Targeted diagnosis and prescription. - **Implementation**: If a rep is failing at closing, assign them the "Closing Techniques" AI module. Review their scores weekly. - **Benefit**: Personalized training at scale, without consuming manager hours. ## **Part 7: The "Human" Element in AI Training** A common fear is that AI will make sales reps robotic. Paradoxically, the opposite is true. When you strip away the anxiety of performing in front of a boss, reps actually become *more* human. They experiment with humor. They try different tones. They take risks they wouldn't take on a real call. However, the "human-ness" of the AI itself is the limiting factor. This is why the industry is moving toward "Persona-Based" AI rather than just "Language-Based" AI. ![Building ai sales roleplays ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bfc194660e4d476bb9c95e08883c536f~mv2.png) ### The Importance of "Method Acting" AI Standard LLMs (Large Language Models) are predictors. They predict the next logical word. But humans aren't always logical. We are emotional, contradictory, and messy. Innovators in the space, such as [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), have recognized this gap. Their approach to sales role play with ai involves "Method Acting" algorithms. Their AI doesn't just read a script; it adopts a worldview. - If you insult the avatar, it remembers it 10 minutes later. - If you sound unsure, the avatar smells blood and takes control of the conversation. - If you are genuinely empathetic, the avatar’s body language softens. This level of nuance is what separates a "chat" from a "simulation." It prepares reps for the emotional labor of sales, not just the verbal mechanics. ## **Part 8: Measuring Success** How do you know if your ai sales role play training is working? You need to track the leading and lagging indicators to prove ROI to the C-suite. ### Leading Indicators (Inside the Tool) 1. **Usage Rates**: Are reps logging in voluntarily? High usage usually correlates with high value perception. 2. **Pass Rates**: Are scores improving over time? Are reps moving from "Novice" to "Expert" in specific scenarios? 3. **Confidence Scores**: Survey reps before and after: "How ready do you feel to handle this objection?" ### Lagging Indicators (In the CRM) 1. **Time to First Deal**: For new hires, does AI training reduce the ramp time? 2. **Conversion Rates**: Compare the "call-to-meeting" rate of reps who use AI roleplay vs. those who don't. 3. **Objection Handling in the Wild**: Listen to real calls (via conversation intelligence tools). Are reps using the exact phrases they practiced in the simulation? ## **Part 9: Overcoming Resistance to AI Training** Not everyone will jump for joy when you announce a new AI tool. Salespeople are creatures of habit. Here is how to handle the objections from your own team. **Objection**: "It feels like a video game." **Rebuttal**: "It is a game. But so is sales. This is a game where you can respawn. In the real world, when you lose a lead, they are gone forever. Here, you get infinite lives." **Objection**: "The AI isn't realistic enough." **Rebuttal**: This is valid if you are using low-tier tools. Acknowledge it, but pivot to the specific skill being drilled. However, this objection is becoming less relevant with platforms like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), where the realism is often indistinguishable from a video call with a human. **Objection**: "I don't have time." **Rebuttal**: "An AI roleplay takes 5 minutes. A real roleplay takes 30 minutes to schedule and execute with a manager. This *saves* you time." ## **Part 10: The Future of AI in Sales** We are just scratching the surface of what is possible. As we look toward the future, ai sales roleplay will evolve into fully immersive experiences. Imagine putting on a VR headset and walking into a virtual boardroom. You can see three stakeholders at the table. The AI tracks your eye contact—are you ignoring the CFO? It tracks your posture. It analyzes your micro-expressions. Furthermore, we will see "Digital Twins" of real prospects. Imagine scraping the public data (LinkedIn, interviews, articles) of a real prospect you are about to pitch, and having the AI generate a simulation of *that specific person*. You could practice pitching a digital version of your target buyer before you ever dial their number. ### Conclusion Sales is a performance profession. A Broadway actor doesn't step onto the stage on opening night without months of rehearsal. An NFL player doesn't play the Super Bowl without watching tape and running drills. Yet, for too long, we have expected salespeople to perform at an elite level with minimal practice. AI sales roleplay democratizes mastery. It gives every rep, from the intern to the veteran, a dedicated sparring partner available 24/7. It transforms training from a "check-the-box" compliance event into a continuous culture of improvement. Whether you are looking to fix a specific funnel leak or overhaul your entire onboarding process, the technology is ready. Platforms like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) offer the fidelity required to make this training stick. In a market where buyers are smarter and budgets are tighter, the best-prepared team wins. Stop practicing on your customers. Start practicing with AI. Worked drills you can run this week: [sales role play scenarios that actually prepare reps](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). Honest category guide: [AI roleplay training](/post/ai-roleplay-training). ## **Key Takeaways Checklist** - **Audit your current training**: Is roleplay happening? Is it consistent? If not, why? - **Identify the gaps**: Where is the funnel leaking? (Openers? Closing? Negotiation?) - **Choose your level**: Text, Voice, or Video Avatar? (Video offers the highest retention and realism). - **Build your personas**: Create diverse, challenging AI buyers with specific emotional triggers. - **Schedule the habit**: Integrate ai role play for sales training into the daily or weekly routine. - **Measure the impact**: Correlate training scores with revenue data in your CRM. --- ## Compliance Employee Training in the Age of AI: From "Tick-Box" to True Competence URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/compliance-employee-training-in-the-age-of-ai-from-tick-box-to-true-competence Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/compliance-employee-training-in-the-age-of-ai-from-tick-box-to-true-competence.md Date: 2025-12-01 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Transform compliance employee training with AI. Move from 'tick-box' fatigue to true competence using interactive roleplay tools like Real Talk Studio. For decades, the phrase compliance employee training has induced a collective groan across the corporate world. It is viewed by leadership as a necessary legal shield and by employees as an annual nuisance, a barrier to "real work" that must be clicked through as quickly as possible. But we are standing on the precipice of a massive shift. The age of Artificial Intelligence (AI) is not just changing *how* we deliver training; it is fundamentally altering the definition of compliance. We are moving from a passive model of information consumption to an active model of behavioural simulation. In 2026 and beyond, a compliance training strategy that relies on static PDFs and multiple-choice quizzes is not just outdated—it is a liability. This article examines the crumbling foundations of traditional methods, explores the explosive opportunities offered by compliance training AI, highlights game-changing tools like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), and frankly discusses the risks where AI could actually degrade compliance standards. ## **Part 1: The "Tick-Box" Trap: Why Traditional Compliance Employee Training is Failing** Before understanding the solution, we must brutally assess the problem. Traditional compliance training for staff is built on a "broadcast" model: information is pushed to the employee, and the employee is expected to absorb it. In reality, this model is broken. The human brain is not wired to retain complex regulatory information delivered in a vacuum. ### 1. The "2x Speed" Phenomenon Modern Learning Management Systems (LMS) often allow users to control playback speed. A vast number of employees admit to watching compliance videos at 1.5x or 2x speed—not because they are fast learners, but because they are disengaged. They are physically present but mentally absent, hunting for the "Next" button rather than internalizing the anti-money laundering (AML) or data privacy protocols being discussed. ### 2. The Culture of Skipping When **compliance training modules** are text-based, "skimming" becomes "skipping." Employees quickly scroll to the bottom of a policy document to trigger the "read" status. This creates a dangerous illusion of competence. The organization’s dashboard shows 100% completion, while the actual workforce knowledge retention might be closer to 10%. This gap between *reported* compliance and *actual* compliance is where risk lives. ### 3. The "Tick-Box" Mentality Perhaps the most damaging aspect of traditional **compliance employee training** is the psychological stance it enforces. It treats compliance as a binary task: *Done* or *Not Done*. - **The Goal:** Pass the quiz. - **The Method:** Guessing until the correct answer is found. - **The Result:** No behavioral change. Real compliance is not about passing a quiz; it is about making the right decision in a high-pressure moment. Traditional multiple-choice questions cannot test for nuance, tone, or ethical grey areas. ### 4. The Forgetting Curve Hermann Ebbinghaus’s "Forgetting Curve" dictates that we lose about 90% of what we learn within a week if it is not reinforced. Most **compliance training courses** are annual events. This means for 11 months of the year, your employees are likely operating on forgotten information. ## **Part 2: The AI Opportunity – Turning Compliance Employee Training into Conversation** Artificial Intelligence offers a way to escape the passive learning trap. By leveraging Generative AI (GenAI) and Large Language Models (LLMs), compliance training software can shift from static consumption to dynamic interaction. This is not just about efficiency; it is about compliance risk training. It’s about reducing the risk of fines, lawsuits, and reputation damage by ensuring employees actually *know* what to do. ### 1. Adaptive Learning Paths Instead of forcing a 20-year industry veteran to watch the same "Intro to Phishing" video as a new hire, AI can assess an employee's baseline knowledge and "test them out" of the basics. The training becomes hyper-personalized, focusing only on the gaps in their specific knowledge. This respect for the employee's time significantly boosts engagement. ### 2. Predictive Analytics vs. Retroactive Reporting Traditional LMS reports tell you who finished the course. AI-driven analytics can tell you who is *struggling*. By analyzing how long a user hesitates on a specific question or identifying patterns in incorrect answers across a department, AI can flag high-risk zones before a compliance breach occurs. **Example:** If the entire sales department fails the module on "Gift Limits" on their first try, the AI flags this as a cultural risk, not just an individual training failure. ### 3. From Reading to Doing (Simulation) The "Holy Grail" of AI in compliance is **simulation**. AI allows us to simulate high-stakes conversations—whistleblowing, refusing a bribe, de-escalating harassment—in a safe environment. This is where tools like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) are revolutionizing the market. ## **Part 3: The Game Changer – Real Talk Studio and AI Roleplay** One of the most exciting developments in compliance employee training is the rise of interactive, video-based AI roleplay. Leading this charge is [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/). ### What is Real Talk Studio? Real Talk Studio is a platform that uses hyper-realistic AI avatars to simulate face-to-face conversations. Unlike a text chatbot, these avatars speak, move, and react to the user's voice in real-time. It bridges the gap between digital scalability and human realism. ### How It Transforms Compliance Imagine an Anti-Bribery and Corruption (ABC) training module. - **The Old Way:** Read a PDF about the Gift Policy and answer a multiple-choice question: *"Can you accept a gift over $50?"* - **The Real Talk Studio Way:** You are placed in a video call with an AI avatar acting as a vendor. The vendor says, *"Look, I know your policy is strict, but I have these courtside tickets just sitting here. It's not a bribe, just a thank you between friends. Nobody needs to know."* ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_34e619538f604fb8800e84469c4ac786~mv2.png) You, the learner, must speak your response into the microphone. - **If you are too aggressive:** The AI vendor gets defensive and threatens to pull the contract. - **If you are too passive:** The AI vendor presses harder, and you fail the compliance check. - **If you get it right:** You navigate the "grey area," maintaining the relationship while firmly refusing the gift. ### The "Safe Fail" This creates psychological safety. It is better for an employee to fail in a simulation with an AI avatar than to fail in front of a federal regulator or a key client. Real Talk Studio provides instant feedback on **what** you said (the content) and **how** you said it (tone and empathy), ensuring the learner actually possesses the *skill*, not just the *knowledge*. ## **Part 4: Deep Dive into Compliance Training Topics Transformed by AI** To understand the power of **compliance training solutions** powered by AI, let’s look at specific topics. ### 1. Sexual Harassment & DEI **The Challenge:** Traditional training often feels preachy or cartoonish. **The AI Solution:** AI roleplay can simulate nuanced, uncomfortable conversations. An employee can practice intervening as a bystander when they witness a microaggression. The AI can analyze if the learner showed empathy to the victim while being firm with the perpetrator. ### 2. Cybersecurity & Social Engineering **The Challenge:** Phishing emails are getting smarter, but training is often static. **The AI Solution:** Compliance training games can simulate a live desktop environment where an AI "hacker" sends real-time messages, testing if the employee clicks suspicious links or divulges passwords under social pressure. ### 3. Financial Crime (AML/KYC) **The Challenge:** Memorizing the "stages of money laundering" is boring and abstract. **The AI Solution:** An AI simulation can place a bank teller in front of a suspicious customer who is trying to structure deposits to avoid reporting thresholds. The teller must ask the right "Know Your Customer" (KYC) questions to uncover the truth without accusing the customer directly. ## **Part 5: Products Like Real Talk Studio** While Real Talk Studio is a standout for video realism, the market for AI-driven simulation is growing. If you are looking for compliance training software that offers similar interactive capabilities, consider these alternatives: ### 1. [Second Nature](https://secondnature.ai/) **The Focus:** Primarily Sales, but highly effective for Compliance. **Key Feature:** ComplianceGuard. Second Nature uses AI avatars for roleplay, similar to Real Talk Studio. However, they have a specific engine called "ComplianceGuard" designed for regulated industries (like FinTech and Pharma). It ensures that during the roleplay, the AI actively monitors if the employee uses banned phrases or makes non-compliant promises. It’s an excellent tool for ensuring "script adherence" without sounding robotic. ### 2. [VirtualSpeech](https://virtualspeech.com/) **The Focus:** Soft Skills and Public Speaking (VR/Desktop). **Key Feature:** Immersive VR Integration. VirtualSpeech combines AI with Virtual Reality (VR). If your compliance training involves physical safety (HSE) or high-pressure boardroom scenarios, VirtualSpeech allows employees to wear a headset and feel like they are physically in the room. They recently integrated GenAI avatars into their VR rooms, allowing for unscripted compliance conversations. ### 3. [Zenarate](https://www.zenarate.com/) **The Focus:** Customer Service and Call Centers. **Key Feature:** AI Simulation Training. Zenarate is a powerhouse for high-volume call centers. Their "AI Coach" simulates customer calls. For compliance training hr teams, this is vital for banks and insurance companies where agents must read specific disclosures (Mini-Miranda rights, etc.). Zenarate simulates a difficult customer interrupting the agent, testing if the agent can remain cool and still deliver the mandatory compliance statements. ### 4. [Attensi](https://attensi.com/) **The Focus:** Gamified Simulation. **Key Feature:** High-End Gaming Mechanics. Attensi brings "video game" quality to corporate training. Their "RealTalk" module (not to be confused with Real Talk Studio) focuses on interpersonal dialogue. It is less about generative "open" conversation and more about structured, gamified branching paths, which can be better for organizations that want strict control over the learning outcomes. ## **Part 6: The Dark Side – How AI Could Make Compliance Worse** While the hype is real, the dangers are equally potent. Implementing AI into **compliance employee training** without guardrails can lead to disaster. ### 1. The "Hallucination" Risk Generative AI models can "hallucinate"—confidently stating facts that are entirely wrong. - **The Scenario:** An employee asks an AI tutor, *"Is it okay to share this customer data with a partner in California?"* - **The Risk:** The AI might hallucinate a non-existent clause in the CCPA (California Consumer Privacy Act) and say "Yes," leading the employee to commit a data breach. - **Mitigation:** Compliance AI must be "grounded" strictly in your company's documents (using RAG technology - Retrieval-Augmented Generation), with zero "temperature" (creativity) allowed for regulatory facts. ### 2. Bias in Training Data If an AI model is trained on historical data, it may inherit historical biases. - **The Risk:** An AI roleplay scenario designed to test "managerial courage" might aggressively challenge female employees more than male employees, or interpret specific cultural accents as "non-compliant" or "unclear." This introduces legal liability rather than reducing it. ### 3. Data Privacy Nightmares To train an AI on your company's compliance policies, you often have to upload those policies to the model. - **The Risk:** If you use a public, open-model AI tool, you might be feeding your confidential internal policies (or worse, examples of past compliance breaches used for training) into a public database. - **Mitigation:** Only use enterprise-grade **compliance training solutions** (like [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) or [Second Nature](https://secondnature.ai/)) that guarantee data isolation and SOC2 compliance. ### 4. Loss of Human Nuance Compliance is rarely black and white. It is often about ethical judgment. If an organization relies *solely* on AI to score compliance (e.g., "The AI gave you a 45% score on empathy"), employees may start "gaming the algorithm" rather than learning genuine ethical behavior. They will learn to say the keywords the AI wants to hear, effectively creating a high-tech version of the old "tick-box" problem. ## **Part 7: Building a Future-Proof Compliance Training Strategy** To successfully integrate AI into your **compliance training strategy**, you need a roadmap. Here is a suggested phased approach for HR and L&D leaders: ### Phase 1: Audit and Augment (Months 1-3) - Audit your current **compliance training courses**. Identify the modules with the highest failure rates or the lowest engagement scores. - Do not replace everything at once. Pick *one* high-impact topic (e.g., Conflict of Interest) to pilot an AI tool. ### Phase 2: Pilot with High-Risk Groups (Months 4-6) - Roll out AI roleplay to "High Risk" populations first. - **Sales Teams:** Anti-Bribery and Corruption. - **Managers:** Harassment and Discrimination. - **Finance:** Fraud and AML. - Collect qualitative feedback. Do they feel more confident? ### Phase 3: Full Integration and Analytics (Months 6+) - Integrate the AI tool with your LMS. - Use the data to inform your wider **compliance risk training**. If the AI shows that 40% of staff struggle with "Data Privacy" roleplays, commission a workshop specifically on that topic. ## **Conclusion** The era of clicking "Next" on a silent slide deck is ending. **Compliance employee training** is evolving into an immersive, conversation-based discipline. Tools like [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), [**Second Nature**](https://secondnature.ai/), and [**Zenarate**](https://www.zenarate.com/) are proving that compliance can be engaging, challenging, and—dare we say it—fun. However, the technology requires a steady hand. The goal is not to automate ethics, but to use automation to give employees the practice they need to be ethical when it matters most. By moving from "tick-box" compliance to "true competence," organizations protect themselves not just from fines, but from the far greater risk of a toxic culture. --- ## 45+ Roleplay Ideas for Training (Sales, Support & Leadership) URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/45-roleplay-ideas-for-training-sales-support-leadership Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/45-roleplay-ideas-for-training-sales-support-leadership.md Date: 2025-12-01 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Sometimes, the hardest part of corporate training isn't the theory, it's the practice. You can teach the "LEAP" method for objection handling or the "STAR" method for feedback, but until a team member actually says the words out loud, it’s just abstract knowledge.This is where roleplay ideas for training become your most valuable asset.Roleplaying bridges the dangerous gap between "knowing what to do" and "doing it under pressure." However, coming up with realistic, non-cheesy scenarios is diffi Sometimes, the hardest part of corporate training isn't the theory, it's the practice. You can teach the "LEAP" method for objection handling or the "STAR" method for feedback, but until a team member actually says the words out loud, it’s just abstract knowledge. This is where **roleplay ideas for training** become your most valuable asset. Roleplaying bridges the dangerous gap between "knowing what to do" and "doing it under pressure." However, coming up with realistic, non-cheesy scenarios is difficult. If the scenario feels fake, your team will tune out. If it’s too easy, they won't learn. In this comprehensive guide, we provide over **45 detailed roleplay ideas**, categorised by department. Each idea includes the specific scenario setup and what the trainer should be watching for, ensuring your next training session is both engaging and effective. ## **Why Roleplay Training Fails (And How to Fix It)** Before diving into the list, it is crucial to understand why so many roleplay sessions elicit groans from employees. Usually, it comes down to three factors: lack of context, unclear success criteria, or a "safe" environment that doesn't feel safe. To make these **roleplay ideas** effective, follow this simple 3-step structure for every session: 1. **The Brief:** Don't just say "Sell me this pen." Give the participant a character card. *Who are they meeting? What is the prospect's mood? What is the stakes of this call?* 2. **The Action:** Set a timer. Roleplays should rarely last longer than 3–5 minutes. The goal is to practice a specific micro-skill (e.g., the opening hook), not the entire 30-minute meeting. 3. **The Feedback Loop:** Feedback must be immediate. Use the "2+2" method: 2 things they did well, and 2 specific things to change for the next round. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21974453c5cd40b7ac5bd4ff6fafa549~mv2.png) ## **10 Sales Training Roleplay Ideas** Sales is a performance art. Your representatives need to be able to handle rejection, pivot quickly, and control a conversation without sounding scripted. These **sales roleplay ideas** cover the entire funnel, from cold outreach to closing. ### 1. The "We Don't Have Budget" Objection **Scenario:** The rep has just presented the pricing. The prospect (played by the coach) sighs and says, "I love the solution, but we just had our budget slashed for Q4. I don't think we can make this work right now." - **The Goal:** Test the rep's ability to isolate the objection. Is it *really* budget, or is value not established? - **Trainer Notes:** Watch for "discounting too early." A poor rep will immediately offer 10% off. A great rep will ask, "If budget wasn't an issue, is this the solution you'd choose?" to verify buy-in first. ### 2. The Gatekeeper Challenge **Scenario:** The rep is calling a high-value target (CEO or VP). The phone is answered by an Executive Assistant who has heard every pitch in the book. "She's in meetings all day. Send an email and if she's interested, she'll reply." - **The Goal:** Getting past the gatekeeper without being pushy or deceitful. - **Trainer Notes:** The rep should treat the EA as an ally, not an obstacle. Look for phrases like, "Maybe you can help me..." or asking for the EA's advice on how to best reach the executive. ### 3. The Competitor Loyalist **Scenario:** The prospect is currently using your biggest competitor. They are happy and see no reason to switch. "We've been with [Competitor X] for five years. We're good." - **The Goal:** Planting doubt without bad-mouthing the competition. - **Trainer Notes:** The rep needs to find the "wedge"—the one specific thing your product does that the competitor cannot. Success looks like asking, "How do you currently handle [Specific Pain Point the Competitor fails at]?" ### 4. The "Ghosted" Follow-Up voicemail **Scenario:** The rep had a great demo last week, but the prospect has gone silent. The rep must leave a voicemail that actually gets a response. - **The Goal:** Creating urgency without desperation. - **Trainer Notes:** A failing grade is "Just checking in." A passing grade is offering new value: "I was thinking about your problem with X, and I have an idea that might help. Give me a call back." ### 5. The Committee Sell (Multi-Stakeholder) **Scenario:** This requires three participants. The rep is presenting to a "panel": a CFO (focused on cost), a Tech Lead (focused on security), and a User (focused on ease of use). - **The Goal:** Code-switching. The rep must speak different "languages" to different people in the same room. - **Trainer Notes:** Does the rep ignore one person? Do they get bogged down in technical details with the CFO? They must balance eye contact and address each stakeholder's unique concern. ### 6. Negotiating Terms, Not Price **Scenario:** The prospect wants to buy but demands a 20% discount. The rep is not allowed to lower the price. - **The Goal:** Trading variables. - **Trainer Notes:** The rep should look for other levers: "I can't drop the price, but what if we extended your payment terms to Net-60?" or "We can include an extra seat for free." ### 7. The 60-Second "Networking Event" Pitch **Scenario:** The rep bumps into a potential lead at a conference coffee station. They have one minute to spark interest before the keynote starts. - **The Goal:** Clarity and hook. - **Trainer Notes:** No jargon allowed. The rep must explain the value proposition so simply that a 5-year-old could understand it. If the coach asks "What do you mean?" the rep has failed. ### 8. The Angry Client Renewal **Scenario:** It's renewal time, but the client had a major outage two months ago. They are skeptical about signing for another year. - **The Goal:** Acknowledging the past while selling the future. - **Trainer Notes:** The rep must not get defensive. They should own the mistake, explain what steps were taken to fix it, and pivot to the new roadmap features. ### 9. Discovery Deep Dive (The "One-Word" Prospect) **Scenario:** The prospect is busy and giving short answers ("Yes," "No," "Maybe"). The rep needs to open them up. - **The Goal:** Using open-ended questions. - **Trainer Notes:** Watch for the transition from "Do you have this problem?" (Closed) to "Tell me more about how that problem impacts your team daily." (Open). ### 10. The Product Demo "Tech Fail" **Scenario:** Mid-demo, the software crashes or the internet cuts out. The rep must handle the awkward silence. - **The Goal:** Composure under pressure. - **Trainer Notes:** The rep should have a backup plan (e.g., switching to a PDF deck or a verbal walkthrough) and maintain a sense of humor to keep the prospect at ease. ## **10 Customer Service Roleplay Ideas** Customer support agents are the face of your brand. They often deal with people at their most frustrated moments. These **customer service roleplay scenarios** focus on de-escalation, empathy, and technical clarity. ### 11. The "I Want to Speak to Your Manager" Escalation **Scenario:** The customer is already shouting within the first 10 seconds. They don't want to talk to "a frontline agent." - **The Goal:** De-escalation and authority. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent needs to prove competence quickly. "I can certainly get you a manager, but they will likely ask me for the same details. If you give me 2 minutes, I might be able to fix this for you right now." ### 12. The Social Media Firestorm **Scenario:** A customer has tweeted a complaint that is gaining traction. The agent is responding via chat or email, knowing the customer is "live-tweeting" the support experience. - **The Goal:** Extreme professionalism and speed. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent must be hyper-aware that everything they write could be screenshotted. The tone must be empathetic but firm, avoiding any ambiguity. ### 13. Explaining a Policy Breach (The "No Refund" Rule) **Scenario:** A customer wants a refund for a non-refundable item (e.g., a custom order or final sale). They are polite but persistent. - **The Goal:** Saying "no" without losing the customer. - **Trainer Notes:** The "Sandwich Method" works best here: Empathy ("I understand why you're disappointed"), Policy ("Our policy for custom items is..."), and Alternative ("While I can't refund, I can offer you a discount code for next time"). ### 14. The "Lonely" Chatty Customer **Scenario:** An elderly customer calls to order a product but keeps drifting into stories about their grandchildren and pets. The queue is building up. - **The Goal:** Controlling the call time (AHT) with kindness. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent needs to use "bridging" techniques. "That sounds lovely! Speaking of your grandson, does this size look right for him?" ### 15. Technical Troubleshooting for the Non-Tech-Savvy **Scenario:** The customer doesn't know what a "browser" or "cache" is. The agent needs to walk them through a complex reset process. - **The Goal:** Simplifying language. - **Trainer Notes:** If the agent uses technical jargon, stop the roleplay. They must use analogies (e.g., "Think of clearing the cache like dusting off a chalkboard"). ### 16. The "Wrong Item" Apology (Restoring Trust) **Scenario:** We shipped the wrong color. It’s clearly our fault. The customer needed it for a wedding this weekend. - **The Goal:** Ownership and solution-oriented thinking. - **Trainer Notes:** A standard apology isn't enough. The agent needs to go above and beyond, perhaps offering overnight shipping at the company's expense or a personal note. ### 17. Identifying the Upsell Opportunity **Scenario:** A customer calls to ask if the software can do "X". It can't on their current plan, but it can on the Premium plan. - **The Goal:** Consultative selling. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent shouldn't sound like a salesperson. They should frame the upgrade as the solution to the problem: "To do that, you'd need the automation feature, which is part of our Pro tier. Would you like to see how that works?" ### 18. The Language Barrier **Scenario:** The customer speaks English as a second language and is struggling to find the right words. They are getting frustrated with themselves. - **The Goal:** Patience and active listening. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent must speak slowly (not loudly) and use simple vocabulary. They should frequently check for understanding: "Just to make sure I have this right..." ### 19. The System Outage Crisis **Scenario:** The entire platform is down. The phones are ringing off the hook. We don't have an ETA for a fix yet. - **The Goal:** Delivering bad news transparently. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent cannot lie or guess. "I don't have a time yet" is better than "It should be up in 10 minutes" if that's not true. Consistency in messaging is key. ### 20. The Abusive Caller (Setting Boundaries) **Scenario:** A customer starts using personal insults or profanity. - **The Goal:** enforcing company policy on abuse. - **Trainer Notes:** The agent must practice the "Three Strike" rule (or whatever your policy is). "Sir, I want to help you, but I cannot continue this call if you use that language." ## **10 Leadership & Management Roleplay Ideas** Promoting a high-performer to manager doesn't automatically give them leadership skills. New managers often struggle with "imposter syndrome" and avoiding conflict. These **management roleplay ideas** help build the muscle memory for tough conversations. ### 21. The Underperformance "Crucial Conversation" **Scenario:** An employee who is usually reliable has missed three deadlines in a row. The quality of their work is slipping. - **The Goal:** Diagnostic leadership. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager shouldn't start with a warning. They should start with curiosity. "I've noticed X. This isn't like you. Is everything okay?" It might be a personal issue, not a skill issue. ### 22. Delivering a Promotion Denial **Scenario:** An ambitious employee applied for a Team Lead role but didn't get it. They are upset and considering quitting. - **The Goal:** Retaining the employee while being honest. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager needs to explain the "gap"—what specifically was missing—and immediately pivot to a development plan to close that gap for next time. ### 23. Mediating Conflict Between Team Members **Scenario:** Employee A says Employee B is "lazy." Employee B says Employee A is "bossy." The tension is affecting the whole team. - **The Goal:** Mediation and neutrality. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager must not take sides. They should facilitate a dialogue where both parties stick to facts ("You missed the meeting") rather than interpretations ("You don't care"). ### 24. The Burnout Retention Interview **Scenario:** A top performer looks exhausted, is replying to emails late at night, and has become cynical in meetings. - **The Goal:** Proactive wellness check. - **Trainer Notes:** Success looks like the manager taking work *off* the employee's plate, not just telling them to "take a break." ### 25. Announcing Unpopular Change (Change Management) **Scenario:** The company is removing the "Work From Home Friday" policy. The manager has to tell the team. - **The Goal:** Alignment and transparency. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager shouldn't blame upper management ("I know, it sucks, but HR made me do it"). They need to explain the *business why* (even if they disagree) and listen to concerns. ### 26. Delegating to a Micromanager **Scenario:** You are managing a new lead who refuses to let their team do the work. They are rewriting everyone's emails. - **The Goal:** Coaching on trust. - **Trainer Notes:** The leader needs to help the new manager understand that their job is now *people*, not *tasks*. "If you do it for them, how will they ever learn?" ### 27. The "Star Employee" Salary Negotiation **Scenario:** Your best engineer demands a 20% raise. You only have budget for 5%. - **The Goal:** Creative negotiation and value affirmation. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager needs to separate the employee's value from the budget constraint. Can they offer stock options? More PTO? A title change? A guaranteed review in 6 months? ### 28. Remote Management Inclusion **Scenario:** A remote employee feels left out because the in-office team goes to lunch together and makes decisions without them. - **The Goal:** Building inclusive processes. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager needs to set new ground rules for the team (e.g., "If one person is remote, the whole meeting is digital") rather than just apologizing. ### 29. Handling a Sudden Resignation **Scenario:** A key employee puts in their two weeks' notice out of the blue. - **The Goal:** Professionalism and knowledge transfer. - **Trainer Notes:** Don't get angry. The manager needs to first try to understand the *why* (is it fixable?), and if not, focus immediately on a transition plan that preserves the relationship. ### 30. Coaching the "Brilliant Jerk" **Scenario:** An employee hits every target but is rude to colleagues. HR has received complaints. - **The Goal:** Behavioral correction. - **Trainer Notes:** The manager must make it clear that *how* work gets done is as important as *what* gets done. "Your results are great, but your behavior is capping your growth." ## 15 Conflict Resolution & Soft Skills Roleplay Ideas These **long tail roleplay ideas for training** are applicable across all departments. They focus on the subtle interpersonal dynamics that define company culture. ### 31. The Credit Stealer **Scenario:** In a meeting, Colleague A repeats Colleague B's idea and gets praised for it. Colleague B needs to address this with A afterwards. - **Success Criteria:** Addressing the specific behavior ("When you repeated my idea...") rather than attacking character ("You're a thief"). ### 32. The Chronic Interrupter **Scenario:** A team member constantly talks over others. The group roleplays how to be an "active bystander" and intervene politely. - **Success Criteria:** Phrases like, "Hold on, I think Sarah wasn't finished with her point." ### 33. Refusing Additional Work (The "No") **Scenario:** An employee is at capacity but a project manager tries to dump a new task on them. - **Success Criteria:** Explaining trade-offs. "I can do this new task, but it means the Q3 report will be delayed. Which is the priority?" ### 34. Giving Peer-to-Peer Feedback **Scenario:** Using the "Start, Stop, Continue" framework to tell a colleague they need to be more responsive on Slack. - **Success Criteria:** Keeping it objective and focused on impact, not personality. ### 35. The "Reply All" Disaster **Scenario:** An employee accidentally sends a sensitive complaint to the whole company. - **Success Criteria:** Immediate ownership. Sending a follow-up apology quickly without making excuses. ### 36. Navigating Cultural Misunderstandings **Scenario:** A misunderstanding arises regarding a holiday or cultural custom. - **Success Criteria:** Asking questions to learn ("I'm not familiar with that tradition, could you tell me more?") rather than judging. ### 37. The Silent Meeting Participant **Scenario:** A leader tries to engage a shy introvert who has great ideas but stays quiet. - **Success Criteria:** Creating space. "I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, knowing you have experience with X." ### 38. Stopping the Rumor Mill **Scenario:** Colleagues are gossiping about potential layoffs near the water cooler. - **Success Criteria:** Refusing to validate the rumor. "I think it's best we wait for an official announcement rather than stressing over guesses." ### 39. Addressing a Micro-aggression **Scenario:** A colleague makes a joke based on a stereotype. - **Success Criteria:** The "Calling In" method. "I know you didn't mean harm, but that comment actually plays into a stereotype that can be hurtful." ### 40. Managing Scope Creep **Scenario:** A client keeps adding "just one small thing" to the project. - **Success Criteria:** Referring back to the Statement of Work (SOW) consistently. ### 41. Asking for Help (Vulnerability) **Scenario:** An employee is drowning in work and hiding it. They need to practice telling their boss they can't cope. - **Success Criteria:** Framing it as a desire to maintain quality standards, which are currently at risk. ### 42. Networking at a Conference **Scenario:** Walking up to a complete stranger and starting a conversation. - **Success Criteria:** Open body language and a strong opening question (e.g., "What's the best talk you've heard so far?"). ### 43. The Unprepared Presenter (Improv) **Scenario:** The projector breaks 1 minute into a presentation. - **Success Criteria:** Continuing the narrative calmly without visuals. ### 44. Active Listening Drill **Scenario:** One person talks for 3 minutes. The other cannot speak, only nod. Then, they must summarize exactly what was said. - **Success Criteria:** Accuracy of the summary and making the speaker feel heard. ### 45. The Accountability Apology **Scenario:** An employee made a mistake that cost the team money. - **Success Criteria:** No "I'm sorry *if* I caused trouble." Using "I made a mistake, here is the impact, and here is how I will fix it." ## 5 Tips for Brainstorming Your Own Scenarios If these 45 ideas aren't enough, here is how you can generate **roleplay ideas for training** specific to your niche: 1. **Ticket Analysis:** Go through your support desk (Zendesk/Intercom) and tag the top 10 most "re-opened" tickets. These are the conversations your team is struggling to resolve. Turn them into scripts. 2. **The "War Story" Session:** Host a happy hour where senior staff share their "worst client ever" stories. Write these down—they are gold for training new hires. 3. **Competitor Mystery Shopping:** If ethical in your industry, interact with a competitor. See what questions they ask and how they handle objections. Roleplay *against* their tactics. 4. **AI-Generated Scenarios:** Use tools like ChatGPT or specialized platforms like **Yoodli** to generate infinite variations. You can prompt AI: *"Give me a difficult sales scenario involving a client from the healthcare industry who is worried about HIPAA compliance."* 5. **Reverse Roleplay:** Have the manager play the employee, and the employee play the "Angry Customer." This helps the employee feel the frustration from the other side, building empathy. ## **Bring Your Training to Life with Real Talk Studio** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bfc194660e4d476bb9c95e08883c536f~mv2.png) It doesn't matter if you want to test out a specific "angry client" scenario or practice a subtle leadership negotiation—static scripts can only take you so far. To really lock in the learning, you need to practice. This is where [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) comes in. [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) is an AI-powered training platform that transforms these ideas into dynamic, voice-based simulations. Instead of relying on awkward peer-to-peer roleplay or asking busy managers to act as "bad customers," your team can practice with a realistic AI partner that never gets tired, 24/7. Top organizations are already moving away from passive learning (videos and quizzes) and embracing active skill-building. [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) provides the safe space employees need to make mistakes, get feedback, and try again until they reach mastery. ### **Create Custom Roleplays in Seconds** The biggest friction point for L&D teams is usually content creation. Building a training module often takes weeks. With [Real Talk Studio’s](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) **Roleplay Builder**, you can do it in seconds. You can take any of the 45+ roleplay ideas listed in this article and turn them into an interactive simulation instantly. Simply open the Roleplay Builder and describe the situation—for example: *"A difficult negotiation with a procurement officer who is demanding a 15% discount."* The AI will instantly generate a unique persona, context, and grading criteria for that specific scenario. This allows you to: - **Spin up training instantly:** Did a sales rep struggle with a specific objection this morning? Build a roleplay for it by the afternoon. - **Scale your best coaching:** Ensure every employee gets the same high-quality practice experience, whether they are in the headquarters or working remotely. - **Customize for your reality:** Don't settle for generic "sales training." Build scenarios that use your actual product names, pricing structures, and competitor details. ## The Bottom Line When you are willing to use your imagination, there is an infinite number of roleplay ideas for training you can explore for organizational development. However, ideas are only as good as their execution. For sales specifically, I also wrote [sales role play scenarios that actually prepare reps](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). For managers: [10 difficult conversation scenarios](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). Whatever your specific training needs—be it sales, support, or leadership—**R**[**eal Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) has you covered. By combining creative scenarios with our state-of-the-art AI Roleplay Builder, you can bridge the gap between theory and practice faster than ever before. **Ready to turn these ideas into action?** [**Create your first custom roleplay in seconds with Real Talk Studio.**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) --- ## Using AI Roleplay For Difficult Conversations: 5 Real-Life Scenarios for Managers URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/using-ai-roleplay-difficult-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/using-ai-roleplay-difficult-conversations.md Date: 2025-08-17 Topics: real-talk-studio, roleplay Learn how to use AI roleplay for difficult conversations with real-life scenarios for managers. Includes coaching tips, behavioural insights, and video examples to improve leadership communication and team performance. ## **Why Avoiding Difficult Conversations Is Not a Strategy** Most leaders want to do the right thing. But when it comes to difficult conversations, good intentions are rarely enough. Whether it’s giving feedback to someone defensive, saying no to a senior leader, or addressing underperformance, managers face a recurring challenge: they don’t know how to say the hard thing without making things worse. The real problem? They’ve never practised. Roleplay, properly designed and facilitated, is the single most effective way to build conversational skill and confidence. Unlike knowledge-based training, it simulates stress. It reveals blind spots. And most importantly, it allows leaders to rehearse before reality. This is not about scripted performance. It’s about developing real behavioural fluency. ## **Why Roleplay Works: The Behavioural Case** In behavioural science, we talk about desirable difficulty, the idea that friction during practice enhances learning. Roleplay introduces precisely the kind of discomfort that rewires habits. It forces people to face the moment they usually avoid , the pause, the tension, the pushback, and learn to handle it. It also activates the mirror neuron system, helping participants empathise with the other side. You’re not just saying the words — you’re processing them socially. Roleplay helps leaders become more than just logical. It helps them become psychologically fluentable to recognise signals, regulate emotion, and reframe on the fly. In short: if you’re not rehearsing tough conversations, you’re improvising your culture. ## **How AI Roleplay Is Changing the Way Managers Learn** It used to be that roleplay required another human: a peer, a coach, or a brave volunteer from the HR team. The problem? It was slow, inconsistent, and often emotionally loaded. Many managers dreaded the exercise more than the real conversation itself. But now, AI has changed the game. Today’s AI roleplay tools provide a psychologically safe space to practise high-stakes conversations — without social risk, scheduling hassle, or the fear of being judged. Whether it’s practising a script, testing new language, or trying a different tone, managers can now rehearse with instant feedback and realistic prompts, as often as they like. But here’s what makes AI especially powerful: it gives you the reps. From behavioural science we know that habit change requires repetition. Most managers get one or two opportunities a year to navigate difficult feedback or conflict — not nearly enough to get good at it. But with AI roleplay, they can simulate dozens of scenarios in a single afternoon. It also allows for adaptive difficulty. A good AI tool doesn't just play nice. It responds with escalation, confusion, or defensiveness — the kind of realistic friction that forces deeper learning and emotional control. AI doesn't replace human coaching. It extends it. It gives managers a private dojo to build muscle memory — so they can show up to the real conversation sharper, calmer, and more confident. If you're serious about improving leadership communication, AI roleplay isn't optional anymore — it's essential infrastructure. ## **AI Roleplay for 5 Difficult Conversations** Each of the following real-life scenarios comes with a full video roleplay demonstration from the expert team at RealTalk Studio — specialists in high-stakes communication and leadership development. These aren’t theories. They’re the actual moments managers face, every week, without proper preparation. ### **AI Roleplay Example 1 - Coaching the “Uncoachable”** **Scenario:** You have a high performer or subject matter expert who resists coaching. They’re defensive, disengaged, or dismissive. You need to create accountability without escalating conflict. **What to Practise:** - Using curiosity instead of accusation - Shifting from past mistakes to future expectations - Naming behaviours without personal judgement **Video Example:** **Behavioural Insight:** When people feel threatened, they defend their identity. Focus on actions, not character. Ask reflective, forward-looking questions. One of the most powerful is, “What do you think is getting in your way?” ### **Example 2 - Coaching an Underperformer** **Scenario:** A kind, well-meaning team member is consistently falling short. You’re hesitant to hurt their feelings or damage the relationship, but the performance gap is growing. **What to Practise:** - Stating expectations with clarity, not ambiguity - Communicating belief in potential - Framing consequences without moralising **Video Example:** **Behavioural Insight:** Use the Pygmalion effect. People respond to the expectations you set, if they’re delivered with belief. “I know you care about doing well here. And I know you can. Here's what that looks like.” ### **AI Roleplay Example 3 - Saying No to the Big Boss** **Scenario:** A senior leader asks you to take on a project, but you don’t have the bandwidth or believe it's the wrong move. You need to push back without appearing resistant or ungrateful. **What to Practise:** - Reframing refusal as responsible prioritisation - Using logic and loyalty in your language - Holding your ground under pressure **Video Example:** Behavioural Insight: Frame the “no” in terms of risk to shared goals. Leverage loss aversion: “If I take this on, something else important will slip. That could hurt our delivery later.” People are more motivated by preventing loss than chasing gain. ### **AI Roleplay Example 4 - Handling Conflict with a Colleague** **Scenario:** A peer relationship is under strain. Misunderstandings, mistrust or misalignment are simmering. Silence is breeding resentment. You want to address it directly and constructively. **What to Practise:** - Opening the conversation without accusation - Validating their experience without agreeing with it - Finding shared intent or common purpose **Video Example:** Behavioural Insight: Use the power of mutual purpose. Begin with: “I want us to work well together, and I think something’s getting in the way. Can we talk about it?” Framing the conversation around shared goals reduces perceived threat. ### **AI Roleplay Example 5 - Giving Feedback to Someone Who Gets Defensive** **Scenario:** You’ve tried to give feedback before, but every time it leads to excuses, shutdowns, or anger. You’re tempted to give up — but that’s a tax the team can’t afford. **What to Practise:** - Staying steady in the face of emotional reaction - Avoiding escalation through calm repetition - Asking questions to increase ownership **Video Example:** Behavioural Insight: Defensive behaviour is often identity protection. Neutralise it by focusing on impact, not intention. “You may not have meant to — but here’s how it landed.” And always invite reflection before reaction: “Can I ask how you see it?” ## **Real Roleplay, Real Development** Each of these conversations is a moment of culture. How your managers handle them determines whether people feel safe, trusted, respected — or silenced, resentful, and disengaged. Roleplay is not theatre. It is operational rehearsal. Just as pilots use simulators, high-performing leaders use structured practice to build readiness. If you want your managers to stop avoiding difficult conversations — or bungling them — give them a space to practise. That’s precisely what [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) offers: - Facilitated leadership roleplay - Real feedback from real practitioners - A psychologically safe environment to learn through experience The books behind this work — candour, listening, conflict — are collected on [hard conversation book summaries](/book-summaries/hard-conversations). For a longer catalogue of setups, see [10 difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). For the category itself: [AI roleplay training](/post/ai-roleplay-training). ## **Final Word: Practice Before Performance** You don’t build a culture of psychological safety through slogans. You build it through conversations. Or more accurately, through the way hard conversations are handled. So, here’s the real question: > If your managers had practised just one of these five conversations last quarter, what might have changed? And what’s stopping you from starting now? --- ## Summary: Corporate Escapology by Adam Forbes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-corporate-escapology-by-adam-forbes Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-corporate-escapology-by-adam-forbes.md Date: 2025-02-27 Topics: book-summaries If you’ve ever felt trapped in corporate life, Corporate Escapology by Adam Forbes is a must-read. It’s for leaders who want more autonomy, creativity, and fulfilment in their work—without necessarily quitting their jobs. ## Should you read this? If you’ve ever felt trapped in corporate life, [Corporate Escapology by Adam Forbes](https://amzn.to/3QymEzk) is a must-read. It’s for leaders who want more autonomy, creativity, and fulfilment in their work—without necessarily quitting their jobs. Adam Forbes provides a playbook for designing your career with intention, escaping the rigid constraints of traditional corporate roles, and taking back control of your professional destiny. If you feel stuck in a cycle of endless meetings, bureaucracy, and stagnation, this book will help you redefine success on your terms. ![Adam Forbes Corporate Escapology Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c790f6ae9c2440e5baba502a5947274f~mv2.jpg) ## Toby's takeaway Feeling trapped in a high-paying job? I found the escape route. I walked away from a comfy, six-figure job at JP Morgan Chase. Why? ✔️ I wanted to be at home for bath time. ✔️ I wanted to build an AI product from scratch. ✔️ I wanted more fulfilment than a big bank balance. I shared my story with [Adam Forbes](https://youtu.be/1LTLyj0zGPU?si=ZK2u4zOqUQcbe2v4) He teaches Corporate Escapology! The podcast shares tactics that help you break free. Because, let’s be honest, they might be gold, but they’re still handcuffs. It’s been six months since I left. And here’s the truth: 💰 I’m earning less. ⏳ I’m working harder. 🤯 I second-guess myself every day. No sugarcoating. No overnight success story. But those three things at the start of this post.... ✅ Bath time ✅ Building ✅ Fulfilled Is it time for you to escape? ## 3 big ideas **1. Redefining Work: Escape the Corporate Cage Without Quitting** Many professionals feel trapped in their jobs, but escaping doesn’t always mean leaving. [Adam Forbes](https://amzn.to/3QymEzk) argues that the real escape is about mindset—creating autonomy within your current role by focusing on value creation over compliance. Instead of waiting for permission, leaders should carve out meaningful work, build influence, and operate with an entrepreneurial spirit. This means optimising your role to play to your strengths, setting boundaries against low-value tasks, and actively shaping your career rather than drifting through it. **2. Think Like an Entrepreneur (Even Inside a Company)** Traditional corporate structures encourage compliance and incremental progress, but real career growth comes from thinking like an entrepreneur. [Adam Forbes](https://amzn.to/3QymEzk) encourages leaders to approach their work as if they were running a business within a business. This means identifying unmet needs, taking ownership of outcomes, and creating leverage through strategic relationships. By adopting an entrepreneurial mindset—experimenting, taking calculated risks, and delivering value beyond your job description—you gain greater control over your work and career trajectory. **3. Strategic Influence: The Key to Freedom in the Workplace** [Corporate escapology](https://amzn.to/3QymEzk) isn’t just about avoiding bureaucracy but mastering influence. Leaders who can shape narratives, build alliances, and navigate office politics with integrity gain the freedom to work on what truly matters. Forbes highlights that real career success isn’t about working harder but working smarter—understanding power dynamics, knowing when to push back, and ensuring your efforts are recognised. You can create a role that gives you fulfilment and autonomy by strategically positioning yourself as indispensable and aligning your work with the organisation’s priorities. ## Best quotes [![How To Know Everything by Elke Wiss](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1a76bb82426f4792a9c88097339f1f3d~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "You don’t need to quit your job to escape the corporate cage; you need to redesign how you work." > "The most successful professionals don’t wait for permission; they create opportunities within constraints." > "Influence, not effort, is the true currency of corporate freedom." > "Entrepreneurs don’t just start companies; they build opportunities—inside and outside organisations." > "Your career is a product. Design it with as much intention as you would a business." ## Corporate Escapology by Adam Forbes --- ## Summary: How to Know Everything by Elke Wiss URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-know-everything-by-elke-wiss Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-know-everything-by-elke-wiss.md Date: 2024-11-28 Topics: book-summaries How to Know Everything by Elke Wiss is a compelling guide to mastering the art of asking questions, rooted in Socratic philosophy. This book is an excellent entry for leaders who want to foster deeper conversations, encourage critical thinking, and build collaborative environments. ## Should you read this? [How To Know Everything by Elke Wiss](https://amzn.to/4eQqoFV) is a compelling guide to mastering the art of asking questions, rooted in Socratic philosophy. This book is an excellent entry for leaders who want to foster deeper conversations, encourage critical thinking, and build collaborative environments. Wiss presents practical tools for improving intellectual humility and curiosity, skills vital for problem-solving and innovation. This book offers practical ideas to enhance decision-making and team dynamics. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_70175b6325e34b5caedffc639ebd9b9b~mv2.jpg) ## Toby's takeaway Long-time readers of this newsletter do not need convincing. > Great leaders ask great questions. I've shared countless book summaries that all reinforce the same idea. - [Ask by Jeff Wetzler](/post/summary-ask-by-jeff-wetzler) - [Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay-Stanier](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) - [A Beautiful Question by Warren Berger](/post/a-more-beautiful-question-summary) The simple act of asking questions is much more complicated than you'd think. And let's be clear. I'm not talking about those fake, crappy questions that come easy to us all. Questions like "should?", "could?", "would?" I mean, the tough questions. Those that make you start sweating just thinking about asking it. I've spent years learning to build a habit of asking rather than telling, gaining the confidence and competence to ask powerful questions when they matter most. This week, I learned from Elke Wiss why asking questions is so bloody hard. In [How To Know Everything, Elke](https://amzn.to/4eQqoFV) shares six reasons: 1. **Human Nature:** Talking about yourself feels so much nicer than asking questions. 2. **Fear of Asking:** Posing a question can be a scary proposition. 3. **Scoring Points:** An opinion makes more of an impression than a question. 4. **Lack of Objectivity:** Our ability to reason objectively is in decline. 5. **Impatience:** We think asking good questions is a waste of time. 6. **Lack of competence:** Nobody teaches us how. To overcome these barriers, I've learned a simple technique. I stole it from [James Clear, author of Atomic Habits](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations). Make asking questions: - Easy - Obvious - Attractive - Satisfying When you do that, over time, you build the questioning habit. It turns out that a very jazzy name for this leadership style is practical philosophy. And who doesn't want to be a philosopher? ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **The Power of Questions -** Good questions invite exploration and deepen understanding, unlike statements that can shut down dialogue. Wiss encourages leaders to use thoughtful inquiry to challenge assumptions, uncover new perspectives, and foster collaborative thinking by focusing on *why*, *how*, and *what if* leaders can inspire creativity and problem-solving within their teams. 2. **Cultivate Intellectual Humility -** Elke highlights the importance of admitting "I don't know" as a gateway to growth. Leaders who embrace uncertainty and seek diverse viewpoints create environments where learning thrives. This mindset reduces defensiveness and promotes an open exchange of ideas, which is essential for navigating complex challenges. 3. **Deep Conversations Foster Connection -** Engaging in meaningful dialogues requires active listening and genuine curiosity. Elke suggests that leaders adopt a "you-first" approach, prioritising others' perspectives before sharing their own. This creates a shared understanding and strengthens relationships, which is key to building trust and collaboration in teams. ## Best quotes [![How To Know Everything by Elke Wiss](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f3550e6e454242d0bcfb26a28d551074~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > We are afraid to ask pertinent yet potentially awkward questions that might make someone feel uncomfortable. Yet often, these are the very questions that lead to a genuine connection because so much of what matters in life is located in that vulnerable zone. > We are too quick to assume someone would be reluctant to respond to a question. > Reasons why people don't ask questions: 1. HUMAN NATURE: Talking about yourself feels so much nicer than asking questions. 2. FEAR OF ASKING: Posing a question can be a scary proposition. 3. SCORING POINTS: An opinion makes more of an impression than a question. 4. LACK OF OBJECTIVITY: Our ability to reason objectively is in decline. 5. IMPATIENCE: We think asking good questions is a waste of time. 6. LACK OF COMPETENCE: Nobody teaches us how. In her book Braving the Wilderness, Brent Brown writes: > I can't remember a time last year when someone asked me about an issue and I didn't weigh in with an opinion. Even if I didn't know enough about it to be Insightful or even conversational (ad) in a fitting-in culture - at home, at work, or in our larger community curiosity is seen as a weakness, and asking questions equates to antagonism rather than being valued as learning > Two monologues do not add up to a dialogue. > One of Socrates's rules of conversation is to speak briefly and concisely. In the dialogue with Protagoras, as described in Hans Bolten's article "The Socratic dialogue as a tool for team reflection; Socrates asks his conversation partner to stop indulging in incomprehensible monologues, claiming he simply cannot follow them.: - SOCRATES: Protagoras, I have a wretched memory, and when anyone makes a long speech to me I never remember what they are talking about. As then, if I had been deaf, and you were going to converse with me, you would have had to raise your voice; so now, having such a bad memory, I will ask you to cut your answers shorter, if you would take me with you. - PROTAGORAS: What do you mean? How am 1 to shorten my answers? Shall I make them too short? - SOCRATES: Certainly not. - PROTAGORAS: But short enough? - SOCRATES: Yes.' > When it comes to confrontation, we cling to quite a few assumptions: - Confrontation leads to conflict - the other person will probably feel hurt by my question, have no desire to answer it and is bound to respond defensively. - Confrontation creates tension - it jeopardises the relationship. - I only have the right to confront someone if I'm very knowledgeable about the subject at hand and believe I know more about it than they do. ## How to Know Everything by Elke Wiss --- ## Summary: Listen by Kathryn Mannix URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-listen-by-kathryn-mannix Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-listen-by-kathryn-mannix.md Date: 2024-11-21 Topics: book-summaries If you’ve ever avoided a challenging conversation — delivering difficult news, consoling someone in distress, or navigating conflict — Listen by Kathryn Mannix is a must-read. Practical guidance for emotionally charged discussions, especially for leaders. ## Should you read this? If you’ve ever avoided a challenging conversation—be it delivering difficult news, consoling someone in distress, or navigating conflict—then [*Listen*](https://amzn.to/3CNgSWI)[by Kathryn Mannix](https://amzn.to/3CNgSWI) is a must-read. This book offers practical guidance for approaching emotionally charged discussions with empathy, clarity, and courage. It’s especially valuable for leaders seeking to improve communication in high-stakes situations. Kathryn Mannix’s deep experience as a palliative care doctor lends wisdom and warmth to this essential toolkit for meaningful conversations. ## Toby's takeaway Ellen's hospice was caring for an elderly man with cancer named Jim. He had no family, lived alone, and struggled to look after himself due to severe pain in his legs and back. Valuing his independence, Jim had been reluctant to enter the hospice. When he arrived, he was unkempt, smelling of stale urine—a consequence of his difficulty getting to the bathroom. Jim spent most of his days in bed, except when the physiotherapist managed to coax him into the exercise room to watch live football on a large TV. While distracted by the game, he tolerated the discomfort of having his thin legs stretched. His hair was matted, and his stubble grew into a messy beard littered with food debris. Despite this, he refused offers to help him wash or shave. Unable to walk to the toilet, he struggled with urine bottles, often spilling them. He reluctantly accepted clean hospice pyjamas with little interest. “He was hard to help, hard to like, and hard to get to know,” Ellen admitted. “We hated the idea of not liking a patient, but he kept everyone at arm's length.” As Jim’s condition worsened, he required more painkillers and lost interest in eating, drinking, and even watching football. One night, he repeatedly rang the nurses' bell, complaining that he felt dirty and wanted to be washed. Yet, each time they offered help, he declined, leaving the staff feeling helpless and frustrated. Ellen, reflecting on her CBT training, decided to approach Jim differently. Late that night, she entered his room and asked, “Jim, you seem very restless tonight. What’s bothering you?” After a long silence, Jim finally replied, “I won’t be worthy like this.” His words revealed a deep sadness. Ellen gently asked what he meant by “worthy,” and he responded, “Filthy. Unworthy.” He explained that being clean was essential to his sense of worth. “Jim, would you like a shave? A wash?” Ellen asked. Jim agreed but insisted, “I want to do it myself. In the bathroom. Like a man!” Despite his frailty, Ellen recognized how important this was to him. She persuaded the nursing staff to help her wheel Jim into the bathroom, despite their concerns about the risks. After administering extra pain relief, they carefully helped him into a wheelchair and wheeled him to the sink. Ellen set up a basin of hot water, a comb, a clean razor, and shaving soap. When Jim demanded to do it alone, Ellen hesitated but agreed, leaving the door ajar. Before stepping out, Ellen told Jim, “I’m proud of how manly you’re being. But please, be careful—I’d get into trouble if you cut yourself.” For the next half hour, Ellen waited nervously outside, listening to the sounds of Jim shaving. Finally, he called her name. When she entered, Jim’s hair was combed back, and his face was clean-shaven. He let Ellen shave the areas around his Adam’s apple, then requested clean pyjamas. Together with the nurses, she helped him into bed, where they all admired how handsome he looked. Ellen left to prepare him a hot chocolate. When she returned, Jim had passed away. Ellen realized his urgency to be clean, shaved, and dressed had been his way of preparing for death. He wanted to leave this world feeling “worthy.” Excerpt from [Listen by Kathryn Mannix.](https://amzn.to/3CNgSWI) A profound example of listening, serving, and being present—choosing to “be with” someone rather than “do to” them. ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **The Power of Listening Without Fixing -** Effective listening is about creating a safe space for others to express their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. When we try to "fix" the problem, we can unintentionally diminish the speaker’s experience. Instead, listen with curiosity and ask open-ended questions like, *“Tell me more about…”* or *“What do you think about that now?”* This approach empowers others to find their own solutions while building trust and confidence in their abilities. 2. **Tender Conversations Require Timing and Space -** Sensitive conversations flourish when the conditions feel “good enough.” Create a comfortable physical and emotional environment, and allow both parties to pace the discussion. Recognise that you don’t need to resolve everything in one sitting. Small gestures, like offering tea or adjusting seating to feel less formal, can transform a discussion from transactional to relational. Importantly, respect others’ readiness to engage—inviting, rather than insisting, opens the door to deeper dialogue. 3. **Courage to Begin is Transformative -** Initiating difficult conversations is often the hardest part. Mannix highlights the “Threshold Effect,” where hesitation keeps us stuck. Using preparatory phrases like, *“I have something important to ask,”* or, *“This may be a difficult topic,”* helps set expectations and eases the transition into the discussion. Acknowledging your emotions, such as, *“I’m too shocked to comment right now,”* can also create space for reflection and honesty. ## Best quotes [![How to Listen by Oscar Trimboli](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_56111be5c1c543c09c2eb3e1b4a41c6c~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > “We all have moments when words fail us, often because they are swirling in a fog of emotions.” > “The way we listen affects the speaker’s confidence.” > “Being a companion in suffering requires us to hold a space where suffering is not judged, discouraged, or minimised.” > “Curiosity is a versatile tool: it allows us to explore differences without diminishing the other’s perspective.” > “Talking about death won’t make it happen, but not talking about it robs us of choices and moments that will not come again.” ## How To Listen by Kathryn Mannix --- ## Summary: How To Listen by Oscar Trimboli URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-listen-by-oscar-trimboli Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-listen-by-oscar-trimboli.md Date: 2024-11-13 Topics: book-summaries How to Listen by Oscar Trimboli is perfect for leaders who want to unlock deeper, more impactful conversations. The book provides an actionable framework that shows how better listening can strengthen professional relationships and drive resu ## Should you read this? Yes, [How to Listen by Oscar Trimboli](https://amzn.to/4enrPLS) is perfect for leaders who want to unlock deeper, more impactful conversations. The book provides an actionable framework that shows how better listening can strengthen professional relationships and drive results. It’s ideal for leaders who want to reduce communication breakdowns and improve team engagement by transforming their listening skills. ## Toby's takeaway I asked a leadership team to rate, on a scale of 1-10, how they would rate themselves as a listener compared to others. I also asked a subset of their teams to rate their leaders' effectiveness at listening. The result may not surprise you. The vast majority of leaders on the leadership team rated themselves above average. In contrast, only 10% of their direct teams felt the leaders showed effective listening. It's not unique to listening. I ran a similar exercise with another leadership team, but instead, I asked them to rank their coaching skills. The same result: Most leaders felt their coaching skills were above average, yet the teams they worked with felt the coaching they received was below average. There is a cognitive bias to explain this behaviour: illusionary superiority. This is the tendency for people to rate their abilities, qualities, or behaviours in an overly favourable way, often attributing positive outcomes to their actions and negative outcomes to external factors. In [How To Listen, Oscar Trimboli](https://amzn.to/4enrPLS) says: > The first listening barrier is self-awareness. I'd broaden it to "the first leadership barrier is self-awareness." Without it, leaders will be convinced that "I'm not the problem; everyone else is." The takeaway for leadership development is that few skills can be developed without requiring increased self-awareness. You cannot become a better listener without increasing your self-awareness. The question then becomes not how to become a better listener, coach, leader, or manager but how to become more self-aware. Oscar shares this exercise, which can be an easy first step. Read instructions 1 to 5 completely before you commence. 1. Focus on a blank space, a wall, or some paper for the next three minutes—not a screen. It would be even better to close your eyes during this exercise. 2. Notice your breathing; is it slow, fast, light, or heavy? 3. Bring your attention to yourself and ask yourself: What am I not listening to in myself? 4. Switch your phone to "do not disturb" and set your alarm for three minutes. 5. Ask yourself, "What am I not listening to in myself?" Do this for three minutes. 6. Please commence now. I'm curious: what has helped you develop self-awareness? ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Five Levels of Listening** - [Oscar Trimboli categorises](https://amzn.to/4enrPLS) listening into five progressive levels: listening to oneself, to the content, to the context, to the unsaid, and finally, to the meaning behind words. This layered approach helps leaders understand what is being said and uncover the underlying concerns, motivations, and feelings. Mastering this process can lead to more informed decision-making and create an environment where team members feel genuinely understood. 2. **The Power of Presence -** Effective listening demands more than just hearing words—it requires entire presence. Trimboli stresses the importance of mentally “tuning” oneself to reduce internal distractions. For leaders, being fully present means setting aside personal biases and preoccupations to focus entirely on the speaker. This deep presence helps build trust and enables leaders to foster richer, more meaningful interactions. 3. **Listening as a Tool for Problem-Solving -** OscarTrimboli explains that effective listening can identify and resolve conflicts more swiftly and accurately. Leaders can use listening as a diagnostic tool to catch early warning signs of issues within their teams or projects. Listening beyond words allows leaders to capture nuances in tone and context that can reveal unspoken challenges, helping to address problems proactively. ## Best quotes [![How to Listen by Oscar Trimboli](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b3c6ebbfeecc451dbc8ea4794f6245b5~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > Listening is the willingness to have your mind changed. > Western society is biased towards heroic and charismatic speakers. > The five levels of listening: 1. Yourself 2. Content 3. Context 4. Unsaid 5. Meaning > When asked how they would rate themselves as a listener compared to others in their workplace, 74.8% of respondents considered themselves above or above average. When asked to rate the listening of others, only 12.1 % chose well or above average. What does this mean? It means we each think we are much better listeners than others. The first listening barrier is self-awareness. > There is no universal and shared understanding of how to listen effectively. > In 2015, Google created a process: when a meeting is large or has more attendees, it begins with a short pause. Attendees were invited to switch off their devices and notice their attention and where they wanted it to be during the meeting. > Treat silence like a complete word: listen to their pause's beginning, middle and end. > The backstory needs to start at the beginning - at the very beginning of the issue, not where the speaker commences. ## How To Listen by Oscar Trimboli Video --- ## Summary: How To Know a Person by David Brooks URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-know-a-person-by-david-brooks Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-how-to-know-a-person-by-david-brooks.md Date: 2024-10-30 Topics: book-summaries How to Know a Person by David Brooks is a profoundly reflective exploration of what it means to connect with others on a meaningful level. For leaders, it offers tools and perspectives to deepen workplace relationships, build empathy, and navigate conversations with authenticity. ## Should you read this? [How to Know a Person](https://amzn.to/4f5kmCe) by David Brooks is a profoundly reflective exploration of what it means to connect with others on a meaningful level. For leaders, it offers tools and perspectives to deepen workplace relationships, build empathy, and navigate conversations with authenticity. David provides a framework for leaders to foster a culture of understanding—valuable in today’s complex, often fragmented, work environments. ## Toby's takeaway Stop it with the bore bombs. Being a mediocre conversationalist is easy. Being a good conversationalist is hard. The challenge is the common view of what makes a good conversationalist. It's easy to assume they are someone who tells funny stories, commands the rooms, and gives piercing insights. I met someone like this earlier today. The problem was that their stories were not funny, their insights were lecturing, and they didn't stop for a breath. I listened for ten minutes. Then, after a quick exchange, it happened again—another lecture. I received what Calvin Trilling calls a "bore bomb": people who think they think the conversation is them giving you a lecture. I'm not the kind of person to interrupt, so I try my best to listen. But frankly, after 10 minutes of a bore bomb, I start thinking about what's for lunch. In contrast, a good conversationalist is a master at fostering a two-way exchange. They lead people on a mutual expedition towards understanding. In [How To Know a Person](https://amzn.to/4f5kmCe), David Brooks describes these communicators as illuminators. They see people in all their fullness. Different cultures have words for this way of being. The Koreans call it nunchi, the ability to be sensitive to other people's moods and thoughts. The Germans have a word for it: herenzbildung, training one's heart to see the full humanity in another. David offers a straightforward way to illuminate a conversation. **Don't ask:** What do you think about x? **Ask:** How did you come to believe X? This framing invites people to tell a story about what events led them to think the way they do. Here is another example: **Don't ask:** What are your values? **Ask:** Tell me about the person who shaped your values the most. Better questions don't mean you won't need to sit patiently and listen for ten minutes. However, the quality of the question reduces the chance of a bore bomb. The answers will be illuminating. And if you are lucky, you will meet one of those special people who will ask you illuminating questions, too. ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Seeing Beyond the Surface** - [How to Know a Person](https://amzn.to/4f5kmCe) introduces the concept of “Illuminators” and “Diminishers,” describing how we can either bring out the best in others or unintentionally minimise their worth. For leaders, “seeing” someone goes beyond surface-level interactions—it requires full presence, understanding someone’s context, and recognising their unique strengths. This approach creates a foundation for trust, allowing employees to feel genuinely valued. 2. **The Power of the Right Questions -** Asking open-ended, meaningful questions is the key to truly understanding someone. These questions should invite storytelling and reflection, helping leaders uncover their team members' motivations, challenges, and values. Questions like “What’s something you care about that you feel isn’t understood?” open doors to empathy and deeper connections, shifting the dynamic from transactional to transformational. 3. **Addressing the Crisis of Disconnection -** According to David Brooks, a “crisis of loneliness” increasingly isolates people, often manifesting as mistrust and disengagement in the workplace. Leaders who prioritise connection, foster inclusivity, and engage employees meaningfully help counter this isolation. He highlights the need to normalise vulnerability, inviting leaders to acknowledge personal struggles and allow others to do the same. This creates a foundation of mutual support and resilience. ## Best quotes [![David Brooks How To Know a Person Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b7064b46c44a4da4a404c038261bddb7~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) **Being an illuminator, seeing other people in all their fullness doesn't just happen. It's a craft, a set of skills, a way of life.** Different cultures have words for this way of being. The Koreans call it nunchi, the ability to be sensitive to other people's moods and thoughts. The Germans have a word for it: herenzbildung, training one's heart to see the full humanity in another. **Being a mediocre conversationalist is easy. Being a good conversationalist is hard.** As I've tried to understand how to become a better conversationalist, I've had to overcome weird ideas about what a good conversationalist is. Like. Many people think a good conversationalist is someone who can tell funny stories; that's a raconteur, but that's not a conversationalist. A lot of people think a good conversationalist is someone who can offer piercing insights on a range of topics. That's a lecturer, but not a conversationalist. A good conversationalist is a master at fostering a two-way exchange. A good conversationalist is capable of leading people on a mutual expedition towards understanding you. I often find myself on the receiving end of what the journalist Calvin Trilling called "bore bombs", people who think they think the conversation is them giving you a lecture. **Be a loud listener: When another person is talking, you want to be listening so actively that you're practically burning calories.** Fin the disagreement under the disagreement: When arguing, the natural thing is to restate your point of view until the other person sees the issue the way you do. The more exciting thing to do is to ask why we disagree at heart. What is the value disagreement underneath our practical disagreement? Around 2018, many books have been published tracing the catastrophic decline in social relationships. They have titles like Lost Connections, The Crisis of Connection and The Lonely Century. In different ways, they present us with the same baffling mystery: the thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to be stuck at Most is relationships. I **I left this hard conversation feeling like I should have done more to understand her point of view, but I also should have done more to assert my own. To clarify and explore any disagreements that we might have.** The first thing I learned is that **prior to entering into any hard conversation, it's important to think about conditions before you think about content.** What are the conditions in which this conversation is going to take place? **With every comment, you either make me feel a little more safe or a little more threatened.** With every comment, I show you either respect or disrespect. With every comment, we reveal something about our intentions. It is the volley of these underlying emotions that will determine the success or failure of the conversation. **Curiosity is the ability to explore something, even in stressful and difficult circumstances.** The authors of Crucial Conversations observed that in any conversation, respect is like air. When it's present, nobody notices, but when it's absent, it's all anybody can think about Dennis Profitt, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, studies perception. He wants to know how people construct their realities, sometimes at the most elementary level. For example, He has done extensive research on a curious phenomenon: people generally vastly overestimate how steep hills are, even in places like San Francisco, where the hills are, in fact, pretty steep. Profit was conducting experiments in which he asked groups of students to estimate the grades of various hills around the UVA campus. A hill on campus might actually have a 5% grade, but a typical participant would estimate that I had a 20% grade one day. Prophet took a look at the most recent batch of experimental data and was stunned to find that suddenly; the students had got much better at estimating the grade of a particular Hill. Prophet and his team delved into the mystery and discovered the latest batch of questionnaires had been filled out by members of the UVA women's varsity soccer team. The Hills didn't look so steep because they were extremely fit athletes who would have had little trouble walking up the hill. **How you see a situation depends on what you are capable of doing in a situation.** People with heavy backpacks see steeper hills than people without backpacks because it's harder to walk up the hill with a backpack. People who have just consumed energy drinks see less steep hills than people who have not. People who have listened to sad music see steeper hills than people who have listened to happy music. Overweight people see distances as longer than people who are not overweight. We project our individual mental experience into the world and, therefore, mistake it for the physical world, oblivious to the shaping of perception by our century, systems, personal histories, goals, and expectations. You People vary widely in their ability to project empathy. The Psychologist Simon Baron Cohen, one of the leading scholars in his field, argues that **there's an empathy spectrum and that people tend to fall within one of seven categories on it,** depending on their genetic inheritance, the way life has treated them and how hard they've worked to become empathetic. At level zero, people can hurt or even kill others without any feeling at all. At level one, people can show a degree of empathy, but not enough to break their cube. Cruel behavior. They blow up at others and cause emotional damage without restraint. At level two, people are simply clueless. They say rude and hurtful things without awareness. At level three, people avoid social encounters when possible because it is so hard for them. At level four, people can interact easily with others, but they do not like it when the conversation shifts to emotional, personal topics. Level five people have many intimate friendships and are comfortable expressing support and compassion. Level six are people who are wonderful listeners and intuitive about other people's needs. **It's common for conversations to fall into the trap of comment-making conversations rather than storytelling conversations.** The psychologist Jerome Bruner distinguished between two different modes of thinking, which he called the paradigmatic mode and the narrative mode. The paradigmatic mode is analytical. It's making an argument. It's a mental state that involves amassing data, collecting evidence and offering a hypothesis. A lot of us live our professional lives in the paradigmatic mode, making presentations, writing legal briefs, issuing orders and cobbling together opinion columns. Paradigmatic thinking is great for understanding data, making the case for a proposition, and analyzing trends and populations; it is not great for seeing an individual person. Narrative thinking, on the other hand, is necessary for understanding the unique individual in front of you. Stories capture the unique presence of a person's character and how he or she changes over time. Stories capture how thousand little influences come together to shape a life, how people struggle and strive, how their lives are knocked about by lucky and unlucky breaks. When someone is telling you their story, you get a much more personal complicated and attractive image of the person. You get to experience their experience. **When I'm conversing with someone now, I'm trying to push against that and get us into narrative mode.** I'm no longer content to ask What do you think about x? Instead, I ask, how did you come to believe X? This is a framing that invites people to tell a story about what events led them to, the way that to think they the way they do similarly, I don't ask people to tell me about their values. Tell me about the person who shaped your values the most. This prompts a story. ## How To Know a Person by David Brooks Video --- ## Summary: The 4-Hour Chef by Tim Ferris URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-4-hour-chef-by-tim-ferris Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-4-hour-chef-by-tim-ferris.md Date: 2024-10-24 Topics: book-summaries I've been obsessed with Tim Ferris for years. I consume all of his podcasts and books. Most recently, I re-read The 4-Hour Chef. It is far more than a cookbook; it's a masterclass on accelerated learning. ## Should you read this? I've been obsessed with Tim Ferris for years. I consume all of his podcasts and books. Most recently, I re-read *The 4-Hour Chef*. It is far more than a cookbook; it's a masterclass on accelerated learning. If you're a leader who wants to develop the ability to quickly learn new skills—whether for personal growth or to enhance your business capabilities—this book is epic. Tim uses cooking as a metaphor to teach "meta-learning," a process that can help you break down any complex task and master it efficiently. For leaders, this approach to skill acquisition can boost productivity and problem-solving. ## Toby's takeaway I'm amazed and inspired by how Tim Ferriss learns. I read the Four Hour Work Week early in my career and have consumed nearly every podcast episode. A specific technique that has been implanted in my mind is DiSSS. A learning strategy shared in The 4-Hour Chef. It stands for Deconstruction, Selection, Sequencing, and Stakes. To illustrate how this works, let’s look at how he applied it to an unfamiliar and daunting challenge: learning how to swim. ## The Challenge: Learning to Swim Efficiently Despite growing up near water, Tim never learned to swim properly. He saw it as an overwhelming hurdle and felt self-conscious about his inability. However, instead of accepting defeat, he decided to test his method and turn his lack of swimming ability into a confident skill. ## 1. Deconstruction The first step was to break down the seemingly complex task of swimming into smaller, more manageable components. He studied elite swimmers, like Olympians, to identify the key elements. He discovered that the secret to efficient swimming wasn’t stroke speed but mastering body positioning and reducing drag in the water. ## 2. Selection Rather than burdening himself with countless techniques, Tim focused on a few that would give him the greatest impact. He chose the Total Immersion method, which teaches that swimming should feel effortless, using minimal energy by maintaining balance and streamlining the body. ## 3. Sequencing He structured his learning in the correct sequence. Instead of jumping straight into swimming laps, he honed in on foundational elements like floating, breathing, and gentle propulsion. He began with exercises that helped him maintain balance in the water, gradually progressing to more complex movements like full strokes. ## 4. Stakes To ensure he stayed committed, Tim introduced accountability. He told friends about his swimming goal, knowing they would hold him to it. He also set a firm deadline—he booked a public speaking event at a hotel with a pool, meaning he had to be comfortable in the water before the event. ## The Result: Mastery in Record Time Within weeks, Ferriss, once fearful of the water, was easily swimming using his chosen method. He didn’t become an Olympic-level swimmer, but he achieved functional competency far faster than most would expect. ## From Knowledge to Action This story perfectly captures how Tim Ferriss doesn’t just acquire knowledge; he puts it into practice to solve real-life challenges. By breaking down complex tasks, focusing on the most impactful elements, and creating accountability, he turns theory into skill. His approach isn’t just about learning; it’s about applying that learning in the most effective way to achieve tangible results ## 3 big ideas 1. **Master the Art of Learning -** Tim introduces "meta-learning," which is the process of learning how to learn. This is critical for leaders who are constantly adapting to new challenges. By deconstructing any skill into its most essential components and applying the 80/20 rule, you can focus on the small tasks that yield the biggest results. This method accelerates your mastery in any domain, from cooking to business strategy. 2. **Deliberate Practice -** Tim debunks the myth of natural talent and highlights the importance of deliberate practice. You can improve in any area by breaking down complex skills into manageable parts and focusing on consistent, targeted efforts. For leaders, this translates to setting clear, measurable goals and pushing your team to move beyond comfort zones for sustained improvement. 3. **Experimentation and Feedback Loops -** This book stresses the importance of experimentation and frequent feedback as keys to fast learning. Leaders can apply this by fostering a culture of trial and error within their teams, where mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities. This approach encourages innovation, continuous improvement, and, ultimately, faster growth. ## Best quotes [![Big Idea from Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_791b2457a59f40ee98380ddf79b15659~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > “It is possible to become world-class, enter the top 5% of performers in the world, in almost any subject within 6-12 months, or even 6-12 weeks.” > “In cooking—as in business and war—hope for the best but plan for the worst.” > “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” > “What we really need to do, to design, is look at the extremes. The weakest, or the person with arthritis, or the athlete, or the strongest, the fastest person, because if we understand what the extremes are, the middle will take care of itself.” In other words, the extremes inform the mean, but not vice versa.” > “sometimes having no experience is a huge advantage. Age doesn’t matter; an open mind does.” > “You don’t need more recipes. You need to learn to cook without them.” ## The 4-Hour Chef by Tim Ferris Video --- ## Summary: Speak So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/speak-so-your-audience-will-listen-by-robin-kermode Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/speak-so-your-audience-will-listen-by-robin-kermode.md Date: 2024-10-17 Topics: book-summaries Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode is the best book I've read on Public Speaking. Why I like it so much is that it's focused on practical exercises. Improving your confidence, clarity and content of your talk. ## Should you read this? According to Amazon, I first read this book in 2015! I have recommended it countless times. Countless pages are folded over and notes scrawled across almost every page. [Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode](https://amzn.to/4h86uIO) is the best book I've read on Public Speaking. Why I like it so much is that it's focused on practical exercises. Improving your confidence, clarity and content of your talk. This book isn't at the top of every reading list, and you've probably never heard of the author. Don't let this put you off, this is an excellent book. Perfect for new public speakers or those looking to get better. ## Toby's takeaway My brother is getting married and he asked for this advice. How do I deliver a groom's speech? Earlier this year, I did the same. And clearly, I wowed the audience so much, he thought to ask me how to do the same. So what advice did I have? Clench your buttocks Not what you were expecting…. This tip comes from [Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode](https://amzn.to/4h86uIO) It’s the best book I’ve read on mastering public speaking. Why buttocks? Well, Robin shares that it lowers our sense of gravity which can make us appear powerful and confident. The Power Pose from [Presence by Amy Cuddy](/post/book-summary-presence-by-amy-cuddy) is a similar idea. Adjusting your body can lead to a more confident and clear message. This week my buttock clenching was put to the test. I was speaking at the Data and AI conference, on AI Coaches. Now I think my talk went splendidly (I’m biased) But I noticed several speakers did something I hate. I hate it so much I’ve spent years eradicating it from my talks Filler words. Um....Err.....Erm As an audience member, no matter how good your content is, I just cannot listen to your message. I’ve spent years eradicating this from how I speak. It comes back now and then, but through practice, it is rare. As a result, I speak with credibility and clarity. I make it easy for the audience to listen. How can you remove these filler words? Pause. Replace every erm with a pause. This takes a lot of practice and repetition. Grab your camera and record yourself speaking over and over again. Eventually, these annoying filler words will disappear from your talk. You’ll speak with confidence and clarity. And your audience will love you. **What are your biggest fears around public speaking?** ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 Exercises I Loved From Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode ## EXERCISE 1 - Become Confident Stand facing a wall and focus on a picture or a light switch. Imagine you are going to give a talk. Start by saying: Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is ..., I have some exciting news for you.' Say it directly to the picture or the light switch. Now say it again, but before you say it, tighten your buttocks or your thighs. Really clench them tight. Stick with me on this one - it does work. Now say the sentence again, but this time without tightening your buttocks or your thighs. And once again with them tightened. Do this a few times, with and without clenching. Do you feel any different either way? Most people say that with their buttocks or their thighs Clenched and tight, they feel stronger and more 'centred? What is happening is that by clenching those big muscles, you are lowering your centre of gravity. And if you lower your centre of gravity, you will both feel and appear more centred and confident. ## EXERCISE 2 - Pace Let's see what pace of delivery works best for you. Read the summary above. It contains 350 words;. Time yourself as you speak this section out loud. If you spoke for two minutes you would have been speaking at 175 words a minute. Two and a half minutes would have been at 140 words a minute. Three minutes would have been at 116 words a minute. Now try this exercise again and record yourself when speaking. Just record your voice, don't be tempted to use video. It will be easier to listen to your pace if you are not distracted visually. As you listen back, think about your audience. Were you speaking too fast? Or were you speaking at a comfortable rate for them to hear and process your words clearly? Experiment by trying this exercise several times. ## EXERCISE 3 - Try different openings Using your speech idea from the last exercise, try out some different openings with the Headline Method. Write down five different openings that could start your talk with: 1. The Hook 2. The Tease 3. The Quiz 4. The Shock 5. The Three Way Opening Now read them each out loud. How did they sound and feel? Does one work better than another in this particular situation? ## Best quotes [![Big Idea from Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_14a57a4b0d614e42a242f3a5a9947e11~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > “On thing we do know is that we are human, and that our audience is human too. It is human to have insecurities and imperfections." > “I want you to be the best possible version of yourself when public speaking." > “Having a low center of gravity can make us appear powerful and confident." ## Speak: So Your Audience Will Listen by Robin Kermode Video --- ## Summary: The Laws of Connection by David Robson URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-laws-of-connection-by-david-robson Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-laws-of-connection-by-david-robson.md Date: 2024-10-10 Topics: book-summaries The Laws of Connection by David Robson is for leaders who need to build real workplace relationships. Science-backed strategies for connection when isolation is the default. ## Should you read this? [The Laws of Connection](https://amzn.to/4f1ZIml) by David Robson is an essential read for leaders seeking to understand and improve their ability to build meaningful connections in the workplace. With increasing social isolation, this book provides practical, science-backed strategies to foster stronger relationships, which are crucial for both personal well-being and team success. Whether you're looking to enhance communication within your team or build trust with senior management, this book offers evidence-based approaches that can be directly applied to professional leadership settings. ## Toby's takeaway I'm five weeks into running a business. This is a feeling I didn't anticipate, a loss of connection. Specifically social connection. Upon reflection, a full-time corporate role was a great environment for social connection. I worked in a team, I was managing people and felt part of a community. Corporations can create endless opportunities to meet and connect with colleagues. I know it's not always easy to truly find people you connect with. You might be working in a toxic environment with colleagues you hate. For me, working at a company provided an opportunity for connection. Working as a solopreneur, however, it is just me. Luckily my days are still full of meetings and conversations. But it's not with a team. I'm realising where I get energy from is working with others. I'm reflecting on how I can cultivate more connections each day, considering I work alone and remotely in a Lancashire village. This week I finished [The Laws of Connection by David Robson](https://amzn.to/4f1ZIml). One of the interesting approaches shared in the book is the fast friends procedure. A psychological technique designed to rapidly foster closeness between two individuals through a structured set of questions. There are 36 specific questions within the procedure. They have been tested and shown to be questions that create a connection. Here are some examples: 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 3. What does friendship mean to you? 4. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…" 5. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? What I love about this approach, is that by learning a few simple questions, you can dramatically increase connection within your relationships. And some of these work great with strangers you are meeting for the first time. Example: What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? I'd love to know your answer :) Here are the 13 Laws of Connection: 1. **Be consistent** in your treatment of others to avoid becoming a stressful frenemy. 2. **Create mutual understanding** with others by focusing on internal experiences rather than superficial similarities. 3. **Trust that others like you** as much as you like them, and practice social skills to build confidence. 4. **Check assumptions**; focus on ‘perspective-getting’ over ‘perspective-taking’ to reduce misunderstandings. 5. **In conversations**, demonstrate active attention, engage in self-disclosure, and avoid the novelty penalty. 6. **Praise generously**, but be specific in your appreciation. 7. **Be open about vulnerabilities** and value honesty over kindness, but practice both. 8. **Do not fear envy**; share successes while avoiding comparisons, and enjoy ‘confelicity’ (shared joy). 9. **Ask for help** when needed, expecting that it strengthens bonds. 10. **Offer emotional support**, but don’t force it; validate feelings while offering alternative perspectives. 11. **Be civil and curious** in disagreements; translate opinions into the other person’s moral language. 12. **Choose forgiveness over spite**; focus on the big picture in arguments and take responsibility in apologies. 13. **Reach out to missing people** in your life to let them know they’re still in your thoughts. ![13 Laws of Connection Infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_47f7909c26ad4facb7e2e6aaf7c576ac~mv2.png) ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Social Bonds Improve Well-being -** David Robson highlights the critical importance of social connections, showing that strong relationships are as vital to our health as diet and exercise. Studies reveal that loneliness not only diminishes productivity but also increases the risk of conditions like heart disease and Alzheimer’s. For leaders, fostering genuine connections can create more resilient, engaged teams, directly impacting performance and innovation. 2. **Cognitive Biases Impede Connection -** One of the book's key insights is how our own biases—such as the "liking gap" (the belief that people like us less than they do)—prevent us from forming deeper bonds. These mental barriers lead to missed opportunities to build trust within teams and with stakeholders. Recognising and overcoming these biases can help leaders create more open and collaborative environments. 3. **Actionable Strategies for Building Relationships** - The book offers 13 practical laws for improving social bonds, such as the "fast-friends procedure," which accelerates closeness through meaningful conversations, and the "beautiful mess effect," which shows that vulnerability fosters deeper relationships. Leaders can apply these strategies by encouraging more honest, empathetic communication, ultimately leading to stronger, more cohesive teams. ## Best quotes [![The Laws of Connection by David Robson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_140d132f08774eb5b59c6225eab3c748~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > “The size of our social network and the frequency of interactions matter, but most important is the quality of the relationships, which can be supportive, aversive or ambivalent. The supportive relationships are the most beneficial, and the ambivalent ones are the most harmful” > “What you need to know Social connection is one of the most important predictors of physical and mental health. It soothes pain, reduces inflammation, and reduces the risk of thrombosis Even small reminders of loved ones – such as a photo – can reduce our startle response and soothe upsetting memories” > “Be consistent in your treatment of others. Avoid being a stressful frenemy.” ## The Laws of Connection by David Robson Video The five additional takeaways I had from this episode: 1. **The "liking gap" phenomenon:** People often underestimate how much others like them after interactions. Making positive feelings explicit can help overcome this. 2. **Importance of follow-up questions:** Asking deeper, more emotionally-focused questions shows genuine curiosity and helps build connections faster than small talk. 3. **Creating "shared reality":** When people experience similar thoughts and feelings, it creates a stronger bond. This can be achieved relatively quickly through meaningful conversation. 4. **Challenging assumptions:** Treating social interactions as "micro experiments" can help overcome negative assumptions about how others will respond. 5. **Benefits of appreciation:** Expressing gratitude and appreciation, both for others and from others, has significant positive effects on relationships and well-being. --- ## Summary: The Friction Project by Robert Sutton, Huggy Rao URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-friction-project-by-robert-sutton-huggy-rao Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-friction-project-by-robert-sutton-huggy-rao.md Date: 2024-09-26 Topics: book-summaries The Friction Project helps leaders find the hidden forces that slow work and burn out teams — and when to add friction on purpose. A practical guide to making the right work flow. ## Should you read this? [The Friction Project](https://amzn.to/3ZGIqXu) tackles a really important challenge we all face at work. This book helps leaders identify and address friction—those hidden forces that slow down productivity and burn out teams. It’s a practical guide for creating an environment where the right things flow smoothly while intentionally adding friction to prevent undesirable behaviours. Leaders seeking to streamline operations, eliminate waste, and build a more agile organisation will find tremendous value in the book. ## Toby's takeaway **Why is it so hard to work here?** Getting stuff done can be so damn hard. These are perfect examples: The healthcare CEO who bombarded thousands of employees with so many long, dull, and complicated email missives that they nicknamed him Dr. TLDR (too long; didn’t read). The convoluted forty-two-page document inflicted on 2.5 million Michigan residents each year who applied for childcare, food, and healthcare support from the state. At eighteen thousand words and more than one thousand questions, it was the longest benefits form in the United States. Three hundred thousand hours a year. That’s how much time executive committee members and their underlings spent preparing for the weekly ExCom meeting at a big company. The exasperated hiring manager, to onboard just one new hire, struggled to complete over 50 manual requests to get access to the tools needed. Even worse, it turned out that they missed the most important request, a badge, which meant the new hire couldn't access the building when they arrived. This pain is explored in [The Friction Project by Robert Sutton and Huggy Rao.](https://amzn.to/3ZGIqXu) They spent decades analysing friction within organisations. They identified five ways you can be an effective Friction Fixer: - **Less Is More** - Avoid “addition bias,” which assumes more meetings or roles improve productivity. Use the “rule of halves”: reduce time or complexity by 50%, and only add back what’s necessary. - **Be a Trustee of Employee's Time** - Great friction fixers prioritise others’ time. Sutton shares a story about a DMV worker streamlining the process by handing out forms early, cutting waiting times significantly. - **Cut the Corporate Speak** - Replace convoluted lingo with simple, clear language that everyone can understand. Straightforward communication reduces confusion and speeds up decision-making. - **Embrace Slowing Down** - Not all friction is bad. Slowing down creative processes allows for better ideas to emerge. Practice "previctorems" and "premortems" to anticipate success and failure. - **Involve Everyone in Fixing Friction** - Elimination must be a collective effort. Campaigns like Hawaii Pacific Health's “Getting Rid of Stupid Stuff” empower everyone, from top executives to frontline staff, to contribute. One of the most important Leadership tasks is to be a trustee of employee's time. Be a Friction Fixer. ## 3 big ideas 1. **Leaders as Friction Fixers -** Sadly, leaders are often friction creators, not friction fixers. It's not intentional, but often simple decisions can lead to hundreds of hours of waste. The book introduces the concept of leaders as “trustees of others' time.” Effective leaders remove obstacles that waste time and energy, empowering teams to focus on high-impact tasks. These leaders know when to add constructive friction, encouraging thoughtful decision-making rather than impulsive actions. 2. **The Help Pyramid for Solving Friction -** The authors outline a five-level Help Pyramid to tackle friction. It ranges from reframing the issue to reducing its psychological weight, navigating around systemic obstacles, shielding teams from unnecessary burdens, and ultimately redesigning organisational structures for long-term improvement. 3. **Good Friction vs. Bad Friction -** Not all friction is detrimental. Leaders must differentiate between helpful friction, which promotes debate and critical thinking, and harmful friction, which saps morale and slows progress. The book guides readers through making deliberate choices about when to smooth processes and when to introduce friction for better outcomes. ## Best quotes [![Intelligence Trap by David Robson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6ed994323aff4c4daad92e0443a76bcf~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "Being a trustee of others' time is a hallmark of skilled friction fixers. They take pride in removing obstacles that squander time and energy." > "Organizations are malleable prototypes; friction fixers treat systems as changeable and temporary." > "Friction requires constant vigilance. Like mowing the lawn, it's a never-ending task." > "Celebrate and reward doers, not posers—those who take action rather than merely talking about it." > "Good leaders flatten hierarchies when creativity is needed, but activate them to prevent destructive conflicts." --- ## Summary: The Intelligence Trap by David Robson URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-intelligence-trap-by-david-robson Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-intelligence-trap-by-david-robson.md Date: 2024-09-18 Topics: The Intelligence Trap by David Robson offers a fascinating examination of why intelligent people often make poor decisions and how leaders can avoid falling into similar traps. It exposes the mental pitfalls of intelligence, providing tools to think more clearly, make better decisions, and foster wiser teams. ## Should you read this? The Intelligence Trap by David Robson offers a fascinating examination of why intelligent people often make poor decisions and how leaders can avoid falling into similar traps. It exposes the mental pitfalls of intelligence, providing tools to think more clearly, make better decisions, and foster wiser teams. This is an eye-opening read for leaders who want to sharpen their decision-making skills and create environments that promote better thinking. ## Toby's takeaway **Telling Smart People, They Are Stupid** This never goes down well. Yet we all know many intelligent people who can often be so damn stupid. This phenomenon, known as the “intelligence trap,” is explored in David Robson's [The Intelligence Trap](https://amzn.to/47vebo4). The book reveals that intelligence doesn’t always equate to wise decision-making. Sometimes, the very qualities that make someone intellectually brilliant can lead them into cognitive pitfalls. Intelligent people are often overconfident in their abilities, making them less open to feedback. The more competent someone is, the more likely they believe they have all the answers. This is what Robson calls earned dogmatism—the idea that expertise leads to a sense of intellectual entitlement, resulting in rigid thinking. The problem is, how do you convince an intelligent person they are stupid? Tell it straight, and you'll likely get the door slammed in your face. Even worse, it may trigger the backfire effect. A cognitive bias results in beliefs being strengthened, not weakened. Even providing factual data doesn't work. Intelligent people are excellent at defending their beliefs, even when wrong, and this is known as motivated reasoning. I've found there are three ways: - **Connect Before You Correct**—Listen and ask questions before challenging the person. They are much more likely to respond well if you have built rapport. - **Be Kind**—People are generally much more rational in their arguments and more willing to admit the limits of their knowledge and understanding if treated with respect and compassion. Aggression, by contrast, leads them to feel that their identity is threatened, which can make them closed-minded. - **Challenge the Task, not the Person** - The person is not stupid; their decision might be. Rather than critiquing the character traits, challenge the task at hand. Remember these tips the next time you face a smart, stupid person. ## 3 big ideas 1. **Intelligence Doesn’t Equal Wisdom -** High intelligence can help you solve complex problems quickly, but it can lead to overconfidence and poor judgment without the proper mental checks and balances. Robson uses the metaphor of a fast car without proper controls—intelligence is the engine, but wisdom is the steering wheel, brakes, and map. Leaders must cultivate intellectual humility and self-awareness to avoid making critical errors despite their intelligence​. 2. **The Dangers of Motivated Reasoning -** Intelligent people are often more skilled at justifying their beliefs than objectively analysing them. This concept, called ‘motivated reasoning,’ shows how smart individuals can use their cognitive abilities to defend flawed decisions or biased viewpoints. For leaders, it’s crucial to encourage a culture where assumptions are questioned and feedback is welcomed, ensuring that decisions are made based on evidence rather than ego​. 3. **Collective Intelligence Trumps Individual Brilliance -** Social sensitivity and intellectual humility often lead to better outcomes than pure IQ in team settings. Research demonstrates that diverse teams where all members contribute equally perform better than teams dominated by a few high-powered individuals. For leaders, this means fostering inclusive environments where every voice is heard and collaboration is prioritised over hierarchy​. ## Best quotes [![Intelligence Trap by David Robson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e30d9acff0134b41a8355884726bd99c~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "Intelligence can help you to learn and recall facts, but without the necessary checks and balances, greater intelligence can actually make you more biased in your thinking." > "The upshot is that smart people do not apply their superior intelligence fairly, but instead use it opportunistically to promote their own interests." > "High-flyer teams were more interested in asserting authority rather than sharing information, which made compromise difficult." > "Without intellectual humility, intelligence often leads to entrenchment in one's beliefs, rather than openness to new ideas." > "Leaders need to focus on removing roadblocks for others, rather than trying to be successful themselves." --- ## Summary: Start With Why by Simon Sinek URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-start-with-why-by-simon-sinek Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-start-with-why-by-simon-sinek.md Date: 2024-09-12 Topics: book-summaries Start with Why by Simon Sinek is an essential read for any leader who wants to inspire and build a loyal team. He offers a powerful framework for understanding why some individuals and organisations are more innovative, influential, and profitable than others, even in competitive markets. ## Should you read this? [Start with Why by Simon Sinek](https://amzn.to/47rPnNF) is an essential read for any leader who wants to inspire and build a loyal team. He offers a powerful framework for understanding why some individuals and organisations are more innovative, influential, and profitable than others, even in competitive markets. If you’re struggling to align your team around a shared vision or finding it hard to motivate people to go beyond transactional relationships, this book provides practical guidance on leading with purpose. As Simon suggests, clarifying your "Why" can transform your leadership impact and drive sustained growth. ## Toby's takeaway Writing this feels different—like a high-stakes conversation. I'm worried about tripping up, saying the wrong thing, and losing friends. I've drafted and redrafted a hundred times. Those following on LinkedIn will know why. I just left a six-figure, globe-trotting investment banking job. To start a business. Just writing those words feels pretty surreal. And satisfying. Like any crucial conversation, I have much to say, yet I don't have the words. So inspired by Simon Sinek, I will start with Why. **Why I'm Doing This** I believe in a world where curiosity is celebrated, not silenced. The awkward question is embraced. The silence held a little longer. I've spent 17 years searching for this space. Finding leaders who can create it. Too few organisations support genuine curiosity. They box it in, shut it down, or treat it like a distraction. Too many people feel their curiosity isn’t accepted, their questions are unwelcome, and their progress is stunted. In 2022, I became a father to Dylan. He's teaching me every day what it means to be curious. I asked myself what my story of potential would be. A story of playing it safe in a system that silences curiosity? Or a story of courage, where I build something new—a space where curious minds can meet, questions are celebrated, and curiosity is channelled into something meaningful? I chose the latter. I’m here to help ambitious leaders who are tired of the old way of doing things and ready to lead with empathy, connection, and the courage to ask, “What if?” I’ve spent four years writing this weekly newsletter, reading 100 books annually, and dedicating countless hours to teaching and connecting people because curiosity can create better people. It can build bridges, spark new ideas, and unlock a brighter future for everyone. This is why I’m doing this: to help spark your curiosity so you can create workplaces where people thrive. The next question is, where am I going? Now, that is a good question. I hope to see you here next Friday. ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Practice leadership conversations with AI avatars at [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **The Golden Circle: Start with Why, Not What or How -** Simon Sinek introduces the concept of the "Golden Circle," which consists of three levels: Why, How, and What. Most leaders start with "What" they do and "How" they do it, but they rarely explain "Why" they do it. Sinek argues that leaders who inspire others always start with "Why"—a core belief or purpose that drives them. This foundational idea helps align teams, attract like-minded individuals, and foster a sense of purpose beyond profit. 2. **People Don’t Buy What You Do; They Buy Why You Do It -** A crucial insight from Simon Sinek's book is that people are drawn to organisations that align with their own beliefs and values. As a leader, communicating your "Why" can attract customers, partners, and employees who share the same sense of purpose. This alignment fosters trust, loyalty, and long-term engagement. It also differentiates your organisation in a crowded market, making it easier to stand out not just for what you offer, but for why you offer it. 3. **Leadership Requires a Clear and Consistent "Why" -** Effective leadership isn’t about charisma or authority; it’s about clarity of purpose. Simon Sinek highlights how great leaders—like Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, and the Wright brothers—were driven by a clear "Why" that they communicated consistently and authentically. By embedding your "Why" into every decision, from strategy to daily operations, you can inspire your team to act with passion and commitment, turning your vision into a movement. ## Best quotes [![Start With Why Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_28b9d1e5f7e54467b63a8902c1348538~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it." > "The goal is not to do business with everybody who needs what you have; the goal is to do business with people who believe what you believe." > "Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge." > "When you compete against everyone else, no one wants to help you. But when you compete against yourself, everyone wants to help you." > "Those who start with ‘why’ have the ability to inspire those around them or find others who inspire them." --- ## Summary: Squiggly Career by Helen Tupper, Sarah Ellis URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-squiggly-career-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-squiggly-career-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis.md Date: 2024-09-12 Topics: book-summaries "The Squiggly Career" by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis is essential for any leader wanting to break free from traditional, linear career paths and embrace a more flexible, dynamic approach to professional growth. ## Should you read this? "[The Squiggly Career](https://amzn.to/4cY4uzK)" by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis is essential for any leader wanting to break free from traditional, linear career paths and embrace a more flexible, dynamic approach to professional growth. It’s a practical guide filled with insights and strategies for navigating an ever-evolving work landscape. If you want to build a career that aligns with your values, leverages your strengths, and adapts to change, this book is a must-read. ## Toby's takeaway I'm terrified to make a change. I've been working at this company for 11 years. I've climbed the career ladder and achieved several promotions. The salary is also amazing. But something is missing. I want more autonomy, more freedom. I want to learn more. I want to be challenged. In Squiggly Careers, Sarah and Helen explore the fear of changing careers—the fear of losing everything you have built. Yet, as they share, progress requires change. Sometimes, take a side step to take a forward step. ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [🔒 Unlock More Free Learning Tools](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Leverage Your Unique Talents**: Helen and Sarah emphasise the importance of identifying and utilising your "super strengths" – the unique talents that you excel in and enjoy. In a squiggly career, these strengths are more valuable than ever. By focusing on what you’re naturally good at and what energises you, you can navigate career changes with more confidence and create a path that is both fulfilling and successful. 2. **Build Strong Networks**: The book underscores the importance of building a diverse and supportive network, not just within your industry but across different fields and disciplines. Effective networking involves both giving and receiving value, whether through mentorship, advice, or shared opportunities. A robust network not only opens doors but also provides diverse perspectives and support, which is crucial for thriving in a non-linear career path. 3. **Embrace Sideways Moves and Reflection**: "The Squiggly Career" advocates for the power of lateral moves – shifts that may not seem like traditional promotions but offer new skills, experiences, and opportunities. Alongside this, regular self-reflection helps you stay aligned with your values and strengths, making conscious career choices that lead to sustained growth and satisfaction. ## Best quotes [![Were all mad here cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_41cd4ee414224c42ba33232839a5175a~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "Career ladders and jobs for life are a thing of the past." > "Play to your super strengths – they are your unique talents that make you stand out." > "Networking is about building relationships, not just connections." > "Sideways moves can lead to the most unexpected and fulfilling opportunities." > "Reflection helps you align your career path with what truly matters to you." --- ## Best Career Change Books URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-career-change-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-career-change-books.md Date: 2024-09-12 Topics: book-collections I just left a comfy corporate job to start a business! Yikes! I was terrified to make a change. These career change books were the catalyst to making it happen. I just left a comfy corporate job to start a business! Yikes! I was terrified to make a change. These career change books were the catalyst to making it happen. ![Best books for career changes](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cd26851e8e224dc39d48e1251080e598~mv2.png) ## **Turn This Knowledge Into Power!** Despite reading all these books, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [Unlock More AI Learning Tools](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## **Best Career Change Books** ### **Squiggly Careers by Helen Tupper & Sarah Ellis** 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4cY4uzK) This book offers a fresh perspective on navigating modern, non-linear career paths. It emphasises embracing uncertainty, leveraging strengths, and designing a career aligned with personal values and interests rather than following traditional routes. ### **The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd** [📚 Toby's Summary](/post/summary-the-pathless-path-by-paul-millerd) | [🛒 Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8) Paul Millerd challenges the traditional definition of success and invites readers to consider alternative paths to fulfilment. He shares his journey of leaving the corporate world to find a more meaningful, self-directed life, encouraging readers to carve their unique paths. ### **The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz** 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Znl7Sq) Ben Horowitz provides practical advice on the difficult challenges that entrepreneurs and business leaders face. Drawing from his experience as a CEO, he offers insights on decision-making, managing through crises, and the often overlooked emotional aspects of leadership. ### **The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck by Mark Manson** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/book-summary-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-af-mark-manson) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) Mark Manson argues against the conventional wisdom of relentless positivity, advocating instead for a life focused on meaningful values and accepting limitations. With blunt humor and personal anecdotes, he encourages readers to prioritize what truly matters and embrace the challenges that come with it. ### **The Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/summary-million-dollar-weekend-by-noah-kagan) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3TGg2kH) Noah Kagan shares actionable insights and strategies on how to generate significant revenue in a short period, based on his experiences as an entrepreneur. The book is packed with tips on idea validation, product launches, and sales tactics designed for rapid execution. ### **How to Begin by Michael Bungay Stanier** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/book-summary-how-to-begin-by-michael-bungay-stanier) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3fNuP8x) Michael Bungay Stanier offers a guide to starting projects that matter, emphasising the importance of identifying what truly excites and challenges you. Through practical steps, he helps readers overcome procrastination, build momentum, and make meaningful progress toward their goals. ### **How to Change by Katy Milkman** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/book-summary-how-to-change-by-katy-milkman) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3pfEV69) Behavioural scientist Katy Milkman explores the science behind making lasting changes in behaviour. She offers evidence-based strategies for overcoming common barriers to change, such as procrastination and impulsivity, to help readers achieve their personal and professional goals. ### **Quit by Annie Duke** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/summary-quit-by-annie-duke) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Ut2tWB) Annie Duke explores the power of quitting as a strategic decision rather than a sign of failure. She uses examples from poker, business, and life to demonstrate when and how to quit effectively, maximising success by knowing when to walk away. ### **Key Person of Influence by Daniel Priestley** 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/summary-key-person-of-influence-by-daniel-priestley) | 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI) Daniel Priestley lays out a framework for becoming a highly valuable individual in your industry. The book focuses on building a personal brand, leveraging assets like intellectual property, and creating influence to stand out in a crowded market. ### **The Dip by Seth Godin** 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4d1GJXC) Seth Godin explains why quitting at the right time is crucial for success, focusing on how to recognize the "dip"—a difficult period before achieving something great. He encourages readers to quit the wrong pursuits and persist in the right ones. ### **Four Thousand Weeks** by Oliver Burkeman 📚 [Toby's Summary](/post/four-thousand-weeks-by-oliver-burkeman) 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3whGSmJ) Oliver Burkeman challenges the modern obsession with productivity by reminding us of the finite time we have—roughly 4,000 weeks in an average lifetime. He encourages readers to embrace limitations, focus on what truly matters, and find fulfilment in a finite life. ### **Mindset by Carol Dweck** 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3TqOvTH) Carol Dweck explores the concept of "fixed" versus "growth" mindsets and how our beliefs about our abilities shape our success. The book provides strategies for cultivating a growth mindset to overcome challenges, foster resilience, and achieve personal and professional growth. ### **Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers** 🛒 [Buy on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3z69K6D) Susan Jeffers provides tools for overcoming fear and self-doubt, empowering readers to take action despite uncertainty. She emphasises the importance of embracing discomfort and using fear as a catalyst for personal growth and positive change. --- ## Summary: We're All Mad Here by Claire Eastham URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-we-re-all-mad-here-by-claire-eastham Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-we-re-all-mad-here-by-claire-eastham.md Date: 2024-09-04 Topics: book-summaries We’re All Mad Here by Claire Eastham is a must-read for leaders who want to understand the realities of anxiety in the workplace and how to create a more inclusive, supportive environment for their teams. ## Should you read this? [We’re All Mad Here by Claire Eastham](https://amzn.to/3XwloAM) is a must-read for leaders who want to understand the realities of anxiety in the workplace and how to create a more inclusive, supportive environment for their teams. Claire blends her personal experiences with practical advice, making this book relatable and actionable. For leaders, the insights are invaluable in building a culture where mental health is openly discussed and managed, helping employees perform at their best. ## Toby's takeaway This is how Claire feels when faced with social gatherings. She's convinced that she’ll make a fool of herself. Even worse, everyone will notice (and probably laugh hysterically). Claire is not alone. An estimated 12.1% of U.S. adults experience social anxiety disorder at some time in their lives. Leading difficult conversations is hard enough. Even harder when you live with social anxiety disorder. This can turn into anxiety and panic attacks. When you're working with a colleague like Claire, it's common to try to reassure them: "Don't worry; it will be fine." Claire shares that this makes things worse! Here are three things you can say that actually helps: - "Remember this is just a nasty trick. You feel distressed, but nothing terrible will happen. It's Ok." - "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. We'll work through this together. This is a terrible condition. I'm not going anywhere." - "One step at a time, ok? I know you're itching to think ahead and that your mind is buzzing, but we need to try and stay in the present." [This guide from Bupa has some more ways you can support Employees with Social Anxiety Disorder](https://www.bupa.co.uk/~/media/files/mms/bhf-12518.pdf) ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [🔒 Unlock More Free Learning Tools](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Normalising Anxiety in the Workplace**: Claire Eastham emphasises that anxiety is a common experience that many employees face, yet it remains stigmatised in most workplaces. Leaders should encourage open conversations about mental health, allowing employees to share their experiences without fear of judgement. By normalising anxiety, leaders can create an environment where everyone feels safe, respected, and understood, leading to a more engaged and productive team. 2. **Practical Strategies for Managing Anxiety**: Claire offers practical strategies to manage anxiety effectively, both for oneself and within a team. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and breaking down large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can significantly reduce stress levels. Leaders can encourage these practices by integrating short mindfulness sessions into meetings or creating a workplace culture that prioritises mental well-being. 3. **Leading with Empathy and Understanding**: The book highlights the importance of leading with empathy when dealing with mental health issues. Eastham advises leaders to actively listen to their team members and offer flexibility in how they work. Understanding that anxiety affects everyone differently is crucial. Providing options such as flexible working hours or remote work can make a significant difference in helping employees manage their mental health while staying productive. ## Best quotes [![Were all mad here cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_78a14789561f410a9e3d2a68e71caa65~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > "Think of me as a smoke alarm, primed to go off at the slightest indication of danger." > "You need to accept that you have a mental condition. You can’t heal if you don’t accept it, that’s just the way it is." > “Social anxiety is a very treatable condition—one that you don’t have to be ashamed of or deal with alone. I’m right there with you.” > “What is social anxiety disorder? Claire's definition: The idea of social gatherings or being the centre of attention making you feel sick with dread.” > "In a nutshell, social anxiety is being hyper-aware of how you’re perceived by others and having an overpowering fear/obsession about looking like an idiot."​ --- ## Summary: Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-difficult-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-difficult-conversations.md Date: 2024-08-22 Topics: book-summaries If you're a leader, "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen is a must-read. ## Should you read this? If you're a leader, "[Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4)" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen is a must-read. Leaders often face challenging conversations, whether it's delivering tough feedback, negotiating with stakeholders, or addressing sensitive issues within teams. This book provides a practical framework to approach these conversations with confidence, clarity, and empathy. It's a playbook that transforms daunting discussions into opportunities for collaboration and growth, making it invaluable for any leader aiming to foster a culture of open and effective communication. ## Toby's takeaway I hate difficult conversations. The sales of [this book](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) show I'm not alone. The research backs this up to: - 70% of employees are avoiding difficult conversations at work. - 53% of employees are handling "toxic" situations by ignoring them. - 55% of people are scared to discuss diversity and inclusion at work. Behind all of these numbers is a personal story. It's often a story full of fears that leads to avoidance. These are the typical excuses I make to avoid difficult conversations: - “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings” - “Now is not the time” - “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes” - “I don’t have time” - ‘‘What’s the point, there’s never a good outcome” - “The problem will fix itself – just give it time” Avoidance is a short-term fix that creates long term problems. > Your company grows or stagnates, one conversation at a time. [Susan Scott - Fierce Conversations](/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott) Personal and business success lies on the other side of a difficult conversation. Just as the rich seem to get richer, those with great conversational skills seem to attract more and more success. Difficult Conversations is the best-selling book on this topic for a reason. It provides the science and practice to tackle your scariest conversations. ## 🤖 Turn This Book Into Action Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is at the moment: Artificial Intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to make difficult conversations easier.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [🔒 Unlock More Free Learning Tools](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Separate Intent from Impact** Misunderstandings arise when we confuse the impact of a situation with the intent behind it. Leaders must recognise that while the impact of an action might be hurtful, it doesn't necessarily reflect the other person's intent. By exploring both perspectives—how you were affected and what the other person intended—you can navigate conversations more effectively, reducing defensiveness and building mutual understanding. 2. **Acknowledge the Three Conversations** Every difficult conversation comprises three underlying conversations: the "What Happened?" conversation, the "Feelings" conversation, and the "Identity" conversation. Leaders need to address all three to fully resolve conflicts. The "What Happened?" conversation focuses on facts and differing perceptions, the "Feelings" conversation acknowledges emotions, and the "Identity" conversation explores how the issue affects self-image and self-worth. Mastering these layers helps leaders handle discussions with more depth and sensitivity. 3. **Adopt a Learning Stance** Instead of approaching difficult conversations as a battle to win, shift to a mindset of curiosity and learning. Seek to understand the other person's perspective before presenting your own. This approach fosters a collaborative environment where both parties feel heard and valued. For leaders, adopting a learning stance encourages problem-solving and opens the door to innovative solutions, strengthening relationships and trust within the team. ## Best quotes [![Difficult Conversations Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4e8560671bff4c96b0acc7c49cbfee24~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dUcCC4) > “The single most important thing you can do is to shift your internal stance from ‘I understand’ to ‘Help me understand.’” > “In difficult conversations, emotions don’t just make them harder—they are the reason they are difficult.” > “You can’t move the conversation in a more positive direction until the other person feels heard and understood.” > “The question is not whether feelings should be part of a conversation, but how they are managed.” > “What you don’t know—but think you do—can harm you and your relationships.” --- ## Summary: Key Person of Influence By Daniel Priestley URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-key-person-of-influence-by-daniel-priestley Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-key-person-of-influence-by-daniel-priestley.md Date: 2024-08-15 Topics: book-summaries You might think Key Person of Influence is only for people who want to start their own business. I was surprised to learn that it has valuable lessons on how to become a more influential leader at work. ## Should you read this? You might think [Key Person of Influence](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI) is only for people who want to start their own business. I was surprised to learn that it has valuable lessons on how to become a more influential leader at work. It's a highly practical and relevant book for people from all walks of life. What unites the readers is likely a goal to become more valued and highly paid. ## Toby's takeaway I'm fascinated by influence. I've read countless books on the topic. [Influence is Your Superpower by Zoe Chance](/post/influence-is-your-superpower-zoe-chance), [Influence by Robert Cialdini](/post/book-summary-influence-robert-cialdini), and [How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie](/post/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary). I must admit, there is a selfish reason for becoming more influential. As the tagline to Daniel Priestly's book states, you become highly valued and highly paid. You probably already know several of these "[Key People of Influence](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI)": - Their names come up in conversation....for all the right reasons. - They attract more opportunities....the right sort. - They earn more money than most...and it isn't a struggle. - They can make a project successful if they are involved...and people know it. Beyond the extrinsic benefits, there is another aspect of influence I'm fascinated by. > “Your most valuable asset is the number of people who know you, like you and trust you.” At the start of my professional career, I always thought that Influencing was about pushing. Getting your point across, being louder and more forceful. It turns out the "[Key People of Influence](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI)" have a different approach. Daniel describes a five-step process to become a key person of influence: 1. **Pitch**: Craft a compelling message that communicates your unique value and opens doors to new opportunities​. 2. **Publish**: Establish credibility and thought leadership by sharing your insights and expertise through published content​. 3. **Product**: Turn your expertise into scalable products that generate income and solidify your brand​. 4. **Profile**: Build a strong, recognisable online presence that positions you as a leading authority in your field. 5. **Partnership**: Collaborate strategically to expand your influence, reach new audiences, and drive significant results. Daniel shares that a key foundation flowing through all of these steps is becoming a person of vitality. A strong word which I translate into someone who listens, builds empathy, connection and trust easily, with everyone. These are the kinds of people where doors open through not just what you do, but because of who you are. **🛒** [**Buy Key Person of Influence on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI) 📹: I recently started publishing more videos on [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/@tobysinclair_). ## 3 big ideas 1. **The Five Ps Framework:** In [Key Person of Influence](https://amzn.to/4cu3lzI),DanielPriestley introduces the Five Ps—Pitch, Publish, Product, Profile, and Partnership—as a structured approach to becoming a key person of influence. This framework guides leaders through developing a compelling personal brand, creating scalable products, and building strategic partnerships, all while enhancing their visibility and authority within their industry​. 2. **Niche and Micro-Niche Focus:** To stand out, Daniel Priestley advises choosing a micro-niche. By focusing on a specific area, leaders can build deep expertise and become the go-to person in that space. This targeted approach is vital for creating a strong brand identity that resonates with a specific audience​. 3. **Vitality Over Functionality:** DanielPriestley differentiates between being vital and merely functional. A vital leader creates value, drives innovation, and is re-energised by their work, whereas a functional leader simply follows processes. This mindset shift is crucial for leaders aspiring to make a significant impact. ## Best quotes [![Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d3308ccc46934b8f8464fcaef8f93b55~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > “Your most valuable asset is the number of people who know you, like you and trust you.” > “From a tiny micro-niche, big things can grow, but it almost never happens that a business sets out to please everyone and actually achieves it.” > “When you are a key person of influence, you don’t chase great opportunities—they find you.” > “Publishing creates credibility; products create cash.” > “In the modern economy, hard work is not a competitive advantage anymore—people who work hard struggle to make any money.” --- ## Summary: Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-jonathan-livingston-seagull-by-richard-bach Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-jonathan-livingston-seagull-by-richard-bach.md Date: 2024-08-08 Topics: book-summaries Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach is more than just a tale about a bird; it's a timeless parable about self-discovery and the pursuit of excellence. ## Should you read this? I was searching for more [Unconventional Leadership books](/post/best-unconventional-leadership-books) when this recommendation from a subscriber caught my eye. [Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach](https://amzn.to/4dgancp) is more than just a tale about a bird; it's a timeless parable about self-discovery, personal growth, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. This book offers profound lessons for leaders, especially those striving to break free from conventional thinking and inspire innovation. It’s an essential read for those who feel constrained by the status quo and want to challenge norms to achieve higher goals. ## Toby's takeaway I'm not going to lie. This is a very random book recommendation for Leaders. You won't find this in ANY list of the best leadership books of all time. But you'll only get obvious ideas if you only read the obvious books. On the hunt for [Unconventional Leadership books](/post/best-unconventional-leadership-books), I was given this recommendation. [Jonathan Livingston Seagull](https://amzn.to/3SCfYle) by Richard Bach At first, I thought "Seagull" was the author's surname. No, it turns out this is a story about an actual Seagull. In fact, many pages within the book are pictures of flying Seagulls. Dubious, I started to read. After just a few pages, I was hooked. The main character is Jonathan Livingston, a Seagull who dreams of becoming a "high-performing" bird. The problem is that the flock hates individuality. To belong, you must fit in. To do this, you must act like all the other birds, squawking and flying slowly. > “This kind of thinking, he found, is not the way to make one’s self popular with other birds. Even his parents were dismayed as Jonathan spent whole days alone, making hundreds of low-level glides, experimenting.” Jonathan's struggle to find belonging and acceptance resonates with me. So often, organisations make it easy to fit in yet hard to belong. Compliance is preferred over creativity. Innovation is desired, but rule-breaking is not. Diversity is encouraged, yet differences are dampened. Like Jonathan, employees don't want to fit in. They want to belong. > “You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way. ## 3 big ideas 1. **Pursue Your Passion Relentlessly**: Jonathan, the seagull, embodies the spirit of a true leader by relentlessly pursuing his passion for flying, even when it means going against the flock. His journey highlights the importance of following one’s passion and vision, regardless of external pressures or societal norms. This is a reminder for business leaders to pursue innovation and excellence, even if it means challenging the established way of doing things. 2. **The Power of Belonging and Acceptance**: Despite being initially shunned by his flock, Jonathan ultimately finds acceptance and belonging among other like-minded seagulls who share his passion for flight. This illustrates the importance of creating an inclusive environment where unique talents and diverse perspectives are valued. Leaders should build a culture of acceptance and belonging, ensuring every team member feels appreciated and supported, fostering collaboration and innovation. 3. **Inspire Others Through Your Example**: As Jonathan masters the art of flying, he doesn’t keep his knowledge to himself. Instead, he shares it with other seagulls, helping them realise their own potential. This act of mentorship is a key takeaway for leaders. Leading by example and empowering others to achieve their best can create a ripple effect, driving collective success within the organisation. ## Best quotes [![Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_44a60a837ccb46bd8881f5f0e056b048~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > “You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way.” > “Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly.” > “The only true law is that which leads to freedom.” > “Overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now.” > “You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn’t flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn’t have limits.” --- ## Summary: One Last Thing by Wendy Mitchell URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-one-last-thing-by-wendy-mitchell Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-one-last-thing-by-wendy-mitchell.md Date: 2024-08-01 Topics: book-summaries One Last Thing by Wendy Mitchell is a personal account of life, resilience, and leadership through dementia. A moving perspective on adapting to change and staying useful. ## Should you read this? [One Last Thing](https://amzn.to/3WJVrgV) by Wendy Mitchell is an insightful and deeply personal exploration of life, resilience, and leadership through the lens of someone living with dementia. Leaders will find this book profoundly moving and thought-provoking as it offers a unique perspective on overcoming challenges, adapting to change, and maintaining a positive outlook. Wendy Mitchell's story is inspirational and provides practical lessons on empathy, patience, and the power of community support, making it a valuable read for any leader seeking to enhance their emotional intelligence and resilience in the workplace. ## Toby's takeaway This week, I decided to read a different book. It was not the usual leadership development book, but surprisingly, it had many lessons on leadership. After her diagnosis of young-onset dementia in 2014, all of Wendy's old fears melted away. What more was there to be afraid of when she faced her worst fear: losing her own mind? In [One Last Thing](https://amzn.to/3WJVrgV), Wendy embarks on a journey to explore all angles of death, including how we talk about it with our loved ones. I’ve been dedicated to developing better conversational skills for years, mostly at work. However, [One Last Thing](https://amzn.to/3WJVrgV) was a stark reminder that some of the most important conversations happen with our loved ones at home. Wendy’s book shares statistics highlighting the challenge of difficult conversations at home and work. In a 2021 report on public attitudes to death, 70 per cent of people said they felt comfortable discussing the topic of death with loved ones. Yet, only 14 per cent reported having these difficult conversations with loved ones. Research has shown the common reasons we don't talk about death include fear of the unknown, experiencing distress and becoming a burden to the family. This dissonance to death conversations applies to other hard conversations, too. We feel certain conversations are important, yet we don't have them. Wendy’s story will inspire you to talk more with loved ones and colleagues about the things that really matter in life. **👉 What conversation do you need to have today before it’s too late?** Wendy Mitchell died shortly after releasing this book. She spent 10 years campaigning for dementia awareness and was an advocate for assisted dying. ## 3 big ideas 1. **Adaptability and Resilience**: Wendy Mitchell’s journey with dementia highlights the importance of adaptability and resilience. Leaders can learn from her ability to find new ways to manage her condition and continue living a fulfilling life. This teaches the value of flexibility in the face of adversity, encouraging leaders to embrace change and develop innovative solutions to overcome obstacles. 2. **The Power of Community**: Throughout the book, Mitchell emphasises the significance of a strong support network. Leaders can draw parallels to the workplace, understanding that building a supportive team and fostering a sense of community can significantly enhance morale and productivity. Collaboration and mutual support are key to navigating challenges and achieving collective goals. 3. **Empathy and Understanding**: Mitchell’s experiences underscore the necessity of empathy and understanding in leadership. Her story encourages leaders to develop a deeper awareness of their team members' struggles and approach each situation compassionately. This empathetic approach can lead to stronger relationships, increased trust, and a more cohesive and motivated team. ## Best quotes [![Pathless Path Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5eaf69ba5130495f87d17f872d4b031c~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > Talking about sex won't make you pregnant, and talking about death won't kill you. > When it is time to release that hard grasp on life, when it is time to open your fingers a little, to feel more insistently the sands of time running through them, then there is no fear because you feel more deeply that what will be will be, for all of us; you know more intuitively that control is - and always was - nothing more than an illusion, and it is then that you can get on with the business of living. --- ## Summary: The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-pathless-path-by-paul-millerd Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-pathless-path-by-paul-millerd.md Date: 2024-07-23 Topics: book-summaries The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd is a must-read for leaders seeking to redefine their approach to work and life. It offers a transformative perspective on abandoning traditional career paths in favour of a more fulfilling, self-directed journey. Leaders questioning the conventional metrics of success and a more meaningful life might find this the catalyst they need to make the change happen. ## Should you read this? [The Pathless Path](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8) by Paul Millerd is a must-read for leaders seeking to redefine their approach to work and life. It offers a transformative perspective on abandoning traditional career paths in favour of a more fulfilling, self-directed journey. Leaders questioning the conventional metrics of success and a more meaningful life might find this the catalyst they need to make the change happen. ## Toby's takeaway I love chatting with random people. This weekend, I started talking to a very interesting couple. Coincidently, it was the perfect story to summarise this book. Sitting next to me on the Liverpool to Leeds canal is [Myles and Karen](https://motoroaming.com/). On the face of it, an average 50-something couple. It turns out, they are living on the [Pathless Path.](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8) > "What's your story?" I ask (I love starting with the big questions) > "8 years ago we stuck two fingers up to the system." Since then, now nicknamed the “[Motoroamers](https://motoroaming.com/)”, they've been living full-time in a motorhome, travelling Europe. After a short visit back to the UK their stops this summer are Turkey, Albania and Montenegro. I described this as [Pathless Path](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8) because it’s the book I just finished by Paul Millerd. The book describes that there are two paths in life. The "Default Path" that many of us travel. Graduate, Work a Long Career, Retire. Common, often predictable, sometimes joyful, for some downright horrible. In contrast, the "Pathless Path" is less well-trodden. There is no playbook. There is risk, and uncertainty but potential rewards. For Paul, Myles and Karen this [Pathless Path](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8) appears to have brought many rewards. A freedom to do what they want. The flexibility to live life to the full. It’s certainly not easy and many wouldn’t be prepared to make the sacrifices. **What path are you on? And is it the one you want to be on?** ## 3 big ideas 1. **Find Your “Enough”**: The concept of "enough" is central to the Pathless Path. Instead of chasing endless growth, Paul advocates defining what is sufficient for happiness and success. This includes having enough income to live comfortably, meaningful work that aligns with personal values, and fostering deep connections with others. For leaders, this means focusing on sustainable growth and prioritising well-being over perpetual expansion, at home and work. 2. **Embrace the** [**Pathless Path**](https://amzn.to/3LwVUN8): Few people question the path they are on. The "Default Path" as Paul Millerd describes it is so common for many high-performers. Graduate, Work a Long Career, Retire, Die. This path is comforting. It has an element of certainty and safety. For many folks this is the perfect life, for others it can be soul-destroying. Paul describes an alternative, the Pathless Path. Less travelled, it can have more risk and uncertainty. Earning less money and gaining less conventional success. However, for Paul, it has brought more joy and happiness. 3. **Prioritise Agency and Deliberate Action**: The Pathless Path underscores the significance of taking deliberate actions to shape one's life. Paul highlights the power of agency in transforming how we work and live. Leaders are encouraged to continuously learn, experiment, and adapt to create a life that resonates with their true selves. It was from the smallbets community where I first learned of the Pathless Path. This community promotes the idea that business success comes from a portfolio of small bets, rather than focusing on one idea. This is very much embodied in the Pathless Path. Rather than having one career for 30 years, try out different things that bring you the most joy. ## Best quotes [![Pathless Path Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e794a64d3b5b498da79efe53c4d33753~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > "Enough is the antithesis of unchecked growth because growth encourages mindless consumption and enough requires constant questioning and awareness." > "If we don’t define 'enough,' we default to more, which makes it impossible to understand when to say no." > "On the pathless path, the goal is not to find a job, make money, build a business, or achieve any other metric. It’s to actively and consciously search for the work that you want to keep doing." > "The secret of the world is that it is a very malleable place, we must be sure that people learn this, and never forget the order: Learning is naturally the consequence of doing." > "You must be a little crazy to go against the grain of what most people think. Yet we should remind ourselves that these 'experiments in living' are vital to pushing culture forward." --- ## Summary: The Social Brain by Tracey Camilleri, Samantha Rockey, Robin Dunbar URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-social-brain-by-tracey-camilleri-samantha-rockey-robin-dunbar Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-social-brain-by-tracey-camilleri-samantha-rockey-robin-dunbar.md Date: 2024-07-04 Topics: book-summaries Everyone is obssessed with High-Performing teams. Rightly so. They deliver great business outcomes and they are also enjoyable to be a part of. The Social Brain provides research and case studies to validate why social teams are the best teams. A practical and engaging read for anyone involved in organisational design and managing teams. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. Everyone is obsessed with High-Performing teams. Rightly so. They deliver great business outcomes and they are also enjoyable to be a part of. [The Social Brain](https://amzn.to/3zwo9J6) provides research and case studies to validate why social teams are the best teams. A practical and engaging read for anyone involved in organisational design and managing teams. ## Toby's takeaway ## I don't trust you Our team has been together for several months. Feedback from teams we manage and clients is positive. In our minds, we are the definition of a high-performing team. Today is our quarterly offsite. We met to plan our OKRs and bond as a team. We have an external facilitator helping us reflect on our team performance. What came next, we didn't expect. The activity is simple. Try it yourself. Picture yourself in the room, with your current team members, what would you do? The activity: > I want you to walk over to the person in the room you trust the least. Share the reasons why and discuss actions you can take to change it. We all froze in our seats. The lesson. If trust had been higher, we would have felt comfortable to share feedback. We would have trusted our ability to deliver the feedback, and the feedback would have been received with respect. In the resulting team discussion, we shared: Why didn't we move? A common theme. We couldn't articulate what trust is. So we were not entirely sure if we did trust each other. How would you describe trust? This week I finished [The Social Brain](https://amzn.to/3zwo9J6). Fascinating book about the psychology of successful groups. It stated the obvious, Trust is essential. What helped most, is that it described the observable ingredients of Trust. Trust is cultivated through: - Consistent behaviour - Obligation and reciprocity - Common ground and shared values - Matching words with deeds - Self-disclosure - Quiet confidence Knowing this now, I would have been better prepared to stand up. To share with a colleague how our trust could be improved. - Lately, your behaviour has not been consistent. You have done X, Y, Z. - I did X for you, I was expecting you to return with Y - I heard you say X, but you ended up doing Y Now it's your turn. Reach out to the person you trust the least in your team. Give the feedback that will take your performance to the next level. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - The Six Integral Elements For Achieving Both Group Performance And Overall Well-being.** Social connection is fundamental to human well-being and productivity. [The Social Brain](https://amzn.to/3zwo9J6) explains that our brains are wired to form social bonds, which are crucial for both individual and group success. Leaders can harness this understanding by fostering an environment where team members feel connected and valued. There are six factors leaders should focus on to improve team performance and well-being. ![The Social Brain - The Thrive Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9176a687c8e84273b729fb8232a0c0bd~mv2.jpg) **Big Idea 2 - The Role of Trust and Empathy** Trust and empathy are the cornerstones of successful teams. The authors highlight that trust reduces stress and promotes a sense of security, while empathy helps in understanding and addressing team members' needs and concerns. Leaders should focus on building trust by being transparent, and consistent, and showing genuine concern for their team’s well-being. Empathy can be cultivated through active listening and providing support during challenging times. ![The Social Brain Parameters of Trust](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3c8f5c407d354e019c88b7f45ff36a33~mv2.jpg) **Big Idea 3 - Optimal Group Size and Dynamics** The author, Robin Dunbar is famous for his research around the "Dunbar's Number," which suggests that humans can maintain stable social relationships with around 150 people. For leaders, this means recognising the limits of group size to maintain effective communication and cohesion. Smaller, well-structured teams tend to perform better as they allow for stronger bonds and clearer communication. Leaders should aim to create sub-groups within larger teams to maintain this optimal dynamic. ![The Social Brain Team Sizes](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3126a7af1c1345b58164d55c5b52312b~mv2.jpg) ## Best quotes [![Pitch Anything Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d92731285baf4146b218ffb565900b4a~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > "Our brains are hardwired for social connection; it’s the bedrock of human experience and essential for effective teamwork." > "Trust is the currency of any successful group; without it, collaboration falters." > "Empathy is not just a nice-to-have in teams, but a critical component of understanding and responding to the needs of others." > "The optimal size of a group is one that allows for personal connections and clear communication, typically around 150 people." > "Leaders who understand the social brain can better navigate the complexities of group dynamics and drive their teams to success." --- ## Summary: Pitch Anything by Oren Klaff URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-pitch-anything-by-oren-klaff Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-pitch-anything-by-oren-klaff.md Date: 2024-06-20 Topics: book-summaries "Pitch Anything: An Innovative Method for Presenting, Persuading, and Winning the Deal" by Oren Klaff is a must-read for leaders looking to master the art of persuasion. The STRONG approach is grounded in neuroscience and behavioural psychology. It offers a fresh perspective on pitching that goes beyond traditional methods. If you often find yourself in high-stakes presentations or negotiations, this book provides invaluable techniques to command attention and drive decisions. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ["Pitch Anything: An Innovative Method for Presenting, Persuading, and Winning the Deal"](https://amzn.to/3KWM4DG) by Oren Klaff is a must-read for leaders looking to master the art of persuasion. The STRONG approach is grounded in neuroscience and behavioural psychology. It offers a fresh perspective on pitching that goes beyond traditional methods. If you often find yourself in high-stakes presentations or negotiations, this book provides invaluable techniques to command attention and drive decisions. ## Toby's takeaway You are pitching to a big company. You are scheduled to meet with a senior director. At the start of the meeting, you are told that unfortunately, the senior director has a clash. Instead, one of the other team members will take the meeting and relay the details. What would you do? By default, I’m a people pleaser. I would likely say, no worries. Thanks for offering to do that. I know many of you would do this too. The result. We are destined to fail. To lose the pitch. Walk away empty-handed. Why? This approach puts you in a weakened influencing position. It shows you agree with your audience. This is not important. I’m not important. The good news is that like you, I’m always working to overcome this people-pleasing tendency. In [Pitch Anything](https://amzn.to/3KWM4DG), Oren Klaff describes a different approach. You’ve travelled to this meeting, prepared for it, and have an established goal. Are you willing to throw that away? No one can tell your story as well as you can. If you trust your presentation to subordinates and expect them to pass it on to the decision-maker with the same force and qualities of persuasion that you have, then you are not being honest with yourself. The decision maker must hear it from you. This is what Oren recommends you say: > “So you are asking me to delay the start? Okay. I can give you 15 minutes to get organized. But if we can’t start by then, then let’s just call it a day.” It uses an influencing technique called Prizing. You are important. This is important. There is only one of you. You mean business. When I first read the approach, the people pleaser within me was shocked. After learning more about this technique and the others in Pitch Anything, I'm itching to give it a go! ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - The Power of Frames** These are mental structures that shape how we perceive the world. Klaff emphasises the importance of "frame control" in pitches—whoever controls the frame controls the conversation. By establishing a dominant frame, you set the rules and tone of the interaction, making it easier to guide your audience towards your desired outcome. This is crucial for leaders who need to assert authority and maintain control in meetings and presentations. There are four frames: - **Intrigue Frame**: The Intrigue Frame is designed to capture and hold your audience's attention by leveraging curiosity and suspense. When you introduce elements of mystery and uncertainty into your pitch, you engage the listener’s primal brain, making them eager to find out more. The key is to present a narrative that keeps them guessing and wanting to know the outcome. By doing so, you prevent the audience from feeling that they fully understand your idea too quickly, which could lead to disinterest​​​​​​. - **Prize Frame**: The Prize Frame positions you and your offer as something valuable and desirable that the audience must earn the right to obtain. Instead of treating the audience as the prize, Klaff suggests flipping the dynamic so that they perceive you as the prize. This involves demonstrating your value and setting high standards for who you choose to work with. By doing this, you create a scenario where the audience feels compelled to prove their worth to you, enhancing your perceived value and control in the interaction​​​​​​. - **Time Frame**: The Time Frame introduces urgency and scarcity into your pitch, encouraging the audience to act quickly. By setting clear deadlines or indicating that opportunities are limited, you tap into the psychological principle of scarcity, which makes people more inclined to act to avoid missing out. This frame is effective in pushing the audience to make decisions promptly, ensuring that the momentum of your pitch is maintained and that the sense of urgency drives the conversation forward​​​​​​. - **Moral Authority Frame**: The Moral Authority Frame leverages ethical values and societal standards to establish credibility and trust. By aligning your pitch with higher moral standards or a greater good, you can evoke strong emotional responses and foster trust. This frame is particularly powerful when you can show that your proposal not only benefits the audience but also aligns with broader ethical or community values. It demonstrates that you are not just about business but also about making a positive impact, which can be a compelling factor for decision-makers​ **Big Idea 2 - Engage the Crocodile Brain** When you pitch, it’s common to assume the audience is listening “logically”. They are not. When pitching, you are speaking to the “Croc Brain”. The irrational, emotional part of the brain. The croc brain of the person sitting across from you isn’t “listening” and thinking, “Hmmm, is this a good deal or not?” Its reaction to your pitch basically goes like this: “Since this is not an emergency, how can I ignore this or spend the least amount of time possible on it?” This filtering system of the crocodile brain has a very short-sighted view of the world. Anything that is not a crisis it tries to mark as “spam.” If you got a chance to look at the croc brain’s filtering instructions, it would look something like this: 1. If it’s not dangerous, ignore it. 2. If it’s not new and exciting, ignore it. 3. If it is new, summarize it as quickly as possible—and forget about the details. And finally, there is this specific instruction: 4. Do not send anything up to the neocortex for problem-solving unless you have a situation that is really unexpected and out of the ordinary. These are the basic operating policies and procedures of our brains. No wonder pitching is so difficult. **Big Idea 3 - Status** Within seconds, we each need to decide, for the sake of our own self-preservation, who in this room is the dominant alpha? And if it turns out that someone else is the dominant alpha and we are the beta, there is a second, even more valuable question: In the short amount of time we have to orient ourselves in this social interaction, can we switch out of the beta position and take the alpha? If you are pitching from a lower-level platform or low social status, your ability to persuade others will be diminished, and your pitch will be difficult, no matter how great your idea or product. However, if you hold high social status, even on a temporary basis, your power to convince others will be strong, and your pitch will go easily. The French Waiter French waiters are respected throughout the world for their skill in controlling social dynamics. From the moment you enter their world, they set the frame and control the timing and sequence events according to their wishes. They wipe your status instantly, redistribute it as they choose, and control the frame throughout the exchange. You regain control only after the check has been paid, the tip has been left, and you’re ushered out the front door. It doesn’t matter how well you argue, the way your points are crafted, or how elegant your flow and logic. If you do not have high status, you will not command the attention necessary to make your pitch heard. You will not persuade, and you will not easily get a deal done. ## Best quotes [![Pitch Anything Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7afde5c682f54ea4bc13f5e61a8f52c9~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > “The croc brain of the person sitting across from you isn’t ‘listening’ and thinking, ‘Hmmm, is this a good deal or not?’ Its reaction to your pitch basically goes like this: ‘Since this is not an emergency, how can I ignore this or spend the least amount of time possible on it?’” > “Bypassing those fear alarm sensors can be extremely difficult. Creating novelty in the message can be tricky, too. But it is the only way our pitch stands any chance whatsoever because the crocodile brain wants information a certain way—simple, clear, nonthreatening, and above all, intriguing and novel.” > “If you have to explain your authority, power, position, leverage, and advantage, you do not hold the stronger frame.” > “Prizing subconsciously says to your audience, ‘You are trying to win my attention. I am the prize, not you. I can find a thousand buyers like you. There is only one me.’” > “To hold your target’s attention, there must be tension—a form of low-level conflict—guiding the interaction. If there’s no conflict, the target may be politely ‘listening,’ but there’s no real connection.” ## More Ideas from P[itch Anything by Oren Klaff](https://amzn.to/3KWM4DG) **The STRONG Method**: Oren Klaff introduces the STRONG method as a framework for effective pitching: - **Setting the Frame**: Establish context and control. - **Telling the Story**: Use narratives to connect emotionally. - **Revealing the Intrigue**: Maintain curiosity and interest. - **Offering the Prize**: Position your pitch as a valuable opportunity. - **Nailing the Hookpoint**: Drive the audience towards a decision. - **Getting a Decision**: Push for a clear outcome, be it a yes, no, or follow-up meeting Reading the method is not the same as holding a frame when a buyer is trying to knock it down. Practise it with [sales role play scenarios that actually prepare reps](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). --- ## Summary: Ask by Jeff Wetzler URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-ask-by-jeff-wetzler Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-ask-by-jeff-wetzler.md Date: 2024-06-20 Topics: book-summaries Asking is a Superpower. I believe it. Jeff Wetzler does too. Most people think they are good at asking questions. The reality is that many of us ask crummy questions, most of the time. Ask by Jeff Wetzler is your playbook for better questions and importantly, better results! ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. Asking is a Superpower. I believe it. Jeff Wetzler does too. Most people think they are good at asking questions. The reality is that many of us ask crummy questions, most of the time. This isn’t a skill you learn at school so for most leaders, asking quality questions isn’t a skill that comes naturally. [Ask by Jeff Wetzler](https://amzn.to/4cqhWwk) is your playbook for better questions and importantly, better results! ## Toby's takeaway I walk into the bookstore. I see it on the shelf. The book I wish I’d written. [Ask by Jeff Wetzler](https://amzn.to/4cqhWwk) It’s five-step approach is exactly how I lead like a coach: - Step 1: Choose curiosity. - Step 2: Make it safe. - Step 3: Pose quality questions. - Step 4: Listen to learn. - Step 5: Reflect and reconnect. It’s not the first time I’ve experienced this deflationary feeling. [A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger](/post/a-more-beautiful-question-summary) had the same impact. Every book I would write seems to have already been written. I’m sure this feeling shows up for you too. You think of a great business idea, only to google it and find out someone else has already thought of it. I’m still learning how to overcome it. I just started “How To Tell a Story” by The Moth. I'm hopeful it may have a solution. I was drawn to it from this quote: > “You have important stories to tell. They are stories no one else can tell. But you have to be willing to do the work of developing them - and then work through your fears to tell them.” One day it will be different. I will walk into a bookstore and say “That is the book I wrote!” ## 3 big ideas By asking more quality questions, you will get these benefits: 1. **You’ll create better results.** You’ll make smarter decisions based on a full and accurate range of insights that you’ll discover. You’ll co-create more innovative solutions. You’ll also get unstuck from conflicts more quickly and spend more of your time being productive and creative. 2. **You’ll forge stronger relationships.** You’ll connect more deeply with people, whether or not they look like you, talk like you, or think like you. You and others around you will be rewarded by unblocking the flow of information. Greater trust and connection will flourish. 3. **You’ll grow and improve faster.** You’ll hear more honest feedback, you’ll get helpful suggestions, and you’ll become aware of your blind spots. When learning becomes your way of operating, it feels much safer to experiment and even falter. Relieve yourself of the burden of pretending you have all the answers, and you’ll grow in profound, even unexpected, ways. ## Best quotes [![Asking BIg Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0ed66728ed2c4cf8b13a143e00082d86~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > Asking is the behaviour that unlocks everything. > In one study of managers over 85 percent of people interviewed admitted to remaining silent with their bosses about a concern on at least one occasion, even though they felt the issue was important. What’s more, nearly three-quarters (74%) of those people said that their colleagues were also aware of the issue and also felt uncomfortable speaking up. And when asked if they felt comfortable speaking up in general about issues of concern, nearly half (49%) of employees said that they did not. Imagine the cost to an organization when half the people don’t share information or opinions about what concerns them! > The biggest and most common reason that people decide to hold back from sharing what they really think, know, or feel, even when it would be incredibly valuable for you to hear. They could be worried that what they have to say will irritate, upset, discourage, burden, or embarrass you. They might worry about the consequences for themselves—what if you judge or shame them, or even punish them for sharing? They could also worry about the potential harm that could be done to their relationship with you, from creating unnecessary awkwardness to damaging it irreparably. > “Listening to learn” means: Intentionally opening ourselves to all that another person shares, in order to understand what’s essential about their message and experience. > We are taught how to read, to write, to speak and defend our opinions, but not to listen. Worse, we are taught to associate speaking with intelligence and ambition but staying quiet with being dumb or disengaged. > Increased curiosity in the organizational setting has been linked to richer information exchange, more creativity, and reduced conflict. Organizations that are better at learning from their members are better at adapting within uncertain environments, a critical skill in a world characterized by rapid technological development, cultural change, and environmental precariousness. ## More Ideas from [Ask by Jeff Wetzler](https://amzn.to/4cqhWwk) # Asking is a Superpower > Asking is the behaviour that unlocks everything. **Asking Questions is a Superpower because:** 1. When we all have this superpower, we’ll be more informed, more creative, and more connected. The world will be a better place. 2. This is a learnable kind of superpower—not like shooting spider webs from your fingers or flying over buildings. You just have to master some specific practices. 3. Most people haven’t learned these practices. And herein lies an incredible opportunity. **The Ask Approach:** - Step 1: Choose curiosity. I’ll guide you through a powerful mindset shift that will prevent you from making the quick assumptions that limit learning and damage our relationships. - Step 2: Make it safe. Lots of people withhold, even if you do ask them questions. This is a seminar on how you can support others to open up and say what they’re afraid or unwilling to say by making it more comfortable, easy, and appealing to share. - Step 3: Pose quality questions. Discover the highest-impact questions you should be asking, but aren’t—complete with scripts, workarounds, and follow-up ideas. - Step 4: Listen to learn. We all know it’s important to listen to what people are saying, but this practice triples the information you’ll be able to hear and ensures you’ve got the right takeaways. - Step 5: Reflect and reconnect. You’ll learn how to evaluate which insights have real value—and then you’ll translate that value into action and take steps to keep the learning momentum going and deepen your relationships along the way. **Benefits of the Ask Approach:** 1. **You’ll create better results.** You’ll make smarter decisions based on a more full and accurate range of insights that you’ll discover. You’ll co-create more innovative solutions. You’ll also get unstuck from conflicts more quickly and spend more of your time being productive and creative. 2. **You’ll forge stronger relationships.** You’ll connect more deeply with people, whether or not they look like you, talk like you, or think like you. You and others around you will be rewarded by unblocking the flow of information. Greater trust and connection will flourish. 3. **You’ll grow and improve faster.** You’ll hear more honest feedback, you’ll get helpful suggestions, and you’ll become aware of your blind spots. When learning becomes your way of operating, it feels much safer to experiment and even falter. Relieve yourself of the burden of pretending you have all the answers, and you’ll grow in profound, even unexpected, ways. **Tangible outcomes from the Ask Approach include:** 1. Discover where you really stand in a critical relationship… and what you need to do to make things right. 2. Break out of a persistent conflict through finding better, more mutually satisfying outcomes than either of you could have imagined 3. Identify the fatal flaws in your plan before you waste a ton of time and resources implementing it 4. Gain insight into why people treat you the way they do… and how you are affecting them 5. Help and support others you care about (teammates, family, friends) in whatever ways they really need, even if they’re hesitant to ask for it 6. Unite people with diverse perspectives, to create deeper connections, accomplish amazing things, and draw strength from everyone’s differences ## Uncovering Hidden Truths > What do you most need to know that people are least likely to tell you? Every leader faces a phenomenon called “The Unspoken”. This refers to the thoughts, feelings, and ideas that others around us hold but too often don’t share. Asking helps people share important, unspoken truths. In one study of managers over 85 percent of people interviewed admitted to remaining silent with their bosses about a concern on at least one occasion, even though they felt the issue was important. What’s more, nearly three-quarters (74%) of those people said that their colleagues were also aware of the issue and also felt uncomfortable speaking up. And when asked if they felt comfortable speaking up in general about issues of concern, nearly half (49%) of employees said that they did not. Imagine the cost to an organization when half the people don’t share information or opinions about what concerns them! Four things most people withhold: 1. What they struggle with… and what help they need 2. What they really think or feel about an issue… and where their views come from 3. Their honest feedback for you… and suggestions for how you can improve 4. Their most audacious ideas and dreams… which they fear might sound crazy ## Overcoming Barriers > Why don’t people tell you what’s most important for you to find out? Common reasons people hold back: 1. They’re worried about how what they have to say could negatively affect you, them, or your relationship. 2. They can’t find the right words because they lack the skills or language to express themselves in ways that feel acceptable, or because they are still processing internally. 3. They don’t have the time or energy to share. 4. They think you’re not truly interested in hearing from them. **Barrier 1: They Are Worried About the Impact of Sharing** The biggest and most common reason that people decide to hold back from sharing what they really think, know, or feel, even when it would be incredibly valuable for you to hear. They could be worried that what they have to say will irritate, upset, discourage, burden, or embarrass you. They might worry about the consequences for themselves—what if you judge or shame them, or even punish them for sharing? They could also worry about the potential harm that could be done to their relationship with you, from creating unnecessary awkwardness to damaging it irreparably. Ninety-seven percent of people who notice a smudge on the face of someone near them won’t mention it, according to one study. And the number one reason people stayed silent? They felt bad about how saying something might affect the person with the smudge—they didn’t want to embarrass them. How ironic that in trying to be kind and help the other person avoid embarrassment, they let them walk around with a potentially embarrassing smudge on their face! **Barrier 2: They Can’t Find the Right Words** Another reason people hold back from telling us what they really feel, think, or know is that they simply can’t find the right words to express themselves. There is a reason that an entire industry’s worth of consultants, coaches and trainers are teaching people how to communicate hard things to one another: it’s not easy to do! Finding the right words to express what we are thinking or feeling is a skill, particularly when what we have to say isn’t all glowing. When others aren’t sure how to say what they want to say well, staying quiet can feel like the easier and safer choice. **Barrier 3: They Lack the Time or Energy** Sometimes people hold back because they don’t have the time or energy to share, or they feel that sharing will draw them more deeply into the situation than they are mentally or emotionally prepared to go. This could be because of overwhelm from the stress and pace of life, from burnout at home or work, or from the exhaustion of feeling like they aren’t fully accepted. **Barrier 4: Their Sharing Doesn’t Feel Valued by You** Whether accurate or not, people often believe you aren’t really interested in what they have to say. How do they develop this belief? Let’s take an extreme case—a friend of mine, Michael, had just completed a four-month project as a junior analyst that entailed a lot of unexpected evening and weekend fire drills, work that he thought could have been avoided with some specific changes in how the partner in charge managed the project. So, when it was over, he typed up some constructive feedback, printed it out, and hand delivered it to his boss Doug, saying, “I put together some feedback for you about your leadership of the project.” Doug had never seen a junior person do anything like this. He stood up, took the paper, and said, “Thank you, Michael”—simultaneously ripping it in half and letting the pieces fall into his trash can. There are three types of curiosity: 1. **Connective curiosity** - connective curiosity is a desire to understand more about the thoughts, experiences, and feelings of other people. 2. **Diversive curiosity** - the drive for new information. 3. **Epistemic curiosity** - a more focused form of curiosity having to do with understanding a particular subject area. Developing connective curiosity helps you break down barriers. ## Make it Safe > How do you make it easier for people to tell you hard things? It’s important leaders make it as comfortable, easy, and appealing as possible for others to share openly. Create the conditions so that asking another person to share is less like proposing a cliff dive into icy waters and more like proposing a swim in a heated pool—lower risk, worthwhile, and maybe even enjoyable. **How to cultivate safety:** 1. **Create Connection -** When people feel connected to you, and you to them, you both feel safer. You can relax in one another’s company. 2. **Find the Right Space -** There’s a lot of individual nuance to it, but the bottom line is: Where will they feel most comfortable? What is convenient for them? Would that place be private or open? Inside or outside? Seated or in motion? I try to think about their needs first. **Three reasons people hesitate to open up:** 1. You’re too focused on efficiency. You need answers, now! 2. You don’t want to make yourself vulnerable. It might not feel good to expose a gap in your knowledge, or to admit that they have information you can’t get anywhere else. 3. You don’t want to bias them. Many people, especially those in positions of power, are afraid that opening up about their own viewpoint will bias the conversation. **Conversation starters, to make it easier for people to open up:** 1. “If I were in your shoes, I might be feeling frustrated or even resentful. If that’s how you’re feeling, I would understand completely. Please don’t hold back.” 2. “I realize you might be thinking that I’ve got it all wrong. If that’s the case, I’m ready to hear it and open to rethinking my assumptions.” 3. “I recognize we come down on different sides of this very charged issue. Whether or not we change each other’s minds, I want you to know that I am sincerely interested in understanding where you’re coming from, and what I’m missing.” ## Pose Quality Questions > What questions will best tap into the wisdom of anyone you ask? We’re all born with the instinct to ask. Kids are natural-born question askers. But by the time we become adults, many of us have stopped asking real questions, other than “Where is the bathroom?” and “Has he lost his mind?” One poll found that, among the two hundred executives surveyed, only 15 to 25 percent of interactions included real questions. We worry that asking questions will make us come off as prying or rude. At the same time, we are taught to “perform” confidence and certainty at all times, especially in competitive academic and corporate settings where we face constant pressure to prove our worth. In these environments, asking questions can feel like an admission of imperfection, vulnerability, or ignorance that runs counter to deeply held beliefs about what competence is supposed to look like. When people are reprimanded or ridiculed for asking questions in school, in their families, or in their workplaces, the dangers of asking come to outweigh the risks. For those in more vulnerable positions, whether due to age, race, gender, or position in the organizational hierarchy, the risk of asking questions can feel even greater and more chronic. **Questions commonly fall into three categories:** 1. Clumsy questions 2. Sneaky questions 3. Attack questions **Clumsy questions** may be well-intentioned, but their wording immediately closes down the inquiry, preventing learning. These include closed-ended questions, rhetorical questions, and questions that get lost because they’re buried inside statements. Here’s one example: Fred: “We’ve got to raise our prices, right? All our costs are going up, and we’ve got to hold our margin steady.” Renata: “True.” Fred’s got two clumsy things going on here. First, his use of the question “right?” sounds rhetorical at best. The way he phrases the question makes it hard for Renata to do anything other than agree with him. In addition, by following his question with two other statements, he does not give her any room to answer **Sneaky questions,** on the other hand, are not designed to learn anything. Instead, they’re designed to influence, convince, or maneuver the other person. We see trial lawyers do this all the time, with questions that lead the witness (such as, “Wouldn’t you agree that…?”). Other times, people are reluctant to assert their views as direct statements, so they phrase them as questions (“ Don’t you think it would be better if you stayed home tonight? The roads are so icy.”). Finally, sometimes people layer question upon question in a strategy called “easing in,” as in the following example: Dante: Do you think the timeline you’re asking for is feasible? Yuki: I think so. Dante: Have you considered the time it will take to set up the project in phase 1? Yuki: Well… Dante: Are you sure we can even get the talent lined up? **Attack questions** are weapons we use to pounce on others. Examples of these questions include: - “Why would you ever think that’s a good idea?” - “How could you possibly believe that?” - “Why can’t you be more considerate?” **High-Quality Questions** **In contrast, quality questions have the following five attributes:** 1. They signal true curiosity, reflecting a genuine intent to learn from and understand the other person—not to prove a point or influence or fix them. 2. They are clear and direct, with no hidden, layered, or confusing meanings, so it’s self-evident what the asker wants to know. 3. They invite honesty by making it as easy as possible for the other person to share openly, regardless of how the asker feels about their answer. 4. They tap into the other person’s full story—to surface the underlying meanings, reasons, emotions, and experiences. 5. They create mutual benefit by contributing to a meaningful, two-way dialogue in which everyone learns from each other and leaves the conversation with a better understanding of themselves and the other person. **How to check what you said was heard:** - “I want to check if I’m communicating clearly. What came through most in what I shared?” - “I’m not sure if my intent is coming through, so I want to check: What were your main takeaways from what I said?” - “In case I’m not expressing myself well, I want to ask: How are you hearing and understanding what I’m saying?” ## Listen to Learn > How can you hear what someone is really trying to tell you? “Listening to learn” means: Intentionally opening ourselves to all that another person shares, in order to understand what’s essential about their message and experience. The challenging reality is that most of us were never taught how to listen. One survey found that 96 percent of people think of themselves as good listeners, yet research has also shown that we retain less than half of what people tell us and that the average person listens with only 25 percent efficacy. Research shows that we are actually worse at listening to the people closest to us than to total strangers. We are taught how to read, to write, to speak and defend our opinions, but not to listen. Worse, we are taught to associate speaking with intelligence and ambition but to stay quiet with being dumb or disengaged. **How To Listen Better:** 1. Ditch the Distractions 2. Zip Your Lip 3. Watch Your Face 4. Paraphrase and Test (I heard this…what did I miss?) 5. Pull the Thread (Tell me more) 6. Back Off to Move Forward (Let’s take a break) 7. Check-In (What was most useful for you?) 8. No BS (Back to self) Listening. Focus on the other person . ## Asking When Leading > How can you unlock the collective genius of your team? Team members who feel safe admitting mistakes, expressing uncertainty, and communicating openly consistently perform better, learn faster, and are more innovative than those with lower levels of psychological safety. Increased curiosity in the organizational setting has been linked to richer information exchange, more creativity, and reduced conflict. Organizations that are better at learning from their members are better at adapting within uncertain environments, a critical skill in a world characterized by rapid technological development, cultural change, and environmental precariousness. In my experience, the most valuable, and essential, source of ideas, knowledge, and information in any organization lies in its employees, particularly those closest to the front lines. Efforts to involve the front line are typically too superficial or disconnected for employees to trust that any time and energy they invest will affect decision-making. Many companies do some version of “ask quality questions” but forget all the other steps of the Ask Approach. **How To Lead By Asking:** - DO: Reduce the effects of power dynamics as much as possible by acknowledging that you have a dilemma or puzzle and need their partnership to take it on. Name the value you see and place in their perspective. - DO: Let them know in advance how final decisions will be made and what roles they will play in making and/ or influencing the decisions. Ideally, let the decisions get made as close to the front lines as you can. - DO: Let them in on the challenge by exposing them to all the data points you can, while asking them to help you revise your understanding of the issues by adding additional information that they uniquely see. - DO: Empower them to develop new solutions by asking “How might we…” questions and generating as many creative ideas as possible before any ideas are evaluated or discarded. Invite them to prioritize the solutions they see as most relevant and share their reasons why - DO: Consistently report back to employees how their ideas and feedback informed organizational decisions. When you can’t act on their ideas or feedback or can’t respond right away, let them know why and what you plan to do next. - DON’T: Feel like you need to have all the answers. Instead, bring your thorniest questions to the people who are closest to the action: those on your front line. **How To Become the Learner in Chief:** - DO: Publicly share your own learning and development goals, needs, dilemmas, and challenges. - DO: Foster a culture of openness by modeling vulnerability yourself. Allow people to see you as a full, complex, flawed human being. To the extent that you can, let people in on your process—for example, speaking openly about work or personal challenges you have experienced. - DO: Seek feedback and input publicly—don’t just invite it but actively go seek it out. Even if you don’t receive it publicly, reflect on it publicly by sharing what feedback you have received and how you are making meaning of it. - DO: Thank and publicly acknowledge those who gave you input. Let them know what you plan to do with the input, and why. - DON’T: Expect it to feel comfortable. Asking and learning goes against many norms that suggest leaders need to --- ## Summary: Super Mentors by Eric Koester, Adam Saven URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-super-mentors-by-eric-koester-adam-saven Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-super-mentors-by-eric-koester-adam-saven.md Date: 2024-05-11 Topics: book-summaries This book has provided a whole new outlook on mentoring. In particular, great mentors provide opportunities, not advice. I've seen countless articles describing coaching as asking, and mentoring as telling. I've hated that distinction. Mentoring is more than just telling someone what to do. Super Mentors provides the perfect explanation of how great mentoring should be. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. Absolutely. This book has provided a whole new outlook on mentoring. In particular, great mentors provide opportunities, not advice. I've seen countless articles describing coaching as asking, and mentoring as telling. I've hated that distinction. Mentoring is more than just telling someone what to do. [Super Mentors](https://amzn.to/4beCuYt) provides the perfect explanation of how great mentoring should be. ## 3 big ideas 1. **Mentorship as Opportunity, Not Just Advice**: The core premise of [Super Mentors](https://amzn.to/4beCuYt) is that modern mentorship should focus more on tangible opportunities than just advice. This means identifying potential mentors who can directly influence your path by providing introductions, advice on strategic moves, or even advocating for you in their networks​​​. 2. **Aim High, Ask Small, and Do It Again**: The book teaches that effective mentorship involves targeting high-value individuals and making precise, manageable requests that respect the mentor's time and commitment. This strategy should be repeated across different mentors to maximise your growth and learning opportunities​​​. 3. **The Four Laws of Super Mentorship**: These laws—Right Ask, Right People, Right Start, and Right Time—guide you in crafting your approach to finding and engaging mentors. They help you identify who to approach, how to approach them, and when to seek their guidance, ensuring that each interaction is purposeful and contextually appropriate​​​. ## Best quotes [![Crucial Conversations Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5245f82e20034c4fa5a0b49d12a9b831~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > "Modern mentorship is about opportunity, not advice." > "Aim High, Ask Small, and Do It Again." > "Super Mentors help you not by giving endless advice, but by opening doors that were previously closed." > "The best mentors are those who see potential in you and are willing to invest their time and resources to help you realize it." > "Building a network of Super Mentors is building a ladder to your dreams." ## Toby's takeaway The standout lesson from [Super Mentors](https://amzn.to/4beCuYt) is the power of strategic, targeted mentorship over traditional, often vague mentor-mentee relationships. It's not just about finding a mentor; it's about engaging multiple mentors in a purposeful manner that respects both their time and your developmental needs. By focusing on micro-requests and specific, actionable assistance, you transform mentorship from a passive, advice-giving relationship into a dynamic, opportunity-creating resource that can propel your career and personal projects forward. **Actionable Takeaways:** 1. **Identify Potential Super Mentors**: Look beyond your immediate circle to identify leaders and influencers who align with your career aspirations. 2. **Craft Micro-Requests**: When reaching out to potential mentors, make specific, small requests that can be easily fulfilled, demonstrating respect for their time and setting the stage for ongoing engagement. 3. **Iterate and Expand Your Network**: Use each successful engagement as a stepping stone to further expand your mentorship circle, continuously seeking new perspectives and opportunities. By implementing the strategies from [Super Mentors](https://amzn.to/4beCuYt), you can build a powerful network of supporters who can help guide and accelerate your journey toward achieving your most ambitious goals. --- ## Summary: Radical Candor by Kim Scott URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-radical-candor-by-kim-scott.md Date: 2024-05-02 Topics: book-summaries Kim Scott introduces Radical Candor as a management philosophy where leaders succeed by caring deeply about their team members on a personal level while also challenging them directly and honestly. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. When I began my career Kim Scott would describe my communication style as "Obnoxious Aggression" - Too Direct, Not Kind enough. Harsh but true. And common! I wish I'd read Radical Candor earlier in my career. It's essential reading for everyone, but most importantly managers. When you lead teams it's crucial to communicate in a way that is direct AND kind. [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne) gives you the playbook to do that. ## And Then She Started Crying. I still think about this conversation. It was during my first management role. I was leading a team on a significant project. The deadlines were looming. I was under pressure. A team member submitted a test plan for review. I was fuming. It was not up to scratch. I sent an email outlining my feedback in detail. I was harsh. The other person did not take it well. I had a relationship to rebuild. I only read [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne) later in my career. I wish I'd read it earlier. Kim Scott calls my behaviour obnoxious aggression. Harsh but a good descriptor. I now have the opposite problem, Ruinous Empathy. I’m optimistic. I believe that poor performers can turn it around. I wait, I coach, I encourage. I skirt around issues. High-stakes conversations require [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne). A delicate balance of directness and kindness. I'm still learning to find it. This book can help you too. ![How to lead hard conversations with Radical Candor](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3ebc2d3751bd4722ba8ac97fb2b8b616~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Caring Personally While Challenging Directly** Kim Scott introduces [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne) as a management philosophy where leaders succeed by caring deeply about their team members on a personal level while also challenging them directly and honestly. This dual approach helps to create a work environment that values both personal relationships and professional growth. Leaders should strive to understand their team members' personal and professional motivations and engage in open, honest dialogues about performance and development​​​. **Big Idea 2 - Feedback is Crucial and Should Be a Two-Way Street** [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne) promotes a culture where feedback flows freely in both directions. Managers should not only provide clear and actionable feedback but also encourage and be open to receiving feedback from their team. This ongoing exchange enhances understanding and improves the team dynamic. Implementing regular one-on-one meetings and creating an environment where feedback is expected and valued are practical steps towards this goal​​​​​. **Big Idea 3 - Understanding and Leveraging Team Dynamics** Effective leadership according to [Radical Candor](https://amzn.to/4blksne) involves recognising the distinct roles individuals play within a team. Kim Scott categorises team members as "rock stars" who are stable and excel in their current roles, and "superstars" who seek constant challenges and rapid growth opportunities. Balancing these dynamics and providing opportunities tailored to individual career trajectories can significantly boost team performance and satisfaction​​​​​. ## Best quotes [![Crucial Conversations Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_44e2a5e85ee14c808322e9d762ede73d~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) > “Make sure that you are seeing each person on your team with fresh eyes every day. People evolve, and so your relationships must evolve with them. Care personally; don’t put people in boxes and leave them there.” > “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” > “A good rule of thumb for any relationship is to leave three unimportant things unsaid each day.” > “When bosses are too invested in everyone getting along they also fail to encourage the people on their team to criticize one another other for fear of sowing discord. They create the kind of work environment where being "nice" is prioritized at the expense of critiquing and therefore improving actual performance.” > “You may be worried about earning their respect, and that’s natural. Unfortunately, though, being overly focused on respect can backfire because it’ll make you feel extra defensive when criticized. If, on the other hand, you can listen to the criticism and react well to it, both trust and respect will follow.” > “It’s brutally hard to tell people when they are screwing up. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings; that’s because you’re not a sadist. You don’t want that person or the rest of the team to think you’re a jerk. Plus, you’ve been told since you learned to talk, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Now all of a sudden it’s your job to say it. You’ve got to undo a lifetime of training. Management is hard.” > “The way you ask for criticism and react when you get it goes a long way toward building trust—or destroying it.” Candour is a conversation, not a slide. The conversations new managers actually freeze on are in [new manager training](/post/new-manager-training-conversations). For the redundancy conversation specifically, I wrote [a practical, humane guide](/post/redundancy-conversation-guide). Ten worked scenarios: [difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). --- ## Summary: Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-crucial-conversations-by-kerry-patterson.md Date: 2024-05-02 Topics: book-summaries Crucial Conversations summary: Kerry Patterson's playbook for high-stakes talks — how to stop avoiding the conversation, make it safe, and say the thing that actually changes the outcome. Toby's rating: 9/10. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. This is the only conversation book you need to read. It's a bestselling classic. I'm fascinated and fear these high stake conversations. Kerry Patterson et al. provide a playbook to help you stop avoiding the conversations you fear the most. I use the techniques from this book almost daily. Becoming better at conversations has a direct impact on how fast you'll advance your career: “It’s the most talented, not the least talented, who are continually trying to improve their dialogue skills. As is often the case, the rich get richer.” ## I avoided this conversation for 18 months. I love learning about the secrets to high stakes conversations. The conversation I fear most: addressing underperformance. I'm not alone. I heard from a leader recently: > “I left it 18 months before taking decisive action with a poor performer. In retrospect, this cost our business new clients and we lost good talent.” I’m optimistic. I believe that poor performers can turn it around. I wait, I coach, I encourage. I skirt around the issue. I avoid the [crucial conversation.](https://amzn.to/44rQziw) In this book Kerry Patterson et al. provide the playbook to have high stakes conversations. These conversations don't become easy, but they certainly become easier. **Before The Conversation** 1. **Start with Heart:** Before you begin, examine your motives. Ask yourself what you really want for you, for the other person, and for the relationship? This question activates your brain and diffuses your strong emotions. 2. **Prepare to STATE Your Path:** STATE stands for Share your facts, Tell your story, Ask for others’ paths, Talk tentatively, and Encourage testing. Make sure you identify only the facts of the situation and the story you have drawn as a result of those facts. 3. **Identify a Mutual Purpose and Desired Outcome**: Identify goals both you and the other person care about. Clearly outline the actions or outcomes you’d like to see. If you can’t identify these beforehand, ask the other person how you can solve the issue together. 4. **Practice:** Practice these skills ahead of time to prepare for your meeting. **At The Start** 1. **Get Buy-In:** Begin by getting agreement from the other person to have the conversation. If he or she wants to discuss something else or isn’t prepared, schedule another time to meet. 2. **Clarify and Agree:** Reach agreement with the other person that there is an issue, identify what the issue is, and clearly articulate what a successful resolution would look like for both parties. **During the Conversation** 1. **Make It Safe:** The antidote to defensiveness in [crucial conversations](https://amzn.to/44rQziw) is to make it safe. To create safety, help others understand that you respect them and care about their interests as much as you care about your own. When they believe this, they open up to your views. When they don’t, they shut down. After you create a safe environment, confidently share your facts and your story. 2. **Invite Dialogue & Listen:** Once you’ve safely stated your path, invite differing opinions. Encourage the other person to disagree with you and then listen. Those who are best at [crucial conversations](https://amzn.to/44rQziw) want to learn. If your goal is just to dump on others, they’ll resist you. If you are open to hearing others’ points of view, they’ll be more open to yours **At the End of The Conversation** 1. **Move to Action:** It’s easy to let assignments fall through the cracks. When ending a crucial conversation, document WHO does WHAT by WHEN, and how you will FOLLOW UP. This will help you turn a conversation into real action and results. [![Crucial Conversations Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5f53e0d89c224e53b367680c3fd88861~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Master the Art of Dialogue** [Crucial conversations](https://amzn.to/44rQziw), defined as dialogues where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, are pivotal in determining success both in personal and professional arenas. Effective handling of such conversations requires a balance of assertiveness and empathy, ensuring that all parties feel heard and respected. The ability to engage in open and honest dialogue without fear or aggression can lead to transformative outcomes in business environments, enhancing relationships and facilitating effective problem-solving​​​​​​. **Big Idea 2 - Ensure Safety in Communication** Safety is fundamental to productive dialogue. When people feel safe, they are more likely to share honest opinions and listen to others without defensiveness. Creating safety involves understanding and respecting others' viewpoints and emotions, and addressing any signs of discomfort with empathy and clarity. In a business setting, ensuring that team members feel secure can prevent misunderstandings and foster a culture of trust and openness​​​​. **Big Idea 3 - Manage and Utilize Emotions** Emotions can escalate quickly during [crucial conversations](https://amzn.to/44rQziw), leading to conflict or withdrawal. Learning to recognize one's emotional responses and understanding their origins are essential skills in managing interactions effectively. Leaders who can control their emotions and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively contribute to a more constructive and collaborative workplace atmosphere. This emotional agility can be critical in navigating complex discussions and leading teams through challenging situations​​​​. ## Best quotes > "Respect is like air. As long as it's present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it's all that people can think about." This quote underscores the invisible yet essential role of respect in communication, especially when resolving conflicts or discussing sensitive issues​​. > "The best at dialogue do not try to win the argument but try to win the relationship." This quote highlights the importance of prioritising relationships over winning disputes, especially crucial in maintaining team cohesion and achieving collaborative success​​​​. > “It’s the most talented, not the least talented, who are continually trying to improve their dialogue skills. As is often the case, the rich get richer.” > “As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape—with any degree of success—is the person in the mirror.” > “At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.” > “The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.” > “There are four common ways of making decisions: command, consult, vote, and consensus. These four options represent increasing degrees of involvement.” Reading the playbook is step one. If you want the honest comparison of how to actually practise — official course, workshops, peer role play, and AI simulation — see [Crucial Conversations training](/post/crucial-conversations-training). The ten conversations I watch people avoid most are in [difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). --- ## Summary: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-five-love-languages-by-gary-chapman Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-five-love-languages-by-gary-chapman.md Date: 2024-05-02 Topics: book-summaries The biggest lesson I've gained from "The 5 Love Languages" is the importance of tailored communication. Just as in romantic relationships, where speaking the right love language can deepen connections, in business, understanding individual communication styles can dramatically improve leadership effectiveness. This has led me to reflect on how I interact with colleagues and team members, ensuring I address their preferences and expectations in ways that resonate with them. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. This is an unusual recommendation! A book about love for the workplace? The title of [The Five Love Languages](https://amzn.to/3QtJAzV) is a bit of a distraction. It's really about all relationships, at work and at home. I learned how to understand how to build relationships with the people who matter most. Both at home and work. ## Toby's takeaway The biggest lesson I've gained from "[The 5 Love Languages](https://amzn.to/3QtJAzV)" is the importance of tailored communication. Just as in romantic relationships, where speaking the right love language can deepen connections, in business, understanding individual communication styles can dramatically improve leadership effectiveness. This has led me to reflect on how I interact with colleagues and team members, ensuring I address their preferences and expectations in ways that resonate with them. **Actionable Takeaways:** 1. **Identify the Primary 'Love Languages' of Your Team Members:** Just as with personal relationships, knowing what makes your team members feel valued—whether it's words of affirmation, quality time, or acts of service—can help in tailoring your interactions and support to their preferences. 2. **Incorporate Regular Feedback and Recognition:** Implement regular, meaningful feedback sessions that not only acknowledge achievements but also offer constructive advice and recognition, catering to those who appreciate Words of Affirmation. 3. **Ensure Availability for Team Members:** Set aside dedicated times for team members, showing that you value their contributions and are willing to invest your most precious resource—time—in their growth and professional development. By applying these principles, leaders can foster a more supportive and motivated workplace, enhancing both individual and team productivity. Remember, the effort to speak someone’s language, whether emotional or professional, is always worth the investment. [![The Five Love Languages Big Idea](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5c6a04ff6f154f34909ec3b8f6acfbe3~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Understanding Love Languages Enhances Relationships** Gary Chapman introduces the concept that people express and receive love in different ways, which he terms 'love languages'. These include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. By understanding and speaking your partner's love language, you can significantly improve your relationship. This awareness is crucial not just in personal relationships but also in professional contexts, where acknowledging the emotional needs of colleagues and employees can foster a supportive work environment​​​​​​. **Big Idea 2 - Love as a Conscious Choice** Chapman emphasises that love is a decision that requires effort and commitment, not just a feeling that happens passively. Choosing to love means actively speaking your partner’s primary love language, especially during challenging times. This idea can be applied in leadership and team management, where a commitment to understanding and addressing the needs and preferences of team members can lead to stronger, more cohesive groups​​​​. **Big Idea 3 - The Power of Quality Time and Words of Affirmation** Among the love languages, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time are particularly impactful. Regular verbal affirmations can boost confidence and morale, while dedicated time shows genuine care and commitment. In a business setting, this could translate into regular feedback sessions and uninterrupted one-on-one time with team members, which can lead to increased engagement and loyalty​​​​​​. ![5 Love Languages at Work](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fe8a2be2b41947b8bc45559342b03596~mv2.png) ## Best quotes > "Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn't bring up past failures. Forgiveness is the way of love." - This quote highlights the importance of forgiveness and moving forward, which is vital in both personal and professional relationships​​. > "Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love." - This reflects the importance of communication in relationships, suggesting that how we ask for things can significantly affect the response we get. In a business context, this underscores the importance of how leaders communicate their needs and expectations to their teams​​. > “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.” > “Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.” > “The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history.” > “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.” --- ## Summary: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-fierce-conversations-by-susan-scott.md Date: 2024-04-23 Topics: book-summaries Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott teaches this. Our lives succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. Hell Yeah! This is an incredible book that every leader must read. I had a major realisation whilst reading it. I have many shallow, surface level conversations. It is very rare that I have the Fierce Conversations described by Susan Scott. I have work to do to change that! ## Do You Have Fake or Fierce Conversations? I’m saddened to admit it. I have lots of fake conversations. [Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) has been a wake up call. Let me explain. Fake conversations are where you are not fully yourself. You go through the motions. Asking automatic questions like “How are you?” and responding with “I’m OK, how are you?”. Even though your in a world of pain. You hide your true emotions. You stay quiet rather than objecting. You watch the clock, waiting for the conversation to end. I’m not alone. Conversations like this can be the norm in many businesses. Everyone plays it safe. Nobody gets upset and it maintains the status quo. **The problem: your company grows or stagnates, one conversation at a time.** Fake conversations will result in flatline results. [![Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_724dfcf6ae1141ed8274e6564d488834~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) Contrast this to a **Fierce Conversation**. > “It’s like the first parachute jump from an airplane. In anticipation, you perspire and your mouth goes dry. Once you’ve left the plane, it’s an adrenaline rush that is indescribable.” [Susan Scott - Fierce Conversations](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) You come out from the shadows. You are fully present, engaging in the conversation. You directly address what is at stake. You engage in radical candor. Here is an example: > A friend who is a high-level executive, intimidating to many, recently promoted a courageous employee who walked into his office with a large bucket of sand and poured it on the rug. “What the hell are you doing?” demanded my friend. The employee replied, “I just figured I’d make it easier for you to bury your head in the sand on the topic I keep bringing up and you keep avoiding.” Now where is that bucket of sand….. Fierce does not mean barbarous, menacing, or cruel. Fierce means powerful, strong, unbridled, unrestrained, robust. It means coming out from behind ourselves into the conversation and making it real. If you are a leader, your job is to enable business outcomes. How will you increase your chances of success? In large part, **by making every conversation you have as real as possible.** **How to start a Fierce conversation:** 1. Name the issue to be addressed. 2. Select a specific example that illustrates the non-participation or situation you want to change. 3. Describe your emotions about this issue. 4. Clarify what is at stake. 5. Identify your contribution to this problem. 6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. 7. Invite your partner to respond. Chose to live your life at the conversational cliff edge. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Our lives succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time.** While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can. The conversation is the relationship. The notion that our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time is at once commonsensical and revolutionary. It is commonsensical because all of us have had conversations that, for better or worse, profoundly altered our professional or personal lives. It is revolutionary because a course on conversations won’t be found in an MBA curriculum. Yet who among us hasn’t spent time and energy cleaning up the aftermath of a significant but failed conversation? Each conversation we have with our coworkers, customers, significant others, and children either enhances those relationships, flat-lines them, or takes them down. **Big Idea 2 - Companies derail because people don’t say what they are really thinking.** We don’t know what people are thinking unless they tell us. And even then, there’s no guarantee they’re telling us what they really think. Yet, if asked, most people avow that they want to hear the truth, even if it is unpalatable. When someone takes you up on your invitation to challenge your strongly held opinion, resist the temptation to defend your idea immediately. Also, it isn’t always helpful to look to the person with the most experience. Instead, look to the person with the best vantage point. Who is standing right at the juncture where things are happening? Who has the fifty-yard-line seat on the action? That person isn’t always the designated leader. Also, who stands squarely downstream and, therefore, will be impacted by any decisions you make? **Big Idea 3 - While many are afraid of “real,” it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death.** Whoever said talk is cheap was mistaken. Unreal conversations are incredibly expensive for organizations and for individuals. Every organization wants to feel it’s having a real conversation with its employees, its customers, its territory, and with the unknown future that is emerging around it. Each individual wants to have conversations that are somehow building his or her world of meaning. Most leaders suspect that things would go more smoothly if they spent more time with the individuals on their leadership team and that they, in turn, should do the same with the people who report to them. So we carve out the time, sometimes grudgingly. A leader schedules a meeting with a direct report. What happens? Not much. Just space, uncomfortable space, stretching out in front of you. Many do not make it past “How are you?” “I’m fine.” Many of us have imagined saying, “By the way, I only have three days to live,” or “I robbed a bank and I’m running away with the bartender at Trudy’s Tavern,” just to see if anyone would notice. **📚** [**Buy Fierce Conversations on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) ## Best quotes **The Seven Principles of** [**Fierce Conversations**](https://amzn.to/4dlWN7Y) **Principle 1: Master the courage to interrogate reality.** No plan survives its collision with reality, and reality has a habit of shifting, at work and at home. Markets and economies change, requiring shifts in strategy. People change and forget to tell each other—colleagues, customers, spouses, friends. We are all changing all the time. Not only do we neglect to share this with others, we are skilled at masking it even to ourselves. **Principle 2: Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real.** While many fear “real,” it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to have the conversation. When the conversation is real, the change occurs before the conversation is over. You will accomplish your goals in large part by making every conversation you have as real as possible. **Principle 3: Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.** Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it matters. It does. **Principle 4: Tackle your toughest challenge today.** Burnout doesn’t occur because we’re solving problems; it occurs because we’ve been trying to solve the same problem over and over. The problem named is the problem solved. Identify and then confront the real obstacles in your path. Stay current with the people important to your success and happiness. Travel light, agenda-free. **Principle 5: Obey your instincts.** Don’t just trust your instincts—obey them. Your radar screen works perfectly. It’s the operator who is in question. An intelligence agent is sending you messages every day, all day. Tune in. Pay attention. Share these thoughts with others. What we label as illusion is the scent of something real coming close. **Principle 6: Take responsibility for your emotional wake.** For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something you don’t remember saying may have had a devastating impact on someone who looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion. **Principle 7: Let silence do the heavy lifting.** When there is simply a whole lot of talking going on, conversations can be so empty of meaning they crackle. Memorable conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation, so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about. **Fierce Conversation Structure:** - Step 1: Identify the most pressing issue. The issue that we most need to resolve is: - Step 2: Clarify the issue. What is going on? How long has this been going on? How bad are things? - Step 3: Determine the current impact. How is this issue currently impacting us? What results are currently being produced in this situation? How is this issue currently impacting others? What results are currently being produced for them by this situation? - Step 4: Determine the future implications. If nothing changes, what’s likely to happen? What’s at stake for me? What’s at stake for others? When I consider these possible outcomes, what are my emotions? - Step 5: Examine your personal contribution to this issue. What is my contribution to this issue? (How have I contributed to the problem?) - Step 6: Describe the ideal outcome. When this issue is resolved, what difference will that make? What results will I enjoy? When this issue is resolved, what results will others enjoy? When I imagine this resolution, what are my emotions? - Step 7: Commit to action. What is the most potent step I could take to move this issue toward resolution? What’s going to attempt to get in my way, and how will I get past it? When will I take this step? Unconsciously, we end our conversations as soon as we initiate them, too afraid of what we might say or hear. The ability to hide out at meetings was so prevalent at one company that the behavior eventually got a name. Picture a leader holding forth from one end of the boardroom table. She is espousing the cleverness of the current strategy. Like all good leaders, at some point she offers an opportunity for others to respond. Something like, “So what do you think?” It gets quiet around the table. Unnaturally quiet. Like the quiet before a tornado, when birds fall silent and not a leaf stirs and a bilious sky warns of an approaching storm. Around the table, eyes fall. Each individual practices the art of personal stealth technology, attempting to drop beneath the leader’s radar screen. At one point the leader calls on some poor bloke who is less skilled at vanishing than his team members. “Jim, what do you think of the plan?” Jim gets that look on his face like a cat occupied in the litter box—sort of far away as if to indicate that he is not really here and neither are you. The leader waits Jim out. Jim has to do something. Jim nods. His head moves up and down as he gazes fixedly at a spot on the boardroom table. The leader smiles. “And what about you, Elaine?” the leader persists. Elaine steps into the litter box. Head down. Eyes averted. She nods. And so forth around the table, as the leader scans the room. The Corporate Nod. Satisfied, the leader concludes, “Good. We launch on Monday.” When you are in the presence of knowledgeable but cautious individuals, once you’ve made your proposal or described the issue, don’t just ask, “What do you think?” Invite questions. Check for understanding. Say, “Before we go any further, please ask any clarifying questions you may have.” If you notice someone who is silent but looks puzzled or concerned, ask, “Alison, what questions do you have?” **Example of a Fierce Conversation:** Mark didn’t look at me. During my conversation with Mark, no matter who was talking, he simply did not look at me. Eventually I said, “While we’ve been talking, I’ve noticed you haven’t looked at me.” Mark smiled, glanced at me, then looked away and responded, “I haven’t decided if I like you yet.” “So until you’ve made up your mind whether or not you like me, you will withhold eye contact?” He smiled again. “That’s what I do.” “Do you do this with members of your executive team? For whatever period of time it takes you to decide whether or not you like them … you withhold eye contact?” “That’s right.” “Well, I feel it acutely, this withholding of yourself, of your approval, and I’m puzzled. You invited me here to produce a result you say you want. It seems we should be collaborating. I’d like to feel you are joining me in this conversation, and it would help if you’d look at me while we talk.” Mark was looking at me now. Not smiling. I wondered if he would stand up and say, “We’re done. You’re outta here.” But instead, he thought for a moment and then said, “Okay, let’s work.” “One more thing,” I offered. “If you are not looking at the people on your team when you’re talking with them, be aware that they may feel they’re invisible to you. Devalued. I don’t imagine that’s what you want.” Half an hour later, as Mark introduced me, he said, “Susan practices what she preaches. I know. She told me I had lousy eye contact and that it didn’t feel very good. So I’m going to work on that.” Fifty people smiled and nodded. One conversation at a time, you are building, destroying, or flatlining your relationships. It is possible, however, to create high-intimacy, low-maintenance relationships—one relatively brief conversation at a time. Unconsciously, we end our conversations as soon as we initiate them, too afraid of what we might say or hear. For many people, the answer to the question “What’s the opposite of talking?” is “Waiting to talk.” A simple exercise. Ask a team member to share a challenge. Give everyone else distinct listening roles. - Group 1 - Listen for content - Group 2 - Listen for emotion - Group 3 - Listen for intent Example: After a few minutes I stopped David and asked each group to tell him what they had “heard.” The content group fed his words back to him almost verbatim. David nodded. The emotion group picked up on his frustration, embarrassment, and helplessness. David acknowledged all of this. The group listening for intent delivered the blow: “You aren’t going to do anything about this. Right now, it’s all just words.” David blanched and disagreed with their assessment. On the very next break, he helped himself to brownies. When we listen beyond words for intent, for the scaffolding on which a story hangs, clarity and character emerge. We need to listen this way to ourselves, not just to others. What are some reasonable goals and outcomes for fierce one-to-ones? - Reality will be interrogated. - Learning will be provoked. - People will be mobilised to tackle the tough challenges. - The relationship will be enriched. What are the most common mistakes made during one-to-ones? - Doing most of the talking. - Taking the problem away from someone. - Not inquiring about feelings. - Delivering unclear messages, unclear coaching, and unclear instructions. - Canceling the meeting. - Allowing interruptions. Turn off your cell phone and your e-mail alert, and hit the “do not disturb” button on your telephone. - Running out of time. Every - The conversation hasn’t ended just because the conversation has ended. Assuming your one-to-ones are effective. I know someone who periodically opens a one-to-one by giving his clients a form. He says, “When you looked at today’s schedule and noticed our meeting, what was your immediate reaction? Pick one.” The form has seven choices: 1. Okay, no big deal. 2. Oh no, two hours wasted! 3. Should I cancel and reschedule? 4. Maybe I can shorten this today. 5. Great! I need to talk about\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. 6. Great, a few moments of sanity. 7. Other\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Is he guaranteed a candid response? That depends on how he has handled feedback in the past. **Making Decisions Metaphor** The president of the company I worked for in my late twenties took me through this exercise when I was promoted to my first management role. She drew a rough sketch of a tree and said: Think of our company as a green and growing tree that bears fruit. In order to ensure its ongoing health, countless decisions are made daily, weekly, monthly. Right now in your development, you have a good history of making decisions in these areas [we reviewed those areas]. So let’s think of these areas as leaf level decisions. Make them, act on them, don’t tell me what you did. Let’s make it our goal to move more decisions out to the leaf level. That’s how you and I will both know you’re developing as a leader. She pointed to her sketch of the tree and explained four categories of decisions. Leaf Decisions: Make the decision. Act on it. Do not report the action you took. Branch Decisions: Make the decision. Act on it. Report the action you took daily, weekly, or monthly. Trunk Decisions: Make the decision. Report your decision before you take action. Root Decisions: Make the decision jointly, with input from many people. These are the decisions that, if poorly made and implemented, could cause major harm to the organization. **How (NOT) to start a hard conversation:** 1. Don’t Ask: So, How’s It Going? “How are things going?” is an age-old lead-in to bad news. 2. Don’t Feed a Shit Sandwich: You share a positive that masks the negative. 3. Don’t Use Too Many Pillows: Sometimes we put so many pillows around a message that the message gets lost altogether. 4. Don’t Stick to a Script: Many of us have a tendency to script in our minds what we think someone else will do or say if we bring up a certain topic. 5. Don’t Go All Guns Blazing: Unfortunately we are all familiar with the person who confronts with heavy artillery. This individual is so terrorized by the notion of confrontation that he gets the adrenaline flowing, then runs into the room and hurls the message with vitriol or vengeance. How we enter our conversations is how we emerge from them. **There are seven components to an opening statement:** 1. Name the issue. 2. Select a specific example that illustrates the behaviour or situation you want to change. 3. Describe your emotions about this issue. 4. Clarify what is at stake. 5. Identify your contribution to this problem. 6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. 7. Invite your partner to respond. You have sixty seconds to do it all. **Popular reasons for avoiding Fierce Conversations:** 1. “They can’t handle it.” 2. “They’ll get defensive.” 3. “They’ll be hurt.” 4. “They won’t talk about it.” 5. “They’ll get emotional, irrational, angry, illogical.” 6. “They’ll retaliate!” A careful conversation is a failed conversation. Your confusion is an asset; in fact, your search for clarity may blaze a path for others. Everything each of us says leaves an emotional wake. Positive or negative. Our individual wakes are larger than we know. An emotional wake is what you remember after I’m gone. What you feel. The aftermath, aftertaste, or afterglow. Our emotional wake determines the story that is told about each of us in the organization. **Common Fierce Conversation Traps:** 1. Blaming: “This whole thing is your fault.” “It’s you, not me.” “You really screwed this up.” 2. Name calling: “You’re an insensitive narcissist.” “You’re a liar.” “You're a failure.” 3. Sarcasm “Apparently, your life goal is to live on the cutting edge of mediocrity.” “Seems you’ve hit bottom and have started to dig.” 4. Catastrophizing: “You don’t love me and never did.” “This ruins everything. We’re finished.” 5. Threatening: “Guess you don’t value your job.” “You’ll never see your kids again.” “You do this one more time and…” “Look, I don’t want to pull rank, but…” 6. Exaggerating. “You always do this.” “Never once have you…” …This is the hundredth time …” 7. Superiority: “You don’t get it.” “You can’t handle it.” “You aren’t making any sense at all.” “I can’t get through to you.” 8. Bringing up history: “This is just like the time when you….” 9. Asking, “Why did you do that?” instead of “What were you trying to do?” I get a less defensive response with the second question. 10. Making blatantly negative facial expressions. No matter what I say, if I am angry or disappointed, how I feel is written all over my face. Do not begin your comments with “Truthfully …” or “Frankly …” or “Honestly …” That always makes me wonder if someone wasn’t speaking truthfully before. Just speak truthfully, frankly, and honestly, and get on with it. **How to be prepared before a Fierce Conversation:** 1. Think about the ideal emotional wake you want to leave from the conversation. 2. Remember that being in a relationship with the person, is more important than being right all the time. 3. Recognize that there are multiple truths. 4. Remember to say less and listen more. 5. Find words that accurately name or describe what you want to say. 6. Allow space for other interpretations. 7. Don’t use absolutes: “You NEVER…” “You ALWAYS …” If we do not learn to say no, there will be no space in our lives when a powerful yes appears. The best leaders talk with people, not at them. Talking at people is a common affliction. Never mistake talking for conversation. Many leaders don’t have one-to-ones. They have ‘ones.’ It’s one person talking at the other. Ensure you are really having one-TO-ones. As adults, we fear that silence may be interpreted as low self-esteem or questionable intelligence. We feel we’re expected to interject witty comments and wise observations on the spot. Many feel silence is a form of nonparticipation, signaling lack of interest. We fear people will think we have nothing more to say. The worry may be “If I just sit here and think for a moment, somebody else will jump in and say the clever thing I would have liked to say.” During my conversations with the people most important to me, silence has become my favourite sound, because that is when the work is being done. Of all the tools I use during conversations and all the principles I keep in mind, silence is the most powerful of all. Deepak Chopra refers to the space between thoughts as the place where insight can make itself known. And what do you do when the conversation has lost its way? Sometimes the simplest thing you can say is “I’m sorry, I’ve lost the thread.” During company meetings, often the best responses, the most brilliant solutions, come from the person who has sat silently listening for a very long time while the rest of us filled the air with debate. Even when called upon, such an individual often appears reluctant to speak, sitting in reflective silence for signalling moments while others click ballpoint pens and glance at their watches. Then he or she speaks, and everyone else in the room is compelled to shift to a broader, wiser perspective, with the result that elegant, complete answers begin to emerge. Silence has become my favourite sound, because that is when the work is being done. Of all the tools I use during conversations and all the principles I keep in mind, silence is the most powerful of all. **Dangerous Silences** - Silence of nonparticipation, of passivity, of I really don’t care what you do or what you think. - Silence as passive aggression, intended as punishment. I don’t like what you did or said, so I’m just not gonna play. I will withhold myself from you. See how you like that! - Silence of conspiracy in an organization in which team members have taken the omertà, the Mafia vow of silence, not to tell who did it. **Common reasons why people stay quiet:** 1. “What do I know? She’s the expert.” 2. “No use saying anything. He doesn’t care what I think.” 3. “I have no idea what needs to happen here, so it’s best to keep my mouth shut and pretend I’m tracking.” 4. “Nothing I say will make any difference. Why bother?” 5. “She’s just going through a hard time, just needs to talk.” 6. “I’m bored, fatigued, impatient with this person [and/ or this topic]. I’ll adopt an attitude of polite indifference and hope it’s over soon.” A fierce conversation is still a conversation you have to have, not a concept you have to finish. For the training options after the book — including what actually produces reps — see [Crucial Conversations training](/post/crucial-conversations-training). For the meetings themselves: [ten difficult conversation scenarios for managers](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). --- ## Summary: Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-million-dollar-weekend-by-noah-kagan Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-million-dollar-weekend-by-noah-kagan.md Date: 2024-03-19 Topics: book-summaries Even if you don't want to start a business, you will resonate with these fears. The twin fears of starting and asking. In particular, the fear of asking and then hearing NO!. Learning to ask for what you want is a skill that benefits all aspects of your life. If you want to get more of what you want, and start a business, then read Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan. ## Should you read this? Even if you don't want to start a business, you will resonate with these fears. The twin fears of starting and asking. In particular, the fear of asking and then hearing NO! Learning to ask for what you want is a skill that benefits all aspects of your life. If you want to get more of what you want and start a business, then read [Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan](https://amzn.to/3TGg2kH). > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: **Big Idea 1 - Overcoming the Twin Fears of Starting and Asking**. The journey of entrepreneurship is fraught with the fears of beginning and getting rejected. Noah Kagan underscores the importance of viewing every business move as an experiment in a never-ending cycle of ideation, validation, and iteration. Embracing rejection and persistence in following up are highlighted as essential traits for success. This approach encourages leaders to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and improvement, invaluable in navigating the unpredictable waters of business. Who is the type of person that starts a million-dollar business? The type of person who asks for what they want. If you want a new job at a new company, you have to Ask for it. If you want more money from your boss, you have to Ask for a raise. If you are selling something, you have to Ask the customer to buy it. Even at home, if you want your spouse or kids to treat you better, you have to Ask them. **Big Idea 2 - Don't Spend a Dime, Until You Have Validated Customers Will Pay** Million Dollar Weekend emphasizes the importance of validating your business idea by securing your first customers within a 48-hour window using direct preselling, marketplaces, or landing pages. Many entrepreneurs spend months, and years and invest significant money to develop a product. Only to find out that customers are not willing to pay. At the heart of the book is the idea that within a weekend, you should be able to launch a product and validate if there are paying customers. No purchases? Kill the idea and move on. Get purchases? Run another experiment to move a few steps forward, whilst staying agile and nimble. **Big Idea 3 - Is Your Business a Vitamin or a Painkiller?** Noah shares that many businesses fail because they are vitamins. Nice to have and no immediate repercussions to the customer. Instead, he says you should focus on building painkiller products. These are not optional and customers will beg for your solution. A key part of this is learning how to market the product well, [focusing on slaying the villain in the customer's story.](/post/summary-building-a-storybrand-by-donald-miller) Coaching can easily be positioned as a vitamin, not a painkiller. An optional behaviour that managers might do if they have the time. Instead, it could be positioned as a painkiller, by focusing on how it helps managers stop becoming a bottleneck or helps them gain a promotion. ## Best quotes > I was beginning to see that to live well as an entrepreneur, I just needed to stop thinking so much and go get busy. That meant starting small, starting fast, and not worrying about what I didn’t know. I became an expert at taking leaps. Being unafraid to start new things meant that, unlike most people, I was constantly conducting experiments in my personal and professional lives, in both big and small ways. New industries. New hobbies. New technologies. New roles. New people. New side hustles. That’s where I found my superpower, which taught me a lesson I want to pass on to you: focus above all else on being a starter, an experimenter, a learner. > The thing is, most people don’t ask for what they want. They wish for it, they make “suggestions” and drop hints, they hope. But the simple fact of business is that only by asking do you receive what you want. No ASK? No GET. That applies to every part of life. Seriously, every part. ## Toby's takeaway **The Unlimited Upside of Asking** I'm a people pleaser and I'm British. This means I do not like asking. I'm not alone. 28% of Brits admit they put up with situations including queue jumpers, sub-standard meals and poor service because they lack the confidence and know-how to ask for something. Top 10 things people want to complain about – but don’t: 1. People who queue jump 2. A poor meal when eating out 3. Being ignored by a shop assistant 4. A parcel arriving late 5. Travel delays 6. Inadequate service in a shop 7. Smoking in a public place 8. Someone playing loud music on public transport 9. People who take up extra space on public transport 10. A haircut you were unhappy with [Source](https://www.fca.org.uk/news/press-releases/15-million-brits-suffer-silence-they-lack-confidence-complain) The problem. To get what you want, you have to ask for it. Noah Kagan explores the twin fears of starting and asking in Million Dollar Weekend. I'm good at starting. I am terrible at asking. I often make excuses. I'm a giver and not a taker. But honestly, it's because I hate the sting of rejection. Noah shares that asking is a habit. The more you taste rejection, the easier it becomes. I'm committing to ask more. To get one hundred rejections. To ask better, Noah shares this challenging exercise. I haven't got the courage to do it yet, will you? ![Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e711215ce91940648ada92e98e7c3bb5~mv2.png) ## Turn Your Knowledge into Action �️ Here is an exercise you can do based on the lessons from [Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan](https://amzn.to/3TGg2kH) ## Exercise: Asking When It's Awkward **Objective**: To learn how to ask for what you want, so that you can build your business and validate product ideas. **Your Challenge**: Go to any coffee shop or any place in person. Make a simple purchase and ask for 10 percent off. Don't say anything else. The whole point is for you to feel uncomfortable. Once you've done the coffee shop. Dial up the pressure. Ask for 10 percent off your car gas or your groceries. Repeat the exercise often. **📚** [**Buy Million Dollar Weekend on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3TGg2kH) --- ## Summary: Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-supercommunicators-by-charles-duhigg Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-supercommunicators-by-charles-duhigg.md Date: 2024-03-13 Topics: book-summaries Supercommunicators are the friends everyone phones for advice; the colleagues who get promoted; and the coworkers everyone welcomes into a hallway conversation because they make it more fun. When you become a Supercommunicator, you too can achieve these outcomes. ## Should you read this? [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) are the friends everyone phones for advice; the colleagues who get promoted; and the coworkers everyone welcomes into a hallway conversation because they make it more fun. When you become a Supercommunicator, you too can achieve these outcomes. Instead of reading Supercommunicators, I would read [this](/post/the-first-minute-by-chris-fenning). > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas from [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: **Big Idea 1 - There are Three Layers In All Conversations** At the heart of Duhigg's exploration is the idea that every conversation we engage in is multi-layered. There are practical, decision-making conversations that focus on What’s This Really About? There are emotional conversations, which ask How Do We Feel? And there are social conversations that explore Who Are We? Recognizing which layer is at play in any given interaction is crucial for effective communication. You may experience conversational confusion if you misalign the layers. For example, if you jump straight into discussing actions and plans (Decision making) but the team wants to hear what each other is thinking (Social). Being aware of “What conversation is emerging now?” ensures better conversations. Improving your ability to lead the conversations that matter most at work. **Big Idea 2 - Supercommunicators Synchronize** There’s been a flurry of research showing that at the heart of every conversation is the potential for neurological synchronization, an alignment of our brains and bodies—everything from how fast each of us breathes to the goosebumps on our skin—that we often fail to notice, but which influences how we talk, hear, and think. Some people consistently fail to synchronize with others, even when they’re speaking to close friends. Others—let’s call them supercommunicators—seem to synchronize effortlessly with just about anyone. Most of us lie somewhere in between. But we can learn to connect in more meaningful ways if we understand how conversations work. **Big Idea 3 - To Connect, Make The Conversation Emotional** The most important goal of any conversation is to connect. With the right tools, you can connect with anyone. Researchers found that during successful conversations, people tend to ask each other the kinds of questions that drew out replies where people expressed their “needs, goals, beliefs and emotions,” In unsuccessful conversations, people talked mostly about themselves, or they asked shallow questions, the kinds of inquiries that didn’t reveal anything about how their partners felt. To connect with others, you just have to ask people to describe how they feel about their life—rather than the facts of their life—and then ask lots of follow-ups. Questions about facts (“ Where do you live?” “What college did you attend?”) are often conversational dead-ends. They don’t draw out values or experiences. They don’t invite vulnerability. Instead, ask questions that draw out emotion. Next time you're in a conversation ask these kinds of questions: ‘Do you love that job?’, ‘Do you have something else you dream of doing?’, “How do you feel when you're fully engaged in your work?”, “How did you feel when you worked on your most successful project?” [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a43d6cc3cc3a42c8b37c4d80eb721e99~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ## Best quotes > Your goal, for the most meaningful discussions, should be to have a “learning conversation.” Specifically, we want to learn how the people around us see the world and help them understand our perspectives in turn. > Happily married couples, successful negotiators, persuasive politicians, influential executives, and other kinds of supercommunicators tend to have a few behaviors in common. They are as interested in figuring out what kind of conversation everyone wants as the topics they hope to discuss. They ask more questions about others’ feelings and backgrounds. They talk about their own goals and emotions, and are quick to discuss their vulnerabilities, experiences, and the various identities they possess—and to ask others about their emotions and experiences. They inquire how others see the world, prove they are listening, and share their own perspectives in return. ## Toby's takeaway **“Do you want to be helped, hugged, or heard?”** When you fumble the conversations that matter, your employees will leave. It might only take one to have a lasting negative impact that is hard to turn around. > ”But meaningful conversations, when they don’t go well, can feel awful. They are frustrating, disappointing, and a missed opportunity. We might walk away confused, upset, uncertain if anyone understood anything that was said.” In [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP), Charles Duhigg shares one reason why leaders might fumble these conversations. A lack of awareness about what conversation is emerging now, in the moment. Is this a decision-making, emotional, or social conversation? This adaptability is a hard skill to develop. Many leaders have heard the recommendation to set an agenda in advance and be clear on the purpose. That can work but what if the tides change the conversation that’s needed is a highly emotional one, rather than ticking off the agenda items? I resonate with this challenge. There have been countless conversations where what I want doesn’t align with the wants of the team. I’ve wanted to get straight to the actions (What’s this really about?) but the team wants to discuss with each other (Who are we?) A nice way to think about this. Before your next conversation, consider, do the participants want to be helped(practical), hugged(emotional), or heard(social)?” I do have a problem with [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP). There are few practical tools and techniques. There are great stories and lots of research but I felt the book was too theoretical. This is a topic that leaders desperately want practical tools and techniques. For leaders seeking practical tools, I would highly recommend [The First Minute by Chris Fennning](/post/the-first-minute-by-chris-fenning). One of the big problems Charles Duhigg shares is that leaders do not align everyone around the conversation that needs to happen now. The First Minute provides a practical framework you can apply in every conversation that matters. One practical tip shared in [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) was the importance of preparing well. Harvard and other universities have looked at exactly which kind of prep work is helpful. Participants in one study were asked to jot down a few topics they would like to discuss before a conversation began. This exercise took only about thirty seconds; frequently the topics written down never came up once the discussion started. But simply preparing a list, researchers found, made conversations go better. There were fewer awkward pauses and less anxiety, and, afterward, people said they felt more engaged. So ahead of the next conversation with your team, just ask everyone to write down what they would like to talk about. Then see what difference it might make. [![Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_07b7b7a543bd4bd1ab4cf285709a1896~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) ## Turn Your Knowledge into Action �️ Here is an exercise you can do based on the lessons from [Supercommunicators](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) by Charles Duhigg ## Exercise: Start Every Conversation Well **Objective**: To start conversations off on the right track so they can deliver the right outcomes for participants: **Steps**: ✅ Step 1 - Frame the conversation in seconds. Provide: Context - Why are we speaking, and why now. “I’ve been testing the latest software release and I need you to review a critical bug.” ✅ Step 2 - Summarise your entire message in just a few words. Provide: The desired outcome, the blocker, and a possible solution. “I need your agreement to delay the software release (outcome). The team is unable to resolve the bug in time (the blocker). We have a solution but it will take the weekend to resolve. (solution).” ✅ Step 3 - Ask an open question. Provide: Invite the other person to speak. “To make a decision, what do you need?” In summary: - Frame - Summarise - Ask **📚** [**Buy Supercommunicators on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4au3DWP) Duhigg is strong on why conversations go wrong. For the actual scenarios managers face, see [10 difficult conversation scenarios](/post/difficult-conversation-scenarios-managers). --- ## Artificial Intelligence Coaching - How To Grow Your Coaching Business URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/artificial-intelligence-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/artificial-intelligence-coaching.md Date: 2024-03-12 Topics: coaching In this guide, I will share exactly how you can leverage Artificial Intelligence Coaching in your business. You will gain new clients, provide an enhanced experience to your clients, and grow your revenue by offering a stand-out solution. In this guide, I will share exactly how you can leverage Artificial Intelligence Coaching in your business. You will gain new clients, provide an enhanced experience to your clients, and grow your revenue by offering a stand-out solution. I speak from experience. I have built a successful coaching business that incorporates AI Coaching. I built [TobySinclairAI](https://aicoach.network/), an AI clone of my coaching style. [💬 Chat with](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [TobySinclairAI](https://aicoach.network/) [now.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) This AI future is not embraced by all professional coaches. Results from a 2023 survey completed by the International Coaching Federation found only 29% of coaches see AI as an asset to their business. You can stand out from the crowd and become an innovator. In this guide, I’ll debunk the facts and myths, provide answers to the most common questions, and equip you with practical steps to get started with AI Coaching today! This ultimate guide is broken into three sections. Feel free to jump straight to what you need: [🤨 Section 1 - WTF is Artificial Intelligence Coaching](#viewer-digte6193) (Perfect for anyone new to the topic) [🚀 Section 2 - How To Launch an AI Coaching Service in Your Business](#viewer-ekb6e139856) (Aimed at anyone who wants practical ways to get started) [🔮 Section 3 - What Does The Future Hold](#viewer-z7gdz276493) (For those curious about what comes next) Let's begin! *Disclaimer: ChatGPT was used to brainstorm ideas for this article, review early drafts, and help proofread the final copy. You can find the* [*prompts used in the appendix.*](#viewer-wpbin3579) ## **Artificial Intelligence Coaching: Myth or Miracle?** AI and Coaching might be two of the most overloaded terms on the planet. Combined, they can be a recipe for confusion and misunderstanding. Therefore, defining terms is an important place to start. AI, broadly defined, leverages computer systems to simulate human intelligence processes, including learning, reasoning, and self-correction. In 2023 AI hit the headlines due to the advancements in AI-powered Chat Bots. Predominantly the advancements made by OpenAI, creators of ChatGPT. These use a type of AI called generative AI. Coaching might be even trickier to define than AI. Let's take a very [formal definition](https://coachingfederation.org/credentials-and-standards/core-competencies) from the International Coaching Federation: > Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Coaches honour the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole. However, this formal definition is not how the general public would describe it. When a friend said they worked as a coach, the person responded: “Which sport?”. Coaching is associated with experts advising to help people solve problems. In the workplace, it is typically associated with fixing underperformance: “I need a coach to fix my team”. You didn’t come here for coaching definitions, but this contrasting definition is important. When you find an AI coach, the style of coaching will vary. Without training and guidance, tools will very much follow the [dictionary definition of coaching](/post/coaching-definition). I asked ChatGPT to define coaching in a one-sentence summary: > “Coaching is a collaborative process in which a trained professional (coach) helps individuals or groups achieve their goals, maximize their potential, and develop personally or professionally through guidance, support, and accountability.” *- ChatGPT 3.5* Nothing groundbreaking, but one word does stand out; **guidance**. This typically means giving advice and direction. So out-of-the-box AI coaches will often take a directive approach. Professional coaches should not be surprised to find most AI coaches are not coaching as per the ICF competencies. Even if the coaching style of the AI does align there are also technical constraints that limit AI coaching effectiveness. Jazz Rasool has an [excellent article](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/spectrums-coaching-jazz-rasool-q8vpe/) that defines coaching on a spectrum from Transactional to Transformational. Transactional coaching focuses on specific tasks or objectives, offering immediate solutions and feedback. Transformational coaching dives deeper, aiming for profound changes in beliefs, values, and systems of thought over time. [Today](http://time.Today)'s AI coaching platforms and tools predominantly deliver transactional conversations. Helping clients work through problems in a very logical and rational approach. Typically they implement a simple coaching model such as GROW. They step through a series of steps/questions to help the client think through their challenge. Based on this, some professional coaches may quickly discount AI coaching tools. Claiming that they cannot possibly help create the transformational outcomes that coaching conversations enable. Whilst I do agree with this reservation, it is missing other opportunities. Transactional coaching, although simpler, can still deliver good outcomes for clients. A simple question or just spending a short amount of time with a thinking partner, albeit a machine, can lead to good outcomes. Later on in this guide, I share how Transformational coaching might very well be possible in the future. Despite the limited capabilities of AI today, several professional coaches are embracing this future. Their mission is to build AI coaches that coach in line with professional competencies. Some even hope, including myself, that we can build an AI coach in the future that can provide transformational coaching conversations. Still not convinced? Here are some real-life examples of how AI coaching is being used today. ![AI Coaching - Myth or Fact?](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_851d8a35ef94418ca3222124ed0c0613~mv2.png) ## **Case Studies of Using Artificial Intelligence for Coaching** AI coaching can help solve a variety of challenges across personal development, professional growth, and organizational change. Here are three areas clients are turning to AI coaching for help today. **Skill Development and Reskilling:** In a rapidly changing job market, staying current with the necessary skills is a significant challenge for many professionals. AI coaching platforms can tailor learning programs to an individual's needs, helping them acquire new skills or update existing ones efficiently. Examples: [bunch.ai](http://bunch.ai), [kona.ai](http://kona.ai) **Behavioral Change and Habit Formation:** AI coaching can assist in behavioral change by providing consistent, personalized support and feedback. Whether it's adopting healthier lifestyle habits, improving productivity, or developing new professional behaviors, AI can track progress, suggest adjustments, and encourage users through their journey, making the goal of lasting change more attainable. Examples: [habitdriven.ai](http://habitdriven.ai), [habicoach.ai](http://habicoach.ai) **Stress Management and Mental Well-being**: With the increasing awareness of mental health's importance, AI coaching can offer tools and techniques for stress management and emotional well-being. Through mood tracking, personalized exercises, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, AI can help individuals manage stress, anxiety, and other mental health challenges, providing support whenever it's needed. Examples: [pi.ai](http://pi.ai), [wysa.com](http://wysa.com) Below are three specific case studies that exemplify how AI is being utilized to enhance the coaching experience across different spectrums. ### **Case Study 1: TobySinclairAI - An AI coach** I built TobySinclairAI as an experiment into how easily I could create a clone of my coaching approach. The results have gone beyond my expectations. Since its launch, [TobySinclairAI](https://aicoach.network/) has had 200+ coaching sessions across a variety of conversations. Here is an example conversation shared with consent (more on this later): **Hi - I'm TobySinclairAI, a Professional Coach. I help you explore your challenges. I do this by asking questions that help you find clarity and inspire action.** Lately, I’ve been finding it hard to socialise in large groups. I don’t know why. **I can understand that finding it difficult to socialize in large groups can be quite challenging. It's natural to feel this way at times. Let's explore this together. What is your goal when it comes to socializing in large groups? What would you like to achieve?** I want to make friends and great good first impressions **It's great that you have a clear goal in mind regarding making friends and creating positive first impressions. What does making friends and creating a good first impression look like to you in the context of a large group setting?** It means feeling part of the group. Not being on the sidelines. **Thank you for sharing that perspective. It sounds like being engaged and connected with the group is important to you. Can you tell me more about what is currently happening when you are in large group settings?** I feel disengaged. I want to be alone. But at the same time I don’t want to be alone. **It sounds like you're experiencing a mix of feelings that pull you in different directions, which can be quite a complex situation. How important is it for you to overcome this feeling of disengagement and find a balance between being alone and being a part of the group?** It’s important as I have an event coming up soon that I’m hosting. This skill is important in developing my business and getting new clients. **Understood, the upcoming event and its impact on your business and client relationships certainly adds significance to this. On a scale of 1–10, with 10 being fully engaged and integrated in the group, where would you say you are currently?** 4 **Thank you for sharing that with me. It sounds like you're partway there, with some room to grow in feeling engaged. What do you feel is contributing to your sense of disengagement in these settings?** As skilled coaches will notice [TobySinclairAI](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) is based upon the GROW model. Although a foundational model, it’s surprising the value of a simple structured conversation with an AI coach can be. [💬 Chat with TobySinclairAI now.](https://aicoach.network/) ### **Case Study 2: AI for Stressed-Out Managers** A feature published by the Harvard Business Review outlines how AI can serve as a valuable tool for managers overwhelmed by their coaching responsibilities. The article discusses an AI platform that assists managers in identifying and addressing the specific needs of their team members more efficiently. Through AI's data-driven insights, managers can provide targeted support and feedback, thereby fostering a more supportive and productive work environment. This approach not only alleviates the stress on managers but also enhances the overall coaching quality provided to employees. Read the full details of this case study on[HBR's website](https://hbr.org/2023/06/how-ai-can-help-stressed-out-managers-be-better-coaches). ### **Case Study 3: AI Team Coaching** Oxford Leadership presents a comprehensive study on utilizing artificial intelligence to augment the coaching process. The study reveals how AI can be employed to analyze vast amounts of data, offering insights that human coaches might overlook. For instance, AI tools were used to assess communication patterns within a team, identifying underlying issues that were hindering performance. Based on these insights, coaches were able to develop targeted interventions, leading to improved team dynamics and productivity. This case study demonstrates the potential of AI to complement traditional coaching methods, providing a richer, data-informed approach to personal and professional development. Discover more about this innovative approach to coaching at[Oxford Leadership's website](https://www.oxfordleadership.com/using-artificial-intelligence-to-enhance-coaching-a-new-study/). ## **The Advantages of AI Coaching for Clients** The advantages of AI coaching are many, appealing to clients seeking efficient, personalized, and scalable solutions for personal and professional development. Below, are a few reasons why AI coaching is becoming increasingly attractive to clients. **Reduced Costs** Traditional one-on-one coaching can be expensive, limiting access to those who can afford it. In organizations, L&D coaching budgets tend to be reserved for executives. For a self-pay option, clients find it difficult to justify the investment in their personal development. As a result, coaching tends to have less uptake. AI coaches might be a solution to bring effective coaching to the masses. **Personalization** AI coaching stands out for its ability to tailor coaching programs to the individual needs of each client. By leveraging data analytics and machine learning, AI systems can understand a client's preferences, learning styles, and progress, adjusting the coaching content in real-time to better suit their requirements. This level of personalization ensures that clients receive the most relevant and impactful coaching experience possible. **Safe and Risk-Free Learning** AI chatbots provide dynamic role-play that allows clients to practice new skills in a risk-free environment. These simulations can mimic real-life challenges and decision-making situations, enabling clients to experiment with different strategies and learn from their outcomes without any real-world consequences. Particularly useful for practising the conversations leaders fear the most. ## **The AI Advantages for a Coaching Business** Implementing AI coaching into your business, demonstrated by tools like [TobySinclairAI](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), offers a strategic advantage in today’s competitive landscape. This technology not only enhances the quality and reach of your coaching services but also opens up new avenues for growth and innovation. Here’s how AI coaching can significantly expand your coaching business: **24/7, Global Market** One of the most compelling benefits of integrating AI coaching into your business is the promise of round-the-clock availability. Traditional coaching models are constrained by time zones, working hours, and personal schedules, limiting the number of clients you can engage. AI coaching breaks these barriers, offering clients access to coaching services whenever they need them, regardless of geographical limitations. This continuous availability can significantly boost client satisfaction and retention, making your services more attractive to a global audience. Additionally, AI coaches can speak in multiple languages, enabling clients to get access to coaching in their preferred language. **Generate Leads** The novelty and efficiency of AI coaching are powerful lead magnets for potential clients. Leveraging AI technology can position your business at the forefront of innovation, attracting individuals and organizations looking for cutting-edge solutions to their development needs. By marketing your AI coaching services effectively, you can capitalize on the growing interest in AI and tech-driven solutions, increasing your visibility and attracting a broader client base. Riding the wave of AI’s popularity can help you stand out in a crowded market, drawing in leads who are eager to experience the benefits of AI-enhanced coaching. At the end of AI coaching sessions, you can upsell premium services, such as specialized AI coaches or in-person sessions. **New Monetization Opportunities** AI coaching opens up new monetization channels for your business. Beyond traditional one-on-one or group coaching sessions, you can offer subscription-based AI coaching services, premium AI coaching sessions, or personalized development plans powered by AI analytics. These services can cater to a diverse range of client needs and budgets, providing flexible options that enhance your business model. Furthermore, the scalability of AI allows you to serve more clients without a proportional increase in costs, enhancing your revenue potential. AI tools can also be integrated with payment platforms like Stripe. [TobySinclairAI](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) integrates with [Buymeacoffee.com](http://Buymeacoffee.com). At the end of the session, clients are asked to give a digital tip. **Reduce Burden on Chemistry Sessions** Chemistry sessions, while crucial for establishing client-coach compatibility, can be time-consuming and not always result in a coaching engagement. AI coaching can streamline this process by handling preliminary assessments, gauging client needs, and matching them with the most suitable coaching approach or program. This initial filtering process can save valuable time and resources, allowing human coaches to focus on clients with the highest potential for a productive coaching relationship. **Improving Your Business Operations** Beyond direct coaching, AI can significantly enhance various aspects of a coaching business in innovative and efficient ways. Here are a few other applications of AI within a coaching business: **Content Creation** Every professional coach I know struggles with creating content consistently. It’s time**-**consuming to write an article or LinkedIn post that only gathers a few likes. And importantly no clients. However, the coaches who do this well can generate high-quality leads and demonstrate their knowledge. AI helps support the creative process, helping you to scaffold articles and social media posts. My experience is that you still need to refine the writing. But it can give you a little nudge in the right direction. **Operational Efficiency and Automation** AI can optimize various operational aspects of a coaching business, from scheduling and billing to client progress tracking. Automation of these tasks reduces administrative workload, allowing coaches to focus more on coaching and less on back-end operations. Efficiency in these areas can lead to cost savings and improved service delivery. **Feedback Analysis and Quality Improvement.** AI tools can analyze feedback from clients to identify patterns, preferences, and areas for improvement. This can help coaches refine their methods, develop new coaching programs, and improve client satisfaction. AI-driven analysis of feedback provides actionable insights that can enhance the quality and effectiveness of coaching services. ## **Challenges with AI Coaching for Clients and Business Owners** While AI coaching presents numerous opportunities for growth and impact in the coaching industry, it also faces significant challenges and limitations, particularly in the realms of emotional connection and privacy. **Loss of Human Touch and Emotional Connection** The essence of coaching lies in the unique, empathetic relationship built between coach and client, a connection grounded in mutual understanding and trust. Coaches not only offer skilled listening but also emotional support, which is paramount during times of personal or professional turmoil. AI, despite its advancements, cannot fully comprehend and replicate human emotions. It may provide insights based on data but cannot replace the nuanced understanding a human coach brings to a session. This limitation raises concerns about AI's effectiveness in scenarios that require deep emotional intelligence and empathy. The absence of genuine human interaction could leave clients feeling underserved, particularly those navigating complex emotional challenges. Despite this challenge, I’m reminded that not every coaching conversation needs to be a transformative conversation that leads to a life-changing result. Additionally, most AI coaching tools are text-based, which could limit the depth of conversation. While some platforms are exploring voice capabilities to enrich interactions, the challenge of ensuring these conversations remain private and secure persists. **Privacy, Security, and Ethical Considerations** As with any technology that handles personal data, AI coaching introduces privacy and security concerns. Clients entrust coaches with sensitive information, expecting confidentiality. AI systems, especially those relying on cloud storage and processing, are vulnerable to data breaches, potentially compromising client privacy. Moreover, the ethical use of AI in coaching demands rigorous standards to ensure that algorithms are free from biases and that decisions made by AI are transparent and explainable. Safeguarding against these risks is paramount to maintaining client trust. **Safety and Well-being** Sometimes coaching clients may share distressing or traumatic experiences. The ability of AI to recognize these situations and appropriately signpost resources or escalate to human intervention is crucial. The current capabilities of AI may not always accurately identify or respond to such scenarios, highlighting the need for safeguards and human oversight in AI coaching solutions. Addressing these challenges is crucial for the sustainable integration of AI into coaching practices. As technology evolves, finding solutions that preserve the core values of coaching while leveraging AI's strengths will be key to enhancing the coaching industry. ## **How To Get Started with an AI Coach in Your Business** The benefits of AI coaching for your clients and your business operations are compelling. However, with all the technical jargon, and competing platforms it can be hard to know where to start. I’ll share with you specific steps, to get started with AI coaching today: ### **The Do-It-Yourself Approach** A big reason why AI has hit the headlines is the democratization of AI platforms and models. No longer do you need a big budget to access powerful AI tools. ChatGPT has a free tier available to everyone. Hundreds of free training courses can get you from foundational knowledge to expert. The DIY approach will take a high amount of time and energy, but this is valuable knowledge for the future. Three fundamental steps of this approach: 1. **Research and test** out the AI tools available across the market. ChatGPT, Gemini, and Claude are three good tools to start with. You can find hundreds of free guides on how to get started with these. 2. **Design and develop prompts** for your AI coach. In simple terms, a prompt is the instructions given to the AI model. Prompt engineering is quickly becoming a profession in itself. I’ve spent days, learning how to write the most effective prompts. 3. **Make your AI coach accessible to clients.** OpenAI recently launched a GPT store, where you can very easily deploy your AI coach. Whilst highly accessible, the disadvantage is a lack of insight into the coaching provided. You get to know that sessions are completed, but not the content. Whilst for some this might be ok. Any coaches working in a hybrid model will likely want the transcript from AI coaching sessions. Platforms like Pickaxe enable you to develop an AI coach, deploy it on your website, and view the transcripts. *Time to market: 20-40hrs (for a high-quality product)* ### **Done-For-You** Many platforms and services are launching to help coaches on their AI journey. Many have a subscription model that gives you access to coach your clients using the platform. Coachvox is a platform that enables you to create a coaching clone in minutes. The downside to these hosted solutions is price. At $99 a month, few coaches are likely to make this investment for their business. Another approach is to use an [AI Coach Builder service](https://tobysinclair.gumroad.com/l/yfojic?_gl=1*ivrljj*_ga*NzY5NDk0Nzk4LjE3MDg1MTY1NTk.*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTcxMDI0Mjg3NC4yMS4xLjE3MTAyNDI4ODEuMC4wLjA). Think of this like a website designer. Instead of creating a website, the designer will build your AI tool. This is something I offer to coaches, to develop a clone of their coaching approach. Similar to [TobySinclairAI](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/). I train the AI coach based on your guidelines, test the model, and then deploy this so it’s accessible to your clients from your website. This is all done at a fraction of the cost of a hosted solution. Three fundamental steps of this approach: 1. **Choose a platform or designer.** This is an important step to ensure you choose the partner that’s right for your business. If you are certain AI is right for your business, investing in a premium service could be worthwhile 2. **Customize the AI coach on personal coaching approach and style.** This is an important step to ensure your coach is differentiated from others and truly provides your personal touch to coaching. You can ensure it uses a coaching framework you prefer or ask your favorite questions. 3. **Make the AI coach accessible to your clients.** Ensure that any provider enables clients to access the AI coach on multiple devices. The ability to chat with an AI coach on the go via Mobile devices is something clients are particularly interested in. Once you’ve deployed the AI coach, monitor and review the chat data to identify ways to optimize the coaching conversations. *Time to market: Less than 30 minutes* ### **A Cautionary Note on Free AI Tools** To get started there are hundreds of free AI platforms and tools. A cautionary tale is that these free tiers will likely not deliver optimal coaching conversations. For example, OpenAI has multiple versions of ChatGPT. The 3.5 model is free to all but from my experience, delivers a very poor client experience within a coaching conversation. In contrast, ChatGPT Plus operates on 4.0. The coaching conversations with this model are much more human-like. Perfect for coaching conversations. [TobySinclairAI](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) is built upon ChatGPT 4.0 and all the coaches I develop are too. ## **What Makes a “Good” AI Coach?** Creating a "Good" AI coach involves a blend of advanced technology, psychological insight, and user-friendly design. Here are five considerations when developing an AI Coach: 1. **Personalization Capabilities:** A good AI coach should offer a high level of personalization, adapting its coaching style and content based on individual user needs and goals. A reminder, ICF defines coaching as a “thought-provoking and creative process” so a conversation with an AI coach should feel this way too. 2. **Evidence-based Techniques:** For professional coaches, it's crucial that the AI coach coaches. You should review the AI coach against the ICF coaching competencies. For example, does the AI coach stay in a coaching stance, or move to giving advice and solving the problem for the client? As we explore at the start of this guide, without training, most AI coaches will follow the dictionary definition of coaching and give lots of advice. 3. **User Privacy and Data Security:** Given the personal nature of coaching, the AI platform must have robust privacy policies and data protection measures in place. These should be transparent to the client and easy to understand. Over time, this will no doubt become an important factor in clients choosing AI coaches they can trust. 4. **User Interface and Experience**: The platform should be intuitive and user-friendly, making it easy for users of all tech-savviness levels to benefit from the coaching provided. ChatGPT provides both text and voice interaction. In the future, no doubt there will be further integration with Virtual Reality platforms. 5. **Integration with Other Tools:** The ability to integrate with other productivity tools and platforms can enhance the coaching experience, allowing for a more holistic development approach. A simple example is integration with calendar tools for scheduling and reminders. ## **Red Flags to Watch Out For** I’ve referenced several times the wide variation in AI coaches. When working with an AI coach or service provider, there are a few red flags to watch for: 1. **Overreliance on Generic Responses:** If an AI coach often provides generic, one-size-fits-all advice, it may not be sophisticated enough to truly personalize the coaching experience. In this case, likely, the prompt used for the coaching is poorly developed, and/or they are using a lower-power AI model, such as GPT3.5 vs GPT4. 2. **Lack of Transparency About Data Use**: Providers that are not clear about how they use and protect user data could pose a privacy risk. 3. **Lack of Coaching Session History:** AI coaches should ideally learn and evolve based on user interactions. A lack of this feature could mean the coaching will not improve or adapt over time. It will create a disjointed experience for the client. Developing an AI coach for your business requires careful consideration of these factors to ensure that it will genuinely benefit the client, providing meaningful, personalized conversation while maintaining privacy and security. ### **AI Coaching in Organisations** How do you scale coaching? This has been a challenge HR and People Leaders have been facing for years. They know the power of coaching with a select number of employees, typically executives, but struggle to justify the cost for everyone across the organization. Companies like Better Up have started to solve this problem. AI takes it to the next level. In the future, AI will be embedded into all parts of an organization. Co-pilot today is already creating documents, drafting emails, and making productivity recommendations. Here's how AI coaching applies in organizations: **Personalized Development at Scale** Organizations can use AI coaching to deliver personalized learning and development programs to employees at scale. Unlike traditional coaching, which might be limited by resources and time, AI can provide individualized guidance to a large number of employees simultaneously, catering to their specific needs, career goals, and learning preferences. **Enhanced Leadership and Management Skills** AI coaching platforms can offer specialized programs aimed at improving leadership and management skills. Through scenario-based learning and decision-making simulations, leaders can enhance their ability to inspire, motivate, and manage teams effectively. AI can also provide managers with insights into their leadership style, helping them to become more effective leaders. **Efficient Performance Management** Organizations can integrate AI coaching into their performance management systems to offer continuous, on-demand feedback to employees. This approach not only helps in identifying and addressing performance gaps in real time but also supports the professional growth of employees by providing them with actionable insights and learning resources. **Support for Mental Well-being and Stress Management** AI coaching can extend support for mental well-being by offering programs and exercises designed to reduce stress, improve resilience, and promote mental health. In an organizational context, this can lead to improved employee satisfaction, reduced absenteeism, and a more positive workplace culture. **Data-driven Insights for HR Strategies** AI coaching platforms can provide organizations with valuable data and insights into employee engagement, skill development, and coaching effectiveness. HR departments can use this data to inform strategic decisions, optimize talent management processes, and measure the ROI of coaching initiatives. ## **What does the Future Hold?** The surge in coaching's popularity can be attributed to an increasing recognition of its value in fostering growth, development, and adaptability in rapidly changing environments. This rise coincides with significant technological advancements, marking a shift from basic software tools to the integration of advanced AI applications within coaching platforms. Historically, the coaching industry has relied on direct human interaction, guided by intuition, experience, and personal connection. The introduction of AI, particularly in the form of chatbots, has transformed this landscape. While most AI coaching tools remain text-based, innovations such as ChatGPT are exploring auditory dimensions to make interactions more natural and engaging. Moreover, the potential merger of AI with virtual reality (VR) opens up new frontiers, hinting at a future where metaverse coaching becomes a reality. This blend of AI and VR promises an immersive coaching experience, leveraging the best of both worlds to create a space where personal growth and development can thrive in an entirely virtual environment. As AI continues to evolve, its application in coaching expands, promising unprecedented access to personalized coaching at scale. The journey from rudimentary software to AI-driven platforms reflects a broader trend toward leveraging technology to enhance human capabilities, making coaching more effective, accessible, and tailored to individual needs. ## **Appendix** This GPT was used to assist with the initial ideas for the article: [FREE SEO Blog Content Outline Creator & Generator](https://chat.openai.com/g/g-R7zJ4s4jl-free-seo-blog-content-outline-creator-generator) Whilst the GPT gave some good suggestions for topics, the writing was robotic. So the majority of written text is mine. --- ## Summary: Building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-building-a-storybrand-by-donald-miller Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-building-a-storybrand-by-donald-miller.md Date: 2024-02-27 Topics: book-summaries I've read StoryBrand by Donald Miller five times! If that isn't enough to convince you, then here is another reason. Everyone says the best leaders are great storytellers. But how do you tell engaging stories? This book has the practical framework to tell your best story yet. **📚** [**Buy Building a StoryBrand on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3SXGZ1w) ![StoryBrand by Donald Miller Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f28c936c15084c29b9a9099abda79868~mv2.png) ## Why read this? I've read this book five times! If that isn't enough to convince you, then here is another reason. Everyone says the best leaders are great storytellers. But how do you tell engaging stories? This book has the practical framework to tell your best story yet. ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: 1. **Identify and Combat the Villain:** Donald Miller highlights the significance of pinpointing the 'villain' in your brand's narrative. This villain isn't necessarily a person but a problem that your customers face, which your product or service aims to solve. By giving this problem 'personified characteristics', making it relatable, and presenting it as the root source of your customers' frustrations, you can effectively engage your audience. It's crucial to address not only the external problems but also the internal and philosophical dilemmas your customers face, thereby deeply embedding your solution into their narrative​ 2. **Position Your Brand as the Guide:** In any compelling story, the hero encounters a guide who helps them overcome their challenges. Your brand should assume this role, offering empathy and demonstrating authority to gain trust. By showing understanding and competence, you establish a connection with your audience, guiding them toward a solution. This involves employing empathetic language in your marketing materials and showcasing your expertise through testimonials, awards, and statistics​. 3. **Focus on Survival:** Once a brand defines what their customer wants, they are often guilty of making a mistake—what's defined isn’t related to the customer’s sense of survival. In their desire to cast a wide net, they define a blob of a desire that is so vague, that potential customers can’t figure out why they need it in the first place. Donald Miller shares an example of working with a leadership coach who defined their brand as “Inhale knowledge, exhale success,”. This does nothing to connect with the customer's sense of survival. Instead, Donald Miller suggested “Helping you become everyone’s favorite leader.”. This is connected to the customer's deeper need for status and connection. ## Best quotes ![StoryBrand Framework Example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_aba6a04f00e7487498455b1dfffbc464~mv2.jpeg) > “The only reason our customers buy from us is because the external problem we solve is frustrating them in some way. If we can identify that frustration, put it into words, and offer to resolve it along with the original external problem, something special happens. We bond with our customers because we’ve positioned ourselves more deeply into their narrative.” > “Always position your customer as the hero and your brand as the guide. Always. If you don’t, you will die. The day we stop losing sleep over the success of our business and start losing sleep over the success of our customers is the day our business will start growing again.” ## Toby's takeaway You want to be helpful. Especially when your team is under pressure and lost for answers. In these moments, the easy options: - You give advice - *"Here is how I would do it..."* - You take over - *"Let me do that for you..."* You become the hero. The harder option help your team be the hero. StoryBrand by Donald Miller shows you how. It's aimed at helping companies clarify their brand. However, this is a problem we all face. How to understand how to be helpful. It starts by understanding you are not the hero. Your team, colleagues, and clients are. To do that, you need to understand the hero: - What do they want? (status) - What are their fears? (rejection) - Where are they going? (mastery) - Where do they want to be? (promotion) Once you do that, your role is to be the guide on the side. Not the sage on the stage. Learn how to do that in StoryBrand by Donald Miller ## Turn Your Knowledge into Action �️ Here is an exercise you can do based on the lessons from Building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller: ## Exercise: Help for Heroes **Objective**: To utilize the StoryBrand Framework for personal leadership development, helping leaders understand how they can more effectively guide their teams and contribute to their success. ![StoryBrand Framework Canvas](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6e3ee94b9a614888a06022331ff0a3d1~mv2.png) **Steps**: 1. **Identify the Hero:** Recognize that your team members are the heroes of their own stories. Reflect on their goals, challenges, and what success looks like to them. 2. **Define the Problem:** Identify the external, internal, and philosophical challenges your team members face. How do these challenges impact their work and motivation? 3. **Position Yourself as the Guide:** Consider how you, as a leader, can show empathy towards your team's challenges and establish authority by demonstrating expertise and experience. What stories can you share that show you understand and have overcome similar challenges? 4. **Present the Plan:** Develop a clear, actionable plan that outlines how you can help your team members overcome their challenges. This could include mentorship, resources, training, or specific strategies tailored to their needs. 5. **Call to Action:** Determine how you will invite your team members to engage with your plan. How can you communicate your offer of help in a way that is compelling and supportive? 6. **Highlight Potential Failure:** Reflect on the consequences for your team members if they do not overcome their challenges. How can you address these fears and motivate action without resorting to scare tactics? 7. **Envision Success:** Imagine the success your team can achieve with your guidance. How will overcoming their current challenges improve their work, satisfaction, and contribution to the team's goals? **Estimated Time: 2-3 hours** **📚** [**Buy Building a StoryBrand on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3SXGZ1w) --- ## Summary: The Coming Wave by Mustafa Suleyman, Michael Bhaskar URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-coming-wave-by-mustafa-suleyman-michael-bhaskar Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-the-coming-wave-by-mustafa-suleyman-michael-bhaskar.md Date: 2024-02-18 Topics: book-summaries I must admit, I’m a little fearful of what the future holds. Even more so after reading The Coming Wave by Mustafa Suleyman. In particular, the threat that biotechnology brings. ## Should you read this? > "Everything is about to change. Soon you will live surrounded by AIs... None of us are prepared." I read this to understand AI. I finished it more worried about biology. If you lead people through technology change and still think AI is the whole story, read it. It will prepare you. It might also scare you. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Biotech is the part most leaders are still not looking at.** We've all heard about AI. Suleyman's point that landed for me is synthetic biology: a single person today likely "has the capacity to kill a billion people." The wave is two technologies, not one. Leaders who only brief on ChatGPT are watching the wrong horizon. **Big Idea 2 - Containment is the job.** These technologies spread faster than anyone can govern them. For a workplace leader that is not an abstract policy debate. It is the tension between using AI for advantage and putting real limits around it — jobs, privacy, what you will and will not automate — before the tool makes the decision for you. **Big Idea 3 - Access is not the same as control.** As the tools get cheaper, more people can build, copy, and deploy them. That flattens power inside and outside the organisation. The response is not a training day. It is deciding who gets the tools, what they are allowed to do with them, and what happens when they go wrong. ## Best quotes > “Over time, then, the implications of these technologies will push humanity to navigate a path between the poles of catastrophe and dystopia. This is the essential dilemma of our age.” > “Within the next couple of years, whatever your job, you will be able to consult an on-demand expert… It is a leap in cognitive potential at least as great as the introduction of the internet.” ## Toby's takeaway The coming wave is AI and synthetic biology. I still chose to build with AI. That work became [Real Talk Studio](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) — so people can practise the conversations that matter, with avatars who push back, before they happen for real. I must admit, I’m a little fearful of what the future holds. Even more so after this book. Biotech was a risk I had not even considered. Fear-Setting is how I work with that fear: make the worst case specific, then decide. ## Turn this into action --- ## Best AI Books for Leadership Development URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-artificial-intelligence-books-for-leadership-development Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-artificial-intelligence-books-for-leadership-development.md Date: 2024-02-09 Topics: leadership, book-collections The best AI books for leadership development in 2026 — fundamentals, strategy, and the human side of AI. A short shelf for leaders who have to adopt the tools and still lead the people. ## **Best AI books for leadership development** Most “best AI books for leaders” lists are a pile of technical manuals and futurism. This one is for leadership development: what to read if you have to adopt the tools, redesign the work, and still hold the conversations nobody scheduled. I first wrote this in 2024. The shelf still holds. What has changed is the job — leaders are no longer being asked whether to use AI. They are being asked to make it real without breaking the people inside the organisation. In the ever-evolving landscape of business, Artificial Intelligence (AI) stands out as the frontier of innovation and competitive edge. As a forward-thinking leader, I firmly believe that the understanding and application of AI is no longer optional; it's imperative. The integration of AI into our business strategies and operations promises to redefine efficiency, open new avenues for customer engagement, and unlock the potential that we're only beginning to grasp. These are the best artificial intelligence books to help you get started. It's not just about the business bottom line; AI has the transformative power to enhance our leadership abilities too. From personalised coaching tools to decision-making support, AI is a game-changer in leadership development, a crucial aspect that many of us have yet to fully explore. By learning from the pioneers and thought leaders through their groundbreaking books, we can demystify AI and strategically leverage its potential to not only lead our businesses into the future but also elevate our roles as leaders within this new digital landscape. ## **Practice Leadership Scenarios with AI Avatars** Since writing that post, I’ve developed [**Real Talk Studio**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/), an AI-powered video role‑play platform designed to help people practice real-life conversations in a safe and supportive environment. Leaders and professionals are now using it to build confidence and refine how they speak in challenging situations. Practice giving feedback using AI avatars ### **Artificial Intelligence Books Categories:** 1. **AI Fundamentals for Leaders**: Books that provide leaders with a foundational understanding of AI. 2. **Strategic Decision-Making with AI**: Books that explore how AI can improve leadership decision-making processes. 3. **Innovative Leadership with AI**: Books that showcase how AI can foster innovation in leadership. 4. **AI-Enhanced Communication and Management**: Books that discuss how AI tools can improve leadership communication and team management. ### **AI Fundamentals for Leaders** [**"The Coming Wave" by Mustafa Suleyman, Michael Bhaskar**](https://amzn.to/49w4Wnz) This book outlines how the world is going to be transformed by a coming technology wave, which is already crashing into society. This "Coming Wave" will be made up of two general-purpose technologies: Artificial Intelligence and Synthetic Biology. ### **Strategic Decision-Making with AI** [**"Artificial Intelligence: A Guide for Thinking Humans" by Melanie Mitchell**](https://amzn.to/3SO9zDU) Mitchell’s book equips leaders with a deep understanding of AI, fostering a mindset that is critical for navigating the ethical and practical challenges of implementing AI in business. It encourages leaders to think critically about the role of AI in their organizations, preparing them for strategic decisions about AI adoption and integration. [**"Prediction Machines: The Simple Economics of Artificial Intelligence" by Ajay Agrawal, Joshua Gans, and Avi Goldfarb**](https://amzn.to/3ODETmh) This book introduces leaders to the economics of AI, helping them understand how AI can make prediction cheaper and more efficient, thus enhancing decision-making processes. Leaders learn to leverage AI’s predictive capabilities for strategic advantage, improving accuracy in forecasting and resource allocation. [**"Competing in the Age of AI: Strategy and Leadership When Algorithms and Networks Run the World" by Marco Iansiti & Karim R. Lakhani**](https://amzn.to/3OxPdfF) Iansiti and Lakhani provide a strategic framework for understanding how AI changes the rules of competition and leadership. By integrating AI into their strategic thinking, leaders can unlock new value-creation opportunities and innovate business models in ways previously unimaginable. ### **AI Transformation** [**"The Master Algorithm: How the Quest for the Ultimate Learning Machine Will Remake Our World" by Pedro Domingos**](https://amzn.to/3SSewf4) Domingos’ concept of a master algorithm offers leaders insight into the transformative potential of AI. This understanding encourages leaders to foster a culture of innovation and learning within their organizations, positioning them to lead through technological advancement and change. [**"Human + Machine: Reimagining Work in the Age of AI" by Paul R. Daugherty and H. James Wilson**](https://amzn.to/3OADZHl) Daugherty and Wilson highlight the synergies between human creativity and AI’s analytical power, guiding leaders on how to transform their organizations by integrating AI into workflows. This book helps leaders develop a vision for AI-enhanced business processes that amplify human talent and creativity. [**"Leading Digital: Turning Technology into Business Transformation" by George Westerman, Didier Bonnet, and Andrew McAfee**](https://amzn.to/42wROMt) The authors present actionable insights for leaders to digitally transform their organizations with AI at the core. Leaders learn the importance of developing digital vision and governance to effectively lead their organizations through digital and AI transformations. [**"The AI Advantage: How to Put the Artificial Intelligence Revolution to Work" by Thomas H. Davenport**](https://amzn.to/3Ux491c) Davenport offers pragmatic advice on adopting AI in ways that confer a competitive edge, focusing on incremental, practical applications of AI technologies. This approach aids leaders in developing and executing an AI strategy that is aligned with business goals and enhances organizational performance. [**"Life 3.0: Being Human in the Age of Artificial Intelligence" by Max Tegmark**](https://amzn.to/3uqCwMH) Tegmark’s exploration of AI’s impact on the future of humanity provides leaders with a philosophical and ethical framework for AI integration. It prompts leaders to envision the long-term implications of their AI strategies, encouraging a balanced approach that considers both innovation and ethical responsibilities. ### **AI-Enhanced Communication and Management** Practice leadership conversations with AI avatars [**"Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance" by Erica Dhawan**](https://amzn.to/48eVZOi) Dhawan’s book is crucial for leaders managing teams in an increasingly digital and AI-mediated world. It teaches leaders how to effectively communicate and build trust in virtual environments, skills that are essential for leading remote teams and implementing AI tools in communication strategies. [**"The Algorithmic Leader: How to Be Smart When Machines Are Smarter Than You" by Mike Walsh**](https://amzn.to/48css7M) Walsh challenges leaders to rethink their leadership style in an era where AI can outperform humans in various tasks. The book encourages leaders to develop a blend of emotional intelligence and data-driven decision-making, enhancing their ability to lead effectively in a technology-driven world. [**"Human Compatible: AI and the Problem of Control" by Stuart Russell**](https://amzn.to/3SPRKnX) In this groundbreaking book, Stuart Russell sets out why he has come to consider his discipline an existential threat to humanity, and how we can change course before it's too late. In brilliant and lucid prose, he explains how AI works and its enormous capacity to improve our lives - and why we must never lose control of machines more powerful than we are. Russell contends that we can avert the worst threats by reshaping the foundations of AI to guarantee that machines pursue our objectives, not theirs. I keep returning to a shorter shelf. Those notes live on the [AI book summaries](/book-summaries/ai) page — what the technology is doing to organisations, and what it is not doing for the people inside them. As we turn the final page of these insightful artificial intelligence books, one thing is abundantly clear: AI is not just a technological upgrade; it's a paradigm shift in how we lead and grow our businesses. Embracing AI allows us to reimagine the possibilities of what our companies can achieve and how we can lead them there. It offers us tools to become better leaders - more informed, more agile, and more innovative. But beyond that, it challenges us to reevaluate our role in an AI-amplified world. As we harness AI's power, we must also cultivate the wisdom to use it wisely, ethically, and sustainably. Leaders who will thrive are those who understand that AI is not a threat but an invaluable ally. It's time for us to step up and steer this incredible force not only to propel our businesses to new heights but also to forge a path that future generations of leaders will walk upon. The AI revolution is here, and it's our responsibility to lead it. Let's embark on this journey with open minds and the vision to create a future where technology and humanity converge for the greater good of all. --- ## Summary: Quit by Annie Duke URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-quit-by-annie-duke Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-quit-by-annie-duke.md Date: 2024-02-05 Topics: book-summaries Quitters lose. There is a stigma with quitting. Quit by Annie Duke was a reminder that rather than being a losing game, quitting is exactly what you need to win. **📚** [**Buy Quit by Annie Duke on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Ut2tWB) ![Quit by Annie Duke Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdfd2ba2c3ac4c219ecc1a0dc33047cf~mv2.png) ## Why read this? Quitters lose. There is a stigma with quitting. I write often about the importance of consistency. [Quit by Annie Duke](https://amzn.to/3Ut2tWB) was a reminder that rather than being a losing game, quitting is exactly what you need to win. > "Quit what you are doing and read this now" Richard Thaler, Noel Prize Winner ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: 1. **The Science of Quitting:** Quit by Annie Duke delves into the psychological and physiological underpinnings of quitting, highlighting how neurotransmitters like dopamine play a crucial role in decision-making processes. It outlines the positive effects of quitting on the brain, leading to increased creativity and productivity, and provides strategies for overcoming the fear of failure​. 2. **Strategic Quitting and Kill Criteria:** One of the book's central themes is the strategic approach to quitting, which includes conducting a pre-mortem to establish "kill criteria"—specific conditions under which one should abandon an initiative. This approach helps identify potential failure points and creates a rational framework for deciding when to quit, mitigating the impact of emotional or irrational attachments to failing projects​. 3. **Overcoming Barriers to Quitting:** The book discusses several psychological barriers to quitting, such as the sunk cost fallacy and escalation of commitment, illustrating how these biases lead us to persist in unfruitful endeavors. Through examples like the California Bullet Train project, she demonstrates the detrimental effects of continuing investment in failing projects and the importance of recognizing when to cut losses​​​. ## Best quotes > “By not quitting, you are missing out on the opportunity to switch to something that will create more progress toward your goals. Anytime you stay mired in a losing endeavor, that is when you are slowing your progress. Anytime you stick to something when there are better opportunities out there, that is when you are slowing your progress.” > “Contrary to popular belief, winners quit a lot. That’s how they win.” ## Toby's takeaway Quitting is not just about stopping; it's about making informed, strategic decisions that pave the way for greater success and fulfillment. Annie Duke's "Quit" dismantles the stigma around quitting, offering a comprehensive guide to recognizing when persistence turns counterproductive. For leaders and individuals alike, adopting a mindset that acknowledges the power of timely quitting can be transformative, enabling a more flexible, resilient approach to challenges and opportunities. The insights challenge us to reevaluate our relationship with failure and success, urging us to embrace quitting not as a last resort but as a calculated strategy in our decision-making arsenal. The lessons from "Quit" are invaluable for anyone looking to optimize their decision-making process, ensuring that their efforts are directed towards the most fruitful endeavors. ## Turn Your Knowledge into Action �️ Here are three exercises you can do based on the lessons from Quit by Annie Duke: ## Exercise 1 - Self-Reflection **Objective:** To identify and establish clear kill criteria for personal or professional decisions. **Steps:** 1. Think of a project or goal you are currently pursuing. 2. Reflect on the reasons that would justify discontinuing this project or goal. Consider factors such as time, resources, progress, and alignment with overall objectives. 3. Write down specific, measurable conditions under which you would consider stopping or pivoting on this project or goal. These are your "kill criteria." 4. Reflect on how these criteria help clarify your decision-making process. **Estimated Time:** 30 minutes **Outcome:** A list of clear, actionable kill criteria for a current project or goal, aiding in rational decision-making and preventing sunk cost fallacy. ## Exercise 2 - Try this at work **Objective:** To apply the concept of kill criteria to a team project to ensure efficient resource use and goal alignment. **Steps:** 1. With your team, select a current or upcoming project. 2. Discuss and define specific conditions under which the project would be considered no longer viable or worth pursuing. 3. Document these conditions as your project's kill criteria, ensuring they are specific, measurable, and agreed upon by the team. 4. Plan regular review sessions to evaluate the project against these criteria. **Estimated Time:** 1-2 hours (depending on the project complexity) **Outcome:** A clear set of kill criteria for a team project promotes effective decision-making and resource allocation. ## Exercise 3 - Do this with your team **Objective:** To foster a team culture that values rational decision-making and understands the importance of kill criteria. **Steps:** 1. Organize a workshop with your team or group. 2. Present the concept of kill criteria and its importance in avoiding sunk cost fallacy. 3. Break the team into smaller groups and assign each a hypothetical project or real projects if applicable. 4. Each group defines kill criteria for their assigned project, focusing on when it would be rational to reconsider or terminate the project. 5. Groups present their criteria and reasoning to the larger team, facilitating a discussion on how these criteria can guide decision-making processes. **Estimated Time:** Half-day workshop **Outcome:** Enhanced team understanding and appreciation for the use of kill criteria in projects, promoting a culture of rational decision-making and efficient resource use. **📚** [**Buy Quit by Annie Duke on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Ut2tWB) --- ## Summary: When McKinsey Comes to Town by Michael Forsyth and Walt Bogdanich URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-when-mckinsey-comes-to-town-by-michael-forsyth-and-walt-bogdanich Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-when-mckinsey-comes-to-town-by-michael-forsyth-and-walt-bogdanich.md Date: 2024-01-16 Topics: book-summaries What will your legacy be? This was the big idea I took from When McKinsey Comes to Town by Michael Forsyth and Walt Bogdanich **📚** [**Buy When McKinsey Comes to Town on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/47IDUaZ) ![Hidden Potential by Adam Grant Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fa43d69ee7074982b5932dacab7ff772~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: 1. **The hidden impact of consultancies, like McKinsey, on the world:** When Mckinsey Comes to Town’ uncovers Mckinsey's significant influence on both corporate and government sectors worldwide. The book argues that McKinsey was actively involved and at the root of several crises. This includes the US opioid crisis and 2008 financial crash. For leaders driving change in large organizations, this serves as a critical reminder of the far-reaching impact of consultancies. McKinsey might have “just been an advisor” but this advice had serious consequences. It's essential to recognize how strategies, especially in areas of restructuring and efficiency, can ripple through the global economy, affecting lives and shaping industries. 2. **Who is accountable? The person giving the advice, or the person who takes action:** Consultancies “consult”. They give strategic advice and direction. But ultimately it is the company receiving that information who takes the action. Therefore, you could argue that McKinsey is off the hook for what happens next. If it results in an opioid crisis or financial crash, it was “not our fault”. The authors argue that McKinsey can better consider the ethical and social consequences of their decisions, ensuring that strategies for growth and efficiency do not come at an unacceptable societal cost. 3. **The Role of Internal Culture in External Outcomes:** ’When Mckinsey Comes to Town’ delves into McKinsey’s unique internal culture, characterized by its ‘up or out’ policy and a relentless focus on data and efficiency. This serves as a lesson for leaders on how internal culture can significantly influence the nature of the strategies deployed and their subsequent impact on the world. This is challenging when compensation is incentivized on performance. If your client account is growing, you earn more and get promoted. Even if what the client is doing is far from ideal for broader society. ## Best quotes > "McKinsey’s advice to Purdue on selling more OxyContin, even amidst a national opioid crisis, raises serious questions about the firm’s moral compass." This quote is a stark reminder for leaders that the pursuit of business objectives must be balanced with ethical considerations, especially when public health and welfare are at stake. > “Management consultants mainly serve to legitimize the goals of their clients. “Clients like to be told they are doing the right thing,” Management techniques viewed as best practices “are very often propagated by consulting firms and thus these techniques become largely institutionalised in the business world.” This quote highlights the influence McKinsey can have on large organizations. Tell someone powerful they are doing the right thing, and they will go onto do big things. ## Toby's takeaway ’When Mckinsey Comes to Town’ serves as an eye-opener on the complex relationship between corporate consultancy, ethical responsibility, and societal impact. As a leader driving change in a large organization, it's imperative to balance the pursuit of efficiency and growth with deep consideration for the ethical implications of our decisions. Whilst reading the book, I reflected on this question: - What happens when I come to town? Going further: - How do people feel when I show up? - What impact do my decisions have on those around me? - What about even broader? How are they impacting society at large? - What legacy will I leave? The story of McKinsey & Company is a cautionary tale about the potential repercussions of overlooking this balance. It encourages leaders, to adopt a holistic approach to change, one that encompasses not only business success but also a commitment to positive societal impact and ethical responsibility. **What happens when you come to town?** **📚** [**Buy When McKinsey Comes to Town on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/47IDUaZ) --- ## Summary: Lost Connections by Johann Hari URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-lost-connections-by-johann-hari Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-lost-connections-by-johann-hari.md Date: 2024-01-15 Topics: book-summaries Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively. **📚** [**Buy Lost Connections by Johann Hari on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tKatHX) ![Hidden Potential by Adam Grant Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e1a8d4bca06a4d779c396ee3c6d8ce76~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: 1. **Redefining Depression**: Johann Hari challenges the conventional understanding of depression as primarily a biological condition. He emphasizes the importance of social, psychological, and environmental factors, arguing that depression often results from disconnections in our lives, such as from meaningful work, relationships, and values. 2. **Social and Psychological Factors**: Johann Hari identifies seven key factors contributing to depression. He argues that the real solution to solving depression is rebuilding the connection to these factors. The seven factors are: 1. Disconnection from meaningful work 2. Disconnection from other people 3. Disconnection from meaningful values 4. Disconnection from childhood trauma 5. Disconnection from status and respect 6. Disconnection from the natural world 7. Disconnection from a hopeful or secure future 3. **Beyond Medication**: While not entirely dismissing the role of antidepressants, In Lost Connections by Johann Hari, he suggests that they are often overprescribed and don’t address the underlying issues causing depression. He advocates for a more holistic approach, focusing on social connections, community-building, and addressing societal factors contributing to mental distress. ## Best quotes > "What if depression is, in fact, a form of grief—for our own lives not being as they should? What if it is a form of grief for the connections we have lost, yet still need." > "You aren’t a machine with broken parts. You are an animal whose needs are not being met." ## Toby's takeaway Lost Connections by Johann Hari is a powerful call to rethink our approach to mental health. For business leaders, it's a reminder that creating environments that foster meaningful connections, whether in the workplace or the community, is crucial. Leaders should focus on building teams where individuals feel valued, connected, and purposeful. Acknowledging the psychological and social dimensions of wellbeing can lead to a more engaged, healthy, and productive workforce. Additionally, understanding the multifaceted nature of depression can help leaders support their team members more effectively, promoting an inclusive and empathetic workplace culture. In my lowest moments, I turn to this book. It acts as a compass to find a way out of the ditch. Using the knowledge from the book, I do this simple exercise . **Exercise: Connection Circle** **Steps:** 1. Draw a circle and divide it into 7 parts. 1. Label each part with one of the seven connections from the book 2. Meaningful work 3. Other people 4. Meaningful values 5. Childhood trauma 6. Status and respect 7. Natural world 8. Hopeful or secure future 2. Think about a scale of connection. 1. Center of the circle. Strong connection (10) 2. Outside of the circle. Weak connection (1) 3. Shade each segment based on how you feel right now. 4. Once all shaded, take a moment. Looking at the circle, what can you learn? You can take the exercise further to identify actions. However, I’ve often found that just seeing where the disconnections are can help spark my actions naturally. In conclusion, Lost Connections by Johann Hari is a vital read for anyone interested in the intricacies of mental health, offering profound insights into the often-overlooked social and psychological factors contributing to depression and anxiety. Hari's book encourages us to look beyond the medical model and consider how our connections to the world around us deeply impact our mental wellbeing. **📚** [**Buy Lost Connections by Johann Hari on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tKatHX) --- ## Summary: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-hidden-potential-by-adam-grant Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-hidden-potential-by-adam-grant.md Date: 2024-01-08 Topics: book-summaries Embrace Discomfort and Start Before You Feel Ready. This is one of the big ideas from Hidden Potential by Adam Grant. Learn why Character Skills are what drive success. ## Should you read this? I must admit. I didn't learn a great deal from Adam Grant's latest book. In his last book, [Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know), I had many takeaways. [Hidden Potential](https://amzn.to/3tKY0Ug) wasn't the same. In essence, it argued that soft skills trump hard skills. I'm sure most readers already know that to be true. There was, however, one idea that made me Think Again..... > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas Here are three big ideas that business leaders can apply to lead their business and team more effectively: ## Big Idea 1 - Success is driven by Character (”soft”) Skills more than Cognitive (”hard”) Skills Hidden Potential by Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of character skills. There are several stories shared about how success was driven by developing character skills, rather than cognitive skills. Recently a team of social scientists launched an experiment to test that hypothesis. They recruited 1,500 entrepreneurs in West Africa—a mix of women and men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s—who were running small startups in manufacturing, service, and commerce. In cognitive skills training, the founders took an accredited business course created by the International Finance Corporation. They studied finance, accounting, HR, marketing, and pricing, and practiced using what they learned to solve challenges and seize opportunities. In character skills training, the founders attended a class designed by psychologists to teach personal initiative. They studied proactivity, discipline, and determination, and practiced putting those qualities into action. Character skills training had a dramatic impact. After the founders had spent merely five days working on these skills, their firms’ profits grew by an average of 30 percent over the next two years. That was nearly triple the benefit of training in cognitive skills. ## Big Idea 2 - Embrace Discomfort and Start Before You Feel Ready Hidden Potential by Adam Grant emphasizes the importance of character skills. For business leaders, this translates into the courage to embark on new projects, innovations, or strategies even before feeling fully prepared. Encouraging a culture where taking initiative and stepping out of comfort zones is valued can foster a dynamic and progressive work environment. This approach also includes being open to learning new methods or adopting unfamiliar strategies that might be more effective for current challenges. In a clever experiment, psychologists Kaitlin Woolley and Ayelet Fishbach studied hundreds of people taking improv comedy classes and randomly assigned them to focus on different goals. The ones who persisted the longest—and took the most creative risks—weren’t the ones who were encouraged to focus on learning. They were the ones who had been advised to intentionally pursue discomfort. “Your goal is to feel awkward and uncomfortable … it’s a sign the exercise is working,” the instructions said. Once people saw discomfort as a mark of growth, they were motivated to stretch beyond their comfort zones. ## Big Idea 3 - Foster a Humble Learning Environment Hidden Potential by Adam Grant focuses on humility as a strength, especially in recognizing your limitations and being open to learning from others. In a business context, this translates to creating an environment where feedback is not just accepted but actively sought. Leaders should encourage their teams to admit mistakes, be open to new ideas, and focus on collective growth. By doing so, they can create a more collaborative and innovative workplace. ## Best quotes > *Character is often confused with personality, but they’re not the same. Personality is your predisposition—your basic instincts for how to think, feel, and act. Character is your capacity to prioritize your values over your instincts.* This quote highlights how character is often misunderstood. Adam Grant goes on to further highlight the importance of grit and perseverance. It's easy to prioritize your values when the stakes are low. True character is demonstrated when you prioritize your values in the toughest moments. > *Comfort in learning is a paradox. You can’t become truly comfortable with a skill until you’ve practiced it enough to master it. But practicing it before you master it is uncomfortable, so you often avoid it. Accelerating learning requires a second form of courage: being brave enough to use your knowledge as you acquire it.* In Hidden Potential, Adam Grant shares several stories of this quote in action. In particular, he focuses on learning a new language. The best language learners are often the ones who overcome their fear of making mistakes in public. To learn a new language you must fail in public. This applies to many skills. When you embrace failing in public your learning will accelerate. ![Hidden Potential by Adam Grant Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3bfe5c6821c441e1bc2bab5a2bb31cc7~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway **Embrace Growth Through Discomfort and Continuous Learning** The biggest lesson I've learned from Hidden Potential by Adam Grant is the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing continuous learning as a pathway to uncovering your true potential. "Hidden Potential" by Adam Grant illustrates that potential is not about where you start but about how far you travel. This journey often requires starting tasks before feeling fully ready and embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth. **Actionable Takeaways:** 1. **Start Before You Feel Ready**: Don’t wait for the perfect moment to embark on new projects or initiatives. Encourage yourself and your team to leap, even if it feels premature. This approach fosters a proactive mindset and accelerates learning and development. 2. **Adopt a Growth Mindset**: View challenges and setbacks not as failures, but as opportunities to grow and learn. This mindset will help you and your team to persist through difficulties and view every experience as a valuable lesson. 3. **Set 'Learning' Goals, Not Just 'Performance' Goals**: Focus on setting goals that emphasize skill development and learning, rather than just performance metrics. This approach encourages a culture of continuous improvement and lifelong learning. 4. **Embrace a Spiral Approach to Progress**: Understand that progress is often non-linear. Sometimes you need to revisit and revise your strategies. This ‘roundabout path to progress’ is a normal part of the journey towards achieving great things. By applying these principles, you can unlock hidden potential and achieve greater heights, both personally and professionally. Remember, it's not about innate talent or genius, but about the journey of learning, adapting, and growing. **📚** [**Buy Hidden Potential by Adam Grant on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tKY0Ug) --- ## Summary: Same as Ever by Morgan Housel URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-same-as-ever-by-morgan-housel Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/summary-same-as-ever-by-morgan-housel.md Date: 2024-01-07 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Same as Ever by Morgan Housel. Learn why is important to spend more time focusing on what is not going to change, rather than what is. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas Here are the ideas I learned that can be best applied in the workplace: **Big Idea 1 - Predictability of Human Behavior Over Events** Same as Ever by Morgan Housel emphasizes the importance of basing decisions on consistent human behavior patterns rather than trying to predict specific events. History and personal experiences repeatedly show that while events are often unpredictable and subject to change, human behavior tends to follow certain predictable patterns. This idea is particularly relevant in financial decision-making, where understanding human nature can be more valuable than trying to forecast market fluctuations. **Big Idea 2 - Adaptability to Change While Recognizing Timeless Principles** Same as Ever by Morgan Housel underscores the importance of distinguishing between what changes and what stays constant in a rapidly evolving world. For business leaders, this means recognizing and adapting to market trends and technological advancements, while also grounding their strategies in the timeless idea that teams want autonomy, to pursue mastery, and to have a purpose. Regardless of the technological advancement, these things will always remain true. Focus more on what is not changing, rather than only on what is changing. **Big Idea 3 - Importance of Risk Management and Preparedness** The stories and lessons in Same as Ever by Morgan Housel emphasize how unpredictable events can have significant impacts. This idea is vital for business leaders in terms of risk management and being prepared for unforeseen circumstances. It highlights the need for businesses to have contingency plans, diversify their assets, and maintain a level of flexibility to navigate through unpredictable challenges. Morgan Housel offers up an interesting definition of risk which is: “Risk is what’s left over after you think you’ve thought of everything.” That’s the real definition of risk—what’s left over after you’ve prepared for the risks you can imagine. Risk is what you don’t see. ## Best quotes > "What was the best-selling candy bar in 1962? Do you know?” “No,” his friend replied. “Snickers,” Warren said. “And do you know what candy bar sells best today? Snickers.” This quote, illustrating a conversation with Warren Buffett, encapsulates the theme in Same as Ever of focusing on what remains constant in a changing world. It highlights the importance of recognizing enduring patterns and behaviors over time, which is a crucial insight for decision-making in finance and life. What is the Snickers in your business and life? > “People think they want an accurate view of the future, but what they crave is certainty.” This quote highlights one of the key human desires that had and will never change. Instead of focusing on accuracy, focus on providing certainty. For example, when selling an idea to your manager, don’t focus on the facts and figures. Tell a story about how this will help them. ![Same as Ever by Morgan Housel Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fdd26c85b0804e6eb54f89ad9ae77737~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway For business leaders, a top takeaway from Same as Ever by Morgan Housel is the enduring importance of understanding human behavior and psychology in decision-making. In a world where technological advancements and market dynamics are rapidly evolving, the constant factor remains human nature. The book's insights encourage leaders to focus on the timeless aspects of human behavior, such as risk perception, response to change, and the influence of narratives. By grounding business strategies in a deep understanding of these enduring human patterns, leaders can make more resilient and effective decisions, navigate uncertainties more adeptly, and connect more profoundly with their customers and teams. This approach offers a valuable perspective in balancing the pursuit of innovation with the wisdom of timeless principles that will never change. **The bottom line, spend more time focusing on what is not going to change, rather than what is.** **📚** [**Buy Same as Ever by Morgan Housel on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3NSVjqA) --- ## Summary: The Art of Community by Charles Vogl URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-art-of-community-by-charles-vogl Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-art-of-community-by-charles-vogl.md Date: 2023-02-07 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from the Art of Community by Charles Vogl. Communities are created when at least two people begin to feel concern for each other’s welfare. **📚** [**Buy The Art of Community on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3ljJH4z) ## 3 big ideas 1. Purpose-Driven: A community needs to have a clear purpose that its members believe in and are willing to work towards. This purpose should be communicated clearly and consistently. 2. Relationships First: Relationships are the cornerstone of a strong community. Members should feel connected to one another and be able to trust and support each other. 3. Continuous Improvement: A community should always be looking for ways to improve, both for the individual members and for the community as a whole. This involves regularly evaluating progress and making changes as needed to stay aligned with the community's purpose. ## Best quotes > "A community is not a product that can be manufactured, but a relationship that must be cultivated." > "The true measure of a community's success is not the size of its membership, but the depth of its relationships and the strength of its shared purpose." ![Art of Community Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e3f2c6e865ba4cd9a73693aa494df07f~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway I don't belong here. When someone in your organization feels this way, it's hard to turn things around. Worst case, they never express this feeling and leave. Best case, they do express this feeling. But now what? I've been in this situation, uncertain how to respond. Only making things worse. At the time I wish I'd read [The Art of Community](/post/the-art-of-community-by-charles-vogl?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=i_dont_belong_here&utm_term=2023-02-07) It shares 7 principles, that help create belonging. I've used it to reflect upon what's missing when people feel like they don't belong. You can use them too. Ask these questions: 1. What is the **boundary** to belong in this community? 2. How was the person **initiated** (if at all) upon joining the community? 3. How involved is the person in the community **rituals**? (e.g. invites to meetings and opportunities to speak) 4. How accessible is the **temple**? (read the full summary for an explanation) 5. What are the person's **values** and how do they align with the communities? 6. What physical **token** does the person have to remind them of this community? 7. How clear are the **inner rings** to this person? (read the full summary for an explanation) These questions are super useful for any community. Which Charles Vogl describes as: > "When at least two people begin to feel concern for each other’s welfare." So that could be your team, your wider organization, or your family. **📚** [**Buy The Art of Community on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3ljJH4z) ## Big Ideas Expanded **What is a community?** > Communities are created when at least two people begin to feel concern for each other’s welfare. Communities are part of a larger Tribe. Tribes want to be connected. They want to be around people who understand them. For example, there are many people in the world who value building confidence and courage in girls and are willing to take action. They create a tribe even if they haven’t come together in a formal community like the Girl Scouts organization. The people who bring a tribe together to create a community are tribal leaders. To create something that others want to join and support, we have to remember a core tenet: communities function best and are most durable when they’re helping members to be more successful in some way in a connected and dynamic world. Communities are distinct from a group whose members may share ideas, interests, proximity, or any number of things but lack concern for one another. Such groups can have huge memberships, like the Museum of Modern Art, the American Medical Association, or Greenpeace, but their members do not share any strong social connectedness. **Community Values** A community is defined by at least one or more values (maybe something as simple as valuing bicycling or living on your block). A community’s values evolve as time and people change. Your community almost certainly values something more than outsiders do. It’s not important that on the first day, you can recognize and name the ultimate values for your community. In fact, it may take some time to understand what things you value more than others. Moreover, as time passes and culture changes, it’s imperative that the community values also change. This is how you stay relevant in a dynamic world. Formalization can destroy a community if values are ignored. When efforts arise to formalize or corporatize a community, there’s often understandable concern that the effort could destroy the very community it seeks to grow. This is why it’s so important to recognize both the explicit and the implicit values that attract and keep members connected. Because members share values, the community helps answer three important questions for members in some way: - Who am I? - How should I act? - What do I believe? To grow a tight community, it’s essential to articulate the community’s core values clearly, at least for yourself. Not every value needs to be articulated, just the most important ones: those that tie the community’s members together. - What and whom do we protect? - What is intolerable? - What do we share? - With whom do we share? - Whom do we respect? - How do we show respect? One of the great pleasures of being part of a community is that we don’t have to explain ourselves. We want to feel seen and understood without explaining the parts that outsiders don’t get. Example: > Recently my friend Kari returned home to Oregon and gathered with friends who have a long history of playing jazz together. One musician came with a friend who was a musician but not a jazz musician, and who hadn’t brought an instrument. She didn’t share the jazz tradition, so she politely sat to the side as the group of six played. Kari told me that instead of playing for two to three hours, as they had in the past, they played for only thirty minutes, largely because they were uncomfortable playing with an outsider sitting idly by who didn’t appreciate jazz very much. While everyone had good intentions, inviting an outsider who had neither the technical knowledge nor the musical interest for this special time changed the space and eroded the intimacy of the community time. **Seven Principles for Belonging** 1. Boundary: The line between members and outsiders. 2. Initiation: The activities that mark a new member. 3. Rituals: The things we do that have meaning. 4. Temple: A place set aside to find our community. 5. Stories: What we share that allows others and ourselves to know our values. 6. Symbols: The things that represent ideas that are important to us. 7. Inner Rings: A path to growth as we participate. **The Boundary Principle** Members want to know who’s in the community and shares their values. Visitors want to know a safe way to explore without committing themselves. Novices prefer to know at what point they’ve joined a community. A boundary is the recognized demarcation between insiders (members) and outsiders. This boundary should be more about making the inside space safe for insiders than about keeping outsiders out. Where there’s a boundary, insiders feel more confident that they share values and that they understand one another better than outsiders. Without a boundary, you’ll face an everything–nothing conundrum. Some communities want to be open to anyone and everyone. This arises from a generous instinct: making a community open for all sounds welcoming. Most leaders, even if they claim to “welcome everyone,” actually mean something a bit more restrictive. If everything in the universe is good (and nothing is not good), then good things can never be differentiated from anything else in the universe. Good then identifies no (particular) thing because all things are good. Likewise, if everyone in the world belongs to your community, this can mean your community cannot be distinguished from no community. The boundary can be poorly protected in two ways. First, it can be overly inclusive, if people with mismatched values are permitted inside. In this case, members will feel unsafe. It will be difficult or impossible for them to share vulnerability and deep connections when members don’t trust that all the other participants in the community share their core values. Second, it can be overly exclusive, if shared-values participants are excluded. In this case, questions will be raised as to what the true community values are and, even more specifically, where the authority really lies. Gatekeepers are important for helping visitors across the boundary. They’re the people who can give newcomers access to the community. Whether officially or unofficially, gatekeepers evaluate whether an interested newcomer should be welcomed across the boundary and into the community. They may be the same as or different from those who can exclude. > For example, imagine a choir that has a strong community (perceived concern for one another’s welfare). It may be that anyone in the choir can invite people to audition, introduce them to leaders, and include them in social events (outer ring), while there may be only one or a few insiders who have the (informal or formal) authority to keep someone away. The gatekeeper here is the choirmaster, who will decide if this newcomer has the potential to be a strong singing voice and is welcomed to inner ring practices and performances. **The Initiation Principle** An initiation is a kind of ritual, and the best rituals come with symbols and tokens. First, even with a simple initiation, it’s clear to all that individuals remain, explorers until they choose to cross the boundary. This can set visitors at ease because they know that they’re participating without any requirement to adopt the values and beliefs of members if they’re not ready to take that step. Second, it’s difficult for all participants to understand clearly who’s on the inside (and who isn’t). There may be a general sense of who the core members are, but less active or new members may wonder about their own status. They may wonder what privileges they have and feel anxious about exactly what constitutes insider status. **The Rituals Principle** The psychologist Roy Baumeister conducted a four-hundred-person survey to distinguish happiness and meaningfulness. His research indicates that “meaningfulness” involves understanding our own lives beyond the present time and place. It comes when we reflect on what came before and how we’re connected to the future. Meaningfulness comes when we integrate now with the future and past. Our health, wealth, and relationships change. Meaning creates a feeling of stability in the midst of change. Rituals are a tool to bring meaning into our lives. Remember: feeling connected, trusted, appreciated, and welcome is all in the realm of emotion. Ritual silence can be very powerful. Simply keeping silence together can be a powerful part or a whole ritual. It can mean that the relationship is so close that not everything needs to be said aloud and not every moment needs to be entertaining. In a world where every second is filled with talk, music, or alerts, creating the space for silence can be the most powerful time together possible. In my experience, almost every community appreciates a silence ritual when there’s painful loss. Silence together can be the most powerful time. Play rituals are very important. Communities must have an opportunity to play together. My favorite play ritual is eating together. When meals are ritualized, they become a feast. Virtually every community feasts together in some way. In the United States, Thanksgiving has become the most important feasting ritual for many families and friends. Hosting the feast has become a rite of passage for many young family members and new Americans. **The Temple Principle** We all want a place where our community gathers and we can do things that we long for in our everyday lives. A temple is simply a place where people with shared values enact their community’s rituals. Members know that it’s where they’ll find their community. It’s a “sacred space,” a place set aside for a particular use. **The Stories Principle** Stories are the most powerful way we humans learn. Every community, like every person, is full of stories. Sharing certain stories deepens a community’s connections. If people don’t know (or can’t learn) your stories, they don’t know or understand your community. Origin Stories Among the most important stories are origin stories. By definition, these stories explain how something started, i.e., its origin. Origin stories are often considered true if they share factual, emotional, or ideological truth. They are strongest if all three are represented. **The Symbols Principle** Symbols are powerful tools in building community because they quickly remind us of our values, identity, and commitment in a community. Using symbols is a way to make communities stronger. Symbols represent a set of ideas and values, which is to say, they often represent many things at once. They can conveniently stand in for many words. **The Inner Rings Principle** A typical progression will look something like this, with different labels: 1. Visitors 2. Novices 3. Members 4. Elders or senior members 5. Principal elders and skilled masters It’s not important that each member pursue inner rings. It’s perfectly fine for a member to find a preferred level and remain there. Strong communities offer a journey (progression) into successive inner rings. While some members may choose to stay at a particular level, mature communities provide opportunities to progress in their series of inner rings. Mature and strong communities give members opportunities to learn how to succeed in some way. Strong communities teach members how to succeed in ways they cannot achieve on their own. So, in a strong community, members must know how to access the knowledge held by others. --- ## Summary: Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/four-thousand-weeks-by-oliver-burkeman Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/four-thousand-weeks-by-oliver-burkeman.md Date: 2023-01-20 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. The real problem isn’t our limited time. The real problem is that we’ve inherited, and feel pressured to live by, a troublesome set of ideas about how to use our limited time. We assume this will help optimize our short time on earth. Instead, the opposite happens. These time management ideals are pretty much guaranteed to make things worse. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. I'm a producivity addict. I try to squeeze as much as I can into my working day. I take pride in ticking off the To-Do list. The problem: where is all this busyness taking me? Instead of mastering life, I’ve mastered the art of staying busy. Reading more books. Writing more blogs. Getting more sh\*t done. [Four Thousand Weeks](https://amzn.to/3whGSmJ) has radically shifted how I think about "being productive". ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - The real problem isn’t our limited time.** The real problem is that we’ve inherited, and feel pressured to live by, a troublesome set of ideas about how to use our limited time. We assume this will help optimize our short time on earth. Instead, the opposite happens. These time management ideals are pretty much guaranteed to make things worse. **Big Idea 2- We inherit this belief: prioritize future benefits over current enjoyments.** This ultimately backfires. It wrenches us out of the present, leading to a life spent leaning into the future, worrying about whether things will work out, experiencing everything in terms of some later, hoped-for benefit, so that peace of mind never quite arrives. And it makes it all but impossible to experience ‘deep time’, that sense of timeless time that depends on forgetting the abstract yardstick and plunging back into the vividness of reality instead. **Big Idea 3** - You get to spend your finite time focused on a few things that matter to you, in themselves, right now, in this moment. **Find the very few critical things that bring the most meaning to your life.** Say no to everything else. Then invest your whole self into every moment doing the things that matter. ## Best quotes > The trouble with attempting to master your time, it turns out, is that time ends up mastering you. > So getting better at processing your email is like getting faster and faster at climbing up an infinitely tall ladder: you’ll feel more rushed, but no matter how quickly you go, you’ll never reach the top. ## Toby's takeaway I was drastically wrong about time. In fact, I was wrong in many ways. The catalyst. Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Several times, I had to pause. Gather my thoughts. Oliver's words challenged the core of what I thought was true I’ve been a productivity addict for years. Mastering the art of “getting sh\*t done”. I thought this was a superpower. Until now. > Time feels like an unstoppable conveyor belt, bringing us new tasks as fast as we can dispatch the old ones; and becoming ‘more productive’ just seems to cause the belt to speed up. Edward T. Hall I’ve been investing in this addiction for many years. Hoping that if I get the right system, I’ll get more done and get time back to focus on what matters most. Even more, being productive is the key to success and happiness. But it hasn't. > Our days are spent trying to ‘get through’ tasks, in order to get them ‘out of the way’, with the result that we live mentally in the future, waiting for when we’ll finally get round to what really matters – and worrying, in the meantime, that we don’t measure up, that we might lack the drive or stamina to keep pace with the speed at which life now seems to move. Instead, I’ve mastered the art of staying busy. Reading more books. Writing more blogs. Getting more sh\*t done. > One can waste years this way, systematically postponing precisely the things one cares about the most. To make matters worse, I’ve been living mentally in the future. Laying the groundwork for some future goal. - When I get more newsletter subscribers, I’ll be able to….. - When I become a better writer, I’ll be able to….. - When I save enough money, I’ll be able to…. > This ultimately it backfires. It wrenches us out of the present, leading to a life spent leaning into the future, worrying about whether things will work out, experiencing everything in terms of some later, hoped-for benefit, so that peace of mind never quite arrives. And it makes it all but impossible to experience ‘deep time’, that sense of timeless time that depends on forgetting the abstract yardstick and plunging back into the vividness of reality instead. Oliver Burkeman, humbly accepts he doesn’t have all the answers. He wrote Four Thousand Weeks to help with his productivity addiction. I felt the rush to write this summary. But in an attempt to put into practice, its advice, I slowed down. I’ve been sitting on this for a few days. Lingering on the words. Several long walks later, this is what I take away. **Stop focusing on getting sh\*t done, to achieve a future goal. Stop being productive.** Instead, let the moment be. > Can you have an experience you don’t experience? The finest meal at a Michelin-starred restaurant might as well be a plate of instant noodles if your mind is elsewhere; and a friendship to which you never actually give a moment’s thought is a friendship in name only. To that, I will: - Stop rushing to complete the to-do list. - Stop treating moments in life as transactions to get done. - Stop, pause, and be patient more. - Say no to more stuff, say yes, to the very few, critical things that matter. What are the critical things that matter? It’s all pretty ordinary, by society's standards. Family, friends, a walk in nature. I will give my all in every moment. Be present in the now. Let the moment be. I’m still learning how. But something that’s started to help. When I catch myself out of the moment. I look up. At the sky. I take a breath. Then I’m back. In the moment. If only for a few seconds. But those seconds are what really matter. **📚** [**Buy Four Thousand Weeks on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3whGSmJ) ## Big Ideas Expanded ![Four Thousand Weeks Book Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_641a233fd5764719b73c843b0ee598d5~mv2.png) 1. [The problem isn’t your limited time](#viewer-60pu9) 2. [Time management systems make you time poor](#viewer-95inb) 3. [Optimizing your personal time will actually leave you unhappy](#viewer-1ho2q) 4. [Technology doesn’t save you time.](#viewer-mn8m) 5. [Living in the future is losing you time.](#viewer-9ngqc) 6. [Missing out is inevitable](#viewer-25ikj) 7. [Stop chasing time, let yourself be present](#viewer-20s84) 8. [Be present now, this moment won’t happen again](#viewer-5at23) 9. [Don’t master the moment, let it happen](#viewer-bh53e) 10. [Let problems linger, don’t rush to resolution.](#viewer-e29gh) 11. [You won’t leave a legacy. Embrace ordinary.](#viewer-4iu38) 12. [Questions to help you reflect](#viewer-8n95n) ## The problem isn’t your limited time > The clock does not stop, of course, but we do not hear it ticking. Gary Eberle The real problem isn’t our limited time. The real problem is that we’ve inherited, and feel pressured to live by, a troublesome set of ideas about how to use our limited time. We assume this will help optimize our short time on earth. Instead, the opposite happens. These time management ideals are pretty much guaranteed to make things worse. > The trouble with attempting to master your time, it turns out, is that time ends up mastering you. When you’re faced with too many demands, it’s easy to assume that the only answer must be to make better use of time, by becoming more efficient, driving yourself harder, or working for longer – as if you were a machine. Say no to these demands and you will be viewed as difficult and uncooperative. ## Time management systems make you time poor > I’ve squandered countless hours – and a fair amount of money, spent mainly on fancy notebooks and felt-tip pens – in service to the belief that if I could only find the right time management system, build the right habits, and apply sufficient self-discipline, I might actually be able to win the struggle with time, once and for all. I was like an alcoholic conveniently employed as a wine expert. You feel the frustration at having to work a day job in order to buy slivers of time for the work you love, and in the simple longing to spend more of your brief time on earth with your kids, in nature, or, at the very least, not commuting. To overcome this frustration, you optimize your time. To get more done so that you can get time back to spend on better things. The problem, is when you become more efficient with time, guess what happens? The demands increase. You get caught in an ‘efficiency trap’. You won’t generally get a feeling of having ‘enough time’, because, all else being equal, the demands will increase to offset any benefits. To make matters worse. Hofstadters law, created by cognitive scientist Douglas Hofstadter means that any task you are planning to tackle will always take longer than you expect, ‘even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law’. ## Optimizing your personal time will actually leave you unhappy Most of us seek a specifically individualistic kind of mastery over time – our culture’s ideal is that you alone should control your schedule, doing whatever you prefer, whenever you want – because it’s scary to confront the truth that almost everything worth doing, from marriage and parenting to business or politics, depends on cooperating with others, and therefore on exposing yourself to the emotional uncertainties of relationships. All of this illustrates what might be termed the paradox of limitation: the more you try to manage your time with the goal of achieving a feeling of total control, and freedom from the inevitable constraints of being human, the more stressful, empty and frustrating life gets. The proper response to this situation, we’re often told today, is to render ourselves indistractable in the face of interruptions: to learn the secrets of ‘relentless focus’ – usually involving meditation, web-blocking apps, expensive noise-cancelling headphones, and more meditation – so as to win the attentional struggle once and for all. But this is a trap. When you aim for this degree of control over your attention, you’re making the mistake of addressing one truth about human limitation – your limited time, and the consequent need to use it well – by denying another truth about human limitation, which is that achieving total sovereignty over your attention is almost certainly impossible. Inevitably, we become obsessed with ‘using it well’, whereupon we discover an unfortunate truth: the more you focus on using time well, the more each day begins to feel like something you have to get through, en route to some calmer, better, more fulfilling point in the future, which never actually arrives. ## Technology doesn’t save you time. > ‘Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion,’ English humorist and historian C. Northcote Parkinson wrote in 1955 Consider all the technology intended to help us gain the upper hand over time: by any sane logic, in a world with dishwashers, microwaves and jet engines, time ought to feel more expansive and abundant, thanks to all the hours freed up. But this is nobody’s actual experience. Instead, life accelerates, and everyone grows more impatient. It’s somehow vastly more aggravating to wait two minutes for the microwave than two hours for the oven – or ten seconds for a slow-loading web page versus three days to receive the same information by post. To make matters worse, these time-saving devices led to an increase in society's standards of cleanliness. Washing machines and vacuum cleaners led to an increased expectation of cleanliness. It’s not longer acceptable to wear dirty jeans or a few crumbs on the carpet. This whole painful irony is especially striking in the case of email, that ingenious twentieth-century invention whereby any random person on the planet can pester you, at any time they like, and at almost no cost to themselves, by means of a digital window that sits inches from your nose, or in your pocket, throughout your working day, and often at weekends, too. The ‘input’ side of this arrangement – the number of emails that you could, in principle, receive – is essentially infinite. But the ‘output’ side – the number of messages you’ll have time to read properly, reply to, or just make a considered decision to delete – is strictly finite. To resolve this issue, “inbox zero” was a popular trend a few years back. The idea, that ensuring no unread emails in your inbox would lead to better time management. What happens is you get more email. > So getting better at processing your email is like getting faster and faster at climbing up an infinitely tall ladder: you’ll feel more rushed, but no matter how quickly you go, you’ll never reach the top. You cannot beat the system. Machines will always win. None of this is how the future was supposed to feel. In 1930, in a speech titled ‘Economic Possibilities for Our Grandchildren’, the economist John Maynard Keynes made a famous prediction: within a century, thanks to the growth of wealth and the advance of technology, no one would have to work more than about fifteen hours a week. The challenge would be how to fill all our new-found leisure time without going crazy. But Keynes was wrong. It turns out that when people make enough money to meet their needs, they just find new things to need and new lifestyles to aspire to. Social media now amplifies this problem. Influencers promote their luxury lifestyles. Exotic holidays and fast cars. Suddenly a local walk and bicycle are no longer good enough. To achieve this ideal lifestyle, you work harder to become successful. The problem. Success always seems just out of touch. You commit to working harder. To get more done. To use your time better. You download the latest productivity tool from the appstore to help you. ## Living in the future is losing you time. > Where is my mind? Pixies Success we are told lies in the future. Work hard to build a career that will give you a great life. The key to achieving success is to make the most of your limited time. Those who master their time will win. Those who don’t will be labelled as lazy and lacking ambition. We inherit this belief: prioritise future benefits over current enjoyments. This ultimately backfires. It wrenches us out of the present, leading to a life spent leaning into the future, worrying about whether things will work out, experiencing everything in terms of some later, hoped-for benefit, so that peace of mind never quite arrives. And it makes it all but impossible to experience ‘deep time’, that sense of timeless time that depends on forgetting the abstract yardstick and plunging back into the vividness of reality instead. Our days are spent trying to ‘get through’ tasks, in order to get them ‘out of the way’, with the result that we live mentally in the future, waiting for when we’ll finally get round to what really matters – and worrying, in the meantime, that we don’t measure up, that we might lack the drive or stamina to keep pace with the speed at which life now seems to move. We treat everything we’re doing – life itself, in other words – as valuable only insofar as it lays the groundwork for something else. By staying on top of everything we become ideal citizens within the economic machine. Working longer hours – and using any extra income to buy more consumer goods. The UK government recently announced a scheme to encourage those over 50 back to work. Turns out that the hard-earned future of playing golf and relaxing by the pool isn’t so ideal, in the eyes of the government. We strive for a ‘work-life’ balance but nobody in the history of humanity has ever achieved it, whatever that might be. You certainly won’t get there by copying the instagram reel you watched this morning about the ‘six things successful people do before 7 a.m’. As the Yale University law professor Daniel Markovits has shown, even the winners in our achievement-obsessed culture – the ones who make it to the elite universities, then reap the highest salaries – find that their reward is the unending pressure to work with ‘crushing intensity’ in order to maintain the income and status that have come to seem like prerequisites for the lives they want to lead. To focus exclusively on where you’re headed, you do this at the expense of focusing on where you are. The result is you find yourself living mentally in the future, locating the ‘real’ value of your life at some time that you haven’t yet reached, and never will. This kind of future thinking is not isolated to work. It bleeds into everything. Take parenting. There are countless books, articles, and courses on how to be a great parent. The advice varies widely but there is one common thread. All of this advice focuses on the future. Laying the groundwork for some ideal future human. The goal is to produce the happiest or most successful or economically productive older children and adults later on. If you don’t follow the advice, your child will be sick and stupid. ‘Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up, But a child’s purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn’t disdain what only lives for a day. It pours the whole of itself into each moment … Life’s bounty is in its flow. Later is too late.’ Herzen Future thinking even shows up in how we exercise. You probably know a friend who’s infected. You suggest a gentle job on a Sunday morning, but they are incapable of a gentle jog. They must keep to their usual pace and regular route. They are convinced that running is a meaningful thing to do only insofar as it might lead toward a future accomplishment. Once you’ve cleared the decks, you tell yourself; or once you’ve implemented a better system of personal organization, or got your degree, or invested a sufficient number of years in honing your craft, or once you’ve found your soulmate or had kids, or once the kids have left home, or once the revolution comes and social justice is established – that’s when you’ll feel in control at last, you’ll be able to relax a bit, and true meaningfulness will be found. Until then, life necessarily feels like a struggle: sometimes an exciting one, sometimes exhausting, but always in the service of some moment of truth that’s still in the future. Instead, not knowing what’s coming next – which is the situation you’re always in, with regard to the future – presents an ideal opportunity for choosing curiosity (wondering what might happen next) over worry (hoping that a certain specific thing will happen next, and fearing it might not) whenever you can. ## Missing out is inevitable FOMO is seen as something bad. You must avoid missing out on the new great experience. Instead, missing out is the point. It’s what makes choices meaningful. By saying no to something you are saying yes to something. We don’t see this side of the situation. We would be forced to acknowledge that there are hard choices to be made: which balls to let drop, which people to disappoint, which cherished ambitions to abandon, and which roles to fail at. Maybe you can’t keep your current job while also seeing enough of your children; maybe making sufficient time in the week for your creative calling means you’ll never have an especially tidy home, or get quite as much exercise as you should, and so on. Instead, in an attempt to avoid these unpleasant truths, we deploy the strategy that dominates most conventional advice on how to deal with busyness: we tell ourselves we’ll just have to find a way to do more – to try to address our busyness, you could say, by making ourselves busier still. The Internet makes this all much more agonizing because it promises to help you make better use of your time, while simultaneously exposing you to vastly more potential uses for your time – so that the very tool you’re using to get the most out of life makes you feel as though you’re missing out on even more of it. The technologies we use to try to ‘get on top of everything’ always fail us, in the end, because they increase the size of the ‘everything’ of which we’re trying to get on top. Convenience culture seduces us into imagining that we might find room for everything important by eliminating only life’s tedious tasks. But it’s a lie. You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results. > One can waste years this way, systematically postponing precisely the things one cares about the most. ## Stop chasing time, let yourself be present > Can you have an experience you don’t experience? The finest meal at a Michelin-starred restaurant might as well be a plate of instant noodles if your mind is elsewhere, and a friendship to which you never actually give a moment’s thought is a friendship in name only. To be more present, you must embrace the inevitability of discomfort. Instead of resisting boredom by staying busy, focus your attention on it. Stay bored, see where it leads you. Some Zen Buddhists hold that the entirety of human suffering can be boiled down to this effort to resist paying full attention to the way things are going because we wish they were going differently. But the version of this thought that has always resonated the most for me comes from the modern-day spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti, who expressed it, in a characteristically direct manner, in a lecture delivered in California in the late 1970s. ‘Partway through this particular talk,’ recalls the writer Jim Dreaver, who was in attendance, ‘Krishnamurti suddenly paused, leaned forward, and said, almost conspiratorially, “Do you want to know what my secret is?”9 Almost as though we were one body, we sat up … I could see people all around me lean forward, their ears straining, their mouths slowly opening in hushed anticipation.’ Then Krishnamurti ‘said in a soft, almost shy voice, “You see, I don’t mind what happens.”’ I don’t mind what happens. Perhaps these words need a little unpacking; I don’t think Krishnamurti means to say that we shouldn’t feel sorrow, compassion or anger when bad things happen to ourselves or others, nor that we should give up on our efforts to prevent bad things from happening in the future. Rather, a life spent ‘not minding what happens’ is one lived without the inner demand to know that the future will conform to your desires for it – and thus without having to be constantly on edge as you wait to discover whether or not things will unfold as expected. Take another example. Your favorite band is playing. It’s been years since they came to your town. Even better, you managed to get a babysitter. It’s been many months since you and your partner could spend quality time together. You’d imagine, given these circumstances, a joyful evening. But what happens? You video your favorite song to enjoy again at some point in the future. You scroll through Instagram in the breaks between songs, sharing with friends photos of the concert as it happens. You are physically present but mentally distant in another time and place. This chasing of time seems to stem from our education system. You are indoctrinated to always be living for the next milestone, rather than living today. As a child, you are sent to nursery school. In nursery school, they say you are getting ready to go on to kindergarten. And then the first grade is coming up and second grade and third grade … In high school, they tell you you’re getting ready for college. And in college you’re getting ready to go out into the business world … [People are] like donkeys running after carrots that are hanging in front of their faces from sticks attached to their own collars. They are never here. They never get there. They are never alive. ## Be present now, this moment won’t happen again Our lives, thanks to their finitude, are inevitably full of activities that we’re doing for the very last time. Just as there will be a final occasion on which I pick up my son – a thought that appalls me, but one that’s hard to deny, since I surely won’t be doing it when he’s thirty – there will be a last time that you visit your childhood home, or swim in the sea, or make love, or have a deep conversation with a certain close friend. Yet usually there’ll be no way to know, in the moment itself, that you’re doing it for the last time. Harris’s point is that we should therefore try to treat every such experience with the reverence we’d show if it were the final instance of it. And indeed there’s a sense in which every moment of life is a ‘last time’. It arrives; you’ll never get it again – and once it’s passed, your remaining supply of moments will be one smaller than before. We’ll never get the upper hand in our relationship with the moments of our lives because we are nothing but those moments. To ‘master’ them would first entail getting outside of them, splitting off from them. But where would we go? ‘Time is the substance I am made of,’ writes Jorge Luis Borges. ‘Time is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.’ You get to spend your finite time focused on a few things that matter to you, in themselves, right now, in this moment. Maybe it’s worth spelling out that none of this is an argument against long-term endeavors like marriage or parenting, building organizations or reforming political systems, and certainly not against tackling the climate crisis; these are among the things that matter most. But it’s an argument that even those things can only ever matter now, in each moment of the work involved, whether or not they’ve yet reached what the rest of the world defines as fruition. Because now is all you ever get. ## Don’t master the moment, let it happen > Let it be The Beatles The more you try to be here now, to point at what’s happening in this moment and really see it, the more it seems like you aren’t here now – or alternatively that you are, but that the experience has been drained of all its flavor. It’s all too easy to tell yourself that once you’ve taken a couple of seconds to look at a painting, you’ve thereby genuinely seen it. To be present, you need to let it be. This means embracing discomfort. Sitting patiently. Not expecting it to happen, but paying attention to what is. If you’re willing to endure the discomfort of not knowing, to stay curious, the moment will often present itself. To do this means dropping your expectations of how things should be. To stop rushing towards completion. To view moments, not as things to be achieved, obtained, or completed. Instead, to hold no expectations, to let it be. ## Let problems linger, don’t rush to resolution. > The obstacle is the way. Ryan Holiday We’ve been made so uneasy by the experience of allowing reality to unfold at its own speed that when we’re faced with a problem, it feels better to race towards a resolution – any resolution, really, so long as we can tell ourselves we’re ‘dealing with’ the situation, thereby maintaining the feeling of being in control. So we snap at our partners, rather than hearing them out, because waiting and listening would make us feel – correctly – as though we weren’t in control of the situation. Or we abandon difficult creative projects, or nascent romantic relationships because there’s less uncertainty in just calling things off than in waiting to see how they might develop. Because what is a ‘problem’, really? The most generic definition is simply that it’s something that demands that you address yourself to it – and if life contained no such demands, there’d be no point in anything. Once you give up on the unattainable goal of eradicating all your problems, it becomes possible to develop an appreciation for the fact that life just is a process of engaging with problem after problem, giving each one the time it requires – that the presence of problems in your life, in other words, isn’t an impediment to a meaningful existence but the very substance of one. ## You won’t leave a legacy. Embrace ordinary. A blunt but unexpectedly liberating truth: that what you do with your life doesn’t matter all that much – and when it comes to how you’re using your finite time, the universe absolutely could not care less. Our tendency to want to leave a legacy results in an overvaluing of our existence and gives rise to an unrealistic definition of what it would mean to use your finite time well. It sets the bar much too high. It suggests that in order to count as having been well spent, your life needs to involve deeply impressive accomplishments, or that it should have a lasting impact on future generations – or at the very least that it must, in the words of the philosopher Iddo Landau, ‘transcend the common and the mundane’. Clearly, it can’t just be ordinary: after all, if your life is as significant in the scheme of things as you tend to believe, how could you not feel obliged to do something truly remarkable with it? What we see amplified is the mindset of the Silicon Valley tycoon determined to ‘put a dent in the universe’, or the politician fixated on leaving a legacy, or the novelist who secretly thinks her work will count for nothing unless it reaches the heights, and the public acclaim, of Leo Tolstoy’s. Less obviously, though, it is also the implicit outlook of those who glumly conclude that their life is ultimately meaningless and that they’d better stop expecting it to feel otherwise. What they really mean is that they’ve adopted a standard of meaningfulness to which virtually nobody could ever measure up. In the grand scheme of the universe, whatever legacy you leave, will be insignificant. This is likely a relief: it’s the feeling of realizing that you’d been holding yourself, all this time, to standards you couldn’t reasonably be expected to meet. And this realization isn’t merely calming but liberating, because once you’re no longer burdened by such an unrealistic definition of a ‘life well spent’, you’re freed to consider the possibility that a far wider variety of things might qualify as meaningful ways to use your finite time. You’re freed, too, to consider the possibility that many of the things you’re already doing with it are more meaningful than you’d supposed – and that until now, you’d subconsciously been devaluing them, on the grounds that they weren’t ‘significant’ enough. From this new perspective, it becomes possible to see that preparing nutritious meals for your children might matter as much as anything could ever matter, even if you won’t be winning any cooking awards; or Cosmic insignificance therapy is an invitation to face the truth about your irrelevance in the grand scheme of things. Embrace it, to whatever extent you can. (Isn’t it hilarious, in hindsight, that you ever imagined things might be otherwise?) Truly doing justice to the astonishing gift of a few thousand weeks isn’t a matter of resolving to ‘do something remarkable’ with them. In fact, it entails precisely the opposite: refusing to hold them to an abstract and overdemanding standard of remarkableness, against which they can only ever be found wanting, and taking them instead on their own terms, dropping back down from godlike fantasies of cosmic significance into the experience of life as it concretely, finitely – and often enough, marvelously – really is. You have to accept that there will always be too much to do; that you can’t avoid tough choices or make the world run at your preferred speed; that no experience, least of all close relationships with other human beings, can ever be guaranteed in advance to turn out painlessly and well – and that from a cosmic viewpoint, when it’s all over, it won’t have counted for very much anyway. And in exchange for accepting all that? You get to actually be here. You get to have some real purchase on life. You get to spend your finite time focused on a few things that matter to you, in themselves, right now, in this moment. Maybe it’s worth spelling out that none of this is an argument against long-term endeavours like marriage or parenting, building organisations or reforming political systems, and certainly not against tackling the climate crisis; these are among the things that matter most… ## Questions to help you reflect: > Live the questions. Rainer Maria Rilke **1. Where in your life or your work are you currently pursuing comfort when what’s called for is a little discomfort?** James Hollis recommends asking of every significant decision in life: ‘Does this choice diminish me, or enlarge me?’ If you’re trying to decide whether to leave a given job or relationship, say, or to redouble your commitment to it, asking what would make you happiest is likely to lure you towards the most comfortable option, or else leave you paralysed by indecision. But you usually know, intuitively, whether remaining in a relationship or job would present the kind of challenges that will help you grow as a person (enlargement) or the kind that will cause your soul to shrivel with every passing week (diminishment). Choose uncomfortable enlargement over comfortable diminishment whenever you can. **2. Are you holding yourself to, and judging yourself by, standards of productivity or performance that are impossible to meet?** The more humane approach is to drop such efforts as completely as you can. Let your impossible standards crash to the ground. Then pick a few meaningful tasks from the rubble and get started on them today. **3. In what ways have you yet to accept the fact that you are who you are, not the person you think you ought to be?** **4. In which areas of life are you still holding back until you feel like you know what you’re doing?** It’s easy to spend years treating your life as a dress rehearsal on the rationale that what you’re doing, for the time being, is acquiring the skills and experience that will permit you to assume authoritative control of things later on. It’s alarming to face the prospect that you might never truly feel as though you know what you’re doing, in work, marriage, parenting or anything else. But it’s liberating, too, because it removes a central reason for feeling self-conscious or inhibited about your performance in those domains in the present moment: if the feeling of total authority is never going to arrive, you might as well not wait any longer to give such activities your all – to put bold plans into practice, to stop erring on the side of caution. It is even more liberating to reflect that everyone else is in the same boat, whether they’re aware of it or not. **5. How would you spend your days differently if you didn’t care so much about seeing your actions reach fruition?** Yet there is a sense in which all work – including the work of parenting, community-building and everything else – has this quality of not being completable within our own lifetimes. All such activities always belong to a far bigger temporal context, with an ultimate value that will only be measurable long after we’re gone (or perhaps never, since time stretches on indefinitely). And so it’s worth asking: what actions – what acts of generosity or care for the world, what ambitious schemes or investments in the distant future – might it be meaningful to undertake today, if you could come to terms with never seeing the results? --- ## Artificial Intelligence Powered Life Coaching URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/artificial-intelligence-powered-life-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/artificial-intelligence-powered-life-coaching.md Date: 2023-01-12 Topics: coaching I taught ChatGPT to be my life coach. ChatGPT is a computer program that you can talk to through a chat interface. It uses advanced artificial intelligence to understand what you say and generate appropriate responses. You can ask ChatGPT anything. Think of it like an advanced version of Google that you can talk to. I’ve asked it to re-write LinkedIn posts, I’ve asked it to structure presentations and I’ve also taught it to be my life coach. Could ChatGPT replace life coaches? I I taught [ChatGPT](https://chat.openai.com/) to be my life coach. Is this the future of coaching? ### **What is ChatGPT?** ChatGPT is a computer program that you can talk to through a chat interface. It uses advanced artificial intelligence to understand what you say and generate appropriate responses. You can ask ChatGPT anything. Think of it like an advanced version of Google that you can talk to. I’ve asked it to re-write LinkedIn posts, I’ve asked it to structure presentations and I’ve also taught it to be my life coach. ### **How I taught ChatGPT to be my life coach?** Artificial Intelligence powered life coaching has arrived. Here is how you can do the same. ### **Could ChatGPT replace life coaches?** I do believe there is a future where instead of booking time with a human life coach, someone might get the same help from a chatbot. First, chatbots like ChatGPT can be available 24/7, which means that they can provide support and guidance at any time of the day or night. This can be especially helpful for people who have busy schedules and may not have the time to meet with a coach in person. One potential benefit is increased accessibility. Chatbots like ChatGPT can be accessed from anywhere with an internet connection, which means that people who live in remote areas or have busy schedules may be able to receive coaching and support that they otherwise might not have access to. Second, chatbots can be very cost-effective. They don't require payment for their time or services, and they can potentially reach a larger audience than a single coach could. Finally, chatbots can be customized to fit an individual's specific needs and goals. They can use machine learning algorithms to adapt and learn from a person's responses and behaviors, tailoring their advice and support to that person's unique circumstances. ### **What are the limitations?** However, it's important to note that chatbots like ChatGPT are not a replacement for real human interaction and support. While they can be a helpful tool, they do not have the same level of empathy (yet) and understanding as a human coach, and they may not be able to provide the same level of personalized attention. It's important to find the right balance and use chatbots in conjunction with other forms of support, rather than relying on them completely. ChatGPT does not have the ability to read emotions in the way that a human can. It is a chatbot that uses artificial intelligence to generate responses based on the input it receives, but it does not have the ability to understand or interpret emotions. However, it is possible to program ChatGPT or other chatbots to recognize certain keywords or phrases that may indicate a person is feeling a certain way, such as "happy," "sad," or "frustrated." The chatbot could then generate a response that is appropriate for that emotion. However, this would be a very basic and limited form of emotion recognition, and it would not be able to accurately understand or interpret a person's emotions in the same way that a human can. ### **What does the future hold?** Chatbots like ChatGPT will become more popular. For coaching, I can see the integration with broader metaverse concepts. A realistic visual avatar speaking the text. Allowing you to have a real vocal conversation. All within a virtual world. This would make for some very powerful conversations. Now, this is where things get really crazy. This article was written partially by [ChatGPT](https://chat.openai.com/). --- ## Book Summary: What's in It for Them? by Joe Polish URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/whats-in-it-for-them-by-joe-polish Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/whats-in-it-for-them-by-joe-polish.md Date: 2022-12-29 Topics: book-summaries People want to connect. People want to feel special and cared about. People want to feel appreciated. People want to have their problems solved. And if you’re a person who cares about others and can solve their problems—someone who understands what’s in it for them—there’s no limit to what you can accomplish or the peace and joy you can find in your own existence. [**📚 Buy What's in It for Them? on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3i1xHTZ) ## 3 big ideas 1. **People want to connect.** People want to feel special and cared about. People want to feel appreciated. People want to have their problems solved. And if you’re a person who cares about others and can solve their problems—someone who understands what’s in it for them—there’s no limit to what you can accomplish or the peace and joy you can find in your own existence. 2. **To build deep connections with others be** **useful, grateful, and valuable.**These are the foundations of strong relationships. It starts as an awareness in your mind of other people’s needs, wants, and pains, and it continues with identifying what you could add to an interaction to address or alleviate those things. 3. **Connecting with people requires a balance of trust, rapport, and comfort**, and even if they all sound roughly the same, they’re actually quite distinct. Rapport is trust plus comfort. Trust is comfort plus time. Deep trust can only be established over time because time proves a person’s reliability. ## Best quotes > “Everyone knows people prefer to do business within strong relationships. The unanswered question was always exactly how to build those relationships.” > “Be a pain detective to connect with others. Focus first on the other person and their suffering. You and your possible solutions come second.” ![The first minute summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1d4fb727fd0048aca905b29060af5bde~mv2.png) ## One Thing I Did After Reading I was inspired by this exercise in What's in It for Them? > Imagine if you spent a year writing 5 to 10 personal notes, postcards, or cards every day acknowledging someone, thanking them, or sharing an article, video, or even a meme with them (with the caveat that they would want to receive these from you, of course). A year from now, your network would expand beyond your imagination, and you would be thought of as so much more caring, useful, valuable, and attentive than you are today! Sounds simple enough. I read What's in It for Them? over the Christmas holidays. It was a perfect time to connect with friends, family, and colleagues. I followed Joe's advice. I looked through Whatsapp contacts. Creating a list of people I wanted to connect (reconnect) with. Now I have a list of 15 people. The next hurdle, what should I say? You likely face the same struggle: > One big fear people have around connecting with others is knowing what to say. They get stuck in small talk, or feel awkward because they don’t know how to listen or how to genuinely be themselves. Joe's tip, avoid formalities. Be fun and memorable (not borning) I kept things simpIe. I said "Happy Christmas" followed by an open question. I didn't ask a generic question "What are your plans?" I asked personal question: - Happy Christmas. How has your little one been doing? - Happy Christmas. How will you be celebrating in VR? - Happy Christmas. How is the cold wether treating you? I invited a connection. These short, personal message sparked some great conversations. Now, Imagine if I wrote a message every day. A challenge for 2023. [**📚 Buy What's in It for Them? on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3i1xHTZ) ## Big Ideas Expanded - [How are they suffering? How can you help?](#viewer-1bfvd) - [Be useful, grateful, and valuable](#viewer-a2de) - [Trust, Rapport, and Comfort - Why you need all three](#viewer-4dt5d) - [Give Value on the Spot](#viewer-f6fel) ## How are they suffering? How can you help? To be better at life and relationships, learn to ask, “How are they suffering, and how can I help?” Before you can identify and help people who are suffering, you have to know what you’re looking for. In brief, suffering is pain. Suffering can be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual Question for you: What is the source of your most persistent suffering? Think about something in your life that has frustrated or challenged you for a long time—why is this still causing pain? ## Be useful, grateful, and valuable The specifics can change, but in virtually any situation, being useful, grateful, and valuable are the three keys to connecting with others—and they never depreciate or go out of style. The secret is to know what will make you seem useful, grateful, or valuable to someone in any given situation. It’s being tuned in and attentive! While your utility has a lot to do with what you can bring to the table in terms of skills, it really begins with being concerned and conscientious—with caring about other people. It starts as an awareness in your mind of other people’s needs, wants, and pains, and it continues with identifying what you could add to an interaction to address or alleviate those things. It also involves true listening, which not everyone knows how to do. Three connection skills to master: - Active listening. - Empathize and don’t overwhelm. - Offer solutions that are simple to execute. Givers tend to be very grateful—and what’s interesting is that the more you give, the more your gratitude seems to grow. Think about it: How often is the most grateful person in the room also the most valuable person in the room or the most useful? How often is the most useful person the most valuable? Ask yourself these two questions: 1. How can I be more useful, grateful, and valuable to my company, to my clients, to my community, and to my family? 2. How am I NOT being useful, grateful, valuable, and attentive to the same group of people? Investing just 10 or 15 minutes on those exact questions will lead to countless new ideas and opportunities to be a better person. To build connection: 1. Be genuinely curious 2. Sell yourself authentically 3. Communicate vs. connect vs. escape 4. Touch the suffering point **Be genuinely curious** One big fear people have around connecting with others is knowing what to say. They get stuck in small talk, or feel awkward because they don’t know how to listen or how to genuinely be themselves. Rather than letting the conversation flow and opening your emotions to the other person, you’re: worried about what you’ll say next (or what they’ll say) afraid there will be pauses in the conversation rushing to fill in breaks **Sell yourself authentically** When you bring your real self to interactions and present your real opinions with kindness, you offer your authentic self to others. In a very real way, you offer them value. By giving them something first before asking for anything in return, you show you’re different from other people: You’re there to help. You’re a giver, first and foremost. Not a taker. **Communicate vs. connect vs. escape** There are only three positions any person can have in an interaction where the goal is to bond or connect with others. People are either communicating, connecting, or trying to escape. If you are truly communicating, you are in an exchange of energy and information. You may not be in perfect sync, but you are passing a ball back and forth. You are exploring each other and learning. If you are connecting, you’ve moved beyond communication and you are forming a deeper bond with each other. You recognize yourself to some degree in the other person, creating mutual trust. You have more rapport, comfort, and warmth for the other person. If you’re not communicating or connecting, you’re trying to escape. You can see this happening on a macro level and also on a micro level as interaction with another ebbs and flows. **Touch the suffering point** Be a pain detective to connect with others. Focus first on the other person and their suffering. You and your possible solutions come second. If a co-worker complains about being overwhelmed but also notes they only had an hour of sleep the night before because their child was sick, a compassionate, empathetic boss who is a pain detective won’t just listen to the story. Depending on the employee’s reasons for losing sleep, the boss might allow the worker to go home to rest without penalty. One way to do this is to say, “Go home and get some sleep.” A more effective way is to ask, “Would getting rest right now allow you to do the work you need to do in a state of energy and not exhaustion?” ## Trust, Rapport, and Comfort - Why you need all three > “Rapport is trust plus comfort.” Neil Strauss Connecting with people requires a balance of trust, rapport, and comfort, and even if they all sound roughly the same, they’re actually quite distinct. However we come to it, rapport is what we’re ultimately aiming for in our interactions with other people. Once you have rapport, it means you get along. You know the other person likes you and thinks you’re worth talking to. The problem most of us have is knowing how to get to that point—and all the missteps we make along the way. Should we make more jokes? Should we ask more questions? Should we laugh harder at their jokes? Fortunately, the formula mentioned above helps answer the question. In order to have rapport, you first develop comfort and trust. And of those two, comfort must come first. Comfort is a relatively easy thing to understand: it means that someone else has a feeling of ease and freedom with you. > In some sense, in fact, trust is “comfort plus time.” In truth, deep trust can only be established over time, because time proves a person’s reliability. ## Give Value on the Spot To be most effective, you have to give value not in the future or in some abstract way. Instead, and whenever possible, you have to give it on the spot. If you’re wondering about how exactly to create value on the spot for people, author Robert Collier said that you should “enter the conversation already occurring in the prospect’s mind.” It’s a keen insight into both interpersonal relationships and marketing. --- ## The First Minute by Chris Fenning URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-first-minute-by-chris-fenning Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-first-minute-by-chris-fenning.md Date: 2022-12-13 Topics: book-summaries Shorter, clearer conversations get results. It is easier than you might expect, and it all starts with the first minute. Creating the most effective first minute of any work conversation is a two-step process. Step 1: Frame the conversation in fifteen seconds or less. Step 2: Create a structured summary of the entire message you need to deliver. ## Should you read this? When it comes to communication challenges, this is the book I recommend most. If everyone read and applied the ideas from '[The First Minute](https://amzn.to/3uL8pw3)' there would be a alot fewer crappy meetings. You'd also sleep better, as I'm sure there have been countless times you've stayed awake at night, nervous about a meeting. This book will calm your nerves and provide the playbook for meeting success. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas 1. Shorter, clearer conversations get results. It is easier than you might expect, and it all starts with the first minute. Creating the most effective first minute of any work conversation is a two-step process. Step 1: Frame the conversation in fifteen seconds or less. Step 2: Create a structured summary of the entire message you need to deliver. 2. The techniques described in this book are based on the following core principles. You must prepare your audience to receive your message before you deliver it. People are busy, so you need to get to the point quickly. The most effective work conversations focus on actions and solutions, not on problems. 3. It's common to think “My topics are far too complex to be summarized in less than a minute.” but using the GPS method (Goal, Problem, Solution) you can do just that. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_49e29f1a7fe04371be822adf9ab42c27~mv2.png)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ## Best quotes > If you cannot deliver information in an organized way, you will have a hard time being respected professionally. > “Make sure your audience is ready to receive your message.” ![The first minute summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_789508fcbfa54287930adac1727abf7d~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Everyone is busy. When you ramble, you lose attention. In fact, it only takes seconds. If you do not grab attention in the first 60 seconds, you will struggle to get back on track. **Here is how to speak so people listen:** ✅ Step 1 - Frame the conversation in seconds. Provide: Context - Why are we speaking, and why now. “I’ve been testing the latest software release and I need you to review a critical bug.” ✅ Step 2 - Summarise your entire message in just a few words. Provide: The desired outcome, the blocker, and a possible solution. “I need your agreement to delay the software release (outcome). The team is unable to resolve the bug in time (the blocker). We have a solution but it will take the weekend to resolve. (solution).” ✅ Step 3 - Ask an open question. Provide: Invite the other person to speak. “To make a decision, what do you need?” In summary: - Frame - Summarise - Ask Make it easier for people to listen. **📚** [**Buy First Minute on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3uL8pw3) ## Big Ideas Expanded The techniques described in this book are based on the following core principles. - You must prepare your audience to receive your message before you deliver it. - People are busy, so you need to get to the point quickly. - The most effective work conversations focus on actions and solutions, not on problems. By focusing on the first minute, you can position every work conversation for success. Creating the most effective first minute of any work conversation is a two-step process. 1. Frame the conversation in fifteen seconds or less. Framing provides context, makes your intentions clear, and gives a clear headline. 2. Create a structured summary of the entire message you need to deliver. State the goal and define the problem that stands between you and achieving that goal. Then focus the conversation on the solution. Throughout this book you’ll discover how to: - Have shorter, better work conversations and meetings - Get to the point faster without rambling or going off on tangents - Reduce the risk of mistakes caused by people incorrectly assuming they understand your message - Lead your audience toward the solution you need The three components required for a structured summary: 1. The goal you are trying to achieve 2. The problem stopping you from reaching that goal 3. The solution to the problem. These three things will enable you to summarize any topic, no matter how complex. Shorter, clearer conversations that get results. It is easier than you might expect, and it all starts with the first minute. If you cannot deliver information in an organized way, you will have a hard time being respected professionally. Research shows that poor first impressions can be reversed by a consistently strong performance. It takes eight good impressions to overturn a bad one. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_28a3b78acf894905ab300f2d3dc588e6~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ## Framing Many work conversations start with the following issues. - Failing to provide context for the message. This happens when the audience doesn’t know what the topic is about. - Not having a clear purpose for the message. This happens when the audience doesn’t know why they are receiving the information. - Not getting to the point fast enough. The speaker shares a lot of information and takes too long to get to the critical part of his or her message. - Mixing up two or more topics in the same conversation. The speaker has two or more topics to discuss, but it isn’t clear what they are. Each of these mistakes can be avoided by starting the conversation with three short statements. - Context: This is the topic you want to talk about. Of all the topics in the world, this is the one you will talk about now. - Intent: What you want the audience to do with the information you are about to share. - Key message: The most important part of the overall message you are about to deliver (the headline). Framing should take no more than three sentences and be delivered in less than fifteen seconds. ## Context > “Without context, a piece of information is just a dot. It floats in your brain with a lot of other dots and doesn’t mean a thing.” – Michael Ventura Never assume the other person knows what you are talking about. Most work-related intentions fall into one of five categories. For each category, it is possible to describe the intent of the message in one line. The table below shows the categories and some examples of how to show intent in a short sentence. ![First minute summary table](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_527d3059dfcb48c08c05a00ce3322cf5~mv2.png) ## Summarising > “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius There are a few core and unfortunately quite common causes of overly complex descriptions at work. - Cause [#1](/blog/hashtags/1): We assume the audience thinks like us. - Cause [#2](/blog/hashtags/2): We believe the audience needs to know all the details to be able to understand the problem. - Cause [#3](/blog/hashtags/3): We focus on variables and dependencies instead of the problem. - Cause [#4](/blog/hashtags/4): We summarize more than one problem at once. You might be reading this and thinking, “My topics are far too complex to be summarized in less than a minute.” If you are, I completely understand. I used to think the same thing until I saw the GPS method used for some truly complex topics. **GPS Method:** - Goal: Wouldn’t it be great if we could start conversations about large and complex topics in a way that was always clear and easy to understand? - Problem: Communication courses tell us to be concise, to start with a summary of the topic, but they rarely show us exactly how to create a summary. It’s one thing to know you should be doing something. It’s quite another to know how to do it. - Solution: The solution to this problem is to create a structured summary using what I call the “goal, problem, solution” method. It is possible to summarize even the most complex topics quickly and clearly. ## Priming Your Audience > “Make sure your audience is ready to receive your message.” There are two key steps to take in the first minute to ensure you start the conversation well. - Step [#1](/blog/hashtags/1): Time check: This sets expectations for how much time you need. - Step [#2](/blog/hashtags/2): Validation checkpoint: This step clarifies if your audience can talk now. Once we have someone’s attention, we tend to launch into our topic and don’t keep track of the time we are taking. It is easy to start a conversation with the false assumption that you are speaking to the right person. When this happens, you become stuck in a conversation that isn’t valuable for you or the person asking you for help. If you are on the receiving end of this type of conversation, you have limited options for how to respond. You can interrupt and let the person know you can’t help. This is presumptuous because you may have misinterpreted their intentions, which would have been clearer had they got to the end of their long description. It may also be seen as impolite. You can wait for them to complete their description and then tell them you aren’t the right person to answer the question. This is more polite, but it costs you and your colleague time that could be better spent finding the right person to help solve their problem. Here are some examples of validation checkpoint questions you can ask after giving the structured summary: - Are you the right person to help with this? - Do you have time to talk about this now? - Do you have any questions about what I just described? > “If you send me a blank invitation, expect a blank response” --- ## Best Books for New Parents | A Visiual Guide URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-books-for-new-parents Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-books-for-new-parents.md Date: 2022-10-21 Topics: book-collections Parenting books. They have a strange reputation. I heard this from many: “Don’t read the books.” I ignored their advice. I’ve read over 30 parenting books. These are the best books for new parents. ## **Best Books for New Parents** Parenting books. They have a strange reputation. I heard this from many: “Don’t read the books.” “Ignore what the books tell you.” “Books don’t capture the reality.” I ignored their advice. I’ve read over 30 parenting books. So far I found these the best books for new parents. I want more of your recommendations in the comments. You can find a link to each of the Best Books for New Parents below. You'll also find many of these summarised in this collection of [book summaries](/book-summaries). I'd love to hear your suggestions on LinkedIn too. [**Should We Do This?**](#viewer-11kmp) - [📚 Maybe Baby: On the Mother Side](#viewer-5ded) - [📚 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)](#viewer-buei3) - [📚 The Baby Loss Guide: Practical and Compassionate Support with a Day-by-Day Resource to Navigate the Path of Grief](#viewer-35mqp) [**How do we prepare for Birth?**](#viewer-4qmt0) - [📚 Your Baby, Your Birth: Hypnobirthing Skills For Every Birth](#viewer-1ljsr) - [📚 The Positive Birth Book: The Bestselling Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Weeks](#viewer-8c0nv) - [📚 Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years](#viewer-420q3) - [📚 Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong and What You Really Need to Know](#viewer-7j7rn) [**Help! Now What?**](#viewer-4uo6h) - [📚 Your Baby Week By Week: The ultimate guide to caring for your new baby](#viewer-caomb) - [📚 The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan](#viewer-bfsom) - [📚 The Positive Breastfeeding Book](#viewer-8k7ca) - [📚 The Cure for Sleep](#viewer-eum9e) - [📚 Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting](#viewer-ekqr6) ## **Should We Do This?** ### **📚** [Maybe Baby: On the Mother Side](https://amzn.to/3Tn3cFu) by Kate Lawler [![Maybe Baby](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dda5efc087234047999ae0081a00739d~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3Tn3cFu) **Description:** This book is not a parenting manual. It won't tell you what to pack in your hospital bag, or how to get your baby to sleep. It may not help you with feeding or dealing with tantrums. But it will show you that you're not alone - and that it's perfectly possible, and maybe even normal, to love your child with all of your heart while also feeling lost, alone and resentful. ### [**📚**](https://amzn.to/3TCpK4M) [Happy Mum, Happy Baby: My adventures into motherhood](https://amzn.to/3TCpK4M) by Giovanna Fletcher [![ Happy Mum, Happy Baby: My adventures into motherhood ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f44dd25f251b4364b453f8003f8b46e6~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3VNr8mP) A positive and uplifting book about what it is to be a mother and all things mum and baby by Celebrity Mum of the Year and phenomenally popular vlogger, author, TV presenter and actress Giovanna Fletcher. Being a mum is an incredible journey, a remarkable experience that changes how we look, how we feel, who we are. As mothers we are strong, protective, proud. We feel a love like no other. ### [📚 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)](https://amzn.to/3F18pOR) by Philippa Perry [![The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8dc62581fb8346d2bbf5d251148500f2~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3F18pOR) In this Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships. This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages. Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most. ### [📚 The Baby Loss Guide: Practical and Compassionate Support with a Day-by-Day Resource to Navigate the Path of Grief](https://amzn.to/3MYnmDh) by Zoe Clark-Coates [![The Baby Loss Guide: Practical and Compassionate Support with a Day-by-Day Resource to Navigate the Path of Grief ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdab6470cff34c7983dcb25e61b4ed16~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3MYnmDh) Written by one of the world's leading baby loss support experts, *The Baby Loss Guide* is designed to help you navigate this complex issue. Whether you have personally encountered loss, or are supporting people through this harrowing time, this book provides practical and compassionate advice. ## **How do we prepare for Birth?** ### **📚** [What to Expect When You're Expecting](https://amzn.to/3CLwhTW) by Heidi Murkoff [![What to Expect When You're Expecting ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_11752657168c4bdc84d5744e7d2046c6~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3Tn3cFu) With 18.5 million copies in print, What to Expect When You’re Expecting is read by 93 per cent of women who read a pregnancy book and was named one of the ‘Most Influential Books of the Last 25 Years’ by USA Today. This cover-to-cover new edition is filled with must-have information, advice, insight, and tips for a new generation of parents. ### [📚 Your Baby, Your Birth: Hypnobirthing Skills For Every Birth](https://amzn.to/3sguS32) by Hollie De Cruz [![Your Baby, Your Birth: Hypnobirthing Skills For Every Birth ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d9557dd2d30480792a5f56b443a7cc2~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3SanRMJ) In-demand hypnobirthing coach Hollie de Cruz provides you with the skills and tools to make any birth feel safe, calm, connected and empowering. Drawing on her experience working with new mums, including Fearne Cotton and Giovanna Fletcher, Hollie de Cruz helps you prepare for a positive (not 'perfect') birth experience and approach motherhood with confidence in yourself and your instincts. ### **📚** [The Positive Birth Book: The Bestselling Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Weeks](https://amzn.to/3TELpJr) by Milli Hill [![The Positive Birth Book: The Bestselling Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Weeks ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_249ce249fca74209934134a2d0347bdb~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3TELpJr) Challenging negativity and fear of childbirth, and brimming with everything you need to know about labour, birth and the early weeks of parenting, The Positive Birth Book is the must-have guide for pregnant women. A widely acclaimed bestseller since it was first published, it has empowered hundreds of thousands of women worldwide to make informed, positive choices about their births. ### **📚** [Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years](https://amzn.to/3DgS2w9) by Neil Sinclair [![Commando Dad: Basic Training: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_37d5046447ac4b42a70f0beb71080da8~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3DgS2w9) Attention! In your hand is an indispensable training manual for new recruits to fatherhood. Written by ex-Commando and dad of three Neil Sinclair, this manual will teach you, in no-nonsense terms, all the practical skills you need to be a top-ranking parent. Packed with easy-to-follow advice and Commando Dad Top Tips, this book will teach you how to be the ultimate protector of your newest recruit. As any Commando Dad knows, with the right preparation and planning, anyone can parent with military precision. ### **📚** [Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong and What You Really Need to Know](https://amzn.to/3MORpgK) by Emily Oster [![Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong and What You Really Need to Know ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_be0ca75bf0944ef2bbeeda5d29cba38d~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3MORpgK) Pregnant women are often treated as if they were children, given long lists of items to avoid - alcohol, caffeine, sushi - without any real explanation from their doctors about why. They hear frightening and contradictory myths about everything from weight gain to sleeping on your back to bed rest from friends and pregnancy books. In EXPECTING BETTER, Oster shows that the information given to pregnant women is sometimes wrong and almost always oversimplified. ## **Help! Now What?** ### **📚** [Your Baby Week By Week: The ultimate guide to caring for your new baby](https://amzn.to/3gvpvdH) by Simone Cave, Dr Caroline Fertleman [![Your Baby Week By Week: The ultimate guide to caring for your new baby ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2ca4dfbc76b343539d5e03112e0cbd3a~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3gvpvdH) The first six months with a new baby is a special and exciting time full of milestones and new experiences. This updated edition of *Your Baby Week by Week* explains the changes that your baby will go through in their first six months. Each chapter covers a week of their development so you’ll know when your baby will start to recognize you, when they’ll smile and laugh for the first time and even when they’ll be old enough to prefer some people to others! ### **📚** [The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan](https://amzn.to/3eU7llm) by Alison Scott-Wright [![The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a434b97e55774181bbbd874840a60b34~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3eU7llm) Packed with tips, hints and reminders, case studies, at-a-glance charts and a daily journal to help you keep track of your baby's progress, The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan is a step-by-step, must-have manual to ensure sleep for you and your baby. For over twenty-five years, recognised sleep guru Alison Scott-Wright has been working 'hands-on' with families, sharing her knowledge with her clients and, most importantly, bringing sleep to thousands of homes. Now she is sharing her expertise with you... ### **📚** [The Positive Breastfeeding Book](https://amzn.to/3SfZfB6) by Amy Brown [![The Positive Breastfeeding Book ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0988a318c0c847a6abd241dd5bb06705~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3SfZfB6) When you're expecting a new baby, suddenly everyone around you becomes an expert – particularly when it comes to how to feed them. It is easy to become overwhelmed by conflicting advice, myths and exaggerated stories. The Positive Breastfeeding Book cuts through the anecdotes, giving you clear, no-judgement, non-preachy, evidence-based information to help you make the right decisions for you and your baby. ### **📚** [The Cure for Sleep](https://amzn.to/3z0sBwl) by Tanya Shadrick [![The Cure for Sleep](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dda6a4a2189c4e2f8285407331d7d113~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3z0sBwl) Just days into motherhood, a woman begins dying. Fast and without warning. On return from near-death, Tanya Shadrick vows to stop sleepwalking through life. To take more risks, like the characters in the fairy tales she loved as a small girl, before loss and fear had her retreat into routine and daydreams. Around the care of young children, she starts to play with the shape and scale of her days: to stray from the path, get lost in the woods, make bargains with strangers. As she moves beyond her respectable roles as worker, wife and mother in a small town, Tanya learns what it takes - and costs - to break the spell of longing for love, approval, safety, rescue. ### **📚** [Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting](https://amzn.to/3FiJkPN) by Dr. Laura Markham [![Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4d55af2290f24f429d95570e1c92a116~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3FiJkPN) Most parenting books focus on changing a child's behaviour, but the truth is that children only change when their relationship with their parents changes. In Calm Parents, Happy Kids, Dr Laura Markham introduces an approach to parenting that eliminates threats, power struggles and manipulation, in favour of setting limits with empathy and communication. Bringing together the latest research in brain development with a focus on emotional awareness (for both parents and children), it will appeal to all parents who don’t want to force their children into compliance and lose their temper, but want to keep calm and help their children want to behave. --- ## Best Mental Health Books URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-mental-health-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-mental-health-books.md Date: 2022-10-10 Topics: book-collections Best Books to Boost Your Mental Health. A collection of the best mental health books. I've been rescued countless times by these books. The structure is based on the incredible Lost Connections by Johann Hari. You can find a link to each of the best mental health books below. ## **Best Books to Boost Your Mental Health** A collection of the best mental health books. I've been rescued countless times by these books. The structure is based on the incredible Lost Connections by Johann Hari. You can find a link to each of the best mental health books below. You'll also find many of these summarised in this collection of [book summaries](/book-summaries). I'd love to hear your suggestions on LinkedIn too. 1. [📚 Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope](#viewer-11kmp) 2. [📚 The Magic of Thinking Big](#viewer-9m127) 3. [📚 Story Driven: You don't need to compete when you know who you are](#viewer-buei3) 4. [📚 Man's Search For Meaning](#viewer-35mqp) 5. [📚 Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us](#viewer-1ljsr) 6. [📚 The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck](#viewer-8c0nv) 7. [📚 Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?](#viewer-420q3) 8. [📚 Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent](#viewer-7j7rn) 9. [📚 Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness: Transcending the Legacy of Separation in Our Individual Lives](#viewer-caomb) 10. [📚 Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues](#viewer-bfsom) 11. [📚 How to Win Friends and Influence People](#viewer-8k7ca) 12. [📚 The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships](#viewer-eum9e) 13. [📚 Billy No-Mates: How I Realised Men Have a Friendship Problem](#viewer-ekqr6) 14. [📚 The Alchemist](#viewer-bl793) 15. [📚 Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About The World - And Why Things Are Better Than You Think](#viewer-biu01) 16. [📚 The Power of Now](#viewer-5g7gh) 17. [📚 Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy](#viewer-3kl35) ### **📚** [Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope](https://amzn.to/3T6kG8u) by Johann Hari [![Collaboration Explained: Facilitation Skills for Software Project Leaders](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_631247cc8b1c4350b17bed93adadab15~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3PYMYjW) Depression and anxiety are now at epidemic levels. Why? Across the world, scientists have uncovered evidence for nine different causes. Some are in our biology, but most are in the way we are living today. Lost Connections offers a radical new way of thinking about this crisis. It shows that once we understand the real causes, we can begin to turn to pioneering new solutions - ones that offer real hope. ### [**📚**](https://amzn.to/3EAl5vI) [The Magic of Thinking Big](https://amzn.to/3EAl5vI) by David Schwartz [![Collaboration Explained: Facilitation Skills for Software Project Leaders](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5ecd0de896eb49d7a4206f02dd0bdd7f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3PYMYjW) First published in 1959, David J Schwartz's classic teachings are as powerful today as they were then. Practical, empowering and hugely engaging, this book will not only inspire you, it will give you the tools to change your life for the better - starting from now. ### [📚 Story Driven: You don't need to compete when you know who you are](https://amzn.to/3ysDNBT) by Bernadette Jiwa [![The Secrets of Facilitation: The SMART Guide to Getting Results with Groups ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_52d882d93b654aac97b356b401dd4ec4~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3BtuunE) Every one of us—regardless of where we were born, how we were brought up, how many setbacks we’ve endured or privileges we’ve been afforded—has been conditioned to compete to win. Ironically, the people who create fulfilling lives and careers—the ones we respect, admire and try to emulate—choose an alternative path to success. They have a powerful sense of identity. They don’t worry about differentiating themselves from the competition or obsess about telling the right story. They tell the real story instead. Successful organisations and the people who create, build and lead them don’t feel the need to compete, because they know who they are and they’re not afraid to show us. ### [📚 Man's Search For Meaning](https://amzn.to/3VfeVHu) by Viktor Frankl [![The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dd00c46e4c724fc9afb859148ae3dc6f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3QaGGO9) Viktor Frankl was uniquely able to observe the way that both he and others in Auschwitz coped (or didn't) with the experience. He noticed that it was the men who comforted others and who gave away their last piece of bread who survived the longest - and who offered proof that everything can be taken away from us except the ability to choose our attitude in any given set of circumstances. ### 📚 [Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us](https://amzn.to/3CitZvn) by Daniel Pink [![Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e1b05576e6934cffa8cdcccdc26b5a77~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3SanRMJ) Forget everything you thought you knew about how to motivate people - at work, at school, at home. It is wrong. As Daniel H. Pink explains in his paradigm-shattering book Drive, the secret to high performance and satisfaction in today's world is the deeply human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things, and to do better by ourselves and the world. ### **📚** [The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck](https://amzn.to/3epVACJ) by Mark Manson [![Training from the Back of the Room!: 65 Ways to Step Aside and Let Them Learn ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_43224ad0d025471cb79385bb8206cce3~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3SdFkUn) For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F\*\*k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f\*\*ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. ### **📚** [Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?](https://amzn.to/3ysYEVJ) by Dr. Julie Smith [![Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a6e5e888d2cf45fda5e941fb314e3f28~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oE9PW6) Drawing on years of experience as a clinical psychologist, online sensation Dr Julie Smith shares all the skills you need to get through life's ups and downs. Filled with secrets from a therapist's toolkit, this is a must-have handbook for optimising your mental health. Dr Julie's simple but expert advice and powerful coping techniques will help you stay resilient no matter what life throws your way. ### **📚** [Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent](https://amzn.to/3ysJTCb) by Ryan Holiday [![The Workshop Survival Guide: How to design and teach educational workshops that work every time ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e89847039d424355bba3e84f73be931e~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OJK69u) It's wrecked the careers of promising young geniuses. It's evaporated great fortunes and run companies into the ground. It's made adversity unbearable and turned struggle into shame. Every great philosopher has warned against it, in our most lasting stories and countless works of art, in all culture and all ages. Its name? Ego, and it is the enemy - of ambition, of success and of resilience. ### **📚** [Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness: Transcending the Legacy of Separation in Our Individual Lives](https://amzn.to/3EyfBBM) by Miki Kashtan [![Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5e042f06d21c48e7ae70fc2908ebf2cf~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3zJxwTj) Here is a different story about who we are, why we got here, and what we can do to move towards our longings for a different world. In her debut publication, Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness, internationally known thinker and trainer Miki Kashtan puts forth the bold vision that we can live with integrity, even in a world that has betrayed our deepest hopes for the future. The key she offers for opening the door to deep changes at all levels is to embrace a major transformation in our relationship with our deepest needs and values. ### **📚** [Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues](https://amzn.to/3VhsN3M) by Carole Robin, David Bradford [![The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures: Simple Rules to Unleash A Culture of Innovation ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_16438c17e6ed448dafbadd37246bef59~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OHFL6x) David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates for a combined seventy-five years on their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business course, "Interpersonal Dynamics". Now, in Connect, they share their time-tested strategies for developing the interpersonal skills that have become fundamental to success at work and in our everyday lives, such as building trust, giving feedback and navigating conflict. ### **📚** [How to Win Friends and Influence People](https://amzn.to/3RPugvl) by Dale Carnegie [![High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4e7de34848a344d78bd6da02a127aa2a~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3zJxY3X) Millions of people around the world have improved their lives based on the teachings of Dale Carnegie. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, he offers practical advice and techniques, in his exuberant and conversational style, for how to get out of a mental rut and make life more rewarding. ### **📚** [The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships](https://amzn.to/3SRtr6L) by Jonathan Taylor-Cummings, Dr Andrea Taylor-Cummings [![The World Café: Shaping Our Futures Through Conversations That Matter ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_247113fb962941f6a72dab6518c6a471~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3JkYMdV) The quality of our relationships impacts just about everything that really matters most. They impact how we “show up” and what we are able to achieve – at home, at work and in life. They impact our health and wellbeing, and ultimately, they determine the quality of our very lives. But successful relationships don’t just happen automatically. They take work. The problem is, often we have no idea what to work on! ### **📚** [Billy No-Mates: How I Realised Men Have a Friendship Problem](https://amzn.to/3T5b0vz) by Max Dickins [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f5c814e37b17413c9952e03aa7c88c8a~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) When Max Dickins decided to propose to his girlfriend, he realised there was no one he could call on to be his best man. He quickly learned that he wasn't the only man struggling with friendships. For decades, countless studies from across the world have confirmed that men have fewer close friends than women - and the problem gets worse the older men get. But what goes wrong? And what can men do about it? Dickins is going to find out. ### **📚** [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3rJcoHW) by Paul Coelho [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_05f84eaca3974b03a04b9196c1d6b6c7~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) A global phenomenon, The Alchemist has been read and loved by over 62 million readers, topping bestseller lists in 74 countries worldwide. Now this magical fable is beautifully repackaged in an edition that lovers of Paulo Coelho will want to treasure forever. Every few decades a book is published that changes the lives of its readers forever. This is such a book – a beautiful parable about learning to listen to your heart, read the omens strewn along life’s path and, above all, follow your dreams. ### **📚** [Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About The World - And Why Things Are Better Than You Think](https://amzn.to/3VfQfOV) by Hans Rosling [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3e0f4aeca99c46f09d43b7b098933372~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) The international bestseller, inspiring and revelatory, filled with lively anecdotes and moving stories, Factfulness is an urgent and essential book that will change the way you see the world, and make you realise things are better than you thought. ### **📚** [The Power of Now](https://amzn.to/3CjI9fO) by Eckhart Tolle [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_debbf21b9c834d1e8f974fc34a26bf93~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) To make the journey into The Power of Now we will need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle offers simple language and a question-and-answer format to show us how to silence our thoughts and create a liberated life. Surrender to the present moment, where problems do not exist. It is here we find our joy, are able to embrace our true selves and discover that we are already complete and perfect. ### **📚** [Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy](https://amzn.to/3CLsBmr) by Mo Gawdat [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fbf7fa91a25f491796465ec9a6bdb171~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) One of Solve for Happy's key premises is that happiness is a default state. If we shape expectations to acknowledge the full range of possible events, unhappiness is on its way to being defeated. To steer clear of unhappiness traps, we must dispel the six illusions that cloud our thinking (e.g., the illusion of time, of control, and of fear); overcome the brain's seven deadly defects (e.g., the tendency to exaggerate, label, and filter), and embrace five ultimate truths (e.g., change is real, now is real, unconditional love is real). --- ## Both/and Thinking by Wendy Smith, Marianne Lewis URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/both-and-thinking-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/both-and-thinking-summary.md Date: 2022-10-02 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Both and Thinking. Messy problems are difficult because they present us with dilemmas—choices between alternatives. Learn how to navigate these messy problems successfully. **📚** [**Buy Both/and Thinking on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3LX48NL) ## 3 big ideas 1. Either/or thinking is limited at best, detrimental at worst. The danger lies in overemphasizing one side of a paradox whilst neglecting the other. 2. Navigating paradox involves shifting our assumptions, adopting mindsets and underlying beliefs that enable us to cognitively hold two opposing forces at the same time. Shifting our assumptions is not easy. Engaging with paradox often brings us to the limits of our rational thought. We can feel queasy peering over the edge toward the absurd or the illogical. 3. Many of us believe that truth is ubiquitous—that if something is true, its opposite must be false. “Yes, and” reminds us that there are multiple truths and that we, therefore, do not have to simply reject someone when they challenge our assumptions. Importantly, honouring someone else’s reality does not mean that we have to agree with it. It means that we recognize and respect their reality. We can then learn from and expand on this reality. ## Best quotes > Throughout the book, we use language that reinforces this notion of coping, rather than controlling. We don’t talk about resolving paradoxes but instead describe navigating, engaging with, or leveraging them. Rather than talk about minimizing or resisting tensions, we speak of accepting and embracing them. > Paradox is defined as.....Contradictory, yet interdependent elements that exist simultaneously and persist over time ![Both/and thinking summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d1ac2e0a4184f1282abd9b96ae9da76~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway You face leadership dilemmas every day. - Do I tell or ask? - Do I speak or listen? - Do I step in or step back? An internal tug of war. With uncertainty, you go with the safest option. Which often isn’t the path of growth. How do you resolve these tensions? You don’t. Move away from this vs that. Towards this AND that. Embrace the third space. Where opposites can exist together. > *"The CEO of Starbucks recently responded to a question about whether the company was trying to offer customers a convenient, quick cup of coffee or build a space for gathering community. He explained, “But we don’t believe there needs to be this type of a tradeoff.… [O]ur third place can and will continue to unite both experiences.”"* With this in mind, I’ve been revisiting a paradox close to my heart. Coaching vs Mentoring. Coaching 101 teaches these definitions: - Coaching = asking questions, never giving advice. - Mentoring = sharing your advice and expertise. I subscribed to this for a long time. But more recently I’m most curious about the third space. Where leaders are coaching AND mentoring in a single conversation. Telling and asking. Speaking and listening. A dynamic dance in the third space. It’s in this space where you operate. Your ability to navigate these tensions determines your success. [Here are a few more thoughts.](/post/when-to-coach-vs-mentor-for-technology-leaders) What do you think? **📚** [**Buy Both/and Thinking on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3LX48NL) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## Why Both/and Thinking? > Life is as complex as we are. Sometimes our vulnerability is our strength, our fear develops our courage, and our woundedness is the road to our integrity. It is not an either/or world. Rachel Naomi Remen Messy problems are difficult because they present us with dilemmas—choices between alternatives. - Do I stick with the comfort of my current career path or make a bold jump to a new opportunity? - Do I do what’s best for my company overall or what’s best for individual employees? - Do I spend my time focusing on my own needs or put those needs aside to be there for others? We feel tension—the experience of opposition. It feels like an inner tug-of-war, and it begs us for a response. Technical problems and adaptive challenges: > Technical problems may be very complex and critically important (like replacing a faulty heart valve during cardiac surgery), but they have known solutions that can be implemented with current knowledge. They can be resolved through the application of authoritative expertise and through the organization’s current structures, procedures and ways of doing things. In contrast, adaptive challenges have no road map. They are messy, uncertain, emergent, and filled with competing demands. Adaptive challenges are paradoxical. To navigate these kinds of challenges, leaders need to be ambidextrous. Tackling messy problems means navigating three attributes: 1. Tensions include all types of situations where alternative expectations and demands are in opposition. 2. Dilemmas present opposing alternatives, each option offering a logical solution on its own. 3. Paradoxes are interdependent, persistent contradictions that lurk within our presenting dilemmas. Challenges of leadership are mired in paradoxes. Scholars consistently point to opposing yet interwoven demands that leaders face, such as tensions between authenticity and transparency, technical skills and emotional intelligence, and learning and performing. Both/and thinking begins with assumptions, mindsets and underlying beliefs that enable us to cognitively hold two opposing forces at the same time. The first step in shifting our approach is changing how we frame the problem. Rather than asking, “Should I choose A or B?” both/and thinkers ask, “How can I accommodate A and B?” > Rather than asking if an object was in motion or at rest, Einstein wondered if an object could be both in motion and at rest at the same time. Rather than assume that the world is consistent, linear, and static, both/and thinking assumes that the world is contradictory, circular, and dynamic. Navigating paradox involves shifting our assumptions, adopting mindsets and underlying beliefs that enable us to cognitively hold two opposing forces at the same time. Shifting our assumptions is not easy. Engaging with paradox often brings us to the limits of our rational thought. We can feel queasy peering over the edge toward the absurd or the illogical. > The problem is not the problem; the problem is how we think about the problem. Paul Watzlawick ## Navigating Paradox Paradox defined: > Contradictory, yet interdependent elements that exist simultaneously and persist over time Consider the statement “I am lying.” > The statement presents the opposing nature between truth and falsehood. These contradictions exist in an absurd, interdependent loop. If I say I am lying, and I’m telling the truth, then I am lying. If I say I am lying, and I’m lying, then I’m telling the truth. Despite multiple efforts toward a logical and philosophical resolution, the statement creates a tension between truth and falsehood that never goes away—it persists over time. The paradox of teams. > High-performing teams need individuals to give their best and distinctive efforts. Doing so often fosters competition between team members, but it also requires collaboration to prioritize the collective. Moreover, paradoxes persist as groups and teams want to grow, learn, and adapt. Four types of paradoxes 1. Performing paradoxes 2. Learning paradoxes 3. Belonging paradoxes 4. Organizing paradoxes **Performing paradoxes** Performing paradoxes involve competing demands in our goals, outcomes, and expectations. **Learning paradoxes** Learning paradoxes create challenges for how we grow from the past to the future. These paradoxes involve tensions across time such as those between today and tomorrow, new and old, stability and change, tradition and modernization. When we talk with organizational leaders, they often note rising demands for agility and constant adaptation. Yet great companies grow so large and structured that they are like oil tankers in the ocean; they can’t turn easily when the winds change. Organizations need to be ambidextrous—to learn to both explore and exploit at the same time. That is, they need to embrace learning paradoxes. Rather than choose between today and tomorrow, they need to develop ways to focus on both and find the synergies. How could today’s successes support tomorrow’s growth? How could tomorrow’s innovation reenergize today’s successes? And are we able to navigate these changes while still exploiting the successes of our current world? **Belonging paradoxes** Belonging paradoxes raise questions of who we are, highlighting tensions in our roles, identities, values, and personalities. For many of us, engaging with multiple, competing identities is challenging. Work-life tensions often emerge in questions of how to allocate our time; yet at the heart of these dilemmas are identity challenges. Am I a committed organizational leader or a good parent? Am I available to others, or am I focused on my own needs? **Organizing paradoxes** Organizing paradoxes address questions of how we structure our lives and organizations. The system includes tools that shift how we think (assumptions) and how we feel (comfort) when navigating paradoxes. They further address how we approach situations by building static structures (boundaries) while enabling adaptive practices (dynamics). ## Getting Caught in Vicious Cycles > We should never allow ourselves to be bullied by an “either-or.” There is often the possibility of something better than either of two given alternatives. Mary Parker Follett In our research, we identify three patterns of vicious cycles: 1. Rabbit holes (intensification) 2. Wrecking balls (overcorrection) 3. Trench warfare (polarization). **Rabbit Holes: Intensification** Three traps fuel the vicious cycles of intensification. The ways we think (cognition), feel (emotion), and act (behavior) all advance our descent down a rabbit hole. 1. Cognitive traps - Acting as a mental lens, our existing assumptions inform how we frame both problems and responses. 2. Emotional traps - Our natural desire is to feel confident, certain, and secure; however, tensions raise uncertainty and insecurity. 3. Behavioral traps - Creatures of habit, we tend to stick with existing routines rather than try new things. Wrecking Balls: Overcorrection Seeking to break out of a deep rut of either/or thinking, we can overcorrect, reversing our either/or thinking too far in the opposite direction. **Trench Warfare: Polarization** Yet what happens when an issue arises and people fall to opposing sides, each group stuck in its own rut and then confronting one another? Trench warfare. Battles between those stuck in opposing ruts reinforce each other’s “stuckness.” In his book The Opposable Mind, he suggests that our capacity for holding opposing ideas in our mind at the same time is a human evolutionary advantage. As he argues, Human beings, it’s well known, are distinguished from nearly every other creature by a physical feature known as the opposable thumb. Thanks to the tension we can create by opposing the thumb and finger, we can do marvelous things that no other creature can do—write, thread a needle, carve a diamond, paint a picture, guide a catheter up through an artery and unblock it.… Similarly, we were born with an opposable mind we can use to hold two conflicting ideas in constructive tension. We can use that tension to think our way through to a new and superior idea. Psychologically healthy people are constantly balancing between expansion and constriction. Paradoxes trigger deep emotions. On the one hand, tensions spark anxiety and defensiveness, which can trap us in either/or thinking. On the other hand, the unleashing of new and creative options to address tough problems can be exciting and energizing. > If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution. Maya Angelou Research suggests that people experience increased tensions in settings with (1) faster change, (2) greater plurality, or (3) more scarcity. The faster the pace of change, the more we experience tensions between what is and what will be. In terms of plurality, the more voices and perspectives from different people and stakeholders, the more we experience tensions between varied goals, roles, and values. And finally, the more that people experience a scarcity of resources, the more competition there will be over how the resources should be shared. Tensions swirl all around us. Some people seek them out, purposefully surfacing tensions to enable more creativity. Others may avoid or ignore them to minimize potential conflicts. ## Navigating Conflict > There is no one truth. Many of us believe that truth is ubiquitous—that if something is true, its opposite must be false. Sometimes we need to act our way into our beliefs, literally. To change our underlying assumptions, we need to start behaving in ways that reflect what we want to believe. “Yes, and” reminds us that there are multiple truths and that we, therefore, do not have to simply reject someone when they challenge our assumptions. Importantly, honouring someone else’s reality does not mean that we have to agree with it. It means that we recognize and respect their reality. We can then learn from and expand on this reality. The next time you are in a conversation. See what happens when someone says something that might challenge your ideas. In that moment, pause and check in with what you are thinking and feeling. You might be feeling a bit threatened, even angry. You might be thinking of the defensive arguments that you would make to challenge their perspective. Instead, try responding with “Yes, and.” What if you started by truly honoring their position? Then, rather than reject it, see how you could build on it in light of your own insights. Then check back with yourself. How has this “Yes, and” informed your own mindset? Has it allowed you to see multiple perspectives? How has it changed the nature of the conversation? > Find treasure in someone else’s trash. ## Moving away from Control If we have a dichotomous mindset, we view problem solving as a search for control. Navigating paradoxes, however, requires a different approach to problem solving. Remember, paradoxes are both dynamic and persistent. They cannot be resolved, as the opposing forces remain. With a paradox mindset, we shift our approach from problem solving to coping. Coping means that we accept the uncertainty, honor the ambiguity, and find a way to move forward in the moment, knowing that we will need to revisit our decision. > Throughout the book, we use language that reinforces this notion of coping, rather than controlling. We don’t talk about resolving paradoxes but instead describe navigating, engaging with, or leveraging them. Rather than talk about minimizing or resisting tensions, we speak of accepting and embracing them. Leaders are responsible for mobilizing a group of people toward a set of outcomes. With weighty expectations on their shoulders, people often seek control, finding ways to be assertive and bend the outcomes toward their will. However, research repeatedly finds that effectively achieving desired outcomes depends on leaders’ ability to let go of control. Great leaders stay open to multiple shifting possibilities, accepting and living in chaos. Leadership means being able to move from the dance floor to the balcony, where leaders can better embrace and learn from the dynamic complexity. Addressing complex situations, therefore, requires leaders to be both on the balcony and on the dance floor. > “the challenge is to move back and forth between the dance floor and the balcony, making interventions, observing their impact, and then returning to the action. The goal is to come as close as you can to being in both places simultaneously, as if you had one eye looking from the dance floor and one eye looking down from the balcony, watching all the action, including your own.” > A visionary company doesn’t seek balance between short term and long term. A visionary company doesn’t simply balance idealism and profitability; it seeks to be highly idealistic and highly profitable. In short, a highly visionary company doesn’t want to blend yin and yang into a grey indistinguishable circle that is neither highly yin nor highly yang; it aims to be distinctly yin and yang; both at the same time, all the time. Jim Collins and Jerry Porras ## How To Embrace Paradox in your Organisation 1. Link organizational tensions to a higher purpose (boundaries) 2. Set a long-term vision that holistically and passionately links opposing poles with one another Build guardrails around paradoxical poles (boundaries) 3. Set goals and roles, and engage stakeholders who will stand up for each pole to ensure that it is represented Diversify the stakeholders (boundaries) 4. Work with potential competitors or adversaries 5. Build diversity into the leadership 6. Encourage experimentation (dynamism) 7. Set up low-cost experiments to try out new possibilities 8. Use language, culture, and rewards to spur low-cost experimentation 9. Evaluate experiments before making a broader decision 10. Be willing to shut down failures Surface the underlying paradoxes (assumptions) 11. Name the tensions 12. Use language to describe the paradoxical nature of the tensions 13. Honor the discomfort (comfort) 14. Create an environment to welcome vulnerability 15. Invite employees to identify underlying fears, anxieties, and discomfort with uncertainty and conflict Build skills for managing conflict (comfort) 16. Model conflict-building skills and a willingness to give and receive critical feedback 17. Explicitly teach leaders skills for productive conflict Personalize paradoxes for employees (assumptions) 18. Connect the competing demands with individual employees’ goals 19. Provide training and development that fosters a paradox mindset ## Prefer video? A video summary of Both/and Thinking --- ## Summary: The Visibility Factor by Susan M. Barber URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-visibility-factor Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-visibility-factor.md Date: 2022-08-22 Topics: book-summaries Visibility Factor Summary Written by Karen Retardo 3 Big Ideas from The Visibility Factor 💡1. Be visible and still be yourself. It is important to be visible. But what does being visible really mean? And how can you be visible and still be yourself? You can do a few key things to ensure you are seen. First, it is important to put yourself out there. Get involved in activities and events that interes **📚** [**Buy The Visibility Factor on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3PFUqQ8) ✏️ The Visibility Factor Summary Written by [Karen Retardo](https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-retardo/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Be visible and still be yourself.** It is important to be visible. But what does being visible really mean? And how can you be visible and still be yourself? You can do a few key things to ensure you are seen. First, it is important to put yourself out there. Get involved in activities and events that interest you and will allow you to meet new people. Second, don’t be afraid to speak up and share your ideas. Be confident in who you are and what you have to say. And finally, remember that being visible doesn’t mean being someone you’re not. Be true to yourself and stay authentic. People will respect and admire you for it. So go out there and show the world who you are! 2. **R.I.S.E Framework** 1. **Reflect.** Understand your key motivators. In the reflection stage, you ask the questions about the why, what, how, and who. What is motivating you to raise your visibility? Why do you want visibility? What outcome do you want? How will you raise your visibility? Who do you need help from? 2. **Ideate.** The best part here is that Susan gave so many ideas that I was able to apply them right away. She also made it easy by giving ideas if you're just *Getting started. Some Experience and Experienced levels.* 3. **Select.** From the list of ideas she shared. It is now time to select ideas that resonated with you. Only select ideas that are authentic for you, and will the ideas you selected help you reach your goal? 4. **Evaluate.** Feedback from others as well as a personal evaluation, Check-in on your visibility plan-is it working? Remember that feedback is just information. You get to decide what to do with it. Feedback is someone’s opinion. 5. Susan recommends Following the RISE process again whenever you move up in the organization or to a new company. Your visibility may need to shift again. 3. **Impostor syndrome.** People with impostor syndrome are overachievers who have strong values and want to master things. Impostor syndrome rises to the surface when someone wants to be good at something and avoid failure. If they can't do it well, then maybe they shouldn't even try. New experiences tend to stir excitement but also self-doubt. ## Best quotes > "You don’t always have to do big things to gain visibility – small steps and consistency can also make a big difference." > "Only select (visibility) ideas that are authentic for you." ![The Disciplined Listening Method summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e3004fa2c9dc43f9af85e4654efbcff8~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway When it comes to being visible, it is important to be true to yourself. There is no use in putting up a front or pretending to be someone you're not. Being genuine and authentic will allow you to build trust and lasting relationships with those around you. So if you're looking to increase your visibility, make sure you are doing so authentically and from a place of genuine interest. There is no magic pill when it comes to becoming visible. If you want to increase your visibility, you need to be authentic. I also liked that The Visibility Factor provided actionable tools, relatable stories, and new ideas for creating more visibility. **📚** [**Buy The Visibility Factor on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3PFUqQ8) ## Prefer video? A video summary of The Visibility Factor ## The Visibility Factor Summary Written by: [Karen Retardo](https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-retardo/) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_91f0b7cf10184f9c992a56f8ec8d33fc~mv2.png) Are you a woman in healthcare who wants to create more success, leadership, impact, passion, and purpose in the work you're already engaged in? Are you ready to create and get whatever you want in life? Would you like to be more confident, assertive, energized, joyful, and live a professionally and personally fulfilling life? If so, I can help! I help women in healthcare who want to create more success, leadership, impact, passion, and purpose in the work they're already engaged in. --- ## Summary: The Disciplined Listening Method by Michael Reddington URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-disciplined-listening-method-by-michael-reddington Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-disciplined-listening-method-by-michael-reddington.md Date: 2022-08-14 Topics: book-summaries The Disciplined Listening Method was born from two important realizations. The first realization is that the very best leaders and the very best interrogators capitalize on the same two core skills—vision and influence. The second realization is that the cognitive processes that lead employees to commit to saying, “I’ll do it,” customers to saying, “I’ll buy it,” and guilty interrogation suspects to truthfully admitting, “I did it,” are all essentially identical. [**📚 Buy**](https://amzn.to/3Pwe2GA) **The Disciplined Listening Method** [**on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Pwe2GA) ## 3 big ideas 1. The Disciplined Listening Method was born from two important realizations. The first realization is that **the very best leaders and the very best interrogators capitalize on the same two core skills—vision and influence.** The second realization is that the cognitive processes that lead employees to commit to saying, “I’ll do it,” customers to saying, “I’ll buy it,” and guilty interrogation suspects to truthfully admitting, “I did it,” are all essentially identical. 2. **Defining their reason for listening is the first and potentially most important core behavior of the Disciplined Listening Method.** Listeners perform better, stay more engaged, and increase both the thoroughness and accuracy of their evaluations when they believe they have a good reason to listen. 3. **The most common fear that holds people back from change is not failure—it’s embarrassment.** Failing isn’t the problem. The problem is what other people (including the person we see in the mirror) think and feel about us when we fail. Furthermore, the number one reason why most adults lie is to avoid a perceived consequence. Anytime we need to discuss potentially sensitive topics with someone, we want to choose an environment that is not likely to increase their feelings of embarrassment or judgment, or remind them of any potential consequences. ## Best quotes > Listeners who authentically remain engaged with their counterparts position themselves to obtain greater amounts of information and maintain stronger relationships. > I’m assuming most readers have heard the phrase, “knowledge is power.” It certainly is a catchy phrase. It is also false. Instead, knowledge is trivia. Yes, it is important to gather and retain as much relevant knowledge as we can. However, the real power lies in our ability to successfully apply our knowledge within the context of the situations we find ourselves in. ![The Disciplined Listening Method summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8c04d50f5d544086a049eaf7e24cbbe4~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Think back. What is your most embarrassing moment? Mine. Crying at school. I was 13! Not what teenage boys do 😬 At work, it’s not failure people avoid. It’s these gut-wrenching, high-emotion, embarrassing moments. Some managers however do the opposite. They use embarrassment as a tactic. Showing how clever they are and how stupid everyone else is. I’m sure you are not one of those managers. Even so, you can accidentally embarrass others without knowing it. Long-time readers will know about the power of questions. The best leaders ask great questions. The problem. Questions can lead to embarrassment. - I don’t know the answer (and I don’t want to admit it) - I don’t know what is meant by the question (and I don’t want to challenge) - I know an answer, but it’s not an answer the leader will want to hear. This reduces the quality of thinking. It stops everyone from learning. You can help reduce the embarrassment. Use phrases like this: - *"This is a hard question, if you don’t know the answer, come back to me later."* - *"If any of the questions are unclear or not useful, please do feel free to push back."* And when things get embarrassing, acknowledge the moment, don't hide it. - *“Well, this is embarrassing…I have an observation that might be hard to hear, would you like to hear it?”* There is much talk about failure and psychological safety. Yet very little about embarrassment. But the more I think about it, really that’s what all of us want to avoid. I could finish by asking for your most embarrassing moments, but I don’t want to embarrass you further. [**📚 Buy**](https://amzn.to/3Pwe2GA) **The Disciplined Listening Method** [**on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Pwe2GA) ## Big Ideas Expanded - [What do Great Listeners do?](#viewer-66ce6) - [What is “The Disciplined Listening Method”?](#viewer-8hvod) - [When Listening turns Judgemental](#viewer-6lj5l) - [Direct vs Indirect Communication Approaches](#viewer-d565i) - [Why Situational Awareness Matters](#viewer-4prup) - [How To Increase Your Influence](#viewer-err39) - [To Listen Better, Ask Questions](#viewer-5fj1j) - [How Status Influences Listening](#viewer-j40j) The Disciplined Listening Method Summary Video ## What do Great Listeners do? > "We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.” Carl Rogers Great listeners are rare. The best listeners possess: - A strong sense of curiosity - The ability to limit their internal monologue - The capacity to control their emotions - Enough discipline to limit distractions - Ample awareness to uncover hidden value - Sufficient confidence to empathize with people who harbor opposing perspectives However, you do not get to decide if you are a good listener; only your audience does. It’s easy to pretend to “actively” listen. There is a huge difference between appearing to listen and actually listening. ## What is “The Disciplined Listening Method”? > “Listening is not understanding the words of the question asked, listening is understanding why the question was asked in the first place.” Simon Sinek The Disciplined Listening Method has five core skills: - Situational awareness - Patience - Strategic observation - Emotional intelligence - The ability to influence others. Disciplined Listeners consistently exhibit seven core behaviors. 1. Listen with clear intent within the context of short-term and long-term goals. 2. Leverage their perceived weaknesses to develop their communication strategies. 3. Allow the conversation to come to them. 4. Identify strategic intelligence by evaluating the totality of their counterparts’ verbal and nonverbal communications within the context of the situation. 5. Adapt their communication strategies to immediately integrate the new intelligence they acquire. 6. Encourage their counterparts to always protect their self-images. 7. Develop trust equity through post-conversation follow-up. **Listen for Intelligence, not Information** Listeners perform better, stay more engaged, and increase both the thoroughness and accuracy of their evaluations when they believe they have a good reason to listen. Defining their reason for listening is the first and potentially most important core behavior of the Disciplined Listening Method. There is a significant difference between information and intelligence. People often fall into a check-the-box mentality when they listen for information. They’ve already decided how they want a conversation to end, so they listen for a few key pieces of information they can use to set up the conclusion they’re expecting. Listeners identify intelligence when they are guided by their long-term, strategic goals and they focus on creating opportunities to demonstrate value—not arrive at predetermined destinations. Intelligence may be hidden in someone’s tone, word choice, pace, and body language. It may also be hidden in off-the-cuff statements, sidebars, and seemingly unimportant conversations. This intelligence holds the key to creating new value. **Listening involves six distinct steps (Judi Brownell):** 1. **Hearing**: listeners must fight through internal and external distractions and focus on receiving the right information. 2. **Understanding**: involves comprehending the literal meaning of words they hear. 3. **Remembering**: a critical component of how attentive listeners are perceived to be. 4. **Interpreting**: listeners must consider all the available cues to accurately determine the speaker’s intentions and full meaning of the message. 5. **Evaluating**: when listeners judge the messages they receive and arrive at conclusions based on what they’ve observed. 6. **Responding**: when listeners create an opportunity for speakers to assess their listening efforts. **Four primary listening styles (Kittie Watson):** 1. **People-focused** listeners tend to be more successful identifying emotional cues and common areas of interest. 2. **Action-focused** listeners often pinpoint inconsistencies or mistakes in messages and prefer concise, organized, and logical explanations. 3. **Content-focused** listeners tend to be a little more patient and pay attention to the entire message and supporting evidence. 4. **Time-focused** listeners often prefer to get the information they need as quickly as possible and typically aren’t shy to remind speakers of that fact. **Six levels of listening (Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman):** - Level 1 - Listening as creating a safe environment where difficult and emotional issues can be discussed. - Level 2 - Listeners remove all distractions (yes, including and especially your cell phone) and maintain appropriate eye contact. - Level 3 - Listeners seek to understand the substance of the message they are receiving and confirm the accuracy of their understanding. - Level 4 - Listeners observe nonverbal cues. - Level 5 - Listeners empathize with their counterparts by identifying, acknowledging, and validating their emotions without conveying judgment. - Level 6 - Listeners ask questions to clarify their assumptions and help reframe the issues being discussed—without hijacking the conversation. ## When Listening turns Judgemental When you make judgements about another person, this can lead to conflict. The best listeners know how to reflect back on what they heard and how they feel about it. - “I can see that you’re angry.” vs “Being treated that way can easily make people angry.” - “You’re clearly upset.” vs “Feeling upset is a valid response.” - "I can see you are struggling." vs "Moments like are very challenging" You can follow up with any statements with: “Please correct me ***where I’m*** wrong,” This is much different than saying, “Please correct me ***if I’m*** wrong.” The if implies that we expect to be right, and can be perceived as arrogant. The where implies that we may not be correct, and reframes our audience’s listening perspective. There is also risk when you tell someone, “I understand.” If a speaker shares emotions or unique experiences and the listener responds by saying, “I understand,” it can feel assumptive, disingenuous, and breed suspicion and distrust. Alternatives include: - “I believe I’m starting to understand.” - “My current understanding is . . .” - “From my experience, I believe the piece I understand best is . . .” - “As I start to try and understand . . .” - “From the outside, I could never completely understand.” **Avoid Making People Embarassed** The most common fear that holds people back from change is not failure—it’s an embarrassment. Failing isn’t the problem. The problem is what other people (including the person we see in the mirror) think and feel about us when we fail. Furthermore, the number one reason why most adults lie is to avoid a perceived consequence. Anytime we need to discuss potentially sensitive topics with someone, we want to choose an environment that is not likely to increase their feelings of embarrassment or judgment, or remind them of any potential consequences. Disciplined Listeners know that causing their counterparts to feel judged, demeaned, or embarrassed on any level will quickly eliminate any opportunities to obtain sensitive information. ## Direct vs Indirect Communication Approaches Two of the leading interrogation techniques in the United States take diametrically opposing approaches. One approach requires interrogators to directly accuse their suspects of the crimes they’re suspected of committing at the outset of the interrogation. The other approach requires interrogators to execute a ten-to-fifteen-minute educational monologue prior to issuing their first soft accusation. When students see both techniques outlined next to each other, they typically assume the direct approach obtains admissions quicker because the interrogator cuts right to the chase. However, the direct approach puts people on the defensive, creates a competitive environment, increases their resistance, and creates more obstacles for the interrogator to navigate. The educational approach allows interrogators to reframe their suspects’ perspectives and reduce their resistance prior to posing their soft accusations. On average, interrogators who use this patient approach obtain the first admission in under twenty minutes, whereas interrogators who directly accuse their suspects right out of the gate typically need at least forty-five minutes to obtain the first admission. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. ## Why Situational Awareness Matters Situational awareness is the cornerstone of the Disciplined Listening Method. Situational awareness essentially means knowing what is going on around you, and how these events impact your ability to achieve your goals. A common example of an anti-situationally aware approach is knowing that what you want to say is inflammatory, but saying it anyway because it makes you feel better. Situational awareness is: > “the perception of the elements in the environment within a volume of time and space, the comprehension of their meaning and the projection of their status in the near future.” Mica Endsley According to Endsley, there are three levels to situational awareness: - Level one - Perception, involves recognizing all the important information around us. - Level two - Comprehension. This is the stage where observers combine, restore, and retain information. - Level three - Projection. Endsley refers to this as the highest level of situational awareness—the ability to accurately predict the future. This is the stage where observers project their current understanding and anticipate future events and their implications. Excelling at this stage allows for timely decision-making. ## How To Increase Your Influence When people consider changing someone’s mind, getting buy-in, or negotiating agreements, they often look for leverage, which is comparable to searching for the high ground. This approach often results in creating division, unnecessary competition, and reinforcing in-group out-group dynamics. The traditional negotiation concept has long been that whoever has the most power in a situation holds the most leverage. This power may be based on title, reputation, money, organizational size, threats, or other factors. William Ury and his team at Harvard University reframed this argument when they illustrated that leverage resides with the person who has the strongest BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) This concept does a much better job leading negotiators to negotiate based on interests, as opposed to staking themselves and their counterparts to positions. Essentially, Ury and his team believe that whoever has the best plan B is the one who is most willing to walk away, and therefore is in possession of the most leverage in the conversation. There is a third concept of leverage that is often overlooked: the ability to influence others. When we lack traditional power, or a strong plan B, our ability to influence becomes our last source of leverage. Developing the skills necessary to persuade people to commit to your ideas creates powerful advantages in all your conversations. **How To Prepare for a Significant Conversation** I ask myself the opposite question when I prepare for any significant conversation: “Why shouldn’t they commit to what I want them to do?” Once I’ve answered the first question, I ask myself its sister question: “Why haven’t they already committed to what I want them to do?” The next question I ask myself is “What do they need to experience before choosing to commit to what I need them to?” ## To Listen Better, Ask Questions Questions are an integral part of listening. Great questions confirm what you have heard, demonstrate that you are interested in both the conversation and your counterpart, and move the conversation forward. Great questions also generate intelligence-laden responses that move us closer to our goals and bolster our relationships. On the other hand, poor questions can expose our disinterest, our lack of attention and preparation, and destroy our credibility, thereby damaging relationships. There is a direct link between the questions we ask and the results we achieve. Asking better questions yields stronger information, leads to better decisions, and creates better results. Asking impulsive and poorly conceived questions stops us from obtaining critical information and negatively impacts our decisions and results. Seven truths about questions: 1. Know what is more important: asking the question or obtaining the answer 2. Questions create problems that need to be solved 3. Questions can be perceived as invitations or attacks 4. How questions are set up is more important than the questions themselves 5. Lead to your most important question, not with your most important question 6. The direct path is the path of most resistance 7. Great questions are concise questions **Know what is more important: asking the question or obtaining the answer** One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is asking questions based on what they want to say, as opposed to what their counterparts need to feel in order to own the decision to respond honestly. Leaders often deliver their questions based on their emotions in the moment, the information they want to obtain, and their perception of their own superiority. People typically answer questions in a manner that they believe will help them save face, avoid consequences, and satisfy their questioner. This results in a sizable gap between the information we want to obtain and the information we often receive. The next time you find yourself in an emotional conversation and a question pops into your mind, stop yourself from immediately asking it. Pause, and think through how the question may make your counterpart feel. If you believe that there is any chance it may cause your counterpart to feel defensive or embarrassed, refrain from asking it just yet. **Lead to your most important question, not with your most important question** We can expect our counterparts’ resistance to be the highest at the beginning of our conversations. This is when they are trying to determine what the conversation is about, what impact the conversation could have on them, and what they should or shouldn’t say. Unfortunately, this is also the time our stress levels may be the highest. When we are under stress, we go to what we know. The stress we feel, our focus on saving time, and our egos can all drive us to ask our most important questions right away. This forces our counterparts to receive our requests with maximum defensiveness. Leading to your best question allows you to shift your counterparts’ perceptions over time. This technique also helps you prime them to answer your question by encouraging them to share less threatening information first. Once your counterparts have been primed, and have reduced their defenses, you can ask your most important question and significantly increase the odds that you will obtain the information you’re looking for. **The direct path is the path of most resistance** For example, let’s say you have a manager who you believe is not taking the time to coach and develop his people. You could take the direct path and confront him with your thoughts by saying, “Why aren’t you developing your people?” “It doesn’t appear that you are developing your people,” or even, “Do you believe you are taking the necessary time to develop your people?” Each one of those questions will likely cause the manager to protect himself by answering defensively. A better approach is to wind down a question funnel that leads your manager to accept that he isn’t spending enough time developing his team. **Great questions are concise questions** Convoluted and confusing questions complicate our counterparts’ cognitive processes and reduce the value of the answers we receive. **Common Questioning Mistakes** The first is issuing accidental accusations. Anytime you ask someone, “Did you,” “Why didn’t you,” “Do you,” or “Why don’t you,” or any of their cousin questions, we create an accusatory environment. We may feel like we are simply checking to see if someone did what they were supposed to, while they can feel like you are accusing them of not doing it. This is a frequently unrecognized conversation killer. A related mistake is asking questions with implied expected answers. Again, we often get what we ask for. Perhaps the most common question that betrays a leader’s best intentions with an implied expected answer is, “Do you have any questions?” When a leader (read: expert) follows up their instructions by asking, “Do you have any questions?” the implied expected answer is “No,” regardless of how eager the leader is to answer any questions. Question fatigue is real. The value of the information you receive will drop as your counterparts tire of the number of questions you’re asking them. The real danger with all these mistakes is not just the unobtained information and aroused emotions. Every question we ask should serve a specific, goal-oriented purpose. If we cannot articulate how a question is going to improve our situation, we should not ask it. There are six types of questions you can use to obtain the truth: 1. Closed 2. Open 3. Expansion 4. Assumptive 5. Choice 6. Enticement ![The Disciplined Listening Method Questions 1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1cc256d810724dada2c27166b0e38190~mv2.png) ![The Disciplined Listening Method Questions 2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5bdce3bd98564b88944792c78960a1da~mv2.png) ## How Status Influences Listening If you are talking to another person who has information that you need to obtain, you are not in control of the conversation, regardless of your title or position. The more you try to demand control of the conversation, the less control you have. This next statement will almost certainly feel counterintuitive. The best way to maintain control of most conversations is to allow your counterpart to feel as if they are in control. Metaphorically speaking, if you push someone, their first reaction is to push you back—harder. Then you respond in kind, and the situation quickly escalates. Margarete Imhof’s research found that assessments of good and poor listening behavior are directly related to the perceived status of the listener. Her research found that listeners in subordinate (i.e., employee, child) positions are expected to behaviorally orient themselves toward speakers with superior status, send clear attention signals, and ask questions. This means that superiors believe their subordinates are good listeners when they remain quiet, don’t interrupt, aren’t distracted, appear focused and patient, and ask clarifying questions. Conversely, subordinates are considered to be poor listeners if they appear preoccupied, distracted, unprepared, look around, interrupt, change the subject, don’t ask any questions, or ask a superior to repeat what they’ve said. The Disciplined Listening Method Summary Podcast --- ## Summary: Influence Is Your Superpower by Zoe Chance URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/influence-is-your-superpower-zoe-chance Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/influence-is-your-superpower-zoe-chance.md Date: 2022-08-01 Topics: book-summaries One of the easiest things you can do to become more influential is just ask. Ask more often, ask more directly, and ask for more. People who ask for what they want get better grades more raises and promotions and bigger job opportunities. This might seem obvious but apparently, it isn’t. ## Should you read this? Influencers are everywhere! Some good, some bad. Being influential is something everyone wants. Yet, the skills of influence are often a mystery. What makes one person ignorable whilst the other unignorable? [Influence Is Your Superpower](https://amzn.to/3cY0PbR) provides the answer. A practical playbook to become more influential. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas 1. We assume that if you want to change behavior you’ll need to build a persuasive case. Win over the mind and the behavior will follow. In reality, much of behaviour is driven by unconscious, fast thinking. The rational brain is not even engaged. Most influence is about working with the irrational, fast-thinking parts of the brain. This part is not persuaded through logic but instead feelings. 2. The bedrock principle of influencing behaviour is this: **People tend to take the path of least resistance.** Therefore to influence, focus on ease. Make it easier for people to buy into your ideas. Lower the perceived cost of choosing your proposal. When your great idea means asking someone to take a leap of faith, lead them gently toward it, one baby step at a time. 3. One of the easiest things you can do to become more influential is just ask. Ask more often, ask more directly, and ask for more. People who ask for what they want get better grades more raises and promotions and bigger job opportunities. This might seem obvious but apparently, it isn’t. ## Best quotes > Always remember: “No” is a complete sentence. > Charisma isn’t something you are. It’s something you do. You can become more charismatic by adjusting the way you interact with people. ![The Metaverse Book summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ec2bcbe5bcde43e2a727d84d54679758~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Coach-like leaders are influential leaders. They have the ability to create change, direct attention, and move hearts and minds. When you become someone people want to say yes to, you are heavily rewarded. You become a better friend, a more trusted adviser, and a more engaged partner and parent. The problem. Many leaders approach influence like a battle to be won. They focus on pushing and directing. Rather than listening and connecting. **Here are ten influence myths:** 1. Pushy = influential. Actually, the opposite is true. 2. People are persuaded by facts. 3. People act on values. 4. Becoming influential involves persuading disbelievers and resistant people. 5. Negotiation is a battle to be won. There can only be one winner. 6. Asking for more will make people like you less. 7. Influential people can get anyone to do anything. 8. You’re a good judge of character. You can spot a con a mile away. 9. Your position dictates your influence. 10. You don’t deserve to have influence. To influence better, Zoe Chance shares several techniques in her awesome book My favourites are the power of the pause and saying No! [**📚 Buy Influence Is Your Superpower on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3cY0PbR) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## Influence Doesn’t Work the Way You Think The practice of influence is fueled by desire. So the first question is: **Do you know what you want?** When people are asked if they’d like to be more influential, they say yes—because influence is power. Being influential gives us the ability to create change, direct resources, and move hearts and minds. It acts like gravity, pulling us together into relationships. It’s a path to happiness; to prosperity, that’s meaningful, durable, and contagious. When you become someone people want to say yes to, you are heavily rewarded. You become a better friend, a more trusted adviser, and a more engaged partner and parent. Influence helps in many situations. Whether you’re negotiating better deals for yourself and others, generating unexpected favors and opportunities for everyone involved, or creating meaningful change in your family, in your community, or even across the whole world, influence is your superpower. Rather than try to teach you everything about influence this book focuses on the low-hanging fruit—surprising insights, small changes, and manageable actions that have an outsize impact. We assume that if you want to change behavior you’ll need to build a persuasive case. Win over the mind and the behavior will follow. Most of daily life is driven by automatic, nonconscious mental processes. You can’t influence your gut reactions through conscious effort. You can’t reason yourself into falling in love, despising ice cream, or enjoying parsnips (which are clearly odious). It’s possible to override gut reactions, but it’s not easy. When disgust researcher Paul Rozin asked adults to eat a piece of chocolate shaped like dog doo, 40 percent couldn’t do it. We’re making consequential decisions like whom to vote for and whether or not to sue based on little more than gut reactions, even if we’re telling ourselves a different story. So understanding, predicting, or influencing other people’s behavior should start with their unconscious snap judgements. While we tend to seek out information confirming that we’re right, we also tend to avoid information that might prove us wrong or make us unhappy. Most of us, for most of our lives, with most of the people we know, have been approaching influence backward. We’ve been imagining that influencing people’s behaviors requires changing their minds. This is only sometimes true and rarely enough. Those appeals based on logical, rational arguments are way less persuasive than we think. We’ve also been making the mistake of taking people’s conscious attention for granted when it’s in extremely short supply. After capturing someone’s attention and making it easy for them to say yes, you may still need to craft a rational argument. **10 ways to increase your influence:** 1. Make It Easy 2. Say No 3. Just Ask 4. Use The Right Language 5. Focus Your Attention On Them 6. Take a Pause 7. Find The Right Time 8. Frame Your Idea 9. Ask The Magic Question 10. Expand With Value Creation Questions ## Make It Easy The bedrock principle of influencing behavior is this: **People tend to take the path of least resistance.** Ease is the single best predictor of behavior. Better than motivation, intentions, price, quality, or satisfaction. There’s a little-known marketing metric for measuring ease called the Customer Effort Score that comes down to a simple question: How easy was it? Ease makes people happy, and effort can really piss people off. One easy place to begin influencing people to do something is to help them remember to do it. Just as ease explains a vast number of things you do, effort explains a lot of the things you don’t do. Most important is perceived effort, rather than actual effort. If you’re trying to influence someone to do something that feels really big, it can help to start small. When your great idea means asking someone to take a leap of faith, lead them gently toward it, one baby step at a time. ## Say No Most people, and especially nice people, have internalized social norms around politeness that put us in an impossible bind. We try to say yes when someone makes a request or invitation because it would be impolite not to. Yet when we ourselves are in need, it seems rude to bother other people by asking for assistance. Somehow, we have been taught to be both generous and self-sufficient without considering how much this depletes us. Always remember: > “No” is a complete sentence. And also remember: > It won’t be as bad as you think. People won’t hate you. You may find it exhilarating. And empowering. And practical. And worthy of repeating in your everyday life. **How to Say No:** - “Thanks, I wish I had time to say yes to invitations like this, but my schedule makes it impossible.” - “Thanks for asking, and I would absolutely love to do something like that with you another time.” - “Sorry, but I just don’t mix money and friendship.” (It’s easier to say and hear no when it’s part of a policy, although this requires applying it consistently.) - “The answer is no, and that’s not going to change.” (Now warmth is no obligation.) - “My intuition says no.” If they ask why, you could say, “It’s a gut feeling, and I always listen to those.” - “I don’t see that happening yet, but let’s meet to discuss what it will take to get there.” - “I’d be happy to do it, but I’m already behind on a couple of other projects. Should we reprioritize what I’ve got on my plate?” Finally, remember: > You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Example: Dear Mr. Adams, Thanks for your letter inviting me to join the committee of the Arts and Sciences for Eisenhower. I must decline, for secret reasons. Sincerely, E. B. White ## Just Ask Along with saying no, the easiest thing you can do to become more influential is just ask. Ask more often, ask more directly, and ask for more. People who ask for what they want get better grades, more raises and promotions, bigger job opportunities, and even more orgasms. This might seem obvious but apparently, it isn’t. Most of us are reluctant to ask because we fundamentally misunderstand the psychology of asking and we underestimate our likelihood of success. In one series of experiments, employees were more likely to turn in mediocre work than to ask for deadline extensions, fearing their supervisor would think them incompetent if they asked for extra time. But they had it backwards: Managers saw extension requests as a good sign of capability and motivation. You may also need to ask more directly. Because sometimes what you think is asking seems more like hinting.If you jump in and ask too directly, you might be considered rude. But if you’re too indirect, your hopes and dreams will go unnoticed. In addition to not asking often enough and not asking directly enough, you’re probably not asking for enough. People are more likely to say yes to a smaller request after having said no to a larger one. When you step down from an outrageous ask to something smaller, the other person sees this move as a concession on your part and feels inclined to reciprocate. The best reason of all for asking (and for making your ask big or outrageous) is that you’ll never know what people will agree to if you don’t ask. You could go for a huge ask in order to create room for a future concession only to find that the other person says yes right away. Shaquille O’Neal is famous for his generosity. “When I’m at restaurants, I am a big tipper,” he told Jimmy Kimmel. “I like to show people my appreciation. So when they come up to the table, I say, ‘The quicker I get my order, the bigger your tip will be.’ Then, when we’re getting ready to leave, I’ll ask them: ‘How much do you want?’” What was the most anyone had asked for? Four thousand dollars. And what did he say to that? “Okay, no problem.” ## Use The Right Language When someone lacks power, status, or agency, they tend to focus on their own experience: “I,” “me,” “my,” “mine.” Higher-status people don’t need to care what others think of them, although some who do care diminish themselves in order to avoid coming across as arrogant or controlling. What does diminishing language sound like in conversation? - “I was just wondering,” - “I thought maybe,” - “Can I ask a stupid question?” - “I’m sorry, but …” (lots of “I”s here, too). Diminishers express caution and vagueness, as in - “kind of,” - “sort of,” - “it seems,” - “Generally,” - “more or less,” - “it’s possible that.” It is difficult to listen to people who write and talk this way. Their communications require additional decoding. ## Focus Your Attention On Them “Know It Alls” win trivia contests. Coach-like leaders win influence. They listen with open minds and healthy scepticism, asking, “How can I improve on that idea?” and “Who else needs to know this?” When you focus your attention on someone else, they feel seen or understood. It has been said of many highly charismatic individuals that they can make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world at that moment. Questions are an easy way to transfer your focus from yourself to the other person. You can replace diminishers with questions, or you can ask the other person about themselves. Talking about ourselves activates the same areas of the brain as money, sex, and chocolate, which explains why we like people who ask us questions. Since we enjoy talking about ourselves, we appreciate people who invite us to do so. Charisma isn’t something you are. It’s something you do. You can become more charismatic by adjusting the way you interact with people. ## Take a Pause Pauses are moments to connect with the audience, to focus attention on listeners while their thoughts are catching up to the present moment. Pausing not only conveys confidence, but it also requires it. This key to charisma is so simple that almost no one teaches or practices it, yet it works for speakers and performers of all kinds. ## Find The Right Time When you ask can sometimes matter more than how you ask or even what you’re asking for. Moments of truth are situations in which someone is particularly likely to be open to your influence. Moments of truth are relevant in any kind of communication. When might your boss be more open to discussing a raise? When might your partner be more open to discussing a move? If you have a message to share with the world, how can you connect it to current news or current events, issues people are already paying attention to? ## Frame Your Idea **Monumental Frame** A monumental frame tells the unconscious mind - pay attention, this is a big freaking deal! It motivates people through importance, size, scope, the fear of missing out, or all of the above. Monumental frames inspire enthusiasm and commitment. **Manageable Frame** A monumental frame can motivate people and inspire them to action, but some problems already feel too big, too daunting. In these cases, you might frame them as manageable instead. A monumental frame emphasizes why (It’s important!), and a manageable frame emphasizes how (It’s not that hard). You’ve already learned that ease is the best predictor of behavior; that’s why a manageable frame is so powerful. Achieving small, immediate goals creates a sense of momentum and persistence in the pursuit of larger ones. A manageable frame can be particularly effective when you want to help people who are facing fears, grief, or doubts. **Mysterious Frame** This is effective because it disrupts this guessing process and the expectations that go with it. Words and phrases like “new,” “suddenly,” or “breaking news” are mysterious frames that spark curiosity about what has changed. Words like “mystery,” “secret,” or “reveal,” or topics framed as questions spark that same underlying uncertainty that piques our curiosity. Example: What frame is "Climate Change"? Research shows that it is neither monumental or manageable. Instead, what frame does Climate Crisis or Climate Emergency offer? Research has shown this yields a more influential response. **Putting it all together** The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - Life-Changing = Monumental! - Magic = Mysterious! - Tidying Up = Manageable! All three frames in just six words. Could the book have done as well if it had been published under its subtitle, “The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”? You decide. ## Ask The Magic Question > What would it take? The Magic Influence Question What if you just asked: - “What would it take for me to get to the next step in my career?” - “What would it take for me to be at the top of the salary band for this role?” As a manager, how would you feel if an employee asked you these questions? You’d probably be glad to explain, “Here’s what needs to happen.” Why does this question work? 1. It’s a catalyst for creativity. “What would it take?” is an invitation to ditch conventional ideas and consider a new approach. 2. It conveys respect. By posing it, you’re acknowledging that you’re not the expert on the other person’s situation, or their needs, or their obstacles to striking a deal. They are. 3. It can unearth important information. Novel ideas you may never have considered. 4. It moves the conversation away from confrontation, toward collaboration. That’s what creativity, respect, and information can do for you. ## Expand With Value Creation Questions You can look for opportunities to create value by coming up with even better ideas before, during, or after a negotiation. - How could this be even better for me? - How could it be even better for them? - Who else could benefit? ## Influencing Difficult People - Use Leverage Most people are open to collaboration and prefer it to competition, so when you start a negotiation by conveying friendliness and flexibility, your behavior usually elicits similar warmth and open-mindedness in your counterpart. When you find yourself negotiating with a difficult person, or preparing to, focus on leverage. - What do they have that you want? - What do you have that they want? - What does each side stand to lose (including pride)? - Can you improve your alternatives? If you feel like you don’t have much leverage, consider the possibility that you might be wrong. “I’m somebody who posts a lot of reviews online and I enjoy posting positive ones. I rarely post a negative one, but I’m so frustrated right now that I’m tempted to. Can’t we please find some fair resolution?” ## Beware: The Red Flags of Manipulation **Red flag [#1](/blog/hashtags/1): “The Ether”** Ether is that fuzzy state when your emotions are stirred up and you’re so agitated that you won’t know which way is up and which is down. Once I have gotten you into this condition, it doesn’t matter how smart or dumb you are. Ether trumps intelligence every time. **Red flag [#2](/blog/hashtags/2): Urgency** Urgency comes from the fear of not having enough, whether it’s time, supply, or opportunity. Fear of missing out (FOMO) can lead us to do things we’d never dream of under ordinary circumstances. **Red flag [#3](/blog/hashtags/3): Exclusivity** Whereas urgency is an appeal to your inner two-year-old (You can’t have this), exclusivity plays to your inner teenager (Do you want to be one of the cool kids?). **Red flag [#4](/blog/hashtags/4): Too Good to Be True** Everyone has heard the saying ‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.’ But when it comes to our own selves, we tend to latch on to that ‘probably. Maria Konnikova - The Confidence Game **Red flag [#5](/blog/hashtags/5): Half-Truths** In the movie Elf, Will Ferrell plays a man raised by elves in the North Pole. Shortly after his arrival in New York City, he notices a sign outside a diner and runs inside, joyfully exclaiming, “You did it! Congratulations! ‘World’s Best Cup of Coffee.’ Great job, everybody, great to meet you!” His naïveté is funny because we’re so used to ignoring claims like this. Everyone knows that a sign touting the world’s best cup of coffee doesn’t mean anything. But when you think about it, it really does. It means that whoever says this stuff really doesn’t care if it’s true or not. ## Prefer video? Influence Is Your Superpower Summary Video ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Influence Is Your Superpower Summary Podcast --- ## Best Facilitation Books For Leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-facilitation-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-facilitation-books.md Date: 2022-07-30 Topics: book-collections A collection of the best facilitation books. Conversations in the workplace can be messy and chaotic. Learning a few facilitation techniques can help you and the team navigate this uncertainty more effectively. ## **Facilitate, Don't Force** A collection of the best facilitation books. Conversations in the workplace can be messy and chaotic. Learning a few facilitation techniques can help you and the team navigate this uncertainty more effectively. You can find a link to each of the best facilitation books below. You'll also find many of these summarised in this collection of [book summaries](/book-summaries). I'd love to hear your suggestions on LinkedIn too. 1. [Collaboration Explained: Facilitation Skills for Software Project Leaders](#viewer-9m127) 2. [The Secrets of Facilitation: The SMART Guide to Getting Results with Groups](#viewer-buei3) 3. [The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters](#viewer-35mqp) 4. [Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making](#viewer-1ljsr) 5. [Training from the Back of the Room!: 65 Ways to Step Aside and Let Them Learn](#viewer-8c0nv) 6. [Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great](#viewer-420q3) 7. [The Workshop Survival Guide: How to design and teach educational workshops that work every time](#viewer-7j7rn) 8. [Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers](#viewer-caomb) 9. [The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures: Simple Rules to Unleash A Culture of Innovation](#viewer-bfsom) 10. [High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out](#viewer-8k7ca) 11. [The World Café: Shaping Our Futures Through Conversations That Matter](#viewer-eum9e) 12. [Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity](#viewer-ekqr6) ### [**📚 Collaboration Explained: Facilitation Skills for Software Project Leaders**](https://amzn.to/3PYMYjW) by Jean Tabaka [![Collaboration Explained: Facilitation Skills for Software Project Leaders](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e373e23ae235450498046d40dd1e1a18~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3PYMYjW) To succeed, an agile project demands outstanding collaboration among all its stakeholders. But great collaboration doesn’t happen by itself; it must be carefully planned and facilitated throughout the entire project lifecycle. Collaboration Explained is the first book to bring together proven, start-to-finish techniques for ensuring effective collaboration in any agile software project. ### 📚 [**The Secrets of Facilitation: The SMART Guide to Getting Results with Groups**](https://amzn.to/3JfUwwe) by Michael Wilkinson [![The Secrets of Facilitation: The SMART Guide to Getting Results with Groups ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_601e8b79865d43d0bc0c3fe9537130cd~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3BtuunE) This expanded edition includes new chapters on facilitating virtual meetings, cross-cultural teams, and large groups and conferences. It also provides a series of strategies for engaging teams, additional information about making meetings more productive, and further guidance on preventing dysfunctional behavior. In addition, the book contains a wealth of fresh case studies and an ancillary website with must-have tools and techniques for both the beginner and the seasoned facilitator. ### 📚 [**The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters**](https://amzn.to/3QaGGO9) by Priya Parker [![The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6c8466ebc70349dcb51a0fe5baee9e3b~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3QaGGO9) In *The Art of Gathering*, Priya Parker shows us how to ensure that however, we meet, it's a truly transformative experience. An expert on organizing successful gatherings whether in conference centres, crisis zones or her living room, Parker sets forth a human-centred approach to gathering that can help us create meaningful, memorable moments - large and small, for work and play. ### 📚 [**Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making**](https://amzn.to/3SanRMJ) by Sam Kaner [![Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d4e830f7d9d485b8d088b38c6c0c837~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3SanRMJ) This fully updated edition of The Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making guides readers through the struggle and the satisfaction of putting participatory values into practice, helping them to fulfill the promise of effective group decision-making. With previous editions already embraced by business and community leaders and consulting professionals around the world, this new book is even more insightful and easy to use. ### [**📚 Training from the Back of the Room!: 65 Ways to Step Aside and Let Them Learn**](https://amzn.to/3SdFkUn) by Sharon L. Bowman [![Training from the Back of the Room!: 65 Ways to Step Aside and Let Them Learn ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_86a9429c541041d79855fb182e7f19ce~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3SdFkUn) This innovative resource introduces 65 training strategies that are guaranteed to deliver outstanding training results no matter what the topic, group, or learning environment. Now, trainers can replace the traditional "Trainers talk; learners listen" paradigm with a radical new model for designing and delivering instruction: "When learners talk and teach, they learn." ### [**📚 Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great**](https://amzn.to/3oE9PW6) by Esther Derby, Diana Larsen [![Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3862735957a24438a68bbe847161fb6d~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oE9PW6) Derby and Larsen show you the tools, tricks, and tips you need to fix the problems you face on a software development project on an on-going basis. You'll see how to architect retrospectives in general, how to design them specifically for your team and organization, how to run them effectively, how to make the needed changes, and how to scale these techniques up. You'll learn how to deal with problems, and implement solutions effectively throughout the project--not just at the end. ### [**📚 The Workshop Survival Guide: How to design and teach educational workshops that work every time**](https://amzn.to/3OJK69u) by Rob Fitzpatrick, Devin Hunt [![The Workshop Survival Guide: How to design and teach educational workshops that work every time ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_79ddbc25269542dc8195fef89dd3692c~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OJK69u) Most workshops don't work. They fail to deliver real results and they fail to keep the audience energetic and engaged. They're stressful to run and painful to attend. Designing and running a brilliant workshop is easier than you think. It's not about flashy showmanship or natural charisma. Instead, it's about following a set of clear, simple rules for structuring and arranging the day. ### [**📚 Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers**](https://amzn.to/3zJxwTj) by Dave Gray, Sunni Brown, James Macanufo [![Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b20ae50a73d44db196982579116376fa~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3zJxwTj) This book includes more than 80 games to help you break down barriers, communicate better, and generate new ideas, insights, and strategies. The authors have identified tools and techniques from some of the world's most innovative professionals, whose teams collaborate and make great thingshappen. This book is the result: a unique collection of games that encourage engagement and creativity while bringing more structure and clarity to the workplace. Find out why -- and how -- with *Gamestorming*. ### [**📚 The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures: Simple Rules to Unleash A Culture of Innovation**](https://amzn.to/3OHFL6x) by Henri Lipmanowicz, Keith McCandless [![The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures: Simple Rules to Unleash A Culture of Innovation ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d260e58b9ceb47c08852962f8d790601~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OHFL6x) Smart leaders know that they would greatly increase productivity and innovation if only they could get everyone fully engaged. So do professors, facilitators and all changemakers. The challenge is how. Liberating Structures are novel, practical and no-nonsense methods to help you accomplish this goal with groups of any size. ### [**📚 High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out**](https://amzn.to/3zJxY3X) by Amanda Ripley [![High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dd02af83e0434d528a79fa52768d77de~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3zJxY3X) High conflict is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an *us* and a *them*. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority, and everything we do to try to end the conflict, usually makes it worse. Eventually, we can start to mimic the behavior of our adversaries, harming what we hold most dear. ### [**📚 The World Café: Shaping Our Futures Through Conversations That Matter**](https://amzn.to/3JkYMdV) by Juanita Brown [![The World Café: Shaping Our Futures Through Conversations That Matter ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2fc392b54903485dbc47139b37e89a02~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3JkYMdV) The World Cafe is a flexible, easy-to-use process for fostering collaborative dialogue, sharing mutual knowledge, and discovering new opportunities for action. Based on living systems thinking, this innovative approach creates dynamic networks of conversation that can catalyze an organization or community's own collective intelligence around its most important questions. ### [**📚 Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity**](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) by David Sibbet [![Visual Meetings: How Graphics, Sticky Notes and Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_088539ab31ea491f838b975b5773e432~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3oIEEc8) *Visual Meetings* explains how anyone can implement powerful visual tools, and how these tools are being used in Silicon Valley and elsewhere to facilitate both face-to-face and virtual group work. This dynamic and richly illustrated resource gives meeting leaders, presenters, and consultants a slew of exciting tricks and tools, including --- ## The Metaverse Book Summary by Matthew Ball URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-metaverse-book-summary-by-matthew-ball Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-metaverse-book-summary-by-matthew-ball.md Date: 2022-07-28 Topics: book-summaries Whether you’re a Metaverse believer, sceptic, or somewhere in between, you should become comfortable with the fact that it is too early to know exactly what a “day in the life” might look and feel like when the Metaverse arrives. Any speculations are likely wrong. Built upon mental models of a world that exists today. Rather than the world of the future. [**📚 Buy The Metaverse Book on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3zgubtk) ## 3 big ideas 1. **It's too early.** Whether you’re a Metaverse believer, sceptic, or somewhere in between, you should become comfortable with the fact that it is too early to know exactly what a “day in the life” might look and feel like when the Metaverse arrives. Any speculations are likely wrong. Built upon mental models of a world that exists today. Rather than the world of the future. 2. **The Metaverse will not suddenly arrive.** There will be no clear “before Metaverse” and “after Metaverse”. There is clear momentum towards the metaverse which will only accelerate as more technological breakthroughs happen. 3. **The Metaverse will disrupt many industries.** One likely example is teaching. A teacher in 2022 cannot, by most measures, teach more students than they could decades ago without adversely affecting the quality of their education. In addition, we have not found ways to teach for less time, either (that is, to teach faster). The metaverse could be the technology to break these constraints and open up whole new ways of learning. **🚀** [**Learn How To Coach In The Metaverse**](https://metacoach.space/join) ## Best quotes What is the metaverse: > “A massively scaled and interoperable network of real-time rendered 3D virtual worlds that can be experienced synchronously and persistently by an effectively unlimited number of users with an individual sense of presence, and with continuity of data, such as identity, history, entitlements, objects, communications, and payments.” > According to a report published by Goldman Sachs, 14% of those who’ve tried an immersive VR headset say they “frequently” experience motion sickness while using the device, 19% respond “sometimes,” and another 25% encounter it rarely, but not never. ![The Metaverse Book summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_47d07ad9df1346acaff6f75061ba8ee9~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway WTF is "The Metaverse". Everyone is talking about it. Yet there is little consensus about what it is. Some people are scared. Some are excited. The Metaverse by Matthew Ball will appeal to both. After reading the book I felt excited, scared and dejected. Excited about the possibilities for teaching. I've already been helping coaches and facilitators learn how to coach in the metaverse. The results are already promising. As adoption grows and technology advances the opportunities become even more exciting. Scared about how this technology might exacerbate the mental health and privacy challenges the internet revolution has already brought. The Metaverse does not bring forward obvious solutions to these problems. Dejected because although some argue the Metaverse is already here. There are still many technology evolutions needed for mainstream adoption. The Metaverse will teach you the why, what and how of the Metaverse. The most robust exploration of the topic I've read to date. [**📚 Buy The Metaverse Book on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3zgubtk) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## What is the Metaverse? The term Metaverse was first described by Neal Stephenson in his 1992 novel Snow Crash. It was with the launch of Second Life in 2003 that many, especially those in Silicon Valley, began to contemplate the prospect of a parallel existence that would take place in virtual space. In its first year, Second Life attracted over one million regular users, and shortly thereafter, numerous real-world organizations established their own businesses and presences inside the platform. It was also the rise of virtual world platforms Minecraft and Roblox that brought its ideas to a mainstream audience in the 2010s. Throughout the 2010s, bands of users collaborated in Minecraft to build cities as large as Los Angeles—roughly 500 square miles. One video game streamer, Aztter, constructed a stunning cyberpunk city out of an estimated 370 million Minecraft blocks, having worked an average of 16 hours per day for a year. Much of the tech community continues to dispute key elements of the Metaverse. Some observers debate whether augmented reality is part of the Metaverse, or separate from it and whether the Metaverse can only be experienced through immersive VR headsets or is just best experienced using such devices. Facebook has said that there can be only one Metaverse—just as there is “the internet,” not “an internet” or “the internets.” Microsoft and Roblox, conversely, talk about “Metaverses.” Whether you’re a Metaverse believer, skeptic, or somewhere in between, you should become comfortable with the fact that it is too early to know exactly what a “day in the life” might look and feel like when the Metaverse arrives. Matthew Ball shares a definition: > “A massively scaled and interoperable network of real-time rendered 3D virtual worlds that can be experienced synchronously and persistently by an effectively unlimited number of users with an individual sense of presence, and with continuity of data, such as identity, history, entitlements, objects, communications, and payments.” Central to most visions of the Metaverse is the user’s ability to take her virtual “content,” such as an avatar or a backpack, from one virtual world to another, where it might also be changed, sold, or remixed with other goods. For example, if I buy an outfit in Minecraft I might then wear it in Roblox, or perhaps a hat I purchased in Minecraft would be paired with a sweater I won in Roblox while attending a virtual sporting match developed and operated by FIFA. And if attendees of the match received an exclusive item at this event, they could take it with them from that environment into others, and even sell it on third party platforms as though it were an original 1969 Woodstock T-shirt. When a player sees their friend in Fortnite today, they can interact using only a limited set of pre-loaded animations (or “emotes”), such as a wave or a moonwalk. Many users, however, imagine a future where their live facial and body movements are re-created in a virtual world. To greet a friend, they won’t pick Wave 17 of the 20 waves pre-loaded onto their device, but will wave uniquely articulated fingers in a unique way. ## When will the Metaverse arrive? > The Metaverse is “already here” Satya Nadella, Microsoft’s CEO > “The next two or three years, I predict most virtual meetings will move from 2D camera image grids to the metaverse.” Bill Gates > “lot of [it] will become mainstream in the next five to 10 years” Mark Zuckerberg > “the metaverse’s day will come[,] that day is just not today. . . . What we see today is indeed a leap from what we had just a few years ago. But it’s also still primitive [and] experimental.” Steven Ma The Metaverse will not suddenly arrive. There will be no clear “before Metaverse” and “after Metaverse”. This is the arc of all technological transformations. The mobile internet has existed since 1991, and was predicted long before. But it was only in the late 2000s that the requisite mix of wireless speeds, wireless devices, and wireless applications had advanced to the point where every adult in the developed world. What makes technological transformation difficult to predict is the reality that it is caused not by any one invention, innovation, or individual, but instead requires many changes to come together. ## How will the metaverse impact business? **Teaching** A teacher in 2022 cannot, by most measures, teach more students than they could decades ago without adversely affecting the quality of their education. In addition, we have not found ways to teach for less time, either (that is, to teach faster). The metaverse may be the technology to break these constraints. 3D virtual worlds and simulations, as well as VR and AR headsets, will fundamentally reshape our pedagogical practices. Students from around the world will be able to strap into a virtual classroom, sit alongside their peers while making eye contact with their teacher, then shrink down to blood cells which travel through a human circulatory system, after which these previously 15-micrometer-tall students re-enlarge and dissect a virtual cat. **Fitness** Today, millions of people exercise each day using digital services such as Peloton, which offers live and on demand video-based cycling classes with gamified leaderboards and high-score tracking, and Mirror, a Lululemon subsidiary that boasts a wider range of fitness routines delivered by a partly transparent instructor projected through a reflective mirror. The metaverse will continue this trend. **Wellbeing** Mindfulness, meditation, physiotherapy, and psychotherapy are likely to be similarly altered, by a mix of electromyographic sensors, volumetric holographic displays, immersive headsets, and projection and tracking cameras that collectively provide support, stimulation, and simulation never before possible. **Dating** Dating is another fascinating category when considering the impact of the Metaverse. When will the first metaverse native relationships emerge? What is sex experienced through an ultrasonic force field? Or when five, 100, or 10,000 “concurrent users” combine to construct some form of real-time rendered, mixed reality orgy, rather than a concert or battle royale? However we think the metaverse will change business, we will likely be wrong. Here is a great example: > These predictions remind me of how many once envisioned newspapers like the New York Times would be altered by the internet. In the 1990s, some believed that “in the future” the Times would send a PDF of each day’s edition to every subscriber’s printer, which would then dutifully print it before its owner woke up—thereby obviating the need for costly printing presses and elaborate home delivery systems. The more daring theorists imagined this PDF might even exclude sections the individual reader did not want, thereby saving both paper and ink. Decades later, the Times does offer this option, but almost no one uses it. Instead, subscribers access a constantly changing and never-printed online copy of the paper that has no clear divisions between sections and essentially cannot be read “front to back.” Most news readers don’t even start with a newspaper at all. Instead, they consume their news via aggregator solutions such as Apple News, and social media newsfeeds which intermingle countless stories from disparate publishers, alongside photos of your friends and family. The future of entertainment will probably involve similar remixing. “Film” and “TV” will not go away—just as oral storytelling, serials, novels, and radio shows still exist centuries after they were first created—but we can expect rich interconnection between film and interactive experiences (broadly considered “games”). Facilitating this transformation is the increasing use of real-time rendering engines, such as Unreal and Unity, in filmmaking. ## What is the role of blockchain? Put simply, blockchains are databases managed by a decentralized network of “validators.” Most databases today are centralized. A single record is kept in a digital warehouse, managed by a single company that tracks information. The first mainstream blockchain, Bitcoin, was released in 2009. The sole focus of the Bitcoin blockchain is to operate its own cryptocurrency, bitcoin (the former is usually capitalized while the latter is not, in order to distinguish between the two). To this end, the Bitcoin blockchain is programmed to compensate processors handling bitcoin transactions by issuing them bitcoin Not long after Bitcoin emerged (its creator remains anonymous), two early users, Vitalik Buterin and Gavin Wood, began developing a new blockchain, Ethereum, which they described as a “decentralised mining network and software development platform rolled into one.” There are still numerous obstacles facing a potential blockchain revolution. Most notably, blockchain remains too expensive and slow. For this reason the majority of “blockchain games” and “blockchain experiences” are still running mostly on non-blockchain databases. As a result, they are not truly decentralized. Five perspectives on blockchains role in the Metaverse: 1. It’s a wasteful technology propped up by scams and fads, and it receives attention not because of its merits, but due to short-term speculation. 2. Blockchains are indeed inferior to most, if not all, alternative databases, contracts, and computing structures, but may nevertheless lead to cultural change around user and developer rights, interoperability in virtual worlds, and compensation for those who support open-source software. 3. Blockchains will not become the dominant means for storing data, computing, payments, LLCs and 501(c)(3)s, and so on, but they will become key to many experiences, applications, and business models. 4. Blockchains are not just critical technologies for the future but also the key to disrupting today’s platform paradigms. 5. Blockchains are essentially a requirement for the Metaverse—at least one which meets our lofty imaginations and we would actually want to live in. How much of the blockchain remains hype versus how much is (potential) reality remains uncertain—not unlike the current state of the Metaverse. However, one of the central lessons of the computing era is that the platforms that best serve developers and users will win. Blockchains have a long way to go, but many see their immutability and transparency as the best way to ensure the interests of these two constituencies remain prioritized as the Metaverse economy grows. Given the computational requirements of large-scale real-time rendered 3D virtual worlds, as well as their need for ultra-low latency, some experts debate whether we can ever fully decentralize such an experience—let alone “the Metaverse.” Many people believe the key technical problems will be resolved in time. ## Prefer video? The Metaverse Book Summary Video ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? The Metaverse Book Summary Sketchnote ![The Metaverse Enablers](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a8191653c3bd4a7faca3c0f966da35cc~mv2.png) **Source**: https://www.matthewball.vc/all/forwardtothemetaverseprimer ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? The Metaverse Book Summary Podcast --- ## How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary by Dale Carnegie URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary.md Date: 2022-07-21 Topics: book-summaries Become genuinely interested in other people. One of the big ideas from How to Win Friends and Influence People. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Do this by listening intently and asking questions. ## Should you read this? Yes! This is one of the books I've recommended most. Why? Because it explores a timeless challenge. It is building important relationships with people that matter. Since finishing the book I have implemented many of the ideas. [How to Win Friends and Influence People](https://amzn.to/3aRJKzy) gives you the playbook and techniques to build extraordinary relationships. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people.** You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get others interested in you. Do this by listening intently and asking questions. **Big Idea 2 - Don't criticise the person.** Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. [Challenge the task, not the person.](/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders) **Big Idea 3 - Give suggestions, not orders.** People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. Do this by asking questions and welcoming input on ideas. Help people feel like they are in control. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e46badeb18ee45e19dba4f154d276df0~mv2.png)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ## Best quotes > You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. > If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. ## Toby's takeaway I teach coaching skills to managers and leaders. I help them develop skills such as how to ask great questions, listen well and be fully aware. What surprises many, is how far-reaching these simple, hard-to-master skills can have. Here is what one student recalled: > "I feel more engaged in conversations. Listening to what the other person is saying. I feel curious and open. When I speak, I feel listened to. Multiple people have remarked on how they enjoy talking with me." How to Win Friends and Influence People is about becoming a master conversationalist. Dale Carnegie's tips include: 1. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 2. Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely. 3. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. 4. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. 5. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Look familiar? By becoming better at asking questions, listening and building awareness, you'll have better conversations. As a result, you will win friends and influence people. ## Big Ideas Expanded ![How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary Image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_30a8032b21f341ec88669188424e73bc~mv2.png) ## Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book 1. Read with intent. A driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people. 2. Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a bird’s-eye view of it. 3. Stop frequently in your reading to think over what you are reading. 4. Read with a crayon, pencil, pen, magic marker or highlighter in your hand. 5. The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing. After reading it thoroughly, you ought to spend a few hours reviewing it every month. 6. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them. Apply these rules at every opportunity. 7. Remember that you are not merely trying to acquire information. You are attempting to form new habits. Ah yes, you are attempting a new way of life. That will require time persistence and daily application. Regard this as a working handbook on human relations. 8. Offer your spouse, your child or some business associate a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating a certain principle. Make a lively game out of mastering these rules. 9. Keep a journal of how you apply the ideas. ## In a Nutshell: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People 1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. ## In a Nutshell: Six Ways to Make People Like You 1. Become genuinely interested in other people. 2. Smile. 3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. 6. Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely. ## In a Nutshell: Win People to Your Way of Thinking 1. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. 2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” 3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. 4. Begin in a friendly way. 5. Get the other person to say “yes, yes” immediately. 6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. 7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. 8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. 9. Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires. 10. Appeal to the nobler motives. 11. Dramatize your ideas. 12. Throw down a challenge. ## In a Nutshell: Be a Leader A leader’s job often includes changing people’s attitudes and behaviour. Some suggestions to accomplish this: 1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. 2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. 3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. 4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. 5. Let the other person save face. 6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”. 7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. 8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. 9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. > “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” ## Criticism Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. ## Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you but helps your business too. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that. An example of how all a thinking partner needs to do is listen: > During the darkest hours of the Civil War, Lincoln wrote to an old friend in Springfield, Illinois, asking him to come to Washington. Lincoln said he had some problems he wanted to discuss with him. The old neighbor called at the White House, and Lincoln talked to him for hours about the advisability of issuing a proclamation freeing the slaves. Lincoln went over all the arguments for and against such a move, and then read letters and newspaper articles, some denouncing him for not freeing the slaves and others denouncing him for fear he was going to free them. After talking for hours, Lincoln shook hands with his old neighbor, said good night, and sent him back to Illinois without even asking for his opinion. Lincoln had done all the talking himself. That seemed to clarify his mind. “He seemed to feel easier after that talk,” the old friend said. Lincoln hadn’t wanted advice, He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself. That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. One of the great listeners of modern times was Sigmund Freud. A man who met Freud described his manner of listening: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention.” If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. ## Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. ## Don't Prove Wrong Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s bad. That’s tantamount to saying: “I’m smarter than you are, I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.” Over three hundred years ago Galileo said > You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself. There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” > I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person. The way in which I have worded this statement may seem strange to you, Is it necessary to permit oneself to understand another? I think it is. Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgment, rather than an understanding of it. When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right,” or “that’s stupid,” “that’s abnormal,” “that’s unreasonable,” “that’s incorrect,” “that’s not nice.” Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person. Carl Rogers I had become so busy defending my position on the new system that I had left them no opening to graciously admit their problems on the old one. The issue was dead. ## No One Likes to Take Orders Give suggestions, not orders. Instead of: “Do this or do that,” or “Don’t do this or don’t do that.” Consider: “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?” After a suggestion you could say: “What do you think of this?” Always give people the opportunity to do things themselves; let people do things and learn from their mistakes Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. ## Prefer video? How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary Video ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary Sketchnote ![how to win friends and influence people sketchnote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4d445582706642cea66002a7317befe4~mv2.jpeg) **Source**: https://twitter.com/curtiswords/status/1068334411949604865?lang=zh-Hant ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary Podcast --- ## A More Beautiful Question Summary by Warren Berger URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/a-more-beautiful-question-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/a-more-beautiful-question-summary.md Date: 2022-07-12 Topics: book-summaries A beautiful question is an ambitious yet actionable question that can begin to shift the way we perceive or think about something—and that might serve as a catalyst to bring about change. Google cannot easily anticipate or properly answer these questions for you. [**📚 Buy A More Beautiful Question on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3nUwIUS) ## 3 big ideas 1. **The best businesses “run on questions”.** Studies have shown that the most creative, successful business leaders have tended to be expert questioners. Questions are spades that help to unearth buried truths. One good question can give rise to several layers of answers, can inspire decades-long searches for solutions, can generate whole new fields of inquiry, and can prompt changes in entrenched thinking. Answers, on the other hand, often end the process. 2. **Despite their power, many businesses do not encourage questions.** In fact, they actively discourage it. Asking questions can be perceived as a sign of weakness. Of not being informed. Leaders face a challenge in shifting from a commanding, know-it-all culture to one of curiosity. 3. **People think of questioning as simple, but it’s a very sophisticated, high-level form of thinking.** Leaders must learn not only to ask more questions but also to ask the right kind. The most common type of question in business are closed questions (How many? How much? How fast?). Leaders must learn to ask the more sophisticated open questions (Why? What if? How?) to thrive in an environment that demands a clearer sense of purpose, a vision for the future, and an appetite for change. ## Best quotes > A beautiful question is an ambitious yet actionable question that can begin to shift the way we perceive or think about something—and that might serve as a catalyst to bring about change. Google cannot easily anticipate or properly answer these questions for you. > We face a “certainty epidemic”—wherein many people overestimate their knowledge, put too much faith in their “gut instinct,” and walk around convinced they have more answers than they actually do. If you feel this way, you’re less likely to ask questions. ![A More Beautiful Question Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ed13b682173640f6afe3797d0225f3fc~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway The best businesses run on questions. Despite their power, in many workplaces questions are not encouraged. Five reasons why people don’t ask questions. 1. Questions can be seen as “inefficient” by many business leaders, who are so anxious to act, to do, that they often feel they don’t have time to question just what it is they’re doing. 2. Questions can be hazardous to one’s career: to raise a hand in the conference room and ask “Why?” is to risk being seen as uninformed. 3. Questions challenge authority and disrupt established structures, processes, and systems, forcing people to have to at least think about doing something differently. 4. Questions require leaders to give up control. That they might not have all the answers. Or that others might come to an answer that they fear. 5. Questions can make people impatient and even uncomfortable. The answers might lead to places they don’t want to go. To overcome these barriers requires skill and bravery. You can lead the way. By becoming a master questioner. In fact, I’d argue you cannot lead well unless your master the ability to ask great questions. [**📚 Buy A More Beautiful Question on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3nUwIUS) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## What If You Asked More Questions? The best businesses “run on questions”. Studies have shown that the most creative, successful business leaders have tended to be expert questioners. There are many examples of leaders who asked questions that led to breakthroughs. Questions are spades that help to unearth buried truths. One good question can give rise to several layers of answers, can inspire decades-long searches for solutions, can generate whole new fields of inquiry, and can prompt changes in entrenched thinking. Answers, on the other hand, often end the process. The industrial economy was all about knowing the answer and expressing confidence. If you did your homework, you were supposed to know. If you had unanswered questions, that meant you did a bad job and wouldn’t get rewarded. The problems faced by leaders today are very different. There is rarely “one right answer”. This is where questions help. They act like a flashlight illuminating possible options and guiding the way. Better questions lead to better results. If we think of “questions” and “answers” as stocks on the market, then we could say that, in this current environment, questions are rising in value while answers are declining. ## Why Don’t Leaders Ask More Questions? A recent study found the average four-year-old British girl asks 390 questions a day; the boys that age aren’t far behind. As you grow older, the number of questions drops dramatically. Most business leaders aren’t asking enough questions, especially the right kinds of questions. Few companies encourage questioning in any substantive way. There are typically no departments or training programs focused on questioning; no policies, guidelines, best practices. On the contrary, many companies—whether consciously or not—have established cultures that tend to discourage inquiry in the form of someone’s asking, for example, Why are we doing this particular thing in this particular way? Five reasons why questions aren’t so common: 1. Questions can be seen as “inefficient” by many business leaders, who are so anxious to act, to do, that they often feel they don’t have time to question just what it is they’re doing. 2. Questions can be hazardous to one’s career: to raise a hand in the conference room and ask “Why?” is to risk being seen as uninformed. 3. Questions challenge authority and disrupt established structures, processes, and systems, forcing people to have to at least think about doing something differently. 4. Questions require leaders to give up control. That they might not have all the answers. Or that others might come to an answer that they fear. 5. Questions can make people impatient and even uncomfortable. If you don’t have that disposition to question you’re going to fear change. But if you’re comfortable questioning, experimenting, and connecting things—then change is something that becomes an adventure. ## How Can You Ask Better Questions? I’m always searching for a question that is hard (and interesting) enough that it is worth answering and easy enough that one can actually answer it. Edward Witten People think of questioning as simple, but it’s a very sophisticated, high-level form of thinking. We face a “certainty epidemic”—wherein many people overestimate their knowledge, put too much faith in their “gut instinct,” and walk around convinced they have more answers than they actually do. If you feel this way, you’re less likely to ask questions. One of the many interesting and appealing things about questioning is that it often has an inverse relationship to expertise—such that, within their own subject areas, experts are apt to be poor questioners. The comfortable expert must go back to being a restless learner. In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert there are few. You don’t have to hold a position of authority to ask a powerful question. In some ways, it can be more difficult or risky for those in authority to question. Business leaders who question have a blend of humility and confidence. They are humble enough to acknowledge a lack of knowledge, and confident enough to admit this in front of others. Often the worst thing you can do with a difficult question is to try to answer it too quickly. When the mind is coming up with What If possibilities, these fresh, new ideas can take time to percolate and form. To ask powerful questions you must: - Step back - Notice what others miss - Challenge assumptions (including our own) - Gain a deeper understanding of the situation or problem at hand, through contextual inquiry. - Question the questions we’re asking. - Take ownership of a particular question. > It’s becoming increasingly difficult for people to find time “to step back and ask a large question like, ‘What do I want from life, anyway?’” Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project Questions need space. A pause or an interruption in the meeting, a halt of “progress,” a quiet moment looking out the window on the bus. Often, these are the only times when there is time to question. Asking Why requires stepping back from “doing,” it also demands a step back from “knowing.” When people fail to see what’s right in front of them, it’s often because “they stopped looking too soon. Every time you come up with a question, you should be wondering, What are the underlying assumptions of that question? Is there a different question I should be asking? The most common type of question in business are closed questions (How many? How much? How fast?). Leaders must learn to ask the more sophisticated open questions (Why? What if? How?) to thrive in an environment that demands a clearer sense of purpose, a vision for the future, and an appetite for change. ## Prefer video? A More Beautiful Question Summary Video ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? A More Beautiful Question Summary Sketchnote ![A More Beautiful Question Sketchnote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7f0ffc90cd6746dcba2fbddf4c34fb90~mv2.png) **Source**: https://amorebeautifulquestion.com/things-learned-book-amazon/alyssa\_gallaghersketchnotes/ ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? A More Beautiful Question Summary Podcast --- ## Never Split the Difference Summary By Chris Voss URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/never-split-the-difference-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/never-split-the-difference-summary.md Date: 2022-07-10 Topics: book-summaries Never Split the Difference summary: Chris Voss's negotiation techniques — mirrors, labels, calibrated questions — plus a free cheat sheet PDF. Don't compromise. Aim for a win-win. Toby's rating: 10/10. ## Should you read this? Hell yeah! I've read thousands of books and this is definitely in the top ten. I implement ideas from the book almost every day. I help leaders navigate high-stakes conversations and I reference Never Split the Difference heavily. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas > If this book accomplishes only one thing, I hope it gets you over that fear of conflict and encourages you to navigate it with empathy. - Chris Voss **Big Idea 1 - Don't compromise. It is a bad outcome of a negotiation.** Compromise generally leads to a win-lose. You should aim for a win-win. You do this by listening and understanding the needs of everyone involved in the negotiation. **Big Idea 2 - Active Listening is the foundation of all successful negotiations.** One way to do this is by mirroring another person. Summarising back what you have heard. **Big Idea 3 - Embrace conflict.** This does not mean attacking, belittling or undermining someone. The best negotiation is an information-obsessed, empathic search for the best possible deal—you are trying to uncover value, period. Not to strong-arm or to humiliate. **Practice Never Split the Difference** ## Best quotes > Listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do. > Embrace regular, thoughtful conflict as the basis of effective negotiation—and of life. ## Toby's takeaway How to change minds when your life depends on it. Thankfully, most workplace leaders are not in life-or-death situations. Even though sometimes it can feel that way. [Never Split The Difference](https://amzn.to/3asXK2A) teaches you how to navigate crucial conversations with impact. I'm a self-confessed people-pleaser. This means I seek compromise. The problem. You win, I lose. I learned from Never Split The Difference: **don't compromise.** > To make my point on compromise, let me paint you an example: A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes—black or brown—would be better than the compromise. With the right techniques, you can find win-win situations in the workplace. What I found very surprising. Many of these techniques are similar to coaching. Active Listening, Asking Open Questions, Showing Empathy, Summarising. The good news is that implementing the ideas from Never Split The Difference got a little easier. I wrote a [Never Split the Difference cheat sheet PDF](/never-split-the-difference-cheat-sheet) with the techniques I actually use: labels, mirrors, calibrated questions, and the accusation audit. It will help you stop compromising and start influencing today. [**📚 Buy Never Split the Difference on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3asXK2A) ## Big Ideas Expanded ![Never Split the Difference Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_51ca2bb7cb91456c85ec6dd42876a895~mv2.png) ## Listening Listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do. Start with the universally applicable premise. People want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing. It begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin. Good negotiators are ready for surprises; great negotiators aim to use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain exist. The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former. Behavioural Change Stairway Model (BCSM). The model proposes five stages—active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioural change—that take any negotiator from listening to influencing behaviour. ![behavioral change stairway model (bcsm)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdf11b2ab72347c3a5c622061b116a9d~mv2.png) Creating unconditional positive regard opens the door to changing thoughts and behaviors. Humans have an innate urge toward socially constructive behavior. The more a person feels understood, and positively affirmed in that understanding, the more likely that urge for constructive behavior will take hold. ## Create a Subtle Epiphany The sweetest two words in any negotiation are actually “That’s right.” You don’t want to hear “You’re right.” This indicates they see the solution as yours, not theirs. Negotiation is about finding irrational blind spots, hidden needs, and undeveloped notions. ## Don’t Compromise To make my point on compromise, let me paint you an example: A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes—black or brown—would be better than the compromise. Deadlines are often arbitrary, almost always flexible, and hardly ever trigger the consequences we think—or are told—they will. As a negotiator, you should always be aware of which side, at any given moment, feels they have the most to lose if negotiations collapse. People trust those who are in their in-group. Belonging is a primal instinct. And if you can trigger that instinct, that sense that, “Oh, we see the world the same way,” then you immediately gain influence. Bottom line: People who expect more (and articulate it) get more. ## Embrace Conflict People generally fear conflict, so they avoid useful arguments out of fear that the tone will escalate into personal attacks they cannot handle. Embrace regular, thoughtful conflict as the basis of effective negotiation—and of life. More than a little research has shown that genuine, honest conflict between people over their goals actually helps energize the problem-solving process in a collaborative way. With the style of negotiation taught in the book—an information-obsessed, empathic search for the best possible deal—you are trying to uncover value, period. Not to strong-arm or to humiliate. Decades of goal-setting research is clear that people who set specific, challenging, but realistic goals end up getting better deals than those who don’t set goals or simply strive to do their best. There are fill-in-the-blank labels that can be used in nearly every situation to extract information from your counterpart, or defuse an accusation: It seems like \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is valuable to you. It seems like you don’t like \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. It seems like you value \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. It seems like \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ makes it easier. It seems like you’re reluctant to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. Effective negotiators look past their counterparts’ stated positions (what the party demands) and delve into their underlying motivations (what is making them want what they want). Never forget that a loss stings at least twice as much as an equivalent gain. The techniques work when you've said them out loud, against someone who doesn't want to give you the deal. I wrote [sales role play scenarios that actually prepare reps](/post/sales-role-play-scenarios). ## Prefer video? Never Split the Difference Summary Video ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? Never Split the Difference Summary Visual ![Never Split The Difference Tips](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_08c8cddb900b4064929967006d9e33e6~mv2.png) ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Never Split the Difference Summary Podcast --- ## Building a Second Brain Summary by Tiago Forte URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/building-a-second-brain-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/building-a-second-brain-summary.md Date: 2022-07-03 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Building a Second Brain. Your Second Brain is always on, has perfect memory, and can scale to any size. The more you outsource and delegate the jobs of capturing, organizing, and distilling to technology, the more time and energy you’ll have available for the self-expression that only you can do. [**📚 Buy Building a Second Brain on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3OzLsUV) ✏️ Building a Second Brain Summary Written by [Steven Menczel](https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevenmenczel/) ## 3 big ideas 1. **Personal Knowledge Management is essential and is about taking and managing notes**. Today, we deal with five times more information on a daily basis than 30 years ago. More than ever, we need a simple system to take notes, organise them, and use them to create. 2. **Use Tiago's CODE System**. The system is about Capturing important information in a note-taking app, Organising it using his PARA System (Projects, Areas, Resources, Archive), Distilling each note to its essence, and using this knowledge to Express our work. 3. **Focus on information that resonates and is actionable.** One of the key elements of the system is to learn how to discern information that resonates (inspiring, useful, personal, surprising), and to organise it not by what kind of information it is, but by how actionable it is, so it contributes more to our creative expression. ## Best quotes > Your Second Brain is always on, has perfect memory, and can scale to any size. The more you outsource and delegate the jobs of capturing, organizing, and distilling to technology, the more time and energy you’ll have available for the self-expression that only you can do. > The best way to organize your notes is to organize for action, according to the active projects you are working on right now. Consider new information in terms of its utility, asking, ‘How is this going to help me move forward with one of my current projects?' ![Building a Second Brain Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8ce866755e854e77aef0efbf74f6d92d~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Here are Steven's Building a Second Brain summary takeaways There is so much information in Building a Second Brain. It is challenging to highlight only the 'essence' (as Tiago would say) The overarching theme here is to look at our information-saturated world in a different way. To use curiosity and hone our ability to identify information that resonates with us. Then capture it effectively, and organise it so it is easily retrievable by our future self. Then most importantly, use it to express ourselves. In this way, the Building a Second Brain book is not so much a treatise on productivity, but rather a call to store and organise information outside our 'first brain' so we can free ourselves up to be more creative. That said, Tiago does have a detailed 'system' here, that revolves around his CODE and PARA acronyms. **Code** = Capturing, Organising, Distilling and Expressing **PARA** = Projects, Areas of Responsibility (for example, health), Resources (topics that may be useful in the future) and Archives (inactive items from the other categories). **Things I liked:** 1. Managing information is an enormous challenge today, and it's refreshing to see a system that looks at it from a creativity, rather than a productivity perspective. 2. Note-taking is a skill that isn't often taught. Tiago does a good job of breaking it down and demonstrating how to distil the information down into smaller, more powerful chunks. 3. The organising system is common sense and designed for action so the 'Second Brain' serves our needs, rather than be a storage space for unnecessary knowledge. **Things that might be problematic for some:** 1. The system relies on us adapting the way we look at information and developing a heightened awareness of what resonates and what doesn't, in the moment. This may be difficult for some people. 2. As with all systems, it does rely on regular maintenance habits. As a habit enthusiast, I know well how difficult it is to build new habits to set up and continue weekly and monthly reviews of stored information. Again, this is a price to pay to develop a Second Brain, and it will be too high for some. 3. Some of the apps he recommends (Notion, Obsidian) are daunting and can make the system seem like more work than it is worth. Overall, an important book that tackles head-on the current challenge of managing information. [**📚 Buy Building a Second Brain on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3OzLsUV) ## Prefer video? Building a Second Brain Summary Video ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Building a Second Brain Summary Podcast ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? Building a Second Brain Summary Sketchnote ![Building a Second Brain Sketchnote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6602ec56f18f45bd96be48cf9a289aa4~mv2.png) **Source:** https://maggieappleton.com/basb **How To Begin Book Summary Written by:** [**Steven Menczel**](https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevenmenczel/) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d347df879e1b4f3a97bf5cfa1aac7272~mv2.png) I’m a behaviour designer and my mission is to shorten the process of moving from theory to results by creating powerful and positive habits and routines - on the way I make people happier, healthier and more successful. 📚 I love to read because it nourishes and provokes me, and I view my reading as an ongoing dialogue that adds to the conversation of who we are, and why we do what we do. 📗 I also summarised [How To Begin by Michael Bungay Stanier](/post/book-summary-how-to-begin-by-michael-bungay-stanier) --- ## 12 Unconventional Leadership Books URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-unconventional-leadership-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-unconventional-leadership-books.md Date: 2022-07-02 Topics: organisational-design, leadership, book-collections Stand Out, Break From The Crowd. A collection of the best unconventional leadership books. Conventional books lead to conventional solutions. Most organisations face highly complex, difficult challenges. You've tried the conventional solutions. They probably didn't help. ## **Stand Out, Break From The Crowd** A collection of the best unconventional leadership books. Ask leaders to think of a leadership book. Their likely answer? "Start with Why" It's a leadership book bestseller for many years. The problem. Conventional books lead to conventional solutions. Most organisations face highly complex, difficult challenges. You've tried the conventional solutions. They probably didn't help. This is a collection of 12 unconventional leadership books. They do not directly relate to leadership. However, their lessons can help you solve complex problems. You can find a link to each of the best unconventional leadership books below. You'll also find many of these summarised in this collection of [book summaries](/book-summaries). I'd love to hear your suggestions too on LinkedIn. 1. [The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate – Discoveries from a Secret World](#viewer-9m127) 2. [Milk and Honey](#viewer-20bu1) 3. [Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre](#viewer-35mqp) 4. [The Prophet](#viewer-1ljsr) 5. [The Art of Coaching: A Handbook of Tips and Tools](#viewer-7j7rn) 6. [Rewilding: The Radical New Science of Ecological Recovery](#viewer-cb0ni) 7. [The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober](#viewer-420q3) 8. [How We Learn to Move: A Revolution in the Way We Coach & Practice Sports Skills](#viewer-bfsom) 9. [How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk](#viewer-8k7ca) 10. [The Black Book of Colours](#viewer-cmtoo) 11. [The Bushman Winter has Come: The true story of the last band of /Gwikwe Bushmen on the Great Sand Face](#viewer-caomb) 12. [Be Bold with Bananas](#viewer-fjpov) ### 📚 [**The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate – Discoveries from a Secret World**](https://amzn.to/3bA9aBQ) by Peter Wohlleben [![The Hidden Life of Trees Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a6ca04bbcae6420e965a4613b7eaa551~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3bA9aBQ) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Community Peter Wohleben draws on groundbreaking scientific discoveries to describe how trees are like human families: tree parents live together with their children, communicate with them, support them as they grow, share nutrients with those who are sick or struggling, and even warn each other of impending dangers. There are several lessons about complex, adaptive eco-systems. Who knew trees could inspire organisation change? ### 📚 [**Milk and Honey**](https://amzn.to/3OSJejc) by Rupi Kaur [![Milk and Honey Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dff2e333517c40ca8a99d31ae5b63de1~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OSJejc) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Empathy [Research](https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/27417399/Using_poetry_to_teach_empathy-with-cover-page-v2.pdf?Expires=1656583716&Signature=QZnTxAmdelEVCP781RamwzK-XzDdY9~1-tTTcOPjCZ-wKPhIBkwZJ1SIyCXrhoKupYqt~o63pVRK8G3-R-hmRwvjLU5tvPCZ-I7KUTMaj~Vsd2JVRmpCNc3yVUVEwmPBGhQToQB1NXfPDh2go~xjx-0H-Izu~RlwEnbxjsitC7LUOgkm5-lNxhQmuRqL-jlCZhNsvBUWdG8XSSP5g47HFTKhb~K15X-Lc2sD0XPw6ArJrkNuG2yzvWD~L9ro-kwYyvGjhO9pv-7pjiBZN1qp6LRAbECzSuUruwFfn0vjGC2jMTl-Z1UXn~7KiwuzlXA9cEkAWx7J7F25zfF6JnuhNw__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA) has shown that reading poetry can build empathy. *"Poetry fosters curiosity about the strange/stranger. Poems are curiosities, usually written by strangers. Poetry by its nature is Strange Terrain. To enter a poem is to bring your curiosity to an encounter with strangeness."* [Source](https://lyricality.org/2021/08/20/why-poetry-fosters-the-art-of-empathy/) ### 📚 [**Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre**](https://amzn.to/3OKByQc) by Keith Johnstone [![Improv Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a3133b17d3c94e1a841423e92c2fc528~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OKByQc) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Psychological Safety *“Sanity is actually a pretence, a way we learn to behave. We keep this pretence up because we don't want to be rejected by other people - and being classified insane is to be shut out of the group in a very complete way. Most people I meet are secretly convinced that they're a little crazier than the average person. People understand the energy necessary to maintain their own shields, but not the energy expended by other people. They understand that their own sanity is a performance, but when confronted by other people they confuse the person with the role. Sanity has nothing directly to do with the way you think. Its a matter of presenting yourself as safe.”* ### 📚 [**The Prophet**](https://amzn.to/3OS0MMf) by Kahlil Gibran [![The Prophet Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3ee3f0467b93411385a0ad7863f1ff01~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3OS0MMf) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Love Your Work *“Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine. And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man’s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.”* ### 📚 [**Rewilding: The Radical New Science of Ecological Recovery**](https://amzn.to/3Rb9VBM) by Cain Blythe, Phil Jepson [![Rewilding Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b9be095606ea407699ac7a5b41130f56~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3Rb9VBM) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Changing Culture *"Rewilding is a progressive approach to conservation. It's about letting nature take care of itself, enabling natural processes to shape land and sea, repair damaged ecosystems and restore degraded landscapes. Through rewilding, wildlife's natural rhythms create wilder, more biodiverse habitats."* [Rewilding Europe](https://rewildingeurope.com/what-is-rewilding/) [Learn how to rewild your organisation](/post/rewilding-organisations) ### 📚[**The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober**](https://amzn.to/3yerXds) by Catherine Gray [![Design Unbound Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b06ef5e0930f4d2ea9ee0597caaa845f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3bCgXz2) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Organisation Design Catherine Gray shines a light on society's drink-pushing and talks to top neuroscientists and psychologists about why we drink, delving into the science behind what it does to our brains and bodies. ### 📚 [**The Art of Coaching: A Handbook of Tips and Tools**](https://amzn.to/3nuxYOa) by Jenny Bird, Sarah Gornall [![Art of Coaching Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_29aec162f9a5459cb24202b097887b6f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3nuxYOa) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Coaching Combining brand-new, original diagrams with classic models from the learning development and management fields, Jenny Bird and Sarah Gornall have created a valuable resource for quick reference, instant accessibility and fast learning, built on a strong theoretical base. Each model in the book is explained with a clear, accessible diagram and a simple guide to what it is, how it works and how to put it into action. ### 📚 [**The Bushman Winter has Come: The true story of the last band of /Gwikwe Bushmen on the Great Sand Face**](https://amzn.to/3a7MloA) by Paul John Myburgh [![The Bushman Winter has Come Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5d6092f74085432dbd1a51dc4e6667da~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3a7MloA) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Listening This documentary features Paul Myburgh, author of The Bushmen Winter Has Come, who spent seven years living with the !Gwi Kalahari Bushmen, exploring ancient conversation and being. ### 📚 [**How We Learn to Move: A Revolution in the Way We Coach & Practice Sports Skills**](https://amzn.to/3R26D3u) by Rob Gray [![How We Learn To Move Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a5d4264e113b43e184cb8e555ec6c7a8~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3R26D3u) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Skill Development Being an expert is not defined by what you have in your head but rather how effectively you relate to the world around you. As performers, we want to be adaptive problem solvers and creative decision-makers, not robots just executing stored programs drilled into us in practice. [Learn more about skill acquisition vs skill adaptation.](/post/constraints-led-leadership-development) ### 📚 [**How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk**](https://amzn.to/3yvnODh) by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish [![How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_11b9af2261584851a4dbda4acf4cfd8f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3yvnODh) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Coaching Parenting experts Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish provide effective step-by-step techniques to help you improve and enrich your relationships with your children. Surprisingly effective with adults too. ### 📚 [**Steal Like An Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative**](https://amzn.to/3I6yYSc) by Austin Kleon [![Steal Like an Artist](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e109b3201c3a465983855d914609ea95~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3I6yYSc) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Creativity *"Stop worrying about becoming an expert before you start.* *Teaching that comes from a fellow student is often more impactful than teaching from an expert. C.S.Lewis once said “fellow schoolboys can teach fellow students just as effectively as the teacher”. It's the difference between saying 'I'm an expert and I'm going to teach you something', and saying 'I'm a fellow student and I'm going to share what I've learnt and maybe you can take something from this’."* [Ali Abdaal](https://aliabdaal.com/deep-dive-23-austin-kleon/#:~:text=Steal%20Like%20An%20Artist%20is,T.S.) ### 📚 [**The Black Book of Colours**](https://amzn.to/3ywZj90) by Menena Cottin, Rosana Faría [![The Black Book of Colours Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_20541f3b9bab4063aef3598c9872898b~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3ywZj90) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Diversity An award-winning, unforgettable black book about colour, which shows you how to "see" without your eyes. It can be hard for a sighted person to imagine what it is like to be blind. But in this breathtaking, ground-breaking and award-winning colour book, Menena Cottin and Rosana Faria try to convey the experience of a person who can see only through their sense of touch, taste, smell or hearing. ### 📚 [**Be Bold with Bananas**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14058700-be-bold-with-bananas) by Unknown [![Be Bold with Bananas Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1b97980b58a040ad8ed0813c36ab197c~mv2.jpg)](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14058700-be-bold-with-bananas) 💡 Leadership Lesson: Strengths This artist's book is a reprint of the 1970 edition, published for the Banana Control Board in South Africa. It contains many banana recipes and accompanying pictures. Your strengths can add value in surprising places. If you have bananas, don't be afraid to use them. --- ## Humanocracy Summary by Michele Zanini, Gary Hamel URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/humanocracy-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/humanocracy-summary.md Date: 2022-06-22 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Humanocracy by Michele Zanini, Gary Hamel. Learn when “ordinary” employees are given the chance to learn, grow, and contribute, they’ll achieve extraordinary results. [**📚 Buy Humanocracy on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3zVjePZ) ## 3 big ideas Humanocracy by Michele Zanini, Gary Hamel will help transform your organisation: 1. Dismantling bureaucracy means dismantling traditional power structures. 2. The genius in organisations does not reside in management. It comes from the teams doing the work. Many traditional organisations fail to tap into the potential of their teams. 3. The distance between the employee and customer determines its success. The best organisations close the gap. Bringing employees into direct contact with real customers. Directly feeling the market forces at play. ## Best quotes > When “ordinary” employees are given the chance to learn, grow, and contribute, they’ll achieve extraordinary results. > A leader's job is to facilitate, not force. ![Humanocracy Summary Big Ideas and Best Quotes](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_43200033a2894617b1b0da07065b9040~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Humanocracy will hit you hard. I believe in many of the ideals. Yet it still makes you stop and think. "Traditional" Organisations hoping to transform have a serious challenge ahead. As you will learn from this Humanocracy summary, there are big obstacles to overcome. Three examples: 1. Shifting from a culture where managers are the experts, workers the executors. To a culture where everyone, regardless of rank can contribute fully to the business outcomes. 2. Moving employees to have closer proximity to real customers. To feel the market dynamics directly. 3. Recognising competence not confidence as the primary driver for success. Essential reading for any leaders driving workplace change. I hope this book reaches the leaders that need it most. [**Buy Humanocracy on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3zVjePZ) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## Humanocracy Principles ![Humanocracy Principles Table](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e70f990b39544a6bb04ae0988dff40b6~mv2.png) ## Empower Ordinary People To Create Extraordinary Results When “ordinary” employees are given the chance to learn, grow, and contribute, they’ll achieve extraordinary results. Gallup’s 2019 Great Jobs Demonstration survey, barely a third of US employees strongly agreed with the statement: “I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.” Less than a quarter said they were expected to be innovative in their job and only one in five felt their opinions mattered at work. What percentage of your organization would agree with these statements? - My work is my passion - I get to make meaningful business decisions - I feel directly accountable to customers - I intuitively think lean - My team is small and super-flexible - The success of this business depends critically on me - I measure progress in days and weeks, not months and quarters - Every day I have the chance to solve new, interesting problems - I have a significant financial stake in the success of this business Most of today’s corporations were conceived as command-and-control organizations. The founders of integrated steel mills, for example, clearly assumed that the “genius” of the organization resided almost completely in management. Few established companies offer recruits what they crave most: autonomy and financial upside. In contrast, the best businesses operate under the assumption that most of the “genius” is found among the people doing the work. The best businesses focus on: - Turning every employee into an entrepreneur - Creating “zero distance” between employees and users - Making the company a power node in an ever-expanding, web-centric ecosystem ## Don't Copy Paste Change Drawing lessons from these and other vanguard companies is a bit like trying to learn from Tiger Woods. The challenge is less to mimic the mechanics of his golf swing, which are uniquely suited to his physique and are constantly evolving than to learn something about the reserves of stamina and determination that helped him win fifteen major golf tournaments. Being a pioneer isn’t easy. There’s no trail map. The only thing that can guide you is your worldview about people, organizations, and success. What works in one organization may not work in another. Additionally, each process is part of a larger whole. Bolting a single, vanguard process onto a conventional management model is usually a fruitless exercise—like donning Cristiano Ronaldo’s number 7 jersey in hopes of becoming a soccer legend. ## Stop Managing Start Leading A leader's job is to facilitate, not force. The goal is to maximize contribution, not compliance. High impact behaviours include: - EMPOWERMENT: Increasing the decision-making autonomy of one’s subordinates - ACCOUNTABILITY: Holding individuals accountable for the consequences of their decisions - SELFLESSNESS: Giving priority to the needs of others - HUMILITY: Openly acknowledging one’s limitations and mistakes - AUTHENTICITY: Relating honestly and openly with others - COURAGE: Challenging institutional norms in the interest of supporting others - FORGIVENESS: Demonstrating empathy and a willingness to forgive - STEWARDSHIP: Taking responsibility for the success and integrity of the institution as a whole Empowerment is the most highly correlated with employee engagement, job satisfaction, and organizational commitment, while accountability was the strongest factor impacting job performance. Behaviours that degrade performance: - DEFEND WHAT’S YOURS. Leaders tend to be territorial about the resources they control and are typically reluctant to share money and talent with other units, even when the returns might be higher. - THE RICH GET RICHER. The biggest units in a multibusiness company tend to get more than their fair share of capital, not because they offer better returns, but because the leaders of these businesses have more political clout. - GOOD MONEY AFTER BAD. Executives tend to overinvest in struggling businesses in hopes of turning them around. Research shows that in most cases, returns would have been higher if the money had been invested in less troubled units. - SHARE THE PAIN. When cash is short, executives tend to cut spending across the board rather than protect high-priority areas. - IT’S WHO YOU KNOW. Senior leaders with strong internal networks typically win more resources than leaders who are less well connected, irrespective of the merits of the particular business case. - HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS. Senior executives are less likely to defund or divest a business in which they worked earlier in their career. - PRETTY IT UP. In competing for funds, business unit leaders have an incentive to inflate the merits of their investment proposals. These distortions are often difficult for corporate-level executives to ferret out. - MORE OF THE SAME. Funding decisions are often made relative to last year’s budget. Every business or product line gets pretty much what it got the year before, plus or minus a few percentage points. In a survey with the Harvard Business Review, 76 percent of big-company respondents said that political behaviors highly influence who gets ahead in their organization. In another survey, 84 percent of middle managers and 97 percent of executives claimed to be among the top 10 percent of performers in their organization. So common is the habit of overrating one’s abilities that it has a name: the better-than-average effect. One oft-cited meta study found that the correlation between self-assessed and actual performance was just 0.29 and, in the case of managerial performance, a paltry 0.04. ## Focus on Competence Not Confidence First, highly confident people tend to have an advantage in competing for power. Research shows that in judging the competence of others, we’re heavily influenced by bluster. The more confident someone appears, the more likely we are to believe they’re genuinely capable, whether or not that’s true. The implication: it’s often the most confident people, not the most competent, who get to the top. Research shows our assessments usually say more about us than those we’re evaluating. Again, this phenomenon has its own name—idiosyncratic rater bias. As woke adults, we’re more conscious of our biases, but it’s still hard to disentangle the question of “who’s competent?” from the question of “who makes me feel comfortable?” There’s little evidence that wisdom correlates with rank. Indeed, a growing body of research suggests the opposite—that positional power increases the odds of bone-headed decisions. Commitment is voluntary. No one has the power to give an order. If you want people to follow you, you have to give them a reason for doing so. ## Customer Proximity In a startup, everyone reports to the customer. Most employees have a financial stake in the business and understand the only way to create value is to do amazing things for customers. In large organizations, by contrast, employees are often insulated from market forces. The paradox is that in some ways, large companies are well equipped to be entrepreneurial hot spots. They have deep pockets, thousands of talented employees, terabytes of customer data, and powerful brands. What they lack, though, are employees who feel like owners. With rare exceptions, those who work in internal functions aren’t exposed to market forces. Employees in market-facing roles know that if they fail to satisfy user needs, they’ll get fired by their customers. Corporate staffers, by contrast, can only be fired by their overlords, so that’s where their loyalties lie. Internal administrators suffer little or no penalty when they inflate costs, offer substandard services, or insist on compliance at any cost. A company can’t expect to win in hypercompetitive markets if operating units are forced to buy uncompetitive services from internal providers. ## Create a Workplace Community AA’s effectiveness is the product of the relationships that get forged during meetings. Self-acknowledged drunks encourage one another and serve as emotional ballast in the stormy seas of recovery. AA’s model stands in stark contrast to the credentialed and hierarchical structures of formal treatment programs. In AA, there’s no certification, supervision, or monitoring. Therapists and physicians aren’t allowed to participate in AA meetings unless they too suffer from alcoholism. Yet despite the lack of professionalism, AA’s twelve-step communities have helped countless individuals overcome addiction. > “From what looks like anarchy—traditions rather than rules, maximum local autonomy and independence, and absence of centralized or layered tiers of authority—emerges consistency and stability.” Southwest Airlines: Community at Scale > “The core of our success—that’s the most difficult thing for a competitor to imitate. They can buy all the physical things. The things you can’t buy are dedication, devotion, loyalty—the feeling that you are participating in a crusade." Herb Kelleher At Southwest, the building blocks include … 1. A Mission Worth Caring About 2. Open Communication, Transparent Data 3. Feeling Safe Enough to Be Yourself 4. The Right of Self-Determination 5. Peer-to-Peer Accountability 6. Mutual Respect 7. A Sense of Family In a community, status differentiators are muted. Everyone feels as if they matter. This doesn’t happen by accident. Instead, it reflects a conscious choice to treat everyone as an equal and to celebrate everyone’s contribution. ## Prefer video? Humanocracy Summary Video ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Humanocracy Summary Podcast ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? Humanocracy Summary Sketchnote ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8e1059fda3dc4b558ee19bdfa2e59da1~mv2.png) **Source:** --- ## 6 Best Writing Books Summarised URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-writing-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-writing-books.md Date: 2022-06-05 Topics: book-collections Learn how to write better. A curated summary of the best books you can read to become a better writer. > Readers want to know—very soon—what’s in it for them. On Writing Well by William Zinsser I’ve always wanted to write a book. We meet here. So I’ll assume you do too. To write a great book, you need to write better. The good news. > The more you write, the better you get. Ad Week Copy Writing by Joseph Sugarman I spent the last few months reading the best writing books. I've curated the insights into this summary. > All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. John F Kennedy The best writing books: - [Ad Week Copy Writing by Joseph Sugarman](https://amzn.to/3GSCFKT) - [Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00FOR2L4W) - [Write Useful Books by Rob Fitzpatrick and Adam Rosen](https://amzn.to/3atCgCb) - [How To Write Clearly by Tom Albrighton and Doug Kessler](https://amzn.to/3GTIrLX) - [We, Me, Them & It by John Simmons](https://amzn.to/3Nl65U5) - [On Writing Well by William Zinsser](https://amzn.to/3GOwGGR) These best writing books will especially help new writers. ## [**Ad Week Copy Writing by Joseph Sugarman**](https://amzn.to/3GSCFKT) Keep it short, sweet and almost incomplete so that the reader has to read the next sentence. Your sole purpose at the beginning is to hold the reader’s attention at almost any cost. The moment you get the reader to say “No” or even “I really don’t believe what he is saying” or “I don’t think that relates to me,” you’ve lost the reader. Every element must be so compelling that you find yourself falling down a slippery slide unable to stop until you reach the end. At the end of a paragraph, use sentences such as: - But there’s more. - So read on. - But I didn’t stop there. - Let me explain. - Now here comes the good part. The car is sold by virtue of its emotional appeal and then justified in its advertising by an appeal to logic. Emotion Principles - Every word has an emotion associated with it and tells a story. - Every good ad is an emotional outpouring of words, feelings and impressions. - You sell on emotion, but you justify a purchase with logic. You sell the sizzle and not the steak—the concept and not the product. Always sell the cure and avoid selling prevention. **Good Examples:** Headline: Consumers are being robbed. Subheadline: Inflation is stealing our purchasing power. Our dollars are shrinking in value. The poor average consumer is plundered, robbed and stepped on. Headline: Last Wish Subheadline: He was a prisoner confined to a cell block. “Give him one last wish,” pleaded his wife. Copy: George Johnson is in a state penitentiary for a white-collar crime. His seven-year sentence gives him plenty of time to exercise. Headline: British Men Have Underwear Problem Subheadline: New survey shows that many British men do not change their underwear for up to three days, and some even as long as a week. Headline: The Best Pet Subheadline: Do you want a pet that doesn’t shed? Copy: Think about it. You can get a pet that doesn’t shed, doesn’t run around the house, and is easy to take care of. You have probably guessed it’s a rabbit, bird, fish or a turtle. Well, you’re wrong. It’s a guinea pig. You probably want to know how do you take care of the guinea pig? Where should I keep it? What does it eat? It’s all simple. If you don’t have a guinea pig cage, then get a box high enough so it won’t get out and large enough so it can run around. Feed it guinea pig pellets and feed it a couple fresh greens. Put plastic at the bottom and newspaper on top then at least an inch high of shavings. Put a bowl in for food and a water bottle for water. That’s all you need to know. To order, call [phone number] and order today. Copy: Losing weight is not easy. Ask anyone. One of the few pleasures of losing weight is stepping on your bathroom scale and seeing positive results. Your bathroom scale is like a report card—a feedback mechanism that tells you how well you’ve done. ## [**Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark**](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00FOR2L4W) Think of writing as carpentry, and consider this book your toolbox. Places subject and verb at or near the beginning of each sentence. Order words for emphasis. Place strong words at the beginning and at the end. > “Don’t have sex on a boat unless you want to get pregnant.” The most intriguing words come near the beginning and at the end. Activate your verbs. Strong verbs create action, save words, and reveal the players. > Waiflike, draped in a pale blue veil, Madina, 20, sits on her hospital bed, bandages covering the terrible, raw burns on her neck and chest. Her hands tremble. She picks nervously at the soles of her feet and confesses that three months earlier she set herself on fire with kerosene. Be passive-aggressive. Use passive verbs to showcase the “victim” of action. “There were leaves all over the ground” becomes “Leaves covered the ground.” A four-word sentence outworks seven words. An oppressive educational system is one in which: - the teacher teaches and the students are taught - the teacher thinks and the students are thought about - the teacher disciplines and the students are disciplined. In other words, an oppressive system is one in which the teacher is active and the students are passive. Watch those adverbs. Use them to change the meaning of the verb. Consider these two sentences: “She smiled happily” and “She smiled sadly.” Which one works best? The first seems weak because “smiled” contains the meaning of “happily.” On the other hand, “sadly” changes the meaning. Remember the song “Killing Me Softly”? Good adverb. How about “Killing Me Fiercely”? Bad adverb. Prefer the simple over the technical. Use shorter words, sentences, and paragraphs at points of complexity. The writer cannot make something clear until the difficult subject is clear in the writer’s head. Play with words, even in serious stories. Choose words the average writer avoids but the average reader understands. Just as a sculptor works with clay, a writer shapes a world with words. To generate suspense, use internal cliffhangers. To propel readers, make them wait. > “Langdon dialed zero, knowing that the next sixty seconds might answer a question that had been puzzling him all night.” To sell a gazillion books, learn how to craft the cliffhanger. Build your work around a key question. Stories need an engine, a question that the action answers for the reader. In the movie The Full Monty, unemployed factory workers try to make money as male strippers. The engine is something like, will these odd-shaped men go all the way—and how will it bring them love and money? Place gold coins along the path. Reward the reader with high points, especially in the middle. ## [**Write Useful Books by Rob Fitzpatrick and Adam Rosen**](https://amzn.to/3atCgCb) You can divide nonfiction books into two categories by their purpose to the reader: - Pleasure-givers (“interesting”, “fascinating”, “beautiful”) - Problem-solvers (“useful”, “actionable”, “clarifying”) Problem-solving books help people achieve a tangible outcome, such as to: - Achieve a goal or undergo a process - Answer a question or understand a concept - Improve a skill or develop a toolkit - Resolve a fear or inspire a change - Adjust their perspective or improve their life This category of books can be reliably designed, tested, and proven to be valuable to your readers, even prior to publication, which massively reduces the uncertainty and risk around creating something successful. Here’s the secret to a five-star Amazon rating: be clear enough about what your book is promising that people can decide they don’t need it. Most business books are “idea books.” They don’t give you one little word about how to get it done. The point is that, in order to make something valuable for somebody, you must be willing to define and defend what your book isn’t. Scope = Promise + Reader profile + Who it’s not for + What it won’t cover The fatal flaw of ineffective books isn’t the writing. They’re generally well-written, well-edited, well-proofed, and well-styled. But they don’t work. Six months later, if you ask a reader what they’re doing differently because of the book, you’ll see that it failed to make even a drop of difference in their lives. The most recommended book (1) convincingly solves (2) a painful problem (3) for a certain type of reader (4) who then feel compelled to recommend it. Readers aren’t buying your useful book for its storytelling or suspense. They are buying it as the solution to a problem or a path toward a goal. They’ll stay engaged for as long as you are regularly and consistently delivering on that promise. At least every few pages, you want your reader to be thinking, “Oh wow, I can use that.” The most common way to ruin your reader experience is to spend too long on foundational theory before getting to the bits that people actually want. ## [**We, Me, Them & It by John Simmons**](https://amzn.to/3Nl65U5) Powerful questions that drive storytelling: Who are you? Where are you from? What do you do? How do you do it? Why? All writing is a conversation, not a monologue. Much of my day-to-day work is persuading others to be less inhibited in their writing. Liberate yourself. Bring more of yourself to work. People who write well, think well. Good writing is about selling. When you write, say the words out loud or say them inside your head. This simple practice would kill off most examples of bad writing – and therefore of bad thinking. With mission statements, there is a seemingly irresistible temptation to use portmanteau words like ‘best’, ‘quality’, and ‘excellence’. Instead, use surprising and aspirational words instead. Good writing should aim to inform. It does this by being simple, clear and logical. Sometimes it needs to do more. It has to excite and stimulate. Bad writing does none of these things. It confuses, frustrates and irritates the reader. > All I have ever cared about And all you should ever care about Is what happens when you lift your eyes from this page. Gwendolyn MacEwen > Do not think for one minute it is the Poem that matters. It is not the Poem that matters. You can shove the Poem. What matters is what is out there in the large dark And in the long light, Breathing. When we use the telephone we don’t always feel the need to identify ourselves by announcing our name – the voice itself is identification enough. So too with the written word, although here it is harder to be individual. > All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. John F Kennedy > Knowledge is useless unless you know how to communicate it – in writing. David Ogilvy, The Unpublished David Ogilvy It seems to me that what you are taught to do is inherently less valuable than what you learn to do by your own discovery. Learning depends on thinking your way past questions not on being given answers. ## [**How To Write Clearly by Tom Albrighton and Doug Kessler**](https://amzn.to/3GTIrLX) Clarity is your responsibility, not your reader’s. A big part of writing clearly is to start where the reader is now, and talk to them – not just at them. The content of your writing is the words you put on the page. But just as important is the context in which those words are read – who the reader is, what they know, how they feel and what’s going on for them at the time they read your message. Content is what you say, but context determines what the reader hears. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. William H. Whyte Experts are sharp on details, but sometimes miss the big picture. This is known as déformation professionnelle (French for ‘professional distortion’) or simply ‘nerdview’. Once people are deep inside their specialist area, they find it difficult to put themselves in the position of an outsider. So, if you’re working with an expert, don’t be afraid to ask them some really basic questions. Don’t worry about looking stupid, or admitting you don’t understand. If you already knew all about the subject, you wouldn’t need the expert at all. 4 E’s to Writing: - Essentials: What the reader absolutely must know about your message - Explanation: More detail to fill out the reader’s knowledge, including links to what they already know - Examples: Different perspectives, metaphors or stories that will help the reader understand. - Externals: Authoritative views from other people that will build credibility - Extras: ‘Nice to have’ stuff, or things that might help the reader remember the message. > One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple. Jack Kerouac ## [**On Writing Well by William Zinsser**](https://amzn.to/3GOwGGR) Good writing has an aliveness that keeps the reader reading from one paragraph to the next, and it’s not a question of gimmicks to “personalize” the author. It’s a question of using the English language in a way that will achieve the greatest clarity and strength. Can such principles be taught? Maybe not. But most of them can be learned. Clutter is the disease of American writing. We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills and meaningless jargon. Writers must therefore constantly ask: what am I trying to say? Surprisingly often they don’t know. Fighting clutter is like fighting weeds—the writer is always slightly behind. Trying to add style is like adding a toupee. At first glance the formerly bald man looks young and even handsome. But at second glance—and with a toupee there’s always a second glance—he doesn’t look quite right. The problem is not that he doesn’t look well groomed; he does, and we can only admire the wigmaker’s skill. The point is that he doesn’t look like himself. “Who am I writing for?” It’s a fundamental question, and it has a fundamental answer: You are writing for yourself. What annoys us is that the writer never decided what kind of article he wanted to write or how he wanted to approach us. Therefore ask yourself some basic questions before you start. For example: - “In what capacity am I going to address the reader?” (Reporter? Provider of information? Average man or woman?) - “What pronoun and tense am I going to use?” - “What style?” (Impersonal reportorial? Personal but formal? Personal and casual?) - “What attitude am I going to take toward the material?” (Involved? Detached? Judgmental? Ironic? Amused?) “ - How much do I want to cover?” - “What one point do I want to make?” The last two questions are especially important. Most nonfiction writers have a definitiveness complex. They feel that they are under some obligation—to the subject, to their honor, to the gods of writing—to make their article the last word. It’s a commendable impulse, but there is no last word. The most important sentence in any article is the first one. If it doesn’t induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence, your article is dead. And if the second sentence doesn’t induce him to continue to the third sentence, it’s equally dead. Readers want to know—very soon—what’s in it for them. Therefore your lead must capture the reader immediately and force him to keep reading. It must cajole him with freshness, or novelty, or paradox, or humor, or surprise, or with an unusual idea, or an interesting fact, or a question. Anything will do, as long as it nudges his curiosity and tugs at his sleeve. Next the lead must do some real work. It must provide hard details that tell the reader why the piece was written and why he ought to read it. But don’t dwell on the reason. Coax the reader a little more; keep him inquisitive. Verbs are the most important of all your tools. They push the sentence forward and give it momentum. Active verbs push hard; passive verbs tug fitfully. Active verbs also enable us to visualize an activity because they require a pronoun (“he”), or a noun (“the boy”), or a person (“Mrs. Scott”) to put them in motion. “Joe saw him” is strong. “He was seen by Joe” is weak. Don’t write that someone clenched his teeth tightly; there’s no other way to clench teeth. Don’t say you were a bit confused and sort of tired and a little depressed and somewhat annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed. Be annoyed. Don’t say you weren’t too happy because the hotel was pretty expensive. Say you weren’t happy because the hotel was expensive. Don’t be kind of bold. Be bold. --- ## Book Summary: Creating Magic by Lee Cockerell URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/creating-magic-book-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/creating-magic-book-summary.md Date: 2022-05-16 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Creating Magic by Lee Cockerell. Learn why it's important to spend a great deal of time speaking to your customers and members of your team. ## Rating: 10/10 | Recommended For: Everyone | Category: Leadership ✏️ Creating Magic Book Summary Written by [Kris Corbus](https://www.linkedin.com/in/corbus/) ## 3 big ideas In this [Creating Magic book summary](https://amzn.to/3a7oaXj), Kris shares that: 1. Everyone is important. Everyone should know that their opinions matter and will be listened to. Communicate clearly and directly. Make sure everyone understands boundaries and responsibilities. **Successful cultures are established by design, not by chance.** 2. Get out and about routinely. don’t be a manager, sitting in a fancy office far away from everything and everyone. **Spend a great deal of time speaking to your customers and members of your team** (all of them, not just a few middle management ). Do it regularly, not only once per week. Answer tough questions and make your people feel safe. By being visible you will gain trust and people will open up and share what you need to know. It includes honest opinions about your own strengths and weaknesses. 3. Master the practice of **ARE: Appreciation, Recognition, Encouragement** as sustainable fuel which builds self-confidence and self-esteem. It will help you to attract and keep the best employees. This chapter has many ideas for doable actions for IT companies that have problems with employee fluctuation. [**Buy Creating Magic on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3a7oaXj) ## Best quotes ![Creating Magic Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_36c402e213604406a8e46aaac5e7ca66~mv2.jpg) Creating Magic Book Summary quotes: The Disney formula for success: > Leadership > Cast (Employee) Excellence > Guest (Customer) Satisfaction > Business Results Four Expectations of All Employees: > make me feel special, treat me as an individual, respect me, make me knowledgeable ## Toby's takeaway I rated Creating Magic 10 / 10. I don't give many books this score. Creating Magic really is my favourite book on the topic. Lee Cockerell reveals the magic in a very structured, but entertaining way. His leadership approach is built on 10 strategies. Creating Magic shares several illustrative stories and action steps. Lee shares his very inspiring journey from farm boy to Disney Leadership. He does not hide details of his earlier failures as a manager which included injuries and many stitches. The leadership mindset that Lee describes in this book fits very well with the agile manifesto. For example, he talks about using their own services as a customer (we call it dogfooding) or talking to customers (talking to a user). I hope this book will help IT managers to close the gap and be better leaders. [**Buy Creating Magic on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3a7oaXj) ## Prefer video? Here is a Creating Magic summary video: ## Creating Magic Book Summary Written by: [Kris Corbus](https://www.linkedin.com/in/corbus/) ![Bio Pic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0fa06a020fb54be5be10f0ab7af375f9~mv2.png) Leadership coach for first time IT Managers, Lifelong Learners & Enablers: let's write new rules about what is good & wrong in tech. 📚 As a little kid, I had difficulties talking to people. They always misunderstood me. So I learned about the world from books. I learned to communicate, but I still see books as non-judgemental, caring teachers. 📗 A book I've been recommending recently is [“The Secrets of Consulting: A Guide to Giving and Getting Advice Successfully” by Gerald M. Weinberg](https://amzn.to/3sDykVS) --- ## Book Summary: Multipliers by Liz Wiseman URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/multipliers-book-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/multipliers-book-summary.md Date: 2022-05-16 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Multipliers by Liz Wiseman. We each have the opportunity to become a Multiplier rather than a Diminisher leader. Multipliers extract people’s full capability and intelligence, they are genius-makers who bring out the best in others, delivering twice the capability and results of others, whilst making everyone smarter in the process. ## Rating: 10/10 | Recommended For: Everyone | Category: Leadership ✏️ Multipliers Book Summary Written by [Jon Bircher](https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonbircher/) ## 3 big ideas In this [Multipliers book summary](https://amzn.to/3wnpOv2), Jon shares that: 1. **We each have the opportunity to become a Multiplier rather than a Diminisher leader.** Multipliers extract people’s full capability and intelligence, they are genius-makers who bring out the best in others, delivering twice the capability and results of others, whilst making everyone smarter in the process. Diminishers become absorbed in their own intelligence, draining teams of their energy, intelligence and motivation. Have you experienced these different types of leaders? 2. Becoming a Multiplier starts with a shift in our assumptions around five core multiplier practices. Become a: - **Talent magnet**, shine a light on people’s genius rather than being a diminishing empire builder, hoarding resources for your own gain. - **Liberator**, create a climate where people can do their best thinking and maintain an intensity that demand’s their best work. Contrast this with the dominating tyrant, creating tension and diminishing thinking and work. - **Challenger**, define opportunities that stretch and support people to go beyond what they know how to do, rather than being the know-it-all who gives directives and sucks up all the oxygen in the room with their own ideas. - **Debate Maker**, my personal favourite, access breadth and depth of thinking, honed through rigorous debate rather the more common decision makers – efficient with their inner circle but leaving the wider organisation in the dark. - **Investor**, inspire independent results by giving ownership, investing in resources and holding people to account instead of the micro-manager, managing every detail to keep control and dependency. 3. Most diminishers are not tyrannical bullies – **the majority of us can be accidental diminishers** – leaders with the best intentions, trying to do their best for their organisations and people. Tackling our diminishing tendencies starts with an awareness of our vulnerabilities through coaching, reflection, seeking feedback, challenging assumptions and leading with intention. The author offers a series of practical multiplier experiments to help leaders tackle vulnerabilities such as being the ideas guy, the one always on leader, the rescuer, the pacesetter, the rapid responder, optimist, protector, strategist or perfectionist. [**Buy Multipliers on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3wnpOv2) ## Best quotes ![Multipliers Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7e32dffd9206444d8e8828dab6779474~mv2.jpg) Multipliers Book Summary quotes: > “It isn’t how much you know that matters. What matters is how much access you have to what other people know. It isn’t just how intelligent your team members are; it is how much of that intelligence you can draw out and put to use” > “When a decision is high stakes, Debate makers require everyone’s best thinking. They know people will do their best thinking if the issues are framed well and defined, and if the questions of the debate are clear. They know that the debate will be richest if it is based on facts, not opinions and that it takes foresight to gather the right information.” ## Toby's takeaway My top takeaways are very personal. However, they point to an important insight - enduring change (individually and organisationally) comes through small, successive experiments- testing new behaviours, getting feedback, adjusting and repeating. For me there are a couple of areas I want to press into, reflect on, experiment with first – your takeaways, and experiments triggered by reading this book will look different. Here are a couple of insights that are leading me to become more of a Multiplier leader, looking to tackle some of my diminisher vulnerabilities - an always on, strategist, perfectionist with know-it all tendencies. I hope this will give you a flavour of the impact and practicality of this book: 1. **Identifying and shining a light on others’ Genius** – I intend to dial up my curiosity and find the native genius in people I lead, coach and interact with. This could be game changing with my teenage boys! The practice starts with a Multiplier mindset – everyone is brilliant at something and experiments walk you through identifying genius, labelling it, putting it to use and shining a light on it; calling it out in front of others. 2. **Framing and facilitating debates** – I love this, it builds on some areas of personal strength but as someone with a tendency to drive decisions, there is power in the intention of this process. It starts with bringing the right people together, framing the issue and the logic. It is critical here to define good/ hard questions and ensure people have time to prepare the information, evidence and data to support their views. Then the leader or coach’s role is to spark debate, encouraging people to weigh in on their views and switch sides and positions. The team is then better equipped, having looked at the challenge from all angles to make better, often quicker, intelligent decisions. 3. **Extreme Questioning** – at a personal level, one of the main reasons I turned to coaching was to get better at asking questions and deep listening. Therefore, this experiment is fantastic for me, and for all leaders and coaches alike. It starts by staying curious, slowing down, and having a mindset of learning from everyone. The challenge is to experiment with differing types of questions from leading and guiding questions to those that challenge assumptions and discover new ideas. Can you lead a conversation by only asking questions? This is a hugely credible and well-researched book, jam-packed with rich case examples of Multiplier and Diminisher Leaders and their impact on individuals and organisations. Each chapter is clearly summarised and the tools and experiments draw you towards application – this is a fantastically motivating, practical and action-orientated book that I will refer back to time and again. As Stephen Covey says in his preface “Don’t just read this book; pay the price to really become a Multiplier”. [**Buy Multipliers on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3wnpOv2) The book is about drawing intelligence out of people. New managers still have to have the conversations that make that possible. I wrote [the conversations nobody prepares first-time managers for](/post/new-manager-training-conversations). ## Prefer video? Here is a Multipliers summary video: ## Multipliers Book Summary Written by: [Jon Bircher](https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonbircher/) ![Bio Pic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_42cbf689cfab444e93dd35e29442d248~mv2.png) **I am a leadership coach** and mentor committed to helping individuals, teams and businesses find clarity of direction so they can thrive. As an experienced CEO and strategy consultant in the healthcare space, I spend most of my time working alongside leaders of Pharma and Biotech and the consultancies and agencies that support them. 📚 **I love to read** because that is where the magic happens – where new ideas form, where concepts sink in and where new connections to old truths fuse. I recently started [#saltlightbookclub](https://www.linkedin.com/search/results/all/?keywords=%23saltlightbookclub&origin=GLOBAL_SEARCH_HEADER&sid=%2CLH) where a growing and diverse group connect to explore and apply leadership lessons from leadership books. 📗 A book I’ve been recommending recently is [The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) --- ## Energize Book Summary by Simon Alexander Ong URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/energize-book-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/energize-book-summary.md Date: 2022-04-26 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Energize by Simon Alexander Ong. In this Energize book summary, I share the importance of slowing down. We get our best insights when the mind is still. By scheduling a regular time to rest and recharge, you begin to unlock your greatest source of creativity. 📚 **Rating:** 6/10 | **Recommended For:** Everyone | **Category:** Health and Wellbeing ![Energize Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d79c0d433a38476399185f29974cfd9f~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas This [Energize Book Summary](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) will help channel your energy to achieve your dreams. 1. **Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time.** Without boundaries to protect your energy, you will never experience true freedom and fulfilment because you simply won’t have any energy left to do the things that you want to do. 2. **Designing your life always begins with designing your days.** If you’re not intentional about scheduling your day around your energy levels, someone else will schedule it for you with little regard for your energy. An hour of doing deep work when your energy is high will be as effective as attempting the same task over four hours when your energy is low. 3. **We get our best insights when the mind is still.** By scheduling a regular time to rest and recharge, you begin to unlock your greatest source of creativity. Thomas Edison got fresh insights by spending an hour almost every day sitting at the end of a dock and fishing. He never did catch any fish, but that was never his intention. With no bait used, no one would disturb him, not even the fish. ## Best quotes ![Energize Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bc998dae4aeb4d30a8dfe97c53fb7b95~mv2.png) > You can do amazing things, but only if you have the energy to do them. > Stop treating your health as a side hustle ## Toby's takeaway I have a productivity addiction. I'm often asked, "How do you read so many books?" The truth is, I'm always looking to squeeze the most out of time. There are many benefits to this addiction. But this week I started to reflect on the downsides. The reflection was sparked by [Energize by Simon Alexander Ong](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) This quote stopped jumped off the page: > “We also get our best insights when the mind is still. By scheduling a regular time to rest and recharge, you begin to unlock your greatest source of creativity.” I thought. When was the last time I was just still? I couldn't remember. I wondered how this might be limiting my creativity. Simon shares several examples of how being still can lead to breakthroughs: > Thomas Edison got fresh insights by spending an hour almost every day sitting at the end of a dock and fishing. He never did catch any fish, but that was never his intention. With no bait used, no one would disturb him, not even the fish. The next day walking to the office I did something different. I didn’t listen to a podcast, audiobook or even music. I walked, looked at the sky and let my mind wander. I didn't get a breakthrough idea. But I was reminded of how lucky I am. About the people around me. Thoughts I might not have had. If instead, I'd been listening to the latest Tim Ferris podcast Thanks to [Energize](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) I'll be stopping more, to let my mind wander. [**Buy Energize on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) ## Prefer video? Here is a short talk that summarises the big ideas from [Energize by Simon Alexander Ong](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Here is a short podcast that summarises the big ideas from [Energize by Simon Alexander Ong](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? Here is a sketch note that summarises the big ideas from [Energize by Simon Alexander Ong](https://amzn.to/3Mxbgj7) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b5a2c6f603824c56a17a9de3bb17bd35~mv2.jpeg) **Source:** --- ## The Art of the Gathering by Priya Parker | Book Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-art-of-the-gathering-by-priya-parker Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-art-of-the-gathering-by-priya-parker.md Date: 2022-04-20 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from The Art of the Gathering by Priya Parker. I learned that the gathering starts way before it begins. It's crucial to prime people for a good gathering. ## **Rating:** 9/10 | **Recommended For:** Facilitators | **Category:** Collaboration ![The Art of the Gathering by Priya Parker Title](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3cd2f000a37942e6b309ffefa9e606e3~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas [The Art of the Gathering by Priya Parker](https://amzn.to/3EqVJhM) helps you collaborate better: 1. **The best gatherings have a deeper meaning.** Even for Birthday parties, what is the deeper reason for us gathering together? This might be to remember those we've lost, to learn more about the person we've become or to look ahead at the future. When you find the deeper meaning and anchor the gathering to it, you'll create spectacular moments. 2. **The gathering starts the moment people become aware of its existence.** It's easy to focus on preparing all the practicals and forget to prepare the people. Priming your attendees for the gathering is crucial. Think about what behaviour you'd like at the gathering and look to prime it ahead of time. 3. **The best gatherings have tension.** They have heat. They cause controversy. There is something at stake. Politeness prevents progress. Good controversy helps you re-examine values, priorities and nonnegotiables. This leads to something better than the status quo. ## Best quotes ![The Art of the Gathering by Priya Parker](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b9120e65540e4582a18bb1f49e305b51~mv2.png) > Your opening needs to be a kind of pleasant shock therapy. It should grab people. And in grabbing them, it should both awe the guests and honor them. It must plant in them the paradoxical feeling of being totally welcomed and deeply grateful to be there. > None of us shows up as a blank slate to anything. ## Toby's takeaway The quality of a conversation is determined long before it begins. You are bringing your team together for a gathering. A workshop, training or team meeting. Beforehand, you obsess over the practicals. Ensuring you have planned the agenda, arranged the room and ordered a good lunch. But you forget one big thing. Preparing the people. In [The Art of the Gathering](https://amzn.to/3EqVJhM), Priya Parker explores this problem and why it's important. When you fail to prepare people, the conversation might be challenging. Imagine you want a creative, open discussion but people turn up ready with their solutions. By priming people you are more likely to have a better conversation. Imagine another example. You are running a session on coaching in your company. The behaviour you want people to show is empathy. To prepare people, send an email out ahead of time. Include real, heartfelt testimonials from three senior leaders sharing personal, specific examples of the transformative power that a coach had on them. When you do this, people will be primed for the conversation. Before your next team meeting, think about this. - How do you want people to behave? - How can you prime that behaviour ahead of the gathering? [**Buy The Art of the Gathering on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3EqVJhM) ## Prefer video? Here is a short talk that summarises the big ideas from The Art of the Gathering: ## 🎧 Prefer Podcast? Here is a short podcast that summarises the big ideas from The Art of the Gathering: [![The Art of the Gathering Podcast](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f3c6f975c7c54259925c782d6560544f~mv2.png)](https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-priya-parker-on-the-art-of-gathering/) [Listen](https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-priya-parker-on-the-art-of-gathering/) ## 🎨 Prefer Visual? Here is a sketch note that summarises the big ideas from The Art of the Gathering: ![The Art of the Gathering Sketchnote 1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d2b3c4f04c4148df8cbc1840c05d28e1~mv2.jpeg) [Source: Mike Rohde](https://www.flickr.com/photos/rohdesign/50672324628/in/photostream/) ![The Art of the Gathering Sketchnote 1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9112390dfbc54c7abf2fe05179643bf5~mv2.jpeg) [Source: Mike Rohde](https://www.flickr.com/photos/rohdesign/50672324628/in/photostream/) --- ## The Insider's Guide to Culture Change by Siobhan McHale URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-insiders-guide-to-culture-change Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-insiders-guide-to-culture-change.md Date: 2022-04-07 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from The Insider's Guide to Culture Change by Siobhan McHale. Learn why patterns are the most important part of any culture change effort. ## 📚 **Toby's Rating:** 7/10 | **Recommended For:** Senior Managers | **Category:** Culture [**Buy The Insider's Guide to Culture Change on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3DM6lYu) ## **💡 3 Big Ideas from The Insider's Guide to Culture Change** [The Insider's Guide to Culture Change](https://amzn.to/3DM6lYu) helps you lead culture change: 1. **Patterns are the most important aspect of culture change**. If you do not break the pattern, culture will not change. They are the overriding, often unwritten rules that govern how people relate to one another and do their work. Patterns, not explicit values and behaviour, govern culture. 2. Too often leaders focus on the parts of the system rather than the whole. **Culture doesn't change by only focusing on values or behaviours**. You need to change the system. Think of culture like a spider's web. It's not sufficient to only change the threads, you must change the web. 3. There are **four steps to disrupting a culture**: 1) Diagnose what’s really going on, 2) Reframe the roles, 3) Break the patterns, 4) Consolidate the gains ## **💬 2 Best Quotes from The Insider's Guide to Culture Change** ![The Insiders Guide To Culture Change](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_45a62938fd6d4fa7af1f45524725aa6f~mv2.png) > My definition of workplace culture is “The patterns or agreements that determine how the business operates.” A simplified version that I commonly use is: “It’s how things work around here”. > Culture emerges not from a proclamation or code of ethics but from how people, especially the organization’s leaders, behave day in and day out. ## ✅ **Tobys Top Takeaway** There is a widespread myth: > If you state the values you want your people to practice, they will automatically alter their behaviour accordingly. The Insider's Guide to Culture Change debunks this myth perfectly. In the work, I've led around culture I've focused on systems, behaviour and stories. Sibohans book helped me to identify a blind spot in how I've been approaching culture change. Namely around patterns. Instead of focusing on individual behaviours, focus on patterns of behaviour. What behaviours are repeated? To change a culture you must find the pattern, raise awareness of the pattern and then reverse it. Example patterns: - “We don’t like to give bad news" - “We step down and micromanage,” - “It’s OK to bully and harass people around here.” Easier said than done. But shifting focus to patterns of behaviour, rather than individual behaviour will help. **👉 Do This** In your interactions today, listen out for patterns of behaviour. If you think you've found one, write it in a notebook. Each time you observe that pattern make a note. In a few weeks see which patterns are most dominant. [**Buy The Insider's Guide to Culture Change on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3DM6lYu) ### **📹 Prefer Video?** Here is a short talk that summarises the big ideas: ### 🎧 **Prefer Podcast?** Here is a short podcast that summarises the big ideas: ## **Big Ideas Expanded** 💡 Some additional extracts around patterns: > Patterns are the overriding, often unwritten rules that govern how people relate to one another and do their work. Think of patterns like a web. The behaviours are the threads, the pattern is the web as a whole. Too many leaders concentrate on the threads (the behaviours) instead of the patterns (the web) that govern behaviour in the organization. ![Spiders Web](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/03092c3ca1564fc0910439e5e38e075c.jpg) Patterns have three qualities: **1 - Hard to detect** Sometimes formally stated, but quite often hidden and unwritten, patterns resist easy detection. **2- Collective** People can come and go from your business, but the patterns tend to remain the same. They sit at the collective or systemic level in the organization. They are the agreements or the ways of relating between the parts of the organization. **3 - Cocreated** Patterns function like the rules of dance, telling people how to move. “Put your left foot in, take your left foot out.” Systems experts say that patterns are co-created, meaning that it takes two to tango. People may come and go from your workplace, but the patterns tend to remain the same. Patterns, not explicit values and behaviour, govern culture. **Finding the Big Patterns** Effective change leaders don’t just sit on their perches high in the C-suite; they spend a lot of time walking around the organization, talking to people at every level in every functional area, and keenly observing “how things work around here.” They bring a good set of eyes and ears to the task, observing the ways of relating and listening carefully to what people say about their work, their colleagues, their department, their boss, and the company. [**Buy The Insider's Guide to Culture Change on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3DM6lYu) --- ## Atlas of the Heart Summary - Brene Brown URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/atlas-of-the-heart-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/atlas-of-the-heart-summary.md Date: 2022-03-29 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from this Atlas of the Heart summary. When you have access to the right words they can open up entire universes. Through language we make connections, we learn and improve our self-awareness. 📚 **Rating:** 8/10 | **Recommended For:** Everyone | **Category:** Self-Help ✏️ Atlas of the Heart Summary Written by [Rita Goodbody](https://www.linkedin.com/in/rita-goodbody-26436379) ![Atlas of the heart summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_aef67fe0e4b34059936e8f6af23eac4a~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas 1. When you have access to the right words they can open up entire universes. Through language we make connections, we learn and improve our self-awareness. 2. The theory of near and far enemies. Far enemies are real opposites so it's easy to spot. But near enemies are really tricky and can seriously damage relationships and leave us in pain. 3. We can not possibly recognize what other people are feeling. Too many emotions and experiences are expressed the same way - like crying. We need to talk to each other, drop the assumptions! [**Buy Atlas of the Heart on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3IREmY6) ## Best quotes > "Empathy is a tool of compassion. We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone's pain. If we're not willing to do that, it's not real empathy." > "Disappointment is an unmet expectation. The more significant the expectation, the more significant the disappointment." ![Atlas of the heart summary infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cd8686733b974206afea52ee77c56f14~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway I've always struggled to express feelings and emotions. I knew only a few and it seemed to disconnect me from others even more. I had a lot of expectations and anger when my needs were not met. It makes so much sense now after reading [Atlas of the Heart](https://amzn.to/3IREmY6). The “emotion map” is clear. Brene Brown helps you walk through different emotions for example “Places we go when we compare; Places we go when we are hurting”, each section has a handful of emotions to describe the feeling of hurt or being compared or feeling beyond ourselves. More than one word can describe that. Once you are familiar with the map - you can better understand and describe your feelings. Without speaking to others and asking questions we can not possibly know what they feel or experience. I can finally cultivate meaningful connections by walking alongside other people. Being curious and build narrative trust as they tell me about their experiences. [Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) is a hard skill, but it opens enormous opportunities to understand others and be able to be there for them as well as to find your true self. I've learned from [Atlas of the Heart](https://amzn.to/3IREmY6) that with the right map, we can find the way back to our truest selves and those around us. Don't be afraid to ask questions. [**Buy Atlas of the Heart on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3IREmY6) ## Prefer video? This video expands on the ideas from Rita's Atlas of the Heart summary ## Atlas of the Heart Summary Written by: [Rita Goodbody](https://www.linkedin.com/in/rita-goodbody-26436379) ![Rita Goodbody](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e3104906a293471bb832053b1751bdc1~mv2.png) I'm a delivery manager working with people and seeking to challenge myself with day to day people-tech problems. Usual challenges - miscommunication! 📚 I love to read because that way I can grow, learn and apply new ideas in real-life - personal or work-related. 📗 A book I’ve been recently recommending is "[The Art of Leadership Small things, done well](https://amzn.to/3DyKbcd)" by Michael Lopp --- ## How To Create a Coaching Culture URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-culture Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-culture.md Date: 2022-03-29 Topics: coaching A coaching culture will transform your business. In a highly competitive market, great culture is not optional, it's essential. The problem is that it's difficult. In this guide, I'll share how you can start creating a coaching culture today. > "Focus on getting the culture right; the results will follow." James Kerr - Legacy Google is famous for its workplace culture. A coaching culture is at its core. Google's [manager research](https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/managers-coach-managers-to-coach/steps/introduction/) revealed their best managers are effective coaches. In a highly competitive market, great culture is not optional, it's essential. The problem. Culture change is slow and can feel impossible. But when you get the culture right, great things happen. Southwest airlines prove this point. > "Competitors can buy all the physical things. The things you can’t buy are dedication, devotion, loyalty — the feeling that you are participating in a crusade." Herb Kelleher, Southwest Airlines They have created a culture their employees love. The result: - 4% voluntary turnover - [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) lowest number of customer complaints - 85% of employees say they’re proud to work for Southwest Better business results. Happier customers and employees. This guide is written for HR leaders, senior managers and change agents. Leaders who want to learn how to create a coaching culture. It’s split into three parts 👉 [**Part 1 - WTF is Culture?**](#viewer-bfjm8) An exploration of culture and why it’s so hard to change. 👉 [**Part 2 - The How.**](#viewer-2r58p) A collection of tools to help you start today. Jump here if you are ready. 👉 [**Part 3 - Resources.**](#viewer-5dd1s) A collection of recommended books to go deeper and broader. For anything to change, someone must act differently. Let’s begin. 🚀 ![Coaching Culture Trumps](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_99c4580698034a90bb5f3f5cc6991421~mv2.png) ## **Part 1 - WTF is Culture?** ### **What is Culture?** > “While successful culture can look and feel like magic, the truth is that it’s not. Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal. It’s not something you are. It’s something you do.” [Daniel Coyle, The Culture Code](/post/the-culture-code-summary-daniel-coyle) In 1984, General Motors were struggling to deliver. The culture was toxic. The workforce would drink and take drugs on the job and absenteeism was up to 50% on Mondays. To get back at “management” workers would often sabotage the very cars they were building, leaving bolts and soft drink cans in panels to rattle and annoy customers. ([This American Life](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/561/nummi-2015)) To turn their culture around, General Motors sought help from the best, Toyota. Together they opened New United Motor Manufacturing Inc., aka NUMMI. The results are legendary. Within a short period of time, the NUMMI plant became one of the best. How did they do it? > "The typical Western approach to organizational change is to start by trying to get everyone to think the right way. This causes their values and attitudes to change, which, in turn, leads them naturally to start doing the right things." > "What my NUMMI experience taught me that was so powerful was that the way to change culture is not to first change how people think, but instead to start by changing how people behave — what they do. Those of us trying to change our organizations’ culture need to define the things we want to do, the ways we want to behave and want each other to behave, to provide training and then to do what is necessary to reinforce those behaviours. The culture will change as a result." [John Shook](https://medium.com/10x-curiosity/worst-to-best-lessons-from-nummi-4cde7eb41f21) At NUMMI they changed how people behaved which transformed the culture. It demonstrates that culture is what we do. Culture is behaviour. ### **Why is culture change so important?** > "Great cultures win the best talent." [Gallup](https://www.gallup.com/workplace/237368/culture-wins-attracting-top-candidates.aspx) If your culture sucks, people will leave. Research from Robert Walters has found that almost three quarters (73%) of professionals have left a job because they disliked the company culture. Even worse, employees stay but disengage. According to Gallup, 15% of workers surveyed in the USA are actively disengaged at work. Culture also impacts employee health. > “I started learning more and more about the connection between well-being, resilience and productivity [and] realized that this idea that burnout is the price we have to pay for success is simply a complete myth.” Arianna Huffington With the great resignation underway, with a bad culture, you lose good people. You also struggle to attract the best talent. When you are known for a great culture, the word spreads. Your employees become brand ambassadors, sharing stories about how the workplace is helping them do their best work. ### **Why is culture change so difficult?** > "People don’t resist change, they resist coercion." Esther Derby Changing culture is one of the most difficult challenges leaders face. It’s easy to read about culture, much harder to get positive results. There are two reasons it’s so challenging. First, culture from the outside looks like a simple problem. But it isn’t. Culture change is not a software update to be installed. It is however often treated like one. Organisations roll out “[manager as coach](/post/manager-as-coach)” training programs, in an effort to change the management culture. Culture is not changed in the classroom. There are no “best practices”. There is no recipe to follow. > "Get your values off the wall and into the room." [Aaron Walsh, Mental Skills Coach at Chiefs Rugby](/post/mental-skills) The second reason it’s hard: culture change requires behaviour change. Changing behaviours is hard. Just think about the last habit you wanted to form. How is it going? I find it a challenge to floss every day. Never mind adopting new behaviours in the workplace. In an environment where sticking to the status quo is rewarded. Behaving differently in the workplace is scary and dangerous. ### **Don’t develop a coaching culture.** Instead, grow the culture that's right for your context. A common leadership mistake is copying culture. One of the most copied is Spotify. The “Spotify Model” has become legendary. I’m sure you can even get a certification in it. The problem. It probably won’t work for you. Your context is different. It might have never worked for Spotify in the first place: > Spotify doesn’t use “the Spotify model” and neither should you. [Jerimiah Lee, Spotify Engineer](https://www.jeremiahlee.com/posts/failed-squad-goals/) The same caution should be exercised with a “coaching” culture. Just because a coaching culture works for Google, doesn’t mean it will for you. There are no shortcuts to developing a great culture. You must discover what makes sense in your context. Here is how you do that. ### ✏️ **Exercise: Go To Gemba** The term “Gemba” comes from Japanese, and it means “the real place”. In Lean management, “Gemba” is the most important place for a team as it is the place where the real work happens. Quite simply, for rock bands, the “Gemba” is the recording studio. For Formula 1 teams, the “Gemba” is wherever the car is. For manufacturers, it’s the factory floor and so on. In other words, it is where the real work happens, so you can observe and analyze it. Before you start changing culture, you need to understand the context. How does your organisation behave today? The best way to do that is to observe behaviours at Gemba. Especially in crucial moments. In Formula 1 that might be the pitstop. Go and observe significant situations in your organisation. Examples: - Daily huddle - Production outage - Product brainstorming Ask these questions: 1. What business outcome do you need to achieve? 2. What are the existing behaviours of your organisation today? 3. If you changed nothing, are the outcomes being achieved? Once you have answered these questions and a [few more](/post/10-organizational-design-questions-to-increase-adaptiveness), you’ll be ready to explore further. ### **What is a coaching culture?** It is best described in behaviours. But what are coaching behaviours? For some, it means telling people what to do. Usually in order to resolve some underperformance. For others, it means performing the role of team therapist. For others, it’s something reserved for the most senior members of the organisation. This creates a problem. When behaviours are not clear, people do what they have always done. Simply put, a coaching culture is where coaching behaviours are done consistently, especially under pressure. You must get specific. ### ✏️ **Exercise: What is coaching?** Ask your team to describe specific, observable coaching behaviours. It’s harder than you’d think. A common answer is “listening” But that is too vague. What do you observe when someone is listening? How do you know when someone is listening? Examples might be: - Team members pause before speaking, to create space. - Teams members say “Tell me more....” - Team members summarise what they’ve heard. It is in the high-pressure moments that culture is really formed. Consider this scenario. Your team has just delivered a major software update and significant issues have been found. Do you: A) Jump in and solve the problem for the team B) Don’t solve it yourself, but tell the team what to do. C) Trust the team and ask “How can I help?” In this example, a coaching culture might be demonstrated more by answer C. Although every situation is unique. The choice you make create the stories that follow. It's these stories that spread the culture. Culture is what happens when managers leave the room. ### ✏️ **Exercise: Define Your Trademark Behaviours** > A trademark behaviour is one that you commit to unequivocally. When a situation gets tough and everything else disintegrates, these trademark behaviours remain in place. Your commitment to these behaviours, through thick and thin, makes for high performance. [Damian Hughes, Jake Humphrey, High Performance](/post/high-performance-jake-humphrey-and-damian-hughes-book-summary) Define three behaviours that will become the trademarks of your culture. These will become the core of your culture. [Here is a story](/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal) about why trademark behaviours are so important: > Paul O’Neill’s tenure at the helm of Alcoa is now the stuff of legend.Introduced to a group of investors and analysts in October 1987, he didn’t talk about revenue and expenses and debt ratios and earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation. “I want to talk to you about worker safety,” he told the Wall Street crowd.“Every year, numerous Alcoa workers are injured so badly that they miss a day of work,” he continued. “Our safety record is better than the general American workforce, especially considering that our employees work with metals that are 1,500 degrees and machines that can rip a man’s arm off. But it’s not good enough. I intend to make Alcoa the safest company in America. I intend to go for zero injuries. > ”When one attendee asked about inventories and another asked about capital ratios – the standard vocabulary for these kinds of sessions – O’Neill returned to the same theme.“I’m not certain you heard me,” said the new CEO. “If you want to understand how Alcoa is doing, you need to look at our workplace safety figures. If we bring our injury rates down, it won’t be because of cheerleading or the nonsense you sometimes hear from other CEOs. It will be because the individuals at this company have agreed to become part of something important: They’ve devoted themselves to creating a habit of excellence. Safety will be an indicator that we’re making progress in changing our habits across the entire institution. That’s how we should be judged.” In the example, “safety” is the trademark behaviour. Over O’Neill’s tenure, Alcoa dropped from 1.86 lost workdays to injury per 100 workers to 0.2. By 2012, the rate had fallen to 0.125. Surprisingly, that impact extended beyond worker health. One year after O’Neill’s speech, the company’s profits hit a record high. Now you are ready for part 2. ## **Part 2 - How To Develop a Coaching Culture?** Before we start, two reminders: 1. You cannot think your way to a new culture. 2. A “coaching” culture might not be right for you. > “There are three ways to change behaviour: have an epiphany, change the environment, change habits in tiny ways.” [BJ Fogg, Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) When changing behaviour, the epiphany gets a lot of airtime. We love the turnaround story. A remarkable moment that changes a company forever. Companies often invite an “inspirational” speaker to create that moment when the leadership team finally “get it”. This creates a high amount of motivation. But motivation is fickle. A couple of weeks on and change doesn’t stick. Instead, the two biggest levers for culture change: 1. Environment 2. Behaviour. Change the environment, to change behaviours, to change culture. ### **Change the Environment** It is easy to underestimate the influence the environment has on behaviour. We believe we are rational individuals, acting based on our internal values. However, very often it is the environment that drives behaviour. > “A bad system will beat a good person every time.” Edwards Deming If the environment remains stable—you sit at the same desk, you attend the same meetings, you use the same tools—then you repeat the same behaviours automatically. When the environment is changed, you behave differently. This does not mean bean bags in the office or moving to an open-plan office. The environment refers to the system. The rules, rituals and routines of the workplace. A few factors have an outsized impact on behaviour: - How people are promoted - How people are compensated - How people are treated when they fail - How people are handled when they behave badly > "A culture is defined by the worst behaviour tolerated." John Amaechi Let’s explore this trademark behaviour: asking questions. Who gets promoted in your organisation? Is it the experts who tell everyone want to do? If that is perceived to be the behaviour that gets rewarded, don’t be surprised if people don’t ask questions. You must adjust the system to encourage desired behaviours. ### ✏️ **Exercise: Force Field Analysis** Pick a trademark behaviour. For example: asking questions. Now brainstorm what works for and against that behaviour. - What makes the behaviour easy? - What makes the behaviour difficult? Taking this exercise further, consider what happens in high-pressure moments. How would this make the behaviour easier or harder to do? Your role as a leader is to change the environment. To make desired behaviours the easy, natural and obvious thing to do. All the time, every time. ### **Changing Behaviour** > You cannot think your way to a new culture. You must act your way there. [Damian Hughes, Barcelona Way](/post/book-summary-barcelona-way-by-damian-hughes) Creating a coaching culture involves changing behaviour. There are many ways to change behaviour. What I’ve found most successful is consistent small over time. To do that, there are 4 ways to change behaviour: - Make it obvious. - Make it attractive. - Make it easy. - Make it satisfying. [James Clear, Atomic Habits](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) ### ✏️ **Exercise: Apply the 4 Laws of behaviour change** Let's explore an example. The trademark behaviour you want to develop in managers is: Asking coaching questions in one-on-ones. Using the 4 laws of change might look like this: - Make it obvious: Coaching questions are visibly on-hand during the conversation. - Make it attractive: Storytelling of the benefits a coaching style can bring. - Make it easy: Coaching questions are shared in advance with the team member. - Make it satisfying. Ask “What was most useful for you?” at the end to surface positive feedback. Now complete the exercise for the three trademark behaviours you identified earlier. How can you make them obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying? ### **Who will help or hinder a coaching culture?** > “The business of business is people.” Herb Kelleher, Southwest Airlines We are social creatures. Heavily influenced by people around us. We view a behaviour as more correct to the degree that we see others performing it. Common Examples: 1. Canned laughter (laughing track) causes viewers to laugh longer and more often. It is more effective in poor jokes. 2. Bartenders seed their tip jars with a few dollars to give the impression that tipping is the norm. 3. Bystander Effect – individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim when other people are present; the greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that one of them will help. Therefore, any culture change is a social one. Influencers don’t only exist on Instagram. They exist in your organisation too. You must work with the following: 1. The close - what is my immediate team doing? 2. The many - what is the wider departments doing? 3. The powerful - what are those with status doing? Particularly important are leaders in power positions. Let’s explore another trademark behaviour, listening. A middle manager is asked to present to the senior leadership team. During the presentation, they are interrupted. Several leaders are multi-tasking on emails. Another leaves halfway through. This does not demonstrate listening. Returning to their team, what story will this middle manager share? It will certainly not be a story that emphasises listening as a trademark behaviour. ### ✏️ **Exercise: Find Your Influencers** Identify people who fall into each of the influencer categories: - The close - The many - The powerful. Go and observe how they behave today. What are their trademark behaviours? If you observe a need for change, involve them in defining trademark behaviours and shaping the environment. If these people do not change, your culture never will. ### **How do you scale a coaching culture?** The larger the organisation the more difficult culture change is. When you lead a company of thousands, culture change feels like an impossible task. There is one tool, humans have used for thousands of years, that will help you scale. Storytelling. > Culture is “the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves Clifford Geertz The problem. Many leaders are terrible storytellers. This is especially a problem in technology organisations. The analytical bias leads to presentations of facts and figures. When people tell stories, behaviour becomes contagious. Like him or not, Elon Musk has an unparalleled track record in bringing to life big ideas. His story-driven ideas at the heart of Tesla, The Boring Company, Neuralink, Open AI, Hyperloop and SpaceX are told in a way to capture people’s imaginations and win their support. ![Elon Musk Storytelling example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a86533b188cf45ab99d54efa58b11f4b~mv2.png) ### ✏️ **Exercise: Telling Stories** For each of the trademark behaviours, find stories that demonstrate that behaviour in action. This is one story I heard from Southwest Airlines > Southwest Airlines Chairman, Kelleher, heard that an employee’s son had been killed in a car crash. The employee was in Baltimore and his family was in Dallas. Kelleher had a plane that was about to be taken out of service for routine maintenance rerouted to land in Baltimore, pick up the employee, and get him back to his family immediately. “Stories like that make me proud to work for this company” the pilot shared. Remember to combine this with your social dynamics. We listen to stories more from people who are most influential. Your senior leaders are the chief storytellers. ## **Part 3 - Resources** The 13 best books to help you change culture are now on the master list: [culture books for leaders](/culture-books). For the coaching craft behind a coaching culture, start with [coaching books from beginner to expert](/coaching-books). The original shortlist: ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6e6277691c6f446faab727c2152125c2~mv2.png) Culture Change Books: 1. [The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle](https://amzn.to/35mC4Tk) 2. [Atomic Habits by James Clear](https://amzn.to/36V3aRZ) 3. [Thinking In Systems by Donella Meadows](https://amzn.to/3unIvz3) 4. [Contagious by Jonah Berger](https://amzn.to/3tKIDbF) 5. [Fearless Organisation by Amy Edmondson](https://amzn.to/3tJezwZ) 6. [Just Work by Kim Scott](https://amzn.to/3DiaH9w) 7. [Time To Think by Nancy Kline](https://amzn.to/3uF168y) 8. [Belonging by Owen Eastwood](https://amzn.to/3uA6MRh) 9. [Work Rules by Laszlo Block](https://amzn.to/3iHIqQ6) 10. [No Rules Rules by Reed Hastings, Erin Meyer](https://amzn.to/3tWzBsl) 11. [The Insider's Guide to Culture Change by Siobhan McHale](https://amzn.to/3INlmKk) 12. [Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard](https://amzn.to/36V3UGL) 13. [Working Backwards by Colin Bryar, Bill Carr](https://amzn.to/3tM0gaW) --- ## Belonging by Owen Eastwood | Book Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/belonging-by-owen-eastwood Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/belonging-by-owen-eastwood.md Date: 2022-03-20 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Belonging by Owen Eastwood. Learn the important role of storytelling to create a sense of belonging. Teams perform at their best when everyone feels like they belong. ## **Toby's Rating:** 9/10 | **Recommended For:** HR Leads | **Category:** Culture [**Buy Belonging on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tm0BRA) ![Belonging by Owen Eastwood](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8b5811a2869f422b9add108756b79b3b~mv2.png) ## 3 big ideas Belonging by Owen Eastwood helps you create a culture where everyone belongs: 1. The most important question every leader must answer: **What is the optimal environment for this group to perform to their best?** The answer always contains a component of belonging. The challenge. To create an environment where everyone feels like they belong, regardless of who they are and what they believe. 2. **Wellbeing is directly tied to group belonging**. Studies reaffirm the correlation between chronic loneliness, poor health and early mortality. When we experience a sense of belonging our body produces a hormone soup that enables oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and endorphins to work their collective magic. Our need to belong is, therefore, not just in the mind, but a physical state. 3. **People perform at their best when they feel a sense of belonging**. They feel safe and secure. In contrast, when social relationships feel under threat we respond both emotionally and physically as though our survival is threatened. The same area in our brain is engaged as if we were suffering physical pain. [**Buy Belonging on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tm0BRA) ## Best quotes > Belonging is a wildly undervalued condition required for human performance. > Success is dependent on the strength of the group under pressure. ![Belonging by Owen Eastwood Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ec40808ac01e40f6911d805e8044ca86~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway **Do I belong here?** Everyone asks this question at some point in their career. Especially when joining a new team. Sadly, the answer is often conditional. > Prove yourself and then you can belong here. In western individualistic cultures the needs and rights of individuals prevail; an ethos of ‘looking out for number one’. This creates many problems in the workplace. When we feel under threat we respond both emotionally and physically as though our survival is threatened. The same area in our brain is engaged as if we were suffering physical pain. [Belonging by Owen Eastwood](https://amzn.to/3tm0BRA) explores how to build a sense of belonging. What I found most inspiring was the use of storytelling. > We look to our leaders to be the storyteller-in-chief and expect them to personify our tribal identity. Leaders play an important role in telling the "Us Story": the past, present and future of this team. > I regard this work as a sacred task. It involves immersing yourself in three dimensions of an Us story: the past, the present and the future. I reconnect to the past. This requires fully immersing myself in the heritage of a team and the tribe they represent. It is typical for me to spend months researching this and most impactfully meeting ‘ancestors’ to hear the Us story through them. I then connect to the future. What is the team’s vision for the next chapter of its Us story? This informs us what we are working towards and what the environment needs to enable and drive. Finally, we focus on the present. Do we have a sense of identity that flows into everything we do? Do we see ourselves as part of an unbroken chain from our ancestors to those that follow us? More often than not, this needs mending. Great leaders craft the Us story so that every person in their group feels a genuine sense of belonging. Nobody feels like an outsider or that their personal identity is devalued. This is especially important for diverse teams. In [Belonging](https://amzn.to/3tm0BRA), Owen Eastwood shares an example of working with the South African Cricket Team: > The Proteas may be the most diverse team in international sport. On any given game day, the team of eleven players can include indigenous Africans, Afrikaners, ethnic English and Indians; as well as Christians, Muslims and Hindus. This reflects the rich diversity of the ‘Rainbow Nation’, as well as the fact that selection policies are in place that prescribe a race-based quota. The challenge and consequences are high. To create a sense of belonging for everyone within the team. Owen Eastwood shares that visual storytelling is the most powerful. He worked with Ford to tell their "Us Story" and their vision for winning Le Mans. Watching the video, imagine telling the story of your team in this way. Powerful stuff! [**Buy Belonging on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tm0BRA) --- ## Mental Skills In The Workplace URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/mental-skills Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/mental-skills.md Date: 2022-03-14 Topics: leadership, coaching Learn from the New Zealand All Blacks. How to develop mental skills in the workplace. I share lessons learned from Aaron Walsh, Chiefs Rugby. You'll learn the importance of mental skills in performance. The All Blacks are one of the most successful teams in history. They have sustained a win rate of over 86 percent across decades. How do they do it?  Success leaves clues. One of the clues is a focus on Mental Skills. I’ve been coaching teams in business for over a decade. Continuously seeking out what helps people perform at their best. I’ve learned that whilst expertise and experience are important, mental skills play a part in helping teams reach peak performance. Mental skills refer to the ability to think correctly under pressure. To make the right decision when it matters most. Being able to process events away from match day pressure is also an aspect of mental skills. To be the best, learn from the best. So I decided to learn from [Aaron Walsh](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaron-walsh-561690b0/), the Mental Skills coach at Chiefs Rugby in New Zealand. Many of the players are current or former All Blacks. Aaron helps players perform to their best capability under immense pressure. It’s easy to assume that sports coaching is all about shouting at players and fixing underperformance. I’ve come to learn that in the elite sports environment, coaching is what helps everyone perform at their best. No matter their current level of performance. > The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. [Eddie Jones - Leadership](/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones) When mental skills improve, thinking under pressure improves. For business, this means better execution of skill and decision making. The impact when a leader fails to improve the mental side of performance is dramatic. Teams get mixed messages which grow fear and anxiety. Performance suffers both at work and at home. Leading to stress and burnout. Improving mental skills opens a competitive advantage few teams in business are exploiting. Here are 5 lessons leaders can apply in the workplace: 1. Move towards an integrated coaching model 2. Focus on strengths, be aware of weaknesses 3. Manage interference 4. Translate values into behaviours that impact performance 5. Be a tradesperson, not a philosopher ### **Move towards an integrated coaching model** Who gets coaching in your organisation? Commonly, coaching is reserved for under-performers and people who “need to change”. This creates a problem. It sets the expectation that coaching is for the weak. People are less likely to seek out the support of a coach. Whilst this approach might deliver some value, it is not optimal. Instead, organisations should aim for an integrated approach. Where coaching is a core part of how you work. No matter current performance levels, everyone is exploring how to think better under pressure. ### **Focus on strengths, be aware of weaknesses** > The work on culture is a problem Aaron Walsh Leaders often say they are focused on strengths. Yet in the team meeting what’s the first thing they talk about: *“We need to do x better.”* When you focus mainly on your team's weaknesses it creates a performance problem. Instead of seeking out opportunities, teams focus on threats. Looking to protect their position and prevent failure. This compounds the problem rather than solving it. Now, this doesn't mean you ignore weaknesses. You must but be aware of them. Instead, most of your energy should go towards amplifying your strengths. Often the solution to our weaknesses lies in strengths. > Turn up the good. Woody Zuill ### **Manage interference** How would you describe high-performance? There are several definitions I really like in [High Performance by Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes](/post/high-performance-jake-humphrey-and-damian-hughes-book-summary). But Aaron Walsh has one of my favourites: > Performance = capability minus interference Aaron Walsh A simple and accessible definition. 80% of performance is your capability. Technically performing the skills required under pressure. 20% of performance is how well you manage interference. In high-pressure moments, are you able to regulate emotions, calm the inner critic and execute? Many leaders have the knowledge and ability, yet fail to execute in the moments of highest pressure. A mental skills coach works on both sides of the equation. Helping players perform to the peak capability and ways to manage interference. In the workplace, leaders commonly do a bad job of managing interference. > Most office workers never get an hour to themselves without being interrupted. The average CEO of a Fortune 500 company, for example, gets just twenty-eight uninterrupted minutes a day. [Johann Hari - Stolen Focus](/post/book-summary-stolen-focus-by-johann-hari) In fact, the biggest interference can often be the boss. Teams have too much work in progress, constantly context switch and fear failure. This is amplified by the inner dialogue every person has in high-pressure moments. Imposter syndrome, anxiety, fear. Leaders must work to manage interference. This starts with managing themselves. ### **Translate values into behaviours that impact performance** > Get your culture off the wall into the room Aaron Walsh You’ve been in one of those workshops. You brainstorm team values for a few hours, create a shortlist on a flip chart and feel proud. The problem. The work stops there when it is only just beginning. Values are useless unless you translate them into behaviours that impact performance. For example, your team might agree on “empowerment” as a value. But what does that mean in practice? I’d say “asking questions rather than telling” the team what to do is empowering behaviour. It’s specific and observable. You can give and receive feedback on how well you do that behaviour in the team context. Culture is formed based on behaviours. > The key to culture change is **behaviour change.** If people don't start acting differently the culture will not change. [Damian Hughes - The Barcelona Way](/post/book-summary-barcelona-way-by-damian-hughes) Coaches can help teams bridge this gap. Helping the team identify the behaviours that translate values into performance. Importantly, leaders must then check in regularly. Asking “How are we doing against our commitments to each other?” ### **Be a tradesperson, not a philosopher** > Get in the dirt Aaron Walsh Any coaching interventions need to be simple, accessible and relevant. Aaron shares that too often coaches share the theory without practice. Taking the role of a philosopher rather than a tradesperson. Teams need and want tools to improve their performance. New Zealand Captain Sam Kane had this feedback for Aaron: > If I can’t train it on a Tuesday, I can’t use it on a Saturday. Coaches need to build connection and rapport by involving themselves in the team. You don’t do that by standing on the sidelines with a clipboard. In summary, - Move towards an integrated coaching model - Focus on strengths, be aware of weaknesses - Manage interference - Translate values into behaviours that impact performance - Be a tradesperson, not a philosopher Finally, there is a lot of focus on “mindset” in the business world. Some leaders might say “It’s all about mindset” - Aaron strongly says it is not. Fundamentally you need to be capable. You must have the required knowledge, skills and experience to perform. > You cannot outrun a bad body Aaron Walsh However, a better focus on mental skills in performance helps teams find that extra edge in all aspects of their life. Learn more about Aaron Walsh's Mental Skills work at these resources: - [LinkedIn Profile](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaron-walsh-561690b0/) - [Podcast](https://youtu.be/xrCQnBSYsWM) - [Mental Skills Article](https://leadersinsport.com/performance/normalising-mental-skills-3-non-negotiables-to-establish-before-taking-a-mental-skills-role/) --- ## How To Lead Difficult Conversations URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/difficult-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/difficult-conversations.md Date: 2022-03-03 Topics: leadership, coaching Learn how to lead in tough moments. Working on complex problems, in complex environments means that difficult conversations are inevitable. In fact, research has shown that encouraging the right conflict can lead to better product outcomes. > “When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open.” Kerry Patterson - Crucial Conversations ![Difficult Conversations](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bf165d5cf0644ae29081c2727c25d2a5~mv2.png) Working on complex problems, in complex environments means that difficult conversations are inevitable. In fact, [research has shown](/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders) that encouraging the right conflict can lead to better product outcomes. Common difficult conversations in the workplace include: - Poor employee performance or behaviour - Complaints and grievances - Giving bad news, such as ending employment or advising unsuccessful job applicants - Addressing conflict - Communicating tough business decisions. The overriding emotion in most difficult conversations is fear and anxiety. Fear that you might upset someone, cause them emotional harm or negative consequences. This can create a huge amount of anxiety before, during and after a difficult conversation. The result. Most leaders suck at difficult conversations. Instead, leaders avoid them: - “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings” - “Now is not the time” - “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes” - “I don’t have time” - ‘‘What’s the point, there’s never a good outcome” - “The problem will fix itself – just give it time” When leaders avoid difficult conversations it has three side effects. 1. The problem usually gets worse over time. 2. The problem becomes normalised and people feel less incentivised to solve it. Compounding the problem further. 3. Learning reduces. When the leader fails to role model handling difficult conversations well, the rest of the organisation don’t learn either. Learning a few coaching skills can help you navigate these difficult conversations more gracefully. ![Books To Navigate Hard Conversations](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c3fed689e14443c59cc7db97bce30abf~mv2.png) **How Coaching Helps** Professional coaches are experts at having difficult conversations. They master a few skills to better navigate the tough moments. It doesn’t make the conversations easy, but the outcomes are typically better for everyone involved. Because of this, it’s common for the most difficult conversations to be outsourced to a professional coach. This is not optimal. Instead, leaders need to learn how to become better at having difficult conversations. There is no hiding the fact that these conversations will happen often and are required to reach high performance. > “The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.” The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday ### **Learning how to coach** Leaders can learn from professional coaches how to navigate difficult conversations. You don’t need to become a coach. There are three skills you can copy from professional coaches. Listening, Asking and Sensing. Here is how they help and how you can start using them today. **Listening** Every leader likes to think they are a “good listener” but very few are “great”. In difficult conversations, you need to be a great listener. The challenge. It is in these moments listening is hardest. > In High Conflict, we have many more errors in judgement. It's hard to be curious whilst you are outraged. [High Conflict by Amanda Ripley](/post/high-conflict-summary-by-amanda-ripley) The environment in which you have a conversation will influence how difficult it is. To make it easier, prime the environment for listening. If virtual, close down email and notifications. Ask your team member to do the same. Find a time during the day that works for both. If you are doing it in person, find a neutral space. Outside the office often works and walk-and-talk can help. Another way to listen better is using a technique called Looping. This is when you summarise and reflect back on what you have heard. It demonstrates to the other person that you have heard them. It also buys you time, stopping you from rushing to respond. Looping is useful when there’s a misunderstanding you need to clear up. Looping follows a simple five-stage formula. 1. When the other person has said something that you’re confused or unsure about, summarize what that person has said, and ask whether you’ve got it right. 2. The other person will either confirm that you’ve got it right or will clarify what you’ve got wrong. 3. You should then summarize what the other person has said including the new information, and ask that person to confirm you understand. 4. The other person will either confirm that you understand or not. 5. If you do understand, consider asking for more information. If you don’t understand, go back to stage one. **Asking** In high-pressure moments it’s easy to believe you must tell. To resolve the situation you need to “tell it how it is”. Direct and clear communication is important. But needs to be balanced. In Radical Candor, Kim Scott shares a model for giving feedback. In difficult conversations, you need to find the balance of caring personally and challenging directly. > “Listen, Challenge, Commit. A strong leader has the humility to listen, the confidence to challenge, and the wisdom to know when to quit arguing and to get on board.” Radical Candor by Kim Scott It might seem counter-intuitive but difficult conversations asking questions can often lead to better outcomes. Making conversations two-way rather than one. Asking a few questions has the following benefits: - It creates shared understanding. By asking and listening you’ll learn new information. - It demonstrates caring. That you want to hear and understand what the other person says. - It helps pace the conversation. Enable everyone involved to talk and share. It’s important to avoid these common mistakes when asking questions. The best way to ask more is to practice it in low-pressure moments. The one-on-one is a manager's best time to practice asking more questions. My two favourite questions are: - What do you want to explore? Ask this at the start - What was most useful for you? Ask this at the end When you become more comfortable asking questions, it becomes easier to ask them in high-pressure moments. [![Coaching Toolkit](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_56b68127e6ab42879408c5814fa66f39~mv2.png)](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/coachingtoolsformanagers) [Download Toolkit](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/coachingtoolsformanagers) **Sensing** In difficult conversations, it’s important to stay present and aware. This means being aware on four levels: - What's going on for you? - What's going on for the other person? - What's going on in the relationship? - What's going on in the wider system? It is your ability to sense that guides you on how to act. Difficult conversations share many characteristics but there is no single “best practice”. You can do the “right thing” and get the wrong result. Being situationally aware helps you identify the most appropriate response. When to ask vs tell. when to speak vs listen. When to challenge vs care. The challenge. In high-pressure moments your senses will be alert to threats. Therefore it’s easy for defensive behaviours to take hold. One way to reduce the threat response is to breathe. Take a few deep breathes to calm your body and mind. You are then more likely to listen and be open to asking questions. **Preparing for the conversation** If you’ve read this far, I’m sure there is a difficult conversation you’d like to have. A little preparation can help ease your fears and increase your chances of success. Here are 3 questions to help you prepare: - How will you prime the environment for listening? - What questions could you ask during the conversation? (write them on a post-it note) - How will you stay present and aware? --- ## 5 Questions That Inspire How I Lead URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-questions-that-inspire-how-i-lead Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-questions-that-inspire-how-i-lead.md Date: 2022-02-28 Topics: leadership Judge a leader by their questions rather than by their answers. - Toby Sinclair (Inspired by Voltaire)Great leaders ask great questions.They ask these questions most of themselves, not only the people they lead.To become a coach-like leader, I have spent over 10,000hrs practising the art of asking questions.In doing so, I have asked many of these of myself.Here are 5 questions that have inspired how I lead:1. What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or > Judge a leader by their questions rather than by their answers. - Toby Sinclair (Inspired by Voltaire) ![5 Questions that inspire how I lead](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fbc2d9aafeb14471b4a895c3a175e2b7~mv2.png) Great leaders ask great questions. They ask these questions most of themselves, not only the people they lead. To become a coach-like leader, I have spent over 10,000hrs practising the art of asking questions. In doing so, I have asked many of these of myself. Here are 5 questions that have inspired how I lead: 1. What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary? 2. What am I chasing? Antelope or field mice? 3. If the worse case happens, how can I get back on track quickly? 4. What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won’t happen, unless I take responsibility for it? 5. What am I optimising for? ### **Here is why these questions work:** > **What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?** Inspired by Gary Keller - [The One Thing.](/post/book-summary-the-one-thing-by-gary-keller) I ask this question almost daily. It works by focusing on subtraction rather than addition. Less is often more. > **What am I chasing? Antelope or field mice?** Inspired by Tim Ferris I always have more problems than I can possibly solve. It’s easy to chase the field mice. Small but easy problems. I aim to find the courage to chase the antelope. > **If the worse case happens, how can I get back on track quickly?** Inspired by Tim Ferris Fear Setting is my favourite self-coaching tool. It helps you recognise that our darkest fears Are just stories in our minds. > **What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won’t happen, unless I take responsibility for it?** Inspired by Buckminster Fuller I’ve had this stuck on my monitor for the last 3 years. I still don’t have a clear answer. But I reflect on it daily. > **What am I optimising for?** Inspired by Craig Larman I mostly enjoyed Large Scale Scrum (LeSS) training for its focus on systems. In particular, the optimising goal of adaptability. I ask this question often. It surfaces trade-offs and priorities. --- ## Book Summary: Presence by Amy Cuddy URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-presence-by-amy-cuddy Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-presence-by-amy-cuddy.md Date: 2022-02-20 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from this bestseller. You'll learn the importance of body language and power-posing. Presence is the state of being able to comfortably express our thoughts. That’s it. It’s not a permanent mode of being – it comes and goes, moment to moment. ## Rating: 10/10 | Recommended For: Everyone | Category: Leadership ✏️ Presence Summary Written by [Katy Walton](https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%9A%80-katy-walton-pcc-14613810/) ## 3 big ideas [Presence Book by Amy Cuddy](https://amzn.to/3JGQMTz) helps you bring your boldest self to your biggest challenges: 1. **Feeling powerless makes us self-absorbed.** When we feel we have personal power, we’re naturally more open, more optimistic and have greater risk tolerance – which means we’re more likely to notice and take opportunities. 2. You don’t need to embark on a life-long pilgrimage to work on transforming yourself. Instead, **focus on moments**, taking each one as it comes. [Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) can have a huge impact. 3. Before heading into situations where we know we will be challenged, we can reduce our anxiety by either focusing on our thoughts or our actions. In Amy Cuddy’s study on self-affirmation, she demonstrates how **focusing on your strengths keeps cortisol – the stress hormone – in check**. In her study on body language and power-posing, she concludes that how we sit, stand and act can either increase or reduce Cortisol accordingly. [**Buy Presence on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3JGQMTz) ## Best quotes ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_44809669d92a46ccaaf5811894b9fe85~mv2.png) Presence Book Summary quotes: > “Presence is the state of being able to comfortably express our thoughts. That’s it. It’s not a permanent mode of being – it comes and goes, moment to moment.” > “When we feel present, our speech, facial expressions and movements align. It’s what makes us compelling. We are no longer fighting ourselves, we are being ourselves” ## Toby's takeaway One of the most eye-opening areas of focus for me was on the i-posture. That is, the posture we tend to adopt when on our devices, such as phones, tablets, laptops. Not only are our devices stealing our attention, but they inherently shift our position into powerless positions – impacting both confidence levels and the level of assertiveness or submission you project to others. On testing the hypothesis, Amy Cuddy, along with social psychologist Maarten Bos, discovered that the smaller the device used in their experiment, the less assertively the subjects acted. Be aware that interacting on an iPhone (the smallest device in their experiment) even for short periods, is likely to reduce assertiveness and undermine any benefits of productivity and efficiency. You can counteract any time spent in front of a screen by choosing your device carefully and configuring your space to allow for the most upright and expansive posture. If you are unable to adopt a physically expansive posture, even focussing on one mentally has powerful outcomes. Amy Cuddy ran follow up experiments and concludes that one doesn’t need a fully able body to reap the benefits of ‘power posing’. [**Buy Presence on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3JGQMTz) ## Prefer video? Here is a Presence book summary video: ## Presence Book Summary Written by: [Katy Walton](https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%9A%80-katy-walton-pcc-14613810/) ![Katy Walton Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9ecbf4cf6925415da163b80cc1301038~mv2.png) I’m a professionally certified coach and career-long learning and development specialist. 📚 One of my earliest childhood photos is of me on a swing, nose in a book. I’ve always loved to read, which no doubt lit the learning fire which continues to blaze. 📗 A recent book I’ve read is [Chris Voss: Never Split the Difference](https://amzn.to/33yFm4O). An eye-opening read from a former FBI hostage negotiator on communication, negotiation and influence. --- ## Book Summary: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Dr Julie Smith URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-why-has-nobody-told-me-this-before-by-dr-julie-smith Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-why-has-nobody-told-me-this-before-by-dr-julie-smith.md Date: 2022-02-19 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before. A highly practical book that provides tools to help you tackle the biggest challenges life brings you. Grief, low mood, lack of motivation, fear and self-doubt are all explored in this excellent book. ## Should you read this? **Toby's Rating:** 8/10 [Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before](https://amzn.to/3GW4Gzz) is one of the most practical self-help books I've read. The practical nature of the book is important. You cannot think your way to well-being. Many self-help books focus on mindset. This can easily create the assumption that thinking is all you need to fix problems. Our mindset is formed by what we do, not just what we think. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before shares the tools to help you act your way to better mental health. ## 3 big ideas [Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before](https://amzn.to/3GW4Gzz) summary of big ideas: **Big Idea 1** - When we understand a little about how our minds work and we have some guideposts on how to deal with our emotions in a healthy way, we not only build resilience, but we can thrive and, over time, find a sense of growth. **Big Idea 2** - We can democratize mental health and therapeutic services by sharing the tools to help people. It's not a replacement for trained professionals. However, a little education can go a long way to help people live healthier lives. **Big Idea 3** - With a few [**simple tools**](/post/coaching-tools), you can be better prepared to tackle some of life's biggest challenges: grief, low mood, lack of motivation, fear and self-doubt. ## Best quotes > To me, working on maximizing our mental health is no different to working on our physical health. > Lots of self-help books tell us to get our mindset right. They tell us, ‘What you think will change how you feel.’ But they often miss something crucial. It doesn’t end there. The relationship works both ways. The way you feel also influences the types of thoughts that can pop into your head, making you more vulnerable to experiencing thoughts that are negative and self-critical. ## Toby's takeaway [Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before](https://amzn.to/3GW4Gzz) is one of the most practical self-help books I've read. The practical nature of the book is important. You cannot think your way to well-being. Many self-help books focus on mindset. This can easily create the assumption that thinking is all you need to fix problems. Our mindset is formed by what we do, not just what we think. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before shares the tools to help you act your way to better mental health. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before is one of several self-help books seeking to democratize mental health support. [You Coach You](/post/book-summary-you-coach-you-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis) is another great book that provides tools to help your wellbeing. One of my other favourites is [The Coaches Casebook](/post/best-coaching-books) which explores the 12 Traits That Trap Us. At the heart of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before is behaviour change. To change ur thinking we must change our behaviour. This isn't easy. Especially when low mood leads us to those "I can't be bothered days". Starting with small, easy steps helps you make progress. [Atomic Habits and Tiny Habits](/post/best-habit-books) are two additional self-help books that reinforce this idea. I've curated a collection of [50 coaching tools](/post/coaching-tools). Many of these are shared in Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before. These tools can be used for self-coaching or helping the people you support at home and work. [**Buy Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3GW4Gzz) ## Big Ideas Expanded ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_23357c9cac8b454cb44be7ebcd17bbed~mv2.png) Dr. Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist with 3 million TikTok followers. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before explores many of the similar topics shared in her videos. Here are a collection of the best videos to expand on the ideas in this Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before summary. ## Chapter 1 - Low Mood ## Chapter 2 - Motivation ## Chapter 3 - Emotional Pain ## Chapter 4 - Greif ## Chapter 5 - Self-Doubt ## Chapter 6 - Fear ## Chapter 7 - Stress ## Chapter 8 - Meaning --- ## Book Summary: Relentless Solution Focus by Jason Elk, Ellen Reed URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-relentless-solution-focus Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-relentless-solution-focus.md Date: 2022-02-14 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from Relentless Solution Focus. Great successes are built on small victories. When a person learns to emphasize improvement over perfection, progress accelerates dramatically. ![Relentless Solution Focus Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ccb43eb71cd24f23871114cb7c860036~mv2.png) [**Buy Relentless Solution Focus on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rLgIr7) ✏️ Relentless Solution Focus Summary Written by [Barry Engelhardt](https://www.linkedin.com/in/barryengelhardt/) > Great successes are built on small victories. When a person learns to emphasize improvement over perfection, progress accelerates dramatically. Our brains were biologically hardwired to interpret the world in certain ways. One of the most prevalent is what Drs. Selk & Reed define in Relentless Solution Focus as problem-centric thought – ***The biological tendency to focus on problems or the negative*****.** While evolutionarily sound, we’re no longer avoiding saber tooth tigers while scavenging for our next meal. Yet we continue viewing the world as a series of problems. Doing so causes adverse mental and physical repercussions. Problem-centred focus releases cortisol into our systems. This can cause increased stress levels, pressure and underperformance as a result. Relentless Solution Focus shares a framework to overcome these limitations. Relentless Solution Focus (RSF) is simply defined as: > Within 60 seconds, replacing all negative thoughts with solution-focused thinking. The Relentless Solution Focus book outlines how we must train our minds to consistently shift from problems to potential solutions. Drs. Selk & Reed argue that ***there is always a solution. Always.*** ## 3 big ideas The big ideas from Relentless Solution Focus: 1. **Expectancy Theory** – In order to fully understand Relentless Solution Focus, one must first understand Expectancy Theory. It is simply defined as ***that which you focus upon expands****.* The more we focus upon our problems, the more problems we’re likely to find. We are naturally inclined to move towards and therefore act upon memories we’re focused on. Over time, this compounds upon itself with negativity creating negativity. 2. **Our Brains are Overloaded** – We all have limits on our mental bandwidth and therefore, **we’re naturally wired to view problems in their entirety**. This view often causes problems to seem overwhelming and/or impossible to solve. Relentless Solution Focus defines a***solution as, any improvement to the current situation****.* The authors encourage us to chunk issues into actionable steps that focus on creating momentum through continuous improvement. 3. **Great is the enemy of Good** – Many high performers reach impressive levels through a perfectionist mentality. However, as the stakes rise, it becomes impossible to maintain. **Perfectionists often take their successes for granted, focusing exclusively on their failures.** While high expectations are encouraged, so is balance. If confidence is the number one predictor of performance, then focusing all but exclusively on failures places a cap on potential. ## Best quotes > Research confirms that confidence is the number one variable affecting a person’s performance….confidence improves, thus leading to increased ability and potential for others tasks and activities. > The more we focus on problems, the more problems we will create. It’s really that simple. Although simple in concept, breaking free from the damage that problem-centric thought combined with expectancy theory requires relentless solution focus. ## Toby's takeaway Relentless Solution Focus helped solidify my understanding of how powerful solution-focused thinking is: I accidentally stumbled upon many aspects of Relentless Solution Focus in my twenties. I was tasked with managing a small staff who kept a twenty-four-hour operation. But rather than making decisions, they often called account managers—including me—at all hours of the night to ask for guidance on problems as they arose. This quickly led to sleep-deprived frustrated managers. My first desperate attempt at minimizing the after-hours calls was to hold a meeting in which I banned phone calls focused on problems. At the time I was grasping at straws, but it was the best idea I could come up with. Instead of problems, I explained that only proposed solutions were allowed. When talking with the managers, I made it clear that unless they felt that the proposed solution would make the situation worse, only small suggestions or tweaks were allowed. While I hoped that this would lead to fewer calls, I didn’t expect, nor did I truly understand what happened. What I now grasp is that I experienced the power of a Relentless Solution Focus. Within a month, calls dropped by over 50%. Within a season, only serious calls that should be made at three in the morning were placed. My staff quickly began to trust their decision making. But what I didn’t expect, was the change in their attitudes. **As they began to look for solutions, their confidence improved, as did their interoffice relationships. Through focusing on solutions, rather than problems, productivity and measurable results skyrocketed. Individual confidence and attitudes also improved.** Tenure also increased with many being promoted.Managers who complained of my staff’s incompetence quickly began to seek them out in the halls to compliment them on their performance.The mentality around the role shifted from a dead-end job to a training ground where entry-level supervisors paid their dues with an obvious path of progression. While I didn’t fully comprehend these dramatic shifts in performance and perception, Drs. Selk & Reed’s work has provided a lens through which to understand and explain my dumb luck. What I stumbled upon was the operational power of a Relentless Solution Focus. [**Buy Relentless Solution Focus on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rLgIr7) ## Prefer video? Here is a Relentless Solution Focus summary video: ## Time To Think Summary Written by: [Barry Engelhardt](https://www.linkedin.com/in/barryengelhardt/) ![Barry Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5e6795ad9f4b410eb8c0004c70614a6a~mv2.png) I believe that it’s the small things, done consistently, that change the world. I strive to do those small things… 📚 I consider the written word one of life’s most unappreciated art forms, as well as life’s greatest teachers. From William Faulkner to Simon Sinek to the random book on obscure punk bands. There are wisdom and life lessons to be pulled from any book. 📗 The books I’ve recommended more than any other are [Radical Candor by Kim Scott](https://amzn.to/3I5eskl) or [The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) --- ## Book Summary: Time To Think by Nancy Kline URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline.md Date: 2022-02-11 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Nancy Kline's Time to Think. Learn how to build a Thinking Environment. ![Time To Think Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_af0f45ec0aaa45a2bba27e9d9d3803a9~mv2.png) 😃 Recommended For: Everyone ✏️ Time To Think Summary Written by [Meghan Kirkland](https://www.linkedin.com/in/meghankirkland/) ## 3 big ideas [Time to Think by Nancy Kline](https://amzn.to/3rJPb9e) helps you build a Thinking Environment: 1. **Everything we do depends on the thinking we do first.** Thinking for ourselves is still seen as quite a radical act.Traditionally, most of our societies have not created the conditions for us to think for ourselves. Many of us are therefore profoundly unsettled when confronted with the simple question: *‘What do you really think?’* The quality of actions *depends first* on the quality of the thinking behind them. 2. **The quality of a person’s attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking**. How we give others our attention, listen, and say that ‘you matter’, directly correlates to the thinking quality of the person sitting in front of us. The ‘mind that holds the problem also holds the solution’. You help cultivate this solution discovery through the quality of your attention and listening presence. Focus on setting up the conditions for the person to think for themselves; to access their own ideas and solutions. 3. **There are ten components of ‘The Thinking Environment’.** These components can be used both at the organisational (‘The Thinking Organisation’) and at the individual level (‘The Thinking Partnership’). All ten are important, but even just using one component will dramatically improve the quality of someone’s thinking. An example is the ability of the ‘listener’ to craft incisive questions to remove assumptions that limit ideas, thus freeing up the mind of the thinker to move beyond limiting assumptions and beliefs and access better ideas for themself. [**Buy Time To Think on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rJPb9e) ## Best quotes > “Attention, the act of listening with palatable respect and fascination, is the key to a Thinking Environment. Listening of this calibre is enzymatic. When you are listening to someone, much of the quality of what you are hearing is *your effect on them.*” > “All of this is reason enough to do it. But perhaps most important is the possibility that by taking steps in this way to turn our world into a Thinking Environment, into a place this stimulating, this kind, this alive, this authentic, where no human mind is wasted, and no human heart is trampled, we will not only improve things for ourselves but we may also create a legacy we would be proud to leave.” ## Toby's takeaway Meghan’s [Time to Think](https://amzn.to/3rJPb9e) book summary top takeaways. Within Time To Think, Nancy Kline describes an extremely elegant process and conditions to help improve the quality of thinking. Both in organisations and partnerships. For me, there were some very tangible and practical changes that could be implemented within any environment: **Allow others to speak fully** When you interrupt or finish someone else’s sentence you are saying that either your words will be better (or that you know their words) and that they cannot finish their own sentence. Let others do and finish their own thinking, let them formulate their thoughts, let the words be their words. **Take turns** Create meeting structures where everyone has a turn to speak, knowing they will not be interrupted. In a Thinking Environment, everyone is a thinking equal, regardless of hierarchy, giving everyone a turn increases the intelligence of the group and will save time in the long run. **Listen to surface any assumptions and ask incisive questions** Being able to craft an incisive question can free up more thinking and thought. Nancy Kline articulates some brilliant ones for leaders to ask themselves: - If I were to be my real self in leadership, what would I do differently? - What is limiting my leadership? If I were to assume something more liberating, what would change? As well as to ask their team: - How would your work have to change for it to be exactly right for you? - If you were not holding back, what would you be doing? - What do we already know now that we are going to find out in a year? **Appreciate** Take time to appreciate those around you, Nancy Kline suggests that a 5-1 appreciation to criticism ratio helps people to think for themselves. Practically, she advocates at the end of meetings to take time to say one quality you respect of the person to your right (nowadays the next person on your virtual meeting screen!). Often we are quick to criticise, Kline asserts that actually, our thinking improves when we are in the presence of concrete appreciation. **Time To Think Summary** I personally love Time to Think, I had the pleasure of attending training with Nancy Kline in 2017 and since then I have been hooked. On this way of being and moving through the world. It is an inspirational and highly thought-provoking read. I highly recommend it for anyone; it has application in how we show up in all our worlds- whether that be in the personal or professional sphere. [**Buy Time To Think on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rJPb9e) ## Prefer video? This video expands on the ideas from Meghan's Time to Think summary [**Buy Time To Think on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rJPb9e) ## Time To Think Summary Written by: [Meghan Kirkland](https://www.linkedin.com/in/meghankirkland/) ![Meghan Kirkland](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7009dd1f2bcb4a68a62ca1ac675a339e~mv2.png) Inspired by my two children, I’m on a mission to create better and more human workplaces for future generations! I love working with others to understand their reason why and purpose, and also with organisations to figure out how to create and scale innovative, fun and meaningful cultures. 📚 I have loved to read since childhood; it always feels a privilege to access the mind of someone else and be invited to experience a new viewpoint and perspective. 📗 A book I’ve been recently recommending is [The Squiggly Career by Helen Tupper & Sarah Ellis.](https://amzn.to/3GMAWVw) The authors also just released [You Coach You](/post/book-summary-you-coach-you-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis) --- ## Book Summary: You Coach You Book by Helen Tupper, Sarah Ellis URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-you-coach-you-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-you-coach-you-by-helen-tupper-sarah-ellis.md Date: 2022-02-10 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from this You Coach You book summary. Coaching is the skill of asking yourself questions to improve self-awareness and prompt positive action. Learn the tools and techniques to coach yourself. ## **Toby's Rating:** 8/10 | **Recommended For:** Everyone | **Category:** Coaching ## 3 big ideas The big ideas in this "[You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C)" book summary are: 1. **You don't need to hire an expensive career coach to improve.** The mission of "You Coach You" book is to [democratize coaching](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/bestcoachingbooks). sharing ideas, tools and techniques that will help you learn to coach yourself. 2. The core skills of coaching are [**listening, asking questions and being self-aware.**](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw) When you develop these skills not only can you coach yourself, but you'll be better equipped to help others. 3. **Coaching enables you to tackle the big challenges you might face in your career:** burnout, confidence, relationships, purpose and progression. Using self-coaching techniques shared in You Coach You will help you gain clarity. ## Best quotes ![You Coach You Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c8fa76795d1f4364a0a5c7accb9dc155~mv2.png) "You Coach You" book summary quotes: > Coaching isn’t therapy, it’s product development with you as the product. Coaching is: > The skill of asking yourself questions to improve self-awareness and prompt positive action. ## Toby's takeaway Coaching is a confusing word. Many people associate it with "fixing people" and telling people what to do. [The dictionary doesn't help with this.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) [You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C) by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis does a great job at democratizing coaching. Simple and practical, it gives you the [tools of coaching](/post/coaching-tools) so that you can find a breakthrough. I'd like to highlight in this "You Coach You" summary the "Ask the Expert" sections. At the end of each chapter, there is a story. For example, Elizabeth Uviebinené, author of [Slay in Your Lane](https://amzn.to/3oE423g), shares her perspective on building your self-belief. These real examples bring the power of coaching to life. The "[You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C)" Book follows a similar format to [The Coaches Casebook](https://amzn.to/3J8Fuau). One of my [top coaching books](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/bestcoachingbooks). Exploring the traps and challenges we all face in our personal and professional lives. Whilst writing this You Coach You summary I reflected upon the central premise of the "You Coach You" book. Whilst I agree, there is great value in self-coaching it has limitations. It's easy to get stuck in thinking patterns that make problems worse. Confirming your own biases and not being aware of your blind spots. I've also heard countless times *"speaking my thoughts out loud to someone has helped make things clearer"*. This is where a skilled coach brings huge value. [Listening deeply](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) to what is said and what isn't. [Asking provocative questions](https://youtu.be/175n_MJAj9w) to bring awareness to blind spots. Encouraging you to build upon your strengths. There is no right or wrong answer. My experience is that to reach your potential requires a mixture of approaches. Self-coaching, professional coaching, mentors, friends and even foes. The final thing I'd like to share in this [You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C) summary is gratitude. The You Coach You Book will bring the power of coaching to more people. This can only help make the world a better place. [**Buy You Coach You on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C) ## 12 Best Coaching Books I've read 100's of leadership books, many of which focus on coaching. I've picked the 12 best coaching books and curated this eBook. In less than 5 minutes you'll get the big ideas from the best coaching books. Helping to build high performing teams. [![Coaching Books for leaders](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_49d6d28586164f7abd4a517448886ac0~mv2.png)](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/bestcoachingbooks) [Download Free eBook](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/bestcoachingbooks) ## Prefer video? Here is a You Coach You summary in video format ## Big Ideas Expanded The core skills of coaching are: Listening, Asking Questions, Self-Awareness. [You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C) shares that by mastering these skills you can find your breakthrough. Here are more resources to help you develop these core coaching skills. **How To Ask Powerful Questions** **How To Build a Listening Habit** **How To Build Self-Awareness** --- ## Constraints-Led Leadership Development URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/constraints-led-leadership-development Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/constraints-led-leadership-development.md Date: 2022-02-07 Topics: leadership, coaching Traditional leadership development has three major flaws.Firstly a focus on a “single” right way to lead. Referred to as “best practice”.Secondly, a belief that a knowledge gap is what explains the difference between the best and the rest.Thirdly, learning happens in the classroom. Pressure is minimised to make it a “fun” experience. Variability is removed so the program can be repeated consistently.The bigger assumption underpinning these flaws is that leadership development is a simple problem Traditional leadership development has three major flaws. Firstly a focus on a “single” right way to lead. Referred to as “best practice”. Secondly, a belief that a knowledge gap is what explains the difference between the best and the rest. Thirdly, learning happens in the classroom. Pressure is minimised to make it a “fun” experience. Variability is removed so the program can be repeated consistently. The bigger assumption underpinning these flaws is that leadership development is a simple problem. Once leaders learn and adopt the correct leadership approach, performance will improve. With these flaws, it’s no wonder that many leadership development programs fail. > Only about 33 percent of LOB respondents in our latest study said that they have become much more effective as managers after taking part in development programs. Harvard Becoming a better leader is a complex pursuit. It requires change on many levels all within a highly volatile and uncertain environment. To make leadership development easier, it’s tempting to reduce complexity. To make it easier for the leader to learn. This misses the point. To build better leaders, development approaches must embrace complexity. It is the reality in which leadership is applied. Thankfully, there are many approaches to learning and development that do embrace complexity. **Skill Acquisition vs Skill Adaptation** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_7436773278704149313267~mv2.jpg) The traditional focus of learning and development is skill acquisition. Learners acquire skills by consuming knowledge and repeating the skill until automatic. Learners progress through steps that increase in difficulty. From beginner to expert. Their maturity is charted along the way. > “The eight laws of learning are explanation, demonstration, imitation, repetition, repetition, repetition, and repetition” John Wooden This simple view of skill acquisition dominates leadership development. The evidence is clear. This model of developing leaders does not lead to better outcomes. Leaders complain that leadership development programs are overly theoretical. They do not prepare leaders to use their skills in the highly volatile and uncertain business environment. As a result, leaders stick to what they have always done. Even if that is not serving them well either. To achieve better outcomes the focus needs to shift. From skill acquisition to skill adaptation. ### **Building Adaptable Leaders** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_6f5752566a465149774159~mv2_d_5335_3557_s_4_2.jpg) Organisations thrive when they develop adaptable leaders. > Being an expert is not defined by what you have in your head but rather how effectively you relate to the world around you. As performers, we want to be adaptive problem solvers and creative decision-makers, not robots just executing stored programs drilled into us in practice. [Rob Gray - How We Learn To Move](https://amzn.to/34D4BmL) Becoming a better leader is a complex pursuit. Leaders lead in dynamic environments that the classroom rarely replicates. There are only a [few things we can manage in a complex situation](/post/cynefin-foundations-training). 1. Constraints 2. Identity 3. Affordances 4. Assemblages 5. Attractors In particular, playing with constraints has been shown to be an effective way to improve learning outcomes. Surprisingly, this inspiration comes from a book chapter about motor development in children. Karl Newell created a constraints triangle model. It outlines three different domains that affect motor movements and how they are displayed by an organism: individual, environmental and task. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0774f756e17e4be98f8596aeba634f63~mv2.png) Individual (aka organismic) constraints are things you and I bring to the table when we perform a skill. These include physical properties including our height, weight, strength. In the context of leadership development, this can also include organisational status and mental state (how distracted are you) Environmental constraints are general properties of the world around us like gravity, wind, temperature. The physical layout of the office and modes of communication (zoom, telephone) are other examples. Task constraints are factors that are highly specific to the skill being performed. They include things like the rules of the game and equipment. In the workplace, the timebox is an example of a constraint. Playing with these constraints increases the skillfulness of leaders. > Skillful behaviour is intelligent and reactive to changing constraints both in the short and long term, involves an element of improvement, is concerned with the how –whether or action is conducive to achieving our goal. [Rob Gray - How We Learn To Move](https://amzn.to/34D4BmL) The quality of football players in Brazil demonstrates the power of constraints. Many areas of Brazil do not have the top-level training facilities that can be found in other countries. Instead, for many young players (including most famously, Pele) a large proportion of practice occurs via a customary pickup game called ‘pelada’. The term captures the fact that it is typically played in a naked environment absent of proper grass fields, nets, line markers or coaches. It usually played outdoors on very irregular surfaces including dirt streets and sandy beaches. the number of players on each team is often much less than on a typical football side. Players of both sexes and all ages typically play together. You might think that these constraints lower the performance of the players. It’s the opposite. The constraints imposed on the players improve their performance. A constraints-led approach works for several reasons. It encourages self-organisation. The learner must make choices. It encourages novelty. It encourages learners to come up with new solutions to new problems not just repeating the same old solution. It helps amplify errors. Increasing awareness of solutions that are not effective. It takes away the automatic, easy choices that someone would typically make. It narrows the options and builds flexibility. Fundamentally, it increases situational awareness. Practising a lot of different situations with various constraints improves problem-solving. ### **Constraints-led leadership development** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_22163baabeac44009173bb75d7d69412~mv2.jpg) By leveraging constraints in learning you can build more adaptable leaders. Day-to-day I help leaders become more-coach-like. Constraints are key in helping leaders become more skillful. There are several skills a leader must master to become more coach-like. One of the hardest is becoming a better listener. It is for these hard to master skills that a constraints-led approach really helps. Here is an example that introduces a task constraint. The listener cannot speak. Working in pairs, leaders adopt roles. One person is the “thinker” and the other the “listener”. The “listener” asks this simple question: > What would you like to think about today? For 5 minutes, the “listener” now must listen. They cannot respond, share their opinion or ask further questions. They must listen to the “thinker”. This constraint enables learning in several ways: - It reduces the chance the listener will listen with the intent to respond. Instead, encourages listening with the intent to understand. - By reducing options, it encourages the listener to focus on listening. To notice things they may not have seen before. It focuses attention. - It creates space for silence. This is a situation leaders spend little time experiencing in the working day. Exploring further, additional constraints might exist. - Position in organisation hierarchy (more senior, peer-to-peer) (Individual) - Mode of interaction: zoom vs in-person (Environment) - Block eyesight so to focus only on the words of the thinker (Task) The list could go on. By playing with constraints you develop more adaptive, skillful leaders. > Skillful behaviour is intelligent and reactive to changing constraints both in the short and long term, involves an element of improvement, is concerned with the how –whether or action is conducive to achieving our goal. [Rob Gray - How We Learn To Move](https://amzn.to/34D4BmL) --- ## Beyond Autocratic Leadership URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/autocratic-leadership Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/autocratic-leadership.md Date: 2022-02-04 Topics: leadership Autocratic Leadership gets a bad reputation but in certain situations, it can get results. Learn through an example where this style can work best and when it might lead to negative results. The best leaders are flexible. They adopt leadership styles based upon the situation. > ‘That was f—king s—t, mate. That’s f—king s—t… you’re s—t. You shouldn’t be here.’ - Eddie Jones ![Autocratic Leadership Response ](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_de3833e2a8e54bc09b507df57b3b9d62~mv2.gif) When you think of autocratic leadership it’s likely you’ll think of a sports coach. Perhaps it’s that horrible sports teacher at school that made you run that extra mile. The media love these kinds of leaders. Eddie Jones is one autocratic leadership example. But he also shows how leadership styles are flexible and evolve over time. In 2015 he orchestrated one of the biggest upsets in sporting history. When he became Head coach of the Japan Rugby team, they had never won a World Cup game. In fact, Eddie labelled Japan a ‘Joke Team’. To turn the team around the coaching was brutal. The team were pushed beyond their limits. Players would even hide under tables when Eddie entered the room. Fear of the leader is a perfect autocratic leadership example. This direct, candid and brutal approach is shown in a media interview. Eddie publically shames the Japan captain for his attitude. > “I yelled and screamed at half-time like a schoolteacher, and in the second half we don't have a go. Why?” Jones says, pausing just long enough to allow the interpreter to translate his vitriol. “The players don't want to win enough. They don't want to change enough. So I will have to change the players. I’m sick of it." ## **What is Autocratic Leadership?** Autocratic leadership, also known as authoritarian leadership, is a leadership style characterized by control. The leader controls all decisions and gathers little input from group members. Autocratic leaders typically make choices based on their ideas and judgments. They rarely accept advice from followers. This leadership style gets a bad reputation. But in the right environment, it can get results. This is demonstrated by what happened in Brighton, 2015. It is Japan's first game at Rugby World Cup 2015. They face mighty South Africa. Underdogs, Japan were expected to continue their losing streak. It was time to see if the autocratic leadership style would pay off. The final score: **South Africa 32 Japan 34** Eddie had masterminded one of the biggest upsets in sporting history. Autocratic leadership had delivered results. But this leadership style has many drawbacks. The human cost can be high. > There is no doubt that early in my career I was intolerant of people who didn’t have the same commitment and the same ethos as I did. I could have treated people better, there is no doubt about that. I’m not going to hide away from it. - Eddie Jones Stress, burnout and anxiety are not uncommon amongst teams led by autocrats. In the workplace, autocratic leaders have a toxic reputation. When they walk into a room fear sets in. Everyone is on edge waiting for the next leadership rant. Different people respond to different leadership styles. For some, an autocratic leadership style can get results. Whilst others crumble under the pressure. The best leaders are flexible. They adopt leadership styles based upon the situation. Eddie is a great example of how leadership styles evolve. He is often described as a chameleon because of his ability to flex his leadership approach. In his latest book, [Leadership](/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones), Eddie Jones shares more about his style. Now leading the England Rugby team, autocratic leadership is not his primary approach. > The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. Servant leadership is getting the results. Self-organization, empowerment and autonomy are the keys to performance. Eddie is focusing on making fewer decisions. Moving decision making to the team. For example, every Monday morning the players run the training schedule. There is no input from the coaches, the players drive the agenda. > All the research shows that, if teams think through problems themselves, rather than being told, the chances of them then owning and solving the problem will be much higher. - Eddie Jones In most high-performance environments, a [coaching leadership styl](/post/manager-as-coach)e gets results. It’s shown to be the best way to help people unlock their potential. In the workplace, most leaders have teams of highly skilled “knowledge workers”. These teams are working on hard, complex problems. Where there is no one obvious answer. They must deploy a range of skills to solve these problems. An autocratic style in these complex situations leads to negative results. The solutions chosen are poor, the leader becomes a bottleneck and team members disengage. A coaching leadership style has a sharp contrast with autocratic leadership. [Coaching is less about telling and more about asking](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw). The coach is more like a guide than a dictator. The goal is to delegate many decisions to the team. The challenge for every leader is knowing when to take an autocratic approach vs a coaching style. When to tell vs to ask. When to share advice vs hold it back. Eddie Jones shows there is no single answer. Leadership is situational. The most important thing a leader can do is build flexibility. Become more comfortable adopting many styles of leaders. Continuously reflecting and gaining feedback. > The only reliable advantage in life, business or sport, is to learn faster than the opposition. - Eddie Jones --- ## The Prosperous Coach Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-prosperous-coach-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-prosperous-coach-summary.md Date: 2022-02-01 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from The Prosperous Coach. Learn how to help your clients see their world differently. When they see their world differently, they show up differently, see things differently & do things differently. ![The Prosperous Coach Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2f9158dd890840d0acc2d6f8308b41c2~mv2.png) [**Buy The Prosperous Coach on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3AMIVR8) ✏️ The Prosperous Coach Summary Written by [Tashena Gonzales](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tashena-gonzales-8425063b/) ## 3 big ideas In this Prosperous Coach summary, Tashena shares that: 1. **You create clients.** Most think this is the ‘hard part”. You need to love the “hard part.” You don’t get clients; you don’t attract them, you create them. How do you create them? The Prosperous Coach shares a simple framework: **Connect, Invite, Create, Propose.** To become a Prosperous Coach, concentrate on having powerful conversations & continually making invitations. 2. **You can be a successful coach without the things that most marketers say you must have**. Social media presence, big email lists, cold calling, a published book, an amazing website etc. These things can be helpful but are not necessary. 3. **There are different levels to coaching.** Struggling Coach, Personal Development Coaching, Part-time Coaching & Professional Coaching. No level is better than others and many choose to stay at Part-time or Professional Development coaching, but it is good to know what level you are at and make a conscious decision as to what level you would like to be at. ## Best quotes > What is the secret to getting an extraordinary coaching business? Extraordinary Clients. “I create my own circumstances. – Bruce Lee” > Help your clients see their world differently. When they see their world differently, they show up differently, see things differently & do things differently. ## Toby's takeaway Here are Tashena's Top Takeaways from this The Prosperous Coach summary. Before listening to The Prosperous Coach, I had been convinced that I needed to have successful courses, an online masterclass, a published best-selling book. A myriad of other things in order to move from a part-time coach to a professional coach. Due to limited time, some of these things seemed overwhelming to complete. And some of them cost extra money. Now I am successfully increasing my clientele and, on my way, to being a confident professional coach by focusing on the basics. **Connecting** - I connect with current contacts more and I network to make new connections. Connecting means having powerful conversations. A key to powerful conversations is your own personal development through reading and application. As well as having your own coach. Sharing powerful testimonials, which also help sell the experience of coaching. **Inviting -** I don’t sell the idea of coaching. I don’t convince individuals via long messenger conversations or emails why I’d be great to work with. I invite them to join me on my calendar. Those that don’t book or don’t show up, are individuals that were not ready to work with me. **Create** - During the session, we have a transformational coaching session and a deep conversation that leads to a proposal. They get to experience my coaching in this first session. Rather than having a “discovery call” where I list the ways I can meet their needs. The Prosperous Coach has radically, changed how I approach my day. I've adjusted some of my monthly goals. I still have a social media presence, email lists and a website. But I have less anxiety around marketing pieces that may be missing. I may write a book when I have more money. But I don’t see it as a necessity to become a prosperous coach. And I’m certain I have the skills currently to move quickly into professional coaching and into prosperity in the next year. [**Buy The Prosperous Coach on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3AMIVR8) ## Prefer video? If videos are more your thing check out additional ideas from this video from one of the authors: [**Buy The Prosperous Coach on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3AMIVR8) ## The Prosperous Coach Summary Written by: [Tashena Gonzales](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tashena-gonzales-8425063b/) ![Steven Menczel Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f767c82e56534fca885ccf1596cb9893~mv2.png) Tashena is a Holistic Business Coach. She's a certified holistic business, wellness coach, mindfulness leader, self-development/success coach & group coach. Her speciality is she turns chaos into clarity! She currently coaches or mentors’ entrepreneurs, small business owners & professionals helping them to become more profitable without reaching burnout. She’s been a self-development junkie since her teens and loves listening to 2 to 4 audiobooks per month. 📚 I love to read because it helps me grow and learn. It is essential for me to train and coach others. 📗 A book I've recommended recently - [How to Train Your Mind: Exploring the Productivity Benefits of Meditation by Chris Bailey](https://amzn.to/3rrAQOZ) --- ## Book Summary: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-stolen-focus-by-johann-hari Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-stolen-focus-by-johann-hari.md Date: 2022-01-30 Topics: book-summaries There are many staggering facts and case studies within Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. One particular area is the collapse of sustained reading. If you are reading this Stolen focus book summary it might be that you cannot focus on reading an entire book. 57% of Americans do not read a single book in a typical year. Instead, they spend around 5.4 hours on their phone. ## Should you read this? I'm constantly distracted. I open LinkedIn and 45 minutes later I'm still scrolling. I'm not alone. This is the challenge of our times. Staying focused in a highly distracted world. Stolen Focus doesn't give any easy answers. I was hoping for a silver bullet. I did not find one. However it does accurately describe the problem and a few suggestions that might help. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas This Stolen Focus book summary explores why you can't pay attention: **Big Idea 1 -** We now live in ‘an attentional pathogenic culture’ – an environment in which sustained and deep focus is extremely hard for all of us, and you have to swim upstream to achieve it. It is not your fault you cannot focus. **Big Idea 2 -** Attention spans are decreasing at the time we need them most. One of the biggest contributors to inaction on big issues such as climate change is the lack of focus. When attention breaks down, problem-solving breaks down. **Big Idea 3 -** Most office workers never get an hour to themselves without being interrupted. The average CEO of a Fortune 500 company, for example, gets just twenty-eight uninterrupted minutes a day. Practice the ideas from Stolen Focus by Johann Hari ## Best quotes > Empathy is one of the most complex forms of attention we have – and the most precious. Many of the most important advances in human history have been advances in empathy > It’s not your fault you can’t focus. It’s by design. The truth is that you are living in a system that is pouring acid on your attention every day, and then you are being told to blame yourself and to fiddle with your own habits while the world’s attention burns. ## Toby's takeaway > ‘If we want to do what matters in any domain – any context in life – we have to be able to give attention to the right things … If we can’t do that, it’s really hard to do anything.’ There are many staggering facts and case studies within Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. One particular area is the collapse of sustained reading. If you are reading this Stolen focus book summary it might be that you cannot focus on reading an entire book. 57% of Americans do not read a single book in a typical year. Instead, they spend around 5.4 hours on their phone. If you find it difficult to read, it's easy to blame yourself. You’re lazy, you’re not good enough, what’s wrong with you? Stolen Focus by Johann Hari argues that you are not the problem. Your difficulty in focusing is a system problem. The big tech companies have designed an environment to steal your attention. This is not a battle you can win through willpower. Johann Hari argues that whilst the average person can make changes, the whole system requires an overhaul. The problem is there are no easy answers: > I have not entirely solved this problem in myself. In fact, at this moment, as I write this in lockdown, my attention has never been worse. Johann Hari - Stolen Focus [**Buy Stolen Focus on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3ubkiwd) ## Big Ideas Expanded ![Stolen Focus Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7a2585c44a3e496e806b1b0d0dffa187~mv2.png) Here are the big ideas from this Stolen Focus book summary expanded. Six things Johann Hari has done to improve his attention: 1. Use pre-commitment to stop switching tasks so much. e.g. buying a [kSafe](https://amzn.to/35qWhqA) 2. Don't listen to negative self-talk - You’re lazy, you’re not good enough, what’s wrong with you? 3. Take extended times away from social media. Johann takes six months of the year totally off it. 4. Embrace mind-wandering. Letting your mind wander is not a crumbling of attention but in fact a crucial form of attention in its own right. 5. Sleep is not a luxury. It is essential for sustained focus. 6. Embrace play and unstructured free time. This can be the greatest form of focus. A small study investigated how often an average American college student actually pays attention to anything, so the scientists involved put tracking software on their computers and monitored what they did in a typical day. They discovered that, on average, a student would switch task once every sixty-five seconds. The median amount of time they focused on any one thing was just nineteen seconds. If you’re an adult and tempted to feel superior, hold off. A different study by Gloria Mark, professor of infomatics at the University of California, Irvine – who I interviewed – observed how long on average an adult working in an office stays on one task. It was three minutes. A study by Professor Michael Posner at the University of Oregon found that if you are focusing on something and you get interrupted, on average it will take twenty-three minutes for you to get back to the same state of focus. A different study of office workers in the US found most of them never get an hour of uninterrupted work in a typical day. Solving big problems requires the sustained focus of many people over many years. Democracy requires the ability of a population to pay attention long enough to identify real problems, distinguish them from fantasies, come up with solutions, and hold their leaders accountable if they fail to deliver them. If we lose that, we lose our ability to have a fully functioning society. Three ways task switching degrades your focus: 1. Switching cost - You lose focus switching between tasks 2. Screw-up effect. When you switch between tasks, errors that wouldn’t have happened otherwise start to creep in. 3. Creativity drain - In the long run, you are likely to be much less creative. A digital detox is ‘not the solution, for the same reason that wearing a gas mask for two days a week outside isn’t the answer to pollution. It might, for a short period of time, keep, at an individual level, certain effects at bay. But it’s not sustainable, and it doesn’t address the systemic issues.’ --- ## Coaching Leadership Style: How To Lead Better URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-leadership-style Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-leadership-style.md Date: 2022-01-29 Topics: coaching, leadership The coaching leadership style helps ordinary people get extraordinary results. Google's manager research revealed their best managers are effective coaches. Coaching increases engagement, wellbeing and performance. Become a better leader today. The coaching leadership style helps ordinary people get extraordinary results. Google's [manager research](https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/managers-coach-managers-to-coach/steps/introduction/) revealed their best managers are effective coaches. Coaching increases engagement, wellbeing and performance. The problem. Coaching is confusing. There are many definitions and conflicting information. There is little help for leaders in organisations. Most coach training sucks. > Only about 33 percent of LOB respondents in our latest study said that they have become much more effective as managers after taking part in development programs. Harvard Leaders want practical coaching tools they can start using today. In this article, I will help you. Providing just the right amount of theory combined with practical tools you can start using. This article is split into two parts. - [**Part 1 - How to develop a coaching leadership style.**](#viewer-6s98j) For leaders who want to get started today. - [**Part 2 - Why develop a coaching leadership style.**](#viewer-30as6)For leaders who aren't convinced coaching is for them. Let's begin 🚀 ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_227d5723a91843b193ff4b6737f657dd~mv2.png) ## **Part 1 - How To Develop a Coaching Leadership Style** ### **What is coaching?** Many leaders associate coaching with telling people what to do and fixing underperformance. This is [how the dictionary defines it.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) You might hear the phrase *"That team needs coaching"* This creates the perception that coaching is something to be done "at" people. I call this a deficit approach to coaching. Focusing on what is broken. Based upon this definition many leaders assume they are already great coaches. They tell their team what to do. They focus their energy on the under-performers and junior staff. This approach to coaching does not unlock performance. In fact, when you coach "at" people it leads to disengagement. It creates a perception that coaching is for the weakest people in the organisation. There is a different kind of coaching that get results. It's primarily not about telling people what to do. It's not about being a therapist. I describe it like this: > Coaching performed by a Manager is primarily about listening well, asking good questions and sensing how best to respond. Always with the intent of helping people maximise their peformance. The coaching leadership style is about [listening well and asking questions with the intent to help people grow.](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw) Asking instead of telling. Listening instead of speaking. Being a beginner rather than an expert. This coaching should not be reserved for under-performance. Even top performers can benefit from a coaching style of leadership. > No matter how good you are, everyone can get better with a coach. [- Eric Schmidt](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) ### **How To Develop Coaching Skills?** You have probably taken a coaching course. Nearly every organisation is educating their leaders on coaching. Sadly, the results are poor. Research in 2006 from leadership development firm BlessingWhite suggested that 73% of managers had coach training. The results were not good. Only 23% of employees thought that coaching from their manager improved their performance. The common feedback is *"too much focus on theory and not enough on practice."* With these challenges, it's easy to think coaching is too much hassle. It's much easier to ignore the "people stuff" and focus on "getting things done". Developing a coaching leadership style becomes easier when you focus on behaviours. The key to changing behaviours is changing habits. When someone asks for your advice, what do you automatically do? You boldly share your best advice. This automatic response is what coaching leaders change. Learning to ask and listen a little more. In high-pressure moments, leaders with a coaching style have battle-tested habits that enable them to lead with coaching. The 5 behaviours of coaching leadership style are: 1. Listening 2. Asking 3. Pausing 4. Summarising 5. Reflecting I encourage you to identify one coaching behaviour you can start today. Breaking a coaching leadership style into small, easy to do habits will help you build momentum. ### 👂 **Listening** > To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative. [Kate Murphy - You're Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) To develop a coach leadership style you must practice the lost art of listening. When you listen well, everything else becomes easier. Coaching leaders understand the difference between hearing and listening. The former focuses on what is said, the latter focuses on what isn't. The challenge is that deep listening is hard. Your focus has been stolen in a rush to get things done. The opportunity is that when you truly listen, you create a deeper connection with your team. You build empathy and understanding. You can start today by priming your environment for listening. **✅ Practice This Habit** When someone speaks, I will genuinely listen ### 💬 **Asking Coaching Questions** > Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is. [Michael Bungay Stanier - The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) You are known for your expertise. Your career has developed based on your technical prowess. The challenge is that you can easily become a bottleneck. A coaching leadership style amplifies your impact. To make the shift you need to [break your advice addiction](/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier). Learning to tell less and ask more. Coaching leaders hold back their advice, preferring to help the team find their own answers. You must become an expert in asking great questions. Great coaching questions are open-ended, concise and asked with genuine curiosity. Here are three examples: - What's the real challenge for you? - If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? - What do you fear? **✅ Practice this Habit** In one-on-ones do the following: 👉 Start with this: What do you want to explore? 👉 End with this: What was most useful for you? 👉 Everything in between: Ask open, curious questions ![Coaching Leadership style questions](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_53757fa48a534eac91053832fd680b1e~mv2.png) ### 🪞 **Reflecting** > We’re taught single loop learning from the time we are in grade school, but there’s a better way. Double loop learning is the quickest and most efficient way to learn anything that you want to “stick.” [Shane Parrish](https://fs.blog/double-loop-learning/) Leaders with a coaching style continuously reflect on what's working and what can be improved. They examine biases and assumptions, exploring how to become a better leader every day. The challenge is you are busy. The to-do list is always growing. Finish a one-on-one and it's straight to the next meeting. Reflecting doesn't need to be a soul searching activity. Asking the simple question: So What? after key moments will help you reflect. **✅ Practice this Habit** After every one-on-one, ask yourself this question: What's one thing that went really well? ### 🤔 **Pausing** > Most of the time being, with no rush, is what produces results. [Nancy Kline - Time To Think](https://amzn.to/3H3voHc) Most people hate silence. Coaching leaders love it. They know that the magic happens in the quiet spaces in-between. That moment when you ask a question that provokes deeper thinking. They sit in that moment of silence and create space for great thinking. When they are unsure, coaching style leaders don't rush to respond. They take time to think. The power of the pause is a wonder. When you take a few seconds to pause it invites contributions. The quieter members of your team will talk and everyone will do better thinking. **✅ Practice this Habit** After someone has spoken, I will pause for 5 seconds. ### 📝 **Summarising** > Summarising is repeating back in part or whole what someone has said to you. When you use reflection, all you are really doing is inviting the other person to expand and add more by ‘sending’ out the keywords, feelings or values that you’ve just heard them say. [Emily and Laurence Alison - Rapport](/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison) Leaders who coach are great mirrors. They reflect back on what they have heard in their words, not yours. They help people hear what they are thinking. The simple act of summarising and reflecting creates awareness. Summarising can appear one of the easiest habits of a coaching leadership style. How hard can it be repeating back what the person has said? The challenge is that good summarising requires good listening. It's easy to share what you have heard rather than what they said. There is a real skill in reflecting back on what you've heard in an accurate and human way. If you fake this, your results will be mixed. **✅ Practice this Habit** After someone has spoken, I will summarise back what I have heard ### **Building Better Coaching Leadership Style Habits** You can start developing a coaching leadership style today. Take a moment to write down the habit you'll develop: **To prepare I will:** **After I:** **I will:** **And then:** Crucially when defining your habit make it super small and super easy. This will increase your chances of success and enable you to do it consistently. When you do the habit, don't forget to celebrate. To help you develop a coaching leadership style, I developed the advice detox. A [5-day micro-learning program](/learn-to-coach) to help you become a better coach. You’ll learn the typical problems with giving advice and how staying curious a little longer can unlock performance. ### **The Coaching Challenge Ahead** We have learned so far that coaching is primarily about listening, asking and sensing. With the intent to help people grow. Leadership is highly situational. That means there is no single right way to lead. This is why the skill of "sensing" is so important. Understanding what is going on in the moment so that you can identify the most appropriate response. Daniel Goleman identified [6 leadership styles](https://www.nzequestrian.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/Six-Emotional-Leadership-Styles.pdf) that effective leaders use. The big idea is that the best leaders are flexible. They don't overuse any one style of leadership. They are flexible based on the situation. Most interesting from the study, coaching was the least used, yet most impactful. Your experience might agree. The dominant leadership style in most organisations is command and control. > We must become better at asking and do less telling in a culture that overvalues telling. It has always bothered me how even ordinary conversations tend to be defined by what we tell rather than by what we ask. Edgar H. Schein - Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling This is the biggest challenge for leaders developing a coaching style. Your environment is likely not suited for coaching. You are under pressure, have little time and have many distractions. The natural thing to do is not listen and tell people to "get on with it". Furthermore, you have very few role models. Your manager "coaches" at you all the time. Telling you what to do and how you need to up your game. To make coaching a little more natural, make adjustments to your environment. - Extend your one-on-ones to 1hr to create space for thinking. - Remove distractions prior to any conversations - Write a few coaching questions on a post-it note When you prime your environment for coaching, you'll be more likely to succeed. ## **Part 2 - Why Develop a Coaching Leadership Style** ### **Why the big focus on coaching?** > The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. [Eddie Jones - England Rugby Head Coach](/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones) Let's say you're in the following situation... The senior management at your company noticed your technical expertise and potential, so they promoted you to a managerial position where you have to lead a small team. Your new team begin working on the first feature. They encounter a serious technical challenge. There is strong disagreement within the team on what to do. The team approach you for advice on what to do. Given your experience, you think it's something quite easy to overcome. How do you handle this situation? These moments can feel great. You feel valued and respected for your expertise. The problem: your advice isn't as good as you think it is. Your advice can work well in simple situations (where is the product roadmap documented). But most problems your team face are highly complex. There is no rarely a single right answer. In fact, you can tell the team the "right thing" to do and get bad results. The blame game will start. On the occasions when your best advice actually works, guess what happens next. The team will come back over and over again for your "expert advice". You'll become a bottleneck, overworked and stressed. Your team might even assume that if they don't ask for your advice you'll get angry. A coaching style of leadership helps you overcome these challenges. You help the team self-discover their own solutions. By listening well and asking good questions. > “Attention, the act of listening with palatable respect and fascination, is the key to a Thinking Environment. Listening of this calibre is enzymatic. When you are listening to someone, much of the quality of what you are hearing is *your effect on them.*” [Nancy Kline - Time To Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) When you ask more than you tell these three benefits occur: 1. The team feel empowered and engaged. 2. The team often identify better solutions than you would have 3. You have more time to focus on strategic challenges. ### **How Becoming a Better Coach Helps You** This all sounds great, but what's in it for me? Here are three benefits for you: **You get more time.** Time is your most precious commodity. Instead of getting into the middle of every conversation, you encourage the team to find their own answers. The team become more competent at problem-solving. This creates more time for you to tackle the really big strategic challenges. **You climb the career ladder** When you become a great manager people take notice. Every organisation wants people that can lead at scale. In a highly competitive market, your ability to develop great talent will be highly prized. You'll be given bigger teams and more responsibility. Your coaching skills enable you to scale. **You build a legacy** When people look back at the best leaders in their career, your name will be top of the list. Leaders who know how to coach have some of the biggest impacts on a person's career. When you help people achieve great things, you'll build an incredible legacy. But remember, these are really side-effects by focusing on helping others achieve high performance. Be the guide on the side rather than the sage on the stage. ### **What Problems Does Coaching Solve?** Coaching helps you tackle three leadership challenges: - Talent Development - Change Management - Difficult Conversations **Talent Development** > Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. [Bill Campbell - Trillion Dollar Coach](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) Coaching has been shown to be an effective way to help people perform. Talent Development is about helping people perform at their best. People want to perform in environments that get the best out of them. When leaders create an environment for people to do their best work, people will want to stay. **Change Management** > There are only two ways to influence human behaviour: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it. Simon Sinek Leadership often means encouraging people to leave their comfort zone. Coaching helps people through change. By listening and asking you are more likely to understand the concerns people have. You can build connection, understanding and empathy. You build safety so that people can leave their comfort zone. **Difficult Conversations** The hardest part of leaders is the difficult conversations. - Poor employee performance or behaviour - Complaints and grievances - Giving bad news, such as ending employment or advising unsuccessful job applicants - Addressing conflict - Communicating tough business decisions. Professional coaches are experts at having difficult conversations. They master a few skills to better navigate the tough moments. It doesn’t make the conversations easy, but the outcomes are typically better for everyone involved. Because of this, it’s common for the most difficult conversations to be outsourced to a professional coach. This is not optimal. Instead, leaders need to learn how to become better at having difficult conversations. There is no hiding the fact that these conversations will happen often and are required to reach high performance. The good news. Once you develop the core coaching skills (listening, asking, sensing) and learn a few coaching tools, these hard conversations become easier. --- ## The Culture Code Summary | Daniel Coyle URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-culture-code-summary-daniel-coyle Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-culture-code-summary-daniel-coyle.md Date: 2022-01-26 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas on how to build a successful culture. Daniel Coyle distils the essence of high-performing team culture into three key ideas: build safety, share vulnerability, establish purpose. ![The Culture Code Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1b5495532ab04d06b5646252ae58f139~mv2.png) [**Buy The Culture Code on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3FZac3L) ✏️ The Culture Code Summary Written by [Sam Hainsworth](http://www.linkedin.com/in/samuel-hainsworth) ## 3 big ideas The Culture Code Summary by Daniel Coyle distils the essence of high-performing team culture into three key ideas: **1. Build Safety** Daniel Coyle here refers to the concept of psychological safety; the idea that a high performing team culture provides the conditions in which its members feel safe to put themselves forward. This feeling of group safety supports both success and failure and doesn’t shy away from hard truths, it acknowledges them in a healthy and respectful manner. The most elucidating and compelling example offered by Daniel Coyle is of NBA coach for the San Antonio Spurs, Gregg Popovich. Coach Pop, as he is affectionately known, will deliver “two things over and over: he’ll tell you the truth, with no BS, and then he’ll love you to death.” This balance of honesty and deep empathy creates the psychological safety that is vital to success. **2. Share Vulnerability** In this section, Daniel Coyle flips what many of us would have as mental models of how vulnerability works. At first glance, one might think that trust is a necessary foundation for sharing vulnerability, but Daniel Coyle argues that this is backwards – vulnerability creates trust, not the other way around. By sharing vulnerability, you are signalling to your team that it is safe to make mistakes and to admit that you don’t have all the answers by asking for help. This brings us to the idea of the “vulnerability loop”, which supposes that if Person A admits a mistake or shortcoming, this will signal to Person B to do the same, leading to high-candor exchanges that drive performance and build trust. Vulnerability loops can be especially helpful in moments of stress, when something has gone wrong or conflict has arisen. **3. Establish Purpose** Many teams believe that they share an implicit purpose that they are working towards, but high-performing teams establish a purpose that is “as subtle as a punch in the nose”. Rather than leaving their goals unspoken, they spend a surprising amount of time telling their group story, reminding each other what they stand for. Daniel Coyle compares this kind of behaviour to starlings, who fly in large flocks while maintaining intricately orchestrated patterns. How do they manage such a feat? It turns out that they send constant signals to the other birds around them to communicate their movements. This persistent feedback provides clear directions for the group, allowing them to behave as one. ## Best quotes > “One misconception about highly successful cultures is that they are happy, lighthearted places. This is mostly not the case. They are energized and engaged, but at their core their members are oriented less around achieving happiness than around solving hard problems together. This task involves many moments of high-candor feedback, uncomfortable truth-telling, when they confront the gap between where the group is, and where it ought to be.” > “While successful culture can look and feel like magic, the truth is that it’s not. Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal. It’s not something you are. It’s something you do.” ## Toby's takeaway Here is Sam's Top Takeaways from this The Culture Code Summary. The most enjoyable and illuminating aspect of this book is in its use of anecdotes to illustrate the 3 key factors of team success, providing real-life examples of teams functioning at a high level. When you listen to these stories what is perhaps most surprising and counter to our beliefs is that good team culture is messy and constantly in flux. Rather than avoiding conflict or promoting carefree attitudes, successful teams will confront the difficult truths and bring them into the open. This process is often uncomfortable and difficult, but good teams and good leaders will manage to tell hard truths without destroying safety, hiding their own vulnerabilities, or eschewing purpose. Moreover, team culture is not fixed and can quickly be eroded by those who do not work to constantly maintain it. Culture isn’t a thing or a group, it lives in the interaction between team members, and the best teams think about this in every moment, constantly sending micro signals to their team to reinforce this. [**Buy The Culture Code on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3FZac3L) ## Prefer video? This talk expands on the ideas from The Culture Code Summary. [**Buy The Culture Code on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3FZac3L) ## The Culture Code Summary Written by: [Sam Hainsworth](http://www.linkedin.com/in/samuel-hainsworth) ![Steven Menczel Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b7b0d175796f49769b490a5cafa300ef~mv2.jpg) I am a former software developer turned tech team lead with a passion for continuous learning. Leveraging my technical background, I empower teams to build engaging, intuitive software. 📚 I enjoy the deep focus that comes with spending time with a great book and believe that it gives you unparalleled exposure to the perspectives of others, which makes life a whole lot more interesting. 📗 A book I’ve recently been recommending is [Inspired by Marty Cagan](https://amzn.to/3H9ciiV) --- ## Manager as Coach: How To Lead Better URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/manager-as-coach Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/manager-as-coach.md Date: 2022-01-24 Topics: coaching, leadership In a highly competitive market, effective coaching is not just optional, it’s essential to high-performance. Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. Learn how to become an effective Manager as Coach. Google's [manager research](https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/managers-coach-managers-to-coach/steps/introduction/) revealed their best managers are effective coaches. It's no secret, the Manager as Coach gets results. Increased engagement, improved retention and higher performance. In a highly competitive market, being an effective coach is not just optional, it’s essential. The problem. Most coach training for managers sucks. > Only about 33 percent of LOB respondents in our latest study said that they have become much more effective as managers after taking part in development programs. Harvard Training is theoretical and lacks practical tools. I take a different approach. Helping managers find small coach-like behaviours they can use today. For example, in this article you will find: - [The single best questions to ask at the start of a one-on-one](#viewer-acl2u) - [The three times during the day when coaching is easiest to use](#viewer-9g6fg) - [The best way to become a better listener](#viewer-1o0mq) This article is split into two parts. - [**Part 1 - How to become a Manager as Coach**](#viewer-bv1g5)**.** For managers who want to get started today. - [**Part 2 - Why become a Manager as Coach.**](#viewer-cngb4)For managers who aren't convinced coaching is for them. Let's begin 🚀 ## **Part 1 - How To Become a Manager as Coach?** ### **WTF is coaching?** > Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. [Bill Campbell - Trillion Dollar Coach](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) When you think of coaching, what comes to mind? Let me guess - a sports coach on the sidelines shouting instructions to their under-performing team. The [dictionary](/post/5-coaching-definitions) supports this definition. It uses adjectives such as teaching, advising, telling. Therefore it would be easy to conclude that the Manager as Coach is about fixing people by shouting at them. Not that different from the traditional command and control leadership style. If that's all that is needed, maybe you can stop reading now and get on with the day job. But wait. A further google search reveals another type of coaching: life coaching. You might even come across the [Tony Robbins documentary: I am not your guru](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzKryaN44ss) You are now thinking: I'm supposed to be the team's therapist? The answer is of course, no. This confusion around what Manager as Coach means is rampant. I'm here to help give you clarity. There is a different kind of coaching that get results. It's primarily not about telling people what to do. It's not about being a therapist. I describe it like this: > Coaching performed by a Manager is primarily about listening well, asking good questions and sensing how best to respond. Always with the intent of helping people maximise their peformance. In practical terms, this means mastering three skills: - Listening - Asking - Sensing Sounds simple. But these skills are incredibly difficult to master and do consistently. You are under pressure, have little time and have many distractions. The natural thing to do is not listen and tell people to "get on with it". Furthermore, you have very few role models. Your manager "coaches" at you all the time. Telling you what to do and how you need to up your game. I empathise. This makes your journey to becoming more coach-like that little harder. ### **I could do with an example right now...** Coaching is usually a conversation. A conversation between manager and team member. Coaching can be done with teams and groups. It can be done virtually or in person. It can come in many different forms. For the Manager as Coach, the most obvious time to use coaching is in a one-on-one. I'll assume that you already have a weekly one-on-one with each of your team members. If you don't now is a perfect time to start. The problem. Most one-on-ones are rubbish. 10 minutes of chit chat, 20 minutes of status updates and a few awkward minutes of silence. They don't in any way contribute to high performance. This is where coaching can help. Transforming your conversations from awkward to effective. Your best coaching tool for these conversations is the open question. Open questions work because they invite deeper thinking. They help people think through problems from different perspectives. They demonstrate your interest and curiosity. They build engagement and accountability. To begin, you just need to start and end well: 👉 Start with this: What do you want to explore? 👉 End with this: What was most useful for you? 👉 Everything in between: Ask open, curious questions You will be surprised how much your conversations will improve by starting and ending with an open question. ![Manager as Coach - 5 ways to start a one-on-one](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_53757fa48a534eac91053832fd680b1e~mv2.png) Coaching doesn't need to be rocket science. I created a toolkit of 5 simple tools, you can start using today: ### **How To Develop Coaching Skills** To become better coaches, Managers must develop three skills: listening, asking and sensing. **Listening** > To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative. [Kate Murphy - You're Not Listening](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) Every manager likes to think they are good listeners. The reality. Most of us are terrible listeners. It's not your fault. We work in environments that make sustained focus incredibly difficult. The opportunity. When you become a better listener everything improves. You make better decisions. You build better relationships. You do less work. You make fewer mistakes. You build great teams. Listening is a habit. **Asking** > "The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult." Michael Bungay-Stanier - The Coaching Habit You were promoted to a manager based on the quality of your answers. Expertise got you to this point. The problem. When you have all the answers, you become a bottleneck. When you become a manager the focus must shift. From answers to questions. To unlock engagement in your team, you need to ask questions. This encourages everyone to be involved in problem-solving. Asking questions sounds easy but often managers ask bad questions. You can start today by asking open-ended questions. These typically start with what, when, who and how. **Sensing** > Wise executives tailor their approach to fit the complexity of the circumstances they face. Dave Snowden The least obvious of the three coaching skills is Sensing. I call this the art of coaching. Knowing how to respond in a given situation. - When to ask vs tell. - When to listen vs speak. - When to put pressure on vs take the pressure off. - When to persist vs adapt. To choose the best response you need to sense what's going on. This sensing happens on many levels. - What is going on for you? - What is going on for other people involved? - What is going on in the relationship? - What is going on in the wider system? ![Manager as Coach Emotional Quadrant](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_82fb7e6f07df47b1b763382021d37e64~mv2.jpeg) By becoming better at sensing you increase your hit rate. The likelihood you'll choose the most appropriate response in any leadership situation. ### **When and How To Use Coaching** Coaching conversations in the workplace are varied. There are three common examples: - Routine One-On-Ones Conversations - Career Development Conversations - Real-time Conversations **Routine One-On-Ones** This is the easiest opportunity to integrate coaching into your management style. A coaching style one-on-one means in general: - Your team member primarily owns the agenda - Your team member does most of the talking - You ask most of the questions - You do most of the listening Your one-on-ones become easier once you know the questions to ask. Here are 7 questions taken from [The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay-Stanier](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) : 1. The Kickstart Question - What’s on your mind? 2. The AWE Question - And what else? 3. The Focus Question - What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. The Foundation Question - What do you want? 5. The Lazy Question - How can I help? 6. The Strategic Question - If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. The Learning Question - What was most useful for you? **Career Development Conversations** The most common frustration I hear from team members: we never talk about my career goals. Too often managers focus on the here and now. They fail to put focus on the team's broader career goals. This is because the near-term pressures take time and energy. Another reason is that managers don't know how to structure a good career development conversation. When you ask the question: "Where do you want to be in 5 years?" and your team member responds "I'm not sure" It is awkward. The good news is that there are [hundreds of coaching tools](/post/coaching-tools) to help. Here are 5 of my favourites: - [Grow Model](/post/coaching-tools#viewer-g84d) - [Vision Board](/post/coaching-tools#viewer-86pbk) - [Not To-Do List](/post/coaching-tools#viewer-1im4j) - [Vision Chairs](/post/coaching-tools#viewer-5nmp5) - [Improvement Canvas](/post/coaching-tools#viewer-au5es) **Real-time Conversations** A team member stops you in the hallway. "I have a challenge. How should I tackle it?" How do you respond? You are short on time. You haven't prepared. You have little context. These situations are common. Every bone in your body will want you to quickly give some advice and move on. The Manager as Coach knows advice can be problematic. Instead, the better approach in these situations might be something like this: > "I don't have time to discuss now. But let me ask you this question: "What is the real challenge for you?" Think that through and let's connect later today after this meeting." You always have a choice in how you respond. The best managers have an ability to sense, based upon the situation, what might be the best response. ![Manager as Coach Advice Alternatives](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1419cd41f2de448499e9882ae8ae48ea~mv2.png) ### **How does coaching compare to other leadership styles?** We have learned so far that coaching is primarily about listening, asking and sensing. With the intent to help people grow. Leadership is highly situational. That means there is no single right way to lead. This is why the skill of "sensing" is so important. Understanding what is going on in the moment so that you can identify the most appropriate response. Daniel Goleman identified [6 leadership styles](https://www.nzequestrian.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/Six-Emotional-Leadership-Styles.pdf) that effective leaders use. The big idea is that the best leaders are flexible. They don't overuse any one style of leadership. They are flexible based on the situation. Most interesting from the study, coaching was the least used, yet most impactful. Your experience might agree. The dominant leadership style in most organisations is command and control. > We must become better at asking and do less telling in a culture that overvalues telling. It has always bothered me how even ordinary conversations tend to be defined by what we tell rather than by what we ask. Edgar H. Schein - Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling This is a challenge for managers. The environment around you will nudge you towards telling people what to do. However as we explored, in complex environments, coaching often gets results. ## **Part 2 - Why Become a Manager as Coach.** ### **Why the big focus on coaching?** > The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. [Eddie Jones - England Rugby Head Coach](/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones) Let's say you're in the following situation... The senior management at your company noticed your technical expertise and potential, so they promoted you to a managerial position where you have to lead a small team. Your new team begin working on the first feature. They encounter a serious technical challenge. There is strong disagreement within the team on what to do. The team approach you for advice on what to do. Given your experience, you think it's something quite easy to overcome. How do you handle this situation? These moments can feel great. You feel valued and respected for your expertise. The problem: your advice isn't as good as you think it is. Your advice can work well in simple situations (where is the product roadmap documented). But most problems your team face are highly complex. There is no rarely a single right answer. In fact, you can tell the team the "right thing" to do and get bad results. The blame game will start. On the occasions when your best advice actually works, guess what happens next. The team will come back over and over again for your "expert advice". You'll become a bottleneck, overworked and stressed. Your team might even assume that if they don't ask for your advice you'll get angry. A coaching style of leadership helps you overcome these challenges. You help the team self-discover their own solutions. By listening well and asking good questions. > “Attention, the act of listening with palatable respect and fascination, is the key to a Thinking Environment. Listening of this calibre is enzymatic. When you are listening to someone, much of the quality of what you are hearing is *your effect on them.*” [Nancy Kline - Time To Think](/post/book-summary-time-to-think-by-nancy-kline) When you ask more than you tell these three benefits occur: 1. The team feel empowered and engaged. 2. The team often identify better solutions than you would have 3. You have more time to focus on strategic challenges. ### **How Becoming a Better Coach Helps You** This all sounds great, but what's in it for me? Here are three benefits for you: **You get more time.** Time is your most precious commodity. Instead of getting into the middle of every conversation, you encourage the team to find their own answers. The team become more competent at problem-solving. This creates more time for you to tackle the really big strategic challenges. **You climb the career ladder** When you become a great manager people take notice. Every organisation wants people that can lead at scale. In a highly competitive market, your ability to develop great talent will be highly prized. You'll be given bigger teams and more responsibility. Your coaching skills enable you to scale. **You build a legacy** When people look back at the best managers in their career, your name will be top of the list. Managers who know how to coach have some of the biggest impacts on a person's career. When you help people achieve great things, you'll build an incredible legacy. But remember, these are really side-effects by focusing on helping others achieve high performance. Be the guide on the side rather than the sage on the stage. ### **What Problems Does Coaching Solve?** Coaching helps you tackle three management challenges: - Talent Development - Change Management - Difficult Conversations **Talent Development** > Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. [Bill Campbell - Trillion Dollar Coach](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) Coaching has been shown to be an effective way to help people perform. Talent Development is about helping people perform at their best. People want to perform in environments that get the best out of them. When managers create an environment for people to do their best work, people will want to stay. **Change Management** > There are only two ways to influence human behaviour: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it. Simon Sinek Every organisation is undertaking a digital transformation. This means roles and activities will be changing. The Manager as Coach helps people through the change journey. They understand that change is scary. They also understand that people want to be heard. Listening to dissenting voices **Hard Conversations** The hardest part of management is the hard conversations. - Poor employee performance or behaviour - Complaints and grievances - Giving bad news, such as ending employment or advising unsuccessful job applicants - Addressing conflict - Communicating tough business decisions. Professional coaches are experts at having difficult conversations. They master a few skills to better navigate the tough moments. It doesn’t make the conversations easy, but the outcomes are typically better for everyone involved. Because of this, it’s common for the most difficult conversations to be outsourced to a professional coach. This is not optimal. Instead, leaders need to learn how to become better at having difficult conversations. There is no hiding the fact that these conversations will happen often and are required to reach high performance. The good news. Once you develop the core coaching skills (listening, asking, sensing) and learn a few coaching tools, these hard conversations become easier. --- ## Book Summary: How To Begin By Michael Bungay Stanier URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-begin-by-michael-bungay-stanier Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-begin-by-michael-bungay-stanier.md Date: 2022-01-21 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from How to Begin by Michael Bungay Stanier. You'll learn how to set goals that are meaningful and important. You unlock your greatness by working on the hard things. ![How to Begin Michael Bungay Stanier Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c97da7dadc6a4fc8be3c61b8eb853a28~mv2.png) [**Buy How To Begin on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3fNuP8x) ✏️ How To Begin Book Summary Written by [Steven Menczel](https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevenmenczel/) ## 3 big ideas How to Begin helps you achieve worthy goals: 1. Set worthy goals in any area of your life. Measure worthiness by using the metrics of thrilling, important and daunting, and refine the goal until it is clear, simple and compelling. 2. Assess the goal carefully before you commit. Look at your previous false starts, what you are currently doing and not doing that is taking you away from your goal, and weigh up factors such as loss of comfort and how the journey would mould and cement your best qualities. 3. Cross the Threshold: Set yourself up for success when you begin by taking small steps, making sure you are operating at your peak, and choosing your travelling companions deliberately and carefully. ## Best quotes > "Here’s what unites everyone who picks up this book: You sense the stirrings of your own ambition. You know that you have more to contribute. You want to shake things up and make a difference. You want to learn and grow. You want to use your power for good. And you’re ready to begin." > "The central mantra of this book is **'you unlock your greatness by working on the hard things'**. To strive to be your Best Self is a lifetime's work" ## Toby's takeaway Here are Steven's Top Takeaways in this Book Summary of How To Begin by Michael Bungay: As you can infer from the title, Michael's book focuses on the 'how' of defining important goals, evaluating them and starting them, and he does this in a conversational style and in great detail. In essence, it reads like an instructional manual with clear stages and steps, and most importantly, Michael workshops two of his own goals 'in real time' throughout the book, explaining not only his actions but also his thought processes. In 'How to Begin', Michael sets up the idea of a 'worthy goal' and makes the concept relatable and achievable. He leads you through numerous activities to test the goal, and to ensure that it meets the criteria of being exciting, a bit scary, and of value. The second section of the book, where he introduces some novel methods for weighing up whether to actively pursue the goal, was the most eye-opening for me. As an example, he asks you to assess whether the goal will move you to 'You+' (a more finely-tuned version of you) or to 'You 2.0', where you break your current limits and step onto a new S-curve of learning and growth and truly connect to your goal. Exercises like these will give many the confidence to proceed and take the practical actions outlined in the final section to kick-start the new goal. I am constantly reminded that there is no shortage of people who are ready to tell you what to do, but precious few who can clearly, effectively and enjoyably guide you through the process of execution. Michael does this with his trademark humour, passion, and desire to make the world a better place. Highly recommended. [**Buy How To Begin on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3fNuP8x) ## Prefer video? This interview between Michael Bungay Stanier and Marshall Goldsmith expands on the ideas from this How To Begin Book Summary. [**Buy How To Begin on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3fNuP8x) ## How To Begin Book Summary Written by: [Steven Menczel](https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevenmenczel/) ![Steven Menczel Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d347df879e1b4f3a97bf5cfa1aac7272~mv2.png) I’m a behaviour designer and my mission is to shorten the process of moving from theory to results by creating powerful and positive habits and routines - on the way I make people happier, healthier and more successful. 📚 I love to read because it nourishes and provokes me, and I view my reading as an ongoing dialogue that adds to the conversation of who we are, and why we do what we do. 📗A book I’ve recently been recommending is [‘Rationality’ by Steven Pinker](https://amzn.to/3qTtWS4) --- ## Book Summary: The Drunkard’s Walk by Leonard Mlodinow URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-drunkards-walk-by-leonard-mlodinow Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-drunkards-walk-by-leonard-mlodinow.md Date: 2022-01-16 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from The Drunkards Walk. Learn how randomness plays an important part in success. Many successes are influenced more by random elements (including chance encounters) than any talent or skill - this makes them unrepeatable. ![Drunkards Walk Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1b545b6dcb574dcb984ab09171a04933~mv2.png) [**Buy The Drunkard’s Walk by Leonard Mlodinow on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tytaMg) ✏️ Summary Written by [Gareth Bragg](https://www.linkedin.com/in/gbragg/) ## 3 big ideas The Drunkard’s Walk by Leonard Mlodinow teaches you that: 1. **Past success isn't the best indicator of future success.** Many successes are influenced more by random elements (including chance encounters) than any talent or skill - this makes them unrepeatable. 2. **Avoid oversimplifying success.** Be cautious of the simple stories that you tell about a situation. 3. **Increasing your attempts at success** will increase your chances of success. In hindsight, the one thing that works will often seem obvious. ## Best quotes > "We miss the effects of randomness in life because when we assess the world, we tend to see what we expect to see." > “That’s why successful people in every field are almost universally members of a certain set—the set of people who don’t give up.” ## Toby's takeaway From reading The Drunkard’s Walk by Leonard Mlodinow I've come to see that randomness plays a far larger role in our lives than I’d have liked to believe. We’re surrounded by complexity and chance encounters, and the idea of being “in control” feels like a seductive illusion. Any past event can seem "bound to have happened" if I ignore all the many ways it could have failed. By accepting the chance - or likelihood - of failure, I can embrace getting the most out of my own journey and opportunities while letting go of the many things that just don't work out. Rather than intimidating, I find that liberating. The belief I “must make this work" or plot out every step before making a move could hold me back. Accepting success can’t be ensured lets me focus on trying things out and learning from the inevitable failures that occur. Since reading this book I’ve started to keep watch on how much certainty I look for. When making plans or commitments I’ll regularly ask, “what more can I do to really impact my chance of success?”. Most every time the answer has been “nothing”, and I’ve suddenly unblocked myself to make a move. I’ll still work to set myself up for success. Getting to know people, building my support network, developing skills, finding opportunities I’m passionate about. These can all improve my chances of success and happiness, but I’ll only be sure of success when I’m looking back on them. [**Buy The Drunkard’s Walk: by Leonard Mlodinow on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tytaMg) ## Book Summary Written by: [Gareth Bragg](https://www.linkedin.com/in/gbragg/) ![Gareth Bragg Bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_65bde0d043d54f64984d8182ad472ffa~mv2.png) I'm a coach who cares about mental health, creativity, and trying to bring just a little more happiness into the world. 📚 I love to read because it introduces me to new ideas, concepts, and adventures, at my own pace. 📗 The book I've most recommended recently is [Range by David Epstein](/post/book-summary-range-why-generalists-triumph-in-a-specialised-world-david-epstein) --- ## Book Summary - Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-quiet-the-power-of-introverts-by-susan-cain Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-quiet-the-power-of-introverts-by-susan-cain.md Date: 2022-01-16 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas and best quotes from Quiet by Susan Cain. You will learn the power of introverts and how to create more inclusive environments. ![Quiet by Susan Cain](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_712d68cfb8964603a205117aa602fea1~mv2.png) [**Buy Quiet on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3248kZL) ✏️ Quiet Book Summary Written by [Ayomidé Charlock](https://www.linkedin.com/in/ayomide-charlock/) ## 3 big ideas In this Quiet book summary, Ayomide shares that: 1. **Western societies are built around extroverted ideals** and glorify one type of individual – the kind who enjoys socializing in groups, is comfortable in the spotlight, and has an alpha personality. Many introverts feel they have to hide their true selves or pretend to be extroverts to succeed. 2. **Our institutions are designed to serve extroverts and their work preferences.** Our workplaces and schools cater to those who prefer group projects and high levels of stimulation. Introverts are forced to sit in classroom pods or open-plan offices that require constant collaboration without the space to get the quiet they need. 3. **Introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum.** No two are exactly the same and sometimes the degree of introversion or extroversion depends on the situation. A strong introvert might tap into their extroversion for the sake of work they think is important, people they love, or anything they value. ## Best quotes > “We are told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts – which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are.” > “We like to think we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual – the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.” ## Toby's takeaway Here are Ayomidé's Quiet Book summary top takeaways. Before reading Quiet by Susan Cain, I felt that I needed to hide my introversion. Introverts are stigmatized and seen as shy or anti-social, and I was worried about that affecting my professional opportunities. I was surprised to learn from Quiet The Power of Introverts that 1/3 to ½ of the US population identified as introverts because it always felt like we were more of a minority. It turns out many of us have simply gotten good at pretending to be extroverted. Although there is no correlation between talkativeness and good ideas, research shared in Quiet by Susan Cain shows that fast-talkers are ranked more competent and likable than slow ones. I think we should all be aware of our tendency to make those quick judgments and seek out those who may stay quiet but have a lot of great ideas. Introverts have many innate strengths that make them great leaders, collaborators, and partners. We need to tap into those strengths to achieve professional and personal success. Leaders and managers should place introverts on projects that highlight their innate strengths and complement those of their extroverted team members. [**Buy Quiet: The Power of Introverts on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3248kZL) ## Prefer video? This Ted Talk shares the big ideas from this Quiet Book Summary. ## Quiet Book Summary Written by: [Ayomidé Charlock](https://www.linkedin.com/in/ayomide-charlock/) ![Atomide Charlock bio](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2715e8cfa1284f809fa12c78a7f51a71~mv2.png) I am a human behavior observer, multidisciplinary learner, and budding content creator. I share what I'm learning on [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/ayomide-charlock/). I talk about different topics, but I primarily focus on business leadership, communication, and personal development with a touch of behavioral science. 📚 I love to read because it's a great way to expand my perspective and learn from experts on my own time. 📗 A book I've most recommended recently is [The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer](https://amzn.to/3I6JIyK). --- ## The Coach's Guide To Teaching Summary by Doug Lemov URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-coach-s-guide-to-teaching-summary-by-doug-lemov Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-coach-s-guide-to-teaching-summary-by-doug-lemov.md Date: 2022-01-16 Topics: book-summaries Learn how to become a masterful teacher in business. Doug Lemov shares how coaches can become better teachers. Ensuring what you teach they will learn. The best leaders are great teachers. You'll learn how to improve decision making, check for understanding and build a learning culture. ![Coach's Guide to teaching doug lemov](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a21e0b98f21548359fd4d77f256c0045~mv2.png) [**Buy The Coach's Guide To Teaching on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tAQBVf) ## 3 big ideas The Coach's Guide To Teaching by Doug Lemov helps you to coach better: 1. Decision making is improved by learning to see better. Perception is a crucial skill to faster decision making. 2. Experts and novices learn differently. You must adjust your teaching approach based upon the skill level of the person. However, you must teach everyone with the same belief of their unlimited potential. 3. Teaching is knowing the difference between “I taught it” and “They learned it.” Leaders must learn how to check for understanding, so they can confirm team members can apply what they've learned under pressure. ## Best quotes > As soon as training completes, forgetting starts. > Consistent vocabulary enables consistent execution. ## Toby's takeaway I'm rethinking everything I know about coaching. Doug Lemov has written an excellent book on how to teach in an elite sports environment. I found that although the context was sport, many of these principles and ideas can be used in business. I believe that **great leaders are great teachers.** However many leaders have never learned how to teach. In fact, most teaching in the corporate world is truly terrible. It very rarely leads to mastery. I have already started to apply the ideas from this book. For example, this week I have improved how I "check for understanding". What is great about this book is the depth of theory but the clear examples of application. The video resources that supplement each idea are incredible. In fact, this is a key teaching principle. Observing others apply the skill in question enables you to learn better. You'll leave with a better understanding of the science and application of learning. **My takeaway:** I have a long way to go, to become a better teacher. [**Buy The Coach's Guide To Teaching on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3tAQBVf) ## Applying in Business - The Coach's Guide To Teaching Learn how The Coach's Guide To Teaching can be applied to business: - [Great Leaders Are Great Teachers](#viewer-1ic0s) - [Improving Decision Making and Problem-Solving](#viewer-b1q3f) - [How To Design Training Activities](#viewer-1qmhd) - [Developing Shared Mental Models](#viewer-3duuj) - [Working with Forgetting](#viewer-ccnb6) - [Mastering Feedback and Questioning](#viewer-dr4dp) - [Checking for Understanding](#viewer-c7ne8) - [Building a Learning Culture](#viewer-4p6pl) - [Becoming a More Coach-Like Leader](#viewer-cgpt2) ## Great Leaders Are Great Teachers > “Less certainty, more inquiry.” Erik Seidel Learning to teach better helps you lead better and increase your impact. **Great leaders are great teachers.** When you improve your teaching approach, you'll find improvements in: - Giving feedback to help people learn better and faster - Confidence that what you have taught, people have learned - Ability to help people who are not "getting it" - Reduce the impact of forgetting what has been learned - Improvements in your team's decision making - A greater intrinsic desire from the people you lead to learn Many leaders will associate teaching with telling. Most corporate training is based around PowerPoint slides led by a trainer. It's focused on knowledge gathering rather than learning. It assumes that if people are told they will do. The teaching explored in The Coach's Guide To Teaching is very different. The best teachers go beyond telling people what to do. They understand the science of learning, how to manage cognitive load, master the skill of observation and communicate clearly. > Don’t be the sage on the stage; be the guide on the side! ## Improving Decision Making and Problem-Solving Leaders must understand the difference between decision-making and problem-solving. One (problem-solving) is generally slow and the other (decision-making) is often fast. Each requires different teaching and learning approaches. > “When I start running earlier than the others, I appear faster.” Johan Cruyff The ability to decide is crucial to performance. Part of being “fast” is making better decisions. This is mostly done unconsciously. **Learning To See** Decision making is the result of perception. > “You must first see effectively in order to decide effectively.” Leaders must understand the importance of perception. Coach-like leaders help people see better. When people see better they make better decisions. Perception is improved by moving skills from the working memory into long-term memory. The execution of the skill becomes unconscious. You want team members to execute skills with little effort. A sporting example that highlights the importance of perception: > For years, people presumed that reaction time was the key to hitting; faster reactions for faster pitches. But as David Epstein describes in The Sports Gene, the great slugger Albert Pujols was found, at the height of his prowess, to have a reaction time that was below average for the adult male population. Something else must have allowed him to hit a ball moving that quickly. That something turns out to be perception: a batter-like Pujols perceives visual cues from the pitcher’s motion as and before he releases the ball—angle of the shoulder, the position of the wrist, rate of hip rotation. The batter’s brain processes these visual cues and predicts the pitch without his ever intentionally looking for them or even his consciously being aware of them. Many batters, even successful ones, still think it’s about reaction time, and this is profound. The typical batter never knows what the true drivers of his success are and is not even aware that they happen. He has learned the tools of his greatness accidentally and without knowing it. 📹 **Video Example** An example that demonstrates how experts and novices see differently Leaders can help teach perception. It's important to understand that **experts see differently from novices**. Expertise is knowing what to look for and where to find it. Research has shown that experienced teachers in the classroom look less but see more. **Expertise is in the eyes**. You cannot make the right decisions unless your eyes are in the right place and know what to look for. Experts look and see underlying principles at work; novices see superficial details. > “The mark of expertise is the habit of consistently and unconsciously looking in the right place: find the signal; ignore the noise.” To teach well, **leaders must develop masterful observational skills**. To do this, you must make this observation intentional. The key is planning. Prior to the session you will observe, make a note of the things you will notice. Create a checklist of these items. For example, if you were observing a team collaborating you might notice: - How many questions are asked? - Who asks these questions? - Who speaks and who doesn't? - How often disagreements are raised? - How often people are interrupted? You must be intentional about the things you plan to observe. 📹 **Video Example** In a sporting context, you can give substitutes observational tasks. Give each person a very specific thing to observe, passing technique, use of open space, player positioning. This has three benefits. It keeps the substitutes active, developers their observational skills and gives the coach additional insights into what is happening during the game. > Though it is rarely acknowledged, the ability to see accurately is a coach’s first skill. ## How To Design Training Activities > “Doing simple things at speed makes them seem complex.” Johan Cruyff Learning occurs when problems are challenging but not unsolvable. (Desirable Difficulty) **Most organisations are Wicked learning environments**. There are mismatches between decisions and feedback. You can do the right thing and be unsuccessful. You can do the wrong thing and have it appear to have been right. Many organisations claim victory for a certain method or approach they have taken. In reality, this might have been the wrong action. It's just on that occasion it seemed to work. When others apply the same method, they might experience the opposite results. Be aware of this when training. Seek to understand if the correct method was applied to get the desired outcome. Most corporate training focuses on knowledge-building activities. These do not lead to changes in behaviour in the workplace. Three types of training activities leaders should do: - **Skill-acquisition** - Learning to execute a skill, under pressure without thinking. - **Game-based** - Applying skills within the context of a constrained game environment. For example, a game of 11 vs 8 or a smaller pitch. - **Tactical** - Recreating specific situations that may occur during a match. Any coaching should be a mixture of these activities for the learner. **Be aware of installation costs.** When you introduce new learning activities, it takes a cognitive load to learn. This might distract from the thing you are helping people learn. For example, switching between tools in a training session can add a cost. Kahoot for activity 1, Menti for activity 2, Miro for activity 3. Instead, how could you use Miro for all three activities? The ideal training activity is a platform: a basic setup that players can master. The coach then builds up variations within that platform. The installation cost is lower and the learning is high. Training exercises must phase in complexity and learning in stages. Introducing people to one idea and letting them apply it right away, then adding another. As they start to execute more fluidly and with less strain on working memory, a new challenge or a new idea can be added. This keeps challenges at a level that engages players and helps them enjoy learning but that avoids asking them to do too many things at once. ## Developing Shared Mental Models ![Doug Lemov Game Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_06bd57e39adc41aaacb9324ede694919~mv2.jpeg) A “game model” is the name for this shared understanding of how teams want to play in a specific context. A team with a shared understanding of how they want to play and what options are preferred in specific situations will be able to “read” one another’s actions faster and better than the defence can. If they have a clear shared understanding of their goals and priorities in specific situations, they will read one another’s signals and communicate through their actions. They will read the game in a similar way, using a similar visual vocabulary. They will appear to have second sight. **You can develop a game model in business.** How will we play to achieve this business outcome? Teams that have a shared model of how they will play, perform better. These might be scenarios such as: How we will play when: - New business opportunities arise - System issues occur - Deployment of a new system - When a new team member joins The best teams encode their game model into long-term memory. They attach precise names to the model. This helps them clearly communicate it to each other. Teams can only make coordinated decisions if they can communicate the game model clearly. A game model is encoded into principles that the team embody. These should be clearly described for everyone to understand. A Sporting Example: - When our team wins the ball from the opposition we will: - Play immediately away from pressure - Spread the field—fast (to stretch the defence) - Find numerical advantage in as few passes as possible When a team has a game model, teaching and feedback can become more powerful. An Example: > Pause. Blue team. We have just won the ball. What’s our first principle? Play away from pressure. And if I don’t have the ball? Stretch the defense. OK, so Carlos won the ball. Where is the pressure? Here, where Kelvin and Paul are. Yes. So a better first ball would be? To Matty. Because? It’s away from pressure. And Matty, when you get it, where are you looking to play? Where we’ve got numbers. OK. Let’s see if we can do that. Play again from Carlos. Go! Or: What phase are we in? We just won the ball. OK, so assess our decision as a team there. We played back into pressure. OK, what’s the best way to fix that? Or: Our first principle is to play away from pressure. Look at how we were positioned. Why were we unable to accomplish that goal? The key here is that principles of play make questioning productive and efficient because they reduce guessing. If there were no principles of play and you said, “We just won the ball, what do we want to do here?”, the team members would likely guess wrong, which wastes time and dilutes focus from the real problem-solving of figuring out the execution. **The Power of Langauge** > “Being concrete and clear through vocabulary builds understanding.” Jesse Marsch For knowledge to be shared, it must be captured in consistent precise words that everyone can use. It is very difficult unless everybody understands the concepts the same way and has the same name for them. In many cases, a leader will assume that players have a shared model. They refer to an idea and hope that most of their team members know what they’re talking about. This assumption of shared mental models often leads to confusion in high stakes situations. Standardizing vocabulary usage across a team is one of the fastest ways to accelerate learning. The best coaches create a shared language that’s instrumental in their teaching. The phrases stick with players and staff. They spend hours thinking about words. > Consistent vocabulary enables consistent execution. An example of specific shared language: > “We developed other phrases. Like ‘Roger Bannister,’ This was intended to evoke the story of the famed distance runner, who set out to break the four-minute mile when people said it could not be done. “When, after years, he finally broke it, something like 23 other guys broke it in the next ten years. It tells you that fatigue is mental. Break that barrier! That’s what the word means. I had them read the article and then we talked about it. Then we started using the word ‘Roger Bannister’ to capture the idea in the story.” ## Working with Forgetting As soon as training completes, forgetting starts. ![Forgetting Curve Example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_95f32e3101ea4fbbb248eff34632881b~mv2.png) What a person demonstrates in training does not indicate what they will do under pressure. There are five ways to reduce the effect of forgetting: 1. **Retrieval practice** - Going back to the old material to ensure people can retrieve it 2. **Interleaving** - Mixing topics together instead of blocked practice, one topic at a time. 3. **Elaboration** - Drawing connections to what you are learning now to what you have learned in the past 4. **Randomized practice** - Increasing the pressure of recall, similar to a game environment. Removing the predictability of learning. 5. **Low stakes assessment** - Simple tests to verify learning that are scored but not graded. The consequences of failure are lower. The intrinsic motivation to get it right is high. 📹 **Video Example** These techniques are explored further in [Super Learning by Peter Hollins](/post/super-learning-book-summary-by-peter-hollins) > If you were to study 15 minutes for a test each day for three days, for a total of 45 minutes, using carefully designed retrieval practice, you’d likely do better than if you studied for 60 minutes all at once a night or two before the test. **Decision making in training should be harder than the game.** Novices and experts learn differently. Experts can execute with little load on the working memory. They can more easily and rapidly incorporate new ideas. Experts are generally more aware of their own strengths and weaknesses. Novices are less aware of the skills they lack and tend to overrate performance. > “Experts faced with a complex problem see deep principles that help categorise and solve it. Novices, in contrast, see superficial features.” Paul Kirschner and Carl Hendrick ## Mastering Feedback and Questioning > “When you chase five rabbits, you catch none.” ![Dilbert on Feedback](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_742cd4ee16f447e68c415f2c18b60343~mv2.jpeg) The goal of giving feedback is to help people see how they can do something differently to improve the outcome. **A common leadership error is giving multiple points of feedback at once.** When you do that, it’s likely people will do nothing with sufficient focus to achieve mastery. There’s a decent chance working memory will be overloaded and performance will get worse. Another challenge is that **feedback is often not acted upon**. This can create a culture of ignorance. Build a culture of accountability by noticing if feedback is acted upon. Be intentional about feedback. If you cannot remember the feedback you have given the person receiving it definitely won't. Giving feedback on one thing at a time builds habits of concentration and follow-through. > “When we concentrate our efforts on small manageable goals, we regain the feeling of control so crucial to performance.” Shawn Achor - The Happiness Advantage **Receive-try-reflect** One of the most important factors in the effectiveness of the feedback is how quickly the recipient gets the chance to use it.The ideal sequence for recipients is receive-try-reflect rather than receive-reflect-try. 📹 **Video Example** **Stop Over Talking. It Reduces Learning.** A common mistake by leaders is they talk too much. When they do, people stop listening. Many leaders don’t pick up on these signals and continue talking. Today team members need crisp and clear messages. Seconds, not minutes or even worse hours! A common reason that leaders over-communicate is that they are worried they will forget it. **Become a master of language economy.** > “Economy of language”—the skill of saying something in the fewest possible words One effective way to improve is to plan better. Prepare for what you want to say. Refine and trim your message. Prioritize the one message you must say rather than saying the things you should say. Learning to say less gives people more space and autonomy and ownership. The best coaches, coach by not coaching. Every team member needs to have one most important thing that they’re being given consistent and timely reminders and encouragement about. And it’s critical when you have multiple leaders that everyone has to know each person one thing. That consistency of messaging is vital to the learning process. ## Checking for Understanding > “While the teacher is trying to … discover what isn’t working, the student is in some way trying to elude discovery, disguising weaknesses in order to seem better than she is.” –Jeremy Denk **Teaching is knowing the difference between “I taught it” and “They learned it.”** No matter the setting, bridging the gap between those two ideas is at the core of what teachers do and often the greatest challenge of the job. The training environment must be complex enough to prepare people to execute under performance conditions. To check for understanding, the leader must first must-see. You must be able to see what is happening. First, you have to perceive the error, and surprisingly, that is the step where the process breaks down far more often than almost anyone would suspect. Three ways to observe better: - **Tracking, Not Watching** - Observation is not a passive activity but an active one. - **Anticipate Errors** - Take a few minutes when you are planning a training exercise and specifically ask yourself, “What are the things players are most likely to get wrong as they do this?” - **Exemplar Planning** - Taking the time to describe what the ideal answer looks like. 📹 **Video Example** Observe how Denarius has a clipboard of things to track. He has intentionally planned the session and the observations he will make. Develop an environment where team members study their mistakes with openness, curiosity and interest. If they can reflect on their struggles and missteps without defensiveness or recrimination, and make this a habit, **you will have created a learning culture.** Developing a culture of error normalizes failure. It stops behaviours like deflecting blame onto others, rationalizing their mistakes, or seeking to hide them—from their coaches but also from themselves. The message is that mistakes are inevitable when we try to learn difficult things. This is different from a culture where coaches are afraid to call a wrong answer or a poor decision a mistake—the opposite, in many ways. A good sign of the right culture is when your team say: > I’m doing something really challenging tomorrow and I’m not sure it’s going to go well. I’d love your feedback. When checking for understanding, these are common questions asked by leaders: - “Is that clear?” - “Everybody get it?” - “Understand?” - “Are we good?” - “Do you have any questions?” **People are very unlikely to understand whether they understand something**—the less they understand about it. If you ask people even something very simple like how much time they spent on their smartphone in the last 24 hours, the data will almost assuredly be inaccurate. Better ways to check for understanding: - “What questions do you have?” is far better than “Do you have any questions?” - Fast, targeted questions to assess understanding. How long do we have? What is the first thing you need to do? When will you have succeeded? - Show me - Asking listeners to demonstrate a simplified version of the thing you want them to do ## Building a Learning Culture > You can get a lot wrong if you get the culture right. Culture is built in a thousand smaller moments when we’re not fully aware that we’re building it. The sociobiologist Edward Wilson describes the success of humans as being the result of two parallel forms of natural selection. One that rewarded strength and intelligence among individuals and another that rewarded coordination and cooperation among groups. The weaker individual in a stronger group might be more likely to survive through the aeons of prehistory than would a stronger individual in a weak group. Building culture is in large part about our ability to sustain focus on what’s important when something else feels more urgent. The coach designs the environment and the team members own it. **Culture is shared among everyone**, a mindset (attitudes), and a set of regular habits and rituals (practices). It is designed and it must be shared. It must be distinct. It is expressed in habits and language is the most important habit. > It’s hard to stick to positive habits in a negative environment. The best cultures have elements that are incomprehensible to “outsiders”. This reminds “insiders” of their belonging. Leaders help people achieve their dreams, maximize their potential and find out what it means to pursue excellence in a team environment. ## Becoming a More Coach-Like Leader > “Coaching is about developing people to become better, to reach their potential and—for team sports—to become better than the sum of your parts” Scotland Rugby head coach Gregor Townsend How do you respond: when a team member makes a sound decision that results in a poor outcome? This is a critical moment in the relationship between the coach and team members. In the great majority of cases, when the decision is right but the execution goes wrong, it is a good thing. The execution, after all, won’t always be insufficient. A good decision with an imperfect skill is not only preferable to the proficient skill with a bad decision, it’s likely to result soon enough in both good decision and good execution. The hallmarks of great coaches: - Hunger and humility - Relishing the journey of maximizing other people’s skills - Relentlessly seeking to maximize your own skills - Focusing always on the things that can make you better Managing one’s own ego is one of the most challenging tensions in a coach’s development. > “There are some coaches that will promote their own importance to a team’s success, but I don’t believe that is sustainable or compatible with long-term team success.” Many teams refer to themselves as ‘management’ (coaching team, medical, strength + conditioners, operations). Instead, change the language to ‘support staff.’ It’s a simple shift in language that reminds you that, ultimately, you are not the ones going to win the games. We help and serve the team. [More video examples to demonstrate ideas from The Coach's Guide To Teaching by Dug Lemov](https://www.coachsguidetoteaching.com/#videos) --- ## Book Summary: Leadership by Eddie Jones URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-leadership-by-eddie-jones.md Date: 2021-12-26 Topics: book-summaries, coaching Leadership by Eddie Jones inspires you to be your best. The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. Servant leadership brings out the best in a team. Asking more than telling. Leaders must build a learning environment. The biggest advantage teams can develop is the ability to learn faster and better than the competition. ![Eddie Jones Leadership Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0af1b569957b459babdf78c3219ec3ad~mv2.png) [**Buy Eddie Jones on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/32DzDty) ## 3 big ideas In this book summary of Leadership by Eddie Jones you will learn: 1. The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. Servant leadership brings out the best in a team. Asking more than telling. 2. Leaders must build a learning environment. The biggest advantage teams can develop is the ability to learn faster and better than the competition. 3. Mine for conflict. Unresolved conflict blows up in high-pressure moments. Continuously seek out the unexploded grenades in your team and detonate them before match day. ## Best quotes > A leaders job is to help people get as close as possible to achieving their full potential. > We call them ‘soft skills’ but they’re actually bloody hard. ## Toby's takeaway When I started to learn about coaching I pictured this: A sports coach at the sidelines shouting at the players, telling them what to do. This is no surprise given that's [how the dictionary defines coaching](/post/5-coaching-definitions). I've learned over the years that high-performance coaching is very different. > The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore. I've studied Eddie Jones since he took charge of England Rugby in 2016. I've [analysed Eddie Jones coaching approach](/post/coaching-lessons-from-elite-sport-england-rugby-coach-eddie-jones), summarised [Eddie Jones leadership principles](/post/leadership-lessons-from-eddie-jones-high-performance-podcast) and the [fatal fears in every team](/post/the-four-fatal-fears-of-your-team-advice-for-managers). Leadership by Eddie Jones is the book I've been waiting for. A deep dive into Eddie Jones' leadership principles and values. A detailed look at coaching in an elite sporting environment. Readers unfamiliar with modern sports coaching will be surprised. Learning that for teams to succeed, it's not about telling them what to do. It's about giving increasing amounts of responsibility to the team. For example, England Rugby players decide their Monday schedule, not the coaches. A superb read for leaders in business. Learn how to create an elite performance environment in your workplace. **My takeaway:** The importance of creating a learning environment, where team members can maximise their potential. [**Buy Eddie Jones on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/32DzDty) ## Big Ideas Expanded This book summary expands on the big ideas from Leadership by Eddie Jones. ![Eddie Jones Leadership Cycle](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c57b1cfa8bcc46afb182cde565eb785b~mv2.png) Leadership Cycle - Vision - Build - Experiment - Win [Overcome Failure] - Rebuild At every stage: - Manage people - Mine for conflict - Map where we are in the cycle ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a4914866abd342cfb9d84f52e087fb00~mv2.png) ## Build the right people around you You don't need to get on with the team lead socially. All that really matters are your professional and performance relationships. Can you work together professionally to improve the performance of the organization? Great teams have great performance relationships rather than great friendships. ## Servant Leadership All the research shows that, if teams think through problems themselves, rather than being told, the chances of them then owning and solving the problem will be much higher. When a problem is identified don't give the team the solution. Ask them to work together and identify solutions. Eddie Jones often gives his players a challenge and asks them to come back in a couple of days with solutions. It's more about asking the players rather than telling them. **The old dictator of a coach shouting out a team doesn’t work anymore.** The idea that a coach changes the course of a match at half-time is now a redundant way of thinking. The partnership between the coach and the players is far more important. You’ve got to work together. Sometimes, you be very clear and direct and tell people what they have to do. But, for the vast majority of the time, you are serving them. Some players just don’t need to be coached. They only need to be encouraged to keep being their best. (Example: Jonny Wilkinson) Other players need reinforcement and to know you care about them. Great leaders decrease stress while increasing focus and awareness. ## Inspiring Potential > I did. not always push players hard enough to be their best. Arsène Wenger A coach’s job is to paint the full picture of the player’s potential and get them to believe it. It’s never about what they want. It’s what they need to realize their potential. A leaders job is to help people get as close as they can to fulfilling their full potential. In every sphere of leadership, you shape the thinking of those who work with you or for you. You want them to believe that the seemingly impossible is possible. You want them to reach for greatness. So you’ve got to be really creative and innovative, and absolutely relentless in looking for an edge. Every time you see a member of staff, there’s a chance to have either a positive or negative effect on them. It’s so important to work really hard on observational skills. Leaders must walk the shop floor. To understand the atmosphere of your workplace. The best leaders are always gauging the mood and canvassing people in their organization. Your eyes and your gut give you more information than anything else.’ ## Creating a Learning Environment > If I was running a business, the first person I would employ would be a learning expert. The pressing question is always: ‘How can I create the best learning environment?’ England Rugby team meetings usually won’t last longer than 15 minutes. They are limited to three points. Teams break out into small groups for discussion and use a mixture of video, movement and infographics to make it more stimulating. **The only reliable advantage in life, business or sport, is to learn faster than the opposition.** Let the team own their development. When the England Rugby squad comes in on a Monday, they split up into four groups. Each has a leader. They also have an overall leader of the leaders. It doesn’t have to be the captain (Owen Farell). It’s good to mix it up and have other players take charge. The players now organize their Monday mornings. They decide what kind of meeting each group needs and what work would benefit them the most. It’s totally down to them if they do skill work, or organize something with the strength-and-conditioning coaches. They run the timetable. So they take ownership from the start of the week, by controlling their Monday mornings, as they get ready to prepare for the next game. Eddie Jones shares that [Denarius Frazier](https://teachlikeachampion.com/blog/a-case-study-in-the-power-of-academic-procedures-and-routines/) has inspired his teaching approach. Denarius is a Math teacher that uses engaging approaches to learning. The perfect example of [Sharon Bowman Training from Back of the Room](https://amzn.to/3FtqdiY). Here is Denarius Frazier in action: Eddie Jones builds curiosity in his player. Curiosity opens up opportunities to learn. As the game becomes more chaotic, the idea of ‘perfection’ is the ability to adapt. It's not about doing everything perfectly but responding to change well. ## Self-Knowledge > We call them ‘soft skills’ but they’re actually bloody hard. Self-knowledge is always a cornerstone of leadership. The ability to confront your strengths and weaknesses, to know deep down what works for you and what you need to do to keep improving, and to understand the ways you influence your employees, is important every day you are in charge. The first and most important thing you need to do is coach yourself. ## Conflict > We do not want to carry grenades in the back of the truck. Grenades are unresolved conflicts within the team. If not resolved, this can detonate in high-pressure moments. England Rugby ran grenade detonation sessions with a specialist coach, Corinne Reid, ahead of Rugby World Cup 2019. A tough conversation about professional performance in elite environments, needn’t affect your relationship going forward. A healthy elite environment is dependent on clear honesty and robust conversations. Conflict can only be healthy if it is constructive and searching. Being deliberately argumentative or always prickly is obviously not going to help anyone. When the pressure is really on, composure is needed more than conflict. But, away from the heat of battle, and when strategies are being planned and systems organized, a healthy dose of conflict can make everyone much sharper and more focused in their thinking. ## Develop Shared Values Values of England Rugby Team: - Bring it on – having the courage to take anything on - Togetherness – that sense of cohesion and unity is self-explanatory - Clear thinking – which underlined the importance of clarity The players came up with those three values. With shared values, it is easier to reward and challenge behaviour. ## Finding the Access Points to Emotional Connection Have crucial conversations with team members that they will remember. Something that makes them feel really good or something that sparks an uncomfortable feeling. These conversations can inspire people to see how they can improve. Under- pressure, three characters emerge in a team: - Stay strong. We need to make a few changes but we’re on the right track. The good results will come and we will get out of trouble. - Uncertainty. They are not sure why it’s going wrong and whether or not it will come right again. They don’t really know what to do or what will happen. They’re looking to be led. - Blame. These are people who are looking to blame someone else. It’s the fault of the head coach or the captain. It’s the fault of his lazy teammates or the barracking fans or the hysterical media. This kind of person is always looking for an excuse or a way out. ## Eddie Jones Leadership Cycle **Stage 1 - Vision** 1. Setting the Vision [STRATEGY] - Always start with the end in mind - Set the principles - Establish the values - Understand the climate - Know the environment 2. Character over Cover Drive [PEOPLE] - Put the right people around you - Build togetherness - Identify the quick wins and the big changes required - Plan the transformation 3. Clarity Is the New Clever [OPERATION] - Assess everything - Provide the clarity – the code of operation, the expectations of delivery - Translate the vision into achievable goals 4. The Glue of Knowledge [MANAGEMENT] - Understand the groups, understand the individuals - Understand the gaps – in capability, values and belief - Align the vision to individual journeys **Stage 2 - Build** 5. Growth Mondays [STRATEGY] - Provide the context – join the vision to the transformation - Support change with clarity of direction - Set the horizon – make the end game real 6. Disciplined Thinking and Emotional Journeys [PEOPLE] - Align the resources to the changes required - Deliver the quick wins Deliver the fundamental changes – both upfront and overtime 7. Conflict Is Healthy [OPERATION] - Plan and execute - Highlight the goals – what will success look like? - Apply the hard graft 8. Finding the Access Point [MANAGEMENT] - Build the individuals towards achieving their goals **Stage 3 - Experiment** 9. Review Constantly [STRATEGY] - Review the vision versus progress - Take the key course-correcting decisions - Make the revisions - Re-engage with the evolved strategy 10. 3% Reminder [PEOPLE] - Assess transformation delivery versus goals in value terms - Embed the changes made 11. Other Voices [OPERATION] - Review and improve - Re-plan, re-execute - Move at pace 12. A Close Examination [MANAGEMENT] - Study the working parts – the individuals, the processes, the organization **Stage 4 - Win [Overcome Failure]** 13. The Science of Learning [STRATEGY] - Review the current and future environment and the climate - Maintain a clear line of sight between strategy and delivery 14. Red Teaming Transformation [PEOPLE] - Plan the next tranche of transformation – to refresh or rebuild 15. A Clean Sweep [OPERATION] - Review performance and identify trends - Target continuous improvement 16. Chemistry and Diversity [MANAGEMENT] - Tackle the marginal improvements - Realize all opportunities - Address all tactical issues - Drive out minor imperfections **Stage 5 - Rebuild** 17. The Cycle Continues [STRATEGY] - Decide your scale of change. Refresh or rebuild? [PEOPLE] - Rebuild (if required) - Align resources - Deliver fundamental changes [OPERATION] - Rebuild–Experiment–Win[Overcome Failure] again at a tactical level [MANAGEMENT] - Focus Resolve the areas that are sub-optimal --- ## Best Leadership Books 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-leadership-books-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-leadership-books-2021.md Date: 2021-12-18 Topics: book-collections Here is a collection of the best leadership books of 2021. You'll learn about conflict, building teams and the power of deep listening. A short summary for each book will help you get the insights quickly. ## **Best Leadership Books 2021** In 2021 I read 50 Books. The first thing you might be wondering is "How does he read so many books?" [I shared my technique in this article.](/post/how-to-read-more-books) Many of the books I read in 2021 were on the topic of Leadership. I'm always trying to learn to become a better leader. Every year new books are released. Some good, some bad. I've created a shortlist of the 10 best leadership books I read in 2021. Highlights from these best leadership books include: **Conflict:** > Relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices. [Adam Grant - Think Again](https://amzn.to/3shDvvb) **Relationships**: > Most relationships are not exceptional. It is exceptional relationships that enable people to succeed in life and work. The challenge - exceptional relationships are exceptionally hard to develop. [Carole Robin and David Bradford - Connect](https://amzn.to/3miJeNI) **Listening:** > To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative. [Kate Murphy - You're Not Listening](https://amzn.to/33I7Okz) **Wealth:** > People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom. [The Almanack of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgeson](https://amzn.to/3J1ocgk) **Product Teams:** > Give teams problems to solve, rather than features to build. Empower them to solve those problems in the best way they see fit. [Marty Cagan - Empowered](https://amzn.to/3F9H3mZ) Each week [I summarise the best leadership books I read](/book-summaries). You'll find almost 100 summaries of the best leadership books. ## **10 Best Leadership Books in 2021** Here you can find a short description and link to each book. The best leadership books of 2021 will supercharge your leadership. If you'd like to improve your leadership then I created [**Switch**](/habits-program) for you. It's a free 5-day self-led program to build a coaching habit. You can find out more and join [here](/habits-program) [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) --- ## Twelve and a half by Gary Vee | Book Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/twelve-and-a-half-by-gary-vee-book-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/twelve-and-a-half-by-gary-vee-book-summary.md Date: 2021-12-17 Topics: book-summaries Learn the big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from Twelve and a half by Gary Vee. Learn why kind candor is so essential in unlocking the performance in your business. ![Twelve and a half by Gary Vee](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1476eff283114243a4d7b6553501c0b2~mv2.png) [**Buy Twelve and a half on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3meH4P0) ## 3 big ideas 1. Twelve and a half by Gary Vee explores how emotional intelligence helps you succeed 2. The growth potential of most businesses is limited by the emotional intelligence of their leaders. 3. Kindness without candor creates entitlement ## Best quotes > The strongest person is someone who’s able to deploy kindness in the face of the opposite. > Technical skills are a distant second to mastering soft skills. ## Toby's takeaway Gary Vee and I share a challenge in common: Kind Candor. Early on in Twelve and a half, Gary shares his personal challenge with sharing feedback in a direct and candid way. This is the "half" in addition to the twelve ingredients below. > I realized that kindness without candor was creating entitlement within my organization. By giving positive reinforcement again and again without critical feedback, I created delusion, which led to entitlement. I have a visceral reaction to confrontation, and so I was very bad at giving critical feedback for most of my career. After twenty-four years as a business operator, I’m heartbroken that there are people out there who don’t feel great toward me because I wasn’t able to be candid with them. I would fire them without giving them enough feedback, or I would create situations that forced them to quit. I didn’t see the beauty of candor, the humanity in it. I didn’t realize that candor actually is kindness. I can think of many times when some kind candor would’ve taken my success to a higher plane. All my unhappiness in life and business has resulted from my inability to deploy kind candor when necessary. I'm a self-confessed people pleaser. I often have a challenge giving direct feedback and can often avoid conflict. I really resonated with how Gary shared this challenge in Twelve and a half. **My takeaway:** You can be kind, be candid, and hold your ground all at the same time. [**Buy Twelve and a half on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3meH4P0) ## Big Ideas Expanded The bias toward short-term metrics can also make emotional intelligence a “nice to have” rather than a requirement. It creates a scenario in which a leader looks the other way when one employee makes everyone else in the office miserable, just because that employee happens to be bringing in the most revenue. ## The Emotional Ingredients 1. Gratitude 2. Self-Awareness 3. Accountability 4. Optimism 5. ​Empathy 6. ​Kindness 7. ​Tenacity 8. Curiosity 9. Patience 10. ​Conviction 11. ​Humility 12. Ambition ## Gratitude > The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. If you’re truly grateful for what you have instead of being envious of what you don’t have, you’ll be a dominant force in business and, way more important, in life. ## Self-Awareness > Conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Self-awareness has a close relationship with self-love and self-acceptance. I’m realizing right now that it’s one thing to be self-aware. It’s another thing to look in the mirror and say, “Hey, you’re not good at X.” The best part of acknowledging your weaknesses is that you can then start navigating around them. For example, I don’t have the work ethic to put up a painting on a wall, because I don’t like doing it. So, I’ll find someone else to do it. But I don’t overstress this point, because most people work only on their weaknesses, not their superpowers. Yes, I want to level-set my weaknesses, but I’m more interested in taking my strengths to the moon. ## Accountability > The fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility. The greatest misconception is that avoiding accountability will lead to happiness when in reality the reverse is true. I’m continuing to learn that leaders need to mix kind candor with accountability. Too much accountability can give way to entitlement and resentment down the road for both managers and employees. ## Optimism > Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. Optimism is a word that has become controversial in some ways. There’s a misconception that it means the same thing as delusion. Choosing optimism over pessimism is, at the end of the day, wildly practical. It doesn’t mean being naïve or blind to the downsides in business or in life. I think of optimism as a map. It helps me see my destination. It’s one of the many reasons why I value the journey over the outcome. Optimism makes the journey so much more fun than pessimism. ## Empathy > The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I deploy empathy and kindness against hate because I know it takes more strength to be empathetic. When you can feel what another is feeling, you develop an extraordinary ability to manipulate human beings. I believe it’s the ultimate superpower. Empathy is like a cheat code in business and life. I actually think it makes the other eleven and a half ingredients easier to use. You can handle any situation if you can feel the feelings of others involved. ## Kindness > The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. For me, it’s about being kind to those who have put me in a difficult position. Being kind is easy when it’s easy. Being kind when you’re under pressure is tough. The strongest person is someone who’s able to deploy kindness in the face of the opposite. You can be kind, be candid, and hold your ground all at the same time. **Tenacity** > The quality or fact of being very determined; determination. If you want to be successful in anything, I do believe that tenacity is essential. However, it should never come at the expense of your peace of mind and happiness. Burnout is physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress. Tenacity is determination. **Curiosity** > A strong desire to know or learn something. The word curiosity is underrated in our society. It feels fluffy, academic, and childish, but I believe it’s one of the most important characteristics for success in business. Curiosity mixed with empathy can lead to intuition. The two words that stand out to me in the definition of curiosity are strong and learn. To maximize the value of curiosity, you need a strong work ethic. You need a strong desire to continue learning, no matter how much you’ve accomplished. ## Patience > The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. When you have a good relationship with time, the pressure is lifted and you can do so much more. Insecurity festers without the fertilizer of patience. When you don’t enjoy the process, you become more vulnerable to burnout. When you’re patient as a leader, you can give your employees room to grow and develop over time. ## Conviction > A firmly held belief or opinion. Stating your convictions out loud is a vulnerability. You might be wrong. Conviction is the north star that keeps you on track, helping you be tenacious throughout your journey, despite the inevitable difficulties. ## Humility > A modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness. Humility is a requirement if you want to cultivate a lasting positive reputation and leave an admirable legacy. It’s one of the most attractive traits human beings can have. Let me ask you this question: Would you want to have the people who know you the least think you’re the best, and the people who know you the best think you’re the worst? I genuinely believe this is a question most people need to ask themselves. It would be the greatest devastation of my life if I achieved my financial and professional goals, but the people who knew me the best spoke about me the worst. I never want that legacy. It would crush me. When you have a fair, modest view of yourself, you have a significant advantage over others, because you’re willing to do what they aren’t. My definition of humility would be “a comfort in one’s own understanding of one’s position in the world.” ## Ambition > A strong desire to do or achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. People tend to have an unhealthy relationship with ambition partly because they use it as a cover-up for their insecurities. Life is a joy when you have good relationships with your ambitions. I wake up every morning and chase my dream, yet I’m so not in need of achieving it. It’s a beautiful blend of conviction and humility. I fully believe I’ll make it, yet I don’t need to make it. At the other extreme, are you afraid of telling others about your ambition because you fear they’ll think you’re delusional? I love talking about my ambition publicly, in front of the world, because it holds me accountable. Real-Life Scenarios where these Emotional Ingredients help: - negotiating a raise - getting your boss to recognize your efforts - watching your colleague get a promotion over you - confronting a business partner who stole from you - voicing mental health concerns at work - improving your team’s enthusiasm, drive, and overall performance - being thrust into a management position unexpectedly - staying ahead of the curve with new innovations - deciding whether to stay at a job or pursue a side hustle full-time --- ## High Performance by Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes | Book Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/high-performance-jake-humphrey-and-damian-hughes-book-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/high-performance-jake-humphrey-and-damian-hughes-book-summary.md Date: 2021-12-12 Topics: book-summaries Lean the secrets of high performance from the worlds best sports performers. This summary shares the big ideas and best quotes from Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes. ![High Performance Jake Humphrey Damian Hughes Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8fd7e097fe5546c0a671468fbb33d76c~mv2.png) [**Buy High Performance on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rXMUrH) ## 3 big ideas High Performance by Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes Lessons from the best on becoming your best 1. The route to high performance is through your strengths. 2. High performers are consistent. They have a handful of non-negotiable trademark behaviours – and they stick to them. 3. If you want to build a successful organisation, you need to make your teammates care about what you’re doing. A high performance team is a committed team. ## Best quotes High Performance is: > Doing the best you can, where you are, with what you have got. Phil Neville > Becoming a high performer requires change. And change is scary. You need to be brave. ## Toby's takeaway What is your definition of High Performance? You will learn from Jake and Damian's book there is no single definition. However, there are common behaviours all high performers adopt. These can be summarised as trademark behaviours. A trademark behaviour is one that you commit to unequivocally. When a situation gets tough and everything else disintegrates, these trademark behaviours remain in place. Your commitment to these behaviours, through thick and thin, makes for high performance. High Performance is packed full of great stories and examples. It's also backed up with the science of performance. **My takeaway:** Identify your trademark behaviours. Design your environment to make these the natural and obvious things to do, in high-pressure moments. [**Buy High Performance on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3rXMUrH) ## Big Ideas Expanded High Performance Principles: 1. [Take Responsibility](#viewer-3pqpu) 2. [Get Motivated](#viewer-a4arl) 3. [Manage Your Emotions](#viewer-19v4o) 4. [Play to Your Strengths](#viewer-7idph) 5. [Get Flexible](#viewer-cre0m) 6. [Find Your Non-Negotiables](#viewer-3lfuh) 7. [Lead the Team](#viewer-f2984) 8. [Craft a Culture](#viewer-8tovn) There are many definitions of High Performance throughout. There is one definition that Jake and Damian share as their favourite: High Performance is: > Doing the best you can, where you are, with what you have got. Phil Neville ![High Performance Definition](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ad2524e41e93473294a3a8eaf6c0068b~mv2.png) **What is your definition of High Performance?** ## Take Responsibility > Arsène Wenger approached me one day in training. He asked me, ‘Why are you not yet world class?’ I asked him who was, and he initially said nothing – simply pointed across the pitch at Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry, Patrick Viera. ‘They,’ he said, ‘are the standard you should be at.’ I was stunned. ‘How do I get there? What do you suggest?’ I asked. ‘That,’ he said, ‘is for you to work out.’ Robin Van Persie When we go through hell, it’s human to look for someone to blame. But blame is useless. All that matters is how we respond. The best performers quickly separate the things that happen to them from their responsibility to react in the most effective way. People who believe they control their fate consistently fare better in life. If you believe you’re in control of your life, you’re more likely to actually end up in control. This can be summarised into the Responsibility Equation: **L + R = O (Life + Response = Outcome)** A good self-coaching technique is the [Zander Letter](https://challengingcoaching.co.uk/were-all-a-grade-orchestra-conductor-benjamin-zanders-secret-for-unlocking-greatness/). > I wasn’t satisfied, I wasn’t happy. It was going OK, but not good enough. So I started to write a letter to myself about what I wanted to achieve at the end of my career, and how I was going to take responsibility to achieve it. Robin van Persie Write yourself a letter dated twelve months from now. This letter should begin with ‘Dear [Your name here]’, and should detail how, precisely, you achieved a goal that you currently have. This visualisation of your success should not include any future tense. Phrases like ‘I hope’, ‘I plan to’ or ‘I will’ are not allowed. Instead, write the letter as if those accomplishments are all history, and that you’re looking back at them from a distance. Be as detailed as possible, and identify the practical steps you took, and the decisions that you alone were responsible for. [Learn more about this coaching technique: Zander Letter](https://challengingcoaching.co.uk/were-all-a-grade-orchestra-conductor-benjamin-zanders-secret-for-unlocking-greatness/) > It doesn’t matter how big or small the tasks are. It is about following the process – controlling the things I can. Tom Daley ## Get Motivated > It has been a place that has provided me with direction, purpose, a sense of family, home and belonging; and ultimately a community that I was so proud to represent every time I got a chance to play. Dylan Hartley on Belonging While material rewards and social status can drive motivation in the short term, they’re rare enough in the long run. True motivation comes from within. Internal motivation comes from three sources: - **Autonomy**: When your behaviour aligns with your values, it’s easier to get excited about it. - **Competence**: We are most motivated when we have control over what we’re doing. - **Belonging**: When we feel part of something bigger than ourselves – like a team – we can sustain our motivation for longer. Motivation is a spectrum: ![Motivation Spectrum](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7205793cc5914b72ae05ee0d42d84d9e~mv2.jpeg) Source: https://www.whatsnext.com/what-is-motivation ## Manage Your Emotions Whenever you’re faced with a task, on a subconscious level you’re grappling with three big factors. 1. **Demands**: What is required of me to do this job? How hard is it? 2. **Ability**: Do I actually have the skills to pull the job? How does it correspond with the things I’m good (and bad) at? 3. **Consequences**: What is actually at stake here? What would getting (or not getting) the job mean for the rest of my life? We are most likely to remain calm when the demands are low, our ability is high and the consequences are not too significant. ## Play To Your Strengths > High performance means absolute engagement. You’re either fully attentive and engaged, or you’re not. Jonny Wilkinson Your child earns the following grades: - English: A - Social Studies: A - Biology: C - Algebra: F - Maths: C - French: B Is there a grade that immediately jumps out at you? Most people focus on the weakest results and underemphasize the strengths. High Performers focus on their strengths. They use these to improve their weaknesses. > [My coach]... reminded me that what I already had within me was what I needed to win. Dina Asher-Smith ## Get Flexible High Performance is: > It’s about giving people belief. Just having someone saying, Come on, you can do this. Ben Ainslie ![Candle Problem](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_36ee4c6a8f9e4c2aa2e0a0f92776e166~mv2.png) Source: **Duncker’s famous experiment** He gave a group of students a box of pins, a candle and a matchbook – and told them to find a way to attach the candle to the wall. They were stumped. Some of them attempted to melt the candle to the wall; others experimented with pushing the drawing pins through the wax into the wall, with little success. In fact, there was a simple way to solve the problem: tack the box to the wall and put the candle inside it. But very few of the participants thought to do so. Why? Duncker thought the answer lay in what he called ‘functional fixedness’. When we see an object, we become fixated on its main function – in this case, the box was holding pins, and so nobody thought that it could hold a candle. This limits our ability to think critically about what is possible. Functional fixedness is not limited to boxes and candles. The term refers to the myriad ways our problem-solving can get stuck: we become wedded to one way of resolving an issue, and can’t imagine any alternatives. Another example of functional fixedness: You have baked a beautiful chocolate cake that you want to divide into eight equal pieces. The snag is that the knife you are using is unreliable – it will snap after you use it just three times. How do you slice the cake into eight equal pieces with just three cuts? If you’re like most people, you probably first cut the cake in half vertically, then you’ll cut it in half horizontally. Then you’ll start making a third cut diagonally, before realising that this only makes six slices of cake, not all the same size. So, what do you do? You might start plotting to cut some irregular looking cake slices, but remember, the rule is that all the pieces have to be equal. The solution, cut the cake into four pieces then slice through the side all the way through. Functional fixedness traps you into thinking the only way to cut the cake is from the top, not through the side. Every time high performers encounter a problem, they try to see it as if for the first time. > I didn’t prove anyone wrong. I proved myself right. Kasper Schmeichel ## Find Your Non-Negotiables High performers are consistent. They have a handful of non-negotiable trademark behaviours – and they stick to them. A trademark behaviour is one that you commit to unequivocally. When a situation gets tough and everything else disintegrates, these trademark behaviours remain in place. Your commitment to these behaviours, through thick and thin, makes for high performance. Consistency turns one-time high performers into all-time high performers. The only way to win is through consistency. Consistent messages, consistent behaviours and consistent consequences. > The stronger the organisation, the better they do the real simple, basic things. Shaun Wane High-performing groups not only set goals related to outcomes – hitting a sales target or winning over a client – they set goals related to behaviours, like turning up on time or dressing smartly. If a team aimed to exhibit a consistent set of behaviours, it was significantly more likely to perform well. Non-negotiables are the route to excellence. Trademark Behaviours are: 1. Simple 2. Impactful 3. Clear The most important behaviours are those that matter in the most intense moments. We can work out our trademark behaviours by asking: **When the going gets tough, what is going to make the difference?** Your trademark behaviours should constantly be at the forefront of your mind. They are the simple, crucial, clear rules for what you do – and who you are. ## Lead The Team > No matter how brilliant your mind or strategy, if you’re playing a solo game, you’ll always lose out to a team. Reid Hoffman Well-run teams of low performers consistently do better work than badly run teams of high performers. Good leaders rarely command and control. Instead, they set a group’s direction – and trust their team to deliver the goods. Non Negotiable Behaviours at Burnley FC: - Noses point in the same direction - The minimum requirement is maximum effort - Give us your legs, hearts and minds Leadership is about fostering an environment in which people feel empowered – so that other leaders crop up all around you. We often assume that leading is about controlling every element of an organisation. But it’s not. Leadership is a process of collaboration, not instruction. ![Leadership is a process of collaboration, not instruction.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ddfec31e3a524dd7a4c1d06a2e48948a~mv2.png) ## Craft a Culture How was it that a team of apparently less talented people can do better than a team of ‘stars’? The answer lay in the power of commitment. In commitment cultures, everyone is on board with what the company is doing, and everyone had a shared set of values and goals. Everyone works harder. If you want to build a successful organisation, you need to make your teammates care about what you’re doing. A high performance team is a committed team. ![A high performance team is a committed team.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d9e1b665c74949ee8f1addc8a918afd1~mv2.png) A story about three men who were laying bricks: > Each was asked what he was doing. The first said, ‘Laying bricks.’ The second said, ‘Earning £10 per hour.’ The third said, ‘I’m building a cathedral and, one day, I’ll bring my kids back here and tell them that their dad contributed to this magnificent building.’ Alex Ferguson To build a sense of commitment, you need a team to be able to answer a simple question: why? When a team’s members know why they’re doing something, beyond mere personal gain, they perform at a higher level. When we asked Eddie Jones what fuelled his relentless drive, his answer was short and succinct: **‘I want to coach the perfect game.’** Build a commitment culture through the power of emotional connection. > You’ll meet each other in the street in thirty years’ time, and there’ll just be that look, and you’ll know just how special some days in your life are. Ian McGeechan, King’s Park, Durban, South Africa, June 1997 When members of a team understand each other’s emotions, they work together better. They know how to cooperate. They feel more motivated. They remain more committed to the culture in the long term. > I always felt my job was to help people be better than they believe. Kevin Sinfield Questions to assess Psychological Safety: - If I make a mistake on my team, do I feel it’s held against me? - Are my colleagues able to bring up problems and tough issues? - Is it safe to take a risk? - Is it difficult to ask other members of this team for help? - When I am working with colleagues, do I feel my unique skills and talents are valued and used? --- ## Future Presence by Peter Rubin Summary | Virtual Reality Book URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/future-presence-by-peter-rubin-summary-virtual-reality-book Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/future-presence-by-peter-rubin-summary-virtual-reality-book.md Date: 2021-12-05 Topics: book-summaries Learn what the metaverse is all about. How VR technology can build connections and recreate human feelings. Learn about the limitations and how this technology may evolve. In ten years we won’t even have smartphones anymore. ![Future Presence Peter Rubin Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_26267c87204146a697bd36b96f7bac6a~mv2.png) [**Buy Oculus Quest 2 on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv) ## 3 big ideas Future Presence by Peter Rubin helps you change anyone's mind: 1. VR driven by science has an incredible potential to support psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being. 2. The technology mostly generates intimacy, not empathy. 3. With this technology, you have the ability to deprive someone of power, and that feeling can have real psychological harm. The sting of being rejected by virtual humans is as visceral as if it had happened in real life. ## Best quotes > In ten years we won’t even have smartphones anymore. > VR might just prove to be the single most significant contributor to inner peace since Snoop Dogg’s favorite plant. ## Toby's takeaway The metaverse is now a big buzzword. I was eager to understand more about the potential for this technology. Future Presence was written in 2018, so the technology has moved on a lot since then. However, the foundational principles are the same. Future Presence focuses on how VR opens new potential for human connection **My takeaway: 4 Types of Metaverse Realities** [**Buy Oculus Quest 2 on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv) [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cdbe61e1ff284f46b43d9289bd6c89c6~mv2.jpeg)](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv) ## Big Ideas Expanded **Virtual reality (VR):** The illusion of an all-enveloping artificial world, created by wearing an opaque display in front of your eyes. **Augmented reality (AR):** Bringing artificial objects into the real world—these can be as simple as a “heads-up display,” like a speedometer projected onto your car’s windshield, or as complex as seeing a virtual creature walk across your real-world living room, casting a realistic shadow on the floor. **Mixed reality (MR):** Generally speaking, this is synonymous with AR, or at least with the part of AR that brings virtual objects into the real world. (I know this sounds like a cop-out, but it depends on who you ask.) However, some people prefer “mixed” because they think “augmented” implies that reality isn’t enough. **Extended or synthetic reality (XR or SR):** All of the above! These are both catch-all terms that encompass the full spectrum of virtual elements in visual settings. You won’t hear people using them all that often, but as we’ll get to in a moment, it’s bound to happen in the coming years. When VR is working well, your physical senses tell your brain that you’re really experiencing the thing you’re virtually experiencing, and your brain prompts your body to respond in kind. That’s presence. VR technology, driven by science, has an incredible potential to support psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Imagine that your office included a meditation room, or even just a multipurpose quiet room you could sign up to use for ten or twenty minutes. There’s a headset in there, some sensors that can read your heart rate and breathing, and a VR activity designed to get you into a flow state far faster and easier than just sitting down to meditate. The challenge is VR technology is not quite there. VR can sometimes be all runway, no takeoff. Empathy: The ability to identify with and understand others, particularly on an emotional level. It involves imagining yourself in the place of another and, therefore, appreciating how they feel. Intimacy: A complex sphere of “inmost” relationships with self and others that are not usually minor or incidental (though they may be transitory) and which usually touch the personal world very deeply. They are our closest relationships with friends, family, children, lovers, but they are also the deep and important experiences we have with self (which are never exactly solitary): our feelings, our bodies, our emotions, our identities. Empathy necessarily needs to involve other people; intimacy doesn’t. Empathy involves emotional understanding; intimacy involves emotion itself. Empathy, at its base, is an act of getting outside yourself: you’re projecting yourself into someone else’s experience, which means that in some ways you’re leaving your own experience behind, other than as a reference point. Intimacy, on the other hand, is at its base an act of feeling: you might be connecting with someone or something else, but you’re doing so on the basis of the emotions you (or both of you) feel. VR doesn't necessarily induce empathy, but instead “intimacy.” VR opens the risk of digital assault: > “As VR becomes increasingly real, how do we decide what crosses the line from an annoyance to an actual assault? Eventually we’re going to need rules to tame the wild, wild west of VR multi-player. Or is this going to be yet another space that women do not venture into?” VR has the ability to deprive someone of power, and that feeling can have real psychological harm. The sting of being rejected by virtual humans is as visceral as if it had happened in real life. Conversely, a study found that people who had become “superheroes” in VR, flying through the air and saving a child, were more likely to help pick up pens in a similar situation—just as alienation can be induced, so can altruism. --- ## Masters of Scale by Reid Hoffman Summary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/masters-of-scale-by-reid-hoffman-summary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/masters-of-scale-by-reid-hoffman-summary.md Date: 2021-12-05 Topics: book-summaries Entrepreneurial success is hard. Thankfully Reid Hoffman has decoded some of the things that increase your chances of success. You will learn the power of no, the importance of company culture and how to find great ideas. ![Masters of Scale by Reid Hoffman Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8aefe1da00f04d089b3b1252caf31920~mv2.png) [**Buy Masters of Scale on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3djGmeq) ## 3 big ideas Masters of Scale by Reid Hoffman helps entrepreneurs succeed: 1. Find ideas that generate a polarizing response. These are usually the ideas with the most groundbreaking potential. 2. Do things that don't scale. For example, in the early days, Airbnb visited every host. It helped the company learn directly from their users. 3. Create an employee-first culture. Without a great company culture, you will never achieve great things. ## Best quotes > The earlier you can predict a “Yes” in a field of “Nos,” the bigger your opportunity. > When you’re building your company, it’s more important to have one hundred people love your product than a million people kind of like it. ## Toby's takeaway Find the polarizing No. Easier said than done. As a people pleaser, I love it when people like my ideas. In fact, I often seek out positive praise to confirm my biases. It takes courage to actively seek out the Nos in a field of Yes. Reid Hoffman shares that the most groundbreaking ideas are polarizing. > When I present an idea to my partners at Greylock, and they all say, “That’s great! We should do that!” my response is: “Uh-oh.” When you have a group of hyperintelligent, sophisticated investors and no one’s saying, “Watch out for this!”—that’s when I know it’s too easy. The idea is so obviously good, I can already hear the stampede of competitors trampling over my hopeful little startup. So unanimous consent is always a concerning sign. On the other hand, I don’t exactly want every person in the room to say, “Reid, you’re out of your mind.” If everyone I talk to thinks it’s a terrible idea, I’ll start wondering: Am I drinking the Kool-Aid in a very bad way? What I want is for some people to say, “You’re out of your mind,” and some people to say, “I see it.” I want a polarized reaction. **My takeaway: Judge ideas based upon how polarizing they are.** [**Buy Masters of Scale on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3djGmeq) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## Find The No - **The lazy no** - Potential investors may completely miss the point of your idea or simply be ignorant. Either way, once it becomes clear that they aren’t trying to gain a better understanding, you need to move on from these naysayers—quickly. Their “No” gives you no additional information. - **The squirmy no** - The best, highest-potential ideas make investors want to say “Yes” and “No” in the same breath. This signals that the idea might be great, although of course, it might be a very attractive disaster. - **The affirmative no** - Sometimes an expert’s “No” is proof you’re on the path to something big and different. The key: You should have an active theory about why you are right and the experts are wrong—more than a gut feeling or simply grit, but another signal for a potentially great idea. - **The honest no** - Frequently, the experts are right. You have to be ruthless about killing your own bad ideas along the way—and an honest “No” could be a lifeline to turn a bad idea into something good, or to help you move on to a better idea. - **The unhelpful no** - If you’re the kind of person who might get easily discouraged or talked out of your idea, you need to keep your idea away from people whose opinions you have an emotional investment in. ## Do Things That Don’t Scale - **Focus on the few -** When you’re building your company, it’s more important to have one hundred people love your product than a million people kind of like it. - **Shoot for the moon (while you still can)** - Use the early days to come up with amazing ideas to improve your customer experience. - **Get in the trenches** - Before you scale is the time for direct contact with your customers and doing whatever’s necessary to build that relationship. - **Handcraft your way into their hearts** - By customizing and adding personal touches to everything you do, you can use the early days to forge a strong connection with your users or customers. - **Sleep with the frenemy** - Take the time to embrace and build trust with gatekeepers and other unlikely bedfellows. - **Set the standards** - Now is the time to establish guardrails and model behaviors that will shape the new world you are creating. ## What’s the Big Idea? - **Chase the bad idea** - When everyone is telling you, “That’s a good idea,” it can mean lots of other people are likely already pursuing it. Instead, look for the beautiful idea disguised as a bad one—the idea whose potential value is unseen or misunderstood. - **If not you, who?** - When you take a penetrating look at your history and passions, your destiny idea may be staring right back at you. - **Pay attention to the flashing neon sign** - If you believe that something should exist—and you can imagine many other people nodding in agreement—it may just be an idea worth pursuing. - **You don’t have to reinvent the wheel** - When searching for a big idea, don’t discount the “slight twist” that can have a major impact. - **The Hail Mary** - Never let a crisis go to waste. Desperate times can sharpen focus, strengthen resolve … and yield killer ideas, while also creating the urgency to act on them. ## The Never-Ending Project: Culture - **Build a culture that’s smart enough to evolve** - In technology businesses—and all large businesses are increasingly becoming technology businesses—people your culture with “first-principle” thinkers. Instead of blindly following directions, or sticking to a tried-and-true process, a first-principle thinker will constantly wonder, “What’s best for the company?” Or, “Couldn’t we do this another way instead?” - **Put your customer second** - If you can create the right kind of employees-first culture, one where employees model for each other what it’s like to be great at what you do, that will, in turn, lead to customers getting increasingly better products and services. - **Find ways to manifest your culture** - Your vision, your values, and even your unique company heritage matter more than you think in defining your culture. Don’t assume everyone knows what’s in your head and heart—say it loudly and proudly from day one. - **Think of early hires as your co-founders** - Your early hires will set the tone for your company. Early on, define the human qualities that are central to your culture (as well as the qualities you don’t want) and then use those as guides when interviewing people for cultural fit. - **Solve the Rubik’s Cube of cognitive diversity** - Without cognitive diversity, you will miss opportunities. You will perpetuate fallacies. And you will be lost in a monotonous haze. ## Learn to Unlearn - **Be a learn-it-all, not a know-it-all** - When you’re trying to do something that hasn’t been done before, you often find yourself in a state of supreme ignorance. What enables entrepreneurs to thrive in those conditions is the speed at which they zip up a learning curve. - **Keep moving away from what you know** - Success imprints even more strongly than failure. So when you’ve figured out something that works or you’ve found success in a particular area, there’s a natural tendency to stay put. But infinite learners know that if you stand still or keep doing the same things that worked in the past, the world will leave you behind. - **Collect wisdom along the way** - Business leaders and entrepreneurs often take a zigzag route to get to their destination. At each stop they should absorb useful bits of learning and add them to their greater understanding of the world. - **Teach yourself to lead** - Entrepreneurs who know how to launch a new company often have no idea how to actually run a new company. But there are many ways to learn—by reading, consulting with mentors, and partnering with investors who have worked with other CEOs who’ve gone through the startup process. - **Experiment to learn, and learn to experiment** - Your assumptions about what your users or customers want will never be exactly right. Testing a real product with real people as soon as possible is the fastest way to build something that can scale. --- ## Catalyst by Jonah Berger Summary | How To Change Anyone's Mind URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/catalyst-by-jonah-berger-summary-how-to-change-anyone-s-mind Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/catalyst-by-jonah-berger-summary-how-to-change-anyone-s-mind.md Date: 2021-12-05 Topics: book-summaries Catalyst by Jonah Berger is an easy and practical read for change agents. It emphasises a common problem with change. We push. We assume that providing more information will convince someone to change. It doesn't work. In fact, Catalyst shares that it can do the opposite, stop people from changing. ![Catalyst Jonah Berger Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_125a57f4ab3747ac9eb54e3f3b4fb022~mv2.png) [**Buy Catalyst on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3prrNLE) ## 3 big ideas Catalyst by Jonah Berger helps you change anyone's mind: 1. Change does not happen by being more persuasive or pushing harder. It happens by removing the barriers to change. 2. There are 5 barriers to change: Reactance, Endowment, Distance, Uncertainty, Lack of Evidence 3. Lasting change is a slow gradual process rather than a big bang. Like the formation of a canyon rather than a nuclear explosion. ## Best quotes > Sometimes change doesn’t require more horsepower. Sometimes we just need to unlock the parking brake. > It's common to assume people are like marbles. Push them in one direction and they will go that way. ## Toby's takeaway Catalyst by Jonah Berger is an easy and practical read for change agents. It emphasises a common problem with change. We push. We assume that providing more information will convince someone to change. It doesn't work. In fact, Catalyst shares that it can do the opposite, stop people from changing. Jonah Berger clearly articulates the 5 common barriers to change. For each shares practical ways to overcome the barriers. **My takeaway: people are not like marbles. Don't expect when you push they'll roll in one direction.** [**Buy Catalyst on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3prrNLE) ## Big Ideas Expanded - [Pushing Doesn't Work](#viewer-c9g15) - [Make It Easier To Change](#viewer-b5ter) - [5 Barriers to Change and How to Overcome Them](#viewer-68u7q) - Reactance - Endowment - Distance - Uncertainty - Lack of Evidence ## Pushing Doesn't Work Everyone has something they want to change. Salespeople want to change their customers’ minds and marketers want to change purchase decisions. Employees want to change their bosses’ perspectives and leaders want to change organizations. But change is hard. Organizations are guided by the conservation of momentum. They tend to do what they’ve always done. When trying to change minds and overcome inertia, the tendency is to push. The assumption is that pushing harder will do the trick. If we just provide more information, more facts, more reasons, more arguments, or just add a little more force, people will change. This approach assumes that people are like marbles. Push them in one direction and they will go that way. ![People are not Marbles](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_03c33d6316e34dc7add3c539be5d6929~mv2.png) ## Make It Easier To Change Change behaviour by removing roadblocks and lowering the barriers to action. Identify what’s preventing change from happening and remove that barrier. Allow change to happen with less energy, not more. This book is about how to overcome inertia, incite action, and change minds—not by being more persuasive, or pushing harder, but by being a catalyst. By removing the barriers to change. Sometimes change doesn’t require more horsepower. Sometimes we just need to unlock the parking brake. How was the Great Canyon formed? One might think it was a massive earthquake or some earth-shattering event. But it was nothing that sudden or momentous. It was water, slowly wearing down rock, over millions of years. A trickle that became a steady flow that eventually became the Colorado River. Talk to someone who switched political parties, and it wasn’t one eureka moment when everything suddenly clarified. Those make for great movies or great fiction, but they rarely happen in real life. Instead, big changes tend to be more like the Grand Canyon: a slow and steady shift with many stages along the way. Catalysts enable these slow and steady shifts of behaviour over time. ## 5 Barriers to Change and How to Overcome Them **Reactance** When pushed, people push back. Just like a missile defense system protects against incoming projectiles, people have an innate anti-persuasion system. So rather than telling people what to do, or trying to persuade, catalysts allow for agency and encourage people to convince themselves. Do this by listening, asking questions and showing empathy. **Endowment** As the old saying goes, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. People are wedded to what they’re already doing. Catalyzing change isn’t just about making people more comfortable with new things; it’s about helping them let go of old ones. To ease endowment, catalysts surface the costs of inaction and help people realize that doing nothing isn’t as costless as it seems. Do this by asking the question: What are the costs of inaction? In addition, make the status quo impossible to do. **Distance** People have an innate anti-persuasion system, but even when we just provide information, sometimes it backfires. Why? Another barrier is distance. If new information is within people’s zone of acceptance, they’re willing to listen. But if it is too far away, in the region of rejection, everything flips. Catalysts shrink distance, breaking change down into smaller, less risky steps. To do this find the middle ground and points of consensus. **Uncertainty** Change often involves uncertainty. Will a new product, service, or idea be as good as the old one? It’s hard to know for sure, and this uncertainty makes people hit the pause button, halting action. To overcome this barrier, catalysts make things easier to try. To get people to un-pause, catalysts alleviate uncertainty. Easier to try means more likely to buy. Enable people to try out changing risk-free. Make it free and low risk. Amplify the learning during this trial and make it safe to quit. **Lack of Evidence** Sometimes one person, no matter how knowledgeable or assured, is not enough. Some things just need more proof. More evidence to overcome the translation problem and drive change. Sure, one person endorsed something, but what does their endorsement say about whether I’ll like it? > “If one person says you have a tail, you laugh and think they’re crazy. But if three people say it, you turn around to look.” When trying to change minds, it’s important to be able to judge the difference between pebbles and boulders. Between attitudes and opinions, products and services, behaviors, ideas, and initiatives that need only a little proof versus ones that need a lot more. Political views, for example, are more difficult to change than font preferences (at least for most people). Catalysts find corroborating evidence, using multiple sources to help overcome the translation problem. ## A final story Two chefs in a restaurant were fighting over the last orange left in the kitchen. It was late into dinner service, and both needed the orange for an important dish they were making, so they argued back and forth over who should have the right to use it. Eventually, time was running out to get the dishes to the table, so they took a big kitchen knife and split the orange in half, leaving both with only half of what they needed. But both chefs would have been better off if they understood the other’s motivation. Why they needed the orange. Because one needed the juice for a sauce and the other needed the peel to bake a cake. --- ## Metaverse Coaching - Explore Your Potential URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/metaverse-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/metaverse-coaching.md Date: 2021-11-11 Topics: coaching, metaverse Coaching in the metaverse offers a new way to help people achieve their potential. Learn the 5 features that coaches can leverage to transform their conversations. The future is here. I've now launched [MetaCoach](https://metacoach.space/join) - A community to help coaches start Coaching in the Metaverse. [Join](https://metacoach.space/join) Today I had the most incredible coaching conversation. It was with a pink-haired punk. In a spaceship. We used planets to represent different parts of the challenge. The punk had a big breakthrough. At that moment, the hairs stood up on my arm. We could both feel it. It's a true story. From a coaching session in the metaverse this week. It was hosted in Spatial using the [Oculus Quest 2](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv). The future is here for coaching in the metaverse. And it's going to get even crazier! Facebook's [meta announcement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gElfIo6uw4g) has everyone talking about "The Metaverse" It has divided opinion. Some are excited about the possibilities. To live in a [Ready Player One universe](https://amzn.to/3C7VFB1). Some are sceptical. Worried about a dystopian, black mirror future. Most are just confused. Personally, I'm excited. Prior to becoming a qualified [professional coach](/post/coaching-leadership-style), I was a full-time software developer. So I love how metaverse coaching is the intersection of technology and people. Metaverse coaching is exciting from a technology perspective. It's even more exciting about how this can be used to help people maximise their potential. In this article, I explore how coaching in the metaverse works. I'd love to go on this journey with you. When you buy an [Oculus Quest 2](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv), we can meet in my Virtual Coaching Studio. ### **The Metaverse** What is the metaverse? > F\*ck Knows [@dustmonkey](https://twitter.com/dustmonkey_) at [NFT LDN Conference](https://twitter.com/NFT_LDN) Everyone is learning what it is and what it could be. There are no experts. The term "metaverse" was coined in Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson’s 1992 sci-fi novel. It's now been popularised by Facebook. A simple definition: > The metaverse is loosely defined as an extensive online world where people interact via digital avatars. [Wall Street Journal](https://www.wsj.com/story/what-is-the-metaverse-the-future-vision-for-the-internet-ca97bd98) Remember the game Sims? An early example of the "metaverse". **Why the sudden popularity in the Metaverse?** Today, three massive technology shifts are converging: Web3, Blockchain, Virtual Reality. [![Metaverse Technology Shifts](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d784ad31448a44a5a34bd7166e60a225~mv2.png)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgIwgtN7xgU) Together these are opening up the possibilities for the Metaverse. Several platforms have already been built upon this technology. These include: - [Decentraland](https://decentraland.org/) - [Sandbox](https://www.sandbox.game/en/) - [Somnium](https://somniumspace.com/) Using these platforms you can experience the metaverse today. I've mostly used Decentraland. It's limited but demonstrates the potential. With a digital avatar, you explore a digital universe. You can even visit a [digital Sotheby's and buy a Bored Ape.](https://decentraland.org/blog/announcements/sotheby-s-opens-a-virtual-gallery-in-decentraland/) I'm hosting metaverse coaching sessions within Decentraland. Read to the end to get involved. Another way of defining metaverse is what it hopes to achieve. > The metaverse is a mindset. [@akashrnigam](https://twitter.com/akashrnigam/status/1387426987929571329) This mindset can be described by values. Openness, Transparency, Community. Many are worried that the Metaverse that Facebook hope to create will not share the same values. There is also a range of hardware for Virtual Reality experiences. The most popular is [Oculus Quest 2](https://amzn.to/3DsWtRv). A great headset that enables you to experience full VR. ### **Coaching** You might think that coaching is more easily defined than the metaverse. Surprisingly not. Most people define coaching as giving someone advice. Usually to "fix them". I define it a different way. It's about asking rather than telling. Creating space for people to do their best thinking. To find the answers from within. This definition is shared by the [International Coaching Federation](https://coachingfederation.org/). The professional body from which I'm qualified. Sadly many online coaches and therapists have not undertaken professional training. > Unlicensed online therapists ‘preying’ on the desperation of people with mental health problems as NHS struggles to meet rising demand, experts warn. [Independent](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/online-counselling-therapy-mental-health-mentally-ill-exploited-unaccredited-nhs-a8123131.html) Will metaverse coaching lead to more victims? A topic for another article. ### **Coaching in the Metaverse** So how could coaching in the metaverse work? On a very basic level, it doesn't look too dissimilar from today. Zoom calls are a rudimentary metaverse. Coaching is conducted through a "digital" channel. But the metaverse is way more than video conferencing. The metaverse offers additional features that can transform how coaching is done. **5 Metaverse Features:** 1. [Avatars](#viewer-9lkoe) 2. [Immersive Environments](#viewer-2uct9) 3. [Virtual Reality Objects](#viewer-6bql7) 4. [Haptic Suits](#viewer-alugj) 5. [Marketplace](#viewer-40n0k) **Avatars** ![Examples of Avatars](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fe500ac4d0364a96b2e91518e72c4e77~mv2.png) > Microsoft says it is adding 3D virtual avatars and environments to its Teams chat system, as part of its push towards the "metaverse". Source: Avatars are digital representations of people in the metaverse. It could be a recreation of your physical description. It could be something completely different. A robot, a fox, a tree. Your avatar might change depending on the people you are with. A human for work, a robot for play. The possibilities are endless. A challenge posed by avatars for coaches. How will body language be represented? Coaches learn to observe and pick up on subtle body movements. A smile, a frown and even where the client is looking can give indicators of the feeling. So what if your client's avatar is a tree? I do not have the answers. Avatars do provide an opportunity. With this fluid identity, your avatar could change based upon feelings. As technology advances, could your avatar change colour along with your feelings? Blue for relaxed, red for anger. Another use case could be to ask clients to select an avatar that represents what they are feeling. I've done this in workshops with emojis. Ask participants to choose an emoji for how they are feeling right now. Perhaps avatars are the next evolution. A coaching exercise you can do right now. Draw an avatar that represents how you feel right now in this moment. Have a conversation about it with a family member or friend. **Flexible Environments** ![Decentraland Screenshot](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ede97ffe13284bd89a11bfcb45739822~mv2.png) The metaverse presents the opportunity to design coaching environments. From recreating existing environments to creating brand new ones. Your client wants a relaxing environment, take a walk along the beach. Or you want somewhere familiar, visit your favourite virtual coffee shop. You could even ask the client to design the environment. Create an environment that represents the challenge they are facing. Building environments is a great coaching exercise you can do today. [Lego Serious Play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rld-gUrp-iw) is already used by many coaches. The metaverse offers the chance to take this to a whole new level. The opportunities are endless. **Virtual Reality Objects** ![Virtual Reality Person](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f74c71168cef4b3bb26bc49154bf5bc5~mv2.png) One of the biggest opportunities presented by metaverse is an interactive coaching experience. Instead of a static conversation, you can use the metaverse to interact with objects. Coaching constellations is a technique that uses objects to represent different aspects of the problem. This can be a challenge in a zoom call. The metaverse provides a fully immersive environment. Recreating the physical sensation of moving items. > A systemic constellation is a spatial, relational model of the invisible dynamics within an issue or challenge in a system of relationships. It’s a kind of ‘living map’ of your client’s inner image of their issue or challenge, an x-ray of the system dynamics. [Coaching Constellations](https://coachingconstellations.com/faqs/) Another example is Clean Space, a technique within Clean Language. > In a Clean Space session, the facilitator invites the client to find different physical spaces (usually in a room, although it can be anywhere) to represent different aspects of their thinking. The client moves from space to space, pausing in each one to consider what they know there. In this way, they build up a network of connections between the many thoughts, feelings and ideas in their mind and body. [Clean Learning](https://cleanlearning.co.uk/about/faq/what-is-clean-space) The opportunities to use the metaverse to open up your thinking is exciting. **Haptic Suits** A haptic suit is a wearable device that provides feedback to the body. It's currently used in games. You take a hit and feel it in the suit. How could these suits simulate other feelings? Studies have already been done around feelings in Virtual Reality. Will this environment increase or decrease awareness. > VR can arouse compassionate feelings but does not appear to encourage users to imagine other peoples’ perspectives. Ultimately coaches want to create a sense of presence. How will this be enabled in the metaverse? **Marketplace** ![Sandbox Opensea Screenshot](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6984e7aef754425b95a915c674600e91~mv2.png) There is a significant difference in today's metaverse platforms: **decentralisation and ownership.** Today games are centralised and assets created within them are owned by the games companies. Minecraft is a great example where you don't own anything you build. With blockchain technology, it's now become possible to verify ownership of digital assets. This means the metaverse is built and owned by the users. > An NFT, or a nonfungible token, is a unique digital asset stored on a blockchain, the same technology that underpins cryptocurrencies like bitcoin. The tokens give users ownership in the digital world. This creates new opportunities for coaches. Possibilities include: - Buy digital land to host virtual coaching retreats - Build a digital coaching studio in the metaverse - Provide Digitial Evidence of Coaching There is a whole new economy emerging in this metaverse. Coaches will have many new revenue streams. ### **Your Chance To Experience Coaching in the Metaverse** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a78cbb60e4874319b8147f3b36d636c3~mv2.gif) If you've read this far you are probably either confused, excited or terrified. There is so much to explore and learn in this new world. We can do this together. --- ## What is a DAO? Your Ultimate Resource List URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-a-dao-your-ultimate-resource-list Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-a-dao-your-ultimate-resource-list.md Date: 2021-10-26 Topics: dao, organisational-design Have you heard the latest organisational buzzword - DAO.You are likely thinking - WTF is a DAO?To begin, it stands for Decentralized Autonomous Organization.It's a very popular way for cryptocurrency communities and companies to organise. However, it has broader application beyond that space.The definition of a DAO is varied.Here are three:A decentralized autonomous organization (DAO) is a group organized around a mission that coordinates through a shared set of rules enforced on a blockchain.@l Have you heard the latest organisational buzzword - DAO. You are likely thinking - WTF is a DAO? To begin, it stands for **Decentralized Autonomous Organization.** It's a very popular way for cryptocurrency communities and companies to organise. However, it has broader application beyond that space. The definition of a DAO is varied. Here are three: > A decentralized autonomous organization (DAO) is a group organized around a mission that coordinates through a shared set of rules enforced on a blockchain. [@lindaxie](https://linda.mirror.xyz/Vh8K4leCGEO06_qSGx-vS5lvgUqhqkCz9ut81WwCP2o) > DAOs are internet communities with a shared cap table and bank account. [@coopahtroopa](https://coopahtroopa.mirror.xyz/_EDyn4cs9tDoOxNGZLfKL7JjLo5rGkkEfRa_a-6VEWw) > A group chat and a bank account. [*@keikreutler*](https://twitter.com/keikreutler?lang=de) You are still probably thinking WTF is a DAO? Well rather than create a new definition, let me curate. Here is a collection of resources I've found helpful in understanding exactly what a DAO is. - [What are DAOs?](#viewer-aj3ef) - [What are some DAO examples?](#viewer-4iruj) - [How do I start a DAO?](#viewer-ae2tt) - [What tools are used in a DAO?](#viewer-10a9c) - [Who should I follow?](#viewer-coh72) ### **TL;DR** - Read this: [DAO Landscape](https://coopahtroopa.mirror.xyz/_EDyn4cs9tDoOxNGZLfKL7JjLo5rGkkEfRa_a-6VEWw) 📝 - Listen to this: [All you need to know about DAO's in 2021](https://open.spotify.com/episode/7g6XtLwTWb60H3wUJ74Sco?si=ENGvTouhSs2xelEwHKIFbQ) 🎧 - Watch this: [What is a DAO (Decentralised Autonomous Organisation), and how does it work?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqhAqRO1YEY) 📹 - Join this: [AAVE Community](https://discord.gg/K9ke84qPRx) 💬 ### **What are DAOs?** These five resources will answer the most common questions. They'll explore what is a DAO, how do DAO's work and what problems DAO's aim to solve. - [A Beginner's Guide to DAOs](https://linda.mirror.xyz/Vh8K4leCGEO06_qSGx-vS5lvgUqhqkCz9ut81WwCP2o) 📝 - [A Prehistory of DAOs](https://gnosisguild.mirror.xyz/t4F5rItMw4-mlpLZf5JQhElbDfQ2JRVKAzEpanyxW1Q) 📝 - [An Introduction to DAOs](https://pet3rpan.medium.com/an-introduction-to-daos-782e3817e2cd) 📝 - [What is a DAO (Decentralised Autonomous Organisation), and how does it work?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqhAqRO1YEY) 📹 - [What is a DAO?](https://open.spotify.com/episode/5pU2vFXSzFEUtyGv7L7xn3?si=hr5S-xfOQWSTcSfeFFkoXQ) 🎧 ### **What are some DAO examples?** There's no better way to understand an idea than with examples. This visual by [@coopahtroopa](https://coopahtroopa.mirror.xyz/_EDyn4cs9tDoOxNGZLfKL7JjLo5rGkkEfRa_a-6VEWw) provides the current DAO Landscape. ![DAO Landscape](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c5cb5ca23dfc431987c590ae5c7264c5~mv2.png) Image by [@coopahtroopa](https://coopahtroopa.mirror.xyz/_EDyn4cs9tDoOxNGZLfKL7JjLo5rGkkEfRa_a-6VEWw) Here are 5 resources that dive into these DAOs: - [A Deep Dive Into How the Top 10 DAOs Work](https://coinmarketcap.com/alexandria/article/a-deep-dive-into-how-the-top-daos-work) 📝 - [The Formation of PleasrDAO - Leighton Cusack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2mBzPo25SY) 📹 - [What is OlympusDAO?](https://youtu.be/QZOaZ9dd-ms) 📹 - [Making Bank: A Bankless DAO is Born](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaA_eP331ig) 📹 - [How Crypto Can Be Good for the Environment | Klima DAO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM5XX4AwEuI) 📹 A great way to learn is by joining a DAO. AAVE is well-established DAO where you can see all the mechanics in action and get involved. For example, you can [view and vote on governance proposals](https://governance.aave.com/). Start by joining the [AAVE discord](https://discord.gg/K9ke84qPRx) 💬 ### **How do I start a DAO?** Once you understand the power of a DAO you'll likely want to start your own. Here are a few resources about how to start a DAO: - [How to start a moloch DAO](https://newsletter.banklesshq.com/p/how-to-start-a-moloch-dao) 📝 - [Creating a Democratic Decentralized Blockchain Organization in 10 minutes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G2jwV4XK54) 📹 - [How To Create a DAO with DAOStack Alchemy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BK5ypcAFA8A) 📹 - [How to Create & Run Your Own DAO](https://medium.com/bitfwd/how-to-create-run-your-own-dao-5e3eadd96962) 📝 ### **What tools are used in a DAO?** ![DAO Tooling Landscape](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a9db67d394174738b75633873037c6ff~mv2.png) - [DAO Landscape by Coopatroopha](https://coopahtroopa.mirror.xyz/_EDyn4cs9tDoOxNGZLfKL7JjLo5rGkkEfRa_a-6VEWw) includes: - [*Gnosis Safe*](https://gnosis-safe.io/) - Multisig wallets are commonly used to manage community treasuries. - [*Snapshot*](https://snapshot.org/#/) - Off-chain voting platform for easy token-based governance. - [*Discourse*](https://www.discourse.org/) - Forum commonly used to discuss governance proposals. - [*CollabLand*](https://collab.land/) - Bots providing token-gated access and tipping to community chat groups. - [*Coordinape*](https://coordinape.com/) - Coordination game to determine which contributors(s) deserve token rewards. - [*Parcel*](https://parcel.money/) - Treasury management to easily track and send payments. - [*SourceCred*](https://sourcecred.io/) - Instance to track community participation and reward active members. - [*Mirror*](https://mirror.xyz/race) - Finance creative projects through tokenized crowdfunds. - [*Tally*](https://www.withtally.com/) - Governance dashboard to track on-chain voting history across different protocols. - [*Boardroom*](https://boardroom.info/) - Governance hub for token holder management to empower key decision making. - [*Sybil*](https://sybil.org/#/) - Create and track on-chain governance delegation. - [*RabbitHole*](https://rabbithole.gg/) - Reward tokens for completing specific on-chain tasks. • [Organization Legos: The State of DAO Tooling](https://medium.com/1kxnetwork/organization-legos-the-state-of-dao-tooling-866b6879e93e) • [The DAO stack](https://thedefiant.io/what-is-a-dao-mapping-out-the-ecosystem/) ### **Who should I follow?** I've curated a list on Twitter with the authors of these articles and more. **Subscribe**: --- ## High Conflict Summary by Amanda Ripley URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/high-conflict-summary-by-amanda-ripley Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/high-conflict-summary-by-amanda-ripley.md Date: 2021-09-07 Topics: book-summaries, leadership High Conflict differs from regular conflict. In high conflict, people become certain of their own righteousness, make negative assumptions about those who have a different position and come to believe that the only acceptable solution is total victory. This conflict usually ends with no winners. ![High Conflict Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a62cf60421d6489b96b529e2099519d3~mv2.png) [**Buy High Conflict on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3iLgj3d) ## 3 big ideas High conflict by Amanda Ripley helps you navigate conflict effectively: 1. High Conflict differs from regular conflict. In high conflict, people become certain of their own righteousness, make negative assumptions about those who have a different position and come to believe that the only acceptable solution is total victory. This conflict usually ends with no winners. 2. Every high conflict has an understory. The real reason the conflict has escalated. To mediate the conflict, uncover the understory. 3. Looping is an effective way of listening actively during high conflict situations. This is a form of paraphrasing that demonstrates to someone you have heard them. It also slows the conversation and often reduces emotion. ## Practice High Conflict Try for free at: ## Best quotes > Thats the main difference between healthy conflict and high conflict. In healthy conflict curioisity exists. It leads somewhere. In high conflict, the conflict is the destination. There is no where else to go. > In High Conflict we many many more errors in judgement. It's hard to be curious whilst you are outraged. ## Toby's takeaway Amanda Ripley shares a brilliant metaphor for conflict. La Brea Tar Pits are a group of tar pits in urban Los Angeles, US. Natural asphalt has seeped up from the ground in this area for tens of thousands of years. The tar is often covered with dust, leaves, or water. Over many centuries, the tar preserved the bones of trapped animals. Since 1906, more than one million bones have been recovered, representing over 231 species of vertebrates. In addition, 159 species of plants and 234 species of invertebrates have been identified. It is estimated that the collections at La Brea Tar Pits contain about three million items. High Conflict is like the Tar Pits. It has a magnetic pull that attracts people to it. Some make it out alive whilst many become victims. Certain people thrive in these situations: conflict entrepreneurs. These firestarters take joy in conflict. They dial up the heat in situations. This can sometimes be helpful but at other times they lead more victims to the tar pits. **My biggest takeaway was to be aware of the conflict entrepreneurs in my work and life. I can name several. How are they helping or hindering?** [**Buy High Conflict on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3iLgj3d) ## Big Ideas Expanded ## Overcoming High Conflict 5 ways to overcome High Conflict: 1. Investigate the understory - Find out what has made people so invested in the conflict. 2. Reduce the binary - Find out what you share in common. Remove us vs them. 3. Marginalize the fire starters - Stop listening to those who get a thrill out of the fight. 4. Buy time and make space - Notice your triggers and when you become aware of them, take a break. 5. Complicate the narrative - Recognize that most stories go deeper than a hero and villain. ## Looping Looping is a form of paraphrasing. You repeat back to the other person what you've heard them say. This can slow the conversation down and calms high emotions in doing so. It also demonstrates your engagement in the conversation. Looping is useful when there’s a misunderstanding you need to clear up. Looping follows a simple five-stage formula. 1. When the other person has said something that you’re confused or unsure about, summarize what that person has said, and ask whether you’ve got it right. 2. The other person will either confirm that you’ve got it right, or will clarify what you’ve got wrong. 3. You should then summarize what the other person has said including the new information, and ask that person to confirm you understand. 4. The other person will either confirm that you understand or not. 5. If you do understand, consider asking for more information. If you don’t understand, go back to stage one. Here are some tips for looping: - Loop whenever there’s a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up. - Interrupt the other person when necessary to explore something that’s causing confusion. - Be alert to body language, as that can play a role in your understanding and be looped back to the other person – “you just clenched your fists, are you feeling mad?” - Remain calm even if the other person is frustrated or mad. ## Questions in Conflict Situations When you find yourself in high conflict situations, ask these three questions: 1. Does it need to be said? 2. Does it need to be said by me? 3. Does it need to be said by me right now? It's surprising how often the answer is no. --- ## Connect Book Summary by David Bradford Carole Robin - Building Exceptional Relationships URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/connect-book-summary-by-david-bradford-carole-robin-building-exceptional-relationships Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/connect-book-summary-by-david-bradford-carole-robin-building-exceptional-relationships.md Date: 2021-08-15 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from Connect by David Bradford and Carole Robin. This book will help you build exceptional relationships with family, friends and colleagues. ![Connect Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9bb3d97f2085433b9a848e4f8bdb157a~mv2.png) [**Buy Connect on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3iLgj3d) ## 3 big ideas Learn how to build exceptional relationships in connect book by David Bradford Carole Robin: 1. **Most relationships are not exceptional**. It is exceptional relationships that enable people to succeed in life and work. The challenge - exceptional relationships are exceptionally hard to develop. 2. **Giving and receiving feedback is critical** to developing an exceptional relationship. When giving feedback there are three realities. Many people misunderstand these realities which leads to ineffective feedback. 3. Letting yourself be more fully known is crucial to developing exceptional relationships. **Self-disclosure creates more opportunities to connect** and increases trust. ## Best quotes > Feedback starts a conversation. It doesn’t end it. > When people feel emotionally met, they feel fully heard, understood, seen, accepted, and not judged. ## Toby's takeaway Connect book by David Bradford and Carole Robin is possibly the best book I've read this year. Highly practical, easy to read and well structured. Within the book are several exercises to help you implement the ideas. Connect led me to this insight: I have a hard time with self-disclosure. The authors share how self-disclosure is a crucial part of building exceptional relationships. Without it, most relationships will not deepen. Self-disclosure helps build trust and intimacy. I've often used the excuse of "lack of psychological safety" as a reason for not disclosing. This quote challenged this viewpoint: > What comes first, safety or disclosure? It can be easy to think, “Until I know I can trust that person and be accepted, I’m not going to take the risk of disclosing. I need to first know how they’re going to respond.” The causal direction has to be reversed—that risking a small disclosure is what builds safety. If each person waits for the other to take a risk, little progress is ever made. To change the authors suggest a 15% disclosure. This is a small disclosure that doesn't expose you to high risk. It enables you to test how the other person responds, hopefully with a disclosure of their own. This builds safety in the relationship. Over time the disclosures become deeper and more important. [**Buy Connect on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3iLgj3d) ## Big Ideas Expanded The main ideas from Connect book by David Bradford and Carole Robin - [Exceptional Relationships](#viewer-8o4bv) - [Importance of Self-Disclosure](#viewer-g2b) - [Listening To and Understanding Others](#viewer-drl8s) - [Pinches and Crunches](#viewer-fhc0b) - [Feedback Develops Relationships To Exceptional Levels](#viewer-a842j) - [Helping People Change](#viewer-6988q) - [Emotional Understanding](#viewer-dclgk) - [Overcoming Relationship Fears](#viewer-4lpig) ## Exceptional Relationships This book is about how to develop exceptional relationships. When you don’t have to hold back significant parts of yourself that are relevant to the relationship—nor does the other person. It’s when you can easily say that you’re feeling uncertain or confused about what is going on with the other person and with you, so that you can talk about it. It’s when you can deal with major issues, even though it feels scary. **6 Hallmarks of exceptional relationships:** 1. You can be more fully yourself, and so can the other person. 2. Both of you are willing to be vulnerable. 3. You trust that self-disclosures will not be used against you. 4. You can be honest with each other. 5. You deal with conflict productively. 6. Both of you are committed to each other’s growth and development. ![Exceptional Relationships infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_158f6d2a522340d0927b95cc69702107~mv2.png) **The Arc of Relationships** 1. They often start with a common interest, like music or hiking. 2. To go deeper you move past these initial stages of getting to know each other and begin to communicate more openly and personally. 3. As you become more important to each other, the relationship also becomes increasingly complex. Obligations and expectations build, as do potential points of contention. 4. As the healthy relationship develops, you avoid power imbalances so that you each get roughly the same amount of satisfaction. 5. You build interdependence that makes it easy to ask for help when you need it and to turn it down when it’s not useful. 6. To progress even further, you have to significantly increase your level of disclosure and risk-taking. There is an even greater risk since you both now have skin in the game. 7. Conflict occurs but fully resolving the conflict strengthens the connection—you are moving toward exceptional territory. ## Importance of Self-Disclosure > “We’re so accustomed to disguising ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” François de La Rochefoucauld Letting yourself be more fully known is crucial to developing exceptional relationships. Self-disclosure creates more opportunities to connect and increases trust. There are two areas of potential self-disclosure. The first is content, but the second is your feelings and concerns about sharing the content. The point is, it’s a risk. But there’s also a risk in playing your cards too close to your vest; unfortunately, the closer I hold my cards, the closer you are likely to hold yours. You can’t get to deeper relationships without disclosure. One common concern people have about disclosure—especially when it involves revealing things that might appear as defects—is that others will see them as weak. What comes first, safety or disclosure? It can be easy to think, “Until I know I can trust that person and be accepted, I’m not going to take the risk of disclosing. I need to first know how they’re going to respond.” The causal direction has to be reversed—that risking a small disclosure is what builds safety. If each person waits for the other to take a risk, little progress is ever made. ## Listening To and Understanding Others To build exceptional relations you must “Meet someone where they are”. 4 behaviours that build relationships: 1. Speaking to what they want as opposed to what you want 2. Responding at the same emotional level 3. Seeing the world as they see it 4. Responding to what the other really wants Fundamentally building relationships starts with being curious. Being curious is a lot more complicated than it seems. At one end of the continuum, you truly don’t understand something at all, and at the other end, you think you know all about it and are just asking questions to test your hypothesis. A problem with the latter is that you’re probably not genuinely curious. You’ve largely made up your mind and are “leading the witness” to prove your case. That stance is unlikely to encourage the other to be more open and revealing. Advice hinders relationships. Yet it's one of the most common behaviours in relationships. When people face challenges we can't help but give advice. Advice is rarely useful. **5 reasons why Advice is often not helpful:** 1. Our eagerness to help often causes us to jump in with a solution that comes out of our own experience or doesn’t fit the situation. Rarely do we come up with an option the other person hasn’t already considered (and likely discarded). 2. It can increase the power discrepancy between two people. The person with an issue might feel one-down to start with, and if the other person acts as though they have the answer, that can exacerbate the gap. 3. It’s easy to misunderstand what the other really wants. 4. People tend to respond in terms of what they would do rather than fully taking into account how the other best operates. 5. It can keep you from discovering what is really going on for the other person. “It’s better to have the wrong solution to the right problem than the right solution to the wrong problem”—because you will discover it’s the wrong solution much sooner. A good question to ask prior to giving advice: > “Am I giving advice to meet my needs or because I really want to help?” Behaviours that help people to be fully known: - Listening actively to try to fully understand them - Suspending judgment and not trying to quickly figure out what’s going on with them - Being curious and inquiring about what is important to them - Using open-ended questions to encourage them to share more - Listening for emotions and helping their full expression (for instance, “You sound more than a little annoyed; what are you feeling?”) - Empathizing—especially with feelings (“That really sounds upsetting”) - Showing acceptance (“I can really understand why you would react that way”) Conversely, these behaviours close down the relationship - Only half listen because you are thinking about (or have already decided) how to respond - Change the conversation rather quickly to talk about yourself or things that interest you - Think you have figured out what is really going on for them - Ask leading questions to make sure they accept your conclusions - Ignore their feelings and use logic to make your case - Make judgments about their comments or actions - Don’t empathize with their situation ## Pinches and Crunches Pinches are small annoyances, irritations and frustrations. In isolation, they might not be a big deal but over time can grow. They culminate in a crunch. A bigger moment of frustration and emotion. Pinches are often kept secret because: - Fear that raising them seem thin-skinned and petty. - Fear that speaking up might make things worse. - We assume the other meant no harm. Once a pinch grows this way, it threatens to become a crunch. Crunches are much more problematic than pinches because, in addition to the likelihood that much stronger feelings now exist, you’re also more likely to have developed a negative story about the other person. ## Feedback Develops Relationships To Exceptional Levels > “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” Plutarch - Greek philosopher Feedback starts a conversation. It doesn’t end it. When giving feedback it's important to be aware of the three realities: - Reality 1 - Your intent - Only known by the feedback provider - Reality 2 - Observable behaviour - visible to both people - Reality 3 - The impact - Only known by the feedback receiver Each person can only know 2 of the three realities. ![Connect Feedback Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d6fb02e99112427c8677f03c42895316~mv2.png) It's easy to confuse the three realities. For example, behaviour is something you can point to—words, gestures, and even silence are all forms of behaviour. There’s a big difference between personality and behaviour. Personality is extremely difficult to change—if you’re an extrovert, you’re unlikely to become introverted no matter how hard you try. That doesn’t mean you can’t work on leaving more space for others to speak, which is a behaviour. Example: - “You are dominating the discussion,” is not an observable behaviour; it is a judgment made based on a series of behaviours. - "You interrupted Steve on three occasions" is observable and quantifiable. **3 qualities of good feedback:** 1. Describe your own reality (“I don’t see myself that way”) without explaining or justifying yourself 2. Acknowledge and respect the other person's reaction as valid. 3. Ask for an observable behaviour that demonstrates the feedback. Below are the reasons you might have difficulty giving feedback. - Not staying on your side of the net; making attributions of the other’s motives and intentions. - Not identifying what you are feeling (especially vulnerable emotions like hurt, rejection, and sadness). - Not conveying your intent in giving it. - Giving feedback in too-general terms. For example, being indirect, being nonspecific about the actual behavior, or sugarcoating the impact so the receiver misses your point. - Withholding/downplaying feedback out of a need to be well thought of or respected. Needing to be liked, seen as a “nice person.” Wanting to please others. - Worrying about being wrong or that the other will deny it. Thinking, It’s my problem, so I’m being selfish to impose it on someone else. - Worrying that the relationship might be harmed or permanently disrupted; believing that harmony in a relationship depends upon the absence of conflict. - Fearing of conflict. Not feeling sure you have the skills to manage it. - Feeling discomfort with challenging or confronting—especially figures of authority. - Being concerned about whether the other will retaliate or give you feedback. In almost every case, we have choices, and how the other person responds makes some choices easier and others more difficult. ## Helping People Change > R < D × V × F Richard Beckhard - R = “resistance to change.” In order for change to happen, the product of the other three variables has to be larger than the resistance. - D = “dissatisfaction,” meaning you need to be aware of the cost of your present behaviour. - V = “vision,” meaning you need to see the benefit of new behaviour and believe that the result will be worth the effort - F = “first steps,” meaning you believe you can acquire new skills that make change easier. When you conclude too quickly that a certain set of behaviours is “the way that person is and will always be,” you might be doing them an injustice. Instead, try to understand all the factors that perpetuate that pattern of behaviour. When people ask for a change, people often interpret this at the extremes. "I must stop doing this completely". Often when you want somebody to modify a behaviour, you don’t have something that extreme in mind. It's better to think of the behaviour as a dial to be turned down a bit as opposed to a switch to be turned off. Typical barriers people put up when faced with change: - Denial “No, I don’t do that. I think you’re imagining that.” - Defensiveness “I don’t do that very much. This was just an exception, and anyway, others do it as well.” - Explanations/excuses “The reason that I did it was because…” “This is what you do that makes me do that: …” - Retaliating “Well, you do things that are a problem. This is what you do.” - Blaming “You raised the issue in the wrong way.” “It’s because you didn’t handle it properly.” - Putting the other down “I’m disappointed in you.” “I had hoped that you would have done better.” - Questioning motives “Aren’t you raising this issue so that you can dominate?” When someone puts up these barriers, they’re not really hearing the message. The feedback giver will often back away or refrain from offering feedback in the future. Common Traps to resolving contentious issues 1. Rushing to judgment 2. Either/or thinking 3. Arguing about solutions rather than focusing on needs 4. Treating opinions as facts 5. Confusing “experiments” with final decisions 6. Undervaluing personal needs 7. Not taking account of personal styles 8. Deciding who implements what ## Emotional Understanding 6 behaviours that prevent you from helping someone change: 1. Assuming “That’s the way they are; that’s their personality” 2. Lacking clarity in your feedback (about specific behaviour and impact on you or on what you need) 3. Assuming change is easier than it is 4. Lacking persistence and patience 5. Neglecting to use D × V × F (dissatisfaction × vision × first steps) 6. Wanting the change for your sake and not taking into account what the other wants When people feel emotionally met, they feel fully heard, understood, seen, accepted, and not judged. That requires hearing beyond the words and listening for underlying meaning. **5 behaviours that help someone feel emotionally met:** 1. Active listening demonstrates to the speaker that you understand them. 2. Paraphrasing/acknowledging feelings. 3. Active empathy—for example, saying things like “That sounds really crummy,” 4. Conveying care. 5. Suspending judgment and engaging in curiosity and inquiry. This means asking open-ended questions ## Overcoming Relationship Fears The fears people hold in relationships often inhibit them from becoming exceptional. They stop people from taking risks and being vulnerable. It is only when we can manage our fears and take the necessary risks that exceptional becomes possible. **6 relationship fears:** - Fear of being negatively judged. - Fear of your commitment and vulnerability not being reciprocated. - Fear of making mistakes. - Fear that what you ask for will not be met, - Fear of damaging the relationship - Fear of rejection - if someone really knew you—all of you—they would reject you. At the end of connect book is a helpful summary of the key ideas. Here is a sample of the ideas in that summary: **To build exceptional relationships:** 1. Express your emotions. 2. Use the 15 Percent Rule for increasing self-disclosure in building relationships. 3. Be vulnerable, in most cases the benefits far exceed the costs. 4. Vulnerability can come much more out of strength than out of weakness. 5. Build conditions where the other person is willing to disclose and be more themselves. 6. Listen to their feelings and encouraging their full expression is crucial in that process. 7. Don't rush to judgment but instead to be curious when you don’t initially understand the other or they do something that upsets you. 8. Value the other’s uniqueness as opposed to requiring that they be just like you. 9. Giving advice is limiting. Open-ended questions are powerful. 10. Be empathetic, and just as you want to be more fully known and accepted, you have learned to do the same for the other person. 11. Give and receive behaviorally specific feedback, to both raise and resolve difficulties, and to help the other see what they do well and might build on. 12. Feedback, although challenging at times, doesn’t have to be an attack. Instead, it can be a way to surface the core issues so that both of you can jointly resolve them. 13. Feedback truly is a gift when you are both invested in each other’s growth and in your relationship. 14. Appreciating the power and range of emotions, you have become aware of your capacity to feel many at the same time, as well as all the ways you can block yourself from recognizing and appropriately using them. 15. Support comes in many forms, but being supportive sometimes requires raising difficult issues that can be uncomfortable for both the giver and the recipient. 16. Honesty starts with sticking with your reality—how the other person’s behavior is affecting you—not in providing your psychological interpretation of their motives or character. 17. Conflict need not be destructive. If you use the feedback model, difficult issues can be raised and resolved in a way that actually strengthens the relationship. 18. Relationships rarely develop in a straight line. It’s often “two steps forward and one step back." --- ## The Advice Trap Summary by Michael Bungay-Stanier URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-advice-trap-summary-by-michael-bungay-stanier.md Date: 2021-08-06 Topics: book-summaries T about turning you into a coach. It's about making you a leader, a manager, a human who’s more coach-like. That means building the simple but difficult habit of taming your Advice Monster so you can stay curious a little longer, and rush to action and advice-giving a little more slowly.When you’re more coach-like, research and experience tell us there are two clear outcomes: 1. You enable stronger human ![Advice Trap Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_40d51fbc65b844fa8515ef508d6b3ac9~mv2.png) [**Buy The Advice Habit on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3Cmrjfo) This book is NOT about turning you into a coach. It's about making you a leader, a manager, a human who’s more coach-like. That means building the simple but difficult habit of taming your Advice Monster so you can stay curious a little longer, and rush to action and advice-giving a little more slowly. When you’re more coach-like, research and experience tell us there are two clear outcomes: 1. You enable stronger humans. 2. You enable stronger performance. The Advice Trap gives you the tools to make curiosity an everyday leadership behaviour. And will convince you exactly why saying less and asking more matters. - Michael Bungay Stanier ## 3 big ideas Learn how to tame your Advice Monster: 1. Giving advice can be helpful for simple situations where there is one obvious answer. In contrast, **giving advice can be harmful in complex situations**. When there is no one right answer it's better to tap into the collective knowledge of the group. Many people situations are complex, not simple. As such advice-giving is not always suitable. 2. **Developing coaching skills such as asking questions is a good antidote** to giving advice. Once you learn to ask questions, it gives you alternatives. The Advice Trap builds upon ideas in [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). 3. **Advice is not always bad**. In simple situations, it's often the most effective response. When you give advice, at least do it well. Michael shares four ways you can improve your ability to give advice. ## Best quotes > You cannot get rid of your desire to give advice. You can only tame it. > You become a great coach by being willing to be coached. ## Toby's takeaway > Your advice is not as good as you think it is. A harsh truth shared by Michael Bungay-Stanier in [The Advice Trap](https://amzn.to/3Cmrjfo). This is the follow up to his bestseller [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). The biggest takeaway was the three beliefs that drive people to give advice: - You must have the answer! - You must be responsible for it all! - You must stay in control! I resonated with all of these. In particular, people often seek out my expertise as a thought leader. This means I have a strong urge to give people the answer. I continue to work hard on building awareness for when to tell vs ask. Michael shares that advice isn't always bad. For simple situations, it can be helpful. However many situations in the workplace are far from simple. This is why situational awareness is so key. It enables you to make better decisions on how to respond in a given scenario. [Cynefin](/post/cynefin-foundations-training) is a great sensemaking framework to help you determine what's simple or complex. If you haven't read [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier), start there. The Advice Trap is a good follow up. Perfect for practising coaches who want to go deeper. ## Big Ideas Expanded A longer summary of The Advice Trap: - [The Problem With Advice](#viewer-1ruhj) - [Advice Trap Behaviours](#viewer-chol1) - [The Antidote To Advice Is Coaching](#viewer-9ogqn) - [How To Be Coached](#viewer-f2nrs) - [Giving Good Advice, When You Need To](#viewer-6lq34) ## The Problem With Advice > You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. Naguib Mahfouz Two reasons why your Advice doesn’t work: 1. You solve the wrong problem 2. You’re proposing a mediocre solution Impact of Advice: 1. It demotivates the advice-receivers 2. It overwhelms the advice-givers 3. It compromises team effectiveness 4. It limits organizational change Easy Change vs. Hard Change - Easy Change: you can see the problem and figure out the solution. It’s like downloading a new app on your phone. **Advice works well.** - Hard Change: easy solutions don’t work. There is no one solution. It's like moving to a new city. **Advice is most likely not effective.** ## Advice Trap Behaviours > The leaders of the future will know how to ask. Peter Drucker The beliefs that lead you to give advice. - You must have the answer! If you don’t Tell-It, nothing will get solved and we’ll fail. - You must be responsible for it all! If you don’t Save-It and rescue everyone and everything, we’ll fail. - You must stay in control! If you don’t Control-It and manage it all, we’ll fail. Core to all three is the belief that you are more competent than the other person. You cannot get rid of your desire to give advice. You can only tame it. The first step to taming it is by becoming more aware. When you rush to advise, these are common behaviours: - I stop listening to what’s being said as soon as the idea/solutions/suggestion shows up in my head. - I blurt out my idea pretty much as soon as I think of it. - I give them the solution that I know is best for them. - I take on the responsibility for solving the problem, even when it’s not my problem. - I often don’t ask them what they think the answer/solution is. - I fill any awkward silences. - I take the lead from the start of a meeting or conversation, and I wrap things up at the end. - I get anxious when I’m not sure where the conversation is going. - I sort out the situation any time I feel things are going a little off the rails. Noticing when you do these behaviours can help you start to change. People only change when they see the benefit. Giving advice is often rewarded so those rewards need to be replaced. Benefits of breaking the advice habit: - I “add value” by empowering others, rather than by offering up advice. - I don’t always have to have the answer. - I can rely on others to contribute. - I still share my advice and wisdom, but I do it deliberately and selectively rather than reactively. - I don’t need to be responsible for everyone else’s lives. They’re adults and they can be responsible for their own choices. - I can support people by supporting them in making choices rather than making choices for them. - I can trade control for empowerment and engagement. - I can teach people to drive, rather than doing all the driving myself. I can take a back seat. - I can let in the unknown, often a source of competitive advantage and innovation. ## The Antidote To Advice Is Coaching > There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas. Susan Cain The Advice Trap covers some of the same ground as [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). Rather than share the same insights, I'd recommend reading the summary here. Coaching focuses on the process, not the outcomes. The outcomes can be great, of course, but we focus on what we can control, which is our behaviour. The definition of coaching doesn’t say “never give advice” or “only ask questions.” That would be deeply impractical. Rather, it implies that advice-giving has its place in your life, and that advice-giving is usually an overdeveloped muscle. What you’re trying to do is train an underdeveloped muscle: curiosity. Eight ways to ask a question well 1. Ask one question at a time. 2. Cut the intro and ask the question. 3. Should you ask a rhetorical question? 4. Stick to questions starting with “What.” 5. Get comfortable with silence. 6. Actually, listen to the answer. 7. Acknowledge the answers you get. ## How To Be Coached You become a great coach by being willing to be coached. Three ways you can become a better coachee: 1. Confess. Start by owning the insight that you’re going to be a little slippery when you’re being coached. It’s not personal. 2. Prepare to be uncomfortable. When you step into your power and assume the responsibility of making choices, two emotions show up: anxiety, because you’re worried about whether you’ve made the right choice; and guilt because you’re saying no to something to which you could have said yes. 3. Check-in with yourself at the start of the coaching session: How active and engaged do you plan to be? How much risk do you intend to take? How willing will you be to show the mess? How vulnerable do you intend to be? How committed are you to the best future version of yourself? ## Giving Good Advice, When You Need To If you are going to give advice, do it well. It’s not all coaching, all the time. Here are four strategies for giving good advice in the right way at the right time. 1. Start by knowing the right moments to give advice. 2. Learn to tone down the assuredness in the way you present your idea. 3. Do it boldly. Label it, if that’s useful: “Let me give you my best advice.” Be fast, clear, bold. Make sure they know that you’ve given them your advice. 4. Check how your advice has landed. Did it help? Did it solve the problem? --- ## Leading Organizational Change | 50 + Insights for Leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leading-organizational-change Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leading-organizational-change.md Date: 2021-08-04 Topics: curated-insights, leadership, organisational-design Leading organizational change is hard. It can be made easier by following well-tested principles. This is a collection of insights to help leaders inspire change. Covering aspects such as organizational design, behaviour change and culture change. When Sathya Nadella became Microsoft CEO, he was faced with organizational dysfunction: > "Innovation was being replaced by bureaucracy. Teamwork was being replaced by internal politics. We were falling behind." To deliver better outcomes, Nadella was the catalyst for significant organizational change. He organized Microsoft to function more like the Silicon Valley companies that were outperforming them. Reorganizing the company into cross-functional teams, abolishing the powerful product divisions for a flatter, a more integrated approach called One Microsoft. Nadella has been credited with a grand reinvention of Microsoft. This is exemplified by its market value exceeding $1 trillion, one of just a handful in history to hit that mark. When Nadella first took over, its market value was around $300 billion. The company has shifted from a has-been to a cloud powerhouse. This story highlights how leading organizational change can deliver great outcomes. ## **How can you lead organizational change?** Many organizational change efforts do not follow the success of Microsoft. Studies show that most transformations fail. Leading organizational change over the past decade I've learned there is no silver bullet. However, there are principles that can guide your efforts. These can act as a compass, to guide your thinking and decision making. Here I've curated these insights to help you lead organizational change. These organizational change insights cover dilemmas such as: - [What is the best organizational design?](#viewer-86esk) (there isn't one) - [How can you change behaviour?](#viewer-5srio) (in small, tiny steps) - [What's the best way to communicate change?](#viewer-1ecsi) (focus on safety) Your mileage might vary depending on your context. Change is complex and there is no-one-size fits all. I hope these insights will lead to deeper reflection on how you lead change. Inspiring you to find new perspectives. The insights are not direct quotes. They are described in my words with attribution to the thinker who helped inspire it. Where a person has influenced an insight their name is referenced [Name]. An emoji also indicates the medium where you can source related knowledge. Here a just a few of the leaders who have influenced these insights: - [![Tim Ferris](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3e4a864d24e341e49ba80adf9fb6cd88~mv2.jpg)](https://tim.blog/) Tim Ferris - [![Amy Edmondson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b7305a7904ac4cf4aa91422a91953339~mv2.jpeg)](https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/profile.aspx?facId=6451) Amy Edmondson - [![James Clear](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c0295eca85bb4cd082f39d4e8d17c6d5~mv2.jpeg)](https://jamesclear.com/) James Clear - [![Micheal Wilkinson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6929e64788a64b6fad9bc8cb1652486b~mv2.jpeg)](https://michaelthefacilitator.com/) Micheal Wilkinson - [![Ellen Gottesdiener](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f528747a0687462b9ee346796c4c2ba4~mv2.jpeg)](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/) Ellen Gottesdiener - [![Dave Snowden](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9dbafddfa285405fba0357e1c0dae5b7~mv2.jpeg)](https://www.cognitive-edge.com/) Dave Snowden - [![Naomi Stanford](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4eedb6c07633480391fce7d2a709386d~mv2.png)](https://naomistanford.com/) Naomi Stanford - [![Esther Derby](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b3865e5a6e2d450293ed7d43fb84b3a7~mv2.jpg)](https://www.infoq.com/news/2016/11/derby-six-rules/) Esther Derby - [![Sophie Devonshire](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1611f2f76085434b82a1d1da719b5dc9~mv2.jpg)](https://www.marketingsociety.com/sophie-devonshire) Sophie Devonshire ## **Organizational Change Topics** 50+ organizational change insights grouped into the following sections: - [Designing Organizations](#viewer-86esk) - [Changing Behaviour](#viewer-5srio) - [Managing Change](#viewer-1ecsi) - [Measuring Change](#viewer-b2oad) - [Changing Culture](#viewer-8m09d) - [Leading Change](#viewer-a4cuv) These [50 Coaching Tools for Leaders](/post/coaching-tools) will also help you lead change. ### **Designing Organizations** I have come to learn that: 1. An upfront grand design does not work. 2. Don't ignore the existing status quo and existing power structures. 3. Organisations are complex, adaptive organisms. 4. And they are sociotechnical systems. 5. The purpose of a system is what it does. 6. You must be situationally aware. 7. Only four team topologies are needed for fast flow. 8. Define your products broadly. 9. Leaders must first learn to see the system. 10. You cannot "optimise" a complex adaptive system. 11. Real Teams have 6 conditions. 12. You can only manage 5 things in a complex system. 13. Systems Thinking can be a trap. 14. Use Reverse Conway's Manoeuvre. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) Organisations cannot be "designed" up-front. Instead, you should focus on the conditions that enable a new design to emerge. [[Dave Snowden](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity)] 📝 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) Organizations are implicitly optimized to avoid changing the status quo middle- and first-level manager and “specialist” positions & power structures. Therefore, don't be surprised when the system pushes back to any changes that threaten the status quo. Also, don't be surprised despite your best efforts if the system ends back up where it started. [[Craig Larman](https://www.craiglarman.com/wiki/index.php?title=Larman%27s_Laws_of_Organizational_Behavior)] 📝 [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) Organisations are complex, adaptive organisms, rather than mechanistic and linear systems. This means you should change through rapid experimentation rather than big up-front designs. And any attempt to change the organisation may lead to surprising results. [Naomi Stanford (via [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow))] 📚 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) Organisations are 'Sociotechnical Systems'. The interaction of social and technical factors creates the conditions for successful (or unsuccessful) organizational performance. As such, when exploring change explore the relationships between the technical and social system. - [[Nick Tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOof9dof0y0)] 🎬 [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) The purpose of a system is what it does (POSIWID). Therefore, if the system is working in what you think are ineffective ways, it's likely that is by design. The system will be meeting the needs of some people. Don't ignore this fact and trace what needs the existing system is meeting before trying to change it. [[Stanford Beer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_purpose_of_a_system_is_what_it_does)] 📝 [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) You need to be Situationally Aware. Parts of your organisation may be at different stages of evolution. As such, components should be optimised based upon context. "Agile" may not be suitable for everything and everyone across the organisation. [[Simon Wardley](https://www.infoq.com/presentations/stuational-awareness/)] 🎬 [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) If you are optimising for the flow of value there are only 4 team topologies required. [Matthew Skelton and Manuel Pais [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow)] 📚 [#8](/blog/hashtags/8) When you have defined products in a customer-centric manner, with a long view in mind, and as broadly as possible, structure follows the product. As such, if you want an effective Product-Centric Organisational Structure, define the Product first [[Ellen Gottesdiener](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/blog/what-is-your-product/)] 📝 [#9](/blog/hashtags/9) To create great teams focus on these 6 conditions: Real Team, Compelling Purpose, Right People, Sound Structure, Supportive Context, Team Coaching. [[Leading Teams by Richard Hackman](https://amzn.to/3scqxwf)] 📚 [#10](/blog/hashtags/10) You can only manage five things in a complex system: Constraints, Identity, Affordances, Assemblages, Attractors. [[Dave Snowden](/post/cynefin-foundations-training)] 📝 [#11](/blog/hashtags/11) The three things organisations should have a deep understanding of Knowledge of customer demand, how to measure the system’s achievement of purpose in customer terms. [[Beyond Command and Control by John Seddon](/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon)] 📚 [#12](/blog/hashtags/12) You cannot "optimise" a complex adaptive system. Instead, explore through experimentation how the system is currently disposed and then 'nudge' it towards a new direction understanding the system may respond in unexpected ways. [[T](/post/cynefin-foundations-training)oby Sinclair] [#13](/blog/hashtags/13) Systems Thinking, whilst helpful, can lead to thinking traps that don't embrace the complex nature of organisations. As such, when doing Systems Modelling, acknowledge that things are more complex than they seem. [Toby Sinclair] [#14](/blog/hashtags/14) Any organization that designs a system will produce a design whose structure is a copy of the organization's communication structure. As such, implement the Reverse Conway's Manoeuvre. [Matthew Skelton and Manuel Pais [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow)] 📚 ### **Changing Behaviour** I have come to learn that: 1. Behaviour is a function of the environment. 2. People don't resist change, they resist coercion. 3. Inspire behaviour, don't manipulate it. 4. Behaviour changes in three ways. 5. B = MAP 6. Add one habit at a time, break many at a time. 7. Habits follow a three-step pattern. 8. Make the new behaviour crystal clear. 9. Make old behaviours impossible to do. 10. When unsafe, people do what they've always done. 11. Make consistency the goal. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) When the behaviour of the individual and the organisation are at odds. The behaviour of the organisation wins. [[Atomic Habits by James Clear](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations)] 📚 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) People don't resist change, they resist coercion. So instead of forcing people to change, take time to listen to their concerns and co-create change with them. [[Esther Derby](https://www.infoq.com/news/2016/11/derby-six-rules/)] 📝 [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) There are only two ways to influence human behaviour: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it. Therefore find the internal "why" that people can connect with. [[Start with Why by Simon Sinek](https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en)] 🎬 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) Behaviour Changes in 3 Ways. You can have an epiphany, change the environment or change behaviour in tiny ways. The most successful, if done consistently over time, is to change behaviour in tiny ways. It's something anyone can do. [[Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything)] 📚 [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) Behaviour happens when motivation & ability & prompt converge at the same moment (B = MAP). It's important to understand that motivation is fickle and prompts only work when the behaviour is easy enough to do. Therefore first focus on making the behaviour as easy as possible to do initially. [[Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything)] 📚 [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) A good strategy is to add new habits one at a time but break habits by stopping several at the same time. [[Tim Ferris Podcast #97 with Naval Ravikant](https://tim.blog/2015/08/18/the-evolutionary-angel-naval-ravikant/)] 🎧 [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) Every habit you have follows the same 3–step pattern: Reminder (the trigger that initiates the behaviour), routine (the behavior itself; the action you take), and reward (the benefit you gain from doing the behavior) [[Atomic Habits by James Clear](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations)] 📚 [#8](/blog/hashtags/8) Behaviour will not change if it is not crystal clear what Behaviours are expected. To make behaviours crystal clear leverage Cultural Architects within the organisation to act as role models. [[Barcelona Way by Damian Hughe](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40493428-the-barcelona-way?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=0szwUL1g3C&rank=1)s] 📚 [#9](/blog/hashtags/9) You need to make old behaviours impossible to do. Otherwise, in times of crisis, fear or uncertainty people will revert back to their old, default behaviour [[Knowing Doing Gap](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap) [by Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert I. Sutton](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap)] 📚 [#10](/blog/hashtags/10) When psychological safety is low, people will be afraid to take the risk. When adopting a new, uncertain behaviour the fear of failure is always higher. If there the environment is not safe people will default to their existing, automatic behaviour. Don't expect people to change if they don't. [[The Fearless Organisation by Amy Edomondson](https://amzn.to/35r2vE1)] 📚 [#11](/blog/hashtags/11) Behaviour change takes much longer than you appreciate. It's not months but years of consistency. This can easily be demotivating so instead of focusing on the outcome focus on consistency. Make consistency the goal [Toby Sinclair] ### **Managing Change** I have come to learn that: 1. The obstacle is the way. 2. Focus energy on the Early Adopters. 3. Avoid the workshop trap. 4. Don't do "Transformation Programs" 5. Ask more, tell less. 6. Don't force change. 7. Avoid Gap Thinking. 8. Change cannot be managed. 9. Three common reasons why relationship conflict arises. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) The Obstacle is the Way. The key success indicator of any change effort is how many obstacles (aka impediments) have been overcome. If you ignore the obstacles they will continue to slow down progress. It's like taking a 100mile detour rather than tackling the problem in front of you. [[The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday](https://amzn.to/39fQpyT)] 📚 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) Focus energy on the Early Adopters. Limit energy expenditure with Laggards [[Crossing the Chasm by Geoffrey Moore](https://amzn.to/3s33pjM)] 📚 [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) Don't be fooled by the "workshop trap". When people leave workshops they'll likely be motivated to change the world. This kind of Motivation is fickle and will likely run dry when Monday morning arrives. Instead, focus on small changes and make the change as easy as possible to do. [[Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything)] 📚 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) Don't do "Transformation Programs". Instead, focus on meaningful outcomes for the business, start small, make the desired behaviours easy to do and keep consistent over time. [Toby Sinclair] [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) We must become better at asking and do less telling in a culture that overvalues telling. Therefore spend time asking questions rather than telling your team what to do. [[Humble Inquiry by Edgar Schein](https://amzn.to/35s04B9)] 📚 [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) You cannot force another person or a system to change. We sow seeds, some fall on fertile ground, others on impenetrable soil, and yet others sprout but get overgrown by weeds. Our responsibility is to keep sowing the seeds, that is all we have control over. [[Sonja Blignaut in The Cynefin Book](https://amzn.to/39eEAJ6)] 📚 [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) Avoid Gap Thinking. Don't focus on the gap between the current and target state. It's like quicksand, the more you try to move towards the target the more you are stuck in the current state. Another way is to get a grasp of your current conditions and what would be a more ideal current state. This raises awareness of what's going on now and as such a better appreciation of what needs to change. [[Jabe Bloom on Twitter](https://twitter.com/cyetain/status/971753487586521088?s=20)] [#8](/blog/hashtags/8) Change cannot be managed. Change is a complex process that emerges in often strange and novel ways. Therefore instead of managing change create conditions for it to emerge. [Toby Sinclair] [#9](/blog/hashtags/9) There are three reasons why people conflict: Lack of shared information, Disagreement about values and experiences, Personality, past history or other outside factors. When helping people navigate change help them be aware of the level the conflict. Use appropriate approaches at each level. [[Michael Wilkinson](https://www.pricelessprofessional.com/8-core-practices-of-facilitative-leadership.html)] 🎧 ### **Measuring Change** I have come to learn that: 1. Minimize Outputs, Maximise Outcomes. 2. The easiest thing to measure gets measured. 3. You are incentivized to believe the things that you want to be true. 4. When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure. 5. Four typical outcomes are Better Value, Sooner, Safer, Happier. 6. Optimise a system for efficiency, effectiveness will reduce. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) You will achieve better organisational outcomes if you Minimize Output, Maximize Outcome and Impact. [[Jeff Patton](https://www.jpattonassociates.com/read-this-first/)] 📝 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) The easiest thing to measure often gets measured. As such the easiest thing to measure is often activity instead of outcomes. Outcomes are usually hard to measure. To shift the focus to measuring outcomes you have to shift the balance. Make outcomes easy to measure and activity hard to measure. [Toby Sinclair] [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) You are incentivized to believe the things that you want to be true. As such, if you have invested time and energy in the change you'll want to believe that change has happened. As such, whatever you do, in most cases you'll declare success. [[Charlie Munger](https://fs.blog/2017/10/bias-incentives-reinforcement)] 📝 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure. Therefore don't use measures as targets. [[Goodharts Law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodhart%27s_law)] 📝 [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) You can categorise the outcomes organisations need to work towards for success into Better Value, Sooner, Safer, Happier [[Sooner Safer Happier by Jon Smart](/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh)] 📚 [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) There are two measures that help organisational effectiveness: Capacity - The volume of demands we can service. Capability - How well we do them in eyes of the customer. [[Beyond Command and Control by John Seddon](/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon)] 📚 [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) If you optimise a system for efficiency, effectiveness will reduce. If you optimise a system for effectiveness, efficiency will increase. [[Efficiency Paradox by Niklas Modig](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGJpez7rvc0)] 🎬 ### **Changing Culture** I have come to learn that: 1. You don't think your way into a new kind of living. 2. We are what we repeatedly do. 3. Change Behaviour to Change Thinking. 4. Focus on identity change by changing behaviours. 5. Culture is the product of constraints. 6. A bad system will beat a good person every time. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) You don't think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking. Culture only changes when behaviour changes. [[Henri J.M. Nouwen](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/179153-you-don-t-think-your-way-into-a-new-kind-of#:~:text=Quotes%20%3E%20Quotable%20Quote-,%E2%80%9CYou%20don't%20think%20your%20way%20into%20a%20new%20kind,a%20new%20kind%20of%20thinking.%E2%80%9D)] 📝 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. Culture is the product of the habits of people within the organisation [[Not Aristotle](https://medium.com/the-mission/my-favourite-quote-of-all-time-is-a-misattribution-66356f22843d)] 📝 [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) Change Behaviour to Change Thinking. Therefore for culture to change, you must enable behaviours to change. To enable behaviours to change make it easy to do. [[John Shook](https://barryoreilly.com/leading-culture-change-means-changing-yourself-before-others/#:~:text=Shook's%20model%20highlighted%20that%20transformation,initiatives%20that%20do%20things%20differently.)] 📝 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. As such, focus on the consistent behaviours over time that will slowly change your organisational culture. [[Atomic Habits by James Clear](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations)] 📚 [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) Culture is the product of the rules, policies, procedures within the organisational environment. You might call these constraints. These influences the employee's assumptions and beliefs about "How things get done around here". These beliefs drive the employee's behaviour. To change the culture change the environment, the rules, policies etc. and make it easy for people to adopt new behaviours [Toby Sinclair] [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) A bad system will beat a good person every time. As such if you hire great people they may not succeed if the environment does not enable them to do so. [[W. Edwards Deming](https://deming.org/a-bad-system-will-beat-a-good-person-every-time/)] 📝 ### **Leading Change** I have come to learn that: 1. The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader. 2. The best leaders say no often. 3. Focus on creating the right conditions. 4. Be a gardener. 5. Be aware of your Fundamental Attribution Bias. 6. Start with Why. 7. Communicate worth and potential. [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader. As such to build a movement you need to encourage followership as a leadership act. [[Derek Sivers](https://sive.rs/ff)] 🎬 [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. The best leaders say no often. [[Lead at Speed by Sophie Devonshire](/post/book-summary-superfast-lead-at-speed-sophie-devonshire)] 📚 [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) Leadership is a focus on creating the right conditions in the environment for people to succeed. [[Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps by Jennifer Garvey Berger](/post/book-summary-unlocking-leadership-mindtraps-jennifer-garvey-berger)] 📚 [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) The temptation for leaders is to lead as a chess master, controlling each move of the organization. The best leaders act as gardeners, enabling rather than directing, creating a healthy ecosystem. [[Team of Teams by Stanley McChrystal](https://amzn.to/3scsfOb)] 📚 [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) Many people have a strong Fundamental Attribution Bias. The tendency for people to under-emphasize situational explanations for an individual's observed behaviour while over-emphasizing dispositional and personality-based explanations for their behaviour. [[Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error)] 📝 [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) We are drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe. They make us feel special, safe and not alone. This is what gives them the ability to inspire us. [[Start with Why by Simon Sinek](https://amzn.to/3bnMoLb)] 📚 [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they are inspired to see it in themselves. [[Turn the Ship Around by David Marquett](https://amzn.to/38t7Lc6)] 📚 These insights are not static and will always be evolving. [Join my newsletter](/post/curated-insights) and each week you'll receive updates on the insights influencing my life and work. --- ## Koinophobia - The Fear Of Being Ordinary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/koinophobia-the-fear-of-being-ordinary Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/koinophobia-the-fear-of-being-ordinary.md Date: 2021-08-04 Topics: coaching, leadership Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left so much room for what might happen, you started losing sight of what was happening. While you're in it, life seems epic, fiery, unpredictable. Once you have some distance from it, everything seems to shrink until it's almost out of focus.Koinophobia.When you look back over your life or try to put it down on paper, you can see more of it now than ever before. And yet it seems somehow diminished. Humble. Almost quaint.You begin sc > Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left so much room for what might happen, you started losing sight of what was happening. While you're in it, life seems epic, fiery, unpredictable. Once you have some distance from it, everything seems to shrink until it's almost out of focus. Koinophobia. When you look back over your life or try to put it down on paper, you can see more of it now than ever before. And yet it seems somehow diminished. Humble. Almost quaint. You begin scanning your life, looking for something interesting, beautiful. You see an ordinary house, on an ordinary street. It looks smaller than you remember. You once had wild dreams and obstacles and risks looming all around you. But now they look smaller too. You remember giants, goddesses and villains. Now all you see is ordinary people assembled in their tiny classrooms and workspaces. Each of us moving around in little steps like tokens on a gameboard. No matter how many times you roll the dice, there's always these little moments here and there. Do a little work, take a little rest, make a little friend, throw a little party, feel a little boredom, have a little rebellion. There are so many of these token moments that are supposed to represent some other thing. And you keep adding them all up. As if there was something you forgot to count. Some stash of glory fell off the back of the truck. And you may adore the life you have for everything it is. You know it isn't groundbreaking. You wouldn't change a thing. Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left so much room for what might happen, you started losing sight of what was happening. Or maybe you were never in it, to begin with. As if you knew even then that this wasn't the world you expected. A world so low and common you tried to keep your distance, floating somewhere above where nobody else could look down in this life you built, nobody else but you. **Source:** Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows Koinophobia: The Fear that You've Lived an Ordinary Life --- ## Super Learning Book Summary by Peter Hollins URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/super-learning-book-summary-by-peter-hollins Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/super-learning-book-summary-by-peter-hollins.md Date: 2021-07-27 Topics: book-summaries arn the power of super learning1. Learning to learn can be a superpower. Master the skill of learning to help you learn anything.2. Many traditional approaches to learning are ineffective. Techniques like highlighting and mnemonics are not effective. Instead, practice testing and elaborative interrogation are better to maximise learning.3. Concept learning is one of the best ways to learn. This is when y ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7290c907dc274aaa9d01b779adfb1859~mv2.png) [**Buy Super Learning on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/2UK8QZj) ## 3 big ideas Learn the power of super learning 1. Learning to learn can be a superpower. Master the skill of learning to help you learn anything. 2. Many traditional approaches to learning are ineffective. Techniques like highlighting and mnemonics are not effective. Instead, practice testing and elaborative interrogation are better to maximise learning. 3. Concept learning is one of the best ways to learn. This is when you learn the big ideas, the narrative, the why and then add in the finer details. Learn the narrative first then the specific facts. ## Best quotes > It’s always best to start with the big ideas—the overarching concepts that link the little details together. > When you set out to learn something, instead of measuring the number of hours you spend on something, try instead to measure the number of times you revisit the same information after the initial learning. Make it your goal to increase the frequency of reviewing, not necessarily the duration. ## Toby's takeaway I'm fascinated with learning how to learn. I do believe that improving the ability to learn is a superpower. It helps in almost all aspects of life. This story from Super Learning is a perfect example: > This was never more apparent to me than at my first job. I had a coworker named John, and I started a few weeks before he did. It soon become clear that he had lied on his resume and faked his way through his interview, because he had no idea what his duties were supposed to be or how to use the industry-standard software that we were all supposed to be proficient in. At first, I was angry and wanted to see justice done. But then a funny thing happened—he was an immensely fast learner. He had Post-it notes all over his desk, had notepads full of notes, and he always seemed to be writing sets of three-step instructions for himself. It was impressive to see his drive toward learning, and within months, he was performing at right about my own level of proficiency with everything he had lacked before. Sure, he may have faked his way in, but at this point, there was no practical difference between me and him. He had learned how to do our job in record time and stayed at the company for years afterward. I've read many books on learning including [Ultralearning by Scott Young](/post/book-summary-ultralearning-by-scott-young). The new information I learned from this book is the 5 best active learning techniques: Practice testing, Distributed practice, Elaborative interrogation, Self-explanation, Interleaved practice. [**Buy Super Learning on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/2UK8QZj) ## Big Ideas Expanded The big ideas from super learning book expanded. - [Concept Learning](#viewer-7l6b7) - [Learning through failure](#viewer-ucct) - [Memory Retention](#viewer-1k3nv) - [Active Learning Techniques](#viewer-ddoc) - [Teaching to Learn](#viewer-f6usk) - [Accelerated Reading](#viewer-13ekd) ## Concept Learning Researcher Roger Säljö found in 1979 that we tend to view the act of learning in several ways, but it can generally be boiled down into two rough categories: surface learning and deep learning. Surface learning relates to gaining knowledge, facts, and memorization; deep learning refers to abstracting meaning and understanding reality. It’s always best to start with the big ideas—the overarching concepts that link the little details together. A bigger narrative helps contextualize these facts and makes them mean something. If you understand the governing principles around something, the facts follow organically. Cooking is the perfect example. If you only understand the steps but not the why your skill level will be lower. The basic recipe generally doesn't say why you sweat onions and garlic first, why you bring the sauce to a boil, or why you let it simmer for a time. Understanding that sweating the onions and garlic builds a flavor base, that boiling the sauce distributes the ingredients, and that simmering them bonds the flavors together gives you a better handle on the process of your preparation. You can also adapt and adjust if things don’t go according to plan; because you understand why a certain step exists, you can come up with an alternative if necessary, get creative, or troubleshoot a problem. You become one of those people that doesn’t need a recipe because you know more than how to read a recipe—you understand what it means to make good food. A technique to amplify concept learning is reprocessing. Examples: - “Rewrite this concept in plain English.” - “Write a movie or novel plot that demonstrates this concept.” - “Use this concept to describe a real-life event.” - “Describe the opposite of this concept.” - “Draw a picture of this concept.” ## Learning through failure “Productive failure” is an idea identified by Manu Kapur, a researcher at the National Institute of Education in Singapore. Kapur conducted a trial with two groups of students. In one group, students were given a set of problems with “scaffolding”—full instructional support from teachers on-site. The second group was given the same problems but received no teacher help whatsoever. Instead, the second group of students had to collaborate to find the solutions. The “scaffolded” group was able to solve the problems correctly, while the group left to itself was not. But without instructional support, this second group was forced to do deeper dives into the concepts by working together. They generated ideas about the nature of the problems and speculated on what potential solutions might look like. They tried to understand the root of the problems and what methods were available to solve them. The two groups were then tested on what they had just learned, and the results weren’t even close. The group without teacher assistance significantly outperformed the other group. The group that did not solve the problems discovered what Kapur deemed a “hidden efficacy” in failure: they nurtured a deeper understanding of the structure of the problems through group investigation and process. The second group may not have solved the problem itself, but it learned more about the aspects of the problem and the ideas behind it. ## Memory Retention The Forgetting Curve demonstrates how we forget things over time. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ff42e08f9b964420af751e1a0258157c~mv2.jpeg) If you read something about the French Revolution on Monday, then you’ll typically remember only half of it after four days and retain as little as 30% at around a week’s time. If you don’t review what you’ve learned, it’s very likely you will only retain 10% of what you learned about the French Revolution. Retrieval practice is one of the best ways to increase your memory and fact retention. Following these 5 steps will improve your learning and retention: 1. Preview. Don’t just dive in; rather, begin by trying to get a broad overview of what you’re doing, in what context, and why. 2. Attention. Crucially, the preview section helps you direct where your attention goes (that is, onto the most important concepts), but in the second step, you need to apply that attention fully. 3. Review. Just as we previewed, now we look again and see what ground we’ve covered, and what material has been absorbed. 4. Study. The material is there, now you need to make sure it’s taking root in your brain, permanently. The key to this? Repetition. 5. Assess. Here, you want to check how well the process is going. Check how much you’ve retained, but also ask yourself how well your study techniques are working. In order to commit more to memory and retain information better, space out your rehearsal and exposure to it over as long of a period as possible. In other words, you will remember something far better if you study it for one hour a day versus twenty hours in one weekend. When you set out to learn something, instead of measuring the number of hours you spend on something, try instead to measure the number of times you revisit the same information after the initial learning. Make it your goal to increase the frequency of reviewing, not necessarily the duration. ## Active Learning Techniques Surprisingly these most common approaches to learning have been to shown less effective: - Summarization. - Highlighting. - Mnemonics. - Imagery use for text learning. - Rereading. Five More Effective Techniques 1. Practice testing - assessing your knowledge as you learn. 2. Distributed practice - practising over time rather than in one long block. Small and frequent rather than long and infrequent 3. Elaborative interrogation - the act of making a thorough explanation for why a certain fact is true. 4. Self-explanation - imagining you are learning to teach someone else. Creating a book summary to share with others is a great example. 5. Interleaved practice - learning multiple concepts at the same time. You might think multitasking is bad but this can help you draw connections between concepts. The THIEVES method can help you learn. It's very helpful when reading books and articles. For each section reflect on what is presented: - Title - Headings - Introduction - Every sentence - Visuals and vocabulary - End of chapter questions - Summary ## Teaching to Learn Rather than teaching and learning being opposites, they are really two aspects of the same single process—in understanding both, we gain a fuller appreciation than if we had examined the subject from just one side or the other. **The Learning Pyramid** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_176a26d374604894aab3aa347e450c08~mv2.jpeg) When teaching it's important to understand how people learn: The more involved you are, the better you learn. Asking questions is one of a teacher's most powerful tools. It’s a change in perspective, to see learning as a quest for better questions and not better answers. What makes a good question? - It's like a tool—it helps you do things and take action. It broadens your reach and your understanding. - Opens ideas up for you so you can see inside them. - Let's thinking flow, move, expand and, hopefully, arrive at an illuminating answer. - Is not there simply to give you the “right answer,” but to inspire your learning and understanding. It should guide rather than force. A bad question only stifles thinking, shuts your mind down or sends you down an irrelevant path. ## Accelerated Reading The four levels of reading, and it was developed by philosopher Mortimer Adler in his suitably titled publication How to Read a Book. Adler explains that reading is not a single, universally consistent act. Adler’s four levels of reading, from simplest to most complex, are: 1. **Elementary**. You’re already past this level. This is, essentially, learning to read. It’s the kind of reading that’s taught in elementary school. 2. **Inspectional**. This is casually examining certain elements of a book apart from the body of the text: skimming the table of contents and the index, or reading the preface or the blurb on the back inside jacket. 3. **Analytical**. The third level of reading is the deepest level for consuming a single book or volume of work—it’s full digestion of, and interaction with, the material at hand. The challenge of analytical reading is simply: “If time were not an object, how thoroughly would you read this book?” Analytical reading can be described as taking the book out of the author’s hands and making it your own. You don’t just read the text; you highlight or underline key points, and you make commentary or ask questions. In a way, you can use the marginalia to simulate an ongoing conversation with the writer. 4. **Syntopical**. In the final level of reading, you work with multiple books or pieces of material covering the same subject. One could describe syntopical reading as “compare/contrast,” but it’s actually a lot deeper than that. --- ## How To Read More Books URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-read-more-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-read-more-books.md Date: 2021-07-16 Topics: personal-productivity I read 100 books a year. Learn how to read more books. You'll learn the importance of a reading system and focusing on the outcome not the activity. Find the one small habit that can help you read more and achieve success. > “Reading is still the main way that I both learn new things and test my understanding.” - Bill Gates In High School hated reading. This was a problem, I was studying English Literature. I remember one assignment on King Lear. I especially hated reading Shakespeare. I still do. I watched the VHS instead. This strategy worked. I achieved an A grade. At the start of my professional career, my relationship with reading changed. I was gifted the [7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey](https://amzn.to/3xM5GCz). I learned that reading supported personal development. I started to learn how to read more books. > “There's no better way to inform and expand your mind on a regular basis than to get into the habit of reading good literature.” ― Stephen R. Covey, Since then I've read thousands of [non-fiction books](/book-summaries). Nearly everyone wants to learn how to read more books. Everyone has their reason. I've reflected often about why I read. Here are three reasons: 1. If I'm honest FOMO is a big factor. When someone shares a book they've read a few seconds later it's in my amazon basket. 2. At a deeper level, learning is a core value. Beyond reading I'm always learning new skills and interests. 3. Finally, it's relaxing. the time when I'm reading is time for myself. It's quiet, reflective time that helps me relax. Reading is an [identity-based habit](https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits). I want to be seen as someone who learns and continuously improves. What identity do you want in the world? Once you connect your identity and behaviour you will read more. I now read around [40 books a year](https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/20553962). Almost one a week. > How do you read so many books? Many people struggle to read 1 book in a year, let alone 40. It's much easier to buy books than read them. This is known as [Tsundoku](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsundoku). It's the habit of acquiring reading materials but letting them pile up in one's home without reading them. ![Tsundoku Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f8f7c01ae16c4d268a901c96d88c19db~mv2.jpeg) ### **How to read more books** In 2018 I read [Atomic Habits](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations). It's definitely in my top 5 best books of all time. Atomic Habits talks about the importance of [systems vs goals](https://jamesclear.com/goals-systems). The key to reading more is not to aim for 40 books a year. The key is developing a system that makes reading easier. When you improve the system, your reading volume will increase. I'm always experimenting with how to read more books. Each year the number of books I read has been increasing. I'm on track to read almost [100 books in 2021](https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/26687525). Here are some tips to show you how to read more books: 1. [Read in small and frequent reading blocks.](#viewer-9u1dt) 2. [Decide how to decide.](#viewer-64kdc) 3. [You don't need to read every word on every page...](#viewer-dq1uo) 4. [...you don't even need to read a book....](#viewer-4d78v) 5. [...and you don't need to finish](#viewer-fsmrb) 6. [Take notes and share them](#viewer-ek81t) 7. [Remove distractions](#viewer-55s9f) ### **Read in small and frequent reading blocks.** To read more books requires behaviour change. There are three ways to change behaviour: > ....have an epiphany, change the environment, change habits in tiny ways. - [BJ Fogg - Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) It's unlikely a book will fall from the sky, hit you on the head and suddenly you'll read 100 books a year. Instead, the answer is to change your environment and adopt tiny habits. When people look at a book it fills them with dread. They look at those 300 pages and think "I'll never finish it." The secret, you don't need to finish it. You just need to start. Find ways to make starting easy. Here are a few ideas: - [Buy a Kindle](https://amzn.to/3B8VJkG). Create the tiny habit of taking it with you when you travel. Read anywhere, anytime. - To read more you don't even need to buy a book. Instead, download kindle samples. This way you'll always have something to read. - Read one page and celebrate. I often read one or two pages when I'm in a queue. ### **Decide how to decide.** It's easy to FOMO into a new book. Several hours later you'll be wondering *"why am I reading this"*. Even worse, you'll find it difficult to implement the ideas. To avoid FOMO build a reading system. Firstly, when someone recommends a book, instead of buying it on amazon, add it to Goodreads. This simple habit will stop you from buying books you'll never read. When you want to buy a new book, review your Goodreads list. I usually sort by reviews/recommendations so the best books filter to the top. Secondly, align reading to your development goals. Don't read a book because someone else has read it. Read for an outcome. This might be a skill I want to develop, a problem I'm tackling or could be I want to read a book that will help me relax. At the start of 2021, [I created a list of goals and researched books aligned with them.](/post/10-books-to-help-change-agents-grow) ### **You don't need to read every word on every page...** As children, we are taught to read cover-to-cover. We carry this behaviour through to adulthood. When we pick up a book we'll the first page and start. This is suboptimal for learning. In most books, you can skip to any page and start. To find the optimal starting point: **always read the table of contents.** The table of contents acts as a compass. If you have a goal in mind you can often jump straight to that section. When you do this, you'll get value from reading within the first 10 minutes. ### **...you don't even need to read a book....** Books hold authority in the world of reading. If you don't read a book it can feel like cheating. The format is less important than the outcome: learning. Today you can learn from [book summaries](/book-summaries), [videos](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdx4I-XAq-K3LSmma5bTTUQ), [comics](/post/coaching-tools), [podcasts](/post/clubhouse-notes-kat-cole-and-james-clear-on-leadership) and more. When a new book is released, authors will do podcast interviews. They'll share the big ideas. Sometimes this is enough. You learn without reading the book. [Book summaries](/book-summaries) are also a great way to learn. This is especially true if they work in a similar industry to you. Learn specific insights on how they have used the book. Experiment with different formats. Don't feel bad if you skip the book and listen to the podcast instead. Learning is the outcome. Not reading. ### **...and you don't need to finish** How many unfinished books do you have? There are three categories of people: 1. Never leave a book unfinished 2. Have at least 6 unfinished books. The thought of this brings anxiety and stress. 3. Doesn't judge progress by the start and end but by the value extracted. An [activity mindset traps you](https://vimeo.com/206617354) into thinking success is the number of books you read. You feel great if you read 100 books a year. But if someone asks how you used the learning you find it hard to answer. You feel bad if you haven't read as many books, even if the one book you did read led to a real breakthrough at work. The better approach, adopt an [outcome mindset](https://vimeo.com/206617354). The outcome of the reading is learning. It's being able to tackle that problem you couldn't previously. It's connecting the dots and seeing things in a new way. It's learning to behave in new ways. Don't judge your progress on the number of books. Judge progress on the outcome. ### **Take notes and share them** There are two levels of note-taking: Level 1 - Taking notes for personal value. Level 2 - Taking notes to help others. Taking notes for personal value is better than none. When you take notes and share them this amplifies your learning. Your notes are challenged. You learn new insights from others. It also makes you feel good. The reward is an important aspect of habit formation. Writing [book summaries](/book-summaries) is a good way to do this. I started writing summaries in 2019. I started with a one-sentence summary. From this tiny habit, I've now written [50 detailed book summaries](/book-summaries). ### **Remove distractions** We underestimate the influence environment has on behaviour. Shaping your context can help you read more books. As a professional chef, Jörin says, “My first thought is mise en place: ‘What do I need to make this?’” He prepares the kitchen for cooking so that it’s easy to complete the recipe. “Once I know that I have all the ingredients and all the equipment to make a new dessert, then I mentally figure out in which order I need to do it. I have it scaled out in the way that logically I am going to use it. When I start working, I didn’t forget anything. It is lined up in front of me so that I don’t have to think about it. So, here is my crunchy layer on the bottom. Then this is my filling that goes on top of it, and then here is whatever glaze that goes over it.” When cues at your station are organized, “you can concentrate on the methods that it takes to make the dessert rather than have to worry about if you have the right ingredients on the right tray.” Professional kitchens run on a model of automaticity. They repeatedly and quickly turn out the same quality dishes to keep a restaurant full of customers happy. To do this, chefs harness the external forces in their kitchens by creating stable contexts that automatically cue the right response. You can read more books by designing your environment for automatic reading. A really simple way to do this is to ensure there is always a book within reach. I have books placed around the house. The living room, the kitchen, the toilet. This way when the soup is simmering you can read a couple of pages. ### **How will you start?** Habits are the key to learning how to read more books. Think about one action you can take that is small and easy. This [Tiny Habits Canvas](https://miro.com/miroverse/tiny-habits-framework/) can help you design a tiny reading habit. --- ## Team Coaching At Work Summary by David Clutterbuck URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/team-coaching-at-work-summary-by-david-clutterbuck Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/team-coaching-at-work-summary-by-david-clutterbuck.md Date: 2021-07-13 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, leadership Learn how team coaching can improve the performance of your team. Team coaching is a discipline distinct from consulting, team building, team leading and other roles. It is more complex, not least because it deals with the systems that influence teams and how those teams interact. ![Coaching the team at work](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_02f6f5a9fae1478a81195f2d5faea618~mv2.png) [**Buy Coaching The Team At Work on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3efz5NB) ## 3 big ideas Learn how coaching teams can help improve your team: 1. Team coaching is a discipline distinct from consulting, team building, team leading and other roles. It is more complex, not least because it deals with the systems that influence teams and how those teams interact with them. 2. Highly effective coaching is both systemic (seeing the client and their issues within the context of multiple systems) and dialogic (a conversation that creates its own path, developing new insights and new meaning) 3. Line Managers face challenges and conflicts of interest in becoming effective team coaches. For example, on the manager’s part about their plans to reorganize the team and on the employee’s part about how long they intend to stay with the company. ## Best quotes > Team Coaching is… Partnering with an entire team in an on-going relationship, for the purpose of collectively raising awareness and building better connections in the team’s internal and external systems and enhancing the team’s capability to cope with current and future challenges. > The most enlightened coaches as ‘holding the client, while he or she has the conversation they need to have with themselves. ## Toby's takeaway My biggest takeaway from coaching teams is the challenges many line managers face. To be an effective coach there are several barriers to overcome. Some of these relate to the positional power in organisations. Some of them relate to skills line managers need to master such as active listening and asking questions. The opportunity is that if line managers overcome these challenges high performance can be achieved. Team coaching can transform teams and improve their outcomes. This book will guide your development and give new insights into how coaching teams work. [**Buy Coaching The Team At Work on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3efz5NB) ## Big Ideas Expanded The big ideas for coaching teams expanded. - [What is Team Coaching?](#viewer-cob17) - [Line Manager as Team Coach](#viewer-ecq0j) - [Team Coaching Conditions](#viewer-bm4pj) - [Developing Team Coaches](#viewer-6ampn) - [Building Team Relationships](#viewer-5hdt3) ## What is Team Coaching? Team Coaching is... > Partnering with an entire team in an on-going relationship, for the purpose of collectively raising awareness and building better connections in the team’s internal and external systems and enhancing the team’s capability to cope with current and future challenges. Team coaching is in essence [systemic](https://www.adventureswithagile.com/2020/10/26/what-is-systemic-coaching/). Systemic coaching has been described by Ober (2010) as ‘being aware of three worlds and how they interplay to produce outcomes’ 1. The Face-to-Face World – interactions with the client, and their face-to-face interactions with other key people. 2. The Larger External World - client’s organization, their business, their customers, and their marketplace 3. The Deeper Internal World -how/what client leaders think and feel, their mental models/underlying assumptions, their deeper beliefs. Team coaches help teams explore these three worlds. Team coaching is not: - Coaching individuals, who happen to belong to the same team - Coaching only part of a team - Team building - One-off interventions such as an off-site workshop - Training and consultancy Another Team Coaching definition is: > Helping the team improve performance and the processes by which performance is achieved, through reflection and dialogue. ## Line Manager as Team Coach [Studies have shown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEJdmeBXbmc) Team Coaching to be one of the least common activities conducted by managers. The reasons include underestimating the benefits of team coaching and a lack of skills in doing so. Managers are prone to misattribute the causes of poor performance. They tend to over-emphasize motivation and under-emphasize other factors – in particular, lack of knowledge or skill. Poor performance has a lot more to do with poor management and failure to coach than with unwillingness on the employee’s part. Team coaching can lead to team improvement. Line Managers seeking to coach their team face challenges. Studies identify significant barriers and conflicts of interest between the roles and responsibilities of a line manager and those of a coach. These barriers include: - The tendency for managers and direct reports to fall into [‘parent/child’ roles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis). - Hidden agendas. For example, on the manager’s part about their plans to reorganize the team and on the employee’s part about how long they intend to stay with the company. - The conflict between the employee’s desire for some things to remain confidential and the manager’s accountability for the welfare and performance of the team as a whole - The conflict between pressure to deliver short-term task objectives and the longer-term development needs of team members. - Groupthink. The better the relationship between line manager and learner, the more likely this is to be the case. - Inequality in who gets coaching. Time pressures often mean that the manager concentrates coaching on particular individuals or sub-groups of the team. **How do line managers develop coaching skills?** Coach Training rarely leads to high impact results for managers: Here is an example from coaching teams: > In some unpublished experiments with several organizations, including the UK subsidiary of a global retail chain, a utility and a university administration function, we carried out focus groups to understand what happened when line managers went on courses to learn how to coach their teams. The narratives consistently showed that goodwill and enthusiasm rarely led to a significant and lasting change in behaviour by the managers, who often gave up the coaching mid-frame after as little as a few days. We theorized that the issue was one of systems behaviour. When one part of a complex system changes, the rest of the system tries to bring it back to where it was (Schneider et al, 2006). When the line manager was the only person who understood coaching, and was trying to do coaching to individuals within the team, it was hardly surprising that they met intentional or unintentional resistance. (It takes two to tango!) The best coaching results come from environments where the team and coach learn together. To increase coaching success these conditions must be present: - Psychological safety. - Everyone in the team needs to know how to coach and how to be coached (including the line manager) - Everyone in the team takes collective responsibility for performance and for each other’s learning. The best line managers are those who are secure within themselves: 1. They don’t feel the need to control. They trust others because, if mistakes happen, the leader has big enough shoulders to share responsibility. 2. They demonstrate that they care – both about the team goals, but also about each of the team members as individuals. They make time for human interaction. 3. Instead of trying to manage the team, they support team members in managing themselves. 4. These leaders encourage the team to decide what they need to inform the leader about and what to take responsibility for communicating themselves. 5. They protect the team from distractions. 6. They ensure that everyone understands and is aligned with the overarching team goals and trust they will find the best way of achieving them. 7. They encourage feedback from team members. They have a ‘growth mindset’ – focused equally on their own development and that of the team and see themselves as a work in progress. ## Team Coaching Conditions Team Coaching is unlikely to be successful when the following conditions are true: 1. When there is no compelling rationale for being a team – for example, when members of a group have little interdependence 2. When it is too large to be a real team – above eight, it will become harder to gel as a team. 3. When only the leader wants team coaching to happen. 4. When the team leader is weak – for example, unable to deal with dissension. In such circumstances, the team coach can easily find themselves in the role of surrogate leader 5. When the team expects you to rescue them, or for you to find the solutions to their problems instead of working things out themselves. If they won’t take responsibility for the process or the outcomes, you are liable to become the scapegoat when things don’t work out 6. When the team has no prospect of acquiring the resources it needs to succeed 7. When you have close relationships with some members of the team, but not with others 8. When the team’s problems are pathological – deeply unhealthy teams will find it impossible to engage with the team coaching process. When coaching teams it's important to ensure the right conditions are present. ## Developing Team Coaches The most enlightened coaches hold space for the client, while he or she has the conversation they need to have with themselves. Highly effective team coaching is both systemic (seeing the client and their issues within the context of multiple systems) and dialogic (a conversation that creates its own path, developing new insights and new meaning) This is one reason why most serious practitioners and observers of team coaching now recommend coaching in pairs – one to lead and one to observe, swapping roles frequently to maximize their attentiveness. The skills for one-on-one coaching and team coaching are similar. However, the dynamic nature of team coaching puts increased pressure on these skills: - Listening. The team coach needs to listen to both the person talking and to everyone else in the room. Being aware of their silent conversations, through observing body language. - Using silence. - Powerful questions. In team coaching, the emphasis is on helping the team find its own powerful questions. - The story. The team coach has to help them accept and integrate each other’s version of the team story into a narrative that helps make coherent and compatible future choices. - Identity. Coaches help individuals articulate and understand their own identities. Achieving this awareness as a team tends to be more complex. ## Building Team Relationships In one way or another, pretty much every study of team effectiveness identifies the quality of interpersonal relationships as a critical component. There is surprisingly little evidence that people in the team have to like each other, but they do need to respect, trust and be open with each other. In high performing teams, there is high reciprocity of attitudes and behaviours that reinforces these qualities; and an ability to manage conflict in ways that contribute to rather than undermine teamwork. A good question to gain an indicator into team relationships > If you were to restart this team from scratch today, would you choose the current members? If the answer is negative, it provides rapid insight into the underlying tensions within the team. **Importance of Trust** Trust within teams is positively correlated with performance and negatively correlated with anxiety and stress (Costa et al, 2001). **What does your team talk about?** A good technique to understand the relationships within the team is to observe their dialogue. What does this team discuss? David Clutterbuck shares 7 categories of dialogue teams typically engage in: 1. Social - Weekend plans, hobbies, the weather. 2. Technical - How to do tasks within the team 3. Tactical - What needs to be done today? 4. Strategic - What needs to be done in the future? 5. Self-insight - How are we performing? Retrospectives, Lessons Learned etc. 6. Change - What can we do differently? 7. Integrative - Who do we need to work with? Through this evaluation, you can find areas of improvement. Most teams will have a preference and underinvest in certain areas. --- ## The Inner Game of Tennis Summary by Timothy Gallwey URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-inner-game-of-tennis-summary-by-timothy-gallwey Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-inner-game-of-tennis-summary-by-timothy-gallwey.md Date: 2021-07-07 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, leadership The big ideas and best quotes from The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey. You'll learn how giving advice doesn't always result in good learning outcomes for students. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f88edc50749b4f6a8b5c7d016626a28d~mv2.png) [**Buy The Inner Game of Tennis on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3yrVgHW) ## 3 big ideas The three big ideas from this [Inner Game of Tennis](https://amzn.to/3yrVgHW) Summary 1. The simple idea underpinning the book is that human beings do not actually have a single mind, they have two. They have a conscious mind and an unconscious mind, with both systems underpinned by different neural circuitry, and the interaction between these two different systems might hold the key not just to success in sport but too much else in life besides. 2. It is the thesis of this book that neither mastery nor satisfaction can be found in the playing of any game without giving some attention to the relatively neglected skills of the inner game. 3. A less directive approach to teaching can lead to better outcomes. Tap into the natural learning processes within people. You can do this by observing and noticing what's happening. ## Best quotes > I too admit to overteaching as a new pro, but one day when I was in a relaxed mood, I began saying less and noticing more. To my surprise, errors that I saw but didn’t mention were correcting themselves without the student ever knowing he had made them. > Peak performance is a function of a still mind. ## Toby's takeaway It's easy to assume that the best way for people to learn is from experts. Timothy Gallwey shares first-hand experience how giving people advice is not always the best way to learn. Instead observing, noticing and creating the space for natural learning is a better approach. Fans of sport and leaders looking to improve will enjoy this book. For any sceptics about a coaching style of leadership, this book will help provide real-life examples. [**Buy The Inner Game of Tennis on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3yrVgHW) ## Big Ideas Expanded The big ideas from the [Inner Game of Tennis](https://amzn.to/3yrVgHW)summary expanded. It is easy to assume that experts must tell novices what to do. Timothy Gallwey highlights how by saying less and observing more the natural learning process occurs: > I too admit to overteaching as a new pro, but one day when I was in a relaxed mood, I began saying less and noticing more. To my surprise, errors that I saw but didn’t mention were correcting themselves without the student ever knowing he had made them. In fact, a more directive approach to teaching often led to worse outcomes: > It was an even greater blow when I realized that sometimes my verbal instructions seemed to decrease the probability of the desired correction occurring. The key skill for coaches is to build the skills of observation: > “I can’t remember your telling me anything! You were just there watching, and you got me watching myself closer than I ever had before. Instead of seeing what was wrong with my backhand, **I just started observing, and improvement seemed to happen on its own.** In short, if we let ourselves lose touch with our ability to feel our actions, by relying too heavily on instructions, we can seriously compromise our access to our natural learning processes and our potential to perform. For the teacher or coach, the question has to be how to give instructions in such a way as to help the natural learning process of the student and not interfere with it. ## The Discovery of the Two Selves The Inner Game of Tennis is based on the idea that humans have two selves. An emotional and rational self. The techniques shared throughout the book focus on how to engage less with self 1 and more with self 2. > Now we are ready for the first major postulate of the Inner Game: within each player the kind of relationship that exists between Self 1 and Self 2 is the prime factor in determining one’s ability to translate his knowledge of technique into effective action. In other words, the key to better tennis—or better anything—lies in improving the relationship between the conscious teller, Self 1, and the natural capabilities of Self 2. ![Inner Game 2 Selves](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1132da414d09403985b50a63de785990~mv2.png) Source: Timothy Gallwey shares three habits that top performers adopt: 1. Create the clearest possible picture of your desired outcomes 2. Trust Self 2 to perform at its best and learn from both successes and failures; 3. See “nonjudgmentally”—that is, to see what is happening rather than merely noticing how well or how badly it is happening. All these skills are subsidiary to the master habit: the art of relaxed concentration. The act of being nonjudgmental is explored throughout The Inner Game of Tennis. When we “unlearn” judgment we discover, usually with some surprise, that we don’t need the motivation of a reformer to change our “bad” habits. We may simply need to be more aware. The author share this great metaphor: > When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.” We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is. Traditional Learning vs Inner Game of Tennis Arppaoch 1. Criticize or Judge Past Behavior vs Observe Existing Behavior Nonjudgmentally 2. Tell Yourself to Change, Instructing with Word Commands Repeatedly vs Picture Desired Outcome 3. Try Hard; Make Yourself Do It Right vs Let It Happen! Trust Self 2 4. Critical Judgment About Results Leading to a Self 1 Vicious Cycle vs Nonjudgmental, Calm Observation of the Results Leading to Continuing Observation and Learning ## The Importance of Focus Peak performance is a function of a still mind. As one achieves focus, the mind quiets. As the mind is kept in the present, it becomes calm. Focus means keeping the mind now and here. Most of our suffering takes place when we allow our minds to imagine the future or mull over the past. Perhaps the most indispensable tool for human beings in modern times is the ability to remain calm in the midst of rapid and unsettling changes. --- ## Coaching Tools for Managers and Leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-tools Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-tools.md Date: 2021-07-06 Topics: coaching, leadership, team-coaching 50+ coaching tools for managers, leadership coaching, and executive coaching — practical exercises for 1:1s, conflict, goal setting, and change. Used with real teams, not classroom theory. **Coaching tools for managers and leaders — including executive coaching tools I actually use in 1:1s.** ![Coaching tools for leaders](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a598b8eaf7f64ae69962ad20e33d95b9~mv2.png) You might already know it. A coaching style of leadership delivers results. In fact, Google did a [study](https://rework.withgoogle.com/blog/the-evolution-of-project-oxygen/) and found that coaching is the primary skill employees look for in a manager. You don't need to be a manager to lead with coaching. Everyone can use coaching to maximise the potential in themselves and others. Coaching can be confusing. There are many coaching approaches and it seems everyone claims to be a coach today. My experience is that most people [confuse coaching with mentoring](/post/when-to-coach-vs-mentor-for-technology-leaders). Many also think great coaching is about [giving advice](https://youtu.be/InONXeJzLBE). The intent of coaching is to unlock the potential in someone. [Mastering coaching skills](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw) enable you to do that. These are active listening, asking powerful questions and being self-aware. Less telling, more asking. These coaching tools are curated for leaders working in organisations. You might be a manager leading a team. You could be a product manager leading with influence. Or you might be a coach helping people through their change journey. These tools help you lead confidently in situations such as: - [Goal Setting](#viewer-5iuvv) - [Workplace Conflict](#viewer-cbdpt) - [Navigating Change](#viewer-3nk80) I've used these coaching tools [as a manager, coach and leader.](/about) You can be assured these are the most practical and impactful tools for leaders. Let's dive in and build your coaching toolkit. ![Coaching Tools for Managers](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2f11e8e46e2747af8d8169d3efe60cc4~mv2.png) [Download](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/coachingtoolsformanagers) ## **Coaching Tools** 🧰 ### [Goal Setting](#viewer-k8s0) 🎯 - [Grow Model](#viewer-g84d) - [Vision Board](#viewer-86pbk) - [Not To-Do List](#viewer-1im4j) - [Vision Chairs](#viewer-5nmp5) - [Improvement Canvas](#viewer-au5es) ### [Developing Relationships](#viewer-c6e24) 🤼 - [Perceptual Positions](#viewer-f7mvl) - [Relationship Review](#viewer-437q7) - [Constellations: Revealing The System To Itself](#viewer-4mke9) - [Appreciative Inquiry](#viewer-7dmlh) - [Drama Triangle](#viewer-aa730) ### [Handling Difficult Conversations and Conflict 😱](#viewer-cbdpt) - [Relationship vs Task Conflict](#viewer-7l0l8) - [Radical Candor](#viewer-apedu) - [Crucial Conversations](#viewer-5jmet) - [Thomas Kilmann Conflict Assessment](#viewer-bntto) - [Non-Violent Communication](#viewer-8auim) ### [Building Self-Awareness 🧠](#viewer-2lvdk) - [Johari Window](#viewer-c6pb9) - [Principles You](#viewer-9rdmh) - [Journalling Morning Pages](#viewer-f0bcb) - [Strengths Finder](#viewer-9d1l0) - [Wheel of Life](#viewer-8ooo9) ### [Helping people navigate change 😲](#viewer-3nk80) - [ADKAR](#viewer-f68nj) - [BJ Fogg Tiny Habits Model](#viewer-ass6r) - [Kotter Change Model](#viewer-9fe36) - [Open Space](#viewer-2t1b) - [Edge Theory](#viewer-25p9t) ### [One-On-One Exercises for Managers 👥](#viewer-3abvn) - [Coaching Questions for One-On-One's](#viewer-ii0k) - [Moving Motivators](#viewer-3f4is) - [MODEL Check-In](#viewer-1vsr4) ### [Self-Care Coaching Exercises ❤️](#viewer-fu2kk) - [Mindful Journal](#viewer-cug7k) ### [Overcoming Limiting Beliefs ⌛](#viewer-1ra1f) - [Imposter Syndrome](#viewer-5sik2) - [Perfectionism](#viewer-ejo4d) - [People Pleasing](#viewer-4akh1) - [Procrastination](#viewer-3ete7) - [Fear](#viewer-fu1it) ### **Coming Soon:** - Improving Team and Group Performance - Business Coaching Tools - Stress Management ![list of coaching tools](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b1c8c5127abf4538962a61e6c6bd9300~mv2.png) ### **Goal Setting** 🎯 > “If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” —*Andrew Carnegie* There are many coaching exercises for goal setting. Coaching helps for three reasons: 1. It increases awareness of options. The first answer is rarely is the best. Coaching encourages the exploration of options. This leads to better goals. 2. It brings together diverse perspectives. It helps explore blind spots in thinking. 3. It provides structure. The coaching technique of asking the right questions will help you arrive at better answers. **Coaching Tools for Goal Setting** 🧰 [**Grow Model**](https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_89.htm) > 💡 Use this in performance reviews to inspire action towards a goal. Every coaching training program will start with the GROW Model. Popularised in John Whitmore's seminal book [Coaching for Performance](https://amzn.to/3hg9OF0). One of the best coaching exercises for coaching in the workplace. ![Grow Model Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_943f664a50f74ebf80f9739c9d0b6ef8~mv2.jpg) [**Vision Board**](https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/how-to-create-an-empowering-vision-book/) > 💡 Use this to make goals feel real and provide inspiration when progress is challenging. Also known as dream boards, a visual coaching technique. These inspirational collages serve as your image of the future. A tangible example, idea or representation of where you are going. They should represent your dreams, your goals, and your ideal life. [**Not To-Do List**](https://www.spica.com/blog/not-to-do-list) > 💡 Use this when distractions are preventing progress towards goals. A not-to-do list is a handy tool to help you stay more focused on the important things in your life and career. Simply put, it's a list of tasks you don't do, no matter what. You delete them, delegate them, outsource them, or simply say no when they try to find their way on your to-do list. One of the best coaching techniques to use if you have team members who struggle to stay focused on what's most important. [**Vision Chairs**](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) > 💡 Use this to help people explore future career options and identify the plan to get there. This virtual coaching tool is good for gaining perspective and objectivity. Done in person, real chairs would be used but still works well in this virtual environment. A perfect coaching exercise for career-development discussions. ![Vision Chairs Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_308f474fbd8046a8b217d81a0d0a9376~mv2.jpg) [**Improvement Canvas**](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) > 💡 Use this with teams to plan goals for a product, project or improvement theme. The improvement canvas is based upon the "Toyota Kata" Approach. It's a visual way to explore your vision, where are you now, where you want to go next and the first steps you can take. A coaching technique perfect for agile teams. **Book Recommendation** 📚 There are 100's of books on goal setting. [Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore](https://amzn.to/3dJQiP8) popularised the Grow Model. This will give you a deeper understanding of how to use the Grow Model for goal-setting conversations. ### **Developing Relationships** 🤼 > “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships" Anthony Robbins Relationships are hard. Learning coaching techniques can help you navigate these difficult situations. This might be a conflict between team members, a challenging stakeholder or a customer. Coaching tools build empathy and understanding through active listening. **Coaching Tools for Developing Relationships** 🧰 [**Perceptual Positions**](https://www.nlpacademy.co.uk/articles/view/using_perceptual_positions/) > 💡 Use this to navigate challenging relationships with team members, stakeholders or customers. The perfect coaching tool to see things from another person perspective. In this coaching tool, you'll take three perspectives. Yours, the other persons and a detached observer. A great approach to build empathy and understanding. ![Perceptual Positions Coaching Tool](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_391644a64625410fab0d304fbc2a5238~mv2.png) [**Relationship Review**](https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-to-improve-your-relationship-with-a-weekly-review.html) > 💡 Use this to ensure you have the right people around you to succeed. Just like an annual performance review, do the same for relationships. On a regular basis reflect on the relationships in your life. Are they adding or subtracting joy from your life? [**Constellations: Revealing The System To Itself**](https://crruk.com/constellations-exercise/) > 💡 Use this to help a team become more aware of their relationships with each other. Constellations is a popular coaching exercise with a simple premise: a group of people express themselves without words, by arranging themselves in proximity to a central focus – an idea, concept or statement – in relation to their feelings about it. [**Appreciative Inquiry**](https://positivepsychology.com/appreciative-inquiry-process/) > 💡 Use this with teams who tend to focus on the negatives and forget to amplify the positives. The conventional approach to problem-solving is to look at what's wrong. Appreciative Inquiry takes a strengths-based coaching approach. Instead of looking at problems, what is working well in this relationship right now? Discovering your strengths can help you find ways to amplify them. [**Drama Triangle**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_XSeUYa0-8) > 💡 Use this to help people evaluate the role they are playing in relationships. The Karpman Drama Triangle is a social model of human interaction proposed by Stephen B. Karpman. It maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur among people in conflict. This coaching tool used often in psychotherapy, specifically transactional analysis. The triangle of actors in the drama are persecutors, victims, and rescuers. **Book Recommendation** 📚 [*The 5 Love Languages*](https://amzn.to/3qSNmFe) is as practical as it is insightful. It reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work. ### **Handling Difficult Conversations and Conflict** 😱 > Minimize relationship conflict and maximise task conflict. — [Adam Grant, Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know) Developing coaching skills can help you master crucial conversations. Using these coaching tools will help you navigate these conversations confidently. **Coaching Techniques for Handling Difficult Conversations and Conflict** 🧰 [**Relationship vs Task Conflict**](/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders) > 💡 Use this to help a team engage in the right type of conflict Did you know there are commonly two types of conflict? Relationship conflict and task conflict. And did you know one of these holds the key to high performance? Minimizing relationship conflict and maximise task conflict can help your team succeed. [**Radical Candor**](https://amzn.to/3yvr7HI) > 💡 Use this to help a team engage in the right type of conflict Nearly every manager I speak with uses this coaching framework on a daily basis. The Radical Candor model can help you plan and deliver difficult feedback. It can help you reflect on your leadership style so that you can get the best outcomes for your team. ![Radical Candor Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_08899de137a043f3a5adfd02e64f69c9~mv2.png) [**Crucial Conversations**](https://amzn.to/3jJJkgR) > 💡 Use this to plan a difficult conversation where the stakes are high. Such as asking for a pay rise, raising conduct issues or giving bad news to your boss. Leaders have the coaching conversations other people avoid. [Crucial Conversations](https://amzn.to/3jJJkgR) provides the playbook for planning and delivering difficult conversations. Essential reading for all leaders. [**Thomas Kilmann Conflict Assessment**](https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/about/) > 💡 Use this to understand your conflict preferences and how they effect your outcomes. Leaders succeed when they become comfortable using a range of responses in conflict. This assessment will highlight your preference from the 5 conflict modes: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. [**Non-Violent Communication**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sjA90hvnQ0) > 💡 Use this to clearly communicate in high pressure situations. Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a great coaching tool for conflict resolution. NVC provides a communication framework to clearly express your feelings, needs and requests. You can use this yourself and also help others learn how to best express themselves in conflict situations. **Book Recommendation** 📚 New York Times bestselling author and award-winning journalist Amanda Ripley investigates how good people get captured by high conflict—and how they break free. ### **Building Self-Awareness** 🧠 > Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies. - [Harvard Business Review](https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it) Self-Awareness is an essential leadership skill. One of the best ways to develop it is with coaching. There are several coaching tools designed to cultivate self-awareness. Not only will this help you become a better leader but will help you coach your team. **Coaching Exercises To Build Self-Awareness** 🧰 [**Johari Window**](/post/how-to-use-johari-window-to-build-self-awareness) > 💡 Use this when working with a new team or individuals to build understanding of each other. This is my favourite coaching exercise for building self-awareness. The Johari Window helps you understand how others perceive you in contrast to how you perceive yourself. In this coaching exercise, you will gather feedback from key people. This will be used to help you become aware of blind spots. ![Johari Window Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bebd82bd990a45678ebfedcb5995773d~mv2.png) [**Principles You Assessment**](https://principlesyou.com/) > 💡 Use this to surface the principles that drive your leadership style. Ray Dalio is an American billionaire investor and hedge fund manager, who has served as co-chief investment officer of the world's largest hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates. He is the author of [Principles](https://amzn.to/36i4H0Q), the collection of principles that have driven him. He has paired up with Adam Grant, author of [Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know) to create this assessment tool. Learn what is driving your leadership style. [**Journalling Morning Pages**](https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/) > 💡 Use this daily to get what's in your head out on paper for mental clairty and inner peace. Journalling has been proven to reduce stress levels and encourage mindfulness. When you journal, you're carving out time in your day to look after yourself and be curious, it's an act of self-care to improve your life. The particular technique I've used is [morning pages](https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/). Three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. [**Strengths Finder**](https://high5test.com/) > 💡 Use this to in a group to help harness each others strengths. Rather than dwelling on your weaknesses the answer to success might lie in your strengths. Gallup Strengths Finder is an assessment you can complete to surface what you do well. this is based upon the belief that we'll be more successful amplifying our strengths. To cover the weakness it's best to partner with others who are strong in the areas you are not. [**Wheel of Life**](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) > 💡 Use this to get a better balance between the important priorities in life. The Wheel of Life is a popular online coaching exercise. It allows a client to explore different dimensions of their life. The wheel is a visual representation of a person's life. Segments of the wheel relating to different life dimensions. **Book Recommendation** 📚 Marcus Buckingham popularised the idea of putting your strengths to work. In this book, you'll learn how to identify your strengths and the strengths of your team. ### **Help People Navigate Change 😲** > “There are three ways to change behaviour: have an epiphany, change environment, change habits in tiny ways.” - [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) Coaching has been shown to help people navigate change. In fact, the very essence of coaching is about embracing change as a constant reality. Leaders who coach listen, show empathy and help people build clear action plans. These coaching exercises will help you support people through change. **Coaching Techniques To Help People Navigate Change** 🧰 [**ADKAR**](https://www.lucidchart.com/blog/using-the-adkar-model-for-change-management) > 💡 Use this to plan and relect on change projects. ADKAR is a change management framework that stands for: - Awareness - Desire - Knowledge - Ability - Reinforcement The model helps you examine the stages of a change journey. This can help you design coaching interventions targeted to where people are on their change journey. A common trap is jumping straight to Knowledge. Assuming that if we train people they will change. The ADAKR model helps you avoid this pitfall and many others. ![ADAKR Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_85849ededcb44fec81da9e5662f05919~mv2.png) [**BJ Fogg Tiny Habits Model**](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) > 💡 Use this to break changes down into small, easier steps. Any change involves behaviour change. The only way for anything to change is if someone starts acting differently. The key principle in [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) is to make behaviour change easy to do. The Fogg behaviour model can help you identify these easy changes. [**Kotter Change Model**](https://www.kotterinc.com/8-steps-process-for-leading-change/) > 💡 Use this to plan and relect on change projects. The most famous change management model. The Kotter change model consists of 8 steps. These encapsulate the change journey people go through. Once you know these stages you can better plan and manage change within your organisation. **Kotte Change Management Steps** 1. Create a sense of urgency 2. Build a guiding coalition 3. Form a strategic vision and initiatives 4. Enlist a volunteer army 5. Enable action by removing barriers 6. Generate short-term wins 7. Sustain acceleration 8. Institute change [**Open Space**](https://openspaceworld.org/wp2/what-is/) > 💡 Use this to involve everyone in co-creating change. In Open Space meetings, events and organizations, participants create and manage their own agenda of parallel working sessions around a central theme of strategic importance. Instead of a single leader "leading change" everyone is given a voice. [**Edge Theory**](https://medium.com/lixor/managing-change-with-edge-ea8441f90e1) > 💡 Use this to help people step out of their comfort zone. Change can move people towards their edge. The edge is the space between what is now and what can be. This transition can create anxiety and stress demonstrated in edge behaviours. Edge theory enables you to experiment with the edge and find ways to step into new territory. **Book Recommendation** 📚 Who Moved My Cheese is essential reading for anyone supporting change. It takes less than 1 hour to read and expresses the core principles of change. This simple tale will equip you to help others through change. ### **One-On-One Exercises for Managers 👥** > “…one-on-ones provide an excellent mechanism for information and ideas to flow up the organization and should be part of your design.” - [Ben Horowitz](https://getlighthouse.com/blog/11-meetings-value-make-most/) All of the coaching tools on this site will work well in one-on-ones. [The Grow Model](#viewer-g84d) in particular is a foundational tool for managers. Here are some specific coaching exercises that work especially well in one-on-ones. **One On One Coaching Exercises** 🧰 [**Coaching Questions for One-On-One's**](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) > 💡 Use these 7 simple questions to structure your one-on-one conversations. Coaching doesn't have to be complicated. Managers especially want simple tools they can use frequently with their teams for maximum success. One of the simplest ways you can introduce coaching into one-on-ones is using Coaching Questions. In the [Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier), there are 7 coaching questions you can use to guide a conversation. Once you build the habit of [asking these 7 questions](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) you'll get breakthrough results. [**Moving Motivators**](https://management30.com/practice/moving-motivators/) > 💡 Use this exercise to understand more about what motivates your team members. Management 3.0 has an array of great coaching tools for managers. My favourite is Moving Motivators. It's a simple card game to surface what motivates your team. It's a great exercise to use in one-on-one coaching. Doing the exercise collaboratively can help your team learn about your motivations too. [**MODEL Check-In**](https://youtu.be/YI_AgoLxs7A) > 💡 Use this at the start of each one-on-one to quickly understand whats important for your team member. This is a quick way to check in at the start of every one-on-one. You can very quickly get to the heart of what's most important for your team member. It's also a great way to baseline how this changes over time. **Book Recommendation** 📚 One of the best coaching books for managers is [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). The coaching questions will help you have great one-on-ones. ### **Self-Care Coaching Exercises ❤️** > “If you're a leader, do everything you can to grow yourself and create the right environment for others to grow.” - John C. Maxwell To serve others leaders must place attention on their self-care. Leadership is hard and requires you to put in as much energy as you take out. Coaching exercises can help you prioritise your self-care. By role modelling self-care you also teach these coaching exercises to your team. [**Mindful Journal**](/self-care-journal-ideas) > 💡 Use this to become more aware of how you are feeling in this present moment. In addition to Morning Pages, Mindful Journalling is a great self-care exercise. A mindful journal is writing in the present moment where you are the only reader. Here I share 5 mindful journal prompts for your self-care toolkit: 1. [Become more present](/self-care-journal-ideas) 2. [Examine a difficult relationship](/self-care-journal-ideas) 3. [Explore Your Identity](/self-care-journal-ideas) 4. [Relax physical pain](/self-care-journal-ideas) 5. [Increase Emotional Awareness](/self-care-journal-ideas) **Book Recommendation** 📚 There have been many self-care books published in recent years. [The Surfboard](https://amzn.to/3jNpWQ1) is an alternative book that highlights the importance of self-care. ### **Overcoming Limiting Beliefs ⌛** > “You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” - Brian Tracy Limiting beliefs are things we hold to be true that hold us back from achieving our goals. A great example is perfectionism. The belief that everything needs to be perfect when you take action. This belief can hold people back from taking action in the first place. Breaking these limiting beliefs can help you find new levels of performance. **Coaching Techniques To Overcome Limiting Beliefs** 🧰 [**Imposter Syndrome - Career Timeline**](https://www.hrmagazine.co.uk/content/features/your-career-timeline) > 💡 Use this to help people appreciate the successes they've had in their career. Imposter Syndrome is the belief that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. This is an incredibly common limiting belief. It can stop you from pursuing opportunities you have the skills for and speaking up to share your opinion. The [career timeline coaching exercise](https://www.hrmagazine.co.uk/content/features/your-career-timeline) helps people realise their strengths. When people look back they often realise the value in their experience. ![Imposter Syndrome](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d1da5ec8aab1427aa0c502e4b12366db~mv2.png) [**Perfectionism - Your Inner Boardroom**](https://gemmabullivant.co.uk/blog/how-to-overcome-your-self-limiting-beliefs/) > 💡 Use this to increase a persons awareness of different options in a given situation. Perfectionism is the tendency to seek perfection in everything you do. This can stop you from taking action and miss opportunities. It can lead to immense internal pressure and stress. [The Inner Boardroom](https://gemmabullivant.co.uk/blog/how-to-overcome-your-self-limiting-beliefs/) coaching tool helps people become aware of different options. Tap into the different perspectives that can help you see situations differently. [**People Pleasing - Learning to say NO!**](/post/5-ways-to-say-no) > 💡 Use this with people who struggle to say no and as a result often take on too much work. I know this limiting belief very well. I'm a big people pleaser. This means I often put the needs of others over my own. I also have internal stress if I need to give bad news or say no. I've learned to build a habit of saying No. Something that helped is practising the [different ways to say no](/post/5-ways-to-say-no). [**Procrastination - Eat the Frog**](https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/eat-the-frog) > 💡 Use this to help people overcome the barriers to action. Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing action. There can be many external drivers for this but often it's an internal belief that holds you back. It's closely connected to people-pleasing and fear. [Eating the Frog](https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/eat-the-frog) is a popular approach to breaking your tendency to procrastinate. This means finding your most important task for the day and doing it straight away. [**Fear Setting**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geWkaIRJVfU) > 💡 Use this when someone is reluctant to take action. [Tim Ferris](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/) is a big fan of this coaching technique. Instead of defining goals, it can be helpful to define your fears instead. When people are faced with change it is often feared that hold them back. This coaching exercise helps people realise those fears are scarier in their heads rather than in reality. **Book Recommendation** 📚 The is one of the best coaching books. It helps you master the 12 traits that hold you back from success. --- ## 5 Branding Books Best for Entrepreneurs URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-branding-books-best-for-entrepreneurs Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-branding-books-best-for-entrepreneurs.md Date: 2021-07-05 Topics: product-management, book-collections Learn how to brand, position and market yourself and your products. These 5 books contain decades of wisdom to help you increase reach and impact. Learn the importance of making your customer the hero, crafting compelling copy and discovering your customers most critical problems. This month I've been jumping into 5 branding books best for entrepreneurs and content creators. Here at [tobysinclair.com](/), I've been reflecting more on the brand. Who do I want to serve? How can I help? What problems can I help solve? I spent the big majority of [my career](/about) in the solution space as a software developer. Therefore I have a habit of jumping to a solution without fully exploring the problem. Also known as a [solution bias](https://hackernoon.com/do-you-understand-how-big-of-a-problem-the-solution-bias-really-is-f6f10ec59e3). > “The lock and the key. It doesn’t make any sense to make a key and then run around to look for a lock to open. The only productive solution is to find a lock and then fashion a key. It’s easier to make products and services for the customer you seek to serve than it is to find customers for your products and services." - [This is Marketing by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3wfjQKJ) ### **5 Branding Books Best for Entrepreneurs** Here are 5 books I've been reading to build better branding skills: There are several themes that emerge from all of these branding books. Here I summarise the 5 big ideas to help you market, sell, brand yourself and your business. ## **5 Big Ideas** 💡 1. [Focus On Critical Problems](#viewer-6sv3i) 2. [Use Storytelling](#viewer-8eleu) 3. [Write To Sell](#viewer-edp62) 4. [Make Your Customer The Hero, Not You](#viewer-bi42j) 5. [Keep It Simple](#viewer-eecv5) ### **Focus On Critical Problems** There are two mistakes I've made. Firstly focusing on a solution and then trying to find a problem it solves. Secondly, focusing on non-critical problems. The kind of problems that it would be nice to solve but isn't essential. You want your brand to be known for solving your customers most critical problems. What Greg Mckeown calls "t[he essential few over the critical many](/post/book-summary-essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less-by-greg-mckeown)". Avid Kahl shares in Zero to Sold how many entrepreneurs focus on problems that whilst important, are not critical. Given the demand for attention, only the most critical problems will get noticed. > If you want to build a profitable business, you have to solve the most important problem your customer is facing, the one that, when solved, will change their life. - [Zero to Sold by Arvid Kahl](https://amzn.to/3hha4DB) One of the best branding books on this list is [Storybrand](https://amzn.to/3hhcvGj) by Donald Miller. He uses the metaphor of a villain. These are things that will get in the way of your becoming the person you want to be. > If we want our customers’ ears to perk up when we talk about our products and services, we should position those products and services as weapons they can use to defeat a villain. And the villain should be dastardly. The villain doesn’t have to be a person, but without question it should have personified characteristics. If we’re selling time-management software, for instance, we might vilify the idea of distractions. Could we offer our product as a weapon customers could use to stop distractions in their tracks? - [Storybrand by Donald Miller](https://amzn.to/3hhcvGj) Finally, in [The Copywriters Handbook](/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly), Robert W. Bly shares the importance of writing about your customers most important problems. In positioning your brand you must clearly communicate their problem and how your solution helps. > Solve the reader’s problem. Once you hook the reader with emotional copy dramatizing her problem or a powerful free offer, show how your product—or your free information—can help solve her problem. For example: “Now there is a better, easier, and more effective solution to wobbly restaurant tables that can irritate customers and ruin their dining experience: Table Shox, the world’s smallest shock absorber.” To maximize landing page conversion rates, you have to convince the visitor that the quickest route to solving his problem is taking the action indicated on the landing page, and not—as you might be tempted to let him do—surfing your site. - [The Copywriters Handbook by Robert W. Bly](/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly) ### **Use Storytelling** > Far from just being a way to differentiate us, our stories can help us to decide, plan, lead, sell, inspire, influence, persuade, rally, create value, build trust, foster connection and succeed by building better, more purposeful organisations and lives. Our stories can shape who we are. - [Story Driven by Berndette Jiwa](https://amzn.to/3dFQFdm) All of the best branding books share this principle: the most powerful marketing tool is storytelling. These branding books best for entrepreneurs share how to craft a compelling story. There are two ways you can use storytelling as an entrepreneur. Firstly to tell your story. This is the focus of Story Driven by Bernadette Jiwa. The strapline to her book encapsulates the power of storytelling: > You don't need to compete when you know who you are - [Story Driven by Berndette Jiwa](https://amzn.to/3dFQFdm) I have used the Story Driven framework to craft the story of [who I am](/about). A great way to communicate with your customers but also to reflect on your personal story. The second way to use storytelling is by communicating the value of your product to customers. The primary question customers will ask when they engage with you: How can you help me? In Storybrand Donald Miller helps you craft a story using a brandscript. This is similar to the script for a movie. When customers engage in your product they go through a similar journey. Donald Miller uses the example of Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. Who is the hero in your story? ![Brandscript Example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dd32f21221f44867bb4e107b4ca80d01~mv2.png) Source: ### **Write To Sell** One of the best branding books on copywriting is The Copywriters handbook. This book led to a big insight: **Writing to sell is different from writing to communicate.** Over the past few years, I've invested in improving my writing style and approach. The majority of this writing has been used to teach and communicate ideas. The Copywriters handbook taught me that writing to sell has different characteristics. A really simple distinction is that when writing to sell talk about benefits not features > Novices tend to write about features: the facts, figures, and statistics at hand. Experienced copywriters turn those features into customer benefits: reasons why the reader should buy the product. - [The Copywriters Handbook by Robert W. Bly](/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly) Copywriting is becoming one of the most important skills for entrepreneurs to learn. The internet is a great platform to sell. Your success will be limited by the quality of your copy. Finally, Allan Dib highlights the importance of understanding your customer before writing your copy: > Before you ever write a single word of copy, you must intimately understand how your target market thinks and talks, the kind of language they use and respond to, what kind of day they have and the conversation that goes on in their minds. What are their fears and frustrations? What gets them excited and motivated? - [1 Page Marketing Plan by Allan Dib](https://amzn.to/2UmoNUP) ### **Make Your Customer The Hero, Not You** In Storybrand Donald Miller uses the [Hero Journey framework](http://www.movieoutline.com/articles/the-hero-journey-mythic-structure-of-joseph-campbell-monomyth.html). This describes the journey characters take in nearly all stories. Donald shares that many entrepreneurs fall into the trap of being the hero, the expert with all the answers. Instead, successful brands make the customer the hero. > When giving a speech, position yourself as Yoda and your audience as Luke Skywalker. It’s a small but powerful shift that honours the journey of the audience and positions us as a leader providing wisdom, products, and services that our audience needs in order to thrive. - [Storybrand by Donald Miller](https://amzn.to/3hhcvGj) When writing it's important to make the customer the hero. You can do this with a good copy. Here's an example Robert W. Bly shares in the Copywriters Handbook: > A good example of copy that “hits home” with the reader is a subscription letter I received some years ago from Inc. magazine. Here’s the opening of the letter: A special invitation to the hero of American business Dear Entrepreneur: You’re it! You’re the kind of person free enterprise is built on. The ambition, vision, and guts of small business people like yourself have always been the driving force behind the American economy. Unfortunately, that’s a fact which the general business press seems to have forgotten. In their emphasis on everything big, like conglomerates, multinationals, and oil companies the size of countries, most business publications pay very little attention to the little guy. The letter is effective because it speaks directly to the pride entrepreneurs feel in being “self-made.” The letter writer has done a good job of empathizing with the reader and understanding how an entrepreneur thinks of himself. - [The Copywriters Handbook by Robert W. Bly](/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly) ### **Keep It Simple** One of the hardest aspects of branding is keeping it simple. For your customers to understand your message it needs to be super simple. All of the best branding books will tell you that you don't need to create a 50-page marketing strategy. The simpler your message the more it will connect with your audience. The [1 Page Marketing Plan by Allan Dib](https://amzn.to/2UmoNUP) provides a framework to craft your marketing strategy on a single page. ![1 Page Marketing Plan](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_627d2cb529ca40ceb71428c8224dcf4f~mv2.png) Source: ## **What is your brand?** These 5 Branding Books Best for Entrepreneurs provide incredible insights. They will show you common pitfalls and how to overcome them. By making your customer the hero, crafting simple compelling copy that addresses a critical problem, you will increase your sales and conversion. Finally, one of the best branding books that didn't make the list is This is Marketing by Seth Godin. Here is a quote to reinforce the messages from these 5 Branding Books Best for Entrepreneurs: > “Persistent, consistent, and frequent stories, delivered to an aligned audience, will earn attention, trust, and action.” - [This is Marketing by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3wfjQKJ) --- ## Johari Window: How to Use the Model to Build Self-Awareness URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-use-johari-window-to-build-self-awareness Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-use-johari-window-to-build-self-awareness.md Date: 2021-07-03 Topics: leadership Johari Window explained for leaders: the four quadrants, a worked example, an adjectives list, and an email template so you can run the exercise with your team this week. > "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self." Benjamin Franklin, 1750 The Johari Window is still the cleanest way I know to show a leader the gap between how they see themselves and how the room sees them. I use it in coaching and leadership programmes when a manager is stuck — usually because the feedback they need is sitting in a blind spot. This guide covers: - [What is the Johari Window Model?](#what-is-the-johari-window-model) - [Why use the Johari Window Model?](#why-use-the-johari-window-model) - [How does the Johari Window work?](#how-does-the-johari-window-model-work) - [What are the four quadrants of the Johari Window?](#what-are-the-four-quadrants-of-the-johari-window) - [Johari Window examples](#johari-window-examples) - [Johari Window email template](#johari-window-template) ### **What is the Johari Window Model?** The Johari Window improves self-awareness and mutual understanding between individuals within a group. It is particularly helpful for leaders who want to understand how people perceive them. It was devised by American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 while researching group dynamics at the University of California Los Angeles. The model was first published in the Proceedings of the Western Training Laboratory in Group Development by the UCLA Extension Office in 1955 and was later expanded by Joseph Luft. The model name is derived from combining the two names Joseph and Harry. ### **Why use the Johari Window Model?** The effectiveness of your leadership will be limited by your Self-Awareness. Improving self-awareness will help you listen, be more present and be better in tune with the person or group you are leading. [This HBR Article](https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it) explores what self-awareness is and how it can help you be a better leader. In particular, the article defines two types, Internal and External Self-awareness: ![Self Awareness and Johari Window](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_92719b9509794593aa6e54ea1cd893dd~mv2.png) The Johari Window model develops internal and external self-awareness. **It helps you become aware of how others see you in contrast to how you see yourself.** A good outcome is a perfect alignment between how you see yourself and what others see you. This happens when you are a very open leader who has worked with a stable group for some time. A common outcome is a difference between how you see yourself and how others see you. There are values important to you that others are unaware of. There are also values you demonstrate that other people see but you are not aware of. The Johari window helps create this awareness of these contrasts. With this knowledge, you can work to increase your open area. Where how you see yourself aligns with how others perceive you. This is done by discussing the results with the group and seeking greater understanding. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_deec9f84ec274ae1b7e589de4dbdff32~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ### **How does the Johari Window Model work?** To gather perspectives you will use a list of [Johari window adjectives](#viewer-diff9). These are used to surface insights for discussion. **Steps:** 1. Select 5 adjectives that describe who you are. 2. Ask a diverse set of people to select 5 adjectives that describe who you are. 3. Categorise the results into the four [Johari Window Quadrants](#viewer-8ur88). 4. Discuss the results with the group to elicit deeper insights. 5. Use this input to form an action plan on how to increase alignment. [This Miro Board](https://miro.com/templates/johari-window/) is a great way to facilitate the Johari Window exercise. ### **What are the four quadrants of the Johari Window?** The Johari Window quadrants are as follows: ![Johari Window Quadrants](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c1a48d18f9934a98b2265d311c682c59~mv2.jpg) **Open** These are adjectives that both you and your team select. This is known as the open area. The ideal outcome is where this open area is large. This demonstrates your behaviours are in alignment with how you want to be perceived. New teams naturally start with smaller open areas. Over time as you share knowledge, skills and experience the open area should grow. The Johari Window is a great exercise to use with new teams. It helps build awareness of each other's values and strengths. It can be used as a baseline to see improvement in the team's understanding of each other. To increase the open area start by sharing more about yourself. If there is a value in the hidden area spend time sharing that information with the team. Remember the goal is to increase your open area. **Blind** These are adjectives not selected by you, but only by the team. These represent what others perceive but you do not. The items in the blind spot offer a great opportunity to learn and increase your self-awareness. It's important to approach these items with curiosity, not defensiveness. Ask questions to learn more about the perspectives. What behaviours have I adopted that led to your choice? There are three typical scenarios that lead to the blindspot: 1. **The relationship is new or shallow**. The person doesn't know who you are. This is an opportunity to share more about yourself and learn how they have perceived you. The simple act of discussing your values can create better alignment. 2. **Your desired identity does not align with your behaviour.** People perceive you based upon behaviours. Ask for feedback on specific behaviours and actions you have taken to contribute to their feedback. 3. **You have strengths others see but you are not aware of.** A great opportunity to learn more about areas you can amplify and develop. With all items in the blind spot use them as an opportunity to learn. **Example: Use AI avatars to practice coaching a team members blindspot** **Hidden** These are adjectives selected by you, but not by any of your peers. It's common for the hidden area to be larger for new relationships. It can take time to reveal aspects of yourself to others. It can be surprising to many when the hidden area is still large in a long term relationship. This helps to surface false assumptions and misunderstandings about a person. This can lead to a deeper conversation about how we see each other. The ideal outcome is to move items from the hidden area into the open. You can do this by simply sharing more about these hidden traits with the group. You can also reflect on what behaviours you can adopt that better demonstrate your ideal traits. The hidden area can reveal a deeper insight. How you see yourself is inconsistent with how you behave. Feedback from others can often provide a striking contrast. For example, perhaps you believe you are trustworthy. If none of your peers selects this trait perhaps that's an indicator that your behaviours are not in alignment with trustworthiness. You can dig deeper by asking more about what you can do to demonstrate this trait. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_28a3b78acf894905ab300f2d3dc588e6~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) **Unknown** Any adjectives not selected go into the Unknown. This could be because they simply do not apply or because the people selected have not seen these traits demonstrated. Over time these adjectives might move especially as you engage with different people in the organisation. ### **Johari Window Examples** Here are three common outcomes from the Johari Window exercise: **People don't know who you really are** This happens when most of the adjectives you chose are in the hidden area. I was once working with a leader who had chosen confident, fun, happy, kind and independent. None of these adjectives was chosen by the team. This was despite the leader working with the team for several years. Through further discussion, the leader arrived at a key realisation. Many of these traits were applied at home but hadn't been demonstrated in the workplace. The leader worked on identifying behaviours she could adopt at work that would demonstrate these traits. One example was scheduling fun check-ins at the start of team meetings. **You don't know who you are** This happens when your blind spot and hidden areas are high. Another leader I was working with had shy and quiet as chosen adjectives. The team in contrast has all selected confident and able. Through discussion, the leader realised that their imposter syndrome was causing internal self-doubt. In reality, the leader was demonstrating behaviours of confidence and ability. This helped to reaffirm these strengths and amplify them further. **Your behaviours don't match how you want to be perceived** This is another outcome when your blindspot is high. It's common for leaders' behaviours to be in contrast to their desired identity. This was the case for one leader I worked with. They had chosen calm and organized as adjectives. The team in contrast had chosen spontaneous and bold. Through discussion, this was in response to how the leader was handling deadlines. In times of pressure, the team were observing the leader making bold decisions. This led to frustration in the team and constantly changing priorities. The team would welcome a calm and organized response. With this contrast, the leader shared with the team their hidden area. The leader worked with the team to help in times of pressure. This helped the leader demonstrate more calm and organized responses. This improved the outcomes for the team and also the satisfaction of the leader. When we behave in alignment with our values we have greater work satisfaction. ### **Johari Window Template** To complete the Johari Window exercise you can use these templates. **Miro Board** A great way to facilitate the exercise is using Miro, a virtual whiteboard. This template contains the Johari window quadrants. It also has the Johari window adjectives. [![Johari Window Template](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c2821f19a9b441369238673ef201b2c4~mv2.png)](https://miro.com/templates/johari-window/) **Email Template** Here is an example email you can share with colleagues to gather their adjectives. *Hi,* *I'm currently completing a program to develop better leadership skills. As part of this, I'm developing core coaching skills of active listening, asking coaching questions and self-awareness.* *To help improve self-awareness I'm completing an exercise called Johari Window.* *It helps increase my awareness of how others perceive me compared to how I perceive myself.* *To help in this activity all I need you to do is pick 5 adjectives from the list below that you feel describe who I am:* ***Johari Window Adjectives List:*** 1. *able* 2. *accepting* 3. *adaptable* 4. *bold* 5. *brave* 6. *calm* 7. *caring* 8. *cheerful* 9. *clever* 10. *complex* 11. *confident* 12. *dependable* 13. *dignified* 14. *empathetic* 15. *energetic* 16. *extroverted* 17. *friendly* 18. *giving* 19. *happy* 20. *helpful* 21. *idealistic* 22. *independent* 23. *ingenious* 24. *intelligent* 25. *introverted* 26. *kind* 27. *knowledgeable* 28. *logical* 29. *loving* 30. *mature* 31. *modest* 32. *nervous* 33. *observant* 34. *organized* 35. *patient* 36. *powerful* 37. *proud* 38. *quiet* 39. *reflective* 40. *relaxed* 41. *religious* 42. *responsive* 43. *searching* 44. *self-assertive* 45. *self-conscious* 46. *sensible* 47. *sentimental* 48. *shy* 49. *silly* 50. *smart* 51. *spontaneous* 52. *sympathetic* 53. *tense* 54. *trustworthy* 55. *warm* 56. *wise* 57. *witty* [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_28a3b78acf894905ab300f2d3dc588e6~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) --- ## Boss vs Leader: 10 Behaviour Differences URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/boss-vs-leader-10-behaviour-differences Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/boss-vs-leader-10-behaviour-differences.md Date: 2021-07-02 Topics: leadership If you are a boss it's easy to assume you are automatically a leader. However, not everyone who is a boss is a leader. This article explores 10 key differences between a boss and a leader. You'll learn how to develop coaching skills to level up your leadership. > People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou ## **Are you a boss or a leader?** A boss is typically someone who manages others through positional power. If you are a boss it's easy to assume you are automatically a leader. However, not everyone who is a boss is a leader. It's also easy to assume that being a boss is bad and everyone needs to be a leader. Different situations call for different responses. Sometimes you need to be the boss but in many cases leadership leads to better results for you and the team. Contrasting the typical behaviours of a boss vs leader can help you reflect on your current situation. Do you behave more like a boss or a leader? It's likely you are leading knowledge workers. These are creative people working to solve complex problems. If so, then it's likely leadership is needed more than the boss. Here are 10 examples that contrast how a boss vs leader typically behave. 1. [A boss holds power. A leader gives it away.](#viewer-aih76) 2. [A boss chooses you. A leader is chosen by you.](#viewer-adkuj) 3. [A boss manages. A leader leads.](#viewer-ek370) 4. [A boss commands. A leader coaches.](#viewer-577pe) 5. [A boss tells. A leader asks.](#viewer-4gnuh) 6. [A boss is rigid. A leader is flexible.](#viewer-9ofdj) 7. [A boss controls uncertainty. A leader embraces uncertainty.](#viewer-apud7) 8. [A boss dictates. A leader inspires.](#viewer-7b9af) 9. [A boss focuses on deadlines. A leader focuses on outcomes.](#viewer-f13ft) 10. [A boss assumes trust. A leader earns trust.](#viewer-aoddv) Each example is supported by my favourite boss vs leader quotes. ![Boss vs Leader Infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8e2846d1871a4fa4b35e145b8c3c10db~mv2.png) ### **1. A boss holds power. A leader gives it away.** A boss typically has positional power. They have an assigned status within an organisation, most commonly as a manager. They will usually have people reporting to them in the organisational hierarchy. A leader may not have positional power in the organisation. They may not directly manage the people they are leading. Leaders lead through influence. A big part of this is leading through clear communication and acting as a role model. Rather than hoard power leaders use their influence to help others succeed. They believe that in helping others they help themselves. This principle is explored in [Give and Take by Adam Grant.](https://amzn.to/3w7hEoC) ### **2. A boss chooses you. A leader is chosen by you.** People don't usually choose their boss. Their boss is assigned to them. This is often an indicator of a boss vs leader. However, some organisations do enable employees to [choose their managers](https://corporate-rebels.com/let-people-choose-their-manager/). You cannot force someone to follow you. In fact, when people are coerced into following someone it's usually a boss, not a leader. This boss v leader quote highlights this example: > "Leadership is not something that can be bestowed. It must be earned. People must want to follow you." [Julie Zhuo - The Making of a Manager](/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo) When you are a boss be aware that people might follow you through compliance. Bosses who lead are aware of this dynamic. Focus on building trust and communicating to your employee their choices in following you. ### **3. A boss manages. A leader leads.** A boss is a masterful manager. They take pride in structure, organisation and managing all the pieces of the puzzle. They feel good when everything is in control and they have management of the situation. When things need managing bosses can be a great asset. A leader demonstrates leadership which is the skill of being able to guide and influence other people. A leader masters leadership skills such as communicating vision, listening, asking questions and self-awareness. A leader will often aim to build a [self-managing team](https://smallbusiness.chron.com/selfmanaged-team-18236.html). ### **4. A boss commands. A leader coaches.** The contrast between Boss vs Leader is shown in leadership styles. A boss typically uses a [command and control leadership style](/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon). Also known as an autocratic leadership style. Command and Control leaders tend to lead by the directive. They tell and you follow. This is based upon a belief that for people to act they must be told. It's often easy to adopt this style if you have more experience than your direct reports. When you are seen as the expert it's easy for you to think you must tell people what to do. This style of leadership is not always bad. The problem is that bosses are often bossy about the wrong things: > Error is assuming the problem with command and control is about bosses being bossy. The problem is control measures. This means that ***bosses are bossy about the wrong things!*** [John Seddon - Beyond Command and Control](/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon) A lender typically uses a range of leadership styles based upon context. The dominant style tends to be a [coaching style of leadership](https://hbr.org/2019/11/the-leader-as-coach). The coaching leadership style is based upon the belief that the people you are leading hold the answers. The leaders' role is not to tell but to unlock the answers within the team. This manifests in the leader asking more than telling. This is done by asking coaching questions that enable the team to think more clearly. > In the past, a leader was a boss. Today's leaders must be partners with their people... they no longer can lead solely based on positional power. [Ken Blanchard - One Minute Manager](https://amzn.to/3AeDpGs) ### **5. A boss tells. A leader asks.** If you observe behaviours in your organisation you'll be able to identify the boss vs the leader. A simple way is to observe who asks and who tells. You might assume that leaders are those who do the telling. The reality is that the best leaders ask. They ask questions, not for their own benefit but to help people think with clarity. > Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is. [Michael Bungay Stanier - The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) ### **6. A boss is rigid. A leader is flexible.** It's easy to assume that being a leader deliver results in all situations. People who get results are able to apply situational leadership. There are times when being a boss is needed. A more directive, telling approach to leadership can often work well in simple situations. There is an obvious answer to the problem. Rather than asking it's often best to tell. For example, if a team member is unsure where to find a document it would be annoying to ask a question: "Where do you think the file is?" If you are working in complex volatile and uncertain environments it's likely most situations will be far from simple. The majority of situations will have some complexity. It is in complex situations when leadership can be most effective. This is because no one person holds all the answers. The best results come from engaging the diversity of groups to solve complex problems. Leaders can help draw out these various perspectives and help the team integrate them into a way forward. The leader helps facilitate this thinking. A good example is if you are building a new product for your customers. There is never one right answer. It can be tempting if you have worked in the problem space before to tell the team what to do. The chances are this context has important differences from what you have encountered before. So if you assume it's the same it will likely result in failure. Instead, using coaching skills to help the team unlock the answers collectively will likely lead to better results. > Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. Tony Robbins ### **7. A boss controls uncertainty. A leader embraces uncertainty.** It is human nature to want control. Especially in uncertain situations, we seek certainty. this can often manifest in controlling behaviour. The boss who hates uncertainty will adopt controlling behaviours. They'll typically micromanage situations and put pressure on their team. In contrast, leaders embrace uncertainty as a natural reality of complex work. They work with uncertainty rather than against it. > I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. Richard Feynman ### **8. A boss dictates. A leader inspires.** A boss will typically tell you what to do and how to do it. You are often left confused about the reason, the why for the action. A leader in contrast spends the majority of time on the why. They understand that if the team deeply understand the why then that provides the rocket fuel for success. They trust the team to figure out the what and the how in alignment with the vision. > "If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea." Antoine de Saint ### **9. A boss focuses on deadlines. A leader focuses on outcomes.** A boss is usually under pressure to hit deadlines. This manifests with a laser focus on hitting deadlines. you'll hear them talk about dates, deadlines and consequences. A leader focuses on outcomes. What change do we want to create for our customers? They are willing to take the heat on missing dates if it's the right thing for the customer. ### **10. A boss assumes trust. A leader earns trust.** A boss assumes that because you report to them they have earned their trust. They'll often rely on past glory to convince you that they are worthy of your trust. Leaders understand that trust can only be earned over time. They make deposits into your trust account by acting consistently and with respect. They seek ways to build your trust. > Leadership is the achievement of trust. Peter Drucker ## **Boss vs Leader - What are you?** Reflecting on these 10 behaviours what are you? A boss or a leader? You can develop your leadership by improving your coaching skills. When you become more comfortable with a coaching style of leadership you'll gain better outcomes. There are three skills to master: - Asking coaching questions - Active listening - Self-Awareness You can start to develop these skills today with Switch. [A free 5-day email program to help you build a coaching habit](/habits-program). --- ## The Body Keeps The Score Summary By Bessel Van Der Kolk URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-body-keeps-the-score-summary-by-bessel-van-der-kolk Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-body-keeps-the-score-summary-by-bessel-van-der-kolk.md Date: 2021-06-26 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from this excellent book. You'll learn about what trauma is, its effects and how to overcome trauma. Based upon years of scientific and practical application this is a New York Times best seller. ## Should you read this? > A fascinating exploration of a wide range of therapeutic treatments shows readers how to take charge of the healing process, gain a sense of safety, and find their way out of the morass of suffering. — Francine Shapiro, PhD, originator of EMDR therapy If you're a leader wanting to understand the deeper effects of stress and trauma on yourself or your team, *The Body Keeps the Score* by Bessel van der Kolk is essential. It explores how trauma impacts not just the mind, but also the body, offering a profound understanding of how past experiences shape behaviour and performance. For leaders dealing with high-stakes environments or emotionally intense teams, this book provides valuable insights into the importance of psychological safety and recovery. ## 3 big ideas The three big ideas in this [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) Summary: 1. **Trauma Alters the Brain and Body -** Trauma profoundly impacts brain structures such as the amygdala and hippocampus, which are critical for emotional regulation and memory. Traumatic experiences trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response long after the threat has passed, leading to chronic stress and hypervigilance. Understanding this can help leaders manage employees who may struggle with anxiety or stress in the workplace. 2. **The Body Remembers Trauma -** The book argues that trauma is not just a psychological issue but also physical. The body can "store" traumatic experiences, leading to chronic pain, fatigue, and other physical manifestations. For leaders, this underscores the importance of addressing not just the mental but also the physical well-being of team members through supportive workplace practices like stress management and wellness programmes. 3. **Holistic Healing Approaches Work Best -** Traditional talk therapy may not be enough to heal trauma. The book advocates for alternative therapies such as mindfulness, yoga, and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that focus on reconnecting the mind and body. Leaders who prioritise holistic well-being in their organisations will help foster environments that support recovery and resilience. ## Best quotes [![Body Keeps the Score Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a74c11890f8c4772912b2f1b0b7d5c13~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3dewt1S) [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) Quotes > Learning how to breathe calmly and remaining in a state of relative physical relaxation, even while accessing painful and horrifying memories, is an essential tool for recovery. > Traumatized children have fifty times the rate of asthma as their non-traumatized peers. ## Toby's takeaway When I started a business, I didn't expect this. I'm three weeks in, loving life, although feeling a little pressure. The next morning, I wake up feeling rotten. I sleep most of the day. The next day is the same. This goes on for several days. In addition to the sickness, I have a new sensation to deal with. The pressure of being self-employed. I feel like I can no longer eat chicken soup and binge-watch Netflix. I must keep working. Stick to the schedule, and keep to my commitments. If I don't, the whole thing will come crumbling down. This certainly didn't help on my road to recovery. In one of the tough days, I reached for "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk It's all about how Trauma shows up in the body. In our physical sensations: pressure, heat, muscular tension, tingling, caving in, feeling hollow, and so on. I noticed this comment on YouTube, which articulates the idea vividly: > At 44 I just realized I don’t have bad posture, I kept my core collapsed inward because I spent my childhood protecting myself from being randomly hit by my mom every day. It’s hard to remind myself no one is going to hit me anymore. Whilst my sickness is not Trauma-related (I don't think) the book acted as a good reminder to check in to how my body is feeling. Yesterday I had the energy to attend a Yoga class. And today I used Headspace to meditate. Most of all, I'm learning to practice more self-compassion. Taking joy in rest, knowing that it's vital for peak performance. How do you maintain a healthy body and mind? ## Big Idea Expanded [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) Summary expanded for each of the big ideas. - [What is trauma and its effects?](#viewer-cikbo) - [Whats the best approach to trauma?](#viewer-1mtdn) - [How is trauma and the body connected?](#viewer-en7p5) - [Importance of safety and attachment](#viewer-fe4qn) - [The Path To Recovery](#viewer-ajunh) - [Handling the emotional brain](#viewer-fs5ni) ## What is trauma and its effects? > “The task of describing most private experiences can be likened to reaching down to a deep well to pick up small fragile crystal figures while you are wearing thick leather mittens." - Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan ![dark well](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_94988e8ef92f455c941c317c009637c7~mv2.jpeg) Research from these new disciplines has revealed that trauma produces actual physiological changes, including a recalibration of the brain’s alarm system, an increase in stress hormone activity, and alterations in the system that filters relevant information from irrelevant For a hundred years or more, every textbook of psychology and psychotherapy has advised that some method of talking about distressing feelings can resolve them. However, as we’ve seen, the experience of trauma itself gets in the way of being able to do that. No matter how much insight and understanding we develop, the rational brain is basically impotent to talk the emotional brain out of its own reality. Traumatized people become stuck, stopped in their growth because they can’t integrate new experiences into their lives. If an organism is stuck in survival mode, its energies are focused on fighting off unseen enemies, which leaves no room for nurture, care, and love. This reduces our ability to imagine, plan, play, learn and pay attention to other people’s needs. **Typical Responses to Trauma:** - One of the hardest things for traumatized people is to confront their shame about the way they behaved during a traumatic episode, whether it is objectively warranted (as in the commission of atrocities) or not (as in the case of a child who tries to placate her abuser) - It can feel as if you are floating in space, lacking any sense of purpose or direction. - Traumatized people look at the world in a fundamentally different way from other people. For most of us, a man coming down the street is just someone taking a walk. A rape victim, however, may see a person who is about to molest her and go into a panic. - The very event that caused so much pain can also become their sole source of meaning. They feel fully alive only when they revisit the traumatic past For real change to take place, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present. ## What's the best approach to trauma? The challenge: How can people gain control over the residues of past trauma and return to being masters of their own? Three typical approaches to resolving trauma: 1. **Talk therapy**, (re-) connecting with others, and allowing ourselves to know and understand what is going on with us while processing the memories of the trauma; 2. **Medication** - To shut down inappropriate alarm reactions, or by utilizing other technologies that change the way the brain organizes information. 3. **Connecting with the Body** - by allowing the body to have experiences that deeply and viscerally contradict the helplessness, rage, or collapse that result from trauma. Here is an example of how play can be used in therapy: > Steve Gross used to run the play program at the Trauma Center. Steve often walked around the clinic with a brightly coloured beach ball, and when he saw angry or frozen kids in the waiting room, he would flash them a big smile. The kids rarely responded. Then, a little later, he would return and “accidentally” drop his ball close to where a kid was sitting. As Steve leaned over to pick it up, he’d nudge it gently toward the kid, who’d usually give a halfhearted push in return. Gradually Steve got a back-and-forth going, and before long you’d see smiles on both faces. From simple, rhythmically attuned movements, Steve had created a small, safe place where the social engagement system could begin to reemerge. ![beach ball](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_80075200728c40baa92579d74df587ef~mv2.jpg) Other examples demonstrate this approach to recovery. Severely traumatized people may get more out of simply helping to arrange chairs before a meeting or joining others in tapping out a musical rhythm on the chair seats than they would from sitting in those same chairs and discussing the failures in their lives. Sadly, our educational system, as well as many of the methods that profess to treat trauma, tend to bypass this emotional engagement system and focus instead on recruiting the cognitive capacities of the mind > Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.... Live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. —Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet ## How is trauma and the body connected? The body keeps the score: Memory of trauma is encoded in the viscera, in heartbreaking and gut-wrenching emotions, in autoimmune disorders and skeletal/muscular problems. This demands a radical shift in our therapeutic assumptions. There are many examples of where trauma connects to physical symptoms. They can include chronic back and neck pain, fibromyalgia, migraines, digestive problems, spastic colon/irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, and some forms of asthma. Traumatized children have fifty times the rate of asthma as their non-traumatized peers. Studies have shown that many children and adults with fatal asthma attacks were not aware of having breathing problems before the attacks. Many traumatized children and adults simply cannot describe what they are feeling because they cannot identify what their physical sensations mean. Psychiatrists call this phenomenon alexithymia—Greek for not having words for feelings. Bessel Van Der Kolk describes a body-led approach to exploring trauma: > In my practice I begin the process by helping my patients to first notice and then describe the feelings in their bodies—not emotions such as anger anxiety or fear but the physical sensations beneath the emotions: pressure, heat, muscular tension, tingling, caving in, feeling hollow, and so on. I also work on identifying the sensations associated with relaxation or pleasure. I help them become aware of their breath, their gestures and movements. I ask them to pay attention to subtle shifts in their bodies, such as tightness in their chests or gnawing in their bellies, when they talk about negative events that they claim ## What is the role of safety and attachment? The most natural way for human beings to calm themselves when they are upset is by clinging to another person. This means that patients who have been physically or sexually violated face a dilemma: They desperately crave touch while simultaneously being terrified of body contact Attachment is the secure base from which a child moves out into the world. Having a safe haven promotes self-reliance and instils a sense of sympathy and helpfulness to others in distress. From the intimate give-and-take of the attachment bond children learn that other people have feelings and thoughts that are both similar to and different from theirs. In other words, they get “in sync” with their environment and with the people around them and develop the self-awareness, empathy, impulse control, and self-motivation that make it possible to become contributing members of the larger social culture A secure attachment combined with the cultivation of competency builds an internal locus of control, the key factor in healthy coping throughout Attachment patterns often persist into adulthood. Anxious toddlers tend to grow into anxious adults, while avoidant toddlers are likely to become adults who are out of touch with their own feelings and those of others. (As in, “There’s nothing wrong with a good spanking. I got hit and it made me the success I am today.”) In school avoidant children are likely to bully other kids, while the anxious children are often their victims. ## The Path To Recovery > Nobody can “treat” a war, or abuse, rape, molestation, or any other horrendous event, for that matter; what has happened cannot be undone. But what can be dealt with are the imprints of the trauma on body, mind, and soul: the crushing sensations in your chest that you may label as anxiety or depression; the fear of losing control; always being on alert for danger or rejection; the self-loathing; the nightmares and flashbacks; the fog that keeps you from staying on task and from engaging fully in what you are doing; being unable to fully open your heart to another human being. Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself: The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind—of yourself. This means feeling free to know what you know and to feel what you feel without becoming overwhelmed, enraged, ashamed, or collapsed. ![path](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_df92119e882e4c4a814e314f2e64e7e8~mv2.png) This path to recovery involves: 1. Finding a way to become calm and focused 2. Learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or physical sensations that remind you of the past 3. Finding a way to be fully alive in the present and engaged with the people around you 4. Not having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the ways that you have managed to survive In order to regain control over yourself, you need to revisit the trauma: Sooner or later you need to confront what has happened to you, but only after you feel safe and will not be retraumatized by it. The first order of business is to find ways to cope with feeling overwhelmed by the sensations and emotions associated with the past. Understanding why you feel a certain way does not change how you feel. But it can keep you from surrendering to intense reactions. Learning how to breathe calmly and remaining in a state of relative physical relaxation, even while accessing painful and horrifying memories, is an essential tool for recovery. ## Handling the emotional brain A key skill to learn on the road to recovery is how to manage your emotional brain. Unless you learn to manage the emotional brain people remain trapped. In this The Body Keeps the Score Summary there are 6 tactics: **Tactics:** 1. Staying Calm 2. Mindfulness 3. Relationships 4. Community 5. Touch 6. Taking Action **Staying Calm** Learning how to breathe calmly and remaining in a state of relative physical relaxation, even while accessing painful and horrifying memories, is an essential tool for recovery. In research supported by the National Institutes of Health, my colleagues and I have shown that ten weeks of yoga practice markedly reduced the PTSD symptoms of patients who had failed to respond to any medication or to any other treatment. **Mindfulness** At the core of recovery is self-awareness. The most important phrases in trauma therapy are “Notice that” and “What happens next?” Allow your mind to focus on your sensations and notice how, in contrast to the timeless, ever-present experience of trauma, physical sensations are transient and respond to slight shifts in body position, changes in breathing, and shifts in thinking. Once you pay attention to your physical sensations, the next step is to label them, as in “When I feel anxious, I feel a crushing sensation in my chest.” "Focus on that sensation and see how it changes when you take a deep breath out, or when you tap your chest just below your collarbone, or when you allow yourself to cry.” Practising mindfulness calms down the sympathetic nervous system so that you are less likely to be thrown into fight-or-flight. **Relationships** Study after study shows that having a good support network constitutes the single most powerful protection against becoming traumatized After an acute trauma, like an assault, accident, or natural disaster, survivors require the presence of familiar people, faces, and voices; physical contact; food; shelter and a safe place; and time to sleep. **Community** Finding a responsive community in which to tell your truth makes recovery possible When we play together, we feel physically attuned and experience a sense of connection and joy. Improvisation exercises also are a marvellous way to help people connect in joy and exploration. The moment you see a group of grim-faced people break out in a giggle, you know that the spell of misery has broken. **Touch** However, the most natural way that we humans calm down our distress is by being touched, hugged, and rocked. This helps with excessive arousal and makes us feel intact, safe, protected, and in charge **Taking Action** People who actively do something to deal with a disaster—rescuing loved ones or strangers, transporting people to a hospital, being part of a medical team, pitching tents or cooking meals—utilize their stress hormones for their proper purpose and therefore are at much lower risk of becoming traumatized. Being traumatized is not just an issue of being stuck in the past; it is just as much a problem of not being fully alive in the present. --- ## The Alchemist Summary By Paulo Coelho URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-alchemist-summary-by-paulo-coelho Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-alchemist-summary-by-paulo-coelho.md Date: 2021-06-23 Topics: book-summaries A summary of the main message, key themes and best quotes. The 12 key themes are analysed including purpose, love, dreams and careers. 💡**The Main Message****💬** **Best Quotes**✅ **The Ending****🛒** [**Buy on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3TGg2kH) ## Should you read this? A remarkable tale about the most magical of all journeys: the quest to fulfill one’s destiny. I recommend The Alchemist to anyone who is passionately committed to claiming the life of their dreams—today. - Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## The Alchemist Summary The Alchemist summary covers the following areas: - [The Alchemist Main Message](#viewer-70eph) - [The Alchemist Themes](#viewer-9lpn4) - [The Alchemist Quotes](#viewer-d9gct) - [The Alchemist Ending](#viewer-2jh4v) ## The Alchemist Main Message [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) novel is a story about pursuing your dreams to achieve your personal legend. You follow the story of a young boy, a shepherd who travels the world living his purpose. He encounters challenges along the way and builds relationships that will change his life forever. There are many themes explored in addition to purposes such as travel, love, gratitude and prioritisation. ## The Alchemist Themes [![Alchemist book summary banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4621d015ec70457b83210607c66177dd~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) The Alchemist Summary shares the key themes from within the book. Throughout The Alchemist Paul Coelho surfaces common themes of love, life and purpose. These themes are universal and everyone will find something they connect with. Here are 12 Alchemist themes explored throughout The Alchemist summary: 1. [Travel](#viewer-3hdfo) 2. [Dreams](#viewer-cu7ee) 3. [Social Pressure](#viewer-5femj) 4. [Locus of Control](#viewer-97n8o) 5. [Growing Old](#viewer-cjqqr) 6. [Careers](#viewer-3glet) 7. [Consistency](#viewer-9stbq) 8. [Finding Balance](#viewer-iblh) 9. [Fear](#viewer-tqa8) 10. [Beginners Mind](#viewer-cprej) 11. [Learning](#viewer-fs6c2) 12. [Follow Your Heart](#viewer-10lh7) ## Travel The main character in [The](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) [Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) is a young boy, a shepherd. He spends his life travelling the world seeking to live his personal legend. It is this travel that enables the boy to become the person he is. > The boy could see in his father’s gaze a desire to be able, himself, to travel the world—a desire that was still alive, despite his father’s having had to bury it, over dozens of years, under the burden of struggling for water to drink, food to eat, and the same place to sleep every night of his life. The paradox is that through this travel he learns the real treasure is back where he started. Without this travel, he would never have realised it. > “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve.” ## Dreams Living your dreams is the central theme throughout [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8). Paul Coehelo highlights in the story to live your dreams every day. Don't wait for tomorrow. > He owned a jacket, a book that he could trade for another, and a flock of sheep. But, most important, he was able every day to live out his dream. ## Social Pressure [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) highlights the importance of social pressure. When people want to change they find it difficult if the people around them reject that change: > When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. [Atomic Habits by James Clear](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) explores the same theme. He shares that three groups influence our ability to change: - The Close - The Many - The Powerful When seeking a change surround yourself with the people you want to become. Find people who share the same dreams and purpose. > “To show you one of life’s simple lessons,” the alchemist answered. “When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.” ## Locus of Control Are you in control of your life? This theme is explored within The Alchemist. There is a strong emphasis on you being in control of your destiny. You can take action today to live your dreams and live a life aligned to purpose. > “What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” ![Alchemist Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b01fe61c5752493a99610548d0fb639b~mv2.png) Source: ## Growing Old Children have an innate ability to dream dreams without limits. As we grow older it's easy for our dreams to be lost. The Alchemist is a reminder to ignite those dreams you may have forgotten. They are still possible. > Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream and yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend. ## Careers It is easy for life to distract you from your purpose. Climbing the career ladder takes over and suddenly 20 years later you have lost sight of what's important to you. The Alchemist emphasises that rather than building a career and delaying your plans, live your dreams today. > "When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside. When he’s an old man, he’s going to spend a month in Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.” “He should have decided to become a shepherd,” the boy said. “Well, he thought about that,” the old man said. “But bakers are more important people than shepherds. Bakers have homes, while shepherds sleep out in the open. Parents would rather see their children marry bakers than shepherds.” The old man continued, “In the long run, what people think about shepherds and bakers becomes more important for them than their own Personal Legends.” ## Consistency The young boy in The Alchemist encounters many challenges. Everyone will face hurdles when they pursue their purpose. You'll only achieve your dreams if you remain consistent through the tough times. > The miner was about to give it all up, right at the point when, if he were to examine just one more stone—just one more—he would find his emerald. ## Finding Balance There are always many competing priorities in life. Family, Work, Friends, Health, Hobbies. Balancing them can often feel challenging. [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) shares this story which highlights the importance of keeping the right balance within your life. > “But before I go, I want to tell you a little story. “A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived. “Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man’s attention. “The wise man listened attentively to the boy’s explanation of why he had come but told him that he didn’t have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours. “‘Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,’ said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. ‘As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.’ “The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was. “‘Well,’ asked the wise man, ‘did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?’ “The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him. “‘Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,’ said the wise man. ‘You cannot trust a man if you don’t know his house.’ “Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen. “‘But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?’ asked the wise man. “Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone. “‘Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,’ said the wisest of wise men. **‘The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.’”** ## Fear The Aclehmist shares the primary reason people don't achieve their dreams is fear. > There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” This fear is often driven by losing what we already have. Our possessions, social status, family, friends. > We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand. A key part of this fear is the fear of suffering: > “Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist. “Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.” The Alchemist shares one way to overcome this fear: > “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. ## Beginners Mind [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) main character, the young boy, shows the reader the importance of keeping a beginners mind: > Because my eyes are not yet accustomed to the desert,” the boy said. “I can see things that eyes habituated to the desert might not see. It is this beginners luck that enables you to be successful at the start. Over time the challenges will come. This is when it's most important to stay consistent and fixed on your dreams.: > Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested. ## Learning Regular readers of these book summaries will know I love to learn. One of the best quotes from [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8)shares an important learning principle > “There is only one way to learn,” the alchemist answered. “It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. The alchemist summary is only useful if you put the learning into action. ## Follow Your Heart To find your dreams you must follow your heart. > “Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked, when they had made camp that day. “Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.” The challenge is that our emotions can lead us to difficult places. [The Alchemist](https://amzn.to/3h0Wgf8) highlights the importance of self-awareness. Instead of ignoring our emotions, becoming more aware of them. By becoming more self-aware we can use emotions to guide our actions and decisions. > “My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.” “That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.” “Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?” “Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.” “You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?” “Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them. “You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.” ## Best quotes Here are 10 of my favourite quotes from The Alchemist: 1. "It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary." 2. "It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." 3. "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." 4. “If you start out by promising what you don’t even have yet, you’ll lose your desire to work toward getting it.” 5. “I’m like everyone else—I see the world in terms of what I would like to see happen, not what actually does.” 6. “That’s what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.” 7. "Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are." 8. “Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man.: 9. "People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them." 10. "I’m afraid that if my dream is realized, I’ll have no reason to go on living." ## The Alchemist Ending The young shepherd travels the world in search of his treasure. To find his personal legend. This journey takes him all the way to Egypt. When he arrives in Egypt he meets a man who shares this: > Two years ago, right here on this spot, I had a recurrent dream, too. I dreamed that I should travel to the fields of Spain and look for a ruined church where shepherds and their sheep slept. In my dream, there was a sycamore growing out of the ruins of the sacristy, and I was told that, if I dug at the roots of the sycamore, I would find a hidden treasure. But I’m not so stupid as to cross an entire desert just because of a recurrent dream. The moral of the story: To live life to its fullest you need to travel and experience it. Through that journey, you will learn where the real treasure is and often it's back where you started. --- ## Leadership Lessons: Alex Sanderson | Sale Sharks Rugby URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-alex-sanderson-sale-sharks-rugby Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-alex-sanderson-sale-sharks-rugby.md Date: 2021-06-18 Topics: leadership Alex Sanderson is Director of Rugby at Sale Sharks. He is a former England Rugby International and coach at Saracens.I'm a huge Sale Sharks Fan. Rugby has always been a passion since I was a teenager. As a proud Northerner Sale Sharks have always been my team.Alex Sanderson is interviewed in this awesome episode of The Good, The Bad, The Rugby.Leadership LessonsHere are 5 leadership lessons from the interview:1. Start with who 2. High-Performance Formula 3. Build Social Capital 4. Managing Press Alex Sanderson is Director of Rugby at Sale Sharks. He is a former England Rugby International and coach at Saracens. I'm a huge Sale Sharks Fan. Rugby has always been a passion since I was a teenager. As a proud Northerner Sale Sharks have always been my team. Alex Sanderson is interviewed in this awesome episode of The Good, The Bad, The Rugby. ## **Leadership Lessons** Here are 5 leadership lessons from the interview: 1. [Start with who](#viewer-6amob) 2. [High-Performance Formula](#viewer-28mn5) 3. [Build Social Capital](#viewer-dcadp) 4. [Managing Pressure](#viewer-bd24m) 5. [Utopia is Self-Managing Teams](#viewer-4bu27) ### **Start With Who** Alex emphasised the importance of Identity. You need to understand who you aspire to be. Everything else comes from that. I'm not certain but I imagine Alex has been inspired by [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3gGMzm7). James Clear highlights the importance of [Identity-based habits](https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits): > “With outcome-based habits, the focus is on what you want to achieve. With identity-based habits, the focus is on who you wish to become.” - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3gGMzm7) Alex focuses on these areas in the following order: 1. Who do we aspire to be? (Identity) 2. Why do we aspire to be that? (Values) 3. How will we get there? (Process) Many coaches focus on the reverse. Process first. This might lead to short term results but rarely leads to long term success. ### **High-Performance Formula** Alex shared an interesting formula that leads to successful teams: - Increase [Psychological Safety](https://amzn.to/3q4Hfgq) - Decrease Social Desirability - Increase [Self-Awareness](https://amzn.to/3iNxiCr) If you get these right it will create a high-performance culture within your team/organisation. I was curious about Social Desirability in particular. Alex shared that this is when you behave in a certain way to be with the in-crowd. You play a certain way because it's popular or you behave in a way that will make people like you. To break this behaviour you must be clear on your identity. This becomes your compass not what others expect from you. ### **Build Social Capital** Alex highlights the importance of building social capital within organisations. You can do this through micro-conversations every day. Each interaction provides an opportunity to build social capital. Over time the product of these mico-conversations is deeper, more meaningful interactions. ### **Managing Pressure** > A managers role is to remove fear and pressure, not to add them on This was my favourite quote from the podcast. It's common that managers apply pressure on people assuming that will lead to higher performance. This often leads to the opposite, lower performance. This is also connected to our Try Harder bias. When we fail or don't perform we can easily jump to trying harder. In the example of sport, this might be increasing the intensity of training sessions. Whilst this might help release some tension it often compounds the problems. Focus on removing pressure. ### **Utopia is Self-Managing Teams** Alex shared several times that his vision of a high-performing team is a self-managing team. In sport, there is a stereotype of the autocratic leader who directs the team on what to do. I debunked this when [I analysed how Eddie Jones coaches the England Rugby Team.](/post/coaching-lessons-from-elite-sport-england-rugby-coach-eddie-jones) Alex focuses on how he can build more autonomy within the team. He focuses on letting the team take more responsibility for how the team is managed. He shares that this can be a challenge. You might give too much ownership when the team isn't ready. Alex uses open questions to invite input from teams. --- ## Book Summary: The Copywriters Handbook by Robert W Bly URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-copywriters-handbook-by-robert-w-bly.md Date: 2021-06-17 Topics: book-summaries 3 Big Ideas 💡The big ideas from The Copywriters Handbook • Writing to sell is different from writing to communicate. Writing to sell is a specific skill that can be developed. • Your headline is the important part of your copy. When you have written your headline, you have spent eighty cents out of your dollar. If you haven’t done some selling in your headline, you have wasted 80% of your client’s mon ![The Copywriters Handbook](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_84200925c3504ce080eb34a7723329f8~mv2.png) ## [Buy The Copywriters Handbook on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) ## 3 big ideas The big ideas from [The Copywriters Handbook](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) - Writing to sell is different from writing to communicate. Writing to sell is a specific skill that can be developed. - Your headline is the important part of your copy. When you have written your headline, you have spent eighty cents out of your dollar. If you haven’t done some selling in your headline, you have wasted 80% of your client’s money. - Write about benefits and not about features. Write about how the customer will benefit from your product. Appeal to their self-interest. ## Best quotes > “We are drowning in information and starving for knowledge.” Rutherford D. Rogers > Testing shows that, at least in consumer direct marketing, small promises don’t work. To get attention and generate interest, you have to make a large, powerful promise. ## Toby's takeaway Writing to sell is different from writing to communicate. I hadn't fully considered this prior to reading [The Copywriters Handbook](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK). I'm now clearer on the difference between them. Writing to sell directly appeals to a person self-interest. In fact, the psychological aspects of this writing are very interesting. The book shares 22 examples of how you can do this. I've already started to implement these ideas into my writing and social media posts. I'm already seeing more engagement and interest from improving the headlines. ## The Copywriters Handbook Here are the big ideas expanded from [The Copywriters Handbook](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) - [Headline and Subject Line](#viewer-90sf) - [Writing to Sell](#viewer-a3g8i) - [Unique Selling Proposition](#viewer-c4oe6) - [Know your Customer](#viewer-6jse7) You can also learn to write with this [MasterClass by Malcom Gladwell](https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=1143563&u=2868550&m=62509&urllink=&afftrack=). When you register I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. ## Headline and Subject Line For copy to convince the consumer to buy the product, it must do four things: - Grab attention. - Communicate. - Persuade. - Ask for a response. The headline is the most important element in most advertisements. It decides whether the reader will read the copy. On average, five times as many people read the headline as read the body copy. When you have written your headline, you have spent eighty cents out of your dollar. If you haven’t done some selling in your headline, you have wasted 80 percent of your client’s money. When readers browse ad headlines, they want to know: “What’s in it for me?” The best headlines appeal to people’s self-interest or give news. Each of these headlines offers a benefit to the consumer, a reward for reading the copy. And each promises to give you specific, helpful information in return for the time you invest in reading the ad and the money you spend to buy the product. Your headline can perform four different tasks: - Get attention. - Select the audience. - Deliver a complete message. - Draw the reader into the body copy. Headlines that give news often use words such as new, discover, introducing, announcing, now, it’s here, at last, and just arrived. Good Headline Examples shared in [The Copywriters Handbook](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) - “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” - “How to Eat Well for Nickels and Dimes." - “Know the Secret to Moister, Richer Cake?” - “Geico can save you 15% on your auto insurance in 15 minutes” - “Dollar Shave Club: Shaving and Grooming Made Simple” - “Become a Property Locator Today—and Make $100,000 a Year in the Greatest Real Estate Career That Only a Few Insiders Know About.” Free is one of the most powerful words in the copywriter’s vocabulary. Everybody wants to get something for free. Other powerful attention-getting words include how to, why, you, sale, quick, easy, bargain, last chance, guarantee, results, proven, and save. ## Writing to Sell > Selling is... “placing 100 percent emphasis on how the reader will come out ahead by doing business with you” Luther Brock Important**: Write about benefits and not about features.** - A feature is a descriptive fact about a product or service; it’s what the product is or has. - A benefit is what the product does; it’s what the user of the product or service gains as a result of the feature. Novices tend to write about features: the facts, figures, and statistics at hand. Experienced copywriters turn those features into customer benefits: reasons why the reader should buy the product. Now that you have a list of customer benefits, you must decide which sales point is the most important, the one you will feature in your headline as the “theme” of the ad. **Use a motivating sequence** [The Copywriters Handbook](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) shares a five-step formula for writing copy that sells. - Get Attention - Show a Need - Satisfy the Need and Position Your Product as a Solution to the Problem - Prove Your Product Can Do What You Say It Can Do - Ask for Action Example: > A promotion selling a stock market newsletter to consumers compares the $99 subscription price to the $2,000 the editor would charge if he were managing your money for you, based on a 2 percent fee and a minimum investment of $100,000. There is an ongoing debate over whether people buy for emotional or for logical reasons, but most successful marketers know that the former is more dominant as a buying motive than the latter. It is commonly said, “People buy based on emotion, then rationalize the purchase decision with logic.” ## Unique Selling Proposition Three requirements for a USP: 1. **Must make a proposition to the consumer.** Each must say, “Buy this product, and you will get this specific benefit.” Your headline must contain a benefit—a promise to the reader. 2. **Must be one that the competition either cannot or does not, offer.** Here’s where the unique in Unique Selling Proposition comes in. It is not enough merely to offer a benefit. You must differentiate your product from other, similar products. The USP for M&M’s is that the chocolate is surrounded by a hard candy shell so it won’t melt in your hand. 3. **Must be so strong that it can move the mass millions** (i.e., pull over new customers to your product). The differentiation cannot be trivial. It must be a difference that matters to the reader. One popular method is to differentiate your product or service from the competition based on a feature that your product or service has and they don’t. The common error here is building the USP around a feature that, while different, is unimportant to the prospects, and therefore unlikely to move them to try your product or service. The easiest situation in which to create a strong USP is when your product has a unique feature—one that competitors lack—that delivers a strong benefit. This must be an advantage the customer really cares about. Not one that, though a difference, is trivial. **Testing shows that, at least in consumer direct marketing, small promises don’t work. To get attention and generate interest, you have to make a large, powerful promise.** ## Know your Customer Example: > A special invitation to the hero of American business Dear Entrepreneur: You’re it! You’re the kind of person free enterprise is built on. The ambition, vision, and guts of small business people like yourself have always been the driving force behind the American economy. Unfortunately, that’s a fact which the general business press seems to have forgotten. In their emphasis on everything big, like conglomerates, multinationals, and oil companies the size of countries, most business publications pay very little attention to the little guy. The letter is effective because it speaks directly to the pride entrepreneurs feel in being “self-made.” The letter writer has done a good job of empathizing with the reader and understanding how an entrepreneur thinks of himself. **BDF formula:** - Beliefs. What does your audience believe? What is their attitude toward your product and the problems or issues it addresses? - Desires. What do they want? What are their goals? What change do they want in their lives that your product can help them achieve? - Feelings. How do they feel? Are they confident and brash? Nervous and fearful? What do they feel about the major issues in their lives, businesses, or industries? **22 reasons why people might buy your product:** 1. To be liked 2. To be appreciated 3. To be right 4. To feel important 5. To make money 6. To save money 7. To save time 8. To make work easier 9. To be secure 10. To be attractive 11. To be sexy 12. To be comfortable 13. To be distinctive 14. To be happy 15. To have fun 16. To gain knowledge 17. To be healthy 18. To gratify curiosity 19. For convenience 20. Out of fear 21. Out of greed 22. Out of guilt **Writing a customer case study** - Who is the customer? - What was the problem? - How was it hurting the customer’s business? - What solutions did they look at and ultimately reject, and why? - Why did they choose our product as the solution? - Describe the implementation of the product, including any problems and how they were solved. - How and where does the customer use the product? - What are the results and benefits they are getting? - Would they recommend it to others and why? [**Buy The Copywriters Handbook on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/2UeEJbK) --- ## Book Summary: How To Have Successful Relationships | The 4 Habits URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-have-successful-relationships-the-4-habits Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-have-successful-relationships-the-4-habits.md Date: 2021-06-16 Topics: book-summaries drea Taylor-Cummings⭐ Toby's Rating: 8/10 - Recommended For: Leaders3 Big Ideas 💡1. There are four habits that show you how to have successful relationships: 1- Be curious, not critical. 2 - Be careful, not crushing. 3 - Ask, don't assume. 4 - Connect before you correct.2. Manage the Emotional Bank Account. This is important to create the foundation for successful relationships. If you make more withdra ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2455e1ae669e41538dbb88bb60d95189~mv2.png) ## [Buy The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships on Amazon](https://amzn.to/35o2IHN) By Jonathan Taylor-Cummings, Dr Andrea Taylor-Cummings ## 3 big ideas 1. There are [**four habits**](#viewer-1odmn) that show you how to have successful relationships: 1- Be curious, not critical. 2 - Be careful, not crushing. 3 - Ask, don't assume. 4 - Connect before you correct. 2. Manage the [**Emotional Bank Account**](#viewer-2p0o7). This is important to create the foundation for successful relationships. If you make more withdrawals than deposits your relationship will struggle. Keep a healthy balance. 3. You can explore relationships on [**two dimensions**](#viewer-akash). Motivation - How motivated are you to maintain and improve this relationship? Ability - How able are you to maintain and improve this relationship? ## Best quotes > Great relationships don’t just happen – they are built on purpose. > Do I really care enough to put in the effort to maintain or improve this relationship? ## Toby's takeaway This book explores a universal question: **How To Have Successful Relationships?** I'm a big believer that [habit change](/post/best-habit-books) is at the core of any change. In order to change who we are, we must change what we do. Therefore the idea of 4 relationship habits was intriguing. I found this book to be very practical and simple. Defining the 4 habits has helped me to immediately put into practice these behaviours. One specific action I've taken after the book is to make some deposits to challenging relationships I'm having at the moment. I reflected that I'd been withdrawing more than I'd been adding. For anyone exploring how to have successful relationships, this book will definitely help you. ## How To Have Successful Relationships | The Big Ideas Expanded Focus on building RelationshipIntelligence, not only Emotional Intelligence: - Relational Intelligence’ – our ability to connect, and stay connected, with the people around us. - Emotional Intelligence - awakening (or improving) our ability to handle our own emotions and how they impact on the people around us. ## The 4 Habits There are four habits that show how to have successful relationships **Habit [#1](/blog/hashtags/1): BE CURIOUS, not critical** – is all about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, learning to give each other ‘space and grace’ to shine in our own strengths, and overcoming the frustration of unmet expectations. **Habit [#2](/blog/hashtags/2): BE CAREFUL, not crushing** – is all about self-management, building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working toward genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict. **Habit [#3](/blog/hashtags/3): ASK, don’t assume** – is all about developing the social skills to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values, having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary and overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships. **Habit [#4](/blog/hashtags/4): CONNECT, before you correct** – is all about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways and overcoming the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication. ## Manage the Emotional Bank Account Successful relationships are built upon a healthy emotional bank account. This idea is also explored in [The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey](https://amzn.to/3gq2FBA) ![Emotional Bank Account](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f4265bff6b83400aa0eba86831b856d8~mv2.jpeg) Source: You need to be aware of the behaviours that make deposits or withdrawals from the bank account. When you have the balance right it creates a healthy foundation for good relationships. If you have a challenging relationship focus on topping up the emotional bank account first. When the bank account is low you need to ask this fundamental question: > ‘Do I really care enough to put in the effort to maintain or improve this relationship?’ ## Successful Relationship Quadrant The status of your relationships can be viewed from two dimensions: - Motivation: How motivated are you to maintain or improve this relationship? - Ability: How able are you to maintain or improve this relationship? Using these dimensions you can identify four relationship categories: ![Relationships Quadrant](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8948c7765c5f4a0dbfcb6f0fba2c5bd2~mv2.jpg) Most healthy relationships go through cycles between Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration from time to time, which is all perfectly fine as long as you keep learning and improving your understanding of each other and don’t get stuck or set up camp in the Frustration zone. In Desperation, the oxygen in the relationship is running out and typically people are ill-equipped to breathe life back in again, on their own. Desperation is toxic. Differences are misunderstood, needs are mostly unmet, and the likely experience is one of tension, frequent conflicts and an unending cycle of unmet expectations followed by disappointment, followed by negative reactions on either side, causing the relationship to spiral downwards. In the workplace, relationships in a state of Desperation can lead to feelings of being bullied. Toxic cultures and low-trust work environments, evidenced by increased stress, relational tension and absenteeism, are often signs that relationships have deteriorated to a state of Desperation. Ironically, arguments in the Frustration quadrant, are a sign of life. Silence and indifference are signs that the relationship is dying. The Isolation quadrant is a place where no one wins. People ‘check out’ physically and/or mentally. They leave companies. They leave families. They leave friendships. Mutual Satisfaction – by choice **At the heart of successful relationships are:** 1. Commitment to ongoing efforts in building your understanding of each other. 2. Being more understanding in your responses. 3. Choosing to act and show appreciation in meaningful, specific ways. --- ## Leadership Lessons: Spotify Daniel Ek URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-spotify-daniel-ek Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-spotify-daniel-ek.md Date: 2021-06-14 Topics: leadership Another great episode of The Tim Ferris Show. This time with CEO of Spotify Daniel Ek.Here are 5 lessons learned from CEO Spotify Daniel Ek.1. Be clear on your role in meetings 2. The leadership approach that got you here, won't get you there. 3. Make authenticity your leadership style 4. Manage constraints to enable creativity 5. Share strategic context Be clear on your role in meetingsDaniel shares a great example of why it's important to be clear on your role in meetings. Inspired by Silicon Another great episode of [The Tim Ferris Show](https://tim.blog/2020/12/06/daniel-ek-transcript/). This time with CEO of Spotify Daniel Ek. Here are 5 lessons learned from CEO Spotify Daniel Ek. 1. [Be clear on your role in meetings](#viewer-b1ufu) 2. [The leadership approach that got you here, won't get you there.](#viewer-d4p5q) 3. [Make authenticity your leadership style](#viewer-3obs8) 4. [Manage constraints to enable creativity](#viewer-cb4cq) 5. [Share strategic context](#viewer-5n2e1) ### **Be clear on your role in meetings** Daniel shares a great example of why it's important to be clear on your role in meetings. Inspired by Silicon Valley leaders Daniel would lead the Spotify Product review meetings. The intention that Daniel could help drive good decisions through the organisation. Although Daniel had good intentions these meetings turned out to be a disaster. A Spotify Product Leader pulled Daniel aside after one particularly tough meeting and shared that everyone hated the sessions. After some soul searching, Daniel decided to take a different approach and let the team run the meetings. As a result, the team performance improved. Daniel learned that especially as the CEO you need to be clear on your role in the meetings. Are you there to decide, to be consulted or to be informed? Daniel takes a leadership style to empower the team to make as many decisions as possible. > I think many people always think that if you’re the CEO, your job is always to be the approver in the meeting. But I find if you have a great team, that’s not at all the role that you should have. CEO Spotify Daniel Ek ### **The leadership approach that got you here, won't get you there.** When organisations go through rapid change, different leadership styles are needed at each stage. Daniel reflects in the podcast about his own journey: > I’m probably on my eighth job at Spotify CEO Spotify Daniel Ek Organisations go through different stages such as start-up and scale-up. You need different leadership styles for various stages. For example, it's very different between managing a small team with 8 individual contributors vs managing 8 managers each with their own teams. ### **Make authenticity your leadership style** The best leadership style is authenticity. Instead of trying to copy other leaders focus on what is true to you. This is where leaders must invest time building self-awareness of their values, beliefs and strengths. > I think the leadership style that you ultimately have has to be authentic to who you are CEO Spotify Daniel Ek ### **Manage constraints to enable creativity** Daniel sees his role as providing enabling constraints to the organisation. Without these constraints, the organisation will lose alignment. Daniel also strongly believes that constraints are required for creativity. They are not optional. ### **Share strategic context** Daniel focuses on providing strategic context so that his leaders can succeed. This strategic context includes insights on competitors, the industry at large, what other people are doing across the company, macro-economic trends. In Empowered by Marty Cagan he also shares that Strategic Context is key for leaders. > I was approaching management more from a control mindset. I thought I needed to control the prioritization of the product, and I realized instead I needed to share more context to enable them to make better prioritizations themselves. CEO Spotify Daniel Ek In [Empowered by Marty Cagan](/post/book-summary-empowered-by-marty-cagan-ordinary-people-extraordinary-products) he also shares that Strategic Context is key for leaders. Here are the Six types of strategic context Marty explains: - Company Mission - The purpose of the company. - Company Scorecard - Key performance indicators (KPIs) that provide an understanding of the overall picture and health of the business - Company Objectives - Specific objectives the company is focused on for this year. - Product Vision and Principles - The product vision is how we hope to meet customers needs. - Team Topology - Describes how each Product team will organise to deliver value. - Product Strategy - Specifically how we'll meet customer needs in ways that work for the business. ### **Spotify Daniel Ek Recommended Books** Here are two books recommended by Daniel in the Podcast --- ## Tiny Habits vs Atomic Habits | Which should you read? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/tiny-habits-vs-atomic-habits Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/tiny-habits-vs-atomic-habits.md Date: 2021-06-12 Topics: book-collections A comparison of Tiny Habits vs Atomic Habits. Both of these books have the potential to transform your life in dramatic ways. This comparison includes the big ideas and best quotes. In this post, I explore two of the most popular habit books: **Tiny Habits vs Atomic Habits** Both of these books have the potential to transform your life in dramatic ways. > *"The outcomes in your life are the lagging measure of your habits - there are no high performance people only high performance habits."* - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) I first read [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) in January 2019. I was looking for tips on how to develop better habits. This book literally changed my life. My physical and mental health improved dramatically. Fast forward a few years and many of these habits have been sustained. My success was amplified by reading [Tiny Habits](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) in January 2020. 12 months later this reinforced many of the ideas in Atomic Habits. I've also had great success applying atomic habits in business. To help you understand the difference between Tiny Habits vs Atomic Habits I share: - [One Sentence Summary](#viewer-a4bec) - [The 3 Big Ideas](#viewer-5m1m2) - [The 3 Best Quotes](#viewer-cvh7k) - [Tobys Top Takeaways](#viewer-1khje) - [Conclusion: Which should you read?](#viewer-57j8j) [![tiny habits vs atomic habits](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_90b47fffcfad418781e3f31e61c37f3b~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) ### **Tiny Habits vs Atomic Habits vs .....??** There are 100s of habit books. I've read most of them. I've summarised the best 12 habit books in this free e-book. In less than 5 minutes you'll get the big ideas and best quotes. [![12 Best Habit Books](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_af4f2ef7755a417fbffed95fb01fad57~mv2.png)](https://www.subscribepage.com/besthabitbooks) [Download Free eBook](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/besthabitbooks) ## **✏️ One-Sentence Summary** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) highlights the power of compounding habits. How focusing on systems, not goals is what will lead to your success. [**Tiny Habits**](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) introduces the Fogg Behaviour Model. A way to help you design your Tiny Habits. ## **📊 The Facts** **Atomic Habits** - Length: 277 pages - Publication Date: 18th October 2018 - Amazon Rating: 4.7 / 5 **Tiny Habits** - Length: 310 pages - Publication Date: 31st December 2019 - Amazon Rating: 4.5 / 5 ## 💰 **Unique Value Proposition** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) unique value is its focus on systems vs goals. Through powerful stories, it provides practical ways to improve your systems. Another interesting angle is the focus on identity-based change. ![James Clear Identity Habits](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fb2229218d8d4f1585281f4a3c986605~mv2.jpeg) *Source:* [*https://medium.com/@jamesclear/identity-based-habits-how-to-actually-stick-to-your-goals-bc8cde3c8e22*](https://medium.com/@jamesclear/identity-based-habits-how-to-actually-stick-to-your-goals-bc8cde3c8e22) [**Tiny Habits**](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) value lies in the Fogg Behaviour Model. A simple way to understand how behaviour happens so that you can better change your habits. ## 💡 **The 3 Big Ideas** A comparison showing the big ideas between tiny habits vs atomic habits **Atomic Habits:** 1. Small improvements lead to remarkable results. 2. Focus less on goals. Focus more on systems. 3. Change who you are by what you do. Identity-based habits are crucial. **Tiny Habits:** 1. Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but **big** on impact. 2. B = MAP – Behaviour happens when **motivation** & **ability** & **prompt** converge at the same moment. 3. Behaviour change is a skill that can be mastered. ## 💬 **The 3 Best Quotes** **James Clear** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) > “*Habits are the compound interest of improvement.*" > *"Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress."* > *"Real behavioural change is identity change."* **BJ Fogg** [**Tiny Habits**](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) > *“There are three ways to change behaviour: have an epiphany, change the environment, change habits in tiny ways.”* > *"Willpower is a myth. Bad habits are due to design flaws, not character flaws."* > *"If you plant behaviour in the right spot it will grow without coaxing."* ## ✅ **Tobys Top Takeaways** **Atomic Habits:** [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) started my passion for building and breaking habits. I've used many of the cheat sheets provided by James Clear to improve my habit systems. For example, the first one I used was the [habit scorecard](https://jamesclear.com/habits-scorecard). This helped to identify good, neutral and bad habits based upon my desired identity. I've also seen huge success applying Atomic Habits ideas in the workplace. In this summary, I expand how you can [apply atomic habits in business](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) **Tiny Habits:** Since reading [Tiny Habits](https://amzn.to/3cCMyOK) I have explained the Fogg Behaviour model to 100's of people. The power of the model is its simplicity and application. I've used the model to build tons of new habits. One, in particular, is the habit of writing book summaries. After reading Tiny Habits I used the approach to design a tiny habit: one sentence book summaries. This has now grown to full-blown book summaries you are reading now. This shows the power of planting a habit in the right place and letting it grow. I expand on my takeaways in this [Tiny Habits summary](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) ## 📗 **Conclusion: Which should you read?** **Both 😃** But if you could only read one, I would suggest [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi). The primary reason is James Clears writing style. He expresses complex ideas in clear ways with brilliant stories. His personal story, which he shares at the start of the book, is very inspirational. At the very least I'd recommend reading my [summary of Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything). Learning the Fogg Behavioural Model is a great complement to Atomic Habits. ## 📚 **Bonus: 12 Great Habit Books** I've read tons of books on habits. I know it can be daunting to select which book to read. Here I have compiled the [12 best books on habits](/post/best-habit-books). ![Best Habit Books](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e6e7b970f6d54dec85af8bcc6e9b6e20~mv2.png) I've also created a free eBook of the 12 best habit books. You'll learn the big ideas and best quotes from these books in less than 5 minutes. [![12 Best Habit Books](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_af4f2ef7755a417fbffed95fb01fad57~mv2.png)](https://www.subscribepage.com/besthabitbooks) [Download Free e-Book](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/besthabitbooks) --- ## The 12 Best Habit Books To Help You Succeed URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-habit-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-habit-books.md Date: 2021-06-04 Topics: book-collections A collection of the best habit books to transform your habits. The books cover the models, the practice and the science. Each of these habit books has the potential to transform your life in dramatic ways. ## **What Habit Book?** Over the past decade, I've read many books that have helped in developing better habits. This visual of the best habit books is designed to help busy managers, executives, coaches, and anyone exploring how to build better habits. I've read every book listed. There are another 20 or so that didn't make the list. I feel these are the best habit books to explain the models, the science and the practice. My three personal favourites from this best habit books list are: - [Atomic Habits by James Clear](https://amzn.to/3tx7v4m) - [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](https://amzn.to/2SaGA0p) - [The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer](https://amzn.to/3chZjhA) Learn the big ideas quickly. I created a Best Habits e-Book to help you learn. In less than 5 minutes you'll get the core ideas from the 12 best habit books. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_af4f2ef7755a417fbffed95fb01fad57~mv2.png) [Download Free e-Book](https://offers.tobysinclair.com/besthabitbooks) ### **What Best Habit Book will you read?** You can find a short description and link to each best habit books below. Struggling to read, this [Masterclass with Jim Kwik](https://mval.li/?a=9926&c=2861&p=r&s1=) can help increase your reading speed. If you register I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. [![Super Reading Masterclass](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_873ce01b847e435495887642d43dcd4b~mv2.jpg)](https://mval.li/?a=9926&c=2861&p=r&s1=) --- ## 5 Leadership Lessons from England Manager Gareth Southgate URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-leadership-lessons-from-england-manager-gareth-southgate Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-leadership-lessons-from-england-manager-gareth-southgate.md Date: 2021-06-03 Topics: leadership 5 Leadership Lessons:1. Pressure doesn't lead you to success. It often moves you away from your goals. You must focus on making the environment fun and enjoyable. The team must want to be there.2. Amplify the good. There are always things that be improved but don't overlook the positives.3. The best teams eat together. Mealtime is one of the most important times for team bonding. Create the time and space for your team to eat together.4. Ability is not enough. High Performance is more than just ## **5 Leadership Lessons:** 1. **Pressure doesn't lead you to success.** It often moves you away from your goals. You must focus on making the environment fun and enjoyable. The team must want to be there. 2. **Amplify the good.** There are always things that be improved but don't overlook the positives. 3. **The best teams eat together.** Mealtime is one of the most important times for team bonding. Create the time and space for your team to eat together. 4. **Ability is not enough.** High Performance is more than just talent. Work ethic, teamwork and efforts off the pitch are critical. The best team players are high performing, low maintenance. 5. **The leader sets the standards**. Role model the behaviours you want others to adopt. > People that aren't involved in elite sport from the outside looking and think everyone's like Churchill. You stand on a box and shout at the players and you do it all the time, 24/7. Gareth shows a different kind of management. The importance of quiet leadership. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## Book Summary: Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-noise-by-daniel-kahneman Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-noise-by-daniel-kahneman.md Date: 2021-05-27 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from Noise by Daniel Kahneman. You'll how not only biase but noise is a big problem in human judgement. You'll also learn how to identify noise and take steps to reduce unwanted noise. ![Book Summary Noise by Daniel Kahneman](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a303e8dbc3144fcead1912fd75c6471e~mv2.png) [Buy Noise on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vG8CQc) ## 3 big ideas Book Summary [Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein](https://amzn.to/3vG8CQc) 1. Noise is an ignored problem in organisations that leads to bad judgements. Bias gets all the limelight but Noise also creates many problems. To understand error in judgment, we must understand both bias and noise. 2. Noise is can be wanted and unwanted. The amount of unwanted noise is greater than most organisations realise. This noise has a great cost financially and socially. An example of noise is in Criminal Punishments. We expect the same punishment for the same crime. History shows that is not always the case. 3. Noise can be reduced through performing Noise Audits and applying the [six principles of decision hygiene](#viewer-7d9co). ## Best quotes **The best quotes from** [Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein](https://amzn.to/3vG8CQc) > *Some judgments are biased; they are systematically off target. Other judgments are noisy, as people who are expected to agree, end up at very different points around the target.* > *Wherever there is judgment, there is noise—and more of it than you think.* ## Toby's takeaway Prior to reading the Noise book, I hadn't even considered what Noise is and its impact. I've now become much more aware of system noise and how it can lead to negative impacts. The stories shared throughout are striking. For example, when judges are passing down sentences on days following a loss by the local city’s football team, they tend to be tougher than on days following a win. If employers rely on only one job interview to pick a candidate from among a similarly qualified group, the chances that this candidate will indeed perform better than the others are about 56% to 61%. You would be as successful judging the best candidate by picking a name from a hat. The authors share several tips on how to manage and reduce noise. A primary way to do that is using a Noise Audit. People are presented with a problem that is realistic, the kind of problem that they could encounter on their job. Employees are all presented with the same question and are asked a very precise question—to put a dollar number or in some other way indicate what they expect to happen in that case. Then you just look at the variability of the case. You don’t have to know the correct answer, because what interests you are the variability of judgments. If the judgements are variable, then the errors are variable. **The big takeaway for leaders and organisations:** Be aware of Noise. Start with a Noise Audit and then take steps to reduce the amount of unwanted Noise. ## Big Ideas Expanded [Noise](https://amzn.to/3vG8CQc) Book Summary: - [What is Noise?](#viewer-fj2u5) - [Why is Noise a problem?](#viewer-cq9dg) - [What is judgement?](#viewer-elmq) - [How Do Groups Amplify Noise?](#viewer-dtfp8) - [How to overcome Noise?](#viewer-7d9co) ![Bias vs Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c068b93103bb4ffb90e1d50c3cfe224b~mv2.png) ## What is Noise? A team of target shooters whose shots always fall to the right of the bull’s-eye is exhibiting a bias, as is a judge who always sentences Black people more harshly. As these errors are consistent they can more easily be identified and corrected. Another team whose shots are scattered in different directions away from the target is shooting noisily, and that’s harder to correct. A third team whose shots all go to the left of the bull’s-eye but are scattered high and low is both biased and noisy. Noise is often more challenging to address than Bias. Noise is often like a leak in the basement. It's tolerated not because it was thought acceptable but because it remains unnoticed. Without monitoring Noise, many organisations can be fooled into an illusion of agreement while in fact disagreeing in their judgements. We can live comfortably with colleagues without ever noticing that they actually do not see the world as we do. In professional judgments of all kinds, whenever accuracy is the goal, bias and noise play the same role in the calculation of overall error. In some cases, the larger contributor will be bias; in other cases, it will be noise (and these cases are more common than one might expect). System noise creates inconsistency, and inconsistency damages the credibility of the system. For example, inconsistency in candidates promoted in the workplace creates a lack of trust in the system. A defining feature of system noise is that it is unwanted, and we should stress right here that variability in judgments is not always unwanted. A general property of noise is that you can recognize and measure it while knowing nothing about the target or bias. ## Why is Noise a problem? In certain situations, we expect consistency in judgement. For example, in criminal punishment, we expect similar sentences for similar crimes. If a group of judges gives vastly different sentences to defendants who committed the same crime—some judges give a one-month sentence, others one-year, others seven years, and others somewhere in between—then one could call the system noisy. We’d expect similar punishments for the same crime. In a biased system, judges might consistently give sentences that are too high for certain types of crimes. Systems can be both biased and noisy. Personnel decisions are noisy. Interviewers of job candidates make widely different assessments of the same people. Performance ratings of the same employees are also highly variable and depend more on the person doing the assessment than on the performance being assessed. Most organizations prefer consensus and harmony over dissent and conflict. The procedures in place often seem expressly designed to minimize the frequency of exposure to actual disagreements and, when such disagreements happen, to explain them away. Whether you make a decision only once or a hundred times, your goal should be to make it in a way that reduces both bias and noise. Practices that reduce error should be just as effective in your one-of-a-kind decisions as in your repeated ones. ## What is judgement? The very concept of judgment involves a reluctant acknowledgement that you can never be certain that a judgment is right. A matter of judgment is one with some uncertainty about the answer and where we allow for the possibility that reasonable and competent people might disagree. Judgment can be described as a measurement in which the instrument is a human mind. A judgment is a conclusion that can be summarized in a word or phrase. Indeed, the word judgment is used mainly where people believe they should agree. Matters of judgment differ from matters of opinion or taste, in which unresolved differences are entirely acceptable. Matters of judgment, including professional judgments, occupy a space between questions of fact or computation on the one hand and matters of taste or opinion on the other. They are defined by the expectation of bounded disagreement. **Judgement Scenario:** This scenario is shared in [Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein](https://amzn.to/3p3bvaW). It highlights the challenge of Noise in judgements. Imagine that you are a member of a team charged with evaluating candidates for the position of chief executive in a moderately successful regional financial firm that faces increasing competition. You are asked to assess the probability that the following candidate will be successful after two years on the job. Successful is defined simply as the candidate’s having kept the CEO job at the end of the two years. Express the probability on a scale from 0 (impossible) to 100 (certain). > Michael Gambardi is thirty-seven years old. He has held several positions since he graduated from Harvard Business School twelve years ago. Early on, he was a founder and an investor in two start-ups that failed without attracting much financial support. He then joined a large insurance company and quickly rose to the position of regional chief operating officer for Europe. In that post, he initiated and managed an important improvement in the timely resolution of claims. He was described by colleagues and subordinates as effective but also as domineering and abrasive, and there was a significant turnover of executives during his tenure. Colleagues and subordinates also attest to his integrity and willingness to take responsibility for failures. For the last two years, he has served as CEO of a medium-sized financial company that was initially at risk of failing. He stabilized the company, where he is considered successful though difficult to work with. He has indicated an interest in moving on. Human resources specialists who interviewed him a few years ago gave him superior grades for creativity and energy but also described him as arrogant and sometimes tyrannical. Recall that Michael is a candidate for a CEO position in a regional financial firm that is moderately successful and that faces increasing competition. **What is the probability that Michael, if hired, will still be in his job after two years?** Please decide on a specific number in the range of 0 to 100 before reading on. If you engaged in the task seriously, you probably found it difficult. There is a mass of information, much of it seemingly inconsistent. You had to struggle to form the coherent impression that you needed to produce a judgment. In constructing that impression, you focused on some details that appeared important and you very likely ignored others. If asked to explain your choice of a number, you would mention a few salient facts but not enough of them for a full accounting of your judgment. The thought process you went through illustrates several features of the mental operation we call judgment: Of all the cues provided by the description (which are only a subset of what you might need to know), you attended to some more than others without being fully aware of the choices you made. Did you notice that Gambardi is an Italian name? Do you remember the school he attended? This scenario demonstrates that humans have an internal drive for judgment completion. We aim for the achievement of a coherent solution. ## How Do Groups Amplify Noise? Noise in individual judgment is bad enough. But group decision making adds another layer to the problem. Groups can go in all sorts of directions, depending in part on factors that should be irrelevant. Who speaks first, who speaks last, who speaks with confidence, who is wearing black, who is seated next to whom, who smiles or frowns or gestures at the right moment—all these factors, and many more, affect outcomes. **Case Study: Noise in the Music** For evidence, we begin in what might seem to be an unlikely place: a large-scale study of music downloads by Matthew Salganik and his coauthors. As the study was designed, the experimenters created a control group of thousands of people (visitors to a moderately popular website). Members of the control group could hear and download one or more of seventy-two songs by new bands. The songs were vividly named: “Trapped in an Orange Peel,” “Gnaw,” “Eye Patch,” “Baseball Warlock v1,” and “Pink Aggression.” (Some of the titles sound directly related to our concerns here: “Best Mistakes,” “I Am Error,” “The Belief Above the Answer,” “Life’s Mystery,” “Wish Me Luck,” and “Out of the Woods.”) In the control group, the participants were told nothing about what anyone else had said or done. They were left to make their own independent judgments about which songs they liked and wished to download. But Salganik and his colleagues also created eight other groups, to which thousands of other website visitors were randomly assigned. For members of those groups, everything was the same, with just one exception: **people could see how many people in their particular group had previously downloaded every individual song.** For example, if “Best Mistakes” was immensely popular in one group, its members would see that, and so too if no one was downloading it. Because the various groups did not differ along any important dimension, the study was essentially running history eight times. You might well predict that in the end, the good songs would always rise to the top and the bad ones would always sink to the bottom. If so, the various groups would end up with identical or at least similar rankings. Across groups, there would be no noise. And indeed, that was the precise question that Salganik and his coauthors meant to explore. **They were testing for a particular driver of noise: social influence.** The key finding was that group rankings were wildly disparate: across different groups, there was a great deal of noise. In one group, “Best Mistakes” could be a spectacular success, while “I Am Error” could flop. In another group, “I Am Error” could do exceedingly well, and “Best Mistakes” could be a disaster. If a song benefited from early popularity, it could do really well. If it did not get that benefit, the outcome could be very different. To be sure, the very worst songs (as established by the control group) never ended up at the very top, and the very best songs never ended up at the very bottom. But otherwise, almost anything could happen. **As the authors emphasize, “The level of success in the social influence condition was more unpredictable than in the independent condition.” In short, social influences create significant noise across group**s. And if you think about it, you can see that individual groups were noisy, too, in the sense that their judgment in favor of one song, or against it, could easily have been different. ## How to overcome Noise? There are six principles for organisations or individuals to take on if they want to minimise noise. 1. Accept that decisions are about accuracy, not individual expression. 2. Think statistically, and take an outside view of the problem. 3. Structure judgement into independent tasks - this prevents the problem of excessive coherence, where people distort information that doesn’t fit into an emerging story. 4. Decision-makers should resist premature intuitions 5. Take independent judgements from multiple judges and factor them in. 6. Favour relative judgements, which tend to be less noisy. [Noise by Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, Cass Sunstein](https://amzn.to/3yQyBGz) --- ## Book Summary: How To Change by Katy Milkman URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-change-by-katy-milkman Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-change-by-katy-milkman.md Date: 2021-05-11 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas and best quotes from Katy Milkman's book How to Change. You'll learn the 8 traps that prevent you from changing and the antidotes that can help. ![How To Change Katy Milkman](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bfe3561554c34d538bdda6d1c5280da9~mv2.png) [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) [Buy](https://amzn.to/3pfEV69) | [Try Blinkist For Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) ## 3 big ideas The big ideas from [How to Change by Katy Milkman](https://amzn.to/3p1P46f) summarised: - Change is easier when you adopt the right strategy. Most people fail to change because they adopt the wrong strategies and tactics. - There is no one size fits all approach to behaviour change. Different problems need to be tackled with different tactics. - Once you understand the common traps that prevent change, you can more easily overcome them. ## Best quotes The best quotes from [How to Change by Katy Milkman](https://amzn.to/3p1P46f): > Transformative behaviour change is more like treating a chronic disease than curing a rash. > The closer you are to someone, and the more their situation resembles your own, the more likely you are to be influenced by their behaviour. ## Toby's takeaway Katy's [How to Change book](https://amzn.to/3p1P46f) is a good reminder of key behaviour change principles. For example, habit bundling, combining a new habit with an old one. For example, watching Netflix whilst exercising. For fans of behaviour change, there are no dramatically new ideas. However, I really did like how Katy examines the obstacles to change. The book is focused on the outcomes, stopping procrastination, and the antidotes to overcome it. Finally, the big reinforcement was that behaviour change is a continuous activity, not a one-time event. I've found the most challenging aspect of change is consistency. Most change takes months and years not days and weeks. Katy explores this challenge. We tend to favour short term rewards over our long term goals. With the principles and tactics shared in the book, you can make a change that sticks. ## Book Summary: How To Change Below I share the 8 traps explored in [How to Change by Katy Milkman](https://amzn.to/3p1P46f). For each trap, I share their cause, antidotes and a quote. 1. [Not Getting Started](#viewer-9tct0) 2. [Short Term Thinking](#viewer-bjnji) 3. [Impulsivity](#viewer-bjnji) 4. [Procrastination](#viewer-7q1eu) 5. [Forgetfulness](#viewer-6mqnc) 6. [Laziness](#viewer-8079s) 7. [Confidence](#viewer-5aqgj) 8. [Conformity](#viewer-6nefh) ![Habit Traps and Antidotes](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_79eddb8989594cbeb3075988e8b0e58d~mv2.png) ## Not Getting Started **Cause:** When faced with a new change we can be overwhelmed. Changes often don't naturally fit into our existing routines and schedules. There is a high amount of mental and physical friction to get started. **Antidote:** Start with a blank slate. Examples include starting a new job, moving to a new city, meeting a new partner. One approach everyone can use is starting on specific dates. New Years Resolutions and Mondays are good times to start change. **Quote:** > We’re more likely to pursue change on dates that feel like new beginnings because these moments help us overcome a common obstacle to goal initiation: the sense that we’ve failed before and will, thus, fail again. ## Short Term Thinking **Cause:** We treat behaviour change as a temporary effort. Once we change from y to x the change is done. **Antidote:** Think about change as a continuous effort that is never done. Once you develop new habits you'll need to continuously reinforce and reward the behaviours you want to maintain. You'll also need to manage your environment to avoid picking up bad habits. **Quote:** > “When we diagnose someone with diabetes, we don’t put them on insulin for a month, take them off of it, and expect them to be cured.” In medicine, doctors recognize that chronic diseases require a lifetime of treatment. Why do we assume that behaviour change is any different? ## Impulsivity **Cause:** We favour instantly gratifying temptations over larger long-term rewards “[present bias](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Present_bias),” though its common name is “impulsivity,” and it’s unfortunately universal. **Antidote:** Temptation Bundling - Combining an existing habit with a new habit. For example, watching Netflix whilst running on the treadmill. **Quote:** > Mary Poppins has it right. When goal pursuit is made instantly gratifying by adding “an element of fun,” present bias can be overcome. ## Procrastination **Cause:** [Present Bias](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Present_bias) causes people to favour short term rewards, distractions over long term goals. **Antidote:** Create Commitment Devices that constrain our ability to prioritise short term pleasure over long term goals. An example is a “locked” savings account that prevents you from accessing your money until you’ve reached your savings goal. **Quote:** > The costs we can impose on ourselves to help with goal achievement range from soft penalties (such as announcing goals or deadlines publicly) to hard penalties (such as having to hand over cash should we fail). There are also soft restrictions (such as eating from a smaller plate) and hard restrictions (such as putting our money in a locked savings account). The softer the penalty or restriction, the less likely it is to help with change, but the more palatable it is to adopt. [![Power of Habit](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7ed2ec0ee98c45fb908d5d6943818d41~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNgLE) [Read the Power of Habit](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNgLE) ## Forgetfulness **Cause:** Our existing habits lead us to live on auto-pilot. When we are changing behaviour we'll often forget to do the new thing and do our default behaviour instead. **Antidote:** Forming cue-based plans is another way to combat forgetting. These plans link a plan of action with a cue and take the form “When \_\_\_ happens, I’ll do \_\_\_.” Cues can be anything that triggers your memory, from a specific time or location to an object you expect to encounter. An example of a cue-based plan is, “Whenever I get a raise, I’ll increase my monthly retirement savings contribution.” The more distinctive the cue, the more likely it is to trigger recall. **Quote:** > Timely reminders, which prompt you to do something right before you’re meant to do it, can effectively combat forgetting. Reminders that aren’t as timely have far smaller benefits. ## Laziness **Cause:** People have a preference to follow the path of least resistance. When faced with two competing options we will favour the one that takes the least effort. (Law of least effort) **Antidote:** Too much rigidity is the enemy of a good habit. Instead, build flexibility into your habits. Commitment to the smallest possible change that is easy, to begin with, and build from there. One daily push up against the wall rather than 10 push-ups. If you do 10 celebrate but if you only do 1 celebrate too. **Quote:** > By allowing for flexibility in your routines, your autopilot can become flexible, too. You will find you respond consistently even under unideal circumstances. Overall, you’ll build “stickier,” more lasting habits. ## Confidence **Cause:** Self-doubt can keep you from making progress on your goals or prevent you from setting goals in the first place. **Antidote:** Teach others. Find people who are also on the journey to implement similar changes. You'll gain extra confidence that others are struggling too. You'll also get the opportunity to share what you've learned. This will increase your confidence. **Quote:** > Adopting a “growth mindset”—recognizing that abilities, including intelligence, are not fixed and that effort influences a person potential—can help you bounce back from setbacks. ## Conformity **Cause:** Humans are imitation machines. We tend to copy the behaviours of others. Especially people close to us or in power. **Antidote:** Use social dynamics to your advantage. Do this by watching peers who have managed to achieve whatever goal you hope to achieve and then copying and pasting their methods. **Quote:** > The closer you are to someone, and the more their situation resembles your own, the more likely you are to be influenced by their behaviour. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) [Buy](https://amzn.to/3pfEV69) | [Try Blinkist For Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## 5 Ways to Say No URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-ways-to-say-no Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-ways-to-say-no.md Date: 2021-05-10 Topics: leadership One of the biggest challenges leaders face is saying No. Saying Yes can be easy but saying no fills most people with dread!The very thought of saying no literally brings most people physical discomfort.Leaders have good reasons to fear saying no. We worry we’ll miss out on a great opportunity. We’re scared of rocking the boat, stirring things up, burning bridges. We can’t bear the thought of disappointing customers and management. None of this makes you a bad person. It’s a natural part of being One of the biggest challenges leaders face is saying No. Saying Yes can be easy but saying no fills most people with dread! The very thought of saying no literally brings most people physical discomfort. Leaders have good reasons to fear saying no. We worry we’ll miss out on a great opportunity. We’re scared of rocking the boat, stirring things up, burning bridges. We can’t bear the thought of disappointing customers and management. None of this makes you a bad person. It’s a natural part of being human. Saying Yes can be best described as a bad habit for many people. It's common for people to say yes automatically, without thinking, often in pursuit of the rush one gets from having pleased someone. Saying No becomes easier when you have clarity of what's important to you. But even then, saying No can still be hard. For many, the automatic rush to say Yes is a bad habit. It can lead you to be overworked, stressed and lose sight of what's important. To help change your Yes Habit, here are 5 easy alternatives. ### **The awkward pause.** A short pause gives the other person a moment to think about their request. It's very common that with this pause the person will rethink their request. They may withdraw it or at the very least be clearer with their request. It helps avoid you getting into a vague commitment. ### **“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”** It can often feel like you need to say yes now. This simple option can help buy you time to review your priorities and schedule. The risk to avoid with this response is the other person assumes it is a yes. Do be very clear that you are not committing at this point but will come back to them. ### **Use e-mail automatic replies.** Many requests will arrive via email from customers and managers. You can build an automated response to be clear with the requestor about your protocols. This saves you time responding to all your emails and also provides an immediate response. It also takes the emotion out of the response since it's automated. Tim Ferriss shares his tips in [The 4-Hour Work Week for autoresponders.](https://tim.blog/2014/07/14/autoresponse/) ![Tim Ferris Auto Responder](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f27350a4b4d241ecb4b2657523e06347~mv2.png) ### **Say, “Yes. What should I deprioritise?”** When a request aligns with what's most important for you this can be a great response. It makes people aware of your current priorities and involves them in the decision making process. It's especially helpful for conversations with managers, customers and stakeholders. ### **“I can’t do it, but X might be interested.”** The final way to say no is to signpost to someone who might be interested. This can be especially helpful if there are people in your network who could benefit from the request. For example, if you are invited to attend a workshop, you could give someone in your team an opportunity to attend on your behalf. This helps build skills across the team. If you use this response, be sure to do a warm handover with the person you are connecting with. Focusing on what's important to you is explored further in [Essentialism by Greg Mckeown](/post/book-summary-essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less-by-greg-mckeown). --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 7th May 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-7th-may-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-7th-may-2021.md Date: 2021-05-07 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This weeks insights include: • Are you an Essentialist? 💡 • The dictionary definition of coaching is wrong 😱 • Atomic Coaching: Don't Give Advice 🎯 With Gratitude,TobyAre you an Essentialist? 💡 This week I read Essentialism by Greg McKewon. Essentialists focus on the vital few rather than the trivial many.Here's a story from the book that might be familiar:I once worked with an executive team that needed help with their prioritisation. They were struggling to identify the top fi Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - Are you an Essentialist? 💡 - The dictionary definition of coaching is wrong 😱 - Atomic Coaching: Don't Give Advice 🎯 With Gratitude, Toby ## **Are you an Essentialist? 💡** ![Just Work by Kim Scott](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3fe075441ef947278451d77ad3cd63c4~mv2.png) This week I read [Essentialism by Greg McKewon](https://click.mailerlite.com/link/c/). Essentialists focus on the **vital few rather than the trivial many**. Here's a story from the book that might be familiar: > *I once worked with an executive team that needed help with their prioritisation. They were struggling to identify the top five projects they wanted their IT department to complete over the next fiscal year, and one of the managers was having a particularly hard time with it. She insisted on naming eighteen “top priority” projects. I insisted that she choose five. She took her list back to her team, and two weeks later they returned with a list she had managed to shorten – by one single project! (I always wondered what it was about that one lone project that didn’t make the cut.) By refusing to make trade-offs, she ended up spreading five projects’ worth of time and effort across seventeen projects. Unsurprisingly, she did not get the results she wanted. Her logic had been: We can do it all. Obviously not.* Becoming an Essentialist requires a shift in your habits of thought and action. Saying Yes to everything is deeply rooted within society. We believe we can have it all. In the book, Greg shares a three-step process to becoming an Essentialist: 1. Explore: Discerning the Trivial Many from the Vital Few 2. Eliminate: Cutting out the Trivial Many 3. Execute: Removing Obstacles and making execution effortless This is a great book for anyone who struggles to say no. For the majority of readers, [this summary](https://click.mailerlite.com/link/c/) will be a sufficient reminder to focus on the vital few rather than the trivial many. ## **The dictionary definition of Coaching is wrong 😱** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cae480f814fd4df78e9f1fc0a9bc61f6~mv2.png) I believe the dictionary definition of coaching is wrong. What you'll notice from this definition is its focus on advising, instruction, and teaching. What I've come to learn, though, is that effective coaching has a very different set of qualities. These include listening, questioning and understanding. I've gathered 5 alternative definitions that better describe the qualities of coaching. I also explore these definitions in this [video](https://click.mailerlite.com/link/c/) and [article](https://click.mailerlite.com/link/c/) I'd love to hear about your favourite definitions of coaching. Email your definition and I'll share it on social media. ## **Atomic Coaching: Don't Give Advice 🎯** Each week I share a challenge to help you improve your coaching skills: active listening, asking questions and self-awareness. ### **This Weeks Challenge 🤹** When people seek your advice, it can feel rewarding. In the early part of your career, it's likely you were successful because of your helpful advice. However, when your responsibility grows it can become a trap. As demand grows for your expertise you become a bottleneck. This can lead to you being overworked, stressed and impact the quality of your work. It can be easy in these situations to forget you have a choice. Instead of giving advice, you can build a habit of using alternative responses. This is one of the most powerful skills you can develop to break the advice trap. These are 6 alternatives you can use instead of giving direct advice: 1. Summarise - Let me summarise the situation... 2. Connect - Can you connect with X to talk through this. 3. Observation - I can see you might have not considered this scenario. What do you think? 4. Opinion - I'm not sure if that will work 5. Ask Questions - What do you think? 6. Stay Silent - ..... **Your challenge: 🤹** Practice using these alternatives whenever anyone seeks out your advice. --- ## Book Summary: Essentialism by Greg McKeown - The Disciplined Pursuit of Less URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less-by-greg-mckeown Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less-by-greg-mckeown.md Date: 2021-05-03 Topics: book-summaries deas 💡Book Summary Essentialism by Greg McKeown • By focusing on the few vital things over the trivial many, you can increase your contribution to the world. • Almost everything in life is noise. Very few things are essential. • If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will.2 Most Tweetable Quotes 💬If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will.Live by design, not by default.Toby's Top Ta ![Essentialism Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_84c9eb86996c42869211460ea9765d67~mv2.png) [B](https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown/dp/0753555166/)uy | [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/e4n5gX) ## 3 big ideas Book Summary [Essentialism by Greg McKeown](https://amzn.to/2SAt0mZ) - By focusing on the few vital things over the trivial many, you can increase your contribution to the world. - Almost everything in life is noise. Very few things are essential. - If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will. ## Best quotes > If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will. > Live by design, not by default. ## Toby's takeaway The [Essentialism book](https://amzn.to/2SAt0mZ) is a great reminder that so many things in life distract us from making a meaningful contribution. Greg McKeown clearly articulates this challenge and describes a Philosophy called Essentialism as a way to increase your contribution to the world. There were many examples from the book that resonated with me. In particular, the examples where leaders find it difficult to say No. Here is just one example: > I once worked with an executive team that needed help with their prioritisation. They were struggling to identify the top five projects they wanted their IT department to complete over the next fiscal year, and one of the managers was having a particularly hard time with it. She insisted on naming eighteen “top priority” projects. I insisted that she choose five. She took her list back to her team, and two weeks later they returned with a list she had managed to shorten – by one single project! (I always wondered what it was about that one lone project that didn’t make the cut.) By refusing to make trade-offs, she ended up spreading five projects’ worth of time and effort across seventeen projects. Unsurprisingly, she did not get the results she wanted. Her logic had been: We can do it all. Obviously not. After reading this book I've started to reflect on many parts of my own life. **What are the vital few things?** Greg shares that many capable people are kept from getting to the next level of contribution because they can’t let go of the belief that everything is important. This book is an important reminder not to fall into that trap. [![Essentialism Blinkist](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_deec9f84ec274ae1b7e589de4dbdff32~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/e4n5gX) [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/e4n5gX) ## The Big Ideas from Essentialism Expanded Book Summary [Essentialism by Greg McKeown](https://amzn.to/2SAt0mZ) - [What is Essentialism?](#viewer-dsttr) - [Why is Essentialism Important?](#viewer-asuc4) - [What are the principles of Essentialism?](#viewer-3pimr) - [What is the core logic of an Essentialist?](#viewer-310db) - [What are the steps to become an Essentialist?](#viewer-3sc1m) - [The challenge in becoming an Essentialist](#viewer-141fr) - [Why Non-Essentialism Is Everywhere](#viewer-dgua7) ## What is Essentialism? ![Essentialism Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_60f0223bc8c14f91a54505765a40f905~mv2.jpeg) Essentialism definition: A focus on the vital few rather than the trivial many. So that you can make your highest contribution to the world. The opposite, more common approach is majoring in minor activities. Staying busy on the trivial many. As a result, your contribution to what really matters to you and the world is limited. ## Why is Essentialism Important? When you focus on the vital few over the trivial many you increase your contribution to the world. You increase your happiness and satisfaction. You find flow, meaning and joy. ## What are the principles of Essentialism? - Essentialism: only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter. - Almost everything is noise. Very few things are essential. - More is less. Eliminate the non-essentials. - The way of the Essentialist is the relentless pursuit of less but better. - It is about pausing constantly to ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?” - Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. - In many cases, we can learn to make one-time decisions that make a thousand future decisions so we don’t exhaust ourselves by asking the same questions again and again. - If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will. ## What is the core logic of an Essentialist? There are three deeply entrenched assumptions we must conquer to live the way of the Essentialist: - “I have to,” - “It’s all-important,” - “I can do both.” Like mythological sirens, these assumptions are as dangerous as they are seductive. They draw us in and drown us in shallow waters. Essentialism requires we replace these false assumptions with three core truths: - “I choose to,” - “Only a few things really matter,” - “I can do anything but not everything.” The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the non-essentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. In other words, Essentialism is a disciplined, systematic approach for determining where our highest point of contribution lies, then making execution of those things almost effortless. ## What are the steps to become an Essentialist? 1. Explore: Discerning the Trivial Many from the Vital Few 2. Eliminate: Cutting out the Trivial Many 3. Execute: Removing Obstacles and making execution effortless ## The challenge in becoming an Essentialist One reason is that in our society we are punished for good behaviour (saying no) and rewarded for bad behaviour (saying yes). The former is often awkward in the moment, and the latter is often celebrated in the moment. It leads to what I call “the paradox of success” **The Paradox of Success:** - PHASE 1: When we really have clarity of purpose, it enables us to succeed at our endeavour. - PHASE 2: When we have success, we gain a reputation as a “go-to” person. We become “good old [insert name],” who is always there when you need him, and we are presented with increased options and opportunities. - PHASE 3: When we have increased options and opportunities, which is actually code for demands upon our time and energies, it leads to diffused efforts. We get spread thinner and thinner. - PHASE 4: We become distracted from what would otherwise be our highest level of contribution. The effect of our success has been to undermine the very clarity that led to our success in the first place. ## Why Non-Essentialism Is Everywhere - Too many choices - Too much social pressure - The idea that you can have it all > “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” [![blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/e4n5gX) [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/e4n5gX) --- ## Agile Coaching v Professional Coaching URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-v-professional-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-v-professional-coaching.md Date: 2021-05-03 Topics: coaching Agile Coaches can increase their impact by developing Professional Coaching Skills. Many don't even realise there is a difference. In this article, I share the key contrasts between them and three way's you can develop professional coaching skills. In 2016, I was happily performing the role of an Agile Coach. Then one evening I attended a Meetup on the topic of Professional Coaching. What I realized from this meetup is that I had a good understanding of Agile, but a very shallow understanding of Coaching. A realization very common amongst Agile Coaches. It's easy to make assumptions about what coaching is and isn't. This is partly due to a [problematic definition of coaching in the dictionary](/post/5-coaching-definitions). Many Agile Coaches have a good understanding of the values, frameworks and approaches of agile. When it comes to the values, frameworks and approaches of professional coaching it's often not as deep. This means that many Agile Coaches focus on the [mentoring](https://youtu.be/pEtKM3GPSXA) part of the role. They teach and advise teams on how to improve. Whilst this does add value its success can be limited in the long term. Becoming a better leader, in particular, requires the development of the whole person both their [internal and external world](https://youtu.be/pEtKM3GPSXA). ## **What is Coaching?** Coaching is it's a very misunderstood term. It tends to be associated with telling people telling others what to do. It's also associated with fixing people. This is driven by many factors in our society including a [problematic dictionary definition](/post/5-coaching-definitions). Advising and teaching can be very helpful in developing people. However, I found the most effective coaching also includes a less directive approach. One focused on self-discovery rather than direction. I define coaching as: > An activity that has three observable skills. The coaching activity tends to be a conversation that aims to help unlock another person's potential. The three skills you can master to create great coaching conversations are active listening, asking powerful questions, and self-awareness. Great coaches in all industries and contexts have mastery of these three core coaching skills. This includes agile coaches, professional coaches, sports coaches and life coaches. However, there are some differences that we'll start to take a look at now. ## **What is Agile Coaching?** To define Agile Coaching I typically draw upon the work of Lyssa Adkins. She has pursued mastery in the core coaching skills and applied them in many contexts. In her book Coaching Agile Teams, she defines coaching as: > In the context of agile teams, coaching takes on the dual flavor of coaching and mentoring. Yes, you are coaching to help someone reach for the next goal in their life. You are also sharing your agile experiences and ideas as you mentor them, guiding them to use agile well. Coaching and mentoring are entwined for the sake of developing talented agilists so that more and better business results arise through agile. What you'll notice in this definition is that the combination of both coaching and mentoring is key to a successful agile coach. Many agile coaches have experience and knowledge of working in the area where they're helping people teams. For example, they may have previously been a software developer or product owner and been involved in the development of products and software. As a result, it's common that people will seek out their advice and experience to help them with certain challenges. This advice can be very helpful, however, in many cases, our advice isn't as good as we think it is. Great Agile Coaches don't just advise they also coach. They master the core coaching skills of [active listening](https://youtu.be/5m3rlahGxW0), [asking powerful questions](https://youtu.be/Q12kyl7cLWE) and [self-awareness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6g1bt0dhyo). This is where professional coaching skills can increase your ability to help people change. ## **What is Professional Coaching?** The best definition for professional coaching comes from the International Coaching Federation, a professional body that upholds the ethics and standards of the professional coaching industry. > Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Coaches honor the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole. What do you notice about the difference between this definition of coaching? There are two contrasts that I'd like to highlight. One is that within this definition, there's no mention of mentoring. Professional Coaching tends to be less about advice-giving. The coach tends to not have direct experience of the person or teams work. Second, Professional Coaches focus on the whole person, both their personal and professional lives. This is based on the belief that to unlock our potential, we need to work with a person as an integrated whole. There are 8 competencies that the ICF define for Professional Coaches: ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a3d80a738aee488dace8314d7b19f0ac~mv2.jpg) ## **How to become a Certified Professional Coach?** [The journey that I took](/post/how-to-become-an-icf-certified-coach-a-guide-for-agile-coaches) to become a qualified accredited professional coach was with the International Coaching Federation. They offer a training pathway to develop coaching skills. Typically this is around 12 days of classroom-based training that teaches you the foundational skills, theory, and knowledge. To obtain the first credential level, Associate Coach Credential, you'll need to complete 100 hours of coaching. The next level is Professional Coach Credential, which requires 500 hours of coaching. The journey is not easy. You don't turn up to a two-day course and then suddenly get a certification. It requires high time and energy investment. You'll examine your values and beliefs so that you can become a better coach. You can learn more about my journey to gain Professional Coach Credential [here](/post/how-to-become-an-icf-certified-coach-a-guide-for-agile-coaches) ## **What's next for you?** It's likely you are an Agile Coach who wants to develop more professional coaching skills. I've got three ways you can start to do that now. The first thing you can do to become a better agile coach is to start developing coaching skills: [active listening](https://youtu.be/5m3rlahGxW0), [asking powerful questions](https://youtu.be/Q12kyl7cLWE) and [self-awareness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6g1bt0dhyo). You can start to build these now, without a professional coaching training course. I created [Switch](/habits-program), a free 5-day program to help you develop these skills. In just 5 minutes a day, you'll start to develop the habits of coaching. [Join here](/habits-program). The second thing you can do is get help from a professional coach. A great way to learn about coaching is to simply be coached to experience the power of coaching firsthand. So if you don't currently have a coach today, I'd recommend finding a professional coach. They will help you explore your values, beliefs, and really help unlock your potential. Thirdly, once you've started to develop [active listening](https://youtu.be/5m3rlahGxW0), [asking powerful questions](https://youtu.be/Q12kyl7cLWE) and [self-awareness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6g1bt0dhyo) skills and you've got a professional coach, this may be a good time to start an ICF course. A professional coaching course from the International Coaching Federation will teach you the foundations, the theory and the practice are professional coaching. So you can confidently build those skills and start to integrate them more into your agile coaching practice. --- ## A Coaching Definition Better Than The Dictionary URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-definition Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-definition.md Date: 2021-05-02 Topics: coaching I believe the coaching definition in the dictionary is wrong. Here are 5 alternative definitions including sports, life coaching, professional coaching, agile coaching and manager coaching. I believe the coaching definition in the dictionary is wrong. ![Coaching Definition Dictionary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cae480f814fd4df78e9f1fc0a9bc61f6~mv2.png) What you'll notice from this coaching definition is its focus on advising, instruction, and teaching. What I've come to learn, though, is that effective coaching has a very different set of qualities. I've gathered 5 alternative definitions that better describe the qualities of coaching. I also explore these definitions in this [video](https://youtu.be/5I0C141ps1o) ## **Sports Coaching Definition** ![sports coaching example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9b6d537d19104314b3024e358c50f7fc~mv2.jpeg) The first coaching definition comes from the world of sports. We typically associate coaching with that vision of the coach at the sidelines shouting instructions to the players on the pitch. The reality, however, for elite sports coaches, is that it's not about shouting instructions from the pitch. It's actually a different kind of coaching that is focused on unlocking the potential of the team. The best coaching definition in the sports world comes from Timothy Galway, the author of the Inner Game of Tennis. > "Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them." - Timothy Gallwey You'll see from this definition, it's less about telling and instruction. And it's more about a journey of self-discovery, and helping someone to learn rather than teaching them. I've examined many sports coaches to understand how to coach at the highest level. In particular, England Rugby Head Coach has been a source of inspiration. In this article, I dissect his coaching approach which reinforces the idea that coaching, even in the sporting world, is primarily not telling people what to do. ## **Professional Coaching Definition** ![ICF Coaching](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_abc1c7868e99479aa4cb1e90519c8e2d~mv2.png) The next coaching definition is professional coaching. The coaching industry at large is not well, regulated or understood. The International Coaching Federation is one of the professional bodies that aims to uphold the ethics and standards of the industry. Here's the definition of coaching from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). > Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Coaches honour the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole. - International Coaching Federation You'll notice from this coaching definition, that again, it's not about instruction or advising, but it's really about self-discovery. It is helping the person explore their potential and that belief that they're the expert. It's the coach's role to unlock their potential through providing professional coaching. ## **Manager Coaching Definition** ![manager coaching](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_73b4281d815e4c678951b980fb470e1a~mv2.jpeg) The next definition is especially helpful for managers in organizations. If you are a manager, it's likely that you're expected to do some form of coaching. But what kind of coaching is that? Many managers believe the dictionary definition is what they should be doing. They should be telling people what to do, they should be advising, instructing, and teaching. However, if you're a manager that wants to unlock the potential in your team, it's unlikely that that kind of coaching is going to result in good outcomes. Instead, I believe there's a different form of coaching that could be more effective for managers in the workplace. A better definition of coaching for managers comes from John Whitmore, the author of Coaching for Performance. > Unlocking people's potential to maximize their own performance. - John Whitmore This definition is again contrasted to the dictionary definition. It's grounded in this belief that the individual holds the answers to unlock their performance. The coaches responsibility is not to provide all the answers and direction. Instead, a coach will use powerful questions and listen well, to help a person find their own way forward. John Whitmore also popularized the framework called the Grow Model, which is especially helpful for managers who want to coach in the workplace. ## **Agile Coaching Definition** ![agile coaching](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_60a327718fef4b91a94dfe157571b991~mv2.png) If you work in a technology or product organization, you're probably very aware of this role. Now, this definition of coaching is slightly similar to that of the dictionary. Agile Coaches often do provide instruction, advice and teach the team. I believe that Agile Coach is better described as Agile Mentor as many focus mainly on the advice part of the role. Great Agile Coaches however realise that it's not just all about advising, telling and instructing. There's also an important part of coaching in the role. Lyssa Adkins, the author of Coaching Agile Teams shares this agile coaching definition as: > In the context of agile teams, coaching takes on the dual flavor of coaching and mentoring. Yes, you are coaching to help someone reach for the next goal in their life. You are also sharing your agile experiences and ideas as you mentor them, guiding them to use agile well. Coaching and mentoring are entwined for the sake of developing talented agilists so that more and better business results arise through agile. - Lyssa Adkins ## **Life Coaching Definition** ![life coaching](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_12b2f2b806104d5ead780687c9539478~mv2.jpeg) The final coaching definition is Life Coaching. Perhaps the most general and broadest type of coaching. Life Coaching really looks at the person's whole experience. It seeks to explore what can unlock a person's performance in many different facets of their life. This type of coaching has been popularized by many self-help gurus. If you spend a few minutes googling life coaching, you'll come across an endless number of programs courses that aim to say they'll change your life in a matter of days, if not hours. The problem with life coaching is again because coaching is an unregulated industry. The quality and experience of these life coaches across the industry are very mixed. Some may have taken a professional route and taken the proper training, others may have just pretty much paid for a certificate and downloaded it off the internet. So life coaching can be again another area that's very widely misunderstood. One of the most popular and well-known life coaching gurus is Tony Robbins. On his website, he shares this Life Coaching definition: > The life coach definition is someone professionally trained to help you maximize your full potential and reach your desired results. They are like a supportive friend and a trusted adviser rolled into one. They’re someone who will push you to identify your goals, hold you accountable and provide encouragement throughout your journey to become a better version of yourself. - Tony Robbins You'll notice again in this definition, it's not a focus on advising, instruction, and telling. It's using techniques to unlock the person's potential and help them realize what's possible. ## **Conclusion** So to conclude, the definition of coaching is varied. These I believe, encapsulate the power and the quality of coaching better than the dictionary coaching definition. The key takeaway is that coaching is not primarily about advising, telling or instructing. The key thing about coaching is really about self-discovery. The role of the coach is really to use techniques that enable a person or a team to self discover the answer. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 30th April 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-30th-april-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-30th-april-2021.md Date: 2021-04-28 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This weeks insights include: • Tackling Workplace Injustice 💡 • The Trillion Dollar Coach 💰 • Atomic Coaching: Improve Self-Awareness 🎯 With Gratitude,TobyTackling Workplace Injustice 💡 This week I started reading Just Work by Kim Scott. I was excited to read this as Kim's book Radical Candor is one of my all-time favourites.The book shares a framework for tackling workplace injustice. It shares 3 types of injustice and the tactics you can use to tackle them.I haven't quite fini Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - Tackling Workplace Injustice 💡 - The Trillion Dollar Coach 💰 - Atomic Coaching: Improve Self-Awareness 🎯 With Gratitude, Toby ## **Tackling Workplace Injustice 💡** ![Just Work by Kim Scott](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_94c0684849214bfaad8fd91471fdd39c~mv2.png) This week I started reading Just Work by Kim Scott. I was excited to read this as Kim's book Radical Candor is one of my all-time favourites. The book shares a framework for tackling workplace injustice. It shares 3 types of injustice and the tactics you can use to tackle them. I haven't quite finished my book summary so in the meantime [this article](https://review.firstround.com/following-radical-candor-kim-scott-is-back-with-another-incredible-framework-for-just-work#lesson-1-we-all-have-a-role-to-play) shares a fantastic overview of the book. You might also be interested in the materials for my [Anti-Racism Workshop](/anti-racism-training). The workshop helps participants explore systemic solutions using systems thinking. If you'd like to learn more about it please do drop me a mail. ## **The Trillion Dollar Coach 💰** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_558ac2bdbde24cd582f37c05643d400f~mv2.png) Successful people don't need coaching. 🏆 What do you think? Coaching can be mistakenly associated with "fixing" people and that only "underperformers" need coaching. In the book, [Trillion Dollar Coach](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching), Eric Schmidt former Google CEO shares the power of coaching. It's a fascinating inside look at how the worlds top leaders use coaching. Eric Schmidt is famous for saying "everyone needs a coach" and how it's been crucial in his ongoing success. [This summary](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) expands on the big ideas. ## **Atomic Coaching: Improve Self-Awareness 🎯** Each week I share a challenge to help you improve your coaching skills: active listening, asking questions and self-awareness. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e36357bafdad431bb2f067432b60968d~mv2.png) ### **This Weeks Challenge 🤹** > "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self." Benjamin Franklin, 1750 Self-Awareness is one of the core skills of coaching. It helps you listen, be more present and be better in tune with the person or group you are coaching. [This HBR Article](https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it) explores what self-awareness is and how it can help you be a better leader. In particular, the article defines two types of self-awareness: - *internal self-awareness*, represents how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others. - *external self-awareness* means understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above. **Your challenge: 🤹** Use the Johari Window Exercise to build external self-awareness. **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Trillion-Dollar Coach Summary by Eric Schmidt et al. | Silicon Valley Coaching URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching.md Date: 2021-04-25 Topics: book-summaries An inside look at how the worlds biggest CEO's leverage coaching to improve. It is easy to assume that the most successful don't need coaching. This book highlights that no matter how successful you are, coaching can add value. ![Trillion Dollar Coach](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_558ac2bdbde24cd582f37c05643d400f~mv2.png) [Buy](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) | [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) ## 3 big ideas [Trillion Dollar Coach](https://amzn.to/3utWpMU) Summary: - The traits that make a person coachable include **honesty and humility, the willingness to persevere and work hard, and a constant openness to learning**. - **Don't focus on building consensus**. Instead, focus on helping teams find the best possible idea. If a deadlock happens only then should the manager decide. - **The primary job of a manager is to help people be more effective in their job.** To help people grow and develop. It is not to provide solutions or tell team members what to do. Coaching is the primary mechanism managers use to do this. ## Best quotes Best Quotes from the [Trillion Dollar Coach](https://amzn.to/3utWpMU) Summary: > “This is the power of coaching in general: the ability to offer a different perspective, one unaffected by being “in the game.” > "....this form of “respectful inquiry,” where the leader asks open questions and listens attentively to the response, is effective because it heightens the “follower’s” feelings of competence (feeling challenged and experiencing mastery), relatedness (feeling of belonging), and autonomy (feeling in control and having options)." ![Eric Schmidt Coaching Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a89f115cd255498fa5ceb2c98e916563~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway An inside look at how the worlds biggest CEO's leverage coaching to improve. It is easy to assume that the most successful don't need coaching. [**The Trillion Dollar Coach book**](https://amzn.to/3utWpMU) **highlights that no matter how successful you are, coaching can add value.** The authors share the value of having a coach who is not "in the game" shift perspectives and enable growth. One caution for readers is the broad [definition of coaching](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw) within the book. Coaching is not clearly defined within the book. However, there is a clear emphasis on helping people grow and improve. It would have been great to hear more about Bill Campbell's principles about when to [ask vs tell](https://youtu.be/InONXeJzLBE). It was very clear throughout the book that Bill was comfortable doing both. Readers of this book will also enjoy [Challenging Coaching by Ian Day](/post/book-summary-challenging-coaching-by-ian-day-john-blakey). ## Big Ideas Expanded Trillion Dollar Coach - The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley's Bill Campbell - [Who is Bill Campbell?](#viewer-6n72d) - [You need managers and their primary role is to help people grow](#viewer-9ojd0) - [Use company values to drive decision making](#viewer-jb4o) - [Psychological Safety is critical](#viewer-4jqca) - [Teams are the building blocks for success](#viewer-90tlk) ![Trillion Dollar Coach Visualised](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b4776a75feb4412086dfa03a4e5efd77~mv2.jpeg) Source: ## Who is Bill Campbell? Bill Campbell, an ex-football coach came to work at Apple in 1983 and ended up one of the most effective, beloved, and storied players in Silicon Valley history. For more than 15 years Campbell coached, among others, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg and Sundar Pichai at Google, Steve Jobs at Apple, and Sheryl Sandberg at Facebook. Stories about Campbell, his style, and his executive teachings still float around Silicon Valley, three years after his death from cancer in 2016. He fought against Steve Jobs getting forced out of Apple while both were there, and helped him grow into a leader. Campbell famously hugged everybody–including the notoriously unhuggable Bill Gates. In 2001 Campbell asked Sheryl Sandberg (then at Google), “What do you do here?” and he refused all her answers until she explained how she contributed every day. [![Trillion Dollar Blinkist](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ce09e925740343cebb71db26bca119c9~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) ## You need managers and their primary role is to help people grow In 2001 when Google was almost three years old, Schmidt, Rosenberg and Eagle recollect that founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page made a structural decision to get rid of the managers in the engineering area. Neither of Google’s founders had traditional business training or experience. Due to their academic backgrounds, they were dubious about having managers. The authors show some sympathy for their basic question: why not let superior engineers do their work without bosses? Campbell advised Brin they needed managers. After debate the a survey was conducted to find out what Google engineers wanted. It was clear that engineers did want managers. The engineers wanted managers to teach them, help them make decisions and run interference if people disagreed. Bill Campbell saw management as essential to a company’s ability to create “operational excellence.” It’s especially necessary for Tech Teams to avoid people following their ideas rather than focusing on business results. Schmidt, Rosenberg and Eagle believe that leadership emerges as managers develop credibility. The people a manager directs can make him or her into a leader. Being a trustworthy manager means respecting people, trusting and supporting them, and making sure they have the necessary tools and training. Managers must ensure that their people succeed and that they are happy and healthy. > “People are the foundation of any company’s success. The primary job of each manager is to help people be more effective in their job and to grow and develop. We have great people who want to do well, are capable of doing great things, and come to work fired up to do them. **Great people flourish in an environment that liberates and amplifies that energy**. Managers create this environment through support, respect, and trust. Support means giving people the tools, information, training, and coaching they need to succeed. It means continuous effort to develop people’s skills. **Great managers help people excel and grow**. Respect means understanding people’s unique career goals and being sensitive to their life choices. It means helping people achieve these career goals in a way that’s consistent with the needs of the company. Trust means freeing people to do their jobs and to make decisions. It means knowing people want to do well and believing that they will.” Bill Campbell put much emphasis on the one-on-one. He helped managers develop a structure for one-on-ones and take the time to prepare for them. Bill believed they are the most important meetings to help people be more effective and grow. Four areas to be discussed in one-on-ones: - Performance against outcomes - How are you impacting outcomes? - Relationships with peer groups - How are you working across teams? - Management and Leadership - How are you demonstrating leadership? - Innovation - How are you bringing new ideas to the table? > “Believe in people more than they believe in themselves, and push them to be more courageous.” ## Use company values to drive decision making When you are faced with a tough decision, Bill Campbell used the following approach. Ask the two people most directly involved to gather data and work on a solution. Then return to share a clear recommendation and the information that had led to it. Most of the time the two individuals would return with a clear recommendation. On the occasion of deadlock, only then would the manager make a decision. This decision is made on the basis of company values. Every team member needs to feel that the manager heard his or her perspective and made a fair, considered choice. Making the call is the manager’s job. Managers should base their decisions on the company’s first principles or core values. Everyone should be aware of these values, which should guide all employees. Through the decision-making process, Bill would avoid consensus. The preference would be to find the best idea: > “He believed in striving for the best idea, not consensus (“I hate consensus!” he would growl), intuitively understanding what numerous academic studies have shown: that the goal of consensus leads to “groupthink” and inferior decisions.” ## Psychological Safety is critical Schmidt, Rosenberg and Eagle find that several factors feed into trust, including doing what you’ll say you do and showing integrity, loyalty and discretion. Trust doesn’t mean people always agree. On the contrary, trust makes it easier for people to disagree and keep going. Saying that trust is important in business may sound obvious, but it is more of a stretch to put trust first consistently – as Campbell did. > “The common notions that the best teams are made up of people with complementary skill sets or similar personalities were disproven; the best teams are the ones with the most psychological safety. And that starts with trust.” The authors report that Campbell put trust first; he urged leaders to build trust with people before turning their attention to tasks. This is essential for building successful athletic teams and for building “psychological safety” for business teams. Within the atmosphere of trust, you need “coachable” people. > “The traits that make a person coachable, include honesty and humility, the willingness to persevere and work hard, and a constant openness to learning.” Active, attentive listening is a critical component in building trust. Leaders must give their people complete attention. ## Teams are the building blocks for success When hiring, Bill looked for people who had a “team-first” attitude. Campbell argued that to do anything important, you needed a team and that all employees must be loyal to their team. Teams need coaching even at the highest level including [senior leadership teams](/post/coaching-senior-leadership-teams). > "Excellent teams at Google had psychological safety (people knew that if they took risks, their manager would have their back). The teams had clear goals, each role was meaningful, and members were reliable and confident that the team’s mission would make a difference. You’ll see that Bill was a master at establishing those conditions: he went to extraordinary lengths to build safety, clarity, meaning, dependability, and impact into each team he coached.” Often when a senior leadership team faces challenges they will work on the problem, not the people. Bill Campbell would do the opposite. He would work on the team and how they worked first. Helping them develop better routines so that they could avoid similar issues in the future. This could help them solve any number of problems. Bill focused on hiring the right people and building the right skills in teams. When you’re hiring, make sure candidates and their values fit your organization. Hire people with grit, integrity and empathy. They must learn well, be willing to work hard and put teams first. Managers must pay attention to their people over time, make sure they commit to their teams first and emphasize loyalty above personal success. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) [Read The Trillion Dollar Coach on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 23rd April 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-23rd-april-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-23rd-april-2021.md Date: 2021-04-22 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This weeks insights include: • How To Navigate Team Conflict 💥 • Curated Insights Interviews - Kate Leto 🎙️ • Atomic Coaching: Build Your Definition of Coaching 🎯 With Gratitude,TobyHow To Navigate Team Conflict 💥Navigating Conflict is one of the biggest challenges we face in the workplace.It's one of the few things that will keep you up at night and leave emotional scars.There is a dilemma. The right conflict can lead to improved performance. In contrast, the wrong conflict can Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - How To Navigate Team Conflict 💥 - Curated Insights Interviews - Kate Leto 🎙️ - Atomic Coaching: Build Your Definition of Coaching 🎯 With Gratitude, Toby ## **How To Navigate Team Conflict 💥** ![Conflict Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_94c6382f9ce8432a862733482da67cd9~mv2.jpg) Navigating Conflict is one of the biggest challenges we face in the workplace. It's one of the few things that will keep you up at night and leave emotional scars. There is a dilemma. The right conflict can lead to improved performance. In contrast, the wrong conflict can lead to irreversible damage. In [this article](/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders), I share how to navigate this dilemma. How you can amplify the good conflict and minimise the bad. ## **Curated Insights Interviews - Kate Leto 🎙️** [In this video](https://youtu.be/7NNsoF0Mt5c) interview Kate Leto, author of Hiring Product Managers. We talk through the big ideas, best ideas and top takeaways from the book. What I really like about Kate's book is the focus on Human Skills. It's often that in the hiring process we focus on Technical Skills such as how to build a product roadmap. These are important but must be balanced with the right Human Skills. In particular, self-awareness is a human skill we explore in the interview. Hiring Product Managers is essential reading for anyone building a high-performance product organisation. [Here you can read a summary of Hiring Product Managers.](/post/book-summary-hiring-product-managers-by-kate-leto-using-product-eq) ## **Atomic Coaching: Build Your Definition of Coaching 🎯** Each week I share a challenge to help you improve your coaching skills: active listening, asking questions and self-awareness. ### **This Weeks Challenge 🤹** Many people confuse coaching with mentoring. It's often associated with "Telling" people what to do. It can also be associated with "fixing" people, especially under-performers. I've learned a different kind of coaching which gets better outcomes. Here are three definitions of coaching: “Unlocking people's potential to maximize their own performance.” - John Whitmore "Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires. them to maximize their personal and professional potential." - International Coaching Federation (ICF) "Using skills of active listening, asking questions and self-awareness to help people live to their full potential." - Toby Sinclair ([This video expands more](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfqFYOI9JRw)) **Your challenge: 🤹** **Reply** to this email with your personal definition of coaching. **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## How To Navigate Team Conflict | Coaching Skills for Technology Leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders.md Date: 2021-04-18 Topics: coaching, leadership, team-coaching Imagine you are observing these two teams solve a problem:Team A - Lots of enjoyable discussions and reinforcement of each other's ideas. Team members are having fun and it's a relaxed open atmosphere.Team B - Heated discussion, ideas challenged and debated. There is tension in the room and at times it feels uncomfortable. There are no personal attacks but team members challenge solutions robustly.Which group do you think will lead to the best solutions?Research shows that although Team A is mor Imagine you are observing these two teams solve a problem: **Team A** - Lots of enjoyable discussions and reinforcement of each other's ideas. Team members are having fun and it's a relaxed open atmosphere. **Team B** - Heated discussion, ideas challenged and debated. There is tension in the room and at times it feels uncomfortable. There are no personal attacks but team members challenge solutions robustly. Which group do you think will lead to the best solutions? Research shows that although Team A is more enjoyable, Team B delivers better solutions. This is a challenge all leaders and team members face. The most successful teams are the most challenging to manage and work in. It's important Managers recognise that not all conflict is good. ## **Task Conflict vs Relationship Conflict** [Adam Grant's book, Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know), shares how "unlearning" is critical to performance. Adam shares two types of conflict. One that is helpful. And one that can damage your team irreversibly. *When you think about conflict, you’re probably picturing relationship conflict—personal, emotional clashes that are filled not just with friction but also with animosity. This conflict is damaging to a team. Without the right leadership coaching, this conflict can go out of control. It can create irreversible damage to relationships.* *There is another type of conflict, task conflict-clashes about ideas and opinions. This occurs when we’re debating whom to hire, how to build a feature and deciding on priorities.* *High performing teams typically have low relationship conflict and keep it low throughout their work together.* *When it comes to task conflict, high performing teams generally have this from the outset. They openly challenge each other's opinions and ideas only converging at the last responsible moment. This avoids premature convergence which is essential when dealing with complex problems.* *A meta-analysis of studies showed that relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices.* ## **What Conflict Zone is Your Team In?** It's important to understand the conflict your team is engaging in. There are four zones your team will be in based upon their degree of relationship and task conflict. To help you recognise the zone your team is in I've created this model. ![Team Conflict Matrix](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_94c6382f9ce8432a862733482da67cd9~mv2.jpg) ## **The Four Conflict Zones Explained** ### **High-Performance Zone** Teams with low relationship conflict, high task conflict are in the High-Performance Zone. They challenge ideas without descending into personal attacks. Their solutions are of higher quality. **Guidance for Managers:** Reinforce task conflict as healthy behaviour. It's likely that you and some team members will find conflict intimidating. Coach team members to become confident in challenging and being challenged. A risk is the team challenge ideas without taking action. Help the team [disagree and commit](https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/jeff-bezos-uses-disagree-commit-rule-to-overcome-an-uncomfortable-truth-about-teamwork.html) when needed. ### **Comfort Zone** Teams with low relationship conflict and low task conflict are in the comfort zone. They enjoy working together and describe their work environment as fun. Their solutions will be of lower quality. Assumptions may not be challenged during development. Issues are found late in a development cycle. Over time the fun environment might turn boring or toxic. **Guidance for Managers:** It's great that the team have low relationship conflict. You should acknowledge this. Help the team engage in higher amounts of task conflict whilst maintaining healthy relationships. A great exercise to encourage task conflict is [Ritual Dissent](https://cynefin.io/wiki/Ritual_dissent). > *The ritual of donning the mask or turning the chair de-personalizes the process and the group setting (others will be subject to the same process) means that the attack or alternative is not personal, but supportive.* ### **Overwhelm Zone** Teams with high levels of task conflict and relationship conflict will be overwhelmed. Team discussions need high emotional and cognitive energy. The team uncovers great solutions but become distracted by relationship conflict. **Guidance for Managers:** Focus on minimising relationship conflict. This is one of the most challenging areas a manager navigates. It's tempting to quickly resolve the relationship conflict. There is a high risk of escalation and creating a [drama triangle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle). The first step is to understand the [level of relationship conflict](https://www.inifac.org/building-consensus-the-art-of-getting-to-yes/): - Level 1 - A simple misunderstanding that can be resolve through mediation - Level 2 - A clash of values and experience - Level 3 - Outside factors such as personal relationships outside work, someone feels overlooked for promotion etc. Level 1 conflict can be resolved through coaching and creating a safe space for members to hear each other. This can create the shared understanding required to move forward. It might be that team members are attributing the task conflict to a. personal attack. Using techniques like [Ritual Dissent](https://cynefin.io/wiki/Ritual_dissent) can help the team members move from relationship to task conflict. Levels 2 conflict can be resolved by helping team members gain a deeper understanding of each other's values. This requires significant safety for teams to engage in this dialogue. You may need to seek an outside facilitator. Level 3 conflict is the most difficult to resolve. Depending on the depth of conflict there might be no way to resolve it. In this case, you can seek external support but a change of personnel could be needed. ### **Toxic Zone** Low task conflict and high relationship conflict is a toxic environment. Task output will be low quality and team members will hate coming into work. You will struggle to retain and hire team members. This team will have a bad reputation. **Guidance for Managers:** Of all the conflict zones this is the most challenging to resolve and navigate. It's the easiest zone for you to be drawn into a Drama Triangle. Taking a step back and looking at the big picture might be the best approach. What factors in the environment are enabling this relationship conflict to emerge? Is the team overwhelmed with too much work? Is there time and space for the team to listen to each other? How are the team incentives reinforcing the current behaviour? By focusing on the environment you not only solve this issue. You also introduce systemic solutions that stick. If all approaches fail to resolve the situation then it's likely you will need to change the team personnel. You might consider moving a team member to another team or other actions if the conflict is not repairable. Pay careful attention not to jump to removing dissenting team members. Encouraged in the right way and they can be the right people to help your team engage in more task conflict. ## **Your Takeaway** Take a moment to think about the conflict zone your team is in most. How is this helping or hindering your team's performance? Your role as a manager is crucial in all zones. Navigating conflict can be one of the most challenging activities for a manager. Using this model can help you navigate these challenging situations. --- ## Book Summary: Team Topologies | Organizing Business and Technology Teams for Fast Flow URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow.md Date: 2021-04-16 Topics: book-summaries, organisational-design The 3 big ideas, key quotes and takeaways from Team Topologies by Matthew Skelton and Manuel Pais. Learn how team structures shape software architecture and flow. ## 3 big ideas 1. Use the Inverse Conway manoeuvre: an organisation focuses on organising team structures to match the architecture they want the system to exhibit, rather than expecting teams to follow a mandated architecture design. 2. Minimise extraneous team cognitive load so that teams can focus on the work that really matters. 3. The four team topologies, interaction modes and effective software boundaries will help improve the flow of value. ## Best quotes > You can think of Team Topologies like elements needed for creating and maintaining a garden. The team topologies approach acts like the instructions for placing the flowers and plants, along with patterns for pruning and training, whereas the cultural engineering and financial elements are like the soil, water and fertiliser that helps the plants grow healthily. > If the architecture of the system and the architecture of the organisation are at odds, the architecture of the organisation wins. — Ruth Malan ## Toby's takeaway I really liked how Team Topologies clearly described Conway's Law with practical examples. A key principle within the book is to reduce communication as much as possible between teams. This may sound counterintuitive as "collaboration" is widely espoused within agile. However, as the book explains, high collaboration within the team is good but it's ideal to have minimal collaboration outside your team. When high collaboration is needed across teams this increases cognitive load and time to deliver. Therefore what's really crucial is knowing when teams should collaborate instead of using another form of interaction such as "X-as-a-service". Fast flow requires restricting communication between teams. Team collaboration is important for grey areas of development, where discovery and expertise are needed to make progress, but in areas where execution prevails not discovery, communication becomes an unnecessary overhead. A caution for readers: the book is practical so it would be tempting to jump straight into solutions. These team topologies are designed for organisations attempting to optimise flow. Overall, the approach advocates for organisation design that optimises for the flow of change and feedback from running systems. The hard truth is that might not be your organisation’s goal, or at the very least there are significant organisational dynamics that undermine flow. For example, if your organisation is fixated with efficiency or “keeping people busy”, implementation of these topologies is unlikely to be successful. A final thought: I would love to hear the authors' thoughts on strategy deployment and backlog alignment to the topologies. For example, how does the backlog interaction work between the different teams? Especially how is the complicated subsystem team backlog managed? ## 3 big ideas Team Topologies focuses on how to set up dynamic team structures and interaction modes that can help teams adapt quickly to new conditions and achieve fast and safe software delivery. The combination of well-defined teams and well-defined interaction modes provides a powerful and flexible organisational capability for structural adaptation to change. Behavioural studies suggest that humans work best with others when we can predict their behaviour. Three organisational structures in every organisation: - The formal structure — facilitates compliance - Informal structure — the realm of influence between individuals - Value creation structure — how work actually gets done based on interpersonal relationships and reputation Five rules of thumb for designing organisations: 1. Design when there is a compelling reason 2. Develop options for deciding on a design 3. Choose the right time to design 4. Look for clues that things are out of alignment 5. Stay alert to the future Given our skills constraints, cultural and engineering maturity, desired software architecture and business goals, which team topology will help us deliver results faster and safer? ## Conway’s Law and Architecture Inverse Conway manoeuvre: an organisation focuses on organising team structures to match the architecture they want the system to exhibit, rather than expecting teams to follow a mandated architecture design. Conway's Law tells us that we need to understand what software architecture is needed before we organise our teams. Otherwise, the communication paths and incentives in the organisation will end up dictating the software architecture. Software architecture (and organisation design) good practices: - Loose coupling - High cohesion - Clear and appropriate version compatibility - Clear and appropriate cross-team testing The three different categories of dependency: - Knowledge - Task - Resource dependencies ## Thoughts on Platforms A digital platform is a foundation of self-service APIs, tools, services, knowledge and support which are arranged as a compelling internal product. Autonomous delivery teams can make use of the platform to deliver product features at a higher pace with reduced coordination. Technology is only ever a part of the platform. Roadmaps, guided evolution, documentation, concern for developer experience and appropriate encapsulation of underlying complexity are all key parts of an effective delivery platform for stream-aligned teams. ## Fracture Planes — Defining Software (Organisational) Boundaries A fracture plane is a natural seam in the software (organisation) system that allows the system to be split easily into two or more parts: - Business domain bounded context - Regulatory compliance - Change cadence - Team location - Risk / performance isolation - Technology - User personas Fracture plane litmus test: does the resulting architecture support more autonomous teams with reduced cognitive load? When considering subsystem boundaries, the main aim should be to find software fracture planes that align to business domain bounded contexts, because most of these bounded contexts will map to streams of change that are natural for the organisation. ## Triggers for the Evolution of Team Topologies - The software has grown too large for one team - Delivery cadence is becoming slower - Multiple business services rely on a large set of underlying services Team topologies also need: - a healthy organisational culture - good engineering practices - healthy funding and financial practices - clarity of business vision ## How to Get Started Start with the team. What does the team need in order to: - act and operate effectively as a team? - own part of the software effectively? - focus on meeting the needs of users? - reduce unnecessary cognitive load? - consume and provide software and information to other teams? Then: 1. Identify suitable streams of change 2. Identify the thinnest viable platform 3. Identify capability gaps in team coaching, mentoring, service management and documentation 4. Share and practice different interaction modes and explain principles behind new ways of working You might also like: [Ultimate List of Organizational Design Resources](/post/ultimate-list-of-organizational-design-resources) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 16th April 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-16th-april-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-16th-april-2021.md Date: 2021-04-13 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This week I introduce a new section to the newsletter - Atomic Coaching. Each week I'll share a small challenge to help grow your coaching skills.This weeks insights include: • How To Build Rapport 🤝 • Leadership Lessons from Instagram 📷 • Atomic Coaching: Asking Powerful Questions 🎯 With Gratitude,TobyHow To Build Rapport 🤝This week I read Rapport by Emily Alison and Laurence Alison.Rapport is your ability to build a connection with people.It's the bedrock of successful relati Happy Friday, This week I introduce a new section to the newsletter - **Atomic Coaching**. Each week I'll share a small challenge to help grow your coaching skills. This weeks insights include: - How To Build Rapport 🤝 - Leadership Lessons from Instagram 📷 - Atomic Coaching: Asking Powerful Questions 🎯 With Gratitude, Toby ## **How To Build Rapport 🤝** This week I read [Rapport by Emily Alison and Laurence Alison](/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison). Rapport is your ability to build a connection with people. It's the bedrock of successful relationships but also provides the best path to securing information from difficult people. The book shares four cornerstones of rapport(HEAR): - Honesty - Empathy - Autonomy - Reflection Throughout the book, I noticed the connection to [Coaching Skills](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw). In particular, the authors share that being able to put listening and seeking understanding of others before your own desire to be heard is the most simple but significant step you can take towards building rapport. Interestingly the authors explore what prevents people from building rapport. In Western cultures, we immediately associate giving way to others as a weakness. This reduces your ability to build rapport and build meaningful connections. So rapport actually comes with some personal risk. You often need to give away control and be humble, rather than being the person with all the answers. [Here is a summary of Rapport](/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison) ## **Leadership Lessons from Instagram 📷** At the time of the acquisition in 2012, Instagram had just six generalist developers. Today, they are a 300+ person engineering team rapidly launching new features and products. In just seven years, Co-Founder Mike Krieger went from a first-time manager to leading a multi-layered organization of specialized engineers. [This article](https://review.firstround.com/how-instagram-co-founder-mike-krieger-took-its-engineering-org-from-0-to-300-people?utm_campaign=Level%20Up&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Revue%20newsletter) shares the lessons Mike has learned from this journey. I particularly enjoyed the perspectives on generalists and specialists. Early in Instagrams growth Generalists were critical, They wanted people with the attitude: I have an idea, and I will learn anything to make it happen. As growth continued the team felt the need to bring specific and focused skills into the fold — namely, career iOS and Android engineers who could break up pieces of the product and make them better than ever before. > *"I duct-taped an infrastructure together, and it was surprisingly robust given my level of understanding at the time. But at some point, you need somebody to come through and build real walls where you've put in scaffolding."* Mike concludes by although they hired specialists their generalists are ultimately their best engineers. > *"Specialization also doesn’t mean ditching all of the flexibility that got you off the ground, or putting up hard walls just for the sake of it. “The fact that your early generalists have broad awareness makes them far better engineers”* [Here you can read more about the Instagrams journey](https://review.firstround.com/how-instagram-co-founder-mike-krieger-took-its-engineering-org-from-0-to-300-people?utm_campaign=Level%20Up&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Revue%20newsletter) ## **Atomic Coaching: Asking Questions 🎯** Each week I share a challenge to help you improve your coaching skills: active listening, asking questions and self-awareness. ### **This Weeks Challenge** [Watch this video](https://youtu.be/Q12kyl7cLWE) Ask each of these questions at least once in conversations over the next week. 1. What’s on your mind? 2. And what else? 3. What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. What do you want? 5. How can I help? 6. If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. What was most useful for you? You get a bonus if you ask all questions in a single conversation! [Join the challenge](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/1/c797a90b-761d-4679-b5e7-c92ed7829760) 🎯 **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Book Summary: Rapport by Emily Alison and Laurence Alison URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-rapport-by-emily-alison-and-laurence-alison.md Date: 2021-04-13 Topics: coaching, book-summaries Amazon Smile UK | Amazon Smile US When you purchase via Amazon Smile your chosen charity will get 0.5% donation⭐ Toby's Rating: 6/10 - Recommended For: Coaches and ManagersRapport is a book that we hope provides something for everyone. Whether seeking to make a new connection or to deepen an existing one, our hope is that it will help you build rapport. With this book, we set the bar for interpersonal skill and we challenge everyone, including ourselves, to uphold these principles with our love ![Rapport Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7919a621684b4630a8fb874939e9831e~mv2.png) [Amazon Smile UK](https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Rapport-Four-Ways-Read-People-ebook/) | [Amazon Smile US](https://www.amazon.com/Rapport-Four-Ways-Read-People-ebook/) *When you purchase via Amazon Smile your chosen charity will get 0.5% donation* Rapport is a book that we hope provides something for everyone. Whether seeking to make a new connection or to deepen an existing one, our hope is that it will help you build rapport. With this book, we set the bar for interpersonal skill and we challenge everyone, including ourselves, to uphold these principles with our loved ones and in our communities – both real and virtual. - Emily and Laurence Alison ## 3 big ideas - There are four cornerstones of Rapport: honesty, empathy, autonomy, reflection - The most effective rapport building behaviour to master is the art of allowing others to be in control. To seemingly take a back seat as events happen around you, and the ability to be humble. - Rapport is all about maintaining respect, dignity and compassion for others, regardless of how they are behaving towards you. ## Best quotes > Rapport requires a solid and versatile set of interpersonal skills as well as the ability to empathise and adapt. > Being able to put listening and seeking understanding of others before your own desire to be heard is the most simple but significant step you can take towards building rapport. ![Rapport Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d10b6b783860492d80c46ff7f5b8ad52~mv2.png) ## Toby's takeaway Your ability to build rapport can help you lead better. The leaders who are able to build meaningful relationships quickly often succeed. This could be with team members, stakeholders, customers and managers. Rapport is a commonly used word that is misunderstood. This book provided a great practical definition of the skills you can develop. It was no surprise that the [skills of building rapport and coaching are very similar](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw). This is because both rely on human relationships and connections to succeed. ## Big Ideas Expanded ## What is Rapport? Rapport is the ability to form meaningful connections with people quickly. When you form that connection with someone, it becomes harder for them to attack you and, indeed, harder for them to argue with you or even to lie to you. This is because genuine rapport is about building an authentic connection with someone, not deploying a short-term parlour trick that wears off once you leave the room. Rapport requires a solid and versatile set of interpersonal skills as well as the ability to empathise and adapt. Most challenging of all, it requires investing your effort into listening to and understanding others rather than being focused on your own agenda or point of view. Being able to put listening and seeking understanding of others before your own desire to be heard is the most simple but significant step you can take towards building rapport. Four cornerstones of rapport (HEAR): - Honesty: be objective and direct when communicating your intentions or feelings. - Empathy: understand someone based on recognition of their core beliefs and values. - Autonomy: emphasise other people’s free will and right to choose whether to cooperate. - Reflection: identify and repeat back those elements that are significant, meaningful and tactical to help guide a conversation towards the goal. No matter how the other person is behaving, always try to stick to the HEAR principles. They are the steady platform on which all other rapport strategies are built. Four fundamental styles of communication. - T-Rex. How to manage confrontation: when you argue or challenge, be frank and forthright. Do not be attacking, sarcastic and punitive. - Mouse. How to capitulate: when you need to concede or show deference, demonstrate humility and patience. But avoid weakness and uncertainty. - Lion. How to establish control: good leaders are clear, in charge, set the agenda and support others. They are not demanding, dogmatic and pedantic. - Monkey. How to build cooperation: when you want to create connection, show warmth, concern and togetherness. But be careful of drifting into overfamiliarity and inappropriate intimacy. > Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues. – Confucius Of all the rapport-based behaviours we have discussed, it may surprise many that the most significant impact on others can be achieved by mastering the art of being a good Mouse – the art of allowing others to be in control, to seemingly take a back seat as events happen around you, and the ability to be humble. In Western cultures, we immediately associate giving way to others as a weakness. ![Rapport Quote Humble](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dc9959fea992432587304d7d9d508c43~mv2.png) ## Handling Difficult Conversations > Its not the hearing that improves life but the listening Mihaly Csikzentmihaly But what about when the person you’re dealing with is filled with emotion? How can you deliver the bottom-line message then they are too upset to listen? Acknowledging the other person’s emotional state with empathy and honesty immediately lowers reactance and allows the other person to hear what you are trying to say. You can’t cut straight to the message without first managing the emotion. When someone in a team presents a clear alternative perspective and is prepared to disagree, it encourages other members of a team to think more deeply about a problem and explore solutions they otherwise would not have thought about. Our advice is to be as direct and honest as possible whenever possible. But there is a balance – we do not want to be avoidant or hesitant but we also do not want to be too blunt. When we say to be honest, we are not talking about brutal honesty that stings, but a genuineness and directness that gives a clear message. ## Rapport Cornerstones ## Honesty 1. Avoid being deceitful or dishonest to gain influence over others. 2. Be direct and clear with the message. 3. Control your emotions so the message can be heard. ## Empathy Empathy, like rapport, is an oft-used word but one that is frequently misunderstood. Many people think of it as showing compassion or warmth towards another person, thereby confusing it with sympathy. Empathy, however, is about trying to genuinely understand what a person is thinking and feeling. **Stage 1 - Know Yourself** Being able to connect with and describe what you were thinking or feeling when something happened to you (‘I felt scared’, ‘I thought “this isn’t fair”’, ‘I felt worried you wouldn’t like me any more’). **Stage 2 - In your shoes** Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine how you might feel if something that happened to someone else, happened to you. **Stage 3 - In your head** Putting yourself in other people’s shoes sounds like an effective way of relating to others’ emotional experience and it can certainly be powerful, but to move on to Stage 3 of empathy you need to be able to put yourself in their head. ## Autonomy The reason we struggle to change our behaviour simply based on well-meaning advice or clear instruction is that it doesn’t connect with our internal drives – our core values and beliefs – which would help motivate us to change our behaviour. In order for us to change, we need to feel that that change is in line with our core values and beliefs. When we attempt to pressure, intimidate or threaten someone in order to get them to bend to our will, we end up inducing what psychologists call ‘reactance’. Reactance, first labelled as such by social psychologist Jack Brehm in the sixties, is our response to a perceived threat to our behavioural freedom.19 It occurs when a person feels they are being controlled or constrained, often by authority or regulations. - If you are feeling trapped or controlled by a situation, look for ways to exercise choice, even if they are small things. - Recognise other people’s need for independence and choice and endeavour to respect this wherever possible. - Even when there are high stakes, try to start from a position of choice - Even in situations where the only choice is between the devil and the deep blue sea, we want to be allowed to choose which way we jump. ## Reflection Reflection is repeating back in part or in paraphrase what someone has said to you. When you use reflection, all you are really doing is inviting the other person to expand and add more by ‘sending’ out the keywords, feelings or values that you’ve just heard them say. - Appreciate the value of values. Reflection can help you to uncover the deeper core values and beliefs that are actually underlying people’s motives and behaviour. - Avoid the ‘righting reflex. When we hear someone explaining why they can’t control their eating, smoking or drinking habits, or indeed asking for advice on whatever topic, the immediate temptation is to offer advice or criticism. - The most critical element of reflection is to listen carefully to what is being said and reflect back on the most relevant point to build on and move the conversation forward. That way you will develop a more detailed understanding of how people really feel. --- ## When To Coach vs Mentor | Coaching Skills for Leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/when-to-coach-vs-mentor-for-technology-leaders Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/when-to-coach-vs-mentor-for-technology-leaders.md Date: 2021-04-11 Topics: coaching The big question for many leaders when to Coach vs Mentor.When a team member seeks out your help it's easy to jump to advice: "Here's what I would do..."Always responding this way can cause a few problems for leaders over time.Firstly, it can create a dependency on your leadership. Instead of thinking for themselves, the team will come to you for answers. They may assume that to go ahead they need your advice first.Secondly, your advice is not as good as you think it is. By jumping to conclusion The big question for many leaders when to Coach vs Mentor. When a team member seeks out your help it's easy to jump to advice: > "*Here's what I would do..."* Always responding this way can cause a few problems for leaders over time. Firstly, it can create a dependency on your leadership. Instead of thinking for themselves, the team will come to you for answers. They may assume that to go ahead they need your advice first. Secondly, your advice is not as good as you think it is. By jumping to conclusions your advice might be worse than if your team member had come to their own conclusions. Even worse, due to the [manager power dynamic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impact_of_culture_on_aviation_safety), they might act upon your advice even if they know it's the wrong thing to do. When I coach and mentor leaders it's often surprising how leaders feel their role is to give advice. Developers are rewarded for solving problems and advising on solutions. Leaders often take this belief into leadership positions. It often takes an event such as an overwhelming workload or stress for leaders to explore other alternatives. To raise awareness of the choices in a given situation I teach Leaders the differences between coaching vs mentoring Mentoring: > *"Let's think through this problem together. I'll share some ideas, from my experience, that could help you."* Coaching: > *"Rather than give you advice, let me ask you a few questions. This will help you think about the problem from new perspectives. You'll be better prepared to tackle the challenge yourself."* It's common that leaders don't realise the difference between being a coach vs mentor. So this little bit of knowledge can often open up a new perspective. Just this week I was working with a leader who was stuck in an advice trap with their team. As a coach, this was a great example of the dilemma. **Should I coach vs mentor?** I decided to start with some mentoring. I share at the end of the article how the conversation went. To demonstrate the options between coaching vs mentoring I drew this simple matrix: ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_551bcf3ae2b048888b3ae418732c7ee7~mv2.jpg) Like all models, it's an oversimplification of reality. However, it helped this leader understand the different choices in a given situation between being a coach vs mentor. For a given challenge or goal, you can think about two dimensions. - **The nature of the challenge:** Does it relate to the person's external world (skills, knowledge, things) or their internal world (beliefs, assumptions, mental models)? - **Their ability to tackle the challenge:** Do they have the skills, knowledge, confidence to tackle their challenge? Using this model you can start to think about where coaching vs mentoring might be helpful and not helpful. ### **Mentoring** I've found mentoring to be most helpful when the challenge is grounded in the external world and there is an ability gap. A great example is when a software developer is learning to code and they need some guidance on how to write high-quality code. A mentor can give direct advice on how to tackle certain challenges. ### **Coaching** It tends to be most helpful when the challenge is of an internal nature. An example is where a software developer has the ability to code but has high imposter syndrome. This might be preventing them from taking on bigger challenges within the team. Here the focus is not on building ability but on helping the person explore their imposter syndrome with coaching. In general, coaching is grounded in the belief that people always have the ability to overcome their challenge, they just need help finding that within themselves. > “Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.” Timothy Gallwey ### **Positive Reinforcement** When the person has the ability and it's a challenge grounded in the external world, choosing coaching vs mentoring can be a bad choice. In this situation is often better to positively reinforce that the person can do it. In these situations, if you coach or mentor it can create a dependence on you. Encouraging the person that they can tackle the challenge without you gives them room to grow. ### **A bit of both** There are situations where the person is facing a challenge that is grounded in their internal world and they don't have the ability to overcome it. In this case, it's likely you'll use a mixture of coaching and mentoring. As the conversation flows you might start to get an understanding of which might be most helpful. ### **Moving between the model** The dynamic nature of problems means that you may find yourself moving between the quadrants in a single conversation. It's common for topics to start focusing on the team members external world for example skill development. However, it is common that their internal world is limiting progress. For example, Imposter Syndrome is impeding confidence in their skills. ### **How did this help the leader?** In this conversation, when deciding between coaching vs mentoring I started with mentoring. Teaching the Leader the differences between coaching and mentoring. The second half of the conversation demonstrated how the problems move as clarity grows. Once they understand the differences I asked the question: ***"What would stop you coaching?"*** This led to a deeper conversation about the beliefs the leader held about their role. That they had to be seen as the expert and by not providing advice they were scared of losing respect. Our conversation then shifted to exploring the leaders internal world. This highlights that there is no one right answer. It's not a simple answer between Coaching vs Mentoring. Context is key. What's important is that great leaders are able to move between the quadrants. Coaching skills enable you to lead effectively in each situation. Focus on building coaching skills: Active listening, asking powerful questions and self-awareness. These skills enable you to become more adaptable. I created [Switch](/habits-program) to help leaders build these new habits. This video expands more. I'd love to hear what you think in the comments below. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 9th April 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-9th-april-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-9th-april-2021.md Date: 2021-04-08 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • How to decide when to coach vs mentor 🤔 • Book Summary: Making of a Manager 📚 • The Coaching Habit Visualised 🎨 With Gratitude,TobyWhen to Coach vs Mentor? 🤔This week I was helping a Tech Leader improve their coaching skills. The dilemma we explored this week was when to coach vs mentor?It's common for leaders to assume coaching and mentoring are the same. However, once you start to develop coaching skills it quickly becomes apparent that ther Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - How to decide when to coach vs mentor 🤔 - Book Summary: Making of a Manager 📚 - The Coaching Habit Visualised 🎨 With Gratitude, Toby ## **When to Coach vs Mentor? 🤔** This week I was helping a Tech Leader improve their coaching skills. The dilemma we explored this week was [**when to coach vs mentor?**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEtKM3GPSXA) It's common for leaders to assume coaching and mentoring are the same. However, once you start to develop coaching skills it quickly becomes apparent that there are some differences. To help this particular tech leader I drew this model. It describes two factors that can help you decide: ![Coaching Mentoring Matrix](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_551bcf3ae2b048888b3ae418732c7ee7~mv2.jpg) For a given challenge or goal, you can think about two dimensions. - **The nature of the challenge:** Does it relate to the person's external world (skills, knowledge, things) or their internal world (beliefs, assumptions, mental models)? - **Their ability to tackle the challenge:** Do they have the skills, knowledge, confidence to tackle their challenge? [I expand further in this video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEtKM3GPSXA) Reply to this email to let me know how you decide when to coach or mentor. ## **Book Summary: Making of a Manager 📚** How do you become a great manager? 🔥🔥🔥 This is the focus of [Making of a Manager by Julie Zhuo](/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo) Management is a deeply human endeavour to empower others. It is also a highly personal journey. Julie shares her experience to highlight many practical things Managers can do to lead well. **💡 3 Big Ideas:** 1. A Managers job is to build a team that works well together. 2. Leadership is not something that can be bestowed. It must be earned. People must choose to follow you. 3. To become a great manager you must invest deeply in your personal development. **✨ My Top Takeaway from the book was:** Your success in managing others is dependent on how well you can manage yourself. [Here is the full summary](/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo) that expands on the big ideas. ## **The Coaching Habit Visualised 🎨** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_29650f34c89c417487e59a4f8679880e~mv2.png) I teamed up with [Sathya](mailto:@Sathyanand1985) again this week to visualise the 7 Coaching Questions from Michael Bungay Stanier's Epic book [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) Can you guess which image relates to which question? 1. The Kickstart Question - What’s on your mind? 2. The AWE Question - And what else? 3. The Focus Question - What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. The Foundation Question - What do you want? 5. The Lazy Question - How can I help? 6. The Strategic Question - If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. The Learning Question - What was most useful for you? [This video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q12kyl7cLWE) shares more about the 7 Questions 📹 ## **Quote of the week** > "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Book Summary: The Making of a Manager by Julie Zhuo URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-making-of-a-manager-by-julie-zhuo.md Date: 2021-04-01 Topics: book-summaries A summary of the big ideas from The Making of a Manager What To Do When Everyone Looks To You by Julie Zhuo: • A Managers job is to build a team that works well together, support members in reaching their career goals, and create processes to get work done smoothly and efficiently. • A manager is a specific role. Leadership is the particular skill of being able to guide and influence other people. While ![Book Summary The Making of a Manager Julie Zhuo](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d8802a8e60284965918bf477aa81632e~mv2.png) [B](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD)uy Making of a Manager on Amazon ## 3 big ideas A summary of the big ideas from [The Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD) What To Do When Everyone Looks To You by Julie Zhuo: - **A Managers job is to build a team** that works well together, support members in reaching their career goals, and create processes to get work done smoothly and efficiently. - A manager is a specific role. Leadership is the particular skill of being able to guide and influence other people. While the role of a manager can be given to someone (or taken away), **leadership is not something that can be bestowed**. It must be earned. People must want to follow you. - Being a great manager is a **highly personal journey**, and if you don’t have a good handle on yourself, you won’t have a good handle on how to best support your team. ## Best quotes Best [The Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD) quotes by Julie Zhuo: > People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. > When managing managers, success becomes more and more about mastering a few key skills: hiring exceptional leaders, building self-reliant teams, establishing a clear vision, and communicating well. ## Toby's takeaway Here is my top takeaway from [The Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD) by Julie Zhuo > 💡 **Your success managing others is dependent on how well you can manage yourself.** ![Your success managing others is dependent on how well you can manage yourself.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cfefbfa0d44e49db998ae722495f3190~mv2.png) In the [Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD), Julie Zhuo shares important insights about how managers need to invest deeply in their personal skills. Self-awareness of your strengths, your values, your comfort zones, your blind spots, and your biases. To do this Julie Zhuo shares her personal experience with [executive coaching](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw). This enabled her to be more aware of her "triggers" and find ways to manage those better. The [Making if a Manager book](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD) is for: - New managers who are thrown into the deep end - Overwhelmed managers wondering how to best help their reports. - Managers dealing with fast-growing teams - People simply curious about management. ## Big Ideas Expanded [The Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/3gbR2gn) Summary - The Big Ideas Expanded - [What is Management? 🤔](#viewer-2bc2g) - [The Difference Between Leadership and Management 🔥](#viewer-ekeor) - [How To Do Great One-On-Ones 👥](#viewer-1vf0f) - [Managing Yourself 🪞](#viewer-3sb8n) [The Making of a Manager](https://amzn.to/2T1c4GD) What To Do When Everyone Looks To You ## What is Management? 🤔 Management is a deeply human endeavour to empower others. Most managers are not CEOs or senior executives. Most lead smaller teams, and sometimes not even directly. All managers share a common purpose: **helping a group of people achieve a common goal.** Running a team is hard because it ultimately boils down to people, and all of us are multifaceted and complex beings. The manager's job is to build a team that works well together, support members in reaching their career goals, and create processes to get work done smoothly and efficiently. This is the crux of management: > It is the belief that a team of people can achieve more than a single person going it alone. It is the realization that you don’t have to do everything yourself, be the best at everything yourself, or even know how to do everything yourself. Your job, as a manager, is to get better outcomes from a group of people working together. It’s from this simple definition that everything else flows. You can be the smartest, most well-liked, most hardworking manager in the world, but if your team has a long-standing reputation for mediocre outcomes, then unfortunately you can’t objectively be considered a “great” manager. Never forget what you’re ultimately here to do: help your team achieve great outcomes. The Making of a Manager explained that a manager has three jobs: 1. Ensure that your team knows what success looks like and cares about achieving it. 2. Understand people. Are the members of your team set up to succeed? Do they have the right skills? Are they motivated to do great work? 3. Develop great team processes. How your team works together. Success Indicators for Managers: - My reports regularly bring their biggest challenges to my attention. - My report and I regularly give each other critical feedback and it isn’t taken personally. - My reports would gladly work for me again. Great managers are made, not born. ![People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8050ac0596094df8b82f9f2860154c71~mv2.png) ## The Difference Between Leadership and Management � A manager is a specific role. Leadership is the particular skill of being able to guide and influence other people. Leadership is a quality rather than a job. This is an important distinction because while the role of a manager can be given to someone (or taken away), leadership is not something that can be bestowed. It must be earned. People must want to follow you. A manager who doesn’t know how to influence others isn’t going to be particularly effective at improving the outcomes of her team. So to be a great manager, one must certainly be a leader. **A leader, on the other hand, doesn’t have to be a manager.** Great managers should cultivate leadership not just in themselves but also within their teams. Your job as a manager isn’t to dole out advice or “save the day”—it’s to empower your report to find the answer herself. ## How To Do Great One-On-Ones � > What gets in the way of good work? There are only two possibilities.1 The first is that people don’t know how to do good work. The second is that they know how, but they aren’t motivated. - Andy Grove **Julie Zhuo's One-On-One Tips:** - I recommend no less than a weekly 1:1 with every report for thirty minutes, and more time if needed. - One-on-ones should be focused on your report and what would help him be more successful, not on you and what you need. - If you’re looking for a status update, use another channel. - Rare one-on-one face time is better spent on topics that are harder to discuss in a group or over email. - The ideal 1:1 leaves your report feeling that it was useful for her. If she thinks that the conversation was pleasant but largely unmemorable, then you can do better. - I tell my reports that I want our time together to be valuable, so we should focus on what’s most important for them. - Discuss top priorities: What are the one, two, or three most critical outcomes for your report and how can you help her tackle these challenges? **Calibrate what “great” looks like:** Do you have a shared vision of what you’re working toward? Are you in sync about goals or expectations? **Share feedback:** What feedback can you give that will help your report, and what can your report tell you that will make you more effective as a manager? **Reflect on how things are going:** Once in a while, it’s useful to zoom out and talk about your report’s general state of mind—how is he feeling on the whole? What’s making him satisfied or dissatisfied? Have any of his goals changed? What has he learned recently and what does he want to learn going forward? **Questions for one-on-ones:** Here are some of Julie Zhuo's favourite questions to get the conversation moving: Identify: - What’s top of mind for you right now? - What priorities are you thinking about this week? - What’s the best use of our time today? Understand: - What does your ideal outcome look like? - What’s hard for you in getting to that outcome? - What do you really care about? - What do you think is the best course of action? What’s the worst-case scenario you’re worried about? Support: - How can I help you? - What can I do to make you more successful? - What was the most useful part of our conversation today? ## Managing Yourself 🪞 Being a great manager is a highly personal journey, and if you don’t have a good handle on yourself, you won’t have a good handle on how to best support your team. No matter what obstacles you face, you first need to get deep with knowing yourself—your strengths, your values, your comfort zones, your blind spots, and your biases. Imposter syndrome is what makes you feel as though you’re the only one with nothing worthwhile to say when you walk into a room full of people you admire. > “Ask any new manager about the early days of being a boss—indeed, ask any senior executive to recall how he or she felt as a new manager. If you get an honest answer, you’ll hear a tale of disorientation and, for some, overwhelming confusion. The new role didn’t feel anything like it was supposed to. It felt too big for any one person to handle.” Linda Hill, a professor at Harvard Business School When the sailing gets rocky, the manager is often the first person others turn to, so it’s common to feel intense pressure to know what to do or say. When you don’t, you naturally think: Am I cut out for this job? Julie Zhuo in Making of a Manager share's she is at her best when: - I’ve received at least eight hours of sleep. - I’ve done something productive early in the day, which motivates me to keep the momentum going. - I know what my desired outcome looks like before I start. - I have trust and camaraderie with the people I work with. - I’m able to process information alone (and through writing) before big discussions or decisions. - I feel like I’m learning and growing. The flip side of the coin is understanding which situations do the opposite—that is, they trigger an intensely negative reaction that derails your effectiveness. What are the things that push your buttons, but maybe not someone else’s? Triggers occupy the space between your growth area and somebody else’s—you could work on controlling your reactions, but the other person could also benefit from hearing your feedback. To figure out what your triggers are, ask yourself the following questions: - When was the last time someone said something that annoyed me more than it did others around me? - Why did I feel so strongly about it? - What would my closest friends say my pet peeves are? - Who have I met that I’ve immediately been wary of? - What made me feel that way? - What’s an example of a time when I’ve overreacted and later regretted it? - What made me so worked up in that moment? **Three things you can do to build self-awareness:** **Ask for Feedback** Remember to ask for both task-specific and behavioral feedback. The more concrete you are about what you want to know, the better. If you lead with, “Hey, how do you think my presentation went?” you’ll probably hear responses like “I think it went well,” which aren’t particularly helpful. Instead, probe at the specifics and make it easy for someone to tell you something actionable. “I’m working on making sure my point is clear in the first three minutes. Did that come across? How can I make it clearer next time?” **Treat Your Manager as a Coach** When I started to see 1:1s with my manager as an opportunity for focused learning, I got so much more out of it. **Make a Mentor Out of Everyone** Sheryl Sandberg, in her book Lean In, cautions against treating the notion of a mentor as something too precious. Nobody wants to be asked, “Will you be my mentor?” because it sounds needy and time-consuming. But ask for specific advice instead, and you’ll find tons of people willing to help. Zhuo is excellent on the job. The part most programmes still skip is the conversations. I wrote [the conversations nobody prepares new managers for](/post/new-manager-training-conversations). ## What other people are saying: --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 2nd April 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-2nd-april-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-2nd-april-2021.md Date: 2021-03-29 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • How Keystone Habits Help You 🧱 • Perceptual Positions and the Suez Canal Ship 🚢 • April Goal Setting Exercise 🎯 With Gratitude,TobyHow Keystone Habits Help You 🧱This week I re-read Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. The book is most famous for the habit loop: Cue, Routine, Reward.What I most enjoy in this book is the focus on keystone habits. These are habits that strengthen other habits. Exercise is the most common keystone habit. If you exercise Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - How Keystone Habits Help You 🧱 - Perceptual Positions and the Suez Canal Ship 🚢 - April Goal Setting Exercise 🎯 With Gratitude, Toby ## **How Keystone Habits Help You 🧱** This week I re-read [Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg](/post/book-summary-power-of-habit-by-charles-duhigg). The book is most famous for the habit loop: Cue, Routine, Reward. What I most enjoy in this book is the focus on keystone habits. These are habits that strengthen other habits. Exercise is the most common keystone habit. If you exercise it will positively affect other habits. Three keystone habits I've developed are: - No electronic devices after 8 pm - Exercise every morning at 7:45 am - No alcohol during weekdays > *“If you focus on changing or cultivating keystone habits, you can cause widespread shifts. However, identifying keystone habits is tricky. To find them, you have to know where to look. Detecting keystone habits means searching out certain characteristics. Keystone habits offer what is known within academic literature as “small wins.” They help other habits to flourish by creating new structures, and they establish cultures where change becomes contagious."* Keystone habits can also be applied to organisations. Alcoa CEO Paul O’Neill focused on Safety as a Keystone Habit. This dramatically improved the performance of the organisation in many areas. [I expand upon that case study here and how you can apply it in your organisation](/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal). ## **Perceptual Positions and the Suez Canal Ship 🚢** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3eb88e5cd8ba4844b83732295a7e0a64~mv2.jpeg) I'm sure everyone has seen Suez Canal memes going viral across the internet. I particularly enjoyed this one from Brene Brown. These memes highlight the power of metaphor. When presented with random objects people can tell stories about things in their own life. You might be surprised to learn that you can use the Suez Canal Image as a coaching prompt. [Perceptual Positions](https://www.trainers-toolbox.com/perceptual-positions-powerful-exercise-to-strengthen-understanding-and-empathy/#:~:text=Three%20basic%20perceptual%20positions,third%20position%20(neutral%20observer).) is an exercise where you explore a situation from different perspectives. This image perfectly represents three different positions. Here is the script I'd use: Looking at this image, think about a situation in your life and what each of the positions in the image represents: - The ship - The digger - The person behind the camera. Through the conversation, explore how the person thinks, feels from these different perspectives. ## **April Goal Setting Exercise 🎯** Here are 3 questions to help you reflect on your goals for this month. For each goal: - How have you behaved in the past towards goals like this? - How likely is it that you'll behave the same this time? - Will that behaviour result in a good or bad outcome for you? If you'd like to change the outcome: - What can you do to make it easier to behave in a way that contributes towards your goal? - What can you do to make it harder to behave the same as you have in the past? These questions are influenced by [Conditions Consequence Thinking.](/post/learning-journal-wardley-mapping-ben-mosior-and-jabe-bloom-designing-healthy-organisations) ## **Quote of the week** > "I will be found on the edge of the world > Where there'll be no one around" [Michael Kiwanuka - Solid Ground](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN9Qw_H_u2g) **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me --- ## Book Summary: Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-power-of-habit-by-charles-duhigg Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-power-of-habit-by-charles-duhigg.md Date: 2021-03-27 Topics: book-summaries The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. You'll learn the importance of keystone habits and how they change your life. ![Power Of Habit Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_295e6d056f174fde8a71650a57218a49~mv2.png) [Buy Power of Habit on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3x02ceH) ## 3 big ideas [Power of Habit Book](https://amzn.to/3x02ceH) Summary - Habits work in 3-step loops: cue, routine, reward. In the Power of Habit Charles Duhigg calls this [The Habit Loop](#viewer-e85qu) - Focus on [keystone habits.](#viewer-34hbh) They can cause widespread shifts. Exercising is a keystone habit. It has ripple effects across your whole life. - [Willpower](#viewer-16leg) is the most important habit. High levels of willpower, studies have shown, is the single greatest predictor of success among businesspeople. ## Best quotes The best power of habit quotes > “Change might not be fast and it isn't always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” > “Champions don’t do extraordinary things. They do ordinary things, but they do them without thinking, too fast for the other team to react. They follow the habits they’ve learned.” ## Toby's takeaway Three keystone habits I've developed are: - No electronic devices after 8 pm - Exercise every morning at 7:45 am - No alcohol during weekdays Focusing on keystone habits will have a ripple effect throughout your life. Keystone habits can also be applied to organisations. Alcoa CEO Paul O’Neill focused on Safety as a Keystone Habit. This dramatically improved the performance of the organisation in many areas. [I expand upon that case study here and how you can apply it in your organisation](/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal). **You might also like these summaries:** - [Atomic Habits by James Clear](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) - [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) - [Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood](/post/book-summary-good-habits-bad-habits-by-wendy-wood) ## Big Ideas Expanded from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg - [How Habits Happen](#viewer-e85qu) - [How to Change Habits](#viewer-6g3s7) - [Importance of Keystone Habits](#viewer-34hbh) - [The Role of Willpower](#viewer-16leg) - [What are other people saying](#viewer-2jro7) ![Power Of Habit Visual](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4d4804fe093f4576b12bb10848946cd3~mv2.jpeg) Source: ## How Habits Happen Habit is an activity that a person deliberately decides to perform once and continues doing without focus, often frequently. Such “automatic behaviours” reside in the deep brain’s basal ganglia, which translate deeds into customary actions by using a process called “chunking.” For example, picking up your car keys is a chunk of behaviour that immediately triggers the other chunks involved in driving. **Successful people learn to control and change their habits.** People change their habits when they examine and analyze cues, routines and rewards. **The Power of Habit popularised The Habit Loop:** ![The Habit Loop](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9cf179713d864922a8cfc1290d9911e5~mv2.jpeg) This “habit loop” develops in the basal ganglia. In the first stage, the brain seeks a “cue” that will let it operate on an automatic pilot and indicate what it should tell the body to do. The second stage is the “routine,” or the ensuing habit. Then comes the “reward,” which teaches the brain whether the loop in question is “worth remembering for the future.” When the cue and the reward connect, the brain develops a strong feeling of expectation, leading to craving and the birth of a habit. ## How to Change Habits By analyzing how undesirable habits such as overeating, excess drinking or smoking operate in that loop by satiating cravings, people who want to change can control habits that may seem to control them. Change your routines to change your habits. Tony Dungy of Tampa Bay Buccaneers taught his team a smaller number of plays but drilled them in applying those plays whenever they got the appropriate cues. This lead to a higher level of performance. **The key insight is not to focus on changing all habits, but a small few that create the biggest impact.** For many people who wish to change their habits, a belief in something bigger can help. or some, this has a spiritual element. Alcoholics Anonymous incorporates God in its famous 12 steps. ## Importance of Keystone Habits When Paul O’Neill became CEO of the Aluminum Company of America (Alcoa), [**he startled employees by focusing on workplace safety.**](/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal) He did so because he recognized that organizational habits have the power to drive change. He focused on a “keystone habit” – one that, if altered, can cascade through a firm and force other changes in seemingly unrelated areas. He knew the **“habits that matter most are the ones that – when they start to shift – dislodge and remake other patterns.”** > “If you focus on changing or cultivating keystone habits, you can cause widespread shifts. However, identifying keystone habits is tricky. To find them, you have to know where to look. Detecting keystone habits means searching out certain characteristics. Keystone habits offer what is known within academic literature as “small wins.” They help other habits to flourish by creating new structures, and they establish cultures where change becomes contagious. But as O’Neill and countless others have found, crossing the gap between understanding those principles and using them requires a bit of ingenuity.” Keystone habits force “small wins”: transitional accomplishments that help people realize that great successes are possible. Organizational habits keep firms functioning; without them, companies would descend into squabbling factions. ## The Role of Willpower Starbucks’s rules for employees inculcate the concept of willpower, which research identifies as the pre-eminent habit determining personal success. Just as scholars achieve positive results in other areas of their lives when they practice academic self-discipline, Starbucks workers improve their lives and careers after they learn the willpower of being cheerful no matter what crops up in their workdays. > “Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things.” Starbucks teaches employees willpower by focusing on “inflection points” – situations that are likely to weaken their self-discipline, like dealing with dissatisfied patrons. Employees practice routines for handling discontented customers so they can perform them habitually. The company calls this approach **“the LATTE method.” Its steps are: “Listen, acknowledge, take action, thank and explain.”** CEO Howard Schultz also instituted a policy of giving staffers “a sense of agency” – knowledge that the company values their opinions and independent decisions. ![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 26th March 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-march-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-march-2021.md Date: 2021-03-25 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • Knowing When To Quit 🤔 • Change is not an event. It's a skill. ✨ • Lyssa Adkins and Edge Theory 🔥Thanks to everyone who submitted feedback this month. Here are the results: 👍 = 43% 😐 = 29% 👎 = 28%As always, you can share feedback at the end of today's edition. With Gratitude,TobyKnowing When To Quit 🤔Being a change agent is hard. It's full of ups and downs. It can often feel like change is never going to happen. Therefore knowing when to quit i Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - Knowing When To Quit 🤔 - Change is not an event. It's a skill. ✨ - Lyssa Adkins and Edge Theory 🔥 Thanks to everyone who submitted feedback this month. Here are the results: 👍 = 43% 😐 = 29% 👎 = 28% As always, you can share feedback at the end of today's edition. With Gratitude, Toby ## **Knowing When To Quit 🤔** ![mise en place](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_103a4ca037e24f14a4c23eaba302acb7~mv2.jpeg) Being a change agent is hard. It's full of ups and downs. It can often feel like change is never going to happen. Therefore knowing when to quit is an important, tough decision. [This article](https://sarah-weiler.medium.com/knowing-when-to-quit-introducing-the-quitting-quadrant-model-37ff083f12a2) by Sarah Weiler shares a tool to help you understand your relationship with quitting. The tool is built upon two dimensions: **Disinterest and Discomfort.** This tool can help you build self-awareness, knowing your quitting patterns. It stops you from blindly persevering on projects when your energy could be better used elsewhere. **Ultimately it helps you spend more time focused on the stuff that matters.** I use the tool this week to reflect on this newsletter. When I first started writing this newsletter I had high discomfort and high interest, so growth. Other week's I've been less interested with high discomfort, so grit. This week was busy, so I definitely felt I was moving into burnout. When you next feel like quitting, use this model to reflect on how you are feeling and make the right decision. [Sarah's article expands more on how you can use it.](https://sarah-weiler.medium.com/knowing-when-to-quit-introducing-the-quitting-quadrant-model-37ff083f12a2) ## **Change is not an event. It's a skill. ✨** This week I spoke about change at Agile Coaching Exchange. I shared that often we think about change as an event: > *"When I get the promotion at work, people will respect me."* Waiting for these events can stop us from changing now. I've come to realise that change happens more through the tiny habits we perform each day. The best way to make change happen in our lives is to change our environment and change habits in tiny ways. [This video](https://youtu.be/z8X-iXyZvuA) shares two skills you can build to create change in your life and work. ## **Lyssa Adkins and Edge Theory 🔥** This week I also spoke at Triagile Conference. The Keynote was from the wonderful Lyssa Adkins who talked about [Edge Theory.](https://medium.com/lixor/managing-change-with-edge-ea8441f90e1) It provides a metaphor for crossing between your current state into a new reality. A common edge we cross in life is becoming a parent. This creates a phase shift in your life. Using this theory you can better understand your edge and how that is influencing your life. Often people are fearful of "the edge" and this can hold back breakthroughs to success. [This article expands more on Edge Theory.](https://medium.com/lixor/managing-change-with-edge-ea8441f90e1) ## **Quote of the week** > "I poked myself in the eye with my pencil case" [Turning things my class say into inspirational quotes](https://twitter.com/sarah_woody_87/status/1374452011635068930?s=21) Sarah Wood **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: 👍 This helped me. Thanks, 😐 Meh - was ok., 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 19th March 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-march-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-march-2021.md Date: 2021-03-18 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • How a chef can help you build new habits 🍱 • 5 Check-In Questions for one-on-ones 👥 • Change is not an event. It's a skill. 🛠You can give one-click feedback at the end of this edition. With Gratitude,TobyHow a chef can help you build new habits 🍱This week I read Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood. Thie big takeaway was how shaping your context can help you form better habits. Professional chef, Robert Jörin shares what cooking can teach you abo Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - How a chef can help you build new habits 🍱 - 5 Check-In Questions for one-on-ones 👥 - Change is not an event. It's a skill. 🛠 You can give one-click feedback at the end of this edition. With Gratitude, Toby ## **How a chef can help you build new habits 🍱** ![mise en place](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fcb0f0fe29e144bfad587175cbce14b7~mv2.jpeg) This week I read [Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood](/post/book-summary-good-habits-bad-habits-by-wendy-wood). Thie big takeaway was how shaping your context can help you form better habits. Professional chef, Robert Jörin shares what cooking can teach you about habit formation. “My first thought is ***mise en place***: ‘What do I need to make this?’” He prepares the kitchen for cooking so that it’s easy to complete the recipe. > “Once I know that I have all the ingredients and all the equipment to make a new dessert, then I mentally figure out in which order I need to do it. I have it scaled out in the way that logically I am going to use it. When I start working, I didn’t forget anything. It is lined up in front of me so that I don’t have to think about it. So, here is my crunchy layer on the bottom. Then this is my filling that goes on top of it, and then here is whatever glaze that goes over it.” When cues at your station are organized, “you can concentrate on the methods that it takes to make the dessert rather than have to worry about if you have the right ingredients on the right tray.” Professional kitchens run on a model of automaticity. They repeatedly and quickly turn out the same quality dishes to keep a restaurant full of customers happy. To do this, chefs harness the external forces in their kitchens by creating stable contexts that automatically cue the right response. But this is a principle that has power beyond the kitchen. Jörin explained that he uses mise en place in his job as a teacher. > “Every day when I go home, I set up my roster, my whole class for tomorrow or for Monday. All the stuff that I need for Monday morning is on my desk ready to go. This is how I live my day. I want to know what I do at 10:00 tomorrow. I don’t want at 9:00 to send out a text that this person has to be over there. In order to efficiently get stuff done, you need to have a timeline and set up for different tasks ahead of time.” 💡 Insight for you: **How can you shape your environment so that your desired habits are easy to do?** [Here is the full summary of Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood](/post/book-summary-good-habits-bad-habits-by-wendy-wood) ## **5 Check-In Questions for One-On-Ones 👥** How are you? This question starts most conversations. There are better alternatives. These are the 5 questions I use at the start of almost every one-on-one. 💪 Motivation - How motivated are you? 📈 Value - How much value do you think you are creating? 🧠 Learning - How much are you learning? 🔋 Energy - How are your energy levels? 🧭 Direction - How happy are you with the direction you are heading? For each question, ask your team member to give a score of 1 - 5. 1 = Very Low, 5 = Very High. The results will give an indicator of topics to explore in the one-on-one. [This video](https://youtu.be/YI_AgoLxs7A) expands further on how you can use this technique. ## **Change its not an event. It's a skill. 🛠** ![Agile Coaching Exchange](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b1f6652325a24b2f8d0594ca4cd768e5~mv2.jpeg) On Wednesday 24th March I'm speaking at [Agile Coaching Exchange Meetup](https://www.meetup.com/ACE-Agile-Coaching-Exchange/events/276283356/). Here's a little sneak peek. Change is typically seen as an event. We often associate change with transformative moments that lead to an epiphany. Whilst these events can and do happen, they are rare and actually contribute less than we think to change. **You can succeed better by shifting your focus from transformative moments to changes that happen every single day.** There are skills you can develop, that increases your ability to harness the power of change. Three skills that research has shown help are: - Situation Shaping - [Sensemaking](/post/how-sensemaking-helps-you-lead-in-complexity) - [Self-Awareness](https://youtu.be/Sj-vqEFWi54) I'll share the post-session recording so that you can learn more about how to develop these skills. ## **Quote of the week** > "Happiness only real when shared" - [Into the Wild](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758758/) (From one of my favourite films I rewatched this week) **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: [👍 This helped me. Thanks](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/1/cb5e6c19-d3d1-4971-8928-92ab6551da6f) - [😐 Meh - was ok.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/2/cb5e6c19-d3d1-4971-8928-92ab6551da6f) - [👎 Not interesting to me.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/3/cb5e6c19-d3d1-4971-8928-92ab6551da6f) --- ## Book Summary: Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-good-habits-bad-habits-by-wendy-wood Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-good-habits-bad-habits-by-wendy-wood.md Date: 2021-03-16 Topics: book-summaries, habits Context is critical to your habits. If the context remains stable—you keep living in the same place, you keep driving the same route to work, you keep sitting on your couch every evening—then you repeat past actions automatically. To build new habits, reduce the friction to do the behaviour. ![Good Habits, Bad Habits Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_11df9f29f6f849d5833e787614a6f77c~mv2.png) [Amazon Smile UK](https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Good-Habits-Bad-Science-Positive/dp/1509864695/ref=sr_1_2?crid=10N7A8GTS5BIV&dchild=1&keywords=good+habits+bad+habits+wendy+wood&qid=1615922389&sprefix=wendy+wood+good%2Caps%2C155&sr=8-2) | [Amazon Smile US](https://smile.amazon.com/Good-Habits-Bad-Science-Positive/dp/1250159091/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1L0GWX3MBCJNN&dchild=1&keywords=wendy+wood+habit&qid=1615922419&sprefix=wendy+wood+h%2Caps%2C244&sr=8-1) *When you purchase via Amazon Smile your chosen charity will get 0.5% donation* ## 3 big ideas - **Context is one of the most important factors in habit formation**. If the context remains stable—you keep living in the same place, you keep driving the same route to work, you keep sitting on your couch every evening—then you repeat past actions automatically. You can [shape your context](#viewer-1ha57) to make habits easier to build. - To build new habits, [reduce the friction to do the behaviour](#viewer-bbjs0). **Make it easy to do.** To break habits, add friction. Make it harder to do. For example, if you want to watch less TV. Unplug your TV after use. It adds friction so you'll watch TV less. - **Variety is the enemy of habit.** This is because the variety creates unstable contexts. Variety is not the spice of life. ## Best quotes > Google to date has logged about 291 million searches for “bad habits” but only about 265 million for “good habits.” Bad habits get noticed. > When people told stories of successful life changes, more than a third mentioned changes in context. ## Toby's takeaway I really enjoyed the focus on context. I reflected on my tendency to underestimate how much my actions are affected by the context. Instead, I often think it's my own decisions that are driving my behaviour. This is called the introspection illusion. An insight for you: > **How can you shape your environment so desired behaviours become easy to do?** ## Did you enjoy this summary? [👍 This helped me. Thanks](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/1/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) - [😐 Meh - was ok.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/2/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) - [👎 Not helpful to me.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/3/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) ## Big Ideas Expanded - [How do Habits Work? ⚙️](#viewer-8ock2) - [Habits and the Brain 🧠](#viewer-cuqc) - [Myth of Self-Control 🧁](#viewer-clfs2) - [Relationship Between Stress and Habits 😞](#viewer-d19fr) - [Importance of Context 🗺️](#viewer-1ha57) - [Habit Discontinuity ✋](#viewer-5i0od) - [Habits and Addiction 💊](#viewer-9amf6) - [Staying Consistent 🏃‍♂️](#viewer-gaes) - [Add Friction to Break Bad Habits ⚓](#viewer-bbjs0) ## How do Habits Work? ⚙️ A Habit Definition > A mental association between a context cue and a response that develops as we repeat an action in that context for a reward. The situation you’re in triggers the response from memory, and you act. The basic logic of habits is that when we keep doing what we’re doing, we’ll keep getting what we’re getting. Effortlessness is a defining property of Habits. Four Habit Building Blocks: 1. Create a stable context 2. Reduce friction 3. Make it rewarding 4. Repeat until it becomes automatic Four Habit Breaking Blocks: 1. Change the context 2. Increase friction 3. Make it less rewarding 4. Add variety to stop the repetition ## Habits and the brain 🧠 Learning from rewards like this is associated with a neural region called the basal ganglia, shown in the picture above. If you were hooked up to an fMRI scanner when first doing these tasks, your brain would show the most activation in a neural system known as the associative loop. This involves a part of the basal ganglia, the caudate nucleus, along with the midbrain and the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with self-control, planning, and abstract thought. As we repeat actions in routine ways, brain scans show, neural activation increases in the brain’s sensorimotor loop. This connects a different part of the basal ganglia, the putamen, with the sensorimotor cortices and parts of the midbrain to form the sensorimotor network. Your actions have rewired your brain. You are, to anyone watching you, doing the same thing as when you first learned the action. But your brain is now engaging somewhat different neural systems. When we learn to tap a keyboard in a pattern over and over again, we learn to connect a cue (e.g., a signal to hit a given key) with a response (e.g., a finger tap). With practice at such tasks, habit neural systems come online with increased activation in the putamen. That’s a key aspect of why habits are crucial for long-term behavioural change. Brainpower is overwhelmingly costly. ## Myth of Self-Control 🧁 Trying to suppress desire undermines our best intentions and makes our goals harder to achieve. We stay awake worrying that we cannot sleep, and we spend all day mentally in the refrigerator when we are hoping to diet. This has become a national phenomenon. When Americans are surveyed about the biggest barrier to weight loss for the obese, lack of willpower is cited most often. Three-quarters of us believe that obesity results from a lack of control overeating. Even obese people themselves report that their own lack of willpower is the biggest obstacle to losing weight. Eighty-one per cent said that lack of self-control was their undoing. Not surprisingly, almost all of these respondents in the survey had tried to change. They had dieted and exercised but to no avail. Some had tried to lose weight more than twenty times! Yet they still believed that they were deficient in willpower. Self-control involves putting yourself in the right situations to develop the right habits. We expect deliberation and willpower to be the route to health, happiness, and success. Indulging in forbidden treats (like M&M’s and marshmallows) should be the action that requires little thought. Instead, when you have the right habits, the opposite is true. **The good effects that we popularly ascribe to “self-control” are more accurately described as situational control.** The most successful people have situational control. They are able to shape their environment with the right forces that help to achieve their goals. Self-control becomes easier. ## Relationship between Stress and Habits � Habits are those safe harbors in stressful times. They aren’t affected by stress like our more conscious selves. In a study of 174 tough decisions made by corporate executives about acquisitions, major product launches, or restructurings, the executives who felt more anxious and under the gun (based on spouse interviews and company reports) were less likely to take strategic risks. Under the gun, we act out of habit, whether the behavior is something that brings benefit, brings harm, or has no effect. When we have good strong habits for eating particular healthful foods for breakfast, such as hot or cold cereal and health bars, were more likely to do so during stressful times. Mental tiredness, much like stress, boosted habit performance, reflecting the limited capacity of conscious thought and the hardiness of automaticity. **Habit resilience illustrates an important point about the nature of habits in general: they aren’t always the most effective option in a given situation, especially when that situation is complex and requires critical thought.** Given decision-making strained by stress, tiredness, distraction, or lack of ability, the balance in our lives tips toward habits. An additional reason to establish good habits so that the habitual choice is the right choice. ## Power of Context �️ Habit is a compromise effected between the individual and his [or her] environment. —Samuel Beckett Context pervades our understanding of habit. If the context remains stable—you keep living in the same place, you keep driving the same route to work, you keep sitting on your couch every evening—then you repeat past actions automatically. Context refers to everything in the world surrounding you—everything but you. It includes the location you are in, the people you are with, the time of day, and the actions you just performed. Even your mobile phone represents a context that is physical as well as a virtual space external to you. These are the external forces that drive or restrain our actions. There’s perhaps no simpler context influence we can engineer in our lives than sheer proximity. Proximity determines the external forces to which we are exposed. We engage with what is near us and tend to overlook what is farther away. Can something as simple as proximity get people to exercise? Between February and March 2017, a data analytics company looked at this question using cell phone records from 7.5 million devices (yes, our phone use is being evaluated in ways we are only starting to realize). They analyzed how far people with mobile devices travelled to paid fitness centres. People who covered a median distance of 3.7 miles to the gym went five or more times a month. Those who travelled around 5.1 miles went to the gym only monthly. That seemingly small difference—less than a mile and a half—separated those who had an exercise habit and those who went rarely. To our conscious minds, such a small distance does not make sense as a barrier. But it clearly was associated with whether people exercised habitually. **We tend to underestimate how much our actions are affected by the contexts around us.** ![mise en place](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fcb0f0fe29e144bfad587175cbce14b7~mv2.jpeg) Shaping your context can help you form better habits. As a professional chef, Jörin says, “My first thought is mise en place: ‘What do I need to make this?’” He prepares the kitchen for cooking so that it’s easy to complete the recipe. “Once I know that I have all the ingredients and all the equipment to make a new dessert, then I mentally figure out in which order I need to do it. I have it scaled out in the way that logically I am going to use it. When I start working, I didn’t forget anything. It is lined up in front of me so that I don’t have to think about it. So, here is my crunchy layer on the bottom. Then this is my filling that goes on top of it, and then here is whatever glaze that goes over it.” When cues at your station are organized, “you can concentrate on the methods that it takes to make the dessert rather than have to worry about if you have the right ingredients on the right tray.” Professional kitchens run on a model of automaticity. They repeatedly and quickly turn out the same quality dishes to keep a restaurant full of customers happy. To do this, chefs harness the external forces in their kitchens by creating stable contexts that automatically cue the right response. But this is a principle that has power beyond the kitchen. Jörin explained that he uses mise en place in his job as a teacher. “Every day when I go home, I set up my roster, my whole class for tomorrow or for Monday. All the stuff that I need for Monday morning is on my desk ready to go. This is how I live my day. I want to know what I do at 10:00 tomorrow. I don’t want at 9:00 to send out a text that this person has to be over there. In order to efficiently get stuff done, you need to have a timeline and set up for different tasks ahead of time.” ## Habit Discontinuity ✋ When you wish to try something new, changing context is a good place to start. Discontinuity forces us to think. By making fresh decisions, we act in new ways—ones that may work better for us. Habit discontinuity gets us out of ruts by exposing us to the underlying reality of why we’re doing what we’re doing and why we’re going where we’re going. **In new contexts, we choose behaviors that fit our current goals.** Discontinuities can make us into more genuine, integrated versions of ourselves. We can compare voter turnout during presidential elections in counties where it rained with sunnier counties. Even a millimetre of rain reduced voting by a little, 0.05 per cent, in analyses from 1952 to 2012. This is the dual nature of habit discontinuity. Disruption of cues in our everyday contexts can be beneficial, freeing us to act in more authentic ways. But disruption can also be harmful, wreaking havoc on our habits of citizenship, making tax evaders out of taxpayers, and increasing nonvoters in the electorate. When people tell stories of successful life changes, more than a third mention changes in context. Stories of failed change often involved feeling stuck in one’s current environment. The lesson from all of this is that habit discontinuity is powerful. It alters the balance of habit and decision-making in our lives. Disruption makes us think. In so doing, it can make life interesting and allow us to act in ways that more closely reflect our values and interests. But it can also put beneficial habits at risk. Disrupting a habit is, of course, just the first step in making a change. It clears the decks and puts old habits behind us. How well we use that opportunity depends on what we do next. By understanding disruption, you will be able to (1) protect your good habits so that they can weather change, and (2) use disruptions to pierce your bad habits at their most vulnerable places. ## Habits and Addiction � Quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times. —attributed to Mark Twain The National Institute on Drug Abuse defines addiction as a brain disorder involving compulsive drug seeking and use. When environments change and significant friction on drug use is introduced most addicts are proven to quit. **It shifts the location of the dysfunction from people to the environments in which they live.** Take the experiences of thirty-two Australians who had been treated for alcohol and opioid addiction. They were interviewed once a year for three years following treatment. Three years later, only five of the thirty-two had stayed off drugs completely. This handful in stable recovery stood out. They had made radical changes in their living arrangements. Some had given up public housing support, moved to a new city, and gotten jobs where no one knew they had been addicts. > “The most important difference between those who have achieved meaningful recovery and those who have not lies not in their skills or knowledge, but in whether they were able to overcome the financial and social obstacles to moving to a nonpathogenic environment.” ## Power of Consistency 🏃‍♂️ Habits play out over long periods of time—years—with actions that have to be constantly maintained. If your goal is to reduce your environmental footprint, it’s not enough to take the bus home from work tonight. You have to do so today, tomorrow, and in the future. To become solvent and pay off your debts, it is not enough to forgo buying those new shoes or that new phone. You have to resist making purchases repeatedly, at least until your accounts are in the black. To form new relationships, you have to persist even if the first person at the gym turns down your coffee invitation. You have to meet more people you might like and repeatedly make offers to connect with them. You have to somehow become committed to the consistent procedures of doing things. Habits don’t crave variety. In fact, they hate it. Variety weakens habit. Variety attenuates its power to direct your behaviours. This is because variety is the enemy of stable contexts. **Only by keeping your life as consistent as possible will your habit grow.** Locations, electronics, people, time, and other actions: all are stable cues that become tied to exercise to make up your morning habit. Change one, and it could undo your habit and make you think, at least right then. Change one permanently, and it could eliminate the habit altogether. If you set up your world to be constant, recurring, and unwavering, then cues can be the jet fuel to make your new habits take off with stupendous speed. CEO of Weight Watchers, about the long-term success of their members. He admitted: > “In the great majority of cases, when making change efforts, people just can’t stick with it. You know, anybody who does Weight Watchers long enough will ultimately be successful—if they’re actually doing the program. What we saw was that most people don’t. This is the other side of Weight Watchers.” > “If you have a weight-loss problem, you will always have a weight-loss problem. If you’re wired to overconsume, if you use food in a certain way, if you struggle with food because your metabolism is set a certain way, it is a chronic condition that never goes away." ## Add Friction to Break Bad Habits ⚓ Google to date has logged about 291 million searches for “bad habits” but only about 265 million for “good habits.” Bad habits get noticed. You are likely someone who checks your work email after the conventional workday is done. I know this because, in the latest Gallup data, 59 percent of U.S. workers who had work email accounts did so. To stop excessive phone usage remove the cues that make you grab the phone. The most straightforward way to do this is to hide your phone. Don’t bring it when you sit down to breakfast or when you take a break at work for coffee and a doughnut. You can readily add friction to make phone use more difficult. Silence it. Turn it off. Switch on your phone’s Do Not Disturb mode so that only dedicated callers can get through to you. Removing the alerts removes cues to use and stops activating that unwanted thought, “Check phone.” These small changes don’t seem like much but they are enough to slow your conscious mind. Whatever you choose to do to make using the phone more costly, do it consistently. With repetition, the initially difficult change becomes automated. The new action starts to be the one that automatically pops into mind, while the costs to your old habit persist. Make other actions easier. Instead of looking at your phone, is there something else that you could quickly do instead? There’s one viable alternative that I’ve personally witnessed many times: get a watch. And finally, make not checking rewarding. ## Did you enjoy this summary? [👍 This helped me. Thanks](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/1/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) - [😐 Meh - was ok.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/2/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) - [👎 Not helpful to me.](https://feedletter.co/feedback/give/3/66e4e181-d177-47c8-97c2-35d9e2fd3bd8) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 12th March 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-march-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-march-2021.md Date: 2021-03-11 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • Your advice is not as good as you think 💬 • An Operating System for great one-on-ones 👥 • Atomic Habits Visualized 🖼You can give one-click feedback at the end of this edition. With Gratitude,TobyYour advice is not as good as you think 💬I was once working with a leader on how to improve their presentation skills.It was an important pitch to a new client and pressure was high.With pitching experience, I was asked to help the leader prepare.We worked Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - Your advice is not as good as you think 💬 - An Operating System for great one-on-ones 👥 - Atomic Habits Visualized 🖼 You can give one-click feedback at the end of this edition. With Gratitude, Toby ## **Your advice is not as good as you think 💬** ![Alternatives to giving advice](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_212e79a02c76425d981f28d4f49e20c4~mv2.png) I was once working with a leader on how to improve their presentation skills. It was an important pitch to a new client and pressure was high. With pitching experience, I was asked to help the leader prepare. We worked on the pitch for two weeks. I took a hands-on approach, advising what should be said, when and how. The result? **The pitch was a disaster.** In the debrief the presenter shared they didn't feel like it was their presentation. As a result, they struggled to connect with the material and deliver it in an authentic way. I learned from this to be aware that your **advice isn't as good as you think.** ---- Giving advice feels good. When people approach you for knowledge and expertise you feel valued. In simple situations sharing your advice can be beneficial. It helps people find shortcuts to solving problems. Many situations however are complex, especially when people are involved. This means that your knowledge and expertise is not always directly transferrable or relatable. Your advice is not useful in this context. Compounding the problem, in complex situations, people seek certainty so are more likely to seek out advice. When this happens its tempting to jump straight to giving the advice people desire. Instead of giving direct advice, [this video shares the six alternatives I now use.](https://youtu.be/InONXeJzLBE) The more comfortable you become with these alternatives the better you can lead your team. ## **An Operating System for Better One-On-Ones 👥** ![Operating System for One-on-Ones](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f4dee04bf89847b2819853f22688f878~mv2.jpg) I can remember the first one-on-one I did as a manager. I was eager to impress. My team member at the time was much more experienced. He wasn't too impressed with my approach. A little too "over-ambitious" were his words. It was an awkward conversation. Over time I improved with mentoring and support from other managers. As my responsibilities increased a new challenge emerged, how do you have one-on-ones with 15 people every week? Over the past 12 years, I've learned tips and techniques for great one-on-ones. I've curated this knowledge into an [Operating System for One-On-Ones.](/one-on-one-operating-system) Built with Notion, it's an online system for managers to prepare, deliver, track and improve their one-on-ones. It contains: - A guide to great one-on-ones - A conversation template - A tracker and scheduling tool - A collection of coaching exercise templates **For a limited time, I'm offering free beta access for newsletter subscribers.** This is the first time I've ever built a product like this. So in return, I'd love you to tell me about the bugs, features and ways I can improve it. 😃 ## **Atomic Habits Visualized 🖼** This week I partnered with Sathya to visualize my popular essay on How to Use Atomic Habits at Work. Sathya created wonderful visuals of the big ideas from the essay. Watch this space for more partnerships in the future ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_47246af5dbc341629a8a068e4fac1545~mv2.gif) ## **Quote of the week** > "Staying busy doing things that pleasure our ego but don’t align with our purpose." - [Ryan Holiday - Ego is the enemy](/post/book-summary-ego-is-the-enemy-ryan-holiday) **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 5th March 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-march-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-march-2021.md Date: 2021-03-04 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: • How to improve your one-on-ones 💬 • Leadership Insights from Clubhouse 👋 • A surprising truth about teaching 🧠Also this week you have the chance to give one-click feedback. You can find the options at the end of this edition. With Gratitude,TobyHow effective are your One-On-Ones? 💬I asked this question on Twitter. 55% voted not effective. I thought it would be higher.Almost every person I coach or mentor shares that their one-on-ones are ineffecti Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - How to improve your one-on-ones 💬 - Leadership Insights from Clubhouse 👋 - A surprising truth about teaching 🧠 Also this week you have the chance to give one-click feedback. You can find the options at the end of this edition. With Gratitude, Toby ## **How effective are your One-On-Ones? 💬** ![Time Spent in One-On-Ones](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_28e9a236de4e4e20b8a3accde5c62942~mv2.jpg) I asked this question on Twitter. 55% voted not effective. I thought it would be higher. Almost every person I coach or mentor shares that their one-on-ones are ineffective. Take the story of Sarah. Her one-on-ones are 20mins once a week. The whole time is spent giving status updates. She rarely gets good feedback or time to talk about her career goals. It's even worse for Marcus. He's scheduled to have a 30min bi-weekly with his manager. But every other one is usually cancelled. And when they do happen, his manager turns up 10 mins late. It's also a challenge for managers. Kim manages a team of 15. With her "Day Job" she finds it difficult to find the time to have meaningful one-on-ones. A survey found that HR leaders expect managers to spend 36% of their time developing team members, but a survey of managers showed the actual amount averages just 9%—and even that may sound unrealistic to some. **The opportunity cost from ineffective one-on-ones is huge.** Studies have shown that team members of managers who don’t have 1:1 meetings are 4 times as likely to be disengaged. Over time people will leave as they don't feel valued or listened to. Over the next few months, I'll be sharing more content about how [coaching](https://youtu.be/BfqFYOI9JRw) can help improve one-on-ones both as a manager and team member. **Do you want to improve your One-On-Ones?** - 👍 Yes, I'd love some tips and tricks - 😐 Meh - Not sure - 👎 Not interested in this topic ## **Leadership Insights From Clubhouse 👋** ![Clubhouse James Clear and Kat Cole](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1a0553f1219148589c17bf39ebed37f1~mv2.png) If you didn't know Clubhouse is a hot new social platform. It's essentially live podcasts that enable you to ask questions live to the speakers. Over the past 2 weeks, I've been joining more and more sessions. I attended a really great session with [Kat Cole and James Clear on Leadership.](/post/clubhouse-notes-kat-cole-and-james-clear-on-leadership) It was full of insights and in particular, this quote from Kat Cole really resonated: > "It is the actions, not the words of leaders in an organisation over time that create psychological safety." I would highly recommend following [@BarrettABrooks](https://twitter.com/BarrettABrooks), COO of ConvertKit - He facilitates great, high-quality sessions every week. Randomly I also attended a session hosted by BJ Fogg, Author of [Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything). He was sharing the Morning Bird Song from his Garden in Hawaii. 🦜 ## **A surprising truth about teaching 🧠** What's better Lecture-style or Activity-based learning? Studies show: - Students enjoy Lecture-style most but learn less. - Students enjoy Activity-style less but learn MORE. This shows that real learning can be challenging and not fun. It also highlights the problem with post-training evaluations. In the activity-based sessions, students are more likely to rate a teacher lower than in lecture style. As a teacher and facilitator, it can be hard not to get distracted by this feedback. Remember to measure success based on the learning outcomes. To help you facilitate great workshops I created the [workshop planning canvas](/workshop-planning-template) ## **Quote of the week** > "Beethoven and Mozart didn’t have higher hit rates than some of their peers; they generated a larger volume of work, which gave them more shots at greatness." - The Revenant - [Adam Grant - Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know) **How useful was Curated Insights today?** Your feedback will help improve future editions. Click on a link to vote: - 👍 This helped me. Thanks - 😐 Meh - was ok. - 👎 Not interesting to me. --- ## Clubhouse Notes: Kat Cole and James Clear on Leadership URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/clubhouse-notes-kat-cole-and-james-clear-on-leadership Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/clubhouse-notes-kat-cole-and-james-clear-on-leadership.md Date: 2021-02-28 Topics: leadership, clubhouse Learn in this clubhouse session leadership principles from Kat Cole and James Clear. You'll learn the importance of self-awareness, the power of mistakes and how to create safety. **Date:** Friday 26th February 2021 **Host:** [@BarrettABrooks](https://twitter.com/BarrettABrooks) **Guests:** [@JamesClear](https://twitter.com/JamesClear) - Author of [Atomic Habits](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations) [@KatColeATL](https://twitter.com/KatColeATL) - Ex COO & President [@FOCUSBrands](https://twitter.com/FOCUSBrands) Kat has led organizations of thousands, Barrett leads a team of 60, James leads millions via his newsletter. What principles of personal and organizational leadership apply across settings? **Notes have been curated for readability so responses should not be treated as verbatim.** ### **What tips do you have for leading yourself?** **James Clear:** I want to start with a topic called Crucibles. > One of the most reliable indicators and predictors of true leadership is an individual's ability to find meaning in negative events, and to learn from, even the most trying circumstances. Warren Bennis and Robert J. Thomas Ref: The crucible is a trial and a test. A point of deep self-reflection that forces you to question who you are and what matters to you. It requires you to examine their values and question your assumptions. ### **What tools or habits or practices that you continue to use today to build a continuous sense of self-awareness?** **James Clear:** Knowing yourself and having self-awareness can improve your strategy which naturally can improve your results. I have a couple of different exercises: - Weekly review every Friday - Review key metrics in the business so you know revenue expenses email subscribers. A - An annual review, at the end of each year. - Basic items that are counted all year long, like how many articles I've written or how many workouts I've done things like that. - Are my habits aligning with my principles? **Kat Cole:** **Creating and public, for me at least, having some form of immediate feedback is crucial for being aware of what you're thinking**. I could just sit in a room and write on my own and never post on Twitter. And you think you're pretty brilliant, but you're not getting any feedback. You need a blend. You don't want to just be reactionary to what everybody else is saying because then you're not thinking for yourself. You need to have some form of a feedback loop and sharing work publicly is a good way to do that. The other practice is what I call the H**ot Shot rule: Imagine that an awesomely talented new person is taking over your role. Then, put yourself in their shoes, and challenges yourself to see the job through fresh eyes.** I've talked about it for 10 years, it's allowed me to change my life and my businesses. I ask myself, what's one thing and the first thing I could do differently to make an impact. When I see it through new eyes, I become much more clear and connected to what is probably obvious for other people, and then I take action on that thing within 24 hours. ### **How do you set goals at the corporate level and then getting buy into those all the way down to the employee level?** **Kat Cole:** We **use a compass, not a roadmap**. I know the true north, this is the vision of the company. We are here now. This is where we're going. And there's going to be so many unexpected things that happen in between here and there that it is. Also, understand what the incentive systems are. In fast-growing companies, the game changes a lot in hyper-growth. All of a sudden there's an opportunity for new innovation, a new channel a new country but the dynamic of those things are different. If the incentives are so fixed or so counter to the dynamics created by the new thing. The new thing will not be followed. At least not wholeheartedly because the company or the individuals are disincentivized to do it. When I say incentives I mean the very literal ones, you know compensation, awards, recognition in the company. Involve those who do the work as a radical part of the process. Then make sure incentives aligned, and it's all in the direction of the truth. ### **So I'd love to hear to what extent accountability and feedback and played a role in leading effective teams for you. And how that plays into psychological safety?** **Kat Cole:** **It is the actions, not the words of leaders in an organisation over time that create psychological safety.** You can't undo or erase people's experiences with a new statement or proclamation. There's a really great book that most people have not heard that it was, you know, legend and management training and restaurants called fast feedback. - F is for frequency to tune into someone's frequency - A is for accurate, make sure it's based on the truth that you can evidence. - S is for specific - T is timely within tight proximity of the event but not so tight that you communicate it in an inappropriate and unhelpful environment. You should build the muscle of giving feedback, and receiving feedback, not just in a monthly one on one, or an annual review but on a regular basis. When there is a behaviour that wants that feedback or situation that does so I think getting good at giving and receiving feedback, and Kim Scotts books are amazing as well to help with that radical candour is a lifelong skill that only becomes more important, as you learn ### **When leading in public, how do you curate ideas that are useful to the broadest possible audience but also specific?** **James Clear:** My general strategy is just **read a lot write a lot revise a lot**. I'm not smart enough to come up with good ideas of my own so I have to read a lot. I'm only writing about building upon taking notes about the best stuff that I read. I try to make everybody else's best material my starting material. I just revise it again and again, again, almost to the point where it feels kind of unreasonable. For example, I spend 20 minutes on a tweet. I only post the best stuff. And so it ends up looking really polished, but actually, it's mostly just being persistent and patient with it. Share general principles and then let the reader do the application part of their mind. ### **I wonder if you have any habits or practices that have allowed you to develop this kind of stable of stories that you use to illustrate principles.** **James Clear:** Part of it is living a really full life with lots of mistakes. That creates plenty of subject matter. And celebrate mistakes. The other piece is putting yourself in a position to be challenged and questioned. **Audience Question:** ### **Do you think people are born leaders?** **Kat Cole:** Leadership is a learning journey, and therefore leadership can be learned. Which means it can be experienced and taught. Certainly, that's nurture experiences and learning over time. Certainly, there are traits that some people are born with that might make certain pieces of leadership, a bit easier for some than others. **Audience Question:** ### **How do I actually measure the success of a habit?** **James Clear:** In general, ask does the habit continue to serve you? If you feel like it's serving the purpose that you're hoping it will achieve, I would say it's successful in that sense. **Habits exist to serve you, not the other way around.** And as soon as it starts feeling like you exist to serve the habits that you've committed to is when I would start questioning why I set that intention, to begin with, and whether it's still continuing to serve. **Audience Question:** ### **How do we take feedback to improve our sense of self-awareness?** **James Clear:** You can define habits in two broad buckets. - **Habits of action:** so doing one pushup writing one sentence meditating. - **Habits of thought:** Self-awareness about your worldview. How you see yourself relative to the experiences and the people that you come across. Self-awareness like other habits comes through practice. You can improve self-awareness by having repeated sources of feedback so that you can learn from each one and kind of iterate on that and gradually adjust your worldview. When you receive feedback it doesn't mean I don't accept it. I don't trust feedback from a random person on social media. Then there's a group of people who are not in your inner circle but you trust enough to listen to their feedback. Finally, there is your inner circle, people who know me and I trust. These are people I listen to most. **Audience Question:** ### **What is your definition of success?** **Success is rarely the result of one thing but failure can be.** Getting getting a good night's sleep does not guarantee that you're going to have a successful day tomorrow. But if you get a terrible night's sleep that can be enough to wreck the next day. So I don't know that you can pin success on a single thing as much as it is like the major factors in your life working in harmony, whether that's on a daily basis or on a larger time scale. You can only answer the question of, are you successful in the context of what you're optimising for. --- ## Book Summary: Think Again by Adam Grant | The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know.md Date: 2021-02-25 Topics: book-summaries Think Again by Adam Grant is an invitation to let go of knowledge and opinions that are no longer serving you well and to anchor your sense of self in flexibility rather than consistency. In this summary, you'll learn the 3 big ideas, 2 best quotes and top takeaways. ![Think Again by Adam Grant Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_694c6e980ead4a52bde3e61284d56feb~mv2.png) [Buy Think Again by Adam Grant](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU) Book Summary [Adam Grant Think Again The Power Of Knowing What You Don't Know](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU) When people reflect on what it takes to be mentally fit, the first idea that comes to mind is usually intelligence. The smarter you are, the more complex the problems you can solve—and the faster you can solve them. Intelligence is traditionally viewed as the ability to think and learn. Yet in a turbulent world, there’s another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: **the ability to rethink and unlearn**. [Think Again by Adam Grant](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU) is an invitation to let go of knowledge and opinions that are no longer serving you well and to anchor your sense of self in flexibility rather than consistency. - Adam Grant Think Again ## 3 big ideas The big ideas from [Think Again by Adam Grant](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU): - **Take a scientific approach to thinking.** Develop more humility about your knowledge, doubt in your convictions, and curiosity about alternative points of view. - Relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some **task conflict can be beneficial**: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices. - Motivational Interviewing is one of the best ways to help people rethink and unlearn. The central premise is that **we can rarely motivate someone else to change. We’re better off helping them find their own motivation to change.** In many ways, this approach is similar to [coaching](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfqFYOI9JRw). ## Best quotes The best quotes from Think Again by Adam Grant: > Beethoven and Mozart didn’t have higher hit rates than some of their peers; they generated a larger volume of work, which gave them more shots at greatness. > Minimize relationship conflict and maximise task conflict. ## Toby's takeaway The [Think Again Book](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU) helped me Rethink conflict. The best teams I've been part of have had good relationships, even to the degree of friendships. I've always had tension that perhaps this might be a negative. I'd heard the research that good teams have conflict. So when I'd work in teams with good relationships I'd often think: are we doing something wrong? But I'd never really took the time to learn that in fact there are **two types of conflict. Relationship Conflict and Task Conflict.** Research in the book shows that **relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices.** My new insight: **Minimize relationship conflict and maximise task conflict.** What I'll do differently in future. Focus on ways to build closer relationships between team members. Whilst at the same time amplifying task conflict so that it leads to more creative results. I created this model to help people navigate conflict: ![Conflict Matrix](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_94c6382f9ce8432a862733482da67cd9~mv2.jpg) You can learn more here: ## 3 big ideas Summary of key topics within [Think Again Book by Adam Grant](https://amzn.to/3fYPQfU) - [What stops you from Rethinking](#viewer-cg1lp) ✋ - [How conflict helps you think better](#viewer-9cra8) 🤬 - [How to help others to Think Again](#viewer-1ptmb) 🤼 - [How Motivational Interviewing helps Rethinking](#viewer-avqq1) 🎤 - [How to Think in Complexity](#viewer-4esl5) 🌀 - [How you can teach rethinking skills](#viewer-341n4) 🧑‍🏫 - [How to Rethink at work](#viewer-5mqj9) 👔 ![Think Again Visual Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a456d41a85b949b48dbd35a318fd5331~mv2.jpeg) Source: ## What stops you from Rethinking? ✋ > Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - George Bernard Shaw **First-instinct fallacy** - The tendency to be more confident in your first response and less likely to change your mind. Research shows that classroom students who rethink their first answers rather than staying anchored to them end up improving their scores. People prefer the ease of hanging on to old views over the difficulty of grappling with new ones. People favour the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt. We listen to views that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard. We live in a rapidly changing world, where we need to spend as much time rethinking as we do thinking. > We laugh at people who still use Windows 95, yet we still cling to opinions that we formed in 1995. **Three Identities people take that prevent Rethinking:** - **Preacher** - When our sacred beliefs are in jeopardy: we deliver sermons to protect and promote our ideals. - **Prosecutor** - When we recognize flaws in other people’s reasoning: we marshal arguments to prove them wrong and win our case. - **Politician** - When we’re seeking to win over an audience: we campaign and lobby for the approval of our constituents. The risk is that we become so wrapped up in preaching that we’re right, prosecuting others who are wrong, and politicking for support that we don’t bother to rethink our own views. People celebrate great entrepreneurs and leaders for being strong-minded and clear-sighted. Yet evidence reveals that when business executives compete in tournaments to price products, **the best strategists are actually slow and unsure.** > I’m beginning to think decisiveness is overrated . . . but I reserve the right to change my mind. Recent experiments suggest that the smarter you are, the more you might struggle to update your beliefs. **2 Biases that drive this pattern:** - Confirmation bias: seeing what we expect to see. - Desirability bias: seeing what we want to see. **Instead of focusing on becoming smarter, focus on increasing Cognitive Flexibility**. The willingness to move from one extreme to the other as the occasion requires. Learn how to learn with Super Brain with Jim Kwik. The Superbrain Quest is an accelerated learning curriculum designed to activate your brain’s limitless potential. Join Jim Kwik on a 30-day adventure towards a bulletproof memory, unshakeable focus, and superhuman productivity. *When you register I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you.* ## How conflict helps you think better 🤬 Research shows that conflict is key to high performing teams. Agreeable teams tend to create lower-quality solutions. **But did you know there are two types of conflict? One that is helpful. And one that can damage your team irreversibly.** When you think about conflict, you’re probably picturing **relationship conflict—personal, emotional clashes that are filled not just with friction but also with animosity.** This conflict is damaging to a team. Without the right leadership coaching, this conflict can go out of control. It can create irreversible damage to relationships. There is another type of conflict, **task conflict-clashes about ideas and opinions.** This occurs when we’re debating whom to hire, how to build a feature and deciding on priorities. High performing teams typically have low relationship conflict and keep it low throughout their work together. When it comes to task conflict, high performing teams generally have this from the outset. They openly challenge each other's opinions and ideas only converging at the last responsible moment. This avoids premature convergence which is essential when dealing with complex problems. A meta-analysis of studies showed that **relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices.** Coaching can help you harness the power of task conflict. It's a common misconception that coaching is just a cosy chat. Skilled coaches often bring a high degree of challenge. Asking questions that help people identify blindspots and explore new perspectives. It helps to activate rethinking cycles by pushing us to be humble about our expertise, doubt our knowledge, and be curious about new perspectives. **💡 The insight for you:** [**Minimize relationship conflict and maximise task conflict.**](/post/how-to-navigate-team-conflict-coaching-skills-for-technology-leaders) ## How to help others to Think Again 🤼 Changing your mind doesn’t make you a flip-flopper or a hypocrite. It means you are open to learning. Convincing other people to think again isn’t just about making a good argument—it’s about establishing that we have the right motives in doing so. When we concede that someone else has made a good point, we signal that we’re not preachers, prosecutors, or politicians trying to advance an agenda. > Progress is impossible without change;1 and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw When someone becomes hostile, if you respond by viewing the argument as a war, you can either attack or retreat. If instead, you treat it as a dance, you have another option—you can sidestep. In a heated argument, you can always stop and ask, “What evidence would change your mind?” If the answer is “nothing,” then there’s no point in continuing the debate. For decades psychologists have found that people can feel animosity toward other groups even when the boundaries between them are trivial. In every human society, people are motivated to seek belonging and status. Identifying with a group checks both boxes at the same time: we become part of a tribe, and we take pride when our tribe wins. A key to dismantling stereotypes and decreasing prejudice is **counterfactual thinking**. This involves imagining how the circumstances of our lives could have unfolded differently. People gain humility when they reflect on how different circumstances could have led them to different beliefs. > Listening Motivates People to Change It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear. - Attributed to Dick Cavett ## How Motivational Interviewing helps Rethinking 🎤 The central premise is that **we can rarely motivate someone else to change. We’re better off helping them find their own motivation to change.** Motivational interviewing starts with an attitude of humility and curiosity. The objective is not to be a leader or a follower, but a guide. The goal isn’t to tell people what to do; it’s to help them break out of overconfidence cycles and see new possibilities. Our role is to hold up a mirror so they can see themselves more clearly, and then empower them to examine their beliefs and behaviors. That can activate a rethinking cycle, in which people approach their own views more scientifically. They develop more humility about their knowledge, doubt in their convictions, and curiosity about alternative points of view. The process of motivational interviewing involves four key techniques: - Asking open-ended questions - Engaging in reflective listening - Affirming the person’s desire and ability to change - Summarizing Motivational interviewing has been the subject of more than a thousand controlled trials; a bibliography that simply lists them runs sixty-seven pages. It’s been used effectively to change behaviours such as smoking, drug abuse, exercise habits and many more. When people ignore advice, it isn’t always because they disagree with it. Sometimes they’re resisting the sense of pressure and the feeling that someone else is controlling their decision. To protect their freedom, instead of giving commands or offering recommendations, a motivational interviewer might say something along the lines of “Here are a few things that have helped me—do you think any of them might work for you?” When we try to convince people to think again, our first instinct is usually to start talking. Yet the [most effective way to help others open their minds is often to listen](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes). Psychologists recommend practising this skill by sitting down with people whom we sometimes have a hard time understanding. The idea is to tell them that we’re working on being better listeners, we’d like to hear their thoughts, and we’ll listen for a few minutes before responding. Research results of bad listening: - **Among managers rated as the worst listeners by their employees, 94 percent of them evaluated themselves as good or very good listeners.** - In one poll, a third of women said their pets were better listeners than their partners.41 Maybe it wasn’t just my kids who wanted a cat. - It’s common for doctors to interrupt their patients within 11 seconds,42 even though patients may need only 29 seconds to describe their symptoms. ## How to Think in Complexity 🌀 We now know that where complicated issues are concerned, seeing the opinions of the other side is not enough. Hearing an opposing opinion doesn’t necessarily motivate you to rethink your own stance; it makes it easier for you to stick to your guns (or your gun bans). Presenting two extremes isn’t the solution; it’s part of the polarization problem. Psychologists have a name for this: **binary bias**. It’s a basic human tendency to seek clarity and closure by simplifying a complex continuum into two categories. If you find yourself saying **\_\_\_\_ is always good or \_\_\_\_ is never bad**, you a falling into the binary bias trap. > Debate less like a lawyer’s opening statement and more like an anthropologist’s field notes. **Resisting the impulse to simplify is a step toward becoming more argument literate.** A fundamental lesson of desirability bias is that our beliefs are shaped by our motivations. What we believe depends on what we want to believe. To overcome binary bias, a good starting point is to become aware of the range of perspectives across a given spectrum. **Acknowledging complexity doesn’t make speakers and writers less convincing; it makes them more credible.** It doesn’t lose viewers and readers; it maintains their engagement while stoking their curiosity. A good example is Emotional Intelligence. Instead of arguing about whether emotional intelligence is meaningful, we should be focusing on the contingencies that explain when it’s more and less consequential. It turns out that **emotional intelligence is beneficial in jobs that involve dealing with emotions, but less relevant—and maybe even detrimental—in work where emotions are less central**. If you’re a real estate agent, a customer service representative, or a counselor, being skilled at perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions can help you support your clients and address their problems. If you’re a mechanic or an accountant, being an emotional genius is less useful and could even become a distraction. ## How you can teach rethinking skills 🧑‍🏫 Traditional methods of education don’t teach students rethinking skills. Consider these two examples: **Scenario 1 - Lecture Style Learning:** The instructor presents slides, gives explanations, does demonstrations, and solves sample problems, and you take notes on the handouts. **Scenario 2 - Active Learning:** Instead of doing the example problems, the instructor sends the class off to figure them out in small groups, wandering around to ask questions and offer tips before walking the class through the solution. At the end, students fill out a survey. Which scenario is most enjoyed by the students? Lecture Style Surprising. Students also rated the teacher in this example as more effective. However, despite enjoying the lecture style more, when assessed **it was the active learning session where students learned more.** It required more mental effort, which made it less fun but led to deeper understanding. Experiments have also shown that when a speaker delivers an inspiring message, the audience scrutinizes the material less carefully and forgets more of the content—even while claiming to remember more of it. > Good teachers introduce new thoughts, but great teachers introduce new ways of thinking. Ultimately, education is more than the information we accumulate in our heads. It’s the habits we develop as we keep revising our drafts and the skills we build to keep learning. > I’ve noticed that the students who are the most certain about their career plans at twenty are often the ones with the deepest regrets by thirty. They haven’t done enough rethinking along the way. ## How to Rethink at work � Rethinking is not just an individual skill. It’s a collective capability, and it depends heavily on an organization’s culture. Rethinking is more likely to happen in a learning culture, where growth is the core value and rethinking cycles are routine. In learning cultures, the norm is for people to know what they don’t know, doubt their existing practices, and stay curious about new routines to try out. Evidence shows that in learning cultures, organizations innovate more and make fewer mistakes. Psychologically safe teams report more errors, but they actually make fewer errors. > Psychological safety is not a matter of relaxing standards, making people comfortable, being nice and agreeable, or giving unconditional praise. It’s fostering a climate of respect, trust, and openness in which people can raise concerns and suggestions without fear of reprisal. It’s the foundation of a learning culture. 5 Questions Leaders can use to stimulate rethinking in the workplace: 1. What leads you to that assumption? 2. Why do you think it is correct? 3. What might happen if it’s wrong? 4. What are the uncertainties in your analysis? 5. I understand the advantages of your recommendation. What are the disadvantages? The standard advice for managers on building psychological safety is to model openness and inclusiveness. Ask for feedback on how you can improve, and people will feel safe to take risks. Managers can role model by admitting their imperfections out loud and making a public commitment to remain open to feedback. Normalize vulnerability, making their teams more comfortable opening up about their own struggles. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/15GKEg) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 26th February 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-february-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-february-2021.md Date: 2021-02-25 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,February was a fun month of creation and learning. I read 5 books, published 5 articles, created 5 videos, attended 1 training course and opened an Instagram account. This week's insights include: • Good Conflict, Bad Conflict 🤬 • How To Build A Listening Habit👂 • Power of Consistency 📈If you enjoy this edition, I'd love you to share it on Twitter. With Gratitude,TobyGood Conflict, Bad Conflict 🤬This week I finished Adam Grant's new book Think Again. Adam shares that Good Thin Happy Friday, February was a fun month of creation and learning. I read [5 books](https://www.goodreads.com/challenges/11650), published [5 articles](/blog), created [5 videos](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdx4I-XAq-K3LSmma5bTTUQ), [attended 1 training course](/post/learning-journal-wardley-mapping-ben-mosior-and-jabe-bloom-designing-healthy-organisations) and opened an [Instagram account](https://www.instagram.com/toby.sinclair.coach/). This week's insights include: - Good Conflict, Bad Conflict 🤬 - How To Build A Listening Habit👂 - Power of Consistency 📈 If you enjoy this edition, I'd love you to share it on Twitter. With Gratitude, Toby ## **Good Conflict, Bad Conflict 🤬** This week I finished [Adam Grant's new book Think Again](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know). Adam shares that Good Thinking requires Rethinking which requires Conflict. Research shows that conflict can lead to high performing teams. Agreeable teams tend to create lower-quality solutions. **But did you know there are two types of conflict?** One that is helpful. And one that can damage your team irreversibly. When you think about conflict, you’re probably picturing **relationship conflict—personal, emotional clashes that are filled not just with friction but also with animosity.** This conflict is damaging to a team. Without the right leadership coaching, this conflict can go out of control. It can create irreversible damage to relationships. There is another type of conflict, **task conflict-clashes about ideas and opinions.** This occurs when we’re debating whom to hire, how to build a feature and deciding on priorities. High performing teams typically have low relationship conflict and keep it low throughout their work together. When it comes to task conflict, high performing teams generally have this from the outset. They openly challenge each other's opinions and ideas only converging at the last responsible moment. This avoids premature convergence which is essential when dealing with complex problems. A meta-analysis of studies showed that **relationship conflict is generally bad for performance, but some task conflict can be beneficial: it’s been linked to higher creativity and smarter choices.** Coaching can help you harness the power of task conflict. It's a common misconception that coaching is just a cosy chat. **Skilled coaches often bring a high degree of challenge.** Asking questions that help people identify blindspots and explore new perspectives. **It helps to activate rethinking cycles** by pushing us to be humble about our expertise, doubt our knowledge, and be curious about new perspectives. **💡The insight for you:** **Minimize relationship conflict and maximise task conflict.** [Here is a full summary of Think Again by Adam Grant](/post/book-summary-think-again-by-adam-grant-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-don-t-know) ## **How To Build A Listening Habit👂** In this video, I'll connect you with the lost art of listening. So that you can lead your team better. The key to good active listening is to build a listening habit. This happens by making listening obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying. I share a few things I've learned to listen better and how I've built a listening habit. To help Product and Tech develop better people I created **Switch**. Within just 5 days you'll learn practical coaching skills to lead, empower and inspire your teams. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d0d587b3e024c45a746154d8bcb0f50~mv2.png)](/habits-program) ## **Power of Consistency 📈** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_50bd83ccc5a54d3a9219d15c3a6a9d73~mv2.png) Image by [@VisualizeValue](https://twitter.com/visualizevalue) This is the 10th edition of Curated Insights. I've learned so much about curating and writing a valuable newsletter. In particular, how making a commitment to publish every Friday keeps me accountable. Some weeks I'm super motivated and others life is hard. With a weekly commitment, it keeps me delivering. Your feedback has been hugely helpful in making this newsletter valuable. This week a reader shared with me: > *"I have usually an allergy against newsletters, and there are not a lot of them that succeed into my Inbox."* I'd love to hear your feedback too. **Reply to this email: What can I do to keep this newsletter valuable for you?** ## **Quote of the week** > "If you look at its branches, you swear it will fall. But if you watch the trunk, you will see its stability." - The Revenant [This behind-the-scenes documentary is excellent](https://youtu.be/pJfTfsXFbLk) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 19th February 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-february-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-february-2021.md Date: 2021-02-19 Topics: Happy Friday,This weeks insights include: • You're Not Listening 👂 • What is Coaching? A Practical Guide For Managers 💬 • Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudices that shape our lives 🧠 If you enjoy this edition, please do share with your network.With Gratitude,TobyYou're Not Listening 👂Listening is hard. I often fall short of being a great listener. It's easy for the mind to drift or to assume you know what the other person is talking about. I also struggle to find people who can listen wel Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - You're Not Listening 👂 - What is Coaching? A Practical Guide For Managers 💬 - Biased: Uncovering the hidden prejudices that shape our lives 🧠 If you enjoy this edition, please do share with your network. With Gratitude, Toby ## **You're Not Listening 👂** Listening is hard. I often fall short of being a great listener. It's easy for the mind to drift or to assume you know what the other person is talking about. I also struggle to find people who can listen well. This challenge is the focus of Kate Murphy's book: [**You're Not Listening.**](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) I particularly enjoyed how it explores listening to opposing views. When you listen to view, in conflict with your own, your brain responds like its being chased by a bear! To listen does not mean that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it. Kate's advice is in the moment you feel you are going to react with hostility toward those who disagree with you, take a breath and ask them a question, not to expose flawed logic but to truly expand your understanding of where they are coming from. [Read Full Book Summary](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) ## **What is Coaching?** 💬 My learning journey with video creation continues. This week I published a video to answer the question: **"What is Coaching?"** Coaching is seen as an essential leadership skill yet many leaders are unclear about what coaching is. This video shares my simple definition. There are coaching skills and there are coaching conversations. Both can be helpful. For a leader, it's the coaching skills which I think are most important. To help you become a better coach I created **Switch**. Within just 5 days you'll have practical ways to lead, empower and inspire your teams. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d0d587b3e024c45a746154d8bcb0f50~mv2.png)](/habits-program) ## **Biased by Dr Jennifer Eberhard** 🧠 February is Black History Month in USA. Bias negatively impacts Black people in almost all parts of society. Housing, Education, Criminal Justice, Employment etc. The bias is built into the system. This is the focus of Jennifer's great book: [Biased](/post/book-summary-biased-dr-jennifer-eberhardt). It's full of research and stories about how Bias impacts people in all walks of life but especially the Black people in USA. Jennifer shares several suggestions on how to handle bias. Bias is not something we exhibit and act on all the time. It is conditional, and the battle begins by understanding the conditions under which it is most likely to come alive. Among those conditions, **speed and ambiguity are two of the strongest triggers of bias**. When we are forced to make quick decisions using subjective criteria, the potential for bias is great. **Your insight:** Be on extra alert when you are most likely to be biased. [Read the full summary](/post/book-summary-biased-dr-jennifer-eberhardt) ## **Quote of the week** > “The greatest teams or any organisation is the self-regulated. The members of the team drive the team **it's not the leaders who drive the team**.” - Eddie Jones. England Rugby Head Coach ([More](/post/leadership-lessons-from-eddie-jones-high-performance-podcast)) --- ## Book Summary: You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy | Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes.md Date: 2021-02-17 Topics: book-summaries Listening is hard. This book shares the big ideas and best quotes from You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy. You'll learn how to listen to opposing views and why curiosity is the key. ![Book Summary Kate Murphy You're not listening](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6b9f33d27d4f42e09319d64aca029c5d~mv2.png) [Buy](https://amzn.to/3puEeUG) | [Good Reads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45892276-you-re-not-listening) | [Author Bio](https://www.journalistkatemurphy.com/) 📹 [How to Build A Listening Habit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m3rlahGxW0) > For anyone who has misunderstood or felt misunderstood. - Kate Murphy ## 3 big ideas Reading You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy, you’ll discover: - **Listening goes beyond just hearing what people say**. It’s also paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within you. - **Good listeners are able to deal with cognitive complexity.** They are able to cope with contradictory ideas and grey areas. They know there is usually more to the story than first appears and are not so eager for tidy reasoning and immediate answers. - **When listening, your stance should be curiosity**. Ask questions out of curiosity as opposed to questioning to prove a point, set a trap, change someone’s mind, or to make the other person look foolish. ## Best quotes Reading You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy, the best quotes are: > To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative. > To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it. ## Toby's takeaway Listening is hard. I often fall short of being a great listener. It's easy for the mind to drift or to assume you know what the other person is talking about. I also struggle to find people who can listen well. I'm sure you have this challenge too. Kate Murphy uses the phrase "lost art of listening"which is a great description. The You're Not Listening book helps you reconnect with the art of listening. There are many examples of the power of listening to transform. For example, the feeling of love that can be generated when someone actively listens to you. I really enjoyed the scientific studies shared in the You're Not Listening book. In particular, that when someone shares an opposing view to yours, your brain responds like it's being chased by a bear! This was the biggest takeaway from the book for me. How to listen well when faced with a challenging viewpoint. I'll be putting Kates advice into action: > At the moment you feel you are going to react with hostility toward those who disagree with you, take a breath and ask them a question, not to expose flawed logic but to truly expand your understanding of where they are coming from. ## 3 big ideas Book Summary You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy - [The Lost Art of Listening](#viewer-3tej2) 🎭 - [Assumption Earplugs: I Know What You’re Going to Say](#viewer-7enfb) 👂 - [Listening to Opposing Views](#viewer-5uv0f) 🥊 - [When to Stop Listening](#viewer-em03d) 🛑 - [What Words Conceal and Silences Reveal](#viewer-1ojt9) 🔕 ## The Lost Art of Listening 🎭 > “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears,2 that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” Greek philosopher Epictetus To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative. People are now we are too busy, or too distracted, to explore the depths of one another’s thoughts and feelings. The ability to listen to anyone has been replaced by the capacity to shut out everyone, particularly those who disagree with us or don’t get to the point fast enough. In a 2018 survey of twenty thousand Americans,5 almost half said they did not have meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend, on a daily basis. About the same proportion said they often felt lonely and left out even when others were around. Compare that to the 1980s when similar studies found only 20 percent said they felt that way. Truly listening to someone is a skill many seem to have forgotten or perhaps never learned in the first place. Hearing is passive. Listening is active. The best listeners focus their attention and recruit other senses to the effort. Their brains work hard to process all that incoming information and find meaning, which opens the door to creativity, empathy, insight, and knowledge. Understanding is the goal of listening, and it takes effort. ## I Know What You’re Going to Say: Assumptions as Earplugs � While you might think you’d be more likely to listen to a loved one than a stranger, in fact, the opposite is often true. People in long-term relationships tend to lose their curiosity for each other. They don’t listen because they think they already know what the other person will say. It’s called the closeness-communication bias. Relying on the past to understand someone in the present is doomed to failure. Listening to people who are not close to us brings a different set of biases, but they, too, are rooted in false assumptions. Most notably, confirmation bias and expectancy bias, which are caused by our craving for order and consistency. To make sense of a large and complex world, we unconsciously create file folders in our heads into which we drop people, usually before they even start talking. The categories can be broad stereotypes influenced by our culture or more individualistic based on experience. They can be helpful and accurate in some instances. But if we’re not careful, our rush to categorize and classify can diminish our understanding and distort reality. By listening, you might find comfort in shared values and similar experiences, but you’ll also find many points where you diverge, and it’s by acknowledging and accepting those differences that you learn and develop understanding. ## Listening to Opposing Views: Why It Feels Like Being Chased by a Bear 🥊 Always be mindful of internal stances, or attitudes, while listening. > “Your internal stance should be one of curiosity” Ask questions out of curiosity as opposed to questioning to prove a point, set a trap, change someone’s mind, or to make the other person look foolish. Listening requires, more than anything, curiosity. Studies show that children and adults who are securely attached tend to be more curious and open to new information than people who are not. It’s another tenet of attachment theory that if you have someone in your life who listens to you and who you feel connected to, then the safer you feel stepping out in the world and interacting with others. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned as a journalist is that everybody is interesting if you ask the right questions. If someone is dull or uninteresting, it’s on you. To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it. When beliefs are challenged, the brain lights up as if being chased by a bear. We almost can’t help ourselves because when our deeply held beliefs or positions are challenged, if there’s even a whiff that we might be wrong, it feels like an existential threat. At the moment you feel you are going to react with hostility toward those who disagree with you, take a breath and ask them a question, not to expose flawed logic but to truly expand your understanding of where they are coming from. The truth is, we only become secure in our convictions by allowing them to be challenged. **Someone who has been listened to is far more likely to listen to you.** According to Carl Rogers, the psychologist who coined the term active listening, listening to opposing viewpoints is the only way to grow as an individual: > “While I still hate to re-adjust my thinking, still hate to give up old ways of perceiving and conceptualizing, yet at some deeper level I have, to a considerable degree, come to realize that these painful reorganizations are what is known as learning.” - Carl Rogers Good listeners are able to cope with contradictory ideas and grey areas. Also known as Cognitive Complexity. Good listeners know there is usually more to the story than first appears and are not so eager for tidy reasoning and immediate answers, which is perhaps the opposite of being narrow-minded. > “Capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.” John Keats In the psychological literature, negative capability is known as cognitive complexity, which research shows is positively related to self-compassion and negatively related to dogmatism. When people listen without anxiety and they are open to hearing all sides. It enables better judgments and sounder decisions. > When Listening..... "The real secret to listening I’ve learned is that it’s not about me. I’m holding my cup out in front of me. I want them to fill my cup and not pour anything in their cup.” Naomi Henderson The most successful teams listen to one another. Members take turns, hear one another out, and pay attention to nonverbal cues to pick up on unspoken thoughts and feelings. Listening creates psychological safety, where people were more likely to share information and ideas without fear of being talked over or dismissed. ## When To Stop Listening � Sometimes you need to make the call to stop listening. While you can learn something from everyone, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to everyone until they run out of breath. > “If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.” George Eliot **Our Conversational Expectations:** - Quality—we expect the truth. - Quantity—we expect to get the information we don’t already know and not so much that we feel overwhelmed. - Relation—we expect relevance and logical flow. - Manner—we expect the speaker to be reasonably brief, orderly, and unambiguous. - Inclusion - we expect politeness and fairness in turn-taking Listening is not just something you should do when someone else is talking; it’s also what you should do while you are talking. > Tis the good listener who makes the good conversation. Careful listening is draining, regardless of your personality, aptitude, or motivation. You can’t do it continuously. Indeed, air traffic controllers are limited to one-and-a-half-hour to two-hour shifts before they must take a break. > “You’re like a bowl of chocolate mousse and everybody’s got a spoon.” When someone listens to you, it can feel so much like love, some people may not know the difference. Part of being a good listener is knowing your limits and setting boundaries. Not listening because you don’t have the intellectual or emotional energy to listen at that moment makes you human. Listening is your gift to bestow. No one can make you listen. But just as you should be mindful and intentional when you grant the gift of your attention, you should try to be as mindful and intentional when you withhold it. ## What Words Conceal and Silences Reveal � It’s a rare quality, particularly in Western cultures, where people get extremely uncomfortable when there are gaps in conversation. We call it dead air. A hesitation or pause is seen as unbearably awkward and something to actively avoid. People are poised to jump in at the slightest indication that a speaker might be trailing off, even if the person hasn’t quite completed a thought. When researchers graphed around fifty thousand pauses or transitions that occurred during English language conversations, they got a dramatic bell curve between-1 and +1 seconds (negative numbers indicating the times people began talking before the other person stopped talking). The highest peak was around 0–200 milliseconds, which means there was no pause at all between speakers or there was a pause that lasted less than the blink of an eye. Studies of Dutch and German speakers yielded similar results. > “The silent person is the best to listen to.” Research shows that being able to comfortably sit in silence is actually a sign of a secure relationship. In western cultures, people tend to interpret silences longer than about half a second as disapproval, sanction, or ostracism, so they rush to say something to try to raise their standing. A silence of just four seconds is enough for people to change or nuance their expressed opinion, taking the quiet to mean their views are out of line. There’s a big difference between being “silent with” and being “silent to,” just like there’s a big difference between “laughing with” and “laughing at.” There’s a generosity in silence but also a definite advantage. People who are comfortable with silence elicit more information and don’t say too much out of discomfort. Resisting the urge to jump in makes it more likely you will leave conversations with additional insight and greater understanding. --- ## 5 Leadership Lessons From Eddie Jones | High-Performance Podcast URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-from-eddie-jones-high-performance-podcast Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-lessons-from-eddie-jones-high-performance-podcast.md Date: 2021-02-16 Topics: leadership A few leadership insights from the excellent High-Performance Podcast. This episode with England Rugby Coach, Eddie Jones. Eddie always inspires me to be a better coach. I've written about his coaching approach previously: • Coaching Lessons From Elite Sport • The Four Fatal Fears of Your TeamI'm hopeful one day we'll meet to trade ideas 😃Coaches in business can learn so much from coaches of Elite Sport.Key Insights for Leaders in Business 💡The greatest teams or any organisation is the self-re A few leadership insights from the excellent [High-Performance Podcast](https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/). This episode with England Rugby Coach, Eddie Jones. Eddie always inspires me to be a better coach. I've written about his coaching approach previously: - [Coaching Lessons From Elite Sport](/post/coaching-lessons-from-elite-sport-england-rugby-coach-eddie-jones) - [The Four Fatal Fears of Your Team](/post/the-four-fatal-fears-of-your-team-advice-for-managers) I'm hopeful one day we'll meet to trade ideas 😃 Coaches in business can learn so much from coaches of Elite Sport. ## **Key Insights for Leaders in Business 💡** > The greatest teams or any organisation is the self-regulated. The members of the team drive the team **it's not the leaders who drive the team**. > You are always either trying to put pressure on or you're trying to take the pressure off. **Your ability to read what people need at a particular time is important.** > **Pursue the perfect game** (In business terms: [Seek Mastery](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc)) Note: Questions and responses below are paraphrased from the original podcast. ### **What is high performance?** I'm not sure. I think you're always just striving to be better. I think when you're high performing you've got a number of things working. You've got the right people. You've got the right position. You've got the right environment. However, it changes all the time. It's constantly changing and dynamic. Your ability to observe and read what's needed for that environment at that time is the most important thing. ### **What do you focus on first when working with a team?** I think history is always one of the most important. History of the team. History of the players. History of the society they're in. **You need to understand how the players live their lives**. That will give you an indication of how they approach the sport. And then you look at the people. See what they've been through what desires they have, and how are you going to get some commonality. Don't treat the whole team the same. Work with individuals. Your ability to get a feel for the group is important. When you walk into a team for the first time, you look at the players and think, who do I need on my side here immediately. Who do I need to get rid of, who can maybe I can keep. Then you're working with those players. ### **How do you manage the players?** You are always either trying to put pressure on or you're trying to take the pressure off. Your ability to read what they need at that particular time is important. ### **How do you develop the ability to read a room?** I learned more from general managers of hotels than anywhere else. I used to have a mate who was a manager at a hotel. I would have dinner with him and watch him. He would give me full attention but he'd also be able to observe if the waiter at another table put down the knives and forks correctly. This was a brilliant lesson in observation. Giving someone your full attention whilst also keeping an eye on what's going on around you. ### **What is the distinction between teaching and coaching?** The end result. Teaching is focused on the person becoming better. The end result is an improvement in the individual. Coaching is focused on winning. You can have a happy team but at the end of the day, you are measured on the results the team gets. ### **Where do you apportion most of your energy as a coach? Physical, Tactical, Technical or Mental.** Tactical and Mental are the same. The mental side is thinking about the game, and the tactical side just that employment of those thoughts. They always go together. The physical side is easiest as that's just effort. ### **What keeps you coaching?** The pursuit of the perfect game. ### **How important is relentless dedication to get to the top?** You need to have focus. Knowing when you're the most productive during the day is critical. That is the most important. 5am to 6am is my most productive time. After that, I train and will usually get some good thoughts when I'm not even thinking. The rest of the day I don't do challenging work apart from just work with the players. Then I'll do a little bit more challenging work at night if I'm in the right mood. ### **What is your current focus on developing the England Rugby Team?** Get the team to be much more self-regulated. The greatest teams or any organisation is the self-regulated. The members of the team drive the team it's not the leaders who drive the team. Leaders are just pushing and prodding and guiding, but the team's driving the team. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 12th February 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-february-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-february-2021.md Date: 2021-02-11 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This weeks insights include: • Are you solving the wrong problems? ⚠️ • Find your perfect coaching book 📚 • A self-care writing exercise ❤️Enjoy!Are you solving the wrong problems? ⚠️This week I read Upstream Thinking by Dan Heath.It explores how people commonly focus on solving the wrong problems. They react to problems after they happen.Instead, Dan suggests preventing problems upstream.What I enjoyed most about the book are the stories used throughout.A great example is a Dutch Happy Friday, This weeks insights include: - Are you solving the wrong problems? ⚠️ - Find your perfect coaching book 📚 - A self-care writing exercise ❤️ Enjoy! ## **Are you solving the wrong problems? ⚠️** This week I read [Upstream Thinking](/post/book-summary-upstream-by-dan-heath-how-to-solve-problems-with-systems-thinking) by Dan Heath. It explores how people commonly focus on solving the wrong problems. They react to problems after they happen. Instead, Dan suggests preventing problems upstream. What I enjoyed most about the book are the stories used throughout. A great example is a Dutch bicycle company, VanMoof. Customer complaints were high as many bikes were being damaged during shipping. Their solution? **They started printing images of flat-screen televisions on the side of their shipping boxes, which are very similar in shape to flat-screen TV boxes.** *“Our team sat together and we imagined that couriers would be more careful with packages if they knew even more precious goods were in them,”* the cofounder Taco Carlier told a journalist. Damaged goods were reduced by 70% to 80%. I created this [summary](/post/book-summary-upstream-by-dan-heath-how-to-solve-problems-with-systems-thinking) so you can get the best insights quickly. ## **Find Your Perfect Coaching Book 📚** This week I shared this visual to help you find the perfect coaching book. It's been rather popular on LinkedIn with over 300 Likes. Welcome to folks reading this newsletter for the first time! My hope is that the visual will help leaders coach better. ![What Coaching Book Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a274008e6d6241c4a01d791930ed12ca~mv2.png) To help you become a better coach I created **Switch**. Within just 5 days you'll have practical ways to lead, empower and inspire your teams. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d0d587b3e024c45a746154d8bcb0f50~mv2.png)](/habits-program) ## **A Self-Care Writing Exercise ❤️** Many people I spoke with this week are finding life hard. I'm sharing this writing exercise for anyone struggling or those who need a reminder to do self-care. **Grab a pen, paper and find a quiet spot** Mindfulness is about focusing our attention and increasing awareness of the present moment. Often we get trapped in our own thoughts and lose a sense of what is around us. Firstly, find something to look at. What you choose is up to you, start with a single item. A chair, a table, a person, a wall, a glass. Once you have chosen your object, look at it intently for a few minutes. Take several deep breaths as you focus on the object to help you relax and focus your attention. Imagine you are going to paint it, now do a word painting. Describe the object in great detail, observing aspects of it that you wouldn’t normally see. The texture, the colour, the shape, the position, the density. Describe the feelings that arise in the present moment as you focus your attention on the object. As you write, take a breath after each sentence to focus. **Debrief** - What did you notice that perhaps you wouldn't normally? - As you look back at the object now, does it appear any different? - What relationship does it have with any feelings that arose during the exercise? [Here are four more Self-Care Writing Exercises](/self-care-journal-ideas) ## **Quote of the week** > “After the ecstasy, the laundry” - Jack Kornfield ([Share on Twitter](https://ctt.ac/CEZz5)) --- ## Book Summary: Upstream by Dan Heath | How to solve problems with Systems Thinking URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-upstream-by-dan-heath-how-to-solve-problems-with-systems-thinking Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-upstream-by-dan-heath-how-to-solve-problems-with-systems-thinking.md Date: 2021-02-09 Topics: book-summaries The case studies and stories within this book are fantastic. They reveal concrete examples of how shifting upstream can have big results. For example, the story of how the dutch bicycle company. To reduce damage in transit delivered their bicycles in TV boxes. Amazing! ## Should you read this? Dan Heath has written the ultimate primer on the power of prevention, a work that deserves a prominent place on every leader's bookshelf. Packed with vivid stories and practical examples, Upstream is the rare book that can both revitalize your business and make our world a better place. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1 -** Downstream actions react to problems once they’ve occurred. Upstream efforts aim to prevent those problems from happening at all. Upstream efforts look at the systemic factors that influence problems. **Big Idea 2 -** Organisations have a natural tendency towards downstream thinking. It's more tangible and is often rewarded. Fighting the fire is valued over preventing the fire. The key for leadership is to shift the focus to Upstream Thinking. Rewarding and supporting efforts that prevent problems. Even if they are not as tangible or easier to reward. **Big Idea 3 -** There are three barriers that block effective upstream thinking: I don’t see the problem; It's not mine to fix; I can't deal with that right now. Leaders need to be aware of these barriers and adjust the systemic factors that contribute to them. Make Upstream Thinking the natural, default behaviour. ## Best quotes > When you spend years responding to problems, you can sometimes overlook the fact that you could be preventing them. > A telltale sign of upstream work is that it involves systems thinking. ## Toby's takeaway This is a great book for anyone new to thinking about systems. It's also great for leaders faced with problems that need a new approach. I've already started sharing the stories from this book with my network. They highlight the power of upstream thinking. Finally, I was also reminded of how easy it is to fall into problem-solving mode. As leaders, we can often assume the role of problem-solver quickly (isn't that what we are paid to do?). Instead, this book highlighted the role of a leader is to assemble a diverse group of people and find leverage points to systemically tackle the problem. ## Big Ideas Expanded - I don’t see the problem. - It's not mine to fix. - I can't deal with that right now. - Pioneer new ways of working together - Find reliable ways to measure success - Be aware of unintended side-effects ## What is Upstream Thinking? When you spend years responding to problems, you can sometimes overlook the fact that you could be preventing them. Downstream actions react to problems once they’ve occurred. Upstream efforts aim to prevent those problems from happening. To systematically reduce the harm caused by those problems. Downstream efforts are narrow and fast and tangible. Upstream efforts are broader, slower, and hazier—but when they work, they really work. Upstream is broad and slow(er). You can bring a homeless person a meal today, and you’ll feel good immediately. But to figure out how to reduce evictions, in order to prevent people from becoming homeless—that might take years. What kind of work do you care so much about that you could stick with it for 5 years? Or 10 years? A telltale sign of upstream work is that it involves systems thinking. Upstream work is about reducing the probability that problems will happen, and for that reason, the work must culminate in systems change. Because systems are the source of those probabilities. **To change the system is to change the rules that govern us or the culture that influences us.** ## Story - River Drownings: You and a friend are having a picnic by the side of a river. Suddenly you hear a shout from the direction of the water—a child is drowning. Without thinking, you both dive in, grab the child, and swim to shore. Before you can recover, you hear another child cry for help. You and your friend jump back in the river to rescue her as well. Then another struggling child drifts into sight … and another … and another. The two of you can barely keep up. Suddenly, you see your friend wading out of the water, seeming to leave you alone. “Where are you going?” you demand. Your friend answers, “I’m going upstream to tackle the guy who’s throwing all these kids in the water.” Ref: public health parable (adapted from the original, which is commonly attributed to Irving Zola) ## Story - Expedia: For every 100 customers who booked travel on Expedia—reserving flights or hotel rooms or rental cars—58 of them placed a call afterwards for help. The number one reason customers called? To get a copy of their itinerary. It was no group’s job to ensure that customers didn’t need to call for support. In fact, no team really stood to gain if customers stopped calling. It wasn’t what they were measured on. This was identified as an Upstream Problem. The customer had mistyped her email address. Once changes were implemented to this upstream issue the percentage of Expedia customers who call for support declined from 58% to roughly 15%.4. ## Story - Dutch Bicycle Company: VanMoof received complaints that many of its bikes were damaged during shipping. Bex Rad, the creative director, wrote on Medium that “too many of our bikes arrived looking like they’d been through a metal-munching combine harvester. It was getting expensive for us, and bloody annoying for our customers.” Their solution? They started printing images of flat-screen televisions on the side of their shipping boxes, which are very similar in shape to flat-screen TV boxes. “Our team sat together and we imagined that couriers would be more careful with packages if they knew even more precious goods were in them,” the cofounder Taco Carlier told a journalist. Damaged goods were reduced by 70% to 80%. Ref: ## 3 Barriers to Upstream Thinking - I don’t see the problem (Or, This problem is inevitable.) - Problem Blindness - That’s not mine to fix. - Lack of Ownership - I can’t deal with that right now. - Tunnelling ## Problem Blindness This is the belief that negative outcomes are natural or inevitable. Out of our control. When we’re blind to a problem, we treat it like the weather. We may know it’s bad, but ultimately, we just shrug our shoulders. What am I supposed to do about it? It’s the weather. “Inattentional blindness,” a phenomenon in which our careful attention to one task leads us to miss important information that’s unrelated to that task. When it’s coupled with time pressure, it can create a lack of curiosity. I’ve got to stay focused on what I’m doing. ## Story - London Transport: In 1894, when more than 60,000 horses were transporting people daily around London, the Times predicted that, “In 50 years, every street in London will be buried under nine feet of manure.”29 Let’s leave aside for a moment the logistical implausibility of that particular nightmare. (How exactly would the 9th foot of manure have been added to the top of the pile?) Still, it was not a totally unreasonable fear: those 60,000 horses had an average daily “output” of 15 to 35 pounds of manure. At the first international urban planning meeting in New York City in 1898, the horse manure crisis was the talk of the conference. Ref: ## Story - Brazil C-Section Rate: In Brazil in 2014, the C-section rate was 57%, one of the highest in the world. And in the country’s private health system, favoured by wealthier Brazilians, a mind-boggling 84% of children were delivered via C-section. “The system was designed to produce C-sections,” By implementing upstream solutions, such as educating doctors and patients, nine months later, the rate of natural childbirth had shot up to 40%. Ref: The escape from problem blindness begins with the shock of awareness that you’ve come to treat the abnormal as normal ## A Lack of Ownership > “When we create organizations, we’re doing it to give people focus. We’re essentially giving them a license to be myopic. We’re saying: This is your problem. Define your mission and create your strategy and align your resources to solve that problem. And you have the divine right to ignore all of the other stuff that doesn’t align with that.” Mark Okerstrom - Expedia Focus is both the strength and the weakness of organizations. The specialization inherent to organizations creates great efficiencies. But it also deters upstream efforts. People resist acting on a perceived problem because they feel as though it’s not their place to do so. What’s odd about upstream work is that, despite the enormous stakes, it’s often optional. With downstream activity—the rescues and responses and reactions—the work is demanded of us. ## Tunnelling Researchers have found that when people experience scarcity—of money or time or mental bandwidth—little problems crowd out the big ones. When people are juggling a lot of problems, they give up trying to solve them all. They adopt tunnel vision. People who are tunnelling can’t engage in systems thinking. They can’t prevent problems; they just react. It dooms you to stay in an endless cycle of reaction. To escape the tunnel you need slack. Reserve of time or resources that can be spent on problem-solving. This is where the minimising cognitive load on teams is so important. Without the slack, the teams won't think systemically. You also need to create an urgent demand to fix a problem that may not happen for a while. Make the upstream feel downstream. ## Upstream Leadership To succeed upstream, leaders must: 1. Detect problems early 2. Target leverage points in complex systems 3. Find reliable ways to measure success 4. Pioneer new ways of working together 5. Embed their successes into systems to give them permanence. ## Pioneer new ways of working together To succeed: - Surround the problem with the right people; - Give them early notice of that problem; - Align their efforts toward preventing specific instances of that problem. ## Story - Iceland Underage Drinking: Iceland was top of the table for the percentage of people drunk at the age of 13 or younger and the percentage who’d been drunk 10 or more times during the previous year. To solve the problem they shifted progress upstream. This included 2 solutions. Firstly improving sports programs, to give students activities to do other than drinking. Secondly introducing a curfew so that students spent more time with their parents. Perhaps the most astonishing part of the story in Iceland is that its success has been so complete as to be invisible. Most teenagers today aren’t really aware of it.41 They’ve simply grown up in a world where substance abuse is largely absent. Ref: ## Story - Domestic Violence Response: The Domestic Violence response system was splintered into specialized functions: police officers to respond to 911 calls; health care providers to mend wounds; advocates to help victims; district attorneys to prosecute cases; and parole officers to monitor abusers after they served sentences. Women were essentially falling in the cracks between these roles. None of the groups that performed these functions had both the mission and the wherewithal to prevent homicide. An upstream solution was introduced. A new tool asks female victims of abuse to mark on a calendar the approximate dates, over the previous year, when they were abused. Then they are asked to answer 20 yes/no questions about the abuser, including: Is he unemployed? Does he threaten to harm your children? Does he control most or all of your daily activities? For instance: Does he tell you who you can be friends with, when you can see your family, how much money you can use, or when you can take the car? All the various response groups would then meet to review the specific cases at risk. These were not committee meetings to discuss “policy issues around domestic violence.” This was a group assembled to stop particular women from being killed. Ref: ## Story - Tackling Veteran Homelessness: Three critical shifts en route to ending veteran homelessness: - a shift in strategy - a shift in collaboration - a shift in data. Cities have many different housing options for homeless people—supportive housing, transitional housing, shelters, and more—and there are many different agencies that interact with the homeless. Imagine a hotel with seven different front desks, each with its own set of policies for who can book a room and how long they can stay, and so on. The strategic shift was to embrace what’s called “housing first.” In the past, the opportunity to receive housing was like a carrot dangled in front of homeless people to encourage them to fix themselves: to receive substance abuse treatment, or treatment for mental illness, or job training. The idea was that a homeless person needed to earn their way into the housing. “Housing first” flips that sequence. It says that the first step in helping the homeless—not the last—is to get them into housing as soon as possible. “I stopped thinking of people as ‘homeless’ and started thinking of them as people without houses,” Ref: Walker and Jaeger have begun to work on the problem of “inflow”—reducing the number of new people who become homeless. It’s a thorny problem, for all the reasons you’d expect, but they’ve already identified one leverage point: evictions. In some neighborhoods in Rockford, the eviction rates are as high as 24%. In early 2019, the city conducted a pilot program in which it acted as an intermediary between tenants and landlords in situations where eviction was imminent. In some cases, the city negotiated a new payment plan for the landlord and tenant; sometimes, the city also contributed money on behalf of the tenant. ## Find reliable ways to measure success > “A rising tide lifts all boats.” A question that bedevils many upstream interventions is: What counts as success? With downstream work, success can be wonderfully tangible, and that’s partly because it involves restoration. Downstream efforts restore the previous state. **Three Ways Measures Fool You:** - Your measures show that you’re succeeding, but **you’ve mistakenly attributed that success to your own work**. (The team applauds itself for hitting more home runs—but it turns out every team in the league hit more, too, because pitching talent declined.) - You’ve succeeded on your short-term measures, but they **didn’t align with your long-term mission**. (The team doubled its home runs but barely won any more games.) - Your short-term **measures became the mission in a way that really undermined the work.** (The pressure to hit home runs led several players to start taking steroids, and they got caught.) **5 tests to improve measures:** - **The “rising tides” test:** Imagine that we succeed on our short-term measures. What else might explain that success, other than our own efforts, and are we tracking those factors? - **The misalignment test:** Imagine that we’ll eventually learn that our short-term measures do not reliably predict success on our ultimate mission. What would allow us to sniff out that misalignment as early as possible, and what alternate short-term measures might provide potential replacements? - **The lazy bureaucrat test:** If someone wanted to succeed on these measures with the least effort possible, what would they do? - **The defiling-the-mission test:** Imagine that years from now, we have succeeded brilliantly according to our short-term measures, yet we have actually undermined our long-term mission. What happened? - **The unintended consequences test:** What if we succeed at our mission—not just the short-term measures but the mission itself—yet cause negative unintended consequences that outweigh the value of our work? What should we be paying attention to that’s offstage from our work? ## Warning: Systems respond in surprising ways > “Changes for the good of the whole may sometimes seem to be counter to the interests of a part of the system.” - Donella Meadows Upstream interventions tinker with complex systems, and as such, we should expect reactions and consequences beyond the immediate scope of our work. ## Story - Plastic Bags: In San Diego, banning plastic bags resulted in some truly unanticipated consequences. Some people attributed a deadly 2017 hepatitis A outbreak in San Diego to the lack of plastic bags. Why? Homeless people had been in the habit of using the bags to dispose of their own waste. When the bags became less plentiful, the other alternatives turned out to be less sanitary. ![Upstream by Dan Heath - Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c24b57327b774971a141e48fe8f1b3f1~mv2.png) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 5th February 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-february-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-february-2021.md Date: 2021-02-05 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This week's insights include: • How healthy is your organisation? 🍏 • The only seven coaching questions you need 💬 • How to be an antiracist 🖤Enjoy!How healthy is your organisation? 🍏This week I attended "Designing Epistemically Healthy Organisations with Wardley MappingThere were many insights across the three days. In particular, I enjoyed exploring definitions of organisational health.An unhealthy system is where people within the organisational system are unaware of how the Happy Friday, This week's insights include: - How healthy is your organisation? 🍏 - The only seven coaching questions you need 💬 - How to be an antiracist 🖤 Enjoy! ## How healthy is your organisation? 🍏 This week I attended "[Designing Epistemically Healthy Organisations with Wardley Mapping](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMwOTAmZD1uMWg1eTRr.FmPkEXMSLDT_5X72EaPBhCRlmO_WYijkvnglB0H_QZ4) There were many insights across the three days. In particular, I enjoyed exploring definitions of organisational health. ***An unhealthy system*** *is where people within the organisational system are unaware of how the system works. So, therefore, cannot act effectively.* ***A healthy system*** *is where people within the organisation understand the system and therefore can influence the system.* To give an example lets take promotion. In a healthy organisation, employees would be aware of the criteria and how to get promoted. They'd also be able to influence this process and know exactly who to speak to for help. In an unhealthy organisation, employees would be uncertain how to get promoted. The documented criteria may not be followed in practice. The employee would have no influence and would likely not know who to speak to. **How healthy is your organisation?** Wardley Mapping helps people understand how the system works and their place within it. The mapping helps as a way to increase organisational health. Many more insights shared in my [learning journal](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMwOTMmZD1sNXE2aDRi.iHSgbYVxohsywE8RyN3_BYgJoVc76c4xJsGmt-EnkkU). ## The only seven coaching questions you need 💬 Over the weekend I re-read [The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stainer](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMwOTYmZD1oNng4Yjhx.o2Atdhb1e4B19lCYNi-LBIl9s0JOvQcZTeIazkRLN_I). It's the book I always recommend for busy managers who want to learn about coaching. Michael shares these seven coaching questions: 1. The Kickstart Question - What’s on your mind? 2. The AWE Question - And what else? 3. The Focus Question - What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. The Foundation Question - What do you want? 5. The Lazy Question - How can I help? 6. The Strategic Question - If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. The Learning Question - What was most useful for you? I use these questions all the time. They are especially useful in 1:1's with team members. [![Switch by Toby Sinclair](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bc69f033b08540b6993a9e55b754bd31~mv2.png)](/habits-program) To help you become a better coach I created **Switch**. A free 5 day self-led coaching program for leaders. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d0d587b3e024c45a746154d8bcb0f50~mv2.png)](/habits-program) ## How to be an antiracist 🖤 This month is Black History Month in USA. I decided to revisit one of the best books I read in 2020, [How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X Kendi.](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMxMDUmZD1zMnIzYTRk.tjArmjalqBDxo4_LKpKHwUT6zJCYZB9nXRsIBO8scxc) The book provides many helpful definitions which I've used countless times to help bring clarity in discussions: - **Racist** – One who is supporting a racist policy through their actions or inaction or expressing a racist idea. - **Antiracist** – One who is supporting an antiracist policy through their actions or expressing an antiracist idea. - **Racism** – A marriage of racist policies and racist ideas that produce and normalize racial inequities. - **Antiracism** – A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to racial equity and are substantiated by antiracist ideas. Importantly Ibram shares it's **not good enough to be not-racist**. You are either racist or antiracist. [Read the full summary](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMxMDgmZD1tN3AzdTBv.D_yYsZ2qE0SFRaWoZn2Ltwt7FcOSrJOsUpPI-lGARNg) ## Quote of the week > “Get out there on the goddamn front line and show them that you care, and that you’re not just in some plush office somewhere.” - Elon Musk to CEO's ([Source](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNjE0MzQ4MTkxMTAzMTk1OTQwJmM9azhlOCZlPTAmYj01MTcyNDMxMTEmZD11MGo3bTJz.kU74SMKAAJcmR_qSE21JyW65k4ccrdnQuHz_aEp0fl8)) --- ## Learning Journal: Wardley Mapping - Ben Mosior and Jabe Bloom | Designing Healthy Organisations URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learning-journal-wardley-mapping-ben-mosior-and-jabe-bloom-designing-healthy-organisations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learning-journal-wardley-mapping-ben-mosior-and-jabe-bloom-designing-healthy-organisations.md Date: 2021-02-03 Topics: organisational-design, systems-thinking-complexity A learning journal of notes, quotes and insights from a wonderful training workshop led by Jabe Bloom and Ben Mosior. The workshop focused on the principles, theory, thinking behind mapping and "How to do" Wardley Mapping. All within the context of increasing epistemic health of organisations. This journal is mostly focused on the thinking behind mapping and less so on "How To Map". If you are interested in how to do Wardley Mapping Ben's website is the place to go: https://learnwardleymapping. A learning journal of notes, quotes and insights from a wonderful training workshop led by [Jabe Bloom](https://twitter.com/cyetain) and [Ben Mosior](https://twitter.com/HiredThought). The workshop focused on the principles, theory, thinking behind mapping and "How to do" Wardley Mapping. All within the context of increasing epistemic health of organisations. **This journal is mostly focused on the thinking behind mapping** and less so on "How To Map". If you are interested in how to do Wardley Mapping Ben's website is the place to go: Where specific course materials/quotes have been used, Jabe and/or Ben have been referenced. **Disclaimer: ⚠️** These are learning notes so are likely confusing and wrong. As such, to learn your own insights I'd highly recommend joining the next workshop: ## **Insights 💡** My 5 biggest insights: 1. Organisational Health - An unhealthy system is where people within the organisational system are unaware of how the system works. So, therefore, cannot act effectively. - A healthy system is where people within the organisation understand the system and therefore can influence the system. - Wardley Mapping helps people understand "their story" within the bigger system. When this happens the health of the system will increase. 2. What is put on a Wardley map influences the story told. 5 "things" commonly explored on maps are: Artifacts/Data, Skills/Practice, Activities/Technologies, Knowledge 3. The relationship between the things on the map is important. Examine the qualities of those relationships and the cost of changing those links. 4. To map well you need a minimum amount of variety and coherence. Without these, decisions made from the map won't be as effective. 5. Don't focus on what "we" want the system to do. Instead, focus on what the system wants to do AND if the outcome is ok. ## **Contents**: The Principles, Theory and Thinking That Influences Mapping 🧠 - Ontologies 🕵️ - Using Ologies to Act Effectively 🤹 - Mapping Helps Increase Organisational Health 🍏 - Importance of Coherence 🕷️ - Mapping Your Truth 👀 - Correspondence Theory 🔍 - Strategy Alignment Choices 🧩 - Conditions Consequence Thinking 🌡️ - SocioTechnical Architecture 🏗️ How To Do Wardley Mapping ✍️ - Introduction to Wardley Mapping📍 - Questions to engage with a Wardley Map 🤔 - Working with a Wardley Map 🛠️ - Defining Boundaries 🖼️ Open Questions 😕 ## **The Principles, Theory and Thinking That Influences Mapping 🧠** ### **Ontologies 🕵️** **Epistemology** - What are the valid methods and ways to come to know the world? - What should be considered valid explanations of what is happening? - Example: Science is an epistemic system... it defines methods for knowing about the world and defines criteria for “justified belief”... (and also what isn't justified beliefs) - Example: Product Management - It defines methods for knowing about the world (customers) and defines criteria for “justified belief” *Definition by Jabe Bloom* **An example:** An operations team that is constantly fighting fires. Focused on fixing issues vs Preventing issues Possible Epistemologies: - There will always be errors and they cannot be avoided/prevented. - Incidents can be removed upstream **Ontology** - What sort of things exist in the world? - What forms do things take? What are their essences? - Example: Minds are in brains and brains are made of neurons. Molecules are made of atoms, and atoms are made of sub-particles. *Definition by Jabe Bloom* **Relation to Wardley Mapping:** - What things are we going to map? = Ontology - When mapping, you have to make decisions about what's in and out of scope. This is an example of ontology in action. - If your ontology is made up of short term things it will influence your strategy. - What you put on the map determines the story you tell which then constrains the action you take. **Mereology** - How are wholes and parts related? Where are the boundaries? - How can we decompose a whole into parts? - How do parts “become" a whole? - Example. How are minds made from brains and brains made of neurons? *Definition by Jabe Bloom* **Relation to Wardley Mapping:** - Boundaries of systems are always subjective. - Without boundaries, a map is likely to be confusing. **Methodology** - How can we systematically produce knowledge? - What tools, practices and methods should we use to (re)produce knowledge? In what sequence? *Definition by Jabe Bloom* **Relation to Wardley Mapping:** - The way you come to know about the world influences the methods you use. - The way you come to know about the world is influenced by what you decide to place attention on. What you place on the Wardley Map will influence what you pay attention to. ### **Using Ologies to Act Effectively 🤹** In summary, how all these "ologies" relate to Wardley Mapping: - Epistemology - Realities that people layer onto the map - Ontology - What goes on the map - Mereology - Defining boundaries of the map - Methodology - The process of building the map Ologies influence each other. It's important to understand this relationship when mapping. ![Ology Loop](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7be255e0dafd40ef9f7aa0ee50dc3a96~mv2.png) Source: Jabe Bloom **Reflect on these questions:** - Is there a bigger system at hand? (When people ask this question it's a sign of a healthy system?) - Are we talking about the right things? (Ontology) - Are we focused too much on doing the methodology better? (AKA doing agile better. This is a common trap for Management) **Consider:** The reason why our decisions from mapping are not proving to be effective is not that we didn't do the methodology "well" it could be: 1. We chose the wrong things to explore (ontology) 2. Our reality was shaped by a poor epistemology **A concrete example:** Scenario: An operations team that is constantly fighting fires. Focused on fixing issues vs preventing issues **Current Reality:** - Epistemology - There will always be errors and they cannot be avoided/prevented. - Ontology - Focus on incidents and errors - Methodology - Incident Management (ITIL) ← Management's common focus **Alternative Reality:** - Epistemology - Incidents can be removed upstream - Ontology - Focus on root causes - Methodology - Lean/5 Ways ## **Mapping Helps Increase Organisational Health 🍏** > Power is dependent upon the context of a functioning social world - shared institutions, shared, meanings, shared expectations... - [Miranda Fricker](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Epistemic-Injustice-Power-Ethics-Knowing/dp/0199570523) **Organisational Health** - An unhealthy system is where people within the organisational system are unaware of how the system works. So, therefore, cannot act effectively. - A healthy system is where people within the organisation understand the system and therefore can influence the system. Indicators of an unhealthy system: - A significant amount of power is centralised. As such decision making is made in these central groups. - Many people/teams have high cognitive load and feel overwhelmed and unable to act. - Parts are knowingly optimised over the whole. Indicators of a healthy system: - People are educated and made aware of the broader system - Cognitive Load is minimised and managed. The system should "fit in the heads" of the team. - Parts are not knowingly optimised over the whole. **Power** = Knowledge of how the system works. Wardley Mapping helps people understand the systems in which they are working in. As such this increases the health of the system. Epistemic Health explored more in [this book](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Epistemic-Injustice-Power-Ethics-Knowing/dp/0199570523) ## **Importance of Coherence 🕷️** Coherence: > “the quality of being logical and consistent OR the quality of forming a unified whole.” [This article](https://www.morebeyond.co.za/making-coherence-coherent/) explores more ### Helping people find their place in the story **Hermeneutic Cycle** If you can't locate yourself in the narrative you feel disadvantaged. You also don't feel empowered to change the narrative. Without coherence, people will not understand their place in the system. **Example:** When a manager says “this is how the world is,” and a team member says “that makes no sense” When you can't describe yourself in the narrative, others in the story will struggle to relate with you. We find it hard to share our social world with others. > Meaning flows from intention into action - Alicia Juarrero *"Imagine for a moment, that you find yourself astride a horse. Looking down you find a large heavy sword in your hand. Looking forward you see an extraordinarily large lizard.* *Given this narrative, in MacIntyrian ethics, one can ask, 'What would you feel justified doing now?' or 'What would you expect to do?'* *Gadamerian hermeneutics would allow us to explore the way in which the narrative is a passing down of history, and a way of forming an intersubjective (non-relative) answer, changing "What would you expect to do" to "What would 'we' expect you to do".* *One of the questions we must explore then is, “How does the sword dispose you towards the narrative of the Knight and the Dragon"?"* Source: Jabe Bloom, Ben Mosior **Wardley Mapping helps people understand "their story" within the bigger system. When this happens the health of the system will increase.** **Finding a Minimum Level of Coherence and Variety** In order for people to act within a system, they require a minimum level of coherence and variety. We shouldn't expect people to **know everything** and explore **all options.** Finding the minimum level of coherence and variety is an enabler for collaboration. Without coherence, you don't have a common ground so conflict resolution becomes challenging. **Requisite Coherence:** > A problem never exists in isolation; it is surrounded by other problems in space and time. The more of the context of a problem that a scientist can comprehend, the greater are his chances of finding a truly adequate solution. -Ackoff **Requisite Variety:** > Informally, practically, it says that in order to deal properly with the diversity of problems the world throws at you, you need to have a repertoire of responses which is (at least) as nuanced as the problems you face. Ref: **Guiding Principle for Wardley Mapping:** What's the minimum amount of shared understanding required to maintain the minimum amount of coherence to keep the system healthy. When there is no coherence the system will fall into chaos/disorder. It may break. Resilient systems "bounce back" whereas robust systems will break, often dramatically. ### **Mapping Your Truth 👀** **Correspondence Theory** Usually applied much more broadly to any view explicitly embracing the idea that truth consists in a relation to reality, i.e., that truth is a relational property involving a characteristic relation (to be specified) to some portion of reality (to be specified). **3 Theories of Truth** - Pragmatic - Truth is what works, or serves our purposes. - Coherence - Truth is what coheres with the rest of our knowledge - Correspondence - Truth is what corresponds to facts **Implications for Wardley Mapping** Depending on the truth people hold will influence how they respond to the mapping activity. - Heretic Trap - We have found a new profound truth. Other people will not listen. - Conspiracy Theorist - I know what I have experienced and you are wrong. > Joint activity depends on interpredictability of the participants' attitudes and actions. ... interpredictability is based on common ground-pertinent knowledge, beliefs and assumptions that are shared among the involved parties. Joint activity assumes a basic compact, which is an agreement (often tacit) to facilitate coordination. - Klein et al We want people to understand the parts of the system they share. Not everything. **Wardley Maps helps you find good questions, not answers.** The context in which you map will influence what you map. ### **Strategy Alignment Choices 🧩** - Directional Alignment (top-down) - Good in simple situations "This is what you need to know" - Alignment clarified (top-down and bottoms up) "This is what we know, let us know how you get on then we'll reshare" - Alignment through peer level/lateral alignment (Best strategy in a complex situation) "What do you know?" ### **Conditions Consequence Thinking 🌡️** **Don't focus on what "we" want the system to do. Instead, focus on what the system wants to do AND if the outcome is ok.** **Questions to explore:** - What is the system likely to do given its current state/disposition? - If we let the system play out, will it result in a good or bad outcome? - If it's a bad outcome, how can the system be encouraged to change? **Alt:** - What does the system like to do now? - What is likely to do now? - What is the likely outcome of the system doing what it likes to do? Remember: It's easier to go through the valley rather than through the hill (law of least effort). As such, there will be competition in the valley not on the hill. **Make the right thing the easiest thing to do.** Manage the peg, the conditions that influence the beads, rather than managing the beads. [This article](https://tasshin.com/blog/means-ends-conditions-consequences-and-the-game-of-risk/) expands further ### **SocioTechnical Architecture 🏗️** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7c1e02d1eb8e4bb59d75fb562d07fb23~mv2.png) Source: Jabe Bloom, Ben Mosior Within a SocioTechnical system three things flow: - Meaning - Materials - Competence/Skill ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a7cbf29eaec34977bee066ece99f479f~mv2.png) Source: Jabe Bloom, Ben Mosior **It's important to understand how the "flows flow".** ## **How To Do Wardley Mapping ✍️** ### **Introduction to Wardley Mapping📍** Wardley Mapping is a tool for strategic intent that supports you in your role as a knower, communicator, and leader. () Wardley Mapping drives the following shifts: - From individual focus to a systems focus - From wishful thinking to the pursuit of truth - From generic words to meaningful specificity **What does this map convey? What can you learn from it?** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_73192b56956d480e9328b177ec63aebc~mv2.png) Source: Ben Mosior, Jabe Bloom Evolution = How do things change under market pressures (Supply and Demand) What distinguishes Wardley Mapping from other types of maps is that Wardley Mapping is aimed at exploring the **influence of market dynamics on "things".** Ontology of Wardley Mapping is "Market Dynamics" Ontology determines the "scope" of what you explore - My personal relationship to the thing - My family and friends related to the thing - Societies relationship to the thing ### **Questions to engage with a Wardley Map 🤔** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f3c6f94653d0444f84428c6bfa7e4d51~mv2.png) Source: Ben Mosior and Jabe Bloom **2 Heuristics to determine the size of capabilities on the map:** - Too many different granularities can get confusing. Too many big and too many small items - Agree on a shape - In general, Larger granularities in Commodities and smaller in Genesis ### **Working with a Wardley Map 🛠️** Overall Tips: Map more granular "things" in your local context. Less granular "things" the further you go out from your local context. Make sure to look at the qualities of the connections/relationships. Team Topologies: - Facilitative - As-a-service - Collaborative Jabe's version: - Collaborative - Co-operative - Co-ordinative Understand the cost of change. This is influenced by: - Evolutionary stage - Nature of interactions - The number of relationships. **Rate the components and relationships within the map in order to understand the cost of change.** **The relationships across teams are most important.** How much does it cost to change the "things" on the map: - Change - Maintain - Switch Out Note: The system is likely to prefer "paths" with a lower cost of change. When Mapping with teams: - Start bottoms up - Start by focusing on what's in your control first - [Connect to the overall customer/user journey](https://learnwardleymapping.com/2021/01/12/5-ways-to-represent-user-needs-on-a-wardley-map/) Sharing Maps across Teams: - Map within individual teams first - Create Variety - Bring the maps together - Seek Minimum Coherence - Make decisions on how to act ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9ed62aa6650a499691ff4be8268a1005~mv2.png) Source: Ben Mosior, Jabe Bloom **Capability Typology** 5 "things" commonly explored on maps are: - Artifacts/Data - Skills/Practice - Activities/Technologies - Knowledge ### **Defining Boundaries 🖼️** **Design the system within the next largest system** The broader you explore the more the system will become vague. Example: - Design the chair to be placed in the room - Design the chair to be taken through the door - Design the chair to be transported to the customer - Design the chair to be non-harmful to the environment At each stage, the system scope has been made broader, more complex and unknown. A great video to demonstrate boundaries over time/space. ### **Open Questions 😕** - How to decide boundaries in a system(s)? - How could Human Given Needs be mapped? - In what way can Power "blind" people to the health of the system? - How to help Heretics and Conspiracy Theorists move? - How is constraint management/adjustment linked to Wardley Mapping? - If you are in an "unhealthy" system, how do you make it "healthy" without succumbing to the tendency towards power? Thus recreating the existing "unhealthy" system again. - Can people hold multiple narratives at the same time? How does context influence the narrative that people hold at a particular point in time? --- ## Book Summary: The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier | Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stainer Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stainer.md Date: 2021-01-31 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, habits-program The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stainer. You'll learn the seven coaching habit questions that can be used to coach in 10 minutes or less. Essential reading for busy managers who want to build great teams. ## Should you read this? [The Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) book is NOT about turning you into a coach It’s about making you a leader, a manager, a human being who’s more coach-like. This means building this simple but difficult new habit: Stay curious a little longer, rush to action and give advice a little more slowly. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1** - Ask these 7 [coaching habit questions](#viewer-41r0) that cover the majority of situations a manager might find themselves in. **Big Idea 2** - For a manager to become an effective coach, they need to build new habits. To begin with, it will be unnatural and difficult to ask rather than tell. **Big Idea 3** - Coaching should be a daily, informal act, not an occasional, formal “It’s Coaching Time!” event. ## Build a Coaching Habit with AI Avatars Since writing that post, I’ve developed Real Talk Studio, an AI-powered video role‑play platform designed to help people practice real-life conversations in a safe and supportive environment. Learning to coah with an AI avatar ## Best quotes The Coaching Habit book summary quotes: > One of the most compelling things you can do after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answer. Stay curious, my friend. > Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is. ## Toby's takeaway What I like most about the [Coaching Habit book](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is that it's super practical. It provides busy managers with the 7 coaching habit questions. These help managers coach in 10 minutes or less. With a focus on simplicity and habit formation, the coaching habit book is a great way to start building a coaching habit. Given the simplicity, this book narrowly focuses on coaching skills [rather than professional coaching](https://youtu.be/k-AV8ThLgXc). Michael Bungay Stanier highlights that this is not a book about becoming a coach. Instead, it's focused on giving managers simple coaching skills. As such the Coaching Habit book doesn't dig into the personal attributes required to be a great coach. For example [active listening](https://youtu.be/5m3rlahGxW0) or developing empathy. For managers looking for a simple, practical way to start coaching the [coaching habit book](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is a perfect choice. ## Big Ideas Expanded [![Coaching Habit Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_887bbc810a63429fb234f63d4049be2e~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3fUl6Os) The Coaching Habit Say Less Ask More & Change The Way You Lead Forever - [Why build a coaching habit?](#viewer-44k5k) - [The Seven Essential Coaching Habit Questions](#viewer-41r0) - [1: The Kickstart Question - “What’s on Your Mind?”](#viewer-bn41r) - [2: The AWE Question - And what else?](#viewer-1c194) - [3: The Focus Question - What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?](#viewer-1cpp8) - [4: The Foundation Question - “What Do You Want?”](#viewer-8i0t8) - [5: The Lazy Question - How Can I Help?](#viewer-f33v) - [6: The Strategic Question - If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?](#viewer-1n1ld) - [7: The Learning Question - “What Was Most Useful for You?”](#viewer-edn14) ## Practice Building The Coaching Habit with AI Avatars Learning to coach with an AI Avatar ## Why build a coaching habit? Coaching can help you provide more effective support to your employees and co-workers. You'll also learn skills that can help you become the ultimate coach for yourself. The change of behaviour at the heart of what this book is about is this: **a little more asking people questions and a little less telling people what to do.** Busy managers need to find ways to empower and motivate their teams without becoming a bottleneck. Taking a coaching approach helps build resourcefulness within your team members. Coaching helps you break free from three vicious cycles: - Overdependence on the manager - Getting overwhelmed with requests - Becoming disconnected from your team > "Many leaders told us they don’t have the time in this high-pressure economy for the slow and tedious work of teaching people and helping them grow.” - Daniel Goleman The techniques shared within this book enable you to coach in ten minutes or less. Coaching should be a daily, informal act, not an occasional, formal “It’s Coaching Time!” event. This book focuses on "Coaching for Development". This coaching goes beyond just solving the problem and shifts the focus to the person who’s trying to solve the problem. It’s the difference between the fire and the person who’s trying to put out the fire. Coaching is not a new topic for Managers. Research in 2006 from leadership development firm Blessing White suggested that 73% of managers had some form of coaching training. Four reasons why coaching doesn't stick after training: 1. Coaching training is often overly theoretical, too complicated, a little boring and divorced from the reality of busywork. 2. It's hard to translate new insights into action and do things differently. 3. The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. Managers have spent years delivering advice and getting promoted for it. 4. Managers do not get good coaching from their own manager. It's a vicious cycle of ineffective coaching. If this were a haiku rather than a book, it would read: **Tell less and ask more.** **Your advice is not as good** **As you think it is.** ## The Seven Coaching Habit Questions > What people think of as the moment of discovery is really the discovery of the question. - Jonas Salk 1. [The Kickstart Question](#viewer-bn41r) - What’s on your mind? 2. [The AWE Question](#viewer-1c194) - And what else? 3. [The Focus Question](#viewer-1cpp8) - What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. [The Foundation Question](#viewer-8i0t8) - What do you want? 5. [The Lazy Question](#viewer-f33v) - How can I help? 6. [The Strategic Question](#viewer-1n1ld) - If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. [The Learning Question](#viewer-edn14) - What was most useful for you? ![Coaching Habit Questions](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_57c51f7e57d242ef82a848c04626a973~mv2.png) > Harlan Howard said every great country song has three chords and the truth. This book gives you seven questions and the tools to make them an everyday way to work less hard and have more impact. ## 1: The Kickstart Question - “What’s on Your Mind?” One of the reasons managers don’t coach more often than they do is that they don’t know how to start. This question is a really simple way to start any coaching conversation. It helps you quickly get to the real conversation. You’re not telling them or guiding them. You’re showing them the trust and granting them the autonomy to make the choice for themselves. If people need a nudge, there are typically three areas that can be explored in the workplace: - Projects —any challenges around the actual content. - People —any issues with team members/colleagues/other departments/bosses/customers/clients. - Patterns—if there’s a way that you’re getting in your own way, and not showing up in the best possible way. ## 2: The AWE Question - And what else? The first answer someone gives you is almost never the only answer, and it’s rarely the best answer. “And what else?” is the quickest and easiest way to uncover and create new possibilities. This question is great to surface all of the topics an employee might want to talk about in a 1:1. It's also good to generate solutions to problems. The first idea is rarely the best so keep asking "and what else?" will help generate more elegant solutions. > One of the most compelling things you can do after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answer. Stay curious, my friend. ## 3: The Focus Question - What’s the Real Challenge Here for You? Focus on the real problem, not the first problem. It's common in coaching conversations for people to jump around different topics. It's also common that you might feel there is a "Story behind the story". This question helps cut through to the heart of the matter. Something to be aware of is when the person brings up a topic related to someone else. The key thing to know here is that you can coach only the person in front of you. So when this happens, use this question to bring the focus back to whats in the control of the person you are coaching. > Part of what makes the Focus Question work so well are those two final words, “for you.” A 1997 study involving a fairly convoluted series of math problems focused on the impact of having the word “you” as part of a math problem’s description. The researchers found that when the word “you” was present, the questions needed to be repeated fewer times, and the problems were solved in a shorter amount of time and with more accuracy. You can take this insight and add it to all of the questions you ask people. Adding “for you” to a question helps people figure out the answers faster and more accurately. When asking this question it can be tempting to ask the following up question "Why is this important to you?" **As much as possible try to avoid questions that start with why.** Two reasons: 1. You put people on the defensive. Get the tone even slightly wrong and suddenly your “Why… ?” comes across as “What the hell were you thinking?” It’s only downhill from there. 2. You move into problem-solving mode. You ask why because you want more detail. You want more detail because you want to fix the problem. And suddenly you’re back in the vicious circles of overdependence and overwhelm. Stick to questions starting with “What” and avoid questions starting with “Why.” ## 4: The Foundation Question - “What Do You Want?” It takes courage to ask for what you want, knowing that the answer may be No. It’s also hard to ask in a way that means you are clearly heard and understood. As such, Managers can use this direct question to help people express what they want. Managers should be patient and listen to the responses. It's likely people will struggle to fully express what they want. > “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw In this question get comfortable with silence. Bite your tongue, and don’t fill the silence. It will be uncomfortable but it creates space for learning and insight. Silence is often a measure of success. As people express what they want, understand the difference between, Wants and Needs Wants are the surface requests, the tactical outcomes we’d like from a situation. A want could be anything from getting a report done by a certain date to understanding whether you need to attend a meeting or not. This kind of information is what typically shows up in response to our question, “What do you want?” Needs go deeper, and identifying them helps you pull back the curtain to understand the more human driver who might be behind the want. ## 5: The Lazy Question - How Can I Help? > "The minute we begin to think we have all the answers, we forget the questions." - Madeleine L’Engle Edgar Schein has untangled the paradox of being helpful in his excellent book Helping. At its crux is the insight that when you offer to help someone, you “one-up” yourself: you raise your status and you lower hers, whether you mean to or not. The power of “How can I help?” is twofold. 1. You are encouraging your colleague to make a direct and clear request. 2. It stops you from thinking that you know how best to help and leaping into action. The more direct version of “How can I help?” is “What do you want from me?” What’s essential to realize is that regardless of the answer you receive, you have a range of responses available to you: 1. “Yes” 2. “No, I can’t do that” is another option. Having the courage to say No is one of the ways you stop being so “helpful.” 3. “I can’t do that… but I could do [insert your counter-offer]” is a nice middle ground. Don’t just give them a No; give them some other choices. 4. “Let me think about that.” 5. “I’m not sure—I’ll need to check a few things out.” ## 6: The Strategic Question - If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To? > “The essence of strategy is choosing what not to do.” - Michael Porter This question can help people understand the impact on projects, people and patterns. Projects - What projects do you need to abandon or postpone? - What meetings will you no longer attend? - What resources do you need to divert to the Yes? People - What expectations do you need to manage? - From what Drama Triangle dynamics will you extract yourself? - What relationships will you let wither? Patterns - What habits do you need to break? - What old stories or dated ambitions do you need to update? - What beliefs about yourself do you need to let go of? Five Strategy Questions: 1. What is our winning aspiration? 2. What impact do you want to have in and on the world? 3. Where will we play? 4. How will we win? 5. What management systems are required? Roger Martin ## 7: The Learning Question - “What Was Most Useful for You?” You want to help them learn so that they become more competent, more self-sufficient and more successful. People don’t really learn when you tell them something. They don’t even really learn when they do something. They start learning, start creating new neural pathways, only when they have a chance to recall and reflect on what just happened. Your job as a manager and a leader is to help create the space for people to have those learning moments. “What was most useful here for you?” is a strong and positive way to finish a conversation. Not only do you help people to see and then embed the learning from the conversation, but by finishing on a “this was useful” note, people are going to remember the experience more favourably than they otherwise might. --- ## Book Summary: The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier | Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier.md Date: 2021-01-31 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, habits-program The big ideas, best quotes and top takeaways from The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stainer. You'll learn the seven coaching habit questions that can be used to coach in 10 minutes or less. Essential reading for busy managers who want to build great teams. ## Should you read this? [The Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) book is NOT about turning you into a coach It’s about making you a leader, a manager, a human being who’s more coach-like. This means building this simple but difficult new habit: Stay curious a little longer, rush to action and give advice a little more slowly. ## 3 big ideas **Big Idea 1** - Ask these 7 [coaching habit questions](#viewer-41r0) that cover the majority of situations a manager might find themselves in. **Big Idea 2** - For a manager to become an effective coach, they need to build new habits. To begin with, it will be unnatural and difficult to ask rather than tell. **Big Idea 3** - Coaching should be a daily, informal act, not an occasional, formal “It’s Coaching Time!” event. ## Build a Coaching Habit with AI Avatars Since writing that post, I’ve developed Real Talk Studio, an AI-powered video role‑play platform designed to help people practice real-life conversations in a safe and supportive environment. Learning to coah with an AI avatar ## Best quotes The Coaching Habit book summary quotes: > One of the most compelling things you can do after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answer. Stay curious, my friend. > Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is. ## Toby's takeaway What I like most about the [Coaching Habit book](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is that it's super practical. It provides busy managers with the 7 coaching habit questions. These help managers coach in 10 minutes or less. With a focus on simplicity and habit formation, the coaching habit book is a great way to start building a coaching habit. Given the simplicity, this book narrowly focuses on coaching skills [rather than professional coaching](https://youtu.be/k-AV8ThLgXc). Michael Bungay Stanier highlights that this is not a book about becoming a coach. Instead, it's focused on giving managers simple coaching skills. As such the Coaching Habit book doesn't dig into the personal attributes required to be a great coach. For example [active listening](https://youtu.be/5m3rlahGxW0) or developing empathy. For managers looking for a simple, practical way to start coaching the [coaching habit book](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is a perfect choice. The questions are the easy part. The conversations they sit inside are not. I wrote [the conversations nobody prepares new managers for](/post/new-manager-training-conversations). ## Big Ideas Expanded [![Coaching Habit Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_887bbc810a63429fb234f63d4049be2e~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/3fUl6Os) The Coaching Habit Say Less Ask More & Change The Way You Lead Forever - [Why build a coaching habit?](#viewer-44k5k) - [The Seven Essential Coaching Habit Questions](#viewer-41r0) - [1: The Kickstart Question - “What’s on Your Mind?”](#viewer-bn41r) - [2: The AWE Question - And what else?](#viewer-1c194) - [3: The Focus Question - What’s the Real Challenge Here for You?](#viewer-1cpp8) - [4: The Foundation Question - “What Do You Want?”](#viewer-8i0t8) - [5: The Lazy Question - How Can I Help?](#viewer-f33v) - [6: The Strategic Question - If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To?](#viewer-1n1ld) - [7: The Learning Question - “What Was Most Useful for You?”](#viewer-edn14) ## Practice Building The Coaching Habit with AI Avatars Learning to coach with an AI Avatar ## Why build a coaching habit? Coaching can help you provide more effective support to your employees and co-workers. You'll also learn skills that can help you become the ultimate coach for yourself. The change of behaviour at the heart of what this book is about is this: **a little more asking people questions and a little less telling people what to do.** Busy managers need to find ways to empower and motivate their teams without becoming a bottleneck. Taking a coaching approach helps build resourcefulness within your team members. Coaching helps you break free from three vicious cycles: - Overdependence on the manager - Getting overwhelmed with requests - Becoming disconnected from your team > "Many leaders told us they don’t have the time in this high-pressure economy for the slow and tedious work of teaching people and helping them grow.” - Daniel Goleman The techniques shared within this book enable you to coach in ten minutes or less. Coaching should be a daily, informal act, not an occasional, formal “It’s Coaching Time!” event. This book focuses on "Coaching for Development". This coaching goes beyond just solving the problem and shifts the focus to the person who’s trying to solve the problem. It’s the difference between the fire and the person who’s trying to put out the fire. Coaching is not a new topic for Managers. Research in 2006 from leadership development firm Blessing White suggested that 73% of managers had some form of coaching training. Four reasons why coaching doesn't stick after training: 1. Coaching training is often overly theoretical, too complicated, a little boring and divorced from the reality of busywork. 2. It's hard to translate new insights into action and do things differently. 3. The seemingly simple behaviour change of giving a little less advice and asking a few more questions is surprisingly difficult. Managers have spent years delivering advice and getting promoted for it. 4. Managers do not get good coaching from their own manager. It's a vicious cycle of ineffective coaching. If this were a haiku rather than a book, it would read: **Tell less and ask more.** **Your advice is not as good** **As you think it is.** ## The Seven Coaching Habit Questions > What people think of as the moment of discovery is really the discovery of the question. - Jonas Salk 1. [The Kickstart Question](#viewer-bn41r) - What’s on your mind? 2. [The AWE Question](#viewer-1c194) - And what else? 3. [The Focus Question](#viewer-1cpp8) - What’s the real challenge here for you? 4. [The Foundation Question](#viewer-8i0t8) - What do you want? 5. [The Lazy Question](#viewer-f33v) - How can I help? 6. [The Strategic Question](#viewer-1n1ld) - If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? 7. [The Learning Question](#viewer-edn14) - What was most useful for you? ![Coaching Habit Questions](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_57c51f7e57d242ef82a848c04626a973~mv2.png) > Harlan Howard said every great country song has three chords and the truth. This book gives you seven questions and the tools to make them an everyday way to work less hard and have more impact. ## 1: The Kickstart Question - “What’s on Your Mind?” One of the reasons managers don’t coach more often than they do is that they don’t know how to start. This question is a really simple way to start any coaching conversation. It helps you quickly get to the real conversation. You’re not telling them or guiding them. You’re showing them the trust and granting them the autonomy to make the choice for themselves. If people need a nudge, there are typically three areas that can be explored in the workplace: - Projects —any challenges around the actual content. - People —any issues with team members/colleagues/other departments/bosses/customers/clients. - Patterns—if there’s a way that you’re getting in your own way, and not showing up in the best possible way. ## 2: The AWE Question - And what else? The first answer someone gives you is almost never the only answer, and it’s rarely the best answer. “And what else?” is the quickest and easiest way to uncover and create new possibilities. This question is great to surface all of the topics an employee might want to talk about in a 1:1. It's also good to generate solutions to problems. The first idea is rarely the best so keep asking "and what else?" will help generate more elegant solutions. > One of the most compelling things you can do after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answer. Stay curious, my friend. ## 3: The Focus Question - What’s the Real Challenge Here for You? Focus on the real problem, not the first problem. It's common in coaching conversations for people to jump around different topics. It's also common that you might feel there is a "Story behind the story". This question helps cut through to the heart of the matter. Something to be aware of is when the person brings up a topic related to someone else. The key thing to know here is that you can coach only the person in front of you. So when this happens, use this question to bring the focus back to whats in the control of the person you are coaching. > Part of what makes the Focus Question work so well are those two final words, “for you.” A 1997 study involving a fairly convoluted series of math problems focused on the impact of having the word “you” as part of a math problem’s description. The researchers found that when the word “you” was present, the questions needed to be repeated fewer times, and the problems were solved in a shorter amount of time and with more accuracy. You can take this insight and add it to all of the questions you ask people. Adding “for you” to a question helps people figure out the answers faster and more accurately. When asking this question it can be tempting to ask the following up question "Why is this important to you?" **As much as possible try to avoid questions that start with why.** Two reasons: 1. You put people on the defensive. Get the tone even slightly wrong and suddenly your “Why… ?” comes across as “What the hell were you thinking?” It’s only downhill from there. 2. You move into problem-solving mode. You ask why because you want more detail. You want more detail because you want to fix the problem. And suddenly you’re back in the vicious circles of overdependence and overwhelm. Stick to questions starting with “What” and avoid questions starting with “Why.” ## 4: The Foundation Question - “What Do You Want?” It takes courage to ask for what you want, knowing that the answer may be No. It’s also hard to ask in a way that means you are clearly heard and understood. As such, Managers can use this direct question to help people express what they want. Managers should be patient and listen to the responses. It's likely people will struggle to fully express what they want. > “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw In this question get comfortable with silence. Bite your tongue, and don’t fill the silence. It will be uncomfortable but it creates space for learning and insight. Silence is often a measure of success. As people express what they want, understand the difference between, Wants and Needs Wants are the surface requests, the tactical outcomes we’d like from a situation. A want could be anything from getting a report done by a certain date to understanding whether you need to attend a meeting or not. This kind of information is what typically shows up in response to our question, “What do you want?” Needs go deeper, and identifying them helps you pull back the curtain to understand the more human driver who might be behind the want. ## 5: The Lazy Question - How Can I Help? > "The minute we begin to think we have all the answers, we forget the questions." - Madeleine L’Engle Edgar Schein has untangled the paradox of being helpful in his excellent book Helping. At its crux is the insight that when you offer to help someone, you “one-up” yourself: you raise your status and you lower hers, whether you mean to or not. The power of “How can I help?” is twofold. 1. You are encouraging your colleague to make a direct and clear request. 2. It stops you from thinking that you know how best to help and leaping into action. The more direct version of “How can I help?” is “What do you want from me?” What’s essential to realize is that regardless of the answer you receive, you have a range of responses available to you: 1. “Yes” 2. “No, I can’t do that” is another option. Having the courage to say No is one of the ways you stop being so “helpful.” 3. “I can’t do that… but I could do [insert your counter-offer]” is a nice middle ground. Don’t just give them a No; give them some other choices. 4. “Let me think about that.” 5. “I’m not sure—I’ll need to check a few things out.” ## 6: The Strategic Question - If You’re Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To? > “The essence of strategy is choosing what not to do.” - Michael Porter This question can help people understand the impact on projects, people and patterns. Projects - What projects do you need to abandon or postpone? - What meetings will you no longer attend? - What resources do you need to divert to the Yes? People - What expectations do you need to manage? - From what Drama Triangle dynamics will you extract yourself? - What relationships will you let wither? Patterns - What habits do you need to break? - What old stories or dated ambitions do you need to update? - What beliefs about yourself do you need to let go of? Five Strategy Questions: 1. What is our winning aspiration? 2. What impact do you want to have in and on the world? 3. Where will we play? 4. How will we win? 5. What management systems are required? Roger Martin ## 7: The Learning Question - “What Was Most Useful for You?” You want to help them learn so that they become more competent, more self-sufficient and more successful. People don’t really learn when you tell them something. They don’t even really learn when they do something. They start learning, start creating new neural pathways, only when they have a chance to recall and reflect on what just happened. Your job as a manager and a leader is to help create the space for people to have those learning moments. “What was most useful here for you?” is a strong and positive way to finish a conversation. Not only do you help people to see and then embed the learning from the conversation, but by finishing on a “this was useful” note, people are going to remember the experience more favourably than they otherwise might. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 29th January 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-29th-january-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-29th-january-2021.md Date: 2021-01-28 Topics: Happy Friday,This week's insights include: • Is this the most undervalued leadership skill? 💡 • How to build a reading habit 📚 • A January Retrospective 📈Enjoy!Is this the most undervalued leadership skill? 💡This week I've started building a new online course: "The skills of change: How to adapt in a complex world"As part of this course, I'll be teaching the undervalued but impactful skills that help you thrive in complexity.One of those skills is Sensemaking.Sensemaking refers to how we str Happy Friday, This week's insights include: - Is this the most undervalued leadership skill? 💡 - How to build a reading habit **📚** - A January Retrospective **📈** Enjoy! ### **Is this the most undervalued leadership skill? 💡** This week I've started building a new online course: **"The skills of change: How to adapt in a complex world"** As part of this course, I'll be teaching the undervalued but impactful skills that help you thrive in complexity. One of those skills is **Sensemaking**. Sensemaking refers to how we structure the unknown so as to be able to act in it. It involves developing a mental model of a given situation, testing your model with others through insight collection, action, and conversation, then refining or abandoning, your model depending on how credible it is. Despite its potency, most leaders I speak with have little experience of sensemaking. The Cynefin Framework is helping to change this. However, decision making is still very much valued over sensemaking. In this article, I share the [8 Habits of Sensemaking](/post/how-sensemaking-helps-you-lead-in-complexity?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_is_this_the_most_undervalued_leadership_skill&utm_term=2021-01-28) ### **How To Build A Reading Habit 📚** This week I started a [YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdx4I-XAq-K3LSmma5bTTUQ). It's been a great learning journey so far! In my first video, I address a question I'm commonly asked: [**"How do you read so many books?"**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRAenDRyRWU) It's quite simple in reality. The key is building a reading habit. In this video I share my method: - Why it's important to read the table of contents - Why you should align your reading to a personal challenge or goal - A highlighting method to capture insights easily - How to automate book summary curation ### **January Retrospective: How easy is consistency for you? 📈** The end of January is a perfect time to reflect on your progress so far this year. Effective behaviours consistently performed over time is what leads to success. The challenge: **consistency is hard.** You increase the chances of success by making it easy, to do the right thing, consistently. **A few things I've done consistently this month:** - Exercised Every day for 30 minutes (14hrs) - Spent time writing every day (22hrs) - Read every day (10 books this month) A question for you to reflect on as you head through the year. **How can you make consistency easy?** --- ## How Sensemaking Helps You Lead In Complexity URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-sensemaking-helps-you-lead-in-complexity Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-sensemaking-helps-you-lead-in-complexity.md Date: 2021-01-28 Topics: systems-thinking-complexity In complex situations, traditional leadership skills are not sufficient. This article explores the power of sensemaking. Sensemaking refers to how we structure the unknown so as to be able to act in it. Putting it into practice this article shares the 8 behaviours to get you started. In complex situations, traditional leadership skills are not sufficient. Surprisingly many of the skills that can help leaders in complex situations are relatively unknown. As a result, many leaders struggle to succeed in complexity, seeking to tame it rather than embrace it. Many situations in the business world are complex. This story by Brian Arthur highlights the situation many leaders find themselves in: *Imagine you are milling about in a large casino with the top product leaders from across the industry.* *Over at one table, a game is starting called Artificial-Intelligence. Over at another is a game called Virtual Reality.* *There are many such tables.* *You sit at one.* *“How much to play?” you ask.* *“Three billion,” the croupier replies.* *“Who’ll be playing?” you ask.* *“We won’t know until they show up,” he replies.* *“What are the rules?”* *“These will emerge as the game unfolds,” says the croupier.* *“What are the odds of winning?” you wonder.* *“We can’t say,” responds the house.* *“Do you still want to play?”* **Sensemaking** is one of the little known skills that can help leaders act effectively in complex situations. ### **What is sensemaking?** Sensemaking refers to how we structure the unknown so as to be able to act in it. It involves developing a mental model of a given situation, testing your model with others through insight collection, action, and conversation, then refining or abandoning, your model depending on how credible it is. Sensemaking means staying curious with the unknown rather than jumping to decisions in attempts to simplify. > “What distinguishes great leaders from average leaders is their ability to perceive the nature of the game and the rules by which it is played, as they are playing it” - Karl Weick Within organizations, sensemaking can help leaders understand why teams are not effective, why customers are leaving, and why operations are falling short on safety and reliability. At a personal level, sensemaking can help in understanding relationships. Why you might be struggling to influence a colleague or gain the trust of your team. [Cynefin](https://hbr.org/2007/11/a-leaders-framework-for-decision-making), a sensemaking framework, has helped to increase awareness of this skill. However many leaders struggle to embrace this skill. One reason might be because it's difficult. As humans, we seek certainty. We want to move away from unknown and ambiguous situations quickly. Sensemaking requires leaders to stay with not knowing. To stay curious about the situation at hand before jumping in and making decisions. Sensemaking can run counter-intuitive to the culture in many traditional organisations. Leaders who don't jump to decisions can be seen as indecisive. Leaders who are decisive get promoted. > “Times of threat and fear may reinforce existing maps and mental models, increase our reliance on old information, and inhibit action. Threat and fear area associated with rigidity, a need for direction, and erratic behavior – which work against effective sensemaking.” - Deborah Ancona ### **Sensemaking and Decision Making** Decision Making is touted as a key leadership skill. Decisive leaders often rise to the top of organisations. However, in complex situations, not jumping decisions is often what's needed. Sensemaking is not about finding the “correct” answer. It is about creating an emerging picture that becomes more comprehensive through data collection, action, experience, and conversation. When you find yourself in an ongoing, unknowable, unpredictable, even chaotic situation, sensemaking helps you answer the question, ‘What’s the story?’ ### **What does it look like in practice?** > “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust Sensemaking sounds like a complex topic but can be learned. The key practices of sensemaking include: - Gathering data, stories and information about a system - Using this to build a map of the situation - Experimenting to see how the system changes **An example**: At IDEO, a product design company, sensemaking is a critical ingredient of their innovative approach. One team that was redesigning a hospital emergency room put a camera on the head of a patient and left it on for ten hours. This was so that they could build visual data and story about the patient experience. The insight: ten hours of the ceiling! This new perspective completely changed the mental models of the designers, who up to this point had not fully considered the patient experience. Armed with this new mindset they shifted the design to include writing on the ceiling and other spaces most visible to patients. Without using sensemaking to gather data and build a map of the situation, the final design would have been far less effective. ### **How do you start with sensemaking?** Karl Weick likens sensemaking to cartography, the making of maps. Maps can provide hope, confidence, and the means to move from anxiety to action. By mapping an unfamiliar situation, some of the fear of the unknown can be abated. By having all members of a team working from a common map of “what’s going on out there,” coordinated action is facilitated. Maps will never be perfect but allow us to act in the unknown. [Wardley Mapping](https://learnwardleymapping.com/) is one such mapping approach that supports sensemaking. ### **8 Habits of Sensemaking** Sensemaking can be described in a set of behaviours. These are set out by Deborah Ancona in her excellent handbook on sensemaking. I like to think of these as the "habits of sensemaking". 1. Seek out many types and sources of data from diverse perspectives. 2. Involve others as you try to make sense of any situation. Your own mental model of what is going on can only get better as it is tested and modified through interaction with others. 3. Move beyond stereotypes. Rather than oversimplifying—“Marketing people are always overestimating the demand”— try to understand the nuances of each particular situation. 4. Disintermeditae. Learn from those closest to the front line and customers. 5. Do not simply overlay your existing framework on a new situation. Instead, let the appropriate map or framework emerge from your understanding of the situation. 6. Use images, metaphors, and stories to capture the key elements of the new situation. 7. Learn from small experiments. If you are not sure how a system is working, try something novel. 8. Be aware of how your actions shape the environment. Leaders are not separate to the system, they are part of it An easy place to start is when faced with a complex situation; seek out diverse data points. Instead of relying on your individual mental model gather insights directly from those closest to the action. Maybe you could even put a video camera on a customer to see the day from their perspective, much like the IDEO example? **References:** 1. 2. 3. 4. --- ## Book Summary: Empowered by Marty Cagan | Ordinary People, Extraordinary Products URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-empowered-by-marty-cagan-ordinary-people-extraordinary-products Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-empowered-by-marty-cagan-ordinary-people-extraordinary-products.md Date: 2021-01-24 Topics: book-summaries, product-management Learn the importance of Empowered Product Teams and how to enable them in your organisation. This summary explores the big ideas and actions you can take to make this a reality. This includes the importance of product strategy, coaching and leadership. ![Empowered by Marty Cagan Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_61d5610c87b64b0993e4c6786d7c9b6a~mv2.png) [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/rnEqEd) [Buy](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) | [Try Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/rnEqEd) **Prefer Video?** [V](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKDIwT59Ofg)ideo Summary [3 Min] 🎬 [Empowered by Marty Cagan](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) is intended for anyone interested in creating a strong product organization—from a startup founder to the CEO of a major technology‐powered company. Specifically, the book is aimed at product leaders and aspiring product leaders. Especially the leaders of product managers, product designers, and engineers. - Marty Cagan ## 3 big ideas Book Summary [Empowered by Marty Cagan](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) - **Empowered product teams**. These teams are the foundations for business success. They serve customers in ways that work for the business. - **Eradicate the old idea that "Technology" is in service to the business.** With this mindset, your business will not transform into a great Product company. - Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. Yet so few product teams get the high-quality coaching they need. **Empower Product Leadership to become great coaches.** ## Best quotes [Empowered](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) Book Summary Quotes > "Give teams problems to solve, rather than features to build. Empower them to solve those problems in the best way they see fit." [Share Quote via Twitter](https://ctt.ac/Cimd0) > "Leadership is about recognizing that there's a greatness in everyone, and your job is to create an environment where that greatness can emerge." - Bill Campbell [Share Quote via Twitter](https://ctt.ac/u0k0_) ## Toby's takeaway The Empowered book led to several insights. I've been wrestling with the term "Feature Teams" for some time. The [original intent](https://www.craiglarman.com/content/feature-teams/feature-teams.htm) behind the idea has been lost in many organisations. **Feature teams are now often tasked with creating features as quickly as possible**. They focus on stakeholder needs, not customers. They are often not empowered. They perform the role of order takers. Instead of Feature Teams in [Empowered](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw), Marty Cagan uses the term "Empowered Product Teams". These are **teams empowered to solve customer problems in ways that work for the business**. Instead of working on Features (output), they are held accountable for solving customer problems. The litmus test for empowerment is that the team is able to decide the best way to solve the problems they have been assigned. To make this shift **requires a radical power shift** in organisations. Technology is no longer a servant to the business. Teams serve the customer in ways that work for the business. ## 3 big ideas **This** [**Empowered by Marty Cagan**](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) **summary focuses on:** 1. [Challenges for Traditional Organisations](#viewer-d5lju) 😩 2. [Importance of Empowered Product Teams](#viewer-ait4b) 💪 3. [The Role of Product Leadership](#viewer-dfo8h) 👩‍💼 4. [How to Coach Product Teams](#viewer-5apvr) 👨‍⚕️ 5. [Team Design for Product Organisations](#viewer-1l3a) 🧭 6. [Creating a Great Product Strategy](#viewer-3g7r6) 📘 7. [How to do Team Objectives well](#viewer-co5jo) 📈 8. [How to get started with your Transformation](#viewer-ele7v) 🌱 Each of these ideas from the [Empowered](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) Book is further expanded below. ![Empowered by Marty Cagan](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_64e3c4e1f1694f1cadeb9b9442adf7a4~mv2.png) Source: ## Challenges for Traditional Organisations � Three critical differences between the strongest product companies and the rest: 1. How the company views the role of technology. 2. The role product leaders play. 3. How the company views the purpose of the product teams—the product managers, product designers, and engineers. The challenges in traditional organisations can be summarised as: - **The Role of Technology -** Many companies still have the old IT mindset when it comes to technology. It's viewed as a necessary cost rather than the core business enabler. Technology teams are there “to serve the business” The technology teams are encouraged to think of their stakeholders as their customers. - **Leadership** - Do not empower the Product Team. Command and Control style leadership. Act in service to the business stakeholders, not to the team. No coaching. No understanding of how great product people think and act. - **Empowered Teams - T**eams are not empowered to solve problems in ways customers love. Feature teams are responsible for pushing out features(output) rather than enabling outcomes. ## Importance of Empowered Product Teams � This is a key idea within the [Empowered](https://amzn.to/34t9NGw) book. ![Feature Teams vs Empowered Product Teams](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_93e5ff23be164d0a929a076359f8e724~mv2.png) In traditional organisations, Feature Teams focus on features and projects (output), and as such are not empowered or held accountable to results. In contrast, within strong product companies, **teams are given problems to solve, rather than features to build,** and most importantly, they are empowered to solve those problems in the best way they see fit. And they are then held accountable to the results. Empowered Product teams create solutions that are: - Valuable (our customers will buy the product and/or choose to use it) - Viable (it will meet the needs of the business) - Usable (so users can actually experience that value) - Feasible (so the company can effectively market, sell, and support the solution). Together, the team own the problem and are responsible and accountable for the results. **Empower Engineers** > Empowered engineers are the single most important thing that you can have in a company. — Bill Campbell Empowerment of an engineer means that you provide the engineers with the problem to solve and the strategic context, and they are able to leverage technology to figure out the best solution to the problem. In many cases, product managers will resist the empowerment of engineers. You will hear: “My engineers are not interested in anything but coding.” What's usually going on is that the product manager doesn't want the engineers to be included because they would rather the engineers spend their time coding. **Collaboration** is at the heart of how strong product teams work. It's a combination of skills and mindset, and it often takes active coaching by the manager to help new product people develop this capability. Characteristics of strong product teams 1. Tackling risks early 2. Solving problems collaboratively 3. Being accountable for results. **Decision Making -** To empower decisions are pushed down to the product team level. Three rules of decisions: 1. If you see a snake, kill it. (an important decision that has to be made) 2. Don't play with dead snakes. (don't revisit old decisions) 3. All opportunities start out looking like snakes. (opportunities often look like problems) - Jim Barksdale, former CEO of Netscape ## The Role of Product Leadership �‍� For product leaders, the product team is the product. Leadership is about recognizing that there's greatness in everyone, and your job is to create an environment where that greatness can emerge. People look to leadership for inspiration and we look to management for execution. If you want to have truly empowered product teams, then your success depends very directly on first‐level people managers. **If you are wondering why there are so many weak product companies in the world, this would be the primary culprit.** With empowered product teams, you don't need less management, you need better management. **Management responsibilities:** 1. Staffing (Check out [How to Hire Product Managers by Kate Leto](/post/book-summary-hiring-product-managers-by-kate-leto-using-product-eq)) 2. Coaching 3. Team Objectives 4. Deciding which problems should be worked on by which product teams. 5. Sharing Strategic Context The litmus test for empowerment is that the team is able to decide the best way to solve the problems they have been assigned (the objectives). Unless leaders trust the teams this empowerment will not happen. If product teams are to be empowered to make decisions, they need to have the context necessary to make these decisions. **Six types of strategic context.** - Company Mission - The purpose of the company. - Company Scorecard - Key performance indicators (KPIs) that provide an understanding of the overall picture and health of the business - Company Objectives - Specific objectives the company is focused on for this year. - Product Vision and Principles - The product vision is how we hope to meet customers needs. - Team Topology - Describes how each Product team will organise to deliver value. - Product Strategy - Specifically how we'll meet customer needs in ways that work for the business. **Great Product People:** - Focus on the outcome - Consider all of the risks—value, usability, feasibility, and business viability. - Think holistically about all dimensions of the business and the product. - Anticipate ethical considerations or impacts. - Solve problems creatively. - Persist in the face of obstacles. - Leverage engineering and the art of the possible. - Leverage design and the power of user experience. - Leverage data to learn and to make a compelling argument. ## How to Coach Product Teams �‍⚕️ ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_558ac2bdbde24cd582f37c05643d400f~mv2.png) [Read my 5-Minute Summary of "The Trillion Dollar Coach"](/post/book-summary-trillion-dollar-coach-by-eric-schmidt-silicon-valley-coaching) > Coaching is no longer a speciality; you cannot be a good manager without being a good coach. —Bill Campbell Coaching is what turns ordinary people into extraordinary product teams. **Developing People is Job [#1](/blog/hashtags/1)** As such, leaders must focus on: - Spending most of their time and energy on coaching the team. - Being self-aware of insecurities. Insecure managers have a particularly hard time empowering people. - Cultivating Diverse Points of View - Seek Out Teaching Moments - Many, if not most, people are not aware of their own potential. As a coach, you are in a unique position to help them see it. - Continually Earn the Trust of Your Team. Coaching efforts will be ineffective without trust. - Establishing personal rapport and trust by sharing some personal challenges. The key is to ensure that, one way or another, coaching is considered a top priority, and that every person on a product team knows who is specifically assigned to help her develop and reach her full potential. **Keys to Effective One‐on‐Ones** - The Purpose - The primary purpose is to help the product person develop and improve. - The Relationship - This is a relationship that depends on trust. - The Frequency - Should be no less than 30 minutes, once per week, and is sacred and not to be another one of those “You okay with skipping this week?” - Sharing Context - If you are to empower you must provide the strategic context. - Thinking and Acting Like a Product Person - Mainly about helping the product person learn to think and act like a strong product person. **The Written Narrative - A Coaching tool** The technique is writing out a narrative explaining an argument and recommendation. - Roughly a six‐page document that describes in narrative form: - The problem - Why this will be valuable for customers and for the business - The Strategy for solving the problem. If this narrative is done well, the reader will be both inspired and convinced. One company that has made this written narrative the core of how they operate and innovate is Amazon. > Coaching might be even more essential than mentoring to our careers and our teams. Coaches hold up a mirror so we can see our blind spots and they hold us accountable for working through our sore spots. They take responsibility for making us better without taking credit for our accomplishments. —Bill Campbell [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ce09e925740343cebb71db26bca119c9~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) [Read the Trillion Dollar Coach on Blinkist](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeBvx7) ## Team Design for Product Organisations 🧭 Though there are exceptions, it's rare that an entire product will be developed by a single product team. Most products require many teams working together—dozens or even hundreds. This means that every product organization must deal with the question of how to structure their product teams in order to best divide the work. A product organization's team topology answers questions such as: - How many product teams should our organization have? - What is the scope of responsibility of each team? - What are the skills required for each team, and how many of each skill? - What are the dependencies between the teams? Optimise team design for: - Empowerment - Ownership - Autonomy - Alignment **Two types of product teams:** - Platform Teams - Provide leverage because they allow for common services to be implemented once but used in many places. - Experience Teams - Responsible for how the product is experienced by users in the form of apps, UIs, solutions, or journeys. This topic is explored further in [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow) where the authors suggest 4 Topologies that optimise for flow. **Product Teams should be aligned by the customer.** This could include aligning by: - User type or persona (e.g., Riders Team, Drivers Team) - Market segment (e.g., Electronics Team, Fashion Team) - Customer journey (e.g., Onboarding Team, Retention Team) - Sales channel (e.g., Self‐Service Team, Direct Sales Team) - Business KPI (e.g., New‐User Growth Team, Conversion Team) - Geography (e.g., North America Team, Asia Pacific Team) As a general principle, optimize for the product team as opposed to optimizing for the managers, or for access to customers, or for anything else. **Signs your team design is not fit-for-purpose:** - You are frequently shifting developers between teams - You must frequently step in to resolve dependency conflicts - Your developers complain of too many dependencies on other product teams in order to ship simple things - Teams have a very limited scope of ownership - Developers deal with too much complexity in too many areas ## Creating a Great Product Strategy � > When leaders are unwilling or unable to make choices among competing values and parties, bad strategy is the consequence. - Richard Rumelt A strategy is how you're planning to go about accomplishing a goal. **How do we make the product vision a reality, while meeting the needs of the company as we go?** Once you have decided what's critically important (focus) and studied the landscape to identify the levers and opportunities (the insights), then you need to convert those insights into action. Whilst executing your Product Strategy it's critical to stay focused: > The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing. - Jim Barksdale > Generating activity is not a problem; in fact, it is easy. The fact that it is easy makes the real problem harder to solve. The problem is getting the right things done—the things that matter, the things that will have an impact, the things a company is trying to achieve to ensure success. - Stephen Bungay > If you do not pick your battles and focus on the few truly critical problems, most of the work going on does not make an impact. > A good strategy works by focusing energy and resources on one, or a very few, pivotal objectives whose accomplishment will lead to a cascade of favourable outcomes. - Richard Rumelt It is important to remember that no product strategy survives its initial encounter with the real world. ## How to do Team Objectives well � If the company is still using feature teams, as most unfortunately are, then the OKR technique is going to be a cultural mismatch, and almost certainly prove a waste of time and effort. In the vast majority of companies that are struggling to value out of OKRs, the role of leadership is largely missing in action. Three prerequisites for OKR's: - Move from the feature team model to the empowered product team model - Stop doing manager objectives and individual objectives, and instead focus on team objectives - Leaders need to step up and do their part to turn product strategy into action. **High‐Integrity Commitments** Some amount of high‐integrity commitments is necessary when trying to run a business. High‐integrity commitments are intended for situations where you have an important external commitment or a very important and substantial internal commitment. Once the product team believes they understand the solution sufficiently, they can estimate with high confidence how long it will take for them to deliver on this commitment (feasibility), and also whether that solution will work for the customer (value and usability) and work for your company (viability). **High‐integrity commitments and deliverables should be the exception and not the rule.** Otherwise, it is a slippery slope and pretty soon your objectives become nothing more than a list of deliverables and dates. **10 keys to effective team objectives:** 1. Empower teams by assigning them problems to solve and then give the teams the space to solve them. 2. Involve teams in the planning process early 3. Product leaderships allocate teams to objectives. But teams decide the key results. 4. Enable product teams to speak up and volunteer to work on specific objectives. 5. Iterate on objectives. 6. Enable multiple teams to work on the same objectives. 7. Be clear on the level of ambition and risk desired. 8. Don't expect success is the product team is not empowered. 9. Create space for “keep‐the‐lights‐on” activities. 10. Work on a Quartley cadence ## How to get started with your Transformation 🌱 Realize that your company is currently used to feature teams that exist very clearly to serve the business, and now you're trying to replace them with empowered product teams that exist to serve our customers, in ways that work for the business. What this really means in practice is that you need to move your product organization from a subservient model to a collaborative model. Four focus areas: - The Example Starts at the Top - Focus and Strategy - Establishing Trust - Deliver on Promises Three steps to begin with: - Ensure you have strong product leaders in place. - Empower product leaders the ability to recruit and develop the staff required for empowered product teams. - Redefine the relationship with the business. **When you get it right, this will become reality:** Most important, the product teams are empowered to come up with the best solutions to the problems they've been asked to solve, and they are accountable to the results. - The engineers are constantly looking to apply new technology in new ways to better solve customer problems. - The designers are continuously working to provide the necessary user experience. - The product managers take responsibility for the value and the viability of the solutions. - The teams are inspired and proud to be working collaboratively with skilled colleagues on meaningful problems. They have a strong sense of ownership and define their success by their consistent contributions to customers and the company. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/rnEqEd) [Try Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/rnEqEd) --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 21st January 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-21st-january-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-21st-january-2021.md Date: 2021-01-21 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,This week's insights include: • Why you shouldn't build Feature Teams • How to overcome your fears • The cure for zoom fatigueEnjoy.Don't Build Feature Teams ⛔️This week I finished Empowered by Marty Cagan.I enjoyed Marty’s very strong views on Product Strategy and Feature Teams:“In most companies, there is no product strategy. Notice I didn't say a bad product strategy—I mean literally no product strategy. The feature teams are simply there to serve the business.”Marty believes tha Happy Friday, This week's insights include: - Why you shouldn't build Feature Teams - How to overcome your fears - The cure for zoom fatigue Enjoy. ## **Don't Build Feature Teams ⛔️** This week I finished [Empowered by Marty Cagan](https://amzn.to/3p26O0m). I enjoyed Marty’s very strong views on Product Strategy and Feature Teams: > *“In most companies, there is no product strategy. Notice I didn't say a bad product strategy—I mean literally no product strategy. The feature teams are simply there to serve the business.”* Marty believes that the **subservient relationship between Technology and “the business” is a fundamental problem.** It leads to Feature Teams working as “order takers” delivering what business stakeholders want rather than what the customer needs. AKA the Feature Factory. The books answer is “Empowered Product Teams”. These are teams that work on customer and business problems, not features. Solving problems end-to-end, directly with customers. In many organisations, the term “Feature Team”, is misunderstood. The original intent was for teams to work on customer-centric features. However, it’s now common that most teams fall into the traps described by Marty. They are technology, not customer-focused, deliver outputs not outcomes and hardly ever come into contact with a real customer. The insight for you: **create teams that work on customer and business problems, not features.** Setup teams that exist to serve your customers, in ways that work for the business. I’ll be publishing the full book summary this weekend. ## Helping You Face Your Fears 👻 Struggling to make a big decision? Then this exercise will help you. Instead of setting goals, Fear Setting explores the fears that hold you back from action. The exercise is built around these five questions: - What’s the worst that could happen? - What actions could you take to prevent that from happening? - If the worst did happen, how would you repair the situation? - What are the benefits of a partial success? - What is the cost of inaction? [Here](https://www.loom.com/share/7c90ff7f38964423af51b4f9169353b2?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_dont_build_feature_teams_cure_for_zoom_fatigue_facing_your_fears&utm_term=2021-01-21) you can view a short video explaining the technique and access the miro board ## The surprising cure for Zoom fatigue 💊 The answer is **Virtual Walk and Talks!** Instead of video conferencing, I’ve been doing audio calls whilst walking. I’ve asked people to walk with me and so far its been successful. I’ve found it so refreshing to go back to a simple audio format. The conversations have been more creative, energetic and joyous. At the end of every discussion, I do a quick retro, and everyone agrees. One of the greatly overlooked superpowers we have is that, when we get up and walk, our senses are sharpened. Rhythms that would previously be quiet suddenly come to life, and the way our brain interacts with our body changes. The insight for you: **Do a Virtual Walk and Talk for your next meeting.** I’d also love to walk and talk with you. 😃 Reply to this email and let’s arrange a time! ## Quote of the week > "Organisations do not rise to the level of their goals. Organisations fall to the level of their systems." ([Share On Twitter)](https://ctt.ac/d4CI9?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_dont_build_feature_teams_cure_for_zoom_fatigue_facing_your_fears&utm_term=2021-01-21) --- ## Book Summary: Hiring Product Managers by Kate Leto | Using Product EQ URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-hiring-product-managers-by-kate-leto-using-product-eq Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-hiring-product-managers-by-kate-leto-using-product-eq.md Date: 2021-01-19 Topics: book-summaries For many Product people, success comes from mastery of tools like roadmaps, MVPs, A/B testing and OKRs. Hard skills, critical as they are, just aren’t enough. The secret to success in Product is the way a product person thinks, learns, communicates and adapts. ![Kate Leto Hiring Product Managers Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1cfe2db91f654c6cb93c28b921507b40~mv2.png) [Buy](https://amzn.to/2KsdFRG) | [Good Reads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55204734-hiring-product-managers) | [Author Bio](https://www.kateleto.com/) For many Product people, success comes from mastery of tools like roadmaps, MVPs, A/B testing and OKRs. Hard skills, critical as they are, just aren’t enough. The secret to success in Product is the way a product person thinks, learns, communicates and adapts. The way they make decisions and show-up when things get tough. Product EQ is about human skills and Emotional Intelligence. This book will show you what it is and how to get it. Look beyond traditional Product Management hiring practices and become an organisation with Product EQ. ## 3 big ideas - Human Skills are critical to successful Product Managers. - Instead of copy-pasting job descriptions from other companies, you should be clear on what is needed in your specific context. Who is the person you uniquely need? - Use behavioural interview techniques to uncover the preferences of the candidate and how they align with your desired qualities. But be open to new behaviours your organisation might not be familiar with. Don't hire for culture fit. ## Best quotes > "The key to understanding product management is to think of it as a practice—somewhat like a doctor practising medicine or a lawyer practising law." > "Changes to how you hire will create changes to your culture." ## Toby's takeaway Hire for Human Skills. These are skills such as influence, empathy, ability to learn. These skills, combined with technical skills, are essential. If Product Leaders only have the technical skills they are unlikely to succeed. To hire for human skills it's critical to get the hiring right. This includes a good job description, that describes the desired human skills, good behavioural interviews and a great onboarding experience. ## Human Skills are essential � The key to understanding product management is to think of it as a practice—somewhat like a doctor practising medicine or a lawyer practising law. It takes a lot of practice, and it takes a special set of skills to be that person who can continually experiment in times of stress and pressure. It also requires a unique type of leadership and culture to empower teams to do just that. The practice of product management can be broken into two distinct yet complementary sets of skills: technical skills and human skills. What a product practitioner at any level should actually be working toward is the ability to balance technical skills with human skills. The ability to influence, lead, coach, mentor, learn, deal with conflict, communicate, be curious, innovate, adapt, energize, build and maintain relationships, and continually grow as an individual. These skills describe how a product person works and must go hand-in-hand with technical skills. The vast majority of product people and organizations base hiring decisions and advancement on a candidate’s ability to master technical skills, much to the detriment of human skills and building a balanced product practice. ## Be clear on the role in your context �‍� Job descriptions—especially for roles in areas as varied and dynamic as product management—often fail to encapsulate the true purpose, accountabilities, and technical and human skills essential to the role. Most job descriptions are copy-paste of product roles from other banks and industry leaders like Google and Amazon. A recent survey of HR hiring managers found that though 80 percent say that job descriptions are important. However, about 50 percent admit to cutting and pasting together job descriptions. **Using the Role Canvas** ![Role Canvas Kate Leto](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ca32e7c5fbec4491a56337537f02e597~mv2.jpg) The [role canvas](https://www.kateleto.com/articles/the-role-canvas) not only helps you build great job descriptions, it also helps align your team on the person to be hired. The Role Canvas is based on four fundamental questions. 1. What is the purpose of the role? 2. What is the role accountable for? 3. What human skills will the role need to display to achieve outcomes? 4. What technical skills will the role need to execute in order to meet the outcomes and achieve success? ## Interviewing for Human Skills aka Behaviours 🏢 > “At most companies, people spend 2 percent of their time recruiting and 75 percent managing their recruiting mistakes.” —Capital One CEO, Richard Fairbank Behavior-based interview questions focus on understanding the behaviors that led to those accomplishments, the intentions behind the behaviors, and consequences and impact of the behaviors on others. According to a study by Ann Marie Ryan and Nancy Tippins from Michigan State University, behavior-based questions have the highest validity of all interviewing tools when used in a structured format. Behavior-based questions can be tied directly back to the human skills listed in your role canvas. **Questions to explore conflict:** - Tell me about a time when you suggested something that someone disagreed with? - What did you say? - Have you ever encountered someone at work who was unreasonable? - What did you do? - Tell me about a time when someone felt that you were unfair. What did you do? **Questions to explore resilience:** - Tell me about a time when you decided to give up on a goal. - Tell me about a time when you were distracted or preoccupied at work. What did you do? - Tell me about the last time you were criticized at work: How did that go? A key point with behavior-based questions is to remember that though they can help you understand how someone has behaved in the past, we need to also recognize that with a commitment to change, people can evolve their behaviors going forward. **Changes to how you hire will create changes to your culture.** ## Going Beyond Culture Fit 🤪 In the rush to hire people often overlook different cultures, lifestyles, and ways of thinking that are actually really important to creating a more diverse team, and better products. Companies with more diversity in leadership out-innovate and outperform those with less diversity in lead roles. Diversity can be defined in two ways: - Inherent diversity—traits that you’re born with like gender, ethnicity, and sexual orientation - Acquired diversity—traits you gain from experiences like working in another country, which can give you an appreciation of another culture, or creating products for female consumers, which can give men some insights into women. Research shows that organizations with greater levels of both inherent and acquired diversity were 45 percent more likely to report an increase in market share over the previous year and were 70 percent more likely to capture a new market. **Instead of hiring for culture fit, hire for “culture contributions” (IDEO) or “culture add-on.” (Spotify)** Find candidates that can offer a new dimension to the culture that might be missing. Not just replicating what you already have. It's also important to be clear on your core values. They make up the fabric of any company’s culture and are fundamental principles for how work is done. They also signal the type of human skills we feel are important in our team members and what is missing. Here is a list of Human and Technical Skills shared towards the end of the book. **Examples of Human Skills:** - Accountability - Achievement orientation - Active listening - Active/Continuous learning - Adaptability - Coach and mentor - Collaboration - Complex problem solving - Conflict resolution - Creativity - Critical thinking - Curiosity - Decision making - Drive Effective communication - Emotional intelligence (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management) - Empathy - Influence - Initiative - Innovation - Leadership - Motivation - Organizational awareness - Originality - Resilience - Positive outlook - Team oriented **Examples of Technical Skills:** - A/B and multivariate testing - Agile - Budgeting and financial forecasts - Business case creation - Business model canvas - Competitive analysis - Customer interviews - Customer personas - Design sprints - Hypothesis-driven experimentation - Jobs-to-be-Done (JTBD) - Key-performance indicators (KPIs) - Lean Minimum Viable Products (MVPs) - Objectives and key results (OKRs) - Portfolio management - Pricing - Product analytics - Product discovery - Product prioritization - Product prototypes - Product roadmaps - Product strategy - Qualitative user research - SEM and SEO - Scrum - Usability testing - User stories and acceptance criteria - Vision statements --- ## Book Summary: The Almanack of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgenson | Insights For Your Career URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-almanack-of-naval-ravikant-by-eric-jorgenson-insights-for-your-career Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-almanack-of-naval-ravikant-by-eric-jorgenson-insights-for-your-career.md Date: 2021-01-16 Topics: book-summaries Naval Ravikant shares insights that can help you succeed in life and work. This summary focuses on how Naval's ideas explore the future of work. You'll learn the important skills to help you build a successful career. [Buy](https://amzn.to/3p2Iz1W) | [Free Download](https://www.navalmanack.com/) | [Good Reads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54898389-the-almanack-of-naval-ravikant?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=v6mxWEgnCx&rank=2) | [Author Bio](https://www.ejorgenson.com/) ## Who is Naval Ravikant? The Silicon Valley legend [Naval Ravikant](https://nav.al/) is an Indian-born, self-made multi-millionaire, entrepreneur, investor, adviser, influencer, and a passionate cryptocurrency enthusiast. He’s widely known as the CEO and co-founder of AngelList, a U.S based platform where startups meet angel investors and job-seekers find work at startups. Naval is known as a modern philosopher. He is hugely popular on Twitter. Author [Eric Jorgenson](https://www.ejorgenson.com/) shares why this might be: > "I take Naval seriously because he: Questions nearly everything, can think from first principles, tests things well, is good at not fooling himself, changes his mind regularly, laughs a lot, thinks holistically, thinks long-term and…doesn’t take himself too goddamn seriously. Naval is broadly followed because he is a rare combination of successful and happy." ## What you, your team and organisation can learn from this book? A thought-provoking read for full-time employees and career climbers. Naval shares profound insights about the future of work and employment. In particular, Naval believes that in professions where inputs and your outputs are highly connected, it’s going to be hard to be wealthy. You need to find ways to have an impact while investing minimal time or physical effort. **Key Ideas:** - [Defining and Building Wealth](#viewer-8354u) 💰 - [The Importance of Specific Knowledge](#viewer-ct9c7) 🧠 - [How to Find and Use Leverage](#viewer-f0fis) [⚖️](https://emojipedia.org/balance-scale/) - [How to Prioritize and Focus](#viewer-6hjmn) 🎯 - [How to Get Lucky](#viewer-4p8cg) 🍀 - [How to Think Clearly](#viewer-cqj23) 🤓 - [How to be Happy](#viewer-f4iau) 🤗 ## Best quotes > People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom. [Click to Tweet](https://ctt.ac/ov4df) 📢 > No one can compete with you on being you. Most of life is a search for who and what needs you the most. [Click To Tweet](https://ctt.ac/7gUvf) 📢 > Happiness is an emergent property of peace. [Click To Tweet](https://ctt.ac/aab7U) 📢 ## Defining and Building Wealth � There are fundamentally two huge games in life that people play: - The money game. - The status game. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. The problem with getting good at a game, especially one with big rewards, is you continue playing it long after you should have outgrown it. The real winners are the ones who step out of the game entirely, who don’t even play the game, who rise above it. You can leave the money game by either by lowering your lifestyle or by making enough money. When you do this you can retire early. Retirement is when you stop sacrificing today for an imaginary tomorrow. When today is complete, in and of itself, you’re retired. > People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom. A way to make it easier to exit the money game is to not upgrade your lifestyle as you make money. It’s very easy to keep upgrading your lifestyle as you make money. If you can hold your lifestyle fixed and your earnings increase, over time you'll become free. Seek wealth, not money or status. ![Naval Ravikant Quote - Seek Wealth, Not Money or Status](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b309b3af52dd4ceeb9d723364e03904a~mv2.png) Definitions: - Wealth: Having assets that earn while you sleep. - Money: How we transfer time and wealth. - Status: Your place in the social hierarchy. Making money is not a thing you do—it’s a skill you learn. It's about knowing what to do, who to do it with, and when to do it. Investing deeply when you find the right people to work with. Learning to find what society wants but does not yet know how to get. At scale. All the returns in life, whether in wealth, relationships, or knowledge, come from compound interest. Set and enforce an aspirational personal hourly rate. If fixing a problem will save less than your hourly rate, ignore it. If outsourcing a task will cost less than your hourly rate, outsource it. When you’re finally wealthy, you’ll realize it wasn’t what you were seeking in the first place. ## Importance of Specific Knowledge 🧠 Build specific knowledge. Become the best in the world at what you do. Keep redefining what you do until this is true. Specific knowledge is the combination of your unique experience and knowledge. - You cannot be trained for it. - It cannot be easily copied - Comes from passion and curiosity - It's not a trend - Feels like play for you and work to others - Learned through real-life, not schools - Highly creative or technical - Cannot be outsourced or automated Learn to sell, learn to build. If you can do both, you will be unstoppable. The way to get out of the competition trap is to be authentic. No one can compete with you on being you. Most of life is a search for who and what needs you the most. This topic is explored further in Bernadette Jiwa's book [Story Driven.](/post/how-to-tell-your-story-personal-branding-example) You can build a business, and create a product, and build wealth, and make people happy just uniquely expressing yourself through the internet. Compound interest also happens in your reputation. If you have a sterling reputation and you keep building it for decades upon decades, people will notice. ## How to Find and Use Leverage [⚖️](https://emojipedia.org/balance-scale/) You’re never going to get rich renting out your time. You need to find different points of leverage that scale. You want to be as leveraged as possible so you have a huge impact without as much time or physical effort. Three types of leverage: - Labor (Most Common) - Money - Products with no marginal cost of replication (Most powerful) Forget rich versus poor, white-collar versus blue. It’s now leveraged versus un-leveraged. Hard work is really overrated. How hard you work matters a lot less in the modern economy. In an age of leverage, one correct decision can win everything. For example, a good software engineer, just by writing the right little piece of code and creating the right little application, can literally create half a billion dollars’ worth of value for a company. But ten engineers working ten times as hard, just because they choose the wrong model, the wrong product, wrote it the wrong way have basically wasted their time. Inputs don’t match outputs, for leveraged workers. Probably the most interesting thing to keep in mind about new forms of leverage is they are permissionless. They don’t require somebody else’s permission for you to use them or succeed. Optimize for independence rather than pay. If you have independence and you’re accountable on your output, as opposed to your input—that’s the dream. If you’re looking at professions where your inputs and your outputs are highly connected, it’s going to be very hard to create wealth and make wealth for yourself in that process. The direction you’re heading in matters more than how fast you move. Pick the right direction to start walking in, and start walking. ## How To Prioritize and Focus 🎯 Always factor your time into every decision. How much time does it take? Set a very high hourly aspirational rate for yourself and stick to it. It should seem and feel absurdly high. If it doesn’t, it’s not high enough. If you can outsource something or not do something for less than your hourly rate, outsource it or don’t do it. Three big decisions that most influence your life: - Where you live - Who you’re with - What you do Pick carefully. Great people have great outcomes. You just have to be patient. It never happens in the timescale you want, or they want, but it does happen. Prioritise Freedom "From" rather than Freedom "To" Freedom "to" is the desire to do anything you want. Freedom to do whatever you feel like, whenever I feel like. Freedom "From" is internal freedom: - Freedom from Expectations - Freedom from Anger - Freedom from Employment - Freedom from Uncontrolled Thinking The modern struggle makes it hard to prioritize and focus: > Lone individuals summoning inhuman willpower, fasting, meditating, and exercising… Up against armies of scientists and statisticians weaponizing abundant food, screens, and medicine into junk food, clickbait news, infinite porn, endless games, and addictive drugs. ## How to Get Lucky 🍀 Luck plays a big part in success. If you understand the different types of luck and how luck happens, it will increase your chances of success. Four types of luck: - Blind luck - Luck through persistence - Luck that you learn to find - Luck that finds you Ways to get lucky: - Hope luck finds you. - Hustle until you stumble into it. - Prepare the mind and be sensitive to chances others miss. - Become the best at what you do. ## How to Think Clearly 🤓 “Clear thinker” is a better compliment than “smart.” The really smart thinkers are clear thinkers. They understand the basics at the fundamental level. Inspired by Shane Parrish you should [build good mental models](/post/book-summary-the-great-mental-models-by-shane-parrish). [![Mental Models Shane Parrish](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_477458d0bbc64cc6b730efed8be3064e~mv2.png)](/post/book-summary-the-great-mental-models-by-shane-parrish) Mental models are really just compact ways for you to recall your own knowledge. Helpful Mental Models include: - Evolution - Inversion - Complexity Theory - Economics - Principal-Agent Problem - You optimize for yourself rather than for the principal’s assets. - Compound Interest - Basic Math - Black Swans - Calculus - Falsifiability - For you to believe something is true, it should have predictive power, and it must be falsifiable. [11] - If you can’t decide, the answer is no. - Run Uphill - Simple heuristic: If you’re evenly split on a difficult decision, take the path more painful in the short term. The best way to build new mental models is to read a lot. The genuine love for reading itself, when cultivated, is a superpower. It almost doesn’t matter what you read. Eventually, you will read enough things (and your interests will lead you there) that it will dramatically improve your life. > “As long as I have a book in my hand, I don’t feel like I’m wasting time.” —Charlie Munger Almost everything that people read these days is designed for social approval. You need to break this pattern. Read to learn not for social approval. ## Happiness 🤗 Happiness Is Learned. It is not something you inherit or even choose, but a highly personal skill that can be learned, like fitness or nutrition. Happiness is what’s there when you remove the sense that something is missing in your life. > Happiness is peace. > Happiness is an emergent property of peace. > Peace is happiness at rest, and happiness is peace in motion. Avoid Desire. It is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. [![Happiness Hypothesis Jonathan Haidt](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d278e8e0190f40f895d95a95e04e8b83~mv2.png)](/post/book-summary-happiness-hypothesis) **Happiness Is Built by Habits** Good Happiness Habits include: - Not drinking alcohol - Not eating sugar - Not going on Facebook, Snapchat, or Twitter - Get more sunlight on my skin. - Look up and smile. - World’s simplest diet: The more processed the food, the less one should consume. - The daily morning workout. Commit externally to enough people. For example, if you want to quit smoking, all you have to do is go to everybody you know and say, “I quit smoking. I did it. I give you my word.” Use your judgment to figure out what kinds of environments you can thrive in, and then create an environment around you so you’re statistically likely to succeed. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 15th January 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-15th-january-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-15th-january-2021.md Date: 2021-01-14 Topics: newsletter Happy FridayHere are this week's insights to help you, your team and organisation develop better habits.Enjoy! How To Build An Organisations Resilience 💪This week I’ve been listening to the Art of Resilience by Ross Edgley.Ross shares how he became the first person to swim around Great Britain. It took 157 days to swim 1,780-miles. He swam 12 hours a day and ate more than 500 bananas!A key to success was limiting reliance on Adaptation Energy. This is energy used by the body in response to stre Happy Friday Here are this week's insights to help you, your team and organisation develop better habits. Enjoy! **How To Build An Organisations Resilience 💪** This week I’ve been listening to the [Art of Resilience by Ross Edgley](https://amzn.to/3oIXnD3?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_resilience_hiring_purpose&utm_term=2021-01-14). Ross shares how he became the first person to swim around Great Britain. It took 157 days to swim 1,780-miles. He swam 12 hours a day and ate more than 500 bananas! A key to success was limiting reliance on Adaptation Energy. This is energy used by the body in response to stress. When depleted it can lead to burnout. Through the right training, you can limit when you need this adaptation energy. As such, you become more resilient. You can build organisational resilience in the same way, stressing the organisation on a regular basis. Deploying daily, experimenting, chaos engineering are examples. Done regularly they stress the organisation to build more resilience. **How To Hire Product Managers 📦** Another read this week was Kate Leto’s book, [Hiring Product Managers](https://amzn.to/35IUwT8?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_resilience_hiring_purpose&utm_term=2021-01-14). My insight: Hire for on “Human Skills” > “What a product practitioner at any level should actually be working toward is the ability to balance technical skills with human skills. The ability to influence, lead, coach, mentor, learn, deal with conflict, communicate, be curious, innovate, adapt, energize, build and maintain relationships, and continually grow as an individual.” 4 tips to hire for human skills: - Be clear on the purpose, accountability, technical skills and human skills. - Give Human Skills parity in Job Descriptions - Do Behavioural interviews to check human skills - Don’t hire for cultural fit **The Prophet On Purposeful Work ❤️** A final read for this week was [The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran](https://amzn.to/38HcS8M?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_resilience_hiring_purpose&utm_term=2021-01-14). First published in the 1920s, The Prophet is perhaps the most famous work of religious fiction of the twentieth century. An insight on purposeful work: > "Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distils a poison in the wine." **Thank You! 🥳** This newsletter now has over 100 subscribers. How did you find today's edition? Reply to this email and let me know! --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 8th January 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-8th-january-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-8th-january-2021.md Date: 2021-01-07 Topics: newsletter Happy Friday,Here are this week's insights to help you and your organisation improve.Enjoy! 1. A book summary:Atomic Habits at WorkThis summary is curated for leaders, coaches and consultants within organisations.Big Ideas include:1. Tiny improvements lead to remarkable results2. Focus less on goals, OKR's and outcomes. Focus more on systems.3. Change who you are by what you do.4. Design the Environment to make change obvious.5. Use social dynamics to make change attractive.6. Enable consiste Happy Friday, Here are this week's insights to help you and your organisation improve. Enjoy! ### **1. A book summary:** [Atomic Habits at Work](/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_atomic_habits_problem_solving_new_experiment&utm_term=2021-01-07) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3b13ffd2fd23411da6e9d54321f8808c~mv2.png) This summary is curated for leaders, coaches and consultants within organisations. Big Ideas include: 1. Tiny improvements lead to remarkable results 2. Focus less on goals, OKR's and outcomes. Focus more on systems. 3. Change who you are by what you do. 4. Design the Environment to make change obvious. 5. Use social dynamics to make change attractive. 6. Enable consistency to make change easy. 7. Reward desired behaviours instantly to make change satisfying. ### **2. A quote:** > "I cut knots instead of laboriously trying to untie them" [Keith Johnstone | Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/306940.Impro?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_atomic_habits_problem_solving_new_experiment&utm_term=2021-01-07) My insight: Many organisations spend time trying to untie knots (adjusting existing processes) rather than cutting knots (taking radical action) **Do you untie or cut knots in your organisation?** ### **3. A request for help:** This week I launched a new experiment! [A Free 5-Day Habits Program for Leaders.](/habits-program?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_atomic_habits_problem_solving_new_experiment&utm_term=2021-01-07) You'll change 3 habits and learn how to help others do the same. I'd love to hear your feedback on the program. You can join here: [/h...](/habits-program?&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=curated_insights_atomic_habits_problem_solving_new_experiment&utm_term=2021-01-07) Until next Friday, --- ## How To Apply Atomic Habits To Business URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-use-atomic-habits-at-work-the-big-ideas-for-organisations.md Date: 2021-01-06 Topics: book-summaries, leadership, organisational-design This article shares how to apply the ideas from Atomic Habits to Business. You'll learn why the environment is important, the failures of goal setting and how to leverage social dynamics. This summary will enable you to make tiny changes that lead to remarkable results for your organisation. Atomic Habits is a worldwide bestseller. It helps you build systems that enable effective habits to emerge. This article is part atomic habits summary, part how-to guide. It is written specifically for business leaders, coaches and consultants who lead organisational change. This atomic habits summary answers these questions: - How to apply atomic habits to business? - How do you change behaviours in organisations? - What influences business habits? - What can leaders do to encourage behaviour change in business? You'll learn the key Atomic Habits principles and, from my experience, how to apply them within an organizational and business context. ## **🤖 Turn This Book Into Action** Despite reading this book, I still have a problem. I’m not converting the knowledge into action. To solve this problem, I’m turning to the solution everyone is looking for at the moment: artificial intelligence. I’ve developed a set of [AI tools to turn knowledge into action.](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) [**🔒 Unlock More Free Learning Tools**](https://www.realtalkstudio.com/) ## **The 7 Atomic Habits Principles** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_da9326275e1644ef93e618761e92036a~mv2.png) [Atomic habits book](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) shares these 7 big ideas which can help you apply atomic habits in business: 1. [Tiny improvements lead to remarkable results](#viewer-7sn41) 2. [Focus less on goals, OKR's and outcomes. Focus more on systems.](#viewer-2cd1f) 3. [Change who you are by what you do.](#viewer-egjn0) 4. [Design the Environment to](#viewer-4mv8i) [***make change obvious.***](#viewer-4mv8i) 5. [Use social dynamics to](#viewer-bbgsf) [***make change attractive.***](#viewer-bbgsf) 6. [Enable consistency to](#viewer-a3a16) [***make change easy.***](#viewer-a3a16) 7. [Reward desired behaviours instantly to](#viewer-d7kq3) [***make change satisfying.***](#viewer-d7kq3) ## **2 Atomic Habits Quotes** Two of the best atomic habit quotes to share with your business leaders and management: > *"Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress."* [Click to Tweet](https://ctt.ac/7Ud2g) > “*Habits are the compound interest of improvement.*" [Click to Tweet](https://ctt.ac/6d7Qo) ## **Tobys Top Atomic Habits Book Takeaway** > When the behaviour of the individual and the organisation are at odds. The behaviour of the organisation wins. [Click to Tweet](https://ctt.ac/ZbJSu) If you are exploring how to apply atomic habits to business this top takeaway will help. **Fix the System, not the people.** If you’re having trouble changing organisational habits, the problem isn’t the people. The system consists of the organisation policies, procedures, rewards, environment and much more. If these make behaviour change hard then change will not happen. Fix the system by making habits easier to form. **Make it Obvious.** **Make it Attractive.** **Make it Easy.** **Make it Satisfying.** [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_49e29f1a7fe04371be822adf9ab42c27~mv2.png)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/0ZWj53) ## **The 7 Atomic Habits Principles Explained** This atomic habits summary expands on each of the atomic habits principles. You'll learn how to apply atomic habits in business. It also shares further atomic habits quotes. The [atomic habits book](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) can lead to a dramatic change in your business success. ## **Why small habits can make a big difference to your business** It is easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, organisations convince themselves that massive success requires massive action. The multi-year change program, the big product launch and company-wide training roll-out. The reality, success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations. Small changes can really lead to remarkable results. This is a key idea when applying atomic habits in business. An example: > "The impact created by a change in habits is similar to the effect of shifting the route of an airplane by just a few degrees. Imagine you are flying from Los Angeles to New York City. If a pilot leaving from LAX adjusts the heading just 3.5 degrees south, you will land in Washington, D.C., instead of New York. Such a small change is barely noticeable at takeoff—the nose of the airplane moves just a few feet—but when magnified across the entire United States, you end up hundreds of miles apart." **What could a small shift in your business lead to?** The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. The challenge for many organisations is the time it takes to shift habits at scale. Habits often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold and unlock a new level of performance. It’s the work you did long ago—when it seemed that you weren’t making any progress—that makes the jump today possible. > *"Habits are the compound interest of improvement."* - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) ## **Focus less on Goals, OKR's and Outcomes. Focus more on systems.** When applying [atomic habits for business](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi), this can be one of the biggest behaviour shifts. Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results. Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress. Goal thinking has these challenges: 1. Winners and losers have the same goals. 2. Achieving a goal is only a momentary change. 3. Goals restrict your happiness. 4. Goals are at odds with long-term progress. A popular topic in the agile community is [shifting from outputs to outcomes](/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh). Outcomes are good for setting direction, but they will not be achieved without the right habits. To develop good habits your organisation needs good systems of consistency. Organisations should be concerned with their ability to consistently perform good habits. For example, how easy it is to write high-quality code. Ultimately, it is consistent behaviour over time that will determine progress. Fundamental Attribution bias is common in many organisations. A tendency to underestimate the impact of the environment. If you’re having trouble changing behaviour in your organisation, the problem likely isn’t the people. It's likely to be a system problem. > Organisations do not rise to the level of their goals. Organisations fall to the level of their systems. [Click To Tweet](https://ctt.ac/VhvH9) ## **Change who you are by what you do** There are three layers of behaviour change: ![3 Layers Of Behaviour Change](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_85d6bda0e18e4fc0b80a9ffa3277afea~mv2.png) Outcomes are about what you get. Processes are about what you do. Identity is about what you believe. Many businesses begin the process of change by focusing on the outcome. What they want to achieve. A better approach is to focus on who rather than what - Who do we wish to become? > *"Real behavioural change is identity change."* - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) Identity is influenced by beliefs and values. These shape the way people behave. Our Identity can shift based on the context in which we are acting. Your organisational context will have a set of behaviours that are deemed to be socially acceptable. > When the behaviour of the individual and the organisation are at odds. The behaviour of the organisation wins. [Click to Tweet](https://ctt.ac/ZbJSu) This tension creates challenges for employees. It can feel more comfortable to believe what your culture believes even if it’s wrong. Success for organisations and employees is when your behaviour and your identity are fully aligned. It's common to attribute lack of change to "mindset". This implies that a transformative moment needs to happen to change their beliefs. This rarely happens. Your identity emerges out of your habits. The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you reinforce the identity associated with that behaviour. Every action you take is a vote for the type of person and organisation you wish to become. **The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.** > "Quite literally, you become your habits." - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) ## **Four Laws of Behavior Change** You can use the 4 laws of [atomic habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) in business. These are the 4 laws that help habit formation become effortless: 1. Make it obvious 2. Make it attractive 3. Make it easy 4. Make it satisfying ![Atomic Habits 4 Laws of Change](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d0d47717826f4a0b958b79e2f963f29f~mv2.png) When the levers are in the right positions, creating good habits is effortless. When they are in the wrong positions, it is nearly impossible. The following sections share how organisations can leverage the 4 Laws of Behaviour Change. ## **Design the environment to make change obvious.** The primary focus for business leaders needs to be on managing the environment. This is the best way to apply atomic habits for businesses. [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) **- 1st Law of Behaviour Change - Make it obvious** Environment strongly influences behaviour. You'll behave differently at the office compared to a rock concert. Every habit is context-dependent. In 1936, psychologist Kurt Lewin wrote a simple equation that makes a powerful statement: > *"Behavior is a function of the Person in their Environment, or B = f (P,E)"* The environment sends signals on how to behave. A tidy, clean office might suggest organised and consistent behaviours are accepted. A messy and colourful office might suggest creative behaviours are accepted. Visual cues are the greatest catalyst for behaviour. A small change in what you see can lead to a big shift in what people do. Organisations must pay close attention to the visual environment. Is it distracting or productive? Your employees will act based upon the most visible cues in the organisation. What is grabbing their attention today? A good place to start for organisations is to review existing cues within the environment. In the physical office, take a walk and observe what visual cues are present. In the digital space, what visual cues exist within the workspace. What's the first thing employees see when they log in? Once you have a list of existing visual cues prioritise those that drive desired behaviour. Remove all others. Making a better decision is easy and natural when the cues for good habits are right in front of employees. A stable environment where everything has a place and a purpose is an environment where habits can easily form. In the long-run, people are a product of their environment. If your environment does not enable new habits to stick, then change will not occur. ## **Use the social system to make change attractive** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) **- 2nd Law of Behaviour Change - Make it attractive** The more attractive an opportunity is, the more likely it is to become habit-forming. Many organisations fail to make change attractive. It's assumed that employees are already invested in change. Whatever habits are normal in your culture are among the most attractive behaviours. Humans are herd animals. People want to fit in, to bond with others, and to earn the respect and approval of peers. Such inclinations are essential to survival. One of the deepest human desires is to belong. **Habits form through imitation.** Employees will imitate these three groups in your organisation: 1. The close. 2. The many. 3. The powerful. **Imitating the Close** People pick up habits from the team they work within. As a general rule, the more time spent with someone, the more likely you are to imitate their habits. Example: *“a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57% if he or she had a friend who became obese.”* Team members have a strong influence on how each other behave. It's vital that teams spend time working on habits together. A great way to do this is to build habits together. I use the Tiny Habits method to help teams do this. Using a simple 6 step framework we identify habits that can help the team move towards their desired identity. You can access the Miro board template [here](https://miro.com/miroverse/category/newly-added/tiny-habits-framework/) **Imitating the Many** Whenever we are unsure how to act, we look to the group to guide our behaviour. One study found that when a chimpanzee learns an effective way to crack nuts open as a member of one group and then switches to a new group that uses a less effective strategy, it will avoid using the superior nut cracking method just to blend in with the rest of the chimps. The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of demonstrating improvement. Organisations need to find ways to increase safety to enable these ideas to be shared. Without it, the best ideas will stay hidden away. The default for most is to be wrong with the crowd rather than be right on their own. When changing habits means challenging the tribe, change is unattractive. When changing habits means fitting in with the tribe, change is very attractive. **Imitating the Powerful** Humans everywhere pursue power, prestige, and status. We are drawn to behaviours that earn us respect, approval, admiration, and status. We copy the habits of the most successful and powerful people within the context. This is why people in power are so important in setting organisational culture. People will implicitly copy the habits of people with status and power. This is driven by fear of being cast out from the group and by the assumption that adopting the same habits will bring people the same status and power. If the behaviour of your most powerful employees does not change, don't expect other people to change. Change Agents should focus efforts on helping those with power change. The same principles can be applied. Let's assume you wanted to build a culture of feedback in your organisation. An approach that applies the four laws of behaviour change would look like this: - Provide influential leaders with a stack of index cards on their desk - ***Make it Obvious*** - Share an index card with the leader giving them feedback - ***Make it Attractive*** - On the index card add a 2-3 feedback prompt templates and recommendations for who they might give feedback to - ***Make it Easy*** - When they give the index card it will automatically be satisfying with the human connection that is formed - ***Make it Satisfying*** Once those in power shift their behaviour, it will provide a catalyst for change. ## **Enable consistency to make change easy** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) **- 3rd Law of Behavioural Change - Make it easy** Habits form based on frequency, not time. The ability to stay consistent is what enables success. For people to do something consistently it needs to be easy. > *"When deciding between two similar options, people will naturally gravitate toward the option that requires the least amount of work."* Law of Least Effort The more energy required, the less likely behaviour will happen. Organisations need to lower the energy gradient for change. This means addressing the factors that increase the energy gradient for change. Removing bureaucracy, policies and procedures that make change difficult. Habits are easier to build when they fit into the flow of work. Much of the battle of building better habits comes down to finding ways to reduce the friction associated with our good habits and increase the friction associated with our bad ones. To make new habits easy, organisations should follow the Two-Minute Rule: > “When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.” - James Clear [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) The actions that follow can be challenging, but the first two minutes should be easy. The goal might be to build a great product, but your gateway habit is to write a test for every piece of code. But the point is not to do one thing. The point is to master the habit of showing up. The truth is, a habit must be established before it can be improved. If you can’t learn the basic skill of showing up, then you have little hope of mastering the finer details. You have to standardize before you can optimize. ## **Reward desired behaviours instantly to make change satisfying** [**Atomic Habits**](https://amzn.to/3g7ehbi) **- 4th Law of Behavioural Change - Make it easy** People are more likely to repeat a behaviour when the experience is satisfying. If the behaviour is hard to do and there is no reward, there is little reason to repeat it. Within organisations: **What is rewarded is repeated. What is punished is avoided.** Bonuses and promotions are ineffective at changing behaviour. The rewards are delayed and conditional. To be effective the satisfaction of change must be immediate. People value the present more than the future. A reward that is certain right now is typically worth more than one that is merely possible in the future. The vital thing in getting a habit to stick is to feel successful—even if it’s in a small way. Referring back to earlier, visual cues are the most potent. In the same way, visual rewards are also potent. Finding ways to visualise progress is critical. Stickies on the wall, jars of paper clips for each behaviour. These are all great ways to reward behaviour in small ways. This is why Kanban boards can be a great way to visualise behaviour. There is great gratification when you move a task to 'done'. A kanban board implements all 4 laws. It's obvious, attractive, easy and rewarding. We are more likely to repeat an experience when the ending is satisfying, we are also more likely to avoid an experience when the ending is painful. If a failure is relatively painless, it gets ignored. When the consequences are severe, people learn quickly. The challenge for organisations is to design accountability systems for the right things. There is a risk that management point out errors to staff which is not great for morale. Instead, this is where leadership can create accountability by asking questions "How could this be improved next time?", "What did we learn?" --- ## 📚 100 Coaching Books From Beginner to Expert URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-coaching-books Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/best-coaching-books.md Date: 2021-01-01 Topics: coaching, book-collections A curated list of the best coaching books ever written. Learn how to become a better leader, manager and coach. Coaching books are grouped into different levels from foundations to advanced. ## Top 100 List ## Coaching Books Learn how to become a better leader, manager and coach. A curated list of the best coaching books I've ever read. I've ever read Michael Bungay-Stanier Kim Morgan Edgar Schein Nancy Kline James Clear INCLUDING BOOKS BY: GUIDE OVERVIEW #### Becoming a better coach I've led teams for over 10 years. But it was only later in my career that I came to this realisation: coaching is not about fixing people. I had spent most of my career amassing technical knowledge and I was valued for this expertise. However, over time it became more important to develop other people. To be the guide on the side rather than the sage on the stage. ​ I learned that coaching is in essence about telling less and asking more. It's about helping someone find their own answers rather than advising them. There are three skills that can help you do this well. Listening, Asking and Sensing. The third you might be curious about. Sensing is the ability to know what's going on for you, the other person and the system at large. You might also know it as emotional intelligence. ​ These books are not about turning you into a coach. They are about helping you become a little more coach-like in how you lead and manage teams. Learning how to listen and show empathy. Learning how to ask open, curious questions that lead to better thinking. Becoming more self-aware and managing your desire to give advice to everyone. I've led teams for over 10 years. But it was only later in my career that I came to this realisation: coaching is not about fixing people. I had spent most of my career amassing technical knowledge and I was valued for this expertise. However, over time it became more important to develop other people. To be the guide on the side rather than the sage on the stage. coaching is not about fixing people. ​ I learned that coaching is in essence about telling less and asking more. It's about helping someone find their own answers rather than advising them. There are three skills that can help you do this well. Listening, Asking and Sensing. The third you might be curious about. Sensing is the ability to know what's going on for you, the other person and the system at large. You might also know it as emotional intelligence. These books are not about turning you into a coach. They are about helping you become a little more coach-like in how you lead and manage teams. Learning how to listen and show empathy. Learning how to ask open, curious questions that lead to better thinking. Becoming more self-aware and managing your desire to give advice to everyone. #### Levels Explained 💡 ‍Foundations: The first level ensures that you learn the basics, including some of the foundational texts. All books at this level are accessible and interesting to read, no matter your current coaching knowledge. Skills: Next level explores the specific skills of coaching. Namely listening, asking and sensing. These coaching books will help you pursue mastery of these coaching skills. ​ Context: The third level focuses on the application of coaching in specific contexts. If you know the foundations and skills, jump to this section. Contexts include who you might be coaching with e.g. teams and the challenges you might face e.g conflict. ​ Expand: Finally, this level goes deep and wide into the related fields and applications. These books are more niche and specialized (e.g. related to neuroscience and therapy) ​ Feeling Overwhelmed? [Learn the techniques I use to read more books.](/post/how-to-read-more-books) ‍Foundations: The first level ensures that you learn the basics, including some of the foundational texts. All books at this level are accessible and interesting to read, no matter your current coaching knowledge. ‍ Foundations : The first level ensures that you learn the basics, including some of the foundational texts. All books at this level are accessible and interesting to read, no matter your current coaching knowledge. Skills: Next level explores the specific skills of coaching. Namely listening, asking and sensing. These coaching books will help you pursue mastery of these coaching skills. Skills : Next level explores the specific skills of coaching. Namely listening, asking and sensing. These coaching books will help you pursue mastery of these coaching skills. Context: The third level focuses on the application of coaching in specific contexts. If you know the foundations and skills, jump to this section. Contexts include who you might be coaching with e.g. teams and the challenges you might face e.g conflict. Context : The third level focuses on the application of coaching in specific contexts. If you know the foundations and skills, jump to this section. Contexts include who you might be coaching with e.g. teams and the challenges you might face e.g conflict. Expand: Finally, this level goes deep and wide into the related fields and applications. These books are more niche and specialized (e.g. related to neuroscience and therapy) Expand : Finally, this level goes deep and wide into the related fields and applications. These books are more niche and specialized (e.g. related to neuroscience and therapy) Feeling Overwhelmed? [Learn the techniques I use to read more books.](/post/how-to-read-more-books) Share and tag @TobySinclair\_ Choose Your Level 📊 ## LEVEL 1 Learn The Foundations 😎 Let's begin by ensuring that you learn the basics. The following 25 coaching books are all accessible and interesting to read, no matter your current coaching knowledge level. # The Coaching Habit Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever By Michael Bungay-Stanier ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2016 ⌛ 251 pages 😎 Leaders [📚 Summary](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier) ##### What I Found Most Useful 💡 What I like best about the [Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is that it's super practical. It provides busy managers with the 7 coaching habit questions. These help managers coach in 10 minutes or less. With a focus on simplicity and habit formation, the coaching habit book is a great way to start. Given the simplicity, this book focuses on coaching skills [rather than professional coaching](https://youtu.be/k-AV8ThLgXc). Michael Bungay Stanier highlights that this is not a book about becoming a coach. Instead, it's focused on giving managers simple coaching skills. What I like best about the [Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) is that it's super practical. It provides busy managers with the 7 coaching habit questions. These help managers coach in 10 minutes or less. With a focus on simplicity and habit formation, the coaching habit book is a great way to start. [Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/2TNcrF2) Given the simplicity, this book focuses on coaching skills [rather than professional coaching](https://youtu.be/k-AV8ThLgXc). Michael Bungay Stanier highlights that this is not a book about becoming a coach. Instead, it's focused on giving managers simple coaching skills. [rather than professional coaching](https://youtu.be/k-AV8ThLgXc) # Coaching for Performance The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership By Sir John Whitmore ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2021 ⌛ 289 pages 😎 Managers . # This book popularised the famous GROW Model. Now used in nearly every coach training program. A super practical coaching book with many tools and techniques. Managers in particular will love this book. You'll discover how you can use coaching with your teams. GROW Model: - Goal: What do you want? - Reality: Where are you now? - Options: What could you do? - Will: What will you do? # Coaches Casebook Mastering The Twelve traits That trap Us By Geoff Watts, Kim Morgan ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2015 ⌛ 381 pages 😎 Coaches # This is the perfect introduction to Professional Coaching. Each chapter tells the story of a skilled coach working with a client who is struggling with one of the twelve traits. These include people-pleasing, imposter syndrome, perfectionism and procrastination. Throughout the book are detailed exercises you can use in coaching conversations. Readers will leave with practical tools and specific examples where they can use coaching. # You Coach You How to Overcome Challenges and Take Control of Your Career By Helen Tupper, Sarah Ellis ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2022 ⌛ 288 pages 😎 Everyone # Coaching is a confusing word. Many people associate it with "fixing people" and telling people what to do. [The dictionary doesn't help with this.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) [You Coach You](https://amzn.to/3gD9D5C) by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis does a great job at democratizing coaching. Simple and practical, it gives you the [tools of coaching](/post/coaching-tools) so that you can find a breakthrough. Whilst writing the You Coach You summary I reflected upon the central premise of the "You Coach You" book. Whilst I agree, there is great value in self-coaching it has limitations. It's easy to get stuck in thinking patterns that make problems worse. Confirming your own biases and not being aware of your blind spots. I've also heard countless times "speaking my thoughts out loud to someone has helped make things clearer". This is where a skilled coach brings huge value. [Listening deeply](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) to what is said and what isn't. [Asking provocative questions](https://youtu.be/175n_MJAj9w) to bring awareness to blind spots. Encouraging you to build upon your strengths. [The dictionary doesn't help with this.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) [tools of coaching](/post/coaching-tools) [Listening deeply](/post/book-summary-you-re-not-listening-by-kate-murphy-big-ideas-and-best-quotes) [Asking provocative questions](https://youtu.be/175n_MJAj9w) # The Inner Game of Tennis The Ultimate Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance By Timothy Gallwey ⭐️ 4.5 📅 1974 ⌛ 161 pages 😎 Coaches # Coaching is often assumed to be about telling someone what to do and "fixing" people. The Inner Game of Tennis is the best book to debunk these myths. It shows that coaching can be most effective when you help people self-discover their own answers. There are many [bad definitions of coaching, even in the dictionary.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) The Inner Game of Tennis has my favourite definition: "Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them." [bad definitions of coaching, even in the dictionary.](/post/5-coaching-definitions) "Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them." ##### All Foundation Coaching Books By Henry Kimsey-House et al. ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2018 ⌛ 241 pages 😎 Coaches # Coactive Coaching By Claire Pedrick ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2020 ⌛ 160 pages 😎 Managers # Simplifying Coaching By William R. Miller et al. ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2012 ⌛ 483 pages 😎 Coaches # Motivational Interviewing By Jenny Rogers ��⭐️ 4.7 📅 2021 ⌛ 289 pages 😎 Managers # Coaching Skills By Jonathan Passmore ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2021 ⌛ 392 pages 😎 Managers # Excellence in Coaching By Emily Alison, Laurence Alison ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2020 ⌛ 362 pages 😎 Managers # Rapport By Myles Downey ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2014 ⌛ 224 pages 😎 Coaches # Modern Coaching By Max Landsberg ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2015 ⌛ 160 pages 😎 Managers # The Tao of Coaching By Marcia Reynolds ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2020 ⌛ 224 pages 😎 Managers # Coach the Person By Ian Day, John Blakey ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2012 ⌛ 272 pages 😎 Managers # Challenging Coaching By Julie Starr ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2003 ⌛ 320 pages 😎 Managers # The Coaching Manual By Edgar Schein ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2013 ⌛ 176 pages 😎 Coaches # Humble Inquiry By Bruce Peltier ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2009 ⌛ 478 pages 😎 Coaches # The Psychology of ... By Erik de Haan ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2008 ⌛ 354 pages 😎 Coaches # Relational Coaching By Curly Martin ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2001 ⌛ 226 pages 😎 Coaches # Life Coach Handbook By Marion Franklin ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2019 ⌛ 296 pages 😎 Coaches # Laser-Focused Coaching By Gerard Egan ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2001 ⌛ 512 pages 😎 Coaches # The Skilled Helper By Eric Schmidt et al. ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2019 ⌛ 191 pages 😎 Managers # Trillion Dollar Coach ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2021 ⌛ 192 pages 😎 Coaches # What Really Works By Gladeana McMahon ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2010 ⌛ 328 pages 😎 Coaches # 101 Coaching ## LEVEL 2 Master The Skills 🧰 Let's continue and now explore the deeper principles and theories related to coaching. This level goes deeper into each of the core skills of coaching. Each of these coaching books will help you pursue mastery. # You’re Not Listening What You’re Missing and Why It Matters By Kate Murphy ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2020 ⌛ 285 pages 🧰 Listening Listening is hard. I often fall short of being a great listener. It's easy for the mind to drift or to assume you know what the other person is talking about. I also struggle to find people who can listen well. I'm sure you have this challenge too. Kate Murphy uses the phrase "lost art of listening"which is a great description. The You're Not Listening book helps you reconnect with the art of listening. There are many examples of the power of listening to transform. For example, the feeling of love that can be generated when someone actively listens to you. I really enjoyed the scientific studies shared in the You're Not Listening book. In particular, when someone shares an opposing view to yours, your brain responds like it's being chased by a bear! Listening is hard. I often fall short of being a great listener. It's easy for the mind to drift or to assume you know what the other person is talking about. I also struggle to find people who can listen well. I'm sure you have this challenge too. Kate Murphy uses the phrase "lost art of listening"which is a great description. The You're Not Listening book helps you reconnect with the art of listening. There are many examples of the power of listening to transform. For example, the feeling of love that can be generated when someone actively listens to you. I really enjoyed the scientific studies shared in the You're Not Listening book. In particular, when someone shares an opposing view to yours, your brain responds like it's being chased by a bear! # The Advice Trap Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2020 ⌛ 267 pages 🧰 Questions > "Your advice is not as good as you think it is." A harsh truth shared by Michael Bungay-Stanier in [The Advice Trap](https://amzn.to/3Cmrjfo). This is the follow up to his bestseller [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). The biggest takeaway was the three beliefs that drive people to give advice: - You must have the answer! - You must be responsible for it all! - You must stay in control! ​ I resonated with all of these. In particular, people often seek out my expertise as a thought leader. This means I have a strong urge to give people the answer. I continue to work hard on building awareness for when to tell vs ask. > "Your advice is not as good as you think it is." A harsh truth shared by Michael Bungay-Stanier in [The Advice Trap](https://amzn.to/3Cmrjfo). This is the follow up to his bestseller [The Coaching Habit](/post/book-summary-coaching-habit-by-michael-bungay-stanier). The biggest takeaway was the three beliefs that drive people to give advice: - You must have the answer! - You must be responsible for it all! - You must stay in control! - You must have the answer! - You must be responsible for it all! - You must stay in control! I resonated with all of these. In particular, people often seek out my expertise as a thought leader. This means I have a strong urge to give people the answer. I continue to work hard on building awareness for when to tell vs ask. # Ego is the Enemy The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent By Ryan Holiday ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2016 ⌛ 211 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness Wow. [Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday](https://amzn.to/3ib2Em9) is one of my all-time favourites. It addresses something we all need to grapple with and manage: our ego. Ryan Holiday has done an excellent job taking the ideas and principles of stoicism to the masses. He uses storytelling and real-life examples to demonstrate the importance of ego management. The section about money and ego was particularly helpful for me. This quote stopped me in my tracks: ​ > "Managing your ego is especially important with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: more." > ​ Since reading this book 3 years ago I've really paid more attention to this. How much money do I need to lead the life I want? Wow. [Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday](https://amzn.to/3ib2Em9) is one of my all-time favourites. It addresses something we all need to grapple with and manage: our ego. Ryan Holiday has done an excellent job taking the ideas and principles of stoicism to the masses. He uses storytelling and real-life examples to demonstrate the importance of ego management. The section about money and ego was particularly helpful for me. This quote stopped me in my tracks: [Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday](https://amzn.to/3ib2Em9) > "Managing your ego is especially important with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: more." Since reading this book 3 years ago I've really paid more attention to this. How much money do I need to lead the life I want? # Time To Think Listening to Ignite the Human Mind By Nancy Kline ⭐️ 4.6 📅 1999 ⌛ 256 pages 🧰 Listening Everything we do depends on the thinking we do first. Thinking for ourselves is still seen as quite a radical act. Traditionally, most of our societies have not created the conditions for us to think for ourselves. Many of us are therefore profoundly unsettled when confronted with the simple question: ‘What do you really think?’ The quality of actions depends first on the quality of the thinking behind them. # Cynefin Weaving Sense-Making into the Fabric of Our World By Dave Snowden et al. ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2020 ⌛ 376 pages 🧰 Sensing # We cannot force another person or a system to change. We sow seeds, some fall on fertile ground, others on impenetrable soil, and yet others sprout but get overgrown by weeds. Our responsibility is to keep sowing the seeds, that is all we have control over. Complex problems cannot be solved. Any attempt to create a solution changes the nature of the problem. The full landscape of the problem cannot be understood until provisional actions taken to work on the problem are taken. Yet, every one of these provisional actions creates intended and unintended consequences that change the nature of the problem; they change the context itself. Although not solvable in any traditional sense, complex problems can be approached by affecting the way the complex system – the context – around the problem evolves. ##### All Coaching Skills Books By Tony Stoltzfus ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2008 ⌛ 100 pages 🧰 Questions # Coaching Questions By Stephen Covey ⭐️ 4.6 📅 1989 ⌛ 464 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People By Joseph Grenny et al. ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2001 ⌛ 299 pages 🧰 Communication # Crucial Conversations By Bruce Patton ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2021 ⌛ 302 pages 🧰 Communication # Difficult Conversations By Marcus Buckingham ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2007 ⌛ 272 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # Go Put Your Strengths to Work By Chris Voss ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2016 ⌛ 293 pages 🧰 Communication # Never Split the Difference ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2014 ⌛ 248 pages 🧰 Mentoring # Mentoring Manual By Susan David ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2016 ⌛ 283 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # Emotional Agility By Prof. Steve Peters ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2012 ⌛ 354 pages 🧰 Mind Management # The Chimp Paradox By BJ Fogg ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2019 ⌛ 310 pages 🧰 Habits # Tiny Habits By Daniel Goleman ⭐️ 4.5 📅 1995 ⌛ 352 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # Emotional Intelligence By Carol Dweck ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2006 ⌛ 320 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # Mindset By Marshall B. Rosenberg ⭐️ 4.7 📅 1999 ⌛ 280 pages 🧰 Communication # Nonviolent Communication By Kim Scott ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2017 ⌛ 269 pages 🧰 Feedback # Radical Candor By Eckhart Tolle ⭐️ 4.6 📅 1997 ⌛ 210 pages 🧰 Mindfulness # The Power of Now By Dr Julie Smith ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2022 ⌛ 350 pages 🧰 Communication # Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? By Tasha Eurich ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2018 ⌛ 368 pages 🧰 Self-Awareness # Insight By Richard Boyatzis ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2019 ⌛ 191 pages 🧰 Change # Helping People Change By James Clear ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2018 ⌛ 277 pages 🧰 Habits # Atomic Habits ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2017 ⌛ 131 pages 🧰 Communication # Magic Words and Language Patterns # Senior Leadership Teams What It Takes to Make Them Great By Ruth Wageman et al. ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2008 ⌛ 272 pages 🧭 Teams When developing your Senior Leadership Team ask these 6 Big Questions: ​​ 1. Is a leadership “team” required? 2. What is the unique, clear, compelling and challenging purpose of the team? 3. Based upon the purpose, what team topology is needed? 4. What skills, knowledge and experience are required on the team? 5. What are the behavioural norms expected on the top team? 6. What coaching is required and when? When developing your Senior Leadership Team ask these 6 Big Questions: ​​ 1. Is a leadership “team” required? 2. What is the unique, clear, compelling and challenging purpose of the team? 3. Based upon the purpose, what team topology is needed? 4. What skills, knowledge and experience are required on the team? 5. What are the behavioural norms expected on the top team? 6. What coaching is required and when? - Is a leadership “team” required? - What is the unique, clear, compelling and challenging purpose of the team? - Based upon the purpose, what team topology is needed? - What skills, knowledge and experience are required on the team? - What are the behavioural norms expected on the top team? - What coaching is required and when? # Connect Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues By Carole Robin, David Bradford ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2021 ⌛ 294 pages 🧭 Relationships The authors share how self-disclosure is a crucial part of building exceptional relationships. Without it, most relationships will not deepen. Self-disclosure helps build trust and intimacy. I've often used the excuse of "lack of psychological safety" as a reason for not disclosing. This quote challenged this viewpoint: ​ What comes first, safety or disclosure? It can be easy to think, “Until I know I can trust that person and be accepted, I’m not going to take the risk of disclosing. I need to first know how they’re going to respond.” The causal direction has to be reversed—that risking a small disclosure is what builds safety. If each person waits for the other to take a risk, little progress is ever made. The authors share how self-disclosure is a crucial part of building exceptional relationships. Without it, most relationships will not deepen. Self-disclosure helps build trust and intimacy. I've often used the excuse of "lack of psychological safety" as a reason for not disclosing. This quote challenged this viewpoint: What comes first, safety or disclosure? It can be easy to think, “Until I know I can trust that person and be accepted, I’m not going to take the risk of disclosing. I need to first know how they’re going to respond.” The causal direction has to be reversed—that risking a small disclosure is what builds safety. If each person waits for the other to take a risk, little progress is ever made. # Coaching the Team at Work The definitive guide to team coaching By David Clutterbuck ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2007 ⌛ 480 pages 🧭 Teams My biggest takeaway from coaching teams is the challenges many line managers face. To be an effective coach there are several barriers to overcome. Some of these relate to the positional power in organisations. Some of them relate to skills line managers need to master such as active listening and asking questions. ​ The opportunity is that if line managers overcome these challenges high performance can be achieved. Team coaching can transform teams and improve their outcomes. This book will guide your development and give new insights into how coaching teams work. My biggest takeaway from coaching teams is the challenges many line managers face. To be an effective coach there are several barriers to overcome. Some of these relate to the positional power in organisations. Some of them relate to skills line managers need to master such as active listening and asking questions. The opportunity is that if line managers overcome these challenges high performance can be achieved. Team coaching can transform teams and improve their outcomes. This book will guide your development and give new insights into how coaching teams work. # How to Begin Start Doing Something That Matters ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2022 ⌛ 223 pages 🧭 Goals Set worthy goals in any area of your life. Measure worthiness by using the metrics of thrilling, important and daunting, and refine the goal until it is clear, simple and compelling. ​ Assess the goal carefully before you commit. Look at your previous false starts, what you are currently doing and not doing that is taking you away from your goal, and weigh up factors such as loss of comfort and how the journey would mould and cement your best qualities. ​ Cross the Threshold: Set yourself up for success when you begin by taking small steps, making sure you are operating at your peak, and choosing your travelling companions deliberately and carefully. Set worthy goals in any area of your life. Measure worthiness by using the metrics of thrilling, important and daunting, and refine the goal until it is clear, simple and compelling. Assess the goal carefully before you commit. Look at your previous false starts, what you are currently doing and not doing that is taking you away from your goal, and weigh up factors such as loss of comfort and how the journey would mould and cement your best qualities. Cross the Threshold: Set yourself up for success when you begin by taking small steps, making sure you are operating at your peak, and choosing your travelling companions deliberately and carefully. # High Conflict Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out By Amanda Ripley ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2021 ⌛ 363 pages 🧭 Conflict High Conflict differs from regular conflict. In high conflict, people become certain of their own righteousness, make negative assumptions about those who have a different position and come to believe that the only acceptable solution is total victory. This conflict usually ends with no winners. Every high conflict has an understory. The real reason the conflict has escalated. To mediate the conflict, uncover the understory. Looping is an effective way of listening actively during high conflict situations. This is a form of paraphrasing that demonstrates to someone you have heard them. It also slows the conversation and often reduces emotion. High Conflict differs from regular conflict. In high conflict, people become certain of their own righteousness, make negative assumptions about those who have a different position and come to believe that the only acceptable solution is total victory. This conflict usually ends with no winners. Every high conflict has an understory. The real reason the conflict has escalated. To mediate the conflict, uncover the understory. Looping is an effective way of listening actively during high conflict situations. This is a form of paraphrasing that demonstrates to someone you have heard them. It also slows the conversation and often reduces emotion. ## LEVEL 3 Apply In Your Context 🧭 Now, let's focus on the application of coaching in different contexts. This includes different environments such as teams and groups. It also includes various challenges you might encounter such as conflict and culture change. ##### All Context Coaching Books By Christine Thornton ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2016 ⌛ 274 pages 🧭 Conflict # Group and Team Coaching By Lyssa Adkins ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2010 ⌛ 342 pages 🧭 Teams # Coaching Agile Teams By John Whittington ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2020 ⌛ 368 pages 🧭 Systems # Systemic Coaching and Constellations By Jennifer Britton ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2011 ⌛ 304 pages 🧭 Teams # Effective Group Coaching By Daniel Coyle ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2010 ⌛ 258 pages 🧭 Managing # The Talent Code By Peter Hawkins ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2018 ⌛ 392 pages 🧭 Teams # Leadership Team Coaching in Practice ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2017 ⌛ 269 pages 🧭 Managing # Brilliant Coaching ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2018 ⌛ 305 pages 🧭 Culture # Culture Code By Steve Chandler, Rich Litvin ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2013 ⌛ 284 pages 🧭 Business # The Prosperous Coach By Spencer Johnson ⭐️ 4.6 📅 1998 ⌛ 76 pages 🧭 Change # Who Moved My Cheese By Peter Hawkins, Eve Turner ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2019 ⌛ 312 pages 🧭 Systems # Systemic Coaching By Gary Chapman ⭐️ 4.7 📅 1992 ⌛ 206 pages 🧭 Relationships # 5 Love Languages By Dr Anne Rød, Marita Fridjhon ⭐️ 3.4 📅 2020 ⌛ 238 pages 🧭 Teams # Creating Intelligent Teams By Jonathan Taylor-Cummings et al. ⭐️ 5.0 📅 2020 ⌛ 384 pages 🧭 Relationships # The 4 Habits By Julie Zhuo ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2019 ⌛ 274 pages 🧭 Managing # The Making of a Manager ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2020 ⌛ 228 pages 🧭 Career # The Squiggly Career By Marty Cagan ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2018 ⌛ 368 pages 🧭 Conflict # Empowered By Viktor Frankl ⭐️ 4.7 📅 1946 ⌛ 200 pages 🧭 Purpose # Man's Search for Meaning By Patrick M. Lencioni ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2002 ⌛ 240 pages 🧭 Teams # 5 Dysfunctions of a Team By Jonah Berger ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2020 ⌛ 276 pages 🧭 Change # Catalyst ## LEVEL 4 Expand Your Knowledge 🧠 Finally, this level goes deep and wide into the related fields and applications. These coaching books are generally more niche and specialized, exploring everything from neuroscience to therapy. # The Body Keeps the Score Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma By Bessel van der Kolk ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2014 ⌛ 417 pages [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) is a fascinating exploration of trauma. I particularly enjoyed the analysis of different approaches such as talk therapy. The Body Keeps The Score shares that talk therapy, although widely used, often does not lead to long term improvement. Instead, a range of other techniques has been proven to make a lasting change. These include mindfulness, relationships and human touch. ​ Highly recommended for people in helping professions such as coaches, mentors and therapists. [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) is a fascinating exploration of trauma. I particularly enjoyed the analysis of different approaches such as talk therapy. The Body Keeps The Score shares that talk therapy, although widely used, often does not lead to long term improvement. Instead, a range of other techniques has been proven to make a lasting change. These include mindfulness, relationships and human touch. [The Body Keeps The Score](https://amzn.to/2T0OKct) Highly recommended for people in helping professions such as coaches, mentors and therapists. # The Happiness Hypothesis Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science By Jonathan Haidt ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2015 ⌛ 322 pages Happiness Formula (H = S + C + V) - Happiness = Set Level + Conditions + Voluntary activities: ​ Set Level -The set-point theory of happiness suggests that our level of subjective well-being is determined primarily by heredity and by personality traits ingrained in us early in life, and as a result remains relatively constant throughout our lives ​ Conditions – Relationships(connection) is one of the most important conditional factors to happiness. You can never adapt if you lose connections. ​ Voluntary activities – Focus on activities that bring joy to others. Such as showing gratitude, kindness, favours. Happiness Formula (H = S + C + V) - Happiness = Set Level + Conditions + Voluntary activities: Set Level -The set-point theory of happiness suggests that our level of subjective well-being is determined primarily by heredity and by personality traits ingrained in us early in life, and as a result remains relatively constant throughout our lives Conditions – Relationships(connection) is one of the most important conditional factors to happiness. You can never adapt if you lose connections. Voluntary activities – Focus on activities that bring joy to others. Such as showing gratitude, kindness, favours. # Relentless Solution Focus Train Your Mind to Conquer Stress, Pressure, and Underperformance By Jason Selk ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2021 ⌛ 257 pages Our brains were biologically hardwired to interpret the world in certain ways. One of the most prevalent is what Drs. Selk & Reed define in Relentless Solution Focus as problem-centric thought – The biological tendency to focus on problems or the negative. While evolutionarily sound, we’re no longer avoiding saber tooth tigers while scavenging for our next meal. Yet we continue viewing the world as a series of problems. Doing so causes adverse mental and physical repercussions. Problem-centred focus releases cortisol into our systems. This can cause increased stress levels, pressure and underperformance as a result. Relentless Solution Focus shares a framework to overcome these limitations. Our brains were biologically hardwired to interpret the world in certain ways. One of the most prevalent is what Drs. Selk & Reed define in Relentless Solution Focus as problem-centric thought – The biological tendency to focus on problems or the negative. While evolutionarily sound, we’re no longer avoiding saber tooth tigers while scavenging for our next meal. Yet we continue viewing the world as a series of problems. Doing so causes adverse mental and physical repercussions. Problem-centred focus releases cortisol into our systems. This can cause increased stress levels, pressure and underperformance as a result. Relentless Solution Focus shares a framework to overcome these limitations. # The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck A Counterintuitive Approach to a Good Life By Mark Manson ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2016 ⌛ 212 pages We have so much fucking stuff that we don’t know what to give a fuck about anymore. You need to find what to give a fuck about. You must give a fuck about something. ​ Understanding your personal values the most important challenge we all face to lead a better, happier life. “Self-improvement” is really about: prioritising better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. ​ Choosing to say no, to reduce options, and living with less, can lead to a happier life. This goes against our consumer, have it all, culture. We have so much fucking stuff that we don’t know what to give a fuck about anymore. You need to find what to give a fuck about. You must give a fuck about something. Understanding your personal values the most important challenge we all face to lead a better, happier life. “Self-improvement” is really about: prioritising better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Choosing to say no, to reduce options, and living with less, can lead to a happier life. This goes against our consumer, have it all, culture. # Influence The Psychology of Persuasion By Robert B. Cialdini ⭐️ 4.7 📅 1984 ⌛ 592 pages There are 6 weapons of influence:Reciprocity, Commitment, Social proof, Authority, Liking, Scarcity. ​ We respond automatically to the six types of influence. Understanding this allows us to manage how marketeers and other people t try to influence us without realising ​ Learning the principles of influence allow you to recognise when they are being used on you so that you can avoid doing something you’d later regret There are 6 weapons of influence:Reciprocity, Commitment, Social proof, Authority, Liking, Scarcity. We respond automatically to the six types of influence. Understanding this allows us to manage how marketeers and other people t try to influence us without realising Learning the principles of influence allow you to recognise when they are being used on you so that you can avoid doing something you’d later regret ##### All Expanded Coaching Books By Michael Singer ⭐️ 4.7 📅 2007 ⌛ 199 pages # The Untethered Soul By Amy Edmondson ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2018 ⌛ 257 pages # The Fearless Organization By Amy Brann ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2022 ⌛ 328 pages # Neuroscience for Coaches By Ivan Tyrrell, Joe Griffin ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2013 ⌛ 400 pages # Human Givens By Carl Rogers ⭐️ 4.7 📅 1997 ⌛ 448 pages # On Becoming a Person By Suzy Green, Stephen Palmer ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2018 ⌛ 221 pages # Positive Psychology Coaching By Don Miguel Ruiz, Janet Mills ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2011 ⌛ 153 pages # The Four Agreements By David Rock ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2009 ⌛ 290 pages # Quiet Leadership By Richard Strozzi-Heckler ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2014 ⌛ 193 pages # Somatic Coaching By Daniel Pink ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2010 ⌛ 257 pages # Drive By Elena Aguilar ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2020 ⌛ 559 pages # Coaching for Equity ⭐️ 4.9 📅 2009 ⌛ 547 pages # Coaching with the Brain in Mind By Wedny Sullivan, Judy Rees ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2008 ⌛ 211 pages # Clean Language By Richard Bandler et al. ⭐️ 4.4 📅 2013 ⌛ 164 pages # NLP Introduction By Jackie Arnold ⭐️ 4.3 📅 2014 ⌛ 208 pages # Coaching Supervision By Adele Faber ⭐️ 4.6 📅 2012 ⌛ 410 pages # How to Talk By Irvin Yalom ⭐️ 4.8 📅 2001 ⌛ 336 pages # The Gift Of Therapy By Jenny Bird, Sarah Gornall ⭐️ 4.5 📅 2015 ⌛ 240 pages # Art of Coaching --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 1st January 2021 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-1st-january-2021 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-1st-january-2021.md Date: 2021-01-01 Topics: newsletter Happy New Year Here are this week's insights to help you, your team and organisation develop better habits.Enjoy! 1. A book summary: The Great Mental Models by Shane Parrish and Rhiannon Beaubien3 Big Ideas:1. Adopting the right mental models will increase your chances of success in life and work.2. To work with complex problems, your mental models must be continuously upgraded and refined.3. The most successful people in life are those with the fewest blind spots. 2. A quote: "Unless it's a He Happy New Year Here are this week's insights to help you, your team and organisation develop better habits. Enjoy! **1. A book summary:** [The Great Mental Models by Shane Parrish and Rhiannon Beaubien](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg4OTgzNzU3MDY5NjIxOTkyJmM9YTByNyZlPTAmYj00OTA1ODkyODEmZD1pN2kwcTZn.WxEClZM5NPP82LJw-XMRXmPw352dUwlgm_KAmYauPAY) 3 Big Ideas: 1. Adopting the right mental models will increase your chances of success in life and work. 2. To work with complex problems, your mental models must be continuously upgraded and refined. 3. The most successful people in life are those with the fewest blind spots. **2. A quote:** > "Unless it's a Hell Yeah, Say No" *-* [*Derek Sivers*](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg4OTgzNzU3MDY5NjIxOTkyJmM9YTByNyZlPTAmYj00OTA1ODkyOTAmZD1sNXAxZDl1.l0aAVWhfETLppQ5Z5OUmiC8_CKMBp_E691i1_upkFCo) Prioritisation is a big challenge for most professionals. Keep this quote in mind as you plan your priorities for 2021! **3. A tool:** I've found the perfect tool to help diversify your learning in 2021. Break the bubble allows you to find out which books you are statistically unlikely to read. The more narrow your reading tastes are, the more you will be challenged by the results. [https://abooklikefoo.com/escap...](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg4OTgzNzU3MDY5NjIxOTkyJmM9YTByNyZlPTAmYj00OTA1ODkyOTYmZD1oOHY0ZTRy.FxLKmZvrnS8beM4Xl9MA9pa0UHyZhd6x1T99ZHIZC8M) Until next Friday, --- ## Book Summary: The Great Mental Models by Shane Parrish and Rhiannon Beaubien URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-great-mental-models-by-shane-parrish Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-great-mental-models-by-shane-parrish.md Date: 2020-12-27 Topics: book-summaries In life and business, the person with the fewest blind spots wins. This summary shares the big ideas, best quotes and key takeaways to enable you to succeed. You'll develop a latticework of mental models that allow you to stand out from the crowd. [Buy](https://amzn.to/2KVum8a) | [Reviews](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44245196-the-great-mental-models) | [Bio](https://fs.blog/start/) Prefer Video? [Animated Video (7min)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dzXTbEDeu4) [The Great Mental Models: General Thinking Concepts](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44245196-the-great-mental-models) is the first book in The Great Mental Models series designed to upgrade your thinking with the best, most useful and powerful tools so you always have the right one on hand. This volume details nine of the most versatile, all-purpose mental models you can use right away to improve your decision making, productivity, and how clearly you see the world. You will discover what forces govern the universe and how to focus your efforts so you can harness them to your advantage, rather than fight with them or worse yet— ignore them ## 3 big ideas - Adopting the right Mental Models will increase your chances of success in life and work. - To work with complex problems, your mental models must be continuously upgraded and refined. - The most successful people in life are those with the fewest blind spots. ## Best quotes > "In life and business, the person with the fewest blind spots wins." > "The world does not isolate itself into discrete disciplines. You need to work hard at synthesizing across the borders of our knowledge, and most importantly, synthesizing all of the ideas you learn with reality itself." ## Toby's takeaway The [Fifth Discipline](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/255127.The_Fifth_Discipline) by Peter Senge is one of my favourite books on organisational change. He shares that Mental Models is one of the five disciplines of a learning organisation. Therefore I was interested to see how this book would explore the topic of Mental Models. This biggest value of this book is how it provides a simple way to categorise thinking patterns. I was reminded of familiar ideas such as First-Principles and Mapping. I learned new ideas, Occam’s and Hanlon's Razor. Sharing this book with your team members would be a great way to build an understanding of each other's mental models. The models described within the book are mainly applicable to complicated and simple situations. Where the cause and effect are known. Therefore these mental models may not be best suited to complex situations. Finally, the book focuses on individuals. There is little focus on Mental Models within groups. How you can harness collective intelligence. Diverse teams will always succeed over a single individual when tackling complex problems. There are further volumes planned so perhaps this will covered then. In summary, a good book to reinforce your existing thinking patterns but also a way to learn new mental models to improve your thinking. [Buy](https://amzn.to/2KVum8a) | [Reviews](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44245196-the-great-mental-models) | [Bio](https://fs.blog/start/) ## Mental Models > I believe in the discipline of mastering the best of what other people have figured out. Charlie Munger Mental models describe the way the world works. They shape how you think, how you understand, and how you form beliefs. Largely subconscious, mental models operate below the surface. You’re not generally aware of them and yet they’re the reason when you look at a problem you consider some factors relevant and others irrelevant. They are how you infer causality, match patterns, and draw analogies. They are how you think and reason. A mental model is simply a representation of how you think something works. In life and business, the person with the fewest blind spots wins. There is an infinite number of Mental Models. This book shares Mental Models with the most utility: - [The Map is Not the Territory](#viewer-7dbjq) - Circle of Competence - [First Principles Thinking](#viewer-cbo9) - Thought Experiment - [Second-Order Thinking](#viewer-8tv69) - Probabilistic Thinking - [Inversion](#viewer-8hh13) - [Occam’s Razor](#viewer-75vto) - [Hanlon’s Razor](#viewer-61q4m) ## Develop a latticework of mental models > “You've got to have models in your head. ... You've got to hang experience on a latticework of models in your head.” Charlie Munger. Munger recommends that 80–90 mental models will carry you through 90% of life. With complex problems, you increase your ability to act effectively when you can utilise a wide range of mental models. You can think of these as spectacles. Lenses that allow you to see the world from different perspectives. The diversity of perspectives is what helps you succeed. The key here is variety. Most of us study something specific and don’t get exposure to the big ideas of other disciplines. People often don’t develop the multidisciplinary mindset that's needed to accurately see a problem. And because you don’t have the right models to understand the situation, you overuse the models you do have and use them even when they don’t belong. The world does not isolate itself into discrete disciplines. You need to work hard at synthesizing across the borders of our knowledge, and most importantly, synthesizing all of the ideas you learn with reality itself. > "The chief enemy of good decisions is a lack of sufficient perspectives on a problem." Alain de Botton ## Seeing the System A metaphor highlighting how you become blind to the system: > There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?” Furthermore, when you are distant from the effect of decisions you become even more blind to the system. Without feedback, it becomes easier to keep our current views rather than update them. This is prevalent in an organisational setting when organizations over a certain size often remove you from the direct consequences of decisions. ## The Map is Not the Territory A map is a model of reality. It is not reality itself. We use maps to make sense of the world. They help us move through life without the need to hold all the specific details of the territory in our minds. If a map were to represent the territory with perfect fidelity, it would no longer be a reduction and thus would no longer be useful to us. Maps are always a snapshot in time. Therefore they can represent something that no longer exists. All maps are imperfect. You should accept that the maps you hold will always be wrong and never be an accurate representation of the territory. When maps are created it includes the creator's biases, assumptions and beliefs. This is important to keep in mind as you think through problems and make better decisions. > “What makes these models so dangerous … is that the constraints that are assumed to be fixed for the purpose of analysis are taken on faith as being fixed in the empirical setting.” Elinor Ostrom **Map Example:** > *"The London underground map is super useful to travellers. The train drivers don’t use it at all! "* Maps describe a territory in a useful way, but with a specific purpose. They cannot be everything to everyone. **Learn more:** ## First Principles Thinking > "*I don’t know what’s the matter with people: they don’t learn by understanding; they learn by some other way—by rote or something. Their knowledge is so fragile! "* Richard Feynman First-principles thinking is one of the best ways to reverse-engineer complicated situations and unleash creative possibility. Sometimes called reasoning from first principles, it’s a tool to help clarify complicated problems by separating the underlying ideas or facts from any assumptions based on them. What remains are the essentials. If you know the first principles of something, you can build the rest of your knowledge around them to produce something new. First-principles expose the boundaries that you have to work within. From this, you can challenge the fundamental assumptions of the situation more effectively. First-principles thinking helps you avoid the problem of relying on someone else’s tactics without understanding the rationale behind them. If you know the principles you can change the tactics. Reasoning from first principles allows you to step outside of history and conventional wisdom. When you really understand the principles at work, you can decide if the existing methods make sense. > "As to methods, there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble." Harrington Emerson 2 techniques to identify the principles in a situation: 1. Socratic questioning 2. Five Whys Socratic questioning generally follows this process: 1. Clarifying your thinking and explaining the origins of your ideas. (Why do I think this? What exactly do I think?) 2. Challenging assumptions. (How do I know this is true? What if I thought the opposite?) 3. Looking for evidence. (How can I back this up? What are the sources?) 4. Considering alternative perspectives. (What might others think? How do I know I am correct?) 5. Examining consequences and implications. (What if I am wrong? What are the consequences if I am?) 6. Questioning the original questions. (Why did I think that? Was I correct? What conclusions can I draw from the reasoning process?) ## Second-Order Thinking Second-order thinking, also known as the “Law of Unintended Consequences”, is thinking holistically. It requires you to not only consider not only the direct but also indirect, more distant effects of a decision. Failing to consider the second-and third-order effects can unleash disaster. Very often, the second level of effects is not considered until it’s too late. When making choices, considering consequences can help you avoid future problems. When making a decision, ask this question: And then what? > “You can never merely do one thing.” Garrett Hardin - First Law of Ecology > "When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe." John Muir > "Once a few people decide to stand on their tip-toes, everyone has to stand on their tip-toes. No one can see any better, but they’re all worse off." Warren Buffet - Letter to Shareholders, 1985. > "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise. " F. Scott Fitzgerald ## Inversion Inversion means approaching a situation from the opposite end of the natural starting point. There are two approaches to applying inversion in your life. Start by assuming that what you’re trying to prove is either true or false, then show what else would have to be true. Instead of aiming directly for your goal, think deeply about what you want to avoid and then see what options are leftover. ## Occam’s Razor > "Anybody can make the simple complicated. Creativity is making the complicated simple." Charles Mingus Simpler explanations are more likely to be true than complicated ones. This is the essence of Occam’s Razor, a classic principle of logic and problem-solving. Occam’s Razor is a general rule by which you select among competing explanations. You should prefer the simplest explanation with the fewest moving parts. If all else is equal, that is if two competing models both have equal explanatory power, it’s more likely that the simple solution suffices. The simpler explanation is more robust in the face of uncertainty. **Example**: In another life-and-death situation, in 1989 Bengal tigers killed about 60 villagers from India’s Ganges delta.13 No weapons seemed to work against them, including lacing dummies with live wires to shock the tigers away from human populations. Then a student at the Science Club of Calcutta noticed that tigers only attacked when they thought they were unseen, and recalled that the patterns decorating some species of butterflies, beetles, and caterpillars look like big eyes, ostensibly to trick predators into thinking their prey was also watching them. The result: a human face mask, worn on the back of the head. Remarkably, no one wearing a mask was attacked by a tiger for the next three years; anyone killed by tigers during that time had either refused to wear the mask or had taken it off while working. People tend to undervalue the elementary ideas and overvalue the complicated ones. > "Most geniuses—especially those who lead others—prosper not by deconstructing intricate complexities but by exploiting unrecognized simplicities." Andy Benoit ## Hanlon’s Razor Hanlon’s Razor states that you should not attribute to malice that which is more easily explained by stupidity. Instead of generally assuming that bad results are the fault of a bad actor, you should look for options instead of missing opportunities. The explanation most likely to be right is the one that contains the least amount of intent. **The fallacy of conjunction** - You over-conclude based on the available information. When you see something you don’t like happen and which seems wrong, you assume it’s intentional. But it’s more likely that it’s completely unintentional. The theory says that of all possible motives behind an action, the ones that require the least amount of energy to execute (such as ignorance or laziness) are more likely to occur than one that requires active malice. --- ## Curated Insights | Friday 25th December 2020 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-25th-december-2020 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights-friday-25th-december-2020.md Date: 2020-12-25 Topics: newsletter Happy Christmas!Here are this week's curated insights to help you, your team and organisation improve.Enjoy!1. A podcast:Naval Ravikant on the Tim Ferris Show - Episode 97An excellent episode. My highlights were: • When you think of the successful people, who is the first that comes to mind? [58:19] • How to replace bad habits with good habits [1:07:06] • Early life education and the importance of “loving to read” [1:43:19]I didn't realise that Naval has quite a big cult following. His thinking Happy Christmas! Here are this week's curated insights to help you, your team and organisation improve. Enjoy! **1. A podcast:** [Naval Ravikant on the Tim Ferris Show - Episode 97](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg0MDM1MTgyODMzMzEwNzAxJmM9bDlvOSZlPTAmYj00ODcxMjM3MzUmZD1xMno0ejNx.8L7UB0rqJSis2BD4cpKu6-jkhSd9UjmAjk3vA5rFMp4) An excellent episode. My highlights were: - When you think of the successful people, who is the first that comes to mind? [58:19] - How to replace bad habits with good habits [1:07:06] - Early life education and the importance of “loving to read” [1:43:19] I didn't realise that Naval has quite a big cult following. His thinking and philosophy distilled into ['The Almanak of Naval Ravikant'](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg0MDM1MTgyODMzMzEwNzAxJmM9bDlvOSZlPTAmYj00ODcxMjM3NDQmZD1oNXIzbjlo.OUTpauyhmpuiD2mUxocMj1uJxnpoRG67AAPchV8H4KM) **2. A quote:** You might be surprised to see a newsletter on Christmas Day. I was inspired by this quote: > "To me, the vow I’ve made to my readers is sacred. I’ve learned that the only way you can earn people’s trust is by consistently keeping your word and delivering on what you’ve promised." [Polina Marinova - I quit my job at the start of the pandemic to launch a company. Here’s what I’ve learned in the first 90 days](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg0MDM1MTgyODMzMzEwNzAxJmM9bDlvOSZlPTAmYj00ODcxMjM3NDcmZD14M3o3eTZl._eAGh99GCCHoMzc5NSdb_Yapdg2_7lV7xkKeYpmBPoY). **3. A book recommendation:** [The Prophet](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg0MDM1MTgyODMzMzEwNzAxJmM9bDlvOSZlPTAmYj00ODcxMjM3NTAmZD1uN2s3ajht.WNi36UvERgWrdEvMnxGeDClNiavT8hOZPXYE6i8Pb8A) by Kahlil Gibran Recommendation from Juvoni Beckford. He has some excellent recommendations in this [Twitter Thread](https://click.mlsend.com/link/c/YT0xNTg0MDM1MTgyODMzMzEwNzAxJmM9bDlvOSZlPTAmYj00ODcxMjM3NTYmZD1pNGk1bzdn.DpgB6kS_c8LfQc2gZcRCmXFJrgZifrvKC3b1XAfUm08) Until next Friday --- ## 10 Books To Help Change Agents Grow URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/10-books-to-help-change-agents-grow Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/10-books-to-help-change-agents-grow.md Date: 2020-12-23 Topics: What books should you read? Understanding our goals can allow you to select the best books to help you grow. This collection of books has been developed based upon my goals. From this collection you'll learn how to develop habits, improve writing and become more productive. I have 559 books on my '[want-to-read](https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/62153307-toby?ref=nav_mybooks&shelf=to-read)' list. And it's always growing with recommendations. I'll never read all these books. Sound familiar? The challenge. How to decide what books to read. Start with your goals. This is an exercise I do every year. I think "How can I create more change personally and professionally?" I review my reading list to find books aligned to goals. You can read summaries of the books I read last year [here](/book-summaries) As Change Agents I'm sure we have common goals. Here my goals for this year and books I've researched ### **Goals:** 1. [Developing Better Habits](#viewer-2m9pv) 2. [Creating better content](#viewer-2ae52) 3. [Developing Creativity](#viewer-9hj0r) 4. [Finding Purpose and Meaning](#viewer-8hu7k) 5. [Working with Complexity](#viewer-buvm4) 6. [Increasing Productivity](#viewer-a2i8i) 7. [Learning how to teach better](#viewer-2fcuu) 8. [Becoming a better Leader](#viewer-gmbv) 9. [Developing Senior Leadership Teams](#viewer-bfn8i) 10. [Improving Communication](#viewer-2ap2) ### **1. Developing Better Habits** [**The Almanack of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgenson**](https://amzn.to/38Howzi) Habits are the foundation of life and work. You can always improve them. One way to do this is to learn from others. Naval Ravikant is an entrepreneur and investor. He's created a big change in the world. This book shares his philosophy, habits and routines. > "Getting rich is not just about luck; happiness is not just a trait we are born with. These aspirations may seem out of reach, but building wealth and being happy are skills we can learn. > So what are these skills, and how do we learn them? What are the principles that should guide our efforts? What does progress really look like?" [![The Almanack of Naval Ravikant by Eric Jorgenson](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cb09d599600e4fa1980a1182249b6e21~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/38Howzi) ### **2. Creating Better Content** [**Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg**](https://amzn.to/34SfWwm) Writing is a powerful way to inspire change. It's why you are here. I'm always developing this skill. This is the book writers always recommend. I'm excited to read it. > For more than twenty years Natalie Goldberg has been challenging and cheering on writers with her books and workshops. In her groundbreaking first book, she brings together Zen meditation and writing in a new way. [![Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_62e2a13a74594f4b9ad16b35a56710bb~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/34SfWwm) ### **3. Developing Creativity** [**Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone**](https://amzn.to/3mVaq2f) Creativity is a skill I'm always developing. This one was recommended by Steve Chapman at his Mask Workshops. > In this landmark work Keith Johnstone provides a revelatory guide to rediscovering and unlocking the imagination. Admired for its clarity and zest, *Impro* lays bare the techniques and exercises used to foster spontaneity and narrative skill for actors. [![Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_55e8836dae514fd796768b439f4478b3~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3mVaq2f) ### **4. Finding Purpose and Meaning** [**The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran**](https://amzn.to/3pxcsr7) A book recommended by [Naval Ravikant](#viewer-2m9pv). The description alone intrigues me: > "*The Prophet is a collection of poetic essays that are philosophical, spiritual, and, above all, inspirational"* [![The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_258e3d8f86cb48d88fcac0ea4d8946c6~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3pxcsr7) ### **5. Working with Complexity** [**Design Unbound by Ann M Pendleton-Jullian, John Seely Brown**](https://amzn.to/2Mhl7Qh) In 2020 I completed the [Cynefin Foundation Training](/post/cynefin-foundations-training), [Read the Cynefin Book](/post/book-summary-cynefin-by-dave-snowden) and created a set of [Organisation Design Principles that embrace complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity). I'm looking forward to continuing my learning in 2021. > *Design Unbound* presents a new tool set for having agency in the twenty-first century, in what the authors characterize as a white water world--rapidly changing, hyperconnected, and radically contingent. These are the tools of a new kind of practice that is the offspring of complexity science, which gives us a new lens through which to view the world as entangled and emerging, and architecture, which is about designing contexts [![Design Unbound by Ann M Pendleton-Jullian, John Seely Brown](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5a5c58a064c947729fc61f0d960b7af6~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/2Mhl7Qh) ### **6. Increasing Productivity** [**How to Take Smart Notes by Sönke Ahrens**](https://amzn.to/34V5yEa) In 2020 I created 30 book summaries. My note-taking and summarisation improved dramatically the more summaries I published. I'm hoping to continue improving further in 2021 with the help of this book. > The Take Smart Notes principle is based on established psychological insight and draws from a tried and tested note-taking-technique. This is the first comprehensive guide and description of this system in English, and not only does it explain how it works, but also why. It suits students and academics in the social sciences and humanities, nonfiction writers and others who are in the business of reading, thinking and writing. [![How to Take Smart Notes by Sönke Ahrens](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7f748220efd14bf1bfc204af37e3b59b~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/34V5yEa) ### **7. Learning how to teach better** [**How We Learn by Stanislas Dehaene**](https://amzn.to/3hxR16z) In 2020 I really enjoyed 'Ultralearning by Scott Young'. Learning how to learn is a skill that can help you be successful. It can also improve your teaching. > In *How We Learn*, Stanislas Dehaene finds the boundary of computer science, neurobiology, and cognitive psychology to explain how learning really works and how to make the best use of the brain's learning algorithms in our schools and universities, as well as in everyday life and at any age. [![How We Learn by Stanislas Dehaene](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_84a3876cc6c64fd19cedf70c20b541ee~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3hxR16z) ### **8. Becoming a better leader** [**The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier**](https://amzn.to/2KNaKmT) The [Coaching Habit](https://amzn.to/34S48KQ) was one of the first books I read about coaching. Michael Bungay-Stainer has a great way of simplifying complex topics. I'm really looking forward to how this compares to the Coaching Habit. > Learn how to confront and quell the three advice monsters that lurk inside us all, and how to resist the seven temptations that can ensnare even the most well-meaning manager. [![The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bd2e2729ca814a84a810211b7516e52f~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/2KNaKmT) ### **9. Developing Senior Leadership Teams** [**Leadership Team Coaching by Peter Hawkins**](https://amzn.to/38LE5WG) Helping Senior Leadership teams improve is a big part of my day-to-day role. Therefore I'm always looking for ideas and inspiration to help them improve. I really enjoyed reading Senior Leadership Teams in 2020. This is the next book on my list. > Offering a practical road map with numerous examples, *Leadership Team Coaching* brings together the latest research to teach how to develop people from disparate groups into high performing teams. [![Leadership Team Coaching by Peter Hawkins](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_543fcb04a9874d638db382d0940919d5~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/38LE5WG) ### **10. Improving Communication** [**Agile Conversations by Douglas Squirrel, Jeffrey Fredrick**](https://amzn.to/2KJ5twA) Everything in organisations revolves around communication. Therefore I'm always looking for ways to improve. I'm excited to explore the lessons shared in this book. > A successful digital transformation must start with a conversational transformation. [![Agile Conversations by Douglas Squirrel, Jeffrey Fredrick](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d3c3a982d1e8401a857c4774c8b5a595~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/2KJ5twA) --- ## Lead like a Coach Newsletter URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/curated-insights.md Date: 2020-12-23 Topics: curated-insights Curated Insights is a collection of ideas, principles and models that can help you find that 1% improvement every day. These Curated Insights cover Organisational Change, Productivity, Product Management, Leadership and many other topics. **Great Leaders Never Stop Learning** Your thirst for knowledge has brought us together. It's great to meet you. Lead like a Coach is written for busy leaders who want to learn fast and have a big impact. You want to spend time learning the right things and receive valuable insights from a fellow leader. Every Friday I share: - A coaching skills deep dive - A leadership book summary - 3 bite-sized coaching challenges ![Curated Insights Testimonial 1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_5241016e44ab4acfb4b01045820e0f83~mv2.png) Highlights from previous editions include: - [10th December 2021 - People are not marbles:](http://preview.mailerlite.com/l9l0d7) [**Lessons on Change**](http://preview.mailerlite.com/l9l0d7) - [3rd December 2021 - The Beatles:](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e6e5s7) [**Leadership**](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e6e5s7) [Lessons from the Fab Four](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e6e5s7) - [10th September 2021 - How To Stop](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h4e0g9) [**Conflict**](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h4e0g9) [Destroying Your Business](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h4e0g9) - [27th August 2021 - Rewilding Your](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i6q9u2) [**Organisation**](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i6q9u2) - [16th July 2021 - Inspire People With 50+](https://preview.mailerlite.com/y8h7d8) [**Coaching Tools**](https://preview.mailerlite.com/y8h7d8) [for Leaders](https://preview.mailerlite.com/y8h7d8) ![Curated Insights Testimonial 2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1c1988cded804fd7bc3566f283ee9db4~mv2.png) ## **Previous Editions:** List updated periodically **2022** - [23rd December - Do Less, More Often](https://preview.mailerlite.com/v6t3z3d6q5) - [16th December - Gone in 60 seconds](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o3o3o9k0x7) - [9th December - Do I Belong Here...](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i5h8x0r4o7) - [2nd December - When Conflict Explodes](https://preview.mailerlite.com/w3n7b7w8x9) - [25th November - The Dangers of Being a Therapist](https://preview.mailerlite.com/a0g5g7a7k2) - [18th November - Stop Leading](https://preview.mailerlite.com/m3r0n6y6m7) - [11th November - Shut Up or Speak Up](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i8a8k9o9e3) - [4th November - Get more of what you want](https://preview.mailerlite.com/m4u8p6r7m0) - [31st October - Changing culture with Atomic Habits](https://preview.mailerlite.com/k9x9e1r8i5) - [21st October - Asking, when it matters most](https://preview.mailerlite.com/g9f9v1l4u5) - [14th October - I'm Not Happy](https://preview.mailerlite.com/c6k8u8l4v0) - [7th October - I was wrong about coaching vs mentoring](https://preview.mailerlite.com/n8f8z9v3z4) - [30th September - Master This And Anything Is Possible](https://preview.mailerlite.com/z6p3w4h4n8) - [23rd September - Help! What Should I Do?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/k9y6c2r7o8) - [16th September - Don't Become a Coach](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f4w4w0y1t8) - [9th September - When You Give Advice, At Least Do It Well](https://preview.mailerlite.com/a6a5k7m2z0) - [2nd September - How is Easy, When is Hard](https://preview.mailerlite.com/m6l9k1o1k5) - [26th August - The Question Few Want To Hear](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o1g3a0m5v2) - [19th August - How Embarassing](https://preview.mailerlite.com/u9r1d6u2d7) - [12th August - Curious but Lacking Confidence](https://preview.mailerlite.com/j7i9e9m2c8) - [5th August - If You Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble](https://preview.mailerlite.com/b1p9c2w0c2) - [29th July - How To Win Friends And Influence People](https://preview.mailerlite.com/k3u4x1q9p9) - [22nd July - Don't Ask Questions](https://preview.mailerlite.com/t2u8u5o9y9) - [15th July - You Don't Want To Hear This](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f3k4z7z1y5) - [8th July - It’s Time To Have That Conversation](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o0r8c1g0p4) - [1st July - Helping Leaders Break Habits](https://preview.mailerlite.com/l8m6u2j8m6) - [24th June - How To Influence CEOs (And Other Powerful People)](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h6a9t7y8i3) - [17th June - I'm Not Curious (Said No One Ever)](https://preview.mailerlite.com/v7s4h1k7b4) - [10th June - How To Change a Stubborn Organisation](https://preview.mailerlite.com/l4n3z0y2w7) - [3rd June - How Steve Jobs Became More Coach-like](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i4m3m9b8u9) - [27th May - I Have The Wrong Mindset](https://preview.mailerlite.com/t5a9s7i8z0) - [20th May - Why Experts Are Cursed](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h4a4j6z2y8) - [13th May - 10 Ways To Inspire Behaviour Change](https://preview.mailerlite.com/w0p2c9s8x6) - [6th May - Don’t Sell Prevention, Sell The Cure](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f5g0z1u6w5) - [29th April - Fishing Without Bait](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f4c2w1n4j2) - [22nd April - The Conversation Starts Before It Begins](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o7k2b4a3v8) - [15th April - Step Inside My Metaverse Coaching Studio](https://preview.mailerlite.com/g9q6g7l3v1) - [8th April - Don't Waste Your Time on Culture](https://preview.mailerlite.com/n0e5d2f7b6) - [1st April - Leadership Lessons from a Billionaire](https://preview.mailerlite.com/p7a8n6o1g8) - [25th March - Do I Belong Here?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/a1d4g3h5n9) - [18th March - What I Learned Training With The All Blacks](https://preview.mailerlite.com/r4l8a6a0w0) - [11th March - Hard Conversations Made Easier](https://preview.mailerlite.com/u7j6q4b3l0) - [4th March - 5 Questions That Inspire How I Lead](https://preview.mailerlite.com/j4a4y0n9t7) - [25th February - How To Be Your Own Coach](https://preview.mailerlite.com/u1v0i1e2n4) - [18th February - Defining Your Value](https://preview.mailerlite.com/n2v9s7p2p2) - [11th February - How To Become A More Skillful Leader](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f4q2r8d0k5) - [4th February - Why You Can't Pay Attention](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o3u4n4k5b1) - [28th January - How To Rescue Your New Year Habits](https://preview.mailerlite.com/w7p2c5n5d7) - [21st January - Rethinking Everything About Coaching](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o2q2y7p3l0) - [14th January - What I Learned Finding A New Home](https://preview.mailerlite.com/n9b9v2q8i4) - [7th January - How To Detonate The Conflict Bomb](https://preview.mailerlite.com/p5v9b2k1e0) **2021** - [31st December 2021 - I Read 52 Books In 2021. Here are the best!](https://preview.mailerlite.com/s5w9s6) - [24th December 2021 - How To Stay Present At Christmas](https://preview.mailerlite.com/c9a6d4) - [17th December 2021 - What Are Your Trademark Behaviours?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/p0n1l4) - [10th December 2021 - People are not marbles: Lessons on Change](http://preview.mailerlite.com/l9l0d7) - [3rd December 2021 - The Beatles: Leadership Lessons from the Fab Four](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e6e5s7) - [26th November 2021 - The Problem with Roger Federer](http://preview.mailerlite.com/a6d2p3) - [19th November 2021 - Find People Who Hate Your Idea](https://preview.mailerlite.com/v8d1e9) - [12th November 2021 - Coaching in the Metaverse](http://preview.mailerlite.com/m4j0u3) - [5th November 2021 - Super Mario On Organisation Design](http://preview.mailerlite.com/t8u2g3) - 29th October [2021 - The most important decision your team must make](http://preview.mailerlite.com/k7n4w7) - 22nd [October 2021 - Behaviours Overs Values](https://preview.mailerlite.com/z3n1n4) - [15th October 2021 - Thai Gem Scam](https://preview.mailerlite.com/t8q2j0) - 8[th October 2021 - Is this the best autobiography ever?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/r6t9j9) - 1st [October 2021 - The Only Three Questions You Need](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e5x1b7) - [24th September 2021 - DAOs - The Future Of Work?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/k0i4s3) (40) - [17th September 2021 - When The Team Fail. Don't Rant, Ask This.](https://preview.mailerlite.com/x0m0z7) - [10th September 2021 - How To Stop Conflict Destroying Your Business](https://preview.mailerlite.com/h4e0g9) - [3rd September 2021 - Don't Listen To The Change Expert. Until You Ask This.](https://preview.mailerlite.com/v5x3e9) - [27th August 2021 - Rewilding Your Organisation](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i6q9u2) - [20th August 2021 - The Best Book I've Read This Year](https://preview.mailerlite.com/c1i3h8) - [13th August 2021 - 50 Insights On Leading Organisational Change](https://preview.mailerlite.com/g7v4z7) - [6th August 2021 - 5 Super Learning Techniques Every Leader Should Know](https://preview.mailerlite.com/t3c8g9) - [30th July 2021 - Do you need an advice detox?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/n8r8i1) - [23rd July 2021 - The surprising secret to reading more books](https://preview.mailerlite.com/l6k6m5) - [16th July 2021 - Inspire People With 50+ Coaching Tools for Leaders](https://preview.mailerlite.com/y8h7d8) - [9th July 2021 - What are you famous for?](https://preview.mailerlite.com/j0f0r0) - [2nd July 2021 - The Body Keeps The Score](https://preview.mailerlite.com/i8u2i9) - [25th June 2021 - To Finn ❤️](https://preview.mailerlite.com/u7e2g4) - [18th June 2021 - Edition 26](https://preview.mailerlite.com/r4k2m7) - [11th June 2021](https://preview.mailerlite.com/x5t1l9) - [4th June 2021](https://preview.mailerlite.com/e4w8k8) - [28th May 2021](https://preview.mailerlite.com/o3x3d7) - [21st May 2021](https://preview.mailerlite.com/c2y4g6) - [14th May 2021](https://preview.mailerlite.com/f4y7v7) - [7th May 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-7th-may-2021) - [30th April 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-30th-april-2021) - [23rd April 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-23rd-april-2021) - [16th April 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-16th-april-2021) - [9th April 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-9th-april-2021) - [2nd April 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-2nd-april-2021) - [26th March 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-march-2021) - [19th March 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-march-2021) - [12th March 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-march-2021) - [5th March 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-march-2021) - [26th February 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-26th-february-2021) - [19th February 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-19th-february-2021) - [12th February 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-12th-february-2021) - [5th February 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-5th-february-2021) - [29th January 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-29th-january-2021) - [21st January 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-21st-january-2021) - [15th January 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-15th-january-2021) - [8th January 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-8th-january-2021) - [1st January 2021](/post/curated-insights-friday-1st-january-2021) - [25th December 2020](/post/curated-insights-friday-25th-december-2020) --- ## Book Summary: The Practice by Seth Godin | Shipping Creative Work URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-practice-by-seth-godin Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-practice-by-seth-godin.md Date: 2020-12-15 Topics: book-summaries A summary of the Big Ideas, Best Quotes and Takeaways from Seths Godin latest book, The Practice. This book will transform the way you look at creative work and shift your perspective to what is really important and in your control. The Practice. [Buy The Practice on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) | [Read for Free on Blinkist](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) Don't Read? Try this [Podcast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8j7HbJFmiA) ## Who's it for? [The Practice by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) is for creators of all kinds. Creators who want to sharpen their habits and routines. Creators who have become obsessed with outcomes but lost sight of 'The Practice'. For anyone who wants to contribute something to the world that will have a positive impact on the way people think, feel and behave. ## What's it for? 🤔 To highlight that a focus on '[The Practice](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp)', the daily habits and routines, leads to better outcomes than just focusing on the outcome. In fact, Seth promotes the idea that regardless of the outcome, creatives should find joy in 'The Practice'. Even if we know an idea is going to fail, we should do it anyway and find joy in that. ## What change does it hope to create? � [The Practice by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) hopes to shift the focus of creators to 'The Practice' rather than the outcome. To improve the chances that more of what's created in the world will have a meaningful impact. That creator will find more joy in doing the small things that have to be done daily. That creates will find joy in the consistency of their daily practice. That creator will find joy in the process even when the outcome is a failure. ## Best quotes The best quotes from [The Practice by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) > Do what you love, is the mantra for amateurs. Love what you do, is the mantra for professionals. > The three foundations of art; curiosity, generosity, and connection. ## Toby's takeaway The reason I read [The Practice by Seth Godin](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) is to develop my own "Practice". I ultimately hope this will increase my contribution to helping people find joy and fulfilment within organisations. Some examples of 'The Practice' in my own life: - **Reading daily and writing** [**these book summaries**](/book-summaries) - I find joy in the process and it's a side benefit if other people get value too - **Daily Exercise** - I don't exercise to gain muscle, lose weight etc. I exercise for the joy of exercising. Anything else is a side benefit. - **Daily Meditation** - I don't seek to reduce stress etc. Instead, I find joy in the daily practice of meditation. In fact, the more I seek the outcomes, the more difficult the mediation becomes. **With this in mind my top takeaways are:** - Focus on 'The Practice' not on the Outcome - I found this was interesting as it runs contrary to much discussion in the Product Development at present. Outcomes over Outputs. Seth is actually advocating a focus on the process over the outcome. - Before starting a project [ask these three questions](#viewer-1snj0) - At the start of any new project define [enabling constraints](#viewer-5kvv6). Its the most important thing to do for creative, complex work. [Buy](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp)| [Read for Free on Blinkist](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) Don't Read? Try this [Podcast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8j7HbJFmiA) ## 3 big ideas - [What is 'The Practice'?](#viewer-95emd) - [Practice with Intention](#viewer-1snj0) - [The Practice becomes your Identity](#viewer-9d4mj) - [The Gift and Curse of Feedback](#viewer-3ekkc) - [Creators Create Magic](#viewer-5084b) - [Ship Often](#viewer-8jli3) - [Do Generous work](#viewer-5ie2e) - [Constraints Enable 'The Practice'](#viewer-5kvv6) **Additional ideas and concepts from** [**The Practice by Seth Godin**](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) ## What is 'The Practice'? > The practice is not the means to the outcome, the practice is the outcome. The practice is all we can control. Seth shares a great personal example in [the practice book](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) that demonstrates 'The Practice'. He recounts a time he went fishing without a hook. If he went fishing with a hook he would be distracted by the outcome. How many fish could he catch? How could he catch more fish than his friends? Instead, fishing without a hook helped Seth focus on the 'The Practice', the art of fishing. His technique wads better than everyone's due to this. He wasn't distracted by the outcome. The wisdom in this story is to focus on your practice, not the outcome. You can't get the outcome without the practice. [Abbey Ryan](http://abbeyryan.com/pages/becomingadailypainter.html) is another great example of 'The Practice' in action. 10 years ago Abbie started creating an oil painting, every day. She decided to start recording her daily practice of painting. Then she started to teach others how to do it. Overtime her paintings got better and her reputation increased. As a result of 'The Practice' sales of her paintings skyrocketed from $100 to $800. Then Abbey was featured in Oprah Magazine and the rest is history. What this story shows is that by building a daily practice and letting people be part of it, remarkable outcomes are possible. [Steve Chapman](https://canscorpionssmoke.com/100-crap-faces/) is another example of the Practice. Much of his work is around using 'The Practice' to overcome our "inner critic". In particular, Steve focuses on the belief people hold that they cannot draw. The reality is that if we focus on 'The Practice', the daily act of drawing, over time you cannot fail to get better. To support this practice Steve realised the book 100 Crap Faces. Draw Crap Faces for 100 days and at least one of them is likely too good! ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_29fc9ac92fd1479f80701d59e8bd6699~mv2.jpg) In a nutshell, [The Practice](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) by Seth Godin is the daily habits and routine that when done consistently over time can increase the chances of your creating a change in the world. But the key is not to overly focus on the outcome, instead aim to improve your practice daily. You may never create the change your hope for but without a 'Practice' you'll likely never succeed. Find Joy in the Practice, not in the outcome. ## Practice with Intention Work is ultimately for other people. We do the work to make a change happen. If you are not trying to create a change, then it's just a hobby. Before creating anything ask these three questions: - **Who is it for?** You need to know who you are hoping to create a change in. What specific group of people do you want to serve. Find the smallest viable audience. You have to acknowledge it's not for everyone. Nothing important is for everyone. - **What's it for?** What problem are you seeking to solve? What opportunity do you want to make it possible? - **What change will it create?** After consuming the thing you have created, how will people act or feel different? Seth cautions about getting too hung up with the intention or the outcome. By focusing on 'The Practice' it increases the chances of a good outcome but we must accept that the outcome we desire may never happen. ## The Practice becomes your Identity The way we act determines how we feel way more often than the way we feel determines how we act. The way you behave will inform your identity. If your practice is to go running every day, the more this practice is done consistently you will have a runners identity. We are what we do. ## The Gift and Curse of Feedback Not all feedback is equal. You need to focus on the feedback that helps improve your practice. Seth never reads his [Amazon book reviews](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp) because they don't give him feedback that will help improve his practice. Instead seek out the people that can give you specific, actionable feedback that can help improve your practice. With the Alt MBA participants receive 500 bits of feedback within 8 weeks. An example of the wrong feedback is being an opening act for a rock group. You're going to show up in front of the wrong people who are going to give you the wrong feedback. Instead, find the people who you are seeking to create a change for and get feedback that can help improve your practice. ## Creators Create Magic The colloquial understanding of magic is someone who does a coin trick. The coin disappears from one hand and is gone for just a moment. At that moment we feel the tension. How is that possible? Once we know how the trick is done the magic evaporates. This magic can be found in the things we create. Creators can make magic happen for the people they seek to help. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1b71646ef62a4bb599951fb9cab2cf37~mv2.png) ## Ship Often Part of '[The Practice](https://amzn.to/3p4klFp)' is shipping often. It is only through shipping will you learn and master your craft. Too many people focus on the outcome and fail to ship often enough. It's only through writing 100 blog posts will you improve your writing and as a result the chances of a positive outcome. [Julian Shapiro](https://www.julian.com/guide/write/first-draft-writing-process) summarises this concept well with the idea of a [Creativity Faucet](https://www.julian.com/guide/write/first-draft-writing-process). It's only once you have freed your mind of the bad ideas will good ideas start to emerge. The Western mindset is "tell me if it's going to work and then I'll do it." This mentality of only doing what's needed if it gets me an A on the test holds back creators. The real breakthrough is doing work that is worth doing, even though you know it's not going to work. ## Do Generous work Seth has the principle that creative work should be generous. This doesn't mean giving everything away for free. What is means is being generous with your energy and emotional labour to help somebody else. Your focus should be creating a change in the world that creates impact for some person or people. Seth's life revolves around generosity. He focuses on "Have I earned enough trust to do another generous project that I'm proud of. And if so, do it again." Ironically, those are the things that are most likely to work because other people aren't doing them either. Be aware, it might be that the most generous thing to do is to disappoint someone in the short run. ## Constraints Enable 'The Practice' Enabling Constraints to help you make progress in your practice. Seth Godin has many constraints in his practice about how he chooses projects, who he works with and how. Having constraints allows you to succeed. As an example the alt MBA. Seth built this in a two week period of time in the desert in Utah. He made seven constraints to limit his options. Without them, he could have built it in 100 different ways. What the length would be, what tools would be used, how people could subscribe and how could subscribe. Seth has three questions he uses to define his constraints: 1. What resources are you willing to put into this? 2. Who do you want your customers to be? If you hate your customers, you're going to hate your business. 3. What do you want to get out of this? Once you have those answers you have your puzzle which always have constraints and boundaries. > Human connection is exponential. [![blinkist wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) [Read for Free on Blinkist](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## Book Summary: Barcelona Way by Damian Hughes | Transform Your Culture URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-barcelona-way-by-damian-hughes Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-barcelona-way-by-damian-hughes.md Date: 2020-12-12 Topics: book-summaries The 3 Big Ideas, 2 Best Quotes and Top Takeaways from Barcelona Way by Damain Hughes. Learn about the 5 Principles of success. Focus on Big Picture, Arc of Change, Repetition, Cultural Architects and Authentic Leadership. [Buy The Barcelona Way](https://amzn.to/3gw0Cfs) ## 3 big ideas The big ideas from [The Barcelona Way](https://amzn.to/3gw0Cfs) 1. Barcelona Football club succeeded because they have a **Commitment Culture**. This Commitment Culture can also unlock success within business organisations. 2. There are **5 principles** to a Commitment Culture. Focus on Big Picture, Arc of Change, Repetition, Cultural Architects, Authentic Leadership 3. For anything to change, someone has to start acting differently. **You cannot "think" your way to a new culture.** Many organisations fail to clearly define the expected behavioural norms. Few leaders act as role models for espoused behaviours. Research shows that the key to high performing teams is defining clear, actionable, observable group norms. ## Best quotes Here are my favourite quotes from [The Barcelona Way](https://amzn.to/3gw0Cfs) > Our calendars are the ultimate scoreboard for our own priorities. If forensic analysts confiscated your calendar and email records and web browsing history for the past six months, what would they conclude your core priorities are? > Distractions are like a fruit machine in a bar – the ringing bells and flashing lights that catch the corner of your eye and turn your attention. ## Toby's takeaway Three takeaways: - The key to culture change is **behaviour change.** If people don't start acting differently the culture will not change. - To change behaviour, **change the environment.** Focus on creating feedback loops from the environment that reinforce desired behaviours. - Create conditions for **Cultural Architects** to emerge. These are leaders who will reinforce the behaviours desired. This is essential reading for anyone involved in culture change. It's the book I always recommend to coaches, leaders and managers about culture. In organisations, culture is often misunderstood and many leaders fall into the trap of thinking they can talk their teams to a new way of working. This book highlights that change only happens once people start behaving differently, especially senior management. The Barcelona Way shares several principles, with examples from Barcelona Football Club, how you can change organisational behaviour and as a result change the culture. With this focus on behaviour, many of the themes resonate with the book [Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything). Once you have clear behaviours for your organisation to adopt, starting with small habits can quickly help your organisation change. A great example of this for Barcelona Football club is the "Rondo" a drill that formed new playing habits and revolutionised the style of football played by Barcelona. > ‘Don’t look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That’s the only way it happens – and when it happens, it lasts.’ John Wooden ## Other great books by Damian Hughes ## Commitment Culture > ‘A team’s culture is about the conduct and behaviour of everyone involved, it’s working together towards shared objectives and, as such, is an immediately identifiable part of the group’s identity,’ Pep Guardiola. Research from Baron & Hannan at Stanford suggests that broadly five kinds of culture can emerge: 1. **Star**: organisations recruit the most talented people, may pay them the most and then hope that cumulatively their efforts will be bigger than the sum of their parts. The evidence shows that when this works, it’s spectacular, but when it fails, it’s also likely to be spectacular. 2. **Autocratic**: organisations may be dominated by one powerful leader, sometimes the founder, who totally dominates what people do and how they behave. Without them the culture becomes dysfunctional. 3. **Bureaucratic**: organisations are run by middle management, often based on policy, procedures, rules and regulations. 4. **Engineering**: organisations recruit technically brilliant people. People become attached and buy in through challenging work and the influence of peer group control. 5. **Commitment**: organisations who build a culture based on commitment, building an emotional tie between the organisation and employees, have far less likely to fail (see chart below from the Stanford research). Retention is higher at these organisations, too. Barcelona Football Club is a great example of a Commitment culture. The culture within Barcelona can provide suggestions to business on how to also develop a winning culture. While there is no ‘formula’ for such a winning culture, the same themes, the same principles are evident in many commitment cultures. **5 Principles of a Commitment Culture:** 1. Focus on Big Picture 2. Arc of Change 3. Repetition 4. Cultural Architects 5. Authentic Leadership ![Barcelona Way Princples](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8459d757503e457bafd0ddd08b1349bf~mv2.jpg) Source: [Book Review – The Barcelona way](https://footballscr.com/book-review-the-barcelona-way-unlocking-the-dna-of-a-winning-culture-by-luke-lawrence/) **3 Levels of Commitment:** - Level 1: You show up. You do the job exactly as you’re told to do it; nothing more, nothing less. You get a little better. - Level 2: You show up. You do the job, and you target certain tasks that’ll help you towards your goal. You push yourself, think about the detail of what you are doing. You get a lot better. - Level 3: You show up, having thought about how today’s activity fits into the larger goal you are working towards. You work very hard, pushing yourself into the discomfort zone over and over, with full commitment. Later, you reflect and analyse your performance with a cool, objective eye. You get a lot better, creating what Vern Gambetta, a well-known coach and athletic consultant, calls ‘the quantum leap’ To create a high-performing culture, the difference between commitment and compliance is significant. Leaders should seek commitment from their organisation, not compliance. ## Focus on the Big Picture **4 Factors to creating a Big Picture:** - Imagination is where you sell a vision of what you are trying to achieve and why. - Illustration is the part where you show people how you’re going to do it. This is all about strategy and tactics. - Participation is allowing people to contribute. This isn’t necessarily about being democratic; more about consultation and co-authorship. - Integration is about making the vision a reality and ensuring that your way of doing things is embedded. Our brains are constantly searching for a sense of meaning – of coherence – in our everyday activities. We are searching for Why? Understanding the big picture helps you understand what business you are in. The Kerosene industry is a great example of missing the big picture. They thought they were in the Kerosene Industry. In fact, they were part of a wider illumination industry, the bulk of kerosene was used to light oil lamps. This focus on the big picture can help you understand what your product really is. **3 Attributes of a Great Big Picture:** 1. Credibility 2. Clarity 3. Courage ## Make Behaviours Crystal Clear **For anything to change, someone has to start acting differently**. Yet for some many organisations, it's unclear what behaviours are expected. Organisations need to be crystal clear about desired behaviours and the priority of values within the organisation. A great example of setting clear behaviour expectations is Disney. At the start of the very first day’s training, the opening question from the instructor charged with the induction of new members into Disney’s traditions was, ‘What is the primary focus of every cast member at Disney?’ The primary focus of every cast member is safety,” said our instructor. ‘“Every one of you must be constantly aware of guest safety.”’ Barcelona's behavioural priorities: 1. HUMILITY 2. HARD WORK 3. TEAM PLAYER By translating the club’s Big Picture into **clearly understandable, everyday behaviours,** a standard applied to all the players, regardless of their dizzying football talents. No matter how good, a refusal to climb the behavioural ladder will result in those who guard the culture choosing to reject you. When an employee is faced with a dilemma, values and their priorities make it crystal clear what should be done. When behavioural expectations are not clear people will defer to default, automatic behaviour. When the road is uncertain, our brain will insist on taking the default path – the most familiar path. > "As we face more and more options, ‘we become overloaded. Choice no longer liberates, it debilitates. It might even be said to tyrannize." Barry Schwartz - The Paradox of Choice **Change begins at the level of individual decisions and behaviours**, but that’s a hard place to start because that is where the friction is. Inertia and decision paralysis will conspire to keep people doing things the old way. To trigger movement in a new direction, you need to provide crystal-clear guidance. You’ve got to think about the specific behaviour that you want to see in a tough moment. Unless you can describe an idea into a specific behaviour, you’re not going to easily lead a cultural change. To create movement, you have to be specific and be concrete. Instead focus on [Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything). ![Barcelona Way Habits](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7d94af39643d48c2a62a00c591dc62bc~mv2.jpg) Source: [Book Review – The Barcelona way](https://footballscr.com/book-review-the-barcelona-way-unlocking-the-dna-of-a-winning-culture-by-luke-lawrence/) ## Change the Environment to Change Culture **‘Fundamental Attribution Error’ is our inclination to attribute people’s behaviour to the way they are rather than the culture or situation they are in.** It can be easy to jump to conclusions about people, but what can look like a person problem is often a cultural problem. We also attribute success to people rather than their environment. Don't be distracted by brilliant individual performance and pay attention to those quieter things that really matter in the long run. Most people go through our lives unaware of how our environment shapes our behaviour. We often think we are in sync with our environment, but actually, it is frequently at odds with the behaviour we want to display. **Behaviours shift when our environment shifts.** This makes sense – our habits are essentially stitched into our environment. Many smokers, for example, find it easier to quit when they are on holiday, because, at home, every part of their environment is loaded with smoking associations. The challenge in the work environment is that environmental changes are often difficult to make. Also forming a habit isn’t just environmental – it’s also mental. It would be very difficult to tweak the environment in a way that would compel you to learn how to play the piano! There are two practical ways of creating behavioural habits within your current environment: feedback loops and action triggers. - **Feedback loops** - Shorten the time to when people get feedback on their behaviour. This can be feedback from people or from the system in which they work. Feedback loops enable speed and agility. The weaker and slower the feedback about desired behaviours the slower change will happen. - **Action triggers** – Defining a time and place where you will perform the action. James Clear also. highlights this within Atomic Habits. By declaring the time and location where the behaviour will occur it increases the chance of that behaviour happening, and then forming into a habit. Action triggers can have a profound power to motivate people to do the things they know they need to do. ## Let Cultural Architects Emerge > ‘Culture is what happens when the leader isn’t in the room, which is of course most of the time.’ Group conformity within organisations is powerful. You often do things because you see your peers doing them. Due to this Cultural Architects can have a strong influence on the culture within your organisation. > ‘Cultural architects are people who are able to change the mindset of others. They are able to break barriers, they have visions. They are self-confident and able to transfer self-confidence to other players. At least three, and not more than five, such figures in a squad are needed by a coach to extend the “shared mental model” that a team needs for success.’ ![Barcelona Way Leadershhip](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_37ba9b561bdd4616878ca749412c5aa7~mv2.jpg) Source: [Book Review – The Barcelona way](https://footballscr.com/book-review-the-barcelona-way-unlocking-the-dna-of-a-winning-culture-by-luke-lawrence/) In the example of Barcelona football club, these are the dressing room leaders. These **Cultural Architects emerge often through their technical or social skills**. Leaders cannot select these Cultural Architects they should create the conditions for them to emerge. Once they emerge continue to reinforce their role within the organisation. > ‘The best leaders make it clear what they stand for and constantly reinforce that with what they do and what they choose not to do.’ ## Great individuals don't automatically make great teams Research shows hiring the ten smartest people you can find won't automatically make a great team. So what is the secret sauce? **Research has also shown that groups with clear "team norms"outperform the rest**. A clear understanding of "what's acceptable around here" and open discussion when team norms are broken. An excellent example of this is the concept of "Teamship" by Clive Woodward: *"Teamship is a set of winning behaviours, rules or principles created and agreed to by every member of the team or organisation and it is a powerful way to get your teams to write their own set of standards that everyone has to buy into and accept. Without being too dramatic, before I put anything in place with the team I would want them to discuss it first without me in the room. Let’s take something simple like time. I didn’t want to keep discussing time with the England Rugby team so I got them to discuss what it meant to them. They came back with a concept that they called Lombardi Time – after the famous American football coach Vince Lombardi. Lombardi time was 10 mins early. So if I called a meeting at 9am the players all agreed that they would be there 10 mins early ready to start."* Group norms are the answer to improving a team’s performance. **You have to manage the how of teams, not the who.** --- ## Book Summary: Cynefin by Dave Snowden et al | Learning about Complexity URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-cynefin-by-dave-snowden Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-cynefin-by-dave-snowden.md Date: 2020-12-11 Topics: book-summaries, leadership, organisational-design A short summary of 5 chapters from the Cynefin Book. These chapters cover the principles, theory of constraints, how to use cynefin for well-being, strategy and facilitation. From this summary you get the big ideas and principles quickly. [Buy](https://amzn.to/34OBLNt) | [Reviews](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cynefin-Weaving-Sense-Making-Fabric-World/dp/1735379905/ref=asc_df_1735379905/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=463023885319&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8027086253222000871&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045888&hvtargid=pla-1000081345849&psc=1&th=1&psc=1) | [Bio](https://network.cognitive-edge.com/) [Toby's Cynefin Journal](/post/cynefin-foundations-training) ## Toby's Favourite 5 Chapters Summarised: 1. [Organizing Principles: the Spirit of Cynefin | Sonja Blignaut](#viewer-3v33l) 2. [Cynefin and Theory of Constraints: Allies or Adversaries? | Steve Holt](#viewer-60jg1) 3. [Weaving Well-being into the Fabric of our Organizations with the Cynefin Framework | Marion Kiely and Ellie Snowden](#viewer-amu3g) 4. [Cynefin and Strategy | Steve McCrone and Ian Snape](#viewer-pu83) 5. [Facilitation Can be Complex (and It Certainly Should Be) | Vivienne (Viv) Read](#viewer-4kahu) ## Organizing Principles: the Spirit of Cynefin ## Sonja Blignaut ![embrace messy coherence](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_205e2ae33d724046b0bc1c52ce404c0e~mv2.png) ## Principle 1: We embrace messy coherence **Cynefin is all about boundaries**. In that way, it reflects human systems such that knowing where the boundaries are between specific contexts are critical to our meaning-making, identity structures, and ability to relate to each other. Cynefin’s boundaries help us to know what kind of systemic context we find ourselves in, and when we are transitioning **Cynefin values coherence and difference**, even though they are in tension. Too much difference and things become incoherent. Too much coherence and things become too homogeneous. Rather than creating binary options or false dichotomies, Cynefin values ambiguity, dialectic, and even paradox. > “Conflict and paradox are critical to the advancement of understanding. Introducing a state of Aporia, or deliberate puzzlement, allows us to present seemingly contradictory and competing understandings as valid and useful pieces of the bigger picture.” – Dave Snowden **Focus on Heuristics**; they have a level of ambiguity which makes them more adaptable. Heuristics are not that ambiguous; i.e., we can objectively determine whether or not they were followed. ## Principle 2: Enable descriptive self-awareness and self-discovery > “People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have come into the mind of others.” – Blaise Pascal **We are part of the system.** We can also never forget that complex systems are open systems; whenever we interact with them, we become part of that system. The systems we deal with are typically complex socio-technical systems, and in these systems, there is no such thing as an independent or neutral observer or consultant. Every diagnostic is an intervention, and every intervention is a diagnostic **We cannot force another person or a system to change.** We sow seeds, some fall on fertile ground, others on impenetrable soil, and yet others sprout but get overgrown by weeds. Our responsibility is to keep sowing the seeds, that is all we have control over. **Complex problems cannot be solved.** Any attempt to create a solution changes the nature of the problem. The full landscape of the problem cannot be understood until provisional actions taken to work on the problem are taken. Yet, every one of these provisional actions creates intended and unintended consequences that change the nature of the problem; they change the context itself. Although not solvable in any traditional sense, complex problems can be approached by affecting the way the complex system – the context – around the problem evolves. ## Principle 3: Attune to timing and flow > “In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and between them, there are doors.” – William Blake **Time matters in human systems**. The patterns we can observe today were shaped by the initial starting conditions of the system and many years of evolutionary change. **Complex systems are predisposed towards certain behaviours**. If we understand these dispositions and follow those ‘natural contours,’ it takes less energy for change to happen. Take time to understand the desire paths within a system. We can then use those naturally emergent paths to guide us on where to experiment. **Find the evolutionary potential in the present.** Set a broad future direction, and move towards ‘adjacent possibles.’ Don't engineer an idealized future that may never come about. ## Cynefin and Theory of Constraints: Allies or Adversaries? ## Steve Holt The Cynefin Framework and the Theory of Constraints (TOC) are two philosophies intended to **help people make sense of what is going on around them to increase the chances that they make decisions with favourable outcomes.** > “Constraint: The factor that ultimately limits the performance of a system or organization. That factor that, if the organization were able to increase it, more fully exploit it, or more effectively subordinate to it, would result in achieving more of the goal.” Eli Goldratt **Cynefin Constraint Definitions:** - **Fixed constraint**, in the Clear domain, means that there is only one way to do something. You must do Step 1 before you can do Step 2. There is no alternative. - **Governing Constraint,** in the Complicated domain, means that some specific rules or policies have been imposed on the system to guide what is allowed to be done and how. - **Enabling Constraint**, in the Complex domain, is a bit different. It is a limitation, but it enables emergent system behavior that would have otherwise not been possible. - **No Effective Constraint,** in the Chaotic Domain, means we don’t know how to influence the system and attempts are essentially random guesses. Cynefin and TOC are very much aligned, very consistent, and each can help the other. The Cynefin Framework is a sense-making approach ## Weaving Well-being into the Fabric of our Organizations with the Cynefin Framework ## Marion Kiely and Ellie Snowden ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c7c5418cffd941d8abb26e5ea2fce72d~mv2.png) **Well-being: a complex topic but is typically treated as a simple problem**. Well-being is not a problem to be solved, but an opportunity to discover and create an environment where people can flourish. Cultivating well-being is about changing the workplace environment, not forcing individuals to change. An example: *Let’s say an employee is told to “Practice mindfulness meditation and you’ll be stress-free.” (The Clear domain.) The same employee may be advised to seek the services of an expert, for instance, psychotherapist or yoga teacher. (The Complicated domain). Both these actions may help restore the employee’s well-being temporarily, but neither “solution” addresses the workplace practices or environment that is evoking their stress response in the first place (e.g., unachievable workload, bullying).* **A complexity embracing approach to well-being improvements**. Gather narratives from across the system to develop better interventions. Two prompts to gather narratives: - Think back to your last week at work, think of one story from your experience when things were made either easier, or more challenging to work here. - Which one story from your last week would you share with someone who does not work here? A story which best reflects what it is like to work here? Using these stories you can **co-create small experiments for change**. We want more stories like this and fewer stories like this. ## Cynefin and Strategy ## Steve McCrone and Ian Snape **Strategy is not a noun** - a written tome describing a pathway through a prescient future, it is a verb – discovering ways forward. ![Strategy is not a noun](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_92b0f979607a44db93e40385098b19f7~mv2.png) **Plans are susceptible to change and disruption, often in surprising ways**. Managers often want to mitigate the effects of change through risk management. However, this approach is prone to failure in complex situations. Cynefin informs managers when and where to apply different approaches to strategy, innovation and culture. **Strategy has an inherent dissonance, a struggle between the ordered and the complex.** Organizations that are led with too much planning and deliberate action can become slow and cumbersome. On the other hand, organizations that are too fluid and rely on emergence can become incoherent and reactionary. “Seeing the world as a ceaselessly complex and adaptive system... involves changing the role we imagine for ourselves... from architects of a system we can control... to gardeners living in a shifting ecosystem that is mostly out of our control.” – Joshua Cooper Ramo A leader’s job is to set the direction and enable their people and teams to test and learn based on their direct understanding of the strategic environment. **Set the direction of travel, manage the tempo, manage the constraints.** **The purpose (mission) for the organization should be broad enough to encourage initiative and clear enough to establish intent.** Senior managers should clarify the ‘main effort’ or the broad strategies for movement toward the organizational purpose. Coherence comes from our shared understanding of success (purpose) and our shared mental model for movement (Cynefin). In today’s uncertain, volatile and fast-changing world, the **strategy is less about position and more about movement**. Executives who can quickly detect and respond to opportunity will create a dynamic organization that is resilient to change and capable of exploiting a change in the strategic landscape. We all love frameworks, they give our thinking about a problem or project form and structure while allowing us to remain open to specific content. **Strategy needs Scaffolding.** To design for today’s challenges, we need to design through and for emergence. To do so, we need scaffolds for change, not frameworks. **Scaffolds are different than frameworks.** A framework is a skeletal structure designed to support or enclose something, or an abstract setup for solutions to several related problems. It is a complete structure, usually permanent, and gives form to that which it supports, or encloses, or solves. On the other hand, a scaffold is a temporary structure for supporting something until that something can stand on its own. A scaffold, therefore, supports emergence: lower-level rules creating higher-level order. ## Facilitation Can be Complex (and It Certainly Should Be) ## Vivienne (Viv) Read When problems are complex, you need to facilitate the people who are entangled in the problem using a complex facilitative approach. Traditional facilitation methods, comparatively, impose an ordered approach on complex issues, often leading to dysfunctional or “same old, same old” solutions. **Tips for Complex Facilitation:** - Avoid Pattern Entrainment - When people do the same as they've always done. e.g. Leader speaks, people follow - Design for Distributed Cognition and Multiple Perspectives - Design processes in ways that enable participants - Design processes to be ambiguous so that participants enter into a state of uncertainty. - Never provide detailed agendas or give all the instructions for an activity up-front. - Become comfortable with uncertainty and be willing to accept unexpected **Heuristics for Facilitators:** - Provide no direct examples or personal experiences - Use metaphors instead - Resist direct comments on behavior, i.e., if someone is dominating a conversation or not participating - Do not engage with content, only the process, i.e., make changes to the process or the environment that allows different behavior to emerge. - Apply complex domain principles: make small changes, monitor what happens, dampen or amplify patterns – all at the level of the system. **Be aware: Privilege of Process** Some people can feel locked out of effective engagement by processes that privilege those who have been trained in complicated methods. The principles of social construction and embracing diversity embedded in complex methods, allow for all perspectives to be included with equity of participation --- ## Book Summary: Stand Out by Dorie Clark | Become a Thought Leader URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-stand-out-by-dorie-clark-become-a-thought-leader Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-stand-out-by-dorie-clark-become-a-thought-leader.md Date: 2020-12-10 Topics: book-summaries The 3 Big Ideas, 2 Best Quotes and Top Takeaways from Stand Out by Dorie Clark. This book shares the secrets to how you can become a leader in any professional field/ [Buy](https://dorieclark.com/stand-out/) | [Reviews](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22571554-stand-out) | [Bio](https://dorieclark.com/about/) | [Workbook](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1faPLzNY6xhi0-ZnbSZgZX8d3_VFvYAEr/view) ## 3 big ideas 1. Becoming a Thought Leader is now a great way to **"Stand Out"** across your industry. Done well, it can enable you to do purposeful work and live the life you want. 2. Anyone can become a Thought Leader. **There is no secret magic** and even with popular topics, you can stand out by putting disparate elements together and presenting ideas in a new and meaningful way. 3. There is a structured process which can help you be a successful Thought Leader. This includes **finding problems and building a following**. ## Best quotes > "Developing a Big Idea doesn’t require genius. What’s required is the ability to ask good questions, to challenge assumptions, and to listen to the gut instinct that alerts you when the rest of the world is overlooking something." [Share Quote via Twitter](https://ctt.ac/4a37t) > "Curation can be one of the best ways to become a trusted Thought Leader. Curating rarely requires a graduate degree or special licensing." [Share Quote via Twitter](https://ctt.ac/Sxbbj) ## Toby's takeaway **How do you become a Thought Leader?** This is a question I've been exploring recently and the book "[Forever Employable](/post/book-summary-forever-employable-by-jeff-gothelf)" by Jeff Gothelf provided really great insight. I was eager to learn more so when I saw Stand Out by Dorie Clark recommended by Jeff I was eager to read. [Stand Out](https://dorieclark.com/stand-out/) is a very useful and practical book. The ideas and principles shared throughout the book are not groundbreaking. Essentially the approach is to **find problems people want solving, create your niche, experiment with solving problems, tell people about your ideas and involve them in a community.** By following these steps you'll have a Thought Leadership platform. It is from this platform that you can really start to build a business and go "professional". A challenge in my own Thought Leadership journey is that it often feels like there are no new ideas to talk about. There are so many "Thought Leaders" I often think my ideas just adding more noise rather than actually providing value. This book helped me realise that **even if you talk about an established idea or topic, you can still bring a fresh perspective**. By combining ideas from many fields, making it specific for your audience and packaging in a new way, you can add value. A good example of this in 2020 is Joe Wicks. There are hundreds, if not thousands of Personal Trainers on Youtube yet he has managed to become a leader in personal fitness. By following the steps within this book it shows that **you can become a Thought Leader even within the most established areas.** ## Big Ideas Expanded: Too many people believe that if they keep their heads down and work hard, they’ll be lauded as experts on the merits of their work. But that’s simply not true anymore. To make a name for yourself, you have to capitalize on your unique perspective and knowledge and inspire others to listen and take action. But becoming a recognized expert is a mysterious and opaque process. Where do the ideas come from, and how do they get noticed? Featuring vivid examples and drawing on interviews with Seth Godin, Robert Cialdini, Daniel Pink, David Allen, and other thought leaders, Dorie Clark explains how to identify the ideas that set you apart, promote them successfully, and build a community of followers. It’s not about self-promotion. It’s about changing the world for the better while giving you the ultimate career insurance. There are two key steps to the approach: **Step 1 - Finding Your Breakthrough Idea** - Find The Big Idea - Develop Your Expert Niche - Expand Current Thinking by Providing New Research - Combine Ideas from disparate fields. Find the connections other people haven't - Create a Framework, an easy way for people to consume your idea **Step 2 - Building a Following Around Your Ideas** - Build Your Network - Build Your Audience - Build a Community **To be a successful Thought Leader you need to find real problems that people need help solving.** The ideas you share need to be valuable and often this value is in helping someone overcome a challenge. To find these problems, thought leaders are driven by asking questions that others have not, and question assumptions others take for granted. It's common to think there are no new problems to solve. What is surprising is that almost any field can be transformed by challenging basic assumptions. **Most systems reward those who follow the rules, not those who break them.** So when you challenge these basic assumptions it can lead to big breakthroughs. **Developing a Big Idea doesn’t require genius.** What’s required is the ability to ask good questions, to challenge assumptions, and to listen to the gut instinct that alerts you when the rest of the world is overlooking something. You need to be able to see differently, and that means not just mixing disciplines, but becoming a person whose perspective is so broad, it defies categorization. One way to add value is **helping people prepare for the future**—to provide real solutions to upcoming challenges—people will clamour to get your help for these future challenges. To do this Thought Leaders should research trends across industries. What is the next new big challenge people will be facing? What are three trends shaping your industry? Are they short-term or fundamental? How would you describe them to an outsider unfamiliar with your field? What you need to do as a Thought Leader is to **find your niche**. Finding your niche is not an exact science, and you often won’t know in advance what will work. If I had waited for the right idea, I’d probably still be waiting. Instead, experiment often to learn which one people cared about. Readers will trust the established experts and have no reason to turn to you, so you need to find a way to stand out. **Experimenting often will help you build an understanding of your followers.** One way to find people interested in your ideas is to think about who needs your skills or approach but doesn’t typically have access to them. Curation can be one of the best ways to become a trusted Thought Leader. Curating rarely requires a graduate degree or special licensing. Instead, it takes a willingness to spend time, a genuine interest in the field, and a desire to help others make the best decisions possible. When your message is different—not for the sake of being different, but because your research has uncovered an overlooked story—you’re likely to draw attention. Even if you have great ideas they won't get any traction unless you build a following. You can do this in three ways: - One-to-One: Build a network - Connect with professionals within your field - One-to-Many: Build an Audience - Create content and publish it via a blog, social media - Many-to-Many: Build a Community - Provide the platform for people with similar challenges to connect The Thought Leadership path can be winding and dispiriting, so few choose to follow. No industry ever welcome those who challenge its received wisdom, but if you’re willing to risk short-term disapprobation, you can ultimately make a substantial contribution to your field. ## Companion Questions: - What are the assumptions underlying your field? - What questions do “newbies” in your field often ask that get shot down or dismissed? - What’s the conventional wisdom about how to do things “the right way” in your field? - What do most people in your field think would be impossible? - What research project or initiative would—if you successfully undertook it—change how your field operates? - What experiences have you had that others in your field most likely have not? How does that difference shape your view of the industry? - Is there a way you can differentiate yourself from others in your profession? - What is the traditional background of influential players in your field? - Is there a way to leverage being the opposite of that? - Is there a realm you’re interested in where your skillset is rare or hasn’t been fully utilized in the past? The [Stand Out workbook](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1faPLzNY6xhi0-ZnbSZgZX8d3_VFvYAEr/view) has many more questions to help you. --- ## Lessons Learned Becoming a Product-Centric Organisation | SEACON 2020 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/lessons-learned-becoming-a-product-centric-organisation-seacon-2020 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/lessons-learned-becoming-a-product-centric-organisation-seacon-2020.md Date: 2020-11-29 Topics: organisational-design, product-management Is your organisation seeking to move from Projects to Products? If so, this article shares 5 anti-patterns that will impede your ability to transform and 5 patterns which will help. "Product" is now a hot topic across many enterprises. Product Management, Product Development, Product Value Streams, Product Owners. Many organisations are now optimising for [Products rather than Projects](/post/book-summary-project-to-product-by-mik-kersten-flow-framework) to seek in the Digital-Age. But ask people within your organisation - What is the Product? and you'll likely get mixed responses. With this lack of clarity around the Product, it creates challenges in the journey to becoming a Product-Centric Organisation. At the Study of Enterprise Agility Conference (SEACON) I was invited to share my experience transforming a large enterprise to become Product-Centric. In the talk "Lessons Learned becoming a Product-Centric Organisation" I share the Patterns and Anti-Patterns experienced on this journey. [Slides at SlideShare](https://www2.slideshare.net/TobySinclair/lessons-learned-becoming-a-productcentric-organisation) ### **The Patterns and Anti-Patterns** Below is an infographic summarising the Anti-Patterns and Patterns shared in the talk. For a definition, Anti-patterns are common solutions to common problems where the solution is ineffective and may result in undesired consequences. In the book [Sooner Safer Happier](/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh), Jon Smart says that Anti-Patterns will act as a headwind towards your outcomes. In contrast, a pattern is a repeatedly applicable solution to a problem that arises in a specific context. Context is crucial. A pattern in one context might be an anti-pattern in another. In the context of my story, the organisation was seeking to **optimize for better customer value delivery at a faster pace**. With that goal in mind, there were several anti-patterns that ended up moving the organisation in the opposite direction. However, through experimentation, several patterns also emerged. These helped overcome the anti-patterns and provided rocket fuel for the journey. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_53eacae8497d49b5b6241be1282f4293~mv2.jpg) So in summary, if your organisation is optimizing for better customer value delivery at a faster pace, these patterns may well help. If you are experiencing several of the anti-patterns, through experimentation you can improve. --- ## Book Summary: Sooner Safer Happier by Jonathan Smart | BVSSH URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-sooner-safer-happier-by-jon-smart-bvssh.md Date: 2020-11-28 Topics: book-summaries, organisational-design The 3 Big Ideas, 2 Best Quotes and Top Takeaways from Sooner Safer Happier by Jon Smart. This 4 minute summary shares the key ideas to help you transform your organisation. [![Better Value Sooner Safer Happier Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_78bd7cf5a5d742d2aef6fcfd005bcdf4~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) [Buy Sooner Safer Happier on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) | [Try Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) ## 3 big ideas [Sooner Safer Happier](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) Summary 1. **Optimisation** - In order to succeed in the Digital-Age, organisations must optimize for Better Value Sooner Safer Happier (BVSSH) 2. **Patterns** - To optimize for BVSSH, there are Anti-Patterns which will give you a head-wind towards this outcome, and Patterns that will give you a tail-wind. 3. **Practices = Context + Principles -** There are no one-size-fits-all solutions, but several principles are shared within the book to guide the improvement journey. ## Best quotes The most tweetable quotes from [Sooner Safer Happier](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) > Are you currently doing an Agile, Lean, or DevOps Transformation? If so, my best advice is: Don’t. Instead, focus on the outcomes you want to achieve. Then you will achieve agility. > Impediments are not in the path; impediments are the path. ## Toby's takeaway The [Sooner Safer Happier](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) authors have found an effortless way to articulate the outcomes organisations can focus on: **Better Value Sooner Safer Happier.** This tag line is very easy to understand which is important when communicating across the enterprise. The authors claim: *"**I’ve yet to find an organization where Better Value Sooner Safer Happier does not encapsulate the desired outcomes from better ways of working in the Age of Digital."* This isn't quite my experience. For example, some digital organisations that are largely delivering [commodities](https://blog.gardeviance.org/2015/09/how-commodity-is-something.html) might have a different set of outcomes to optimize for. Perhaps in this case, "sooner" is not a worthy optimisation instead "scalable" or "standard" might be better? Also, I wonder if there is a broader encapsulation of organisational outcomes. For example, I'm increasingly referring to [Adaptive Capacity](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) as a possible focus area for organisational effectiveness: > Adaptive Capacity relates to a systems ability to respond to a stress trigger. This response could be for protection, safety or to take advantage of a new sudden opportunity. By increasing, Adaptive Capacity organisations will be better able to adapt and respond to changing conditions within their context. Delivering Better Value, Sooner, Safer, Happier might be one way to do this. A final question I've been pondering for some time: **Is it** **even** **possible to "****optimize" a complex-adaptive system?** My current thoughts are you can encourage a "sense of direction" but this will be influenced by the systems current disposition and the energy required to change. For many enterprises, the system will not be disposed towards BVSSH outcomes and the energy gradient to change is huge. The Sooner Safer Happier book is aimed at business leaders and I'd certainly recommend it due to the simplicity of the messaging. Be careful though, this might become the new Spotify Model so ensure the importance of context is not lost! [Buy Sooner Safer Happier on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg) ## Big Idea 1 - Optimize for Better Value Sooner Safer Happier (BVSSH) ![Better Value Sooner Safer Happier BVSSH](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2436c7a0326f48c5a3f1a3cbcc654c08~mv2.png) > *“BVSSH contains two sets of outcomes. Better Sooner Safer Happier are the how outcomes. They measure the improvement in the system of work. Value is the what, the business outcome hypotheses that the system of work produces. The two sets of outcomes form a virtuous circle.”* ## Big Idea 2 - Practices = Context + Principles The [Sooner Safer Happier](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) book shares several principles which can help organisations optimise for Better Value, Sooner, Safer, Happier. > *“The successful pattern is to identify the top ten or so principles that you feel are most important to encourage across your organization, communicate them relentlessly, and recognize behaviors in line with them.”* ![Better Value Sooner Safer Happier BVSSH Principles](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3ef61ff492ea415788048e0e20e41953~mv2.jpg) Source: ## Big Idea 3 - Anti-Paterrns & Patterns Based upon the context of optimising for BVSSH there are patterns that can help organisations build momentum. - Anti-pattern: Common solutions to common problems where the solution is ineffective and may result in undesired consequences. - Pattern: A pattern is a repeatedly applicable solution to a problem that arises in a specific context. It is again highlighted that context is key. A pattern could be an anti-pattern within a certain context. A full list of Anti-Patterns and Patterns explored in [Sooner Safer Happier](https://amzn.to/3vZiS5S) **Anti-Patterns** - Doing an Agile Transformation - Using Old Ways of Thinking to Apply New Ways of Working - The Bigger the Capital “T” Transformation, the Bigger the Change Curve - Scaling Agile Before Descaling the Work - Grass Roots Hits a Grass Ceiling - One Size Fits AllInflict over Invite - Do as I Say, Not as I Do - Psychologically Unsafe - Deterministic Mindset - Local Optimization - Milestone-Driven Predicted Solutions - Headless Chickens - Start Starting - Lack of Safety within Safety - Role-Based Safety Silos - Fixed Mindset to Risk - Going Faster Leads to Going Slower - Agile Hollow Shell - Misalignment of Teams and Architecture - Tools over People - Information and Learning Silos - Outputs over Outcomes - Bubble Effect - Applying a Deterministic Approach to an Emergent Domain - Weaponized Metrics **Patterns** - Focus on Outcomes - Start with Why; Empower the How - Achieve Big through Small - Descale Before You Scale - Scale Agility, Not Agile, Vertically Then Sideways - Not One Size Fits All - Invite over Inflict - Leaders Go First - Psychological Safety - Emergent Mindset with Servant Leadership - Optimize for Fast End-to-End Flow - Outcome Hypotheses - Intelligent Flow - Stop Starting, Start Finishing - Safety within Safety - Organize Safety by Value Stream - Intelligent Control - Go Slower to Go Faster - Continuous Technical Excellence - Architect and Organize for Flow - Smart People and Smart Teams with Robot Friends - Optimize for Learning - Nested Learning with Built-In Feedback Loops - Communicate, Communicate, Communicate - Be Comfortable with Uncertainty - Measure for Learning [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) [Try Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## The Inspiring Chris Nikic Story | 1% Better Every Day URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-inspiring-chris-nikic-story-1-percent-better-every-day Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-inspiring-chris-nikic-story-1-percent-better-every-day.md Date: 2020-11-15 Topics: coaching, habits, change-agents Chris Nikic shows us all that you can achieve big dreams if you focus on getting 1% better every day. Building a habit of continuous improvement will lead to dramatic results overtime. > Get 1% Better Every Day [Chris Nikic](https://chrisnikic.com/) Continuous Improvement we know can lead to positive impact in organisations and our personals lives. It sounds simple but so hard in practice. Therefore when I hear examples of how people have used this approach to achieve big goals it's truly inspiring. The Chris Nikic story is the perfect example. His story shows how a focus on small daily improvements can lead to truly dramatic results. Chris recently completed his first Ironman in Florida. A huge achievement for anyone in life. What makes this story so incredible are the obstacles Chris had to overcome. Living with Down Syndrome he also had open-heart surgery as a child and 4 major ear surgeries at 17. As a young adult, he struggled with balance, slow reaction time and low muscle tone. It was following his ear surgery that Chris sat down to write his dreams, goals and the habits that would get him there: > Dec 31 2019 at 5:40 PM my parents asked me to write down my dreams (buy my own car, house and marry a smoking hot blonde) and my goal (Ironman Florida Nov 7, 2020) and my plan to Get 1% Better every day for 10 months. On 9th November 2020, Chris became the [first person with down-](https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/triathlon/54869998)[syndrome](https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/triathlon/54869998) [to finish an iron man event](https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/triathlon/54869998). WOW! ![Chris Nikic Ironman](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3a264ca7b2f94e11ad69b524e681b649~mv2.jpg) Chris' story is the perfect example of how habits are rocket fuel for success. After setting a big audacious goal, Chris focused on building the habit of getting 1% better every single day. He focused on building a system of habits to achieve the goal of running an Ironman. He built a schedule of the tiny habits he would need to do every day. He visualised this on a huge whiteboard to track progress. ![Chris Nikic Habits](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b0fbbc8da03349c3a03af0908430699a~mv2.jpg) This story is a powerful demonstration of how building small habits can help us naturally move towards any goal. > Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement James Clear I too have applied this philosophy in my life. I've yet to run an Ironman but I've been able to form many habits by starting small: Daily Meditation, Daily Exercise, Reading 100 books a year and many others. You too can put this into action with just a few steps. BJ Fogg, [Author of Tiny Habits](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything), has a 6 step process similar to the approach taken by Chris. - Step 1 - What is your aspiration? - Step 2 - What behaviours will help you move towards this aspiration? - Step 3 - What are the easy and impactful behaviours you can do now? - Step 4 - How can you make these behaviours easier to do? - Step 5 - What is your reminder to do the behaviour? - Step 6 - How will you celebrate! I created a [Miro Coaching Board](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises), to help you explore these steps. It allows you to visualise and step through the process. So what big aspirations do you have for life? What do you want to be true 12 months from now? **How, like Chris Nikic, can you get 1% better every day?** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_13efbbf9a2f641b0beda57b619c7d25c~mv2.png) --- ## Coaching Senior Leadership Teams | Ask These 6 Questions URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-senior-leadership-teams Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-senior-leadership-teams.md Date: 2020-11-14 Topics: coaching, book-summaries How do you turn a group of your most talented individuals into a high performing leadership team? In this article I explore 6 essential questions to ask when forming a senior leadership team. Using this questions will help maximise your teams performance. High performing Senior Leadership teams can be a big factor in your organisational performance. Taking a group of talented individuals and helping them become a real team can be a catalyst for change. However, developing senior leadership teams can be challenging: > *“Senior Leadership Team members have a dilemma. On the one hand, they are responsible for leading their own organisational units. On the other hand, they are expected to be fully engaged and committed members of the Enterprise's senior leadership team, it can feel like being caught in two powerful cross-currents.* *Wageman et al.* In this article, I share the 6 questions you need to focus on when developing your top team. In addition to sharing my own experience, I also share the core ideas from [Senior Leadership Teams by Wageman et al](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0163A8SMW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1). An excellent book about what it takes to develop high performing, senior leadership teams. ![Senior Leadership Teams Wageman Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1e6217758a3a45cd92d66d32131f9eec~mv2.jpg) **The 6 Big Questions** When developing your Senior Leadership Team ask these 6 Big Questions: 1. Is a leadership “team” required? 2. What is the unique, clear, compelling and challenging purpose of the team? 3. Based upon the purpose, what team topology is needed? 4. What skills, knowledge and experience are required on the team? 5. What are the behavioural norms expected on the top team? 6. What coaching is required and when? Is this article I explore the first 3 questions ### **Q: Is a leadership team required?** Another way to frame this question: > *“Is there a vital business need that would be better met if you worked with a leadership team, rather than a group of individuals?”* *Wageman et al.* The first question is often skipped. This can lead to attempts to create a team when it's not needed. In addition, very few leaders consider the difference between a team and a group. > “Senior leadership teams have interdependent work. They are clearly bounded, and they are reasonably stable over time.” *Wageman et al.* For your organisation, a leadership team might not be required. You might be best served by a group of individuals focused on their own priorities who only come together every so often. For others, a high performing senior leadership team can be the catalyst to success. As you know high performing teams can often create more dramatic results than when people work alone. When deciding a leadership team is required, it should not be underestimated the effort and focus required to make it a truly great team. The following questions explore what needs to be considered to make your senior team great. ### **Q: What is the purpose?** It helps to identify a handful of **must-win battles**, the actions the leadership team must get right if the enterprise is to achieve its strategic goals. These focusing questions help explore collaboration on the must-win battles: 1. What do we need each other for? 2. What are the most critical challenges facing the business? 3. Does the team have a collective strategy for addressing those challenges? 4. How well is our strategy working? ### **Q: What leadership team topology is required?** In the book [Senior Leadership Teams by Wageman et al.](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0163A8SMW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) they share 4 Leadership team Topologies. Patterns for how Leadership Teams will organise and work. ![4 Leadership Team Topologies](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d52a12bbe6fc4c0e9d04119f15a48901~mv2.jpg) **Informational team** - Purpose: Make individual leaders better informed, better aligned and more able to do their jobs. - Decisions: Made by individuals **Consultative team** - Purpose: Make the CEO better informed and better able to do the job effectively - Decisions: Made by the CEO after consultation **Coordination team** - Purpose: Manage the operational interdependencies of the enterprise such as key projects and initiatives - Decisions: Made collectively or by a nominated person such as chief coordinator **Decision-making team** - Purpose: Make the small number of critical decisions that are most consequential for the enterprise as a whole. - Decisions: By the team as a whole. Either consensus or disagree and commit model. It's important that you think carefully about the team required based your purpose and must win-battles > Most organisations have more than one kind of leadership team, operating simultaneously. A common configuration is a core decision-making team, which handles the highest impact enterprise issues, along with a coordination team, which often includes members of the decision-making team that oversees and manages major organisational initiatives. *Wageman et al.* ### **Part 2** In the next part of this article I will explore these 3 questions: 1. What skills, knowledge and experience are required on the team? 2. What are the behavioural norms expected on the top team? 3. What coaching is required and when? I'd also highly recommend grabbing a copy of [Senior Leadership Teams by Wageman et al.](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0163A8SMW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) --- ## Coaching Lessons from Elite Sport | England Rugby Coach Eddie Jones URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-lessons-from-elite-sport-england-rugby-coach-eddie-jones Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/coaching-lessons-from-elite-sport-england-rugby-coach-eddie-jones.md Date: 2020-11-06 Topics: coaching What lessons can coaches in organisations learn from Elite Sports Coaching. In this article I explore the lessons learned from England Rugby Coach, Eddie Jones. You might be surprised at how Elite Coaching is performed today. England Rugby head coach Eddie Jones recently hosted a [live coaching session](https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=10155209455864825&ref=watch_permalink) at England training headquarters. As a huge rugby fan and [professional coach](/post/how-to-become-an-icf-certified-coach-a-guide-for-agile-coaches), I was eager to understand the Eddie Jones approach to coaching. When I first trained as a Professional Coach I was confused about how it related to sports coaching. I had seen the typical media representation of sports coaches shouting from the sidelines and it all seemed very directive. Not like the coaching I had learned in my training. When the coaching session started, the first thing I noticed was that Eddie Jones simply **observed** the players in action for 3 minutes. During this time Eddie said nothing. At the players first drinks break I noticed something very interesting. Eddie Jones approached the players. I assumed this was to give them direction on how to improve. Instead, Eddie asked **open questions**: 1. *How are you going to get a numerical advantage?* 2. *What else are you going to do?* 3. *And what else?* After open questions Eddie offered some advice, recommending the players to catch the ball away from their chest. Throughout the whole session, Eddie gave direct feedback either to the whole group or individual players. This often took the form of open questions *“After you pass what are you doing?”, “What should you be doing?”, “Where should you be supporting?”*and also positive reinforcement *“Well Done”, “Excellent”, “Good”.* A question was asked from the reporter *“If a player makes a mistake, how do you get them to improve?”* Eddie’s response highlighted his situational approach *“It depends on the player, sometimes you tell them or sometimes you ask them a question to think for themselves. Its a balance between* ***directive and non-directive.****”* A great example of the scale of influence highlighted my [previous blog post](/post/are-you-really-coaching). The coaching space was broken into two areas; **Match Zone and Skill Zone.** The match zone was used throughout the whole session with an emphasis on free-flowing gameplay. The majority of coaching was done in the Match zone. A second smaller area called skill zone was also used. Every so often Eddie would move a few players into the skill zone. Here they would focus on a specific skill that Eddie observed from the match zone. In this case, it was catching the ball away from the chest. I assumed the skill zone coaching would be more directive but again, there was a blend of open questions and direct instruction. After a few minutes, the players would return to the match zone to implement their improved skills. ### **What did I learn?** The Eddie Jones coaching session highlighted that sports coaching is very similar to the individual and team coaching in the workplace. I learned that **observational** skills are very important in sports coaching. Eddie was asked *“How do you improve your observational skills?”* and his reply *“Observing other coaches, sit back and watch matches and train your eye.”* I also learnt that **open questions** have a powerful way of creating accountability with the players. Also **feedback** both general and specific at regular points creates a good coaching environment. I also learnt how dynamic and fast coaching can be. Often coaching is seen as a long one-to-one coaching session in private but this demonstrated how powerful coaching can be in a dynamic live situation. ### **What now?** This revealing coaching session taught me several things which I will now integrate into my own coaching. Firstly paying more attention to **observation** especially when working with teams. Rather than trying to coach or give advice immediately, step back and observe. Secondly, I love the idea of the **match zone and skill zone**. Applied to my context I can easily see this being a powerful way to coach teams in the workplace. For example, using the team's day-to-day desk area as the match zone and a separate area away from their desks used as the skill zone. Throughout the day switching between the two zones. More to come on this experiment! For more wisdom from Eddie Jones, check out this article on the [Four Fatal Fears of Teams](/post/the-four-fatal-fears-of-your-team-advice-for-managers) ![Four Fatal Fears of Teams](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_696bd65633c040c190280cbcbf2a6915~mv2.jpg) --- ## Virtual Coaching Exercises | 5 Miro Templates for Coaches URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/virtual-coaching-exercises Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/virtual-coaching-exercises.md Date: 2020-11-01 Topics: coaching A collection of Virtual Coaching Tools, Techniques and Exercises. Perfect to support your coaching conversations virtually. The majority of these virtual coaching exercises are hosted on Miro. Virtual Coaching is now the new normal. Professional Coaches are exploring ways to serve clients virtually. I've been experimenting with ways to solve this problem. [Miro.com](http://Miro.com), an online collaboration platform, is especially helpful. With Miro, you can easily create virtual coaching exercises. You can collaborate with clients can easily via the whiteboard. This creates an engaging coaching conversation. I've used Miro successfully for: - Self-Reflection - Personal 1-1 Coaching (e.g. Leadership Coaching) - Team Coaching **To help you get started** I have created templates for common coaching exercises. These templates will save you time and effort, allowing you to get started with this new way of coaching. Virtual Coaching Templates: 1. [**Fear Setting**](#viewer-f0idt) - Helping people overcome fears that are holding them back 2. [**Wheel of Life**](#viewer-uj67)- Examine the impact a decision might have on your life 3. [**Tiny Habits**](#viewer-1djqg)- A framework to help people build and break habits 4. [**Vision Chairs**](#viewer-31a8h) - Inspire action towards a goal 5. [**Improvement Canvas**](#viewer-5uftp) - Help an organisation or team find a path towards their vision **Request Edit Access:** [Fear Setting](#viewer-f0idt) and [Tiny Habits](#viewer-1djqg) can be downloaded at [Miroverse](https://miro.com/miroverse/profile/toby-sinclair/), the Miro template library. If you would like to request edit access to the other boards please drop me an email at [toby@tobysinclair.com](mailto:toby@tobysinclair.com) or tweet me at [@TobySinclair\_](https://ctt.ac/drnm1) I will share with you a fully editable board you can copy into your personal Miro Account. ### **Fear Setting |** [**Download at Miroverse**](https://miro.com/miroverse/profile/toby-sinclair/) **Perfect for....** helping people overcome fears that are holding the back > "I do an exercise called “fear-setting” at least once a quarter, often once a month. It is the most powerful exercise I do." Tim Ferris **Video Summary of the exercise** **What is Fear Setting?** It's a structured reflection virtual coaching tool to help you make decisions when fear is holding you back and distorting your thinking. It is a good alternative exercise to traditional goal setting. **Why use Fear Setting?** > “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” Stoic philosopher Seneca the Younger This is a great virtual coaching technique to use when faced with a decision you fear. The exercise can help you realise that the fears in your head are not as bad as reality. **How does it work?** Fear-Setting has three steps, each with a different purpose: 1. Put your fears under a microscope 2. Consider the potential benefits of taking action 3. Consider the consequences of inaction Fear Setting can be done as a self-reflection activity, part of a coaching conversation or works great as a team activity. [Download Miro Board](https://miro.com/miroverse/profile/toby-sinclair/) ### **Wheel of Life |** [**Miro Board**](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kpsPV1k=/) **Perfect for....** reflecting on how a decision might impact aspects of your life **What is Wheel of Life?** The Wheel of Life is a popular online coaching exercise. It allows a client to explore different dimensions of their life. The wheel is a visual representation of the person's life with segments of the wheel relating to different life dimensions. **Why use Wheel of Life?** It's a great way for a client to gain a new perspective on their life. It helps clients appreciate the impact a decision might have on other parts of their life. For example, how might a new job impact their family, social life and health? **How to use Wheel of Life coaching tool?** 1. Review the Wheel of Anything - Edit the 8 Categories so that they reflect the primary categories of your life 2. For each section think about your level of satisfaction for each category 3. Next, draw a line across each section to visualise your current level - 0 Not Satisfied 10 Fully Satisfied 4. Looking at the wheel what jumps out to you? [View Miro Board](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kpsPV1k=/) ### **Tiny Habits Framework |** [**Download at Miroverse**](https://miro.com/miroverse/profile/toby-sinclair/) **Perfect for....** building and breaking habits **What is the Tiny Habits Framework?** This framework, created by BJ Fogg, focuses on the idea that the best way to change behaviour is to cultivate Tiny Habits. This 6 step process explores your aspiration and helps identify tiny habits that will help you move forward towards it. This [book summary](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) expands more on the framework **Why and when to use this framework?** Behaviour change is hard but we can make it easier. So many people start with a big aspiration but then fail to follow up with the behaviour that will make it happen. This framework is a practical way to maximise your chances of success. A perfect framework to achieve many goals such as fitness, career or family. This can framework can be used individually and also within a team setting. **How to use it?** On this canvas are the 6 behaviour change steps. Start by defining your aspiration, let's imagine it's to reduce stress. The following steps then explore the behaviours which will help move towards that aspiration. You'll take these behaviours and break them down into Tiny Habits. [Download at Miroverse](https://miro.com/miroverse/profile/toby-sinclair/) ### **Vision Chairs |** [**Miro Board**](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kgE-1bo=/) **Perfect for....** inspiring action towards a goal and what it will take to get there **What is Vision Chairs?** This virtual coaching tool is good for gaining perspective, objectivity and exploring the consequences of current behaviours and actions. Done in person, real chairs would be used but still works well in this virtual environment. **Why and When to use Vision Chairs?** It can be used for business or personal goals and for decision-making. It is good for clients who have previously not met their goal but continue to want to achieve it. It is effective at connecting behaviours and actions to outcomes. **How to use Vision Chairs?** The exercise consists of three chairs: - Chair 1 - Current Situation - Chair 2- Future Situation with no change - Chair 3 - Future Situation where change has happened Over 6 steps you are guided through each of the chairs. Questions help you reflect on your thoughts and feelings at each step. At the end of the exercises, clients will have a fresh perspective and concrete next steps. You can do this as a personal reflection activity or during a guided coaching conversation. [View Miro Board](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kgE-1bo=/) ### **Improvement Canvas - Charter a path to your future |** [**Miro Board**](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kgEf5cc=/) **Perfect for....** identifying how to get from where you are today and where you want to be **What is the Improvement Canvas?** The improvement canvas is based upon the "Toyota Kata" Approach. It's a visual way to explore your vision, where are you now, where you want to go next and the first steps you can take. In addition, I have added indicators. How do we know what the current state is and how will we know it has changed. Also, there is a force field analysis that explores what will work for and against change. **Why and When would it be used?** This canvas can be used for any major change effort. It can work for personal, team or organisational change. It is particularly effective with groups, to get everyone on the same page, literally. It can act s a living reminder of why you are changing and the steps you are taking. **How do you use it?** The canvas has 4 sections: - Vision - The Why - Current State - Where you are now - Target State - Where you would like to be next e.g. 3 months from now - Next Steps - What are the first steps to be taken If doing this as a group, bring together a diverse group of people involved in the change. Walkthrough each section of the canvas and gather ideas for each. Synthesise on the themes for each section. [View Miro Board](https://miro.com/app/board/o9J_kgEf5cc=/) **Need Help?** Get in touch for free mentoring on this tool and more! [www.tobysinclair.com/mentoring](/mentoring) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg) --- ## Book Summary: Challenging Coaching by Ian Day, John Blakey URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-challenging-coaching-by-ian-day-john-blakey Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-challenging-coaching-by-ian-day-john-blakey.md Date: 2020-10-27 Topics: coaching, book-summaries A short summary exploring the Challenging Coaching Approach. The summary explore the 5 pillars: Feedback, Accountability, Courageous goals, Tension, Systems Thinking [Buy](https://amzn.to/2HCa1mv) | [Reviews](https://amzn.to/2HCa1mv) | [Bio](https://challengingcoaching.co.uk/) ## The Big Idea: There is too much bias towards Non-directive coaching within the coaching profession. Because of the strong link coaching has with the “sister” profession of counselling, some coaches believe that coaching should be supportive and not challenging. There is a risk that the coach colludes with the coachee; that is, aligns 100 per cent with their worldview and fails to challenge or give feedback from a different perspective. The authors challenge this bias and highlight many cases where a more challenging, directive coaching stance can lead to breakthrough results for clients. The authors introduce the FACTS coaching approach: 1. Feedback 2. Accountability 3. Courageous goals 4. Tension 5. Systems thinking The behaviours and skills in FACTS expand upon the non-directive coaching approach. These should be applied once the core skills have been mastered and a firm foundation of trust and respect has been established. ## Best quotes > *"As polite Englishmen, we are very familiar with this and often see coaches “go round the houses” and “dance* *around* *the handbags” rather than making an honest and direct point."* > *"Unfortunately, there is a severe shortage of people in the corporate world who look at the world through systems thinking “lens.” This leads to a focus on short-term, silo thinking, with a blindness to the wider context in which individuals are operating."* ## Toby's takeaway This is a great book for experienced coaches. It certainly challenged my bias towards a more non-directive approach. This book will be very helpful for coaches working within organisations with a more directive culture. Clients may be more responsive to a challenging style. I really liked the connection the authors made to Systems Thinking. They highlight how sub-optimization, emergence, fractals and leverage points are all relevant for coaching. For example: > "Suboptimization occurs in coaching when the individual’s goals are achieved, but at the expense of broader goals related to the individual’s team, department, or wider organization." Finally, the approach shared within the book should not be confused with a "Command and Control" style. The authors highlight that the foundations for coaching need to be in place such as Empathy, Active Listening and Powerful Questions. However, the authors challenge coaches to take a more directive stance and be more comfortable doing this. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg) For those seeking to ask questions on this book summary and get help with coaching, you can reach out to me for free [Coach Mentoring](/mentoring) ## A longer summary of Challenging Coaching [Buy](https://amzn.to/2HCa1mv) | [Reviews](https://amzn.to/2HCa1mv) | [Bio](https://challengingcoaching.co.uk/) ## Support/Challenge Matrix Optimum performance occurs when there is an effective balance between the levels of support and challenge provided by the coach. ![Support Challenge Matrix](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_26c26896cca24ec5bcc165b05907541f~mv2.png) Support refers to interventions that affirm the value of the individual (building trust, respect, rapport) or those that reduce uncertainty and anxiety (encouragement, focusing on strengths, empathy). Challenge refers to interventions that compel the individual to confront current reality (accountability, feedback, limiting beliefs) and to meet the changing expectations of all stakeholders (goal setting, visioning, alignment of values). The absence of challenge in a business environment leads to complacency, indulgence, apathy, and disinterest. High challenge/ High support interventions are: - They are honest yet not judgmental. - They take the conversation into the unknown. - They are on the edge but are not directly confrontational. - They often arise intuitively rather than being clever, preplanned creations. - They are often cheeky and humorous. - They are risky yet motivated by genuine curiosity. ## The zone of uncomfortable debate In this zone, there is a feeling of increased tension and the pressure starts to build as the parties may disagree and may not see “eye to eye.” ![Zone of Uncomfortable Debate](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dc46e6b2fd8b447c84c265599399e1c4~mv2.png) All the components of challenging coaching require the coach to enter the ZOUD more often, more skillfully, and with total belief that this is being done in the best long-term interests of the coaching relationship. As polite Englishmen, we are very familiar with this and often see coaches “go round the houses” and “dance around the handbags” rather than making an honest and direct point. They avoid entering the ZOUD. > **What are the conditions that will enable you as a coach to enter the ZOUD and work within it?** ## Speak your truth Speaking your truth and facing the facts are key enablers of the transformation of both individuals and businesses. Coaches can lead the way by being role models, exemplifying this transformational behavior, and giving the coachee permission to practice direct and honest communication. Certain characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors enable a challenging coach to speak their truth and face the facts. These include: 1. Recognizing and accepting that everyone’s truth is different and equally valid. This is based on perception, so we use the phrase “speaking your truth,” not “speaking the truth.” 2. Having an instinct for the truth and being in touch with your emotions and intuition as an internal compass pointing to your truth. 3. Being prepared to speak honestly, take risks, and challenge others, and to enter the ZOUD and hold people accountable for their actions. 4. Stepping in on behalf of absent stakeholders and the common good and taking the risk of upsetting the status quo, not for personal gain but as a statement of your values, a daily proclamation of who you are. > “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” German philosopher Schopenhauer ## FACTS Coaching Pillars: 1. Feedback 2. Accountability 3. Courageous goals 4. Tension 5. Systems thinking ## Feedback Challenging feedback appears to be seen as less important than and is hidden behind other more obvious coaching behaviours such as listening, questioning, establishing rapport, and goal setting. Why we struggle with difficult conversations; > “our anxiety results not just from having to face the other person but from having to face ourselves. The conversation has the potential to disrupt our sense of who we are in the world.” The most effective feedback will be from high support, high challenge, which develops awareness and pushes the change that is necessary for future success. Feedback should have “bite,” create insight, deliver a new perspective, and cause a step change. ## Accountability Three levels at which the coach can act as an agent of accountability: - Level 1 - focused on the personal actions, learning, and alignment of the coachee - Level 2 - holds the coachee accountable to the coaching contract they have agreed and to the relationship they are building with the coach. - Level 3 - happens when the coach chooses to act as an agent of accountability for the voice of unrepresented stakeholders in the wider system. ## Courageous goals Characteristics: - Outrageous—the first reaction to a courageous goal should be: “That’s impossible!” - Frightening—the second reaction should be: “Even if it were possible, it would frighten the life out of me to commit to it!” - Transformative—the third reaction should be: “If we did this then my whole world and our whole organization will have changed in a way that I cannot fully imagine right now.” > “Come to the Edge”: “Come to the edge.” “We can’t. We’re afraid.” “Come to the edge.” “We can’t. We will fall!” “Come to the edge.” And they came. And he pushed them. And they flew. Guillaume Apollinaire Factors that influence courageous goals: - Fear of failure - Lack of alignment of goals between organization, team, leader, and individual - The inhibiting link of goals to remuneration, promotion, and bonus schemes - Unnecessary complexity ## Tension The Yerkes–Dodson law dictates that performance increases with physiological or mental arousal up to an optimal level; when the arousal level passes this optimal point performance decreases. ![Yerkes–Dodson law](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ec28bcc732b14e27b491f6384fa7c58d~mv2.png) Interventions to increase tension in coaching conversation: - Use of silence - Prolonged eye contact - Probing questions - Challenge the coachee to take a risk - Challenging statements - Play devil’s advocate - Take the role of an opponent - Use an approach opposite to the coachee’s usual style ## Systems thinking Unfortunately, there is a severe shortage of people in the corporate world who look at the world through systems thinking “lens.” This leads to a focus on short-term, silo thinking, with a blindness to the wider context in which individuals are operating. Systems thinking: > "Belief that everything in the world is connected and that it is the relationship between things rather than the things themselves that is the primary determinant of desirable or undesirable outcomes." A system: > “an interconnected set of elements that is coherently organized in a way that achieves something.” ## Systems Thinking Principles in Action during Coaching: **Suboptimization** *"When a coach is working with one individual it can be tempting to think of that individual as an island and to consider that their actions are independent of what is happening in the rest of the organization. This is a person-centered approach, not a systems thinking approach. In systems thinking the risk that the goals at a subsystem level dominate at the expense of the total system’s goals is known as suboptimization."* *"Suboptimization occurs in coaching when the individual’s goals are achieved, but at the expense of broader goals related to the individual’s team, department, or wider organization."* **Emergence** *"Emergence is the idea that complex systems have the capacity to exhibit new behaviors and that such behaviors can be triggered by small changes in the detail of the situation.* *How do you know that the flapping of your coaching wings might not shift the energy in the system in such a way that significant impacts emerge from your interventions? To believe this is possible is both an exciting prospect and a serious responsibility."* **Fractals** *"The term “fractal” is used to describe how the examination of a small-scale component of a system can reveal information relating to the system as a whole."* **Leverage points** *"The phrase leverage points* *are* *used in systems thinking to describe those points in the system where tension is being held and the subtle release of this tension will lead to dramatic results. In coaching, leverage points in the system may be specific individuals who have become talismanic within the organization. They could also be specific moments of time when the system is poised on a decision point that will have far-reaching and irreversible repercussions."* **Systems-centred** **Coaching Questions** Example: > “If your decision were to be featured tomorrow on the front page of the Daily Telegraph, how would you feel?” ## The role of intuition The only human faculty with the speed and accuracy to discern and navigate within such complexity is intuition. In the context of coaching, it is intuition that allows a coach to make pinpoint interventions that not only shift the individual but also have the potential to move the whole system. --- ## Agile Coaching Certification: Professional Coaching Route URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-certification Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-certification.md Date: 2020-10-25 Topics: coaching What are the 3 steps to get an Agile Coaching Certification? This article shares my journey from Agile Coach to ICF Certified Coach. It covers how to find the right course, how to build up your hours and gain the certification. My Agile Coaching Certification journey started in 2016. It began with this realisation: > I knew a lot about "Agile" but not about Coaching I’m not alone. Many Agile Coaches come to learn there is more to coaching than "teaching scrum". I've helped many Agile Coaches gain their Agile Coaching Certification in Professional Coaching. The coaching certification pathway is confusing. - What course should I choose? - What counts as coaching hours? - What if I'm an internal coach? I'm here to help you get clarity on the Agile Coaching Certification process. I share the steps I've taken on the International Coaching Federation (ICF) coaching path. From finding the right training course to completing the credentialing process and the coaching exam. This guide will give you the practical steps required to gain your Agile Coaching Certification. ## **How do** **you gain an Agile Coaching Certification?** Here are the three steps you'll need to follow to become a Certified Professional Coach with the International Coaching Federation (ICF): ### **Step 1 - Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP)** The first step for aspiring coaches is to complete what’s called an “Accreditated Coach Training Program” (ACTP): > *“An ICF ACTP is considered an all-inclusive coach training program. An ACTP includes a minimum of 125 hours of coach-specific training, including comprehensive instruction around the ICF Core Competencies, Code of Ethics and the ICF definition of coaching. This type of program also includes Mentor Coaching, observed coaching sessions and a comprehensive final exam that evaluates a student's coaching competency.”* Source: ### **Which agile coaching course should I choose?** In 2017 I completed an Accreditated Coach Training program(ACTP) with [Barefoot Coaching](https://www.barefootcoaching.co.uk/). Within the UK, Barefoot is a very popular choice, especially amongst Agile Coaches. In fact, Geoff Watts, a well known Scrum Coach completed the Barefoot Course. He also published a book with Barefoot Founder Kim Morgan. It’s one of the [5 books I recommend for new coaches](/post/5-best-books-about-life-coaching). A popular alternative for Agile Coaches is [Organisation](https://www.crrglobal.com/icf-accreditation.html) [Relationship](https://www.crrglobal.com/icf-accreditation.html) [and Systems Coaching](https://www.crrglobal.com/icf-accreditation.html) (ORSC). This course is also an Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP). What's great about ORSC is that it focuses heavily on group, organisation and system coaching. Having also completed this course I found that the content was easier to relate to as an Agile Coach. This is because most Agile Coaches work with groups. A third popular option with Agile Coaches is [Co-Active Coaching](https://coactive.com/about/accreditation-affiliations/#accreditation). Completion of the full program will also meet the requirements of an Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP). You can find an Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP) on the [ICF website](https://apps.coachfederation.org/eweb/DynamicPage.aspx?webcode=TPSS). My recommendation is to select a course that has a good personal referral. The training provider can make a real difference to the learning experience. ### **What are the alternatives to ICF?** Obtaining a credential through the ICF is not the only recognised option. There are several global accreditation bodies. Three other examples are: 1. The International Association of Coaching (IAC) 2. European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) 3. Center for Credentialing & Education (CCE) This [article](https://coachestrainingblog.com/becomeacoach/a-simple-guide-to-coaching-accreditation-bodies/) explains the differences between the Accreditation Bodies. An alternative route for Agile Coaches is to not pursue a credential with a global coaching accreditation body. Instead, there is the option to obtain an Agile Coaching Certification with an Agile Training Provider. A popular example is the [ICAgile Coaching course](https://www.icagile.com/Agile-Delivery/Agile-Coaching/Agile-Coaching). This course will not contribute towards a qualification with a recognised Global Coaching body. It's a great option if you want to remain within the agile context. It will limit your ability to coach outside of the agile context. ### **What does the course cover?** A training course will cover the 11 core coaching competencies described by the International Coaching Federation: 1. Meeting Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards 2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement 3. Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client 4. Coaching Presence 5. Active Listening 6. Powerful Questioning 7. Direct Communication 8. Creating Awareness 9. Designing Actions 10. Planning and Goal Setting 11. Managing Progress and Accountability Source: ### **What is the course duration?** The training length will vary. With Barefoot Coaching the course was 12 Days. This was split into 3 x 4 Day classes over 3 months. In addition, you were expected to conduct coaching sessions between the classes. Today many courses are delivered online and I've found the length can be longer. In fact, many courses are spread over 6-9months with a few hours of learning each week. ### **How** **much** **does it cost?** Prices for an ACTP course will vary but my experience is an average cost of around £6,000 ($10,000) There is an alternative route called Approved Coach Specific Training Hours (ACSTH). This option is often cheaper as you break the course down into smaller modules. The downside is that it will usually take longer to gain the required training hours to earn Associate Coach Credential. ### **Bonus: Academic Qualification** Depending on your choice of training provider an Academic Qualification might be included. In the case of Barefoot Coaching, you can also gain a Post-Graduate Certificate with the University of Chester. To achieve this you need to complete some additional requirements including three dissertations. The academic qualification is not a requirement for ICF Credential. ### **Step 2 - Earning a Coach Credential** Once you have completed an ACTP you can start building up coaching hours. The ICF has three credential levels. At each level you need to complete a certain number of coaching hours: - Associate Coach Credential (ACC) - 100hrs - Professional Coach Credential (PCC) - 500hrs - Master Coach Credential (MCC) - 2500hrs To evidence your coaching hours you will need to keep a log which is submitted once you apply for your credential. The ICF provides a [simple spreadsheet](https://coachfederation.org/app/uploads/2017/12/ICFClientCoachingLogTemplate-4.xls) to do this. It’s best to keep this updated regularly. It’s rather painful tracking back through your records if you don’t update regularly (speaking from experience!) ### **What are client coaching hours?** It’s likely only a sub-set of Agile Coaching activities will constitute "coaching hours" for ICF. Therefore it's important to be aware of what can be recorded. The ICF has a rather broad definition of what is classed as Client Coaching Hours: > A client coaching hour is 60 minutes of actual coaching with a client who has hired the applicant as a coach and not in any other capacity Source: This is not that helpful as often coaching can be interpreted broadly. The ICF provides further clarification in regards to Group Coaching: > To qualify as group coaching, participants must set the agenda, and the session must be interactive (synchronous interaction between the coach and participants). ### **What Agile Coaching activities are Client Coaching Hours?** Here are some examples of Agile Coaching activities that would count as coaching hours: - **1-2-1 Coaching** - For example with a Leader, Scrum Master, Product Owner. It's important to establish the right coaching contract for these conversations. You may run into challenges if you do not establish the right foundations. - **Team/Group Coaching** - It's important as per ICF guidelines that the team set the agenda and you demonstrate the core competencies. Most common for Agile Coaches would be coaching a Leadership Team. Or perhaps even a group of Scrum Masters or fellow coaches. Activities that would not count towards Client Coaching Hours: - **Training** - For example Scrum Master Training - **Mentoring** - Where you are mostly giving direction and advice ### **What about Facilitation?** Facilitation is a little harder to categorise. In some cases, a facilitated group workshop might very much demonstrate the ICF core competencies. However, some workshops might be much more directive in nature. The Scrum Ceremonies are a great example where it gets blurry. If you are facilitating these ceremonies you might take a more directive approach if the team needs your expertise and advice. However, in some cases, you might take a more facilitative and coaching approach asking questions to guide the group performance. For this coaching to count as client hours it must be contracted as coaching and again the client sets the agenda. When recording hours for my credential I was very conservative. I took care only to record hours where the core competencies were demonstrated and the activity was contracted as Coaching. Agile Coaches would need to exercise judgement when recording hours and where needed double-check with either the ICF or your coach training provider. ### **What's** **the best way to build up Coaching Hours?** For many agile coaches, it might actually be difficult to build up coaching hours. It’s common that organisations may not want you to do coaching and instead focused on more advice based work such as Mentoring and Training. If that’s the case a great option for Agile Coaches is Reciprocal Coaching: *“Peer to peer coaching is the exchange of coaching between two individuals. Peer to peer coaching (outside of* the *training program) can be claimed as paid or bartered coaching. Peer to peer coaching (within Reciprocal Peer Coaching) can be claimed as paid hours.”* ### **How long does it take?** The time it takes to gain your coach credential will obviously depend on the amount of coaching you do. Here is the timeline of my journey: - February 2017 - ACTP Course Commences - May 2017 - ACTP Course Completion - February 2018 - Associate Coach Credential (ACC) - 100hrs - July 2020 - Professional Coach Credential (PCC) - 500hrs My next step is to gain Master Coach Credential (MCC). This is likely to take a few more years to complete the 2500hrs at this level. The biggest challenge will be keeping an accurate log of all those hours! ### **Step 3 - Completion of the Coach Knowledge Assessment (CKA).** The Coach Knowledge Assessment (CKA) is an online assessment of the ICF Core Competencies. There are 155 multiple-choice questions. Only one answer is correct for each question. You need to score 70% to pass. It takes two and a half to three hours to do this online exam. After submitting your coaching log, you will be sent a link to complete the assessment. You will be asked a selection of questions to demonstrate you understand the competencies and ethics of the ICF. The assessment is a little challenging, mainly due to the tight time it must be completed within. However, if you do a little study prior you should have no problems completing it. **Three example questions:** Domain: Communicating Effectively When dealing with a client who brings many issues to the table, it is best for the coach to: a. where the coach has the most expertise. b. of asking what the client would like to start with. c. that looks most likely to be handled in the time available. d. that the coach thinks can do the most good for the client. Domain: Facilitating Learning and Results An appropriate role for a coach in goal setting, planning, and prioritizing with a client is: a. critiquing and embellishing a client’s goals. b. letting the client self-determine the need for goals. c. taking charge of the process to ensure it is completed accurately. d. facilitating a process around the client’s goal setting, planning, and prioritizing. Domain: Coaching Foundations and Knowledge Base Every coaching conversation should include: a. an action plan. b. an agenda identified by the client. c. review of fieldwork. d. a summary by the coach of the client’s progress. Source: ### **Are you ready?** So a final reminder, the three steps to gaining Agile Coaching Certification 1. Complete an Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP) 2. Earning a Coach Credential 3. Coach Knowledge Assessment The [ICF website](http://becomea.coach/) provides further details on each of these steps I hope sharing my experience has helped you understand more about how to obtain Agile Coaching Certification in Professional Coaching. --- ## Book Summary: Project to Product by Mik Kersten | Flow Framework URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-project-to-product-by-mik-kersten-flow-framework Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-project-to-product-by-mik-kersten-flow-framework.md Date: 2020-10-18 Topics: book-summaries, organisational-design A book summary of the 3 big ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and top takeaways. Understanding the key principles from Project to Product in this short summary. [Buy Project to Product on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vMOKed) | [Try Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) ## 3 big ideas [Project to Product](https://amzn.to/3vMOKed) Summary 1. **Avoid the pitfalls of local optimization**. Focus on the end to end value stream. In the context of a software value stream. The concept of end to end includes the entire process of value delivery to the customer. It encompasses functions ranging from business strategy and ideation, all the way to instrumentation of usage, to determine which values were most adopted by the customer base. 2. **Review your mental models**. Comparing Software Development to Manufacturing leads to ineffective optimisations. Software Development is non-linear value steam, much like an Airline Routing Network rather than the more linear Manufacturing Value Streams. 3. **Alignment is critical** between Organisation Structure, Software Architecture and Value Stream Architecture ## Best quotes Best quotes from [Project to Product](https://amzn.to/3vMOKed) > The most important metric for each value stream is an objective measure of value. This should come directly from the financial metrics used by the organisation. For example for customer-facing products, the metric could be overall revenue from that product or monthly recurring revenue. > Software is more like routing aeroplanes than manufacturing cars. ![Project to Product Book Summary Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ca0e6bce4acc4c07902f765a4f6689e7~mv2.jpg) ## Toby's takeaway Within [Project to Product](https://amzn.to/3vMOKed)I really like the metaphor, Software is more like an Airline Network than a Manufacturing line. Companies like Toyota can give IT organisations some good ideas but they can't be directly copied to the software delivery context. The flow framework is an interesting way to visualise this network and measure it against real business outcomes. [Buy Project to Product on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vMOKed) ## Project to Product - The Flow Framework A framework to visualise software delivery network enabling business decisions throughout all levels of the organisation. ![Flow Framework by Mik Kersten in Project to Product](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f0881d3057964a3f8fe46d6933da246a~mv2.png) Ref: Project to Product by Mik Kersten ## Flow Item Types With a software value stream network there are typically 4 flow items: ![Work Item Types from Flow Framework by Mik Kersten](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_55b1faa0a2294052856a21a77912a469~mv2.gif) Ref: Project to Product by Mik Kersten ## Project to Product Comparisons **Project orientated management.** **Budgeting** Funding of milestones predefined project scoping new budget requires the creation of a new project **Timeframes** Term of the project. Defined end. Not focused on the maintenance have after the project. **Success** cost centre approach, measured to being on time and on budget capitalization of development results in large projects business incentivized to ask for everything they might need upfront. **Risk** Delivery risks such as product-market fit is maximised by forcing all learning specification and strategic decision making upfront **Teams** Bring people to the work, allocated upfront. People often span multiple projects frequent churn and reassignment **Prioritisation** Project plan-driven focus on requirements delivery projects drives waterfall orientation **Visibility** Technology is a black box, project managers create complex mapping and security. **Product orientated management.** **Budgeting** Funding of product value streams based on business results, new budget allocation based on demand incentives to deliver incremental results **Timeframes** The lifecycle of the product, multiple years includes ongoing health maintenance activities through the end of life. **Success** Profit centre approach, measured in business objectives and outcomes met to focus on incremental value delivery and regular checkpoint **Risk** Risk is spread across the timeframe and iterations of the project. This creates option values such as terminating the project if delivery assumptions were incorrect or pivoting if strategic opportunities arise. **Teams** Bring work to the people stable incrementally adjusted cross-functional teams assigned to one value stream **Prioritisation** Roadmap and hypothesis testing driven focus on feature and business value delivery products drive agile orientation. **Visibility** Direct mapping to business outcomes, enabling transparency. ## Mik Kersten's Three epiphanies 1. Productivity declines, and waste increases as software scales due to disconnects between the architecture and the value stream. 2. Disconnected software value streams are the bottleneck to software productivity at scale. These value stream disconnects are caused by the misapplication of the project management model. 3. Software value streams are not linear manufacturing processes complex collaboration networks that need to be aligned to products. ## Definitions Value Stream: the end to end set of activities performed to deliver value to a customer through a product or service. Lean thinking principles: 1. Precisely specify value by specific product. 2. Identify the value stream for each product. 3. Make value flow without interruptions 4. Let the customer pull value from the producer 5. Pursue perfection. Flow distribution: the proportion of each flow item within a value stream adjusted depending on the needs of each stream to maximise business value. Flow Time: the duration that it takes for a flow item to go from being accepted for work into the value stream to completion including both active and wait time. Tool repositories, for example, JIRA, are the most directly observable information that defines software delivery. ## Moving from Project to Product Includes: - Putting software delivery at the core of the organisation, not an isolated department - Measuring to outcomes, instead of activities. - Automating the entire deployment pipeline and delivering in small batch sizes. - Avoiding Proxies. Don't believe that if you're doing the process right customer outcomes will automatically get met. ## Management Challenges Management often lacks visibility into what is going on in a value stream. Fundamental Questions Management struggle to answer: - Who is the customer? - What value is the customer pulling? - What are the value streams? - Where is the bottleneck? Just as we need tools to see how electricity flows for a grid or factory rules management need a new approach to see how knowledge workflows through the tools on which software collaboration and knowledge creation are tracked. Management often measures transformations for cost reduction but this will often reduce productivity. Technologists tend to create software architectures around technology boundaries instead of value stream boundaries. The result is a lack of alignment between the three key structures involved with software delivery: - The organisation and team structure - The software architecture - The value stream architecture Functional specialisation and tool proliferation creates a lack of transparency in the value stream network. ## Measuring Value Stream Networks: The most important metric for each value stream is an objective measure of value. This should come directly from the financial metrics used by the organisation. For example for customer-facing products, the metric could be overall revenue from that product or monthly recurring revenue. Measuring business results - Value - the benefit to the business produced by the value stream - Cost - the cost of the value stream to the business - Quality - the quality of the product produced by the value stream as perceived by a customer. - Happiness - engagement of the staff working on the value stream. ## Software vs Manufacturing **Variability** Manufacturing has a fixed well-defined set of variations for what will emerge from the end of the line, whereas the design of software features is open-ended manufacturing needs to minimise variability software development needs to embrace it. **Repeatability** Manufacturing is about maximising throughput at the same widget software is about maximising the iteration of feedback loops that continually reshape the widget. We need repeatability at each stage of the software delivery, such as reliable automated deployment, for each end to end process needs to be optimised for flow feedback and continual learning, not just repeatability. **Design Frequency** Manufactured products like cars are designed upfront in Project-oriented cycles spanning years, changes in design are infrequent and require altering the production lines so with software the shift to product orientated features increases the frequency of design to match the rate of flow items passing through the value stream to design happens inside and outside the production system. **Creativity** Manufacturing processes, aim to achieve the highest feasible level of automation, which is facilitated by removing any creative and non-deterministic work from the production process. In contrast software delivery focuses on enabling creativity and collaboration at each step using automation to support creativity. ## 5 sources of Waste 1. Too much work in progress 2. Unknown dependencies 3. Unplanned work 4. Conflicting priorities 5. Neglected work. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) [Try Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## Who Moved My Cheese Summary - Dr. Spencer Johnson | Analysis and Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-who-moved-my-cheese-dr-spencer-johnson Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-who-moved-my-cheese-dr-spencer-johnson.md Date: 2020-10-03 Topics: book-summaries The 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and top takeaway from Who Moved My Cheese. This book will teach you the skills to handle any change in your life. ## Should you read this? Yes! It will take under 2hrs to read this book cover to cover. The lessons will last a lifetime. I have gifted [Who Moved My Cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) countless times, to friends and colleagues going through change. It always sparks a great follow up conversation about how to navigate change. > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share book summaries to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. ## 3 Big Who Moved My Cheese Lessons [Who moved my cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) summary: **Big Idea 1 -** Be adaptive and experiment in life to meet your goals. Don’t hold on to what has served you in the past. **Big Idea 2 -** Fear of change is worse than reality. Our own mind can freeze us from making a change. **Big Idea 3 -** You can learn the skills of change. The more you change, your ability to respond to future changes increases. ## Best quotes Toby's favourite [Who Moved My Cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) Quotes: > What you are afraid of is never as bad as what you imagine. The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists. > The More Important Your Cheese Is To You The More You Want To Hold On To It. ## Toby's takeaway In this summary of [Who Moved My Cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM), you will see the principles of change in action. The book's theme is universal. Everyone is always experiencing a change to some degree. Some people welcome it, some avoid it. > “Each of us has our own idea of what Cheese is, and we pursue it because we believe it makes us happy. If we get it, we often become attached to it. And if we lose it, or it’s taken away, it can be traumatic.” The who moved my cheese story is great when helping others through change. The four who moved my cheese characters provide examples of how people might respond: - **Sniffs** - High awareness. They can sense change quickly and identify possible opportunities. - **Scurrys** - Embrace change and quickly look to put it into action. These people can help create the initial momentum in your change journey. - **Hems** - Feel afraid and anxious about change. It’s important to help them visualize a positive future and find new goals. - **Haws** - Require evidence that any change is going to work and benefit them. Without the evidence, they won’t believe the change is worth it. ![Who moved my cheese characters](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_59b08e1157aa4d3499fade12774f5c5b~mv2.png) **Who Moved My Cheese Coaching Exercise:** Toby has used this exercise to help people impacted by change: 1. Share the book with each person impacted by the change 2. Ask everyone to read - It can easily be read in 30mins 3. Bring the group back together and ask for reflections 4. From the who moved my cheese characters, which do you resonate with most? 5. How does this story compare to your personal situation? 6. If you visualize a future goal, what is that? This can draw out an open discussion about change in a safe way. One final point. I would highly recommend [Forever Employable by Jeff Gothelf](/post/book-summary-forever-employable-by-jeff-gothelf). This book shares practical ways you can embrace change in your career and stay employable. This quote from [Forever Employable](/post/book-summary-forever-employable-by-jeff-gothelf) certainly relates: > I was screwed because **in five years I would be overpaid and unemployable**. Positions that paid the money I was making would be very few and far in between. My career was anything but future-proofed. It was future-screwed. I hope from this [Who Moved My Cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) summary you can see the principles to move forward from a challenge like this. ## A longer analysis of Who Moved My Cheese [![Who Moved My Cheese Book Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f5b72142a4d74296b554d4cd05da9401~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) Below are more details for your [who moved my cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) cliff notes. In addition several of the best who moved my cheese quotes. **What are the goals in your life?** This book is told in the form of a short story. The central characters are two mice, named Sniff and Scurry, and two people, named Hem and Haw. Cheese is used as a metaphor throughout the book. Cheese represents what you want in life - a good job, a loving relationship, money or a possession. The story plays out in a maze as 2 mice and 2 people search for the people. The maze represents where you look for what you want. An organisation, family or community. **Different approaches to change** The mice, Sniff and Scurry, with their simple and responsive outlook on life have an adaptive approach to change. They expect change to happen. As such they are continuously experimenting and learning how to get the cheese. In contrast, the two people, Hem and Haw overthink their approach to obtaining the cheese. Which in life is a metaphor for their goals and desires. They plan, scheme and think about all the ways they can get the cheese. This overthinking means that often they do not get the cheese. Their plans backfire and they get stuck in their existing situation. **Good things must come to** **an** **end** At one point in the story Hem and Haw find a huge stash of cheese. Pleased their plans have finally paid off. They enjoy cheese and become very comfortable. However soon the cheese starts to run out. The two mice were still experimenting and learning. They had noticed the cheese had started to run out. The people, however, were blind to the problems ahead. Their comfortable surroundings had blinded them to what was really going on. The key lesson here from [who moved my cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) is to not get too comfortable with your current situation. Be aware that things are always changing. Pay attention to the bigger picture. > “Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves.” **Don't let fear hold you back** Fear is explored throughout the [who moved my cheese](https://amzn.to/3g9GqhM) book. As the people were comfortable with their existing situation when they needed to find new “cheese” fear set in. They were fearful if other good cheese existed. > “The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists.” **Visualise your goals** One way to overcome this fear is to visualize your goals. Create a compelling vision that can help you see a better future. In the story, one of the people gains confidence through this visualisation and starts to search for new cheese. Once they start, they realise change isn’t so bad. They learn that the more they change the easier it becomes. They learn the skills of change. > “He realized his fears were making things worse. So he did what he would do if he weren’t afraid. He moved in a new direction. As he started running down the dark corridor he began to smile. Haw didn’t realize it yet, but he was discovering what nourished his soul. He was letting go and trusting what lay ahead for him, even though he did not know exactly what it was. To his surprise, Haw started to enjoy himself more and more. “Why do I feel so good?” he wondered. “I don’t have any Cheese and I don’t know where I am going.” Before long, he knew why he felt good.” ## Who Moved My Cheese Video Summary Here is a great video summary of Who Moved My Cheese. --- ## Changing Organisational Habits at Scale | Talk & Workshop URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/changing-organisational-habits-at-scale Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/changing-organisational-habits-at-scale.md Date: 2020-09-30 Topics: coaching, organisational-design, habits How do you change habits at scale? This talk outlines the approaches you can take to change habits across your organisation. The wisdom within this talk will not only help your professional life but personal too. I recently presented at [Agile Scotland Conference](https://www.agilescotland.com/): [Changing Organisational Habits at Scale](https://agilescotlandoctober2021.sched.com/event/e7GV/changing-habits-at-scale?iframe=no) **Behaviour change is key to organisational change.** About 2 years ago I had a realisation. My knowledge of how behaviour change really happens was limited. This was impacting my ability to be an effective change agent. This talk is a culmination of learning in my personal and professional life. Inspired by big thinkers in this space such as [James Clear](https://jamesclear.com/), [BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) and [Gary Keller](https://www.the1thing.com/about/). Below is the talk abstract, slides and key ideas. I'll also be delivering this workshop at [Agile Testing Days 2020](https://agiletestingdays.com/2020/session/hacking-habits-at-scale/). If you'd like to learn more about how to do Habits Coaching you can access my [free coach mentoring program](/mentoring) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg) ### **Talk Abstract:** This session will explore the **tiny shifts** in behaviour that can transform organisational performance at an individual, team and company-wide level. It will focus on small habits to change behaviour. We often think big changes require big actions. Everything “at scale” is the buzz within many organisations adopting agile across the enterprise. Unfortunately, these big changes at scale often result in failure. The surprising truth is big changes often come through **small, atomic habits,** improved consistently over time. In fact, many agile frameworks like Scrum are a collection of small habits adopted together. The Daily Stand up is a great example of an agile daily habit. However small is not always simple. For a long time when coaching teams I would be frustrated when teams found it difficult to adopt seemingly simple habits. Through failure and success in my personal life, I’ve now learned that tiny habits, not big changes create breakthrough results. In my work with organisations, I realised that the habit changes I desired were too big. The key was to make new habits as tiny as possible. For example, a 2 minute stand up rather than 15 minutes. These approaches will be illustrated through several real case studies at organisations, demonstrating how tiny changes can help you change the culture in your organisation. ### **Changing Organisational Habits at Scale - Slides:** **Slideshare:** - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a1a70ab2417645c784a52aaa5db2fd1f~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fbb61d29b2f74341bfa5e8fd9dd41c84~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 3](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_22ee946029f24bc488b3c653b506fe10~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 4](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_74015860ee1c41d9acb4b262df4e6d9a~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 5](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0cc9eecab9c9480d84e1f8c3238d6d2f~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 6](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8334c3a3604143f49faa8a3c80762e2f~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 7](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fae31067022f48dd85eb8b2c7c5ca461~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 8](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_39faa9069b38499689102617dff8b15b~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 9](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cae5f59d82df4f03ba7d22f79f6b1066~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 10](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fcc56128be324e74934decb88acaa72c~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 11](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_de84635a0e8e4189951e0a9c6a8f56ed~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 12](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_77fb075c8cd74b0d841532e687da0f1f~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 13](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2c278f9331464628b0efba08e2c9b680~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 14](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d56f8f6927034ab284995979f922f006~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 15](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bb3fa56c40554a2ea7424d1e1baa2d8a~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 16](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2f4948bacee746aea032cf1ca3355bac~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 17](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ce0d93d2bb524097b2fcb363898e8259~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 18](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c2909cf0653844febbbdd87918885180~mv2.jpg) - ![Changing Habits at Scale Slide 19](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3528792207e14a7285d8043efbf6a500~mv2.jpg) ### **Key ideas within the talk:** Our Habits form the person we are. To change our "mindset" we need to change behaviour. Coaches need to be aware of the key ingredients that make Behaviour to happen There are 3 ways behaviour change happens: 1. Have an epiphany 2. Change the environment 3. Change behaviour in **tiny ways** The most effective way is to build tiny habits Don't rely on Motivation. It is fickle and unreliable. To make behaviour easier focus on these 5 areas: 1. Money 2. Time 3. Physical Effort 4. Mental Effort 5. Routine It's important to think about the "agile" behaviours we want teams to adopt - **How can we make them easier?** Management plays a key role in making behaviours easier to adopt. Unfortunately, it's common for management to make behaviour harder to do Finally follow the 7 steps in behaviour design: 1. Clarify the desired outcome 2. Brainstorm behaviour options 3. Find golden behaviours (Easy to do & Effective) 4. Start tiny 5. Find a good prompt 6. Celebrate successes 7. Troubleshoot, Iterate & Expand **More Reading:** - [Book Summary: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) - [Book Summary: The ONE Thing by Gary Keller](/post/book-summary-the-one-thing-by-gary-keller) --- ## Ultimate List of Organizational Design Resources | How to enable Adaptiveness URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/ultimate-list-of-organizational-design-resources Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/ultimate-list-of-organizational-design-resources.md Date: 2020-09-27 Topics: organisational-design An ultimate list of organizational design resources that can help increase adaptiveness. The list covers team structure, context mapping, product alignment and financial management. Here I share a list of resources that have helped in my journey to uncover better approaches to organisation design. In particular, how design can help increase an organisations disposition towards [adaptiveness](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) (aka agility). The resources have been broken down by Category. Each category asks a big question you will likely need to answer during your Organizational Design efforts. For each question is a list of resources which have helped me answer the same question. It is my hope that these resources will help new and experienced Organisational Design Professionals uncover new ways to enable adaptiveness. ### **Understanding Context - Where are we?** - [Wardley Mapping](https://medium.com/wardleymaps) [Article] - [Cynefin](http://www.cognitive-edge.com/videos/cynefin-framework-introduction/) [Video] - [Systems Thinking](https://thesystemsthinker.com/systems-thinking-what-why-when-where-and-how/) [Artcile] - [Theory of Constraints](https://www.tocinstitute.org/the-goal-summary.html) [Article] - [Geoffrey](https://hbr.org/2007/07/to-succeed-in-the-long-term-focus-on-the-middle-term) [Moore Three Horizons](https://hbr.org/2007/07/to-succeed-in-the-long-term-focus-on-the-middle-term) [Article] ### **Defining Products & Value Streams - What should we organise around?** - [What is a Product?](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/blog/what-is-your-product/) [Article] - [Product Definition Canvas](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/blog/using-product-canvas-define-product-getting-started/) [Tool] - [Aligning by Value Streams](https://www.cio.com/article/3528722/organizing-around-the-value-stream.html) [Article] - [Moving from Projects to Products](https://projecttoproduct.org/) [Book] - [Project Myopia](https://leanpub.com/myopia) [Book] ### **Organisation** **Structure** **- How should we organise?** - [Sociotechnical Architecture](https://medium.com/nick-tune-tech-strategy-blog/an-introduction-to-sociotechnical-architecture-patterns-ea64a75c2aaf) [Artcile] - [Team Topologies](/post/book-summary-team-topologies-organizing-business-and-technology-teams-for-fast-flow) [Book] - [Strategic](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Domain-Driven](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Design (DDD)](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Video] - [Feature Teams](https://www.craiglarman.com/content/feature-teams/feature-teams.htm) [Article] - [Team of Teams](https://medium.com/@beaugordon/key-takeaways-from-team-of-teams-by-general-stanley-mcchrystal-eac0b37520b9) [Book Summary] - [Pioneers, Settlers and Town Planners](http://wardleypedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Pioneers_settlers_town_planners) [Article] - [12 Organisation Design Principles that embrace Complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) [Article] ### **Finances - How should we manage the budget?** - [Beyond](https://bbrt.org/en/the-beyond-budgeting-principles/) [Budgeting](https://bbrt.org/en/the-beyond-budgeting-principles/) [Article] - [Adopting Transparent Pay](https://www.raconteur.net/business-innovation/engagement-strategies) [Article] ### **Skill Development - How can** **develop** **talent?** - [Ultralearning Principles](/post/book-summary-ultralearning-by-scott-young) [Article] - [Learning Organisation](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/255127.The_Fifth_Discipline) [Book] ### **Management - What is the role of Management?** - [Servant Leadership](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctZHSa4Qhd4) [Video] - [Management 3.0](https://management30.com/) [Article] - [Effective Executive](https://hbr.org/2004/06/what-makes-an-effective-executive) [Article] - [Empowerment Trap](https://thesystemsthinker.com/decision-making-the-empowerment-challenge/) [Article] - [Deciding How to Decide](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/Pubs/Articles/DecideHowToDecide-Gottesdiener.pdf) [Article] ### **Diversity, Inclusion and** **Belonging** **- How can we enable and embrace diversity?** - [Rebel Ideas - The Power of Diverse Thinking](https://www.matthewsyed.co.uk/resource/rebel-ideas-the-power-of-diverse-thinking/) [Book] - [Systems Thinking and Race](https://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/Powell_Systems_Thinking_Structural_Race_Overview.pdf) [Article] ### **Strategy Deployment and Alignment - How do we deploy and align people around the strategy?** - [Objectives and Key Results (OKR's)](https://www.whatmatters.com/faqs/okr-meaning-definition-example/) [Article] ### **Communities of Practice/Guilds - How do we build communities?** - [How to Build Successful communities of practice](https://emilywebber.co.uk/building-successful-communities-of-practice/) [Book] **What would be on your Ultimate Organisation Design list?** I'd love to hear the resources you have found helpful in your organisation design work. Comment below or on [Twitter](https://ctt.ac/_eSFz) --- ## 10+ Organizational Design Questions to Increase Adaptiveness URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/10-organizational-design-questions-to-increase-adaptiveness Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/10-organizational-design-questions-to-increase-adaptiveness.md Date: 2020-09-27 Topics: organisational-design These 10+ questions will help you design adaptive organisations. Drawn from many thought leaders, combined together they can act as a powerful thinking aid in your efforts. Organizational Design can be one of the most challenging aspects of a leaders role. It’s common that these efforts result in “reorgs” copied from other organisations (aka Spotify). Most of the time these changes make no significant difference to the organisation’s capability. Uncovering a better way of approaching organisation design has been somewhat of a personal journey recently. One step on this journey was sharing the 1[2](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) [Organisation](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) [Design Principles that embrace Complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity). The output from several hours of learning from thinkers and experimenters during [this panel discussion](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhapG3V7p4FVVW_InX_Ff7a1kPjFjcf_w). The frame of reference for my own journey: **How can organisation design increase adaptiveness?** I no longer use the term “agile” as it’s often related to Scrum and process. Instead, Adaptiveness is a quality of an organisational system, something that can help increase business success. In particular, increasing [Adaptive Capacity](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) can help improve business responsiveness to a changing environment. ### **Using questions to guide organisational design** As a coach, I apply [Socratic questionin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socratic_questioning#:~:text=Socratic%20questioning%20is%20a%20form,we%20know%20from%20what%20we)g to most problem solving, using questions that gain greater insights. > *“If you ask the wrong question, of course, you get the wrong answer. We find in design it's much more important and difficult to ask the right question. Once you do that, the right answer becomes obvious.” - Amory Lovins* This article contains a set of questions that can help guide organisational design efforts. Far from an exhaustive list, the questions can help guide personal reflection but are best used in a facilitated conversation with leaders and teams. The list is influenced by several different concepts, ideas and frameworks that help increase organisational adaptiveness. Many of these are listed in my Ultimate List of Organisation Design Resources in particular: - [Strategic](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Domain-Driven](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Design (DDD)](https://youtu.be/5bgxzaHCyCs) [Video] - [Wardley Mapping](https://medium.com/wardleymaps) [Article] - [Team Topologies](https://teamtopologies.com/) [Book] - [Cynefin](http://www.cognitive-edge.com/videos/cynefin-framework-introduction/) [Video] - [Theory of Constraints](https://www.tocinstitute.org/the-goal-summary.html) [Article] ### **Organisation Design Questions to increase Adaptiveness** **Why do this:** 1. What is your purpose in doing this design work? (Ref Wardley Mapping) 2. What is the system scope you want to explore (Whole Company/Division/Team)? (Ref DDD) **Customers and Value:** 3. Who are the customers/people seeking value from you? And what do they need? (Ref Wardley Mapping) 4. What parts are required to deliver the value end-to-end to meet the customer needs (Ref Wardley Mapping)? 5. At what evolutionary stage is each part of that Value Chain? (Ref Wardley Mapping) **Current Conditions:** 6. What are the current team boundaries and interaction modes? (Ref Team Topologies) 7. Assuming you want to increase the organisation disposition towards flow and adaptability, what are the current constraints? (Ref Theory of Constraints) **Identifying Adjustments:** 8. What are the ideal stream team boundaries to minimise communication between teams? (Ref DDD, Conway’s Law) 9. What parts, add extra cognitive load to stream teams and could exist in a platform *“as a service”*? (Ref Team Topologies) 10. What parts are highly complicated and require a specialist team? (Ref Team Topologies) 11. What need is there for any “Enablement” teams to further enable flow and adaptability? (Ref Team Topologies) 12. What is the desired interaction mode between the various teams? (Ref Team Topologies) **Feedback:** 13. What experiments will help test the newly identified team boundaries and interaction modes? (Ref Cynefin) 14. Looking ahead, how will the parts evolve and how will this influence the organisation design? (Ref Wardley Mapping) 15. What indicators will give you feedback that the organisation design needs to change? (Ref Team Topologies) ### **What questions would you add, change or remove?** Comment below or let me know on [Twitter](https://ctt.ac/_d2Pe) You can learn more in the [Ultimate List of Organisation Design Resources for Adaptiveness](/post/ultimate-list-of-organizational-design-resources). ![Ultimate List of Organisation Design Resources for Adaptiveness.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_340c1cec48014fdfb38a743622b7acc1~mv2.jpg) --- ## 20 Magic Words for Coaching Conversations URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/20-magic-words-for-coaching-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/20-magic-words-for-coaching-conversations.md Date: 2020-09-19 Topics: coaching, book-summaries What if there were magic words that could create transformative breakthroughs? Find out the 20 Magic Words that could help make this happen in Coaching Conversations. Can you ***imagine*** the change a person is able to ***naturally*** create if magic words could unlock their potential? Try to resist the scepticism. After you ***experience*** this article, your coaching conversations can go ***beyond*** the impossible. The more ***aware*** you are of the possibility, the more possibility of change. You can believe in this magic, can you not? ![20 Magic Words for Coaching Conversations](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e951d7d2d2b74c68bff3df20304745e0~mv2.jpg) Do you feel hypnotised? The paragraph above puts into action the magic words and language patterns shared in [**Magic Words and Language Patterns: The Hypnotist's Essential Guide to Crafting Irresistible Suggestions by Hand, Karen**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36241988-magic-words-and-language-patterns) ![Magic Words Hypnosis Book Cover](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6b5fc725ff7647d481cb40a03483d376~mv2.jpg) Typically used within a hypnosis script, these “magic” words connect with a client's subconscious mind enabling change. ### **Magic Words and Coaching Conversations** > *Imagine what can happen as you find yourself automatically using magic words to help your clients easily reach their goals now because that’s what they want and because that’s why they’re paying you. You can imagine adding these words comfortably into your patter to create a set of suggestions, can you not? - Karen Hand* Words are codes or shorthand for the internal pictures, feelings, sounds, emotions, moods, etc. that are in our imagination, our mind. Words are the code used to get thoughts from the inside of your head out into the open so others can participate in your model of the world. Words can set up agreement or dissent or can be completely neutral. These magic words are helpful for coaches in two ways. Firstly the words used by the client may reveal a deeper story. This can help expand their horizons and connect with the topic at hand. Secondly, the words can be used by the coach to relax the client, engage their creative brain and go beyond limiting beliefs. What I find surprising about these words is that many of them seem normal. They are not magical words like Abracadabra. Karen highlights that it’s this normality of the words that help them connect with your subconscious mind. These natural suggestions go deeper and to create a change within the client. ### **Remember Ethics** As a coach, I’ve always been interested in hypnosis and how it might complement my coaching practice. With hypnosis, coaches need to operate within the [ICF Code of Ethics](https://coachfederation.org/code-of-ethics). In particular, it's key to have a clear coaching contract, stay future-focused and know your boundaries. If you wish to use Hypnotic techniques these should be agreed with the client as part of contracting. Many coaches can unintentionally lead clients into a hypnotic state. The coach's authority, the emotion and suggestibility of the client are factors that can create this state. This is a reason for my research into hypnosis, to be more self-aware of how my actions and language influence the client. ### **The Top 20 Magic Words** 1. Easily 2. Naturally 3. Automatically 4. Aware 5. Realize( ing) 6. Experience( ing) 7. Notice( ing) 8. Expanding 9. Beyond 10. Unlimited 11. Before 12. After 13. Begin 14. During 15. Now 16. Imagine 17. Don’t 18. But 19. Because 20. And **Source:**[Magic Words and Language Patterns: The Hypnotist's Essential Guide to Crafting Irresistible by Hand, Karen](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36241988-magic-words-and-language-patterns) ![Magic Words for Coaching Conversations Infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_10e8e6c2ffff4359ad4d9721ffd395f6~mv2.jpg) ### **How can these Magic Words be used?** **Relaxing Clients** - Easily - Naturally - Automatically These words are like pieces of stage direction. Whatever follows each of those words is softened. The subconscious mind is more likely to receive the information that comes after it. These softening words can be very helpful to relax a nervous client. For example, my Yoga teacher uses these magic words at the start of a session: > *“Focus on your natural and automatic breath. Let your thoughts easily come and go, with each natural and automatic breath.”* I have used a similar approach with clients. Often I'll lead the client through a short mindfulness exercise to ground them and become more present. **Expanding Horizons** - Aware - Realize - Experience - Notice These words make the subconscious pay attention to some item. This could again be used to help your client relax and become aware of their breathing. Another alternative is raising awareness of emotions related to a particular topic. > *“When you become aware of possibilities, what do you notice?* **Go Beyond Limited Beliefs** - Expand - Beyond - Unlimited These words focus the subconscious mind on space. This enables a greater expansion of possibilities and these words can help overcome limiting beliefs. It helps focus the client on what's possible beyond their current limitations. > *“When you expand your horizon, what unlimited potential does that offer?"* **Time Travel** - Before - After - Begin - During - Now These words trigger the subconscious mind to think of time. This can help create a sense of mobility. Particularly for coaching, these can help frame the thinking into the Now and After rather than the past. > *“How do you feel now, in the present moment?”* **Spark Creativity** - Imagine This is a word that sends the subconscious mind into the creative hemisphere. This can help bring out the playful side of the client and help break free for logical, analytical thinking. ![Imagine John Lennon Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_765f3778c5904f2c8393d9ecb4f1d43f~mv2.jpg) **Visualisation** - Don’t Directing the client using the phrase “Don’t think….” can do the opposite. Saying “Don’t think of a dancing elephant” and guess what they think of!” Coaches should particularly be aware of how their words can lead the client to think about the exact thing that they might want to avoid. Use this carefully. **Indications of a deeper story** - But It’s a tiny yet powerful word. It’s the master at making things disappear. But is an interesting word because once uttered, the mind erases everything that came before it in a sentence or a thought… poof… just like magic. > *“You may drift off and have a variety of thoughts but your subconscious mind continues to go deeper with the sound of my voice.”* A great word to watch for with clients. I was once told “everything before but is b\*\*\*\*t” and perhaps when a client uses this word there is a deeper story. **The Amazing Multiplier** - And It’s a secret suggestion to the mind to automatically include everything that follows it. **Because, It’s Magic** - Because The [Xerox Machine Case Study](https://jamesclear.com/copy-machine-study) highlights the power of because. When you use this word the reason that comes after it is often automatically accepted by the subconscious mind. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b55250ab125f4f0ba98100184f227721~mv2.jpg) **Toby's Bonus Word** - “Try” When a client says they will "try" to do something, you can be pretty sure they are not committing to the change. A great opportunity to explore further with the client the commitments they are making. ![Try Quote Yoda](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_932b6dbf38cc494eb9f8c7c1537f88d6~mv2.png) ### **Conclusions** So what do you think about these Magic Words? I must admit I'm still sceptical but eager to explore. With these kinds of approaches, there are always ethical questions. I think a coach needs to be aware of using techniques of hypnosis undercover to influence to coerce a client to change. Knowing your coaching contract and boundaries is vital. If you'd like to explore this topic further or need further help with your coaching, reach our for free [Coach Mentoring](/mentoring) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg) --- ## Book Summary: Forever Employable by Jeff Gothelf | 5 Step Approach URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-forever-employable-by-jeff-gothelf Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-forever-employable-by-jeff-gothelf.md Date: 2020-09-13 Topics: book-summaries Learn how to stop Looking for Work and Let Your Next Job Find You. A short summary of the big ideas from Forever Employable by Jeff Gothelf ## Forever Employable: How to Stop Looking for Work and Let Your Next Job Find You ## Gothelf, Jeff [Buy](https://jeffgothelf.com/foreveremployable/) | [Reviews](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52777468-forever-employable) | [Bio](https://jeffgothelf.com/) ## 3 big ideas > Dont look for jobs. Make Jobs go looking for you. This will make you Forever Employable. ## Forever Employable Approach: - **Plant a flag** by becoming the go-to person—the expert—in some aspect of what your business does or how it does it. - **Tell your story** to people both inside and outside your company—solving real problems using your real-world experience and then sharing your work regularly in a humble and practical way while building authentic connections. - Be prepared for new opportunities in your organization as they arise, then f**ollow the new path** wherever it may take you. - **Teach others** in all sorts of different venues—from workshops to conferences to webinars, blog posts, and much more. - **Give it all away**, offering the wealth of your knowledge and expertise freely to those with whom you work, and to your entire organization and industry. ## Five Foundational Principles: 1. Entrepreneurialism. 2. Self-confidence. 3. No one has your story. 4. Continuous learning. 5. Improvement. 6. Reinvention. ## Toby's takeaway This book helped me reflect upon *"What is my flag?"*. I tend to write and share content on a wide range of topics. Perhaps I should narrow my interest? I also wonder how others might describe my flag today? I think I'll ask a few readers of my blog to share how they see my flag. Another takeaway was the power of teaching. I've known for a long time that a great way to learn is to teach. This book reinforced this idea. Finally, Jeff shares the importance of Storytelling. I recently blogged how I wrote my story using the [Story-Driven Framework by Bernadette Jiwa](/post/how-to-tell-your-story-personal-branding-example). This book doesn't go into depth on Storytelling so I highly recommend Story-Driven as a follow-up read. ## The Big Ideas Expanded: Jeff Gothelf's (Authors) Story: > To be honest, I was scared shitless about the career path I was on. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing, but I began to notice that not everything was going according to plan. My salary was going up, but my expenses were also increasing. When I woke up that fateful morning, I realized I was screwed. I was screwed because **in five years I would be overpaid and unemployable**. Positions that paid the money I was making would be very few and far in between. My career was anything but future-proofed. It was future-screwed. ## Forever Employable Questions: - Does anyone know who I am? - If people are going to come looking for me, how do they know me? - Where do I exist for these people, if anywhere at all? - Why would they look for me? - What problems were they trying to solve that would make them look for someone like me? - How would they find me? - What would set me apart from the rest of the crowd? - What kind of work do I want to do? - Where do I want to take my career? ## 5 Steps to become Forever Employable: 1. Plant a Flag 2. Tell Your Story 3. Follow a (new) Path 4. Teach 5. Give it all away ## 1 - Plant a Flag A flag is a topic, expertise, or a point of view that you’re going to own, and then go all-in on. **Your Flag will become your brand:** - Steve Jobs was the product visionary and marketer extraordinaire - Brené Brown is the courage guru - Eric Ries is the Lean Startup guy - Oprah Winfrey is the queen of all media - Seth Godin is the king of marketing. > Pick a domain, gain expertise, claim it as your own, build fans. ![Forever Employable Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_692caf6fc3834a08a45da3b3d1864331~mv2.jpg) **You only need 100 True Fans:** Li Jin, a partner at Andreessen Horowitz, a well-respected venture capital firm, suggests that the number is surprisingly lower: just 100 True Fans. To be more specific, if you build a committed group of 100 True Fans, who each are willing to pay you $ 1,000 a year, then you’ve got a financially sustainable platform funded to the tune of $ 100,000 a year. **Three persona groups:** 1. Free content consumers (Many) 2. Donor’s/Patrons (Some) 3. Subscribers and Premium purchasers (Few) (100) Demand for Thought Leaders is high: > According to a recent Edelman-LinkedIn survey, fully 89 percent of decision-makers report that thought leadership can be effective in enhancing their perception of an organization. Surprisingly, however, just 15 percent of decision makers said that the thought leadership they read is either very good or excellent. That leaves 85 percent of thought leadership rated at either good, mediocre, or very poor. **Use Lean UX cycle to test your expertise:** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0fb9b3c8e26c4190b15554aa7c5e8b69~mv2.png) ## 2 - Tell Your Story It’s important to tell your story because this is how you start to develop a voice and build credibility about your flag. **Good stories:** 1. Solve a real problem 2. Share your wins and losses 3. Make it practical 4. Don’t overwhelm 5. Create a connection Storytelling is like joke-telling: > “knowing your punchline, your ending, knowing that everything you’re saying, from the first sentence to the last, is leading to a singular goal, and ideally confirming some truth that deepens our understandings of how we are as human beings.” **Know your audience** - What do they care about? - What language they speak Are they finance people? Technical people? Customers? Partners? - What makes them successful? To themselves? To their boss? [My post on personal branding can help you build your story](/post/how-to-tell-your-story-personal-branding-example) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_176cb57f6ff547bc8a36d986b35971c6~mv2.png) ## 3 - Follow the (New) Path The new path may consist of: 1. Working “two” jobs for a period of time 2. Deciding when to jump full time into a content creation role 3. Creating and selling businesses 4. Writing books (and other forms of content) - Two-Thirds of the job 5. Public Speaking 6. Workshops/Training 7. Partnering with others ## 4 - Teach Teaching helps you learn and build your personal brand. A great example you can try: > Whiteboard Friday. Fishkin started an SEO company called Moz, which originally started as a blog that turned into a consulting company and then a software business. Every Friday Fishkin—a hipster dude with a funky moustache and beard—would post an entertaining video in which he made a (surprise!) whiteboard presentation teaching some aspect of SEO, and people ate it up. The series grew to millions of views. **Teaching content ideas:** - Workshops - Conferences - Meetups - Webinars - Podcasts - Guest articles and interviews **Workshops in particular are a great way to:** 1. Exercise your ideas. 2. Improve your storytelling. 3. Generate revenue. 4. Generate leads for other business. 5. Create new opportunities. ## 5 - Give It All Away I’m convinced that the more you give away, the more success you’ll drive for your business. **Three ways to become a recognized expert:** 1. Content creation 2. Use social proof 3. Build a network. > "What’s going to change in the next 10 years?” And that is a very interesting question; it’s a very common one. I almost never get the question: “What’s not going to change in the next 10 years?” And I submit to you that that second question is actually the more important of the two—because you can build a business strategy around the things that are stable in time." - Jeff Bezos You don’t need to invent something new to be successful, you don’t need to change the world to make a difference. **Five ways to get started:** 1. Aggregate everything. Bring everything about you in one place online— 2. Update your social media profiles. 3. Create a newsletter. 4. Notify your social media contacts. 5. Make a splash. --- ## Book Summary: The ONE Thing by Gary Keller | Big Ideas and Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-one-thing-by-gary-keller Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-one-thing-by-gary-keller.md Date: 2020-09-12 Topics: book-summaries, habits Learn the 10 ideas that are foundational for a successful life: “What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?” [Buy The One Thing on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) | [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/5bkE72) > “What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?” ## 10 Principles: This summary of [The One Thing book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) by Gary Keller you will see how to put these principles into action: 1. Create a domino effect in your life 2. Avoid the Six Lies that limit success 3. Self-Discipline is a myth 4. Manage willpower like a renewable energy 5. Lead an Unbalanced life 6. Ask the Focusing Question 7. Align Life to Purpose 8. Visualize process not just the final outcome 9. Learn how to focus 10. Defeat the Four Thieves of productivity ## Best quotes A summary of [The One Thing](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) quotes > “What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?” > “Every great change starts like falling dominoes.”—BJ Thornton > “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.”—F. M. Alexander > “To achieve an extraordinary result you must choose what matters most and give it all the time it demands. This requires getting extremely out of balance in relation to all other work issues. An extraordinary life is a counterbalancing act.” - Gary Keller ## Toby's takeaway As a professional coach, I'm always looking for new powerful questions. So as you can imagine I loved the central question to [The One Thing book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v). I have now started using it as part of my weekly and daily goal-setting system. In this summary of [The One Thing book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) an aspect, I'm a little sceptical about the domino metaphor. I do believe that small actions can lead to big results, however, it is often much less linear than falling dominos. Small changes can create exponential results in surprising ways. My profession involves Coaching Product Managers so I really resonated with the ["inability to say no"](/post/5-ways-to-say-no). This is a big problem for many Product Managers so I'll be sharing with them the "Four Thieves of Productivity" I hope this summary of the one thing by Gary Keller will help bring focus to your life. [Buy The One Thing on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) ## A longer summary of The One Thing by Gary Keller: Here is the 9 big ideas in this [The One Thing book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) summary: - [1. Create a Domino Effect in your life:](#viewer-9vbek) - [2. Avoid the Six Lies that Limit Success:](#viewer-9b2jp) - [3. Self-Discipline is a Myth:](#viewer-dh4cr) - [4. Manage Willpower like a Renewable Energy](#viewer-d68l7) - [5. Lead an Unbalanced life](#viewer-fd3pq) - [6. Ask the Focusing Question](#viewer-ft4hl) - [7. Align Life to Purpose](#viewer-egnhv) - [8. Visualize the Process NOT just final outcome](#viewer-b8ivb) - [9. Learn how to focus](#viewer-af1os) - [10. Defeat the Four Thieves of Productivity](#viewer-fip93) [![One Thing Book Blinkist](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_92a31611d7d848d28acbc9fbc82f3d33~mv2.png)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/5bkE72) ## 1. Create a Domino Effect in your life: > “Every great change starts like falling dominoes.”—BJ Thornton ![Gary Keller Domino Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d6781c0b5ae748af9f8843a473ed6ba3~mv2.png) The big idea from The One Thing Book: Getting extraordinary results is all about creating a domino effect in your life. Knocking out a hundred tasks for whatever the reason is a poor substitute for doing even one task that’s meaningful. Find what can create a domino effect. [Research Evidence to back up](https://medium.com/@zaiderrr/what-is-the-domino-effect-how-can-you-use-it-to-your-advantage-94c69608f848) [the](https://medium.com/@zaiderrr/what-is-the-domino-effect-how-can-you-use-it-to-your-advantage-94c69608f848) [theory](https://medium.com/@zaiderrr/what-is-the-domino-effect-how-can-you-use-it-to-your-advantage-94c69608f848) ## 2. Avoid the Six Lies that Limit Success: 1. Everything Matters Equally 2. Multitasking is productive 3. Belief in Self-Discipline 4. Willpower is always on-call 5. A Balanced Life 6. Big Is Bad ![6 Lies that impact success - Gary Keller](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d9d2e409134d440785781d720840fe68~mv2.png) ## 3. Self-Discipline is a Myth: > “It’s one of the most prevalent myths of our culture: self-discipline.”—Leo Babauta Discipline doesn’t exist. What does is specific Habits performed consistently over time. Good Habits create a Halo Effect (Megan Oaten and Ken Cheng) - One Positive Habit can lead to many positive side effects. Doing the most important thing regularly, everything else is easier. You are what you repeatedly do > “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.”—F. M. Alexander ## 4. Manage Willpower like a Renewable Energy Will power is a limited but renewable resource. ![Willpower Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c62e27e6c27540d0951f7cee417337b6~mv2.png) Behaviour won't change when Willpower is Low. You'll do what's automatic. Be aware of what depletes willpower: - Filtering distractions - Resisting temptation - Suppressing emotion - Restraining aggression - Trying to impress others - Coping with fear - Doing something you don’t enjoy ## 5. Lead an Unbalanced life Change happens at the extremes, not in balance. ![Life is a counterbalancing act](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_883346b09ed94d5dae7596d1cd6ca2c3~mv2.png) All priorities cannot matter equally. When you focus on ONE THING you may feel unbalanced. > “To achieve an extraordinary result you must choose what matters most and give it all the time it demands. This requires getting extremely out of balance in relation to all other work issues. An extraordinary life is a counterbalancing act.” - Gary Keller Success = being appropriate in the moments of your life. > “Focus is a matter of deciding what things you’re not going to do.”—John Carmack “Going small” is ignoring all the things you could do and doing what you should do. It’s recognizing that not all things matter equally and finding the things that matter most. It’s a tighter way to connect what you do with what you want. It’s realizing that extraordinary results are directly determined by how narrow you can make your focus. **A Great Metaphor for Balance - The best The One Thing Quotes** > “Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls—family, health, friends, integrity—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.” - James Patterson ## 6. Ask the Focusing Question The primary question in [The One Thing Book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) is: > “What’s the ONE Thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?” ![Gary Keller One Thing Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7fada581fd8f4011949205b744e5b2a5~mv2.png) Ask the wrong question, get the wrong answer. Ask the right question, get the right answer. Ask the most powerful question possible, and the answer can be life-altering. ## 7. Align Life to Purpose Purpose = The ONE Thing you want your life to be about more than any other. [The One Thing Book](https://amzn.to/2TDLZ0v) Author Gary Keller's purpose is to..... help people live their greatest life possible through my teaching, coaching, and writing. **A metaphor** **for Purpose:** > “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. “I don’t much care where—” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat. **Origin of Priority:** > To be precise, the word is priority—not priorities—and it originated in the 14th century from the Latin prior, meaning “first.” If something mattered the most it was a “priority.” Curiously, priority remained unpluralized until around the 20th century, when the world apparently demoted it to mean generally “something that matters” and the plural “priorities” appeared. > “I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.” Leo Rosten ## 8. Visualize the Process NOT just final outcome > In three separate studies, psychologists observed 262 students to see the impact of visualization on outcomes. The students were asked to visualize in one of two ways: Those in one group were told to visualize the outcome (like getting an “A” on an exam) and the others were asked to visualize the process needed to achieve the desired outcome (like all of the study sessions needed to earn that “A” on the exam). In the end, students who visualized the process performed better across the board. ## 9. Learn how to focus Researchers estimate that office workers are interrupted every 11 minutes and then spend almost a third of their day recovering from these distractions. When everything feels urgent and important, everything seems equal. We become active and busy, but this doesn’t actually move us any closer to success. Activity is often unrelated to productivity, and busyness rarely takes care of business. > “The things which are most important don’t always scream the loudest.”—Bob Hawke Ref: [The Good Samaritan Experiment](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201703/my-favorite-psychology-study) 1. These students were recruited and divided into two groups to see what factors influenced whether or not they would help a stranger in distress. Some were told they were going to prepare a talk about seminary jobs; the others, that they were going to give a talk about the Parable of the Good Samaritan, a Biblical story about helping people in need. Within each group, some were told they were late and had to hurry to their destination, while others were told they could take their time. What the students didn’t know was that researchers had planted a man along the way—slumped on the ground, coughing, apparently in distress. In the end, fewer than half the students stopped to help. But the deciding factor wasn’t the task—it was time. Ninety percent of the students who were rushed failed to stop and render aid to the stranger. Some actually stepped over him in their hurry to get where they were supposed to go. It didn’t seem to matter that half of them were on their way to deliver a talk on helping others! ## 10. Defeat the Four Thieves of Productivity 1. Inability to Say “No” 2. Fear of Chaos 3. Poor Health Habits 4. Environment Doesn’t Support Your Goals ![Four Thieves of Productivity](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0a82c91609a94a99a54ea47773b8fa36~mv2.png) **Inability to Say “No”** When you say yes to something, it’s imperative that you understand what you’re saying no to. **Reasons we struggle to say no:** 1. We want to be helpful 2. We don’t want to be hurtful 3. We want to be caring and considerate 4. We don’t want to seem callous and cold 5. Being needed is incredibly satisfying, and helping others can be deeply fulfilling. > “You can say no with respect, you can say no promptly, and you can say no with a lead to someone who might say yes. But just saying yes because you can’t bear the short-term pain of saying no is not going to help you do the work.” Seth Godin **Fear of** **Chaos** > When you strive for greatness, chaos is guaranteed to show up. - Gary Keller One of the greatest thieves of productivity is the unwillingness to allow for chaos When we focus, clutter automatically takes up residence around us. Untidiness. Unrest. Disarray. Disorder. Focusing on ONE Thing has a guaranteed consequence: other things don’t get done. **Your environment must match your goals** The people surrounding you and your physical surroundings must support your goals. - 2007 study on obesity revealed that if one of your close friends becomes obese, you’re 57 percent more likely to do the same. Why? The people we see tend to set our standard for what’s appropriate. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/5bkE72) [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/5bkE72) --- ## Change Agent Spotlight: A round-up of Innovators, Disruptors and Visionaries changing the world URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/change-agent-spotlight Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/change-agent-spotlight.md Date: 2020-09-08 Topics: change-agents Every Wednesday I share a Change Agent who's work is making meaningful impact in the world. My wish is that these stories will bring hope and inspire you to be a change agent too! Every Wednesday I share a Change Agent who's work is making meaningful impact in the world. My wish is that these stories will bring hope and inspire you to be a change agent too! **001** ### **9th September 2020** ### [Serlina Boyd](https://www.cocoagirl.com/) - Founder Cocoa Magazines (Girl & Boy) ![Serlina Boyd - Found of Cocoa Magazine](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f651c3b9639b4cc9b404999feb70618c~mv2.png) I recently heard about Serlina's story on [BBC news](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-53561028). Serlina has founded a magazine that aims to share inspiring and empowering content for young Black Girls aged 7-14 years old. > If you ask any Black adult in the UK what magazines they read growing up, it would most likely be ones filled with pages, columns and advice for people who looked nothing like them. And, this lack of visibility is far reaching. [The](https://www.theguardian.com/global/video/2019/oct/29/is-this-inclusive-why-only-4-of-childrens-book-heroes-are-bame-video) [*Guardian*](https://www.theguardian.com/global/video/2019/oct/29/is-this-inclusive-why-only-4-of-childrens-book-heroes-are-bame-video) [reports that just 4% of protagonists in children's books](https://www.theguardian.com/global/video/2019/oct/29/is-this-inclusive-why-only-4-of-childrens-book-heroes-are-bame-video) in the UK are from BAME backgrounds, while [the publishing industry is 90% white](https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/sep/06/uk-publishing-industry-remains-90-white-survey-finds). That said, it comes as no surprise that it’s taken until 2020 for the [UK’s first magazines for Black children to be released](https://www.bustle.com/p/ya-books-by-black-british-authors-to-add-to-your-reading-list-immediately-22968834). - [Bustle](https://www.bustle.com/entertainment/cocoa-girl-cocoa-boy-magazine-creator) Serlina started the magazine after her six-year-old daughter experienced difficulties at school because of the colour of her skin. Seeing the lack of empowering magazines and books for black children Serlina aimed to solve this problem. This story is a great example of a change agent. Serlina identified a personal problem and has now provided an empowering solution for children across the globe. Since publication, Cocoa Girl has experienced a surge in sales, selling more than 11,000 copies since it launched in June. [Read More](https://www.cocoagirl.com/) ### **002** ### **16th September** Coming Soon --- ## How To Tell Your Story | Personal Branding Example URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-tell-your-story-personal-branding-example Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-tell-your-story-personal-branding-example.md Date: 2020-09-06 Topics: coaching Storytelling is the most effective way to build your Personal Brand. Through stories you can connect deeply with who you are and inspire others. This article shares a framework with examples of how you can build your personal brand. > ‘To know who you are is the greatest power of all.’—Sherrilyn Kenyon and Dianna Love You are in a company meeting and it's time for a round of introductions. How do you introduce yourself? 99% of the time it's your name, department, job title and years of service. These polite introductions fail to tell your real story. Who am I? What do I stand for? Learning to tell your story can help in many ways. Understanding your story can help you live in alignment with your personal values, purpose and vision. It can also help as an attractor. Your story helps connect you with others who may share your values and vision. This storytelling is not just important for entrepreneurs, importantly for employees, it helps ensure work and purpose aligns. Telling your story is the focus of Bernadette Jiwa's book [Story Driven](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/38907907-story-driven). The book outlines the importance of telling your story. It provides examples of personal branding and a personal brand template which will help you stand out from the crowd: > Far from just being a way to differentiate us, our stories can help us to decide, plan, lead, sell, inspire, influence, persuade, rally, create value, build trust, foster connection and succeed by building better, more purposeful organisations and lives. Our stories can shape who we are. - Berndatte Jiwa Storytelling is a powerful way to inspire change and connect with others. By understanding your story you can live a life in alignment with your values and purpose. In fact, Bernadette highlights that if you know where you have come from and where you are going you can make better decisions. ### **Story-Driven Framework: A Personal Branding Template** > ‘The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller.’—Steve Jobs This framework provides a personal branding template to tell your story. The framework has five elements: 1. Backstory - Your journey to now 2. Values - Your Guiding Beliefs 3. Purpose - Your reason to exist 4. Vison - Your aspiration for the future 5. Strategy - Aligning opportunities, plans and behaviour ![Story Driven Framework by Bernadette Jiwa](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0b554249013d4c8ca11dbbb1e2582bd6~mv2.png) Story Driven Framework by Bernadette Jiwa [Buy The Book: Story-Driven by Bernadette Jiwa](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/38907907-story-driven) These 5 areas provide your personal narrative. It's the template on which you can build your personal brand. **Personal Branding Example - Toby Sinclair** You can download my [personal branding example](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BOe9Gk45BO2FS1lDSnSGrlXdbRiDMAG_/view?usp=sharing) which uses the Story-Driven Framework. This example puts together the backstory, values, vision, purpose and strategy. You can use this example to think about your own story. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_51ed2a4ea53b4bf9a098eca854313b2f~mv2.png)](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BOe9Gk45BO2FS1lDSnSGrlXdbRiDMAG_/view?usp=sharing) Below expands on how you can build your own personal brand statement ### **The Power of Your Backstory** > ‘If you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going.’—Terry Pratchett Knowing your backstory can help you find the direction and meaning to direct your future action. Bernadette shares how our backstory develops in three layers: 1. The foundation is who we are at birth and how we develop in early life—our traits. 2. The second layer is our goals and values—what we believe and strive for as we get older. 3. The final layer is our stories—what we choose to remember about our past and how we make it meaningful now and in the future. Your experiences to date are what form your values and purpose. It is only through reflecting on your backstory that you can find direction for the future. **Questions to build your Backstory:** 1. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? What did doing the hard thing teach you about yourself? How have you used that learning to make hard decisions? 2. Who are the two people who have had the biggest impact on your life? What did you learn from them? What events in your life show how you have applied the lessons you learned from those mentors? 3. What was your first job and what valuable lessons did you learn there? Describe the incidents that reveal some of the challenges and insights you gained from doing this work. 4. What’s your proudest memory? Why? Record that story in as much detail as you can remember. 5. How would you like to be remembered? What event from your life so far best illustrates that you are the person you want to be remembered as? Record that story. **Personal Branding Example - Toby Sinclair's Backstory:** Helping others was a big part of Toby’s upbringing. His parents, change agents in the charity sector, would result in Toby meeting people from all walks of life; Homeless, Addicts, Low-income families and many others. Because of this, Toby learned from an early age how to build empathy and connect with people. He also learned the impact passionate change agents can have on social issues. As a result, Toby was naturally drawn to Coaching as a profession. Now a certified professional business and executive coach he is a change agent helping organisations and people achieve their potential. In his teenage years, Toby developed a fascination with technology. This started with building websites for local charities and community projects. This grew Toby’s passion and curiosity for the power of the internet. Because of this, Toby studied e-Business at the University of Liverpool, graduating with First Class Honours. In the first 7 years of Toby’s career (2007 - 2014) he worked as a Software Testing Consultant across several industries. This variety helped Toby develop his ability to learn and build relationships quickly. Some of this learning was sparked by a book gifted to him in his first role “The 7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covey. This book sparked a passion and interest in self-development which continues to this day. Reading over 100 books a year, Toby continues to learn new habits and routines to maximise his impact on the world. A pivotal moment during these years was joining a consultancy start-up, RoqIT, as their third employee (2009). Toby worked directly with the founders to define business strategy, organisational values and the delivery approach. Many of Toby’s business and leadership skills were developed during these years. Now a larger company, the values Toby helped to build still remain. In the past 7 years, Toby has been working with JP Morgan Chase to transform an 8,000 person technology organisation (2014 - now). Toby’s transformation leadership has helped improve the effectiveness of many teams and leaders over this time. The impact created by Toby led him to be one of the quickest and youngest promotions to Executive Director within the department. A pivotal moment during his time at JP Morgan was gaining a deeper experience of coaching. Toby worked as an Agile “Coach” but over time he realised he knew little about professional coaching. This led to several years of self-discovery to understand the essence of professional coaching and the areas in which Toby needed to grow. Toby shared this personal journey at several industry conferences to help inspire other coaches. Toby is proud of the balance he’s found in his life - the size, scope and responsibility of Toby’s current role can bring a lot of pressure. Toby is proud that throughout he has been able to balance his mental, physical and spiritual health. This doesn’t come easy and crafting this balance is one of Toby’s ongoing personal development goals. Today what excites Toby is working with organisations with inspiring leaders who want to create a positive impact in the world. He is excited to be working with business leaders who want real change beyond the buzzwords. He is inspired by leaders who embrace change at a personal level, often transforming many parts of their lives. He is optimistic about the impact future leaders will have in the world and how coaching can help them achieve their potential. Toby believes that his purpose is to help grow more change agents. By doing this he believes the world's biggest problems can be and will be solved. ## **The Importance of Values** > ‘It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.’—Roy Disney Values act as our personal compass, constantly indicating our next move. Our sense of right and wrong enables us to function as individuals and flourish as a society. When our values and behaviours are in sync, we experience a sense of equilibrium, and when they’re not, we feel disappointed and dissatisfied. The importance of values is also explored by Mark Manson in [The Subtle Art of Not Giving AF](/post/book-summary-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-af-mark-manson) [![Our values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9d812fad50c14048967876f2d50fd5ac~mv2.png)](/post/book-summary-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-af-mark-manson) Once we have clarity of our personal values it's important to see how these align with our work and organisation. Value led companies don't just put their values on a poster, they live them too. Zappos is a good example of a values-led company. Their values are: 1. Deliver WOW through service. 2. Embrace and drive change. 3. Create fun and a little weirdness. 4. Be adventurous, creative, and open-minded. 5. Pursue growth and learning. 6. Build open and honest relationships with communication. 7. Build a positive team and family spirit. 8. Do more with less. 9. Be passionate and determined. 10. Be humble > Our personal values act as a compass, helping us to behave in ways that are congruent with who we believe we are and who we aspire to be. - Bernadette Jiwa **Guiding Questions to identify your values:** - What 5 personal values that resonate most with you from this list? ![A list of Personal Values](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7ec95838152941658fa39d60ed35c15a~mv2.png) - What makes these values important? - How do these values influence your decisions and behaviour today? - How have these values helped you in the past - When was a time when you felt most alignment to these? - How have your values changed over time? **Example of Personal Brand Values - Toby Sinclair:** - **Learning** - *“In a world of change, the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned shall find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.” -* Eric Hoffer - **Community** - Complex problems are solved best through empowered, self-organised diverse communities. - **Empathy** - Solving problems starts with Empathy. It starts with listening to understand not to respond. - **Meaning** - Organisational purpose is beyond increasing shareholder value. An individual's true purpose lies beyond the attainment of trophies and material goods. *“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”* - Victor Frankl - **Adaptability** - Only thing constant is change. The ability to sense and respond to change is what makes individuals and organisations successful. ### **The Value of Purpose Your reason to exist** ![Victor Frankl Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cd4a8008faae4eaa926cee53fbb2e862~mv2.png) The purpose is your Why. Its what drives your actions today, tomorrow and into the future. When we understand our purpose it brings great energy and motivation. Not only for ourselves but a purpose can attract other people who believe in your mission. Describing your purpose is an essential part of your personal brand. > When we constantly pursue and prioritise ‘more’ above ‘meaning’, we take wrong turns, box ourselves in, self-sabotage or make unhelpful plans. - Berndatte Jiwa **Guiding Questions to define your purpose:** - What’s the thing you’re most proud to have done to date? - Who would you like to inspire? - If you could achieve only one thing in the next year, what would that be? - Why is this goal important to you? - What change are you trying to create? - What makes your work important to your audience? **Personal Branding Example of Purpose - Toby Sinclair:** - To develop organisations and their change agents to solve the world's biggest challenges. ### **Vision: Your aspiration for the future** > ‘To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.’—Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Without a purpose, we don’t know why we’re on the journey. But without a vision, we don’t know the destination. Your vision is your aspiration for the future—the contribution you or your work will make. Your brand’s story has the power to be a map, mirror and magnet, and your vision keeps you on track, enabling you to attract like-minded people who want to create the future with you. A great way to describe your vision is to state what you hope to be true in the future. What will be different in the world if this vision is realised? **Guiding questions to define your vision:** - What change happens in the future because of your work? - How are lives changed for the better? - What will your legacy be? **Vision Example - Toby Sinclair:** My vision is that we see a dramatic transformation in organisations across all sectors. As a result of this transformation, the following will be true: - Employees work in environments where they have mastery, autonomy, purpose and feel psychologically safe. - Organisations deliver products that really solve customer problems and add value to their lives - Diversity is valued as a key ingredient of business success rather than something managed by numbers - Leaders trust their employees and support them to achieve their full potential In addition, my vision is that my impact will help contribute to solving these global issues: - Climate Change - Social Mobility - Rough Sleeping ## **Strategy: The alignment of opportunities, plans and behaviour** > ‘If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.’—George Harrison If a vision is a distant goal in the future, the strategy is the route to getting there—the plan for realising your vision. Think of your strategy as a path of stepping stones that you navigate to your goal. Your plan, chunked down into manageable pieces. Having a strategy enables you to ask better tactical questions. How will you achieve your vision? What should you prioritise? Where do you need to allocate resources? What skills do you have? What capabilities do you need to build? What comes first and why? The strategy is how. Importantly Strategy is mostly about saying No. It allows you to make decisions on what to turn down. Without a strategy, your time and energy can easily be taken up with work that does not help you move towards your vision and live with purpose. [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9b90b319e67b4fabad360539afc0e26d~mv2.png)](/post/book-summary-superfast-lead-at-speed-sophie-devonshire) **Guiding questions to define your strategy:** - What are your top three near-term goals? - What are your specific measures of success? - Describe your target audience or customer. - List the first five key practical steps to executing your plan. - What kinds of opportunities would you pursue or turn down? - Do your decisions, client list, strategic partnerships and goals align with your vision for the future? **Strategy Example - Toby Sinclair:** Work with Organisations: - Design organisation structures that promote psychological safety and harness the power of high performing teams. - Create mechanisms within organisations where voices of change can be amplified such as communities of practice and peoples assembly. - Develop C-Level change agents who have the desire and to make these organisational changes possible. - Work with organisations that align with my personal values and provide a platform to achieve my purpose. - Invest in organisations that are tackling global issues that are important to me. Work with Individuals and Teams: - Create programs that teach change agents the personal skills required to create impactful change - Build networks of change agents that enables innovation and amplifies learning. - Coach individuals to overcome their limiting beliefs and achieve their full potential. - Act as a connector between change agents and people in power to help their voices be heard. > ‘Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.’—Søren Kierkegaard [Buy The Book: Story-Driven by Bernadette Jiwa](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/38907907-story-driven) --- ## Rewilding Organisations | An Ecological Approach to Change URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/rewilding-organisations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/rewilding-organisations.md Date: 2020-08-30 Topics: organisational-design How do the 11 principles of Rewilding relate to Organisation Development? This article explores Rewilding and what can be learned for Organisation Design Professionals. Organisations are now faced with significant challenges relating to the complex business, social and technological environment in which they operate. In the same breath we know that our natural world is under threat by climate change and many species are under threat from extinction. I was recently introduced to a potential solution, Rewilding, at an [Extinction Rebellion e](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzbi-xRcCHs)vent. Cain Blythe and Paul Jepson shared details of their book [Rewilding](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B084H5QWVP/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1). I immediately saw the principles relevant to Organisation Development Professionals. ### **What is Rewilding?** > Rewilding is a progressive approach to conservation. It's about letting nature take care of itself, enabling natural processes to shape land and sea, repair damaged ecosystems and restore degraded landscapes. Through rewilding, wildlife's natural rhythms create wilder, more biodiverse habitats. [Rewilding Europe](https://rewildingeurope.com/what-is-rewilding/) ### **A Rewilding Example** Perhaps the most famous case of wildlife reintroduction is Yellowstone park. Eleven packs and 108 wolves are reported, as of 2016, while there were none before the 1995 reintroduction of 14 Canadian wolves. The project was sparked by rampant elk overpopulation. This video shares the remarkable story: ### **The challenge with traditional change approaches** Rewilding is different from traditional conservation efforts. Common conservation efforts choose an ideal state decided by humans. Conservation picks winners and decides what is right at the time for that landscape. The goal of conservation is in the name. It aims to conserve a landscape, species, or a specific habitat, to preserve or enhance a chosen state of things. Conservation picks winners and then protects those winners in the future. > "Take a look at the paperwork produced for conservation areas and national parks. You'll find maintenance and development plans that are far too eager to put sawmills and chain-saws to work. In the end, such plans for saving as many native species of trees as possible are neither aesthetically pleasing nor ecologically beneficial." Peter Wohlleben - [The Secret Network of Nature](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40656946-the-secret-wisdom-of-nature) This definition of an ideal target state and interventions towards it will be recognisable to organisational change professionals. We see here in an ecological context the problem with this approach. The problem is highlighted in these [12 organisation design principles that embrace complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity). As you will learn, Rewilding can teach Organisation Design Professionals a different way to do Organisation Design. ### **How is Rewilding different?** Rewilding in contrast to traditional conservation believes that giving control back to nature is key. It is surrendering the need to organise the land, which is perfectly capable of organising itself. > "It is not an attempt to restore them to any prior state, but to permit ecological processes to resume. Rewilding is about resisting the urge to control nature and allowing it to find its own way… While conservation often looks to the past, rewilding of this kind looks to the future.” George Monbiot - [Feral](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17160008-feral) ![Rewilding by Cain Blythe and Paul Jepson - Interactions](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dd2ff175d57e4d809fa3d5e910122909~mv2.png) > It is time to allow the interactions, rather than human interventions, to steer the future trajectory of natural systems Cain Blythe, Paul Jepson - [Rewilding](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52740378-rewilding?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=EUpXKmxgUz&rank=2) Examining this further, Rewilding strives to maximize the [three central properties of healthy ecosystems](http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2019/conservation-isnt-enough-rewilding-lost-ecosystems/). **1. Trophic Complexity** This recognizes that species within an ecosystem are highly connected and often depend on one another. Particularly, large herbivores can be critically important for modifying the physical environment (e.g. by grazing, trampling, and fertilizing the land) to generate hospitable environments for birds, small mammals, insects, and plants. **2. Stochastic Disturbances** Natural disturbances such as wildfires are often important for ecosystems but can be suppressed or altered by human behaviour. Another example is natural flooding. These random events are often reduced to make land more manageable and predictable for human management. **3. Dispersal** Healthy Ecosystems depend on the exchange of individuals from different populations to increase gene flow and lead to more resilient habitats. Human interventions, like putting up fences or other physical barriers, can suppress dispersal and result in ecosystems that are more vulnerable to change. The concepts of Trophic Complexity, Stochastic Disturbances and Dispersal are important in an Organisation context too. Organisations try to control natural disturbances and limit risk to projects. Perhaps the opposite approach could be taken to welcome these natural disturbances and the opportunities that they may present. In addition, organisational boundaries often limit the dispersal of knowledge. Physical and mental barriers are built around teams in the form of organisational structure. This limits the knowledge sharing across the organisation. ### **Rewilding Principles** Below are the 11 principles of rewilding developed by [Rewilding Europe](https://rewildingeurope.com/callforawildereurope/). Organisation Design professionals will start to see how these principles draw parallels to organisation change. ![Rewilding Principles Infographic - Rewilding Europe](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_adab08478a9a415a9d00fa2fdf7e3c6e~mv2.png) The 11 Principles: 1. Providing hope and purpose 2. Offering natural solutions 3. Thinking creatively 4. Complementary conservation 5. Letting nature lead 6. Working at nature’s scale 7. People are key 8. Building nature-based economies 9. Acting in context 10. Working together 11. Knowledge exchange ### **How are these principles relevant for organisation change?** One that jumps out is *"Letting nature lead"*. How could the organisation design enable employees to flourish? Environments that enable people to achieve their potential and meet their human needs. ![Let Nature Lead - Rewilding Europe](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8d61a540e0794534a018a822982fa5f6~mv2.png) A second is Knowledge Exchange. The majority of organisational learning (70%) happens in [informal networks](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity). It's important for organisations to develop these networks to build rapid and high-quality knowledge exchange. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Share on [Twitter](https://ctt.ac/00fUG) or post your comment below In addition, if you have a passion for ecology or organisation change I'd love to partner with you. In particular folks from the rewilding community, let's see what collaboration opportunities exist! ### **Want to learn more about ecology?** Here are some great books I've found helpful in understand ecology and its relationship with organisation design: - [Rewilding](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52740378-rewilding?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=EUpXKmxgUz&rank=2) - Cain Blythe, Paul Jepson - [Feral](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17160008-feral) - George Monbiot - [The Secret Network of Nature](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40656946-the-secret-wisdom-of-nature) - Peter Wohlleben - [The Hidden Life of Trees](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28256439-the-hidden-life-of-trees) - Peter Wohlleben [You may also be interested in the 12 Organisation Design Principles That Embrace Complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_596f0fc17ce1434c9f87da37bb7ce4c6~mv2.png) --- ## Ultralearning Summary by Scott Young | Bonus Infographic URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-ultralearning-by-scott-young Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-ultralearning-by-scott-young.md Date: 2020-08-17 Topics: book-summaries A short summary of Ultralearning by Scott Young. Learn quickly how to apply the 9 Principles of Ultralearning. You will be able to learn anything fast applying these principles and tactics. [Buy](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) | [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/BX5Yq9) ## The 9 Principles of [Ultralearning](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) Summarised: 1. **Metalearning:** Learn How to Learn 2. **Focus:** Reduce distractions 3. **Directness:** Learn by doing 4. **Drill:** Attack Your Weakest Point 5. **Retrieval:** Test 6. **Feedback:** Immediate, Intense and Accurate Feedback 7. **Retention:** Improve your memory 8. **Intuition:** Focus on Examples 9. **Experimentation:** Explore Outside Your Comfort Zone Book Summary [Ultralearning by Scott Young](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) **Ultrealearning Summary in a simple Infographic** ![Ultralearning 9 Principles Infographic by Toby Sinclair](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c21c8aa79bdb4021bb301ae14998c8eb~mv2.png) [Share on Twitter](https://ctt.ac/A0eaf) ## Best quotes Best quotes summarised from [Ultralearning by Scott Young](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) > Ultralearning is a potent skill for dealing with a changing world. The ability to learn hard things quickly is going to become increasingly valuable, and thus it is worth developing to whatever extent you can, even if it requires some investment first. > Feedback works well when it provides useful information that can guide future learning. If feedback tells you what you’re doing wrong or how to fix it, it can be a potent tool. But feedback often backfires when it is aimed at a person’s ego. Praise, a common type of feedback that teachers often use (and students enjoy), is usually harmful to further learning. ## Toby's takeaway This is an excellent book on the principles of learning. I'm constantly looking for new ways to learn effectively and quickly. The 9 principles provided very practical ways to help in my personal projects. The principle that made me change most was: > Design your learning environment to enable you to learn quickly. Since reading the book I have made several alterations to my environment to help increase learning. In particular, removing distractions. When learning I now hide my phone in the kitchen draw to avoid distraction. [![Blinkist banner wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/BX5Yq9) [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/BX5Yq9) [Buy the book](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) **A longer** [**Ultralearning summary**](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) **if you have more time…** ![Ultralearning Book Summary Banner](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0083c199afeb40e4ba2225c1f470e57c~mv2.png) Ultralearner Traits: Work alone - Spend a long time learning - Not focused on extrinsic rewards - Obsessive - Focused on optimisation - Intrinsic motivation to learn Ultralearning Benefits: - Accelerating career - Transitioning to a new career - Cultivating a hidden advantage in a competitive world. Three ways to apply Ultralearning: - new part-time projects - learning sabbaticals - reimagining existing learning efforts. 9 Principles Described: - **Meta-learning:** First Draw a Map. Start by learning how to learn the subject or skill you want to tackle. Discover how to do good research and how to draw on your past competencies to learn new skills more easily. - **Focus:** Sharpen Your Knife. Cultivate the ability to concentrate. Carve out chunks of time when you can focus on learning, and make it easy to just do it. - **Directness:** Go Straight Ahead. Learn by doing the thing you want to become good at. Don’t trade it off for other tasks, just because those are more convenient or comfortable. - **Drill:** Attack Your Weakest Point. Be ruthless in improving your weakest points. Break down complex skills into small parts; then master those parts and build them back together again. - **Retrieval:** Test to Learn. Testing isn’t simply a way of assessing knowledge but a way of creating it. Test yourself before you feel confident, and push yourself to actively recall information rather than passively review it. - **Feedback:** Don’t Dodge the Punches. Feedback is harsh and uncomfortable. Know how to use it without letting your ego get in the way. Extract the signal from the noise, so you know what to pay attention to and what to ignore. - **Retention**: Don’t Fill a Leaky Bucket. Understand what you forget and why. Learn to remember things not just for now but forever. - **Intuition**: Dig Deep Before Building Up. Develop your intuition through play and exploration of concepts and skills. Understand how understanding works, and don’t recourse to cheap tricks of memorization to avoid deeply knowing things. - **Experimentation**: Explore Outside Your Comfort Zone. All of these principles are only starting points. True mastery comes not just from following the path trodden by others but from exploring possibilities they haven’t yet imagined. ## PRINCIPLE 1 Metalearning First Draw a Map > If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.—Isaac Newton - Learning about how knowledge is structured and acquired within this subject; in other words, learning how to learn it. - Metalearning thus forms the map, showing you how to get to your destination without getting lost. - “What?” refers to the knowledge and abilities you’ll need to acquire in order to be successful. Breaking things down into concepts, facts, and procedures can enable you to map out what obstacles you’ll face and how best to overcome them. - “How?” refers to the resources, environment, and methods you’ll use when learning. Making careful choices here can make a big difference in your overall effectiveness. - Technique - Breakdown learning into: - Concepts - What needs to be understood? - Facts - What needs to be memorized? - Procedures - What needs to be practised? - The way to start any learning project is by finding the common ways in which people learn the skill or subject. ## PRINCIPLE 2 Focus Sharpen Your Knife > Now I will have less distraction.—Leonhard Euler, mathematician, upon losing the sight in his right eye Challenges: - Procrastination - Distractions - Distraction Source 1: Your Environment - Distraction Source 2: Your Task - Distraction Source 3: Your Mind - Environment - Complex tasks may benefit from lower arousal, so working in a quiet room at home might be the right idea for math problems. Simpler tasks might benefit from a noisier environment, say working at a coffee shop. ## PRINCIPLE 3 Directness Go Straight Ahead > He who can go to the fountain does not go to the water jar.—Leonardo da Vinci What is directness? - Directness is the idea of learning being tied closely to the situation or context you want to use it in. - We want to become great speakers, so we buy a book on communication, rather than practice presenting. In all these cases the problem is the same: directly learning the thing we want feels too uncomfortable, boring, or frustrating, so we settle for some book, lecture, or app, hoping it will eventually make us better at the real thing. - The easiest way to learn directly is to simply spend a lot of time doing the thing you want to become good at. - Transfer has been called the “Holy Grail of education.” It happens when you learn something in one context, say in a classroom, and are able to use it in another context, say in real life. Tactics to learn directly: - Tactic 1: Project-Based Learning - Many ultralearners opt for projects rather than classes to learn the skills they need. - Tactic 2: Immersive Learning - Immersion is the process of surrounding yourself with the target environment in which the skill is practiced. - Tactic 3: The Flight Simulator Method - This suggests that when direct practice is impossible, a simulation of the environment will work to the degree to which it remains faithful to the cognitive elements of the task in question. - Tactic 4: The Overkill Approach - Put yourself into an environment where the demands are going to be extremely high, so you’re unlikely to miss any important lessons or feedback. ## PRINCIPLE 4 Drill Attack Your Weakest Point > Take care of the bars and the piece will take care of itself.—Philip Johnston, composer Why use Drills? - Learning, I’d like to argue, often works similarly, with certain aspects of the learning problem forming a bottleneck that controls the speed at which you can become more proficient overall. - By identifying a rate-determining step in your learning reaction, you can isolate it and work on it specifically. Since it governs the overall competence you have with that skill, by improving at it you will improve faster than if you try to practice every aspect of the skill at once. - Drills resolve this problem by simplifying a skill enough that you can focus your cognitive resources on a single aspect. Direct-Then-Drill Approach. - Practice the skill directly. - Analyze the direct skill and try to isolate components that are either rate-determining steps in your performance - Go back to direct practice and integrate what you’ve learned. Drill Examples: - Time Slicing - The easiest way to create a drill is to isolate a slice in time of a longer sequence of actions. - Cognitive Components - Sometimes what you’ll want to practice isn’t a slice in time of a larger skill but a particular cognitive component. - The Copycat - To solve this problem in your own learning, you can take a page from Franklin: by copying the parts of the skill you don’t want to drill (either from someone else or your past work), you can focus exclusively on the component you want to practice. - The Magnifying Glass Method - Spend more time on one component of the skill than you would otherwise. - Prerequisite Chaining - This practice of starting too hard and learning prerequisites as they are needed can be frustrating, but it saves a lot of time learning subskills that don’t actually drive performance much. ## PRINCIPLE 5 Retrieval Test to Learn > It pays better to wait and recollect by an effort from within, than to look at the book again.—William James, psychologist Testing yourself works best: - Imagine you’re a student preparing for an exam. You have three choices about how you can allocate your limited studying time. - First, you can review the material. You can look over your notes and book and study everything until you’re sure you’ll remember it. - Second, you can test yourself. You can keep the book shut and try to remember what was in it. - Finally, you can create a concept map. You can write out the main concepts in a diagram, showing how they’re organized and related to other items you need to study. - If you can pick only one, which one should you choose to do best on the final exam? - Testing yourself—trying to retrieve information without looking at the text—clearly outperformed all other conditions. Retrieval Tactics: - Tactic 1: Flash Cards - Tactic 2: Free Recall - A simple tactic for applying retrieval is, after reading a section from a book or sitting through a lecture, to try to write down everything you can remember on a blank piece of paper. - Tactic 3: The Question-Book Method - another strategy for taking notes is to rephrase what you’ve recorded as questions to be answered later. Instead of writing that the Magna Carta was signed in 1215, you could instead write the question “When was the Magna Carta signed?” with a reference to where to find the answer in case you forget. By taking notes as questions instead of answers, you generate the material to practice retrieval on later. - Tactic 4: Self-Generated Challenges - Tactic 5: Closed-Book Learning ## PRINCIPLE 6 Feedback Don’t Dodge the Punches > Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.—Mike Tyson Feedback is key: - Feedback is one of the most consistent aspects of the strategy ultralearners use. - What often separated the ultralearning strategy from more conventional approaches was the immediacy, accuracy, and intensity of the feedback being provided. - More interestingly, the research on feedback shows that more isn’t always better. Crucially, what matters is the type of feedback being given. - Feedback works well when it provides useful information that can guide future learning. If feedback tells you what you’re doing wrong or how to fix it, it can be a potent tool. But feedback often backfires when it is aimed at a person’s ego. Praise, a common type of feedback that teachers often use (and students enjoy), is usually harmful to further learning. When feedback steers into evaluations of you as an individual (e.g., “You’re so smart!” or “You’re lazy”), it usually has a negative impact on learning. Feedback caution: - The first is overreacting to feedback (both positive and negative) that doesn’t offer specific information that leads to improvement. Ultralearners need to be sensitive to what feedback is actually useful and tune out the rest. - Second, when it is incorrectly applied, feedback can have a negative impact on motivation. Three types of feedback - **Outcome Feedback: Are You Doing It Wrong?** - This tells you something about how well you’re doing overall but offers no ideas as to what you’re doing better or worse. This kind of feedback can come in the form of a grade—pass/fail - This type of feedback is often the easiest to get, - **Informational Feedback: What Are You Doing Wrong?** - This feedback tells you what you’re doing wrong, but it doesn’t necessarily tell you how to fix it. Speaking a foreign language with a native speaker who doesn’t share a language with you is an exercise in informational feedback. - **Corrective Feedback: How Can You Fix What You’re Doing Wrong?** - This is the feedback that shows you not only what you’re doing wrong but how to fix it. This kind of feedback is often available only through a coach, mentor, or teacher. HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR FEEDBACK - Tactic 1: Noise Cancellation - Tactic 2: Hitting the Difficulty Sweet Spot - Tactic 3: Metafeedback - This kind of feedback isn’t about your performance but about evaluating the overall success of the strategy you’re using to learn. - Tactic 4: High-Intensity, Rapid Feedback - By throwing yourself into a high-intensity, rapid feedback situation, you may initially feel uncomfortable, but you’ll get over that initial aversion much faster than if you wait months or years before getting feedback. ## PRINCIPLE 7 Retention Don’t Fill a Leaky Bucket > Memory is the residue of thought.—Daniel Willingham, cognitive psychologist Questions: - How can you retain all of the things you learn? - How can you defend against forgetting hard-won facts and skills? - How can you store the knowledge you’ve acquired so that it can be easily retrieved exactly when you need it? Three reasons we forget: - Decay - Forgetting with Time The first theory of forgetting is that memories simply decay with time. - Interference - Overwriting Old Memories with New Ones Interference suggests a different idea: that our memories, unlike the files of a computer, - Forgotten Cues - What may happen in this case is that one of the links in the chain of retrieving the information has been severed (perhaps by decay or interference) and therefore the entire memory has become inaccessible. Ways to improve memory: - Spacing - Repeat to Remember One of the pieces of studying advice that is best supported by research is that if you care about long-term retention, don’t cram. - If you have ten hours to learn something, therefore, it makes more sense to spend ten days studying one hour each than to spend ten hours studying in one burst. - Proceduralization - There’s evidence that procedural skills, such as riding a bicycle, are stored in a different way from declarative knowledge, such as knowing the Pythagorean - This difference between knowing how and knowing that may also have different implications for long-term memory. - Overlearning: Practice Beyond Perfect - additional practice, beyond what is required to perform adequately, can increase the length of time that memories are stored. - Mnemonics - What they have in common is that they tend to be hyperspecific—that is, they are designed to remember very specific patterns of information. Second, they usually involve translating abstract or arbitrary information into vivid pictures or spatial maps. ## PRINCIPLE 8 Intuition Dig Deep Before Building Up > Do not ask whether a statement is true until you know what it means.—Errett Bishop, mathematician 4 rules to follow: - Rule 1: Don’t Give Up on Hard Problems Easily - One way you can introduce this into your own efforts is to give yourself a “struggle timer” as you work on problems. When you feel like giving up and that you can’t possibly figure out the solution to a difficult problem, try setting a timer for another ten minutes to push yourself a bit further. - Rule 2: Prove Things to Understand Them - Get out a piece of paper, and try, briefly, to sketch how a bicycle looks. It doesn’t need to be a work of art; just try to place the seat, handles, tires, pedals, and bike chain in the right place. Can you do it? Don’t cheat by just trying to visualize the bicycle. Actually see if you can draw it. If you don’t have a pencil or paper handy, you can simulate it by saying which things connect to what. Have you tried it? Interestingly, Rebecca Lawson’s study asked participants to do exactly this. As the illustrations clearly show, most participants had no idea how the machines were assembled, even though they used them all the time and believed they understood them quite well. The illusion of understanding is very often the barrier to deeper knowledge, because unless that competency is actually tested, it’s easy to mislead yourself into thinking you understand more than you do. - Rule 3: Always Start with a Concrete Example - Human beings don’t learn things very well in the abstract. As the research on transfer demonstrates, most people learn abstract, general rules only after being exposed to many concrete examples. It’s not possible to simply present a general principle and expect that you can apply it to concrete situations. - Rule 4: Don’t Fool Yourself - “Don’t fool yourself” was one of Feynman’s most popular aphorisms, to which he added, “and you’re the easiest person to fool.” He was deeply skeptical of his own understanding. - The Dunning-Kruger effect occurs when someone with inadequate understanding of a subject nonetheless believes he or she possesses more knowledge about the subject than the people who actually do. This can occur because when you lack knowledge about a subject, you also tend to lack the ability to assess your own abilities. THE FEYNMAN TECHNIQUE 1. Write down the concept or problem you want to understand at the top of a piece of paper. 2. In the space below, explain the idea as if you had to teach it to someone else. If it’s a concept, ask yourself how you would convey the idea to someone who has never heard of it before. If it’s a problem, explain how to solve it and—crucially—why that solution procedure makes sense to you. 3. When you get stuck, meaning your understanding fails to provide a clear answer, go back to your book, notes, teacher, or reference material to find the answer. ## PRINCIPLE 9 Experimentation Explore Outside Your Comfort Zone > Results? Why, I have gotten lots of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work.—Thomas Edison EXPERIMENTATION IS THE KEY TO MASTERY - Experimenting with Learning Resources The first place to experiment is with the methods, materials, and resources you use to learn. - Experimenting with Technique - the question becomes not “How can I learn this?” but “What should I learn next?” - Experimenting with Style - After you’ve matured in your learning a bit, the difficulty often switches from which resources to learn from or which techniques you’d like to master to the style you’d like to cultivate. HOW TO EXPERIMENT - Tactic 1: Copy, Then Create - Tactic 2: Compare Methods Side-by-Side - Tactic 3: Introduce New Constraints - Powerful technique for pushing out of those grooves of routine is by introducing new constraints that make the old methods impossible to use. - How can you add limitations to force yourself to develop new capacities? - Tactic 4: Find Your Superpower in the Hybrid of Unrelated Skills - Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, likened his own success to following this strategy by combining his background as an engineer with an MBA and a cartoonist. - Tactic 5: Explore the Extremes ## How to do an Ultralearning Project? - STEP 1: DO YOUR RESEARCH - What topic you’re going to learn and its approximate scope. - The primary resources you’re going to use. - Benchmark for how others have successfully learned this skill or subject. - Direct practice activities. - Backup materials and drills. - STEP 2: SCHEDULE YOUR TIME - The first decision you should make is how much time you’re going to commit. - The second decision you need to make is when you are going to learn. - The third decision you need to make is the length of time for your project. - STEP 3: EXECUTE YOUR PLAN - STEP 4: REVIEW YOUR RESULTS - STEP 5: CHOOSE TO MAINTAIN OR MASTER WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED ## Questions to guide [Ultralearning](https://amzn.to/3vzpqs1) Metalearning. Have I done research into what are the typical ways of learning this subject or skill? Have I interviewed successful learners to see what resources and advice they can recommend? Have I spent about 10 percent of the total time on preparing my project? Focus. Am I focused when I spend time learning, or am I multitasking and distracted? Am I skipping learning sessions or procrastinating? When I start a session, how long does it take before I’m in a good flow? How long can I sustain that focus before my mind starts to wander? How sharp is my attention? Should it be more concentrated for intensity or more diffuse for creativity? Directness. Am I learning the skill in the way I’ll eventually be using it? If not, what mental processes are missing from my practice that exist in the real environment? How can I practice transferring the knowledge I learn from my book/ class/ video to real life? Drill. Am I spending time focusing on the weakest points of my performance? What is the rate-limiting step that is holding me back? Does it feel as though my learning is slowing down and that there’s too many components of the skill to master? If so, how can I split apart a complex skill to work on smaller, more manageable components of it? Retrieval. Am I spending most of my time reading and reviewing, or am I solving problems and recalling things from memory without looking at my notes? Do I have some way of testing myself, or do I just assume I’ll remember? Can I successfully explain what I learned yesterday, last week, a year ago? How do I know if I can? Feedback. Am I getting honest feedback about my performance early on, or am I trying to dodge the punches and avoid criticism? Do I know what I’m learning well and what I’m not? Am I using feedback correctly, or am I overreacting to noisy data? Retention. Do I have a plan in place to remember what I’m learning long term? Am I spacing my exposure to information so it will stick longer? Am I turning factual knowledge into procedures that I’ll retain? Am I overlearning the most critical aspects of the skill? Intuition. Do I deeply understand the things I’m learning, or am I just memorizing? Could I teach the ideas and procedures I’m studying to someone else? Is it clear to me why what I’m learning is true, or does it all seem arbitrary and unrelated? Experimentation. Am I getting stuck with my current resources and techniques? Do I need to branch out and try new approaches to reach my goal? How can I go beyond mastering the basics and create a unique style to solve problems creatively and do things others haven’t explored before? [![Blinkist banner big](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b2c1b3d0811e405aae7ff33b13afe817~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/BX5Yq9) --- ## 5 Change Management Mistakes And How To Avoid Them URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/change-management-mistakes Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/change-management-mistakes.md Date: 2020-08-13 Topics: coaching, organisational-design When communicating your vision these are the 5 mistakes you must avoid in your Change Management approach. Distance, Doom, Dissonance, Denial, iDentity. Find out how to avoid them How and what we communicate will influence how people respond. It’s critical for leaders, coaches and change management teams to be aware of how they communicate change. This article explores how a well-intentioned message may backfire. ### 5 Change Management Mistakes 1. **D****istance** - Communicating change that feels distant from everyday concerns. 2. **D****oom** - Overemphasis on the negative side of change. If we don't change we'll go out of business! 3. **D****issonance** - Enabling people to easily explain away why the change isn't relevant to them 4. **D****enial** - Not listening fully to employees who deny change. 5. **i****D****entity** - Ignoring the fact that we filter news and information through our identity, rejecting ideas that challenge our existing values and notions. ![Per Espen Stoknes - 5 D's of Climate Change](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1d3f5bfcc8da4e299dacf916bd353873~mv2.jpeg) Per Espen Stoknes - 5 D's of Climate Change Here I expand upon each of the 5'Ds in an organisational change context. By understanding each of the 5 D's you can better understand why change is not happening and ways to adjust your change management approach. ## **Distance** – *“By 2025 we will be the best in Industry”* ![Long Road](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/c6cc7b1c1e5e4e329ea47456e43c00cf.jpg) Many employees see change efforts as a distant ideal which doesn’t apply to them. This problem arises when senior management declares a bold vision for the future, often several years into the future. They declare it will be a “long journey” with rewards at the end. The intention is to create motivation and alignment but often employees return back to work in the same way. The need for change seems far into the distance. Many simply wait for the time when they need to change. This is a human bias called Temporal Discounting: > Temporal discounting refers to the phenomenon in which the subjective value of some reward loses its magnitude when the given reward is delayed Translated into an Organisation Change context: **Why should I change now when the reward is not until many years into the future?** **What is a better change management approach?** A good way to overcome this bias is to break down the change into smaller, manageable chunks. This helps employees understand the iterations towards the bigger vision. What can employees do today, tomorrow and next week that can help move towards the vision? This approach helps the change feel more real and tangible. Nir & Far have a great [article](https://www.nirandfar.com/hyperbolic-discounting-why-you-make-terrible-life-choices/) which explores Temporal Discounting further ![Goal Setting Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c043807fb2a14e9db1c44b2adcca6041~mv2.jpg) ### **Doom** – *“70% of fortune 1000 companies have vanished in the last 10 years”* ![Fire](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/b36cffa62cce4645b1ddf3e0bc1b2680.jpg) This is a common quote used to stir up the urgency for change. Whilst this statement is factually true, we are psychologically wired to ignore these messages, known as Normalcy bias. Messages such as “The end is nigh” are sent straight to the trash bin in our brains. > Normalcy bias, or normality bias, is a cognitive bias which leads people to disbelieve or minimize threat warnings. Consequently, individuals underestimate the likelihood of a disaster, when it might affect them, and its potential adverse effects. **What is a better change management approach?** One of the best ways is to focus on stories closer to home. Instead of selecting industry soundbites, find real stories from within the organisation. Even better from your customers. Storytelling directly from customers helps create an emotional connection to the problem and a sense of urgency. Disintermediation is important here. Reduce the layers between the customer and the team. If the message is relayed through the organisational hierarchy it looses its emotional impact. ### **Dissonance** - "I'm happy for my team to self-organise but right now they are not mature enough" ![Cartoon Rabbit](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_346171597a567754704730~mv2_d_4288_2686_s_4_2.jpg) If what we know conflicts with what we do then cognitive dissonance kicks in. A great example is when managers know that teams work best when they are self-organised but continue to adopt a command-and-control management style. A manager may explain this away by saying *“This team are just not mature enough to be self-organising.”* I have found the "maturity" excuse is a common sign of dissonance. Another common example with organisation change is when employees say "We want to adopt agile ways of working but our situation is unique" Again the snowflake excuse is another great sign of dissonance. ![Cognitive Dissonance Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f7fe913c95f2465ba632c65662e2ea59~mv2.jpg) **What is a better change management approach?** The main way to overcome cognitive dissonance is to become more aware of it. This is where skilled coaches can act as a mirror highlighting where behaviour does not match the spoken desire. For example, highlighting to the manager that the team are ready to self-organise. Be aware of the related [backfire effect](https://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/06/10/the-backfire-effect/). If you push someone too hard it will further reinforce the held beliefs creating further dissonance. ### **Denial - "We have already changed"** ![Denial](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_6375677279767a694f5f4d~mv2_d_7360_4912_s_4_2.jpg) Ask most teams in an agile transformation and they are quick to say *“We are already agile”.* Teams often deny that they need to improve. Upon further discussion, this is often because the change triggers fear and guilt. Many teams I've worked with fear that they will be found out as an underperforming team and thus punished. It’s no surprise that in these cases self-defence mechanisms often trigger. ![Denial Cartoon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9bc1220bc4b04bac8c90f0b8fb25d965~mv2.jpg) **What is a better change management approach?** Psychological Safety is critical here. If people within your organisation do not feel safe to ask for help they will deny change. Leaders should Invest time listening to employee concerns so they feel heard. After all, people don't resist change they resist coercion. The quick fix here is to pressure employees to change. This may backfire and lead to further denial. ### **iDentiy** ![Identity Metaphor](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_4d313951746f6f58504b73~mv2_d_2624_3000_s_4_2.jpg) Agile is a value-based approach and requires people to examine their personal values. This triggers a deep identity crisis within many. For example, a manager who is asked to give up their management role and become a development team member can trigger a serious identity crisis. > We filter news and information through our identity, rejecting ideas that challenge our existing values and notions. **What is a better change management approach?** Whenencouraging change it is important to be aware that people are more likely to listen to those who share their values. Therefore who delivers the change message can just as important than what the message says. Robert Cialdini highlights the principle of Liking in his book about Influence: > We are more likely to agree to someones request if we know and like them ### Change Management Coaching Questions Here are some further coaching questions which might help you think of ways to overcome these barriers in your organisation: 1. What stepping stones can you put in place between the vision and now? (Distance) 2. What would be a more positive way to phrase this? (Doom) 3. What success stories could I share? (Doom) 4. What systems can I put in place that allows people to behave in ways aligned to what they know? (Dissonance) 5. How can I be a mirror to reflect back the dissonance to people within the organisation when it occurs? (Dissonance) 6. How can I make teams feel safe when they work with me? (Denial) 7. Who could support me in sharing the message with the organisation? (iDentiy) ### The biases The biases mentioned in this blog are listed here: 1. [Temporal discounting](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3213005/) 2. [Normalcy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalcy_bias) 3. [Cognitive Dissonance](https://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-dissonance.html) 4. [Denial](http://brainshortcuts.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/denial-bias.html) 5. [Social Identity Theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_identity_theory) I strongly recommend listening to this podcast which expands upon the 5 D's in a Climate Change context --- ## DIY Guide to build a free charity website URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/diy-guide-to-build-a-free-charity-website Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/diy-guide-to-build-a-free-charity-website.md Date: 2020-07-23 Topics: charity As a Charity you want to maximise your impact which often means increasing your donor or volunteer base. Online is now a great way to reach a global audience. However many charities I talk with are uncertain how to “Go Online”. Even for those that do manage to build their website often they miss vital steps which limits their success. A charity I helped recently was a good example. They had built their own website but it was difficult to use, was not ranked highly in google and you were unable As a Charity you want to maximise your impact which often means increasing your donor or volunteer base. Online is now a great way to reach a global audience. However many charities I talk with are uncertain how to “Go Online”. Even for those that do manage to build their website often they miss vital steps which limits their success. A charity I helped recently was a good example. They had built their own website but it was difficult to use, was not ranked highly in google and you were unable to make donations. This guide outlines the steps and resources I used to build a new website () and market it to potential donors. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4ca5061ffa20443d882b08e2324c9691~mv2.png) You do not need deep knowledge in website development. You just need to know the pieces of the puzzle and how they fit together. Once you complete the steps in this guide you will have: 1. …a website that appears in google 2. …that can take donations via PayPal 3. …integrates with social media 4. …and gives you data on how well your website is performing ## 1 – Setup Accounts Initially you will need to setup various accounts and profiles to support later steps in this guide. I have also included the time taken to complete these setup steps. For several of them you will need to wait for approvals. 1. [Choose a hosting provider and domain name (I recommend wix.com)](https://www.wix.com/) (instant) 2. [Register for PayPal Giving Fund](https://www.paypal.com/uk/webapps/mpp/givingfund/home) (2-4 weeks) 3. [Register for Facebook Charitable Giving Tools](https://socialgood.fb.com/charitable-giving/en-GB/) (2-4 weeks) 4. [Create an charity email address e.g. info@mycharity.com](https://www.google.com/nonprofits/) (1-2 weeks) 5. [Sign Up for Charitable discount on many tools via Charity Digital](https://charitydigital.org.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjwx9_4BRAHEiwApAt0znCspc2Grh0tTcucapDaLrBHmb8Don5JI39PYGxiNtvkQLjckGEXghoC0T0QAvD_BwE) (1 week) 6. [Create Social Media Accounts (For example a Facebook Charity Page)](https://socialgood.fb.com/learning-support/getting-started/create-a-page-for-your-nonprofit/) (Instant) 7. [Create a social media scheduling account on services such as Lightful.com](https://www.lightful.com/) (Instant) 8. [Create a free premium account on Canva to create creative designs](https://support.canva.com/account-basics/nonprofit-program/apply-for-nonprofit/?irgwc=1&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=YieldKit%20GmbH&clickId=V6Mw2QQjLxyORRK0M-0V7wD0UkiR%3AOwg2xcqTk0) (1 week) ## 2 – Design & Build You will not need any special technical skills at this stage if you use a website builder such as wix.com 1. [Use a website builder and select your template](https://www.websitebuilderexpert.com/website-builders/wix/how-to-use-wix/) 2. [Design your logo using Canva (Free Premium Account for Charities)](https://www.canva.com/create/logos/) 3. [Decide on the core pages of your site (Home, About, Projects)](https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/optimize-important-website-pages) 4. [Decide on the Call to Action for each page (For example: Donate Now)](https://whitefuse.com/blog/calls-action-charity-websites) 5. [Create content for each page. Make it relevant, engaging and SEO friendly](https://neilpatel.com/blog/seo-copywriting-how-to-write-content-for-people-and-optimize-for-google-2/) 6. [Ensure your site is GDPR compliant (Privacy Pages and Opt-In)](https://support.wix.com/en/article/preparing-your-wix-site-for-the-gdpr#:~:text=If%20you%20want%20to%20receive,Your%20Wix%20Stores%20Checkout%20Page) 7. [Create PayPal Buttons for donations](https://www.paypal.com/donate/buttons) 8. [Add PayPal Buttons to your site](https://support.wix.com/en/article/wix-editor-adding-a-paypal-button) ## 3 – Configure SEO, Social Media & Monitoring You will want to ensure people visit your new site via Google and Social Media. In addition, you will want monitoring so you can see who is visiting and their behaviour. 1. [Setup Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) across the site](https://neilpatel.com/blog/simple-guide-to-seo/) 2. [Add Social Media share icons to the website for easy sharing](https://blog.hubspot.com/blog/tabid/6307/bid/29544/the-ultimate-cheat-sheet-for-creating-social-media-buttons.aspx) 3. [Add Social Media Meta Descriptions to be used when visitors share](https://www.lyfemarketing.com/blog/social-media-seo/#:~:text=Social%20media%20SEO%20refers%20to,activities%20effective%20but%20also%20lucrative.) 4. [Configure Google Analytics](https://analytics.google.com/analytics/academy/course/6) 5. [Configure Google Search Console](https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/google-search-console) 6. [Configure Google Tag Manager](https://support.google.com/tagmanager/answer/6103696?hl=en) 7. [Setup Tags for key events across your website. In particular call to action buttons such as Donate](http://www.clixmarketing.com/blog/2017/12/19/time-to-start-tracking-your-button-clicks-in-google-tag-manager/) 8. [Integrate Google Tag Manager with Google Analytics](https://www.monsterinsights.com/how-to-implement-google-analytics-with-google-tag-manager/) ## 4 – Testing Obvious step prior to launch is to make sure all aspects of the site is working correctly. Importantly on mobile which is likely your main avenue for traffic. 1. Ensure all core functionality works, especially any payment integrations and subscriber/contact options 2. Test across multiple devices for formatting and visual issues 3. Checking Spelling 4. Identify any non-essential content that can be removed 5. Ask a small group of people to test drive the website 6. [Check your website load speed](https://tools.pingdom.com/) 7. [Run an SEO Audit](https://neilpatel.com/seo-analyzer/) 8. [Test your Google Tags are working](https://get.google.com/tagassistant/) ## 5 – Marketing & Launch 1. [Schedule Social Media Posts (Using Lightful.com)](https://www.lightful.com/blog/social-media/nine-tips-to-plan-a-successful-charity-digital-campaign/) 2. [Create an Email Marketing Campaign Advertising the new site](https://support.wix.com/en/wix-email-marketing/creating-your-email-campaigns) 3. [Monitor traffic and behaviour using Google Analytics](https://neilpatel.com/blog/google-analytics-dashboards/) 4. [Build Backlinks to your site (sites that link to yours)](https://neilpatel.com/blog/how-to-build-high-quality-backlinks-in-a-scalable-way/) ## Future…. At this point most traffic will be directly via the link or through social media. It can take up to 4 months for your website to be indexed fully on Google. Even then it’s likely you’ll be lower down the list. It’s vital one your basic site is up and running you do the following: 1. Continue to add rich, engaging content that draws people in. Consider a blog or other ways to regularly build content. Also think laterally about content that may draw people in which is connected to your charity but not directly asking for donations. 2. Build a social media presence through two-way engagement. Don’t just spam people with a one way message. 3. Find trusted people with high quality websites who will link to your website (backlinks) Hope this guide has helped you build and market a website for your charity. --- ## 5 Lessons learned building a charity website URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-lessons-learned-building-a-charity-website Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-lessons-learned-building-a-charity-website.md Date: 2020-07-16 Topics: charity I’ve spent the last few days building a website for children’s education charity that my parents run: https://www.newmindministries.com/The charity helps poor children in Uganda get a quality education. They do this through education sponsorship which pays for a child’s school fees, daily meal, uniform and books. They are also building a school in a rural village outside Kampala, Uganda.Here are a few lessons I learned building the website:1. Use a free website builder such as Wix.comTo build ht I’ve spent the last few days building a website for children’s education charity that my parents run: The charity helps poor children in Uganda get a quality education. They do this through [education sponsorship](https://www.newmindministries.com/child-sponsorship) which pays for a child’s school fees, daily meal, uniform and books. They are also [building a school](https://www.newmindministries.com/school-building-project) in a rural village outside Kampala, Uganda. Here are a few lessons I learned building the website: ## 1. Use a free website builder such as Wix.com To build I used wix.com. I built a basic website, optimised for desktop and mobile, in just a few hours using templates. Integration with social media and payments channels was simple. I used a wix email marketing campaign to let existing donors know of the new site. The wix SEO tool ensured the site was ready for google and social media. Learning SEO (Search Engine Optimisation), especially for a Charity, has been great fun. More on that in a future blog post. ![Snip20200713_1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_64de5c15f0cf41f88cf22a2311dd2210~mv2.png) ## 2. Prepare good content A website is only as good as it’s content. Once the basic design was created in Wix I needed good content. Whilst the charity had lots of content it wasn’t well edited and mostly existed in paper format. The most time consuming part was editing photos and writing text copy. For example, the [child education sponsorship](https://www.newmindministries.com/child-sponsorship) page required good content. Before and after photos, a story of a sponsored child, testimonials and detail about how sponsorship works. ![Snip20200715_4](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_712503535bf543c3b3d6f958569349a4~mv2.png) ## 3. Get free help from Google, Microsoft, Facebook and many more The great news for non profits is that many organisations offer programs to help manage and reach new donors. Unfortunately this charity were unaware that many of these great programs existed. [Tech Soup](https://www.techsoup.org/) has a great directory of products and programs for non-profits. I helped the charity enrol into the following: 1. [Google Non Profit](https://www.google.com/nonprofits/)– Free G-Suite, Ad-word Grants etc. 2. [Microsoft Non Profit](https://nonprofit.microsoft.com/)– Free O365 3. [Facebook Social Good](https://socialgood.fb.com/charitable-giving/) – Donation Tools 4. [Canva Non Profit](https://support.canva.com/account-basics/nonprofit-program/apply-for-nonprofit/) – Free Creative Tools 5. [Wix Non Profit](https://www.techsoup.org/wix) – Discounted Web Hosting ## 4. Enhance social media presence to reach donors Thankfully the charity already has a social media presence via their [Facebook Page](https://www.facebook.com/newmindministries/). The charity was not maximising their impact through the platform. They needed to start working on more regular posts of engaging content. The charity now has a schedule of posts to drive traffic to the site in order to increase donors. A key mistake the charity had made was listing their facebook page as “Community” rather than a “Charity”. This is important as Facebook has [Charitable Giving Tools](https://socialgood.fb.com/charitable-giving/) that can only be enabled if your Facebook Page is listed as either Charity or NGO. The charity is now waiting for approval after which they can enable donations directly through their facebook page. ## 5. Integrate with PayPal for Donations PayPal has simple not-for-profit donation solutions such as Donation buttons which can be placed onto your site. The charity now have donation buttons for [child sponsorship](https://www.newmindministries.com/child-sponsorship) and the [school building project](https://www.newmindministries.com/school-building-project) enabling them to grow donors. It important for the charity to enrol in [PayPal Giving Fund.](https://www.paypal.com/uk/webapps/mpp/givingfund/home) ![Snip20200716_6](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9bff68b780b0430d96de3c9121833e8a~mv2.png) --- ## Cynefin Foundations – Learning Journal – Module 2 URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-foundations-learning-journal-module-2 Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-foundations-learning-journal-module-2.md Date: 2020-07-03 Topics: systems-thinking-complexity Previous – Cynefin Foundations – Learning Journal – Module 1A learning journal containing my ah-ha moments, puzzles and learning notes as I complete the Cynefin Foundations Online courseModule 2 Topics: 1. The difference between a sense-making and categorization framework2. How Cynefin™ informs decision-making and different types of action3. How humans divide Order into two domains: Obvious and Complicated4. How to engage a team or group workshop in making sense of situations using the Cynefin™ *Previous –*[*Cynefin Foundations – Learning Journal – Module 1*](/post/cynefin-foundations-training) A learning journal containing my ah-ha moments, puzzles and learning notes as I complete the [Cynefin Foundations Online course](https://cognitive-edge.com/events/cynefin-foundations-online-2/) **Module 2 Topics:** 1. The difference between a sense-making and categorization framework 2. How Cynefin™ informs decision-making and different types of action 3. How humans divide Order into two domains: Obvious and Complicated 4. How to engage a team or group workshop in making sense of situations using the Cynefin™ framework by categorisation situations ## 3 Ah-ha Moments: 1. There is a “pathway” to move through the domains. For example from Complex to Obvious. I hadn’t previously understood the nature of movement through the domains so this was good learning. Expanded further in notes below. 2. Cynefin is a sense-making framework NOT a model 3. A model seeks to represent reality. A framework is a way to look at reality 4. Data should inform the framework. Avoid categorisation instead of sense-making ## 2 Unanswered Questions: 1. What case studies/examples exist of organisations moving a challenge/solution through the domains? 2. What indicators exist to inform what stage/section/level of the domain model you are in? For example, Heretics v Group Think ## 1 Next Step: 1. Explore and experiment with movement throughout all the domains ## Learning Notes: **Domain Models and Movement:** 1. Core to the Cynefin Framework is the movement between domains. For example, from Complex to Complicated and vice versa. 2. In addition, there is a movement within a domain itself. Within complex domains for example. 3. This movement is described in 3×3 matrices for each domain. **Complex Domain Matrix** Within the complex domain, to act you need : 2. Some degree of evidence as coherence 3. People have to buy to some degree to allow you to do experiments. **Scale** 1. Nature of Evidence: 2. Beyond a reasonable doubt – Point where the problem starts to transfer into the complicated domain (Liminal state) 3. Inductive – Evidence it works in several cases it’s starting to go in the right direction 4. Gut feel or intuition – Does not pass coherence tests 5. Degree of acceptance 6. On a small number of people, a Cognoscenti really get this right, this is an elite 7. Orthodox – accepted to most people come 8. Synchrony – That means everybody is walking in step, and there’s no dissent anymore **Line of coherence** 1. The lowest energy route through the domain is safe-to-fail experiments > Projects and initiatives > Ready for Exploitation. **“Stages” within the domain** 1. Heretics and Mavericks – Most good ideas end up here, a small group of people who know this is true, but nobody believes. These are people who actually do see a new way of working, but they have no way of explaining it to the wider organization, it’s the guy who created digital photography in Kodak, but Kodak doesn’t believe there’s any future of it. 2. Skunkworks – Work on secret projects to build coherence and the ability to “tell the story” to convince others 3. Coaching and Mediation – Find people with time, who have the trust of senior management. Because if you can convince them, their approval, will convince other senior managers. 4. Break it up fast, zero-tolerance – Often where people have accepted a “management fad” with little or no evidence of its value. The key action here is to break up the group of “believers” before it gets more traction 5. Groupthink – The belief of the group takes hold. High acceptance of ideas based upon group “gut feel” 6. Challenge the evidence – 7. Portfolio of Safe to fail experiments – Highly novel ideas, only a small number of people understand them. And that’s where you run safety fail experimentation, or you do things like triplet programming prototyping. **Complicated Domain Model:** --- ## What is Adaptive Capacity? A short guide and description URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity.md Date: 2020-07-03 Topics: organisational-design, systems-thinking-complexity A short guide and description of Adaptive Capacity. A systems ability to respond to a stress trigger. You will find key definitions, examples and short videos explaining the concept. ![Adaptive Capacity](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/29cc911599d44d2b80a1f9177af7302f.jpg) Adaptive Capacity ### 3 Bullet Summary 1. Adaptive Capacity relates to a systems ability to respond to a stress trigger. This response could be for protection, safety or to take advantage of a new sudden opportunity. Therefore it is not always a “negative” response. Likely organisations with greater adaptive response will have greater success. 2. Adaptive Capacity is widely used within Climate Change context. Especially with regards to the ability for local communities to adapt to the sudden changes forced on them by climate change (Videos below are good examples) 3. Leveraging the power of networks seems to be a key enabler of Adaptive Capacity. In particular, informal networks are described many times as a way to build adaptive capacity within a system. ### 2 Bullet Quotes 1. *“Broadly speaking it may be described as the ability or capacity of a system to* ***modify or change*** *its characteristics or behaviour so as to cope better with existing or anticipated external* ***stresses****.” [4]* 2. *“Adaptive capacity is strengthened by the existence of* ***networks*** *and mechanisms that encourage participation and prevent marginalisation.” [6]* ### 1 Bullet Action Nw with you a better understanding you may want to: - Explore what influences the adaptive capacity within organisational systems Adaptive Capacity is discussed more in the [organisational design principles that embrace complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_596f0fc17ce1434c9f87da37bb7ce4c6~mv2.png) **Definitions** Broadly speaking it may be described as the ability or capacity of a system to modify or change its characteristics or behaviour so as to cope better with existing or anticipated external stresses. [4] Adaptive capacity relates to the capacity of systems, institutions, humans and other organisms to adjust to potential damage, to take advantage of opportunities, or to respond to consequences. [1] ![Adaptive capacity relates to the capacity of systems, institutions, humans and other organisms to adjust to potential damage, to take advantage of opportunities, or to respond to consequences.](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0a9a20ac3020477bb91ed3e1a5d71c61~mv2.jpg) The term adaptive capacity refers to an organization’s ability to change: - in response to changed circumstances— survival—and - in pursuit of enhanced results—creation. [3] **Characteristics** In the context of coupled socio-ecological social systems, adaptive capacity is commonly associated with following characteristics: 1. the ability of institutions and networks to **learn**, and **store** knowledge and experience. 2. creative **flexibility** in decision making, transitioning and problem solving 3. the existence of power structures that are **responsive** and consider the needs of all stakeholders. [1] Adaptive capacity is strengthened by the existence of **networks** and mechanisms that encourage participation and prevent marginalisation. [6] **Local Adaptive Capacity Framework [5]** ![Snip20200703_1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f2d6766e1b914d0db1564f95d9663cea~mv2.png) In addition to above: 1. Adaptive capacity is also a function of current population health status and pre-existing disease burdens. [7]….. So therefore…. 2. Adaptive capacity is also a function of current ***organisational*** health status and pre-existing disease burdens. **Organisational Context** Adaptive organizations are acutely conscious of their interdependence with their environment and their need to leverage capacity, resources and allies from outside the organization. They look not only to adapt nimbly to their environments but also, when possible, to adapt their environments to them. [3] Organizational performance—the “ability to allocate resources, innovate, adapt, and solve problems, both routine and radical—is related to … organizational architecture.” Those who have studied complex systems, such as the social and institutional ecology that revolves around organizations, have discovered that these systems have a specific architecture: Unlike organizations, that architecture does not take a corporate form. It often isn’t even formally structured. **That architecture is networks.** [3] Like other capacity building efforts, adaptive capacity is not a summit that can be conquered and a flag planted. It is **something organizations pursue in an ongoing manner** through measures that embed the four attributes of adaptive capacity —external focus, network connectedness, inquisitiveness and innovation—inextricably in the corporate culture. [3] **Questions to explore Adaptive Capacity [6]** 1. What is the **nature** of the system/population being assessed? 2. What are the principal **hazards** faced by this system/population? 3. What are the major **impacts** of these hazards and which elements/groups of the system/population are most vulnerable to these hazards? 4. Why are these elements/**groups** particularly vulnerable? 5. What measures would **reduce** the vulnerability of these elements/groups? 6. What are the factors that **determine** whether these measures are taken? 7. Can we assess these factors in order to **measure** the capacity of the system population to implement these measures? 8. What are the external and internal **barriers** to the implementation of these measures? 9. How can capacity **constraints** be removed from key barriers to adaptation? Assessment Example [6]: ![Snip20200703_2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdfeef5dcb1847cdb2acc8ce26f603df~mv2.png) **Narratives from in the field:** **References:** [1] [2] [3] [4] . [5] [6] [7] --- ## Book Summary: Beyond Command and Control by John Seddon | 3 Big Ideas URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-beyond-command-and-control-john-seddon.md Date: 2020-06-28 Topics: book-summaries, organisational-design A book summary sharing the 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from Beyond Command and Control by John Seddon. ## 3 big ideas 1. To optimise organisational performance you need to focus on three things: - Knowledge of **customer demand** - Appreciation of what constitutes the **value work**, what matters to the customers - Understanding how to measure the system’s achievement of **purpose in customer terms** 2. Managers must experience the customer's pain first-hand in order for the system to change. Meaningful change will not happen if customer pain and innovations are presented in their offices. Managers must “get out of their chairs” and spend a significant amount of time with customers. **It is only through feeling the emotion of customer pain that managers will be inspired to make** a **change.** Studying the system is a vital first step. ![Customer Pain - Beyond Command and Control - John Seddon](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4c09ebbc89f4464fabb5180f7874b564~mv2.png) 3. Two key measures - **Capacity** – The volume of demands we can service. - **Capability** – How well we do them measured in terms that matter to customers. Timeliness, right first time etc. ## Best quotes > *“****Learning how to see*** is a critical skill management need to learn*“* > “The vital purpose for leaders, is to gain knowledge of how the system generates and keeps customers“ ## 1 Action Help facilitate more direct interaction between Management and the customers. Create conditions where they can ***feel*** the emotions of their customers. Amplify the feeling between management and customers. [Buy the book](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07Z7G79J9/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) **A longer book summary of Beyond Command and Control if you have more time…** A video explaining many of the concepts highlighted in the book: **My reading highlights**: **What is command and control management?** - Leaders often copy what they see from other organisations after going on “digital safaris”. These run traps of leaders assuming what they see are the ingredients for success rather than the hidden parts of the system - Even successful change can be quickly undone - Everything you need to know is there in your own system. If you have eyes to see it. - ***Learning how to see*** is a critical skill management need to learn - Empowerment is a command or control term, ie the boss empowers you the subordinate. - Command and control definition: - A top-down perspective, in which work is divided into functional specialisms - Decision making is separated from the work - Measures in use are related to the budget and worker activity - Error is assuming the problem with command and control is about bosses being bossy. The problem is control measures. Which means that ***bosses are bossy about the wrong things!*** **The Nature of Change:** - ***Managers often evaluate change proposals and programmes in the abstract and at a distance.*** - For real change to happen leaders must Disintermediate. ***Experience the pain. It is vital!*** - Key to intervention theory is the work of the US academic Chris Argyris - To change your mental model requires double-loop ***learning***. Questioning the assumptions behind one’s beliefs, single-loop learning, by contrast, is to repeat attempts at the same problem for example. - ***Three ways to affect change in human systems:*** - ***Rational (Presentations)*** - ***Normative (Through experience)*** - ***Coercive*** - Rational strategies usually results in dissonance with counterproductive consequences. - Command or Control leaders won’t give up their current controls until they have witnessed firsthand how they destabilise and send the system - ***Leaders pace dictates.*** - Managers need to go through a Normative learning process. Only through experiencing the pain points of their customers will they feel emotionally connected to the problem and have the desire to enable change. The intervention is crucial to anchor the perspective in and outside in the customer’s point of view. - The way people work together, behaviour and values, improves when they work in a better system with a sound purpose - ***A bad system will beat a good person every time.*** **A different approach – Vanguard Method:** - **To optimise organisational performance focus on:** - Knowledge of **customer demand** - Appreciation of what constitutes the **value work**, what matters to the customers - Understanding how to measure the system’s achievement of **purpose in customer terms** - Most back-office organisations optimised for: - Cost of transactions - Standardisation - Activity management - The work is a handicapped by the system and the system belongs to management - **Two key measures:** - Capacity – The volume of demands we can service. - Capability – How well we do them measured in terms that matter to customers. Timeliness, right first time etc. **Problems with traditional controls and budget management:** - Budget Management is the primary tool of command and control managers. - Treating all demands as work to be done leads to volumes of failure demand embedded in the system. A giant cuckoo in the nest greedily consuming capacity and effort to remind you what we’re talking about here in financial services failure demand frequently runs between 40 and 70% of the total. - ***You must change the measure of control for the system in order to change behaviour.*** - Three essential means of control: - Demand - Value Work - Achievement of purpose - Example of cross-functional working outside of IT: - Home repairs: While plaster is needed to plaster a wall, other trades can learn how to fit in cracks in other associated trades. This reduces lead time for the customer and increases agility. - Russell Ackoff: - ***All attempts to do the wrong thing righter only makes them wronger.*** - ***Managing costs causes costs.*** - IT teams are often managed by system measures that drive sub-optimisation: - Utilisation - Billable time - Target dates - Activity - Having learned how ***managing costs drives costs up*** instead. Managements focus is on managing value by which we mean designing services to ensure customers get what they need. **Study Demand:** - ***Understanding demand is management treasure***, a lever for improvement that is simply out of reach to command and control management teams. - ***Knowledge of customer demand is the most important lever.*** - The vital purpose for leaders is to gain knowledge of how the system generates and keeps customers. - Leadership expertise required is simply, the competence to listen. Understand, and help the citizen be clear about what matters to them. - Take an ***“***outside-in***”***perspective. That is standing in the customer's shoes, rather than top-down, and work is designed according to the principles of demand value and flow, just doing the value work. Instead of being divided into functional specialisms, decision making is integrated with work and conventional measures are either abandoned or relegated to lagging status, not used for making decisions. - To make a change, ***managers first need to study the system***. However many managers struggle to find any time. Their time is taken up with command and control management. Monitoring activity, managing the works and managing costs. Most managers delegate the change work to other people in their teams. - ***Upon studying demand most managers will be emotionally shocked at what they find. Most cannot ignore the dysfunction they find.*** - ***The management factory***. Divide between operations and management. Those are the two systems, not one. Getting on in the management factory is dependent on having and being able to present good ideas, or at least perceived as good by current norms. Usually, management factory intervenes but never stay around long enough to see if the interventions had even been delivered, let alone whether they were effective or not. In the management factory initiatives are usually evaluate or being on plan, rather than actually working, there’s so much change or interference going on, that it’s difficult to attribute outcomes to any one initiative. Even substantial failure, such as channels stuffed with failure demand is often invisible to leaders because of the blind spots in their control systems. Gary Hamel estimates that in US organisations, as much as 80% of the workforce is employed in the management factory **Misc:** - ***Start without IT.*** The first design has to be manual. Simple physical means like pinboards tea cards, spreadsheets. Record the job, and what matters to the customer. - Starting with IT often just recreates a broken system in a digital form. It rarely has a positive or meaningful change to customer value - Many change agents ***use planned improvement conjecture in business cases as evidence of delivered improvement***. - HR is posed with a dilemma. ***Most improvements to performance come from changes to the system yet most HR practices focuses in development and management of the individual***. --- ## Book Summary: How To Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi | The 3 Big Ideas URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-be-an-antiracist Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-be-an-antiracist.md Date: 2020-06-21 Topics: book-summaries A book summary providing the 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling Quotes and 1 key action from How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. [Buy](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) | [Reviews](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) | [Bio](https://www.ibramxkendi.com/) | [Read on Blinkist](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/c/2620414/836991/10732) ## 3 big ideas Book Summary [How To Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) **1.** It is critical to have a common definition of key terms. You cannot engage in productive dialogue about racism unless you have a shared understanding of terms. Definitions within the book: - **Racist** – One who is supporting a racist policy through their actions or inaction or expressing a racist idea. - **Antiracist** – One who is supporting an antiracist policy through their actions or expressing an antiracist idea. - **Racism** – A marriage of racist policies and racist ideas that produce and normalize racial inequities. - **Antiracism** – A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to racial equity and are substantiated by antiracist ideas. ![Anti Racist Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fa07f31576454220a8d8e4ee6d5c4e9a~mv2.jpg) ## [Share on Twitter](https://ctt.ac/bn6cf) **2.** Many people say they are ***"not-racist"*** but that is not enough. It is not enough to be neutral. Through neutrality you enable racism. **You are either racist or anti-racist.** **3.** Racist ideas can come from both Assimilationist and Segregationist Ideas: - **Assimilationist Ideas** – Black people are inferior by nurture. The belief that inferiority has come through nurture. - **Segregationist Ideas** – Black people are inferior by nature. They will never be as good as whites. ## Best quotes Book Summary [How To Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) > “White supremacists are the ones supporting policies that benefit racist power against the interests of the majority of White people. White supremacists claim to be pro-White but refuse to acknowledge that climate change is having a disastrous impact on the earth White people inhabit. They oppose affirmative-action programs, despite White women being their primary beneficiaries.” > “Whenever the antiracist sees individuals behaving positively or negatively, the antiracist sees exactly that: individuals behaving positively or negatively, not representatives of whole races. **Behavior is something humans do, not races.**” [Share Quote on Twitter](https://ctt.ac/s97Tc) ## Toby's takeaway **Don’t be not-racist be anti-racist**. This was a profound realisation that saying you are "not racist" is just not enough. You have to take action to fight racism otherwise your inaction is a sign of racism. This will be a difficult realisation for many when reading this book. These how to be an antiracist cliff notes share examples of antiracist actions and expressions: > To be antiracist is to see all cultures in all their differences as on the same level, as equals. When we see the cultural difference, we are seeing cultural difference—nothing more, nothing less. Book Summary [How To Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) ## Summary How to be an antiracist: [![Book Cover of How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X.Kendi](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0be8ff7c049d4a98988fecb77dd36c23~mv2.jpg)](https://amzn.to/2WUAfFi) A Book Summary of How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X.Kendi A longer summary of [Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) covering: - [Origins of Race](#viewer-ebkv6) - [Avoiding Color-blindness](#viewer-1j1hh) - [Examples of Microaggression](#viewer-5jg0s) - [Ethnicity](#viewer-5905o) - [Behaviour](#viewer-ebuh3) - [Colorism](#viewer-46tq) - [White Racism](#viewer-felvh) ## Video Summary of key concepts: ## Race Origins of Race: - French poet Jacques de Brézé first used the term “race” in a 1481 hunting poem. In 1606, the same diplomat who brought the addictive tobacco plant to France formally defined race for the first time in a major European dictionary. “Race … means descent,” 6 Jean Nicot wrote in the Trésor de la langue française. “Therefore, it is said that a man, a horse, a dog, or another animal is from a good or bad race.” From the beginning, to make races was to make a racial hierarchy. - Beginning in 1735, Carl Linnaeus locked in the racial hierarchy of humankind in Systema Naturae. He colour-coded the races as White, Yellow, Red, and Black. He attached each race to one of the four regions of the world and described their characteristics. The Linnaeus taxonomy became the blueprint that nearly every enlightened race maker followed and that race makers still follow today. - Race is a mirage but one that humanity has organized itself around in very real ways. ![Blinkist Advert](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6920055557e2494595f2813d8975c6d4~mv2.png) Avoid colour-blindness: - The gift of seeing myself as Black instead of being colour-blind is that it allows me to clearly see myself historically and politically as being an antiracist, as a member of the interracial body striving to accept and equate and empower racial difference of all kinds. - Assimilationists believe in the post-racial myth that talking about race constitutes racism, or that if we stop identifying by race, then racism will miraculously go away. They fail to realize that if we stop using racial categories, then we will not be able to identify racial inequity. If we cannot identify racial inequity, then we will not be able to identify racist policies. If we cannot identify racist policies, then we cannot challenge racist policies. If we cannot challenge racist policies, then racist power’s final solution will be achieved: a world of inequity none of us can see, let alone resist. Terminating racial categories is potentially the last, not the first, step in the antiracist struggle. ## What drives racism? ![Systems Maps - General (14)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fc3ea8431703406ca99ac04144f73040~mv2.jpg) Biased by Jennifer Eberhardt explains the Bias of Racism in her book Biased. [You can read my summary of the book here](/post/book-summary-biased-dr-jennifer-eberhardt) We often see and remember the race and not the individual. This is racist categorizing, this stuffing of our experiences with individuals into colour-marked racial closets. An antiracist treats and remembers individuals as individuals. “She acted that way,” we should say, “because she is racist.” ## Microagression “Microaggression,” the constant verbal and nonverbal abuse racist White people unleash on Black people wherever we go, day after day. Examples of "Microagression" - A White woman grabs her purse when a Black person sits next to her. - The seat next to a Black person stays empty on a crowded bus. - A White woman calls the cops at the sight of Black people barbecuing in the park. - White people telling us that our practiced talents are natural. - Assuming we are the help. > I do not use “microaggression” anymore. I detest the post-racial platform that supported its sudden popularity. I detest its component parts—“ micro” and “aggression.” A persistent daily low hum of racist abuse is not minor. I use the term “abuse” because aggression is not as exacting a term. Abuse accurately describes the action and its effects on people: distress, anger, worry, depression, anxiety, pain, fatigue, and suicide. ## Ethnicity We practice ethnic racism when we express a racist idea about an ethnic group or support a racist policy toward an ethnic group. Ethnic racism, like racism itself, points to group behavior, instead of policies, as the cause of disparities between groups. When Ghanaian immigrants to the United States join with White Americans and say African Americans are lazy, they are recycling the racist ideas of White Americans about African Americans. This is ethnic racism. To be antiracist is to view national and transnational ethnic groups as equal in all their differences. To be antiracist is to challenge the racist policies that plague racialized ethnic groups across the world. To be antiracist is to view the inequities between all racialized ethnic groups as a problem of policy. ## Behaviour One of racism’s harms is the way it falls on the unexceptional Black person who is asked to be extraordinary just to survive—and, even worse, the Black screwup who faces the abyss after one error, while the White screwup is handed second chances and empathy. To be an antiracist is to recognize there is no such thing as racial behavior. To be an antiracist is to recognize there is no such thing as Black behavior, let alone irresponsible Black behavior. Black behavior is as fictitious as Black genes. There is no “Black gene.” No one has ever scientifically established a single “Black behavioral trait.” ## Education The use of standardized tests to measure aptitude and intelligence is one of the most effective racist policies ever devised to degrade Black minds and legally exclude Black bodies. We degrade Black minds every time we speak of an “academic-achievement gap” based on these numbers. The acceptance of an academic-achievement gap is just the latest method of reinforcing the oldest racist idea: Black intellectual inferiority. **Education Alternatives:** - What if we measured intelligence by how knowledgeable individuals are about their own environments? - What if we measured intellect by an individual’s desire to know? - What if we realized the best way to ensure an effective educational system is not by standardizing our curricula and tests but by standardizing the opportunities available to all students? As long as the mind thinks there is something behaviorally wrong with a racial group, the mind can never be antiracist. As long as the mind oppresses the oppressed by thinking their oppressive environment has retarded their behavior, the mind can never be antiracist. As long as the mind is racist, the mind can never be free. Whenever the antiracist sees individuals behaving positively or negatively, the antiracist sees exactly that: individuals behaving positively or negatively, not representatives of whole races. To be antiracist is to deracialize behavior, to remove the tattooed stereotype from every racialized body. **Behavior is something humans do, not races.** ## Colorism: Colorism is a collection of racist policies that cause inequities between Light people and Dark people, and these inequities are substantiated by racist ideas about Light and Dark people. White people usually favor lighter-skinned politicians over darker-skinned ones. Research studies from the book highlights: - Dark African American students receive significantly lower GPAs than Light students. - Even Dark Filipino men have lower incomes than their lighter peers in the United States. - Dark immigrants to the United States, no matter their place of origin, tend to have less wealth and income than Light immigrants. - Dark African Americans receive the harshest prison sentences and more time behind bars. - Dark female students are nearly twice as likely to be suspended as White female students, while researchers found no disparity between Light and White female students. ## White Racism: To be antiracist is to never mistake the global march of White racism for the global march of White people. To be antiracist is to never mistake the antiracist hate of White racism for the racist hate of White people. To be antiracist is to never conflate racist people with White people, knowing there are antiracist Whites and racist non-Whites. To be antiracist is to see ordinary White people as the frequent victimizers of people of color and the frequent victims of racist power. Donald Trump’s economic policies are geared toward enriching White male power—but at the expense of most of his White male followers, along with the rest of us. White supremacist is code for anti-White, and White supremacy is nothing short of an ongoing program of genocide against the White race. In fact, it’s more than that: White supremacist is code for anti-human, a nuclear ideology that poses an existential threat to human existence. [![Blinkist Advert 2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_163b6c019560474a9a260b285315a0e8~mv2.png)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/c/2620414/836998/10732) ## Additional Facts and Research from Book: - During the 2013–14 academic year, Black students were four times more likely than White students to be suspended from public schools, according to Department of Education data. - Black people comprise 13 percent of the U.S. population. And yet, in 2015, Black bodies accounted for at least 26 percent of those killed by police, 12 declining slightly to 24 percent in 2016, 22 percent in 2017, and 21 percent in 2018, according to The Washington Post. - Unarmed Black bodies—which apparently look armed to fearful officers—are about twice as likely to be killed as unarmed White bodies. - In Pennsylvania, a recent statewide study found that at any given poverty level, districts with a higher proportion of White students receive significantly more funding than districts with more students of color. - India, “fairness” creams topped $ 200 million in 2014.63 Today, skin lighteners are used by 70 percent of women in Nigeria; 35 percent in South Africa; 59 percent in Togo; and 40 percent in China, Malaysia, the Philippines, and South Korea. 64 ## Definitions: 1. ANTIRACIST - One who is supporting an antiracist policy through their actions or expressing an antiracist idea. 2. RACISM - Racism is a marriage of racist policies and racist ideas that produce and normalize racial inequities 3. RACIST INEQUITY - Racial inequity is when two or more racial groups are not standing on approximately equal footing. Here’s an example of racial inequity 4. RACIST POLICIES - A racist policy is any measure that produces or sustains racial inequity between racial groups. An antiracist policy is any measure that produces or sustains racial equity between racial groups. By policy, I mean written and unwritten laws, rules, procedures, processes, regulations, and guidelines that govern people. There is no such thing as a nonracist or race-neutral policy. Every policy in every institution in every community in every nation is producing or sustaining either racial inequity or equity between racial groups. RACIST IDEAS - A racist idea is any idea that suggests one racial group is inferior or superior to another racial group in any way. 5. ASSIMILATIONIST - One who is expressing the racist idea that a racial group is culturally or behaviorally inferior and is supporting cultural or behavioral enrichment programs to develop that racial group. 6. SEGREGATIONIST - One who is expressing the racist idea that a permanently inferior racial group can never be developed and is supporting a policy that segregates away that racial group. 7. RACE - A power construct of collected or merged difference that lives socially. 8. BIOLOGICAL RACIST - One who is expressing the idea that the races are meaningfully different in their biology and that these differences create a hierarchy of value. 9. BIOLOGICAL ANTIRACIST - One who is expressing the idea that the races are meaningfully the same in their biology and there are no genetic racial differences. 10. ETHNIC RACISM - A powerful collection of racist policies that lead to inequity between racialized ethnic groups and are substantiated by racist ideas about racialized ethnic groups. 11. ETHNIC ANTIRACISM - A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to equity between racialized ethnic groups and are substantiated by antiracist ideas about racialized ethnic groups. 12. BODILY RACIST - One who is perceiving certain racialized bodies as more animal-like and violent than others. 13. CULTURAL RACIST - One who is creating a cultural standard and imposing a cultural hierarchy among racial groups. 14. CULTURAL ANTIRACIST - One who is rejecting cultural standards and equalizing cultural differences among racial groups. 15. BEHAVIORAL RACIST - One who is making individuals responsible for the perceived behavior of racial groups and making racial groups responsible for the behavior of individuals. 16. BEHAVIORAL ANTIRACIST - One who is making racial group behavior fictional and individual behavior real. 17. COLORISM - A powerful collection of racist policies that lead to inequities between Light people and Dark people, supported by racist ideas about Light and Dark people. 18. ANTI-WHITE RACIST - One who is classifying people of European descent as biologically, culturally, or behaviorally inferior or conflating the entire race of White people with racist power. 19. POWERLESS DEFENSE - The illusory, concealing, disempowering, and racist idea that Black people can’t be racist because Black people don’t have power. 20. CLASS RACIST - One who is racializing the classes, supporting policies of racial capitalism against those race-classes, and justifying them by racist ideas about those race-classes. 21. SPACE RACISM - A powerful collection of racist policies that lead to resource inequity between racialized spaces or the elimination of certain racialized spaces, which are substantiated by racist ideas about racialized spaces. 22. SPACE ANTIRACISM - A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to racial equity between integrated and protected racialized spaces, which are substantiated by antiracist ideas about racialized spaces. 23. GENDER RACISM - A powerful collection of racist policies that lead to inequity between race-genders and are substantiated by racist ideas about race-genders. 24. GENDER ANTIRACISM - A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to equity between race-genders and are substantiated by anti-racist ideas about race-genders. 25. QUEER RACISM - A powerful collection of racist policies that lead to inequity between race-sexualities and are substantiated by racist ideas about race-sexualities. 26. QUEER ANTIRACISM - A powerful collection of antiracist policies that lead to equity between race-sexualities and are substantiated by antiracist ideas about race-sexualities. 27. ACTIVIST - One who has a record of power or policy change. Book Summary [How To Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi](https://amzn.to/3fQyRfU) --- ## 12 Organisational Design Principles that Embrace Complexity URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity.md Date: 2020-06-20 Topics: organisational-design Embrace complexity with these 12 organisational design principles. Curated from industry leaders including Dave Snowden the creator of the Cynefin Framework. 12 Organisation Design Principles that embrace complexity **What is this collection of organisational design principles?** These principles have been curated from a panel discussion series with industry leaders. Hosted by Nigel Thurlow, the panel includes leaders such as Dave Snowden, who created the Cynefin Framework, the authors of Team Topologies, Jabe Bloom, Sonja Blignaut and Andrew Blain. Links to profiles and panel videos at bottom of this post. **What makes these principles different?** These organisational design principles are grounded in the belief that organisations are complex adaptive systems. Organisations are emergent in nature and cannot be designed up-front. Instead, conditions should be created for the design to emerge. **12 Organisation Design Principles:** 1. Foster Informal Networks 2. Follow the Golden Rules of Crisis Management 3. Embrace Sympoietic Systems 4. Use Organisational Scaffolding 5. Use temporal interventions 6. Distribute cognition and decision making 7. Don't scrap the hierarchy 8. Increase the Organisations Adaptive Capacity 9. Lower the Energy Gradient needed for Change 10. Don't Outsource Organisation Design 11. Manage Constraints 12. Enable Resilience and Robustness ![Inforgraphic of the 12 Organisation Design Principles that embrace complexity](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d74b540b0dff443f8238ee10ed12bc0d~mv2.png) ### **These principles help you avoid these common organisational design traps** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/8616c2ac52ee4d0294dd3c7e578228a1.jpg) ### **The false belief that organisations can be designed** Organisational Design has a central flaw that it creates an assumption that an organisation can be designed. Typical organisation design looks at the individual parts. The people, the layers, the spans. The parts are then assembled together to deliver the optimal results. It is the belief of the panel members that organisations cannot be designed "upfront". The principles shared can be used to take a different approach to organisational design that embraces complexity. Many organisation design efforts assume organisations are like a zoo, simple and ordered. The reality is organisational complexity is more like a jungle highly connected and full of surprises. **Hope Despair Cycle** This is caused by designing for an ideal target state and then trying to move towards that. You will end up in a hope and despair cycle. You should avoid designing for a target end-state instead define starting conditions and let the design emerge with a sense of direction. It is important to evolve from the present moment, not an ideal end state. Understand the conditions of the present moment. For example, your map out your existing constraints. Dave Snowden highlights the importance of [constraint mapping](https://www.cognitive-edge.com/blog/the-knotty-issue-of-constraints/). Spotify is an example where this worked well. They defined a set of organisation principles and let the design emerge. Unfortunately, many people copy this model and fall into the hope despair cycle by designing for the end-state. Aka lets implement the Spotify model. **Mediation** Senior management is abstracted from the organisational design. They often hire consultants to do the design work. Managers need to do design work. They cannot delegate this important activity. This means learning about how to approach organisational design. **Cognition is not distributed** A connected trap is that cognition is not distributed. Often organisational design consultants will analyse the organisation and then design upfront. They often do this in a silo relying on copies of other organisation designs such as the Spotify model. Organisations should create conditions to distribute the design. This is where informal networks become important. **Work at an abstract level not in the detail** It's common for management to talk about abstract organisational design models and approaches without getting into the reality of the detail. These abstract ideas look good on a PowerPoint but may not be suitable for the system. Managers should focus on experiments that allow the organisational design to emerge. **Using ineffective Metaphors** The Manufacturing Metaphor is pervasive within Organisations and leads to perverse results. Organisations are not like machines. Organisations are more like an ecological system than manufacturing systems. There should be caution however in using a biological metaphor. In a biological system, the feedback mechanisms can cause catastrophic failure. But human beings seem to have the capacity to go through a phase shift in a catastrophe and change identity structures. Human systems are more complex. Once you shift metaphors you start to design and interact with the organisation in a different way. **Conflicting Goals** Several conflicting optimisation goals exist in the organisation. This creates confusion across the organisation. Often organisations want to increase efficiency and effectiveness but often a Utilisation problem occurs. Managers max people out which increases the time to deliver and size of queues. ### **Principle 1 - Foster Informal Networks** ![Organisational Design Principles Informal Networks](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/39d917d4113c48398c9fe12e2c15a6f2.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Informal Networks Formal and Informal networks exist within an organisation. The majority of organisational learning (70%) happens in informal networks. You need to learn to amplify and foster informal networks. Many organisations, unfortunately, dampen informal networks rather than foster them. Trust is automatic within Informal Networks. This is because people can opt-in or out. There is a high energy cost to create trust within a formal network. The conditions are not present for trust to emerge easily. To foster Informal Networks create an attractor that pulls people into the network then encourage the network to problem solve collectively on their most important challenges. A key aspect of the informal networks is the encouragement of boundary spanning. People working across traditional boundaries. This helps distribute the cognition within the organisation. It's important to reward, promote and encourage boundary spanning. With organisational politics, it can often be seen as a negative. Within the formal network, organisations should be aware of the number of people in value-creating roles vs organisational management roles. Often within formal networks, there are high degrees of coordination roles. Andrew Blain calls this Organisational BMI. The ratio of value creators to coordinators. It's a problem when you have so many coordinators they distract the value creators from creating value. ### **Principle 2 - Crisis Management Golden Rules** ![Organisational Design Principles Crisis Management](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/b36cffa62cce4645b1ddf3e0bc1b2680.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Crisis Management Dave Snowden's two golden rules for Crisis Management: 1. Coordinate in the centre, don’t make decisions. Distribute cognition and decision making 2. Communicate by engagement. Don’t communicate to people, engage in the problem with people so you can understand it. More: [Webinar: Leading in Uncertainty – Cognitive Edge](/post/webinar-leading-in-uncertainty-cognitive-edge-learning-notes) ### **Principle 3 - Focus on Sympoietic Systems rather than Autopoietic Systems** ![Organisational Design Principles Sympoietic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/29cc911599d44d2b80a1f9177af7302f.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Sympoietic Often organisational design approaches focus on individual parts rather than the whole. It is important to remember **how things connect are more important than what they are**. This means focusing on the connections between teams rather than on the team itself. This concept is defined when as Autopoietic and Sympoietic Systems. **Autopoietic System Examples:** - Tree - Individual Human - An expert driven task force - Technical Jargon **Sympoietic System Examples:** - Forest - Community - Common English - Open Groups In [Team Topologies](https://teamtopologies.com/) they explore these interactions highlighting three examples: 1. **Collaboration** – Working together on discovery 2. **Service** – provision of service between teams 3. **Facilitating** – diagnosing issues, providing temporary support. Coaching mentoring guiding. Often SME’s More: [Research article exploring this topic](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/4429/9317a20afcd33b0a11d3b2bf4fc196088d45.pdf) You might also be interested in my article on "[Rewilding Organisations - An ecological approach to change](/post/rewilding-organisations)" ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_497dbae41466489dbaeece3a2074ccc7~mv2.png) ### **Principle 4 - Leverage Organisational Scaffolding** ![Organisational Design Principles Scaffolding](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a9aecfcd0c474899a57da07176a929c4.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Scaffolding Organisational Scaffolding is a structure, often temporary that can be used to help the emergence of desired outcomes. Scaffolding helps create the right conditions. Examples of scaffolding include: - Free breakfast for staff - Many companies do this to foster collaboration and informal networks to emerge - Daily Stand Up - A lightweight approach to encourage communication More: [Notes on Scaffolding and Constraints in Complexity](https://medium.com/rettigs-notes/notes-on-scaffolding-and-constraints-in-complexity-59407f93be58) ### **Principle 5 - Temporal Organisation Design Interventions** ![Organisational Design Principles Temporal](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/6023b017fd5e480a9d1e7b58788a007f.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Temporal When approaching Organisational Design interventions you should be aware of the temporal nature of change. How long does the intervention need to exist? Not all changes should be permanent. Three categories of temporal organisational design interventions: 1. **Stable** – Intended to be fixed over time once introduced 2. **Plastic** – Change over time 3. **Ephemeral** – Lasts for a very short amount of time. Not valuable after the intervention The categorisation is important for the following reasons: - Avoids over-investment in intervention – Don’t over-invest Ephemeral interventions. They are meant to be thrown away - Easier to add to organisations than remove. Easier to scale than descaling. Removing roles, titles, badges, rules, policies are very difficult - As a result, Ephemeral interventions are the hardest. Be careful to dispose of the intervention (Take the scaffolding down) ### **Principle 6 - Distribute cognition and decision making** ![Organisational Design Principles Distribute Cognition](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/2e0338287b2c4edaae950630b29be851.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Distribute Cognition It's important to avoid the trap of designing organisations in isolation or delegating to an external consultancy. Put the power of organisational design into the power of people. Allow the design to emerge through self-organisation. This doesn't mean a free for all. Management needs to provide patterns and constraints to teams from which they can self-organise. It is often that people with the talent are excluding from the process of organisational design. Ensure to include diverse perspectives. Managers want to make change happen rather than listening and understanding the system. **Management interventions often destroy value that already existed**. They often make things worse. Many organisational design efforts attempt to improve decision making in organisations. However often the ideas around decision making can be problematic. For example, senior executives think their productivity is decision making. They try to make as many decisions as possible but their productivity should come from creating the right conditions for other people to make decisions. Distributed decision making and cognition. The Product Owner is typically not an effective role as other managers within the system overrule decisions. A big challenge today is so many people in senior positions have no experience in the functions of their teams. There are many general managers with no experience of how the work works. So they can only make decisions based on the centre of a normal distribution. So the minute you hit an environment where the distribution isn’t normal anymore they just lost, where some of you grown up in the environment would know what to do. Part of the decentralisation of decision making is to re-skill the individuals who need to make decisions in order to increase the adaptive capacity of the organisation for times in which challenges occur Caution should be raised around consensus in organisational decision making. Consensus can be damaging for situations where novelty and innovation are needed which is often in the face complex situations. ### **Principle 7 - Hierarchy is still important** ![Organisational Design Principles Hierarchy is Important](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/11062b_722d72cab3064780af871ae129c4941a~mv2_d_4246_2450_s_4_2.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Hierarchy is Important It is a misconception that the Hierarchy in organisations is bad. Hierarchy is an important constraint. Without a hierarchy there wouldn’t be friction and Mavericks wouldn't emerge. Within a crisis hierarchy, a chain of command becomes vital. Hierarchy can also create a healthy “back pressure” effect: If we don’t make this decision the manager will (x). Organisational Designs needs to be aware of both the formal hierarchy and also the informal network. It is important to have degrees of both within the organisation. ### **Principle 8 - Increase Organisations Adaptive Capacity** ![Organisational Design Principles Adaptive Capacity](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/64356acc9ec1449cbd5795e70597abaf.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Adaptive Capacity [Adaptive Capacity](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) is the ability of an organisation to respond to change. A primary goal of any organisation design efforts is to increase the Adaptive Capacity of an organisation. Adaptive Capacity is like a budget. When you use it all the organisation can become very rigid and freeze. Similar to our fear capacity. As we increase fear humans can freeze. Creating the right amount of Adaptive Capacity within an organisation is important When there is Low/Stable Environmental (Market forces, Societal issues etc.) Pressure an Organisation does not need much adaptive capacity. They can continue to make small adjustments as needed to enable change. When there is High/Unstable Environmental Pressure an Organisation needs high adaptive capacity. Ability to refocus energy around a challenge quickly. Ability to reform the organisation around that challenge. Organisations with low adaptive capacity will quickly use up their available “adaptive budget” and freeze. Highly adaptive organisations can sense their environmental pressure and respond. They can also sense when the environment has changed and they can move back to more stable design. A connected topic to Adaptive Capacity is the subject of “Graceful extensibility” coined by David Woods. It “is a positive capability to stretch near and beyond boundaries when surprise occurs" Organisations should build the capacity to embrace surprise. Often surprises are seen as risks that should be avoided. David also talks about Regime Shifts which are large, abrupt, persistent changes in the structure and function of complex systems. Organisations should build the ability to detect these regime shifts and adapt quickly as they occur. More: [What is Adaptive Capacity?](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) ### **Principle 9 - Organisational Energy Gradients** ![Organisational Design Principles Energy Gradient](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/861023e238c448b383a815f878fe4723.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Energy Gradient It is important for organisations to be aware of the energy gradients involved with change. How much energy does it take to move from one state to another? - Organisations with a lower energy gradient can enable faster learning. - Organisations with a higher energy gradient it becomes harder to learn and change. If something is sustainable in the informal system the energy cost of making it formal is very low. Whereas if something isn’t naturally present in the system the energy cost of creating it is very high. In a crisis is the energy costs to change drops significantly. This is because the context has made people prepared to do things differently. An example is during the coronavirus crisis where organisations who were reluctant to embrace working from home were suddenly forced to embrace that. The energy cost to shift to more flexible working was reduced. Energy Gradients is a concept taken from Physics. More: [On Energy Gradients - Dave Snowden](https://www.cognitive-edge.com/blog/on-energy-gradients/) ### **Principle 10 - Don't outsource Organisational Design** ![Organisational Design Principles Don't Outsource](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/8febd485097a429cabe629f0771f1fb6.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Don't Outsource Many big consultancies drive off the belief that “if you design your organisation like x, you will get the results company y are getting”. There is often a drive towards homogenous, monocultural organisational design. It is seen that “Industry standards and consistency” is a good thing but often these interventions are not suitable in other contexts. A challenge to be aware of is the dependency relationship that can be formed between the consultancy and the organisation. Many HR\OD departments have the CEO in a Stockholm syndrome relationship. ### **Principle 11 - Enable your organisation to be both resilient and robust** ![Organisational Design Principles Resilient and Robust](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/ed98c6c861a54a6d95a86bc60b5cdc59.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Resilient and Robust A system which is ***robust*** survives and change. A system which is ***resilient*** survives with continuity of identity over time. Informal networks enable a more resilient organisation. The multiple structures that emerge within the informal network and the interplay with the formal network is what can enable high degrees of resilience. These multiple structures create redundancy in the system which helps create resilience. There is oftentimes when you need the organisation to break. The ability to recognise failure, reassemble quickly with a different form is an aspect of resilience. When systems break and reform the become even stronger. The organisational design should enable this reassembly and reform. Again the interplay between informal and formal networks can help. More: [Resilience by Dave Snowden](https://www.cognitive-edge.com/blog/resilience/) ### **Principle 12 - Focus on what can be managed in complex systems (e.g. Constraints)** ![Organisational Design Principles Constraints](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/98bd671bf3a848a88db86be8eb3fda5e.jpg) Organisational Design Principles Constraints It is important to understand what can and cannot be managed within a complex system when looking at organisation design. Constraints are one example of something that can be managed in a complex system. Identify constraints, change constraints, see what happens. Find out which constraints which are brittle and what the impact of change is. When designing organisations don't focus on the things that cannot be managed. More: [What can be managed in Complex Systems?](/post/cynefin-foundations-training) ### **Videos** **Part 1** **Part 2** **Part 3** **Part 4** **Part 5** ### **The Panel:** - [Dave Snowden](https://twitter.com/snowded) - [Nigel Thurlow](https://twitter.com/nigelthurlow?lang=en) - [Andrew Blain](https://twitter.com/ajblain) - [Sonja Blignaut](https://twitter.com/sonjabl?s=20) - [Matthew Skelton](https://twitter.com/matthewpskelton) - [Manuel Pais](https://twitter.com/manupaisable) Thanks to the panel for an excellent set of discussions on Organisation Design. --- ## Book Summary: Biased by Dr Jennifer Eberhardt | Free Infographic URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-biased-dr-jennifer-eberhardt Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-biased-dr-jennifer-eberhardt.md Date: 2020-06-17 Topics: book-summaries A book summary of the 3 big ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from Biased by Dr Jennifer Eberhardt. ![Biased by Dr Jennifer Eberhardt - Book Summary Infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d03aaee0763b4a9a88e256825237e87d~mv2.png) [Buy](https://amzn.to/3nWBCiw) | [Reviews](https://amzn.to/3nWBCiw) | [Bio](https://web.stanford.edu/~eberhard/about-jennifer-eberhardt.html) ## 3 big ideas 1. Bias negatively impacts Black people in almost all parts of society. Housing, Education, Criminal Justice, Employment etc. The bias is built into the system. 2. Mental Priming and Fear are some of the primary drivers of bias. These factors are particularly present in the Criminal Justice System. 3. Color blindness, ignoring race, can lead to negative impacts. When people focus on not seeing color, they may also fail to see discrimination. ## Best quotes > *“For the most part we do not first see, and then define, we define first and then see”* > *“The formulas used to calculate bail often rely on factors—job stability, arrest history, family resources—that circumstantially disadvantage young black men. Analysts estimate that the bail premium charged to black male defendants is 35 percent more than what white defendants pay”* ## 1 Action Seek feedback in moments of fear and high pressure when biases might be driving my thinking. This is when bias is most likely to occur. ## A longer summary of Biased by Jennifer Eberhardt if you have more time… [Buy](https://amzn.to/3nWBCiw) | [Reviews](https://amzn.to/3nWBCiw) | [Bio](https://web.stanford.edu/~eberhard/about-jennifer-eberhardt.html) **Facts and Figures from studies shared in the book:** - In 2016, nearly a thousand people were killed in the United States by police officers. - Black people are stopped by police at disproportionate levels and are more likely to have force used upon them. - Only a fraction of officers involved in questionable shootings are prosecuted, and it’s rare to get a conviction. - 60 percent of the stops officers made in Oakland were of black people, although blacks made up only 28 percent of the Oakland population at the time. Blacks were disproportionately stopped even when we controlled for factors like the crime rate and the racial breakdown of residents in the areas where the stops took place. - Black drivers are twice as likely as white drivers to have been stopped for a high-discretion equipment violation as opposed to a moving violation. - While blacks made up 67 percent of Ferguson’s population, they accounted for 85 percent of vehicle stops and 90 percent of citations. And though black drivers were twice as likely to be searched by police, they were 26 percent less likely than whites to be found in possession of contraband. - The United States has the highest incarceration rate of any industrialized nation in the world. We account for only 4.4 percent of the world’s population but house 22 percent of the world’s prisoners. More than 2.1 million Americans were behind bars in 2017. - Although blacks make up just 12 percent of the U.S. population, nearly 40 percent of the nation’s prison inmates are black. - White people are likely to be a minority in this country, according to U.S. Census Bureau projections - More than half of white Americans—55 percent—believe there is discrimination against white people in the United States today, according to a 2017 survey by Harvard University’s School of Public Health **Categorization Biases:** - A universal function of the brain that allows us to organize and manage the overload of stimuli that constantly bombard us. - This bias impedes our efforts to embrace and understand people who are deemed not like us - Out-group members, are not processed as deeply or attended to as carefully. - The concept of stereotypes dates back to the time of Plato, whose dialogues explored the question of whether one’s perceptions correspond to the actual state of affairs. - “Other-race effect.” people are much better at recognizing faces of their own race than faces of other races - By the time babies are three months old, their brains react more strongly to faces of their own race than to faces of people unlike them **Bias and Perception:** - Implicit bias can be layered and complicated. It’s simple to explain, but not so easy to see or to rectify. - Bias drives what we perceive, how we think, and the actions we take. - Research shows that fear can be a driver of bias. The same fear response that’s supposed to keep us safe can activate bias in ways that stigmatize and threaten others - Research shows that people tend to grossly overestimate the extent to which they will speak out against prejudice, particularly when they are not the target of the offense. - When someone seems foreign or unfamiliar or unpredictable, your gut reactions prepare you to be wary. That is when out-group bias can surface instinctively **Police Shootings:** - Participants were even faster to respond “shoot” to a black person holding a gun than they were to a white person holding a gun. - More likely to mistakenly “shoot” a black person with no gun. - Racial bias was found both in the speed of response and in the decision whether to shoot. **Criminal Justice System:** - **Arrest** – 11 million arrest each year. Three-quarters for nonviolent offences - **Bail** – Many people cannot afford pre-trial bail. The formulas used to calculate bail often rely on factors—job stability, arrest history, family resources—that circumstantially disadvantage young black men. Analysts estimate that the bail premium charged to black male defendants is 35 percent more than what white defendants pay - **Plea Bargaining** – Black defendants are more likely than whites, Asians, or Latinos to be offered plea deals that require prison time, particularly for drug-related crimes - **Defence** – Blacks are also more likely to rely on the free public defender system, which puts them at a distinct disadvantage. Black defendants who hire private attorneys are almost twice as likely to have the primary charge against them reduced than are the black clients of public defenders. - **Sentence** – Decades of research have shown that murderers of white victims are significantly more likely to be sentenced to death than murderers of black people—even when controlling for nonracial factors that could influence sentencing. - **Release** – The prison experience has been shown to dramatically deepen social inequality, marginalizing former inmates in almost every significant sphere **Housing:** - African Americans are more likely than any other group to live in segregated neighbourhoods. - According to studies by sociologists Lincoln Quillian and Devah Pager, the more blacks there are in a community, the higher people imagine the crime rate to be—regardless of whether statistics bear that out. That correlates with fear and with bias. ## You might also be interested in: ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0be8ff7c049d4a98988fecb77dd36c23~mv2.jpg) [Read the full summary](/post/book-summary-how-to-be-an-antiracist) **Talking about Race:** - Research shows that talking about racial issues with people of other races is particularly stressful for whites - Heart rates go up - Blood vessels constrict - Bodies prepare for a threat - Demonstrate cognitive depletion, struggling with simple things like word-recognition tasks. - Even thinking about talking about race can be emotionally demanding. In a study of how white people arranged the physical space when they knew they’d be in conversation with blacks, the arrangements varied based on the subject of those chats. When the study participants were told they’d be talking in small groups about love and relationships, they set the chairs close to one another. When they were told the topic was racial profiling, they put the chairs much farther apart. - As social psychologist Gordon Allport outlined in his 1954 classic, The Nature of Prejudice , contact has a much greater chance of piercing bias when the interactions meet these conditions: - equal status - condoned by authorities - personal rather than superficial. **Education:** - Black students are nearly four times as likely to be suspended from school as their white peers, according to a study conducted by the U.S. Office for Civil Rights involving more than ninety-six thousand K–12 public schools. - Black students are significantly more likely to be disciplined for relatively minor infractions than any other group. - Thus begins a vicious cycle: As black students pull back, their teachers may become more frustrated with them, and as the teachers’ frustration grows, those students become even more inclined to disengage or act out. **Danger of color blindness:** - One of the most common practices schools foster is the strategy of color blindness. Try not to notice color. Try not to think about color. If you don’t allow yourself to think about race, you can never be biased. - When people focus on not seeing color, they may also fail to see discrimination. - Encouraging children to remain blind to race dampened their detection of discrimination, which had ripple effects. Color blindness promoted exactly the opposite of what was intended: racial inequality. It left minority children to fend for themselves in an environment where the harms they endured could not be seen. **Employment:** - Today, the unemployment rate for black teens and young adults is about twice as high as it is for whites. At a time of life when critical work habits and life skills are developed, black teens in low-income neighbourhoods—where businesses, restaurants, and retail outlets are sparse—have fewer options and face adult competition for entry-level jobs. - Historically, not only are blacks less likely to be employed than whites; they have worse jobs and earn less money. Many factors contribute to these disparities, including the quality of the applicant’s social networks marshalled to secure employment as well as the level of education, skills, or experience certain jobs require. - “Diversity” has been a corporate watchword since before they were born. That’s supposed to reflect an enthusiastic embrace of new perspectives and a willingness to hear and accommodate previously marginalized voices. Instead, it seems to have become a numbers game. Companies want to check the boxes but not change their culture. So young people are desperately tailoring themselves to fit into those boxes. - For example, when it comes to corporate leadership roles, the mental associations between whiteness and leadership have contributed to the scarcity of minorities at the helm of powerhouse corporate entities. **Keeping Bias in check:** - Bias is not something we exhibit and act on all the time. It is conditional, and the battle begins by understanding the conditions under which it is most likely to come alive. - Among those conditions, speed and ambiguity are two of the strongest triggers of bias. When we are forced to make quick decisions using subjective criteria, the potential for bias is great. - Bias is also more likely to flare up when our decisions are left unmonitored when there are no checks and balances on the spur-of-the-moment choices we make. - Success requires us to be willing to tolerate that discomfort as we learn to communicate, get to know one another, and make deeper efforts to shift the underlying cultures that lead to bias and exclusion. --- ## Leading in Uncertainty with Cynefin – Cognitive Edge URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leading-in-uncertainty-with-cynefin Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leading-in-uncertainty-with-cynefin.md Date: 2020-06-11 Topics: systems-thinking-complexity What is the role of leadership in crisis? This article shares the thoughts of thought leaders in complexity and organisation design. Cynefin Leading in Uncertainty ### What is the role of leadership in crisis? Leaders are condition creators 1. Shape context (environment) 2. Nurture parts of the context that allow people to flourish. 3. Create conditions for all leaders within the system to co-create change 4. Work with the interface of authority 5. Allow collective leadership to emerge within constraints 6. Help prepare others for adaptive environments 7. Help others embrace and understand complexity: 1. What is complexity? 2. Emphasise complexity is continuous. It’s not going away 3. Help increase comfort with complexity. Reduce threat. 8. Help people recognise complex situations vs ordered situations ### Leadership behaviours that don’t work well in complexity 1. Humans try to respond to uncertainty with order – Build new habits to break these behaviours 2. More helpful response: 1. Let’s see what's going on now in the present moment. 2. I don’t know, I need to pay more attention 3. Leaders can fall into a reactive trap 4. Mistake – Leaders rely on the past – we did this ten years ago 5. Leaders try and overly control and shape the system 6. Leaders default to an order response and deny the complexity 7. Fail to seek novel solutions. Rely on what has worked in the past ### Adaptive Response 1. How to enable an adaptive response? 1. Create an Adaptive space – conflicting and connecting 2. Engage with emergence with a sense of direction towards an outcome 3. Opposing forces in tension – push for novelty vs push for stability 4. Engage the tension – embrace conflicting – amplify diversity 2. Ordered response we try to remove conflict 3. Need to start connecting the conflict towards some outcome 4. Amplify connections towards some agreement 5. Turn this into new normal(reality) of the system Links: 1. 2. ![How to master the art of creating the 'Adaptive Spaces' that ...](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a666c9ff24bf4cd4b8780b4117cbefee~mv2.png) ![Enabling adaptive space](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cb83c9c7b34c4e3db550f93d62c28c59~mv2.png) ![Adaptive Space](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_98e2850f9e0b4cf4839841140cadfa77~mv2.jpg) ### Inner-Capability of Leaders to lead others in Complexity 1. Not knowing is seen as a threat 2. We physically and emotionally experience the complexity 3. Shame is important to learning – The potential of shame increases the shame and drives learning 4. The experience of many today is: Not knowing plus fear of death 5. Leaders need to work on themselves to be comfortable to embrace this uncertainty. 6. Allow all voices to be heard: fear, shame, guilt. Embrace diversity. Create collective-intelligence 7. Learn to embrace the tension between formal (hierarchy) and informal(community) systems 8. People have a reactive response to complexity, driven by the threat 9. Questions for leaders: 1. How do I prepare myself internally to handle the adaptive nature of the system/environment? 2. How do I deal with all of the things coming at me? 10. Some leaders are natural complexity thinkers – not everyone will be able to think in this way but they can be trained in behaviours and skills 11. Leaders need to work at three levels – Myself, my environment, others ### Individual v Collective Leadership 1. A leaders job is to create leadership through the system 2. A leader should drop the hero complex 3. Leadership is not a scarce resource 4. Leadership is meaningless without the followship (and vice-versa) ### What is the question that emerges in this complexity? 1. What is the task of leadership? How might it be forming and reforming? 2. How do we help all of us handle the complexity of our collective challenges? 3. How do we build more resilience into our complex systems? ### Other: 1. [Generative Emergence – Benyamin Lichtenstein](https://www.oxfordscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199933594.001.0001/acprof-9780199933594) 2. Leadership in emergence 3. The leadership of emergence – How to run an organisation 4. The paradox is at the heart of the system 5. Real change is happening at the micro-local level 6. Answers are transient and questions remain **Related Links:** - - [My notes from the previous webinar in the Covid-19 series](/post/leading-in-uncertainty-with-cynefin) - [Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps – How to Thrive in Complexity – Jennifer Garvey Berger](/post/book-summary-unlocking-leadership-mindtraps-jennifer-garvey-berger) --- ## Cynefin Foundations Training – A Learning Journal by Toby Sinclair URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-foundations-training Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-foundations-training.md Date: 2020-06-10 Topics: systems-thinking-complexity A learning journal containing my ah-ha moments, puzzles and learning notes as I complete the Cynefin Foundations Online course A learning journal containing my ah-ha moments, puzzles and learning notes as I complete the [Cynefin Foundations Online course](https://cognitive-edge.com/events/cynefin-foundations-online-2/) ### **MODULE 1** **Topics:** 1. Welcome & Overview 2. Positioning the approach of anthro-complexity 3. Complexity Theory and managing in complexity 4. Exercises and Practice ### **3 Ah-ha Moments:** 1. **Five Things** – You can only manage five things in a complex system (see notes below). In particular I was intrigued by constraints and how different constraints respond to failure. 2. **Problem of Intermediation** – There is a tendency by senior managers to treat complex problems as ordered. My learning is that this is driven by Intermediation. Senior Management are often far removed from the realities of teams. Complexity is hidden and they only see the world through order in power points, steering committees etc. More disintermediation is needed so that Senior Managers can be exposed to complexity to help shift away from everything appearing like an ordered problem. Managers need experience complexity in order to embrace it. 3. **Goal Setting** – You cannot drive a complex system to a specific goal but you can experiment towards a sense of direction. I had learned through systems thinking that systems have implicit goals. In particular that you can define a system optimisation goal. Now i’m starting to question that thinking. A complex system has a disposition or sense of direction but it cannot have a specific, fixed goal. ### **2 Unanswered Questions:** 1. If complex systems are dispositional, how do you identify the systems disposition? 2. What examples of constraints exist within organisational systems? ### **1 Next Step:** 1. Perform [Constraint Mapping](https://cognitive-edge.com/blog/the-knotty-issue-of-constraints/) within my Organisational System to understand better the different types of constraints that exist (See notes below) ### **Learning Notes:** **Pitfalls with Systems Thinking** 1. It is different from Anthro-Complexity (Cynefin) 2. It is driven by an engineering mindset 3. It has value to limits 4. It can create a belief that systems can be controlled if we just understand it enough. 5. It can drive measurements which has negative effects. 6. It can lead to retrospective coherence 7. It can confuse correlation and causation **You can only manage five things in a complex system** 1. **Constraints** – containers, connections, context free, context specific () 2. **Identity** – Different identities in various contexts (husband vs employee) – Identity is an orientation. Identity highlights important of linkages 3. **Affordances** – designing the environment and allowing others to make that design a reality. We talk about self-organising teams but we need to enable the ability to adopt it. If people don’t believe it will work they won’t do it, or just token adopt it. Diversity fits into affordances. Diversity is essential in complex systems. Tiger teams – three people with diverse backgrounds to tackle a complex problem 4. **Assemblages** – a type of strange attractors – there is a pattern but not pathway used twice. Example: people get swept away in a story 5. **Attractors** – you cant create them but you can catalyse them. Bounce the ball at a children’s party. The attractor might fail. If it works you want to amplify. If it fails you want to dampen **Constraint Types:** **Resilient** – survives changed (salt marsh) 1. Permeable – salt marsh 2. Mutating – Case law system – law can change over time 3. Dark(Emergent) – You can see impact but you can’t find cause – taboo **Robust** – survives unchanged (sea wall) – catastrophic failure 1. Fixed – sea wall 2. Elastic – exercise band 3. Tethers – climbing rope [**Constraint Mapping**](https://cognitive-edge.com/blog/the-knotty-issue-of-constraints/) **Steps:** 1. Identify those which we can change 2. Identify those which can be changed by other actors 3. Complete a risk assessment on our and/or other actor changes 4. Identify constraint changes that will minimise risk 5. Commence parallel safe-to-fail experiments based on the above **Unique aspects of Human Systems:** 1. We make decisions based on patterns 2. We create and maintain multiple identities 3. We ascribe intentionality and cause where none necessarily exist 4. We have learnt how to structure their social interactions to create order **Characteristics of Complex Systems (**[**Professor Cilliers**](https://medium.com/@sonjablignaut/7-characteristics-of-complex-systems-707e9a1d792a)**)** 1. Consist of a **large number of elements** that in themselves can be simple. 2. The interactions are **nonlinear**. 3. many direct and indirect **feedback loops**. 4. Complex systems are **open systems** — they exchange energy or information with their environment — and operate at conditions far from equilibrium. 5. Complex systems have **memory**, not located at a specific place, but **distributed** throughout the system. Any complex system thus has a history, and the history is of cardinal importance to the behavior of the system. 6. Since the interactions are rich, dynamic, fed back, and, above all, nonlinear, the behavior of the system as a whole **cannot be predicted** from an inspection of its components. 7. Complex systems are **adaptive**. They can (re)organize their internal structure without the intervention of an external agent. **Heuristics for complexity** **3 Questions to ask (to focus)** 1. What can i change? Only 5 things (e.g. Constraints) 2. How can i monitor the impact of change? Foolish to change without ability to monitor 3. Where can i amplify or dampen result of change? **3 ways to manage** 1. Work in the small (Reduce granularity) – Focus on smaller experiments and see how they interact 2. Involve Diverse thinking (Distribute cognition) – example: sense-making – Involve many diverse perspectives for insights 3. Access Raw Data – Reduce layers between raw data and decision makers – Remove managers. Don’t summarise. Summarisation looses raw understanding. **3 things to avoid** 1. Retrospective Coherence – Hindsight doesn’t lead to foresight. Don’t use statements about the past to predict the future 2. Risk with Systems Thinking – Looking back at what the system is doing today won’t predict what will happen in future 3. Premature Convergence – People jump to solutions too quickly 4. Pattern blindness – Gorilla experiment > Much research in management science makes a basic error in logic in assuming that because successful companies have certain types of organizational structure, strategic process or whatever, that the assumption of those organization structures or strategic processes by another company will lead to that company being successful. This is the confusion between properties and qualities taught in 101 philosophy: *just because I see a Frenchman wearing glasses it does not follow that all Frenchmen wear glasses and even less so that if I put on glasses I will become French!* ### **MODULE 2** ## 3 Ah-ha Moments: 1. There is a “pathway” to move through the domains. For example from Complex to Obvious. I hadn’t previously understood the nature of movement through the domains so this was good learning. Expanded further in notes below. 2. Cynefin is a sense-making framework NOT a model 3. A model seeks to represent reality. A framework is a way to look at reality 4. Data should inform the framework. Avoid categorisation instead of sense-making ## 2 Unanswered Questions: 1. What case studies/examples exist of organisations moving a challenge/solution through the domains? 2. What indicators exist to inform what stage/section/level of the domain model you are in? For example, Heretics v Group Think ## 1 Next Step: 1. Explore and experiment with movement throughout all the domains ## Learning Notes: **Domain Models and Movement:** 1. Core to the Cynefin Framework is the movement between domains. For example, from Complex to Complicated and vice versa. 2. In addition, there is movement within a domain itself. Within complex domain for example. 3. This movement is described in 3×3 matrices for each domain. **Complex Domain Matrix** Within the complex domain, to act you need : 1. Some degree of evidence as coherence 2. People have to buy in to some degree to allow you to do experiments. **Scale** 1. Nature of Evidence: 2. Beyond reasonable doubt – Point where problem starts to transfer into complicated domain (Liminal state) 3. Inductive – Evidence it works in several cases it’s starting to go in the right direction 4. Gut feel or intuition – May not pass coherence tests 5. Degree of acceptance 6. On a small number of people, a Cognoscenti really get this right, this is an elite 7. Orthodox – accepted to most people come 8. Synchrony – That means everybody is walking in step, and there’s no dissent anymore **Line of coherence** 1. The lowest energy route through the domain is : Safe-to-fail experiments > Projects and itiaitives > Ready for Exploitation. **“Stages” within the domain** 1. Heretics and Mavericks – Most good ideas end up here, a small group of people who know this is true, but nobody believes. These are people who actually do see a new way of working, but they have no way of explaining it to the wider organization, it’s the guy who created digital photography in Kodak, but Kodak doesn’t believe there’s any future of it. 2. Skunkworks – Work on secret projects to build coherence and ability to “tell the story” to convince others 3. Coaching and Mediation – Find people with time, who have the trust of senior management. Because if you can convince them, their approval, will convince other senior managers. 4. Break it up fast, zero tolerance – Often where people have accepted a “management fad” with little of no evidence of it’s value. Key action here is to break up the group of “believers” before it gets more traction 5. Groupthink – The belief of the group takes hold. High acceptance of ideas based upon group “gut feel” 6. Challenge the evidence – 7. Portfolio of Safe to fail experiments – Highly novel ideas, only a small number of people understand it. And that’s where you run safety fail experimentation, or you do things like triplet programming prototyping. **Complicated Domain Model:** --- ## Book Summary: A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland | The Big Ideas and Actions URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-a-scrum-book-jeff-sutherland Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-a-scrum-book-jeff-sutherland.md Date: 2020-05-03 Topics: book-summaries, agile A book summary highlighting 3 big ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland A Book Summary of A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland ## 3 big ideas 1. Scrum Guide defines the rules of Scrum but gives no indication of “how” to implement. Patterns provide a guide “how” to implement scrum and possible sequences of implementation. Patterns can be adopted piecemeal and the language guides which patterns should be considered first. 2. There are two “pattern languages” to consider when implementing scrum ![Product Organization Pattern Language from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e21373a699824073a3b85bf588a880d7~mv2.jpg) Product Organization Pattern Language from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland ![Value Stream Pattern Language from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6d64080fc3f84685baa8534ebbddb292~mv2.jpg) Value Stream Pattern Language from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland Ref: 3. When adopting scrum, focus on the “high order” system before a lower level pattern. For example, focus on establishing a stable team before you focus on other things - “Think globally, act locally.” ## Best quotes > Patterns are a roadmap to introduce Scrum into organizations, one pattern at a time. > There are almost countless ways to sequence patterns, each sequence giving rise to a Scrum organization with a slightly different character. ## 1 Action Use this pattern language to describe and visualise possible adoption pathways for organisations [Buy the book](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Scrum-Book-Jeff-Sutherland/dp/1680506714/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=scrum+book&qid=1596475769&sr=8-4) **A longer book summary if you have more time…** ## Introduction - While The Scrum Guide describes the basic rules of Scrum, the patterns amplify the guide by showing teams how to solve problems in a specific context. - What is a pattern? One simple definition is that a pattern is a repeatably applicable solution to a problem that arises in a specific context. - Working in small steps reduces risk and helps teams move forward with confidence in “process improvement.” - A carefully chosen sequence of such patterns can resolve product development issues and, importantly, help the organization understand Scrum more in depth. - Patterns explore the forces at play in the complex contexts of organizational development and workflow. - Patterns help with sequencing: - Build a Cross Functional Team BEFORE an Autonomous Team - Sometimes you will need to apply several patterns—maybe over several months—to solve a complex problem in the organization. - Patterns are a roadmap to introduce Scrum into organizations, one pattern at a time. ## The Scrum Core as Patterns - Think of Scrum as a game we play. As with most games, it can be a wonderful form of engagement if its players appreciate both the discipline and freedom that help them create value. - **Spirit of the game** = Scrum requires a spirit of interaction between people, and that spirit can be difficult to define. This spirit is part of the culture of the organization and may be indiscernible for the people within the culture. Though it may be difficult to define, the spirit is easy to recognize when it is broken. - People often equate “doing Scrum” with the use of a Scrum Board. There is much more to Scrum than any set of tools can capture. - Kicking a soccer ball around in the park can look a lot like playing soccer, but it is not soccer. - Core Scrum in Pattern ![The Core Scrum Pattern from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9ddcf6a8bee24ef6b191900e7653ff20~mv2.jpg) The Core Scrum Pattern from A Scrum Book by Jeff Sutherland 1. Description: - 3 “systems” which should be focused on in order - Assemble the team - Define the Product - Agree norms (ways of working) - Establish the Sprint - Jeff Sutherland suggested scrum adoption sequence (10 steps) 1. Start with ​¶15 Stable Teams​. 2. Decide how you are going to size your releases every ​¶46 Sprint​. 3. Establish a velocity (see Notes on Velocity) and bring it into statistical control: use ​¶66 Yesterday’s Weather​. 4. Focus on Done (see ​¶82 Definition of Done​) instead of foundering in rework. It takes teamwork to do that. 5. Use ​¶25 Swarming: One-Piece Continuous Flow​. 6. Know how to deal with interruptions during the Sprint. 7. Align the organization to deal with emergencies using the disciplined replanning of ​¶32 Emergency Procedure​. 8. Get into a rhythm of improving your process every Sprint with ​¶92 Scrumming the Scrum​. Par 9. Drive forward with the ​¶91 Happiness Metric​. 10. Revisit how you are sizing your Sprints. Give yourself room to improve. ## Product Organization Pattern Language - The Product Organization is one major Whole to which you must attend when introducing Scrum - Organizational values are the bedrock of the processes, structure, and atmosphere of the workplace - Good values are intrinsic and come from within. ## Development Team - To build a product of the ​¶93 Greatest Value​ requires that producers work in a way that allows the team to recognize such value when they achieve it, and to support decisions that carry the team in that direction. - **Scrum is optimised for:** - Effective communication and feedback are at the heart of effective complex system development - The organization structure should be optimized for the most crucial paths of communication (Conways Law) - Heart of Agile: - Communication - Regular feedback - Self-organization - Focus on Value – our focus and concern are on the end user, market, and customers rather than on the tools and technologies we use to do our work. - **Small Teams** – Organize the workforce into Small Teams of more or less five people, partitioned according to the most important concerns for the creation of value by the enterprise. Supplement this structure with a small number of cross-cutting structures for secondary but important concerns - Scrum discourages local optimisation: - A Development Team structure where each team owns one part of the product, or just a product subassembly. ## Involve the Managers 1. Dilemma – the extent of management control, or whether there should be management at all. - Managers help in these cases: 1. Managers have the station and power to restructure the organization while Product Owners do not. 2. Contractual responsibility for a relationship with an external vendor that supplies multiple product developments 3. Strategic issues related to the lifetime or very existence of a team or product. 4. Product Owners are unlikely to have an adequately objective view to defund their own product when business sense dictates that they should. 5. Sometimes a product or even an enterprise must go through discontinuous changes to survive. 6. Deal with impediments that may be too weighty for the ​¶19 ScrumMaster​ or Product Owner 7. Intervene to resolve conflicts between Product Owners of different products. 8. Escalation step for impediments 9. Help access to corporate resources, 10. ¶114 Firewall – run interference against stakeholders who would interfere with the team. 11. Personnel development and administration. 12. Raise the risk appetite for action where scope is broader than a single product. For example, remove product direction decisions from a sales and marketing to the Product Owner. - Product Owner, and not a manager, heads each product, with a very thin and narrow veneer of management at the next level up. - Managers must respect: - the Product Owner’s authority over product content and release - the Development Team’s self-direction as to the how, the who, and sometimes the when of feature development. - the scrum master raises the issue when these boundaries are not respected - The strongest foundation of management power is the reluctance to use it, and using it sparingly. - Celebrate Failure - “acknowledge failures with positive comments. Congratulate everyone on their efforts and remind them of the strengths and wisdom they gained from the experience. Put in perspective, a failure can do as much to motivate a team as a win” ## Product Owner Team - Create a Product Owner Team, led by the Chief Product Owner, whose members together carry out product ownership. - Chief Product Owner (CPO) has final authority over the ordering of the Product Backlog. - The CPO plus the other people that support the CPO is what we call the Product Owner Team. - **Do not label Product Owner Team members as ’Product Owners’— they do not own anything.** - The CPO clearly communicates the strategy and the Product Backlog Items. The CPO works with the Product Owner Team members to select and order backlog items for the teams. - The Product Owner Team members can help the CPO work with the Development Teams to break the backlog into small Product Backlog Items for execution. ## Manage Development Team Distractions - Create an Oyatsu Jinja (Snack Shrine) near the team area, with some candies, snacks, and drinks (coffee or tea). - Avoid **Tragedy of the Commons:** - multiple individuals, acting independently and rationally consulting their own self-interest, will ultimately deplete a shared limited resource (the dev team) even when it is clear that it is not in anyone’s long-term interest for this to happen. - Legacy management can cause confusion about the locus of control over product content and direction. - The locus of control should be the scrum team ## Value Stream Pattern Language - The development process and the path from conception to market are as important to product success as the product idea itself. - The process to deliver ongoing and evolving streams of product increments to stakeholders - The organizational structures and processes that provide cradle-to-cradle support for the product. - Any given product can support multiple Value Streams, so a given Scrum Team may manage several Value Streams. Any given Scrum Team usually creates value for several stakeholders, and this implies that there are often several Value Streams at play. - Rhythm and time-boxing are two sides of the same coin. Sprints might start every two weeks; that means that a Sprint’s duration is no longer than two weeks. - Scrum does not presume that one size fits all, and it is up to each team to find its place within the recommended range (or sometimes, outside that range) that works best. - Good kaizen (see Kaizen and Kaikaku) often has roots in sustaining a good rhythm. - **The Product Owner orders PBIs in a way that generates the largest long-term ROI.** - Roadmap, it too can guide the Product Backlog contents. A good initial Product Backlog is a list of ​¶71 Sprint Goal​s that takes the product in the direction of the Vision, where each Sprint Goal becomes the core of the corresponding Regular Product Increment. - Historically, Jeff Sutherland split Toyota’s Chief Engineer into the Product Owner and ​¶19 ScrumMaster​ roles, reflecting business and development concerns respectively. ## Product Backlog Increments - A PBI can describe anything that has potential value to a stakeholder. - No PBI within the top two or three Sprints should take more than 10 percent of the total PBI effort for that Sprint, and keeping them below 5 percent of the total effort is even better. - In most cases, the number of ​¶60 Estimation Points​ completed in the last Sprint is a reliable predictor of how many Estimation Points of work the team will complete in the next Sprint. - Break down Product Backlog Items into work items and assemble them into a plan called a ​¶72 Sprint Backlog​. Each work item is a Sprint Backlog Item (SBI). **No Sprint Backlog Item typically should be any larger than a single Development Team member can complete in a single work day.** ## Product Definition - It is crucial to optimize the design for economies of scope. - Use **Value Areas** – Example at energy company: - I-Join, I-Pay, and We-Support. - Value Areas address an area of customer value and requires specific detailed knowledge. - Each Value Area consists of four to six Development Teams - Broad vs Narrow - Too broad, the product lacks focus and direction, and users may have difficulty identifying with it. - Narrow – Great products grow from small products that work. - Uniformly marketing all of a large product’s features to a single market is likely to confuse the consumer. - What you sell/market to the customer might be different to how you internally organise. - There may be legal forces for splitting a “application” into multiple “applications”, Microsoft to unbundle Internet Explorer from Windows®. We become limited in our ability to tailor existing products to add market differentiation. ## Pattern Tips - Patterns characteristics: - Must be built upon multiple known examples - rule of thumb – must be three independently discovered prior examples - Has a moral grounding, it is is morally profound - Solves a problem. - Describes the how - Describes why it is essential - Takes into account context - Pattern Ratings: - \*\* = you will need this solution to resolve the forces to move forward in Scrum. - \* = the pattern is the core of a good solution; however, we cannot argue that it is the only way. - 0 = works as a solution and that it is the best solution much of the time—though other good solutions exist as well. - Each node of the graph is a pattern, and the lines between patterns depict ordering dependencies between them. The graph therefore shows, for each pattern, the patterns above it, which you should already have considered before applying any given pattern—and the ones below it, which are candidates for next steps once you have put the current one in place. - There are almost countless ways to sequence patterns, each sequence giving rise to a Scrum organization with a slightly different character. - A pattern language is the set of rules for combining the patterns in meaningful orders; as a “language” it has a grammar that can generate all sequences that are meaningful “sentences.” - It is useful to think of the patterns as building the spaces, or the identities, for groups of people who gather occasionally or periodically to exchange ideas, build things, solve problems, and to grow together. ## Other stuff - In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Anyone in the organization can assert their authority by claiming they can see what others don’t. - Toyota Quote: - “build people, not just cars” - The soil is tended and prepared, the seeds are watered, and when the seeds grow, the soil is maintained, weeded, and watered again until finally the fruit is ready - Make all non-trivial issues visible with an Impediment List; raise them up to the right people in the organization for resolution. - we define value as something of worth to some person or set of people whom we wish to serve. --- ## Leadership Yoga: A toolkit to build flexibility into how you lead URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-yoga-a-toolkit-to-build-flexibility-into-how-you-lead Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/leadership-yoga-a-toolkit-to-build-flexibility-into-how-you-lead.md Date: 2020-04-26 Topics: leadership The best leaders don’t know just one style of leadership—they’re skilled at several, and have the flexibility to switch between styles as the circumstances dictate. Daniel Goleman – Author: Emotional IntelligenceLeaders today need flexibility more than ever to be able to lead in different contexts. Many defer to personal preferences even if the context requires a shift in approach. Some hold onto command and control style. Others stick to a non-directive approach. Both can be helpful in context. > The best leaders don’t know just one style of leadership—they’re skilled at several, and have the flexibility to switch between styles as the circumstances dictate. > Daniel Goleman – Author: Emotional Intelligence Leaders today need flexibility more than ever to be able to lead in different contexts. Many defer to personal preferences even if the context requires a shift in approach. Some hold onto command and control style. Others stick to a non-directive approach. Both can be helpful in context. The challenge: how to be flexible based on context, whilst being authentic. True to your values and beliefs. Over the past 18 months Yoga has taught me many lessons. Regular practice has helped unlearn behaviours impacting flexibility, body and mind. The importance of release rather than to push. Not striving for the perfect pose. To avoid comparisons to others. These lessons from Yoga have relevance for leadership. How often our leadership is rigid, lacking flexibility. How we strive for the perfect leadership style, without realising there isn’t one. How we copy from others the approaches that seem right. To help you build greater flexibility, below are a set of Leadership Yoga Exercises. Each exercise is short and performed over time will build greater flexibility and new leadership habits. ## Play with the Scale of Influence Scale of Influence: Brilliant Coaching, Julie Starr The Scale of Influence demonstrates a spectrum of leadership behaviours. From Directive to Non-directive. It is typical for leaders to think a non-directive approach is “correct”. “Command and control” styles often seen as “incorrect” Both can be over used. Flexibility is key. Be aware of the context and be comfortable at either end of the scale. ![Yoga Mat Icons](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_588aa8c25ab14191a3b2277a4fae7daa~mv2.jpg) **Exercise:** Ask your team to highlight which option you adopt most and if they would prefer a shift in style? ## Explore how Radical Candor feels Radical Candor is an excellent book which explores the different leadership styles adopted, in particular around feedback. Kim Scott highlights that a balance between caring personally and direct challenge often brings out the best in others. ![Feedback & Radical Candor | Our Simple Approach To Guidance](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c17dbed04abf441aa53212d786330536~mv2.png) Radical Candor: Kim Scott **Exercise:** Next time you need to have a difficult conversation, write down the key points you want to make. Practice saying them in the mirror. Reflect after the conversation on the key points you were able to make. ## Say No for the Day In the film, Yes Man, starring Jim Carey, the lead character decides to say Yes to everything in his life. Many leaders find it easy to say Yes, it’s more difficult to say No. Especially with difficult stakeholders and customers. Promises are made as the leader might find it difficult to say no. A leader who cannot say No can have big impacts on the teams they work with, often leading to overburdening. Become more comfortable with saying No. **Exercise:** Spend the day saying No to **every request**. Stretch this rule as far as you can. Observe how it feels and the consequences of your decisions. ## Spend a day with a team As you become more senior you increasingly work in “leadership” roles and become more removed from the day-to-day work of the teams. This can make your leadership approach lack a dose of reality. ![Microsoft Teams - Characters by MACIEK JANICKI on Dribbble](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_130ea460eea942c9a9162c6dcf669664~mv2.png) Senior Managers can build flexibility to lead without relying corporate titles. Joining a team can provide a good reality check. How it feels to be in a “team” environment. Being flexible in how to collaborate in a more authentic, personal way. ![Yoga Mat Icons](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3fc85cbc840f49c2a88d366f147358e0~mv2.jpg) **Exercise:** Clear your diary and spend a day with your team (or customers). Drop your title and see how it feels to work in a team. Also observe how others respond around you. ## Are there exercises that help build flexibility into your leadership? Please let me know and I will share them here! More exercises coming soon. --- ## An Organisation Design Case Study: What is your Optimisation Goal? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/an-organisation-design-case-study-what-is-your-optimisation-goal.md Date: 2020-04-25 Topics: leadership, organisational-design What is your organisations optimisation goal? Is it profit, reduce cost, adoption? Find out how one company used Safety as their optimisation goal and discovered some interesting side effects. ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6eb8e00ce333458886f01956f9c5451b~mv2.png) When conducting organisation design it is tempting to jump straight in. What are the roles? How should we organise teams? What process to follow? Commonly, the latest trend such as the famous “Spotify Model” is simply copied. Before jumping into the design, there is a critical question to be explored: **What is your optimisation goal?** An optimisation goal guides your organisation design. It enables you to make decisions in context, find a coherent design that does not conflict with the goal. Without a clear goal, “local optimisation” occurs. This is when part of the organisation works well but overall performance suffers. A local optimisation example: optimising lines of code written by software developers. This local optimisation leads to “busy” developers. It will likely lead to more complex solutions, with many lines of code. Harder to maintain than simpler solutions. Another example: optimising for customer value. This goal is much closer to the real purpose, to add value to customers. With this optimisation goal in mind, it will often have a profound impact on the organisational design. For example, reduction of layers between the development team and the customer. **A final example: Large Scale Scrum (LeSS)** LeSS is an organisation design framework which is designed for organisations where the optimisation goal is adaptiveness. The ability to turn in a dime for a dime. With this goal in mind, LeSS leads to significant changes to organisational design. Fewer roles, layers and managers. LeSS, like the Spotify Model is often “Implemented” without contextual understanding. If adaptiveness is not your optimisation goal it will likely lead to sub-optimal results. It may even harm your organisation. **Without optimisation goal clarity, local optimisations will be rampant.** Optimising goals can be subtle and counter-intuitive as this case study highlights… ## Optimising for Safety at Alcoa > Paul O’Neill’s tenure at the helm of Alcoa is now the stuff of legend.Introduced to a group of investors and analysts in October 1987, he didn’t talk about revenue and expenses and debt ratios and earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation. “I want to talk to you about worker safety,” he told the Wall Street crowd.“Every year, numerous Alcoa workers are injured so badly that they miss a day of work,” he continued. “Our safety record is better than the general American workforce, especially considering that our employees work with metals that are 1,500 degrees and machines that can rip a man’s arm off. But it’s not good enough. I intend to make Alcoa the safest company in America. I intend to go for zero injuries. > ”When one attendee asked about inventories and another asked about capital ratios – the standard vocabulary for these kinds of sessions – O’Neill returned to the same theme.“I’m not certain you heard me,” said the new CEO. “If you want to understand how Alcoa is doing, you need to look at our workplace safety figures. If we bring our injury rates down, it won’t be because of cheerleading or the nonsense you sometimes hear from other CEOs. It will be because the individuals at this company have agreed to become part of something important: They’ve devoted themselves to creating a habit of excellence. Safety will be an indicator that we’re making progress in changing our habits across the entire institution. That’s how we should be judged.” Ref [1] In the example, **“safety”** is the optimisation goal. Over O’Neill’s tenure, Alcoa dropped from 1.86 lost workdays to injury per 100 workers to 0.2. By 2012, the rate had fallen to 0.125. Surprisingly, that impact extended beyond worker health. One year after O’Neill’s speech, the company’s profits hit a record high. ### **How did this happen?** In complex systems, changes can have dynamic side effects creating a chain reaction. In this case study, safety triggered a continuous improvement chain reaction. Systems Thinking is one way that can start to explore this chain reaction. In particular, [Causal Loop Diagrams](https://thesystemsthinker.com/causal-loop-construction-the-basics/) are a great way to visualise these dynamics. Here is an example: ![Systems Maps - General (7)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_10e76033ea0844cb87ebe39a7c08c5d5~mv2.jpg) This diagram tells the story. The headline: by focusing on safety, it amplifies other important factors: 1. Psychological Safety 2. Number of improvements implemented Let's zoom into those areas…. ## Psychological Safety ![Systems Maps - General (8)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7b2a955cc5814fbc80a21d13d08ed747~mv2.jpg) The behaviours of management, especially the CEO, emphasised the importance of safety. This demonstrated to employees that safety was important. As a result, they were more likely to raise issues. As issues are found, and resolved, this reinforced to the CEO the importance of safety. The lesson here, increasing safety, not only physical but psychological, created a chain reaction. The CEO and senior management were critical in role modelling these behaviours. When designing your organisation, think carefully about the behaviours you want senior management to adopt. ## Number of Improvements implemented ![Systems Maps - General (9)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_380d0b109db44155a3e1d44e991df403~mv2.jpg) Safety focus increased improvement efforts engagement across the organisation. The side effect of spending more time investigating safety issues surfaced tangential issues. As issues were addressed it increased employee confidence that issues would be resolved, resulting in more improvement ideas. This success improved the trust between leaders. Improving transparency in the organisation. The lesson here is that the focus on safety improved other areas of the business. The behaviours over time created a culture of continuous improvement. This culture had a direct impact on the performance of the organisation impacting the bottom line. Another lesson, culture is the result of behaviours in the organisation. In the case study they “acted” their way to a new thinking. The behaviours of continuous improvement shifted their identity. This demonstrates that **culture can only change when behaviours change**. Again, the leaders were key role models in enabling this change. ## Trade-offs When optimising, for one thing, we need to make trade-offs. Many leaders ignore the fact that optimising for one goal may negatively impact another. They refuse to make difficult decisions relating to those trade-offs. If the optimisation goal is only words you will not get the benefit. A major trade-off was shareholder push back. Paul O’Neill was under huge pressure from shareholders. The risk under pressure the goal dilutes. ![Systems Maps - General (6)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_15a28dbe10484ab4acf394a71902aec2~mv2.jpg) As the pressure increases it puts a strain both on the CEO and the senior management team. The team's cohesion will determine their behaviours. If there is a shallow agreement, it is likely behaviours do not match the goal. Employees will not believe in the goal either if they do not have positive role models. Key here is for the senior management team to embrace dissent as a positive behaviour. This improves their shared mental models increasing team cohesion. Done in the right way, this dissent will also improve Psychological Safety over time. ## How to find your optimisation goal? Clarity, cohesion and coherence in many organisations is few and far between. This leads to confusion and poor decision making. Hidden local optimisation is rampant reducing organisational performance. So what are practical steps to avoid this problem? **Here are 5 questions to help:** 1. List down all of the explicit and implicit goals within your organisation Which of these goals are in harmony? Which are in conflict? You can do a causal loop diagram to explore these relationships 2. Based on the purpose of your organisation, what goals most enable you to achieve your purpose? 3. If you were to pick one, what would it be? 4. What trade-offs would you need to make when choosing this goal? Again, the causal loop diagram is great for this 5. Now, explore the elements within your organisation that influence this goal, both positive and negative. More diagramming at this step too! This will guide decisions to optimise your organisation. ## A final disclaimer… My analysis intends to show how to use Systems Thinking to diagnose your organisational dynamics. The analysis is also biased to [Narrative Fallacy.](https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Narrative_fallacy) However, I hope this example has shown how optimisation goals, systems thinking and causal loop diagrams can help optimise your organisation. I’d love to hear how it helps! Ref [1] – --- ## Cynefin applied to COVID-19 crisis - Navigating a crisis with complexity thinking URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-covid19-complexity Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/cynefin-covid19-complexity.md Date: 2020-04-20 Topics: systems-thinking-complexity Learn how to navigate a crisis using Cynefin, a compelxity sensemaking framework. For example, the importance of informal networks and entanglement. ### 3 Big Ideas 1. Embrace, enable and accelerate **entanglement** in systems so that it can accelerate learning for better decision making 2. **Anticipatory Decision Making** – Making decisions that keeps options open in the long run. This increase adaptiveness. 1. Example: stacking dishwasher. Some will stack thinking about the dishes in rest of the day. Others will stack in closest spot 3. **Enable informal networks** to naturally emerge within your organisations and encourage the intersections of networks to collide. This is where breakthroughs in innovation occur. ### 2 Quotes > *Systems designed for ordinary times are not suitable for extraordinary times.* > *Enable rapid formation of people networks consisting of diverse groups who don’t usually work together* ### 1 Takeaway - Find the [17%’ers](https://www.livescience.com/6727-invisible-gorilla-test-shows-notice.html) in my organisation ![Cynefin Framework](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_35452e82a98d4cf9938e0be55b31d6a4~mv2.png) ### Definition of Terms: 1. **Sensemaking** or sense-making is the process by which people give meaning to their collective experiences. It has been defined as “the ongoing retrospective development of plausible images that rationalize what people are doing” 2. **Coherence** is the quality of being logical and consistent. 3. **Epistemic** means relating to knowledge or to the degree of its validation 4. **Action based abstraction** – ? 5. **Exaptation** and the related term co-option describe a shift in the function of a trait during evolution. For example, a trait can evolve because it served one particular function, but subsequently it may come to serve another 6. Homophily refers to the tendency for people to have (non-negative) ties with people who are similar to themselves in socially significant ways. 7. Taoism or Daoism is a type of belief, or a way of thinking about life. It is at least 2,500 years old and it comes from China. Taoism is now said to be a philosophy. Tao (or Dao, 道) is the name of the force or the “Way” that Taoists believe makes everything in the world. 8. **Premature convergence** – In genetic algorithms, the term of *premature convergence* means that a population for an optimization problem *converged* too early, resulting in being suboptima 9. **Hyperlocal** is information oriented around a well-defined community with its primary focus directed toward the concerns of the population in that community. ### Importance of Coherence 1. Coherence is integration between parts of the system 2. Important to create coherence at different levels of the system. There are at least three levels of the system. 3. Important to look at coherence over time 4. Living things degrade gracefully where as machines die ungracefully – e.g a clock, remove a part and it stops ### Entanglement Metaphor for complex system – Bramble Thicket ![Cynefin Metaphor](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d4f25793f46440cd9125378d9525892d~mv2.jpg) 1. Everyone now understands the impact of complexity and entanglement 2. Never before has the world been so obviously entangled 3. We need to enable entanglement not avoid it to embrace complexity 4. How can we take multiple timelines and entangle them to create diversity in order to build new mental models 5. For example, take the timelines/perspectives/mental models of government and entangle them that of society. That would create breakthroughs. 6. In particular we need to find 17%’ers – People who see things others don’t – Reference: 7. Embrace entanglement – create systems that can be rapidly entangled 8. Create tension between the levels of the system – but how can we create tension without breaking the system 9. Leadership message: Shift thinking from linear, sorted, clean systems and silos to thinking about entanglement. Embrace the “messy’ness” ### 3 rules to lead in complex situations 1. **Distribute cognition** – Enable Diversity – Find the 17% who have seen something where others haven’t – Gorilla experiment – attentional blindness 2. **Disintermediation** – leaders need to see raw data not abstract data -Go to the “Gemba” important for leaders – see the problem first hand 3. **Granularity** – small groups can move more quickly than large groups ### Key steps to navigate a crisis like COVID-19 1. Assess 2. Adapt/Adjust 3. Exapt (Innovation) 4. Transcend 5. Fundamentally increase learning speed 6. Push decision making to the local levels of the organisation. Best learning is at the local level. Leaders need to be able to extract the patterns from local level. 7. Building the things now for when we come out of it. Don’t approach the problem And solutions in a linear way ### Enable Informal Networks 1. Enable rapid formation of people networks consisting of diverse groups who don’t usually work together. In a crisis people are more willing to work with people who they don’t usually. 2. The best organisations allow these informal networks to emerge in a natural way. Don’t make them formal 3. Build a common language to enable the network to communicate across boundaries. 4. We tend to naturally organise into local groups – “*Birds of a feather flock together”* 5. How networks work: 1. Connect on similarity 2. Benefit from differences 3. Important – Innovation happens at the intersection of networks. Differences spark innovation and breakthroughs. 4. 17%’ers are important within the network 5. We need platforms that drive networks of differences 6. Existing platforms drive people to gather based upon similarities 7. Find people who are troublesome but who you respect and give them options 8. Don’t exclude these people from the system. Their differences can drive real innovation 9. Create mechanisms for the network to broadcast communication/messages transparently 10. Make feedback accessible to everyone within the system to enable systemic breakthroughs. Everyone is an active part of the system not a passive consumer. 11. In times of crisis create more opportunity for people within networks to meet outside of their tribes ### Anticipatory Decision Making 1. Anticipatory Decision Making – Making decisions that keeps options open in the long run. This increase adaptiveness. 2. Some people find this more natural than others. Find these people within your network as they will enable adaptiveness. 3. People who make best decisions think about the context. 4. Decisions only matter when we have complete ambiguity 5. Anti-Pattern – All decision making is trained on the assumption there is always a right answer ### Additional notes 1. In complex systems there are things you can manage and things you can monitor. Don’t try to manage the things you can only monitor. 2. Manage – Constraints, rituals, energy allocation 3. Monitor – Examples TBD 4. War Time and Peace Time decision makers are different. 5. Taosim is the closest match to Complexity 6. Storytelling is powerful because it expresses context simply 7. Work locally, think globally 8. This time is a great opportunity for leaders who want to make real change happen 9. We evolved to make decisions collectively not individually. 10. Use imagination for exploring systems – Mile 22 Quote – 11. Premature convergence – We converge on ideas too early which impacts our ideas 12. Story Telling is important for complex systems. The world view and stories of the world are changing. 13. Observation: Hyper local actions – Communities taking action in a very local level 14. We don’t have to convince people that we live in a VUCA world – They can see the impact now 15. Language used to describe the system is important. Reveals underlying mental model. Make language more precise. Language used will drive a certain behaviour. 16. Systems designed for ordinary times are not suitable for extraordinary times. 17. We are trying to extend existing systems to abnormal systems which will result in failure 18. Our leaders find it hard to change how they make decisions. A new way of looking at problems is important yet many can’t change their mental model. They are stuck. --- ## Book Summary: Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday | Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-ego-is-the-enemy-ryan-holiday Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-ego-is-the-enemy-ryan-holiday.md Date: 2020-04-19 Topics: book-summaries A book summary of the 3 big ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary wasn't written by AI. I'm a **real** leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. Wow. [Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday](https://amzn.to/3ib2Em9) is one of my all-time favourites. It addresses something we all need to grapple with and manage: our ego. Ryan Holiday has done an excellent job taking the ideas and principles of stoicism to the masses. He uses storytelling and real-life examples to demonstrate the importance of ego management. The section about money and ego was particularly helpful. This quote stopped me in my tracks: > Managing your ego is especially important with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: **more.** Since reading this book 3 years ago I've paid more attention to this. **How much money do I need to lead the life I want?** There are many more examples throughout the [Ego is the Enemy book](https://amzn.to/2RWTZcC) that will make you stop and think. This is essential reading for everyone. ## 3 big ideas 1. Ego is defined as an unhealthy belief in our own importance. 2. Ego is the primary factor in the self-destruction of many people across the world, especially those who think they have found success through materialistic gains such as money and status. Ego eats away at these people like cancer, often with their actions fuelling the disease. Live a life that does not fuel the ego. Don’t fuel the disease. 3. Managing your ego does not mean not pursuing your dreams and goals. Managing your ego means building a compass to navigate you through life as the ego fuel becomes greater and more tempting. Understanding what is important to you, your value and reflecting regularly. ## Best quotes Ego quotes: > Managing your ego is especially important with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: **more.** > Why do you do what you do? That’s the question you need to answer. Stare at it until you can. Only then will you understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist. Only then is it easy to ignore “successful” people, because most of the time they aren’t—at least relative to you, and often even to themselves. Only then can you develop that quiet confidence. [![Ryan Holiday Ego Is the Enemy Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fabe59e9486c425ea9b0080bb2e04761~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/2RWTZcC) ## Toby's takeaway I’ve been thinking about this question for years. To be specific, since Sunday 19th April 2020. And I still don’t know the answer. But I’m getting closer. The question comes from “Ego is The Enemy” by Ryan Holiday > "Managing your ego is especially important with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: more." **How much is enough?** Before 2020, I hadn’t even considered this question. I was rushing through life, on the hunt for MORE. What else happened in 2020? Lockdown. The pause led to many reflections. This question has been in my mind ever since. I have a better answer for money. And enough is not much. With that comes a huge amount of freedom. I don't need a six-figure salary to get "enough" But this question relates to much more than money. - How much is enough time with family? - How much is enough space in my home? - How much is enough love? Sometimes the answer is more than today, often it’s less than I think.This simple question is a surprisingly powerful way to ensure that I have enough. **What is your answer? How much is enough?** ## Big Ideas Expanded A longer ego is the enemy summary if you have more time. - [Ego is the Enemy - Part I: Aspire](#viewer-aockc) - [Ego Is The Enemy - Part II: Success](#viewer-1de87) - [Ego is the Enemy - Part III: Failure](#viewer-57ms1) - [Ego is the Enemy - Epilogue](#viewer-ajm2v) [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/kj432d) ## Ego is the Enemy - Part I: Aspire - As Irving Berlin put it, “Talent is only the starting point.” The question is: - Will you be able to make the most of it? - Or will you be your own worst enemy? - Will you snuff out the flame that is just getting going? - One might say that the ability to evaluate one’s own ability is the most important skill of all. Without it, improvement is impossible. - Detachment is ego antidote. - What is rare is not raw talent, skill, or even confidence, but humility, diligence, and self-awareness. - Though we think big, we must act and live small to achieve goals **Ego Talk Replaces Action –** [**Knowing-Doing Gap**](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap) - It’s a temptation that exists for everyone—for talk and hype to replace action. **Talking is easy.** - Confusing Talk with Action: Talk depletes us. Talking and doing fight for the same resources. - Research shows that while goal visualization is important, after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it with actual progress. The same goes for verbalization. [Knowing Doing Gap](/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap) - I just spent four hours talking about this. Doesn’t that count for something? The answer is no. - The only relationship between work and chatter is that one kills the other. - Now more than ever, our culture fans the flames of ego. It’s never been easier to talk, to puff ourselves up. **Ego crosses out what matters and replaces it with what doesn’t.** - Appearances are deceiving. - Having authority is not the same as being an authority. - Having the right and being right are not the same either. - Being promoted doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing good work and it doesn’t mean you are worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward in such bureaucracies). - Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive. **Ego blocks learning** - An education can’t be “hacked”; there are no shortcuts besides hacking it every single day. - We don’t like thinking that someone is better than us. Or that we have a lot left to learn. - For someone to become great: - have someone better that they can learn from - someone lesser who they can teach - someone equal that they can challenge themselves against. - A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there. - Without an accurate accounting of our own abilities compared to others, what we have is not confidence but delusion. - “It is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows,” Epictetus **Seek Purpose Not Passion – The ego is driven by passion** - Purpose is something larger than you—to accomplish something, to prove something to yourself - Purpose makes things easier: - you know now what it is you need to do and what is important to you. The other “choices” wash away, as they aren’t really choices at all. They’re distractions. - Purpose makes things harder: - each opportunity—no matter how gratifying or rewarding—must be evaluated along strict guidelines: - Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength and purpose and perseverance. - **Passion Paradox – Staying busy doing things that pleasure our ego but don’t align with our purpose** - Putting energy into our passions will not lead to purpose - Purpose is like passion with boundaries. - Passion is form over function. Purpose is function, function, function. - Fundamental realities to remember: - You’re not nearly as good or as important as you think you are; - You have an attitude that needs to be readjusted; - Most of what you think you know is out of date or wrong. **Focus on Helping others** - There is constant benefit in making other people look good and letting them take credit for your ideas. - Produce more than everyone else and give your ideas away - Find canvases for other people to paint on. Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself. **Adopt tiny habits consistently and don’t be proud –** [**Tiny Habits**](/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything) - A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts, so he loses touch with reality and lives in a world of illusions.—ALAN WATTS - There’s no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that is around us. - Our ability to learn, to adapt, to be flexible, to build relationships, all of this is dulled by pride. - **Pride takes a minor accomplishment and makes it feel like a major one.** - Questions to manage pride: - What am I missing right now that a more humble person might see? - What am I avoiding, or running from, with my bluster, franticness, and embellishments? - **Be patient and put in the work.** - **Work is finding yourself alone at the track when the weather kept everyone else indoors.** - “The way to do really big things seems to be to start with deceptively small things.” ## Ego Is The Enemy - Part II: Success **Ego blocks learning – Don’t be an expert, always a learner** - “The worst disease which can afflict business executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it’s egotism,” - “Man is pushed by drives, But he is pulled by values.” Viktor Frankl - We can’t keep learning if we think we already know everything. - “as our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.” - With accomplishment comes a growing pressure to pretend that we know more than we do. To pretend we already know everything. - It is not enough only to be a student at the beginning. It is a position that one has to assume for life. - Put yourself in rooms where you’re the least knowledgeable person. ## Set your own standards, don’t copy others - Standard of Performance (Also referenced in **Barcelona Way**): What. When. How. At the most basic level and throughout the organization. Bill Walsh example: 1. Players could not sit down on the practice field. 2. Coaches had to wear a tie and tuck their shirts in. 3. Everyone had to give maximum effort and commitment. 4. Sportsmanship was essential. 5. The locker room must be neat and clean. 6. There would be no smoking, no fighting, no profanity. 7. Quarterbacks were told where and how to hold the ball. 8. Linemen were drilled on thirty separate critical drills. 9. Passing routes were monitored and graded down to the inch. 10. Practices were scheduled to the minute. - **The deceptively small things are responsible for your success** - **Don’t Cargo Cult –** Resist the impulse to reverse engineer success from other people’s stories. - **Don’t skill the details in your own story –** When we achieve our own, we must resist the desire to pretend that everything unfolded exactly as we’d planned. - The less attached we are to outcomes the better. Focus on your standards. - **Make a distinction between the inner scorecard and the external one. Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against.** **Build your compass don’t let Ego direct you** - **It is not enough to have great qualities; we should also have the management of them** - All of us waste precious life doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t respect, and to get things we don’t want. - Let’s be clear: competitiveness is an important force in life. It’s what drives the market and is behind some of mankind’s most impressive accomplishments. On an individual level, however, it’s absolutely critical that you know who you’re competing with and why, that you have a clear sense of the space you’re in. - More urgently, each one of us has a unique potential and purpose; that means that we’re the only ones who can evaluate and set the terms of our lives. Far too often, we look at other people and make their approval the standard we feel compelled to meet, and as a result, squander our very potential and purpose. - “The Strongest Poison ever known, came from Caesar’s Laurel Crown.” William Blake - “He who indulges empty fears earns himself real fears,” Seneca **Don’t let Ego distract you** - Find the sense of our own path and how to stay on it without getting distracted by all the others that intersect it. - It’s about being what you are, and being as good as possible at it, without succumbing to all the things that draw you away from it. It’s about going where you set out to go. About accomplishing the most that you’re capable of in what you choose. - It’s time to sit down and think about what’s truly important to you and then take steps to forsake the rest. Without this, success will not be pleasurable, or nearly as complete as it could be. Or worse, it won’t last. - **This is especially true with money. If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes: more.** - Ego rejects trade-offs. Why compromise? Ego wants it all. strategies are often mutually exclusive. One cannot be an opera singer and a teen pop idol at the same time. Life requires those trade-offs, but ego can’t allow it. - Why do you do what you do? That’s the question you need to answer. Stare at it until you can. Only then will you understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist. Only then is it easy to ignore “successful” people, because most of the time they aren’t—at least relative to you, and often even to themselves. Only then can you develop that quiet confidence. - Find out why you’re after what you’re after. Ignore those who mess with your pace. - With success, particularly power, come some of the greatest and most dangerous delusions: entitlement, control, and paranoia. **You are not the centre of the universe** - As you become successful in your own field, your responsibilities may begin to change. Days become less and less about doing and more and more about making decisions. - Let’s make one thing clear: we never earn the right to be greedy or to pursue our interests at the expense of everyone else. To think otherwise is not only egotistical, it’s counterproductive. - Ego tells us that meaning comes from activity, that being the center of attention is the only way to matter. - “When I look up in the universe, I know I’m small, but I’m also big. I’m big because I’m connected to the universe and the universe is connected to me.” - Someone recently calculated that it takes but a chain of six individuals who shook hands with one another across the centuries to connect Barack Obama to George Washington. - That is sobriety. That is command of oneself. - Courage, for instance, lies between cowardice on one end and recklessness on the other. Generosity, which we all admire, must stop short of either profligacy and parsimony in order to be of any use. Where the line—this golden mean—is can be difficult to tell, but without finding it, we risk dangerous extremes. ## Ego is the Enemy - Part III: Failure **Build a personal compass to navigate failure** - Failure and adversity are relative and unique to each of us. - “Almost always, your road to victory goes through a place called ‘failure.’” - Ego loves this notion, the idea that something is “fair” or not. Psychologists call it narcissistic injury when we take personally totally indifferent and objective events. - As Goethe once observed, the great failing is “to see yourself as more than you are and to value yourself at less than your true worth.” - adhering to a set of internal metrics that allowed them to evaluate and gauge their progress while everyone on the outside was too distracted by supposed signs of failure or weakness. - This is characteristic of how great people think. It’s not that they find failure in every success. They just hold themselves to a standard that exceeds what society might consider to be objective success. Because of that, they don’t much care what other people think; they care whether they meet their own standards. And these standards are much, much higher than everyone else’s. **See failure as an opportunity – use the “dead time”** - According to Greene, there are two types of time in our lives: dead time, when people are passive and waiting, and alive time, when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. - Francis Scott Key wrote the poem that became the national anthem of the United States while trapped on a ship during a prisoner exchange in the War of 1812. - Viktor Frankl refined his psychologies of meaning and suffering during his ordeal in three Nazi concentration camps. Not that these opportunities always come in such serious situations. - The author Ian Fleming was on bed rest and, per doctors’ orders, forbidden from using a typewriter. They were worried he’d exert himself by writing another Bond novel. So he created Chitty Chitty Bang Bang by hand instead. - Walt Disney made his decision to become a cartoonist while laid up after stepping on a rusty nail. - In life, we all get stuck with dead time. Its occurrence isn’t in our control. Its use, on the other hand, is. **Be clear on what success is to you** - “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” - This is why we can’t let externals determine whether something was worth it or not. It’s on us. - The bigger the ego the harder the fall. - many significant life changes come from moments in which we are thoroughly demolished, in which everything we thought we knew about the world is rendered false. - A look at history finds that these events seem to be defined by three traits: - They almost always came at the hands of some outside force or person. - They often involved things we already knew about ourselves, but were too scared to admit. - From the ruin came the opportunity for great progress and improvement. - **In the end, the only way you can appreciate your progress is to stand on the edge of the hole you dug for yourself, look down inside it, and smile fondly at the bloody claw prints that marked your journey up the walls.** **Don’t Hate, Love** - **Streisand effect** (named after a similar attempt by the singer and actress Barbra Streisand, who tried to legally remove a photo of her home from the Web. Her actions backfired and far more people saw it than would have had she left the issue alone.) - ***Attempting to destroy something out of hate or ego often ensures that it will be preserved and disseminated forever.*** - “Hate at any point is cancer that gnaws away at the very vital centre of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective centre of your life.” ## Ego is the Enemy - Epilogue > Training is like sweeping the floor. Just because we’ve done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back. Every day we must sweep. > Ego is a disease that sweeps over someone like a plague; a cancer that slowly eats you away, the symptoms developing and intensifying: success, loneliness, fear. Fear of all the bright young men that threaten to overtake you in life. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/kj432d) --- ## What is your life compass? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-your-life-compass Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-your-life-compass.md Date: 2020-04-13 Topics: coaching, self-care, emotions A life compass can help keep you focused and aligned with what is important. It can help you recognise when you have drifted away from your purpose and what brings joy.I’ve been thinking more about my own life compass recently. Two areas have emerged; helping others succeed and mastering emotions. Inspired by Derek Sivers, I’ve found that these succinctly provide the minimum alignment to support my personal reflection and decision making.Below explains a little more about each one and how they m ![LifeCompass](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_070baedb9c9b4afdac365e7c083a6e6d~mv2.png) A life compass can help keep you focused and aligned with what is important. It can help you recognise when you have drifted away from your purpose and what brings joy. I’ve been thinking more about my own life compass recently. Two areas have emerged; helping others succeed and mastering emotions. Inspired by [Derek Sivers](https://sivers.org/), I’ve found that these succinctly provide the minimum alignment to support my personal reflection and decision making. Below explains a little more about each one and how they might also be areas for your compass: ### Helping others succeed It is an inbuilt human desire to help others succeed. It is also proven that through helping others it boosts our happiness and life satisfaction: > *There is science also behind why this is helpful for a healthy, fulfilled life. Scientific studies show that helping others boosts happiness. It increases life satisfaction, provides a sense of meaning, increases feelings of competence, improves our mood and reduced stress. It can help to take our minds off our own troubles too. Kindness towards others is be the glue which connects individual happiness with wider community and societal wellbeing. Giving to others helps us connect with people and meets one of our basic human needs – relatedness.***Action for Happiness** **Questions:** 1. When did I last help someone else succeed? 2. Who can I help and what might they need? 3. What can I offer, that I know something about, that probably won't happen unless I take responsibility for it? ### Mastering your emotions A life long journey is becoming more aware of our emotions and internal processing. Much of our thinking is automatic but through daily practices of meditation, journaling, yoga and others we can become more aware of our emotions. > *Managing your impulsive, emotional Chimp as an adult will be one of the biggest factors determining how successful you are in life. -* **Steve Peters** **Do this regularly:** 1. Close your eyes, take 5 deep breaths and ask yourself, how do I feel right now? ### **Q: What is your life compass?** --- ## Book Summary: Superfast Lead at Speed by Sophie Devonshire URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-superfast-lead-at-speed-sophie-devonshire Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-superfast-lead-at-speed-sophie-devonshire.md Date: 2020-04-12 Topics: book-summaries, leadership A book summary of the 3 big ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 action from Superfast Lead at Speed by Sophie Devonshire A book summary of Superfast Lead at Speed by Sophie Devonshire ## 3 big ideas 1. Leaders need to learn how to lead themselves in high-speed environments to lead others. **Energy management** in particular is essential for leaders. 2. **Decide. Delegate, Deliver.** These are the key focus areas for leaders in high-speed environments. 3. **Simple** approaches, with **clarity** and compelling **purpose**, are what enable organisations to move quickly at scale. Leaders need to create the frameworks and alignment to give others the ability to act autonomously at speed. ## Best quotes > The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. ![Lead at speed Quote - The difference between successful people and really successful people? Really successful people say no to almost everything. - Sophie Devonshire](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9b90b319e67b4fabad360539afc0e26d~mv2.png) > Careful of blaming the lettuce for not growing when the soil is poor > Thich Nhât Hanh ## Toby's takeaway - Manage my energy as a leader – [The Leadership Energy Monitor: A self-care tool for leaders](/post/the-leadership-energy-monitor-a-self-care-tool-for-leaders) [Buy the book](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Superfast-Lead-speed-Sophie-Devonshire/dp/1473661862/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=lead+at+speed&qid=1596475856&sr=8-1) **A longer book summary if you have more time…** ## Why repeated pace-setting is an essential leadership practice > If someone offers you a seat on a rocket ship, you don’t ask which seat. - You’ve got to deliver on short-range commitments, while you develop a long-range strategy and vision and implement it. **Metaphor: Walking and chewing gum.** - Pace-setting is about working out the **variety** that’s needed in your velocity in order to achieve sustainable success. - **Second mover advantage;** let the competition do the work and spend the money in establishing a category or changing people’s behaviour. - Innocent Smoothies – MVP Experiment: - *At a music festival, we put up a big sign asking people if they thought we should give up our jobs to make smoothies and put a bin saying ‘Yes’ and a bin saying ‘No’ in front of the stall. Then we got people to vote with their empties. At the end of the weekend, the ‘Yes’ bin was full, so we resigned from our jobs the next day and got cracking.* - Persistence wins the race not your unique idea - Organise everything around Products (customers) - *Apple had been setting up its store like any other–organized around the different products that it would be selling. ‘But if Apple’s going to organize around activities like music and movies, well, the store should be organized around music and movies and things you do,’* - **Popcorn Leaders** can be confusing for teams – Leaders who fire out so many ideas the team are confused about what is really important. - Wall Street’s graveyards are filled with people who were right too soon. - Key question: ‘How much time do we have before the risk profile changes?’ (**Cost of Delay**) Time – The secret to delivering with stamina and speed > I firmly believe that time management is not important; energy management is. > Paul Polman, Global CEO, Unilever > Learn from the mistakes of others. You cannot live long enough to make them all yourself. > Eleanor Roosevelt - Effective **energy management** is not something that comes automatically in today’s busy world of business. - Three energy actions: - Exercise - Scheduling around your energy levels - Powering off to power on (work and rest). - Barack Obama incorporated at least 45 minutes of physical activity into his daily schedule when President. - Many smart leaders know the time of the day they work best. > If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first. > Mark Twain - What are your energy triggers–physical, mental, social? - The best way is to recognise that the week follows a particular rhythm, and plan accordingly. - ‘low-fi’ Fridays. Save Fridays for internal conversations and administration (expenses, emails) rather than important new business meetings or running senior leadership summits which require intense energy. - Zap the ‘energy vampires’ in your business - American study claimed that only 56 per cent of employees felt physically energized at work. - The smartest employers are able to consider the overall environment and design for energy. - Decision-making quality drops the longer people go without a break. In one study, where hospital leaders were trying to encourage the use of hand sanitizers, they found that compliance rates fell when people worked long hours without a break. - Time is finite. Energy isn’t. ## Purpose drives pace - The stronger your purpose is, and the more people are aligned with it, the more it will permeate short-term volatilities. - Purpose (which should last at least 100 years) should not be confused with specific goals or business strategies (which should change many times in 100 years). You cannot fulfil a purpose; it’s like a guiding star on the horizon–forever pursued but never reached. - Purpose Blockers: - Confusing purpose with corporate social responsibility or with high-level generic brand slogans. - Purpose stays on the poster – Behaviours, especially of the leaders do not align - They don’t know how to measure the impact of being purpose-led, and if they can’t measure it they won’t get it done. > Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom… and a little flower. > Hans Christian Andersen - When your purpose is clear, every future decision becomes much easier. - Slow decision-making is the number-one speed-killer in organizations. - Questions to define purpose: - What does your organization do to help people? - What is the difference you’re seeking to make in the lives of customers and consumers? - Why is it good to be part of what you do? - How do you define this in a memorable and compelling way? - Purpose Organisations do the following: - Stand up - Stand out - Stand firm ## Structure for speed Fast frameworks - Questioning, reviewing and being decisive about what the right structure is for your needs can be one of the most influential acts you take as a leader. - **Organisation Design Metaphor** - Speed is contextual and choosing the right vehicle depends on the length of your journey, your ultimate destination and what kind of bumps and accidents you are prepared to tolerate getting to there. - One of the most effective things we’ve done is to de-layer this organization. There are now five layers from top to bottom. When I arrived there were ten. It makes for simpler, quicker decision-making. - **Rule of Thumb for Transformation:** - For every layer in the company, you will need a year to change the culture. ## Editing is expediting - Focusing on less is a radical way to make you better and to make you faster. **Become an effective editor.** - Example in action: - The ceramics teacher announced that he was dividing his class into two groups. All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality. His procedure was simple: on the final day of class, he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the ‘quantity’ group: 50 pounds of pots rated an A, 40 pounds a B, and so on. Those being graded on ‘quality’, however, needed to produce only one pot–albeit a perfect one–to get an A. Well, come grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the ‘quantity’ group was busily churning out piles of work–and learning from their mistakes–the ‘quality’ group had sat theorizing about perfection and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay. - Constraints shape and focus problems, and provide clear challenges to overcome as well as inspiration. - Silent Meetings: - The meetings start with proposals being shared and every one reading them then and there. They have 15–30 minutes’ silence to do so. Those proposals can be no more than six pages long, a constraint that speeds up communication. This ‘Study Hall’ start to meetings is an initiative from Jeff Bezos, who explains that it is more effective than PowerPoint: ‘If you have a traditional PowerPoint presentation, executives interrupt. If you read the whole six-page memo, on page 2 you have a question but on page 4 that question is answered.’ - **Avoid at all costs list:** - Step 1: Write down your top 25 career goals on a single piece of paper. - Step 2: Circle only your top five options. - Step 3: Put the top five on one list and the remaining 20 on a second list. - Step 4: Focus on the other 20 items – Put things in place to stop doing them! ## Know your audience, know your team, know yourself - Not finance. Not strategy. Not technology. It is teamwork that remains the ultimate competitive advantage, both because it is so powerful and so rare. - Ten leader attributes (Gallup) - Confidence - Delegator - Determination - Disruptor - Independent - Knowledge - Profitability - Relationship - Risk - Selling - The more senior you are, the more important networking is in finding new roles as you move careers > Improve yourself by the writing of others, to gain easily what they have laboured hard for > Socrates ## Truth Candour, conflict and the helpfulness of honesty - Radical Candor is important when you are thinking about the need for speed. It is radically time-saving. - Politics = people choose their words and actions based on how they want others to react rather than based on what they really think. - Bring these out into the open: - **Elephants** = big things in the room that nobody is talking about - **Dead fish** = happened a few years ago that people can’t get over - **Vomit** = something that sometimes people just need to get off their mind - Creative abrasion is the ability to have difficult conversations. It’s like taking sandpaper and polishing something. You have a number of diverse points of view in the same room, and everybody is riffing off each other’s ideas. - **Disagree and Commit** = ‘Look, I know we disagree on this but will you gamble with me on it? - ‘Leaders wanting to be liked’ as one of the most dangerous traps in business. ‘It’s much more important to be trusted and respected. If people like you as well, that’s a bonus, not an objective.’ ## The power of the pause - Typically, it takes new CEOs six months to start to affect business, so resist any urge to promise results quickly. - Good questions to ask when joining a new company: - ‘What should not change or be messed with?’ - ‘What should be changed?’ - ‘Give me examples of bottlenecks’ - Do you have a talent or skill you don’t get to use now in your position?’ - Take time; don’t make time ## Hire smart, fire fast > First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people. > Leo Rosten, American writer and humorist - One of the most important things you can do to lead at speed is: find the right people (and keep them). - ‘careful of blaming the lettuce for not growing when the soil is poor’ Thich Nhât Hanh - Do not tolerate brilliant jerks–the cost to teamwork is too high,’ says Reed Hastings, CEO of Netflix. - Rosten’s Law’: ‘First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.’ - I’d rather have a hole than an arsehole.’ - If you join Zappos and don’t like it within a week, you can take a $ 4,000 bonus and leave. - Hire PANDAS (Uruly) - Positive and passionate. - Agile - Communication - Simplicity - Feedback - Courage - Respect. - No ego and nurturing. - Determined to deliver. - Action-oriented A + players - Social DNA and sense of humour. - ‘Hire fast walkers.’ ## Decide, delegate and deliver - Making decisions and executing decisions. Your success depends on your ability to develop speed as a habit in both.’ - In any organization, clarity over who will make decisions and when they will be made is key. Time is wasted if this isn’t set up clearly. - Adopt an action bias. You will never have perfect information. > I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do > Leonardo da Vinci - An imperfect decision on Monday is better than the 100 per cent perfect decision on Friday. - The Power of Doubt Approach - Scope: How wide is the implication of what we see? Is this trend/ this change purely enterprise-specific, industry-specific or more broadly macro-economic - Speed: This is about being less concerned with micro-managing pace and more about what uncertainties will dramatically affect us in a systematic and structural way. - Significance: Is it noise and chatter or a genuine shift in the way the world works? - Guiding Questions for Decisions: - How does the decision I’m making fit with the priorities we’ve agreed? - What impact will it have on people inside and outside the organization? - Bain RAPID ® model to identify who inputs and who decides. ![RAPID®: Bain's tool to clarify decision accountability - Bain ...](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8c833ad14da44985aa422b26ca5fc69e~mv2.gif) Bain Rapid Decision Model - Steps to make a decision - Proposal - Argue - Agreement - Who will own - Timing - Vote – Decision agreement check - It took 600 Apple engineers less than two years to develop, debug and deploy iOS 10. Contrast that with 10,000 engineers at Microsoft that took more than five years to develop, debut and ultimately retract Vista. The difference was in the way these companies chose to construct their teams. --- ## 8 Virtual Agile Training Activities to Teach Scrum | Using Miro and Kahoot! URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/virtual-agile-training-activities Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/virtual-agile-training-activities.md Date: 2020-04-08 Topics: facilitation Facilitating Virtual Training and Workshops? Here is a collection of virtual training activities that can maximise engagement at your next agile training workshop. Facilitating Virtual Training and Workshops? Here is a collection of virtual training activities that can maximise engagement at your next agile training workshop. ### **Facilitator Techniques:** 1. [Take a seat in the Virtual Classroom](#viewer-6533t) – Miro 2. [Organising Virtual Teams](#viewer-de7ed) – Miro 3. [Virtual Ball Toss](#viewer-2951h) – Wheel Decide ### **Agile Training Games:** 1. [Scrum Roles and Responsibilities Game](#viewer-dt27u) – Miro 2. [Large Scale Scrum (LeSS) Principles Card Sort Game](#viewer-fkttv) – Miro 3. [Systems Modelling Exercise](#viewer-9sj0i) – Miro 4. [Constellations](#viewer-6qkf9) – Miro 5. [Myth or Fact](#viewer-scs2) – Kahoot ### **Virtual Coaching Exercises:** 1. [Fear Setting](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) - Helping people overcome fears that are holding them back 2. [Wheel of Life](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) - Examine the impact a decision might have on your life 3. [Tiny Habits](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) - A framework to help people build and break habits 4. [Vision Chairs](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) - Inspire action towards a goal 5. [Improvement Canvas](/post/virtual-coaching-exercises) - Help an organisation or team find a path towards their vision ### **3 books to help design your own virtual agile games** ### **Take a seat in the virtual classroom** A simple technique to create a sense of physical space in the virtual space. Add a selection of chairs to your virtual board and ask participants to place a post-it note with their name on the chair as they arrive. A great icebreaker at the start of the session to create a personal connection. ![Chair Facilitation Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a1de8f9b04864bd48e81d95f0b6c74b1~mv2.png) ### [Share on Twitter](https://ctt.ac/T3ZOe) Thank You, Steve Hoyler, for the inspiration ### **Organising Virtual Teams** When facilitating multi-day, multi-team sessions on a board like Miro, create “team zones” with all the exercises relating to that team. I’ve found it makes it easier for teams to find their exercises and creates an identity for the team. Colour coding makes it clearer and can also be used for team name “Red Team” You can also use the Frames selector to quickly move between the team areas. ![Self Organising Teams](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9a1c25f29c444b60b17647b09625d170~mv2.gif) ### **Virtual Ball Toss using Wheel Decide** Ball Toss is a great way in person to get insights from people in the room. To recreate this experience I’ve used [Wheel Decide](https://wheeldecide.com/index.php?c1=Amy&c2=Alan&c3=Toby&c4=Steve&c5=Helen&c6=Martyn&c7=Mary&c8=Mark&c9=Bob&time=3). Add all the participant's names to the wheel. In a debrief discussion, spin the wheel and ask the person it lands on to share their insights. ![Wheel Decide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_062fad16fa664ac29da2bb902fb638ad~mv2.gif) ### **Scrum Roles and Responsibilities Game** Easily facilitated in Miro! ![Scrum Roles and Responsibility Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_118f4ad56440430381f16a77c111cc6d~mv2.gif) ### **Large Scale Scrum (LeSS) Principles Card Sort** A simple card sort exercise to help participants get familiar with the principles of LeSS. Participants match the title of the principle with description. Miro is great for any kind of card-sort exercise ![Large Scale Scrum Principles Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d64784548c594049a918335173bbac80~mv2.gif) ### **Systems Modelling (Causal Loop Diagrams)** I’ve used Miro extensively for systems modelling and can be used easily in a training setting too. You may want to ask folks to get familiar with connection lines prior to the exercise: ![Systems Thinking Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4e99124df43945f58df874b6ee8296b8~mv2.gif) ### **Constellations** This can be a great way to see how people relate to different topics. In this example with Miro, you place a topic in the middle, e.g conflict, and ask people to position their post-it note in relation to it. Closer to middle = comfortable with handling conflict, Closer to edge = uncomfortable with conflict ![Constellations Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c0e93a71b9f5454984f3db3a259eba84~mv2.gif) [More on constellations](https://www.benlinders.com/2019/constellation-retrospective-exercises/) ### **Scrum Myth or Fact** Myth or Fact is a great connection activity when exploring any topic. I use it regularly in agile training sessions to tap into the wisdom of the crowd. Can be scaled up to many people. [Kahoot](https://kahoot.com/) is my favourite form any quiz activities such as Myth or Fact. You can find an example to my quiz [here](https://create.kahoot.it/share/scrum-facts/5e421578-ffdf-4a46-932f-1d34f4d2b952) ![Scrum Kahoot Game](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6b0f60c03a1c4c53830e3a36992ed906~mv2.png) Improve your creativity with this [MasterClass by Anna Wintour](https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=1418888&u=2868550&m=62509&urllink=&afftrack=). If you register I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. --- ## The Leadership Energy Monitor | A self-care tool for leaders URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-leadership-energy-monitor-a-self-care-tool-for-leaders Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-leadership-energy-monitor-a-self-care-tool-for-leaders.md Date: 2020-04-05 Topics: leadership, self-care Leaders are fuel for others so it’s important to monitor your energy levels regularly and refuel often.This energy monitor allows you to reflect on your current energy levels and take action to refuel as required.Toby’s Top Tip: Once a week spend 10 minutes scoring your energy across these 9 dimensions. Ask this question for each area:Is this energy area draining, neutral or charging?This simple exercise allows you to take any refuelling actions. It keeps your energy at the right level to lead y Leaders are fuel for others so it’s important to monitor your energy levels regularly and refuel often. This energy monitor allows you to reflect on your current energy levels and take action to refuel as required. **Toby’s Top Tip:** Once a week spend 10 minutes scoring your energy across these 9 dimensions. Ask this question for each area: *Is this energy area draining, neutral or charging?* This simple exercise allows you to take any refuelling actions. It keeps your energy at the right level to lead yourself and others. ![Leadership Energy Monitor (1)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f4fc47e4299346a484b23e53355c4803~mv2.png) --- ## Behaviour-By-Example – How to behave during coronavirus URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/behaviour-by-example-how-to-behave-during-coronavirus Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/behaviour-by-example-how-to-behave-during-coronavirus.md Date: 2020-03-24 Topics: agile The Coronavirus has been a great demonstration of how difficult drive behaviour change. Yesterday the UK Government mandated stricter policies to restrict movement after many people across the country continued to socially mingle.In order for behaviour to happen the following needs to occur:Behaviour happens when motivation & ability & prompt converge at the same moment (B=MAP) BJ Fogg – Tiny HabitsTo date the government has relied on the motivation to “protect the NHS” for behaviour change.We s The Coronavirus has been a great demonstration of how difficult drive behaviour change. Yesterday the UK Government mandated stricter policies to restrict movement after many people across the country continued to socially mingle. In order for behaviour to happen the following needs to occur: > *Behaviour happens when* ***motivation*** *&* ***ability*** *&* ***prompt*** *converge at the same moment (B=MAP)* > BJ Fogg – [Tiny Habits](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything/) To date the government has relied on the motivation to *“protect the NHS”* for behaviour change. We see so far that this motivational plea has not been sufficient. **Motivation is the weakest of these three variables.** Our motivation comes in waves and is not reliable. We can see as soon as the sunny weather arrived at the weekend how quickly people were motivated to go outdoors. **Ability** and **Prompt** are more powerful levers for change. Make the behaviour as easy as possible and provide prompts that trigger the desired behaviour. So far new behaviours have been made harder to adopt by using new, ambiguous terms such as “social distancing” and “self isolation”. Many people are left wondering what do these really mean? To help overcome these challenges and more effectively enable behaviour change in organisations, I have used a technique called **Specification-By-Example**. Typically used by software development teams, to describe how their systems should work but it’s a great technique for any behaviour change. Examples are described through a simple language: 1. **Given** = The context 2. **When** = The Prompt 3. **Then** = The action (ability) You can see this in action through a really simple example below: 1. **Given** i’m 70 or over 2. **When** I need Milk 3. **Then** I will ask a relative to purchase on my behalf 4. **And** leave the milk on door step The benefit of this approach is it provides a concrete example for people to design their behaviour. **Importantly it provides a foundation to have a good conversation.** My hope is this post will equip you to have better conversations with **parents, children and friends** around the desired behaviours. Clearing up ambiguity and discussing real examples. As coaches, facilitators and leaders you can use this technique in any efforts where behaviour change is desired in your organisation. ## **The key lessons to takeaway are:** 1. **Don’t rely on motivation** 2. **Use concrete examples** 3. **Make it simple** I’d love to hear your examples in the comments below and on LinkedIn. Here are some more of mine: ## **Scenarios: Milk** 1. **Given** i’m exhibiting no symptoms 2. **And** i’m under 70 3. **And** I do not live with anyone in either of those categories 4. **When** i need milk 5. **Then** I will visit my nearest supermarket 6. **And** maintain a distance of 2 meters 7. **And** get over 1 weeks of essential produce 8. **And** wash my hands immediately after returning home 9. **Given** i’m walking to the supermarket 10. **And** someone is walking towards me on a narrow pavement 11. **Then** i will cross the road to keep a 2 meter distance 12. **Given** I have a persistent cough 13. **When** I need milk 14. **Then** I will not leave the house 15. **And** I will ask a relative/friend/neighbour to bring me milk with other essentials 16. **And** leave it on door step ## **Scenarios: Exercise** 1. **Given** I have not exercised 2. **When** I exercise 3. **Then** I will only do a walk, run, or cycle 4. **And** limit my activity to less than 30 minutes 5. **And** keep a distance of 2 meters 6. **Given** I have exercised today 7. **When** I feel restless and i need of exercise 8. **Then** I will not leave the house 9. **And** do an exercise activity indoors 10. **Given** I have not exercised 11. **When** my friend calls to invite me for a round of golf 12. **Then** I will say no 13. **And** suggest we play Mario golf on Nintendo switch --- ## Book Summary: Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps by Jennifer Garvey Berger URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-unlocking-leadership-mindtraps-jennifer-garvey-berger Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-unlocking-leadership-mindtraps-jennifer-garvey-berger.md Date: 2020-03-22 Topics: book-summaries, leadership The 3 Big Ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 key takeway from Jennifer Garvey Berger's excellent book Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps. ![Unlocking Leadership Mind Traps Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bb6f8a540fdd4faeb794bde24e4e33cb~mv2.png) [Buy](https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1503609014/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=tobysinclair-21&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1503609014&linkId=77aff844761067c56f13e2c7ea3823c2) | [Reviews](https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1503609014/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=tobysinclair-21&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1503609014&linkId=77aff844761067c56f13e2c7ea3823c2) | [Bio](https://www.cultivatingleadership.com/books/unlocking-leadership-mindtraps) ## 3 big ideas Book summary: Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps by Jennifer Garvey Berger 1. Our default thinking patterns often lead us incorrectly in [complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) 2. There are 5 mind traps: simple stories, rightness, agreement, control, ego. 3. Mindfulness is the most powerful way to help you lead yourself and others effectively in complex environments ## Best quotes > *Too much agreement, while pleasant, makes us follow a narrow path rather than expanding our solution space. It makes it harder to create and pursue the wide span of options that will leave us prepared for whatever the uncertain future demands. With complexity, we need diversity of experience, approach, and ideas, and we need to learn how to harness conflict rather than push it away.* > *Experiment at the edges rather than at the very center of the issue. In complex systems the center is the most resistant to change, so it’s best to stay away from it.* ## 1 Sentence Summary: In complex environments, leaders need to find new ways to lead themselves and others. Understanding new ways to notice and escape these mind traps is a leadership superpower. ## Big Ideas Expanded Book summary: Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps by Jennifer Garvey Berger **The interactions of unpredictable things create complexity** **Key challenges:** 1. We evolved for a different time. A simpler, more predictable time. 2. We use default thinking patterns that were not designed for today’s complexity. 3. We rely on our intuition which is often wrong. The best course of action is often counter-intuitive. 4. We are built to simplify and segment 5. We tend to try harder rather than try something else. 6. We feel confident when something seems obvious and logical. However, this is a dangerous sign in complex environments. 7. We try to control what will happen next; but in complexity, there are too many interrelated parts. Control is futile. **Message for leaders:** 1. Focus on creating the right conditions in the environment for people to succeed. 2. Increase and deepen your connections within the system. This will help you lead in complexity. The number of connections matters. 3. In complex, fast-changing situations, we will not ever be able to agree on the one best thing, because that simply doesn’t exist. ## Trapped by Simple Stories Our desire for a simple story blinds you to a real one. Narrative Fallacy. Simple stories dramatically limit the range of thinking and feeling about what’s possible. Complexity requires you to look at a broad range of options, not just a narrow perspective based upon the story you have created. Looking back at something, we can tell a coherent story about it that makes it sound inevitable and neat. To escape we need to find our way out of our simple stories and back into our complex real ones. Humans are wired for stories; the bad news is that our automatic stories are probably too simple for a complex world. **Simple Story Traps:** 1. looking for a beginning, middle, and end; 2. filling in the missing pieces; 3. assigning roles to the characters. We fix characters in our stories: heroes and villains. It is hard to see beyond the characters we assign people. Once assigned villains may never become heroes in our eyes. Halo Effect. Confirmation Bias – To create our simple stories, we pick and choose the data we remember, and we add in little bits of data if it makes for a better case. > *“It is the consistency of the information that matters for a good story, not its completeness. Indeed, you will often find that knowing little makes it easier to fit everything you know into a coherent pattern.” – Consistency Bias* > Daniel Kahneman: Notice and become aware of your simple stores. > *“Life, so full of contradictions and surprises, rarely ever makes complete sense. The pieces of the puzzle seldom fit together perfectly.* ***When they do—beware!!!!”*** ## Trapped by Rightness Trapped by rightness. Just because it feels right doesn’t mean it is right. We each look at the world and believe we see it as it is. – Naïve realism Leaders often fail as they: 1. ignore data that might show them they are wrong; 2. don’t listen well to those around them; 3. get trapped in a world they have created rather than the one that exists. Many Leaders are not self-aware of their own thinking traps. They are blind to their biases. > *“we have excessive confidence in what we believe we know, and we have an inability to acknowledge our ignorance and the uncertainty of the world.”Daniel Kahneman:* Experience locks us even more tightly into the trap of rightness. With experience comes an expectation on ourselves and from others that we will be right. Many experts are expected to be right. We discard any data that might suggest we’re wrong. Confirmation Bias We feel right even if we are wrong. **Scenario from the book:** > Imagine you’re in a meeting with the executive team and you’re presenting the final recommendations of a piece of work your team has been engaged in for the last month. You’ve been over every last piece of the data and you know exactly what should be done, and now you’re just informing the team and getting their approval. A new colleague, who has joined the team since the last time you’ve presented on this topic, begins to ask questions no one has raised before. What is your emotional reaction? 1. Defensive but confident. You and your team are the experts. You know how to lob answers back to all these tricky questions. He’s probably just trying to make an impression on the boss. 2. Annoyed and offended. Who does this guy think he is to march in here and waste everyone’s time with immaterial questions? He’s so arrogant to think that he could have things to add with no knowledge about this at all. 3. Open and curious. How great that you could have thought about it so much and still have someone who had questions you hadn’t thought about before! What a helpful addition this guy will be to the senior team with such an unusual perspective and a curious mind! We mostly listen to win. Listening to that makes you right and the other person wrong. Listen to Learn – Holding the possibility that we might be wrong. Listening with curiosity. ## Trapped by Agreement Longing for alignment robs you of good ideas. Connection is so important that our brains experience social pain and physical pain as nearly the same thing. > *Too much agreement, while pleasant, makes us follow a narrow path rather than expanding our solution space. It makes it harder to create and pursue the wide span of options that will leave us prepared for whatever the uncertain future demands. With complexity, we need diversity of experience, approach, and ideas, and we need to learn how to harness conflict rather than push it away.* Humans are drawn to an agreement as a sense of connection. We are drawn into shallow agreements to maintain a connection. We fear rejection from our social group. Leaders can mistakenly think agreeability is a virtue and that disagreement should be fixed with compromise. Many leaders try to stamp out disagreements amongst teams. This creates shallow agreements. Leaders in complexity need to embrace disagreement and be comfortable with it. Leaders in complexity should focus on the conditions that make disagreement normal and safe for all involved. This starts with the leader role modelling and welcoming people to disagree with them. Reduce fear and increase phycological safety. High-performing organizations use “family” as the most common descriptor of their culture. We are taught as small people that when we disagree, we should compromise. This means we are built for compromise. In complexity, having more options is always better, because you can’t possibly know beforehand which options will actually pay off. So the urge to compromise in complexity takes you from two viable options to one potentially mediocre one.” The keys to unlocking this mind trap are to remake what agreement means, what conflict means. Complex situations have so many pieces and perspectives that each one of us might see a slightly different set of possibilities. Leaders should create the conditions for these dissenting, diverse thoughts to be heard. ## Trapped by Control Trying to take charge strips you of influence. Leadership is often assumed to be “the person in control” Our books, tv shows and films often portray strong leadership as the person in control of the situation. Trying to control everything is futile. We have a natural tendency to locally optimise rather than look at the more uncertain, unclear bigger picture. We measure the easy things, rather than what matters. We have a hero basis. We assume the senior leaders have the power to make change happen. However sometimes the more senior a person’s leadership position is, the less likely she is to feel in control. There are simply too many intersecting factors to believe that the force of a single person, no matter how effective, can control it all. In a complex world a broad direction (like “more self-sustaining”) is way better than a narrow target (“ take over dry cleaners”) – Leadership Intent. Leaders should open horizons to direction rather than the destination, and to influence rather than control. > *Experiment at the edges rather than at the very center of the issue. In complex systems the center is the most resistant to change, so it’s best to stay away from it.* “Alter patterns, not outcomes.” Apply systems thinking to look at the whole situation and notice patterns. Change patterns through experimentation. ## Trapped by Ego Shackled to who you are now, you can’t reach for who you’ll be next. People have a natural tendency of “preserving their reputations, putting their best selves forward, and hiding their inadequacies from others and themselves.” We believe we have changed much in the past but won’t change in the future Everyone has a second job: most people are spending time and energy covering up their weaknesses, managing other people’s impressions of them, showing themselves to their best advantage, playing politics, hiding their inadequacies, hiding their uncertainties, hiding their limitations. Ego protection is the single biggest loss of resources that organizations suffer every day. Leaders in complexity spend less time creating and defending a particular version of themselves and more time letting life transform them. Coaching question to raise awareness if your ego 1. What is at stake for me here? 2. What is the hardest part about this? 3. What is the best part about this? 4. How do I know this is true? Find your growth edge ## Escaping the Mindtraps Becoming more mindful is the most powerful way to be more self-aware of how our default thinking is helping or trapping us Mindfulness increases connection to: 1. Our purpose 2. Our bodies and emotions 3. Comparisons for ourselves and others ## Connecting with our purpose > *“Greater purpose in life consistently predicted lower mortality risk across the lifespan, showing the same benefit for younger, middle-aged, and older participants across the follow-up period.”* The journey is more important than the destination > *“Discovering your purpose is not like finding the perfect pair of shoes”* Frederick Buechner says that your purpose, your calling, is “the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” It is a necessarily interconnected dance between what calls each of us and what the world calls for. Finding your purpose and living toward it is as much a process of discovery as it is of creation. Create the conditions for that awareness to emerge for you, and then see if it can shape your future. ## Connecting to our bodies Our bodies keep us grounded in what is rather than allowing our minds to trap us with what might or should be. Treat your body as a source of knowledge and support rather than the vehicle that carries you from meeting to meeting and sometimes breaks down annoyingly. ## Connecting to our emotions People who can name their emotions in nuanced ways (“ I’m anxious about this job interview but also excited and energized!”) have surprisingly better outcomes in a wide variety of places than those who lump everything together (“ I’m super nervous about this job interview!”). They are more able to recover from setbacks, can better manage their anxiety, and handle the unexpected difficulties of life. Emotions have shades. They are not binary. The more we can notice the emotional shades the more aware we become. ## While we are on the topic of complexity You might be interested in these 12 organizational design principles that embrace complexity ![12 Organisation Design Principles That Embrace Complexity](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_596f0fc17ce1434c9f87da37bb7ce4c6~mv2.png) --- ## Book Summary: How to Lead in Product Management by Roman Pichler URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-lead-in-product-management-roman-pichler Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-how-to-lead-in-product-management-roman-pichler.md Date: 2020-03-14 Topics: book-summaries, product-management The 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 takeaway from How to lead in Product Management by Roman Pichler. Essential reading for all Product Managers. Book Summary of How to lead in Product Management by Roman Pichler ## 3 big ideas 1. How Product Leaders can overcome these **six common challenges**: 1. Leading a group without managing them 2. Leading large and heterogenous groups 3. Limited influence on group member selection 4. Both contributor and leader 5. Working both strategically and tactically 6. Working with agile practices 2. Product Leaders need to be aware of their **leadership style** and nuances of product leadership compared to other forms of leadership 3. **Conflict, Conversations and Decision Making** are explored as key leadership skills for leaders in Product Management ## Best quotes > *“People will only follow you for two reasons—because they trust and respect you or because they fear you.”* > *“Mindfulness helps you make better decisions for the following two reasons: First, it helps you recognise cognitive biases. These include confirmation bias, the tendency to prefer data that confirm preconceived views; negativity bias, focusing on negative experiences; and overconfidence bias, overestimating the reliability of one’s own judgements, control, and chances of success. Recognising these biases reduces the risk of making wrong product decisions—for instance, disregarding valid data because it does not match your view. Second, mindfulness helps you to be more aware of your feelings—for example, how excited, sceptical, or displeased you are. This makes it less likely that your emotions drive a product decision—for example, that being angry with someone prevents you from paying attention to the person’s valid concerns.”* ## 1 Action: Explore using Non-Violent Communication when resolving conflict ## Beyond 60 seconds…. ## Best quotes ## Product Leadership Foundations **Lead at three levels:** 1. vision 2. strategy 3. tactics **Leadership Styles** (A product leader may flex across these styles) ![Product Leadership Styles](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_30b308a30a2a4eaaabe7c35d1d728018~mv2.png) Product Leadership Styles ![Product Leadership Styles Goleman](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6cb39098d1494f7888c1646236c76fdd~mv2.jpg) Product Leadership Styles Goleman ![Product Leadership Bill Campbell](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_277982bf0f224738b488c51532c6f8cf~mv2.jpg) Product Leadership Bill Campbell ## Interactions Empower the development team, help the members acquire the relevant knowledge, and allow people to take full ownership of the solution or, if that’s not possible, the product details. > *“Manage your product, not the team.”* **Managing Stakeholders** – Use the Power Grid to see where your stakeholders fall ![Power Interest Matrix](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_74618222de8f406ea63a494d40e92686~mv2.jpg) Power Interest Matrix Instead of interacting with the players on a one-on-one basis, aim to **build a stakeholder community** whose members work together for an extended period of time and who learn to trust, respect, and support each other. ## Goals ![Roman Pichler Product Strategy Process](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_af8fec73211841b6a7a3d921439ba1f0~mv2.jpg) Roman Pichler Product Strategy Process **Conversations** Buddhist teaching – **Right Speech** – five guidelines 1. Speak with the right intention 2. say only what you believe is true 3. only speak if it’s beneficial for the people listening 4. don’t use harsh or harmful words 5. make sure you speak at the right time and place **Handling Conflict** **Conflict Pitfalls** 1. win-lose—believing that there must be a winner and a loser; 2. truth assumption—assuming that the other person is wrong; 3. problem-solving mode—seeing the disagreement as a primarily intellectual issue; 4. blame game—assigning fault to the other person; 5. artificial harmony—ignoring conflict. > *“To skilfully deal with conflict, we must change our attitude: We should no longer see conflict as something that produces winners and losers but as an opportunity to connect, learn, and generate mutual gains.”* **Artificial Harmony causes:** 1. Fear of confrontation 2. Not a priority to resolve conflict 3. Work Culture 4. Lack of Trust **Use Non-Violent Communication** ![Non violent communication tree of life](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0be42e6f14bf4b149e22f219e827b8f9~mv2.jpg) Non violent communication tree of life ![NVC Table](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3f8cf9a034114a85a2ad830e17b8aab4~mv2.jpg) NVC Table > *“Conflict resolution is not about winning, retaliating, or putting the other person in her or his place. It’s about developing a shared perspective on what happened, agreeing on the changes required, and re-establishing trust. This requires a willingness to forgive the other person and yourself (Amro 2018).”* **Conflict resolution requires all parties to:** 1. co-operate—move beyond blame 2. take responsibility for their behaviour and feelings 3. embrace a contribution mindset (Open mindness) > *“You can encourage change in another person, but you cannot make someone else change.”* ## Decision Making > *“Determining who makes decisions in an organization is one of the best ways to understand who has the power—who is in control.”John A. Buck and Sharon Villines* Common causes of poor decision making by Product Leaders: 1. Lack of empowerment 2. Lack of knowledge Use a facilitator to support collaborative decision making as groups may: 1. Be used to senior leader making all decisions (HIPPO) 2. Low trust – Groups may not be familiar with debate and disagreement – Facilitator can help bring out divergent perspectives safely Product Leader should not act as the facilitator **Principles to support participatory decision making:** > Full participation: > Everyone is willing to contribute, and everybody is heard. Nobody seeks to dominate or hijack the decision-making process. Everybody feels safe to speak her or his mind. > Mutual respect and understanding: > People make an effort to attentively listen to each other and appreciate the other person’s perspective, goals, and needs. The individuals intend to talk to one another kindly and to treat each other respectfully. > Open-mindedness: > The group members strive to keep an open mind, understanding that everybody holds a piece of the truth and that everyone’s perspective matters. “Ideas should not be favoured based on who creates them,” as Brown (2009, 73) puts it. **Ground Rules for Facilitators (Hartnett 2010)** 1. Always speak from a place of respect for others and assume good intentions on the part of the group members. 2. Respect differences of opinion and value the diversity of the group members. 3. Listen with an open mind; be receptive and refrain from making premature judgements. 4. Speak honestly and openly. 5. Always stick to observable facts. 6. Refrain from judging and labelling people; separate individual and opinion. 7. Ask questions when you sense misunderstanding or disagreement. 8. Speak up if you have not been participating. 9. Make room for others if you have spoken often. 10. Do not interrupt others, but allow a brief moment of silence to let the previous speaker’s words sink in before the next person speaks. 11. Stay present; do not engage in side conversations or answer messages on your electronic devices. **Participatory Decision Rules:** ![participatory decision making rules](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_44064153c28943308ee17a4f21666ee8~mv2.png) participatory decision making rules **Avoid Committees – They drive weak**compromises ![camel designed by committee](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d7ac6f2d872e421f8301ff67b3006e14~mv2.png) camel designed by committee **Tips for successful negotiation** (Fisher and William 2012): 1. People: Separate the people from the problem. 2. Interests: Instead of arguing over positions, look for shared interests and needs. 3. Options: Invent multiple options, looking for mutual gains, before deciding what to do. Avoid the mistake of prematurely excluding options and opting for one solution. 4. Criteria: Use objective criteria or a fair standard to determine the outcome. **Stages of Influence** (Voss 2016): 1. Active listening: Make an effort to empathically listen to the other person while suspending judgement. 2. Empathy: Understand the individual’s perspective, needs, and interest, thereby accepting that emotions play a major role in how we behave as human beings. 3. Rapport: Build rapport and establish trust. 4. Influence: Help the other person let go of her or his position, understand your needs, and look for a solution that addresses the individual’s needs at least partially. 5. Behavioural change: Agree on an acceptable solution that can be implemented (if possible). **Techniques for negotiation:** (Voss 2016): ![negotiation techniques voss](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_81a49d9f6ef041dc9cbf150e2f18b5f2~mv2.png) negotiation techniques voss ## Self-Leadership > Mindfulness helps you make better decisions for the following two reasons: First, it helps you recognise cognitive biases. These include confirmation bias, the tendency to prefer data that confirm preconceived views; negativity bias, focusing on negative experiences; and overconfidence bias, overestimating the reliability of one’s own judgements, control, and chances of success. Recognising these biases reduces the risk of making wrong product decisions—for instance, disregarding valid data because it does not match your view. Second, mindfulness helps you to be more aware of your feelings—for example, how excited, sceptical, or displeased you are. This makes it less likely that your emotions drive a product decision—for example, that being angry with someone prevents you from paying attention to the person’s valid concerns. **Hold Personal Retrospectives** 1. What did I get done this week? 2. Which challenges and difficulties did I encounter? 3. What did I learn? How am I feeling right now? 4. How did my moods and energy levels develop during the week? 5. What changes do I want to make next week? > There is more to life than work. --- ## Book Summary: Influence by Robert Cialdini | The Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-influence-robert-cialdini Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-influence-robert-cialdini.md Date: 2020-03-08 Topics: coaching, book-summaries The 3 big ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 key takeway from this excellent book on influence by Robert Cialdini. Learn the core concepts quickly from this summary. A book summary of Influence by Robert Cialdini ## 3 big ideas 1. **6 weapons of influence**:Reciprocity, Commitment, Social proof, Authority, Liking, Scarcity. 2. We r**espond automatically** to the six types of influence. Understanding this allows us to manage how marketeers and other people t try to influence us without realising 3. Learning the principles of influence allow you to **recognise** when they are being used on you so that you can avoid doing something you’d later regret ## Best quotes > *A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.* > *Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only 5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer* ## 1 Follow Up: The six principles can help encourage change in organisations and help influence leaders to change behaviour. You may also like my summary of [Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialised World – David Epstein](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/book-summary-range-why-generalists-triumph-in-a-specialised-world-david-epstein/) ## A longer book summary if you have time.... ## Reciprocation We should try to repay in kind, what another person has provided us. **Common Examples:** 1. Free Gifts 2. A leader offering attention and mentorship to followers in exchange for loyalty 3. Refer a Friend Deals (Refer and receive one month free) **Influencing Change:** 1. Put together a personal learning list for a leader you want to influence 2. Buy lunch for someone who you have a difficult working relationship with – [Luncheon Technique](http://changingminds.org/techniques/general/more_methods/luncheon_technique.htm) 3. Buy a book for a leader you want to influence. On a topic you think might help with a challenge they are facing – Make it personal by including a note Make these acts feel personal. This will maximise its power. ## Commitment and Consistency When stating a belief we are wired to try and act consistently with that belief. **Common examples:** 1. [Front of Door Technique](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot-in-the-door_technique) – Ask a person to agree to a large request by having them agree to a modest request first 2. Ask people to recommend your product, they will likely to continue using it as they have publicly endorsed it **Influencing Change:** 1. Ask leaders to state publicly their support for a cause – e.g. Diversity – They are more likely to act consistently with that publicly stated belief 2. Ask leaders to publicly champion a new way of working, such as agile ## Social Proof We view a behavior as more correct in a given situation to the degree that we see others performing it. **Common Examples:** 1. Canned laughter (laughing track) causes viewers to laugh longer and more often. It is more effective in poor jokes. 2. Bartenders seed their tip jars with a few dollars to give the impression that tipping is the norm. 3. [Bystander Effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect) – individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim when other people are present; the greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that one of them will help. **Influencing Change:** 1. Connect people with role models – make new behaviours seem like the norm 2. Share success stories widely 3. Organise panel events where teams can share their stories ## Authority We tend to obey figures of authority (people with titles or expertise) **Common Examples:** 1. Uniform and other clothing can create appearance of authority – [Thai Gem Scam](https://www.into-asia.com/bangkok/gemscam) is great example of this principle and others!! 2. Job Titles in corporations – e.g. Vice President 3. Referencing experts in your work **Influencing Change:** 1. Asking an external well know speaker(possibly author) to present to your organisation 2. Referencing the source of an idea when sharing it, perhaps from a book 3. Asking senior management to recommend a training course to their teams ## Liking We are more likely to agree to someones request if we know and like them **Common Examples:** 1. Give compliments 2. Express shared interests 3. [Joe Gidard](http://www.thepowerofinternet.com/10-sales-tips-from-joe-girard-the-n-1-salesman-in-the-world/) – “I have never sold a car in my life. I sold Joe Girard.” – Understand that you are not selling a product, you are selling yourself **Influencing Change:** 1. Dressing in a way that is similar to those you are influencing 2. Finding common interests 3. Using language that is familiar ## Scarcity (FOMO) We perceive something to more valuable when its less available FOMO(Fear of Missing Out) – the uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you’re missing out — that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of more or something better than you **Common Examples:** 1. Restaurant with a queue outside – Creates impression of scarcity 2. Black Friday – “One time deals that cannot be missed!” 3. Booking.com – 42 people are looking at this hotel now **Influencing Change:** 1. Limit the number of people and teams you work with. Create impression that services are lower in supply and high in demand 2. Express that spaces on a training course are limited (first come first served) ## Thai Gem Scam *Perfect example of many principles in action. Story taken from here:* [*https://www.into-asia.com/bangkok/gemscam*](https://www.into-asia.com/bangkok/gemscam) ![Thai Gem Scam](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c52b939f330744d8889123d02d60842d~mv2.jpg) Thai Gem Scam Bangkok’s infamous gem scam has ruined the holidays of many, many visitors to Thailand and it is an important thing to be aware of beforehand if you want to avoid becoming yet another victim. The con-artists always targets the new, first time arrivals ***(THE BACK DROP IS UNCERTAINTY WHICH MAXIMISES INFLUENCE POTENTIAL)*** to Thailand and consequently you find them hanging around the main tourist attractions, particularly Wat Phra Kaew and the Grand Palace, Wat Pho, Wat Arun and the National Museum. New arrivals are often somewhat surprised at the friendliness of people ***(LIKING)***in the Land of Smiles, and unfortunately can become a bit too trusting of strangers which leaves them vulnerable to this scam. What we’ve described below is a typical example, but there are many variations. It usually starts with a male stranger approaching you, often in uniform ***(AUTHORITY)***, on the way to or nearby any of main tourist attractions, and telling you that you can’t go in at the moment. They can come up with dozens of reasons why: “Oh didn’t you know it’s a Buddhist holiday today”, “closed for cleaning”, “closed for repairs”, “only Thai people can enter in the morning”, “closed because the monks are chanting now”, “it’s only open on Wednesdays” etc. ***(CONSISTENCY – YOU WANT TO STICK TO HOLIDAY PLAN)*** By far the best approach is just to ignore anyone trying to talk to you on the way in, which may seem rude but it can be very difficult to get away if you start any conversation with them. In the vast majority of cases, there is absolutely no truth in what they are saying, it’s just a ruse to get you started in conversation with them. If the place really is closed, find out for yourself from the entrance and don’t take anyone’s word for it. No one is going to be offended if you try and enter, even if it really is closed for a holiday. Not wanting to offend or appear ignorant ***(CONSISTENCY)***, you may let them talk you out of going to Wat Pho or wherever it is you really intended to go. But not to worry, your new friend knows somewhere equally impressive that is still open – “the famous 100m high Standing Buddha temple”. It’s not mentioned in your guidebook for some reason, but he will kindly mark the location of it on your map for you. He may also casually talk about a special promotion on gems or jewelry that is on today, but will put no pressure on you to buy any. ***(SCARCITY)*** After another 5 or 10 minutes of conversation, he will usually offer to arrange a tuk-tuk ride for you to the new temple at a bargain price (10B/20B, say, or even for free) ***(SCARCITY)***explaining that tuk-tuks overcharge tourists and so he can get that the price that cheap for you because he is Thai ***(LIKING)***. Alternatively, they claim that by taking you there and then to a special export shop they get free petrol/gasoline coupons and so that is why it is cheap. Either way it’s worth remembering that tuk-tuks are no cheaper than taxis in Bangkok, and even the shortest of rides starts at around 50B. If you’re offered a ridiculous price like 100B (or less) for a whole afternoon’s worth of sightseeing, it’s only because they know they can make much more out of scamming you. At the new temple (the so-called ‘Standing Buddha temple’, ‘Lucky Buddha temple’ etc – really just an average temple in an out-of-the-way location), the tuk-tuk driver waits outside while you go in. Inside you’ll be fortunate enough to meet a smartly dressed ***(AUTHORITY)*** Thai man who speaks excellent English ***(LIKING)***, and claims to be a university professor / business man / student / tourist official etc. You’ll chat for a while (they often have excellent knowledge about your home country), and eventually the conversation gets round to jewelry and gems, confirming the special deal ***(SCARCITY)*** on at the moment that the man on the street mentioned earlier. Essentially, this special deal involves bulk buying gems at a low price in Thailand in order to resell them for a vast profit in your home country. This is dressed up in any number of ways – you don’t buy from a shop but from a special “international export center”, today is a special export day, it’s an opportunity previously only open to Thai students to finance their studies abroad but now tourists can do it as well ***(SCARCITY)*** , there’s a special tax break today, it’s part of a tourism promotion, it’s a wholesale factory price, backed by the government, you get a certificate of authenticity and a money back guarantee etc On to the gem shop, and you are well looked after with personal service from the manager, free drinks etc. ***(RECIPROCATION)***There then follows a high-pressure sales pitch, after which far too many people are persuaded to spend in the region of 100 000B (US$2500), 200 000B (US$5000) or more on gems which they hope to resell at a profit in their home country. The gem shops often pay lowlife foreigners to linger in their shop posing as a customer and casually mention to you that for years they have bought Thai gems from this shop, sold them back in France / USA / Singapore / etc, and have made loads of money doing it ***(SOCIAL PROOF)***. A bit too conveniently, they’ll have receipts and documentation on them to back-up their story. For many people, the knowledge that a fellow foreigner has done it successfully is what finally persuades them to buy ***(SOCIAL PROOF)***. To ensure you get the gems out of Thailand safely, with no problems from customs, the shop will offer to mail the gems to your country for you. When you actually come to buy the gems, you may find the shop doesn’t have the facilities to accept credit cards itself (a warning sign in itself – Visa and Mastercard have cut them off for high levels of fraudlent transactions). You may have to go and buy gold from a nearby shop with your card and then pay them in the gold you just purchased. What most people find out soon enough when they try and sell them is that the expensively purchased “gems” are really only worth a tiny fraction of what you paid for them. You’re actually more in luck if you’ve been sold worthless bits of cut-glass masquerading as gems, as this is actually illegal and gives you a legal leg to stand on. Either way, virtually all the money that was spent on the gems is now lost. The receipt, money back guarantee and certificate of authenticity are barely worth the paper they’re printed on. --- ## Book Summary: The Unicorn Project by Gene Kim | The Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-unicorn-project-gene-kim Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-unicorn-project-gene-kim.md Date: 2020-03-07 Topics: book-summaries, organisational-design The 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from The Unicorn Project by Gene Kim. A book summary of The Unicorn Project by Gene Kim [Buy The Unicorn Project on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3wUlp1r) | [Try Blinkist For Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) ## 3 big ideas The Unicorn Project Summary 1. **Five Ideals**: Locality and Simplicity; Focus, Flow and Joy; Improvement of Daily Work; Psychological Safety; and Customer Focus. 2. **Create a “Rebel Alliance”** – A group of passionate change agents with a clear purpose. This emphasises [John Kotter Change Management](https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newPPM_82.htm) approach – Build a guiding Coalition 3. **Don’t put your best developers in feature development.** Put them on developer productivity such as environments, build tools, test automation. This is what great tech companies do. ## Best quotes > Better Value, Sooner, Safer, Happier > Microsoft, still has a culture that if a developer ever has a choice between working on a feature or developer productivity, they should always choose developer productivity. ## Toby's takeaway Here is my top takeaway from The Unicorn Project: Focus on building a stronger “Rebel Alliance” to create organisational change [Buy The Unicorn Project on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3wUlp1r) ## Big Ideas Expanded [The Unicorn Project](https://amzn.to/3wUlp1r) Summary expanded Dependencies and Approvals significantly impact flow Don’t outcast project management group. Take them on the journey with you. The project manager in this story was one of the biggest advocates In the book, there is a strong connection to the [State of DevOps survey](https://cloud.google.com/blog/products/devops-sre/the-2019-accelerate-state-of-devops-elite-performance-productivity-and-scaling/) Most of the drivers described in the survey are highlighted in the book State of DevOps Employees are often unaware of why existing policies, rules and procedures yet they continue to be blindly followed. This is often the case when safety is low and people are fearful of change. **Factors that reinforce the status quo**: 1. Fear 2. Lack of clarity around goals 3. High WIP/Busyness 4. Leaders are difficult to get hold of 5. Focus on delivery, not improvement 6. Lack of autonomy 7. Low transparency 8. Senior Management holds all the crucial information – It is not local to the teams Most organisations and implicitly designed to maintain the status quo and existing power balances Focus on finding where the constraint is (TOC) As you improve the system the constraint will move from DEV > QA> OPS > Product > Business – The ideal scenario for most tech companies is where tech no longer becomes the bottleneck. Find bottlenecks. A good ratio of UX developers is 1:6 regular developers. UX is a specialist skill. Most companies have 1:70 ratio **Change Management ethos in** [**The Unicorn Project**](https://amzn.to/3wUlp1r) **book:** 1. Build a coalition (Rebel Alliance) 2. Find Quick Wins 3. Celebrate Success 4. Deliver value/Solve real problems 5. Partnership across boundaries 6. Brave Leadership – Leaders are willing to lose their jobs for the right thing 7. The social aspect of teams are amplified – Get to know your colleagues. A lot of the best ideas happened around informal gatherings in bars and hangouts 8. Tendency to hire people – If this does not resolve the bottleneck it often makes things worse **Prime Directive (Norm Kerth)** > *“Regardless of what we discover, we understand and truly believe that everyone did the best job they could, given what they knew at the time, their skills and abilities, the resources available, and the situation at hand.”* **Functional Programming principles emphasised throughout:** 1. Immutability 2. Disciplined state 3. Pure functions and no side effects/disciplined states 4. First class functions and high order functions 5. Type systems 6. Referential transparency Organisations should expect failure and put in adaptive processes to respond quickly to those failures and LEARN! Only 1/3 of strategic ideas have positive results < 5% of A/B Tests give a positive result Increase the rate of learning to increase the rate of success **Geoffrey Moore Three Horizons** Geoffrey Moore Three Horizons A lot of companies only focus on Horizon 1. In the book, the breakthrough came from an increasing focus on horizon 3. Horizon 3 work requires rapid learning, experimentation. Perfect for adaptive ways of working Introduce an innovation process to gather ideas from your company. Horizon 1 and horizon 3 require different kinds of leaders!! Horizon one is the core business, stable, predictable, and bureaucratic. Horizon two are smaller businesses that generate new customers, new capabilities and new markets. Horizons three businesses are the highly innovative organisations that explore brand new, disruptive and risky ideas. **Geoffrey Moore Four Zones** Geoffrey Moore Three Horizons Four Zones Your internal development tools should be seen as products and managed like products Developers are the customer Use discovery techniques to understand what the customer(developers) want Focus on GROWTH, not cost-cutting. Growth is more sustainable and promotes better, long term thinking. Don’t manage dependencies, eliminate them!! **Geoffrey Moore – Core v Context** Geoffrey Moore Core Context Reduce focus on context – Increase focus on Core business Outsource “context” otherwise, it will cause distraction and lack of focus. Many companies incorrectly outsource their core business, often leading to very bad results – for example, outsource IT even though IT now is a core part of almost every business Engage your employees within the change journey – Ask: What is the biggest blocker to Adaptability? Fund solutions to these problems CAUTION: When you shake the system it will push back, sometimes with big consequences – In the book, a key change agent loses their jobs as senior management to not welcome the disruption to the status quo. Three Types of culture explore in the book: Organisational Culture Categories The changes discussed in the book allow you to move from a power orientated culture to a performance related one. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/oeNamO) --- ## Happiness Hypothesis Summary - Jonathan Haidt URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-happiness-hypothesis Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-happiness-hypothesis.md Date: 2020-02-23 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, emotions A short summary of the 3 Big Ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 key takeaway from Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt. [![Happiness Hypothesis Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c6436eb94e4641ce9490aba25400f9f2~mv2.png)](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) [Buy Happiness Hypothesis on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) | [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/JrkXON) ## 3 big ideas [The Happiness Hypothesis](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) Summary: 1. **Happiness Formula** (H = S + C + V) - Happiness = Set Level + Conditions + Voluntary activities 1. Set Level -The set-point theory of happiness suggests that our level of subjective well-being is determined primarily by heredity and by personality traits ingrained in us early in life, and as a result remains relatively constant throughout our lives 2. Conditions – Relationships(connection) is one of the most important conditional factors to happiness. You can never adapt if you lose connections. 3. Voluntary activities – Focus on activities that bring joy to others. Such as showing gratitude, kindness, favours. 2. **Retrain the Elephant** – A strong metaphor throughout. Rider = Rational Brain Elephant = Compulsive, Irrational brain. Lasting happiness does not occur through an epiphany. It occurs through focusing on the relationship between rider and elephant and retraining the elephant. You need to consistently act your way to change through tiny habits. 3. **Coherence** is a strong theme throughout. Living coherently leads to happiness. This includes coherence between different levels of your personality, personal values, the environment you live and work within, relationships you have. ## Best quotes [The Happiness Hypothesis](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) Quotes: > *“Happiness is not something that you can find, acquire, or achieve directly. You have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of those conditions are within you. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you: Just as plants need sun, water, and good soil to thrive,* ***people need love, work, and a connection to something larger****“* > *“Work less, Consume less, Attach less, Connect more”* ## Toby's takeaway The biggest takeaway from the Happiness Hypothesis: **Focus on building good relationships in my life.** Relationships between myself and others, between myself and work, between myself and a greater purpose. [Buy Happiness Hypothesis on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) ## Big Ideas Expanded [The Happiness Hypothesis](https://amzn.to/2RX62GU) Summary of ideas expanded: The brain sends bad feedback signals quicker than good. We are wired for negativity bias. Three beliefs depressed people hold: 1. I’m no good 2. My world is no good 3. My future is hopeless Three best ways to change thought patterns: 1. Meditation 2. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) 3. Prozac Throughout the Happiness Hypothesis, this metaphor is used. The rider and the elephant. The rider and the elephant are often in conflict. The elephant usually wins. **Streetlight Effect:** You can’t change your mind(or anything else) through willpower alone. You need to act your way to changes through [tiny habits](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything/) done consistently such as meditation and thinking habits formed through CBT Our search for knowledge is flawed. We search for facts that confirm our position and once found we stop thinking and looking for alternatives (Confirmation Bias) Our perception of others is often correct. Our perception of self is flawed. We have significant blind spots. The ego is strong. We see ourselves through rose-tinted spectacles [**Naive Realism**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Na%C3%AFve_realism_(psychology)) – we see the world objectively, everyone else is wrong! [**Progress Principle**](https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins) – Joy comes through the journey towards the goal not the achievement of the goal. > Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work **Adaptation Principle** – In the long run, it doesn’t matter what happens to you, good or bad, you will ultimately return to your happiness equilibrium which is largely influenced by your genes. Also referred to as [Hedonic Treadmill](http://Hedonic) **Relationships(connection) is one of the most important factors to happiness. You can never adapt if you loose connections.** Experiences, such as going to a concert, give more happiness due to their social value. They bring connection **Voluntary Activity** essential is to your daily habits. Build reciprocal habits can have the biggest effect. Such as showing gratitude, kindness, favours for others > Happiness = work less, consume less, attach less, connect more 3 levels of **personality** (McAdams): 1. Basic internal traits (having) 2. Personal values, goals, projects (doing) 3. Life Story (making) **Coherence between the 3 levels is essential for happiness** 3 typical responses to **tragedy**: 1. Active response(taking action) 2. Reframing (such as into a positive) 3. Avoidance 4 types of **Life Goals**: 1. Spiritual 2. Work/Achievement – People least happy if they drive towards this goal 3. Relationship 4. Legacy 3 ways to manage your **environment**: 1. **Adapt** – respond to changing environment 2. **Shape** – changing the environment to suit needs 3. **Select** – choosing the environment to work within People are not computers. The technology metaphor is now so pervasive we see people as machines. And therapy as the repair shop. **Our metaphors are wrong.** People are more like plants Most plants will come back to life without repairing plant. **Focus on** **the conditions. Fix the environment the plant(person) will naturally spring back to life.** 2 vital **conditions** for humans to flourish: 1. Social connection (love) 2. Compelling purpose or goal greater than ourselves **Vital Engagement = Flow + Meaning** **Coherence** is important for individuals happiness. Coherence at the three levels of your personality. **If you do not have coherence, it is likely you will be tormented**. Without good skills to diagnose your personal system, you may struggle to find the problem You need coherence with your personal “optimisation” goal. **When you do find coherence, it may be one of the most profound moments in your life.** Items which need coherence: – Habits – Goals – Values – Work – Love These items are always in healthy tension but importantly there needs to be coherence. **Coherence** needed at all levels: 1. Physical 2. Psychological 3. Social We have an **internal desire** to share learning and ideas. The desire to reciprocate shares this even further and creates a virtuous cycle. Helping others succeed is hard-wired into humans. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/JrkXON) --- ## 5 Daily Habits to Boost Productivity BEFORE you Go Online URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-daily-habits-to-boost-productivity-before-you-go-online Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-daily-habits-to-boost-productivity-before-you-go-online.md Date: 2020-02-20 Topics: personal-productivity “Focused, productive successful mornings generate focused, productive, successful days – which inevitably create a successful life.” Hal ElrodWhen I arrive to my office….I will not check my emailsA hard habit to build. Don’t sit down at your desk and dive straight into emails. Starting in this reactive way, will lead to low focus and progress.I will fill my Water BottleSuper simple but important. Read moreI will write my gratitude journalOne sentence, on a Post-It Note, describing something to b > “Focused, productive successful mornings generate focused, productive, successful days – which inevitably create a successful life.” > **Hal Elrod** ## When I arrive to my office…. ## I will **not check my emails** A hard habit to build. Don’t sit down at your desk and dive straight into emails. Starting in this reactive way, will lead to low focus and progress. ## I will **fill my Water Bottle** Super simple but important. [Read more](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/7-health-benefits-of-water) ## I will **write my gratitude journal** One sentence, on a Post-It Note, describing something to be grateful for. Stick to workstation as a reminder. Helps on even the worst of days. ## I will **Review Weekly Goals** ![goals2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_313b50b1cef94862993775d66cbf77e8~mv2.jpg) Spend 10 minutes Monday mornings setting 3 goals to achieve in the week. 2 work related, 1 personal. Keep this simple. No SMART objectives. A simple statement of intent. Review progress every morning. 1. Red – Off Track 2. Amber – Risky 3. Green – On Track Use a Good Notes Journal or paper. ## I will **Refine Task List on To Do** [Microsoft To Do](https://todo.microsoft.com/) is a great tool. Prioritise with the [Eisenhower method](https://www.eisenhower.me/eisenhower-matrix/) See how many items you can put into the “Don’t Do” list. It’s my most important list! When working in a team, you might use a task management tool like JIRA. ![tasks](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_15a798cf22fe4e138ee660b070fc6323~mv2.jpg) ## Only now is the time to go online Now is the time to go online. Start with these two habits to help continue focus: ### I will review emails (Action simple, Add Harder tasks to To Do list) Review inbox. Action simple items that that need less than 2 minutes. Add any other actions to To Do list in prioritised order. ### I will schedule my diary Habits performed so far give three crucial pieces of information: 1. Status on Weekly Goals 2. To Do List 3. Current Diary Commitments Organise your day to complete the most important items not only urgent matters. ## Two factors to boost your success ## Location I perform these habits in the same location and roughly same time every day. This environmental prompt can increase your ability to form habits > If you have ever walked into your kitchen, seen a plate of cookies on the counter, and eaten them just because they are there in front of you, then you understand the power of location on our behavior. **James Clear** Read more: ## Tiny Habits These habits are small in size but big in impact. Each habit takes minutes to perform but have a huge impact on my productivity. This routine provides stability and comfort, reducing my morning anxiety and stress. Read my book summary: [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything/) for more inspiration --- ## Book Summary: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F by Mark Manson | The 3 Big Ideas and Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-af-mark-manson Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-af-mark-manson.md Date: 2020-02-16 Topics: coaching, book-summaries, emotions The 3 big ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 key takeaway from Mark Masons The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. [Buy The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) ## 3 big ideas [The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) Summary 1. We have so much fucking stuff that **we don’t know what to give a fuck about anymore**. You need to find what to give a fuck about. You must give a fuck about something. 2. Understanding your **personal values** the most important challenge we all face to lead a better, happier life. “Self-improvement” is really about: prioritising better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. 3. Choosing to say no, to **reduce options**, and living with less, can lead to a happier life. This goes against our consumer, have it all, culture. ## Best quotes > *“Our values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else.”* > *“What are the values that you prioritise above everything else, and that therefore influence your decision-making more than anything else?”* ## Toby's takeaway To achieve Happiness: > Increase awareness of your **personal values** and lead a life in alignment with them [Buy Subtle Art on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) **A short Video Summary of the key principles in** [**The Subtle Art of not giving AF**](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) ## Big Ideas Expanded [The Subtle Art of Not Giving AF](https://amzn.to/2Sart78) Summary expanded to help you learn the art of not giving a fuck **Self Awareness Onion:** 1. Recognising Emotions 2. Understanding why we are feeling a certain way 3. Personal values: Why do I consider this to be success/failure? How am I choosing to measure myself? By what standard am I judging myself and everyone around me? **Good values are:** 1. Reality-based 2. Socially constructive 3. Immediate and controllable. **Value Examples:** 1. Honesty is a good value because it’s something you have complete control over 2. Popularity is a bad value. 3. **Value**: Honesty – **Metric**: Express honestly to others **Healthy values:** 1. honesty 2. vulnerability 3. standing up for oneself 4. standing up for others 5. self-respect 6. curiosity 7. charity 8. humility 9. creativity **Find your values using the Big Values List from Management 3.0** ![The Big Values List by Management 3.0](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7ec95838152941658fa39d60ed35c15a~mv2.png) **Toby's Values:** **Guiding Beliefs -** [**Read More**](/about) - **Learning** - *“In a world of change, the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned shall find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.” -* Eric Hoffer - **Community** - Complex problems are solved best through empowered, self-organised diverse communities. - **Empathy** - Solving problems starts with Empathy. It starts with listening to understand not to respond. - **Meaning** - Organisational purpose is beyond increasing shareholder value. An individual's true purpose lies beyond the attainment of trophies and material goods. *“Those who have a '*why *to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”* - Victor Frankl - **Adaptability** - Only thing constant is change. The ability to sense and respond to change is what makes individuals and organisations successful. **Questions to drive self-awareness:** 1. What if I’m wrong? 2. What would it mean if I'm wrong? 3. If I'm wrong, would it result in a better or a worse problem, for both myself and others? ![Questions to dive self-awareness](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3f589b6886b94adb8d99f6883ca49b25~mv2.png) **Backwards law**: the more you try to be certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you will feel. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something—anything, really—and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. (Same message in [**Tiny Habits**](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/01/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything/)) Ultimately, the only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a **rejection of alternatives**, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief. We are defined by what we **choose to reject.** ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9b90b319e67b4fabad360539afc0e26d~mv2.png) [Book Summary: Lead at Speed by Sophie Devonshire](/post/book-summary-superfast-lead-at-speed-sophie-devonshire) **Commitment gives you freedom** because it hones your attention and focus, directing them toward what is most efficient at making you healthy and happy. Consumer culture is very good at making us want more, more, more. Underneath all the hype and marketing is the **implication that more is always better**. Make more money, visit more countries, have more experiences, be with more women. But **more is not always better**. In fact, the opposite is true. **We are actually often happier with less.** Much of the advice out there operates at a shallow level of simply **trying to make people feel good in the short term**, while the real long-term problems never get solved. [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeB6RN) [Read on Blinkist for Free](http://blinkist.o6eiov.net/KeB6RN) --- ## Book Summary - Knowing Doing Gap – How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-knowing-doing-gap.md Date: 2020-02-16 Topics: book-summaries, leadership The 3 big ideas, 2 most compelling quotes and 1 impactful takeaway from Knowing Doing Gap – How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action [Buy The Knowing-Doing Gap on Amazon](https://amzn.to/34T670P) ## 3 big ideas Knowing-Doing Gap Summary of the big ideas 1. The biggest problem in most organisations is a failure to turn talk into action. 2. Many organisations are designed for inaction. Their policies and reward reinforce the status quo. 3. Humans are wired to avoid inconsistency and ambiguity. This can create a gap between what we know and what we do. ## Best quotes Best quotes from the Knowing-Doing Gap > *IDEO on organisational design: “This is the best we can think of right now. The only thing we are sure of is that* ***this structure is temporary and it is wrong****. We just have to keep experimenting so it keeps getting better all the time.”* ![Organisation Design Quote](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e510c36e1e9842ee8573a74600814034~mv2.png) > Leadership incorrectly think: *“The performance of the team comes from the sum of individual actions rather than interdependent actions. The* ***team is greater than the sum of individual actions.****“* ## Toby's takeaway When promoting change, **make old behaviours impossible to do**. To make it harder, increase the time, money, physical effort or mental effort required to do the old behaviour. Also, change the daily routines so that the old behaviour doesn’t fit so easily into the day. A simple example: Sit teams together which makes it harder not to collaborate ## Big ideas Expanded A summary of the big ideas from the Knowing-Doing Gap by Jeffrey Pfeffer, Robert I. Sutton - [5 Examples of the "Knowing-Doing Gap"](#viewer-7srvc) - [Automatic behaviour happens when people](#viewer-egiat) - [Major events that enable change](#viewer-1njiu) - [Steps to drive out fear](#viewer-1djpb) - [Eight guidelines to limit the knowing-doing gap](#viewer-ocl5) - [Signs your organisation is substituting talk for action](#viewer-8il26) - [The problem with consistency](#viewer-d28n8) ![Knowing Doing Gap Sketch Note Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8f44f90b3e214a819f95337bd58860b3~mv2.png) ## 5 Examples of the "Knowing-Doing Gap" 1. All Talk no action 2. Consistency with past behaviours valued over changing, even if old behaviours are ineffective 3. Fear prevents acting on knowledge 4. Measurements obstruct good judgement 5. Internal competition creates inattention to results ## Automatic behaviour happens when people: 1. feel pressure to hit **deadlines** 2. are **fatigued** or burnt out, lacking mental energy to do things differently 3. have psychological **fear** – When people fear for their jobs, futures or even self-esteem, they will do what they have done in the past 4. **think quick**, decisive decisions are valued by senior leaders 5. Social Proof + Consistency = Automatic unchanged behaviour ## Major events that enable change: 1. **Shock** – There is a sharp interruption in what people are thinking, feeling and doing. There is something that states very clearly, the old precedent is no longer valued 2. **Strangle** – Something occurs to make the old way of working very difficult to do. This is needed because otherwise, the shock of change will backfire and cause people to cling even more tightly to their old ways 3. **Specify** – Clear and explicit behaviour expectations are set, and support provided for people to act in this new way. ## Steps to drive out fear: 1. **Prediction** – Give people as much information as possible 2. **Understanding** – Give people the why, the bigger vision and purpose behind certain decisions 3. **Control** – Give people as much influence over what happens, when, and the way they happen. Decentralise decision making as much as possible 4. **Compassion** – Show empathy and listen to the concerns of your employees ## Eight guidelines to limit the knowing-doing gap: 1. **Why** – Understand the why not the how – the underlying principles and reasoning for a certain behaviour – Don’t copy/paste behaviour 2. **Teach** – Ensure your senior leaders teach others – e.g. following a training course, task your senior leaders to teach that knowledge to others 3. **Reward** – Value action more than plans and concepts 4. **Safety** – Increase safety and allow mistakes/failures – There is no doing without mistakes 5. **Fear** – Fear fosters knowing-doing gaps – drive out fear 6. **Collaborate** – Promote internal collaboration not competition 7. **Measure** – Measure the system – The areas that provided learning into how we are working – example, lead time 8. **Role model** – Leaders must role model and value action not talk – Scrap PowerPoint presentations in place of progress review. ![Knowing Doing Gap Infographic](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_08b35a512c124ef8aacd42ce09229d8c~mv2.png) ## Signs your organisation is substituting talk for action: 1. There is a belief that managers talk/plan and others do 2. Internal status comes from being critical of others 3. No follow-ups are done to see if what was said was actually done 4. Inattention to results – No reflection on if the outcome was created 5. People forget that making a decision doesn’t change anything without action 6. Leaders believe that once they have said it, others will do it. They do not follow up 7. People are promoted based upon how “smart they sound” rather than the impact of their actions 8. Complex ideas, language and concepts are valued more than simple solutions 9. Leaders commonly ask teams to do more planning or gather more data before they can make a decision ## The problem with consistency: 1. The pressure for **consistency** reinforces ineffective practices. People who seek new ways of working and behave inconsistently to others are viewed as confused, indecisive and even two-faced. 2. Commitment to past decisions signals consistency and persistence. Often considered a desirable behaviour. 3. Humans have a “need for cognitive closure, a desire for firm answers to questions, and an **aversion to ambiguity**” Leaders need to become more comfortable with ambiguity. This is not intuitive. 4. Most organisations have unwritten rules of behaviour. The cultural norms are often unknown to those within the organisation. Only by acknowledging and surfacing these unwritten rules can the organisation start to change. 5. One of the only ways to significantly change the organisation is to create a new one. This helps break from the past and start afresh. 6. An unstated assumption *“****the higher you go in an organisation, the fewer mistakes you will make”*** – This makes senior management freeze and often become highly fearful of change. The perceived risk of losing power due to failure is greater 7. Many companies and leaders have an incorrect model and an oversimplified view of human behaviour. 8. Talking about change and planning for it can suck up so much energy that by the time the organisation comes around to implementing they already have change fatigue. They cannot increase effort when it is most required in the first 90 days. --- ## 5 Mindful Writing Exercises for your Self-Care Toolkit URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-mindful-writing-exercises-for-your-self-care-toolkit Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-mindful-writing-exercises-for-your-self-care-toolkit.md Date: 2020-02-15 Topics: self-care “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” Ernest Hemingway Our thoughts can often be all consuming. We can feel locked in by our internal dialogue, unable to escape.Writing is a great way to process your thoughts, relax your mind and gain clarity. A 2011 study published in the journal of science found that students who journalled were better able to ease their anxieties.Benefits also include:1. Boosting self-esteem2. Creating “Me” time3. Relieves stress and anxiety4. Increasing creativity5. Lett > ***“Write hard and clear about what hurts.”*** > Ernest Hemingway ![1_EvRrppHDTF9YE6rDsZeS_g](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdb94e972c2949a98937066fe56f01da~mv2.png) Our thoughts can often be all consuming. We can feel locked in by our internal dialogue, unable to escape. Writing is a great way to process your thoughts, relax your mind and gain clarity. A 2011 study published in the journal of science found that students who journalled were better able to ease their anxieties. Benefits also include: 1. Boosting self-esteem 2. Creating “Me” time 3. Relieves stress and anxiety 4. Increasing creativity 5. Letting go of thoughts As simple as it sounds, writing can be incredibly daunting. What should I write? How should I write it? And our inner critic asks, is it good enough? Mindful writing has been in my self-care toolkit since 2018. I’ve incorporated into my daily and weekly routines alongside meditation. I can speak first hand of the benefits listed above, especially the ability to let thoughts go by writing them down. I have developed several different writing exercises which i’m sharing here so you can add mindful writing to your self-care toolkit. ## **5 Mindful Writing Exercises** 1. Become more present 2. Examine a difficult relationship 3. Explore Your Identity 4. Relax physical pain 5. Increase Emotional Awareness [Download Mindful Writing Exercises](https://tobysinclairblog.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/mindful-writing-worksheets-3.pdf) --- ## What is a Product? Oh no! Not another Product definition URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-a-product-oh-no-not-another-product-definition Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-is-a-product-oh-no-not-another-product-definition.md Date: 2020-02-09 Topics: organisational-design, product-management Product Backlog, Product Owner, Product Management, Minimum Viable Product. These are just a few examples of how product is referenced across agile literature.Despite it’s frequency, one of the most common questions I’m asked: What is a Product?This is a critical question, especially for organisations who look to become product centric, organising their teams and delivery around their core products. These organisations may establish Product Owners so it’s sensible to think, what product will the ***Product*** Backlog, ***Product*** Owner, ***Product*** Management, Minimum Viable ***Product***. These are just a few examples of how product is referenced across agile literature. Despite it’s frequency, one of the most common questions I’m asked: ***What is a Product?*** This is a critical question, especially for organisations who look to become product centric, organising their teams and delivery around their core products. These organisations may establish Product Owners so it’s sensible to think, what product will these people own. There are many definitions such as [this](https://www.ebgconsulting.com/blog/what-is-your-product/) and [this](https://www.mountaingoatsoftware.com/blog/what-is-a-product). In fact, I’ve used both definitions and I even have my own definition. However, I’ve learned that these definitions don’t really help. It may help individuals but organisations need shared understanding to become a product centric organisation. Reframing the question: **How do** ***we*** **define product?** Shared understanding does not come through a definition you found on the internet, writing it down on confluence or debating your perspective. The question requires **dialogue, not debate.** In dialogue participants open themselves up to the possibility there may be a different perspective they have not considered. They listen actively and question to help the group to learn collectively. The result is a shared mental model co-created by the group.**DebateDialogue**assumes there is a right answer – and I have it.assumes that many people have pieces of the answer and that together, they can craft a solution.is combative – participants attempt to prove the other side wrongis collaborative – participants work together toward common understandingI defend my own views against those of others I admit that others’ thinking can improve my ownentails listening to find flaws and make counter argumentsentails listening to understand and find meaning and agreement.I defend my assumptions as truthI reveal my assumptions for reevaluation *From The Magic of Dialogue by Daniel Yankelovich* For leaders attempting to become an agile, product centric organisation, the first step is dialogue. Bring your key leaders together, with a skilled facilitator, to create your shared answer: **What is a Product?** --- ## The Four Fatal Fears of Teams | Advice for Managers URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-four-fatal-fears-of-your-team-advice-for-managers Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/the-four-fatal-fears-of-your-team-advice-for-managers.md Date: 2020-02-09 Topics: team-coaching, coaching What are the fears in your team? Learn about the four fatal fears which can hold back your teams performance. Read the advice for managers who want to create an environment for their team to succeed. As a team manager, I’m always curious about how to create the right environment for teams to succeed. Increasingly, elite sports teams have been sparking my inspiration. [Eddie Jones](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Jones_(rugby_union)), England International Rugby Coach, recently highlighted in his [latest book](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Rugby-Autobiography-Eddie-Jones/dp/1509850708/ref=asc_df_1509850708/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=394322280383&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2234799839181075408&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045888&hvtargid=pla-843141540133&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=81876193117&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=394322280383&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2234799839181075408&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045888&hvtargid=pla-843141540133) the work of Frank Dick. A former director of coaching for British Athletics. Frank led the GB team into a golden era, coaching several elite athletes such as Daley Thompson and Sebastian Coe. In the build-up to the 2019 Rugby World Cup, Frank worked with the England Rugby Management Team. He coached the England Rugby Team on improving team leadership capabilities. Frank focused on what he calls the “**Four Fatal Team Fears**”: 1. Making a mistake 2. Losing 3. Criticism 4. Rejection ![Four Fatal Fears Making a mistake Losing Criticism Rejection](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f697e953f958457b9391b1370b6c98fa~mv2.jpg) These Fears are very common in all teams including Agile Software Development Teams. In some environments, these fears can be very present - Developers can be fearful of introducing bugs into production. - Teams can be fearful of introducing features that customers hate, essentially losing. - Junior developers can fear criticism from more experienced members of the team. - A simple code review can make developers feel rejected. When individuals and teams are fearful it will significantly impact their performance. Over time, a fearful team environment will impact the mental wellbeing of the team leading to burnout. Leaders should accept that these four fears appear to some degree in every team. These fears are a natural part of being human. However, fear does need to be managed so that it doesn't negatively inhibit performance or lead to burnout. Establishing the right environment and systems that enable the level of fear to be reduced is vital. This is a key role of the Teams Manager. Too often Managers can contribute to fear within the team. Instead, Managers should create a team environment where these fears can be reduced and balanced. Here are just a few behaviours Managers can role model to help reduce the fear within your teams: 1. **Share your mistakes** – What did you learn and how did it help you become stronger 2. **Ask for feedback** – What can I do differently? 3. **Share feedback you receive from others** – Not just the good, but the constructive too 4. **Celebrate acts of bravery** – This might be even the smallest action, such as a quieter team member contributing an idea in a meeting By acting as a role model the team are likely to model your behaviours which in turn will go some way to addressing the four fatal fears. To conclude, the next time you are working to develop a team, perhaps taking a moment to reflect on these four fatal fears may help you find a breakthrough. You can read more about Eddie Jones Leadership Lessons in his book: [My Life and Rugby: The Autobiography By Eddie Jones](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07TF8SDZT/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) --- ## Book Summary: Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-tiny-habits-the-small-changes-that-change-everything.md Date: 2020-02-01 Topics: book-summaries, habits, habits-program A short book summary containing the 3 Big ideas, 2 Most Compelling Quotes and 1 Action you can take from Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but big on impact. ## Should you read this? > 👋 Hey - [I'm Toby](https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobysinclair/). This summary of Tiny Habits wasn't written by AI. I'm a real leader, managing teams in large organisations. I read to solve tough problems. I share [book summaries weekly](https://learn.tobysinclair.com/newsletter) to help other leaders tackle scary challenges. When I started to write book summaries, I never planned for this. It began with Tiny Habits. I was inspired by BJ Fogg to start tiny. A one-sentence book summary. You'll learn from this incredible book, that if you plant behaviour in the right spot it will grow without coaxing. Fast forward, I’ve written 135 book summaries. In total, these summaries have been read a staggering 960k times. You really can achieve great things by starting small. ## 3 big ideas 1. Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but **big** in impact 2. B = MAP – Behaviour happens when **motivation** & **ability** & **prompt** converge at the same moment 3. Behaviour change is a skill that can be mastered ## Best quotes ![BJ Fogg Tiny Habits Summary](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2823478359ed423991d42c52bd02a6ec~mv2.png) Best Quotes from [Tiny Habits](https://amzn.to/34tpptC) by BJ Fogg > “There are three ways to change behaviour: have an epiphany, change environment, change habits in tiny ways.” > “There are 7 steps in Behaviour Design: 1. Clarify the aspiration 2. Explore behaviour options 3. Match with specific behaviours 4. Start tiny 5. Find a good prompt 6. Celebrate successes 7. Troubleshoot, Iterate & Expand” ## Toby's takeaway [Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg](https://amzn.to/34tpptC) is one of my all-time favourite books about habits and behaviour change. BJ Fogg does an excellent job in writing an easy-to-read and super practical book. After reading this book I could easily put into practice the ideas. ## Big Ideas Expanded The big ideas from [Tiny Habits b](https://amzn.to/34tpptC)ook summarised ## Big Idea 1 – Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but big in impact **Anatomy of Tiny Habits method (ABC):** 1. Anchor moment 2. New Tiny Behaviour 3. Instance Celebration **Tiny Habit Maxims:** 1. Help people do what they already want to do 2. Help people feel successful **Change creators**: 1. Have epiphany 2. Change the environment 3. Change habits in tiny ways (Most likely to lead to change) **Core Concepts**: - Start with three very small behaviours, even just one - Create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but big in impact - Keep changes small and expectations low - People change by feeling good, not by feeling bad - B = MAP – Behaviour happens when motivation & ability & prompt converge at the same moment - Willpower is a myth. Bad habits are due to design flaws, not character flaws - Removing a prompt is the best first move to stop a behaviour happening (e.g. remove chocolate from the fridge, remove the phone from the bedroom) ## Big Idea 2 – Behaviour happens when motivation & ability & prompt converge at the same moment (B=MAP) **Motivation**: - Lack of behaviour is not a motivation issue. It's often an ability or prompt issue. - Motivation is a bad lever to push. The motivation monkey tricks us into setting unreasonable goals. - Motivation is like a party-animal friend. Great for a night out but not someone you would rely on to pick you up from the airport. - Motivation is like a wave. It arrives in temporary surges. It’s unpredictable and unreliable - Hope and Fear strongly influence motivation. They push against each other. - Motivation and Ability have a compensatory relationship. ![Tiny Habits Quote - Motivation is like a wave. It arrives in temporary surges. It’s unpredictable and unreliable](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_366a935fd2f24895bb076ef0393cc159~mv2.png) **Ability Chain:** Things that make the habit easier/harder 1. Time 2. Money 3. Physical Effort 4. Mental Effort 5. Routine Untangle habits using the same process you grow them. Break the ability chain. **Make it easier:** 1. Increase skills (requires high motivation and often time) 2. Get tools and resources (often requires money) 3. Make it tiny **Golden Behaviours:** 1. Impactful (aspiration) 2. Want to do (motivation) 3. Can do (ability) Golden behaviours can be done on your hardest day! Monday morning! **Types of Prompt:** 1. **Person** – Your internal reminder e.g. memory, physical (bladder) 2. **Context** – Environmental – e.g Sticky on my fridge 3. **Action** – Habit stacking – After brushing my teeth i will floss Prompt management is one of the most difficult tasks in modern life. Limit the noise **Troubleshooting Habits:** 1. Check to see if there’s a **prompt** to do the behaviour 2. See if the person has the **ability** to the behaviour 3. See if the person is **motivated** to do the behaviour **Habit Categories:** 1. **Uphill** – require ongoing attention to maintain but are easy to stop 2. **Downhill** – easy to maintain but difficult to stop 3. **Free-fall** – extremely difficult to stop unless you get professional help **Habit Personas (Applied in groups):** 1. **Dolphins** – High motivation, high ability (Focus here) 2. **Turtles** – High motivation, low ability (Focus here) 3. **Crabs** – High ability, low motivation (Require incentives) 4. **Clams** – Low ability, low motivation (Ignore) ## Big Idea 3 – Behaviour change is a skill that can be improved **Skills of change:** 1. **Behaviour Crafting** – Knowing how many new habits to do at once and when to add more 2. Self-insight – The skill of knowing which new habits will have meaning to you 3. **Process (Systems Thinking)** – Knowing when to push yourself beyond ton and ramp up the difficulty of the habit 4. **Context** – Redesigning your environment to make your habits easier to do 5. **(Growth) Mindset** – Embracing a new identity **Behaviour Planning:** 1. Aspirations = abstract desires e.g. wanting kids to succeed in school 2. Outcomes = more measurable e.g. getting straight A’s second semester 3. Behaviour = something you can do right now e.g. open textbook read five chapters You can only achieve aspirations or outcomes over time. A behaviour you can do right now **Swarm of Behaviours** Brainstorming possible behaviours to help achieve an aspiration or an outcome > If you plant behaviour in the right spot it will grow without coaxing: Where might this habit fit naturally in your daily routine? When designing a new habit, you are designing for consistency ![Tiny Habits Quote - If you plant behaviour in the right spot it will grow without coaxing: Where might this habit fit naturally in your daily routine?](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7ef0a17311e049c2953e616062c6b340~mv2.png) **Celebrations**: 1. A most important part of the approach 2. Emotions create habits 3. The celebration must come immediately after or during the habit for it to stick. E.g A message two days later won't work 4. The celebration is habit fertiliser 5. A celebration is a skill — It does not always come naturally [![Blinkist Wide](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_21d2e520bff146cf924d630538bced29~mv2.jpeg)](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/YgVv2m) [Read on Blinkist for Free](https://blinkist.o6eiov.net/YgVv2m) --- ## Book Summary: Range - Why Generalists Triumph by David Epstein | The 3 Big Ideas and Best Quotes URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-range-why-generalists-triumph-in-a-specialised-world-david-epstein Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-range-why-generalists-triumph-in-a-specialised-world-david-epstein.md Date: 2020-02-01 Topics: book-summaries, leadership This book summary shares the 3 Big ideas, 2 compelling quotes and 1 action you can take from Range by David Epstein. Buy: [Paperback](https://amzn.to/3k6oeqV) | [Kindle](https://amzn.to/3uf0aqH) | [Audiobook](https://amzn.to/2ZBld8N) ## 3 big ideas In complex, wicked environments: 1. [Over specialisation can be harmful](#viewer-ff6mt) 2. [Diverse teams of generalists trump highly specialised teams](#viewer-6cmfu) 3. [People and groups who thrive have a set of meta-skills such as systems thinking, sense-making and pattern matching](#viewer-75r4l) ## Best quotes > “Over specialisation can lead to collective tragedy even when every individual separately takes the most reasonable course of action.” > “In wicked domains, the rules of the game are often unclear or incomplete. There may or may not be repetitive patterns and they may not be obvious. Feedback is often delayed or inaccurate.” ## Toby's takeaway **What does your organisation value most; specialists or generalists?** In efforts to become "more agile", many organisations are now looking to build cross-functional "Feature Teams". Often there can be push back to building these cross-functional teams, especially from specialists who have built their career about being an expert. This book gives excellent examples to help you demonstrate to colleagues why teams of generalists trump teams of specialists. The examples of Roger Federer and Global Financial crash are very relatable. I also really liked how David explains the skills of these generalists in complex environments such as systems thinking, sense-making and pattern matching. This is a must-read for anyone who is exploring how to succeed in complex environments. In addition to this book I'd also recommend the following articles on Complexity: - [Book Summary: Cynefin by Dave Snowden et al](/post/book-summary-cynefin-by-dave-snowden) - [What is Adaptive Capacity?](/post/learning-journal-adaptive-capacity) - [12 Organisational Design Principles that Embrace Complexity](/post/organisational-design-principles-that-embrace-complexity) ## Big idea 1 – Over specialisation can be harmful in complex environments 1. Over specialisation is effective in “kind environments” where the rules are known and there is a clear outcome. 2. In wicked domains, the rules of the game are often unclear or incomplete. There may or may not be repetitive patterns and they may not be obvious. Feedback is often delayed or inaccurate. 3. In a wicked world, relying upon experience from a single domain is not only limiting, but it can also be disastrous. 4. It can lead to collective tragedy even when every individual separately takes the most reasonable course of action. 5. As each person amasses more information for his own view, they become more dogmatic, and they become blind to inadequacies in their thinking. 6. Specialists find it harder to “unlearn. They are more likely to stick to familiar tools and are blind if they are ineffective. They view the world through a narrow lens. 7. A metaphor of over specialisation in action: Everyone is digging deeper into their own trench and rarely standing up to look in the next trench over, even though the solution to their problem happens to reside there Example: > Specialisation played a critical role in the 2008 global financial crisis. “Insurance regulators regulated insurance, bank regulators regulated banks, securities regulators regulated securities, and consumer regulators regulated consumers, but the provision of credit goes across all those markets. So we specialised products, we specialised regulation, and the question is, ‘Who looks across those markets?’ The specialised approach to regulation missed **systemic** issues. ## Big Idea 2 – Diverse, “generalist” teams trump highly specialised teams in complex environments 1. Whether or not experience inevitably leads to expertise, depends entirely on the domain in question. The narrow experience made for better chess and poker players (Kind domains), but not for better predictors of financial or political trends, or of how employees or patients would perform (wicked/complex domains) 2. The challenge we all face is how to maintain the benefits of breadth, diverse experience, interdisciplinary thinking, and delayed concentration in a world that increasingly incentives, even demands, specialisation 3. Teams with diverse professional backgrounds are the ones where more and more varied perspectives are offered, and where breakthroughs are more reliably produced in uncertain situations. Example: Rodger Federer (late specialiser) vs Tiger Woods (early specialiser) > While it is undoubtedly true that there are areas that require individuals with Tiger’s precocity and clarity of purpose, as complexity increases—where each individual only sees a small part of the whole—we also need more Rogers: people who start broad and embrace diverse experiences and perspectives while they progress. People with range. ## Big Idea 3 – The 10 skills are critical to succeed in complex environments Prior experience is less important than having these core thinking skills: 1. High tolerance for ambiguity 2. Systems thinking 3. Knowledge from many domains 4. Ability to repurpose what is already available and connect disparate pieces of information in new ways 5. Synthesise information from many different sources 6. Ability to decipher patterns and extract rules 7. Read more (and more broadly) and have a wider range of outside interests 8. Communicate with various individuals with expertise outside of their own domain. 9. Attack problems with insightful questions 10. Use Sensemaking, not decision making --- ## Learn Faster, Better, Smarter with the Accelerated Learning Loop URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learn-faster-better-smarter-with-the-accelerated-learning-loop Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/learn-faster-better-smarter-with-the-accelerated-learning-loop.md Date: 2019-01-20 Topics: personal-productivity “In a world of change, the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned shall find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.” Eric Hoffer Accelerated Learning, is the ability to learn faster, better, smarter. It is a critical skill which will help you succeed in todays accelerated times. Think of something you tried to learn but failed. Perhaps a new language, a musical instrument or cooking. For many the guitar is now gathering dust in the corner of the room alongsid > “In a world of change, the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned shall find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.” Eric Hoffer Accelerated Learning, is the ability to learn faster, better, smarter. It is a critical skill which will help you succeed in todays accelerated times. Think of something you tried to learn but failed. Perhaps a new language, a musical instrument or cooking. For many the guitar is now gathering dust in the corner of the room alongside many other broken dreams. I believe a primary reason for failure is limited awareness of ***how to learn***. Learning, how to learn, has been proven to increase your performance not just moderately but as Tim Ferris has demonstrated, enable you to enter the top 5% of performers in a field. To deepen my own learning process i immersed myself into the worlds of five master learners: 1. **Tim Ferris** – Author of 4 hour work week. Tim has applied Accelerated Learning to almost all part of his life. For example, he can master a new language in [3 months](https://tim.blog/2009/01/20/learning-language/). 2. **Josh Kaufman** – Author of “The First 20 Hours”. He shows how, you can go from knowing absolutely nothing to performing noticeably well in under 20hrs. 3. **Sharon Bowman** – Author of Training from the Back of the room highlights the importance of neuroscience in the learning process 4. **Chris Argyris** – Created the concept of Double loop learning. Applied it can create deeper breakthroughs in learning for individuals and organisations. 5. **Cal Newport** – Author of Deep Work, explains the principles which can enable you to do your best thinking. Using this method I have accelerated learning in many areas of my life. This includes guitar playing, skateboarding and software development. As I applied these I noticed patterns emerge which has evolved in the Accelerated Learning Loop, a process to help you learning faster, better, smarter. ## **Accelerated Learning Loop** ![AcceleratedLearningLoop_v2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_12f1dc2ac071431bbdf267b8b0bed8b5~mv2.png) ## **Connection** > The desire to learn – that is, to connect in meaningful ways to the physical environment and everything in it – is innate to the brain. For you personally, this means that, in order to learn effectively, you’ll want to connect your own past experiences and prior knowledge to the topic you’re learning about. – Sharon Bowman Connection has three parts: 1. Connection to place 2. Connection to future 3. Connection to present ***Connection to place*** is about creating the right environment for learning. Applying the following [Deep Work](https://www.creategoodmornings.com/8-ways-work-environment-deep-work/) principles: 1. Remove distractions 2. Schedule focused time 3. Make yourself difficult to get hold of 4. Use background music to maximise effect 5. Sleep well to integrate your learning ***Connection to future*** is about creating a picture of the future once you have obtained the new skill. What will have changed as a result of learning? What will be the first signs of success? I often use a Clean Setup, taken from Clean Language, to pay attention to my learning metaphors: 1. What would you like to have happen? 2. And for that to happen, i need to be like what? 3. What do I need to learn for that to happen? ***Connecting to present*** allows you to identify the focus area for your learning. Connection to present is about connecting to the present moment. It is understanding based upon the vision for the future where are you today. What aspect of the future is already present, what is missing. It is exploring what you may already know about the skill/topic/focus area for your learning. Even on topics alien to us there are connections we can make to current knowledge. I typical focus attention on the following: 1. List 5 facts i know about this topic already 2. List 5 riddles, questions or puzzles i would like the answer to ## **Plan** With this deeper connection we can craft a clearer picture of our learning goals. Now we have set foundations it is time to plan the learning. If you have a tendency to dive in, taking a little bit of time to plan your learning does enable you to learn efficiency. Remember, the power is learning how to learn so this step is important. The approach I use is DiSSS, an Accelerated Learning approach created by Tim Ferris. It breaks the planning into 4 stages: ![Snip20180916_3](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_764fd5761b084fa5ae96540fbb119d44~mv2.png) Learning from Tim Ferris I have used this approach for many topics. By crunching down and focusing on the most important elements accelerates your learning . Once you form a habit around this technique you can continue to apply it for all learning. ## **Deliberate Practice** > While regular practice might include mindless repetitions, deliberate practice requires focused attention and is conducted with the specific goal of improving performance. – James Clear This step is all about practicing with focused attention. Putting in place the mechanisms to receive feedback. As a coach, I know the power a coaching relationship can have on maximising your potential. A core concept of deliberate practice is real-time feedback. This could be from a formal coaching relationship or a supportive colleague. The key thing is someone to track, critique and observe your learning in action. This will make all the difference. A common pitfall at this point is too much focus on theory not enough on practice. I have often fallen into the habit of reading a book but not applying into practice. Deliberate practice requires you to do that. Put into practice what you learn. ## **Reflect** Reflection underpins deliberate practice. But, there is a different focus on the reflection at this stage. 1. Reflecting on the task and result created (Single Loop Learning) 2. Reflecting on the assumptions and beliefs that underpin your learning (Double Loop Learning) Most of us will be familiar with the first type. We assess the results of our learning against some goals we have set. Did we achieve what we wanted? What stopped us getting there? The second type of reflection might be less familiar. We reflect more on the assumptions and beliefs that influenced our learning. Did I assume a certain aspect of the skill is less important? Did i avoid certain aspects due to a limiting belief. This is double loop learning. These assumptions are hard to identify yourself. They are often hidden in plain sight but invisible to ourselves. A coach can help increase our awareness of these assumptions and beliefs. This double loop learning is what can accelerate future learning. Remember – It’s a loop. Once you have completed, remember this is a loop. ## **Summary** Applying this Accelerated Learning Loop will enable you to learn anything faster, better and smarter. Mastering each step on the learning loop itself is incredibly difficult never mind applying all of these together. However, there is a secret. You can apply these principles to learn Accelerated Learning. Meta-meta. ***What will you learn next?*** Please do share any success you have with applying the Accelerated Learning Loop --- ## How to measure coaching conditions – The “Agile” Shipping Forecast URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-measure-coaching-conditions-the-agile-shipping-forecast Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-measure-coaching-conditions-the-agile-shipping-forecast.md Date: 2018-11-25 Topics: agile, coaching The Shipping Forecast is a BBC Radio broadcast of weather reports and forecasts for the seas around the coasts of the British Isles. In October 1859, the steam clipper Royal Charter was wrecked in a strong storm off Anglesey; 450 people lost their lives. Due to this loss, Vice-Admiral Robert FitzRoy introduced a warning service for shipping in February 1861, using telegraph communications.Wouldn’t it be great to have a similar shipping forecast for agile coaches? A way to assess the conditions w The Shipping Forecast is a BBC Radio broadcast of weather reports and forecasts for the seas around the coasts of the British Isles. In October 1859, the steam clipper Royal Charter was wrecked in a strong storm off Anglesey; 450 people lost their lives. Due to this loss, Vice-Admiral Robert FitzRoy introduced a warning service for shipping in February 1861, using telegraph communications. Wouldn’t it be great to have a similar shipping forecast for agile coaches? A way to assess the conditions we are going to face to enable better coaching decisions. Are the seas going to be rough or smooth? Will the ship sink or swim? The Shipping Forecast assesses 4 conditions; wind direction, strength, precipitation and visibility. ### What would be the conditions of a “agile” Shipping Forecast? I have identified 5 conditions:**ItemDescriptionWhyShared Why**There is a problem statement all involved agree with and are passionate about.With no clear problem definition, people are unlikely change. It is likely people will ask “why are we doing this”**Capacity**Change takes time and emotional energy. All those involved need to the time and space to change. This often means reducing work in progress.Adding change activities on top of an already overburdened group is not sustainable. Whilst motivation may be high early on, often efforts will end in the long run.**Management Commitment**There is commitment from Management within the organisation. As high up the hierarchy as possible. This commitment translates into direct action with demonstrable leadership. Not cheerleading from the sidelines.Lack of management buy is citied by many as a primary reason for change failure. Demonstrable leadership by management will inspire change within the organisation.**Safety**Phycological safety has been identified as a primary factor in the performance of teams. It is a critical factor in enabling change. Do people feel safe to voice their concerns and opinions? Or is there an atmosphere of fear?Without the right levels of Phycological safety there may be low levels of engagement in the change. There is also a risk of imposed change rather than integrated change.**Stakeholder Support**Is there support from the wider community for this change. This could be sponsors, influencers of the work you are doing but not direct contributorsWithout support from the people around the change, they may put many roadblocks in the way. You may not need direct action from them but you’ll at least need their support. ### How could I assess these 5 conditions? I identified the key questions for each conditions and built a simple survey.ItemMeasureHow**Shared Why**What is the purpose for this change?Ask everyone involved to write down in 100 words or less Translate into agreement scale**Capacity**My team are too busy to improve5 – Strongly Agree 4 – Agree 3 – Neutral 2 – Disagree 1 – Strongly Disagree**Management Commitment**What is the level of commitment from your direct management?5 – Committed 4 – Supportive 3 – Undecided 2- Unaware 1- Opposed**Safety**How comfortable are you in raising issues amongst the group?5 – No Problem, I’ll talk about anything 4 – I’ll talk about almost anything; a few things might be hard 3 – I’ll talk about some things, but others will be hard to say 2 – I’m not going to say much, I’ll let others bring up issues 1 – I’ll smile, claim everything is great and agree with managers**Stakeholder Support**Our stakeholders are supportive of change5 – Strongly Agree 4 – Agree 3 – Neutral 2 – Disagree 1 – Strongly Disagree Each of the results are added up to give a score out of a possible 25. 1. **>20:** **Good** (Smooth Seas) 2. **>10 <20:** **Caution** (High winds) 3. **< 9:** **Stop**(Storms) ### How are the results used? **At the start of a coaching engagement.** It helps identify the current conditions within the group/team. The results will help the coach create the engagement actions. For example, if the conditions suggest there is no “Shared Why” it may be a good starting point to run a vision setting session for all involved. **During a coaching engagement.** Conditions change over time so the barometer is used to regularly review. The shared why we created from that vision session a few weeks back, do we still have agreement? The barometer helps give a trend over time which provides further insights. You can try out the **“Agile” Shipping Forecast** here: Please do share any feedback and I would live to hear more about what conditions would make your shipping forecast? --- ## How I became an ICF Associate Certified Coach URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-i-became-an-icf-associate-certified-coach Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-i-became-an-icf-associate-certified-coach.md Date: 2018-02-18 Topics: coaching Last week marked a significant milestone on my journey to become a coach as I received my Associate Coach Credential from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The ICF are one of the governing bodies for coaching globally and it’s an honour to be recognised as a certified coach.Compared to many of the certifications i’ve managed to obtain in the IT and Agile world the ICF ACC requires a high investment in training and time. Its taken me almost two years to get to this point. The journey Last week marked a significant milestone on my journey to become a coach as I received my **Associate Coach Credential** from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The ICF are one of the governing bodies for coaching globally and it’s an honour to be recognised as a certified coach. Compared to many of the certifications i’ve managed to obtain in the IT and Agile world the ICF ACC requires a high investment in training and time. Its taken me almost two years to get to this point. The journey has been a fun ride but at times navigating the coach credential process can be overwhelming. Here is an outline of my journey and what helped me get to this point! **When does your journey start?** ![IMG_0016](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1ad009bbcf0b4a49bcbb5c736d1a119c~mv2.jpg) Check out my [Coaching Toolkit](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/coaching-toolkit-100-techniques-approaches-and-materials/) for more details on the tools listed. --- ## Neuroscience for Coaches | How can it help you? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/neuroscience-for-coaches Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/neuroscience-for-coaches.md Date: 2017-11-12 Topics: coaching How can Neuroscience help your coaching? This article explores three ideas which can supercharge the value you provide to clients. Neuroscience sounds like a complicated topic, maybe something you need a PHD to understand. However, I've learned there are many accessible ways coaches can learn the basics. This knowledge of the brand and body can be incredibly helpful when working with clients. ### **What is Neuroscience Coaching?** One book and course has really helped with my development: **“Neuroscience for coaches”** by [Amy Brann](http://www.synapticpotential.com/amy-brann/). This seemed like a topic I'd need to learn in the classroom. I attempted to read a few books on the topic but often found them difficult to read so wanted an experiential course to help. I attended Amy's course to learn more about how neuroscience could supercharge my coaching. Amy’s teaching style was great and really helped me quickly grasp some of the concepts of how Neuroscience can really help coaches. Three Big Ideas to Help you: ### **1. Brain basics** ![Parts of the Brain](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b7eddbee395f4f7d929925596f4d58dd~mv2.jpg) It's important for coaches to understand the basic structure of the brain. This helps you understand more about what could be happening inside the brain of your client. An appreciation for how the different parts of the brain interact, how neural pathways are formed and brain chemistry. A very simple technique we learnt was the [Peter Siegel hand model](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XbZNpIEs9U) which is a simple way to explain the structure of the brain: I learned about the 4 common brain networks; 1. Executive 2. Salience 3. Default 4. Limbic In addition the chemistry of the brain; oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol and serotonin. ### **2. Neuroscience of change** Neuroplasticity is defined as: > “..the change in neural pathways and synapses that occurs due to certain factors, like behavior, environment, or neural processes. During such changes, the brain engages in synaptic pruning, deleting the neural connections that are no longer necessary or useful, and strengthening the necessary ones.” [ref] In brain speak, if coaches are to create lasting change they need to help people create and change their neural pathways. Throughout the course, we explored further the science behind the change. Studies show that neural pathways are formed through emotional experiences and repeated exposure. If we are to help our clients we need to engage their emotional brain, amygdala, and form habits around the behaviours they want to adopt. ### **3. Neuroscience of emotions** ![Masks Emotions](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_85a27a79a1c44f598a2e1b32476a1d5e~mv2.jpg) A third topic we explored was the brain and emotions. The amygdala is the part of the brain most associated with emotions. We explored how versatile and different everyone's brains are. Emotions are often processed differently from person to person. Often we use framing for emotions either through visual queues such as facial movements or language. These can however often mislead the brain and we can interpret the emotion incorrectly. Emotions are hard to interpret and often requires a high degree of self-awareness to be fully in tune with their emotions. Coaches often explore feelings with their clients and often ask questions such as *“How do you feel about that?”* Understanding the neuroscience of feelings and emotions it was clear what a big question this was. If we are to truly answer this question it requires a deep awareness. Neuroscience is a vast emerging area. The 2 days with Amy helped me explore this fascinating topic which has really got me interested. I have already bought 2 books to read about the topic further. Coaches who want to explore the Neuroscience of Coaching further I would highly recommend Amy’s 2-day [course](http://neuroscienceforcoaches.com/workshop2018/) or Amy’s book; [Neuroscience for coaches](http://neuroscienceforcoaches.com/the-book/). ![Neuroscience for Coaching Book by Amy Brann](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4279ad681a11430494a398ec1477da0c~mv2.png) If you'd like to chat to me about Neuroscience in Coaching or about any other coaching topics, you can access my [free coach mentoring](/mentoring) [![Coach Mentoring](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg)](/mentoring) --- ## What masks do you wear? My experience at a mask therapy workshop URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-masks-do-you-wear-my-experience-at-a-mask-therapy-workshop Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/what-masks-do-you-wear-my-experience-at-a-mask-therapy-workshop.md Date: 2017-11-12 Topics: coaching, emotions What masks do you wear? We wear masks throughout our life allowing us to both reveal and conceal our identities. The mask we wear will often depend on our social context and our emotional state. Many people have a closet of masks, developed since childhood, which we swap and change many times a day; a mask for work, a mask for family and a mask for friends. These masks slowly evolve and change so much that many people often loose a sense of identity. Is this the mask or is it really me?What char **What masks do you wear?** We wear masks throughout our life allowing us to both reveal and conceal our identities. The mask we wear will often depend on our social context and our emotional state. Many people have a closet of masks, developed since childhood, which we swap and change many times a day; a mask for work, a mask for family and a mask for friends. These masks slowly evolve and change so much that many people often loose a sense of identity. Is this the mask or is it really me? **What characters are hiding in the shadows?** Coaching has often helped me explore my identity. Coaching has allowed me to reflect on situations where I have acted differently than i might have wanted and when I have felt hijacked in my thinking. As a coach I have also learnt that congruence of identity is important to forming transformational coaching relationships. Carl Rogers highlights congruence as a core condition to building a therapeutic relationship. I have often felt followed by shadow characters, parts of my personality just below consciousness, always there, but not fully experienced. Often these shadows only come to life if provoked, such as when I feel under pressure. Jung described this as the “Id”; an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself [[ref](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology))] I’m often intrigued to explore these shadow characters, to be more aware of how they can help and hinder my personal development. Throughout coaching relationships I will often help my clients explore the different characters in their shadows, often the characters which are holding them back from achieving their goals. If i’m to encourage my clients to explore the parts of themselves I too must be open to exploring myself and gaining a deeper awareness of who i really am. How can I explore the characters in the shadows? Exploring the masks Last week I attended a [mask therapy workshop](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mask-workshop-november-2017-tickets-36022781108) facilitated by the wonderful [Steve Chapman](http://canscorpionssmoke.com/) who provides a great summary of using masks: > Masks are the ultimate permission giving tools. They allow us to tap into and unlock different parts of ourselves. They can help us to find different ways of moving, different ways of thinking and different ways of speaking. They can kick start our imagination, our creativity and get us back in touch with our natural spontaneity. They allow us to develop characters that are exaggerations or polar opposites of how we experience ourselves on a daily basis. They allow us to explore different parts of our personalities in order to get to know ourselves better and understand some of our foibles, projections and fixed self-images that keep us stuck. Best of all masks are a powerful, exciting and highly entertaining method of personal development. The technique is grounded in Gestalt therapy which focuses on thoughts, feelings and action in the present moment. The mask is used as a physical embodiment to enable you to experience the mask in the present moment. During the workshop Steve led us through several activities including an improvised TED Talk and a Soap Opera to help us fully experience the personality behind the masks. - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d600278b731a4499b760ee8c27a88666~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_51392ae2854640da987161a967377392~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_dfc3da9832a04baea294d41779fdb39f~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c46a231800d84209b9da29e6c98f79af~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_1557b170e1f24964a0c7ca03dc1c5ec7~mv2.jpg) **My shadow characters** Throughout the day we wore different masks which resulted in very different experiences across the group. During one exercise, the mask of Bernie, a weird, bald, toothless man led me to a very emotional experience. ![Snip20171111_1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_14233463407b43888e7e1138b7618b0e~mv2.png) Whilst wearing this mask I became an old man, full of regret, broken dreams and sadness. The few short minutes wearing the mask were very intense. After removing the mask it took a few minutes for the emotion to subside. Reflecting in the break I felt more aware of the shadow characters I mentioned earlier. Through Bernie, one of my shadow characters became real. The experience enabled me to gain a deeper awareness of my relationship with regret and with the future. It helped me to gain a greater appreciation of the present moment and what life can give today. **The power of masks** The mask workshop demonstrated the power of using masks to experience the different parts of my personality. I was very surprised at the intensity of the experiences across the day. Towards the end of the day, Steve remarked that it can often take many months to make sense of what happened. Personally, I’m still processing my experience from this fascinating, creative and emotional day. **What masks do you wear?** Do you have a Bernie lingering in the shadows? Maybe your shadow character is an imposter, the inner critic who always casts doubt in your mind? Or maybe your shadow character is a creative genius waiting to be given permission? If you want to explore your shadows and gain greater self-awareness I would highly recommend taking part in a mask workshop! **Find out more here:**[**http://canscorpionssmoke.com/**](http://canscorpionssmoke.com/) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_7d1bc89f39d543e78d235e345ef8264a~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_177a168efb93479d9b06aad3bd772768~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_665c5c27c6324a489e0741186ad8a415~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_9b628cc53e1c4da4bbb6db0aed4b17bd~mv2.jpg) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f599c08884ae4d93831abee14984ae32~mv2.jpg) --- ## What's wrong with the Agile Mindset? | Naïve Realism in Agile Transformations URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-mindset-naive-realism Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-mindset-naive-realism.md Date: 2017-09-29 Topics: coaching, agile Why do people struggle adopting the agile mindset? This article explores how your mindset might be the problem. Exploring human biases, the article examines how a different way of thinking may lead to new results. Have you noticed anyone driving slower than you is an idiot? And anyone going faster than you is a maniac? This is known as the **false consensus effect** which is the assumption that most people in a situation would behave in the same way as you would. I was made aware of this bias on the **“You are not so smart”** [podcast](https://youarenotsosmart.com/2017/07/20/yanss-101-naive-realism-rebroadcast/) where Lee Ross shares details on this and naive realism. > *“They don’t have the* ***agile mindset****”* Working in agile transformations this is a common phrase uttered by many, including myself. The podcast from Lee Ross led me to some serious introspection. When confronted with people who disagree, I can often fall into the trap of assuming there must be a rational explanation. When I’m working with someone who hasn’t yet adopted an **"agile mindset"** I think it’s a gap in their mindset that needs to be addressed through coaching, training and other interventions. What I don’t often think is that **I have the wrong mindset****.** **Naïve realism** is the conviction that we see the world in an objective and mediated way. Because of this belief, we think others will share our view. And we think the problem is how to make others see the world the same as us. I often call upon my experience with agile teams and organisations as a way to influence others. To convince them of the agile way of being. To the Agile Mindset. I often see myself as being "enlightened" and helping others also have the same enlightenment. This prevents real transformational change from happening. It prevents open dialogue and prevents my mental model to be challenged. ### **Questions for you to reflect upon:** 1. How do you stay with the not knowing? 2. How do you remain open to the possibility that it is my mindset that is wrong? 3. How do you show [unconditional positive regard](/post/5-biases-of-unconditional-positive-regard-carl-rogers) no matter the position of the other person? --- ## How to lead a Transformational Retrospective URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-lead-a-transformational-retrospective Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-lead-a-transformational-retrospective.md Date: 2017-09-03 Topics: agile, coaching, retrospectives Do your retrospectives look like this?Team members walk into the room reluctantly. The Scrum Master throws out the Post-It notes onto the table and asks the team to write down some thoughts. You only have 3 minutes. You stick the Post-It’s on the wall and you dot vote. The top topics get discussed and you leave with some actions, which you never complete. This is a simplification but i’ve found it is often a representation of reality. Most retrospectives fail to achieve any serious and lasting c Do your retrospectives look like this? > *Team members walk into the room reluctantly. The Scrum Master throws out the Post-It notes onto the table and asks the team to write down some thoughts. You only have 3 minutes. You stick the Post-It’s on the wall and you dot vote. The top topics get discussed and you leave with some actions, which you never complete.* This is a simplification but i’ve found it is often a representation of reality. Most retrospectives fail to achieve any serious and lasting change. **Why is this?** I believe a fundamental problem is that often team retrospectives are **transactional rather than** **transformational****.** We are all familiar with the agile manifesto value of **individuals and interactions** ***over*** **processes and tools** but so often we miss the mark in retrospectives. We focus on the tools and process rather than exploring the beliefs, assumptions and fears that are holding the individuals and team back. I believe we need to value: ### **Transformational** **Retrospectives*****over*** **Transactional Retrospectives** I’ve [previously blogged](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2017/08/13/is-your-coaching-transactional-or-transformational/) about my experiences as a coach and the difference between transactional and transformational coaching. The same applies to retrospectives which can be defined as follows: > ***Transactional retrospectives****are focused on actions. They are focused on achieving a certain set of steps to move towards some outcome. They are surface level.****Transformational retrospectives****are focused on the whole, the individuals, the team, the system.They go below the surface. It helps a team create an awareness of the factors contributing to the achievement of their challenge or goal. Often these contributing factors stem from the teams limiting beliefs, assumptions and values formed from past experiences.* ![Iceberg](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a43932566ec445d9829b483218a9cb4a~mv2.jpg) Here are some questions to consider: 1. When was the last time you explored the teams limiting beliefs, assumptions and fears in a retrospective? 2. When was the last time your retrospective led to a transformational shift in team performance? **How do you lead a transformational retrospective?** If you are a scrum master, agile coach or team member you are probably wondering how to lead a transformational retrospective. As a leader, it is your responsibility to help create the conditions for transformational change. These special moments often arise from emotional and uncomfortable situations. If the right conditions do not exist team members might find it difficult to express their emotions and embrace discomfort. **Creating psychological safety starts with** **you****.** How open are you to embrace the emotion and discomfort? 1. Are you able to ask the powerful and difficult questions that never get asked? 2. Are you open to be vulnerable? 3. Are you willing to show who you really are? The famous google [Project Aristotle](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/magazine/what-google-learned-from-its-quest-to-build-the-perfect-team.html?mcubz=0) highlighted the importance of psychological safety. Within the project was an excellent story of leading by example when Matt Sakaguchi shared his secret battle with cancer with his team: *“….to Sakaguchi, it made sense that* ***psychological safety and emotional conversations were related****. The behaviors that create psychological safety — conversational turn-taking and empathy — are part of the same unwritten rules we often turn to, as individuals, when we need to establish a bond. And those human bonds matter as much at work as anywhere else. In fact, they sometimes matter more.”* The next time you lead a retrospective try to remember: **Transformational Retrospectives*****over*** **Transactional Retrospectives** --- ## 5 biases of Unconditional Positive Regard - Carl Rogers URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-biases-of-unconditional-positive-regard-carl-rogers Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-biases-of-unconditional-positive-regard-carl-rogers.md Date: 2017-08-26 Topics: coaching What are the biases related to Carl Rogers Unconditional Positive Regard? This article outlines 5 biases you should be aware of. 5 Biases of Unconditional Positive Regard [Barefoot Coaching](https://twitter.com/BarefootCoaches) hold a regular A-Z of coaching on twitter and the most recent topic was **U**nconditional Positive Regard. > In this week’s [#AtoZCoaching](https://twitter.com/hashtag/AtoZCoaching?src=hash) we’re looking at [#UnconditionalPositiveRegard](https://twitter.com/hashtag/UnconditionalPositiveRegard?src=hash) – a concept attributed to [#CarlRogers](https://twitter.com/hashtag/CarlRogers?src=hash). [#AtoZCoaching](https://twitter.com/hashtag/AtoZCoaching?src=hash) [pic.twitter.com/k9BoXFVzPe](https://t.co/k9BoXFVzPe) > — Barefoot Coaching (@BarefootCoaches) [August 21, 2017](https://twitter.com/BarefootCoaches/status/899572015740407810) Popularised by Carl Rogers, Unconditional Positive Regard is accepting and supporting the person for who they are without evaluating or judging them. It is one of the three core conditions to a transformational coaching relationship. I have learnt that Unconditional Positive Regard is **conditional**. It is conditional on the coaches awareness of cognitive biases that show up in the coaching relationship. There are 5 biases I have found that influence my ability to demonstrate Unconditional Positive Regard: ### **1. Unconscious Bias** We all make unconscious judgements of individuals based upon our past experiences and beliefs. This can often create a barrier in our ability to demonstrate Unconditional Positive Regard. The risk for a coach is if our judgments remain unconscious they could influence our ability to help create a transformational relationship. ### **2. Negativity Bias** As humans we tend to focus more on negative events. Coaches need to be aware that we will naturally be drawn to the negative experiences of the client, especially as the client themselves will also be susceptible to this bias. All clients have many positive and wonderful experiences that can be used to shift perspectives. It is often this shifting from a negative position to another that can lead to the client seeing their situation differently. ### **3. Confirmation Bias** As an internal coach, I often hear a back story about clients before taking a coaching engagement. For example, I will often be approached by a manager explaining why one of their team might need coaching. It is important to be aware that if we begin a coaching relationship with preconceptions we may seek to confirm these beliefs. Suspending our own beliefs and judgements is fundamental to showing positive regard unconditionally. ### **4. Anchoring** Humans have a tendency to rely on one piece of information too heavily. This is called anchoring. If for example, a client shares a disturbing situation, we may anchor on this information and give it too much focus. Helping the client explore other information helps them build a richer and deeper awareness of their situation. Trying not to anchor on negative experiences is a practical example of Unconditional Positive Regard. ### **5. Optimism Bias** In some ways you could view Unconditional Positive Regard as the optimism that all humans are capable of great things regards of their background or current situation. Seeing the world as glass half full can be a great way to see the possibilities around us. However, over optimism can bring downsides too. Not letting optimism take over within the coaching relationship is important. I have found this particularly to be the case discussing actions. The client may be over optimistic about the actions they will take. Using a technique such as If/Then planning can help the client see their actions from different perspectives helping them achieve sustainable change. Due to these cognitive biases, often Unconditional Positive Regard is **conditional**. It is conditional based upon the coaches level of awareness of their cognitive biases. ### **How can you build a better awareness of your biases?** There are 3 activities I have used to build personal awareness: 1. **Supervision** – Coaches need to be coached. Building awareness of your cognitive biases and how they show up can be a great topic for supervision. 2. **Journaling** – Keeping a daily journal of your coaching enables you to reflect on how you showed up in recent coaching sessions. 3. Learn what biases exist – Below is a great visual summary of the different cognitive biases. Eye opening! ![A list of biases related to Unconditional Positive Regard](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6ee3fc634209446b8cc932a705dc4a5c~mv2.jpeg) A list of biases related to Unconditional Positive Regard Ref: --- ## Scavenger Hunt – Training from the back of the room URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/scavenger-hunt-training-from-the-back-of-the-room Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/scavenger-hunt-training-from-the-back-of-the-room.md Date: 2017-08-20 Topics: facilitation Can you remember the childhood adventure of a scavenger hunt?I remember a field trip we took in school. We were tasked to find different types of wildlife in our local park. It was a fun way to learn.You might be surprised that scavenger hunts can be a great way for adults to learn too.Last week I facilitated a scavenger hunt during an “Introduction to agile” workshop. Each group was tasked to find a set of agile items around the office and then prepare a presentation to the other groups on thei Can you remember the childhood adventure of a scavenger hunt? I remember a field trip we took in school. We were tasked to find different types of wildlife in our local park. It was a fun way to learn. You might be surprised that scavenger hunts can be a great way for adults to learn too. Last week I facilitated a scavenger hunt during an “Introduction to agile” workshop. Each group was tasked to find a set of agile items around the office and then prepare a presentation to the other groups on their observations. The scavenger hunt items were: 1. Kanban Board 2. Definition of Ready/Done 3. Agile Manifesto 4. Story Map 5. Impact Map 6. Team Agreement 7. Kudos Card Many of our teams visualise their work so these items were already scattered around the office. To give the teams a little extra help I put colourful signs near each of the items and arranged for colleagues nearby to be on hand to answer questions. The groups were given an observation sheet to help capture their notes and to help prepare their presentations back to the workshop audience. As soon as I finished explaining the Scavenger Hunt everyone literally ran out of the room to find their items. When they returned to present their findings it was amazing to see how much they had learned in a short period of time. Scavenger hunts are a great demonstration of “[Training from the back of the room](http://bowperson.com/training-from-the-back-of-the-room/)” which is an approach to accelerated learning. A scavenger hunt is a fun way to let the learners teach each other by sharing their observations. It also helps bring energy to workshops and get the learners moving. There are plenty of other techniques in Sharon’s book to help you step aside and let others learn. [Learning Maps](https://tobysinclairblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/25/how-to-supercharge-a-workshop-with-learning-maps/) are another Training from the back of the room technique i have used in the past too. So what are you waiting for? Get the scavenger hunt planned! --- ## Is your coaching Transactional or Transformational? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/is-your-coaching-transactional-or-transformational Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/is-your-coaching-transactional-or-transformational.md Date: 2017-08-13 Topics: coaching On my journey to become a coach I’ve learnt that it is as much about my own personal growth as it is of the people I serve. To build transformational coaching relationships, I must first grow myself.Transactional coaching is focused on actions. It is focused on achieving a certain set of steps to move towards some outcome. For example, public speaking. Transactional coaching would focus on the actions to be more comfortable with public speaking. For example, breathing techniques, adopting a powe On my journey to become a coach I’ve learnt that it is as much about my own personal growth as it is of the people I serve. To build transformational coaching relationships, I must first grow myself. **Transactional coaching** is focused on actions. It is focused on achieving a certain set of steps to move towards some outcome. For example, public speaking. Transactional coaching would focus on the actions to be more comfortable with public speaking. For example, breathing techniques, adopting a power pose before the talk or improving the presentation slides. A transactional coach may ask questions like “What could you do before the talk to calm your nerves?”, “What could you do if you get nervous on stage?” The focus is often on the presenting symptoms rather than the underlying cause. **Transformational coaching** is focused on the whole person. It helps a person create an awareness of the factors contributing to the achievement of their challenge or goal. Often these contributing factors stem from our limiting beliefs, assumptions and values formed from our past experiences. Using the example of public speaking, a Transformational coach will ask questions to explore the underlying causes. “What is important about becoming a public speaker?”, “What has contributed to nerves or tension before a talk?”, “What are the beliefs associated to your public speaking ability?”, “What are your needs?” The results from transformational coaching often lead to long term success. As a coach, how do I provide transformational coaching? Although transactional coaching does have a place and can often lead to success, there are times after a coaching session that i think the relationship could of gone deeper. So, what is preventing a transformational coaching relationship from forming? **Me.** Often it is my own fear and inability to be vulnerable that prevents coaching relationships going to that to that place of Transformation. Carl Rogers highlights that to create transformational moments, as coaches we need to show **empathy, unconditional positive regard and be congruent**. To be empathetic, I need to enter the shoes of another but often I’m scared to do that. To show unconditional positive regard, I need to suspend judgement but often I judge. To be congruent I need to show vulnerability but often I hide my emotions. These points are a great example of why coaches need coaching and supervision. If coaches are to create transformational relationships we too must grow and develop. **What coaching do you provide?** **What beliefs, values and assumptions are you holding that could be preventing those transformational relationships?** --- ## How to supercharge a workshop with Learning Maps URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-supercharge-a-workshop-with-learning-maps Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-supercharge-a-workshop-with-learning-maps.md Date: 2017-03-25 Topics: agile, coaching, facilitation I’m sure we have all been to many workshops and the first thing a facilitator presents is the agenda for the day. If you are lucky this might be on a flip chart or even worse its powerpoint slide 1 of 100. Your initial thoughts, this is going to be a long day.Introducing Learning MapsLearning Maps are an interactive and metaphorical way to present your agenda. People learn best through experience so a learning map creates an instant connection to the workshop topics.Here is a Learning Map I used I’m sure we have all been to many workshops and the first thing a facilitator presents is the agenda for the day. If you are lucky this might be on a flip chart or even worse its powerpoint slide 1 of 100. Your initial thoughts, this is going to be a long day. ## Introducing Learning Maps Learning Maps are an interactive and metaphorical way to present your agenda. People learn best through experience so a learning map creates an instant connection to the workshop topics. Here is a Learning Map I used at a Coaching workshop: ![file-1 (1)](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cec84e8b2abd4210bb79978d17eb7443~mv2.jpeg) > Awesome visual “learning map” in coaching workshop by @[ItJustBroke](https://twitter.com/ItJustBroke) @[TobySinclair\_](https://twitter.com/TobySinclair_) [#TestBash](http://twitter.com/search?q=%23TestBash) > — > sʇooɥɔS qınH (@huibschoots) > March 23, 2017 > Best agenda ever at @[ItJustBroke](https://twitter.com/ItJustBroke) & @[TobySinclair\_](https://twitter.com/TobySinclair_) coaching workshop [#TestBash](http://twitter.com/search?q=%23TestBash) > — > Vernon Richards (@TesterFromLeic) > March 23, 2017 This Learning Map consists of the following elements: 1. A **metaphor**, in this case an island, which allows learners to connect to the topic in a simple way. The agenda is represented by the different places on the island (Coaching Caves, Lagoon…..) 2. A mixture of **words and images** which engage different parts of the learners brain. 3. **Blank space** for the learner to record their thoughts before and after the workshop which is good for reflective practice. Also enough blank space for the learner to make the map their own. My inspiration for Learning Maps comes from Sharon Bowman, author of [Training from the Back of the Room](http://bowperson.com/training-from-the-back-of-the-room/). In the book she explains that through Learning Maps learners will: 1. ***Create*** visual images of important concepts 2. ***Engage*** in a variety of ways to learn: visual/spatial, linguistic, logical/mathematical, and kinaesthetic. 3. ***Use*** both hemispheres of their neocortex or thinking brain 4. ***Lengthen*** long-term retention of important information 5. ***Remain*** involved and engaged throughout the entire direct instruction 6. ***Leave*** the training with a visually interesting reminder of what they learned. So next time you are facilitating a workshop why not try out using a Learning Map. They are a really simple but super powerful tool to help boost your learners experience! --- ## Powerful Coaching Questions at Tate Modern Gallery URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/powerful-coaching-questions-at-tate-modern-gallery Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/powerful-coaching-questions-at-tate-modern-gallery.md Date: 2017-03-19 Topics: coaching Asking Powerful Questions is one of the foundations of Coaching. Asking questions that go beyond what is obvious enables the Coachee to think more deeply about a Goal or Challenge.The Tate Modern Start Display has some great Powerful Questions inviting the visitor to go beyond the obvious and think more deeply about the art on display. This certainly provoked my own deeper thoughts.Here are some examples: Asking Powerful Questions is one of the foundations of Coaching. Asking questions that go beyond what is obvious enables the Coachee to think more deeply about a Goal or Challenge. The Tate Modern [Start Display](http://www.tate.org.uk/visit/tate-modern/display/start-display) has some great Powerful Questions inviting the visitor to go beyond the obvious and think more deeply about the art on display. This certainly provoked my own deeper thoughts. Here are some examples: ![tat1](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4520f73d0a3e4d4aaa8ede7522caa679~mv2.jpg) ![tat2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6dc8db0981b94e4ea968cd74f4428868~mv2.jpg) ![tat5](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b44d295ab030406e97cc072e8d91ad84~mv2.jpg) ![tat6](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_57b6aabd624f497bb3fd8f1d72dcc436~mv2.jpg) ![tat4](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0d6fd15a280d4602b495792ed8ef06a4~mv2.jpg) ![tat8](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bff7ffb2387d4c1e9e5e32d254c045f6~mv2.jpg) ![tat9](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ed926214bc92422a8b2e0d5ebf0942d1~mv2.jpg) ![tat10](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6fe83923550d41eeada80b2c551dae39~mv2.jpg) ![tat11](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_19146b75c5254dd9bca96e768991e703~mv2.jpg) ![tate12](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_d0c5f3c51bb84377b80a9c2110a4ec06~mv2.jpg) ![tat3](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_c4b45763ab6047ea8a1e41e984e5bc73~mv2.jpg) ![tat7](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bdf5e22438bc46ce97459a70943800f3~mv2.jpg) --- ## Tate Modern + Babel + Mental Models + Dialogue + Agile Transformation URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/tate-modern-babel-mental-models-dialogue-agile-transformation Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/tate-modern-babel-mental-models-dialogue-agile-transformation.md Date: 2017-03-19 Topics: agile This weekend I took a trip to Tate Modern, London. One of the exhibitions that caught my eye was Cildo Meireles ‘Babel’ (2001)Babel 2001 is a large-scale sculptural installation that takes the form of a circular tower made from hundreds of second-hand analogue radios that the artist has stacked in layers. The radios are tuned to a multitude of different stations and are adjusted to the minimum volume at which they are audible. Nevertheless, they compete with each other and create a cacophony of This weekend I took a trip to Tate Modern, London. One of the exhibitions that caught my eye was Cildo Meireles ‘Babel’ (2001) ![_d818906_ret_media_networks_resized](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_8f89c0af9e3e4bbdaa1550bfaa2e7a6f~mv2.jpg) > *Babel 2001 is a large-scale sculptural installation that takes the form of a circular tower made from hundreds of second-hand analogue radios that the artist has stacked in layers. The radios are tuned to a multitude of different stations and are adjusted to the minimum volume at which they are audible. Nevertheless, they compete with each other and create a cacophony of low, continuous sound, resulting in inaccessible information, voices or music.In describing this work, Meireles refers to a* ***‘tower of incomprehension’*** *(quoted in Tate Modern 2008, p.168). The installation manifests, quite literally, a Tower of Babel, relating it to the biblical story of a tower tall enough to reach the heavens, which, offending God, caused him to make the builders speak in different tongues. Their inability to communicate with one another caused them to become divided and scatter across the earth and, moreover, became the source of all of mankind’s conflicts.* ### Agile Transformation and the ‘tower of incomprehension’ Immersed in the installation it dawned upon me that this is a perfect representation of Agile Transformation. The **‘tower of incomprehension’** represented the many different people involved across an organisation and their language of transformation. It was almost like the radios in Cildo Meireles’ installation were the voices of the organisation. ### How can we avoid the ‘tower of incomprehension’? This becomes incredibly difficult in any large scale change journey. A core transformation team might build a strong understanding of the vision, goals and language of the transformation but how does this spread through the organisation. Building a shared vision and mental models as the transformation spreads through the organisation is one strategy that can help. [Shared Mental Models](http://changingminds.org/explanations/models/senge_models.htm) is one of the disciplines that Peter Senge highlights in a Learning Organisation. To help build shared mental models Senge talks about David Bohm’s Dialogue: > *Dialogue is a way of observing, collectively, how hidden values and intentions can control our behavior, and how unnoticed cultural differences can clash without our realizing what is occurring. It can therefore be seen as an arena in which collective learning takes place and out of which a sense of increased harmony, fellowship and creativity can arise.* Bohm highlights that three conditions are required to enter Dialogue: > All participants must “suspend” their assumptions, literally to hold them “as if suspended before us”; > All participants must regard one another as colleagues; > There must be a ‘facilitator’ who ‘holds the context’ of dialogue. (Senge, p. 243) Is your organisation creating a **‘tower of incomprehension’?** If so, try experimenting with shared mental models through dialogue which in turn might help to build a **tower of transformation**. --- ## Do you have an inclusive Kanban board? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/do-you-have-an-inclusive-kanban-board Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/do-you-have-an-inclusive-kanban-board.md Date: 2017-03-13 Topics: kanban Most Agile teams use a Kanban board to visualise their work no matter what Agile Framework they are following. These Kanban boards come in the form of either physical or digital boards.Recently i’ve been helping teams adopt physical Kanban boards and it was during this we came across an interesting challenge. One afternoon i was helping the team experiment with some colour coding on their board. This was so they could highlight important information, in this specific case, how long an item had b Most Agile teams use a Kanban board to visualise their work no matter what Agile Framework they are following. These Kanban boards come in the form of either physical or digital boards. Recently i’ve been helping teams adopt physical Kanban boards and it was during this we came across an interesting challenge. One afternoon i was helping the team experiment with some colour coding on their board. This was so they could highlight important information, in this specific case, how long an item had been in each column. The team decided to colour code each column and a matching coloured dot would be placed on the Post-It note for each day it was in that column. This would then allow the team to calculate cycle time. It was during this experiment we encountered an interesting challenge. One of the team members was colour blind. We discovered that the colour coding that we’d chosen between the columns wasn’t going to work. Over the next few minutes we talked about some different approaches and found some colour differences that were notable enough for the team member to see clearly. We’d solved the problem and the team learned much more about colour blindness! You can learn about colour blindness here too [here](http://www.colourblindawareness.org/colour-blindness/colour-blindness-experience-it/) It was through this situation i reflected; *How inclusive are our Kanban boards?* My attention was grabbed even more when i attended an [excellent talk](https://skillsmatter.com/meetups/9010-scrum-event-march#overview) from Dr. Sally Freudenberg on **Inclusive Collaboration & Neuro-Diversity.** In the talk Sal highlighted how to take a more inclusive approach to collaboration by embracing the different needs of people in diverse teams. In particular, she highlighted how Visual Timetables, such as Kanban boards, can provide a highly inclusive approach. Sal explores Visual Timetables more in her book: [The Inclusive Collaboration Experiments.](https://leanpub.com/theinclusivecollaborationexperiments) ## Does your team have an Inclusive Kanban board? **Try this 5 minute test:** **1. Can everyone read text on the Kanban Board?** It was through asking this question that a team member revealed *“Honestly, i have never been able to read anything on the board during Stand Up. I always have to double check later on.”* **2. Is the position of the board distracting for anyone sat near the board?** In Sal’s talk she highlighted that these big bright colourful boards can actually be really distracting. We spoke to people in the visible area of the Kanban board to ask if it was distracting, thankfully not. We also placed a notice on the board welcoming feedback at anytime. **3. Is the use of colour inclusive? Can everyone see the differences? For example Blocker or Bug stickies** We used the different colours as described but you could also experiment with different shapes or symbols. **4. Is the use of the board consistent? Is the flow through the board obvious? Are there written policies?** I also learned from Sals talk that [routines](http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/obsessions-repetitive-routines.aspx) can play an important part in the life of someone with autism. Having clear policies on your Kanban can be good for someone with autism and also the rest of the team. I’ve known teams to move stuff around the board without any real consistency of shared understanding across the team of why. Clear policies can help avoid this. **5. Is there a way to add a touch and feel effect to the board?** You can read about the Neuroscience of touch [here](https://www.sappi.com/neuroscience-of-touch). Some team members will respond to touch and feel differently. You can add another dimension to your boards by using simple household objects such as lego, pasta (seriously!), [pipe cleaners](https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Toys-Games/Edukit-Jumbo-Pack-Pipe-Cleaners/B01789L0JU/ref=sr_1_6?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1489354942&sr=1-6&keywords=pipe+cleaners) and [pom poms](https://www.amazon.co.uk/CI-100pk-Fluffy-Pom-Poms/dp/B016KJJGU4). These are particularly useful for Touchable avatars. I’d love to see some examples of your Inclusive Kanban boards. For further ideas of how to make your Kanban boards inclusive take a look at the [W3C Web Accessibility Guidelines](https://www.w3.org/standards/webdesign/accessibility). Many of those are relevant for physical or digital Kanban boards. **– Toby Sinclair** [**@TobySinclair\_**](https://twitter.com/TobySinclair_) ### Blog image taken from where you can find more examples of Kanban boards. --- ## 5 Life Coaching Models Every Professional Coach Should Know URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-life-coaching-models Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-life-coaching-models.md Date: 2017-02-05 Topics: coaching As a certified Professional Coach here are 5 life coaching models that you should know! These coaching models will increase your impact with clients. If you are a [Certified Professional Coach](/post/how-to-become-an-icf-certified-coach-a-guide-for-agile-coaches) here are 5 life coaching models that you should know! The 5 coaching models you need to know are: 1. Human Given Needs 2. ABC Model 3. Locus of Control 4. Self Determination Theory 5. Iceberg coaching model Below is a graphic about each coaching model, a short description and a link to where you can find out more! ### **[#1](/blog/hashtags/1) – Human Given Needs** ![Human Given Needs Coaching Model](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f0294cc873554064b9fb09674b5788d3~mv2.jpg) Human Given Needs Coaching Model What is this coaching model? Human givens approach is grounded in an evolutionary understanding of human nature. It proposes that evolution has endowed all members of our species, regardless of race or culture, with a common set of innate physical and emotional needs along with a set of innate physical, emotional and psychological resources. [1] **More:** ### **[#2](/blog/hashtags/2) – ABC Model** ![0205c070d8ac8905a42851b60909e307](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_712085c1d8a842b6b73a2006fa01c54d~mv2.jpg) What is this coaching model? The ABC Model is one of the most famous cognitive behavioural therapy techniques for analysing your thoughts, behaviour and emotions. **More:** ### **[#3](/blog/hashtags/3) – Locus of Control** ![locus-of-control](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ec42ca626329489ca2f2fea3e4714e19~mv2.jpg) What is this coaching model? Within psychology, Locus of Control is considered to be an important aspect of personality. The concept was developed originally Julian Rotter in the 1950s. Locus of Control refers to an individual’s perception about the underlying main causes of events in his/her life. Or, more simply: Do you believe that your destiny is controlled by yourself or by external forces (such as fate, god, or powerful others)? **More:** ### **[#4](/blog/hashtags/4) – Self Determination Theory** ![sdt-cont](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_3dd760eb8f854603b87035ebd6eb97f8~mv2.gif) What is this coaching model? Self-Determination Theory (SDT) is a theory of motivation. It is concerned with supporting our natural or intrinsic tendencies to behave in effective and healthy ways. **More:** ### **[#5](/blog/hashtags/5) – Iceberg Model** ![iceberg-example](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4aac17881dbc445db26dd59260de0561~mv2.png) What is this coaching model? The Iceberg Coaching Model addresses how a person represents themselves in the world (exposed part of the iceberg) and what their motivations are (unseen, submerged part of the iceberg)**.** **More:** ### **Want to learn more?** If you'd like to learn more about how to use these Coaching Models you can reach out to me for free [Coach Mentoring](/mentoring) ![Coach Mentoring](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_6167e512fcdc4e3da7c903edb5f54332~mv2.jpg) --- ## How To Achieve Personal Goals Using Given When Then URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-achieve-personal-goals-using-given-when-then Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-achieve-personal-goals-using-given-when-then.md Date: 2017-01-07 Topics: coaching At the start of a New Year, many people turn their attention to new personal goals, often referred to as New Year resolutions. We all know how these “resolutions” usually end up, forgotten and unachieved. However, there is a strategy that can lead to significant chances of meeting your goals.One of my personal goals for 2017 is to read 24 books. The first book i’ve finished this year is Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert Cialdini.Within the book Robert talks abo At the start of a New Year, many people turn their attention to new personal goals, often referred to as New Year resolutions. We all know how these “resolutions” usually end up, forgotten and unachieved. However, there is a strategy that can lead to significant chances of meeting your goals. One of my personal goals for 2017 is to read 24 books. The first book i’ve finished this year is [Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29238799-pre-suasion?from_search=true) by Robert Cialdini. Within the book Robert talks about “If/When Then” plans to achieve personal goals: > “If/When Then plans are designed to help us achieve a goal by readying us (1) to register certain cues in settings where we can further our goal, and (2) to take an appropriate action spurred by the cues and consistent with the goal.” An example might be: > “If/when, i need to travel by public transport, then i will read a book.” Whilst reading my attention was brought to the similarities of “[Given – When – Then](https://github.com/cucumber/cucumber/wiki/Given-When-Then)” which is typically used by software development teams to describe some desired behaviour of the product they are building. Applying Given – When – Then in the context of goal planning might look like this: > **Given** i need to travel to work > **When** i travel by train > **Then** i will read a book Scientific studies have proven this type of goal planning leads to higher likelihood of goal achievement. One study looked at the common New Year goal of increasing exercise. Half the participants were asked to plan where and when they would exercise each week (e.g., “If it is Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, then I will hit the gym for an hour before work.”) The results were dramatic: months later, 91% of if-then planners were still exercising regularly, compared to only 39% of non-planners! **How could you use this type of planning for your 2017 goals?** Here are some more examples of Given – When – Then planning for my 2017 reading goal: > (1) Given it is Wednesday > When I break for lunch > Then i will spend 20 minutes reading a book > (2) Given i’m at home > When i have some free time > Then i’ll read a book > (3) Given i’m at home > When i realise i’m aimlessly browsing the internet > Then i will read a book instead > (4) Given i ‘m currently reading a book > When i feel that its boring > Then i will stop and select another book > (5) … You can track my 2017 reading challenge on [GoodReads](https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/7292892) --- ## Becoming a Coach URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/becoming-a-coach Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/becoming-a-coach.md Date: 2016-11-25 Topics: coaching Today my Coaching Journey took an exciting step.I have enrolled on a course from Barefoot Coaching to become a Qualified Business and Personal Coach.Barefoot Coaching offer a PG Cert in Business and Personal Coaching which is accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coaching Federation (ICF).The course is broken into three modules with each module last four days. The course covers a wide range of topics, far too many for me to mention here. You can read the full course conte Today my Coaching Journey took an exciting step. I have enrolled on a course from [Barefoot Coaching](http://www.barefootcoaching.co.uk/) to become a Qualified Business and Personal Coach. Barefoot Coaching offer a PG Cert in Business and Personal Coaching which is accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The course is broken into three modules with each module last four days. The course covers a wide range of topics, far too many for me to mention here. You can read the full course content [here](http://www.barefootcoaching.co.uk/sites/default/files/Course%20Ouline%202016-2017_0.pdf). **What interested you in the course?** Over the past year i’ve been doing lots of Coaching. Through my daily Coaching and Self-learning i’ve learnt what a vast and deep ocean the discipline is. At times knowing where to focus my learning has been a disorientating and frustrating experience. Barefoot Coaching offer an extensive course delivered by experts such as Kim Morgan, Julie Starr and Damian Hughes. My hope is that through the carefully crafted course content and guidance of these experts my learning will be accelerated and coaching skills enhanced. In addition, having researched the International Coaching Federation the opportunity to become a Professional Certified Coach was certainly appealing. I know in some circles Certification has a bad reputation but with the ICF focus on certification through hands-on experience my worries were alleviated. For example, before you can become a Professional Certified Coach you need to do 750 hours of coaching from at least 25 clients. It’s going to be a busy but exciting 2017. **Interested in doing something similar?** I’d highly recommend heading along to one of the Barefoot Coaching open mornings. I went recently and it certainly helped in my decision making process. Find out [here](http://www.barefootcoaching.co.uk/courses/pgcert-business-and-personal-coaching/try-before-you-buy-open-morning) when the next one is. [#Coaching](/blog/hashtags/Coaching) --- ## How i approach Coaching URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-i-approach-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-i-approach-coaching.md Date: 2016-08-24 Topics: coaching This year i’ve been on a journey of discovery into Coaching. My official job title is “Agile Coach” and as the title suggests a key part of the role is Coaching. This blog explores how i approach Coaching with the intention that my experience will help others interested in the topic.What is Coaching?This was a question that troubled me for many months. It’s not an easy question to answer. It’s something i’m still discovering but through constant reading and practice i’m much more informed than i This year i’ve been on a journey of discovery into Coaching. My official job title is *“Agile Coach”* and as the title suggests a key part of the role is Coaching. This blog explores how i approach Coaching with the intention that my experience will help others interested in the topic. ## What is Coaching? This was a question that troubled me for many months. It’s not an easy question to answer. It’s something i’m still discovering but through [constant reading](https://tobythetesterblog.wordpress.com/2016/08/01/5-books-about-coaching/) and practice i’m much more informed than i was 12 months ago! When someone asks me *“What is Coaching?”* i typically refer to this quote from the [Inner Game of Tennis](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inner-Game-Tennis-ultimate-performance/dp/1447288505): > “Coaching is unlocking a persons potential to maximise their own performance.” > Timothy Gallwey I like this quote because it really highlights that the Coaching focus is always on the Coachee. In practical terms, Coaching is a conversation where the coach uses questioning to help the Coachee build awareness of how to tackle a goal or challenge. In my experience the question *“What is Coaching?”* results in many different answers so it is important to address this question directly with the Coachee early on. This helps ensure there is a shared understanding within the relationship. I have often found that to begin with people think the process is similar to Mentoring. I’ve [blogged recently](https://tobythetesterblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/11/when-to-coach-and-when-to-mentor/) the differences between Coaching and Mentoring. ## Types of Coaching Coaching conversations can happen any time. It doesn’t need to happen in a formal setting or in “official” coaching sessions. Don’t let this fool you through, Coaching is a structured practice that requires practice and continual improvement. The types of Coaching i’ve done are: 1. One-to-One Coaching in designated “Coaching Sessions”, usually 45mins – 1hr 2. Informal Coaching, for example at the “Water Cooler”. 3. Group Coaching, usually a whole team – A common realm for an *“Agile Coach”* Whilst i’m embedding more coaching into my daily interactions with people my journey really started with One-to-One Coaching sessions. These sessions provided a safe environment to learn. Let me explain further how Coaching works in these sessions. ## Who? When it comes to One-to-One Coaching sessions i generally have two types of engagement: 1. People approach me directly asking for coaching towards a specific goal. 2. I approach others to offer coaching. *In this case i’m always clear that the offer can be refused!* When i first started, rather than advertise my coaching services publicly I wanted to get some experience and practice. I spent time discussing with others my own personal goal to develop coaching experience. Eventually i found a a handful of people who were interested in being coached. I intentionally tried to find people that worked outside of my immediate influence, so not my direct team, and also people that i felt would be receptive of coaching. For the early sessions this felt like a safe environment to learn. ## How? One of the most universally known Coaching models is “[The GROW Model](http://www.performanceconsultants.com/grow-model)” and it was one of the first models i used too: ![grow](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_4c5f6b20adcb434bb7ef36d0082d0c9f~mv2.gif) The GROW Model is a simple structure for a Coaching conversation. Personally i’ve found it incredibly useful as a mental model during the conversation to help give it structure. I also share this model with the Coachee so that it gives them a picture of how the conversation will be structured. Whilst this is a good start, there is much more to learn. In my experience although the GROW model provides a good structure and its a great place to start, the more subtle skills are much harder to master. For example: 1. [Deep Listening](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Time-Think-Listening-Ignite-Human/dp/0706377451) 2. [Silence](http://www.personal-coaching-information.com/use-of-silence.html) 3. [Being Present](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/201106/5-steps-being-present) 4. [Asking good questions](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Habit-Less-Change-Forever/dp/0978440749/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1472068707&sr=8-4&keywords=COACHING+QUESTIONS) These topics are blog posts on their own but for now i’d recommend checking out the linked resources. ## Examples Since my early coaching sessions the number of people i’ve coached has broadened considerably. One of the fascinating benefits of coaching is the opportunity to work with people on a varied set of goals. Here are some examples (provided with consent): 1. Someone who wanted to improve prioritisation 2. Someone who wanted to find an opportunity to use physics in their career 3. Someone who was seeking a Promotion 4. A Scrum Master who wanted to build trust within their team Although these were the stated goals at the start of the coaching engagement often the Goal might become something else. For example, a Promotion is a good example of an [end goal](http://www.janbrause.co.uk/user/custom/downloads/GoalSettingInCoaching.pdf). During the coaching we may explore some related performance goals in the control of the Coachee that could contribute to the end goal. In the above examples it’s important to be clear that the focus is to get the Coachee to a point where they are comfortable either their goal has been met or they have made enough progress that they are happy to continue their journey without the Coach. In the above examples the length of the coaching sessions ranged from 2 – 6 1hr sessions. This is in contrast to Mentoring where the relationship may last for a longer period of time. ## Now Start Your Journey! Hopefully this has provided you with some insight into what Coaching looks like. I’ve linked to lots of resources during the blog that have really helped me in particular these [5 books](https://tobythetesterblog.wordpress.com/2016/08/01/5-books-about-coaching/). [#Coaching](/blog/hashtags/Coaching) [#GROW](/blog/hashtags/GROW) --- ## Facilitation using Ritual Dissent URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/facilitation-using-ritual-dissent Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/facilitation-using-ritual-dissent.md Date: 2016-08-17 Topics: coaching, facilitation I recently read Black Box Thinking by Matthew Syed. In the book one of the topics Matthew explores is brainstorming. He talks about how an idea should be exposed to lively debate and challenge in order to refine the idea. Here is an extract from the book:Perhaps the most graphic way to glimpse the responsive nature of creativity is to consider an experiment by Charlan Nemeth, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and her colleagues. She took 265 female undergraduates and rand I recently read [Black Box Thinking by Matthew Syed](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Box-Thinking-Surprising-Success/dp/1473613779). In the book one of the topics Matthew explores is brainstorming. He talks about how an idea should be exposed to lively debate and challenge in order to refine the idea. Here is an extract from the book: > Perhaps the most graphic way to glimpse the responsive nature of creativity is to consider an experiment by Charlan Nemeth, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and her colleagues. She took 265 female undergraduates and randomly divided them into five-person teams. Each team was given the same task: to come up with ideas about how to reduce traffic congestion in the San Francisco Bay Area. These five-person teams were then assigned to one of three ways of working. > The first group were given the instruction to brainstorm. This is one of the most influential creativity techniques in history, and it is based on the mystical conception of how creativity happens: through contemplation and the free flow of ideas. In brainstorming the entire approach is to *remove* obstacles. It is to minimize challenges. People are warned not to criticize each other, or point out the difficulties in each other’s suggestions. Blockages are bad. Negative feedback is a sin. > The second group were given no guidelines at all: they were allowed to come up with ideas in any way they thought best. > But the third group were actively encouraged to point out the flaws in each other’s ideas. Their instructions read: “Most research and advice suggests that the best way to come up with good solutions is to come up with many solutions. Free-wheeling is welcome; don’t be afraid to say anything that comes to mind. However, in addition, most studies suggest that *you should debate and even criticize each other’s ideas*[my italics].” > The results were remarkable. The groups with the dissent and criticize guidelines generated 25 percent more ideas than those who were brainstorming (or who had no instructions). Just as striking, when individuals were later asked to come up with more solutions for the traffic problem, those with the dissent guidelines generated twice as many new ideas as the brainstormers. > > Today i facilitated a brainstorming session where we applied this principle using an approach called **Ritual Dissent**. Here is how it worked: **Context**: We had 3 Groups. Each group had an idea which they felt would solve a particular problem we are facing. 1. Each group nominates a Spokesperson 2. Spokesperson rotates to one of the other groups which now becomes the reviewers 3. Spokesperson presents the idea to the reviewers (~3 Minutes) *(Silence from the reviewers)* 4. Spokesperson turns around and faces away *(Silence from Spokesperson)* 5. Reviewers attack (dissent) or improve (assent) the ideas (~3 Minutes) *(Whilst this happens the Spokesperson records the feedback)* 6. Spokesperson returns to their original group 7. Group decide what to do with feedback (~6 Minutes) 8. Repeat 1 – 8 until ideas suitably refined or ditched Some feedback points from the session were: 1. *“It was good to present my idea without getting interrupted.”* 2. *“When we were reviewing the idea it helped that the person turned around, it made it feel less personal.”* 3. *“We got lots of feedback on our idea.”* 4. *“Our ideas are in a much better position.”* You can read more about Ritual Dissent [here](http://cognitive-edge.com/methods/ritual-dissent/) ![facilitating-complexity-a-perverts-guide-to-exploration-41-638](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_fa97cbd5fe5746ca8e3707f393165c91~mv2.jpg) [#Facilitation](/blog/hashtags/Facilitation) --- ## Are you really Coaching? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/are-you-really-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/are-you-really-coaching.md Date: 2016-08-12 Topics: coaching I recently read “Brilliant Coaching” by Julie Starr. The book explores practical ways you can apply Coaching in the workplace. She provides great examples of how you can apply a Coaching style moving from Directive leadership to empowering others(Self Directed)In the book, Julie presents a model; the Scale of Influence. This can be used as a model to build self-awareness in your Coaching conversations.Scale of Influence: Brilliant Coaching, Julie StarrIn a Coaching conversation, we may use diffe I recently read “[Brilliant Coaching](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Brilliant-Coaching-brilliant-coach-workplace/dp/0273717359)” by Julie Starr. The book explores practical ways you can apply Coaching in the workplace. She provides great examples of how you can apply a Coaching style moving from Directive leadership to empowering others(Self Directed) In the book, Julie presents a model; the Scale of Influence. This can be used as a model to build self-awareness in your Coaching conversations. ![Snip20160813_2](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_a1e13b8bc07c4cc2becfec61137d9975~mv2.png) Scale of Influence: Brilliant Coaching, Julie Starr In a Coaching conversation, we may use different levels of influence but we want a good coaching conversation to be more self-directed (left of hand side of the model). In particular, Julie recommends that new coaches should try to avoid giving advice or instruction at all. I’ve recently started using this model to reflect upon the conversations I have with people around me. It has helped to identify times where I could have taken a less directive approach. As many of my blog readers are Testers I’ve translated what the model might look like in Testing context. For example a conversation between a Tester and a Developer on deciding how to test a particular User Story. ![Snip20160814_5](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0f637caf9a12436db933cb672d9dbfe0~mv2.png) This is a good way to reflect upon the conversations you have with people and understand *“Are you really Coaching?”* Next time you are engaging in a Coaching conversation use this model and reflect: 1. How often do you tell someone else what to do? 2. How do you feel listening to someone share an idea when you think there is a better approach? How often do you follow with an opinion rather than asking further questions? 3. When you feel you are the expert, how often do you refrain from sharing advice and ask a question instead? 4. How does silence make you feel? --- ## 5 Best Life Coaching Books URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-best-books-about-life-coaching Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/5-best-books-about-life-coaching.md Date: 2016-08-01 Topics: coaching, book-summaries Here are the 5 best books that have influenced my professional coaching. These books are essential for anyone training to be a life coach or experienced professional coaches looking for ideas. 5 Best Books about Life Coaching One of the most common questions I'm asked from life coaches undertaking life coach training is: > *“What Life Coaching books do you recommend?”* Here is a shortlist of the best life coaching books I’ve read. These coaching books cover a wide range of coaching approaches and topics. The coaching books are great for new coaches taking [coach certification](/post/how-to-become-an-icf-certified-coach-a-guide-for-agile-coaches) but also experienced professional coaches looking for fresh ideas. These coaching books cover many of the [essential models](/post/5-life-coaching-models) you should know as a life coach. **The best life coaching books:** 1. [Coaching for Performance: Growing People, Performance and Purpose](#viewer-3rle1) 2. [The Coach’s Casebook: Mastering the Twelve Traits That Trap Us](#viewer-54hso) 3. [Time to Think: Listening to ignite the human mind](#viewer-2n4jp) 4. [Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the way you lead](#viewer-96u6r) 5. [Art of Coaching](#viewer-706n1) ### **1.** [**Coaching for Performance: Growing People, Performance and Purpose**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Performance-Growing-People-Purpose/dp/1857883039) **What did I like about this coaching book?** 1. This book explores the popular GROW Model 2. There are some great chapters about crafting good goals 3. Explains well what Coaching actually is 4. For many, this is the go-to book about modern coaching techniques. A bestseller that's been around for many years. **Recommended for:** New coaches undertaking coaching certification or those looking to learn how to be a life coach. One of the best coaching books you'll read. ### **2.** [**The Coach’s Casebook: Mastering the Twelve Traits**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coachs-Casebook-Mastering-Twelve-Traits/dp/0957587449/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470071680&sr=1-1&keywords=coaches+casebook) **That** [**Trap Us**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coachs-Casebook-Mastering-Twelve-Traits/dp/0957587449/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470071680&sr=1-1&keywords=coaches+casebook) **What did I like about this coaching book?** 1. Very practical examples of coaching conversations 2. Real-Life Case Studies from high profile and famous figures 3. Easy to relate to (I often found personal examples in each of the traits) 4. Promotes Coaching Supervision which was a concept that was new to me until i read this book **Recommended for:** Scrum Masters (Co-Author Geoff Watts also Authored Scrum Mastery) ### **3.** [**Time to Think: Listening to ignite the human mind**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Time-Think-Listening-Ignite-Human/dp/0706377451/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470072015&sr=1-1&keywords=time+to+think) **What did I like about this coaching book?** 1. This book has had a dramatic impact on my coaching approach 2. It will fundamentally challenge you 3. Excellent examples and well written 4. Case Studies towards the end of the book on how to apply the Thinking Environment are very interesting. **Recommended for:** People involved in organisational change ### **4.**[**Coaching Habit: Say**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Habit-Less-Change-Forever/dp/0978440749/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470071937&sr=1-1&keywords=coaching+habit) **Less**[**, Ask**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Habit-Less-Change-Forever/dp/0978440749/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470071937&sr=1-1&keywords=coaching+habit) **More** [**& Change the way you lead**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Habit-Less-Change-Forever/dp/0978440749/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470071937&sr=1-1&keywords=coaching+habit) **What did I like about this coaching book?** 1. A simple and accessible introduction to Coaching 2. Suggests some power Coaching questions such as the AWE question 3. Techniques can be applied straight away 4. Does not promote a rigid process but looks at how coaching can be built as a habit in everything you do **Recommended for:** Managers ### **5.**[**Art of Coaching**](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Art-Coaching-Jenny-Bird/dp/113889186X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470072042&sr=1-1&keywords=art+of+coaching) **What did I like about this coaching book?** 1. Visual! 2. Covers many core coaching concepts but using visual aids 3. Provides great inspiration on how to apply visual techniques to coaching. 4. Techniques for both individuals and the team **Recommended for:** Experienced Coaches looking for new ways to engage clients ### **5 Extra Bonus Coaching Books** Here is the full list of the best life coaching books including a few more once you are finished with the top 5 coaching books. ### **Want to learn more? Check out these 5 coaching models that every professional coach should know!** [![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_cec0d636bdd749a9a3a7a627cf23691b~mv2.png)](/post/5-life-coaching-models) --- ## How to do Example Mapping URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-do-example-mapping Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-do-example-mapping.md Date: 2016-05-25 Topics: agile A few months ago i came across Matt Wynne’s post about Example Mapping on the cucumber blog. During XP2016 I attended Matt’s Example Mapping workshop. I’ve been using the technique with teams for a few months now. This post will share what Example Mapping is and some of the experiences i’ve had using it.What is Example Mapping?Here is the process taken from the Cucumber blog:Example Mapping uses a pack of 4-coloured index cards and some pens to capture these different types of information as the A few months ago i came across [Matt Wynne’s](http://blog.mattwynne.net/) post about [Example Mapping](https://cucumber.io/blog/2015/12/08/example-mapping-introduction) on the cucumber blog. During [XP2016](http://www.xp2016.org/) I attended Matt’s Example Mapping workshop. I’ve been using the technique with teams for a few months now. This post will share what Example Mapping is and some of the experiences i’ve had using it. ![FullSizeRender](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_0b4b90d155ea4cc7961828e51b352e65~mv2.jpg) ## What is Example Mapping? Here is the process taken from the [Cucumber blog](https://cucumber.io/blog/2015/12/08/example-mapping-introduction): > Example Mapping uses a [pack of 4-coloured index cards](http://www.staples.com/Staples-Assorted-Color-Index-Cards/product_SS1037669) and some pens to capture these different types of information as the conversation unfolds. As we talk, we capture them on index cards, and arrange them in a map: > We start by writing the **story** under discussion on a **yellow** card and placing it at the top of the table. > Next we write each of the acceptance criteria, or **rules** that we already know, on a **blue** card and placing those across the table beneath the yellow story card. > For each rule, we may need one or more **examples** to illustrate it. We write those on a **green** card and place them under the relevant rule. > As we discuss these examples, we may uncover **questions** that nobody in the room can answer. We capture those on a **red**card and move on with the conversation. > We keep going until the group is satisfied that the scope of the story is clear, or we run out of time. > And that’s it. I told you it was simple! ## How I’ve used it? Teams I work with follow a simple principle called “Three Amigos” ![three-amigos-main](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_f007bbc50e7c4e30afc9519f389559a8~mv2.jpg) We apply this to our story conversations ensuring that in each conversation we have: 1. Someone who knows the problem domain (Usually a Product Owner) 2. Someone who can technically implement (Usually a Developer) 3. Someone who can critique the product/solution and think laterally (Usually a Tester) Usually that results in 3 people but it could be more. We want enough people to have a good conversation. Our Three Amigo conversations happen in two ways: 1. Formal – A scheduled session run three times a week. In the calendar at a set time. Voluntary session where the team self-organise and decide who should attend. These sessions last maximum of 30mins. 2. Informal – Conversations at someone’s desk where a small group gather to discuss a particular feature/story. It is during these Three Amigo Comversations that we use Example Mapping. ## Benefits I’ve seen with Example Mapping ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_03e2218ef23545abb068dc6c0322a964~mv2.jpg) **Benefit [#1](/blog/hashtags/1) – Getting past the first Question** Often during Three Amigo conversations i’ve found that teams struggle to get past the first question. When a difficult question arises the team get stuck on that one question. To overcome this we use the [Diverge/Merge/Converge](http://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/diverge-before-you-converge-tips-for-creative-brainstorming/) technique with Example Mapping. This allows us to get all our current understanding on the table first. We structure the conversation as follows: 1. **0 – 5 Minutes** – PO/BA presents the story and potentially a handful of rules. Just enough information to start a conversation. 2. **5 – 10 Minutes –** Individual Brainstorming of Rules(Acceptance Criteria), Questions and Examples. 3. **10 – 30 Minutes** – Discuss **Benefit [#2](/blog/hashtags/2) – Colour Heuristics** As the different elements are colour coded it is very easy to use this as a heuristic for the readiness of the story. For example: 1. Lots of Blue (Rules) story is too big 2. Lots of Green (Examples) might mean our rules are not specific 3. Lots of Red (Questions) might mean we don’t have clarity or there are too many unknowns **Benefit [#3](/blog/hashtags/3) – Knowledge Capture** Often in less structured Three Amigo sessions you can have really good conversations but there is a risk that the knowledge is not captured. In this process you have those great questions and examples captured. **Benefit [#4](/blog/hashtags/4) – Rules not Specifications** I’ve often seen teams write their acceptance criteria as designs or technical specifications. Example Mapping reinforces Acceptance Criteria as Rules. This leads to better examples and ultimately better stories. I’ve seen this be a particular challenge for some teams. If the Acceptance Criteria is written as Specifications its much harder to find good examples which aren’t tied to the technical implementation. Ultimately this process helps you get much better Acceptance Criteria. Benefit [#5](/blog/hashtags/5) – It’s fast! Prior to implementing Example Mapping for our Three Amigo conversations our sessions used to be an Hour long. We have now reduced the sessions to 30minutes but run them more frequently. The team finds short, frequent sessions better than longer less frequent discussions. Benefit [#6](/blog/hashtags/6) – It supports remote teams We have run the example mapping session digitally. Sometimes we have team members who are out of the office so we use a virtual post it note board. Benefit [#7](/blog/hashtags/7) – Example format Sometimes people get lost in the syntax of Examples. Given/When/Then can force people into a certain thought process. This approach allows people to declare their examples in a simple way. ## Share and Visualise It is also important to socialise your conversations. As Three Amigos is a subset of the team it’s important to share any key findings with the rest of the group. A good way to do this is to post your example Mapping sessions on the wall next to the Scrum Board. This way the team can keep track of the conversations. If you have a remote time simply sharing the link to the virtual whiteboard is a good way. ## What happens next? Typically we want to make the decision – Is this story ready? The main driver we’ve found is Questions. Do we have outstanding questions that mean we cannot proceed. It’s fine to have some questions open if you are confident they won’t impact your ability to proceed in the Sprint. To aid this process a simple [Roman vote](http://www.conferencesthatwork.com/index.php/event-design/2012/06/testing-consensus-using-roman-voting/) can help the group decide if the story is ready. For more about Example Mapping head to the Cucumber blog [here](https://cucumber.io/blog/2015/12/08/example-mapping-introduction) --- ## When to Coach and When to Mentor URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/when-to-coach-and-when-to-mentor Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/when-to-coach-and-when-to-mentor.md Date: 2016-05-11 Topics: coaching, mentoring Until recently I hadn’t thought much about the differences between Coaching and Mentoring. I’ve come to learn there are big differences and most recently started thinking about: When to Coach and When to Mentor?What is Coaching?The definition I've been using most recently is from Timothy Gallway:“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”What is Mentoring?In my research for a sound definition i came across Until recently I hadn’t thought much about the differences between Coaching and Mentoring. I’ve come to learn there are big differences and most recently started thinking about: **When to Coach and When to Mentor?** ## What is Coaching? The definition I've been using most recently is from Timothy Gallway: > “Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.” ## What is Mentoring? In my research for a sound definition i came across a good collection of definitions on the [Coaching Network](http://www.coachingnetwork.org.uk/information-portal/Articles/ViewArticle.asp?artId=54) One that stood out to me was: > “Mentoring involves primarily listening with empathy, sharing experience (usually mutually), professional friendship, developing insight through reflection, being a sounding board, encouraging” – David Clutterbuck ## So what are the differences? This is not an uncommon question. Look through Google and you’ll find many people who have asked the same question. One of the top results I came across is from [Brefi Group](http://www.coachingnetwork.org.uk/information-portal/Articles/ViewArticle.asp?artId=54) **Mentoring** - Ongoing relationship that can last for a long period of time - Can be more informal and meetings can take place as and when the mentee needs some advice, guidance or support - Mentor is usually more experienced and qualified than the ‘mentee’. Often a senior person in the organisation who can pass on knowledge, experience and open doors to otherwise out-of-reach opportunities - Agenda is set by the mentee, with the mentor providing support and guidance to prepare them for future roles - Focus is on career and personal development - The agenda is focused on achieving specific, immediate goals - Mentoring resolves more around developing the mentee professionally - More long-term and takes a broader view of the person **Coaching** - Relationship generally has a set duration - Generally more structured in nature and meetings are scheduled on a regular basis - Short-term (sometimes time-bounded) and focused on specific development areas/issues - Coaching is generally not performed on the basis that the coach needs to have direct experience of their client’s formal occupational role, unless the coaching is specific and skills-focused - Focus is generally on development/issues at work - Coaching revolves more around specific development areas/issues There are a number of things that stand out for me here. In particular: 1. **Mentoring** is generally long term whilst **Coaching** usually has a set duration focused around a specific goal 2. **Mentoring** involves the mentor offering advice, usually from a more experienced standpoint. **Coaching** is the opposite, the Coach will avoid offering advice and enable the Coachee to reach their own understanding through powerful questions. ## The Agile Coach as Mentor and Coach Part of the Agile Coach role is to Mentoring and Coaching. I recently attended an [Adventures with Agile](http://www.adventureswithagile.com/) meet up where Lyssa Adkins and Michael Spayd spoke about the [Agile Coaching Competency Framework](http://www.agilecoachinginstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Agile-Coach-Competency-Framework-for-website.0011.jpg): ![Agile-Coach-Competency-Framework-for-website.0011](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2bedd15bb36b4e669131b4293076d334~mv2.jpg) You can see Mentoring and Coaching are two elements of the framework. As an Agile coach this creates an interesting challenge: **When to Coach and When to Mentor?** ## When to Coach and When to Mentor? My initial thoughts are that everyone can probably benefit from both. However at various times maybe the person might need more of one than the other. Recently I’ve been coaching many people across my organisation. As part of any coaching engagement, I’ll start by establishing what the individual knows about Coaching. Often it will become apparent that they are explaining a Mentoring relationship (Long term, advice-based, sharing experience). That’s a good opportunity to explain the differences. In this situation, it’s good to talk through the differences and assess the needs of the individual. In most cases, there is room for both coaching and mentoring. This creates another dilemma for the Agile Coach; can you coach and mentor the same individual? My view is that the coach should help the individual find a suitable mentor outside the coaching relationship. This enables clearer boundaries for the coaching sessions. A good example would be finding an experienced developer to pair with someone more junior. I’d love to hear if anyone else has encountered this question of **When to Coach and When to Mentor.** --- ## Agile Coaching Exchange – Kim Morgan URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-exchange-kim-morgan Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/agile-coaching-exchange-kim-morgan.md Date: 2016-03-31 Topics: coaching This week I attended Agile Coaching Exchange meet up in London. The guest speaker for the evening was Kim Morgan of Barefoot Coaching who is co-author of “The Coach’s Casebook: Mastering The Twelve Traits That Trap Us”Kim Morgan & principles of #coaching at #acelon #scrum pic.twitter.com/OJFmTEvRWa — Helen Meek (@Helen_J_Meek) March 30, 2016Principles of CoachingKim introduced us to some of the Key Principles of Coaching:1. Listening to ignite the human mind2. Presupposing success3. Leveraging M This week I attended Agile Coaching Exchange meet up in London. The guest speaker for the evening was Kim Morgan of Barefoot Coaching who is co-author of [“The Coach’s Casebook: Mastering The Twelve Traits That Trap Us”](http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Coachs-Casebook-Mastering-Twelve/dp/0957587449) > Kim Morgan & principles of [#coaching](https://twitter.com/hashtag/coaching?src=hash) at [#acelon](https://twitter.com/hashtag/acelon?src=hash) [#scrum](https://twitter.com/hashtag/scrum?src=hash) [pic.twitter.com/OJFmTEvRWa](https://t.co/OJFmTEvRWa) > — Helen Meek (@Helen\_J\_Meek) [March 30, 2016](https://twitter.com/Helen_J_Meek/status/715236533142470656) ## Principles of Coaching Kim introduced us to some of the Key Principles of Coaching: 1. Listening to ignite the human mind 2. Presupposing success 3. Leveraging Motivation 4. Understanding Transformation 5. Use of emotion and creativity 6. Coach as instrument of change ## Dynamics of Personal Change Kim explained that transformational change is almost always linked to strong emotion. A typical journey towards transformation includes: ![self-as-instrument-of-change-5-638](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_bd7edb615ce6415f8a325bffa77a48d9~mv2.jpg) Kim also introduced to us the thoughts of Jack Mezirow who is widely acknowledged as the founder of transformative learning. Two situations that give rise to transformative learning are: 1. A disorientating dilemma 2. A state of puzzlement In contrast we also looked at Peter Jarvis work which explores Non-Transformative situations which are everyday things that require no learning: *“Non-learning is our response to everyday experience. As long as experience conforms to our mental models, no learning is required.”* We also looked at common motivators for individuals. We either move towards **pleasure** or away from **pain**. ## Coaching Cards The first practical exercise of the evening introduced us to Coaching Cards. We used the [Barefoot Coaching Picture Cards](http://www.amazon.co.uk/Picture-Cards-Barefoot-Coaching/dp/0992898919) - ![](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_ce5515c82dad486e980c3e4b15aacdae~mv2.jpg) Each person was asked: 1. *“Think about a time in your life where you experienced a significant change.”* 2. Select a picture card that represents that change 3. In pairs, share the experience and why you chose that picture **Feedback following exercise:** 1. Pictures acted as a bridge to get thoughts out into the real world 2. Our minds make a mental connection to the picture 3. This demonstrates *“Physcological Projection”* which was conceptualised by Freud. 4. Picture cards could be used for Sprint Retrospectives “Pick a picture card that you feel represents this sprint.” ## Listening Next Kim introduced us to deep and bold listening citing much of Nancy Kline’s work in [Time to Think](http://www.amazon.co.uk/Time-Think-Listening-Ignite-Human/dp/0706377451) ![1020273](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_47d316fa37c44ce89297617026fa7c79~mv2.jpg) She talked about listening as a belief not a behaviour. Interestingly there is scientific proof that genuine listening from another person generates the feeling of being in Love. Listening is a skill that many of us struggle with. How often are people interrupted in your workplace? An interesting example presented was from Doctors surgery. GPs thought they listen for 3 minutes when a patient first arrives into their surgery. In reality it was 20 seconds. This essentially led to longer consultation time and patients feeling like they weren’t understood. If the GP listened for longer they would have shorter consultations and patients reported better experiences. To demonstrate the importance of listening we did another practical exercise. In pairs do the following: 1. One person assume the role of Listener 2. One person assume the role of Thinker 3. Listener asks “What do you want to think about today?” 4. The thinker than has 5 minutes of uninterrupted thinking time. The listener cannot respond in anyway. **Feedback following exercise:** 1. Thinker talks like the other person wasn’t there 2. Silence is good! Don’t fill the space with talking 3. **PAUSE** is very effective!!! 4. Think WAIT: 5. **W**hy 6. **A**m 7. **I** 8. **T**alking 9. Helps to understand without interjecting. Our understanding of the other person isn’t so shallow if we listen for longer 10. When listening Body language important – Use it to express interest but avoid leading the session through body language > WAIT – why am I taking? [#acelon](https://twitter.com/hashtag/acelon?src=hash) [pic.twitter.com/hsVLePTq0L](https://t.co/hsVLePTq0L) > — Helen Meek (@Helen\_J\_Meek) [March 30, 2016](https://twitter.com/Helen_J_Meek/status/715254668130123777) ## Want to explore coaching further? I’d highly recommend getting [“The Coach’s Casebook: Mastering The Twelve Traits That Trap Us”](http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Coachs-Casebook-Mastering-Twelve/dp/0957587449) It is full of lots of real examples and exercises. ![41lXYoZXiBL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_b1dcaa5a62984a598244c97b0af919c4~mv2.jpg) > Hands down one of the best meet ups I've been to in many years. Blog Post to come soon! [@Helen\_J\_Meek](https://twitter.com/Helen_J_Meek) [@BarefootCoaches](https://twitter.com/BarefootCoaches) [#acelon](https://twitter.com/hashtag/acelon?src=hash) > — Toby Sinclair (@TobySinclair\_) [March 30, 2016](https://twitter.com/TobySinclair_/status/715266367256195073) --- ## Are you a Super Recogniser? URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/are-you-a-super-recogniser Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/are-you-a-super-recogniser.md Date: 2016-01-13 Topics: personal-productivity In 2015 I made a discovery; I have a super power. Unfortunately it’s not the power of invisibility, the power of ultimate strength or the power to fly. Actually, it’s not really a Super Power but if you’ll let me indulge, it does have Super in the name. My power is “Super Recognition”Super Recognisers are the people who quite literally never forget a face, in possession of an extraordinary ability to recognise men, women and children they barely know. Dr Josh Davis, a forensic facial identificat In 2015 I made a discovery; I have a super power. Unfortunately it’s not the power of invisibility, the power of ultimate strength or the power to fly. Actually, it’s not really a Super Power but if you’ll let me indulge, it does have Super in the name. My power is “Super Recognition” > Super Recognisers are the people who quite literally never forget a face, in possession of an extraordinary ability to recognise men, women and children they barely know. > Dr Josh Davis, a forensic facial identification expert from the University of Greenwich, is conducting a study into super-recognisers and their abilities. > “We have tested them on passport images taken 10 years [ago] and they are still able to recognise where they’ve seen faces before,” he said. > “We think super-recognition is nature, rather than nurture, but I can’t say 100%. People tend to emerge in their 20s and 30s, we’re not really finding any super-recognisers in their teens so far.” [1] My “Super Power” was confirmed after taking a test by Greenwich University. The test presents you with an array of faces and you need to match them in a subsequent sequence of photos. Incredibly, I only got 1 answer wrong which suggested I may be a “Super Recogniser” The results of the test were not really a suprise. Since my early 20’s I’d always had a strange ability to recognise faces with incredible accuracy. For me, it doesn’t stop at faces actually, most objects and places I can quickly match to a visual memory. A perfect example is travelling on holiday. We’ve all been in that situation, waiting with a few hundred other people in the departure lounge to board a flight. To the frustration of my partner, every time i travel with my partner I recognise faces of people I’d seen for only a few seconds in the departure lounge. On the return flight I’d be able to identify people who’d been on the same flight and sometimes even people who had been on a previous flight maybe the year earlier. The UK Metroploitan police have been using “Super Recognisers” to fight crime: > New Scotland Yard deploys an elite team of 140 officers across London to try to capture the most wanted criminals. > PC Gary Collins is the Met’s top super-recogniser and has identified more than 800 suspects from photographs, CCTV and his time policing the streets. > His beat is Hackney, one of the capital’s worst areas for crime. > “Whenever an incident happens they’ll call me in and show me the footage straight away. > “I’ll look [at it] and say, ‘Yeah I know that person, I know him from this area or I stopped him on this occasion,’ and it’s just putting a name to the face.” [1] ## Using the Power I started thinking; > “Have I been using my “Super Recognition” power in my day job within the IT Industry?” Most of my experience has been involved with Software Testing which encompasses exploring software to discover important information for my employers and stakeholders. Part of obtaining information is recognising when something isn’t right. I do believe my super recogniser power has given me a slight advantage. A quick recognition of unexpected changes means I can obtain useful information quicker and more frequently. It also means changes potentially undetected by others might be picked up when I get involved. In many cases, automation can be applied to check differences introduced to software in the same way facial recognition software can be used to detect faces. > Super-recognisers are not the only tool open to the authorities when chasing a face. > The ever-expanding field of facial recognition software offers the mechanical alternative to human talent, the science against the art. > But which offers the best chance of catching the criminal, now and in the future? [1] The Metropolitan Police have found human “Super Recognition” can be highly complementary to automatic approaches which matches my experience in Testing. ## Thinking Differently It’s quite common for people in the software industry to say Developers and Testers think completely differently. Whilst I agree and disagree with that statement I do believe that the power of “Super Recognition” does help in my day-to-day job as a tester. With every super power, there are downsides of course. Now knowing my super power is likely to lead me more towards confirmation bias. In the same way superman doesn’t think “Can I still fly?” before he jumps off a building maybe I’ll forget to think “Have I recognised this correctly?” ## Are you a Super Recogniser? Take the test to find out here and compare your score to mine! If you score highly you can take a longer test to really put your super power to the test! [1] – --- ## How to have successful conversations URL: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-have-successful-conversations Markdown: https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/how-to-have-successful-conversations.md Date: 2015-11-15 Topics: agile Successful conversations are central to agile teams. As it states in the Agile manifesto:“Individuals and interactions over processes and tools”With this emphasis it is no surprise that many of the agile approaches adopted by teams today focus on enabling successful conversations:User Stories – “3 C’s – Card, Conversation, Confirmation.” Ron JeffriesBehaviour Driven Development(BDD) – “The single most important part of BDD is the conversation.” Liz KeoghThree Amigos – “Conversations between the Successful conversations are central to agile teams. As it states in the Agile manifesto: > “Individuals and interactions over processes and tools” With this emphasis it is no surprise that many of the agile approaches adopted by teams today focus on enabling successful conversations: **User Stories** – *“3 C’s – Card, Conversation, Confirmation.”* Ron Jeffries **Behaviour Driven Development(BDD)** – *“The single most important part of BDD is the conversation.”* Liz Keogh **Three Amigos** – *“Conversations between the team to gain a shared understanding.”* ## **Conversations are hard!** ![image](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_e24cc4c85cec44dca9e00475dd7059d5~mv2.jpg) The problem is good, valuable conversations are incredibly hard to have. Most of the teams i’ve worked with have found it difficult to have successful conversations. In some ways i think thats why so many teams *“Doing BDD”* jump straight to the tooling. It’s so much easier to write some feature files on your own rather than actually have a conversation. We all spend most of our lives dodging difficult conversations in not only our work life but at home with family and friends. The biggest problem i think with conversations is that they are often emotionally complex. Unfortunately, conversations with the most emotional complexity are the really important ones. Many teams often choose to ignore this emotion and this is where the problems start. It could be the Product Owner who brings an idea to the team but the team clearly doesn’t think its a good idea. However, because of the passion from the Product Owner, the team struggle to have an open and honest conversation. Instead, we move further along the journey and problems get compounded. In [Crucial Conversations](https://www.vitalsmarts.com/crucialconversations/) by Joseph Grenny he talks about the impact of not having these conversations: > “If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out” This has clear alignment to the software we build. If we avoid the crucial conversations, it reflects in the software we build. Maybe the team didn’t believe in the idea, so they built sub standard software because their heart just isn’t in it. Or maybe the team don’t fully understand the idea, but don’t want to appear stupid so avoid having the conversation. ## **So how can we improve our conversations?** Good conversations don’t start happening over night. Some of the techniques, mentioned at the start of this post can provide a framework to enable better conversations such as the *“Given, When, Then”* commonly used in BDD. However, we need to dig deeper to be successful with our conversations. Fundamental to successful conversations is creating a safe environment. So often our conversations are influenced by our work culture. I talked at [Agile Testing Days 2015](http://www.agiletestingdays.com/session/experiments-at-scale-how-to-test-an-idea/) about the HIPPO (Highest Paid Persons Opinion) In many organisations its not safe to have conversations that challenge the opinion of a senior person. Creating a safe environment where teams can be honest is fundamental. Improving our communication approach can also improve our chances of success. In [The Chimp Paradox](http://chimpmanagement.com/) by Prof Steve Peters he talks about **“The Square of Communication”** ![squareofcomm](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/67d4e8_2a6ea928c6644fd6a095309e0d47cccd~mv2.png) In the centre of the square is the *“Right person”*. I’m sure we’ve all been in the situation with lengthy calls to customer service centres where we are passed around between different agents hoping to find the *“Right person”* Its the same in our teams. To ensure success we need to have the right person(s) in the conversation. Luckily the agile approach promotes getting the right people into the conversations. Rather than having conversations in silo’s we are encouraged to break down barriers, something that the Three Amigos technique supports. Finally being more humble in our conversations can help. In [Humble Inquiry](http://www.amazon.co.uk/Humble-Inquiry-Gentle-Instead-Telling/dp/1609949811) by Edgar Schein we are challenged to *“Ask rather than tell”* So often our conversations revolve around “Telling” It could be the Product Owner Telling them what he wants or the team Telling the Product Owner it’s too complex. By shifting to asking *“Can you build this?”* or asking *“Can we make it less complex?”* it builds better relationships that lead to more successful conversations. I hope this post helps you to reflect on the communication within your own teams and that the resources i’ve suggested will help you have more successful conversations. My next thought, is ***“How do you measure the success of a conversation?”*** Maybe something for a future post. [#Agile](/blog/hashtags/Agile)